1 00:00:32,761 --> 00:00:35,861 So, guys, tell Uncle Doug what you did in school today. 2 00:00:35,929 --> 00:00:38,764 What'd you... did you write in cursive? 3 00:00:38,831 --> 00:00:41,964 Did you climb the ropes? Eat some paste? What went down? 4 00:00:43,866 --> 00:00:45,900 I wrote a book about Thanksgiving. 5 00:00:45,967 --> 00:00:48,568 You did? Can I see? 6 00:00:48,636 --> 00:00:52,570 Oh, wow. Hey, nice use of macaroni. 7 00:00:52,638 --> 00:00:54,805 Oh, and pictures, too. 8 00:00:54,872 --> 00:00:55,971 What's this? 9 00:00:56,039 --> 00:00:59,341 That's the Pilgrims killing a turkey. 10 00:01:00,942 --> 00:01:04,509 Huh. Little graphic. 11 00:01:04,577 --> 00:01:07,778 You might want to ease up on the red crayon. 12 00:01:08,913 --> 00:01:10,846 Come in. 13 00:01:11,948 --> 00:01:13,614 Hey, guy. Hey. 14 00:01:13,682 --> 00:01:14,982 Thanks for picking up my kids. 15 00:01:15,050 --> 00:01:16,248 Your kids? Was that today? 16 00:01:16,316 --> 00:01:17,316 What?! 17 00:01:17,384 --> 00:01:19,084 I'm kidding. In the kitchen, bud. 18 00:01:19,151 --> 00:01:20,417 Don't do that, man. 19 00:01:20,485 --> 00:01:22,452 All right. Calm down. Dinner's on the way. 20 00:01:22,519 --> 00:01:23,763 Carrie's picking up a bucket of KFC. 21 00:01:23,787 --> 00:01:24,853 S'all good! 22 00:01:24,921 --> 00:01:26,387 Sorry. I'm dying here. 23 00:01:26,455 --> 00:01:28,021 O'Boyle stuck me on the 8:00 shift. 24 00:01:28,089 --> 00:01:29,822 He knows I got my kids all week. 25 00:01:29,890 --> 00:01:30,967 Did you talk to him about it? 26 00:01:30,991 --> 00:01:33,091 Yeah. He suggested I ship them somewhere. 27 00:01:33,158 --> 00:01:35,992 Then at least they could be in the truck with me. 28 00:01:36,060 --> 00:01:37,093 Hi, Dad. Hey. 29 00:01:37,160 --> 00:01:39,460 Hey, what's up, little men? 30 00:01:39,527 --> 00:01:40,861 Hey, guys. Oh! 31 00:01:40,929 --> 00:01:44,362 OK, chicken in the house. 32 00:01:44,430 --> 00:01:45,630 Oh, what the... 33 00:01:45,698 --> 00:01:47,098 Where the hells's the bucket? 34 00:01:47,165 --> 00:01:48,665 What? 35 00:01:48,733 --> 00:01:50,766 I didn't go to KFC. I went to that new place, 36 00:01:50,834 --> 00:01:53,366 the Fresh 'N Healthy Chicken Cafe. 37 00:01:53,434 --> 00:01:56,335 Fresh 'N Healthy Chicken Cafe? 38 00:01:56,403 --> 00:01:57,403 Yeah. 39 00:01:57,470 --> 00:01:58,971 What's wrong with that? 40 00:01:59,038 --> 00:02:03,472 Fresh. Healthy. Cafe. 41 00:02:03,539 --> 00:02:04,539 OK, you know what? 42 00:02:04,608 --> 00:02:05,848 Let's take some of this passion 43 00:02:05,874 --> 00:02:07,908 and cure a disease or something. 44 00:02:07,976 --> 00:02:09,619 Here. Let me give you some money for the food. 45 00:02:09,643 --> 00:02:11,342 No, no, no, no. Don't you pay her for this. 46 00:02:11,410 --> 00:02:12,644 Don't you reward her. 47 00:02:12,712 --> 00:02:14,878 Come on, guys. 48 00:02:14,946 --> 00:02:16,389 Deacon, you and the boys are still coming over 49 00:02:16,413 --> 00:02:17,456 for Thanksgiving dinner, right? 50 00:02:17,480 --> 00:02:19,446 Yep, we are all over it. OK. 51 00:02:19,514 --> 00:02:21,414 I'll tell you who's all over Thanksgiving. 52 00:02:21,482 --> 00:02:22,515 Major here. 53 00:02:22,583 --> 00:02:24,060 He wrote a book about it and everything. 54 00:02:24,084 --> 00:02:25,316 Did you, Major? 55 00:02:25,383 --> 00:02:26,663 You want to read it to everybody? 56 00:02:26,719 --> 00:02:27,851 No. 57 00:02:27,919 --> 00:02:28,852 You want me to read it for you? 58 00:02:28,919 --> 00:02:30,820 OK. OK! 59 00:02:30,887 --> 00:02:35,221 Thanksgiving by Major Palmer. 60 00:02:35,288 --> 00:02:36,389 "I like Thanksgiving. 61 00:02:36,457 --> 00:02:38,623 "You get to have turkey, and potatoes, and gravy, 62 00:02:38,691 --> 00:02:42,225 and pumpin pie..." 63 00:02:42,292 --> 00:02:44,292 I think he means "pumpkin pie." 64 00:02:44,361 --> 00:02:45,593 Thanks. 65 00:02:45,661 --> 00:02:48,395 "We used to have Thanksgiving with my mommy and daddy, 66 00:02:48,463 --> 00:02:51,396 "but then they yelled and got di-borced. 