1 00:00:37,300 --> 00:00:41,670 Well, what have we here? 2 00:00:42,972 --> 00:00:44,873 Robe, curlers. 3 00:00:44,941 --> 00:00:46,385 I'll tell you, slap on some pimple cream, 4 00:00:46,409 --> 00:00:47,809 I'm takin' the whole day off. 5 00:00:49,380 --> 00:00:51,514 Glass houses, buddy, OK? 6 00:00:51,582 --> 00:00:53,114 Listen, I need you to take this stuff 7 00:00:53,182 --> 00:00:54,084 down to the dry cleaners today. 8 00:00:54,151 --> 00:00:56,385 Go to the one on Kissena, don't go to Ritz. 9 00:00:56,453 --> 00:00:58,253 That guy is an obnoxious jerk 10 00:00:58,321 --> 00:00:59,355 and I hate him. 11 00:00:59,423 --> 00:01:01,724 Whoa. Hate is a very intense feeling to have 12 00:01:01,792 --> 00:01:03,093 for a dry cleaner. 13 00:01:03,160 --> 00:01:05,294 Perhaps you should say, "I don't fancy him" 14 00:01:05,361 --> 00:01:06,295 or, "He's not my cup of tea." 15 00:01:06,362 --> 00:01:07,362 OK, you know what? 16 00:01:07,397 --> 00:01:09,599 You're doing a lot of talking for 7 A.M. 17 00:01:11,302 --> 00:01:12,835 Morning, all. 18 00:01:12,903 --> 00:01:14,104 Hey, Dad. What you got there? 19 00:01:14,172 --> 00:01:15,873 Uh, some lovely picture frames. 20 00:01:15,940 --> 00:01:18,709 I, uh, just bought them to showcase the sketches 21 00:01:18,777 --> 00:01:20,877 I'll be doing in my new art class. 22 00:01:20,945 --> 00:01:22,346 They already have pictures in them. 23 00:01:22,414 --> 00:01:23,624 Whose golden retriever is that? 24 00:01:23,648 --> 00:01:25,450 Mine. 25 00:01:25,517 --> 00:01:28,786 And this diploma from Harvard Business School? 26 00:01:28,854 --> 00:01:30,154 Also mine. 27 00:01:34,158 --> 00:01:36,560 Dad, the new neighbors are moving in. 28 00:01:36,628 --> 00:01:38,596 That box belongs to them. 29 00:01:38,663 --> 00:01:41,966 He's a Harvard M.B.A. He can afford new frames! 30 00:01:42,935 --> 00:01:44,367 Put it back now. 31 00:01:44,436 --> 00:01:46,337 Fine. 32 00:01:46,405 --> 00:01:47,705 Can I keep this wooden duck? 33 00:01:47,773 --> 00:01:48,773 Go. 34 00:01:50,943 --> 00:01:52,076 I don't know. 35 00:01:52,144 --> 00:01:54,011 New next-door neighbors. 36 00:01:54,079 --> 00:01:55,514 You know what that means, right? 37 00:01:55,582 --> 00:01:57,082 The Sackskys are gone 38 00:01:57,149 --> 00:01:59,284 and the block is officially freak-free. 39 00:01:59,352 --> 00:02:01,419 Oh, except for that Goldberg boy. 40 00:02:01,487 --> 00:02:02,997 You know, the one with the really big eye? 41 00:02:03,021 --> 00:02:06,390 You mean the one with the really little eye. 42 00:02:07,927 --> 00:02:10,728 Hmm. Well, either way, he's still kinda freaky. 43 00:02:10,796 --> 00:02:11,997 All right. I'll see you later. 44 00:02:12,065 --> 00:02:13,432 Love you. Bye-bye. 45 00:02:22,541 --> 00:02:24,181 Hey, I told you kids to stay off the lawn! 46 00:02:25,344 --> 00:02:27,513 Just kiddin' around. Doug Heffernan. How are ya? 47 00:02:27,580 --> 00:02:29,192 Hey, Mike Haller. How are you? Good to meet you. 48 00:02:29,216 --> 00:02:31,617 Sweetie, I love the wine rack by the window! 49 00:02:31,685 --> 00:02:32,919 It's perfect! 50 00:02:32,987 --> 00:02:34,431 Oh, I just stuck it there for a second. 51 00:02:34,455 --> 00:02:35,656 Happy accident. 52 00:02:37,692 --> 00:02:39,426 This is my wife, Debi. 53 00:02:39,493 --> 00:02:42,562 You forgot the dry cleaning, moron! 54 00:02:42,630 --> 00:02:45,432 And... that's my wife, Carrie. 55 00:02:45,499 --> 00:02:48,067 Car, why don't you come down and meet the new neighbors, hon? 56 00:02:48,135 --> 00:02:50,103 Hi. 57 00:02:51,440 --> 00:02:53,640 I, um, I usually wear clothes. 58 00:02:53,708 --> 00:02:54,975 In fact, here's proof. 59 00:02:55,043 --> 00:02:57,110 Ha ha ha! Hi. 60 00:02:57,178 --> 00:02:58,512 Hi. I'm Carrie. 61 00:02:58,580 --> 00:02:59,713 Debi. Mike Haller. 62 00:02:59,781 --> 00:03:01,581 Hi, Mike. So where you guys moving from? 63 00:03:01,649 --> 00:03:02,649 Oh, Manhattan. 64 00:03:02,718 --> 00:03:04,361 We got tired of paying a fortune for a shoe box. 65 00:03:04,385 --> 00:03:05,496 Yeah, I'll tell you what, though, 66 00:03:05,520 --> 00:03:07,588 I am not looking forward to the new commute. 67 00:03:07,890 --> 00:03:08,557 What do you do, Mike? 68 00:03:08,624 --> 00:03:10,057 I'm a stockbroker. 