1
00:00:04,070 --> 00:00:05,186
Doug, just admit it.

2
00:00:05,254 --> 00:00:07,389
Carrie, I was not crying, okay?

3
00:00:07,456 --> 00:00:10,458
Come on, it was a sad
movie, it's okay to cry.

4
00:00:10,527 --> 00:00:13,261
For the last time, I got
nacho sauce in my eye

5
00:00:13,329 --> 00:00:16,464
and yeah, there were tears,
but they were snack-related.

6
00:00:16,533 --> 00:00:20,301
Okay, 'cause I thought I saw
a different side of you

7
00:00:20,369 --> 00:00:22,938
and it, uh, kind
of turned me on.

8
00:00:23,006 --> 00:00:25,273
Oh, me crying turns you on.

9
00:00:25,341 --> 00:00:26,139
Yes, that's right.

10
00:00:26,164 --> 00:00:28,308
Tell you the truth, I
was actually thinking

11
00:00:28,333 --> 00:00:31,129
of doing the, uh,
birthday thing for you.

12
00:00:31,197 --> 00:00:33,548
Oh, yeah, okay, the
birthday thing.

13
00:00:33,616 --> 00:00:34,283
Yeah, that's right.

14
00:00:34,308 --> 00:00:35,684
But it doesn't really
matter now, does it?

15
00:00:35,708 --> 00:00:38,977
Because you made it clear
that you were not crying.

16
00:00:39,002 --> 00:00:42,371
Wait, Carrie, wait.

17
00:00:43,852 --> 00:00:44,543
I was crying.

18
00:00:44,568 --> 00:00:45,419
Oh, shut up.

19
00:00:45,444 --> 00:00:47,245
No, I was, I mean...

20
00:00:47,570 --> 00:00:52,093
When the baby penguin, you
know, died, after the parents

21
00:00:52,118 --> 00:00:55,053
tried to save it through
the long winter...

22
00:00:55,121 --> 00:00:56,302
I don't know, it just got to me.

23
00:00:56,326 --> 00:00:57,760
It did.

24
00:00:58,257 --> 00:01:01,166
You see, I knew you were crying.

25
00:01:02,662 --> 00:01:04,094
How about the birthday thing?

26
00:01:04,119 --> 00:01:05,853
Yeah, right.

27
00:01:40,767 --> 00:01:43,118
Thank you guys so much
for having us over.

28
00:01:43,186 --> 00:01:43,813
This is great.

29
00:01:43,838 --> 00:01:46,005
Yeah, you two freaks can cook.

30
00:01:46,523 --> 00:01:48,690
Well, I figured it was
time to reciprocate.

31
00:01:48,758 --> 00:01:50,293
You guys have us
over all the time.

32
00:01:50,360 --> 00:01:52,061
We actually don't have you over.

33
00:01:52,129 --> 00:01:53,595
You just come.

34
00:01:55,398 --> 00:01:58,501
Sometimes when we're not there.

35
00:01:58,569 --> 00:02:00,670
We found stuff.

36
00:02:04,108 --> 00:02:07,676
Well, uh, tonight is a
very special occasion.

37
00:02:07,744 --> 00:02:08,777
It is?

38
00:02:08,845 --> 00:02:09,979
Yeah.

39
00:02:10,046 --> 00:02:13,682
This is may 15th, the
2 year anniversary

40
00:02:13,750 --> 00:02:16,919
of when we moved in together.

41
00:02:16,987 --> 00:02:20,656
Somebody's gettin'
lucky tonight.

42
00:02:20,723 --> 00:02:22,825
Actually, I am.

43
00:02:22,892 --> 00:02:25,444
I was kidding.

44
00:02:25,511 --> 00:02:29,682
No, we made a deal, I
get the big bedroom.

45
00:02:29,750 --> 00:02:31,433
Remember?

46
00:02:33,936 --> 00:02:36,138
If after two years
we're too poor to move

47
00:02:36,206 --> 00:02:38,541
and still have no girlfriends,

48
00:02:38,608 --> 00:02:40,142
the big bedroom
reverts to Spence.

49
00:02:40,210 --> 00:02:44,480
Well, we're still poor
and we're still single.

50
00:02:44,548 --> 00:02:45,831
Yeah, well, you know what?

51
00:02:45,899 --> 00:02:47,176
I'm not moving into
that mop closet.

52
00:02:47,200 --> 00:02:48,533
No, I have it in writing.

53
00:02:48,602 --> 00:02:51,570
Oh yeah, oh, okay,
well, now you don't.

54
00:02:51,638 --> 00:02:53,356
That napkin is binding.