67 00:02:51,463 --> 00:02:53,364 "Now we don't have a family, 68 00:02:53,431 --> 00:02:57,766 so we're having Thanksgiving with some white people." 69 00:03:01,134 --> 00:03:02,868 Hey, that's us. 70 00:03:06,171 --> 00:03:09,004 I can't even give my kids a decent family Thanksgiving. 71 00:03:09,072 --> 00:03:11,906 I'm a horrible, horrible father. 72 00:03:11,974 --> 00:03:13,273 I've never felt worse. 73 00:03:13,341 --> 00:03:16,375 Does this mean you're not gonna dry or... 74 00:03:19,811 --> 00:03:22,111 I should be having Thanksgiving over at my place, 75 00:03:22,179 --> 00:03:23,245 bring all my relatives in. 76 00:03:23,313 --> 00:03:24,679 That's what a good father would do. 77 00:03:24,746 --> 00:03:25,813 So do it. How? 78 00:03:25,880 --> 00:03:26,880 I can't even find someone 79 00:03:26,947 --> 00:03:28,124 to pick up my kids from school. 80 00:03:28,148 --> 00:03:30,549 How am I gonna pull off a whole big Thanksgiving? 81 00:03:30,616 --> 00:03:31,616 I need a wife. 82 00:03:47,058 --> 00:03:48,058 What are you looking at? 83 00:03:48,126 --> 00:03:49,992 You. 84 00:03:52,161 --> 00:03:53,738 Now, look, I'm gonna throw something out here. 85 00:03:53,762 --> 00:03:55,227 Now, don't shoot it down right away. 86 00:03:55,295 --> 00:03:57,996 Just let it wash over you. 87 00:03:58,064 --> 00:03:59,797 OK. 88 00:03:59,865 --> 00:04:02,198 I'm thinking of loaning you out to Deacon. 89 00:04:05,734 --> 00:04:06,800 What? 90 00:04:06,868 --> 00:04:08,134 He's real upset. 91 00:04:08,202 --> 00:04:10,002 He decided he wants to have 92 00:04:10,070 --> 00:04:11,179 a big Thanksgiving at his place, 93 00:04:11,203 --> 00:04:13,603 but he's crazy with work and the kids and... 94 00:04:13,671 --> 00:04:15,337 Look, bottom line is... 95 00:04:15,406 --> 00:04:16,505 he needs a wife, 96 00:04:16,572 --> 00:04:18,217 so I thought I'd loan you to him, you know, 97 00:04:18,241 --> 00:04:20,806 like I lent him my drill. 98 00:04:20,875 --> 00:04:24,642 OK, couple of things. 99 00:04:24,710 --> 00:04:28,878 First of all, I am not a power tool, 100 00:04:28,945 --> 00:04:32,746 and second, if I ever do become someone else's wife, 101 00:04:32,814 --> 00:04:34,580 it ain't gonna be another truck driver. 102 00:04:36,582 --> 00:04:37,916 Come on, Deacon's desperate. 103 00:04:37,984 --> 00:04:39,317 It would just be for the week. 104 00:04:39,384 --> 00:04:41,195 You gotta just pick the kids up, make 'em dinner, 105 00:04:41,219 --> 00:04:42,979 and then help him get Thanksgiving organized. 106 00:04:43,019 --> 00:04:44,185 I don't know. 107 00:04:44,253 --> 00:04:45,530 It's the spirit of Thanksgiving. 108 00:04:45,554 --> 00:04:47,620 For God sakes, the Pilgrims, 109 00:04:47,688 --> 00:04:49,722 they gave their wives to the Indians. 110 00:04:49,789 --> 00:04:51,256 That's not what happened. 111 00:04:51,357 --> 00:04:53,590 Well, they gave out maize. I know that. 112 00:04:53,658 --> 00:04:55,991 Do you even know what maize is? 113 00:04:56,058 --> 00:04:58,792 Some kind of food that was amazing. Oy. 114 00:05:00,127 --> 00:05:01,438 Come on, Carrie. You told me yourself. 115 00:05:01,462 --> 00:05:02,761 You got an easy work week. 116 00:05:02,828 --> 00:05:04,595 Your dad's out of town. 117 00:05:04,663 --> 00:05:05,730 Come on. 118 00:05:08,164 --> 00:05:09,197 All right. 119 00:05:09,266 --> 00:05:10,565 I'll do it. 120 00:05:10,633 --> 00:05:12,799 I'll be your best friend's wife. 121 00:05:13,835 --> 00:05:15,101 Sweet. 122 00:05:19,071 --> 00:05:20,203 No, Uncle Fred. 123 00:05:20,271 --> 00:05:21,638 I can't pick you up at the airport, 124 00:05:21,706 --> 00:05:22,815 'cause I have to pick up Nana Letty 125 00:05:22,839 --> 00:05:24,572 from the nursing home. 126 00:05:24,640 --> 00:05:26,339 Just take the shuttle from the airport. 127 00:05:26,407 --> 00:05:28,373 It'll drop you off right here. 128 00:05:28,441 --> 00:05:30,008 No, the shuttle. 129 00:05:30,076 --> 00:05:31,175 When you get off the plane, 130 00:05:31,243 --> 00:05:33,910 just look for the sign. 131 00:05:33,978 --> 00:05:36,344 The sign'll say, "shuttle." 