1
00:00:03,305 --> 00:00:05,371
Carrie! Come on, we gotta go!
2
00:00:05,373 --> 00:00:06,806
CARRIE: I'm coming!
3
00:00:06,808 --> 00:00:08,508
League starts in 20 minutes.
4
00:00:08,510 --> 00:00:10,042
Will you relax?
5
00:00:10,044 --> 00:00:11,411
Broads.
6
00:00:12,613 --> 00:00:14,380
So where are you off to tonight?
7
00:00:14,382 --> 00:00:19,952
Are the bowling shirt and
bowling ball any help, or...
8
00:00:19,954 --> 00:00:22,021
All right, call off
your dogs, sassy.
9
00:00:22,023 --> 00:00:24,190
Just making small talk.
10
00:00:24,192 --> 00:00:26,593
All right. Look, I was out of line there.
I'm sorry.
11
00:00:26,595 --> 00:00:28,595
Quite all right.
12
00:00:28,597 --> 00:00:30,096
So where you off to?
13
00:00:32,833 --> 00:00:34,767
Carrie!
14
00:00:34,769 --> 00:00:37,270
Come on, what are you doing?
15
00:00:37,272 --> 00:00:39,239
Wh-what are you doing?
16
00:00:39,241 --> 00:00:41,073
Ironing my jeans.
I'm almost done.
17
00:00:41,075 --> 00:00:43,143
What's wrong with the
ones you had on?
18
00:00:43,145 --> 00:00:45,578
I don't like the way my
butt looked in those.
19
00:00:45,580 --> 00:00:46,979
Ah, come on.
20
00:00:46,981 --> 00:00:48,615
Hey, back it off!
21
00:00:48,617 --> 00:00:50,816
This is between me and my ass.
22
00:00:50,818 --> 00:00:52,619
You'll have to understand,
23
00:00:52,621 --> 00:00:54,754
bowling is all about the
way you look from behind.
24
00:00:54,756 --> 00:00:56,822
Yeah, and you looked
fine in the other ones.
25
00:00:56,824 --> 00:00:58,525
Although I can't say
I'm hating this look.
26
00:00:58,527 --> 00:01:01,394
Get you spread eagle on
the hood of a Camaro,
27
00:01:01,396 --> 00:01:02,562
we got a big-selling poster.
28
00:01:06,433 --> 00:01:08,034
I am done.
29
00:01:08,036 --> 00:01:13,039
Oh, yeah, put your pants
on slow for daddy.
30
00:01:13,041 --> 00:01:14,574
Ooh, yeah. Mmm-mmmm.
31
00:01:14,576 --> 00:01:16,942
Shut up, would you, please?
32
00:01:16,944 --> 00:01:19,779
Okay, nice. Let's go, slammo.
33
00:01:19,781 --> 00:01:20,846
Thank God.
34
00:01:21,871 --> 00:01:22,938
Oh, yeah.
35
00:02:06,268 --> 00:02:10,271
All right! The Cooper's
Onion Ringers have arrived.
36
00:02:10,273 --> 00:02:12,005
Yeah! Yeah!
37
00:02:12,007 --> 00:02:14,175
Okay, nobody seems to care.
38
00:02:14,177 --> 00:02:16,477
That's because
they're all losers.
39
00:02:16,479 --> 00:02:18,379
All right, people. Let's
push some tables together.
40
00:02:18,381 --> 00:02:20,047
Three pitchers right over here.
41
00:02:20,049 --> 00:02:22,149
Spence, nice bowling
tonight, cutie.
42
00:02:22,151 --> 00:02:24,118
Gosh, the man can't
run, he can't jump.
43
00:02:24,120 --> 00:02:26,753
He can barely walk, but,
damn it, he can roll a ball.
44
00:02:26,755 --> 00:02:29,190
Magic fingers. I
got magic fingers.
45
00:02:29,192 --> 00:02:30,291
And lanucci,
46
00:02:30,293 --> 00:02:31,559
obviously trying
to impress someone
47
00:02:31,561 --> 00:02:32,926
into having sex with him.
48
00:02:32,928 --> 00:02:34,528
I don't know, I wasn't
that impressed.
49
00:02:34,530 --> 00:02:36,863
Just scored a 135.
50
00:02:36,865 --> 00:02:40,067
Hey, a 191. I gets no love?
51
00:02:40,069 --> 00:02:41,535
Come on, Deac.
We're the legends.
52
00:02:41,537 --> 00:02:43,370
We don't talk about
it, we just do it.
53
00:02:43,372 --> 00:02:47,040
Yeah, yeah. A 191, I
want to talk about it.
54
00:02:47,042 --> 00:02:48,875
Hey, how about Carrie
over here, huh?
55
00:02:48,877 --> 00:02:50,811
Hey, my lovely wife, huh?
56
00:02:50,813 --> 00:02:54,315
Gutting her way to a personal
best score of... 47.
57
00:02:57,085 --> 00:02:58,385
Sucky bowler right here.
58
00:02:58,387 --> 00:03:00,588
Can't bowl for crap. Yeah!
59
00:03:00,590 --> 00:03:02,556
Hey, but her ass was
in great form, huh?
60
00:03:02,558 --> 00:03:03,657
Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah.
61
00:03:03,659 --> 00:03:05,859
All I saw was a nice ass.
