1 00:01:45,404 --> 00:01:46,972 Hey, there are the boys! 2 00:01:47,040 --> 00:01:48,040 Hi. How's it goin'? 3 00:01:48,074 --> 00:01:49,007 Man, am I glad to see 4 00:01:49,075 --> 00:01:50,352 some real flesh-and-blood humans. 5 00:01:50,376 --> 00:01:52,044 10 hours of sitting alone on the couch 6 00:01:52,111 --> 00:01:53,779 can do strange things to a man. 7 00:01:53,846 --> 00:01:55,380 Right. Absolutely. 8 00:01:59,602 --> 00:02:00,536 I'm gonna grab a beer. 9 00:02:00,603 --> 00:02:02,371 Make a phone call. 10 00:02:04,257 --> 00:02:07,292 God, I love Friday afternoons. 11 00:02:07,360 --> 00:02:08,561 I feel like an artist 12 00:02:08,628 --> 00:02:10,540 and the weekend that lies ahead, that's my canvas. 13 00:02:10,564 --> 00:02:11,496 So, what've you got planned? 14 00:02:11,565 --> 00:02:14,099 A lot of naps. How about you? 15 00:02:14,167 --> 00:02:17,069 Actually, I told O'Boyle I'd work a half day tomorrow. 16 00:02:17,136 --> 00:02:19,438 You volunteered to work on a Saturday? 17 00:02:19,505 --> 00:02:22,074 Loser! 18 00:02:22,141 --> 00:02:23,709 Hey. Kelly's got the kids this weekend, 19 00:02:23,777 --> 00:02:26,244 and going to work beats sitting at home in my apartment 20 00:02:26,312 --> 00:02:27,312 listening to the echo 21 00:02:27,380 --> 00:02:29,147 of what a family used to sound like. 22 00:02:30,700 --> 00:02:32,701 Loser. 23 00:02:32,768 --> 00:02:35,537 Anyway, I should get rolling. 24 00:02:37,039 --> 00:02:38,973 Hey. 25 00:02:39,041 --> 00:02:40,909 Deacon. 26 00:02:40,976 --> 00:02:43,628 Hey, Carrie. Come here. 27 00:02:44,697 --> 00:02:46,631 Come on. 28 00:02:48,701 --> 00:02:51,369 Oh, yeah! That's the good stuff. 29 00:02:51,438 --> 00:02:53,605 All right, get on out of here, you big lug. 30 00:02:53,673 --> 00:02:54,606 Go on. 31 00:02:54,674 --> 00:02:56,007 Right, uh... 32 00:02:56,075 --> 00:02:57,910 See ya. 33 00:02:58,978 --> 00:02:59,912 Do you have to hit on him 34 00:02:59,979 --> 00:03:01,012 right in front of me? 35 00:03:04,684 --> 00:03:05,861 They're getting back together. 36 00:03:05,885 --> 00:03:07,986 Who? Who do you think? 37 00:03:08,053 --> 00:03:09,955 Van Halen? 38 00:03:10,023 --> 00:03:12,474 Deacon and Kelly. 39 00:03:12,576 --> 00:03:13,585 What're you talking about? 40 00:03:13,609 --> 00:03:14,770 He didn't say anything about it. 41 00:03:14,794 --> 00:03:15,694 Because he doesn't know about it yet. 42 00:03:15,762 --> 00:03:17,645 I just had lunch with Kelly in the city, 43 00:03:17,713 --> 00:03:19,158 and she said she's done finding herself, 44 00:03:19,182 --> 00:03:20,983 learning who Kelly is, 45 00:03:21,050 --> 00:03:22,517 and she is ready to come home, 46 00:03:22,585 --> 00:03:24,469 so when she drops the kids off Sunday night, 47 00:03:24,537 --> 00:03:26,688 she's gonna tell him she wants to stay. 48 00:03:26,756 --> 00:03:27,689 My God. That's great. 49 00:03:27,757 --> 00:03:29,291 Great? Come on! It's fantastic! 50 00:03:29,359 --> 00:03:32,627 It is! They finally get their family back together. 51 00:03:32,695 --> 00:03:33,529 Man, seeing those kids 52 00:03:33,680 --> 00:03:34,907 pack up their little underoos every weekend, 53 00:03:34,931 --> 00:03:36,581 that was rough. 54 00:03:36,649 --> 00:03:38,569 Yeah. You know who had it rough? You and me, pal. 55 00:03:38,601 --> 00:03:40,969 Hanging out with all those other couples the last 2 years. 56 00:03:41,037 --> 00:03:42,871 I hated one more than the next. 57 00:03:42,939 --> 00:03:44,390 Remember the pernworths? 58 00:03:44,441 --> 00:03:46,809 Oh. "Doug, wanna see my radio-controlled boat?" 59 00:03:46,876 --> 00:03:48,911 Bbblttt! No! 60 00:03:48,978 --> 00:03:50,913 No! 61 00:03:50,980 --> 00:03:52,548 God. 62 00:03:52,615 --> 00:03:53,365 So, why is Kelly waiting 63 00:03:53,433 --> 00:03:54,560 till Sunday night to tell him? 64 00:03:54,584 --> 00:03:55,851 She's gotta take the kids 65 00:03:55,919 --> 00:03:57,820 to visit her mother upstate. 66 00:03:59,222 --> 00:04:01,389 Maybe I should go over there and tell him myself. 67 00:04:01,457 --> 00:04:04,376 What?! You can't do that. Why not? 68 00:04:04,443 --> 00:04:05,687 Because it's between Deacon and Kelly. 