1 00:00:36,438 --> 00:00:37,839 Well, OK, great. So... 2 00:00:37,906 --> 00:00:41,210 So, that price for my dad's cruise includes everything, right? 3 00:00:41,278 --> 00:00:43,013 I mean, all shows? 4 00:00:43,080 --> 00:00:44,349 What about gratuities? 5 00:00:44,416 --> 00:00:47,719 Because the man does not tip. 6 00:00:47,787 --> 00:00:49,500 I'd hate to see Gopher and Isaac get stiffed, 7 00:00:49,524 --> 00:00:52,461 you know what I'm sayin'? 8 00:00:52,529 --> 00:00:54,798 Yeah, I guess you would hear those kinda jokes a lot. 9 00:00:54,865 --> 00:00:55,966 OK, well, thanks. 10 00:00:56,033 --> 00:00:57,768 Alrighty, bye-bye. 11 00:00:57,869 --> 00:00:59,671 Who is the luckiest father in the world? 12 00:00:59,738 --> 00:01:04,177 Phew. I'm gonna go with the Osmond dad. 13 00:01:04,245 --> 00:01:05,814 No, I was talkin' about my dad. 14 00:01:05,882 --> 00:01:07,782 I am getting him a cruise 15 00:01:07,850 --> 00:01:09,752 to Bermuda for Christmas! 16 00:01:09,820 --> 00:01:11,655 Oh, wow, what a generous gift! 17 00:01:11,723 --> 00:01:12,957 He's gonna love that! 18 00:01:13,025 --> 00:01:14,068 I know. I usually get him a robe 19 00:01:14,092 --> 00:01:15,628 or one of those old man caps he likes, 20 00:01:15,695 --> 00:01:16,874 but I thought, you know, why not dig 21 00:01:16,898 --> 00:01:18,064 into my pocket this year 22 00:01:18,132 --> 00:01:19,734 and do something special? 23 00:01:19,801 --> 00:01:22,470 Aw, I'd love to give my dad something like this. 24 00:01:22,539 --> 00:01:25,943 Course, I'd have to find him first. 25 00:01:28,514 --> 00:01:30,349 Anyway, Holl, 26 00:01:30,417 --> 00:01:32,194 uh, we're gonna be, uh, doin' a little thing here 27 00:01:32,218 --> 00:01:33,353 for Christmas on Saturday. 28 00:01:33,421 --> 00:01:34,699 Deacon's comin' by with the kids. 29 00:01:34,723 --> 00:01:35,757 If you're free. 30 00:01:35,824 --> 00:01:36,825 Really? Yeah. 31 00:01:36,893 --> 00:01:38,573 Oh, my God, I'd love to! Thank you, Carrie! 32 00:01:38,628 --> 00:01:40,140 Oh, no problem. Anything special you like? 33 00:01:40,164 --> 00:01:43,602 Just a bucket of eggnog and a ride home. 34 00:01:46,707 --> 00:01:48,575 Damn. 35 00:01:48,643 --> 00:01:49,576 What? 36 00:01:49,644 --> 00:01:51,246 I screwed up. I ate all the franks. 37 00:01:51,313 --> 00:01:55,285 Now all I have left is a crappy bowl of beans. 38 00:01:55,353 --> 00:01:57,622 Yeah. It's like Raisin Bran 39 00:01:57,690 --> 00:01:59,291 after you finish all the raisins. 40 00:02:00,794 --> 00:02:02,862 Right. That's exactly what it's like. 41 00:02:04,531 --> 00:02:07,301 Come in! 42 00:02:07,369 --> 00:02:09,471 Hey, guys! Both: Hey, Spence. 43 00:02:09,538 --> 00:02:11,907 Look what I got. 44 00:02:11,975 --> 00:02:13,610 What the hell is that? 45 00:02:13,678 --> 00:02:15,012 Hello? 46 00:02:15,080 --> 00:02:16,559 You don't remember that from when we were kids? 47 00:02:16,583 --> 00:02:18,985 That's a vintage Joe Rogers action figure, 48 00:02:19,052 --> 00:02:21,622 circa 1975. 49 00:02:21,690 --> 00:02:24,459 OK, this isn't an action figure. It's a doll. 50 00:02:24,527 --> 00:02:27,296 Yeah, the only action that guy's gettin' is with Ken. 51 00:02:29,267 --> 00:02:30,345 Yeah, you guys laugh it up, 52 00:02:30,369 --> 00:02:32,237 but this happens to be a collectors' item, 53 00:02:32,305 --> 00:02:34,808 cost me 70 bucks on eBay. 54 00:02:34,876 --> 00:02:36,242 You paid 70 bucks just for that? 55 00:02:36,310 --> 00:02:38,981 Uh, and 6 outfits? 56 00:02:39,048 --> 00:02:41,518 That's crazy, man. I tell ya, 57 00:02:41,586 --> 00:02:44,221 the only old toy I'd shell out any cash for is Mentalo. 58 00:02:44,289 --> 00:02:45,323 You remember Mentalo? 59 00:02:45,391 --> 00:02:46,735 Oh, yeah, that's the dude with the big head 60 00:02:46,759 --> 00:02:48,939 with the turban that told your future. It was like, uh... 61 00:02:48,963 --> 00:02:52,266 My sources from beyond the grave say... proceed! 62 00:02:52,334 --> 00:02:53,602 Yeah! That's it! 63 00:02:53,669 --> 00:02:55,371 That's the one, man. I loved that toy. 64 00:02:55,438 --> 00:02:57,073 You know what? 65 00:02:57,141 --> 00:02:59,010 I might try and track one of those down. 66 00:02:59,077 --> 00:03:02,047 Mentalo was a weak-ass toy, man. 67 00:03:02,115 --> 00:03:04,551 "Weak-ass"? Are you on pot? 68 00:03:04,619 --> 00:03:07,756 It was nothing but a glorified magic 8-ball. 69 00:03:07,991 --> 00:03:10,092 Magic 8-ball? Ohh-ohh! 70 00:03:10,160 --> 00:03:11,528 "Try again later." 