1 00:00:05,416 --> 00:00:06,849 Hey, Dad. 2 00:00:06,917 --> 00:00:10,116 Kids, I've made the most incredible discovery. 3 00:00:10,183 --> 00:00:13,249 What, that I can't see Sports center through you? 4 00:00:13,317 --> 00:00:15,350 No. This. I stumbled upon 5 00:00:15,418 --> 00:00:18,684 a little slice of heaven called the Dollar Store. 6 00:00:18,752 --> 00:00:20,418 Guess how much I paid for this. 7 00:00:20,485 --> 00:00:22,351 I don't know. How much? 8 00:00:22,419 --> 00:00:23,419 A dollar! 9 00:00:23,487 --> 00:00:24,720 Wow! 10 00:00:24,754 --> 00:00:28,320 Not sure you needed Jhericurl, though. 11 00:00:28,387 --> 00:00:31,020 For a dollar, how could I not need it? 12 00:00:31,088 --> 00:00:32,665 I'm telling you, Douglas, you should go there. 13 00:00:32,689 --> 00:00:34,455 The prices are unbeatable. 14 00:00:34,523 --> 00:00:36,089 Hmm... unless you go down 15 00:00:36,156 --> 00:00:37,856 to the 99 Cents Store. 16 00:00:37,924 --> 00:00:39,289 The what? 17 00:00:39,357 --> 00:00:41,366 The 99 Cents Store. It's exactly like the Dollar Store, 18 00:00:41,390 --> 00:00:43,190 only everything's a penny cheaper. 19 00:00:45,624 --> 00:00:48,392 Those bastards saw me coming a mile away! 20 00:00:53,061 --> 00:00:54,725 That was fun. 21 00:01:30,002 --> 00:01:35,135 OK, boys, breakfast is served. 22 00:01:35,202 --> 00:01:38,302 I thought you were goin' to Dunkin' Donuts. 23 00:01:38,369 --> 00:01:39,637 Change in plans. 24 00:01:39,704 --> 00:01:42,804 Ling Gardens is now open 24/7. 25 00:01:42,871 --> 00:01:45,638 OK, just because a restaurant is open 24-hours-a-day, 26 00:01:45,705 --> 00:01:47,106 doesn't mean you have to eat there 27 00:01:47,172 --> 00:01:48,805 24-hours-a-day. 28 00:01:48,873 --> 00:01:51,773 That's exactly what it means. 29 00:01:51,841 --> 00:01:53,305 Oh, how sad it that? 30 00:01:53,373 --> 00:01:55,107 All those loaders going after 31 00:01:55,174 --> 00:01:56,706 the one open driver spot. 32 00:01:56,774 --> 00:01:59,375 Look at 'em filling out their applications. 33 00:01:59,443 --> 00:02:01,208 They're adorable. 34 00:02:01,276 --> 00:02:03,142 You just want to squeeze 'em, you know? 35 00:02:03,210 --> 00:02:07,409 I wish I could keep a tiny little loader at home as a pet. 36 00:02:07,477 --> 00:02:09,110 My kids would love that. 37 00:02:09,178 --> 00:02:10,343 And Sanchez... 38 00:02:10,411 --> 00:02:13,178 I don't even think his feet can reach the pedals. 39 00:02:13,245 --> 00:02:14,643 Watch this. 40 00:02:14,711 --> 00:02:15,945 Hey, Sanchez, 41 00:02:16,012 --> 00:02:18,056 what'd you say your favorite kind of bagel was again? 42 00:02:18,080 --> 00:02:19,145 The plain. 43 00:02:19,213 --> 00:02:20,145 Was it sesame? 44 00:02:20,213 --> 00:02:22,913 The plain. The plain! 45 00:02:26,682 --> 00:02:28,814 Hey, look. Your cousin Danny's 46 00:02:28,881 --> 00:02:29,948 grabbing' an application. 47 00:02:30,015 --> 00:02:31,615 Oh, crap! 48 00:02:31,683 --> 00:02:32,614 What? 49 00:02:32,682 --> 00:02:33,615 Now he's gonna be all over me 50 00:02:33,683 --> 00:02:34,683 to help him out 51 00:02:34,716 --> 00:02:36,982 and write him a letter of recommendation. 52 00:02:37,050 --> 00:02:38,050 Hey, buddy. 53 00:02:38,117 --> 00:02:39,916 Hey, where the heck is all the soy sauce?! 54 00:02:39,984 --> 00:02:41,517 This is crazy. I gotta go back. 55 00:02:41,584 --> 00:02:42,850 There's soy sauce right here. 56 00:02:42,918 --> 00:02:43,961 Yeah, I know, I know. That's what I'm saying. 57 00:02:43,985 --> 00:02:45,818 There's too much. I gotta bring some back. 58 00:02:50,354 --> 00:02:51,362 I don't know, we exchanged numbers, 59 00:02:51,386 --> 00:02:52,819 but he hasn't called me. 60 00:02:52,887 --> 00:02:54,787 Maybe I should just give him a call. 61 00:02:54,855 --> 00:02:55,553 Don't you dare! 62 00:02:55,621 --> 00:02:57,054 If this Tito fellow can't see 63 00:02:57,122 --> 00:02:58,187 how special you are, 64 00:02:58,255 --> 00:02:59,188 then he's not worth it. 65 00:02:59,256 --> 00:03:01,122 I guess. 