69 00:04:05,711 --> 00:04:07,513 It's a private thing. 70 00:04:07,580 --> 00:04:09,392 Meanwhile, Deacon's gotta be miserable for the whole weekend? 71 00:04:09,416 --> 00:04:10,749 It's 2 days. 72 00:04:10,816 --> 00:04:12,717 Let me paint a picture for you, ok? 73 00:04:12,785 --> 00:04:14,619 Tonight he's lonely. 74 00:04:14,687 --> 00:04:17,122 He drinks himself to sleep holding a lit cigarette. 75 00:04:17,190 --> 00:04:19,591 He wakes up in the morning dead! 76 00:04:19,659 --> 00:04:22,344 He doesn't drink or smoke. 77 00:04:22,411 --> 00:04:24,379 Ah, ok. But he shaves, right? 78 00:04:24,447 --> 00:04:26,281 So he's crying while he's shaving. 79 00:04:26,349 --> 00:04:28,083 Then cuts his throat! Dead! 80 00:04:28,150 --> 00:04:30,051 That's not gonna happen. 81 00:04:30,119 --> 00:04:31,052 He's eating a sandwich- 82 00:04:31,120 --> 00:04:32,688 Doug! 83 00:04:32,755 --> 00:04:33,689 Carrie, I'm serious. 84 00:04:33,756 --> 00:04:34,857 Look, I mean... 85 00:04:34,924 --> 00:04:36,792 The guy's been a wreck, ok? 86 00:04:36,860 --> 00:04:38,136 We got a chance to help him out here. 87 00:04:38,160 --> 00:04:39,595 Why let him suffer? 88 00:04:41,430 --> 00:04:43,315 All right. You know what? 89 00:04:43,383 --> 00:04:45,984 You wanna go tell your friend the good news, go tell him. 90 00:04:46,052 --> 00:04:47,286 All right. 91 00:04:47,353 --> 00:04:50,054 I'll do it tomorrow. Traffic's brutal right now. 92 00:04:56,513 --> 00:04:57,646 Coming. 93 00:04:58,781 --> 00:04:59,881 Howdy-doo! 94 00:04:59,949 --> 00:05:01,149 Hey, man. What you doin' here? 95 00:05:01,184 --> 00:05:02,328 Just doin' the Saturday errands. 96 00:05:02,352 --> 00:05:03,362 Thought I'd come over here, 97 00:05:03,386 --> 00:05:04,953 see if I could lift your spirits. 98 00:05:07,690 --> 00:05:11,426 Although your spirits seem pretty lifted. 99 00:05:11,493 --> 00:05:14,029 Yup. Got a little company coming over in a few minutes. 100 00:05:14,097 --> 00:05:15,330 Oh, yeah? Who? 101 00:05:15,398 --> 00:05:16,932 Oh, you're not gonna believe it, man. 102 00:05:17,000 --> 00:05:18,300 This morning I had a pickup 103 00:05:18,367 --> 00:05:19,802 at the airport marriott, right? 104 00:05:19,869 --> 00:05:21,503 So I'm standing in the lobby, waiting, 105 00:05:21,571 --> 00:05:24,406 and I glance over, and there, checking in, 106 00:05:24,473 --> 00:05:27,609 smiling at me, is this crazy hot stewardess. 107 00:05:27,677 --> 00:05:30,128 So we start talking. You know, whatever, whatever. 108 00:05:30,196 --> 00:05:31,229 And she's, like, 109 00:05:31,297 --> 00:05:32,377 "oh, I just got transferred 110 00:05:32,432 --> 00:05:33,432 "to the European route. 111 00:05:33,499 --> 00:05:34,576 "I'm going to London tomorrow 112 00:05:34,600 --> 00:05:35,811 and I won't be back for at least a year." 113 00:05:35,835 --> 00:05:39,671 And I'm, like, "that's cool. That's cool. 114 00:05:39,738 --> 00:05:41,483 So, uh, how you gonna spend your last day here?" 115 00:05:41,507 --> 00:05:43,091 And she says-get this- 116 00:05:43,158 --> 00:05:45,026 "any suggestions?" 117 00:05:47,597 --> 00:05:50,282 I mean, I'm in my delivery uniform, 118 00:05:50,350 --> 00:05:52,284 she's in her stewardess uniform. 119 00:05:52,352 --> 00:05:55,520 It was like the first scene in a porno. 120 00:05:55,588 --> 00:05:58,356 So, long story short, 121 00:05:58,424 --> 00:06:00,342 we're going to the met game this afternoon, 122 00:06:00,409 --> 00:06:02,310 and then afterwards she's cooking me dinner 123 00:06:02,378 --> 00:06:04,246 here, in my apartment. 124 00:06:04,313 --> 00:06:08,517 It's on, baby! Ha ha ha ha! 125 00:06:11,805 --> 00:06:13,638 It's-it's wild, Doug. 126 00:06:13,706 --> 00:06:14,923 I've been through such hell, 127 00:06:14,991 --> 00:06:16,608 and then today, out of nowhere, 128 00:06:16,676 --> 00:06:19,727 a little somethin'- somethin' from the man upstairs. 129 00:06:19,795 --> 00:06:21,513 And this somethin'- somethin' 130 00:06:21,580 --> 00:06:24,082 is definitely leavin' the country tomorrow? 