132 00:05:37,779 --> 00:05:39,179 Hang on a sec. 133 00:05:42,916 --> 00:05:45,216 Someone requested a mail-order bride? 134 00:05:45,283 --> 00:05:46,283 Yeah. 135 00:05:46,350 --> 00:05:47,817 Come on in. 136 00:05:47,884 --> 00:05:49,164 Look, thanks so much for coming. 137 00:05:49,219 --> 00:05:50,251 You are saving my life. 138 00:05:50,319 --> 00:05:51,729 Now, are you sure you're up for this? 139 00:05:51,753 --> 00:05:53,030 I gotta be honest with ya, Deac. 140 00:05:53,054 --> 00:05:54,130 I think we should have done this swap 141 00:05:54,154 --> 00:05:55,687 a long time ago. 142 00:05:59,491 --> 00:06:00,968 All right, honey, where do you want me to start? 143 00:06:00,992 --> 00:06:02,324 You want me to make some dinner? 144 00:06:02,391 --> 00:06:03,535 Chase you around with a rolling pin? 145 00:06:03,559 --> 00:06:04,859 What do you like? 146 00:06:04,927 --> 00:06:07,227 Well, uh, I'm actually making some travel plans, 147 00:06:07,294 --> 00:06:08,337 trying to get my family in, 148 00:06:08,361 --> 00:06:09,561 so dinner would be great. 149 00:06:09,628 --> 00:06:10,672 I picked up some ground beef. 150 00:06:10,696 --> 00:06:11,696 The kids love meat loaf. 151 00:06:11,763 --> 00:06:13,663 One loaf of meat coming right up. 152 00:06:16,532 --> 00:06:17,742 Wow, this looks great. 153 00:06:17,766 --> 00:06:18,666 Thank you. 154 00:06:18,734 --> 00:06:20,800 I'll get it. 155 00:06:23,936 --> 00:06:24,936 Hello. 156 00:06:25,004 --> 00:06:26,004 Hey, man. 157 00:06:26,070 --> 00:06:27,070 What are you doing here? 158 00:06:27,138 --> 00:06:28,180 I just thought I'd drop off 159 00:06:28,204 --> 00:06:29,281 a little housewarming gift, 160 00:06:29,305 --> 00:06:32,405 get the new couple off on the right foot. 161 00:06:32,473 --> 00:06:33,806 A fern. 162 00:06:33,874 --> 00:06:37,342 Yeah, they sell everything at gas stations now. 163 00:06:37,408 --> 00:06:38,452 Hey, you wanna stay for dinner? 164 00:06:38,476 --> 00:06:39,742 On your first night together? 165 00:06:39,810 --> 00:06:40,810 Yeah, I'm sure you want 166 00:06:40,877 --> 00:06:44,278 the loser best friend hanging around. 167 00:06:44,346 --> 00:06:46,078 Actually, I'm gonna go catch a movie. 168 00:06:46,146 --> 00:06:47,579 Oh... Oh, that thing is dripping. 169 00:06:47,647 --> 00:06:48,758 Let me throw a plate under this. 170 00:06:48,782 --> 00:06:50,014 Oh, OK. 171 00:06:50,081 --> 00:06:52,182 So, everything going OK? 172 00:06:52,249 --> 00:06:53,282 Yeah, it's great. 173 00:06:53,350 --> 00:06:54,494 You know, I know I fought you on this one, 174 00:06:54,518 --> 00:06:56,451 but I... I really feel good, you know? 175 00:06:56,519 --> 00:06:57,662 I really feel like I'm helping him. 176 00:06:57,686 --> 00:06:58,962 You are. You're doing a really good thing. 177 00:06:58,986 --> 00:07:00,029 I'm very, very proud of you. 178 00:07:00,053 --> 00:07:01,187 Now... 179 00:07:01,253 --> 00:07:02,398 if I'm gonna make a movie and a strip club, 180 00:07:02,422 --> 00:07:03,887 I gotta scoot. All right. 181 00:07:03,955 --> 00:07:05,022 Bye, baby. 182 00:07:06,657 --> 00:07:08,097 All right, come on, you guys. Dig in. 183 00:07:08,124 --> 00:07:09,857 All right, what do you guys say to Carrie? 184 00:07:09,925 --> 00:07:11,692 Thank you, Carrie. Thanks, Carrie. 185 00:07:11,759 --> 00:07:13,026 You're welcome. 186 00:07:19,097 --> 00:07:20,230 Thanks, Car. 187 00:07:29,368 --> 00:07:31,902 Are you making Thanksgiving dinner? 188 00:07:31,970 --> 00:07:34,203 No, honey. Thanksgiving isn't till Thursday. 189 00:07:34,271 --> 00:07:35,771 I'm just making a regular dinner. 190 00:07:38,640 --> 00:07:40,906 Were there any black Pilgrims? 191 00:07:42,742 --> 00:07:44,441 Black Pilgrims, no. 192 00:07:44,509 --> 00:07:46,109 I don't think there were. 193 00:07:46,176 --> 00:07:47,209 Why not? 194 00:07:47,277 --> 00:07:49,677 Well, because the Pilgrims were all white. 195 00:07:49,745 --> 00:07:52,646 They came to America from England on the Mayflower. 196 00:07:52,714 --> 00:07:55,113 Then how did the black people get here? 197 00:07:59,383 --> 00:08:00,617 Would you like a cupcake? 