1
00:00:01,969 --> 00:00:05,315
♪ My eyes are gettin' weary ♪
2
00:00:05,339 --> 00:00:08,085
♪ My back is gettin' tight ♪
3
00:00:08,109 --> 00:00:09,953
♪ I'm sittin' here in traffic ♪
4
00:00:09,977 --> 00:00:12,789
♪ On the Queensboro
Bridge Tonight ♪
5
00:00:12,813 --> 00:00:18,128
♪ But I don't care
'Cause all I want to do ♪
6
00:00:18,152 --> 00:00:23,900
♪ Is cash my check and
drive Right home to you ♪
7
00:00:23,924 --> 00:00:29,794
♪ 'Cause, baby, all my life I
will be drivin' home to you ♪♪
8
00:00:46,713 --> 00:00:48,992
Hey, hey, hey, babe! Hey, hon.
9
00:00:49,016 --> 00:00:50,060
Hey, listen. Don't start dinner.
10
00:00:50,084 --> 00:00:51,094
I'm taking you to that...
11
00:00:51,118 --> 00:00:52,962
That Japanese
place again tonight.
12
00:00:52,986 --> 00:00:55,532
Why are you obsessed
with that place?
13
00:00:55,556 --> 00:00:57,934
I'm not obsessed with it. I
just like when a Japanese man
14
00:00:57,958 --> 00:00:59,769
cooks in front of you. It's fun.
15
00:00:59,793 --> 00:01:01,713
It's like, you
know, it's like...
16
00:01:12,239 --> 00:01:15,552
Okay. As entertaining
as that was, we can't.
17
00:01:15,576 --> 00:01:18,788
Come on. It'll be fun.
Wow! Shrimp in the pocket.
18
00:01:18,812 --> 00:01:20,011
Banzai!
19
00:01:22,649 --> 00:01:24,528
We can't. Your
cousin Danny called.
20
00:01:24,552 --> 00:01:25,529
He's on his way over.
21
00:01:25,553 --> 00:01:27,531
What? Why?
22
00:01:27,555 --> 00:01:28,932
I don't know. He said he wanted
23
00:01:28,956 --> 00:01:30,133
to talk to us about something.
24
00:01:30,157 --> 00:01:32,402
Oh, God. He is so annoying.
25
00:01:32,426 --> 00:01:35,172
Why did you let him
know we were home?
26
00:01:35,196 --> 00:01:37,574
Well, once I picked
up and said, "hello,"
27
00:01:37,598 --> 00:01:40,544
the cat was pretty
much out of the bag.
28
00:01:40,568 --> 00:01:41,844
Come on! What's the big deal?
29
00:01:41,868 --> 00:01:44,047
Let him come over. He
said he had some good news.
30
00:01:44,071 --> 00:01:45,848
He doesn't have good
news. That's just his angle
31
00:01:45,872 --> 00:01:47,384
to get his foot in the door.
32
00:01:47,408 --> 00:01:49,586
Then the next thing you know,
we're talking about old times,
33
00:01:49,610 --> 00:01:52,489
we're playing cards, and he's
clamped on me like a deer tick.
34
00:01:52,513 --> 00:01:54,458
Give him a break.
He's your cousin.
35
00:01:54,482 --> 00:01:57,927
What kind of big
news could this be?
36
00:01:57,951 --> 00:02:00,097
Bet you he's gonna
tell us he's gay.
37
00:02:00,121 --> 00:02:02,265
All right, he doesn't date much,
38
00:02:02,289 --> 00:02:03,666
but he is not gay.
39
00:02:03,690 --> 00:02:07,104
Please. He wore leather
pants to a Jet game.
40
00:02:07,128 --> 00:02:08,771
Will you stop it? He's not gay.
41
00:02:08,795 --> 00:02:10,840
He just called and said
he had some good news.
42
00:02:10,864 --> 00:02:12,709
Uh, excuse me, if you're gay,
43
00:02:12,733 --> 00:02:15,167
then being gay is
good news. Huh?
44
00:02:16,870 --> 00:02:18,982
Danny, you're getting married.
45
00:02:19,006 --> 00:02:20,484
Good for you.
46
00:02:20,508 --> 00:02:21,718
Off the market.
47
00:02:21,742 --> 00:02:22,885
Out of commission.
48
00:02:22,909 --> 00:02:25,555
Yeah! Yeah, I was, uh...
Just at work one day,
49
00:02:25,579 --> 00:02:27,657
taking a Sicilian
pie out of the oven,
50
00:02:27,681 --> 00:02:30,260
when I hear the most
beautiful voice say,
51
00:02:30,284 --> 00:02:33,463
"Can I have an end piece?"
52
00:02:33,487 --> 00:02:35,698
Truth is, I went in
to use the phone,
53
00:02:35,722 --> 00:02:38,668
but he looked so cute
all covered in flour.