131 00:06:24,150 --> 00:06:25,217 Yeah. Why? 132 00:06:25,284 --> 00:06:27,069 Ooh. Bye. 133 00:06:32,725 --> 00:06:33,909 How'd it go? 134 00:06:33,977 --> 00:06:36,245 Great. Stopped off at the walgreen's, 135 00:06:36,312 --> 00:06:37,646 and you'll be happy to know 136 00:06:37,713 --> 00:06:41,016 somebody's nose hairs will not survive the night. 137 00:06:41,084 --> 00:06:42,834 No, how'd it go at Deacon's? 138 00:06:42,902 --> 00:06:43,935 Oh, that. 139 00:06:44,003 --> 00:06:46,789 Uh, I decided not to tell him after all. 140 00:06:46,856 --> 00:06:48,523 You didn't tell him? 141 00:06:48,591 --> 00:06:50,058 Nah. 142 00:06:50,126 --> 00:06:53,428 All right, I need some kind of cheese to step forward. 143 00:06:53,496 --> 00:06:54,695 Well, what happened? 144 00:06:54,763 --> 00:06:55,840 Why'd you change your mind? 145 00:06:55,864 --> 00:06:56,965 I don't know. 146 00:06:57,033 --> 00:06:58,833 I was thinking about what you said, you know, 147 00:06:58,901 --> 00:07:00,745 about how it's really Kelly's place to tell him. 148 00:07:00,769 --> 00:07:01,937 That was quite persuasive. 149 00:07:02,004 --> 00:07:05,540 Sometimes your shrill tone masks a very good point. 150 00:07:05,607 --> 00:07:07,575 Doug, I just got off the phone with Kelly, 151 00:07:07,643 --> 00:07:08,593 and she liked the idea of, you know, 152 00:07:08,661 --> 00:07:09,861 you going over there 153 00:07:09,929 --> 00:07:11,763 and setting the table for her. 154 00:07:11,831 --> 00:07:14,099 All righty, then I'll set a kick-ass table 155 00:07:14,167 --> 00:07:15,417 first thing tomorrow morning. 156 00:07:15,484 --> 00:07:17,869 Doug, come on. I don't understand. 157 00:07:17,937 --> 00:07:19,071 Why'd you change your mind? 158 00:07:19,138 --> 00:07:20,248 You're the one who didn't want your friend 159 00:07:20,272 --> 00:07:21,907 to be miserable all weekend. 160 00:07:21,974 --> 00:07:22,975 He's hangin' in there. 161 00:07:23,042 --> 00:07:24,243 Doug! 162 00:07:26,946 --> 00:07:28,330 Hey! Me again. 163 00:07:28,397 --> 00:07:29,564 Hey, what's goin' on? 164 00:07:29,632 --> 00:07:30,875 You got a sec 'cause, uh, actually, 165 00:07:30,899 --> 00:07:32,367 I do want to talk to you after all. 166 00:07:32,435 --> 00:07:34,046 Ok, I think we're getting food at the game 167 00:07:34,070 --> 00:07:37,272 'cause that lunch meat in your fridge has seen better days. 168 00:07:37,340 --> 00:07:39,041 Oh, hi. 169 00:07:42,161 --> 00:07:43,728 All right. 170 00:07:49,485 --> 00:07:51,119 Ah, Douglas, just the man I want to see. 171 00:07:51,187 --> 00:07:53,555 Perhaps you could help me finish up my crossword puzzle. 172 00:07:53,622 --> 00:07:55,923 Not right now, Arthur. 173 00:07:55,991 --> 00:07:57,642 But I'm tantalizingly close. 174 00:07:57,710 --> 00:08:02,263 The final clue is "I dream of Jeannie star Larry blank." 175 00:08:03,816 --> 00:08:05,067 Hagman. 176 00:08:05,134 --> 00:08:06,445 That's what I thought, but apparently 177 00:08:06,469 --> 00:08:10,722 the first 3 letters are b, x, x. 178 00:08:11,908 --> 00:08:13,141 Anything? 179 00:08:13,209 --> 00:08:15,777 Will you please-I-I got something on my mind here. 180 00:08:15,844 --> 00:08:19,397 Then don't you think you should talk about it, son? 181 00:08:19,465 --> 00:08:21,532 Maybe you're right. 182 00:08:21,601 --> 00:08:22,901 You got a second? 183 00:08:22,969 --> 00:08:24,435 Of course. 184 00:08:24,503 --> 00:08:25,570 Today I was over at- 185 00:08:25,638 --> 00:08:27,238 time's up! 186 00:08:27,306 --> 00:08:28,673 Marvelous gag, isn't it? 187 00:08:28,741 --> 00:08:30,942 Learned that from an old army buddy. 188 00:08:33,212 --> 00:08:34,996 Anyway... 189 00:08:35,064 --> 00:08:39,000 You know Deacon and Kelly have been separated for a couple years now, right? 190 00:08:39,068 --> 00:08:40,946 Well, Kelly's finally ready to get back together, 191 00:08:40,970 --> 00:08:42,147 but Deacon doesn't know that yet. 192 00:08:42,171 --> 00:08:44,372 And I went over there today to tell him that, 193 00:08:44,440 --> 00:08:46,191 but... I didn't. 194 00:08:46,258 --> 00:08:48,093 Why not? 195 00:08:48,160 --> 00:08:49,627 Well... 196 00:08:49,695 --> 00:08:50,772 Don't say anything to Carrie, 197 00:08:50,796 --> 00:08:52,307 but it turns out Deacon met this stewardess 198 00:08:52,331 --> 00:08:54,051 who's leaving the country for good tomorrow, 199 00:08:54,100 --> 00:08:57,269 and he's got a chance to, you know, 200 00:08:57,336 --> 00:08:59,938 be with her tonight. 