71 00:03:11,595 --> 00:03:12,595 Phht! 72 00:03:16,135 --> 00:03:17,803 Hey, Arthur, ready for our walk? 73 00:03:17,871 --> 00:03:20,675 Just wrappin' a gift. I'll be right with you. 74 00:03:20,743 --> 00:03:22,945 Chopsticks. Who are those for? 75 00:03:23,013 --> 00:03:24,947 Look at the initials. 76 00:03:26,350 --> 00:03:27,785 "C.H." 77 00:03:27,853 --> 00:03:29,588 For "Carrie Heffernan." 78 00:03:29,656 --> 00:03:30,956 Wow, you had them monogrammed? 79 00:03:31,024 --> 00:03:34,895 No, the owner of the Cantonese Hut had them monogrammed. 80 00:03:34,963 --> 00:03:36,230 2 lunches a week, 81 00:03:36,298 --> 00:03:37,338 a coat with ample sleeves, 82 00:03:37,399 --> 00:03:40,536 and, voilà, here comes Santy Claus! 83 00:03:40,605 --> 00:03:43,808 So, that's all you're gonna get Carrie? Some chopsticks? 84 00:03:43,876 --> 00:03:46,612 Some chopsticks? I'm gettin' her a gross of them! 85 00:03:46,680 --> 00:03:50,417 She can eat like Charlie Chan till she's 100. 86 00:03:50,485 --> 00:03:53,521 Arthur, are... are you sure that's a nice enough gift? 87 00:03:53,590 --> 00:03:55,324 Trust me, it's fine. 88 00:03:55,392 --> 00:03:57,461 She'll probably just get me another old man cap. 89 00:03:57,528 --> 00:03:59,130 I don't know how many more of those 90 00:03:59,198 --> 00:04:02,301 I can "accidentally" leave on the bus. 91 00:04:02,603 --> 00:04:03,971 Trust me, Arthur, 92 00:04:04,038 --> 00:04:05,483 I think you're gonna wanna get her something 93 00:04:05,507 --> 00:04:07,610 a little bit nicer this year. 94 00:04:07,677 --> 00:04:08,677 Why? 95 00:04:10,147 --> 00:04:12,182 Do you know what she's gettin' me? 96 00:04:12,250 --> 00:04:13,317 Me? 97 00:04:13,384 --> 00:04:14,987 No! How would I know? 98 00:04:15,054 --> 00:04:16,089 You're silly. 99 00:04:16,156 --> 00:04:18,291 Spill it, or I'll tell people you beat me. 100 00:04:19,393 --> 00:04:21,029 I don't beat you! 101 00:04:21,097 --> 00:04:22,030 My word against yours, 102 00:04:22,098 --> 00:04:24,000 and I can bruise myself up pretty easy. 103 00:04:24,067 --> 00:04:26,003 I'm like a ripe banana. 104 00:04:27,106 --> 00:04:28,339 All right, fine, fine. 105 00:04:28,406 --> 00:04:30,709 She's getting you a cruise to Bermuda. 106 00:04:30,777 --> 00:04:32,779 A cruise to Bermuda! 107 00:04:32,847 --> 00:04:35,315 What a thoughtful and generous gift! 108 00:04:35,383 --> 00:04:37,385 Damn her! 109 00:04:37,453 --> 00:04:39,221 Now I'll have to get her a nice gift, too. 110 00:04:39,289 --> 00:04:40,691 What do you think she wants? 111 00:04:40,758 --> 00:04:41,892 Oh, I... I don't know. 112 00:04:41,960 --> 00:04:43,271 Then you're gonna have to find out. 113 00:04:43,295 --> 00:04:45,130 Oh, no, no! I... I don't wanna do that. 114 00:04:45,198 --> 00:04:46,238 You don't, and so help me, 115 00:04:46,265 --> 00:04:48,902 I'll knock myself into next week! 116 00:04:53,878 --> 00:04:55,344 Hey. 117 00:04:55,412 --> 00:04:57,814 I just got off the phone with the travel agent. 118 00:04:57,881 --> 00:05:00,051 About my dad's cruise. Guess what her name is. 119 00:05:00,118 --> 00:05:01,119 I don't know. 120 00:05:01,187 --> 00:05:02,621 Gertrude! 121 00:05:02,689 --> 00:05:04,257 And she sounded younger than us! 122 00:05:04,325 --> 00:05:06,293 Isn't that weird? 123 00:05:07,730 --> 00:05:08,730 What are you doin'? 124 00:05:08,764 --> 00:05:10,666 I'm bidding on a mint-condition Mentalo, 125 00:05:10,734 --> 00:05:12,702 and I'm 30 seconds away 126 00:05:12,770 --> 00:05:14,471 from reelin' him in. 127 00:05:14,540 --> 00:05:16,875 Oh, crap. Someone's tryin' to outbid me! 128 00:05:16,943 --> 00:05:20,781 Back off, Rosiefan19! 129 00:05:20,849 --> 00:05:23,618 Wait a minute. You're bidding 180 bucks? 130 00:05:23,686 --> 00:05:25,087 Are you insane? 131 00:05:25,156 --> 00:05:26,166 Stop it. Stop it. Knock it off. 132 00:05:26,190 --> 00:05:27,602 No, you knock it off. Sto... Get off! 133 00:05:27,626 --> 00:05:28,959 Get off, woman! 