54
00:02:38,692 --> 00:02:41,560
You should see him
covered in pudding.
55
00:02:45,533 --> 00:02:46,576
So when's the big day?
56
00:02:46,600 --> 00:02:47,810
Oh, a week from Sunday.
57
00:02:47,834 --> 00:02:49,279
Wow! That's quick.
58
00:02:49,303 --> 00:02:51,548
We'd really love it if
you guys could make it.
59
00:02:51,572 --> 00:02:53,716
Mmm, I can't. Sunday? Mm-mmm.
60
00:02:53,740 --> 00:02:57,442
I got to I got to
run another 10k.
61
00:03:02,716 --> 00:03:04,161
He's kidding, right?
62
00:03:04,185 --> 00:03:05,395
Yeah, honey, he's kidding!
63
00:03:05,419 --> 00:03:08,632
He always does this!
Classic Doug story, okay?
64
00:03:08,656 --> 00:03:09,832
One day, when we were kids,
65
00:03:09,856 --> 00:03:11,868
Doug decided to
remove the wing nuts
66
00:03:11,892 --> 00:03:13,270
from the front
wheel of my bicycle.
67
00:03:13,294 --> 00:03:18,542
Long story short...
these are caps! All caps.
68
00:03:18,566 --> 00:03:21,511
I was fixing that. Trying
to soup it up for you.
69
00:03:21,535 --> 00:03:23,112
Yeah, right. Soup it
up. I peddled twice,
70
00:03:23,136 --> 00:03:24,314
the handle bars go like this,
71
00:03:24,338 --> 00:03:25,649
I hit the mailbox!
72
00:03:25,673 --> 00:03:27,450
Next thing you know,
I'm picking up my own
73
00:03:27,474 --> 00:03:29,486
Chicklets off the driveway. Ha!
74
00:03:29,510 --> 00:03:31,288
Oh, we laughed.
75
00:03:31,312 --> 00:03:32,922
Yeah. It was fun. Good times.
76
00:03:32,946 --> 00:03:36,959
Yeah. Good times.
77
00:03:36,983 --> 00:03:39,729
So I'm gonna go... I'm gonna
go see if the coffee's ready.
78
00:03:39,753 --> 00:03:40,930
Oh, let me help you, Carrie.
79
00:03:40,954 --> 00:03:42,532
No, no, no. Sit,
sit, sit, sit, sit.
80
00:03:42,556 --> 00:03:44,889
No, come on! I wanna help.
81
00:03:58,272 --> 00:04:01,651
So she seems, uh,
really very nice, Danny.
82
00:04:01,675 --> 00:04:04,287
Yeah. I got to tell you,
I was starting to wonder
83
00:04:04,311 --> 00:04:06,489
if it was ever gonna
happen for me, you know?
84
00:04:06,513 --> 00:04:08,091
All these years,
I... I would see
85
00:04:08,115 --> 00:04:10,026
what a great thing
you and Doug have.
86
00:04:10,050 --> 00:04:12,128
And I'd think, "Man...
87
00:04:12,152 --> 00:04:14,831
"if I can have half of that...
88
00:04:14,855 --> 00:04:16,933
"I'd be the happiest
pizza-making son of a gun
89
00:04:16,957 --> 00:04:20,303
this side of Dix Hills."
90
00:04:20,327 --> 00:04:22,772
You're gonna make me cry.
91
00:04:22,796 --> 00:04:23,973
And that was the last time
92
00:04:23,997 --> 00:04:27,711
I ever threw up from drinking.
93
00:04:27,735 --> 00:04:29,145
Uh-huh.
94
00:04:29,169 --> 00:04:32,215
I mean, is there anything worse
than the dry heaves? Anything?
95
00:04:32,239 --> 00:04:33,717
Nothing comes to mind.
96
00:04:33,741 --> 00:04:37,320
I mean, I literally broke
blood vessels in my eyes.
97
00:04:37,344 --> 00:04:38,722
Good evening, Douglas.
98
00:04:38,746 --> 00:04:40,156
Hey.
99
00:04:40,180 --> 00:04:42,259
And who's this
sweet young thing?
100
00:04:42,283 --> 00:04:44,461
Oh, this is Eva.
Danny's fiancée.
101
00:04:44,485 --> 00:04:47,330
Danny who?
102
00:04:47,354 --> 00:04:49,866
My cousin Danny.
103
00:04:49,890 --> 00:04:53,737
I thought you said
he was a fruitcake.
104
00:04:53,761 --> 00:04:56,273
So, where are you having
this little shindig, anyway?
105
00:04:56,297 --> 00:04:59,108
Ah, this nice little
place out in Manhasset.
106
00:04:59,132 --> 00:05:01,911
Eva's, uh, maid of
honor is a waitress there,
107
00:05:01,935 --> 00:05:03,413
so she got us a great deal.
108
00:05:03,437 --> 00:05:06,115
Oh, that's great. And
who's your best man?