201 00:09:00,006 --> 00:09:05,027 Suddenly this story turns erotic and fascinating. 202 00:09:07,397 --> 00:09:09,131 So I figured after all he's been through, 203 00:09:09,198 --> 00:09:10,376 he deserves a night like that. 204 00:09:10,400 --> 00:09:12,434 But if I tell him about Kelly coming back, 205 00:09:12,501 --> 00:09:14,213 he's gonna feel too guilty to go through with it. 206 00:09:14,237 --> 00:09:15,503 So I didn't say anything. 207 00:09:15,571 --> 00:09:17,116 But now I'm just struggling with whether or not 208 00:09:17,140 --> 00:09:18,240 I made the right decision. 209 00:09:18,308 --> 00:09:19,308 What do you think? 210 00:09:21,711 --> 00:09:25,397 The girl's a stewardess, you say? 211 00:09:25,465 --> 00:09:27,532 Yes, and smoking hot. 212 00:09:27,600 --> 00:09:29,467 Aren't they all? 213 00:09:29,535 --> 00:09:32,153 Not really, no. 214 00:09:32,221 --> 00:09:34,055 Well, fret not, my boy. 215 00:09:34,123 --> 00:09:36,558 Your instincts were right on the money. 216 00:09:36,625 --> 00:09:38,226 You think so? Absolutely. 217 00:09:38,294 --> 00:09:39,394 If Deacon is in the dark 218 00:09:39,462 --> 00:09:41,629 about his wife's desire to reconcile, 219 00:09:41,697 --> 00:09:43,698 there are no moral chains around him. 220 00:09:43,765 --> 00:09:44,765 He's free to frolic 221 00:09:44,833 --> 00:09:46,834 with a sensuous stranger tonight 222 00:09:46,902 --> 00:09:48,869 and rekindle 223 00:09:48,937 --> 00:09:50,605 the flames of matrimony tomorrow. 224 00:09:50,672 --> 00:09:52,373 As long as he changes his sheets, 225 00:09:52,441 --> 00:09:55,343 it's a fairy tale ending! 226 00:09:55,411 --> 00:09:56,678 Thanks, Arthur. 227 00:09:56,746 --> 00:09:58,266 That really makes me feel a lot better. 228 00:09:58,314 --> 00:09:59,914 That's what I do! 229 00:10:06,839 --> 00:10:07,773 Hello, darling. 230 00:10:07,840 --> 00:10:08,774 Hi, daddy. 231 00:10:08,841 --> 00:10:10,308 Ooh, a pink box. 232 00:10:10,376 --> 00:10:13,712 Are we being treated to some delicious baked goods? 233 00:10:13,780 --> 00:10:16,214 No. Sorry. It's a cake for Deacon and Kelly. 234 00:10:16,282 --> 00:10:17,816 I wanted to get them a little something 235 00:10:17,884 --> 00:10:19,083 for getting back together. 236 00:10:19,151 --> 00:10:20,719 Had them spell out "true love" 237 00:10:20,787 --> 00:10:22,253 in those little candy hearts. 238 00:10:22,321 --> 00:10:23,488 Kind of silly, eh? 239 00:10:27,160 --> 00:10:30,295 Oh, God! I'm a monster! 240 00:10:33,749 --> 00:10:35,316 I'm an accomplice to something terrible. 241 00:10:35,384 --> 00:10:37,451 I should just paint a Scarlet "a" on myself. 242 00:10:37,519 --> 00:10:39,320 "A" for adultery! 243 00:10:41,123 --> 00:10:43,391 Then after this incident passes, 244 00:10:43,458 --> 00:10:46,161 I suppose it could stand for Arthur. 245 00:10:46,228 --> 00:10:48,462 That worked out well. 246 00:11:01,143 --> 00:11:02,076 Hi, honey. 247 00:11:02,144 --> 00:11:03,661 Hi. 248 00:11:03,729 --> 00:11:05,012 Whatcha doing? 249 00:11:05,080 --> 00:11:07,248 Just watching the met game. 250 00:11:07,316 --> 00:11:08,816 Oh. Can I get you anything? 251 00:11:08,884 --> 00:11:10,952 Coffee, tea, 252 00:11:11,019 --> 00:11:13,622 maybe a complimentary headset? 253 00:11:21,113 --> 00:11:22,047 Yeah. 254 00:11:22,114 --> 00:11:24,349 I heard about the stewardess, 255 00:11:24,417 --> 00:11:25,733 and you're gonna wish your exits 256 00:11:25,801 --> 00:11:28,102 were here and here, 257 00:11:28,170 --> 00:11:30,905 'cause I'm about to kick your ass. 258 00:11:30,973 --> 00:11:32,607 That's funny. 259 00:11:32,675 --> 00:11:33,942 Ow! What is wrong with you?! 260 00:11:34,009 --> 00:11:36,344 Arthur! 261 00:11:36,411 --> 00:11:39,347 Oh, don't blame him. This isn't his fault. 262 00:11:39,414 --> 00:11:40,348 Why did he even tell you? 263 00:11:40,415 --> 00:11:41,950 An hour ago, he agreed with me. 264 00:11:42,017 --> 00:11:43,294 Because, as you pointed out many times, 265 00:11:43,318 --> 00:11:44,853 he's insane. 