55
00:02:53,423 --> 00:02:55,074
Yeah, well then don't eat it.

56
00:02:55,142 --> 00:02:56,976
Hey, you are moving your
stuff out of my room.

57
00:02:57,044 --> 00:02:58,077
No, I'm not.

58
00:02:58,145 --> 00:02:59,355
Okay, you know what,
this is so typical.

59
00:02:59,379 --> 00:03:01,605
You never give back money
when I loan it to you.

60
00:03:01,630 --> 00:03:03,816
You never clean up after
yourself and now this?

61
00:03:03,883 --> 00:03:04,817
I'm tired of it.

62
00:03:04,884 --> 00:03:06,018
You know what I'm tired of?

63
00:03:06,086 --> 00:03:08,821
Your big fat head.

64
00:03:08,888 --> 00:03:10,756
Yeah, well, I'm
tired of your head.

65
00:03:10,824 --> 00:03:12,141
Happy anniversary.

66
00:03:12,209 --> 00:03:13,942
Happy anniversary to you.

67
00:03:17,998 --> 00:03:21,733
That ice cream cake we
brought needs to sit out.

68
00:03:29,826 --> 00:03:31,159
Oh my God.

69
00:03:31,227 --> 00:03:32,928
Dad, are you okay?
What happened?

70
00:03:32,996 --> 00:03:35,064
He's okay, he just
inhaled a little smoke.

71
00:03:35,131 --> 00:03:36,348
Smoke from what?

72
00:03:36,415 --> 00:03:37,760
There was a small
fire in the basement.

73
00:03:37,784 --> 00:03:39,185
But thank God nobody got hurt.

74
00:03:39,252 --> 00:03:42,188
For what it's worth, I'd
say it's not a great idea

75
00:03:42,255 --> 00:03:44,690
to have him making bacon next
to an open can of gasoline.

76
00:03:45,901 --> 00:03:48,393
I told you not to
cook down there.

77
00:03:48,461 --> 00:03:49,605
You banned me from the kitchen!

78
00:03:49,629 --> 00:03:51,447
Okay, I swear, I'm gonna kill...

79
00:03:51,514 --> 00:03:52,692
You know everybody, you
might want to look away

80
00:03:52,716 --> 00:03:53,956
because I am going to kill him!

81
00:03:54,017 --> 00:03:55,017
Honey.

82
00:03:55,118 --> 00:03:56,495
No, I'm sick of it,
Carrie, I'm sick of him.

83
00:03:56,519 --> 00:03:58,720
Doug, take it easy, he's
been through a lot.

84
00:03:58,788 --> 00:03:59,983
Okay, Lou, please
stay out of this.

85
00:04:00,007 --> 00:04:03,308
You would not want to
see me when I'm angry.

86
00:04:09,248 --> 00:04:11,116
So my dad's gonna
sleep in the office.

87
00:04:11,184 --> 00:04:12,361
The basement is kind of flooded.

88
00:04:12,385 --> 00:04:14,236
Yeah, I know, I was
thinking we could turn

89
00:04:14,304 --> 00:04:16,271
it into a wet-and-wild.

90
00:04:17,824 --> 00:04:19,424
Doug, look, I know
you're a little upset.

91
00:04:19,459 --> 00:04:21,136
A little upset, Carrie, we
could have lost everything

92
00:04:21,160 --> 00:04:22,093
down there, everything!

93
00:04:22,161 --> 00:04:23,195
Doug, listen to me.

94
00:04:23,262 --> 00:04:25,147
No, okay, my baseball
card collection,

95
00:04:25,214 --> 00:04:27,949
my cd's, my ab roller.

96
00:04:29,886 --> 00:04:31,864
Doug, just shut up and listen
to me one second, okay?

97
00:04:31,888 --> 00:04:33,455
What?

98
00:04:33,523 --> 00:04:35,674
Look, I've been thinking
about this a lot and

99
00:04:35,742 --> 00:04:38,043
I think it's time to do
something about my dad.

100
00:04:39,312 --> 00:04:42,781
You want to do the pillow thing
we saw on law and order?

101
00:04:43,967 --> 00:04:46,468
No.

102
00:04:46,536 --> 00:04:48,137
I'm thinking that
maybe we should...

103
00:04:48,205 --> 00:04:50,806
Find some place else
for him to live.

104
00:04:50,873 --> 00:04:52,591
Are you serious?

105
00:04:52,658 --> 00:04:54,993
For the last 8 years, every
time he does something stupid

106
00:04:55,061 --> 00:04:56,561
like steals money
out of your wallet

107
00:04:56,629 --> 00:04:58,864
or throws the remote
control across the room

108
00:04:58,932 --> 00:05:01,934
because he said Matt
lauer stole his haircut,

109
00:05:02,001 --> 00:05:04,603
I've always defended him,
but it's not fair to you.

