1 00:00:05,689 --> 00:00:07,455 Carrie, I need you! 2 00:00:07,523 --> 00:00:09,692 I'm working, dad! 3 00:00:09,759 --> 00:00:12,027 My fish sticks are burning. 4 00:00:12,095 --> 00:00:14,529 So take them out of the oven. 5 00:00:14,597 --> 00:00:16,075 You said I wasn't allowed near the oven. 6 00:00:16,099 --> 00:00:18,233 Make up your mind, Mussolini! 7 00:00:18,301 --> 00:00:21,837 It's ok, dad. 8 00:00:21,905 --> 00:00:23,706 Where do you hide the oven mitts? 9 00:00:23,773 --> 00:00:28,276 I hide them on a hook over the oven. 10 00:00:28,344 --> 00:00:30,512 All I see are pink puppets. 11 00:00:30,580 --> 00:00:33,615 Those are the oven mitts! 12 00:00:33,683 --> 00:00:35,483 They're both lefties! 13 00:00:39,455 --> 00:00:41,724 Have you been sitting there this whole time? 14 00:00:41,791 --> 00:00:43,926 Uh, yeah. 15 00:00:43,993 --> 00:00:47,196 Could you go in there and please take care of this? 16 00:00:56,405 --> 00:00:57,339 Hey! 17 00:00:57,406 --> 00:00:59,208 Hey, hey! Those are mine! 18 00:01:00,844 --> 00:01:02,577 It's all taken care of. 19 00:01:02,645 --> 00:01:04,246 Thanks, baby. 20 00:01:43,336 --> 00:01:44,269 Hey, Arthur. 21 00:01:44,337 --> 00:01:46,338 Ah, you're just in time to join me 22 00:01:46,405 --> 00:01:48,474 in a bowl of fiber 4,000. 23 00:01:48,541 --> 00:01:52,243 This stuff really shows your colon who's boss. 24 00:01:52,311 --> 00:01:55,947 Um, not sure women have colons. 25 00:01:56,015 --> 00:01:58,116 You don't know what you're missing. 26 00:01:58,184 --> 00:01:59,351 Listen, Arthur, 27 00:01:59,419 --> 00:02:01,453 I need to talk to you about something, 28 00:02:01,521 --> 00:02:02,888 I'm afraid I'm not going to be able 29 00:02:02,955 --> 00:02:05,290 to walk you anymore. What? 30 00:02:05,358 --> 00:02:07,726 I met a guy and he wants me to move to Manhattan. 31 00:02:07,794 --> 00:02:10,596 And so the dollar dance begins. 32 00:02:10,663 --> 00:02:13,765 Let's skip the fairy tale and get to the real story. 33 00:02:13,833 --> 00:02:15,400 You want a raise. 34 00:02:15,468 --> 00:02:17,235 No, no, no. I'm quitting, 35 00:02:17,303 --> 00:02:20,071 and I was kind of hoping you'd give me your blessing. 36 00:02:20,139 --> 00:02:21,473 Hi, carr. Oh, hey. 37 00:02:21,541 --> 00:02:25,244 Darling, you're just in time. Holly has some "big news." 38 00:02:25,311 --> 00:02:30,015 She's "moving" to "Manhattan" with her "boyfriend." 39 00:02:30,083 --> 00:02:33,619 Needless to say, I'm "devastated." 40 00:02:36,923 --> 00:02:38,590 What's going on? 41 00:02:38,658 --> 00:02:41,693 Well, I met a guy. I mean, he's great. 42 00:02:41,761 --> 00:02:44,730 He's sweet and funny and, boy, 43 00:02:44,798 --> 00:02:47,065 when the lights go out, we just- 44 00:02:47,133 --> 00:02:50,569 whoa, easy there, girl. 45 00:02:50,637 --> 00:02:52,837 So, who is this guy? How'd you meet him? 46 00:02:52,905 --> 00:02:55,374 Well, um... we met. 47 00:02:55,441 --> 00:02:58,010 We just met! He's amazing! 48 00:02:58,077 --> 00:03:00,779 Well, that answers that. 49 00:03:00,847 --> 00:03:02,347 Yeah, and he says we're gonna stay 50 00:03:02,415 --> 00:03:03,882 in a penthouse in Manhattan, 51 00:03:03,950 --> 00:03:04,950 and he can afford it 52 00:03:04,984 --> 00:03:06,785 'cause he owns his own limo company. 53 00:03:06,852 --> 00:03:08,753 Riiiight. 