62
00:03:05,861 --> 00:03:07,261
Well, if you guys
will excuse me,
63
00:03:07,263 --> 00:03:08,662
I'm gonna go stop in on Bobby
64
00:03:08,664 --> 00:03:10,063
and pick up our league checks.
65
00:03:10,065 --> 00:03:13,300
So do me a favor. Order me
several thousand hot wings.
66
00:03:13,302 --> 00:03:15,369
Bobby! Yo, Bobby!
67
00:03:15,371 --> 00:03:20,073
Bobby! Hey, you're not Bobby.
Where's Bobby?
68
00:03:20,075 --> 00:03:23,277
I fired Bobby. Who are you?
69
00:03:23,279 --> 00:03:25,879
Oh, I was just... I was...
Who are you?
70
00:03:25,881 --> 00:03:27,814
My name is Bruce Degner.
71
00:03:27,816 --> 00:03:29,216
Oh, so you're the new Bobby?
72
00:03:29,218 --> 00:03:31,852
No, I'm not the new Bobby.
73
00:03:31,854 --> 00:03:33,820
My father-in-law
owns this place.
74
00:03:33,822 --> 00:03:35,722
He just had a massive
brain aneurysm...
75
00:03:35,724 --> 00:03:37,525
Which he richly deserves.
76
00:03:37,527 --> 00:03:39,760
So now I have to spend
time I don't have
77
00:03:39,762 --> 00:03:42,363
away from my law practice
to come in here every night
78
00:03:42,365 --> 00:03:44,998
and sit and look over
this random heap
79
00:03:45,000 --> 00:03:46,700
of Post-its and napkins
80
00:03:46,702 --> 00:03:48,636
that passes around
here for a ledger.
81
00:03:48,638 --> 00:03:52,540
Something I'm trying very
hard to do right now,
82
00:03:52,542 --> 00:03:54,241
which brings me back
to my original,
83
00:03:54,243 --> 00:03:55,643
still unanswered question...
84
00:03:55,645 --> 00:03:57,344
Who are you?
85
00:03:57,346 --> 00:03:59,112
Hi, I'm Doug. Doug Heffernan.
86
00:03:59,114 --> 00:04:01,482
I'm a member of the
bowling team you sponsor.
87
00:04:01,484 --> 00:04:06,119
Well, member... I'm
actually the captain.
88
00:04:06,121 --> 00:04:07,721
So, what do you want, captain?
89
00:04:07,723 --> 00:04:11,592
Uh, it's just that, uh,
Bobby, who I did not like,
90
00:04:11,594 --> 00:04:13,794
uh, was supposed to
leave me a check
91
00:04:13,796 --> 00:04:15,362
for our league dues this month.
92
00:04:15,364 --> 00:04:16,797
Oh, swell, because this place
93
00:04:16,799 --> 00:04:19,533
really isn't hemorrhaging
quite enough money yet.
94
00:04:19,535 --> 00:04:20,901
All right, how much?
95
00:04:20,903 --> 00:04:24,037
It's $1,500. Boy, it's
getting cold down here.
96
00:04:24,039 --> 00:04:25,038
Were you outside?
97
00:04:25,040 --> 00:04:27,408
1,500 for the year?
98
00:04:27,410 --> 00:04:29,376
Uh, well, if you mean
calendar year, yes.
99
00:04:29,378 --> 00:04:31,778
There is another 1,500 due
in the middle of the season,
100
00:04:31,780 --> 00:04:33,614
but that's way, way off.
101
00:04:33,616 --> 00:04:35,115
So let me get this straight.
102
00:04:35,117 --> 00:04:38,285
Cooper's has been paying you
people $3,000 a year...
103
00:04:38,287 --> 00:04:40,588
No, season. Season, to bowl?
104
00:04:40,590 --> 00:04:43,790
Can I assume that you are
some of the finest bowlers
105
00:04:43,792 --> 00:04:46,227
in the history of mankind?
106
00:04:46,229 --> 00:04:49,062
If you want to.
107
00:04:50,432 --> 00:04:52,700
Sorry, Doug. I can't do it.
108
00:04:52,702 --> 00:04:55,369
Come on, Bruce. You
can't just drop us.
109
00:04:55,371 --> 00:04:57,404
Cooper's bowling team
is a great tradition.
110
00:04:57,406 --> 00:04:59,340
Plus it's great
for business too.
111
00:04:59,342 --> 00:05:00,974
You know, people see
us bowling out there
112
00:05:00,976 --> 00:05:03,176
wearing these shirts that
say Cooper's, you know,
113
00:05:03,178 --> 00:05:05,446
and they think to themselves...
114
00:05:05,448 --> 00:05:08,315
"Cooper's." You with me?
115
00:05:08,317 --> 00:05:09,450
I think so.
116
00:05:09,452 --> 00:05:10,984
Plus when we win a
big championship,
117
00:05:10,986 --> 00:05:12,219
there's an article
in the newspaper,
118
00:05:12,221 --> 00:05:13,787
pictures, more publicity.
119
00:05:13,789 --> 00:05:14,988
You're a championship team?
120
00:05:14,990 --> 00:05:17,324
Did I say that? Yes.
121
00:05:17,326 --> 00:05:18,859
Well, no, no, no, we're not.
122
00:05:18,861 --> 00:05:23,297
But we often make incredible
comebacks that fall just short.
