1
00:00:15,899 --> 00:00:18,368
It's breakfast and you're
eating a piece of candy?
2
00:00:19,770 --> 00:00:20,703
It's dessert.
3
00:00:22,339 --> 00:00:24,207
There is no dessert
with breakfast.
4
00:00:25,176 --> 00:00:27,577
Maybe not where you live.
5
00:00:27,644 --> 00:00:29,312
Will you at least
take your vitamin?
6
00:00:29,380 --> 00:00:31,047
My God, you're a time bomb.
7
00:00:47,531 --> 00:00:50,200
What you got goin'
on there, bub?
8
00:00:50,267 --> 00:00:52,868
Before I swallowed the vitamin,
9
00:00:52,936 --> 00:00:54,870
there was a lifesaver
in my mouth.
10
00:00:56,207 --> 00:00:57,640
Wow.
11
00:00:57,708 --> 00:00:59,509
You're like the Evel
Knievel of sucking candy.
12
00:01:00,944 --> 00:01:02,145
Wish me luck.
13
00:01:11,755 --> 00:01:13,356
I got it.
14
00:01:13,424 --> 00:01:15,391
And welcome back,
butterscotch goodness.
15
00:02:05,233 --> 00:02:06,167
Howdy.
16
00:02:06,234 --> 00:02:08,169
Oh, hey. You're home.
17
00:02:08,236 --> 00:02:11,072
Thought you were gonna go pick up
those patches for the screen door.
18
00:02:11,139 --> 00:02:12,506
Well, I was, and then I thought
19
00:02:12,575 --> 00:02:14,676
that sounded like a
good errand for you.
20
00:02:15,811 --> 00:02:17,278
Ooh. Orange Julius.
21
00:02:19,615 --> 00:02:21,282
Ok, honey, I told you before.
22
00:02:21,349 --> 00:02:23,150
If it's empty by the
time you get home,
23
00:02:23,218 --> 00:02:25,753
leave the cup in the car. Don't
come in here showboatin' with it.
24
00:02:26,288 --> 00:02:27,455
Sorry.
25
00:02:27,522 --> 00:02:28,823
So did you get me anything?
26
00:02:28,891 --> 00:02:30,558
Um, as a matter of
fact, yes, I did.
27
00:02:32,394 --> 00:02:34,662
Ah! Oh! Look at this.
28
00:02:34,730 --> 00:02:36,965
Hi, shirt. You get to be
draped across my nipples.
29
00:02:37,032 --> 00:02:38,933
Congrats!
30
00:02:39,001 --> 00:02:40,668
Ok, well, you two
get acquainted.
31
00:02:40,736 --> 00:02:42,269
I'm gonna go put
this stuff away.
32
00:02:44,172 --> 00:02:45,172
Hey, dad.
33
00:02:45,240 --> 00:02:46,340
Look at this.
34
00:02:46,408 --> 00:02:49,510
4 more break-ins on
casino boulevard.
35
00:02:49,578 --> 00:02:52,313
It's getting so you can't
walk out the door anymore.
36
00:02:52,380 --> 00:02:53,681
Well, you can walk out the door.
37
00:02:53,749 --> 00:02:55,316
You just can't go left.
38
00:02:55,383 --> 00:02:56,450
That's not the point.
39
00:02:56,518 --> 00:02:58,886
A man should be able to
walk out his front door,
40
00:02:58,954 --> 00:03:00,354
turn right, turn left,
41
00:03:00,422 --> 00:03:02,523
or walk right out into the
street if he wants to.
42
00:03:02,591 --> 00:03:05,159
Don't make me lock you
in the house, dad, ok?
43
00:03:06,194 --> 00:03:07,795
Well, hello.
44
00:03:07,863 --> 00:03:08,830
Ooh.
45
00:03:08,897 --> 00:03:10,564
That shirt looks sexy on you.
46
00:03:10,633 --> 00:03:12,366
Does it? I, uh, hadn't noticed.
47
00:03:14,737 --> 00:03:16,170
Hi, I'm Doug. I'm a pisces.
48
00:03:16,238 --> 00:03:18,673
I like walks in the rain
and bags of pork rinds.
49
00:03:21,777 --> 00:03:24,679
Work it, baby. Work it.
50
00:03:24,747 --> 00:03:26,614
I got the trash, babe.
That'll be our deal.
51
00:03:26,682 --> 00:03:28,783
Every time you buy me a
shirt, I take out the trash.
52
00:03:28,851 --> 00:03:30,151
Oh, that's ok, honey. I got it.
53
00:03:30,218 --> 00:03:31,519
I got it. No, really. It's fine.
54
00:03:31,586 --> 00:03:33,154
What... what is this?
55
00:03:33,221 --> 00:03:35,189
Barry's big and tall shop?
56
00:03:35,257 --> 00:03:37,258
What? Oh, that's trash, baby.