109
00:05:06,139 --> 00:05:09,319
Ha. Oh, I'm not gonna,
uh, I don't... I don't have one.
110
00:05:09,343 --> 00:05:10,587
You don't have a best man?
111
00:05:10,611 --> 00:05:12,889
Nah! It's just, you know...
112
00:05:12,913 --> 00:05:14,324
I wouldn't even know who to ask.
113
00:05:14,348 --> 00:05:15,725
Can I help you with the coffee?
114
00:05:15,749 --> 00:05:19,596
Yeah, thanks. Listen,
Dan, I know it's, uh...
115
00:05:19,620 --> 00:05:21,164
it's not any of my business,
116
00:05:21,188 --> 00:05:24,567
but, uh... Why
don't you ask Doug?
117
00:05:24,591 --> 00:05:26,636
Ahh, he... he wouldn't do it.
118
00:05:26,660 --> 00:05:28,371
And that's fine.
119
00:05:28,395 --> 00:05:30,607
You know, I... I... I made
peace a long time ago
120
00:05:30,631 --> 00:05:32,375
with the way things
are between us.
121
00:05:32,399 --> 00:05:34,911
And how's that? Carrie...
122
00:05:34,935 --> 00:05:37,280
I'm not exactly
on the speed dial.
123
00:05:37,304 --> 00:05:39,871
Those are mostly restaurants.
124
00:05:43,410 --> 00:05:46,289
Danny, Doug likes you
a lot more than you think.
125
00:05:46,313 --> 00:05:49,359
Oh, please, I... he
wouldn't wanna do it.
126
00:05:49,383 --> 00:05:52,395
I think you're wrong.
I think you're wrong.
127
00:05:52,419 --> 00:05:54,698
Uh, you know what?
I'm just gonna stick
128
00:05:54,722 --> 00:05:56,899
with the whole no best
man thing, and that's it.
129
00:05:56,923 --> 00:05:58,635
Hey! No big deal.
130
00:05:58,659 --> 00:06:00,069
I can carry my own ring, right?
131
00:06:00,093 --> 00:06:01,771
Ha! That's what
pockets are for. Ha ha.
132
00:06:01,795 --> 00:06:04,240
Hey, Danny, you
better get out there.
133
00:06:04,264 --> 00:06:05,975
Arthur's putting the
moves on your fiancée.
134
00:06:05,999 --> 00:06:09,679
He's... he's doing his
old-fashioned muscleman poses.
135
00:06:09,703 --> 00:06:11,314
Thanks for the heads up.
136
00:06:11,338 --> 00:06:14,317
Okay, got the
coffee, got the cake.
137
00:06:14,341 --> 00:06:16,653
We should have them
out of here in 20 minutes.
138
00:06:16,677 --> 00:06:19,155
Fifteen if I set
the eating pace.
139
00:06:22,383 --> 00:06:23,749
Bye-bye.
140
00:06:24,752 --> 00:06:26,095
Um, Doug...
141
00:06:26,119 --> 00:06:27,330
Yeah?
142
00:06:27,354 --> 00:06:29,966
You know, I was just talking
to Danny about the wedding
143
00:06:29,990 --> 00:06:32,635
and stuff, and... wanna
hear something sad?
144
00:06:32,659 --> 00:06:36,105
Yeah. What have you got?
145
00:06:36,129 --> 00:06:38,441
He doesn't have a best man.
146
00:06:38,465 --> 00:06:41,778
Uh-huh.
147
00:06:41,802 --> 00:06:44,748
That's sad. You
don't think that's sad?
148
00:06:44,772 --> 00:06:47,132
I guess it is, but
it's not my problem.
149
00:06:51,478 --> 00:06:54,691
It's not my problem, is it?
150
00:06:54,715 --> 00:06:55,692
Well...
151
00:06:55,716 --> 00:06:57,394
Did you bring my name up?
152
00:06:57,418 --> 00:07:02,331
Only to say that you would
love to be his best man.
153
00:07:02,355 --> 00:07:06,135
I can't believe you!
154
00:07:06,159 --> 00:07:07,570
Why did you do that?
155
00:07:07,594 --> 00:07:11,430
You know what?
This area cannot close!
156
00:07:12,966 --> 00:07:15,311
Doug, if you could've
just seen his face.
157
00:07:15,335 --> 00:07:19,015
I mean, he was so sweet,
and he doesn't have anybody,
158
00:07:19,039 --> 00:07:20,417
and he likes you so much.
159
00:07:20,441 --> 00:07:23,653
He likes me too much, okay?
160
00:07:23,677 --> 00:07:26,989
It's like "Single White Dougie."
161
00:07:27,013 --> 00:07:29,959
Oh, God, why couldn't
he have just been gay?
162
00:07:29,983 --> 00:07:31,761
All right, look,
Doug, relax, okay?