66 00:03:01,189 --> 00:03:02,122 You're smart, successful, 67 00:03:02,189 --> 00:03:03,532 and other than being a little light 68 00:03:03,556 --> 00:03:04,556 in the bazoom, 69 00:03:04,589 --> 00:03:06,657 very attractive. 70 00:03:06,724 --> 00:03:09,890 OK, now you've got me blushing. 71 00:03:09,958 --> 00:03:10,890 You know, Arthur, 72 00:03:10,958 --> 00:03:12,278 at first you were just this person 73 00:03:12,325 --> 00:03:13,991 that I walked, but I gotta say, 74 00:03:14,059 --> 00:03:15,299 now you've become so much more. 75 00:03:15,359 --> 00:03:18,291 You've become kind of like family. 76 00:03:18,359 --> 00:03:20,826 Now you've got me blushing. 77 00:03:20,894 --> 00:03:23,393 Well, I better go. Cupcake's sending up warning signals. 78 00:03:23,461 --> 00:03:24,360 Oh, yes. 79 00:03:24,428 --> 00:03:26,627 That certainly was Cupcake. 80 00:03:26,695 --> 00:03:27,760 Bye. 81 00:03:27,828 --> 00:03:29,395 Good-bye. 82 00:03:32,796 --> 00:03:34,963 I was just paid a wonderful compliment. 83 00:03:35,030 --> 00:03:36,963 Holly said I was like family to her. 84 00:03:37,030 --> 00:03:39,331 Wow. She have a basement? 85 00:03:42,031 --> 00:03:45,398 Don't worry, Douglas, I love it here. 86 00:03:48,534 --> 00:03:50,233 Hey. Hey. 87 00:03:50,301 --> 00:03:52,633 Listen, the wind is blowing our trash can 88 00:03:52,701 --> 00:03:53,710 down the middle of the street. 89 00:03:53,734 --> 00:03:54,734 I know. I saw it. 90 00:03:54,801 --> 00:03:56,601 Those things get rolling pretty good, huh? 91 00:04:03,269 --> 00:04:06,337 Hello. Oh, hey, Danny. 92 00:04:06,405 --> 00:04:07,970 I'm not here! 93 00:04:08,037 --> 00:04:09,870 Uh, no, he's not here. 94 00:04:09,938 --> 00:04:11,472 He's um... 95 00:04:11,539 --> 00:04:13,371 out jogging. 96 00:04:16,939 --> 00:04:18,905 He's at Jack in the Box. 97 00:04:20,807 --> 00:04:22,006 Yeah. 98 00:04:22,074 --> 00:04:24,108 Oh, that's great, Danny. 99 00:04:24,175 --> 00:04:26,308 I'm sure you'll get it. 100 00:04:26,375 --> 00:04:27,375 Yeah, yeah. 101 00:04:27,442 --> 00:04:28,751 He'll be happy to do that for you. 102 00:04:28,775 --> 00:04:30,374 OK, honey. Bye-bye. 103 00:04:30,442 --> 00:04:33,643 What is your problem? 104 00:04:33,711 --> 00:04:35,687 Did you just say to him I'd write a letter of recommendation? 105 00:04:35,711 --> 00:04:37,477 Yeah. Why is that such a big deal? 106 00:04:37,545 --> 00:04:39,143 Beca... he only wants to be a driver 107 00:04:39,211 --> 00:04:40,443 'cause I'm a driver! 108 00:04:40,512 --> 00:04:42,244 He's copying me again. 109 00:04:42,312 --> 00:04:43,477 Copying you? 110 00:04:43,545 --> 00:04:45,845 Yeah. When we were kids, I got a Reggie Jackson mitt. 111 00:04:45,913 --> 00:04:47,712 2 weeks later, he got one. 112 00:04:47,779 --> 00:04:49,022 When I dropped out of junior college, 113 00:04:49,046 --> 00:04:51,013 he dropped out of junior college. 114 00:04:51,080 --> 00:04:54,146 Then just last month, I went on that juice diet... he did. 115 00:04:54,214 --> 00:04:57,280 Did he gain 10 pounds on it? 116 00:04:57,348 --> 00:04:59,592 Look, you know what? There's no point in even discussing this, 117 00:04:59,616 --> 00:05:00,849 because the bottom line is. 118 00:05:00,917 --> 00:05:02,749 Danny's not right for this job. 119 00:05:02,817 --> 00:05:03,749 Oh, why's that? 120 00:05:03,817 --> 00:05:04,826 Because when it comes to driving, 121 00:05:04,850 --> 00:05:06,716 he just doesn't have... it. 122 00:05:06,784 --> 00:05:10,750 OK, and by "it," do you mean a driver's license? 123 00:05:11,986 --> 00:05:14,985 Uh, excuse me, it's a class "C" license. 124 00:05:15,052 --> 00:05:16,862 And don't knock it. It's paid for slightly less 125 00:05:16,886 --> 00:05:18,386 than 1/2 of all of this. 126 00:05:18,454 --> 00:05:21,653 Just be a good guy and write the letter for your cousin. 