198 00:08:00,684 --> 00:08:02,384 Yeah! Yeah! 199 00:08:07,921 --> 00:08:09,353 Hey, Maj. 200 00:08:09,421 --> 00:08:10,461 What are you eating there? 201 00:08:10,489 --> 00:08:12,288 Carrie gave me a cupcake. 202 00:08:12,356 --> 00:08:14,156 Oh, OK. 203 00:08:15,424 --> 00:08:16,924 Hey. Hey. 204 00:08:16,992 --> 00:08:18,825 Listen, I picked up the turkey. 205 00:08:18,893 --> 00:08:20,259 There was only one big one left. 206 00:08:20,327 --> 00:08:21,493 I had to throw a few elbows, 207 00:08:21,561 --> 00:08:22,860 but I got it. 208 00:08:22,928 --> 00:08:23,995 Great. 209 00:08:24,062 --> 00:08:25,862 Uh, look, I just saw Major eating a cupcake. 210 00:08:25,930 --> 00:08:26,996 Has he had dinner yet? 211 00:08:27,063 --> 00:08:28,497 Oh, no. 212 00:08:28,565 --> 00:08:30,632 Yeah, he was yammering on about something. 213 00:08:30,698 --> 00:08:32,732 You know, throw one of those in their mouth and... 214 00:08:34,001 --> 00:08:35,333 Yeah. 215 00:08:35,401 --> 00:08:39,068 It's just I kind of have a no dessert before dinner thing, 216 00:08:39,136 --> 00:08:40,236 but, you know, it's cool. 217 00:08:40,303 --> 00:08:42,137 No, you know what? It is not cool. 218 00:08:42,204 --> 00:08:43,370 I'm sorry. 219 00:08:43,438 --> 00:08:44,438 I'll be right back. 220 00:08:53,343 --> 00:08:54,376 Damn! 221 00:08:57,378 --> 00:08:59,111 OK. 222 00:08:59,179 --> 00:09:01,246 I got the cupcake back from him. 223 00:09:01,313 --> 00:09:03,147 Great, thanks. Everything's cool. 224 00:09:03,214 --> 00:09:04,348 Yeah, the thing is 225 00:09:04,415 --> 00:09:06,315 I had to give him something to get it back, 226 00:09:06,383 --> 00:09:08,227 so I sort of promised he could stay up late tonight 227 00:09:08,251 --> 00:09:09,584 and watch The Sopranos... 228 00:09:11,085 --> 00:09:13,363 and I think a couple of people are getting whacked tonight, 229 00:09:13,387 --> 00:09:15,687 so you may have to have a sit-down with him afterwards. 230 00:09:21,991 --> 00:09:23,391 So Kaplan comes down 231 00:09:23,458 --> 00:09:25,169 to say who gets to work on the Fenner man case, 232 00:09:25,193 --> 00:09:26,193 and guess who he picks. 233 00:09:26,260 --> 00:09:28,194 Not me. Gina. 234 00:09:28,260 --> 00:09:30,260 She is so sickening. 235 00:09:30,328 --> 00:09:33,395 "Oh, I would love to make extra copies for you." 236 00:09:33,463 --> 00:09:35,296 "Oh, I would love to pick out 237 00:09:35,364 --> 00:09:38,065 your wife's birthday present for you." 238 00:09:38,133 --> 00:09:39,265 You know what I would love? 239 00:09:39,333 --> 00:09:44,400 I would love to beat her with a toner cartridge. 240 00:09:44,468 --> 00:09:45,702 What are you doing over there? 241 00:09:45,770 --> 00:09:46,879 Uh, just trying to figure out 242 00:09:46,903 --> 00:09:47,980 when my family's coming in, 243 00:09:48,004 --> 00:09:49,114 you know, who's staying where. 244 00:09:49,138 --> 00:09:53,238 Oh, and the way she dresses. 245 00:09:53,306 --> 00:09:54,416 I mean, it's not like I have to wear 246 00:09:54,440 --> 00:09:56,741 a push-up bra to justify my paycheck. 247 00:09:56,808 --> 00:09:57,919 You know, I'm good at what I do. 248 00:09:57,943 --> 00:09:59,542 Mmm, yeah. You done with that? 249 00:09:59,610 --> 00:10:00,976 Uh, with the glass? Not yet. 250 00:10:01,044 --> 00:10:02,420 I'll take it in there when I'm done. 251 00:10:02,444 --> 00:10:04,588 Oh, great, so should I hold off on running the dishwasher? 252 00:10:04,612 --> 00:10:05,972 Yeah, just a couple of minutes. OK. 253 00:10:16,284 --> 00:10:18,985 Like today. 254 00:10:19,053 --> 00:10:20,418 Guess what she was wearing. 255 00:10:20,486 --> 00:10:21,486 Take a guess. 256 00:10:21,554 --> 00:10:24,320 Um, something inappropriate? 257 00:10:24,388 --> 00:10:26,254 Not if you're on the Dukes of Hazzard. 258 00:10:28,491 --> 00:10:29,890 Capital "H", capital "O", 259 00:10:29,958 --> 00:10:30,991 you know what I'm saying? 260 00:10:31,059 --> 00:10:32,758 Right. 261 00:10:32,826 --> 00:10:34,169 How ya doing on that glass there, buddy? 262 00:10:34,193 --> 00:10:35,493 Uh, you know what? Here. 263 00:10:37,595 --> 00:10:38,794 All done... You know what? 264 00:10:38,863 --> 00:10:40,206 Actually, why don't I throw this in the dishwasher? 