110
00:05:04,670 --> 00:05:05,738
It's not fair to us.

111
00:05:05,805 --> 00:05:07,106
It isn't fair to us.

112
00:05:07,173 --> 00:05:09,108
So, what do you want to do?

113
00:05:09,175 --> 00:05:11,409
Well, I think tomorrow
maybe we should start

114
00:05:11,477 --> 00:05:13,946
looking at some
retirement homes for him.

115
00:05:14,013 --> 00:05:16,515
Or, how about right now.

116
00:05:16,582 --> 00:05:18,361
Now look, we got one over
here in red meadows.

117
00:05:18,385 --> 00:05:20,185
You know what, no
bells and whistles

118
00:05:20,253 --> 00:05:21,186
but it really gets the job done.

119
00:05:21,254 --> 00:05:22,587
Come, sit, sit, sit.

120
00:05:24,274 --> 00:05:25,401
Now, this one here
is my favorite,

121
00:05:25,425 --> 00:05:27,593
not to far away, it's pretty
much in our price range

122
00:05:27,660 --> 00:05:28,771
and I'm tellin' you,
he's gonna like it.

123
00:05:28,795 --> 00:05:31,063
Oh my God, my hands are shaking.

124
00:05:35,568 --> 00:05:39,138
Doug, I don't know, the rooms
look so small and depressing.

125
00:05:39,206 --> 00:05:42,274
You know what, you'll
never see it again.

126
00:05:42,342 --> 00:05:43,159
Look, I didn't want to
have to go expensive

127
00:05:43,226 --> 00:05:45,528
but if we gotta do it,
that's what we gotta do.

128
00:05:45,595 --> 00:05:46,995
Here we go, not a problem.

129
00:05:47,063 --> 00:05:49,008
Hey, look how nice this one
is here, huh, look at them.

130
00:05:49,032 --> 00:05:50,776
Look at them in the pool,
they gotta pool, look at

131
00:05:50,800 --> 00:05:54,803
the old people,
they're aqua-dancing.

132
00:06:11,938 --> 00:06:14,189
Hey, man.

133
00:06:14,257 --> 00:06:16,225
All right, very funny,
where's all my stuff?

134
00:06:16,292 --> 00:06:19,378
Uh, I moved it into your room.

135
00:06:19,446 --> 00:06:21,630
This is my room.

136
00:06:21,698 --> 00:06:23,338
I don't think so, unless,
uh, this is your

137
00:06:23,382 --> 00:06:28,386
warriors of grun poster,
starring one Tony Danza.

138
00:06:29,706 --> 00:06:31,340
Okay, what do you
think, I'm an idiot?

139
00:06:31,408 --> 00:06:33,175
I'll just move everything back.

140
00:06:33,243 --> 00:06:35,377
Let me get out of your way.

141
00:06:49,192 --> 00:06:50,492
You bolted everything down.

142
00:06:50,560 --> 00:06:53,211
Yeah, and one of my things
has an electric current

143
00:06:53,279 --> 00:06:56,949
running through it, I'll let
you find that for yourself.

144
00:07:01,504 --> 00:07:03,905
Flat screen will go
right there, right?

145
00:07:03,973 --> 00:07:06,208
Air hockey table over here
with, like, a hot dog cart.

146
00:07:06,276 --> 00:07:07,753
And how about this,
I'm just thinkin',

147
00:07:07,777 --> 00:07:11,930
one of those chairs that takes
me up and down the stairs, huh?

148
00:07:11,998 --> 00:07:15,266
Fun now, necessary later.

149
00:07:15,334 --> 00:07:17,702
So does Arthur know he's
getting the boot yet?

150
00:07:17,770 --> 00:07:20,522
Yeah, we broke it to him
last night at sizzler.

151
00:07:20,590 --> 00:07:21,706
How'd it go?

152
00:07:21,774 --> 00:07:22,858
Not as well as we thought.

153
00:07:22,926 --> 00:07:25,260
He held his breath a couple
minutes and he bit a waiter.

154
00:07:25,328 --> 00:07:29,682
Okay, well anyway, is
anything valuable in here?

155
00:07:29,749 --> 00:07:31,517
It's all soaked.

156
00:07:31,585 --> 00:07:32,995
I don't know, why don't
you just open it up.

157
00:07:33,019 --> 00:07:34,786
Man.

158
00:07:42,295 --> 00:07:44,129
What the hell is this stuff?

159
00:07:44,197 --> 00:07:45,998
It's playbills.