134 00:05:29,028 --> 00:05:31,264 Nice! 135 00:05:31,331 --> 00:05:33,467 That was the only Mentalo on eBay! 136 00:05:33,535 --> 00:05:37,605 Doug, you can't spend $180 on a stupid toy. 137 00:05:37,673 --> 00:05:39,352 Oh, yeah? Just last week, you put twice that much 138 00:05:39,376 --> 00:05:41,711 into some I.R.A. that we can't even touch. 139 00:05:41,779 --> 00:05:42,980 And, needless to say, 140 00:05:43,048 --> 00:05:44,749 can't tell our future! 141 00:05:44,817 --> 00:05:46,518 Will you stop? Come on, 142 00:05:46,586 --> 00:05:48,655 we're already spending way too much this Christmas. 143 00:05:48,722 --> 00:05:51,293 My dad's cruise alone is costing over 600 bucks. 144 00:05:51,360 --> 00:05:53,238 Well, why are you gettin' him that stupid cruise, anyway? 145 00:05:53,262 --> 00:05:55,007 Why don't you just get him another old man cap? 146 00:05:55,031 --> 00:05:57,567 He told me he left the last one on the bus. 147 00:05:57,635 --> 00:05:59,671 I'm getting him the cruise. 148 00:05:59,738 --> 00:06:01,907 Why are you so obsessed with this toy, anyway? 149 00:06:01,975 --> 00:06:03,743 I don't know. It just... I... 150 00:06:03,811 --> 00:06:06,546 I guess it reminds me of a simpler time in my life, you know? 151 00:06:06,614 --> 00:06:10,086 A time when I didn't have to worry about payin' bills 152 00:06:10,153 --> 00:06:12,356 or goin' after that big promotion. 153 00:06:12,423 --> 00:06:15,393 OK, you've never done either of those. 154 00:06:15,461 --> 00:06:17,362 But I know I should, 155 00:06:17,430 --> 00:06:20,334 and it's very stressful, OK? 156 00:06:20,401 --> 00:06:22,371 You just don't know what Mentalo meant to me. 157 00:06:28,447 --> 00:06:30,481 Dougie, come on down! 158 00:06:30,549 --> 00:06:33,186 Pa's takin' you fishin' down at the crick. 159 00:06:33,254 --> 00:06:34,688 Coming! 160 00:06:37,326 --> 00:06:40,363 Mentalo, are we gonna hook any catfish today? 161 00:06:40,431 --> 00:06:43,734 The spirit world tells me... 162 00:06:43,769 --> 00:06:45,069 yes. 163 00:06:45,137 --> 00:06:47,173 Hot dog! 164 00:06:50,612 --> 00:06:53,081 "The crick"? 165 00:06:53,150 --> 00:06:54,950 Yeah, the crick. 166 00:06:55,018 --> 00:07:00,059 OK, where was there a crick in Queens? 167 00:07:00,127 --> 00:07:01,704 All right, take it easy, OK? I'm just makin' a point. 168 00:07:01,728 --> 00:07:03,296 And that point is, I loved Mentalo. 169 00:07:03,364 --> 00:07:04,565 He made me happy. 170 00:07:04,633 --> 00:07:06,144 And if my sister hadn't have smashed him 171 00:07:06,168 --> 00:07:08,237 after I made fun of her for gettin' her period, 172 00:07:08,304 --> 00:07:10,507 he'd be makin' me happy to this day. 173 00:07:27,366 --> 00:07:28,299 Hey! 174 00:07:28,367 --> 00:07:29,601 Hey, Holl. 175 00:07:29,668 --> 00:07:31,204 Wrappin' gifts. 176 00:07:31,272 --> 00:07:32,638 Hey, you're a wrapper. 177 00:07:35,177 --> 00:07:36,945 Right. 178 00:07:37,012 --> 00:07:38,347 If you were wrapping those gifts 179 00:07:38,415 --> 00:07:39,893 and then you slapped me around a little bit, 180 00:07:39,917 --> 00:07:41,718 you'd be a gangsta wrapper. You know? 181 00:07:48,629 --> 00:07:50,363 I'm sorry, did I forget to pay you, or... 182 00:07:50,431 --> 00:07:51,933 No! No. 183 00:07:52,000 --> 00:07:53,112 I... I need your help with something. 184 00:07:53,136 --> 00:07:55,138 I have to buy, um, a gift, 185 00:07:55,205 --> 00:07:56,272 uh, for my cousin. 186 00:07:56,340 --> 00:07:58,042 And I wanna get her something really nice. 187 00:07:58,109 --> 00:07:59,577 Um, do you have any suggestions? 188 00:07:59,645 --> 00:08:01,223 Well, what kinds of things does she like? 189 00:08:01,247 --> 00:08:03,115 What do you like? 190 00:08:03,183 --> 00:08:04,651 Me? 191 00:08:04,718 --> 00:08:06,988 Yeah. I mean, you guys have, like, the exact same taste. 192 00:08:07,056 --> 00:08:09,825 I mean, you guys were practically separated at birth, you know? 193 00:08:09,892 --> 00:08:11,627 I mean, not surgically, more like 194 00:08:11,695 --> 00:08:14,432 as if one of you was, like, stolen. 195 00:08:16,102 --> 00:08:18,605 Get a little head start on that eggnog there, Holl? 196 00:08:18,672 --> 00:08:21,141 No, I guess I'm just kinda freaked out 197 00:08:21,209 --> 00:08:22,554 'cause I really need to get this gift. 198 00:08:22,578 --> 00:08:23,722 I mean, do you have any ideas? 