266 00:11:44,920 --> 00:11:48,122 But at least he has a shred of decency in him, unlike you. 267 00:11:48,190 --> 00:11:49,290 Will you let me explain? 268 00:11:49,358 --> 00:11:51,292 Please explain to me how you casually decided 269 00:11:51,360 --> 00:11:54,195 to help your best friend cheat on his wife. 270 00:11:54,262 --> 00:11:55,373 First of all, it wasn't casual. 271 00:11:55,397 --> 00:11:57,198 It was a very difficult decision. 272 00:11:57,265 --> 00:11:58,583 Oh, I'm glad you chewed on it 273 00:11:58,650 --> 00:12:01,086 before you came down on the side of adultery. 274 00:12:01,153 --> 00:12:02,230 Second of all, it's not adultery, 275 00:12:02,254 --> 00:12:04,171 because they're not back together. 276 00:12:04,239 --> 00:12:06,090 She's coming back. He wants her back. 277 00:12:06,158 --> 00:12:08,793 So basically, they are back together. 278 00:12:08,861 --> 00:12:10,138 But they're not actually back together 279 00:12:10,162 --> 00:12:11,963 until Deacon knows they're back together, 280 00:12:12,031 --> 00:12:14,532 which is supposed to happen Sunday night. 281 00:12:14,600 --> 00:12:15,744 Just because we found out in advance 282 00:12:15,768 --> 00:12:16,801 doesn't give us the right 283 00:12:16,869 --> 00:12:18,369 to travel back in time 284 00:12:18,437 --> 00:12:19,704 and change their destiny. 285 00:12:19,772 --> 00:12:22,239 Carrie, you don't mess with the fabric of time. 286 00:12:22,307 --> 00:12:24,809 If there's one thing we learned in back to the future, 287 00:12:24,877 --> 00:12:26,694 it's that. 288 00:12:29,148 --> 00:12:31,949 This is your explanation?! 289 00:12:32,017 --> 00:12:33,017 You rang, Douglas? 290 00:12:33,051 --> 00:12:34,185 Nothing. Forget it. 291 00:12:34,253 --> 00:12:35,286 While I'm up here, 292 00:12:35,354 --> 00:12:36,714 maybe we can put our heads together 293 00:12:36,755 --> 00:12:37,915 and finish up this crossword. 294 00:12:37,957 --> 00:12:39,390 Get out! 295 00:12:41,560 --> 00:12:43,160 Who are you calling? 296 00:12:43,228 --> 00:12:44,462 I'm not calling anybody. 297 00:12:44,529 --> 00:12:45,630 You're calling Deacon 298 00:12:45,698 --> 00:12:46,831 to stop this unholy thing 299 00:12:46,899 --> 00:12:48,332 before it happens. 300 00:12:48,400 --> 00:12:49,968 He's not home. They're at the met game. 301 00:12:50,035 --> 00:12:52,203 Oh, so that's why you were watching the met game, 302 00:12:52,270 --> 00:12:54,639 to spy on your handiwork. 303 00:12:54,707 --> 00:12:56,117 You got it. Yeah. It's a deep fly ball, 304 00:12:56,141 --> 00:12:58,092 way back, sailing high over the couple 305 00:12:58,160 --> 00:12:59,927 humping in the bleachers. 306 00:12:59,995 --> 00:13:03,682 You know what? You are going over there after the game. 307 00:13:03,749 --> 00:13:05,417 No, I am not. 308 00:13:05,484 --> 00:13:06,884 Doug, I don't understand you. 309 00:13:06,952 --> 00:13:08,119 What's going on with you? 310 00:13:08,187 --> 00:13:09,821 You could be destroying a marriage here. 311 00:13:09,888 --> 00:13:11,132 It's not gonna hurt the marriage. 312 00:13:11,156 --> 00:13:13,325 She's leaving the country for good tomorrow. 313 00:13:13,392 --> 00:13:14,275 She'll be out of Deacon's life 314 00:13:14,343 --> 00:13:15,944 before Kelly walks back in. 315 00:13:16,011 --> 00:13:18,179 We don't have the right to travel back in time- 316 00:13:18,247 --> 00:13:19,291 will you stop with that already? 317 00:13:19,315 --> 00:13:21,749 There's no time travel involved here, ok? 318 00:13:21,817 --> 00:13:23,084 Just have the guts to admit 319 00:13:23,151 --> 00:13:25,486 that this is about you wanting your best friend 320 00:13:25,554 --> 00:13:27,121 to bang a stewardess. 321 00:13:27,189 --> 00:13:29,624 Fine. I admit it. 322 00:13:29,692 --> 00:13:31,226 After what Kelly's put him through, 323 00:13:31,293 --> 00:13:33,027 I think he deserves this, and you know what? 324 00:13:33,095 --> 00:13:35,563 Letting it happen is my gift to him. 325 00:13:35,631 --> 00:13:36,724 This is your idea of a gift? 326 00:13:36,748 --> 00:13:38,349 Yeah. A gift to celebrate the end 327 00:13:38,417 --> 00:13:39,717 of a horrible 2 years. 