265 00:10:40,230 --> 00:10:41,540 I'm sure you probably gotta get going. 266 00:10:41,564 --> 00:10:42,629 It's almost 9:00. 267 00:10:42,697 --> 00:10:43,807 No, what are you talking about? 268 00:10:43,831 --> 00:10:45,075 I have a lot of stuff to do around here. 269 00:10:45,099 --> 00:10:46,131 Oh, you've done enough. 270 00:10:46,199 --> 00:10:47,999 Get out of here. 271 00:10:48,067 --> 00:10:49,067 No. 272 00:10:49,134 --> 00:10:51,401 It's no problem, really. 273 00:10:53,370 --> 00:10:55,436 You mind if I step out for a few minutes? 274 00:10:55,504 --> 00:10:56,737 No. That's why I'm here. 275 00:10:56,805 --> 00:10:57,971 All right, uh, 276 00:10:58,038 --> 00:10:59,171 catch ya later. 277 00:10:59,239 --> 00:11:00,239 OK. 278 00:11:05,942 --> 00:11:07,409 Welcome back to live coverage 279 00:11:07,476 --> 00:11:11,544 of the Queens Indoor Golf Classic, 280 00:11:11,611 --> 00:11:13,878 brought to you by... 281 00:11:13,946 --> 00:11:19,115 Frito Lay. 282 00:11:19,183 --> 00:11:22,516 Put a little crunch back into your life. 283 00:11:22,584 --> 00:11:25,318 Heffernan just had a beautiful up-and-down into the hamper. 284 00:11:25,385 --> 00:11:27,096 He's set himself up for the win with this shot. 285 00:11:27,120 --> 00:11:30,820 He's just gotta get it up over the couch 286 00:11:30,888 --> 00:11:32,254 and into the cup on the landing 287 00:11:32,322 --> 00:11:33,621 for the win. 288 00:11:49,165 --> 00:11:50,165 Hey, man. 289 00:11:50,231 --> 00:11:51,231 What's up? 290 00:11:51,299 --> 00:11:52,459 Not much. What are you up to? 291 00:11:52,499 --> 00:11:54,132 Just a little indoor golf, 292 00:11:54,200 --> 00:11:55,533 a little stuffed pizza, 293 00:11:55,600 --> 00:11:58,535 and at 9:00 on ESPN, 294 00:11:58,602 --> 00:11:59,642 the National Spelling Bee. 295 00:11:59,669 --> 00:12:00,779 There's an Indian kid with a lisp 296 00:12:00,803 --> 00:12:02,437 who is kicking ass. 297 00:12:09,707 --> 00:12:11,075 You got the life here, man. 298 00:12:11,142 --> 00:12:15,009 It do not suck. 299 00:12:15,077 --> 00:12:16,176 So, how's the wife? 300 00:12:19,311 --> 00:12:21,411 Oh, trouble in paradise? 301 00:12:23,714 --> 00:12:24,981 She's driving me crazy. 302 00:12:25,048 --> 00:12:26,158 Yeah, well, you should have thought of that 303 00:12:26,182 --> 00:12:27,822 before you slapped the ring on her finger. 304 00:12:29,984 --> 00:12:31,617 I'm serious. 305 00:12:32,853 --> 00:12:33,952 What's the problem? 306 00:12:34,020 --> 00:12:35,886 Well, first of all, she's really not... 307 00:12:35,954 --> 00:12:37,353 She's not great with kids. 308 00:12:37,421 --> 00:12:38,421 That's not her fault. 309 00:12:38,488 --> 00:12:39,554 We don't have any kids. 310 00:12:39,622 --> 00:12:41,099 She hasn't had a chance to get good with them. 311 00:12:41,123 --> 00:12:44,057 OK, but she has had the chance to cook. 312 00:12:46,259 --> 00:12:47,335 You don't like her cooking? 313 00:12:47,359 --> 00:12:48,492 Do you? 314 00:12:48,560 --> 00:12:50,427 Exhibit "A". 315 00:12:56,664 --> 00:12:58,798 She can whip up some pretty good stuff. 316 00:12:58,866 --> 00:12:59,866 What'd she make for you? 317 00:12:59,932 --> 00:13:00,998 Meat loaf. 318 00:13:05,668 --> 00:13:07,568 And the way she goes on and on 319 00:13:07,636 --> 00:13:09,169 about all the people she hates at work, 320 00:13:09,237 --> 00:13:10,281 which, as far as I can tell, 321 00:13:10,305 --> 00:13:11,470 is everyone. 322 00:13:11,538 --> 00:13:12,615 All right, she does not do that. 323 00:13:12,639 --> 00:13:13,738 Guy, last week, 324 00:13:13,806 --> 00:13:15,246 you told me you were slicing a bagel, 325 00:13:15,273 --> 00:13:16,873 and she was babbling on about her boss, 326 00:13:16,941 --> 00:13:17,941 and it was so brutal 327 00:13:18,008 --> 00:13:19,218 that you actually cut into your hand 328 00:13:19,242 --> 00:13:21,242 just to make her stop. 329 00:13:22,610 --> 00:13:23,610 Look, all right, 330 00:13:23,677 --> 00:13:24,720 I'm lending you my wife, man. 331 00:13:24,744 --> 00:13:25,788 Not a lot of guys would do that, 332 00:13:25,812 --> 00:13:26,955 and, you know, she's trying her best. 333 00:13:26,979 --> 00:13:28,146 So instead of complaining, 334 00:13:28,214 --> 00:13:29,614 maybe you should start appreciating. 