199 00:08:23,746 --> 00:08:25,014 I mean, remember, nice. 200 00:08:25,081 --> 00:08:26,650 OK, nice. Um... 201 00:08:26,718 --> 00:08:29,954 Oh! Well, I saw this gorgeous burgundy leather jacket at Wilsons. 202 00:08:30,022 --> 00:08:31,891 That's great! Great! What... What size? 203 00:08:31,958 --> 00:08:33,693 How would I know? 204 00:08:33,761 --> 00:08:34,861 Well, what size are you? 205 00:08:34,930 --> 00:08:36,931 And then I'll just add one. 206 00:08:36,998 --> 00:08:38,143 She's got a little junk in the trunk, 207 00:08:38,167 --> 00:08:39,936 if you know what I mean. 208 00:08:41,372 --> 00:08:43,307 Well, I'm a... I'm a size 2. I... 209 00:08:43,375 --> 00:08:44,586 That's perfect! That's great. That's great. 210 00:08:44,610 --> 00:08:45,610 Thanks! 211 00:08:46,613 --> 00:08:49,149 Oh, my God. 212 00:08:49,217 --> 00:08:50,250 "Oh, my God" what? 213 00:08:50,318 --> 00:08:53,322 I just realized what Holly was doing. 214 00:08:53,390 --> 00:08:54,824 I think Holly's gonna get me 215 00:08:54,892 --> 00:08:57,761 a really expensive leather jacket for Christmas. 216 00:08:57,829 --> 00:09:00,665 Why? Well, I guess she was really touched that I invited her 217 00:09:00,733 --> 00:09:02,935 over here to celebrate with us. 218 00:09:03,003 --> 00:09:04,304 Crap! 219 00:09:04,372 --> 00:09:06,485 How's it gonna look when she hands me a leather jacket 220 00:09:06,509 --> 00:09:09,545 and I hand her a Lady Gillette gift pack? 221 00:09:09,612 --> 00:09:12,349 Like you're a penny-pinchin' ho. 222 00:09:12,416 --> 00:09:15,988 Ohh! Now I have to get her something nice! 223 00:09:16,055 --> 00:09:18,391 Man, between that and my father's cruise, 224 00:09:18,459 --> 00:09:20,461 there's no way I can afford all this. 225 00:09:20,529 --> 00:09:22,163 What am I gonna do? 226 00:09:22,231 --> 00:09:24,967 Hmm. If we only had some kind of device 227 00:09:25,035 --> 00:09:28,039 to help us see the future. 228 00:09:28,106 --> 00:09:29,173 Oh, well. 229 00:09:40,958 --> 00:09:43,127 OK. Well, now I understand 230 00:09:43,194 --> 00:09:45,063 why you like these toy fairs. 231 00:09:45,131 --> 00:09:48,435 You're like the James Dean of this crowd. 232 00:09:48,503 --> 00:09:49,770 Do you want a Mentalo or not? 233 00:09:49,837 --> 00:09:52,206 Damn right I do. I'm sick of Carrie pushin' me around. 234 00:09:52,275 --> 00:09:55,379 First it's "Eat one vegetable a week." Now this. 235 00:09:55,446 --> 00:09:59,652 Well, my friend Kenny says he's got one, so let's go check it out. 236 00:10:01,589 --> 00:10:03,222 Hey, Kenny! 237 00:10:03,291 --> 00:10:05,092 Hu-bey, Spu-bence! 238 00:10:05,160 --> 00:10:06,928 Bu-be ru-bight wu-bith you-bou. 239 00:10:06,996 --> 00:10:07,996 Cool. 240 00:10:10,602 --> 00:10:12,102 So, why does he, uh... 241 00:10:12,170 --> 00:10:13,248 Why is he talkin' like that? 242 00:10:13,272 --> 00:10:15,207 Kenny likes to speak Ubbi Dubbi. 243 00:10:17,044 --> 00:10:18,144 What? 244 00:10:18,212 --> 00:10:19,480 Ubbi Dubbi. 245 00:10:19,548 --> 00:10:21,283 The language from the old Zoom show? 246 00:10:21,351 --> 00:10:22,484 Ubbi Dubbi! 247 00:10:22,552 --> 00:10:23,787 Get with it. 248 00:10:25,088 --> 00:10:26,557 Yeah, I'm the loser. OK. 249 00:10:27,893 --> 00:10:29,294 Su-bo... Oh. 250 00:10:29,362 --> 00:10:30,663 Uh, this is my friend Doug. 251 00:10:30,731 --> 00:10:32,333 He's lookin' for the Mentalo. 252 00:10:32,400 --> 00:10:35,236 U-bi ju-bust su-bold u-bit. 253 00:10:35,304 --> 00:10:36,639 What? What? What did he say? 254 00:10:36,707 --> 00:10:38,072 He said he just sold it! 255 00:10:38,140 --> 00:10:39,942 What? Wha... Kenny, what happened? 256 00:10:40,009 --> 00:10:41,344 Wu-bell, thu-be thu-bing... 257 00:10:41,412 --> 00:10:42,745 Talk English, man! 258 00:10:44,483 --> 00:10:46,485 The thing is, some guy made a really good offer. 259 00:10:46,552 --> 00:10:48,988 Was it Rory? That bastard. 260 00:10:49,056 --> 00:10:50,167 No, it wasn't one of the regulars. 261 00:10:50,191 --> 00:10:53,028 It was some... some tall black guy with a beard. 262 00:10:53,095 --> 00:10:55,664 Actually, he was wearing an I.P.S. cap just like his. 263 00:10:56,701 --> 00:10:58,402 Deacon? 264 00:10:58,469 --> 00:10:59,670 Hang on. 265 00:10:59,738 --> 00:11:00,738 Was it... 266 00:11:00,772 --> 00:11:01,907 this guy? 267 00:11:03,844 --> 00:11:05,746 You have a picture of Deacon in your wallet? 