57
00:03:38,827 --> 00:03:40,895
You got my shirt at the
big and tall shop?
58
00:03:40,963 --> 00:03:42,096
Did I?
59
00:03:42,998 --> 00:03:44,732
No, I don't think so.
60
00:03:44,800 --> 00:03:46,400
Oh, I got myself
something there.
61
00:03:46,468 --> 00:03:47,434
What?
62
00:03:47,502 --> 00:03:48,736
A barrette.
63
00:03:48,804 --> 00:03:50,204
Oh, stop it, Carrie.
64
00:03:50,272 --> 00:03:52,006
You got my shirt at
the big and tall shop
65
00:03:52,074 --> 00:03:53,574
and you were hiding
the bag from me.
66
00:03:53,642 --> 00:03:55,309
Ok, fine. I'm sorry.
67
00:03:55,377 --> 00:03:57,145
Oh, man, I can't believe this.
68
00:03:57,212 --> 00:03:59,947
At most I thought I was, like,
the biggest size at Macy's.
69
00:04:03,018 --> 00:04:05,619
When did I make the crossover?
70
00:04:05,688 --> 00:04:07,354
2 years ago, Christmas.
71
00:04:08,991 --> 00:04:10,257
Oh, God!
72
00:04:10,325 --> 00:04:11,859
Come on, honey.
What's the big deal?
73
00:04:11,927 --> 00:04:13,728
It's just a big and tall store.
74
00:04:13,796 --> 00:04:15,730
Oh, yeah? Well, let me
break it down for you.
75
00:04:15,798 --> 00:04:17,331
I'm certainly not tall.
76
00:04:19,868 --> 00:04:22,503
You're tall. Sure you're tall.
77
00:04:22,571 --> 00:04:23,637
What are you, 6'2"?
78
00:04:23,706 --> 00:04:24,672
I'm 5'9".
79
00:04:25,974 --> 00:04:27,742
That's pretty damn tall.
80
00:04:27,810 --> 00:04:29,077
Oh, would you come on?
81
00:04:29,144 --> 00:04:32,947
All right. Maybe you're
a little bit big.
82
00:04:33,015 --> 00:04:35,083
Why is this even a discussion?
83
00:04:35,150 --> 00:04:36,951
The man is gargantuan.
84
00:04:39,088 --> 00:04:41,422
Ok, what else came from
the big and tall shop?
85
00:04:41,489 --> 00:04:42,690
Tell me. What... This belt?
86
00:04:42,758 --> 00:04:46,360
My... my jeans? My cowboy shirt?
What?
87
00:04:46,428 --> 00:04:48,730
A few things might
have come from there.
88
00:04:48,797 --> 00:04:50,431
I don't know.
89
00:04:50,498 --> 00:04:51,899
Ok, then let's go the
other way with it, ok?
90
00:04:51,967 --> 00:04:54,602
What didn't come from
the big and tall shop?
91
00:04:54,669 --> 00:04:56,303
Ok. I will show you.
92
00:05:03,311 --> 00:05:05,913
The thing is they use
very good fabric.
93
00:05:08,083 --> 00:05:09,784
There's nothing in
there, is there?
94
00:05:09,852 --> 00:05:11,619
Yes, there is.
95
00:05:14,189 --> 00:05:15,556
This. Ok, fine.
96
00:05:15,624 --> 00:05:16,791
Great. Well, you know what?
97
00:05:16,859 --> 00:05:18,960
This is what I'm gonna
be wearing from now on,
98
00:05:19,027 --> 00:05:21,662
so you better get used
to it, missy, ok?
99
00:05:26,668 --> 00:05:28,502
I can't feel my hands.
100
00:05:35,978 --> 00:05:38,512
Hi, babe. What are you doin'?
101
00:05:38,580 --> 00:05:41,249
Lookin' at myself in
various stages of fatness.
102
00:05:42,584 --> 00:05:43,684
Look at this. Come here.
103
00:05:43,752 --> 00:05:45,052
Watch this.
104
00:05:45,120 --> 00:05:46,988
You can actually see
me gaining weight.
105
00:05:47,622 --> 00:05:48,589
Hey.
106
00:05:50,058 --> 00:05:51,058
Watch this.
107
00:05:51,126 --> 00:05:52,960
And there goes my neck.
108
00:05:54,562 --> 00:05:56,330
Ok, would you stop this now?
109
00:05:56,398 --> 00:05:58,132
Here. Just watch some T.V.
110
00:05:58,200 --> 00:05:59,867
♪ The tiny ship was tossed ♪
111
00:05:59,935 --> 00:06:02,369
♪ if not for the courage
of the fearless crew ♪
112
00:06:02,437 --> 00:06:04,238
♪ the minnow would be lost ♪
113
00:06:04,306 --> 00:06:05,639
♪ the minnow would be lost ♪
114
00:06:05,707 --> 00:06:07,675
Oh, my God. I'm fatter
than the skipper.