127 00:05:21,721 --> 00:05:22,953 Here... 128 00:05:23,021 --> 00:05:24,654 Unbelievable. 129 00:05:27,490 --> 00:05:29,989 Does "dumb-ass" have a hyphen? 130 00:05:30,056 --> 00:05:32,423 Give it to me. 131 00:05:34,823 --> 00:05:35,823 All right, 132 00:05:35,890 --> 00:05:37,622 I'd like to introduce the newest driver 133 00:05:37,690 --> 00:05:40,058 to the IPS family, Danny Heffernan. 134 00:05:40,125 --> 00:05:43,224 You're now a member of an elite force, son. 135 00:05:43,292 --> 00:05:46,026 With great honor comes great responsibility. 136 00:05:46,094 --> 00:05:47,625 Make us proud. 137 00:05:47,694 --> 00:05:49,026 All right, next item. 138 00:05:49,094 --> 00:05:50,534 One of you pinheads broke my stapler. 139 00:05:50,594 --> 00:05:51,459 Until further notice, 140 00:05:51,527 --> 00:05:52,694 my stapler is off-limits. 141 00:05:52,761 --> 00:05:54,661 That's it. Hit the streets, everybody. 142 00:05:54,729 --> 00:05:56,861 Heffernan, show your cousin the ropes. 143 00:06:01,930 --> 00:06:03,807 Hey, thanks a lot for writin' that letter, buddy. 144 00:06:03,831 --> 00:06:05,362 So, what's the dealio? 145 00:06:05,430 --> 00:06:06,530 Am I gettin' a good truck? 146 00:06:06,597 --> 00:06:08,164 What's my route? Where am I goin'? 147 00:06:08,231 --> 00:06:09,764 You know what? Your first delivery 148 00:06:09,832 --> 00:06:12,164 is to Shut It Up Industries. 149 00:06:14,766 --> 00:06:15,775 You're not a loader anymore. 150 00:06:15,799 --> 00:06:17,199 You're a driver. Act like one. 151 00:06:17,266 --> 00:06:18,499 Right. 152 00:06:18,567 --> 00:06:20,667 All right, here she is. 153 00:06:20,735 --> 00:06:21,744 So, what's the first thing you do 154 00:06:21,768 --> 00:06:23,008 when you get in in the morning? 155 00:06:23,034 --> 00:06:24,367 Uh, perimeter check. 156 00:06:24,435 --> 00:06:26,768 Tire pressure, door gates, and fluid levels. 157 00:06:28,168 --> 00:06:30,168 Oh, boy. 158 00:06:30,236 --> 00:06:31,868 What? That's what it says in the manual. 159 00:06:31,936 --> 00:06:35,537 I know what it says in the manual, OK? 160 00:06:35,604 --> 00:06:36,537 I'm here to teach you 161 00:06:36,604 --> 00:06:39,504 what's not in the manual. All right? 162 00:06:46,207 --> 00:06:47,406 Do you hear that? Come here. 163 00:06:49,807 --> 00:06:50,807 You know what that is? 164 00:06:52,642 --> 00:06:55,641 Uh... We Will Rock You? 165 00:06:59,175 --> 00:07:01,076 No. Listen! 166 00:07:02,910 --> 00:07:04,743 You got a rivet missing. 167 00:07:04,811 --> 00:07:06,544 Mm-hmm. Hey, can I have the keys now, 168 00:07:06,612 --> 00:07:07,510 or are you just gonna... 169 00:07:07,578 --> 00:07:08,677 The keys. 170 00:07:08,745 --> 00:07:11,412 He wants the keys. He wants the keys. 171 00:07:11,479 --> 00:07:13,378 You just don't get it, do you? 172 00:07:13,445 --> 00:07:14,779 You know, this job is a lot more 173 00:07:14,847 --> 00:07:16,279 than just driving a truck. 174 00:07:17,313 --> 00:07:18,680 What else is it? 175 00:07:18,748 --> 00:07:20,181 Customer relations! 176 00:07:20,215 --> 00:07:21,290 You know, when I first started, 177 00:07:21,314 --> 00:07:22,980 there was this lady, Mrs. Janowski. 178 00:07:23,048 --> 00:07:24,748 She would hardly open the door for me. 179 00:07:24,815 --> 00:07:26,414 Now she bakes me sugar cookies 180 00:07:26,482 --> 00:07:27,849 in all different shapes. 181 00:07:27,916 --> 00:07:29,881 You know, your stars, your squares, your hearts. 182 00:07:29,949 --> 00:07:32,450 OK, now that you've explained to me what a shape is, 183 00:07:32,518 --> 00:07:34,050 can I hit the road, or... 184 00:07:34,118 --> 00:07:36,351 Are you questioning my training methods? 185 00:07:36,418 --> 00:07:38,752 No. No, no, no. 186 00:07:38,819 --> 00:07:41,585 Tap the truck, get a cookie. Got it! 187 00:07:41,653 --> 00:07:44,652 You know what? I knew making you a driver was a big mistake. 