268 00:11:05,813 --> 00:11:08,583 Don't worry. You're in there, too. 269 00:11:08,651 --> 00:11:10,853 Yup, that's him. Just bought it, like, half an hour ago. 270 00:11:10,921 --> 00:11:12,089 Sorry. 271 00:11:12,156 --> 00:11:14,459 He called Mentalo weak-ass! 272 00:11:14,527 --> 00:11:16,261 Why the hell would he buy it? 273 00:11:16,329 --> 00:11:18,699 Maybe he bought it for you. 274 00:11:18,766 --> 00:11:20,467 What? For Christmas. 275 00:11:20,535 --> 00:11:22,247 No, we said we weren't gettin' each other gifts. 276 00:11:22,271 --> 00:11:23,405 Although, you know what, 277 00:11:23,473 --> 00:11:25,274 maybe since we invited him over for Christmas, 278 00:11:25,343 --> 00:11:27,310 he decided to get me one after all. 279 00:11:27,378 --> 00:11:28,713 There ya go. 280 00:11:28,780 --> 00:11:30,482 Ohh. God. That is the Deac-man for ya. 281 00:11:31,751 --> 00:11:33,620 Well, you know what? I'm gonna get him a gift. 282 00:11:33,687 --> 00:11:35,222 I'm gonna get him a great one, too. 283 00:11:35,290 --> 00:11:38,794 Uh, how 'bout a Bionic Woman cocktail set? 284 00:11:41,432 --> 00:11:44,135 How 'bout you take my picture out of your wallet? 285 00:11:48,976 --> 00:11:50,444 Hi, Gertrude? 286 00:11:50,512 --> 00:11:52,046 Carrie Heffernan. Listen, 287 00:11:52,114 --> 00:11:53,915 about my dad's cruise, 288 00:11:53,983 --> 00:11:55,851 turns out the package I selected 289 00:11:55,919 --> 00:11:58,389 is a little pricey for me right now. 290 00:11:58,456 --> 00:12:00,191 Are there any cheaper options? 291 00:12:01,795 --> 00:12:06,567 OK, any way we can knock the price even lower than that? 292 00:12:06,635 --> 00:12:09,371 Oh, I don't know, maybe he could, uh, bunk with the crew 293 00:12:09,439 --> 00:12:13,644 or clean up after the magician? 294 00:12:13,712 --> 00:12:16,114 Uh, excuse me, Gert, 295 00:12:16,183 --> 00:12:17,950 but I am a good daughter, OK? 296 00:12:18,018 --> 00:12:20,888 Just turns out that I had some other gift obligations arise, 297 00:12:20,956 --> 00:12:22,396 and I just can't afford it right now. 298 00:12:22,425 --> 00:12:23,826 Besides, 299 00:12:23,893 --> 00:12:26,697 it's not like he's buying me anything so great. 300 00:12:26,764 --> 00:12:28,299 $198.50... 301 00:12:28,367 --> 00:12:29,901 60... 302 00:12:29,969 --> 00:12:32,872 1, 2, 3. There you go. 303 00:12:32,940 --> 00:12:36,878 Well, some lucky lady's going to be having a merry Christmas this year. 304 00:12:36,946 --> 00:12:38,381 Ah, shut up. 305 00:12:44,390 --> 00:12:45,558 Coming. 306 00:12:47,929 --> 00:12:48,862 Hey! 307 00:12:48,930 --> 00:12:51,399 Merry Christmas eve day! 308 00:12:51,466 --> 00:12:53,002 Same to you. 309 00:12:53,069 --> 00:12:54,871 I love you, man. Bring it in. 310 00:12:54,939 --> 00:12:56,574 Bring it in, man. Bring it in! 311 00:12:58,043 --> 00:13:00,446 OK, player, let's end this while it's still good. 312 00:13:00,514 --> 00:13:01,548 Right. 313 00:13:03,184 --> 00:13:04,852 So, uh, what brings you by? 314 00:13:04,921 --> 00:13:06,354 Oh, I was just in the neighborhood, 315 00:13:06,422 --> 00:13:08,457 just pickin' up a couple things at Target. 316 00:13:08,525 --> 00:13:09,760 Or, as I like to call it, 317 00:13:09,827 --> 00:13:12,096 Tar-"get me one of everything in here," right? 318 00:13:12,164 --> 00:13:14,204 'Cause they got... They got everything there, right? 319 00:13:14,267 --> 00:13:15,969 Oh, yeah. 320 00:13:16,037 --> 00:13:17,470 Just out of curiosity, what's, like, 321 00:13:17,538 --> 00:13:19,073 your favorite thing in the whole place? 322 00:13:19,140 --> 00:13:20,140 I don't know. 323 00:13:20,208 --> 00:13:22,879 Oh, oh. They just got this new plasma TV. 324 00:13:22,947 --> 00:13:25,883 50 inches! That sucker's crazy! 325 00:13:25,951 --> 00:13:29,387 Plasma TV, huh? Uh-huh. 326 00:13:31,290 --> 00:13:33,425 What's your second-favorite thing? 327 00:13:33,493 --> 00:13:37,264 I guess either the titanium golf clubs or the Jet Ski. 328 00:13:38,568 --> 00:13:41,471 What's your favorite thing near the cash register? 329 00:13:42,607 --> 00:13:43,974 Wait... 330 00:13:44,042 --> 00:13:45,554 you're not thinking about gettin' me something, are you? 331 00:13:45,578 --> 00:13:47,180 'Cause we said no Christmas gifts. 