115
00:06:07,742 --> 00:06:09,443
Ok. Enough.
116
00:06:09,511 --> 00:06:11,012
This is brutal.
117
00:06:11,079 --> 00:06:13,915
I knew I wasn't slim
or even normal size,
118
00:06:13,982 --> 00:06:16,250
but seein' that bag, you know?
119
00:06:16,318 --> 00:06:18,652
Honey, you are really
overreacting to this.
120
00:06:18,720 --> 00:06:21,956
I mean, you are
totally attractive.
121
00:06:22,024 --> 00:06:24,959
So you... you still love me?
122
00:06:25,027 --> 00:06:26,360
Of course, I still love you.
123
00:06:26,428 --> 00:06:27,795
I love you no matter what.
124
00:06:31,366 --> 00:06:33,167
What does that mean,
"no matter what"?
125
00:06:33,235 --> 00:06:34,802
Nothing. Just that I love you.
126
00:06:34,870 --> 00:06:36,503
No, "no matter what"
means you love me
127
00:06:36,571 --> 00:06:38,372
even though I have
some sort of problem,
128
00:06:38,440 --> 00:06:39,573
like no job or no money,
129
00:06:39,641 --> 00:06:42,076
or biggie can't fit
through doorway!
130
00:06:44,079 --> 00:06:45,813
Ok. I take it back.
131
00:06:45,881 --> 00:06:47,748
I love you. That's it. Period.
132
00:06:47,816 --> 00:06:49,750
No, come on, Carrie. I'm
being serious here.
133
00:06:49,818 --> 00:06:51,418
Let's go. You're
telling me right now
134
00:06:51,486 --> 00:06:53,654
you have no problem
with that area in here?
135
00:06:56,124 --> 00:06:57,291
Nothing?
136
00:07:00,062 --> 00:07:01,595
Well, you know, for
health reasons...
137
00:07:01,663 --> 00:07:03,931
No, no, no, no. I'm not talkin'
about health here, ok?
138
00:07:03,999 --> 00:07:05,532
Let's assume I'm
in perfect health
139
00:07:05,600 --> 00:07:07,601
and I don't have that flutter.
140
00:07:07,669 --> 00:07:09,003
I want to know right now:
141
00:07:09,071 --> 00:07:12,073
Am I as sexy and
attractive to you as ever?
142
00:07:12,140 --> 00:07:14,541
Huh? Is this it for you?
Am I perfect?
143
00:07:17,012 --> 00:07:18,445
Well, ahem...
144
00:07:18,513 --> 00:07:20,781
I guess it wouldn't kill me
145
00:07:20,849 --> 00:07:22,183
if you lost a little weight.
146
00:07:22,251 --> 00:07:24,118
Aha! Ok,
147
00:07:24,186 --> 00:07:26,687
and how much weight would it
not kill ya for me to lose?
148
00:07:27,956 --> 00:07:29,523
I don't know. 50 pounds?
149
00:07:29,591 --> 00:07:31,625
50? All right! Less!
150
00:07:31,693 --> 00:07:33,928
Whatever. You made me say it.
151
00:07:33,996 --> 00:07:35,829
I can't believe you said 50!
152
00:07:35,898 --> 00:07:39,166
Doug, come on! You know I
love you no matter... ah...
153
00:07:39,234 --> 00:07:41,202
This is... This is unbelievable.
154
00:07:41,270 --> 00:07:43,104
You know, here I am walking around
thinking everything's great.
155
00:07:43,171 --> 00:07:46,007
Meanwhile, you're smuggling in my
clothes and hating the way I look!
156
00:07:46,074 --> 00:07:48,276
No, I don't hate the
way you look, ok?
157
00:07:48,343 --> 00:07:50,544
But, yes, I admit it.
158
00:07:50,612 --> 00:07:52,479
You could lose a little weight.
159
00:07:52,547 --> 00:07:53,614
But, Doug, come on.
160
00:07:53,681 --> 00:07:55,082
I'm sure there are
things about me
161
00:07:55,150 --> 00:07:57,184
you wish were different
that you hold back on.
162
00:07:57,252 --> 00:07:59,220
You? No, you're... you're perfect.
Yeah, right.
163
00:07:59,288 --> 00:08:01,522
Hey, look, when you start
getting the old lady whiskers,
164
00:08:01,589 --> 00:08:04,491
I'll let you know, but
for now you're fine.
165
00:08:04,559 --> 00:08:07,228
Doug, come on. This could be
really good for our marriage.
166
00:08:07,296 --> 00:08:09,630
I mean, if there are things
bothering us about each other,
167
00:08:09,697 --> 00:08:11,532
we should just get them
out there, you know?