188 00:07:44,719 --> 00:07:47,854 Mistake? Why'd you write that letter of recommendation? 189 00:07:47,919 --> 00:07:49,487 I didn't. Carrie did. 190 00:07:49,555 --> 00:07:50,787 What? Yeah. 191 00:07:50,855 --> 00:07:52,731 The truth is, I don't think you can handle this job. 192 00:07:52,755 --> 00:07:54,287 It's driving and walking. 193 00:07:54,355 --> 00:07:56,422 Get over yourself. 194 00:07:56,489 --> 00:07:59,956 OK, if it's so easy, hotshot, 195 00:08:00,024 --> 00:08:01,200 why don't you take my route today, 196 00:08:01,224 --> 00:08:02,555 and I'll take the trainee route? 197 00:08:02,623 --> 00:08:04,367 I'll talk to O'Boyle right now and make that happen 198 00:08:04,391 --> 00:08:05,391 if you want me to. 199 00:08:05,425 --> 00:08:07,091 Fine. OK. Here you go. 200 00:08:07,158 --> 00:08:08,691 Welcome to zone 8. 201 00:08:08,758 --> 00:08:10,225 Or as you'll be calling it, 202 00:08:10,293 --> 00:08:12,792 "I can't do it." 203 00:08:18,395 --> 00:08:20,060 Hey, Arthur, you were right about Tito. 204 00:08:20,128 --> 00:08:21,060 He called me last night 205 00:08:21,128 --> 00:08:22,594 begging me to go out with him again. 206 00:08:22,661 --> 00:08:23,672 Well, if there's one thing I know, 207 00:08:23,696 --> 00:08:25,528 it's how to get a man. 208 00:08:25,596 --> 00:08:27,329 OK, Arthur, ready for your walk? 209 00:08:27,396 --> 00:08:28,396 You betcha. 210 00:08:28,430 --> 00:08:29,895 Oh, I got you a little something 211 00:08:29,963 --> 00:08:32,330 just to say thanks for being so nice. 212 00:08:32,397 --> 00:08:34,363 Well, what is this? 213 00:08:34,431 --> 00:08:37,597 "World's greatest grandfather." 214 00:08:37,664 --> 00:08:39,698 You know, you're like a grandfather to me. 215 00:08:39,766 --> 00:08:41,899 A grandfather?! 216 00:08:41,967 --> 00:08:43,966 Why don't you just kick me in the marbles?! 217 00:08:45,067 --> 00:08:46,733 What? Why are you mad? 218 00:08:46,800 --> 00:08:48,399 Because I'm not like a grandfather. 219 00:08:48,467 --> 00:08:49,934 I'm like a father to you. 220 00:08:50,001 --> 00:08:52,234 I didn't mean to say that you were old or anything. 221 00:08:52,301 --> 00:08:53,667 It has nothing to do with age. 222 00:08:53,736 --> 00:08:54,869 It's about stature. 223 00:08:54,937 --> 00:08:56,068 What?! 224 00:08:56,136 --> 00:08:58,169 Grandfathers are a dime a dozen. 225 00:08:58,237 --> 00:09:00,369 That's why everyone get's 2 of them. 226 00:09:00,436 --> 00:09:02,870 Fathers are the real McCoy. 227 00:09:02,938 --> 00:09:05,370 They're the wind beneath your wings. 228 00:09:05,438 --> 00:09:08,071 If you can't see that I'm your wind, 229 00:09:08,139 --> 00:09:09,604 then you're dead to me! 230 00:09:18,840 --> 00:09:21,140 Oh... got too rough for you out there, huh? 231 00:09:21,208 --> 00:09:23,307 You quit in the middle of the day. 232 00:09:23,375 --> 00:09:26,142 What's the matter, the packages too heavy? 233 00:09:26,210 --> 00:09:29,709 You couldn't see over the steewing wheel? 234 00:09:31,477 --> 00:09:32,486 Yeah, you were right, Doug. 235 00:09:32,510 --> 00:09:34,977 I couldn't do your route as fast as you. 236 00:09:35,045 --> 00:09:37,477 I could only do it 46 minutes faster 237 00:09:37,545 --> 00:09:39,378 than you've ever done it. 238 00:09:42,213 --> 00:09:43,613 Ooh, hear that tappin'? 239 00:09:43,681 --> 00:09:46,880 That's the sound of this loader Dustin' your ass! 240 00:09:46,947 --> 00:09:48,080 That's gotta hurt! 241 00:09:57,016 --> 00:09:58,150 Think of it this way. 242 00:09:58,217 --> 00:10:00,116 What would you rather be, a piano, 243 00:10:00,184 --> 00:10:01,784 or a grand piano? 244 00:10:01,851 --> 00:10:04,316 A canyon, or a Grand Canyon? 245 00:10:04,384 --> 00:10:07,418 An ole Opry, or a Grand Ole Opry? 246 00:10:07,485 --> 00:10:10,251 I ain't buyin' your soap, lady. 247 00:10:10,319 --> 00:10:11,452 Arthur, Arthur, listen. 