335 00:13:32,715 --> 00:13:33,882 Hello? 336 00:13:33,950 --> 00:13:35,449 Oh, hey, Car. 337 00:13:35,516 --> 00:13:36,716 I'm not here. 338 00:13:52,691 --> 00:13:53,725 Hey. 339 00:13:53,792 --> 00:13:54,892 Oh, hey. 340 00:13:54,960 --> 00:13:56,826 What's... what's... What's going on? 341 00:13:56,894 --> 00:14:00,062 Well, I was making a sweet potato casserole, 342 00:14:00,129 --> 00:14:02,829 but I ran out of marshmallows, so... 343 00:14:06,066 --> 00:14:08,065 I'm picking out some of the Lucky Charms. 344 00:14:08,133 --> 00:14:09,299 They're a little crunchy, 345 00:14:09,366 --> 00:14:11,566 but I bet ya they're gonna be magically delicious. 346 00:14:14,336 --> 00:14:15,336 Great. 347 00:14:16,770 --> 00:14:17,837 Excuse me. Yeah. 348 00:14:23,774 --> 00:14:24,807 Hey, Bud. 349 00:14:24,874 --> 00:14:26,407 Everything OK down there? 350 00:14:26,474 --> 00:14:29,342 I think Carrie gave me Major's underwear. 351 00:14:30,343 --> 00:14:31,343 Go change. 352 00:14:31,411 --> 00:14:32,476 Thank you. 353 00:14:36,847 --> 00:14:37,980 Hi. Hey, Holly. 354 00:14:38,048 --> 00:14:39,080 What are you doing here? 355 00:14:39,148 --> 00:14:40,258 I walk a dog in your building now, 356 00:14:40,282 --> 00:14:41,415 so I thought I'd stop by. 357 00:14:41,482 --> 00:14:42,625 Listen, I heard that you're hosting 358 00:14:42,649 --> 00:14:43,693 Thanksgiving for your kids, 359 00:14:43,717 --> 00:14:45,784 and I just think that is so sweet. 360 00:14:45,852 --> 00:14:47,051 I made you this. 361 00:14:56,090 --> 00:14:58,256 There's someone else. 362 00:15:00,558 --> 00:15:02,059 What are you talking about? 363 00:15:02,126 --> 00:15:04,526 Holly. I want Holly. 364 00:15:04,594 --> 00:15:05,761 What?! 365 00:15:05,829 --> 00:15:07,662 I didn't look for this to happen. 366 00:15:07,729 --> 00:15:08,628 I didn't plan for it, 367 00:15:08,696 --> 00:15:09,729 but she came to my door 368 00:15:09,797 --> 00:15:11,830 with the best apple pie I've ever tasted, 369 00:15:11,898 --> 00:15:13,397 and she's great with my kids, 370 00:15:13,465 --> 00:15:15,198 and she's quiet. 371 00:15:15,266 --> 00:15:17,500 But yo... 372 00:15:17,534 --> 00:15:20,001 But you just can't dump Carrie. 373 00:15:20,035 --> 00:15:21,068 She loves being with you. 374 00:15:21,136 --> 00:15:22,768 I've never seen her happier. 375 00:15:24,503 --> 00:15:26,470 I got my whole family coming in. 376 00:15:26,538 --> 00:15:27,872 I got my kids counting on me 377 00:15:27,939 --> 00:15:29,039 for a perfect Thanksgiving. 378 00:15:29,106 --> 00:15:30,405 I can't give 'em sweet potatoes 379 00:15:30,473 --> 00:15:31,874 with Lucky Charms in 'em. 380 00:15:31,941 --> 00:15:34,708 Oh, my God! That sounds great! 381 00:15:34,776 --> 00:15:36,342 It's over, player. 382 00:15:36,409 --> 00:15:38,509 Amazing. 383 00:15:38,577 --> 00:15:39,611 OK. 384 00:15:39,678 --> 00:15:42,011 Fine, whatever. 385 00:15:42,079 --> 00:15:44,913 I guess I'll tell her tonight after dinner 386 00:15:44,981 --> 00:15:46,981 or maybe before dinner. 387 00:15:48,216 --> 00:15:49,216 You know what? 388 00:15:49,283 --> 00:15:51,783 This whole thing was my idea. 389 00:15:51,851 --> 00:15:53,718 I'll tell her. I just... 390 00:15:53,785 --> 00:15:55,885 Gotta figure out a way to let her down easy. 391 00:15:57,221 --> 00:15:58,420 OK. 392 00:15:58,488 --> 00:15:59,554 Thanks. 393 00:16:01,889 --> 00:16:03,099 Couldn't you just stay with her 394 00:16:03,123 --> 00:16:04,523 through the holidays? 395 00:16:10,594 --> 00:16:12,226 Yeah, just a table for 2. 396 00:16:12,294 --> 00:16:13,361 Sure, I'll hold. 397 00:16:15,230 --> 00:16:16,230 Hey, babe. 398 00:16:16,297 --> 00:16:17,297 Hey. 399 00:16:17,364 --> 00:16:18,931 Turkey day tomorrow. Uh-huh. 400 00:16:18,998 --> 00:16:20,375 You wanna discuss what pants you're gonna wear? 401 00:16:20,399 --> 00:16:23,199 Because the last 3 years, you've chosen poorly. 