168
00:08:11,599 --> 00:08:12,499
It's healthy.
169
00:08:14,937 --> 00:08:16,370
I guess. All right, so come on.
170
00:08:17,172 --> 00:08:18,105
Hit me, baby.
171
00:08:20,208 --> 00:08:21,142
Uh...
172
00:08:22,610 --> 00:08:24,412
I guess maybe sometimes...
173
00:08:26,815 --> 00:08:28,715
You wear a little
too much makeup.
174
00:08:35,023 --> 00:08:37,724
What do you mean?
175
00:08:37,792 --> 00:08:39,927
Well, just, you know, all
that goop over there.
176
00:08:39,995 --> 00:08:41,829
Sometimes I think
you could just...
177
00:08:41,896 --> 00:08:43,264
Back her down a notch.
178
00:08:46,068 --> 00:08:48,569
Ok, this is stinging more
than I thought it would.
179
00:08:50,038 --> 00:08:52,406
So you really think I
wear too much makeup?
180
00:08:52,474 --> 00:08:54,508
No. I just... like if we're
going out for burgers,
181
00:08:54,576 --> 00:08:57,311
you know, and I throw on a pair
of sweatpants and a baseball hat,
182
00:08:57,379 --> 00:08:59,146
you look like you're
going to the opera...
183
00:09:01,083 --> 00:09:02,916
Or you're in the opera.
184
00:09:07,255 --> 00:09:09,457
Ok. Ok.
185
00:09:10,993 --> 00:09:13,927
I will try to wear less makeup.
186
00:09:13,996 --> 00:09:15,262
Well, this is great. All right.
187
00:09:15,330 --> 00:09:16,864
But we're gonna do
this together, ok?
188
00:09:16,931 --> 00:09:18,765
And I'm gonna join a
gym and start to diet.
189
00:09:18,833 --> 00:09:20,401
I'm gonna whip this
body into shape
190
00:09:20,469 --> 00:09:23,270
'cause nobody's calling me
fatty mcbutterpants anymore.
191
00:09:24,839 --> 00:09:28,442
Somebody called you
fatty mcbutterpants?
192
00:09:28,510 --> 00:09:30,411
On line at the bank
yesterday, yeah.
193
00:09:32,147 --> 00:09:34,115
And it took seeing
the big and tall bag
194
00:09:34,182 --> 00:09:36,117
to push you over the edge?
195
00:09:38,387 --> 00:09:39,320
Mmm-hmm.
196
00:09:47,429 --> 00:09:51,365
Ok. I dieted for
the last 8 hours.
197
00:09:51,433 --> 00:09:53,334
Granted I was asleep,
but I can feel it.
198
00:09:53,402 --> 00:09:56,437
Something's happening.
199
00:09:56,505 --> 00:09:59,806
And I have almost no makeup on.
200
00:09:59,874 --> 00:10:02,176
Take a good look around, fat,
201
00:10:02,244 --> 00:10:03,477
look at this house,
202
00:10:03,545 --> 00:10:05,346
'cause you ain't comin'
back here no more.
203
00:10:07,382 --> 00:10:08,849
By the way, uh,
204
00:10:08,917 --> 00:10:10,651
I'm joining the gym on the
Deacon's family plan,
205
00:10:10,718 --> 00:10:12,253
so if anybody calls,
206
00:10:12,320 --> 00:10:14,088
he's the man I share
my life with.
207
00:10:17,926 --> 00:10:19,226
Carrie.
208
00:10:19,294 --> 00:10:21,695
I'm not putting it on!
I'm just looking at it.
209
00:10:22,630 --> 00:10:24,031
It's sparkly.
210
00:10:26,368 --> 00:10:27,301
Ok.
211
00:10:31,273 --> 00:10:32,673
Darling,
212
00:10:32,740 --> 00:10:35,876
let me introduce you to Frank, a.K.A.
Mr. safety.
213
00:10:38,146 --> 00:10:39,746
"Mr. safety"?
214
00:10:39,814 --> 00:10:41,549
Reading about this
recent crime wave
215
00:10:41,616 --> 00:10:43,817
made me concerned for
your well-being.
216
00:10:43,885 --> 00:10:46,387
Just sit him on the
passenger seat in your car
217
00:10:46,455 --> 00:10:47,888
when you go to work,
218
00:10:47,956 --> 00:10:50,391
and the carjackers will
move on to easier prey.
219
00:10:53,061 --> 00:10:54,928
Dad, I take the subway to work.
220
00:10:54,996 --> 00:10:56,863
Well, then, take him on
the subway with you.
221
00:10:58,800 --> 00:11:00,701
He has no legs.
222
00:11:01,970 --> 00:11:04,071
Pretend he's an amputee.
223
00:11:06,708 --> 00:11:09,410
Dad, how is a legless doll
224
00:11:09,478 --> 00:11:11,579
gonna protect me on the subway?