54 00:03:08,821 --> 00:03:10,255 What is it? 55 00:03:10,323 --> 00:03:12,268 Nothing. It's just not the first time you've walked in here 56 00:03:12,292 --> 00:03:14,559 all excited about some amazing guy you met, 57 00:03:14,627 --> 00:03:17,662 and, well, it just hasn't worked out that way. 58 00:03:17,730 --> 00:03:19,430 What do you mean? 59 00:03:19,498 --> 00:03:20,332 Well, like the time 60 00:03:20,466 --> 00:03:21,906 you were dating that guy who told you 61 00:03:21,935 --> 00:03:24,636 he was lieutenant governor of New Jersey. 62 00:03:24,703 --> 00:03:26,404 Spike? 63 00:03:26,472 --> 00:03:28,339 Yeah. 64 00:03:28,407 --> 00:03:30,609 Yeah, he was probably lying. Yeah. Yeah. 65 00:03:30,677 --> 00:03:32,978 But Carl's different, I just know it. 66 00:03:33,045 --> 00:03:34,178 And I hope so, you know, 67 00:03:34,246 --> 00:03:35,690 but before you uproot your whole life, 68 00:03:35,714 --> 00:03:37,126 you know, you might want to check out 69 00:03:37,150 --> 00:03:38,917 if Carl really is who he says he is, 70 00:03:38,985 --> 00:03:41,786 you know, and that he's really serious about you. 71 00:03:41,854 --> 00:03:43,064 You're right. I mean, what if I find out 72 00:03:43,088 --> 00:03:44,989 he's just another lying creep? 73 00:03:45,057 --> 00:03:46,525 Yep. Well, then I get a call saying, 74 00:03:46,592 --> 00:03:48,670 "they cut me off at o'dooley's. Can you drive me home?" 75 00:03:48,694 --> 00:03:50,261 And we get on with our lives. 76 00:03:50,329 --> 00:03:52,497 I've done that? 77 00:03:52,564 --> 00:03:54,766 Couple of times. 78 00:03:57,703 --> 00:03:59,337 You know something, my dog is so upset 79 00:03:59,405 --> 00:04:01,974 that Holly's not gonna be walking him anymore, 80 00:04:02,041 --> 00:04:04,409 last night, he peed in my slippers. 81 00:04:04,477 --> 00:04:07,179 Actually, that was me. 82 00:04:07,247 --> 00:04:09,581 Don't leave 'em next to the toilet. 83 00:04:09,648 --> 00:04:11,382 You know I break right. 84 00:04:12,651 --> 00:04:13,384 At least you're consistent. 85 00:04:13,520 --> 00:04:15,787 Arthur's like a golf course sprinkler. 86 00:04:21,928 --> 00:04:24,529 Hey, yo. Check out the menu. 87 00:04:24,597 --> 00:04:26,174 Don't tell me they're bringing back the tofu fingers 88 00:04:26,198 --> 00:04:28,299 'cause I swear to God, I will walk. 89 00:04:28,367 --> 00:04:30,468 No, man. They named a sandwich after me. 90 00:04:30,536 --> 00:04:31,536 What? 91 00:04:31,603 --> 00:04:34,239 "The Deacon." That is so cool! 92 00:04:34,307 --> 00:04:36,107 Let me see that. 93 00:04:36,175 --> 00:04:36,975 I guess paddy thought that combo I came up with the other night 94 00:04:37,110 --> 00:04:39,278 was good enough to become a menu item. 95 00:04:39,345 --> 00:04:40,556 Yeah, that's great. There's only one problem. 96 00:04:40,580 --> 00:04:42,380 It's my sandwich. 97 00:04:42,448 --> 00:04:43,381 What are you talking about? 98 00:04:43,449 --> 00:04:44,182 I'm the one who came up with the idea 99 00:04:44,317 --> 00:04:45,317 to make a club sandwich 100 00:04:45,384 --> 00:04:47,986 with ham, pastrami, onion rings and gravy. 101 00:04:48,054 --> 00:04:50,455 But I got rid of the ham and replaced the gravy 102 00:04:50,522 --> 00:04:52,190 with a dab of horseradish. 103 00:04:52,258 --> 00:04:54,259 Yeah, but I invented it. 104 00:04:54,360 --> 00:04:56,694 See, food to you, it's just fuel. 105 00:04:56,762 --> 00:05:01,032 To me, it's an unexplored country. 106 00:05:01,100 --> 00:05:01,900 You should come back 107 00:05:02,035 --> 00:05:04,869 'cause that country's out of bacon. 