163
00:07:31,785 --> 00:07:33,062
Because he's not gonna ask you.
164
00:07:33,086 --> 00:07:34,597
He's afraid you would say no.
165
00:07:34,621 --> 00:07:36,098
Good.
166
00:07:36,122 --> 00:07:38,067
It doesn't mean
you can't ask him.
167
00:07:38,091 --> 00:07:41,037
Okay, first of all, you don't
ask someone to be a best man.
168
00:07:41,061 --> 00:07:43,673
You get asked. And
since no one's asking,
169
00:07:43,697 --> 00:07:48,500
once again, this
area, shutty shutty.
170
00:07:50,303 --> 00:07:52,949
You know, I would be
lying to you if I didn't tell you.
171
00:07:52,973 --> 00:07:54,851
I'm a little
disappointed in you.
172
00:07:54,875 --> 00:07:56,753
Oh, please. That's
not gonna work.
173
00:07:56,777 --> 00:08:00,790
"I'm a little
disappointed in you."
174
00:08:00,814 --> 00:08:04,360
Big deal. I'm full of letdowns.
175
00:08:04,384 --> 00:08:06,696
Okay. Would you do me
a favor and take this out?
176
00:08:06,720 --> 00:08:08,353
Mm-hmm.
177
00:08:16,062 --> 00:08:19,576
I don't wanna do it.
178
00:08:19,600 --> 00:08:20,866
Fine.
179
00:08:27,508 --> 00:08:30,086
Carrie, I do a lot of nice
things for a lot of people.
180
00:08:30,110 --> 00:08:32,922
I just don't feel like
doing this. You know?
181
00:08:32,946 --> 00:08:34,312
Okay.
182
00:08:37,150 --> 00:08:41,598
Oh, God, now I got to
write a toast and rent a tux?
183
00:08:41,622 --> 00:08:43,566
You look good in a tux.
184
00:08:43,590 --> 00:08:48,237
I look like a limo driver.
185
00:08:48,261 --> 00:08:50,874
But a handsome one.
186
00:08:50,898 --> 00:08:52,809
Why do you do
these things to me?
187
00:08:52,833 --> 00:08:53,843
And don't worry, honey.
188
00:08:53,867 --> 00:08:56,801
I'll help you with
the bachelor party.
189
00:09:01,408 --> 00:09:03,953
I've never made a
best-man toast before,
190
00:09:03,977 --> 00:09:06,523
so... I need a little
feedback just to, you know,
191
00:09:06,547 --> 00:09:08,324
see if I'm headed in
the right direction, okay?
192
00:09:08,348 --> 00:09:09,526
Let her rip.
193
00:09:09,550 --> 00:09:12,094
"What can I say about
my cousin Danny?"
194
00:09:12,118 --> 00:09:14,998
Okay, I got to stop this.
195
00:09:15,022 --> 00:09:16,799
This is unbearable.
196
00:09:16,823 --> 00:09:17,967
Arthur...
197
00:09:17,991 --> 00:09:19,468
I only read, like, six words!
198
00:09:19,492 --> 00:09:21,938
You're reading!
That's the point!
199
00:09:21,962 --> 00:09:25,575
A speech needs to
seep from your soul.
200
00:09:25,599 --> 00:09:27,376
All right, look, just
listen to the whole thing,
201
00:09:27,400 --> 00:09:29,078
then tell me if
it's good or not.
202
00:09:29,102 --> 00:09:31,881
Okay? Okay. Fine!
203
00:09:31,905 --> 00:09:33,482
"What can I say about
my cousin Danny?
204
00:09:33,506 --> 00:09:35,685
"He makes great pizza, and
he's gonna make a great husband.
205
00:09:35,709 --> 00:09:37,253
"But I'm sure all
Eva cares about
206
00:09:37,277 --> 00:09:39,678
is that he makes
a lot of dough."
207
00:09:46,286 --> 00:09:48,164
All right.
208
00:09:48,188 --> 00:09:49,566
"Danny and I have
known each other
209
00:09:49,590 --> 00:09:51,634
"since we were kids,
and I always knew
210
00:09:51,658 --> 00:09:53,670
"he'd find somebody
special. And, Eva,
211
00:09:53,694 --> 00:09:56,105
well, you're just gonna
have to settle for Danny."
212
00:09:56,129 --> 00:09:58,407
"Just kidding."
213
00:09:58,431 --> 00:10:03,412
Uh, "Danny, Eva, I
wish you all the best."
214
00:10:03,436 --> 00:10:04,480
So?
215
00:10:04,504 --> 00:10:06,215
It stunk! All right?
216
00:10:06,239 --> 00:10:08,284
There, I said it!
217
00:10:08,308 --> 00:10:10,019
Wh-wh-what should I say?
218
00:10:10,043 --> 00:10:11,854
You have to grab them.
219
00:10:11,878 --> 00:10:14,123
Get them on your side!
