1
00:00:34,253 --> 00:00:38,052
Follow the break.
Follow the break.

2
00:00:38,120 --> 00:00:41,818
Oh, good Lord, I am gifted.

3
00:00:43,284 --> 00:00:44,184
Hey, hey, hey, come here.
Come here.

4
00:00:44,251 --> 00:00:45,251
What? Come here, quick.

5
00:00:45,283 --> 00:00:46,184
Come here. Come over here. What?

6
00:00:46,250 --> 00:00:47,848
Look.

7
00:00:47,916 --> 00:00:50,914
It's me bowling.

8
00:00:50,982 --> 00:00:55,281
OK. Glad I swallowed
my gum for that.

9
00:00:55,349 --> 00:00:57,946
I had Deke videotape
my stroke, you know,

10
00:00:58,013 --> 00:01:00,412
to help me get ready for the
tournament this weekend.

11
00:01:00,480 --> 00:01:01,987
You want to watch it
with frame advance?

12
00:01:02,011 --> 00:01:04,411
Do I!

13
00:01:04,479 --> 00:01:06,044
OK, ball back...

14
00:01:06,112 --> 00:01:07,477
plant...

15
00:01:07,545 --> 00:01:08,776
release...

16
00:01:08,844 --> 00:01:09,844
follow through.

17
00:01:10,944 --> 00:01:12,242
What? What?

18
00:01:12,309 --> 00:01:15,475
Looks like somebody needs to
wear a belt when they bowl.

19
00:01:17,242 --> 00:01:18,307
Oh, you're right.

20
00:01:18,375 --> 00:01:20,905
Little too much alley
on display right there.

21
00:01:22,806 --> 00:01:24,240
It's weird. I've never really...

22
00:01:24,306 --> 00:01:26,871
seen myself from
that angle before.

23
00:01:26,938 --> 00:01:30,236
Well, I have had the
pleasure, so offy.

24
00:01:31,804 --> 00:01:33,337
So what's in the bag?

25
00:01:33,404 --> 00:01:36,068
What's in the bag?
Oh, just our future.

26
00:01:36,136 --> 00:01:38,268
Does our future include
any sort of chicken?

27
00:01:38,336 --> 00:01:40,500
'Cause I'm very, very hungry.

28
00:01:40,568 --> 00:01:43,300
Sorry. But get this.
Mr. Kaplan, as in,

29
00:01:43,368 --> 00:01:45,998
king of the whole Friggin'
law firm Mr. Kaplan,

30
00:01:46,067 --> 00:01:49,397
is getting ready to make
me his new secretary.

31
00:01:49,465 --> 00:01:51,664
Oh, come on. That guy's
been dangling that job

32
00:01:51,731 --> 00:01:53,362
in front of you for 2 years.

33
00:01:53,430 --> 00:01:56,463
But he hasn't seen these.

34
00:01:59,929 --> 00:02:02,393
Please rub my tummy!

35
00:02:04,661 --> 00:02:07,092
I think you would have had a
better shot with a hooker.

36
00:02:11,592 --> 00:02:12,492
These are for his son.

37
00:02:12,559 --> 00:02:14,324
He has a 4-year-old from
his second marriage.

38
00:02:14,392 --> 00:02:15,392
His wife is out of town,

39
00:02:15,424 --> 00:02:16,834
so he asked me if I
would watch his son

40
00:02:16,858 --> 00:02:17,967
in the office for a couple days,

41
00:02:17,991 --> 00:02:20,222
and I said I would be delighted.

42
00:02:20,290 --> 00:02:21,755
But you hate kids.

43
00:02:21,823 --> 00:02:22,954
Not this one.

44
00:02:23,022 --> 00:02:23,921
I'm going to ride
this little putz

45
00:02:23,988 --> 00:02:25,754
all the way to the top.

46
00:02:25,821 --> 00:02:28,187
All right, well, have fun.
I'm going to meet the guys

47
00:02:28,255 --> 00:02:29,731
down at the bowling
alley to practice.

48
00:02:29,755 --> 00:02:30,652
Bup, bup, bup, bup. What?

49
00:02:30,720 --> 00:02:32,619
Belt. Right-o.

50
00:02:39,984 --> 00:02:41,784
Hey, you guys catch the
Knick game last night?

51
00:02:41,850 --> 00:02:43,216
No. Who won?

52
00:02:43,282 --> 00:02:44,959
Jeez, you believe they let
the freakin' Grizzlies

53
00:02:44,983 --> 00:02:46,147
take them to overtime?

54
00:02:46,215 --> 00:02:47,814
Hello? Who won?

55
00:02:47,881 --> 00:02:49,779
The Knicks. Why
didn't you watch?

56
00:02:49,847 --> 00:02:51,646
Ah, I couldn't watch
anything last night.

57
00:02:51,713 --> 00:02:53,912
Spence was hooking
up his new TiVo.

58
00:02:53,980 --> 00:02:55,246
What's that?

59
00:02:55,313 --> 00:02:57,611
Ah, it's some new
fancy digital thing

60
00:02:57,679 --> 00:02:59,610
that records television
shows for you.

61
00:02:59,678 --> 00:03:01,477
Except I'm not
allowed to touch it.