108 00:05:04,937 --> 00:05:07,172 By the way, I can get your sandwich at any Bennigan's. 109 00:05:07,240 --> 00:05:09,274 Guys, we're all friends here, all right? 110 00:05:11,176 --> 00:05:12,777 Tell you what, let's take a survey. 111 00:05:12,845 --> 00:05:14,746 Spence, whose sandwich do you think it is? 112 00:05:18,517 --> 00:05:21,019 Please don't put me in the middle. 113 00:05:21,087 --> 00:05:23,621 This is just like when my dad left. 114 00:05:23,689 --> 00:05:25,023 Whatever, ok? 115 00:05:25,091 --> 00:05:26,735 A real friend would make this menu thing right, 116 00:05:26,759 --> 00:05:27,836 and I guess you're not a real friend. 117 00:05:27,860 --> 00:05:29,094 You know, shame on you. 118 00:05:29,161 --> 00:05:30,572 Why are you being such a baby about this? 119 00:05:30,596 --> 00:05:32,007 You're a baby 'cause babies are always grabbing 120 00:05:32,031 --> 00:05:34,466 what's not theirs. That's classic baby! 121 00:05:34,534 --> 00:05:37,269 So you guys ready to order? 122 00:05:37,336 --> 00:05:40,638 Yeah, yeah, I'll have a "me." 123 00:05:40,706 --> 00:05:41,806 One Deacon. 124 00:05:41,874 --> 00:05:43,942 Make it two. 125 00:05:46,211 --> 00:05:48,680 Make it three. 126 00:05:48,748 --> 00:05:50,816 Watch your back, little man. 127 00:05:52,151 --> 00:05:55,954 Three deacons. And for you? 128 00:05:56,022 --> 00:05:57,789 You know what, 129 00:05:57,856 --> 00:05:59,757 I seem to have lost my appetite. 130 00:05:59,825 --> 00:06:02,961 I'll just have a burger, ok, with curly fries. 131 00:06:03,029 --> 00:06:04,439 Don't do the steak fries, last time they- 132 00:06:04,463 --> 00:06:06,664 just bring the curly fries. 133 00:06:06,732 --> 00:06:11,536 Excuse me, did I just hear you created the Deacon? 134 00:06:11,604 --> 00:06:13,871 Yes. Yes, I did. 135 00:06:13,939 --> 00:06:16,574 I just had one. I loved it! 136 00:06:16,642 --> 00:06:18,209 Thanks, man. 137 00:06:18,277 --> 00:06:20,979 Hate to impose, but would you sign my menu? 138 00:06:21,046 --> 00:06:22,514 Oh, sure. 139 00:06:22,582 --> 00:06:25,584 Could you make it out to Roger? 140 00:06:25,651 --> 00:06:27,385 Thanks so much. 141 00:06:27,453 --> 00:06:32,657 "To Roger, keep on dreamin'." 142 00:06:32,725 --> 00:06:35,561 That's original. 143 00:06:35,628 --> 00:06:36,794 "Deacon Palmer." 144 00:06:45,204 --> 00:06:46,905 I talked with Carl. 145 00:06:46,972 --> 00:06:49,474 Oh, baby, I'm sorry. 146 00:06:49,541 --> 00:06:50,752 It's better you find out now, though. 147 00:06:50,776 --> 00:06:53,011 We're engaged! 148 00:06:53,079 --> 00:06:54,012 What?! 149 00:06:54,080 --> 00:06:55,213 Well, I did what you said. 150 00:06:55,281 --> 00:06:56,859 I told him I needed to know if he was serious, 151 00:06:56,883 --> 00:06:58,016 and, boom, 152 00:06:58,084 --> 00:06:59,094 right then and there, he proposed. 153 00:06:59,118 --> 00:07:00,751 And look what he bought me! 154 00:07:00,819 --> 00:07:02,753 Isn't it beautiful? 155 00:07:02,821 --> 00:07:06,557 Holly, Holly... 156 00:07:06,625 --> 00:07:08,559 When do we learn? 157 00:07:08,627 --> 00:07:10,829 What's the matter? 