160
00:07:46,066 --> 00:07:47,399
Fiddler on the roof?

161
00:07:47,467 --> 00:07:49,067
The iceman cometh?

162
00:07:49,135 --> 00:07:51,653
Is that Arthur?

163
00:07:51,721 --> 00:07:52,854
Yeah, looks like him.

164
00:07:52,922 --> 00:07:54,990
Hey, I didn't know
he was an actor.

165
00:07:55,057 --> 00:07:56,458
Neither did I.

166
00:07:56,526 --> 00:07:59,945
Well, we had a bomb scare
in the Bronx yesterday.

167
00:08:00,013 --> 00:08:01,914
But it turned out
to be a cantaloupe.

168
00:08:03,583 --> 00:08:08,587
Requesting permission to
have a glass of water.

169
00:08:08,655 --> 00:08:11,289
Arthur, you don't need to ask
permission about everything.

170
00:08:11,357 --> 00:08:13,008
Of course I do, I'm a
guest in your house.

171
00:08:13,076 --> 00:08:16,078
At least until you throw
me out into the street.

172
00:08:17,630 --> 00:08:18,930
Hey, what is this stuff?

173
00:08:18,998 --> 00:08:20,331
Where did you get that?

174
00:08:20,399 --> 00:08:21,299
Down in the basement.

175
00:08:21,367 --> 00:08:24,102
Yes, locked up in my trunk.

176
00:08:24,170 --> 00:08:26,304
How dare you go through
my private things!

177
00:08:26,372 --> 00:08:27,973
You go through my
stuff all the time.

178
00:08:28,040 --> 00:08:29,641
That is a lie!

179
00:08:29,708 --> 00:08:31,876
Arthur, yesterday I caught
you eating my chap stick.

180
00:08:35,881 --> 00:08:37,649
Now what is this?

181
00:08:37,716 --> 00:08:40,885
Look, you were in TV shows
and in Broadway plays.

182
00:08:40,953 --> 00:08:43,388
You got pay stubs here for,
like, thousands of dollars.

183
00:08:43,456 --> 00:08:45,223
What's going on?

184
00:08:45,291 --> 00:08:47,593
It was always my dream
to be an actor.

185
00:08:47,661 --> 00:08:49,227
I was a natural.

186
00:08:49,296 --> 00:08:50,529
In fact, I was often compared

187
00:08:50,597 --> 00:08:54,032
to a younger, shorter
Fred mcmurray.

188
00:08:56,335 --> 00:08:58,113
What happened, why is there
a stubby Fred mcmurray

189
00:08:58,137 --> 00:08:59,771
living in my basement?

190
00:08:59,839 --> 00:09:05,393
The sixties happened, it
was a time of free love.

191
00:09:05,461 --> 00:09:10,065
One evening, I met a
gorgeous young dancer.

192
00:09:10,132 --> 00:09:11,833
We had a wild night, Douglas.

193
00:09:11,901 --> 00:09:15,904
In the bed, in the shower, we
destroyed a beanbag chair.

194
00:09:18,441 --> 00:09:21,610
Back to the acting.

195
00:09:21,677 --> 00:09:26,582
Anyway, nine months later...

196
00:09:26,649 --> 00:09:29,952
Carrie was born.

197
00:09:30,019 --> 00:09:31,887
I never acted again.

198
00:09:31,955 --> 00:09:33,188
Why not?

199
00:09:33,256 --> 00:09:35,591
Because in the performing arts
you never know when you're

200
00:09:35,658 --> 00:09:38,527
working, where you're working.

201
00:09:38,595 --> 00:09:40,295
That's no way to raise a child.

202
00:09:40,363 --> 00:09:41,530
So you just...

203
00:09:41,598 --> 00:09:44,650
You stopped, I mean you
just gave up your dream?

204
00:09:44,717 --> 00:09:46,017
All for Carrie?

205
00:09:46,085 --> 00:09:51,373
Yes, I decided to
become a 9-to-5 Charlie

206
00:09:51,441 --> 00:09:54,376
and give her the stable
life she deserved.

207
00:09:54,444 --> 00:09:57,795
But you've never held a job
for more than a month.

208
00:09:59,432 --> 00:10:02,234
I didn't say it worked out.

209
00:10:03,436 --> 00:10:04,570
I'm home.

210
00:10:04,637 --> 00:10:05,738
Does she know about this?

211
00:10:05,805 --> 00:10:08,574
No, and promise me
she never will.

212
00:10:21,605 --> 00:10:23,239
Hey, buddy.

213
00:10:23,306 --> 00:10:25,006
Yeah, this is real mature.