220
00:10:14,147 --> 00:10:15,357
How do I grab them?
221
00:10:15,381 --> 00:10:19,062
Open up by hinting that
you slept with the bride.
222
00:10:19,086 --> 00:10:21,130
Then pull a pair of
panties out of your pocket
223
00:10:21,154 --> 00:10:25,768
and give her a
little wink. It kills.
224
00:10:25,792 --> 00:10:27,269
Sweetheart. Hey, guys.
225
00:10:27,293 --> 00:10:29,271
Uh, Doug and I need
a pair of your panties.
226
00:10:29,295 --> 00:10:33,442
Dad, I just can't
give you a bigger no.
227
00:10:33,466 --> 00:10:35,444
Don't worry, Douglas, it
also works with a girdle.
228
00:10:35,468 --> 00:10:37,046
Yeah, I'm sure it
does. You know what?
229
00:10:37,070 --> 00:10:39,682
I'm gonna work on my
own speech. Thanks.
230
00:10:39,706 --> 00:10:41,517
What the hell did
you get me into here?
231
00:10:41,541 --> 00:10:44,386
I've been working on this
stupid toast for eight hours.
232
00:10:44,410 --> 00:10:48,891
Eight hours? You got
one index card there.
233
00:10:48,915 --> 00:10:50,960
Well, I took some breaks.
234
00:10:50,984 --> 00:10:52,095
So I stopped at Coopers.
235
00:10:52,119 --> 00:10:53,529
Everything's set for
the bachelor party.
236
00:10:53,553 --> 00:10:54,931
All the beer, wine, sangria
237
00:10:54,955 --> 00:10:57,100
you guys can drink
from 11 to 2 a.m.
238
00:10:57,124 --> 00:10:59,102
All right, good. Well what's
the, uh, what's the damage?
239
00:10:59,126 --> 00:11:01,104
Well, with the food and
everything, about $600 bucks.
240
00:11:01,128 --> 00:11:02,304
Ok. Well, that's not that bad.
241
00:11:02,328 --> 00:11:03,906
I got, uh, goannaianni
at the Pizza Place
242
00:11:03,930 --> 00:11:05,307
to give me Danny's,
uh, address book.
243
00:11:05,331 --> 00:11:07,376
So I invited, like,
25 of his friends.
244
00:11:07,400 --> 00:11:12,982
So 600 divided 25,
uh, ways is, uh...
245
00:11:13,006 --> 00:11:15,885
Hey, what you got in the bag?
246
00:11:15,909 --> 00:11:18,387
You are gonna love this.
247
00:11:18,411 --> 00:11:19,443
Are you ready?
248
00:11:23,249 --> 00:11:24,827
Ball and chain.
249
00:11:24,851 --> 00:11:25,895
It's funny, right?
250
00:11:25,919 --> 00:11:27,797
You put it on
Danny, like, "hey...
251
00:11:27,821 --> 00:11:31,034
no more freedom
for you, buddy boy!"
252
00:11:31,058 --> 00:11:33,091
That's good guy
stuff right there, right?
253
00:11:36,830 --> 00:11:38,307
Did you keep the receipt?
254
00:11:38,331 --> 00:11:40,509
Stop it.
255
00:11:40,533 --> 00:11:41,878
Look, honey, I am...
256
00:11:41,902 --> 00:11:43,412
I'm really proud
of you, you know?
257
00:11:43,436 --> 00:11:45,314
You're doing something
for your cousin...
258
00:11:45,338 --> 00:11:48,084
something you don't have to do.
259
00:11:48,108 --> 00:11:51,554
Something sweet and
kind and, and beautiful.
260
00:11:51,578 --> 00:11:53,255
Thanks.
261
00:11:53,279 --> 00:11:55,213
Now let's pick out a stripper.
262
00:11:57,483 --> 00:12:01,731
Hmm? Take a
little look see here.
263
00:12:01,755 --> 00:12:02,799
What you got there?
264
00:12:02,823 --> 00:12:07,203
Magazine with strippers in it?
265
00:12:07,227 --> 00:12:10,073
Yep! Now, what do you like?
266
00:12:10,097 --> 00:12:12,508
What floats your boat?
267
00:12:12,532 --> 00:12:13,910
It's not about what
floats my boat,
268
00:12:13,934 --> 00:12:15,611
you know, because...
269
00:12:15,635 --> 00:12:18,247
you are my boat
floater, you know?
270
00:12:18,271 --> 00:12:22,351
It's... It's really about what
Danny wants and how he...
271
00:12:22,375 --> 00:12:24,020
Yeah, okay. Could you
just pick one, please?
272
00:12:24,044 --> 00:12:26,004
Ok, yeah, uh, Tiffany
Towers, please.
273
00:12:28,849 --> 00:12:32,628
Her? Doug, she looks
like she kissed the F-train.