225
00:11:11,646 --> 00:11:13,814
Why are you being so difficult?
226
00:11:13,881 --> 00:11:15,516
I'm trying to save your life!
227
00:11:17,119 --> 00:11:18,319
Oh, forget it!
228
00:11:20,422 --> 00:11:21,355
Nope.
229
00:11:30,932 --> 00:11:32,466
What's up, ladies?
230
00:11:32,534 --> 00:11:34,868
All right. Let's
light this candle.
231
00:11:56,758 --> 00:11:58,659
♪ My blood runs cold
232
00:11:58,726 --> 00:12:01,262
♪ my memory has just been sold ♪
233
00:12:01,329 --> 00:12:03,430
♪ Angel is a centerfold
234
00:12:03,498 --> 00:12:05,332
♪ angel is a centerfold
235
00:12:11,873 --> 00:12:13,974
♪ Na-na, na-na, na-na
236
00:12:14,042 --> 00:12:16,076
♪ na-na, na-na, na-na
237
00:12:16,144 --> 00:12:17,978
♪ na-na, na-na, na-na
238
00:12:24,653 --> 00:12:26,253
Little help?
239
00:12:45,815 --> 00:12:46,749
Hello, Douglas.
240
00:12:48,184 --> 00:12:49,117
So...
241
00:12:50,052 --> 00:12:51,953
You, uh...
242
00:12:52,021 --> 00:12:54,590
You got your guy at
the table now, huh?
243
00:12:54,658 --> 00:12:56,091
That's right.
244
00:12:56,159 --> 00:12:58,727
Ne'er-do-Wells could be
casing our house as we speak.
245
00:12:58,795 --> 00:13:01,363
Yeah? Then why you playing
pinochle with him?
246
00:13:01,431 --> 00:13:02,731
Because, moron,
247
00:13:02,799 --> 00:13:05,167
if I don't treat Mr.
safety like a real person,
248
00:13:05,234 --> 00:13:06,769
they'll know he's a fake.
249
00:13:06,836 --> 00:13:08,637
Yeah, well, I gotta
tell you, still weird.
250
00:13:11,308 --> 00:13:13,642
What's up with the
walk, Frankenstein?
251
00:13:14,778 --> 00:13:16,312
I just joined the gym,
252
00:13:16,379 --> 00:13:17,579
and I might have overdone it.
253
00:13:17,647 --> 00:13:19,348
Gym, huh? Throwin'
your money away.
254
00:13:19,416 --> 00:13:20,849
I got 2 words for you, friend:
255
00:13:20,917 --> 00:13:22,384
Dynamic tension.
256
00:13:22,452 --> 00:13:25,387
Give me a bag of rice, gallon
of milk, and a rubber band,
257
00:13:25,455 --> 00:13:28,190
and I'll give you a workout
you won't soon forget.
258
00:13:29,892 --> 00:13:32,695
Don't work out with my milk, ok?
259
00:13:32,762 --> 00:13:34,763
I'm telling you, it works.
260
00:13:34,831 --> 00:13:36,865
Look at the shape I'm in.
261
00:13:36,933 --> 00:13:38,166
I weigh exactly what I weighed
262
00:13:38,234 --> 00:13:40,001
when I was 12 years old.
263
00:13:57,520 --> 00:14:00,489
♪ She's a superfreak,
superfreak ♪
264
00:14:00,557 --> 00:14:02,290
♪ She's superfreaky
265
00:14:02,359 --> 00:14:03,291
yeow.
266
00:14:04,093 --> 00:14:05,093
What was that?
267
00:14:05,161 --> 00:14:06,829
You are not going
to believe this.
268
00:14:06,896 --> 00:14:10,366
At work I got all these compliments
about the no-makeup thing.
269
00:14:10,433 --> 00:14:12,334
I mean, people telling
me I looked great,
270
00:14:12,402 --> 00:14:14,135
and, like, younger. Really?
271
00:14:14,203 --> 00:14:16,839
Yes! And I actually
got carded at lunch,
272
00:14:16,906 --> 00:14:18,340
and then I went to
2 other places,
273
00:14:18,408 --> 00:14:19,641
got carded again.
274
00:14:19,709 --> 00:14:21,009
I'm not gonna lie to you, honey.
275
00:14:21,077 --> 00:14:22,344
I'm a little looped.
276
00:14:23,946 --> 00:14:26,014
That's... that's great.
Great for you.
277
00:14:26,082 --> 00:14:27,349
It is great, isn't it?
278
00:14:27,417 --> 00:14:29,485
We decided to be more
honest with each other.
279
00:14:29,552 --> 00:14:31,052
You know, set some goals,
280
00:14:31,120 --> 00:14:33,422
work on some stuff,
and we did it.