248 00:10:11,519 --> 00:10:13,162 I'm sorry that the trophy hurt your feelings. 249 00:10:13,186 --> 00:10:14,953 Just give it to me and I'll take it back. 250 00:10:15,020 --> 00:10:16,587 Why, you want to swap it out 251 00:10:16,653 --> 00:10:18,720 for a "world's best fourth cousin" trophy? 252 00:10:18,788 --> 00:10:20,821 No, Arthur, I just want to get this over with 253 00:10:20,889 --> 00:10:22,554 so we can go on our walk. 254 00:10:22,622 --> 00:10:23,699 Well, it's not gonna be over 255 00:10:23,723 --> 00:10:25,222 until you admit what's obvious 256 00:10:25,290 --> 00:10:26,421 to everyone else! 257 00:10:26,489 --> 00:10:27,933 Fine. Fine. You're like a father to me. 258 00:10:27,957 --> 00:10:30,155 You are exactly like a father to me! 259 00:10:30,223 --> 00:10:32,090 I am? 260 00:10:32,157 --> 00:10:33,223 Yes. 261 00:10:33,291 --> 00:10:34,391 Come here. 262 00:10:37,392 --> 00:10:38,692 Feels good, doesn't it? 263 00:10:39,793 --> 00:10:41,992 That's it, let it out. 264 00:10:46,728 --> 00:10:47,728 Hey, babe. 265 00:10:47,794 --> 00:10:49,494 You! 266 00:10:49,561 --> 00:10:51,561 What's the matter with... 267 00:10:51,629 --> 00:10:52,793 Aa-aa-aah! Doug... 268 00:10:52,861 --> 00:10:54,095 Aaa-eee-aah! 269 00:10:57,663 --> 00:10:59,130 What is going on with you? 270 00:10:59,197 --> 00:11:00,230 You just had to help 271 00:11:00,298 --> 00:11:02,063 your precious little Danny, didn't you? 272 00:11:02,131 --> 00:11:04,131 Why? What happened? Did he screw up or something? 273 00:11:04,198 --> 00:11:05,098 No, he did great. 274 00:11:05,165 --> 00:11:06,965 He did my route faster than I've ever done it. 275 00:11:07,032 --> 00:11:08,398 He did better than you? 276 00:11:08,466 --> 00:11:10,600 I don't know why you're so shocked. 277 00:11:10,667 --> 00:11:11,667 According to your letter, 278 00:11:11,733 --> 00:11:13,166 he's "infinitely talented." 279 00:11:13,234 --> 00:11:15,134 Oh, come on, I had to write something. 280 00:11:15,200 --> 00:11:18,234 I couldn't say he was a stumpy loser. 281 00:11:18,301 --> 00:11:19,168 I can't believe this. 282 00:11:19,236 --> 00:11:20,867 Well, what's the big deal anyway? 283 00:11:20,936 --> 00:11:22,168 It was his first day. 284 00:11:22,236 --> 00:11:23,403 I got smoked by a rookie. 285 00:11:23,470 --> 00:11:25,403 I'm a disgrace to my shorts! 286 00:11:25,469 --> 00:11:26,469 You know what? 287 00:11:26,503 --> 00:11:28,637 Give these to someone who deserves 'em. 288 00:11:28,704 --> 00:11:30,203 I gotta be honest with you. 289 00:11:30,271 --> 00:11:33,137 I don't think anyone deserves these. 290 00:11:34,804 --> 00:11:36,281 Doug, come on. Don't get down on yourself. 291 00:11:36,305 --> 00:11:37,838 You're a great driver. 292 00:11:37,906 --> 00:11:39,405 No, I'm not. Yes, you are. 293 00:11:39,473 --> 00:11:41,050 No, I'm not! You can't be great at something 294 00:11:41,074 --> 00:11:42,939 if you're not as good as a stumpy loser. 295 00:11:43,007 --> 00:11:46,607 Unless it's a stumpy loser contest. 296 00:11:46,675 --> 00:11:49,107 It's OK, baby. Really. 297 00:11:49,175 --> 00:11:50,742 No, it's not. Look... 298 00:11:50,809 --> 00:11:54,376 God... if he can just waltz in there on his first day 299 00:11:54,442 --> 00:11:57,042 and do better than me, then... 300 00:11:57,110 --> 00:11:58,943 what does it all mean? I mean... 301 00:11:59,011 --> 00:12:01,843 why do we even bother gettin' up? 302 00:12:01,910 --> 00:12:04,044 Well, you have other things in your life 303 00:12:04,112 --> 00:12:05,410 other than driving. 304 00:12:05,478 --> 00:12:06,979 Like what? 305 00:12:07,046 --> 00:12:10,545 Well... you have me... 306 00:12:10,581 --> 00:12:13,047 and your health... sort of. 307 00:12:15,081 --> 00:12:16,414 You know what it is? 308 00:12:16,481 --> 00:12:18,148 It's like... 309 00:12:18,215 --> 00:12:21,149 I... I take pride in my work. 310 00:12:21,216 --> 00:12:23,049 Before today, I really thought 311 00:12:23,116 --> 00:12:24,393 I brought something special to the job. 312 00:12:24,417 --> 00:12:27,916 Something that nobody else but me could bring. 