123
00:05:23,299 --> 00:05:25,766
Listen, Doug. You
seem like a nice guy.
124
00:05:25,768 --> 00:05:26,833
So do you.
125
00:05:26,835 --> 00:05:28,802
But it just doesn't
make any sense to me
126
00:05:28,804 --> 00:05:32,339
to sponsor a bowling
team unless it wins.
127
00:05:32,341 --> 00:05:34,575
And even then, it's hard
to get too enthusiastic.
128
00:05:34,577 --> 00:05:35,976
Yeah, but the shirt?
129
00:05:35,978 --> 00:05:37,678
Yes, I know the
shirts, yes, yes.
130
00:05:37,680 --> 00:05:41,014
But, uh... Look, I
guess if you did well,
131
00:05:41,016 --> 00:05:43,350
the publicity would
be good for business.
132
00:05:43,352 --> 00:05:45,552
I'll tell you what. You
do what you got to do,
133
00:05:45,554 --> 00:05:48,489
and show me you got a shot at
winning one of those trophies...
134
00:05:48,491 --> 00:05:50,924
You know, the guy on top with
the sweater and the silver...
135
00:05:50,926 --> 00:05:52,726
And I'll write you a check.
You got it?
136
00:05:52,728 --> 00:05:55,028
I got it. I promise we'll
kick it up a notch.
137
00:05:55,030 --> 00:05:56,530
We'll see how you
do next Wednesday.
138
00:05:56,532 --> 00:05:58,932
All right. Even if
we lose, though,
139
00:05:58,934 --> 00:06:01,968
I could always just buy you
one of those trophies.
140
00:06:01,970 --> 00:06:06,139
Or just stand in your
office like this, you know?
141
00:06:06,141 --> 00:06:08,575
All right, man. Thank you.
142
00:06:10,612 --> 00:06:11,878
Okay, now, when we lose,
143
00:06:11,880 --> 00:06:14,515
it's only by an average
of about 40 pins.
144
00:06:14,517 --> 00:06:16,717
So just one more strike,
you know, per game
145
00:06:16,719 --> 00:06:19,553
from each of us ought to do it.
146
00:06:19,555 --> 00:06:22,189
That's it, just one
more strike each.
147
00:06:22,191 --> 00:06:27,127
Or two of us have to get
two more strikes each.
148
00:06:28,596 --> 00:06:32,333
Or we each take a turn
bowling a perfect game.
149
00:06:33,835 --> 00:06:37,270
All right! I know, it's Carrie!
She stinks!
150
00:06:37,272 --> 00:06:39,740
She's stinky Carrie! But
what am I supposed to do?
151
00:06:39,742 --> 00:06:41,074
I can't fire my own wife.
152
00:06:41,076 --> 00:06:43,109
If you don't, we're not
gonna have a team anymore.
153
00:06:43,111 --> 00:06:44,545
Well, then, you know what?
Screw it.
154
00:06:44,547 --> 00:06:45,946
We don't need the league, right?
155
00:06:45,948 --> 00:06:48,048
With that whole free
lane time, free food.
156
00:06:48,050 --> 00:06:50,351
I say we all get together
and bowl on another night
157
00:06:50,353 --> 00:06:52,252
like regular people, huh?
You wanna?
158
00:06:52,254 --> 00:06:53,754
No.
159
00:06:53,756 --> 00:06:55,622
Oh, God.
160
00:06:55,624 --> 00:06:58,525
Come on, we've been bowling
in a league for three years.
161
00:06:58,527 --> 00:07:00,927
That's the life we know.
162
00:07:00,929 --> 00:07:03,029
We're not like the
others anymore.
163
00:07:05,433 --> 00:07:07,801
Anyway, look, we gotta
have two women out of six.
164
00:07:07,803 --> 00:07:10,303
League rules. So who are we
gonna get to replace Carrie?
165
00:07:10,305 --> 00:07:12,740
Pam Dimeo, who I wanted to
get in the first place.
166
00:07:12,742 --> 00:07:13,974
Pam Dimeo, she's awesome.
167
00:07:13,976 --> 00:07:15,175
Can you get her? Yeah.
168
00:07:15,177 --> 00:07:16,377
Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa!
169
00:07:16,379 --> 00:07:18,479
This is Carrie we're
talking about here.
170
00:07:18,481 --> 00:07:20,414
You guys are like a
pack of wild dingoes,
171
00:07:20,416 --> 00:07:22,750
you know, biting into
her flesh and...
172
00:07:22,752 --> 00:07:25,051
pulling her off
the bowling team.
173
00:07:25,053 --> 00:07:27,588
Come on, Moose, don't
be putting this on us.
174
00:07:27,590 --> 00:07:29,155
When we first put
this team together,
175
00:07:29,157 --> 00:07:31,057
we wanted to be good.
You more than anybody.
176
00:07:31,059 --> 00:07:32,058
That's true. He's right.
177
00:07:32,060 --> 00:07:33,494
Yeah. And one day you pranced in
178
00:07:33,496 --> 00:07:35,496
and said, "Carrie's on the
team" and that was it.
179
00:07:35,498 --> 00:07:37,030
I know, I know.
180
00:07:37,032 --> 00:07:38,932
She was like, "Oh, bowling.
I wanna play.