62
00:03:01,545 --> 00:03:02,776
But I'll tell you something.

63
00:03:02,844 --> 00:03:06,009
If he thinks he's getting near
my rice maker ever again,

64
00:03:06,077 --> 00:03:08,341
he's in for a rude surprise.

65
00:03:08,409 --> 00:03:10,774
Mark my words!

66
00:03:10,842 --> 00:03:13,106
All right.

67
00:03:13,174 --> 00:03:15,839
Hey, guys.

68
00:03:15,907 --> 00:03:17,015
Hey! Hey, Tanya!
What's going on?

69
00:03:17,039 --> 00:03:18,882
Listen, I just wanted to
come over to say good-bye.

70
00:03:18,906 --> 00:03:21,570
Today was my last day at
the shoe rental counter.

71
00:03:22,438 --> 00:03:23,670
Where you off to from here?

72
00:03:23,738 --> 00:03:25,670
Well, I got a job at
Payless in Elmhurst.

73
00:03:25,738 --> 00:03:26,969
It's going to be so nice

74
00:03:27,036 --> 00:03:28,869
to work with new
shoes for a change.

75
00:03:28,936 --> 00:03:30,036
I hear that.

76
00:03:30,103 --> 00:03:31,135
But don't worry,

77
00:03:31,202 --> 00:03:32,034
you're going to
love the new girl.

78
00:03:32,102 --> 00:03:33,968
Her name's Denise.
She's very sweet.

79
00:03:39,033 --> 00:03:41,032
Yeah. All right. Great.

80
00:03:41,099 --> 00:03:42,342
Well, good luck in
the tournament.

81
00:03:42,366 --> 00:03:43,499
I'll see you guys.

82
00:03:43,567 --> 00:03:45,397
Take care. See you.
Bye-bye, T.

83
00:03:47,098 --> 00:03:48,697
Wow.

84
00:03:48,765 --> 00:03:50,006
It's like we just went
from a Rolls-Royce

85
00:03:50,030 --> 00:03:52,195
to a Ford Fiesta.

86
00:03:52,263 --> 00:03:53,263
From now on,

87
00:03:53,296 --> 00:03:55,127
I'll be renting my
shoes over the phone.

88
00:03:56,829 --> 00:03:58,661
That snack-bar waitress
with the glass eye

89
00:03:58,728 --> 00:04:00,126
just moved up the charts.

90
00:04:00,194 --> 00:04:01,593
Yeah,

91
00:04:01,661 --> 00:04:02,661
so did the alley boy.

92
00:04:03,593 --> 00:04:05,158
You guys are being idiots, man.

93
00:04:05,226 --> 00:04:07,024
Just give her a break.

94
00:04:07,092 --> 00:04:08,024
Not until she gives me a break

95
00:04:08,092 --> 00:04:10,224
and starts wearing a paper bag.

96
00:04:12,558 --> 00:04:14,489
Hey, where are you going?

97
00:04:14,557 --> 00:04:15,766
I'm going over there
to talk to her, man.

98
00:04:15,790 --> 00:04:17,355
Think how she feels.

99
00:04:17,423 --> 00:04:19,853
Usually there are guys lined up
like 3 deep to hit on Tanya.

100
00:04:19,921 --> 00:04:22,420
But now look... nothing, right?

101
00:04:22,488 --> 00:04:23,563
You know what I'm going to do?

102
00:04:23,587 --> 00:04:25,307
I'm going to go over
there and make her day.

103
00:04:28,486 --> 00:04:30,552
Oh, hi. Can I help you?

104
00:04:32,651 --> 00:04:35,882
So you must be this Denise
I keep hearing about.

105
00:04:35,950 --> 00:04:38,582
Yeah.

106
00:04:38,650 --> 00:04:40,382
Well, Denise, I'm
Doug, and on behalf

107
00:04:40,450 --> 00:04:45,214
of the entire Bowl-a-Rama
family of bowlers... welcome.

108
00:04:46,047 --> 00:04:47,546
Thanks.

109
00:04:47,614 --> 00:04:49,480
Wow. Your eyes are killer.

110
00:04:49,548 --> 00:04:51,878
They're like the exact
same color as my ball.

111
00:05:03,409 --> 00:05:05,307
Hey, shoe question for you.

112
00:05:06,641 --> 00:05:08,140
Why do they make the half sizes

113
00:05:08,208 --> 00:05:10,105
with the line under
the number, you know?

114
00:05:10,174 --> 00:05:12,673
Why not use just the old,
like, half symbol, you know?

115
00:05:12,740 --> 00:05:13,904
What's the deal with that?

116
00:05:13,972 --> 00:05:16,637
Um, I... I really don't know.

117
00:05:16,705 --> 00:05:17,814
It's crazy though, isn't it?

118
00:05:17,838 --> 00:05:21,570
Do you want to
rent shoes or not?

119
00:05:21,638 --> 00:05:24,202
No, I, uh, I have my own.

120
00:05:24,270 --> 00:05:27,335
Um, OK, well, I'll see you.

121
00:05:27,402 --> 00:05:30,633
Wow. She lit up like
a Christmas tree.