158 00:07:10,896 --> 00:07:12,497 It was too easy. 159 00:07:12,564 --> 00:07:14,699 You say one word, and the guy proposes, 160 00:07:14,801 --> 00:07:15,733 and he just happens to have 161 00:07:15,802 --> 00:07:18,569 a big, diamond ring to give you? 162 00:07:18,637 --> 00:07:20,405 You don't think it's real? 163 00:07:20,473 --> 00:07:23,774 Baby, it's comically big. 164 00:07:23,842 --> 00:07:26,411 But Carl said- 165 00:07:26,479 --> 00:07:28,947 Carl's gonna say what you want to hear, kitty Kat. 166 00:07:29,014 --> 00:07:31,182 You want to know the truth about your little ring, 167 00:07:31,250 --> 00:07:33,117 you go to a professional. 168 00:07:33,185 --> 00:07:34,819 It's flawless! 169 00:07:34,887 --> 00:07:37,556 Really?! 170 00:07:37,624 --> 00:07:40,091 Simply stunning. 171 00:07:40,159 --> 00:07:42,027 Most diamonds have a yellow tinge, 172 00:07:42,094 --> 00:07:45,697 small inclusions, and tiny black spots. 173 00:07:48,701 --> 00:07:50,635 But this? Superb! 174 00:07:50,703 --> 00:07:53,805 And the cut, see how it dances in the light? 175 00:07:53,873 --> 00:07:55,440 Ok, settle down, you. 176 00:07:55,507 --> 00:07:57,275 Hesh! He shy, come look at this! 177 00:07:57,343 --> 00:07:58,753 All right, well, I guess we can go now. 178 00:07:58,777 --> 00:08:00,312 He shy hasn't see it yet. 179 00:08:02,315 --> 00:08:04,549 I'm just saying can't we call this "the Doug"? 180 00:08:04,616 --> 00:08:07,985 It already has a name. It's a taco. 181 00:08:08,053 --> 00:08:10,689 No, it's taco topped with relish and crumbled up saltines. 182 00:08:11,824 --> 00:08:13,024 Come on, man, I got customers. 183 00:08:13,092 --> 00:08:14,226 How about this, ok? 184 00:08:14,293 --> 00:08:16,161 You change hot dog into a "hot Doug"? 185 00:08:16,229 --> 00:08:18,063 You just grab the "u" from soup. 186 00:08:18,130 --> 00:08:19,741 No one's ordering that anyway, I got to tell you. 187 00:08:19,765 --> 00:08:20,532 Who's next? 188 00:08:20,600 --> 00:08:21,666 Do not ignore me, Manny! 189 00:08:21,734 --> 00:08:24,769 I built this roach coach, and I can take her down. 190 00:08:24,837 --> 00:08:26,504 Hey! Did you put me on the sign-up sheet 191 00:08:26,606 --> 00:08:27,939 to work Saturday? 192 00:08:28,006 --> 00:08:29,918 Well, I know you like to put your name on everything, 193 00:08:29,942 --> 00:08:31,443 so I did you a favor. 194 00:08:31,510 --> 00:08:33,311 You know it's my kid's tenth birthday. 195 00:08:33,379 --> 00:08:36,447 Good, then he's old enough to know his dad's a glory hound. 196 00:08:36,515 --> 00:08:38,182 You're pathetic. I'm pathetic? 197 00:08:38,250 --> 00:08:40,151 Manny's naming an egg salad sandwich after me. 198 00:08:40,219 --> 00:08:42,887 Play ball with me, damn it. 199 00:08:52,564 --> 00:08:53,865 So what you're telling me, Peter, 200 00:08:53,932 --> 00:08:55,967 is that you'll walk me for $1.00 less 201 00:08:56,035 --> 00:08:58,336 than what my previous Walker charged, 202 00:08:58,404 --> 00:09:03,775 plus complimentary sunscreen? 203 00:09:03,843 --> 00:09:04,876 Hey, Arthur. 204 00:09:04,944 --> 00:09:06,410 Ooh, how awkward! 205 00:09:06,478 --> 00:09:12,684 I was just interviewing your potential replacement. 206 00:09:12,752 --> 00:09:14,085 Oh, great. Great. 207 00:09:14,153 --> 00:09:15,464 I just stopped by to invite you to my thing 208 00:09:15,488 --> 00:09:17,355 I'm having tomorrow night at Cooper's. 209 00:09:17,423 --> 00:09:18,467 Oh, yes, your elaborate ruse. 210 00:09:18,491 --> 00:09:20,725 I mean, your going-away party. 211 00:09:20,793 --> 00:09:22,527 Yes, yes, I'll be there. 