181
00:07:38,934 --> 00:07:40,367
How much fun would that be?"
182
00:07:40,369 --> 00:07:42,836
Play. First of all, you don't
even play bowling, okay?
183
00:07:42,838 --> 00:07:44,571
You go bowling.
184
00:07:46,941 --> 00:07:49,009
You should have just
nixed it then, Moose.
185
00:07:49,011 --> 00:07:50,477
Nix it how?
186
00:07:50,479 --> 00:07:52,679
By not mentioning it in
front of her to begin with.
187
00:07:52,681 --> 00:07:56,517
Kelly didn't know I was in a
bowling league till year two.
188
00:07:56,519 --> 00:07:57,718
This is brutal.
189
00:07:57,720 --> 00:08:00,120
Now I either gotta fire my wife
190
00:08:00,122 --> 00:08:02,456
or just let the team
just fall apart.
191
00:08:02,458 --> 00:08:05,158
It's like, it's like
Sophie's Choice.
192
00:08:06,961 --> 00:08:08,328
Not really.
193
00:08:08,330 --> 00:08:11,164
No? What was Sophie's
choice again?
194
00:08:11,166 --> 00:08:14,601
She had to decide which of her
children to give to the Nazis.
195
00:08:14,603 --> 00:08:16,069
Okay, yeah, that's harder.
196
00:08:17,539 --> 00:08:19,105
Oh, what am I gonna do?
197
00:08:21,143 --> 00:08:22,309
Hey, guys, what's up?
198
00:08:22,311 --> 00:08:23,209
What's up?
199
00:08:25,379 --> 00:08:27,648
What, did I, uh, did I
interrupt something?
200
00:08:27,650 --> 00:08:29,750
You guys talking about chicks?
201
00:08:29,752 --> 00:08:32,619
See a nice rack?
202
00:08:32,621 --> 00:08:35,188
Huh? Nice set of ta-tas?
203
00:08:35,190 --> 00:08:36,657
Huh?
204
00:08:36,659 --> 00:08:39,125
Yes. Two.
205
00:08:50,104 --> 00:08:54,407
Okay. That sucked.
206
00:08:54,409 --> 00:08:56,677
Yeah. Yeah, it did.
207
00:08:56,679 --> 00:08:59,245
Mmm. Diet Coke me, baby.
208
00:08:59,247 --> 00:09:02,182
You know what? Uh...
Just for fun,
209
00:09:02,184 --> 00:09:05,118
why don't we try to, like,
bowl really well, okay?
210
00:09:06,888 --> 00:09:08,889
Are your sideburns longer?
211
00:09:08,891 --> 00:09:10,491
I don't know. Maybe.
212
00:09:10,493 --> 00:09:12,759
Look, Wednesday night we're
playing Hey, Eddie's Pizza,
213
00:09:12,761 --> 00:09:14,728
and I just... I
want to beat them.
214
00:09:14,730 --> 00:09:16,697
Why? I like their pizza.
215
00:09:16,699 --> 00:09:18,064
That's not the point.
216
00:09:18,066 --> 00:09:20,801
I just think we should
try to win more often,
217
00:09:20,803 --> 00:09:25,438
because winning is good. You
know, it means you won.
218
00:09:25,440 --> 00:09:26,540
Okay.
219
00:09:26,542 --> 00:09:27,875
All right, so let's practice.
220
00:09:27,877 --> 00:09:29,242
Yeah, let's practice.
Okay, great.
221
00:09:29,244 --> 00:09:30,744
Let me break it down for you.
222
00:09:30,746 --> 00:09:32,012
Okay. All right.
223
00:09:32,014 --> 00:09:33,914
It's very simple, all right?
It's here.
224
00:09:33,916 --> 00:09:37,918
It's one, two, three, four.
225
00:09:40,221 --> 00:09:42,823
Yes. Ah, yes. See?
226
00:09:42,825 --> 00:09:45,458
Use the arrows on the lane.
They're your friends.
227
00:09:45,460 --> 00:09:47,060
Oh, all right, yeah, okay.
228
00:09:47,062 --> 00:09:49,062
Let me try, let me try.
Great, great, great.
229
00:09:49,064 --> 00:09:50,063
Okay. Okay.
230
00:09:50,065 --> 00:09:51,264
Okay, you ready?
231
00:09:51,266 --> 00:09:52,833
Yep. Nice and easy. Here we go.
232
00:09:52,835 --> 00:09:54,134
Okay, okay.
233
00:09:54,136 --> 00:09:56,737
Okay, it's one, two...
234
00:09:56,739 --> 00:10:00,607
Okay, that's four. You
forgot three, forgot three.
235
00:10:00,609 --> 00:10:02,809
Yeah, yeah, number three.
236
00:10:02,811 --> 00:10:05,846
Okay, here. Uh, let
me try to teach you
237
00:10:05,848 --> 00:10:08,015
a little something about form.
Come here.
238
00:10:08,017 --> 00:10:09,783
Teach away, Mr. Kot-ter.
239
00:10:11,719 --> 00:10:13,486
All right, remember
now, it's here first.
240
00:10:13,488 --> 00:10:17,991
And then one, two,
three, four...
241
00:10:17,993 --> 00:10:20,126
No! Carrie, come on.
242
00:10:20,128 --> 00:10:21,795
You copped a feel
there, didn't you?