122
00:05:30,701 --> 00:05:32,632
Shutty.

123
00:05:41,498 --> 00:05:42,330
Hello, Carrie.

124
00:05:42,398 --> 00:05:45,829
Oh, hi, Mr. Kaplan.
And who is this?

125
00:05:45,897 --> 00:05:48,161
Is this the new lawyer
I've been hearing about?

126
00:05:48,229 --> 00:05:51,695
No, no, he's a few
years away from that.

127
00:05:51,762 --> 00:05:53,260
Jordan, this is Carrie.

128
00:05:53,329 --> 00:05:55,204
She's going to be your friend
for the next few days.

129
00:05:55,228 --> 00:05:57,392
Hi. Hi, Jordan.

130
00:05:57,460 --> 00:05:58,959
We're going to
have a lot of fun.

131
00:05:59,027 --> 00:06:00,168
Oh, if we only had some toys.

132
00:06:00,192 --> 00:06:02,791
Uh-oh, you found them.
Good work, buddy.

133
00:06:02,859 --> 00:06:05,089
All these toys you bought.
My goodness.

134
00:06:05,158 --> 00:06:06,656
Oh, I'm happy to do it.

135
00:06:06,723 --> 00:06:08,403
Is this the kind of
stuff he usually likes?

136
00:06:08,458 --> 00:06:09,988
To tell you the truth,
I have no idea.

137
00:06:10,056 --> 00:06:13,121
His mother handles the
day-to-day stuff.

138
00:06:13,188 --> 00:06:15,254
Anyway, Carrie, thanks a lot.

139
00:06:15,321 --> 00:06:16,486
You're a lifesaver.

140
00:06:16,554 --> 00:06:19,152
My own secretary wanted
no part of this.

141
00:06:19,220 --> 00:06:22,885
Just one more reason for me to
give old Marge the heave-ho.

142
00:06:22,953 --> 00:06:24,551
Well, that's none of my affair.

143
00:06:24,619 --> 00:06:26,317
All I know is I love kids,

144
00:06:26,385 --> 00:06:28,750
and I could have that desk
packed up in 5 minutes.

145
00:06:30,117 --> 00:06:31,283
Well, Jordan, just have fun.

146
00:06:31,351 --> 00:06:33,648
Daddy will come get
you at lunchtime.

147
00:06:33,715 --> 00:06:36,448
Do you like Indian food?

148
00:06:36,516 --> 00:06:38,014
We'll figure it out.

149
00:06:38,082 --> 00:06:39,014
See ya.

150
00:06:39,082 --> 00:06:41,480
OK. Bye-bye.

151
00:06:43,613 --> 00:06:46,346
Hey, what you got there?

152
00:06:46,413 --> 00:06:50,111
A train? Choo choo!

153
00:06:50,178 --> 00:06:51,178
Choo...

154
00:06:52,910 --> 00:06:54,342
Oh, I...

155
00:06:54,411 --> 00:06:56,908
I didn't mean for
you to stop, I...

156
00:06:56,975 --> 00:06:58,174
No, come on,

157
00:06:58,242 --> 00:06:59,918
you got to get the train
going to the next station,

158
00:06:59,942 --> 00:07:01,974
or it's going to... whoa. OK.

159
00:07:02,041 --> 00:07:04,373
I don't think that's the
next station, buddy.

160
00:07:04,441 --> 00:07:07,406
Ha ha. No, it's right here by Mr.
Teddy Bear.

161
00:07:07,473 --> 00:07:09,605
Choo... whoa. All right.

162
00:07:11,405 --> 00:07:12,405
Jordan, honey,

163
00:07:12,439 --> 00:07:14,404
you see all these things
on the floor here?

164
00:07:14,471 --> 00:07:16,435
Those are your toys. Yeah.

165
00:07:16,503 --> 00:07:18,268
And these 2 things on my body?

166
00:07:18,336 --> 00:07:19,935
Those are not your toys.

167
00:07:20,003 --> 00:07:22,334
No, no, no, no. Ha ha.

168
00:07:22,402 --> 00:07:24,699
Hey, since you like
squeezing things,

169
00:07:24,767 --> 00:07:26,500
why don't we play
with this stuff, huh?

170
00:07:26,567 --> 00:07:28,033
This is good.

171
00:07:28,101 --> 00:07:30,499
It's fun. You can
make it into a ball,

172
00:07:30,566 --> 00:07:32,131
or a snake...

173
00:07:32,199 --> 00:07:33,397
OK.

174
00:07:39,397 --> 00:07:40,662
Coming.

175
00:07:43,562 --> 00:07:44,928
Oh, hey, Holly.

176
00:07:44,996 --> 00:07:45,996
Hey, Spence.

177
00:07:46,061 --> 00:07:47,461
Is my little guy
ready for his walk?

178
00:07:47,528 --> 00:07:48,761
Oh, more than ready.

179
00:07:48,827 --> 00:07:50,360
He had some Snausages last night

180
00:07:50,427 --> 00:07:52,292
that did not agree with him.

181
00:07:52,360 --> 00:07:55,891
Been there, done that.

182
00:07:55,959 --> 00:07:58,524
Hey, um, do you want to
see my new purchase?