212 00:09:22,595 --> 00:09:24,239 Now if you'll excuse me, Peter wanted to hear 213 00:09:24,263 --> 00:09:27,265 all about my decades-long pen-pal relationship 214 00:09:27,333 --> 00:09:30,769 with Mr. Neil Sedaka. 215 00:09:30,837 --> 00:09:32,003 Holly, is that you? 216 00:09:32,071 --> 00:09:33,104 Yeah. 217 00:09:33,172 --> 00:09:35,474 I'm in here. I just googled your boyfriend! 218 00:09:38,210 --> 00:09:39,310 Can I leave now? Not yet! 219 00:09:39,378 --> 00:09:40,878 Ok. 220 00:09:40,946 --> 00:09:43,147 See, I put in Carl's social security number 221 00:09:43,215 --> 00:09:45,083 and his whole life, right here. 222 00:09:45,150 --> 00:09:47,552 How did you get his social security number? 223 00:09:47,620 --> 00:09:49,821 Excuse me, who's on trial here, him or me? 224 00:09:49,888 --> 00:09:52,957 So what did you find out? 225 00:09:53,025 --> 00:09:56,495 Well, take a little look-see. 226 00:09:56,562 --> 00:09:58,497 And it ain't pretty. 227 00:10:02,769 --> 00:10:06,371 All it says here is that he's got a couple of outstanding parking tickets. 228 00:10:06,439 --> 00:10:08,006 Yeah, exactly, Holly. 229 00:10:08,073 --> 00:10:11,843 The guy thinks he can park his car anywhere he wants. 230 00:10:11,911 --> 00:10:14,012 What else is he parking anywhere he wants? 231 00:10:14,079 --> 00:10:15,680 You know what I'm saying? 232 00:10:15,747 --> 00:10:18,116 Well, didn't you tell me that Doug gets a lot of tickets? 233 00:10:18,183 --> 00:10:21,019 Yes, but he's just an idiot. 234 00:10:21,087 --> 00:10:25,690 Ok, well, yeah, thanks for checking. 235 00:10:25,758 --> 00:10:27,438 Again, just making sure you don't get hurt. 236 00:10:27,493 --> 00:10:29,527 Yeah, again, thanks. 237 00:10:29,595 --> 00:10:31,315 Oh, do you know Carl's mother's maiden name? 238 00:10:31,364 --> 00:10:32,296 No. 239 00:10:32,365 --> 00:10:35,166 It's ok, baby. I'll get it. 240 00:10:44,943 --> 00:10:46,477 Let me ask you a question. 241 00:10:46,545 --> 00:10:47,846 You work for a lawyer, right? 242 00:10:47,913 --> 00:10:49,714 I used to work for a lawyer, 243 00:10:49,781 --> 00:10:50,582 but for the last year and a half, 244 00:10:50,650 --> 00:10:52,550 I've worked for a real estate firm. 245 00:10:52,618 --> 00:10:54,285 Close enough. 246 00:10:54,353 --> 00:10:57,288 I want to file a lawsuit or an injunction. 247 00:10:57,356 --> 00:10:59,424 I'll let you handle the mumbo-jumbo. 248 00:10:59,491 --> 00:11:02,960 The point is, I want Deacon behind bars. 249 00:11:03,028 --> 00:11:04,729 What are you talking about? 250 00:11:04,796 --> 00:11:06,341 I invented a sandwich, and he's taking credit for it. 251 00:11:06,365 --> 00:11:08,566 And where I come from, that ain't right! 252 00:11:10,102 --> 00:11:11,703 You know what else ain't right? 253 00:11:11,770 --> 00:11:15,406 This crappy-ass ring you got me. 254 00:11:16,675 --> 00:11:18,643 Yeah, that's right. 255 00:11:18,710 --> 00:11:21,312 Is it flawless? Does it dance in the light? 256 00:11:21,380 --> 00:11:23,014 Does it?! Does it?! 257 00:11:23,082 --> 00:11:24,248 A little. 258 00:11:24,316 --> 00:11:25,360 You move it around kind of quick there. 259 00:11:25,384 --> 00:11:27,618 It's fine. What's your problem? 260 00:11:27,686 --> 00:11:29,821 I don't know. Holly met this great guy 261 00:11:29,889 --> 00:11:31,957 who bought her this big, diamond ring, 262 00:11:32,024 --> 00:11:34,726 and now they're moving to some fancy apartment in Manhattan 263 00:11:34,794 --> 00:11:37,929 that overlooks the park, and, I don't know, it's- 264 00:11:37,997 --> 00:11:39,931 it's everything I always wanted. 