332 00:13:47,248 --> 00:13:48,848 Ri-i-ght... 333 00:13:48,916 --> 00:13:51,118 Seriously, man, 'cause I didn't get you anything. 334 00:13:51,186 --> 00:13:53,923 Ri-i-ght... 335 00:13:53,990 --> 00:13:56,392 All right, why do you keep saying "ri-i-ght"? 336 00:13:57,795 --> 00:13:59,597 'Cause I know you got me something. 337 00:13:59,665 --> 00:14:00,733 But I didn't. 338 00:14:02,067 --> 00:14:02,936 Ri-i-ght... 339 00:14:03,003 --> 00:14:04,939 Would you stop that? 340 00:14:05,007 --> 00:14:06,607 You really didn't? 341 00:14:06,674 --> 00:14:08,877 No. Then where is it? 342 00:14:08,945 --> 00:14:10,212 Where's what? 343 00:14:10,280 --> 00:14:12,415 The Mentalo you bought from the Ubbi Dubbi dude! 344 00:14:12,484 --> 00:14:13,685 You're trippin'! Yeah. 345 00:14:13,752 --> 00:14:15,955 The only thing I'm trippin' over is your dirty lies! 346 00:14:16,022 --> 00:14:18,224 You know, this is very insulting. 347 00:14:18,292 --> 00:14:19,726 In the bedroom! 348 00:14:19,794 --> 00:14:21,796 That's even more insulting. 349 00:14:21,864 --> 00:14:23,331 You're... You're wasting your time! 350 00:14:23,399 --> 00:14:24,868 Oh, am I? 351 00:14:30,209 --> 00:14:31,811 That's weird. 352 00:14:31,879 --> 00:14:33,580 I can't believe you, man! 353 00:14:33,648 --> 00:14:35,650 OK, so I bought Mentalo. Big deal. 354 00:14:35,718 --> 00:14:37,051 I didn't do anything wrong. 355 00:14:37,119 --> 00:14:38,531 Oh, please. You heard me say I wanted to get one! 356 00:14:38,555 --> 00:14:40,266 Oh, so because you said the word "Mentalo" out loud, 357 00:14:40,290 --> 00:14:41,691 you deserve it more than I do? 358 00:14:41,759 --> 00:14:43,494 Yeah! Well, too bad. It's mine! 359 00:14:43,562 --> 00:14:44,496 Well, why do you want it, anyway? 360 00:14:44,564 --> 00:14:46,766 You said it was a weak-ass toy! 361 00:14:46,834 --> 00:14:48,601 'Cause I was hurtin', man. 362 00:14:50,271 --> 00:14:52,874 I've been wanting this toy since I was 12 years old. 363 00:15:02,121 --> 00:15:03,289 Damn! 364 00:15:04,693 --> 00:15:06,795 Do you like your new toy, Winthrop? 365 00:15:06,863 --> 00:15:08,597 I suppose it's all right, Mummy. 366 00:15:08,664 --> 00:15:09,899 Just all right? 367 00:15:09,967 --> 00:15:11,602 What I really wanted was a pony. 368 00:15:11,669 --> 00:15:13,438 Oh. Very well. 369 00:15:13,505 --> 00:15:15,808 Anderson, to the stables, please. 370 00:15:15,876 --> 00:15:17,945 Thank you ever so much, Mummy! 371 00:15:25,088 --> 00:15:26,991 Oh, damn! 372 00:15:30,496 --> 00:15:34,835 "Thank you ever so much, Mummy"? 373 00:15:34,870 --> 00:15:36,838 OK, so maybe I embellished a little. 374 00:15:36,906 --> 00:15:39,977 The point is, Mentalo was something that kids with money could buy, 375 00:15:40,044 --> 00:15:42,613 something a kid from the streets could never have. 376 00:15:42,681 --> 00:15:45,484 The streets? Your father was a dentist. 377 00:15:45,551 --> 00:15:47,487 Yeah, but he wouldn't buy me a Mentalo. 378 00:15:47,554 --> 00:15:49,590 It wasn't "educational" enough. 379 00:15:49,657 --> 00:15:50,993 But I always wanted one, 380 00:15:51,060 --> 00:15:52,660 and now I finally have it. 381 00:15:52,728 --> 00:15:54,563 And as my best friend, you should understand 382 00:15:54,631 --> 00:15:56,733 how important this is to me. 383 00:15:56,801 --> 00:15:58,469 But you know what? 384 00:15:58,537 --> 00:15:59,972 If this toy means more to you 385 00:16:00,040 --> 00:16:02,109 than our friendship, then fine. 386 00:16:02,177 --> 00:16:03,877 Go ahead. 387 00:16:03,945 --> 00:16:05,579 Take it. 388 00:16:05,647 --> 00:16:09,186 Mentalo, should I start working out more? 389 00:16:09,253 --> 00:16:13,358 The voices from beyond the grave say... 390 00:16:13,426 --> 00:16:15,328 no. 391 00:16:16,529 --> 00:16:19,299 You've done it again, my turbaned friend. 392 00:16:20,902 --> 00:16:22,303 Oh, look, Mentalo. 393 00:16:22,371 --> 00:16:25,607 There's the mean lady who didn't want us to be together. 394 00:16:25,675 --> 00:16:27,778 Wait a second. You... You got a Mentalo? 395 00:16:27,845 --> 00:16:30,014 That's right, and I'm keeping it, so step away. 396 00:16:30,082 --> 00:16:31,250 So, let me get this straight, 397 00:16:31,317 --> 00:16:33,086 even after I told you not to, 398 00:16:33,154 --> 00:16:35,021 you went out and bought it anyway? 