183
00:07:58,592 --> 00:07:59,857
Oh, your Spider-Man suit?

184
00:07:59,925 --> 00:08:01,167
You modeled it for me last week.

185
00:08:01,191 --> 00:08:02,689
No, no, no, no, no.

186
00:08:02,756 --> 00:08:03,589
It's... it's my TiVo.

187
00:08:03,657 --> 00:08:06,621
See, it's this thing
that records TV shows,

188
00:08:06,689 --> 00:08:08,387
but the cool part is,

189
00:08:08,455 --> 00:08:09,754
it's intuitive.

190
00:08:09,822 --> 00:08:12,085
See, once you program
in some shows you like,

191
00:08:12,153 --> 00:08:14,253
it gets to know your taste,
and then automatically

192
00:08:14,321 --> 00:08:16,185
picks out and records
shows for you.

193
00:08:16,253 --> 00:08:18,519
Wow. See ya.

194
00:08:18,586 --> 00:08:19,751
No, no, no, no. Come here.

195
00:08:19,819 --> 00:08:21,817
Just come sit.

196
00:08:21,884 --> 00:08:23,783
Now, the other day,

197
00:08:23,851 --> 00:08:27,915
I programmed in Sex in the
City, Six Feet Under,

198
00:08:27,983 --> 00:08:28,915
a few other favorites.

199
00:08:28,983 --> 00:08:31,482
And now... presto.

200
00:08:31,548 --> 00:08:34,413
A whole list of shows TiVo
recorded just for me.

201
00:08:34,481 --> 00:08:36,313
Oh. Priscilla, Queen
of the Desert.

202
00:08:36,380 --> 00:08:40,212
Never heard of it, but
TiVo knows I like it.

203
00:08:40,279 --> 00:08:42,711
Live
at Carnegie Hall.

204
00:08:42,778 --> 00:08:44,344
Uh, OK, I...

205
00:08:44,412 --> 00:08:46,311
Decorating with Style.

206
00:08:46,378 --> 00:08:47,676
I... I... don't know why...

207
00:08:47,744 --> 00:08:50,009
Queer as Folk.

208
00:08:50,077 --> 00:08:54,708
Oh, my God! TiVo thinks I'm gay!

209
00:09:00,740 --> 00:09:03,204
All right, boys, it's
time to get serious here.

210
00:09:03,273 --> 00:09:05,305
This is our last practice
before the big dance.

211
00:09:05,373 --> 00:09:06,738
Tomorrow the world learns

212
00:09:06,805 --> 00:09:08,304
what the men of IPS are made of.

213
00:09:08,371 --> 00:09:09,470
Yeah, let's do it!

214
00:09:09,538 --> 00:09:10,898
Hey, who's our first
match against?

215
00:09:11,670 --> 00:09:13,269
Mail Boxes Etc.

216
00:09:13,336 --> 00:09:15,268
Damn post office wannabes!

217
00:09:16,569 --> 00:09:18,000
Ah, crap.

218
00:09:18,068 --> 00:09:19,400
Anybody got an extra lace?

219
00:09:19,468 --> 00:09:21,965
Uh, no, I don't
have one, but, um,

220
00:09:22,034 --> 00:09:24,266
why don't you go get one
from your girlfriend?

221
00:09:25,632 --> 00:09:27,664
Yeah, go ahead, make her night.

222
00:09:27,732 --> 00:09:28,898
"Make her night."

223
00:09:28,966 --> 00:09:31,996
That is so great!

224
00:09:32,064 --> 00:09:34,462
Oh, man, you're good! Oh!

225
00:09:34,530 --> 00:09:36,929
Come on, man, look, she did
dust you off pretty good.

226
00:09:36,996 --> 00:09:38,829
All right, look, she's
new around here, OK?

227
00:09:38,896 --> 00:09:40,404
Maybe she's just nervous
in front of the customers.

228
00:09:40,428 --> 00:09:42,160
Sure, that's it.

229
00:09:49,992 --> 00:09:51,025
Hi.

230
00:09:51,092 --> 00:09:52,324
Can I help you?

231
00:09:52,391 --> 00:09:54,990
Yeah, I need a pack of laces.
How much?

232
00:09:55,058 --> 00:09:56,390
Um, I'm not sure.

233
00:09:56,457 --> 00:09:58,222
Let me ask my boyfriend.

234
00:09:59,623 --> 00:10:01,388
Trevor!

235
00:10:01,456 --> 00:10:02,620
Yeah?

236
00:10:02,688 --> 00:10:04,387
Um, sorry to bother
you, sweetie,

237
00:10:04,454 --> 00:10:07,021
but, um, this guy
says he broke a lace.

238
00:10:11,486 --> 00:10:12,784
Broke a shoelace?

239
00:10:13,952 --> 00:10:16,384
Yeah, they break. They're
not made of steel.

240
00:10:18,617 --> 00:10:19,683
That's a buck.

241
00:10:20,751 --> 00:10:22,114
Thank you.

242
00:10:24,216 --> 00:10:25,296
Babe, you look hot tonight.

243
00:10:25,349 --> 00:10:26,813
Come on, stop.