281
00:14:34,791 --> 00:14:36,191
Yeah, we... we did it.
282
00:14:36,259 --> 00:14:37,559
Yeah.
283
00:14:37,627 --> 00:14:38,560
You're done.
284
00:14:42,331 --> 00:14:44,032
Wow.
285
00:14:44,100 --> 00:14:45,534
It's like without my makeup,
286
00:14:45,602 --> 00:14:49,004
my eyes stand out in
this really great way.
287
00:14:49,071 --> 00:14:51,440
And my mouth is so
naturally pouty.
288
00:14:51,508 --> 00:14:52,974
I tell you,
289
00:14:53,042 --> 00:14:54,610
this telling each other stuff
290
00:14:54,677 --> 00:14:56,745
was the best thing
we ever did, babe.
291
00:14:59,048 --> 00:15:01,216
You know, there is other stuff.
292
00:15:01,885 --> 00:15:03,285
Huh?
293
00:15:03,352 --> 00:15:05,186
There's more things
that you could work on
294
00:15:05,254 --> 00:15:06,889
about yourself, you know.
295
00:15:07,424 --> 00:15:08,457
There are?
296
00:15:08,525 --> 00:15:09,925
A couple, yeah.
297
00:15:09,992 --> 00:15:11,960
Well, how come you didn't
mention it the other night?
298
00:15:12,028 --> 00:15:14,530
I guess I didn't want to dump
everything on you all at once.
299
00:15:14,597 --> 00:15:17,098
I thought this makeup thing was
gonna be hard enough, but now...
300
00:15:17,166 --> 00:15:18,734
Ok. Like what?
301
00:15:19,536 --> 00:15:20,469
Um...
302
00:15:21,738 --> 00:15:23,271
Your accent. My accent?
303
00:15:23,339 --> 00:15:25,474
It's a little thick, honey.
304
00:15:25,542 --> 00:15:27,876
Ok, well, what the hell
am I supposed to do?
305
00:15:27,944 --> 00:15:29,177
It's the way I talk.
306
00:15:29,245 --> 00:15:30,879
"Talk." See? That
right there, "talk."
307
00:15:30,947 --> 00:15:32,213
So what are you saying?
308
00:15:32,281 --> 00:15:34,115
After 7 years all of a sudden,
my accent bothers you?
309
00:15:34,183 --> 00:15:35,818
It's not a question
of it bothering me.
310
00:15:35,885 --> 00:15:37,753
I mean, look, are you smart?
Sure.
311
00:15:37,821 --> 00:15:39,421
Do you sound smart?
312
00:15:44,961 --> 00:15:46,061
O-ok.
313
00:15:46,128 --> 00:15:48,129
Um, so what else?
314
00:15:48,197 --> 00:15:49,297
Your laugh. My laugh?
315
00:15:49,365 --> 00:15:52,334
Yeah. Ha!
316
00:15:52,401 --> 00:15:54,770
Well, I thought people
think my laugh is fun.
317
00:15:54,838 --> 00:15:57,272
Yes, if you think loud,
scary noises are fun.
318
00:15:59,609 --> 00:16:02,177
O-ok. So what else? What else?
319
00:16:02,244 --> 00:16:03,879
Nothing else. Come on. Tell me!
320
00:16:03,947 --> 00:16:05,681
There's nothing else!
Is it my forehead?
321
00:16:05,748 --> 00:16:07,549
What? Last week I told you
322
00:16:07,617 --> 00:16:09,718
my hairdresser said I had a big forehead.
You said it was fine,
323
00:16:09,786 --> 00:16:11,453
but you were lying, weren't you?
324
00:16:12,822 --> 00:16:14,255
To protect you, yes.
325
00:16:27,904 --> 00:16:28,837
Hey, fellas.
326
00:16:31,240 --> 00:16:32,774
Could I speak to
Arthur in private?
327
00:16:34,544 --> 00:16:36,578
He's for safety! That's all.
328
00:16:38,280 --> 00:16:39,681
Watch this part.
329
00:16:43,786 --> 00:16:45,554
Carrie, come on, let's go.
330
00:16:45,622 --> 00:16:46,922
I'm comin'!
331
00:16:48,257 --> 00:16:49,625
Coming.
332
00:16:49,692 --> 00:16:51,092
I'm coming.
333
00:17:01,437 --> 00:17:03,138
From Columbia pictures,
334
00:17:03,205 --> 00:17:06,508
comes a comedy about a
happy-go-lucky polygamist
335
00:17:06,576 --> 00:17:08,544
and his 5 very different wives.
336
00:17:08,611 --> 00:17:10,746
It's your classic
337
00:17:10,813 --> 00:17:15,984
boy-meets-girl-meets-girl-
meets-girl-meets-girl- meets-girl story.
338
00:17:16,052 --> 00:17:17,853
Honeys! I'm home!