399 00:16:35,090 --> 00:16:37,125 No, Deacon did, and I took his. 400 00:16:37,192 --> 00:16:38,326 Oh, God. 401 00:16:38,394 --> 00:16:39,996 Well, you gotta give it back. 402 00:16:40,064 --> 00:16:41,197 Get outta here! 403 00:16:41,264 --> 00:16:42,966 Doug, trust me, 404 00:16:43,034 --> 00:16:44,836 you wanna give it back to him. 405 00:16:44,904 --> 00:16:46,037 I don't trust you, 406 00:16:46,105 --> 00:16:47,940 and I'm not giving it back to him. 407 00:16:48,008 --> 00:16:50,811 I am telling you, give it back! 408 00:16:50,879 --> 00:16:54,150 And I'm telling you, no! 409 00:16:54,217 --> 00:16:55,384 Do it! No! 410 00:16:55,452 --> 00:16:56,819 Doug! Why do you even care? 411 00:16:56,887 --> 00:16:58,789 Because I bought you one, you idiot! 412 00:16:58,857 --> 00:17:00,124 You did? 413 00:17:00,192 --> 00:17:02,261 Yes! Yeah, for Christmas. 414 00:17:02,328 --> 00:17:04,831 Your stupid crick story actually got to me, 415 00:17:04,899 --> 00:17:06,367 so I found one way up in Nyack. 416 00:17:06,435 --> 00:17:08,471 So, between that and the gold earrings 417 00:17:08,538 --> 00:17:10,439 that I had to buy for Holly, 418 00:17:10,508 --> 00:17:11,548 it's costing me a fortune. 419 00:17:11,609 --> 00:17:14,045 That's why I had to cancel my dad's cruise. 420 00:17:14,113 --> 00:17:16,073 Well, why didn't you tell me you got me a Mentalo? 421 00:17:16,115 --> 00:17:18,484 It was a Christmas gift. 422 00:17:18,552 --> 00:17:20,387 I feel horrible. 423 00:17:20,455 --> 00:17:23,826 All I got you was a Far Side calendar. 424 00:17:23,894 --> 00:17:25,061 Well, that's OK, 425 00:17:25,128 --> 00:17:28,499 because I am getting a leather jacket from Holly. 426 00:17:28,567 --> 00:17:29,945 So you're gonna give it back to Deacon? 427 00:17:29,969 --> 00:17:31,670 I will. I will. I... 428 00:17:31,738 --> 00:17:32,639 I'll just give it to him tomorrow 429 00:17:32,707 --> 00:17:34,440 when he comes over for Christmas 430 00:17:34,508 --> 00:17:36,678 like I'm being the bigger man. 431 00:17:36,745 --> 00:17:38,480 And then I'll act all surprised 432 00:17:38,548 --> 00:17:40,928 when I get my Mentalo. 433 00:17:40,952 --> 00:17:42,019 That's a good idea, right? 434 00:17:43,456 --> 00:17:45,590 I wasn't asking you. 435 00:17:45,657 --> 00:17:47,927 The spirits say... 436 00:17:47,995 --> 00:17:49,830 proceed. 437 00:17:56,940 --> 00:17:58,375 Oh, I get it. 438 00:17:58,443 --> 00:17:59,377 I get it. 439 00:17:59,445 --> 00:18:02,148 "Remove funny bone." 440 00:18:02,215 --> 00:18:03,516 Right there. 441 00:18:08,491 --> 00:18:10,994 All right, enough of the holiday yakety-yak. 442 00:18:11,062 --> 00:18:12,902 Let's get down to the real reason we're here... 443 00:18:12,965 --> 00:18:15,333 Wrapped merchandise. 444 00:18:15,401 --> 00:18:16,702 Deacon, this one's for you, 445 00:18:16,770 --> 00:18:18,337 and it looks like from... Doug. 446 00:18:18,405 --> 00:18:20,141 Well, what do you know? Here you go, bud. 447 00:18:20,208 --> 00:18:21,376 No, thanks. 448 00:18:21,443 --> 00:18:24,781 Come on. My sources from beyond the grave say... 449 00:18:24,848 --> 00:18:26,884 you'll like it. 450 00:18:26,951 --> 00:18:28,787 You mean it's... Batteries included. 451 00:18:32,459 --> 00:18:33,860 Thanks, man. 452 00:18:33,928 --> 00:18:35,768 Well, it is yours, and I did steal it from you. 453 00:18:35,831 --> 00:18:36,831 Ah, bring it in. 454 00:18:38,267 --> 00:18:40,236 All right, guys, save it for under the mistletoe. 455 00:18:40,304 --> 00:18:41,772 All right, Holly. 456 00:18:41,840 --> 00:18:43,040 Here you go. 457 00:18:43,108 --> 00:18:45,010 This is for you. Merry Christmas. 458 00:18:45,078 --> 00:18:46,756 Carrie, you didn't need to get me anything. 459 00:18:46,780 --> 00:18:49,550 Ohh, I think I did. 460 00:18:49,617 --> 00:18:51,853 Oh, my God! Oh, my God! 461 00:18:51,921 --> 00:18:54,657 It's gold earrings! Oh, my God! 462 00:18:54,726 --> 00:18:57,095 This is the best gift I've ever gotten! 463 00:18:57,162 --> 00:18:58,763 Hope you like it. 464 00:19:00,067 --> 00:19:01,701 I do! Gosh, I'm kind of embarrassed 465 00:19:01,769 --> 00:19:03,236 about my gift to you, though. 466 00:19:03,304 --> 00:19:05,139 Oh, please, I'm sure whatever it is, 467 00:19:05,207 --> 00:19:07,242 I'm sure I'll be delighted. 