244
00:10:26,881 --> 00:10:28,113
We're at work.

245
00:10:33,746 --> 00:10:34,812
Anything else?

246
00:10:34,880 --> 00:10:36,644
No, that's all. Thanks.

247
00:10:44,843 --> 00:10:46,508
Unbelievable.

248
00:10:46,575 --> 00:10:47,741
What happened?

249
00:10:47,809 --> 00:10:49,117
She must've thought I was
hittin' on her last night,

250
00:10:49,141 --> 00:10:50,618
'cause she made a big show of
trotting out her boyfriend

251
00:10:50,642 --> 00:10:53,240
in front of me. "Hey,
sweetie, I love you!"

252
00:10:53,308 --> 00:10:57,571
Please help me sell this sweaty,
horrible man a shoelace."

253
00:10:57,639 --> 00:10:58,971
Well, who's her boyfriend?

254
00:10:59,039 --> 00:11:00,304
That guy right there.

255
00:11:00,372 --> 00:11:01,971
That guy?

256
00:11:02,038 --> 00:11:04,303
That's her brother!

257
00:11:08,236 --> 00:11:09,534
Her brother?

258
00:11:09,602 --> 00:11:11,544
She had to get her brother to
pretend to be her boyfriend?

259
00:11:11,568 --> 00:11:13,001
I'm that much of a sleazeball?

260
00:11:14,968 --> 00:11:16,133
I guess so!

261
00:11:16,201 --> 00:11:17,699
Hey, I was doing her a favor!

262
00:11:17,766 --> 00:11:19,065
It was a mercy flirt!

263
00:11:25,199 --> 00:11:27,630
See, Jordan, those
are Chinese handcuffs.

264
00:11:27,698 --> 00:11:30,296
Uh-oh! Now your hands are stuck.

265
00:11:30,364 --> 00:11:32,628
It's fun being stuck, isn't it?

266
00:11:32,695 --> 00:11:35,295
Let's be stuck all day.

267
00:11:35,363 --> 00:11:37,127
But I will read you
a little book,

268
00:11:37,195 --> 00:11:38,960
OK, while you are... ohh!

269
00:11:39,028 --> 00:11:39,894
No! No!

270
00:11:39,962 --> 00:11:41,826
What a pair! What?!

271
00:11:41,894 --> 00:11:43,791
The two of you. You
look great together.

272
00:11:43,859 --> 00:11:45,291
Oh! How's it going?

273
00:11:45,359 --> 00:11:48,391
Um, well, actually, uh...

274
00:11:50,691 --> 00:11:52,289
It's going great. It really is.

275
00:11:52,356 --> 00:11:53,356
Fantastic. Yeah...

276
00:11:53,390 --> 00:11:55,522
You really are a lifesaver.

277
00:11:55,589 --> 00:11:56,589
You have fun, kiddo.

278
00:12:15,117 --> 00:12:17,548
Hey, sweetie, you wanna
grab some dinner?

279
00:12:17,615 --> 00:12:18,758
Anything but Chinese, though,

280
00:12:18,782 --> 00:12:21,047
'cause I had Chinese for lunch.

281
00:12:21,115 --> 00:12:23,180
Unless you really want Chinese.

282
00:12:25,448 --> 00:12:28,045
Let's get Chinese!

283
00:12:28,113 --> 00:12:29,578
Anybody home?

284
00:12:29,645 --> 00:12:31,145
Uh, I'm not hungry.

285
00:12:32,578 --> 00:12:34,010
What? What's wrong?

286
00:12:34,078 --> 00:12:36,476
Oh, it's this thing
with Kaplan's kid.

287
00:12:36,543 --> 00:12:37,808
What's the matter?

288
00:12:37,876 --> 00:12:39,885
You got a little Dennis the
Menace on your hands, huh?

289
00:12:39,909 --> 00:12:41,374
What, he put a
frog in your desk?

290
00:12:41,442 --> 00:12:43,274
Give you a little hot foot?

291
00:12:43,342 --> 00:12:46,473
He feels me up constantly.

292
00:12:47,341 --> 00:12:49,073
Huh? Yeah.

293
00:12:49,141 --> 00:12:52,771
He grabs my breasts
every chance he gets.

294
00:12:52,839 --> 00:12:54,971
Come on, he's a kid!
That's what kids do.

295
00:12:55,038 --> 00:12:56,971
And besides, I remember
you laughin' pretty hard

296
00:12:57,038 --> 00:13:00,402
when Deacon's baby used
my dealie as a speed bag.

297
00:13:00,470 --> 00:13:02,336
Doug, this is totally different!

298
00:13:02,404 --> 00:13:04,035
I mean, this kid... He...
he's old enough

299
00:13:04,103 --> 00:13:06,234
to know exactly what he's doing!

300
00:13:06,303 --> 00:13:08,567
I'm being sexually harassed!

301
00:13:08,635 --> 00:13:09,635
You are not.

302
00:13:09,667 --> 00:13:11,933
I am! Think about it. OK?

303
00:13:12,001 --> 00:13:13,200
The kid gropes me,

304
00:13:13,267 --> 00:13:14,465
I can't complain about it,

305
00:13:14,533 --> 00:13:15,731
or I won't get my promotion.