214
00:10:25,074 --> 00:10:27,375
Yeah, well, I'm not the one
who bolted my pottery wheel

215
00:10:27,443 --> 00:10:28,443
to the floor.

216
00:10:28,511 --> 00:10:30,363
You know what, I'm not leaving.

217
00:10:30,430 --> 00:10:33,532
In fact...

218
00:10:33,600 --> 00:10:36,869
I'm never leaving.

219
00:10:36,936 --> 00:10:38,871
Well, neither am I, and f.Y.I.,

220
00:10:38,938 --> 00:10:42,841
I have 9 sick days and I'm
not afraid to use 'em.

221
00:10:42,909 --> 00:10:45,461
I'll quit my job.

222
00:10:45,529 --> 00:10:48,764
I'm about to be replaced by a
Metro card machine anyway.

223
00:10:54,871 --> 00:10:55,921
Hey!

224
00:10:55,989 --> 00:10:59,225
There's the man I love.

225
00:10:59,292 --> 00:11:01,026
Whoa, I guess somebody
hit Margarita madness

226
00:11:01,094 --> 00:11:02,928
on the way home, huh?

227
00:11:02,996 --> 00:11:04,947
No, but I did hit happy hour

228
00:11:05,014 --> 00:11:08,116
at the north shore
retirement village.

229
00:11:08,184 --> 00:11:09,868
Whoa, sounds
rockin', how was it?

230
00:11:09,936 --> 00:11:11,336
Oh my God, Doug,
he's gonna love it.

231
00:11:11,387 --> 00:11:12,799
I mean, they have ping-pong,
crafts, and every Friday

232
00:11:12,823 --> 00:11:15,624
is make your own sundae
and movie night.

233
00:11:15,692 --> 00:11:16,575
Maybe we should
move in there and

234
00:11:16,643 --> 00:11:17,743
give him the house.

235
00:11:17,810 --> 00:11:18,877
I know, right?

236
00:11:18,945 --> 00:11:20,446
Anyway, I filled
out the paperwork.

237
00:11:20,514 --> 00:11:22,315
He has orientation on
Saturday, he moves

238
00:11:22,382 --> 00:11:25,517
in on Sunday and then you
got your basement back.

239
00:11:25,585 --> 00:11:28,004
Yeah, I'm gonna throw
something out at you.

240
00:11:28,071 --> 00:11:30,839
Little bit of a curveball.

241
00:11:30,907 --> 00:11:31,991
What are you talking about?

242
00:11:32,058 --> 00:11:35,160
I see you got your game face on.

243
00:11:35,228 --> 00:11:37,279
You're taking your lemons

244
00:11:37,347 --> 00:11:39,765
and you're trying
to making lemonade.

245
00:11:41,501 --> 00:11:43,151
But you don't have to, Carrie.

246
00:11:43,219 --> 00:11:45,487
Look, you're my wife and
I know he's your dad.

247
00:11:45,555 --> 00:11:47,273
If you want him
here, he can stay.

248
00:11:47,340 --> 00:11:49,909
Now come on, bring it in.

249
00:11:53,846 --> 00:11:55,614
What are you doin' to me here?

250
00:11:55,681 --> 00:11:57,283
What are you talking about?

251
00:11:57,350 --> 00:11:58,644
This has been the hardest
decision for me to make, Doug.

252
00:11:58,668 --> 00:12:00,502
I finally convinced
myself that putting

253
00:12:00,570 --> 00:12:03,405
my dad in a retirement home was
the best thing for everybody.

254
00:12:03,472 --> 00:12:06,374
Now your sittin' here
talking about lemonade?

255
00:12:06,442 --> 00:12:08,794
I'm just saying I realized
that, you know what,

256
00:12:08,862 --> 00:12:11,130
I don't mind having him around.

257
00:12:11,197 --> 00:12:12,865
Oh, really you don't mind it?

258
00:12:12,932 --> 00:12:15,601
You were swinging a rake
at him the other day.

259
00:12:15,669 --> 00:12:17,019
That's how we play, okay?

260
00:12:17,087 --> 00:12:18,904
Oh, come on.

261
00:12:18,972 --> 00:12:21,706
I'm just saying, Carrie,
he's not such a bad guy.

262
00:12:21,774 --> 00:12:24,944
And I just, I got a feeling
he's done some pretty nice

263
00:12:25,011 --> 00:12:26,245
things in his life for you.

264
00:12:26,313 --> 00:12:28,648
Oh, really? Name one.

265
00:12:32,368 --> 00:12:34,436
That's what I thought.

266
00:12:46,949 --> 00:12:50,018
Arthur, what are you
still doing up?