274
00:12:32,652 --> 00:12:35,297
Pick somebody else.
All right, then, uh...
275
00:12:35,321 --> 00:12:36,866
How, how about her?
276
00:12:36,890 --> 00:12:38,801
Her? What do you like about her?
277
00:12:38,825 --> 00:12:41,437
I don't know. She looks
kind of nasty and mean.
278
00:12:41,461 --> 00:12:44,340
You know, like, she's the
head of some all-girl biker gang
279
00:12:44,364 --> 00:12:47,977
that picks me up after
our car breaks down and...
280
00:12:48,001 --> 00:12:51,080
makes me service her and...
281
00:12:51,104 --> 00:12:55,184
all her gang sisters.
282
00:12:55,208 --> 00:12:58,420
Well, we are not
hiring her, okay?
283
00:12:58,444 --> 00:13:00,389
Come on. Make a
serious pick here.
284
00:13:00,413 --> 00:13:03,826
All right, uh, any
of these three.
285
00:13:03,850 --> 00:13:07,463
These three? Here? Yeah. What?
286
00:13:07,487 --> 00:13:12,568
Do you have any
standards at all?
287
00:13:12,592 --> 00:13:13,770
Yeah.
288
00:13:13,794 --> 00:13:16,338
Really? Well, could
you pick one woman here
289
00:13:16,362 --> 00:13:18,842
that you would
not have sex with?
290
00:13:56,036 --> 00:13:57,113
Uh, Doug?
291
00:13:57,137 --> 00:13:58,514
Yeah?
292
00:13:58,538 --> 00:14:00,749
It's a foreign transmission.
293
00:14:00,773 --> 00:14:02,751
You might wanna go a
little easy on the clutch.
294
00:14:02,775 --> 00:14:04,854
Settle down. I drive
for a living, okay?
295
00:14:04,878 --> 00:14:06,455
Well, I just had it
tuned up yester...
296
00:14:06,479 --> 00:14:08,791
Would you stop peeking?
No peeking, all right?
297
00:14:08,815 --> 00:14:11,828
Loosen up. Let your
hair down, Agnes!
298
00:14:11,852 --> 00:14:13,732
I'm loose. I'm ready. I'm ready.
299
00:14:15,488 --> 00:14:17,967
Doug, let me ask you a question.
300
00:14:17,991 --> 00:14:20,236
What? Did Carrie
put you up to this?
301
00:14:20,260 --> 00:14:22,493
What? No!
302
00:14:25,298 --> 00:14:26,475
No, no, no, no.
She... she mentioned
303
00:14:26,499 --> 00:14:27,877
that you didn't have a best man.
304
00:14:27,901 --> 00:14:29,378
And I was, like, what up?
305
00:14:29,402 --> 00:14:31,314
Really? I... I mean,
you wanna be here?
306
00:14:31,338 --> 00:14:32,715
Oh, believe me, I wanna be here.
307
00:14:32,739 --> 00:14:34,650
The question is do
you wanna be here?
308
00:14:34,674 --> 00:14:36,452
Because tonight's all
about having fun, so you in?
309
00:14:36,476 --> 00:14:37,954
I guess. Yeah.
310
00:14:37,978 --> 00:14:39,355
You guess? This is
your bachelor party!
311
00:14:39,379 --> 00:14:40,356
Get crazy! Whoo-hoo!
312
00:14:40,380 --> 00:14:42,458
Whoo-hoo-hoo! There it is!
313
00:14:42,482 --> 00:14:43,792
Whoo-hoo! Whoo-hoo!
314
00:14:43,816 --> 00:14:44,793
Yeah, Danny!
315
00:14:44,817 --> 00:14:47,252
Pa-poww! Oh, you're spitting.
316
00:15:02,735 --> 00:15:04,513
Okay, forgot name tags,
so why don't we, uh...
317
00:15:04,537 --> 00:15:05,915
go around the room
and introduce everybody
318
00:15:05,939 --> 00:15:08,317
and how you know them
and we'll kick it off with that.
319
00:15:08,341 --> 00:15:09,352
All right? Okay.
320
00:15:09,376 --> 00:15:10,552
Yeah. Uh... Well,
this is Gianni.
321
00:15:10,576 --> 00:15:12,554
He... he works for me.
322
00:15:12,578 --> 00:15:17,693
Yeah, how you doing? Is this
it? Because this is gonna blow.
323
00:15:17,717 --> 00:15:20,196
No, no. No, no. Doug said
there's a lot more guys coming.
324
00:15:20,220 --> 00:15:22,598
A lot of guys coming. We're
gonna have a full house tonight.
325
00:15:22,622 --> 00:15:24,255
Full boat. Full boat.
326
00:15:25,792 --> 00:15:28,971
So, anyway, uh, this
is, uh, Joe Rubino,
327
00:15:28,995 --> 00:15:32,341
my father-in-law to be.