265 00:11:39,999 --> 00:11:42,199 You're mad at me 'cause I can't give it to you. 266 00:11:42,267 --> 00:11:44,569 No, I made peace with... 267 00:11:48,440 --> 00:11:51,075 All right, cool. 268 00:11:51,143 --> 00:11:53,210 I guess I'm upset 'cause it's like 269 00:11:53,279 --> 00:11:56,481 who is she to be living my dream, you know? 270 00:11:56,548 --> 00:11:58,093 Exactly. And who's Deacon to be living my dream? 271 00:11:58,117 --> 00:11:59,650 It's the same thing! 272 00:11:59,718 --> 00:12:03,922 Excuse me, my dream is to have a decent quality of life, 273 00:12:03,990 --> 00:12:06,257 your dream is to be a sandwich. 274 00:12:07,793 --> 00:12:09,427 Yeah. 275 00:12:09,495 --> 00:12:10,962 Doug, the point-you know what, 276 00:12:11,029 --> 00:12:13,030 I don't even have the energy to argue with you. 277 00:12:13,098 --> 00:12:15,199 Just tell me what you want to wear to Holly's party. 278 00:12:15,267 --> 00:12:16,467 I'll make sure it's clean. 279 00:12:16,535 --> 00:12:17,735 Oh, I'm not going to any party 280 00:12:17,870 --> 00:12:20,004 where that man is going to be. 281 00:12:20,072 --> 00:12:21,939 Doug, look, let's just agree 282 00:12:22,007 --> 00:12:24,509 we both got a raw deal here, all right? 283 00:12:24,577 --> 00:12:26,344 But Deacon and Holly, they're our friends. 284 00:12:26,412 --> 00:12:29,481 We need to go to the party and be happy for them, ok? 285 00:12:34,787 --> 00:12:40,158 Look at 'em. "Oh, we're so in love." 286 00:12:40,226 --> 00:12:43,327 I need a bucket. 287 00:12:43,395 --> 00:12:44,906 I thought you wanted to be happy for our friends. 288 00:12:44,930 --> 00:12:45,864 Oh, right. 289 00:12:45,931 --> 00:12:48,332 Like you're happy for Deacon? 290 00:12:48,400 --> 00:12:49,878 The man stole the one thing in your life 291 00:12:49,902 --> 00:12:53,170 you had going for you. 292 00:12:53,238 --> 00:12:55,973 Oh, hey, Carrie. Great party, huh? 293 00:12:56,041 --> 00:12:57,642 Yep. 294 00:12:57,710 --> 00:13:00,411 You know, I never told you this, 295 00:13:00,479 --> 00:13:02,213 but I always kind of had a thing for Holly. 296 00:13:02,281 --> 00:13:04,315 I mean, I'm glad she met Carl. 297 00:13:04,383 --> 00:13:06,517 He seems like a really great guy and- 298 00:13:06,585 --> 00:13:09,254 oh, grow some nuggets, will ya? 299 00:13:09,321 --> 00:13:10,455 What? 300 00:13:10,523 --> 00:13:12,457 How many times did the girl stumble 301 00:13:12,525 --> 00:13:14,059 to your doorstep, blind drunk, 302 00:13:14,126 --> 00:13:15,737 after walking that ugly, little dog of yours, 303 00:13:15,761 --> 00:13:18,263 and you still couldn't close the deal? 304 00:13:18,330 --> 00:13:20,098 You make me sick. 305 00:13:22,334 --> 00:13:24,569 Dinner is served, y'all. 306 00:13:29,141 --> 00:13:30,241 What is that? 307 00:13:30,309 --> 00:13:32,043 A 6-foot Deacon. You want a piece? 308 00:13:32,111 --> 00:13:33,477 Oh, no, thank you. 309 00:13:33,546 --> 00:13:35,046 Maybe if it had like brown gravy on it 310 00:13:35,113 --> 00:13:36,814 instead of horseradish. 311 00:13:36,882 --> 00:13:38,550 Wouldn't that make it kind of soggy? 312 00:13:38,618 --> 00:13:41,252 You're soggy. 313 00:13:41,320 --> 00:13:42,253 What? 314 00:13:42,321 --> 00:13:43,621 Walk away. 315 00:13:45,991 --> 00:13:47,391 Very impressive. 316 00:13:47,459 --> 00:13:48,392 Thanks. 