267
00:12:50,086 --> 00:12:52,187
Uh, I couldn't sleep.

268
00:12:52,339 --> 00:12:56,174
Can I interest you in
some of your scotch?

269
00:12:57,711 --> 00:13:00,946
Listen, I want to tell Carrie
about the acting thing.

270
00:13:01,014 --> 00:13:02,080
Absolutely not.

271
00:13:02,148 --> 00:13:04,600
Listen, I think if she
knows about it, you know,

272
00:13:04,667 --> 00:13:08,770
she may change her mind and you could...
stay here.

273
00:13:08,838 --> 00:13:12,858
So you're saying
you want me here?

274
00:13:12,925 --> 00:13:17,129
No, I don't want you here, no.

275
00:13:17,197 --> 00:13:21,099
I'm used to the noise,
you know, so, uh,

276
00:13:21,167 --> 00:13:22,535
can I tell Carrie?

277
00:13:22,602 --> 00:13:25,070
Douglas, I've done a lot
of things in my life

278
00:13:25,138 --> 00:13:26,939
I'm not proud of.

279
00:13:27,007 --> 00:13:29,708
I've written thousands
of bogus checks.

280
00:13:29,776 --> 00:13:33,178
I started forest fires.

281
00:13:33,246 --> 00:13:35,380
I sucker punched a lady cop.

282
00:13:37,817 --> 00:13:39,228
But the one good thing
I've done in my life

283
00:13:39,252 --> 00:13:44,156
is to not let her
know about this.

284
00:13:44,224 --> 00:13:46,491
And when I get to those pearly
gates that's all I got.

285
00:13:48,011 --> 00:13:51,246
I'm just saying, look, I'm
gonna take out a loan.

286
00:13:51,314 --> 00:13:53,292
And I'm gonna turn that
basement into my media room.

287
00:13:53,316 --> 00:13:56,318
So I'm just sayin', look,
this is your last chance.

288
00:13:56,385 --> 00:14:01,290
Douglas, pull the trigger
on that media room.

289
00:14:01,357 --> 00:14:03,359
You sure that's what you want?

290
00:14:03,426 --> 00:14:08,496
What I want is that you and
Carrie have a wonderful life

291
00:14:08,564 --> 00:14:10,199
because you deserve it.

292
00:14:12,435 --> 00:14:15,437
Thanks, Arthur.

293
00:14:15,505 --> 00:14:16,705
You know what?

294
00:14:16,773 --> 00:14:18,384
I don't think you're
gonna have any trouble

295
00:14:18,408 --> 00:14:20,075
getting into those pearly gates.

296
00:14:20,143 --> 00:14:22,845
Thank you, Douglas.

297
00:14:22,912 --> 00:14:24,546
Want to see me in a
prell commercial?

298
00:14:24,614 --> 00:14:26,915
Let her rip.

299
00:14:31,521 --> 00:14:34,089
And this is our rec room,

300
00:14:34,156 --> 00:14:36,625
where the residents have a
full range of activities.

301
00:14:36,693 --> 00:14:39,227
They've got cards,
and board games

302
00:14:39,295 --> 00:14:40,662
and penny bingo.

303
00:14:40,730 --> 00:14:42,531
Oh, that sounds like
fun, right, dad?

304
00:14:43,900 --> 00:14:47,736
Now, why don't I show you the
rooms that are available.

305
00:15:08,124 --> 00:15:09,842
Dad, come on.

306
00:15:24,507 --> 00:15:26,875
What are you doing?

307
00:15:26,943 --> 00:15:28,410
Ah, listening to music.

308
00:15:28,478 --> 00:15:32,130
Can you turn it down?
I'm trying to sleep.

309
00:15:32,198 --> 00:15:33,559
Yeah, well, this whole thing
could have been over with

310
00:15:33,583 --> 00:15:35,884
if you just moved all your crap
back to where it belonged.

311
00:15:35,952 --> 00:15:36,818
No way.

312
00:15:36,970 --> 00:15:39,037
Now come on, I gotta
get up early for work.

313
00:15:39,105 --> 00:15:42,174
That's if I was going.

314
00:15:42,241 --> 00:15:44,243
Fine, you big baby.

315
00:15:53,269 --> 00:15:55,003
What's all this junk
all over the ceiling?

316
00:15:55,071 --> 00:15:57,372
Duh, it's the universe, genius.

317
00:15:57,440 --> 00:16:00,942
Those are glow in
the dark stickers.

318
00:16:02,812 --> 00:16:04,813
I know, I know.

319
00:16:04,880 --> 00:16:07,699
And that's the big
Dipper right over there.