328
00:15:32,365 --> 00:15:34,732
Hello.
329
00:15:36,303 --> 00:15:38,614
And, uh... over
here, this is Klaus.
330
00:15:38,638 --> 00:15:41,550
He owns the deli
next to my pizza shop.
331
00:15:41,574 --> 00:15:45,221
Hello. How is you?
332
00:15:45,245 --> 00:15:46,789
And, uh, last but not least,
333
00:15:46,813 --> 00:15:49,591
this is, uh, Arthur,
Doug's father-in-law.
334
00:15:49,615 --> 00:15:53,529
Gentlemen. Douglas, do you
have some festivities planned
335
00:15:53,553 --> 00:15:56,065
other than this meet and greet?
336
00:15:56,089 --> 00:15:57,733
Yeah, yeah. I
got a lot of stuff.
337
00:15:57,757 --> 00:15:59,001
Oh, God, I almost forgot.
338
00:15:59,025 --> 00:16:02,038
Stogies! All right, I
bought extras, so, uh...
339
00:16:02,062 --> 00:16:03,272
smoke 'em up! Ok, boys?
340
00:16:03,296 --> 00:16:05,541
All right! Okay. You know what?
341
00:16:05,565 --> 00:16:08,077
Uh, d-d-do you mind if
we don't, uh... light them?
342
00:16:08,101 --> 00:16:10,612
It's just my
asthma. I get, uh...
343
00:16:10,636 --> 00:16:14,516
Yeah, okay, um...
All right. No problem.
344
00:16:14,540 --> 00:16:16,618
That doesn't stop us from
chomping on them, though, huh?
345
00:16:16,642 --> 00:16:19,956
Yeah, that's a
smooth chomp, yeah.
346
00:16:19,980 --> 00:16:20,957
Hey, how about some music?
347
00:16:20,981 --> 00:16:24,026
Stereo's broken.
Okay. Thank you.
348
00:16:24,050 --> 00:16:28,331
Douglas, I'm starting to
agree with the Italian fella.
349
00:16:28,355 --> 00:16:29,988
This is gonna blow.
350
00:16:36,896 --> 00:16:39,675
So, Camaro, huh?
351
00:16:39,699 --> 00:16:42,244
So how long have you been, um...
352
00:16:42,268 --> 00:16:45,081
removing your clothes for money?
353
00:16:45,105 --> 00:16:47,450
Since my sophomore
year in high school.
354
00:16:47,474 --> 00:16:52,221
Great. That's great.
355
00:16:52,245 --> 00:16:54,223
And, uh, bodyguard guy...
356
00:16:54,247 --> 00:16:56,158
What was your
name again... Emil?
357
00:16:56,182 --> 00:16:58,227
Yeah. Emil, yeah.
I like your tattoos.
358
00:16:58,251 --> 00:17:00,518
Oh, thank you. Yeah.
359
00:17:03,323 --> 00:17:04,566
Hey, who likes Lionel Richie?
360
00:17:04,590 --> 00:17:05,590
Ahh...
361
00:17:11,164 --> 00:17:12,574
Hey, Andy, it's Doug Heffernan.
362
00:17:12,598 --> 00:17:14,243
I left you messages about
Danny's bachelor party.
363
00:17:14,267 --> 00:17:16,445
If you're there, pick up.
Okay, buddy, pick up, pick up.
364
00:17:16,469 --> 00:17:19,081
You there? Pick
it up. Pick it up.
365
00:17:19,105 --> 00:17:22,306
You screening, guy?
Pick it up, pick it up.
366
00:17:23,843 --> 00:17:27,311
Yeah, Joe, chug it
down, you warrior!
367
00:17:30,650 --> 00:17:32,961
So, Daniel, how
is your pizza shop?
368
00:17:32,985 --> 00:17:35,464
Oh, it's fine, fine, yeah.
369
00:17:35,488 --> 00:17:38,367
Daniel, are you happy
with your bread guy?
370
00:17:38,391 --> 00:17:41,003
Huh? Yeah! Oh, yeah, yeah.
371
00:17:41,027 --> 00:17:42,838
Would you give me his number?
372
00:17:42,862 --> 00:17:44,273
Can it wait till Monday?
373
00:17:44,297 --> 00:17:46,909
Of course...
374
00:17:46,933 --> 00:17:47,910
but...
375
00:17:47,934 --> 00:17:49,733
by Monday.
376
00:17:52,905 --> 00:17:57,219
Look, you're invited to a
party, you show up, you dipwad.
377
00:17:57,243 --> 00:18:00,622
Kick the crap out of me?
I'll kick more crap out of you.
378
00:18:00,646 --> 00:18:02,558
Yeah!
379
00:18:02,582 --> 00:18:04,682
Par-ty!
380
00:18:06,752 --> 00:18:08,364
This blows. Where's the broad?
381
00:18:08,388 --> 00:18:09,598
Don't you worry. She'll be here.