328 00:13:39,785 --> 00:13:43,371 Did you get him a gift? No. 329 00:13:43,439 --> 00:13:45,739 Ok, so Deacon getting his wife back, 330 00:13:45,807 --> 00:13:46,740 his kids, 331 00:13:46,808 --> 00:13:47,942 that's not enough of a gift. 332 00:13:48,009 --> 00:13:50,010 He needs more of a gift than that. 333 00:13:50,079 --> 00:13:51,359 They're different kinds of gifts. 334 00:13:51,413 --> 00:13:52,941 That's why you get more than one gift for Christmas. 335 00:13:52,965 --> 00:13:54,241 For God's sake, Carrie, Jewish people 336 00:13:54,265 --> 00:13:56,266 give 8 gifts for hanukkah. 337 00:13:56,334 --> 00:13:58,185 Oh, ok. So according to your logic, 338 00:13:58,253 --> 00:13:59,987 would it be ok if Deacon slept 339 00:14:00,055 --> 00:14:02,657 with 7 other women tonight? 340 00:14:02,724 --> 00:14:06,194 No, 'cause he's not Jewish. 341 00:14:06,261 --> 00:14:09,030 The stupidest conversation 342 00:14:09,097 --> 00:14:10,548 I've ever had. 343 00:14:10,615 --> 00:14:12,227 No. The stupidest conversation I've ever had, 344 00:14:12,251 --> 00:14:14,418 and besides, Kelly's been with a million guys 345 00:14:14,486 --> 00:14:15,920 since she left him. 346 00:14:15,987 --> 00:14:18,072 Excuse me. She's been with exactly 2 guys, 347 00:14:18,140 --> 00:14:19,808 and she only slept with one of them. 348 00:14:19,875 --> 00:14:21,709 He was an orthodontist. 349 00:14:21,777 --> 00:14:24,529 What the hell does that have to do with anything? 350 00:14:24,597 --> 00:14:26,614 Just that she regretted it. It was weird. 351 00:14:26,682 --> 00:14:28,415 The guy cried or something. I don't know. 352 00:14:28,483 --> 00:14:30,267 The point is that when that happened, 353 00:14:30,335 --> 00:14:32,369 she didn't know what was gonna happen 354 00:14:32,437 --> 00:14:33,821 with her and Deacon, ok? 355 00:14:33,888 --> 00:14:36,324 Today is the day before they're getting back together. 356 00:14:36,391 --> 00:14:38,242 So if the sex goes past midnight, 357 00:14:38,309 --> 00:14:40,310 it'll be the same day. 358 00:14:40,378 --> 00:14:42,630 The sex probably won't go past midnight. 359 00:14:42,698 --> 00:14:43,731 Don't be so sure. 360 00:14:43,799 --> 00:14:45,010 Some people can actually pull that off. 361 00:14:45,034 --> 00:14:47,435 Oh, I see all the guns are out now! 362 00:14:47,502 --> 00:14:49,737 You can insult me all you want. 363 00:14:49,805 --> 00:14:51,582 I'm still not going over there and telling him. 364 00:14:51,606 --> 00:14:53,774 I'm just not. 365 00:14:53,843 --> 00:14:54,992 All right. 366 00:14:55,060 --> 00:14:57,028 Look, Doug, ok. 367 00:14:57,095 --> 00:15:00,197 I admit that Deacon being with this girl tonight 368 00:15:00,265 --> 00:15:02,132 probably won't destroy their marriage, 369 00:15:02,200 --> 00:15:03,568 and, yes, maybe in some way, 370 00:15:03,635 --> 00:15:06,103 he probably does deserve it. 371 00:15:06,171 --> 00:15:07,838 But I just feel 372 00:15:07,906 --> 00:15:10,191 like not telling Deacon about Kelly 373 00:15:10,258 --> 00:15:11,693 is just wrong. 374 00:15:11,760 --> 00:15:13,461 Honey, it's wrong, 375 00:15:13,529 --> 00:15:14,812 and I know in your heart 376 00:15:14,880 --> 00:15:16,380 you know that, too. 377 00:15:18,834 --> 00:15:20,234 I don't know. Maybe. 378 00:15:20,302 --> 00:15:21,235 Come on, honey. 379 00:15:21,303 --> 00:15:23,771 After the game, we'll go over there, 380 00:15:23,839 --> 00:15:26,975 and we'll tell him, all right? 381 00:15:29,144 --> 00:15:30,177 All right, fine. 382 00:15:30,245 --> 00:15:32,814 Ok, good. I'll bet he thanks you. 383 00:15:32,882 --> 00:15:35,467 Oh, yeah. I expect to get a very hearty handshake. 384 00:15:35,534 --> 00:15:36,568 When's the game over? 385 00:15:36,635 --> 00:15:38,870 I don't know. A couple hours at least. 386 00:15:38,938 --> 00:15:40,238 Doug? 387 00:15:40,306 --> 00:15:41,806 What? 388 00:15:41,873 --> 00:15:43,474 It's raining. 389 00:15:43,542 --> 00:15:44,542 So? 390 00:15:44,576 --> 00:15:47,678 It's raining! 391 00:15:47,746 --> 00:15:50,915 There's an abbott and costello movie on. 392 00:15:50,983 --> 00:15:53,517 "Due to today's rain, 393 00:15:53,585 --> 00:15:55,730 the game will be completed tomorrow as a doubleheader." 