320
00:16:07,767 --> 00:16:09,868
No, that's Orion's belt.

321
00:16:09,936 --> 00:16:13,071
Have you ever been
to a planetarium?

322
00:16:13,139 --> 00:16:14,974
The big Dipper's way over there.

323
00:16:15,041 --> 00:16:16,542
What, that thing?

324
00:16:16,610 --> 00:16:18,076
No, that's cassiopeia.

325
00:16:18,144 --> 00:16:21,473
The big Dipper's right
there, see the handle?

326
00:16:21,497 --> 00:16:22,982
Oh, yeah.

327
00:16:24,183 --> 00:16:26,451
Wow, you sure know a
lot about this stuff.

328
00:16:26,520 --> 00:16:27,920
Hey, when you're
in the 10th grade

329
00:16:27,988 --> 00:16:31,089
"and you're 4'10" and
still hairless,

330
00:16:31,157 --> 00:16:35,260
this is...

331
00:16:35,328 --> 00:16:39,231
This is something to
do on a Friday night.

332
00:16:42,084 --> 00:16:45,354
So I want the projection
TV with the 6-foot screen

333
00:16:45,421 --> 00:16:47,489
and the, uh, deluxe
surround sound.

334
00:16:47,557 --> 00:16:49,824
What size speakers
were you thinking?

335
00:16:49,892 --> 00:16:50,775
Let's put it this way.

336
00:16:50,843 --> 00:16:52,777
I don't want the sound
just to surround me,

337
00:16:52,845 --> 00:16:54,513
I want it in me.

338
00:16:55,648 --> 00:16:58,116
I'll put you down for
the bronco package.

339
00:16:58,184 --> 00:17:00,869
All right, bronco.

340
00:17:04,507 --> 00:17:06,291
Hey, art attack.

341
00:17:06,358 --> 00:17:09,027
Douglas, can we talk for a sec?

342
00:17:09,095 --> 00:17:10,028
Yeah.

343
00:17:10,096 --> 00:17:11,597
Remember how you
wanted to tell Carrie

344
00:17:11,664 --> 00:17:13,298
about my giving up
my dream for her?

345
00:17:13,365 --> 00:17:14,866
Yeah.

346
00:17:14,934 --> 00:17:16,769
Well, you can pull
the trigger on that.

347
00:17:16,836 --> 00:17:18,203
What?

348
00:17:18,271 --> 00:17:21,139
Yeah, that retirement home is
death, I don't want to go.

349
00:17:21,207 --> 00:17:22,707
But, Arthur, it's too late.

350
00:17:22,859 --> 00:17:25,494
You already told me to pull the
trigger on the media room.

351
00:17:25,562 --> 00:17:27,212
I'm changing my mind.

352
00:17:27,280 --> 00:17:28,760
But you said it was
the one good thing

353
00:17:28,814 --> 00:17:30,593
you did in your life, and
it was gonna get you

354
00:17:30,617 --> 00:17:31,950
through the pearly gates.

355
00:17:32,017 --> 00:17:33,562
Let's not kid ourselves,
I'm going to hell

356
00:17:33,586 --> 00:17:35,287
and you know it!

357
00:17:36,489 --> 00:17:37,556
Now pull the trigger.

358
00:17:37,624 --> 00:17:39,558
Arthur, you are making me crazy.

359
00:17:39,626 --> 00:17:41,437
These last few days, you're
going, you're staying.

360
00:17:41,461 --> 00:17:42,894
Let me tell you something.

361
00:17:42,963 --> 00:17:44,740
Carrie is fine with you goin',
I'm fine with you goin'.

362
00:17:44,764 --> 00:17:46,999
So you better get fine
with it, you got it?

363
00:17:49,818 --> 00:17:52,137
So we'll put a pin in it?

364
00:17:56,158 --> 00:17:57,236
All right, Doug, we're leaving.

365
00:17:57,260 --> 00:18:00,061
Okay.

366
00:18:00,129 --> 00:18:02,280
All right, I'm gonna
pull the car around.

367
00:18:02,348 --> 00:18:03,628
You guys say your
goodbyes, okay?

368
00:18:10,523 --> 00:18:13,841
Well, uh, good luck, Arthur.

369
00:18:13,909 --> 00:18:15,560
Thank you.

370
00:18:15,628 --> 00:18:17,529
And what can I say, except...

371
00:18:17,597 --> 00:18:20,031
I hope you die, you fat pig.

372
00:18:31,627 --> 00:18:33,278
And to this day...

373
00:18:33,345 --> 00:18:36,715
My dad still hasn't forgiven
me for quitting the saxophone.