339
00:17:22,825 --> 00:17:24,192
What's up with her?
340
00:17:24,260 --> 00:17:26,294
How can 5 women have a headache
341
00:17:26,362 --> 00:17:27,963
on the same night!
342
00:17:31,534 --> 00:17:32,801
Oh, my.
343
00:17:38,775 --> 00:17:40,141
Hey, Deac, question for you.
344
00:17:40,209 --> 00:17:41,242
Yeah.
345
00:17:42,378 --> 00:17:44,212
You ever feel bad about yourself
346
00:17:44,280 --> 00:17:48,050
so you tell Kelly there
are things wrong with her
347
00:17:48,117 --> 00:17:50,953
just to, you know, hurt her?
348
00:17:53,723 --> 00:17:56,458
You're asking me if I
mentally abuse my wife?
349
00:17:57,259 --> 00:17:59,227
Yeah.
350
00:17:59,295 --> 00:18:00,228
No, I don't.
351
00:18:01,030 --> 00:18:01,964
Me neither.
352
00:18:03,232 --> 00:18:04,633
Wait. Does this
have anything to do
353
00:18:04,701 --> 00:18:08,369
with why Carrie was acting
so freaky last night?
354
00:18:08,437 --> 00:18:10,072
It might. I don't know.
355
00:18:10,139 --> 00:18:12,074
What did you do?
356
00:18:12,141 --> 00:18:14,776
First she told me that I could
stand to lose a little weight,
357
00:18:14,844 --> 00:18:18,313
so I told her to
wear less makeup,
358
00:18:18,380 --> 00:18:20,582
to work on her
accent, her laugh,
359
00:18:20,650 --> 00:18:22,818
and her huge forehead.
360
00:18:22,885 --> 00:18:24,886
I'm sorry. Her huge forehead?
361
00:18:24,954 --> 00:18:27,689
All right, maybe it's
not freakshow material,
362
00:18:27,757 --> 00:18:30,158
but she draws some looks.
363
00:18:30,226 --> 00:18:31,493
Step aside, bro.
364
00:18:31,560 --> 00:18:33,194
You are messed up.
365
00:18:33,262 --> 00:18:34,596
How am I messed up?
366
00:18:34,664 --> 00:18:36,164
Carrie tells you you
have to lose weight,
367
00:18:36,232 --> 00:18:38,033
which is like... come on.
368
00:18:38,101 --> 00:18:40,435
And you tell her she has
to work on her forehead?
369
00:18:40,503 --> 00:18:42,470
How the hell do you
work on a forehead?
370
00:18:42,538 --> 00:18:45,373
Hey, I had to eat baby
carrots at the movies.
371
00:18:45,441 --> 00:18:47,475
Yes, all right. Nice work
on your relationship.
372
00:18:47,543 --> 00:18:48,977
Sounds real healthy.
373
00:18:49,045 --> 00:18:52,280
Hey, don't judge me, Mr.
black-Dr.-Joyce-brothers, ok?
374
00:18:52,348 --> 00:18:54,449
You're tall and thin. You
don't understand my issues.
375
00:18:54,517 --> 00:18:56,752
And I don't want to understand 'em.
Yeah, all right. Yeah.
376
00:18:56,819 --> 00:18:58,186
Walk away. That's
right, tall-ee.
377
00:18:58,254 --> 00:18:59,454
Whoo-hoo, I'm big.
378
00:18:59,522 --> 00:19:01,156
Yeah, have fun ducking
under doorways.
379
00:19:01,223 --> 00:19:02,858
I'm on this now!
380
00:19:02,925 --> 00:19:05,426
I hate me!
381
00:19:29,919 --> 00:19:31,119
What's going on?
382
00:19:31,187 --> 00:19:32,120
I lied!
383
00:19:32,188 --> 00:19:33,254
What?
384
00:19:33,322 --> 00:19:36,191
I lied, ok. I'm not
fatty mcbutterpants.
385
00:19:36,258 --> 00:19:38,026
I'm fatty mcliarpants.
386
00:19:38,094 --> 00:19:39,360
What did you lie about?
387
00:19:39,428 --> 00:19:41,462
About all that stuff I told
you is wrong about you.
388
00:19:41,530 --> 00:19:43,065
You know, I made it all up...
389
00:19:43,132 --> 00:19:44,199
Because I was suffering,
390
00:19:44,266 --> 00:19:45,967
and I wanted to drag
you down with me.
391
00:19:46,035 --> 00:19:48,536
Man, I'm not even
Fatty McLiarpants.
392
00:19:48,604 --> 00:19:50,405
I'm Fatty McEvilpants.
393
00:19:50,472 --> 00:19:52,473
All right, could you
stop saying what you are
394
00:19:52,541 --> 00:19:54,509
with the words "fatty"
and "pants" around it,
395
00:19:54,577 --> 00:19:56,411
and just let me process
this for a minute?