243
00:10:21,797 --> 00:10:22,996
Yeah, you did.
244
00:10:22,998 --> 00:10:24,130
Knock it off!
245
00:10:24,132 --> 00:10:26,600
I wanna win on Wednesday, okay?
246
00:10:26,602 --> 00:10:28,501
What's the big deal?
247
00:10:28,503 --> 00:10:30,236
I just want to
beat Hey, Eddie's!
248
00:10:30,238 --> 00:10:31,738
Why?
249
00:10:31,740 --> 00:10:33,807
They don't use enough sauce.
250
00:10:36,377 --> 00:10:39,112
All right, talk to me here.
251
00:10:39,114 --> 00:10:41,915
What the hell is going on?
252
00:10:41,917 --> 00:10:45,418
It's the new guy running
Cooper's, all right?
253
00:10:45,420 --> 00:10:47,020
He's not gonna sponsor the team
254
00:10:47,022 --> 00:10:48,154
unless we get better.
255
00:10:48,156 --> 00:10:49,856
A-ha.
256
00:10:49,858 --> 00:10:51,692
In fact, if we don't win
Wednesday, it's over.
257
00:10:51,694 --> 00:10:53,694
That's why I wanted
you to practice.
258
00:10:53,696 --> 00:10:55,996
Because I'm the weak link.
Got it.
259
00:10:55,998 --> 00:10:57,363
I'm sorry I didn't tell you.
260
00:10:57,365 --> 00:10:59,399
I just thought maybe, you know,
261
00:10:59,401 --> 00:11:02,069
if you improve, you might
become one of those bowlers
262
00:11:02,071 --> 00:11:03,570
that actually...
263
00:11:03,572 --> 00:11:05,939
knocks pins down.
264
00:11:05,941 --> 00:11:09,209
Okay, well, let me save
you some time here.
265
00:11:09,211 --> 00:11:11,645
I suck at bowling
and I always will.
266
00:11:11,647 --> 00:11:12,746
Don't say that.
267
00:11:12,748 --> 00:11:14,447
Doug, stop it, will you?
268
00:11:14,449 --> 00:11:16,516
I'm not gonna get any better.
269
00:11:19,453 --> 00:11:24,324
So what is it? You want me off the team?
Is that it?
270
00:11:24,326 --> 00:11:27,260
No, I don't want
you off the team.
271
00:11:27,262 --> 00:11:29,896
Why, you want to
be off the team?
272
00:11:29,898 --> 00:11:32,099
Well, if I'm gonna ruin
it for everybody else.
273
00:11:33,434 --> 00:11:36,202
You sure you're okay with this?
274
00:11:36,204 --> 00:11:40,440
I guess I have to be, don't I?
275
00:11:46,180 --> 00:11:49,182
Hey, who's up for lemon ices?
276
00:12:09,121 --> 00:12:10,589
Hey, Bruce.
277
00:12:10,614 --> 00:12:11,879
Oh, hello.
278
00:12:11,881 --> 00:12:13,648
How's it going? How's
your father-in-law doing?
279
00:12:13,650 --> 00:12:14,849
Is he feeling any better?
280
00:12:14,851 --> 00:12:18,386
He flat-lined for over
a minute yesterday.
281
00:12:18,388 --> 00:12:21,690
Uh-huh. So, what else is up?
282
00:12:21,692 --> 00:12:23,057
You want something?
283
00:12:23,059 --> 00:12:25,259
Yeah, actually, I want to
talk to you about the team.
284
00:12:25,261 --> 00:12:26,260
Team? The bowling team.
285
00:12:26,262 --> 00:12:27,829
Oh, yeah.
286
00:12:27,831 --> 00:12:29,764
We've got kind of
a little problem.
287
00:12:29,766 --> 00:12:31,633
Uh, I mean, the bowling
team is great,
288
00:12:31,635 --> 00:12:34,436
except for one person...
Not so great.
289
00:12:34,438 --> 00:12:37,104
Never gonna win
with this person.
290
00:12:37,106 --> 00:12:39,040
And this person turns out to be,
291
00:12:39,042 --> 00:12:42,910
wouldn't you know it?
My wife, yeah.
292
00:12:42,912 --> 00:12:46,247
$6.00 for a urinal cake.
It's madness.
293
00:12:46,249 --> 00:12:48,950
We ought to make people
bring their own.
294
00:12:48,952 --> 00:12:50,251
Uh, my wife?
295
00:12:50,253 --> 00:12:51,252
What about her?
296
00:12:51,254 --> 00:12:52,620
She's the bad bowler.
297
00:12:52,622 --> 00:12:53,621
And?
298
00:12:53,623 --> 00:12:54,889
And, I guess what I'm asking
299
00:12:54,891 --> 00:12:56,524
is if you wouldn't
mind overlooking
300
00:12:56,526 --> 00:12:58,993
the whole not winning
thing, you know,
301
00:12:58,995 --> 00:13:00,628
so I could keep her on the team.
302
00:13:00,630 --> 00:13:02,430
Otherwise, at home, I'm
gonna hear a lot of:
303
00:13:05,100 --> 00:13:08,370
Yeah. I know what that's like.
304
00:13:08,372 --> 00:13:09,904
Wanna hear a funny story?
305
00:13:09,906 --> 00:13:10,905
Sure.