402 00:16:24,600 --> 00:16:26,334 Great, thank you. OK, I will see you then. 403 00:16:27,436 --> 00:16:29,735 Pack your bags. What? 404 00:16:29,803 --> 00:16:31,569 Where have you always wanted to go? 405 00:16:31,637 --> 00:16:33,570 Spain? 406 00:16:35,273 --> 00:16:38,340 How about the Spain of America? 407 00:16:38,408 --> 00:16:40,408 Massachusetts. 408 00:16:40,475 --> 00:16:43,475 You know that place in Stock bridge you're always talking about? 409 00:16:43,543 --> 00:16:44,543 The Red Lion Inn? 410 00:16:44,610 --> 00:16:45,643 Well, tomorrow night, 411 00:16:45,710 --> 00:16:47,345 we're gonna have a gourmet meal there 412 00:16:47,412 --> 00:16:49,146 followed by a beautiful stay 413 00:16:49,213 --> 00:16:51,280 in a standard room. 414 00:16:51,348 --> 00:16:53,747 What are you talking about tomorrow night? 415 00:16:53,814 --> 00:16:54,948 It's Thanksgiving. 416 00:16:55,016 --> 00:16:56,282 I have to help Deacon out. 417 00:16:56,349 --> 00:16:57,659 You already made him plenty of stuff. 418 00:16:57,683 --> 00:16:59,050 He's well on his way. 419 00:16:59,118 --> 00:17:01,584 When's the last time we had a romantic Thanksgiving together, 420 00:17:01,652 --> 00:17:02,852 just the two of us? 421 00:17:02,920 --> 00:17:04,052 You know what they say. 422 00:17:04,120 --> 00:17:05,719 Thanksgiving is for lovers. 423 00:17:08,055 --> 00:17:09,256 What's going on here? 424 00:17:09,322 --> 00:17:10,355 Nothing. I just... 425 00:17:10,423 --> 00:17:12,190 wanna spend Thanksgiving alone with my wife. 426 00:17:12,258 --> 00:17:13,924 Is that so crazy? 427 00:17:13,992 --> 00:17:15,724 Wait a minute. 428 00:17:15,759 --> 00:17:17,559 Are you jealous of all the time 429 00:17:17,627 --> 00:17:19,226 I've been spending with Deacon? 430 00:17:19,294 --> 00:17:22,161 Uh, yeah. 431 00:17:24,097 --> 00:17:27,597 But you were the one who loaned me out to him in the first place. 432 00:17:27,665 --> 00:17:29,631 I mean, you practically dragged me over there. 433 00:17:29,699 --> 00:17:30,866 You gave us a fern. 434 00:17:30,934 --> 00:17:34,401 And I was dying inside. 435 00:17:34,468 --> 00:17:35,534 You know what? 436 00:17:35,602 --> 00:17:37,402 I can't believe how selfish you're being. 437 00:17:37,469 --> 00:17:40,036 I can't back out on Deacon now. 438 00:17:40,104 --> 00:17:41,104 He needs me. 439 00:17:45,741 --> 00:17:47,841 Doesn't need you, really. 440 00:17:55,345 --> 00:17:56,379 Hey, man. 441 00:17:56,447 --> 00:17:57,679 Carrie. She's parking. 442 00:17:57,746 --> 00:17:59,080 Ran up here. Has turkey. 443 00:17:59,147 --> 00:18:00,258 I tried to stop her. I couldn't. 444 00:18:00,282 --> 00:18:01,781 Has turkey! 445 00:18:03,283 --> 00:18:04,716 OK, slow down. 446 00:18:04,784 --> 00:18:05,950 What's going on? 447 00:18:06,017 --> 00:18:08,984 I tried to get her off this thing all night. 448 00:18:09,052 --> 00:18:10,363 I tried to tell her I was jealous. 449 00:18:10,387 --> 00:18:11,963 I... I... I tried to take her to Massachusetts. 450 00:18:11,987 --> 00:18:13,320 She just won't give you up. 451 00:18:13,388 --> 00:18:15,321 She still thinks we're on for tonight? 452 00:18:15,389 --> 00:18:16,389 Yeah. 453 00:18:16,457 --> 00:18:17,489 I can't believe you. 454 00:18:17,557 --> 00:18:18,557 This is important to me. 455 00:18:18,624 --> 00:18:19,790 It's important to my kids. 456 00:18:19,857 --> 00:18:21,034 Oh, enough of your kids already, OK? 457 00:18:21,058 --> 00:18:23,058 We get it. You reproduce. 458 00:18:24,194 --> 00:18:25,354 Y-Y-Y-You're killing me here. 459 00:18:25,394 --> 00:18:27,427 I've got Holly in the kitchen basting a turkey. 460 00:18:27,495 --> 00:18:29,405 Yeah, well, I got Carrie coming up with another turkey. 461 00:18:29,429 --> 00:18:30,573 So what are we gonna do? I don't know! 462 00:18:30,597 --> 00:18:32,063 We got 2 broads with 2 birds! 463 00:18:34,199 --> 00:18:35,498 Hey, Doug. 464 00:18:35,566 --> 00:18:36,632 Hi. 465 00:18:36,699 --> 00:18:37,699 Hey, guys. 466 00:18:37,766 --> 00:18:39,400 Hey. Hey. 467 00:18:40,767 --> 00:18:41,767 Holly. 