313 00:12:27,984 --> 00:12:29,649 Really? 314 00:12:29,717 --> 00:12:31,050 Yeah. 315 00:12:31,118 --> 00:12:33,985 You know, sometimes at the end of the day, 316 00:12:34,052 --> 00:12:36,317 you know, after I had a great run... 317 00:12:36,385 --> 00:12:39,986 I actually thought God put me on this earth 318 00:12:40,053 --> 00:12:43,120 to get people their packages. 319 00:12:43,188 --> 00:12:44,621 Really? 320 00:12:44,688 --> 00:12:45,619 Yes! 321 00:12:45,687 --> 00:12:46,620 Doug, I'm sorry. 322 00:12:46,688 --> 00:12:47,888 Don't take this the wrong way, 323 00:12:47,922 --> 00:12:50,488 but maybe you're expecting a little too much 324 00:12:50,555 --> 00:12:53,656 out of your truck driving job. 325 00:12:53,724 --> 00:12:56,089 I mean, I don't get any fulfillment from my job. 326 00:12:56,156 --> 00:12:57,156 What about last week? 327 00:12:57,190 --> 00:12:58,630 You said you had a great day at work. 328 00:12:58,658 --> 00:12:59,591 Oh, I wore some tight pants 329 00:12:59,658 --> 00:13:01,425 and got some good feedback. 330 00:13:03,159 --> 00:13:05,025 I wouldn't suggest that for you. 331 00:13:07,292 --> 00:13:08,225 Look, come... 332 00:13:08,292 --> 00:13:10,026 Honey, I... I don't know what to say. 333 00:13:10,094 --> 00:13:12,725 I mean, we're not doctors, you know. 334 00:13:12,793 --> 00:13:14,726 We're not saving lives with what we do. 335 00:13:14,794 --> 00:13:16,461 We have jobs, you know? 336 00:13:16,529 --> 00:13:19,429 We punch in, we cash our checks, 337 00:13:19,496 --> 00:13:22,362 and then we come home to each other. 338 00:13:22,429 --> 00:13:25,262 And that should be enough, OK? 339 00:13:25,330 --> 00:13:26,430 I'm gonna go change. 340 00:13:35,599 --> 00:13:36,898 Oh, Johnny... 341 00:13:36,966 --> 00:13:38,366 my sister Linda... 342 00:13:38,434 --> 00:13:41,167 Big money! Big money! 343 00:13:41,234 --> 00:13:43,701 Unemployed? Need a job quick? 344 00:13:43,768 --> 00:13:45,968 Well, become a truck driver. 345 00:13:46,035 --> 00:13:48,035 No education, no problem. 346 00:13:48,102 --> 00:13:51,235 No experience, no problem. 347 00:13:51,303 --> 00:13:54,702 If you can sit down, you can be a driver. 348 00:13:59,338 --> 00:14:00,904 Don't worry, guys, we'll get going 349 00:14:00,972 --> 00:14:02,132 as soon as we pick up Arthur. 350 00:14:02,172 --> 00:14:03,304 Arthur? 351 00:14:04,739 --> 00:14:06,206 Right here, darling. 352 00:14:06,274 --> 00:14:07,872 What's going on? 353 00:14:07,940 --> 00:14:10,374 You told me once you never learned to ride a bike, 354 00:14:10,441 --> 00:14:12,440 and I intend to teach you. 355 00:14:12,507 --> 00:14:15,275 Oh, Arthur, that's sweet, but you really don't need... 356 00:14:15,343 --> 00:14:17,442 Am I like a father to you or not?! 357 00:14:17,509 --> 00:14:19,253 You're like a father to me. You're like a father to me. 358 00:14:19,277 --> 00:14:20,942 Well, climb aboard. OK. 359 00:14:21,010 --> 00:14:24,210 Now, I've set up a series of cones for you 360 00:14:24,278 --> 00:14:25,375 in the alley. 361 00:14:25,443 --> 00:14:28,044 You'll notice the degree of difficulty increases 362 00:14:28,112 --> 00:14:30,877 as you approach Queens Boulevard. 363 00:14:34,078 --> 00:14:36,145 Godspeed! 364 00:14:41,348 --> 00:14:42,580 Hi. 365 00:14:42,648 --> 00:14:44,281 Hey, man. 366 00:14:44,349 --> 00:14:46,249 What are you doing? 367 00:14:46,316 --> 00:14:47,615 I'm reading a book. 368 00:14:50,383 --> 00:14:51,649 OK... 369 00:14:53,950 --> 00:14:55,584 you know what? 370 00:14:55,652 --> 00:14:57,150 Let me ask you something. 371 00:14:58,585 --> 00:15:01,984 Do you like our jobs here? 372 00:15:02,052 --> 00:15:03,785 I mean, are you proud of what you do? 373 00:15:03,853 --> 00:15:07,486 I drive boxes around Queens. 