306
00:13:10,907 --> 00:13:12,306
About a year or so ago,
307
00:13:12,308 --> 00:13:14,041
my wife is all stressed out.
308
00:13:14,043 --> 00:13:16,611
For what reason, God only knows.
309
00:13:16,613 --> 00:13:19,280
She decides she's gonna
take a yoga class.
310
00:13:19,282 --> 00:13:20,915
Yoga, right?
311
00:13:20,917 --> 00:13:22,584
Right, with the feet
behind the head.
312
00:13:22,586 --> 00:13:24,185
It's crazy, right?
313
00:13:24,187 --> 00:13:27,154
So she starts going three
times a week, and it works.
314
00:13:27,156 --> 00:13:30,358
She looks relaxed, she's happy.
You know why?
315
00:13:30,360 --> 00:13:31,426
Why?
316
00:13:31,428 --> 00:13:32,660
It turns out she was having
317
00:13:32,662 --> 00:13:34,696
a great deal of sex
with the instructor.
318
00:13:34,698 --> 00:13:36,731
Oh, my God!
319
00:13:36,733 --> 00:13:38,767
Oh, man, that is so...
320
00:13:38,769 --> 00:13:41,803
Huh. Yeah.
321
00:13:41,805 --> 00:13:43,705
The point is,
322
00:13:43,707 --> 00:13:46,408
we all have problems with
our wives, don't we?
323
00:13:49,578 --> 00:13:51,178
I guess so, yeah.
324
00:13:57,953 --> 00:13:59,954
Hey. Hey.
325
00:13:59,956 --> 00:14:01,623
I'm just, uh...
326
00:14:01,625 --> 00:14:03,991
I gotta head off to the, uh...
327
00:14:03,993 --> 00:14:07,862
It's time for me to go...
you know...
328
00:14:09,264 --> 00:14:11,633
Yes, I know.
329
00:14:11,635 --> 00:14:13,367
Right. All righty.
330
00:14:13,369 --> 00:14:16,671
Well, you have a great night.
I love you, okay?
331
00:14:16,673 --> 00:14:18,440
Love you too. See you later.
332
00:14:18,442 --> 00:14:19,674
Hello, Douglas.
333
00:14:19,676 --> 00:14:22,310
What's going on?
334
00:14:22,312 --> 00:14:23,377
Isn't she bowling tonight?
335
00:14:23,379 --> 00:14:24,813
Uh... No, Dad.
336
00:14:26,248 --> 00:14:28,182
Why isn't she bowling tonight?
337
00:14:28,184 --> 00:14:29,818
She, uh...
338
00:14:29,820 --> 00:14:31,586
I'm not on the team anymore.
339
00:14:33,522 --> 00:14:34,989
Why not?
340
00:14:36,291 --> 00:14:37,826
Is she injured?
341
00:14:41,430 --> 00:14:43,164
No. The guy at Cooper's
342
00:14:43,166 --> 00:14:45,934
told Doug that the team
has to start winning more
343
00:14:45,936 --> 00:14:47,268
or he won't sponsor it.
344
00:14:47,270 --> 00:14:50,271
So you fired her off the team?!
345
00:14:50,273 --> 00:14:51,906
No, I just...
346
00:14:51,908 --> 00:14:53,975
I agreed to quit, Dad.
347
00:14:55,410 --> 00:14:57,044
And you just let her quit?!
348
00:14:58,246 --> 00:15:00,214
It's okay, Dad.
349
00:15:00,216 --> 00:15:01,716
It is not okay.
350
00:15:01,718 --> 00:15:04,452
We're talking about
disloyalty and backstabbing.
351
00:15:04,454 --> 00:15:08,089
And for what, a free
night of bowling?
352
00:15:08,091 --> 00:15:10,725
Excuse me, honey, but I don't
like the smell in here.
353
00:15:13,762 --> 00:15:15,296
Okay. Be back by 10:00.
354
00:15:20,002 --> 00:15:22,704
Well here he is.
Thanks for showing up.
355
00:15:22,706 --> 00:15:24,105
Sorry, had a little trouble
356
00:15:24,107 --> 00:15:25,406
getting out of the house.
357
00:15:25,408 --> 00:15:27,375
Doug, this is our new
teammate, Pam Dimeo.
358
00:15:27,377 --> 00:15:28,576
Hey, how you doing, buddy?
359
00:15:28,578 --> 00:15:30,478
Whoa.
360
00:15:30,480 --> 00:15:31,946
All right, it's time to focus.
361
00:15:31,948 --> 00:15:33,615
We're fighting for
our lives here.
362
00:15:33,617 --> 00:15:36,117
Hey, Eddie's!
Pizza's going down.
363
00:15:36,119 --> 00:15:37,284
Moose, you're up. Let's go!
364
00:15:37,286 --> 00:15:38,786
Let's get down to business.
365
00:15:38,788 --> 00:15:41,288
No, uh, he's Moose.
366
00:15:41,290 --> 00:15:42,790
Time to get serious here.
367
00:15:42,792 --> 00:15:43,825
Come on, Dougie!
368
00:15:50,599 --> 00:15:51,766
Come on, pick it up.
369
00:15:51,768 --> 00:15:53,200
Spare it up, Dougie, boy.
370
00:15:53,202 --> 00:15:57,005
Yeah, yeah, sparing it up.
Sparing it up.