394 00:15:55,754 --> 00:15:57,849 Oh, my God! They're probably at his apartment right now. 395 00:15:57,873 --> 00:15:59,540 She's probably unpinning her little wings 396 00:15:59,608 --> 00:16:01,042 as we speak. 397 00:16:04,780 --> 00:16:06,725 He doesn't even realize the mummy's right behind him. 398 00:16:06,749 --> 00:16:07,749 Doug! 399 00:16:14,056 --> 00:16:15,356 I hope we're not too late. 400 00:16:15,423 --> 00:16:18,526 Yeah, me, too. 401 00:16:21,697 --> 00:16:23,897 Can you hear the doorbell from the bedroom? 402 00:16:23,965 --> 00:16:27,168 I don't know. 403 00:16:27,235 --> 00:16:28,619 Well, what do you think? 404 00:16:28,687 --> 00:16:30,121 I don't know. It's been a while 405 00:16:30,189 --> 00:16:32,589 since we had a slumber party. 406 00:16:32,657 --> 00:16:34,141 All right, just use your key. 407 00:16:34,209 --> 00:16:35,309 I don't have a key. 408 00:16:35,377 --> 00:16:36,611 Oh, don't give me that. 409 00:16:36,679 --> 00:16:38,446 I know you guys swapped house keys, 410 00:16:38,513 --> 00:16:40,248 like, 5 years ago. 411 00:16:40,316 --> 00:16:41,833 Oh, right. 412 00:16:41,900 --> 00:16:44,569 My "please burst in if I'm ever nailing a stewardess" key. 413 00:16:44,636 --> 00:16:45,570 Right. 414 00:16:45,637 --> 00:16:47,104 Just open it. 415 00:16:55,280 --> 00:16:57,315 I don't think they're here. 416 00:16:57,382 --> 00:16:58,626 Do you think they're in the bedroom, 417 00:16:58,650 --> 00:17:01,085 you know, doing it? 418 00:17:01,152 --> 00:17:03,054 How the hell should I know? 419 00:17:03,221 --> 00:17:04,806 Check it out! 420 00:17:10,562 --> 00:17:11,629 Doug. 421 00:17:13,615 --> 00:17:16,034 Hello? 422 00:17:16,101 --> 00:17:17,268 Deac? 423 00:17:17,335 --> 00:17:19,887 Hot stewardess? 424 00:17:19,955 --> 00:17:21,289 Ha ha ha! I'm sorry. 425 00:17:21,356 --> 00:17:23,024 But I've never seen anyone run so fast 426 00:17:23,091 --> 00:17:24,192 from a little rain. 427 00:17:24,259 --> 00:17:27,929 This shirt is suede. It's $60, baby. 428 00:17:27,996 --> 00:17:30,531 Actually, I'm not sorry 429 00:17:30,598 --> 00:17:32,666 the game got rained out. 430 00:17:32,734 --> 00:17:35,102 Gives us more time for dinner 431 00:17:35,170 --> 00:17:37,088 and whatnot. 432 00:17:37,155 --> 00:17:38,906 I like the sound of whatnot. 433 00:17:41,543 --> 00:17:42,944 How's it going? 434 00:17:48,283 --> 00:17:50,134 What were you doing in there? 435 00:17:50,202 --> 00:17:52,153 I heard that the met game got rained out, 436 00:17:52,221 --> 00:17:53,688 so I came over here 437 00:17:53,755 --> 00:17:56,918 to close your windows. 438 00:17:56,942 --> 00:18:00,194 Ok, once again, what were you doing in there? 439 00:18:00,262 --> 00:18:04,949 Actually, I need to talk to you a second alone. 440 00:18:05,016 --> 00:18:06,768 Why don't I just wait inside? 441 00:18:06,835 --> 00:18:08,302 Thanks. 442 00:18:08,370 --> 00:18:10,271 Don't be scared. 443 00:18:10,338 --> 00:18:11,816 The white woman coming out of the bathroom 444 00:18:11,840 --> 00:18:13,240 will be my wife. 445 00:18:13,308 --> 00:18:14,241 Right. 446 00:18:14,309 --> 00:18:15,309 Ok. 447 00:18:17,813 --> 00:18:20,581 Hi. I'm Melanie. 448 00:18:20,649 --> 00:18:22,449 Wow. 449 00:18:23,886 --> 00:18:24,986 So that's pretty much it. 450 00:18:25,054 --> 00:18:26,253 Kelly's coming back tomorrow. 451 00:18:26,321 --> 00:18:29,757 She loves you, and she wants to stay married. 452 00:18:29,825 --> 00:18:32,326 Yeah, that's it. That's the whole deal right there. 453 00:18:32,394 --> 00:18:33,928 Great news, huh, Deac? 454 00:18:35,814 --> 00:18:37,348 Deac, you there, buddy? 455 00:18:41,920 --> 00:18:44,972 I love my wife. 456 00:18:45,039 --> 00:18:46,590 The fact that she's coming back 457 00:18:46,658 --> 00:18:47,692 is the best news 458 00:18:47,759 --> 00:18:50,945 I could ever hope to get. 459 00:18:51,012 --> 00:18:52,613 That being said, 460 00:18:52,680 --> 00:18:54,148 you realize you told me 461 00:18:54,216 --> 00:18:57,718 at the worst possible time, 462 00:18:57,786 --> 00:18:58,836 don't you? 463 00:18:58,903 --> 00:19:00,171 Yes. Yes, I do. 464 00:19:00,338 --> 00:19:01,532 Then why the hell did you tell me now?! 465 00:19:01,556 --> 00:19:03,207 I'm sorry. Carrie made me. 466 00:19:03,275 --> 00:19:04,335 The only worse time you could've picked 467 00:19:04,359 --> 00:19:05,293 is if you waited another half hour 468 00:19:05,360 --> 00:19:06,994 and popped out from under the covers. 