382
00:18:09,622 --> 00:18:10,666
You just start stretching out.
383
00:18:10,690 --> 00:18:12,468
Hey, Doug, if no one
else is showing up,
384
00:18:12,492 --> 00:18:14,070
can I take the
ball and chain off?
385
00:18:14,094 --> 00:18:15,504
No, no, no, not yet, okay?
386
00:18:15,528 --> 00:18:19,075
Hey, have you seen
that bride... Eva?
387
00:18:19,099 --> 00:18:23,079
She's a tasty slice of
cheesecake, am I right?
388
00:18:23,103 --> 00:18:26,148
Eva's my daughter.
389
00:18:26,172 --> 00:18:30,374
Then you know what
I'm talking about, huh?
390
00:18:33,279 --> 00:18:35,824
A car. Okay, stripper's
here. Stripper's here.
391
00:18:35,848 --> 00:18:37,593
All right, boys, get
your singles ready.
392
00:18:37,617 --> 00:18:40,996
Here we go. Oh,
yeah, now we're talking.
393
00:18:41,020 --> 00:18:43,500
Okay, that would be my wife.
394
00:18:45,057 --> 00:18:46,469
Please tell me
you got a stripper.
395
00:18:46,493 --> 00:18:48,292
Relax, I got her.
396
00:18:53,866 --> 00:18:56,479
What the hell is this?
397
00:18:56,503 --> 00:18:59,815
Why is there a maid here?
398
00:18:59,839 --> 00:19:02,284
I think she's the stripper.
399
00:19:02,308 --> 00:19:04,920
Carrie, what are you
doing to me? This is brutal.
400
00:19:04,944 --> 00:19:07,656
Doug, it was the best I
could do on such short notice.
401
00:19:07,680 --> 00:19:09,658
I'm killing myself here
trying to keep this thing going,
402
00:19:09,682 --> 00:19:13,395
and you show up
with... Hopalong Assidy.
403
00:19:13,419 --> 00:19:16,565
Doug, she is still a
very attractive girl, okay?
404
00:19:16,589 --> 00:19:19,001
Just tell the guys not
to look in that area.
405
00:19:19,025 --> 00:19:21,370
Oh, God Where are all the guys?
406
00:19:21,394 --> 00:19:24,806
They're not showing because
Danny's such a freaking loser.
407
00:19:24,830 --> 00:19:26,030
Hey!
408
00:19:38,678 --> 00:19:42,880
Someone's a dirty boy.
He needs a little dusting.
409
00:19:52,325 --> 00:19:53,757
Excuse me.
410
00:19:56,796 --> 00:19:58,896
Damn it, I am into this.
411
00:20:25,758 --> 00:20:27,102
Joe, look alive.
412
00:20:27,126 --> 00:20:28,237
Huh?
413
00:20:28,261 --> 00:20:30,038
Stripper, man.
You're missing it.
414
00:20:30,062 --> 00:20:32,408
I can't blame him, Douglas.
415
00:20:32,432 --> 00:20:34,976
This is pure torture.
416
00:20:35,000 --> 00:20:36,078
Torture?
417
00:20:36,102 --> 00:20:37,913
What bachelor party
are you at, right?
418
00:20:37,937 --> 00:20:41,817
Yeah, it's riveting.
I'm out of here.
419
00:20:41,841 --> 00:20:45,187
Whoa, Gianni, come
on. I bought a sheet cake.
420
00:20:45,211 --> 00:20:48,023
You guys didn't hear
that. That's later on.
421
00:20:48,047 --> 00:20:51,260
You know what?
That's it, that's it.
422
00:20:51,284 --> 00:20:53,128
What are you doing?
423
00:20:53,152 --> 00:20:56,898
I'm going home.
All the facts are in...
424
00:20:56,922 --> 00:20:58,100
Loser!
425
00:20:58,124 --> 00:21:01,692
All right, I'll see
you at the wedding.
426
00:21:03,796 --> 00:21:06,742
"Oh, I'm so proud of you, Doug.
427
00:21:06,766 --> 00:21:10,912
"You're doing something
nice for your cousin.
428
00:21:10,936 --> 00:21:15,618
Something kind and
sweet and beautiful."
429
00:21:19,879 --> 00:21:22,358
Okay, so it wasn't my best idea.
430
00:21:22,382 --> 00:21:26,395
It was the worst bachelor
party I've ever seen.
431
00:21:26,419 --> 00:21:28,653
Make a right after
the Dunkin' Donuts.
432
00:21:35,661 --> 00:21:38,340
Uh, some of you may
not know Eva very well,
433
00:21:38,364 --> 00:21:42,378
but I've had the opportunity
to get close to her.
434
00:21:42,402 --> 00:21:45,180
Real close, if you
know what I mean.
435
00:21:45,204 --> 00:21:48,984
Eva, I believe these are yours.