371
00:15:57,007 --> 00:15:59,273
Up it will be spared.
372
00:16:38,914 --> 00:16:41,115
DOUG: Okay, you know
what your problem is?
373
00:16:41,117 --> 00:16:43,217
You're not thinking about
what you're doing.
374
00:16:43,219 --> 00:16:46,253
Think. Think.
375
00:16:51,226 --> 00:16:53,360
Don't think.
376
00:16:53,362 --> 00:16:55,863
Clear your head, nice and easy.
377
00:16:59,635 --> 00:17:01,936
Oh, mother of crap!
378
00:17:07,375 --> 00:17:12,113
Okay, it's one,
two, three, four.
379
00:17:12,115 --> 00:17:14,248
The arrows are your friends.
380
00:17:14,250 --> 00:17:16,417
You fired your wife
from the bowling team.
381
00:17:16,419 --> 00:17:19,153
Oh, you're an ugly, ugly man.
382
00:17:19,155 --> 00:17:22,624
Oh, look at that, the
Brunswick Man wears a crown.
383
00:17:22,626 --> 00:17:24,058
Come on, focus, focus!
384
00:17:24,060 --> 00:17:27,095
Focus on the ball
or on the pins.
385
00:17:27,097 --> 00:17:30,098
One or the other. You
fired your wife!
386
00:17:36,072 --> 00:17:37,571
It's okay, it's okay.
I'm doing good!
387
00:17:37,573 --> 00:17:38,806
I'm actually... I'm
good, I'm good.
388
00:17:38,808 --> 00:17:40,207
They all know I'm good.
Yeah, yeah.
389
00:17:40,209 --> 00:17:42,076
I'm good. Good bowler. Big Doug.
Big, big Doug.
390
00:17:42,078 --> 00:17:44,545
Good bowler. Where's the ball?
Where's the ball?
391
00:17:44,547 --> 00:17:47,581
Oh, what's the difference?
Really, what does it matter?
392
00:17:47,583 --> 00:17:49,784
Use the arrows. Why, why?!
393
00:17:49,786 --> 00:17:52,319
You don't deserve to
use those arrows!
394
00:17:56,793 --> 00:17:59,260
Shut up, Hey, Eddie's!
395
00:18:06,068 --> 00:18:08,002
Honey... Honey...
396
00:18:08,004 --> 00:18:10,471
Hey, Bruce, can I talk to you?
397
00:18:10,473 --> 00:18:12,540
Look, honey, if the doctor says
398
00:18:12,542 --> 00:18:15,677
it's time to pull the plug,
he must have a good reason.
399
00:18:15,679 --> 00:18:18,680
A-a-and plus, that nurse
also thought it was time,
400
00:18:18,682 --> 00:18:20,081
don't forget that.
401
00:18:20,083 --> 00:18:21,215
Only one second.
402
00:18:21,217 --> 00:18:23,051
Hang on, honey, there's
a guy in my office.
403
00:18:23,053 --> 00:18:26,253
Fine. Just lie down and put
the doctor on. All right.
404
00:18:26,255 --> 00:18:27,555
What do you want?
405
00:18:27,557 --> 00:18:30,124
I wanted to let you know the
bowling team won tonight.
406
00:18:30,126 --> 00:18:31,525
Yes! There is a God!
407
00:18:31,527 --> 00:18:33,828
Hello, doctor. Dr.
Goldman, listen...
408
00:18:33,830 --> 00:18:35,029
And-and-and and-and-and...
409
00:18:35,031 --> 00:18:36,330
Hold on, doctor.
410
00:18:36,332 --> 00:18:38,599
I also want you to know
I'm quitting the team.
411
00:18:38,601 --> 00:18:40,367
But don't worry,
everything will be fine,
412
00:18:40,369 --> 00:18:41,969
because my friend Deacon...
You don't know him,
413
00:18:41,971 --> 00:18:43,905
he's a good guy... He's
gonna be taking over
414
00:18:43,907 --> 00:18:45,940
as the new captain, and
he'll get a great bowler
415
00:18:45,942 --> 00:18:47,541
to replace me and
they're gonna get you
416
00:18:47,543 --> 00:18:49,343
one of those trophies, you know.
417
00:18:49,345 --> 00:18:51,746
Doug, you have any idea
what's going on here?
418
00:18:51,748 --> 00:18:53,380
I'm about to give my permission
419
00:18:53,382 --> 00:18:57,051
to make a man stop living. No, no!
That was not official!
420
00:18:57,053 --> 00:18:58,820
Right, right, right, right.
I understand that.
421
00:18:58,822 --> 00:19:00,888
I wanted to make sure
we're on the same page.
422
00:19:00,890 --> 00:19:02,790
I'm out, Deacon's in.
Great bowling team.
423
00:19:02,792 --> 00:19:04,491
You'll keep writing
those checks.
424
00:19:04,493 --> 00:19:06,694
It all sounds so wonderful.
Now please leave.
425
00:19:06,696 --> 00:19:08,062
Okay, I'm out of here.
426
00:19:08,064 --> 00:19:10,131
And hey, good luck with the
whole plug-pulling thing.
427
00:19:10,133 --> 00:19:12,834
I'm sure you'll make
the right decision.
428
00:19:12,836 --> 00:19:15,536
Unlike pulling the mozzarella
sticks from the menu.