306
00:13:15,799 --> 00:13:18,564
That's Sexual Harassment 101.

307
00:13:18,631 --> 00:13:20,564
He's no better than
any other sleazeball

308
00:13:20,631 --> 00:13:22,363
who thinks all women
are fair game.

309
00:13:24,930 --> 00:13:28,194
Oh, so you just assume
he's a sleazeball.

310
00:13:28,262 --> 00:13:29,394
Yeah, I do.

311
00:13:29,462 --> 00:13:30,837
Really? Did you ever
stop to think that maybe

312
00:13:30,861 --> 00:13:32,859
he's just throwing
you a mercy flirt?

313
00:13:32,927 --> 00:13:35,793
Huh? Yeah.

314
00:13:37,492 --> 00:13:39,124
Yeah, maybe that he's
just feeling you up

315
00:13:39,192 --> 00:13:41,789
as a favor to you? Huh? Yeah.

316
00:13:41,857 --> 00:13:43,823
What?!

317
00:13:43,891 --> 00:13:45,789
Yeah, you women
are all the same,

318
00:13:45,857 --> 00:13:46,857
you know that?

319
00:13:46,889 --> 00:13:48,133
You think that every
guy's after you

320
00:13:48,157 --> 00:13:51,454
'cause you're so irresistible!

321
00:13:51,522 --> 00:13:52,930
Hey, here's an idea... why
don't you get your brother

322
00:13:52,954 --> 00:13:53,964
to pretend to be your boyfriend?

323
00:13:53,988 --> 00:13:55,752
That'll show him!

324
00:13:55,820 --> 00:13:56,829
What are you talking...
I don't even...

325
00:13:56,853 --> 00:13:57,952
I don't have a brother!

326
00:13:58,020 --> 00:13:59,885
Oh, please!

327
00:13:59,953 --> 00:14:02,351
Doug, what are you
sticking up for him for?

328
00:14:02,419 --> 00:14:03,795
I mean, you should be
going down to my office

329
00:14:03,819 --> 00:14:05,750
and beatin' the crap out of him!
OK...

330
00:14:05,818 --> 00:14:07,517
first of all, I haven't
beaten the crap

331
00:14:07,585 --> 00:14:10,516
out of a 4-year-old
since I was 8.

332
00:14:12,016 --> 00:14:13,815
And second of all,

333
00:14:13,882 --> 00:14:15,280
I'm with the boy on this one.

334
00:14:15,348 --> 00:14:17,180
Sorry if that's a kick
in the cornflakes,

335
00:14:17,248 --> 00:14:19,679
but that's the way
it is, sister!

336
00:14:19,747 --> 00:14:20,379
You're crazy!

337
00:14:20,447 --> 00:14:22,446
Oh, here we go, all
men are crazy!

338
00:14:22,514 --> 00:14:24,345
No, not all men, just you.

339
00:14:24,413 --> 00:14:25,521
Oh, really? I'm crazy?
Well, you know what?

340
00:14:25,545 --> 00:14:27,244
Crazy man go bye-bye.

341
00:14:27,311 --> 00:14:29,010
Bye-bye! Bye-bye! Yeah!

342
00:14:30,611 --> 00:14:32,677
What do you want from Chinese?

343
00:14:41,575 --> 00:14:42,575
Yeah!

344
00:14:45,240 --> 00:14:47,204
Oh, hey, Spence, you're home.

345
00:14:47,272 --> 00:14:48,438
Just now. Um...

346
00:14:48,506 --> 00:14:49,837
do you have a second?

347
00:14:49,905 --> 00:14:51,115
Oh, actually, one of my clients

348
00:14:51,139 --> 00:14:52,903
is getting neutered,
and I should be there.

349
00:14:52,971 --> 00:14:54,269
Well, just... Just for a second.

350
00:14:54,337 --> 00:14:55,670
Just sit. For a second.

351
00:14:55,738 --> 00:14:57,669
OK... OK.

352
00:14:58,835 --> 00:15:00,800
Remember, for some reason,

353
00:15:00,868 --> 00:15:02,167
TiVo thought I was gay?

354
00:15:02,235 --> 00:15:04,067
I mean, how crazy was that?

355
00:15:05,268 --> 00:15:06,268
It was crazy.

356
00:15:06,333 --> 00:15:08,165
Yeah, well...

357
00:15:08,233 --> 00:15:09,465
I have a feeling

358
00:15:09,533 --> 00:15:11,931
TiVo won't be making any
more dumb mistakes.

359
00:15:11,999 --> 00:15:12,999
See, I let it know

360
00:15:13,032 --> 00:15:14,531
what a big sports fan I am.

361
00:15:14,599 --> 00:15:16,730
Oh... Yeah! Had it
record my football,

362
00:15:16,797 --> 00:15:17,863
my hoops,

363
00:15:17,931 --> 00:15:19,729
that Nascar race I've
been wantin' to see.

364
00:15:19,796 --> 00:15:20,895
So...

365
00:15:20,963 --> 00:15:23,328
let's see what shows
TiVo recorded

366
00:15:23,395 --> 00:15:26,027
now that it knows I'm
a sports junkie.