374 00:15:09,454 --> 00:15:11,386 I know, but when you do it well, 375 00:15:11,454 --> 00:15:13,688 do you think you're making some small difference 376 00:15:13,756 --> 00:15:15,354 in the world? 377 00:15:15,421 --> 00:15:18,721 I drive boxes... 378 00:15:18,789 --> 00:15:21,189 around Queens. 379 00:15:21,256 --> 00:15:22,589 Then why are you here? 380 00:15:22,657 --> 00:15:23,956 What do you even do this for? 381 00:15:24,024 --> 00:15:25,456 Uh, paycheck, benefits, 382 00:15:25,524 --> 00:15:26,604 I don't know how to farm... 383 00:15:26,657 --> 00:15:29,490 I mean, what are you looking for, player? 384 00:15:29,558 --> 00:15:31,691 You know what? Forget it, man. Go back to your book. 385 00:15:36,793 --> 00:15:37,793 What? 386 00:15:37,827 --> 00:15:39,193 Oh, yeah, 387 00:15:39,260 --> 00:15:41,226 little change in the schedule there. 388 00:15:41,294 --> 00:15:43,994 Uh, you... you gave Danny my route. 389 00:15:44,062 --> 00:15:46,593 Well, I gotta go with the hot hand, Doug. 390 00:15:46,661 --> 00:15:48,095 You just drive the trainee route 391 00:15:48,163 --> 00:15:49,296 a few more weeks, huh? 392 00:15:49,363 --> 00:15:51,662 And tell Palmer stop with the readin'. 393 00:15:51,730 --> 00:15:53,130 It's creepin' me out. 394 00:15:56,230 --> 00:15:58,631 Hey, you know, there are 2 unwritten rules at IPS. 395 00:15:58,699 --> 00:15:59,964 Eyes forward at the urinal, 396 00:16:00,032 --> 00:16:02,065 and you never steal another guy's route. 397 00:16:02,133 --> 00:16:03,631 And you broke 'em both. 398 00:16:04,866 --> 00:16:06,266 I didn't steal your route, OK? 399 00:16:06,333 --> 00:16:08,000 And at the urinal, again, 400 00:16:08,068 --> 00:16:10,066 I thought I saw a quarter next to your foot! 401 00:16:13,001 --> 00:16:14,868 You are so out of line on this! 402 00:16:14,935 --> 00:16:15,968 How am I out of line? 403 00:16:16,036 --> 00:16:17,600 Best drivers get the best routes. 404 00:16:17,669 --> 00:16:18,869 You taught me that. 405 00:16:18,936 --> 00:16:20,336 Oh... so now you think 406 00:16:20,403 --> 00:16:21,613 you're a better driver than me? 407 00:16:21,637 --> 00:16:23,736 Look, I don't want to fight, all right? 408 00:16:23,804 --> 00:16:25,670 I just want to have some of Mrs. Janowski's 409 00:16:25,738 --> 00:16:27,804 fresh-baked sugar cookies 410 00:16:27,872 --> 00:16:29,805 on my first day. 411 00:16:29,873 --> 00:16:31,904 That's it, man. 412 00:16:31,972 --> 00:16:34,405 Hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey! 413 00:16:34,473 --> 00:16:37,505 You two have a problem, you settle it the IPS way. 414 00:16:37,573 --> 00:16:41,006 Tonight, Old Dugan Road. 8:00 sharp. 415 00:16:41,074 --> 00:16:42,141 Oh, yeah! 416 00:16:42,209 --> 00:16:43,474 That's what I'm talking about. 417 00:16:43,542 --> 00:16:46,142 Uh, actually, I got an allergist thing at 7:30. 418 00:16:46,210 --> 00:16:47,575 I might be a little late. 419 00:16:47,643 --> 00:16:52,276 All right. Tonight. Old Dugan Road. 8:00-îsh! 420 00:17:12,281 --> 00:17:13,382 Hey, did you, uh... 421 00:17:13,449 --> 00:17:14,525 You soup me up under there? 422 00:17:14,549 --> 00:17:16,448 Oh, no. I couldn't figure out how. 423 00:17:16,516 --> 00:17:18,116 But you're good on wiper fluid. 424 00:17:19,283 --> 00:17:20,316 Good luck, brother. 425 00:17:30,085 --> 00:17:31,085 Doug. 426 00:17:31,120 --> 00:17:32,219 What are you doing here? 427 00:17:32,286 --> 00:17:33,220 I called the depot 428 00:17:33,287 --> 00:17:34,463 and they told me what was going on. 429 00:17:34,487 --> 00:17:36,327 Carrie, you're not stopping me. I'm doing this. 430 00:17:36,388 --> 00:17:37,530 I didn't come to stop you, OK? 431 00:17:37,554 --> 00:17:39,420 I just came to give you this. 432 00:17:41,121 --> 00:17:42,322 A packet of tartar sauce? 