469 00:19:07,062 --> 00:19:08,296 I fought for you! 470 00:19:08,363 --> 00:19:09,363 I fought for you, 471 00:19:09,431 --> 00:19:10,742 and I told her you've been through hell 472 00:19:10,766 --> 00:19:12,700 and you deserve this, 473 00:19:12,768 --> 00:19:13,968 and then she said some stuff, 474 00:19:14,036 --> 00:19:14,969 and here we are. 475 00:19:15,037 --> 00:19:16,737 Oh, man. 476 00:19:16,805 --> 00:19:18,439 So what are you gonna do? 477 00:19:18,507 --> 00:19:19,850 I don't know. I can't even think straight. 478 00:19:19,874 --> 00:19:21,309 In my mind, I'm seeing my family 479 00:19:21,376 --> 00:19:22,810 all back together for Christmas, 480 00:19:22,877 --> 00:19:23,877 except instead of a tree, 481 00:19:23,912 --> 00:19:26,480 we're decorating a naked stewardess. 482 00:19:26,548 --> 00:19:29,766 Deac, that is a million-dollar idea. 483 00:19:33,438 --> 00:19:35,223 Hey. 484 00:19:35,290 --> 00:19:37,258 Did you guys have your talk? 485 00:19:37,326 --> 00:19:38,576 Yeah. 486 00:19:40,295 --> 00:19:41,979 Oh, what? 487 00:19:42,047 --> 00:19:43,898 Nothing. I was just in there with Melanie, 488 00:19:43,966 --> 00:19:45,749 and, uh, she ain't ugly, 489 00:19:45,817 --> 00:19:48,869 that's for darn Tootin'. 490 00:19:48,971 --> 00:19:50,214 What are you saying? I shouldn't have told him? 491 00:19:50,238 --> 00:19:51,416 No, no. You did the right thing. 492 00:19:51,440 --> 00:19:53,591 Definitely. You definitely did the right thing, 493 00:19:53,658 --> 00:19:56,827 although she could not be nicer. 494 00:19:56,895 --> 00:19:59,413 She actually gave me some free coupons for an upgrade. 495 00:19:59,480 --> 00:20:00,848 What the hell is she doing to me? 496 00:20:00,916 --> 00:20:02,227 I don't know. What the hell are you doing to him?! 497 00:20:02,251 --> 00:20:04,185 Nothing, nothing, nothing. 498 00:20:04,253 --> 00:20:05,403 I'm just thinking. 499 00:20:05,470 --> 00:20:07,788 They still are technically separated, 500 00:20:07,856 --> 00:20:08,976 and Kelly did have her thing 501 00:20:09,024 --> 00:20:10,357 with the orthodontist. 502 00:20:10,425 --> 00:20:12,043 She slept with Dr. Gottleib?! 503 00:20:12,110 --> 00:20:14,745 Kind of. It was not a big deal. 504 00:20:14,813 --> 00:20:16,329 Listen, Deacon, you're an adult. 505 00:20:16,364 --> 00:20:17,675 You're capable of making your own decisions. 506 00:20:17,699 --> 00:20:18,632 We should have never interfered. 507 00:20:18,700 --> 00:20:19,934 Just do what feels right, ok? 508 00:20:20,002 --> 00:20:21,368 Come on, babe. 509 00:20:22,838 --> 00:20:25,522 We were never here. 510 00:20:25,590 --> 00:20:28,459 The last 5 minutes never happened. 511 00:20:28,527 --> 00:20:30,087 You're just getting back from the met game. 512 00:20:30,111 --> 00:20:31,795 The mets won. 513 00:20:31,847 --> 00:20:32,907 You've got a beautiful woman 514 00:20:32,931 --> 00:20:35,016 in your apartment waiting for you. 515 00:20:35,083 --> 00:20:36,300 And go. 516 00:20:51,316 --> 00:20:53,817 Oh, are these your kids? 517 00:20:53,885 --> 00:20:56,253 They're adorable. 518 00:20:58,540 --> 00:20:59,924 Aw, crap. 519 00:21:07,199 --> 00:21:08,049 You know, Deacon, 520 00:21:08,116 --> 00:21:09,400 I actually think this time apart 521 00:21:09,468 --> 00:21:10,968 was the best possible thing for us, 522 00:21:11,035 --> 00:21:12,102 don't you? 523 00:21:12,170 --> 00:21:13,237 We both got out there 524 00:21:13,305 --> 00:21:14,905 and got to live a little. 525 00:21:14,973 --> 00:21:16,373 I had my experiences, 526 00:21:16,441 --> 00:21:18,092 you had yours. 527 00:21:19,727 --> 00:21:20,928 By the way, can you take Kirby 528 00:21:20,995 --> 00:21:22,430 to his appointment at Dr. Gottleib's 529 00:21:22,497 --> 00:21:24,231 on Thursday? 530 00:21:28,636 --> 00:21:30,754 We're gonna need a new mirror.