367
00:15:27,728 --> 00:15:30,326
Men's Ice Dancing.

368
00:15:30,393 --> 00:15:32,458
OK... What... what the...

369
00:15:32,526 --> 00:15:34,991
The
Greg Louganis Story.

370
00:15:35,058 --> 00:15:36,390
Oh... This is wrong!

371
00:15:36,458 --> 00:15:37,957
No, you said TiVo
was intuitive...

372
00:15:38,025 --> 00:15:40,290
No, no! I... I...
I'm not gay, OK?

373
00:15:40,357 --> 00:15:42,222
I love women. I've stalked them!

374
00:15:42,258 --> 00:15:44,988
I'll... I'll have sex with
you right now if you want!

375
00:15:46,722 --> 00:15:48,287
I'm good. Listen...

376
00:15:48,354 --> 00:15:49,720
uh, I should go. Hey, um,

377
00:15:49,788 --> 00:15:51,220
good luck with that whole...

378
00:15:51,288 --> 00:15:52,885
not gay thing. I... I...

379
00:15:52,953 --> 00:15:55,352
TiVo's wrong! This is wrong!

380
00:15:55,420 --> 00:15:57,383
Ohh, how dare you label me?!

381
00:15:57,451 --> 00:15:59,617
"Oh, I record shows digitally!"

382
00:15:59,685 --> 00:16:01,616
You're gay!

383
00:16:08,949 --> 00:16:10,448
Yes!

384
00:16:11,981 --> 00:16:13,980
So, how's it goin'?

385
00:16:14,048 --> 00:16:15,280
Not so good.

386
00:16:15,346 --> 00:16:16,812
What's the matter?

387
00:16:16,879 --> 00:16:19,112
I'm being sexually harassed.

388
00:16:19,180 --> 00:16:20,111
Really?

389
00:16:20,179 --> 00:16:22,111
Me, too! Who's harassing you?

390
00:16:22,179 --> 00:16:24,343
A 4-year-old.

391
00:16:24,411 --> 00:16:26,077
You?

392
00:16:26,143 --> 00:16:28,342
TiVo.

393
00:16:28,410 --> 00:16:29,574
Attention,
tournament bowlers,

394
00:16:29,642 --> 00:16:31,675
please make sure your lineup
cards are filled out.

395
00:16:31,741 --> 00:16:33,041
Denise will be coming around

396
00:16:33,109 --> 00:16:34,318
in a few minutes
to collect them.

397
00:16:34,342 --> 00:16:36,182
Will you forget about
that girl and focus here?

398
00:16:36,242 --> 00:16:37,306
Yeah, yeah.

399
00:16:41,206 --> 00:16:42,638
Yeah!

400
00:17:01,234 --> 00:17:02,332
Got your lineup card?

401
00:17:02,399 --> 00:17:03,598
Oh, yeah, right here.

402
00:17:03,666 --> 00:17:04,765
Mmm. Good luck!

403
00:17:04,832 --> 00:17:05,832
Thanks.

404
00:17:07,732 --> 00:17:09,597
What the hell was that?

405
00:17:09,665 --> 00:17:11,795
Nothing. She was getting
our lineup card.

406
00:17:11,863 --> 00:17:13,106
Did you see her
trying to avoid me?

407
00:17:13,130 --> 00:17:14,905
I'm surprised she didn't
burrow under the alley

408
00:17:14,929 --> 00:17:16,961
like a ferret.

409
00:17:17,028 --> 00:17:18,828
OK, listen to me.

410
00:17:18,962 --> 00:17:20,360
Last year in this tournament,

411
00:17:20,429 --> 00:17:22,293
we lost to Pottery Barn.

412
00:17:22,360 --> 00:17:23,360
We got our asses kicked

413
00:17:23,428 --> 00:17:26,058
by people who sell
decorative candles.

414
00:17:26,126 --> 00:17:27,202
Now, I need you
to play your game

415
00:17:27,226 --> 00:17:29,125
and stop worrying about
the damn shoe girl.

416
00:17:30,158 --> 00:17:32,090
You're right. She's
just a shoe girl.

417
00:17:32,158 --> 00:17:33,367
I mean, who the hell
does she think she is,

418
00:17:33,391 --> 00:17:34,589
copping an attitude with me?!

419
00:17:34,657 --> 00:17:36,122
I mean, if I was
goin' after a girl,

420
00:17:36,190 --> 00:17:37,665
I could get somebody
much better than her,

421
00:17:37,689 --> 00:17:39,055
much better!

422
00:17:40,688 --> 00:17:43,088
Wait a second, I did.

423
00:17:43,156 --> 00:17:44,987
And she's here right now.

424
00:17:45,054 --> 00:17:47,094
You know what, I'm gonna go
show Denise what's what.

425
00:17:49,052 --> 00:17:51,318
Hey! Hey.

426
00:17:51,386 --> 00:17:53,118
How about a kiss
from my lucky charm?

427
00:17:53,186 --> 00:17:54,117
Hmm? All right.

428
00:17:54,185 --> 00:17:56,383
There you go. Good luck.

429
00:17:57,317 --> 00:17:58,592
Come on, now, you can
do better than that.