374
00:18:36,783 --> 00:18:38,984
I mean, he couldn't
grasp the fact that

375
00:18:39,052 --> 00:18:41,486
I had asthma and that every
time I played a song

376
00:18:41,554 --> 00:18:44,455
I put my life on the line.

377
00:18:46,926 --> 00:18:48,543
Well, at least your
dad stuck around.

378
00:18:48,611 --> 00:18:50,678
I mean, I've always
wondered, like,

379
00:18:50,747 --> 00:18:53,782
if I'd been taller
or better at sports,

380
00:18:53,850 --> 00:18:55,450
maybe he would have stayed.

381
00:18:55,517 --> 00:18:59,104
Hey, do not blame
yourself, he left you.

382
00:18:59,172 --> 00:19:00,989
Yeah, you're right.

383
00:19:02,325 --> 00:19:04,859
Oh my God, the sun's coming up.

384
00:19:04,927 --> 00:19:07,929
Wow, we've been
talkin' all night.

385
00:19:12,268 --> 00:19:13,368
Hey, you know what?

386
00:19:13,436 --> 00:19:15,203
You can have this room.

387
00:19:15,989 --> 00:19:17,272
Really?

388
00:19:17,339 --> 00:19:18,339
Yep.

389
00:19:18,407 --> 00:19:19,818
I made a promise to
you on that napkin

390
00:19:19,842 --> 00:19:21,076
and I'm gonna stick to it.

391
00:19:21,144 --> 00:19:22,928
I'm not going to be
like your father.

392
00:19:22,995 --> 00:19:24,963
Hey, wait wait wait.

393
00:19:25,031 --> 00:19:26,865
Maybe you don't
have to move out.

394
00:19:27,867 --> 00:19:28,767
What do you mean?

395
00:19:28,835 --> 00:19:30,035
If we shared a vanity we could

396
00:19:30,102 --> 00:19:33,004
fit all our stuff in here.

397
00:19:34,273 --> 00:19:35,674
Really?

398
00:19:35,742 --> 00:19:37,843
Yeah, and we could
turn the other bedroom

399
00:19:37,910 --> 00:19:38,977
into a sitting room.

400
00:19:39,045 --> 00:19:40,161
I like sitting.

401
00:19:40,229 --> 00:19:41,657
Yeah, and you know
what, we could put

402
00:19:41,681 --> 00:19:43,025
a fold-out couch
in there so if one

403
00:19:43,049 --> 00:19:44,083
of us has a girl over

404
00:19:44,150 --> 00:19:46,018
the other guy has
a place to crash.

405
00:19:46,086 --> 00:19:51,189
Yeah, might get more use out
of a foosball table, but...

406
00:19:51,608 --> 00:19:53,992
Yeah, you're right.

407
00:19:57,831 --> 00:19:59,598
Hey, honey, I'm down here!

408
00:19:59,665 --> 00:20:04,402
Hey, I have a great
night set up for us.

409
00:20:04,470 --> 00:20:07,973
I have your favorite movies,
porky's, and pork rinds.

410
00:20:08,041 --> 00:20:10,575
Huh, just you and
me in our house.

411
00:20:10,643 --> 00:20:12,611
Honey, I gotta tell you,
the room looks great.

412
00:20:12,678 --> 00:20:14,957
I mean, I really didn't think
all this stuff was gonna work

413
00:20:14,981 --> 00:20:16,491
like this carpet, the
black and burgundy thing.

414
00:20:16,515 --> 00:20:19,150
A little Danny terrio but
it does work in here.

415
00:20:19,218 --> 00:20:20,669
And that jets helmet is...

416
00:20:24,474 --> 00:20:26,441
I can't do this, Doug.

417
00:20:26,509 --> 00:20:28,527
I'm sorry, I tried, but I...

418
00:20:28,594 --> 00:20:29,761
I want him back.

419
00:20:29,829 --> 00:20:31,963
Please.

420
00:20:32,031 --> 00:20:34,515
I promise, I will wash
him, I will feed him.

421
00:20:34,583 --> 00:20:38,019
You won't even know
that he's here, I prom-

422
00:20:41,690 --> 00:20:43,358
dad.

423
00:20:43,426 --> 00:20:44,359
There she is!

424
00:20:44,427 --> 00:20:46,061
Hi, welcome back.

425
00:20:46,128 --> 00:20:48,530
Oh, I'm so glad you're back.

426
00:20:48,598 --> 00:20:51,316
Thank you, it's good being back.

427
00:20:51,383 --> 00:20:55,988
Although I'm not loving
the color scheme.

428
00:21:09,786 --> 00:21:12,688
This bronco package
is marvelous!