396
00:19:56,478 --> 00:19:58,714
So you have no problem
with my accent?
397
00:19:58,781 --> 00:20:01,249
No! It's regional.
It has character.
398
00:20:02,451 --> 00:20:03,551
And my laugh?
399
00:20:03,619 --> 00:20:05,053
A burst of energy.
400
00:20:05,121 --> 00:20:06,822
And this, uh, football
field up here?
401
00:20:06,889 --> 00:20:08,690
I love your forehead, ok?
402
00:20:08,758 --> 00:20:10,092
I'd carry it around in my wallet
403
00:20:10,159 --> 00:20:12,560
if that was any way workable.
404
00:20:12,628 --> 00:20:13,729
I can't believe this!
405
00:20:13,796 --> 00:20:16,364
I know. I was so out of line.
406
00:20:16,432 --> 00:20:17,966
It's just that you
came in so happy,
407
00:20:18,034 --> 00:20:20,268
and I couldn't get my shoes off.
408
00:20:20,336 --> 00:20:22,503
So I flailed at you.
409
00:20:22,571 --> 00:20:24,005
I'm sorry. Do you forgive me?
410
00:20:24,073 --> 00:20:25,373
No!
411
00:20:25,441 --> 00:20:26,507
I don't forgive you.
412
00:20:26,575 --> 00:20:27,909
I mean, you had
me walking around
413
00:20:27,977 --> 00:20:29,144
acting like an idiot.
414
00:20:29,212 --> 00:20:32,948
You made me feel really
bad about myself, Doug.
415
00:20:33,015 --> 00:20:35,516
I know! I didn't mean to.
416
00:20:35,584 --> 00:20:36,885
You did mean to.
417
00:20:36,953 --> 00:20:38,553
That was the whole point, right?
418
00:20:40,189 --> 00:20:41,589
I guess it was, yes.
419
00:20:42,324 --> 00:20:43,458
I'm sorry.
420
00:20:43,525 --> 00:20:45,994
No. No. I don't forgive you.
421
00:20:46,062 --> 00:20:47,129
You don't?
422
00:20:47,196 --> 00:20:48,130
No. Never?
423
00:20:48,197 --> 00:20:49,364
No!
424
00:20:49,431 --> 00:20:51,332
I mean, what you did was...
was horrible.
425
00:20:51,400 --> 00:20:52,968
I mean, "oh, I'm sorry, Carrie."
426
00:20:53,035 --> 00:20:56,537
"Oh, ok." That's not
gonna cut it, buddy.
427
00:20:56,605 --> 00:20:58,473
Hey, how about this?
How about this, huh?
428
00:20:58,540 --> 00:21:01,243
How about you think of another thing
that you don't like about me,
429
00:21:01,310 --> 00:21:02,577
something really hard to fix.
430
00:21:02,645 --> 00:21:04,179
All right? Then I'll
have the weight
431
00:21:04,247 --> 00:21:06,248
and the new hard thing.
That's 2 hard things.
432
00:21:06,315 --> 00:21:07,649
And you'll have nothing. Huh?
433
00:21:07,716 --> 00:21:09,384
What do you say there, sugar?
434
00:21:09,451 --> 00:21:11,086
Hmm?
435
00:21:11,154 --> 00:21:12,754
Well, that's not bad.
436
00:21:12,822 --> 00:21:14,256
Ok.
437
00:21:14,323 --> 00:21:16,557
So come on. Hit me. Gloves off.
438
00:21:19,095 --> 00:21:20,328
Your hair.
439
00:21:20,396 --> 00:21:21,529
My hair?
440
00:21:23,465 --> 00:21:24,432
Thinning.
441
00:21:25,467 --> 00:21:26,701
In the front a little?
442
00:21:28,070 --> 00:21:30,405
In the front, yes...
443
00:21:30,472 --> 00:21:31,940
And in the back...
444
00:21:34,977 --> 00:21:37,412
And on the sides.
445
00:21:37,479 --> 00:21:39,480
You're really starting to
enjoy this, aren't you?
446
00:21:39,548 --> 00:21:40,748
Little bit.
447
00:21:40,817 --> 00:21:42,284
Carrie!
448
00:21:42,885 --> 00:21:44,452
They got to him!
449
00:21:46,289 --> 00:21:48,256
I'll kill you, you
vicious thugs.
450
00:21:50,559 --> 00:21:52,060
Ironic, isn't it?
451
00:21:52,128 --> 00:21:54,495
The only one Mr. safety
couldn't protect was himself.
452
00:22:22,800 --> 00:22:24,367
Hey.
453
00:22:24,435 --> 00:22:26,136
Give me your wallet.
454
00:22:26,737 --> 00:22:27,670
Hmm.
455
00:22:31,409 --> 00:22:32,509
All right.