430
00:17:58,616 --> 00:17:59,316
Lay one on me. Just give me

431
00:17:59,383 --> 00:18:00,460
a nice little kiss here, huh?

432
00:18:00,484 --> 00:18:01,782
I don't feel like it, OK?

433
00:18:01,849 --> 00:18:03,680
I've been clawed at
by that kid all day.

434
00:18:03,748 --> 00:18:05,325
All right, well, just
give me a little sugar.

435
00:18:05,349 --> 00:18:06,747
I'm really not in the mood.

436
00:18:06,815 --> 00:18:08,246
Can you just let...
Get off of me!

437
00:18:08,313 --> 00:18:10,846
What is wro... Give
me one little kiss!

438
00:18:10,914 --> 00:18:12,177
Will you please stop?

439
00:18:15,845 --> 00:18:18,043
Stop it!

440
00:18:21,976 --> 00:18:23,308
I'm telling you, this thing

441
00:18:23,376 --> 00:18:25,575
with Jordan is driving me crazy!

442
00:18:25,642 --> 00:18:27,840
Carrie, I know you
feel violated,

443
00:18:27,908 --> 00:18:28,908
but hang in there.

444
00:18:28,974 --> 00:18:31,373
In 2 days, he'll be
back in preschool.

445
00:18:31,441 --> 00:18:32,605
I can't take

446
00:18:32,673 --> 00:18:34,305
another 2 days of
this, all right?

447
00:18:34,373 --> 00:18:35,805
Every time I blink I see a pair

448
00:18:35,873 --> 00:18:38,805
of grubby little hands
and a Garanimals shirt.

449
00:18:41,638 --> 00:18:43,070
You know what?

450
00:18:43,138 --> 00:18:44,036
I'm just gonna tell Kaplan

451
00:18:44,104 --> 00:18:45,535
that I can't do it anymore.

452
00:18:54,367 --> 00:18:55,533
Hi, Mr. Kaplan.

453
00:18:55,600 --> 00:18:56,999
Oh, good morning, Carrie. Uh...

454
00:18:57,067 --> 00:18:58,110
can I talk to you for a second

455
00:18:58,134 --> 00:18:59,331
about my watching Jordan?

456
00:18:59,398 --> 00:19:01,932
Well, actually, I'm glad
you brought that up.

457
00:19:01,999 --> 00:19:05,163
Seems the young fellow
wants to make a change.

458
00:19:05,231 --> 00:19:06,996
What kind of change?

459
00:19:07,064 --> 00:19:08,262
Well...

460
00:19:08,329 --> 00:19:10,295
to be honest with you,

461
00:19:10,363 --> 00:19:12,928
he's kind of taken
a shine to Amanda.

462
00:19:21,560 --> 00:19:22,491
OK.

463
00:19:22,559 --> 00:19:23,839
Thanks for all
your help, Carrie.

464
00:19:23,892 --> 00:19:24,892
Sure!

465
00:19:33,922 --> 00:19:35,488
Hey, Jordan.

466
00:19:35,556 --> 00:19:37,687
I heard about your decision.

467
00:19:37,754 --> 00:19:40,420
I guess I understand.

468
00:19:40,487 --> 00:19:41,763
I just hope you tell your father

469
00:19:41,787 --> 00:19:43,852
that I treated you well.

470
00:19:43,920 --> 00:19:46,151
Although I clearly couldn't be

471
00:19:46,219 --> 00:19:48,251
all that you wanted me to be.

472
00:19:52,517 --> 00:19:53,449
Just so you know,

473
00:19:53,517 --> 00:19:55,082
those are fake.

474
00:20:06,213 --> 00:20:08,178
Sorry, man. I, uh...

475
00:20:08,246 --> 00:20:10,177
I really let the team down.

476
00:20:10,245 --> 00:20:12,244
Yeah.

477
00:20:12,311 --> 00:20:13,751
OK, you didn't have
to agree with me.

478
00:20:13,810 --> 00:20:15,676
Well, what the hell
am I supposed to say?

479
00:20:15,744 --> 00:20:17,942
You bowled a 94.

480
00:20:20,675 --> 00:20:22,141
It's all her fault.

481
00:20:23,508 --> 00:20:24,741
Hey, you know what?

482
00:20:24,808 --> 00:20:26,140
I should end this right now!

483
00:20:26,207 --> 00:20:27,682
Just tell her once and for
all that I'm not into her,

484
00:20:27,706 --> 00:20:30,006
I was just being nice.
What do you think?

485
00:20:30,073 --> 00:20:33,203
Do you understand we got
beat by Lamps Plus?

486
00:20:33,271 --> 00:20:34,371
Hey!

487
00:20:37,537 --> 00:20:38,570
Hey!

488
00:20:41,969 --> 00:20:43,501
Hold up a sec!

489
00:20:47,334 --> 00:20:48,767
Hey!

490
00:20:52,799 --> 00:20:53,898
Wait up!

491
00:21:05,662 --> 00:21:07,561
Oh, God!

492
00:21:10,061 --> 00:21:12,827
It was a mercy flirt!

493
00:21:22,491 --> 00:21:24,956
Tonight
on Queer as Folk...