468 00:18:42,868 --> 00:18:44,002 What are you doing? 469 00:18:44,070 --> 00:18:45,269 I don't know. 470 00:18:45,337 --> 00:18:46,836 Deacon, what's going on? 471 00:18:46,904 --> 00:18:47,904 I don't know. Doug? 472 00:18:47,939 --> 00:18:49,938 I don't know. Carrie? 473 00:18:51,940 --> 00:18:53,974 Deacon asked me to help out with Thanksgiving. 474 00:18:54,042 --> 00:18:58,642 No, Deacon asked me to help out with Thanksgiving. 475 00:19:04,813 --> 00:19:07,981 Actually, I never asked you, Carrie. 476 00:19:08,049 --> 00:19:09,781 Doug offered, and I accepted, 477 00:19:09,849 --> 00:19:11,249 and you were great. 478 00:19:11,317 --> 00:19:13,883 It's just that Holly might be a slightly, slightly better cook, 479 00:19:13,952 --> 00:19:15,318 so I asked her to step in. 480 00:19:15,385 --> 00:19:17,052 So you just stuck me in at the last minute 481 00:19:17,119 --> 00:19:19,153 when you realized you didn't like Carrie's cooking? 482 00:19:19,220 --> 00:19:23,388 And you just let me walk in here like a Friggin' idiot? 483 00:19:23,456 --> 00:19:26,656 And... And now, Carrie, who I work for, hates me? 484 00:19:26,723 --> 00:19:28,723 Ladies, ladies, ladies! 485 00:19:28,791 --> 00:19:31,025 We can eat both dinners. 486 00:19:31,093 --> 00:19:33,160 Like the Pilgrims and the Indians, 487 00:19:33,227 --> 00:19:36,794 we'll meet and trade beads for land 488 00:19:36,862 --> 00:19:38,662 or... or... or something. 489 00:19:38,729 --> 00:19:41,664 No, no, I'm leaving. Excuse me. 490 00:19:41,731 --> 00:19:43,265 But I'll tell you guys one thing. 491 00:19:43,333 --> 00:19:44,773 The Johnson Beagles are about to have 492 00:19:44,833 --> 00:19:46,433 the best dinner of their lives. 493 00:19:48,801 --> 00:19:51,402 Well, that's cleared up. 494 00:19:51,470 --> 00:19:53,703 Let me just tell you something, OK? 495 00:19:53,771 --> 00:19:55,738 I just spent my entire week 496 00:19:55,806 --> 00:19:57,305 taking care of your kids, 497 00:19:57,372 --> 00:19:58,638 cooking your meals, 498 00:19:58,707 --> 00:20:01,207 sharing stories with you about my job, 499 00:20:01,274 --> 00:20:02,774 but it's over for you, buddy, 500 00:20:02,842 --> 00:20:03,975 'cause I have a man, 501 00:20:04,043 --> 00:20:05,243 and he likes my cooking, 502 00:20:05,310 --> 00:20:06,476 and he likes my stories, 503 00:20:06,544 --> 00:20:08,110 and he's gonna hear all of 'em 504 00:20:08,178 --> 00:20:09,745 on the way up to Massachusetts. 505 00:20:09,812 --> 00:20:10,812 Come on, baby. 506 00:20:15,882 --> 00:20:16,882 Yeah. 507 00:20:39,527 --> 00:20:41,427 Hi. Can I help you? 508 00:20:41,494 --> 00:20:44,028 Table for 14, please. 509 00:20:50,098 --> 00:20:52,766 So, Kaplan comes down and gives Renee 510 00:20:52,834 --> 00:20:54,700 a stack of papers to file, 511 00:20:54,768 --> 00:20:56,277 and you know she's gonna fall flat on her face 512 00:20:56,301 --> 00:20:57,602 because she's like, 513 00:20:57,669 --> 00:21:02,037 "uh, which letter comes first? R or W?" 514 00:21:02,105 --> 00:21:03,404 And I can't say anything 515 00:21:03,472 --> 00:21:04,905 because I'm gonna look bitchy, 516 00:21:04,973 --> 00:21:06,773 but who's gonna have to redo everything 517 00:21:06,841 --> 00:21:08,107 after she's done with it? 518 00:21:08,174 --> 00:21:09,674 Hello. 519 00:21:09,742 --> 00:21:11,475 So, while she's at lunch, 520 00:21:11,543 --> 00:21:13,809 I refile everything the right way, 521 00:21:13,877 --> 00:21:15,244 and she comes back 522 00:21:15,312 --> 00:21:16,378 and catches me doing it. 523 00:21:16,445 --> 00:21:18,445 Now things are so awkward between us, 524 00:21:18,513 --> 00:21:19,822 I don't really know what to say to her, 525 00:21:19,846 --> 00:21:22,214 but the truth is... Oh, God! 526 00:21:22,282 --> 00:21:23,381 Oh, my God. 527 00:21:23,449 --> 00:21:25,316 I tripped, and I hit the door. 528 00:21:25,384 --> 00:21:26,460 Are you all right? 529 00:21:26,484 --> 00:21:27,550 I killed my funny bone. 530 00:21:27,617 --> 00:21:29,528 I better go downstairs, put some ice on it... Aah! 531 00:21:29,552 --> 00:21:31,584 OK, baby. Yeah.