317 00:13:48,460 --> 00:13:49,694 Just one note: 318 00:13:49,762 --> 00:13:52,464 Next time you might want to get a more convincing actor 319 00:13:52,531 --> 00:13:54,732 to play the part of your fiancé. 320 00:13:54,800 --> 00:13:58,836 This guy belongs on a bagel because he's a lox. 321 00:13:58,904 --> 00:14:00,939 So, I bet the limousine business 322 00:14:01,006 --> 00:14:03,174 has been very good to you, huh? 323 00:14:03,242 --> 00:14:06,377 Well, it's a lot of work, but I love it. 324 00:14:06,445 --> 00:14:08,112 I bet you do. 325 00:14:08,180 --> 00:14:10,448 What do you mean? 326 00:14:10,516 --> 00:14:13,717 Come on, it's me. It's late at night, 327 00:14:13,785 --> 00:14:16,855 you're driving some coked-up supermodel to the airport, 328 00:14:16,922 --> 00:14:18,799 and all of a sudden she's in the front seat with you. 329 00:14:18,823 --> 00:14:22,059 "Oh, you own the company? That's so hot." 330 00:14:22,127 --> 00:14:24,062 Um, Carrie, 331 00:14:24,129 --> 00:14:25,769 can I talk to you in private for a second? 332 00:14:25,798 --> 00:14:27,699 Yeah, no problem. Be right back. 333 00:14:37,142 --> 00:14:39,043 Guy, you ok? 334 00:14:39,111 --> 00:14:44,115 I tell ya, this Deacon or whatever you call it, 335 00:14:44,182 --> 00:14:46,951 it's so dry, I can't even swallow it. 336 00:14:51,056 --> 00:14:53,758 I need something to make it more moist, 337 00:14:53,826 --> 00:14:56,460 yet not soggy. 338 00:14:56,528 --> 00:14:57,462 How about some water? 339 00:14:57,529 --> 00:14:59,764 No, that's not gonna do anything for me. 340 00:14:59,832 --> 00:15:02,232 I need something smooth like gravy 341 00:15:02,300 --> 00:15:03,334 or something like- 342 00:15:06,204 --> 00:15:09,507 oh, yeah. 343 00:15:09,575 --> 00:15:11,642 Now that's a sandwich. 344 00:15:11,710 --> 00:15:13,877 You know what, I've had enough of your crap. 345 00:15:13,945 --> 00:15:15,123 Well, I've had enough of yours. 346 00:15:15,147 --> 00:15:16,147 You wanna go? 347 00:15:16,214 --> 00:15:16,915 I would love to go! 348 00:15:16,982 --> 00:15:18,782 Then let's go! I'm going! 349 00:15:18,850 --> 00:15:20,985 Come on! 350 00:15:21,052 --> 00:15:22,920 Yeah, I just really want to know 351 00:15:22,988 --> 00:15:25,456 why you were groping my fiancé? 352 00:15:25,524 --> 00:15:27,725 I was testing him. 353 00:15:27,793 --> 00:15:29,059 And keep up with the attitude, 354 00:15:29,127 --> 00:15:30,795 I'm gonna stop helping you. 355 00:15:30,863 --> 00:15:32,997 Helping me? You're trying to ruin it. 356 00:15:33,065 --> 00:15:35,600 Ruin it? Why would I want to ruin it? 357 00:15:35,668 --> 00:15:37,045 I don't know. Maybe 'cause you're mad 358 00:15:37,069 --> 00:15:39,737 because, you know, I found a really great guy. 359 00:15:39,804 --> 00:15:42,506 Excuse me, I have a really great guy, too. 360 00:15:54,920 --> 00:15:56,654 Look, did you ever have a friend 361 00:15:56,722 --> 00:15:58,355 whose life sucked so bad 362 00:15:58,423 --> 00:16:00,892 that it made you feel better about your own? 363 00:16:00,959 --> 00:16:02,794 What? No. 364 00:16:02,862 --> 00:16:06,163 Well, I did, and it was you. 365 00:16:09,034 --> 00:16:12,269 Oh, I'm so sorry things worked out for me. That's ok. 366 00:16:12,337 --> 00:16:15,005 Oh, sweetie, I'm sorry. Thank you for understanding. 367 00:16:15,073 --> 00:16:17,275 You're welcome. You're welcome. Thank you. 368 00:16:17,342 --> 00:16:19,377 The car's here. We should skedaddle. 