468 00:19:11,083 --> 00:19:12,083 This is it? 469 00:19:12,149 --> 00:19:13,550 Yeah. OK. 470 00:19:13,618 --> 00:19:16,521 Is it folded? 471 00:19:16,588 --> 00:19:18,524 A lot? 472 00:19:18,591 --> 00:19:19,927 Silly, open it up! OK. 473 00:19:23,533 --> 00:19:24,466 A mug? 474 00:19:24,534 --> 00:19:26,269 Yeah, I painted it at Color Me Mine. 475 00:19:26,337 --> 00:19:27,414 It's for your hot cocoa. Look, 476 00:19:27,438 --> 00:19:29,942 it says "Merry Swiss-mis." 477 00:19:30,009 --> 00:19:31,310 "Swiss-mis." I... Yeah! 478 00:19:31,377 --> 00:19:33,346 I get it. That's gr-great. Well, thank you. 479 00:19:33,414 --> 00:19:36,083 All right, sweetheart, our turn to swap. 480 00:19:36,151 --> 00:19:37,718 Here you go. OK... 481 00:19:39,156 --> 00:19:41,358 Thank you. And here you go. 482 00:19:41,426 --> 00:19:44,295 Ohh, what a lovely box. 483 00:19:44,363 --> 00:19:49,035 I have a feeling my ship has come in. 484 00:19:51,873 --> 00:19:54,243 Wait a minute. 485 00:19:54,311 --> 00:19:56,346 You bought me the leather jacket? 486 00:19:56,413 --> 00:19:58,549 Another old man cap? 487 00:19:58,616 --> 00:20:00,218 Where's my cruise? 488 00:20:00,286 --> 00:20:02,421 How'd you know about the cruise? 489 00:20:02,489 --> 00:20:03,790 She told me! 490 00:20:03,858 --> 00:20:06,294 He said he was gonna punch himself! 491 00:20:06,362 --> 00:20:08,063 I can't believe this. I get a stupid cap, 492 00:20:08,131 --> 00:20:10,734 and this stranger gets a pair of beautiful gold earrings! 493 00:20:10,801 --> 00:20:11,901 Hey! 494 00:20:11,970 --> 00:20:13,737 I had to get her the gold earrings! 495 00:20:13,805 --> 00:20:16,074 I thought she was buying me a leather jacket! 496 00:20:16,142 --> 00:20:18,444 Plus I had to get Doug his freakin' Mentalo. 497 00:20:18,511 --> 00:20:19,779 Hey! 498 00:20:19,848 --> 00:20:21,983 This is Mental Man! 499 00:20:24,654 --> 00:20:26,022 It's the same thing. 500 00:20:26,090 --> 00:20:28,092 Mental Man is the cheap knockoff! 501 00:20:28,160 --> 00:20:29,895 What's the difference? 502 00:20:29,962 --> 00:20:31,830 Fez... 503 00:20:31,899 --> 00:20:34,468 turban! Wake up, woman! 504 00:20:36,137 --> 00:20:37,839 Who cares about that crap? 505 00:20:37,907 --> 00:20:39,408 I'm supposed to go to Bermuda! 506 00:20:39,476 --> 00:20:40,409 I already got my shots! 507 00:20:40,477 --> 00:20:41,622 All right, butt out, Arthur, OK? 508 00:20:41,646 --> 00:20:42,646 Doug, leave him alone! 509 00:20:42,680 --> 00:20:43,614 Hey, calm down. 510 00:20:43,682 --> 00:20:44,615 Yeah, that's easy for you to say. 511 00:20:44,683 --> 00:20:45,717 You got Mentalo. 512 00:20:45,785 --> 00:20:47,687 Look, Mental Man's pretty good, too. 513 00:20:47,755 --> 00:20:49,399 Then trade with me. Oh, I don't want no knockoff. 514 00:20:49,423 --> 00:20:50,758 Well, what's the difference? 515 00:20:50,826 --> 00:20:52,405 Your parents didn't love you enough to buy you either one! 516 00:20:52,429 --> 00:20:53,862 Shut up, man! 517 00:20:53,930 --> 00:20:55,798 Give me the Mentalo! Get away from me! 518 00:20:55,866 --> 00:20:57,368 Give me the Mentalo! Leave me alone! 519 00:20:57,436 --> 00:20:59,204 Stop that! 520 00:20:59,272 --> 00:21:02,008 So? What are we doing about my problem? 521 00:21:02,075 --> 00:21:05,179 Dad, I can't afford to send you on the cruise right now. 522 00:21:05,247 --> 00:21:06,948 I'll send you for your birthday, OK? 523 00:21:07,016 --> 00:21:08,050 Fine! 524 00:21:08,118 --> 00:21:09,351 You can have this back 525 00:21:09,419 --> 00:21:10,921 when I set sail! 526 00:21:10,988 --> 00:21:13,124 Oh, don't be ridiculous! 527 00:21:13,191 --> 00:21:14,893 That cap I got you is great! 528 00:21:14,961 --> 00:21:17,463 I can't stand those caps! 529 00:21:17,531 --> 00:21:19,400 Oh, that's... 530 00:21:33,822 --> 00:21:35,790 So I guess that's the question. 531 00:21:35,857 --> 00:21:37,193 Should I do it? 532 00:21:37,260 --> 00:21:40,363 Should I guarantee myself an unconditional pardon, 533 00:21:40,431 --> 00:21:43,635 resign the presidency of the United States? 534 00:21:45,072 --> 00:21:50,078 My sources from beyond the grave say... proceed. 535 00:21:51,615 --> 00:21:53,216 Rosemary, 536 00:21:53,283 --> 00:21:55,051 get me Ron Ziegler. 537 00:21:55,119 --> 00:21:58,657 I need to arrange a press conference.