429
00:19:15,538 --> 00:19:17,271
We can go over
that another time.
430
00:19:21,710 --> 00:19:23,911
"Famous H's for 300.
431
00:19:23,913 --> 00:19:27,949
She's the face that
launched a thousand ships."
432
00:19:27,951 --> 00:19:29,917
I don't know.
433
00:19:29,919 --> 00:19:31,252
From Troy.
434
00:19:31,254 --> 00:19:33,420
Not sure.
435
00:19:33,422 --> 00:19:34,421
Helen of Troy.
436
00:19:34,423 --> 00:19:35,522
I still don't know.
437
00:19:35,524 --> 00:19:36,958
That's the answer!
438
00:19:36,960 --> 00:19:38,425
Hey.
439
00:19:38,427 --> 00:19:40,361
Hey. How was bowling?
440
00:19:40,363 --> 00:19:42,696
Yeah, how was it? After
firing your wife,
441
00:19:42,698 --> 00:19:45,566
did you find a little chippie?
Huh, did you?
442
00:19:45,568 --> 00:19:47,334
Mr. Arnold?
443
00:19:48,603 --> 00:19:49,771
Benedict Arnold?
444
00:19:51,140 --> 00:19:53,875
Famous traitor,
Revolutionary War?
445
00:19:55,310 --> 00:19:57,344
Doesn't anybody read
a book around here?
446
00:20:00,015 --> 00:20:02,250
He's still pretty mad at you.
447
00:20:02,252 --> 00:20:04,718
You might not want
to use the shampoo.
448
00:20:04,720 --> 00:20:07,721
Thanks for the warning.
449
00:20:07,723 --> 00:20:11,592
So you guys went pretty
late tonight, huh?
450
00:20:11,594 --> 00:20:14,228
Well, actually, I stopped
by Cooper's after
451
00:20:14,230 --> 00:20:16,164
and I quit the team.
452
00:20:16,166 --> 00:20:18,766
You quit the team? Why?
453
00:20:18,768 --> 00:20:20,367
Why? You know this
wasn't working.
454
00:20:20,369 --> 00:20:22,569
Come on, me on the team,
you not on the team.
455
00:20:22,571 --> 00:20:24,405
All the unspoken tension.
456
00:20:24,407 --> 00:20:26,040
You know, we pass
in the morning...
457
00:20:26,042 --> 00:20:27,875
"Oh, hello. You're
looking well."
458
00:20:29,311 --> 00:20:32,680
Okay, which one of us said that?
459
00:20:32,682 --> 00:20:34,182
You know what I mean, all right?
460
00:20:34,184 --> 00:20:36,017
I mean, I felt bad, you know?
461
00:20:36,019 --> 00:20:39,520
I was thinking about you all
night, and I bowled an 80.
462
00:20:40,889 --> 00:20:44,258
Aw, you sucked because of me?
463
00:20:44,260 --> 00:20:46,727
That's so sweet.
464
00:20:46,729 --> 00:20:48,830
But, honey, you shouldn't
have quit the team.
465
00:20:48,832 --> 00:20:50,264
Yeah, I should have.
Look at you.
466
00:20:50,266 --> 00:20:52,200
This is the first time in a
week you're not depressed.
467
00:20:52,202 --> 00:20:53,434
Well, yes, that's
because I'm touched
468
00:20:53,436 --> 00:20:55,502
that you were willing to quit.
469
00:20:55,504 --> 00:20:57,071
So it is good that I quit?
470
00:20:57,073 --> 00:20:59,640
No, it's not good that you quit.
471
00:20:59,642 --> 00:21:00,808
Okay, what is this, a riddle?
472
00:21:02,377 --> 00:21:04,678
Look, Doug, I don't want
you to quit the team.
473
00:21:04,680 --> 00:21:06,547
I never wanted you
to quit the team.
474
00:21:06,549 --> 00:21:09,416
I just wanted you
to want to quit.
475
00:21:09,418 --> 00:21:11,018
Why didn't you just say that?
476
00:21:11,020 --> 00:21:13,154
Well, I couldn't say that.
If I had said that,
477
00:21:13,156 --> 00:21:15,422
then you wouldn't really
be wanting to quit.
478
00:21:15,424 --> 00:21:16,858
You would just be wanting it
479
00:21:16,860 --> 00:21:20,027
because I wanted you to want it.
480
00:21:20,029 --> 00:21:23,130
Okay, if you don't make
sense, I'm gonna tackle you.
481
00:21:24,833 --> 00:21:27,501
I want you on the team.
482
00:21:29,304 --> 00:21:30,704
So let me understand this.
483
00:21:30,706 --> 00:21:34,475
There's no actual plug per se?
484
00:21:34,477 --> 00:21:35,709
Psst!
485
00:21:35,711 --> 00:21:37,578
Got a sec?
486
00:21:52,752 --> 00:21:54,053
I don't understand.
487
00:21:54,055 --> 00:21:56,989
What is it? That I'm
an older gentleman?
488
00:21:56,991 --> 00:21:58,590
Because let me
tell you, darling,
489
00:21:58,592 --> 00:22:02,460
I'll treat you like no man
you've ever been with.
490
00:22:02,462 --> 00:22:03,796
No, thanks, buddy.
491
00:22:05,131 --> 00:22:07,933
Playing hard to get? I like it.