369 00:16:19,444 --> 00:16:22,380 Ok, I'll be there in a second, honey. 370 00:16:22,447 --> 00:16:25,049 "Skedaddle"? 371 00:16:25,117 --> 00:16:27,485 I got to tell you, my gaydar just went 372 00:16:27,553 --> 00:16:30,154 boop, boop, boop. 373 00:16:33,024 --> 00:16:34,859 Good luck, sweetie. 374 00:16:34,927 --> 00:16:36,227 Thanks. 375 00:16:38,864 --> 00:16:40,164 Good-bye. Bye. 376 00:16:42,902 --> 00:16:45,069 Another gin and tonic. 377 00:16:48,240 --> 00:16:51,042 So your life must be pretty crappy, huh? 378 00:16:57,249 --> 00:16:59,650 All right, you win. 379 00:16:59,718 --> 00:17:01,362 I'll convince Douglas and Carrie to give you 380 00:17:01,386 --> 00:17:03,254 $1.00 more an hour. Arthur- 381 00:17:03,321 --> 00:17:05,589 I'll expect you to kick a quarter of that back to me. 382 00:17:05,657 --> 00:17:08,560 Would you stop it? Why can't you get this through your crazy head? 383 00:17:08,627 --> 00:17:10,695 I'm leaving. 384 00:17:10,763 --> 00:17:12,596 Really? Yes. 385 00:17:12,664 --> 00:17:15,800 And this is how I find out? 386 00:17:15,867 --> 00:17:17,068 Sorry. 387 00:17:18,970 --> 00:17:22,373 You were the best dog Walker a man could ever ask for. 388 00:17:22,441 --> 00:17:24,875 Thank you, Arthur. And of all my clients, 389 00:17:24,943 --> 00:17:27,211 you were definitely the most interesting 390 00:17:27,279 --> 00:17:30,448 and the least distracted by squirrels. 391 00:17:30,516 --> 00:17:32,416 You're a terrible liar, 392 00:17:32,484 --> 00:17:34,719 but a marvelous person. 393 00:17:34,786 --> 00:17:38,723 You know, Carl's still inside. 394 00:17:38,790 --> 00:17:40,524 I have time for one more walk. 395 00:17:40,592 --> 00:17:41,692 On the house. 396 00:17:41,760 --> 00:17:43,060 I'd like that. 397 00:17:45,430 --> 00:17:47,698 What say I treat you to a lemon ice at Luigi's? 398 00:17:47,766 --> 00:17:48,766 That'd be great. 399 00:17:48,834 --> 00:17:49,877 By the way, did I ever tell you 400 00:17:49,901 --> 00:17:52,503 how I inspired Neil sedaka's pop classic, 401 00:17:52,570 --> 00:17:54,038 Happy Birthday, sweet sixteen? 402 00:17:54,106 --> 00:17:56,740 Yes, but I would love to hear it again. 403 00:17:57,876 --> 00:18:01,179 Come on, gravy boat! Whatcha got, huh? 404 00:18:01,246 --> 00:18:02,747 Guys, guys, guys, guys, guys, guys! 405 00:18:02,814 --> 00:18:04,282 Guys, I talked to paddy, 406 00:18:04,349 --> 00:18:06,184 and he agreed on a compromise, ok? 407 00:18:06,251 --> 00:18:07,951 He said he would put back the ham 408 00:18:08,019 --> 00:18:10,054 and he would use horseradish and gravy, 409 00:18:10,121 --> 00:18:13,424 and he would call it "the deacon/doug." 410 00:18:13,492 --> 00:18:15,125 I don't know, man. 411 00:18:15,193 --> 00:18:16,737 Why is his name first? Why is his name first? 412 00:18:16,761 --> 00:18:18,763 Ok, we'll call it "the double d" 413 00:18:18,830 --> 00:18:20,898 and everybody's happy. 414 00:18:31,627 --> 00:18:33,961 5 minutes, Mr. Sedaka. 415 00:18:34,029 --> 00:18:35,930 Thank you. 416 00:18:35,997 --> 00:18:37,498 "So I lost Holly, 417 00:18:37,566 --> 00:18:40,835 "and Peter's mother has forbidden me from contact. 418 00:18:40,902 --> 00:18:44,238 "On the plus side, the fiber 4,000 continues 419 00:18:44,306 --> 00:18:48,042 "to do a Sterling job on my nether regions. 420 00:18:48,109 --> 00:18:49,677 Thanks for the tip." 421 00:18:49,745 --> 00:18:52,313 Oh, Arthur, you keep me young.