433 00:17:42,389 --> 00:17:43,854 Yeah. You brought it home 434 00:17:43,922 --> 00:17:45,621 from your first lunch break 435 00:17:45,689 --> 00:17:47,655 of your first day at IPS. 436 00:17:47,722 --> 00:17:50,223 Remember back when you used to eat fish? 437 00:17:50,290 --> 00:17:53,823 Oh, yeah. Captain Eddie's tartar sauce. 438 00:17:53,891 --> 00:17:56,811 Yeah. You asked me to keep it because of the fortune on the back. Read it. 439 00:17:57,892 --> 00:18:01,658 "The most important thing in life is drive." 440 00:18:01,725 --> 00:18:03,960 Yeah. Remember you said it was like a sign 441 00:18:04,027 --> 00:18:05,593 that you were meant to do this? 442 00:18:05,661 --> 00:18:07,204 And, you know what? You were right, Doug. 443 00:18:07,228 --> 00:18:08,426 Your job is important. 444 00:18:08,494 --> 00:18:11,294 I'm just sorry I didn't see that sooner. 445 00:18:11,361 --> 00:18:13,062 Are those my isotoners? 446 00:18:13,129 --> 00:18:15,194 I couldn't find mine. 447 00:18:15,262 --> 00:18:17,695 OK, let's get going, guys. 448 00:18:17,763 --> 00:18:19,496 All right. Hey, good luck. Good luck. 449 00:18:19,563 --> 00:18:20,497 All right, now, listen. 450 00:18:20,563 --> 00:18:22,997 You kick that stumpy loser's ass! OK? 451 00:18:24,664 --> 00:18:25,664 Hi, Danny. 452 00:18:31,400 --> 00:18:33,599 Go on the drop! 453 00:20:00,687 --> 00:20:04,019 No... no! 454 00:20:04,086 --> 00:20:05,387 Having some problems there, ace? 455 00:20:05,455 --> 00:20:06,854 No, no. I'm fine. 456 00:20:09,088 --> 00:20:10,689 You ain't gonna start it like that. 457 00:20:10,756 --> 00:20:12,254 I... I know what I'm doing. 458 00:20:12,356 --> 00:20:15,589 Stop pumping the gas! It's fuel injection. 459 00:20:15,656 --> 00:20:17,756 It floods if you pump it. You should know that! 460 00:20:17,823 --> 00:20:18,856 Stop yelling at me! 461 00:20:18,923 --> 00:20:20,457 Well, you're doing it wrong. 462 00:20:20,524 --> 00:20:23,124 You're right. Damn it! 463 00:20:23,192 --> 00:20:26,558 Aw... I can't do this. 464 00:20:26,626 --> 00:20:28,125 You win. 465 00:20:28,193 --> 00:20:29,193 You're the better driver. 466 00:20:29,227 --> 00:20:30,759 You're always been the better driver. 467 00:20:30,826 --> 00:20:33,003 What are you talking about? You beat me at my own route. 468 00:20:33,027 --> 00:20:35,893 Aw, I cheated, OK? 469 00:20:35,961 --> 00:20:38,228 I started early and worked through lunch. 470 00:20:38,296 --> 00:20:40,394 I didn't even deliver all my packages. 471 00:20:40,462 --> 00:20:41,938 Your truck was empty when you brought it back. 472 00:20:41,962 --> 00:20:43,861 Yeah, well, my apartment's not. 473 00:20:43,928 --> 00:20:45,262 What?! 474 00:20:45,330 --> 00:20:46,696 It's just... 475 00:20:46,764 --> 00:20:49,097 you've always been better than me at everything. 476 00:20:49,164 --> 00:20:51,764 Just once I wanted to beat you at something. 477 00:20:51,831 --> 00:20:54,464 But I'm just a stupid loader, 478 00:20:54,532 --> 00:20:55,698 and that's all I'll ever be. 479 00:20:55,766 --> 00:20:58,199 Oh, stop your cryin', would you? 480 00:20:58,266 --> 00:21:01,565 You're a driver for the International Parcel Service! 481 00:21:01,633 --> 00:21:03,233 Have some pride, man. 482 00:21:03,300 --> 00:21:06,434 Now open the choke and put it in neutral. 483 00:21:06,501 --> 00:21:07,700 I can't. 484 00:21:07,768 --> 00:21:09,268 Do it! 485 00:21:11,402 --> 00:21:14,667 There. Now turn the ignition key, 486 00:21:14,735 --> 00:21:17,136 and just tap the accelerator. 487 00:21:18,271 --> 00:21:19,670 All right. 488 00:21:19,737 --> 00:21:21,704 Now put it in reverse. 489 00:21:21,772 --> 00:21:23,138 OK. 490 00:21:25,006 --> 00:21:26,046 Why'd I put it in reverse. 491 00:21:26,106 --> 00:21:28,138 'Cause now you're goin' backwards, friend. 492 00:21:37,042 --> 00:21:39,041 Arthur, look. I'm doing it! 493 00:21:39,109 --> 00:21:40,408 I'm doing it! 494 00:21:40,476 --> 00:21:42,241 Very good, honey.