69 00:03:10,125 --> 00:03:10,925 Oh. Hey, question for you. 70 00:03:10,992 --> 00:03:12,127 Bear market or bull market, 71 00:03:12,195 --> 00:03:13,228 which one's the good one? 72 00:03:13,296 --> 00:03:15,529 'Cause they both sound pretty damn strong. 73 00:03:17,067 --> 00:03:18,432 Bull. Bull's the good one. 74 00:03:18,667 --> 00:03:19,777 You know what? Then they ought to really change bear to, 75 00:03:19,801 --> 00:03:22,271 like, squirrel or something. 76 00:03:22,338 --> 00:03:23,837 Seriously. Squirrel market. 77 00:03:28,010 --> 00:03:31,280 He's kidding, he's kidding. Keep it bear. 78 00:03:31,347 --> 00:03:32,347 So what do you do, Debi? 79 00:03:32,415 --> 00:03:34,884 Oh, I was a lawyer, but ever since I've had Jonah, 80 00:03:34,952 --> 00:03:37,821 I basically stay at home all day and produce milk. 81 00:03:37,887 --> 00:03:39,522 Good to know in case we ever run out. 82 00:03:41,324 --> 00:03:43,259 I likes me cookies. 83 00:03:45,863 --> 00:03:47,463 What do you guys do? 84 00:03:47,531 --> 00:03:51,301 I'm with Kaplan, Hornstein, and Steckler. 85 00:03:51,368 --> 00:03:53,569 Oh, that's a great firm. So you're a lawyer, too? 86 00:03:53,637 --> 00:03:55,738 Uh, legal secretary. 87 00:03:55,806 --> 00:03:57,873 Uh-huh, and Doug, you're with IPS? 88 00:03:57,941 --> 00:03:59,142 Oh, yeah, truck driver. 89 00:03:59,210 --> 00:03:59,976 Beast of burden right here. 90 00:04:00,044 --> 00:04:01,644 Great. Listen, as soon as we get settled, 91 00:04:01,712 --> 00:04:02,912 we'll love to have you over. 92 00:04:02,980 --> 00:04:05,716 Yeah, absolutely. OK. All right, have a good one. 93 00:04:05,783 --> 00:04:06,993 Take care of yourself. Nice meetin' ya. 94 00:04:07,017 --> 00:04:08,017 Bye. 95 00:04:10,020 --> 00:04:12,556 Their eyes couldn't be better proportioned, huh? 96 00:04:15,794 --> 00:04:17,995 Did you have to say you're a truck driver? 97 00:04:18,063 --> 00:04:19,296 I am a truck driver. 98 00:04:19,364 --> 00:04:23,968 No, you're a courier for International Parcel Service. 99 00:04:24,002 --> 00:04:27,204 You deliver very important packages internationally. 100 00:04:27,272 --> 00:04:29,539 I pretty much never leave Queens. 101 00:04:30,642 --> 00:04:32,109 What is your problem? 102 00:04:32,177 --> 00:04:33,623 I just don't think we landed that great. 103 00:04:33,647 --> 00:04:36,214 I mean, we're all schleppy and he's this big stockbroker, 104 00:04:36,281 --> 00:04:38,083 she's making her own milk. 105 00:04:38,151 --> 00:04:42,188 Hey, when she starts makin' her own soft serve, we'll talk. 106 00:04:42,256 --> 00:04:43,256 See you tonight. 107 00:04:50,497 --> 00:04:52,096 Hello, Spence. 108 00:04:52,164 --> 00:04:53,632 Oh, hey, Arthur. 109 00:04:53,699 --> 00:04:55,434 Riding the subway today, are we? 110 00:04:55,502 --> 00:04:57,035 Yes, I'm taking an art course 111 00:04:57,103 --> 00:05:01,040 and it requires me to use some pretty unsavory transportation. 112 00:05:01,108 --> 00:05:02,507 You have nothing to worry about. 113 00:05:02,575 --> 00:05:04,410 This is a very safe line. 114 00:05:04,478 --> 00:05:07,648 Said the man behind the protective glass. 115 00:05:07,715 --> 00:05:09,148 Well, I'm off. 116 00:05:11,819 --> 00:05:13,319 Click me through, please. 117 00:05:17,724 --> 00:05:18,992 I can't do that, Arthur. 118 00:05:19,060 --> 00:05:21,261 You have to buy a MetroCard or a token. 119 00:05:21,329 --> 00:05:23,329 Ha! That's rich. 120 00:05:23,397 --> 00:05:25,498 Seriously, I gotta move. Come on. 121 00:05:26,567 --> 00:05:28,334 I'm sorry. I can't do it. 122 00:05:28,401 --> 00:05:30,502 Not even for your best friend? 123 00:05:30,570 --> 00:05:31,738 We're not best friends. 124 00:05:31,805 --> 00:05:33,106 Sure we are. 125 00:05:33,173 --> 00:05:34,841 What's my last name? 126 00:05:34,909 --> 00:05:36,810 Smith? Nope. 127 00:05:36,877 --> 00:05:38,212 Cornfeld? 128 00:05:38,280 --> 00:05:40,313 Arthur, it's $1.50. 129 00:05:40,381 --> 00:05:41,648 Buy the freaking token! 130 00:05:41,716 --> 00:05:45,385 Fine! I'll just go without my medication today. 131 00:05:45,453 --> 00:05:48,589 I'm sure my blood is thin enough already. 132 00:05:48,657 --> 00:05:51,225 All right, just go. 133 00:05:51,292 --> 00:05:54,828 You're a man of honor, Spence. 134 00:06:00,803 --> 00:06:04,172 By the way, it smells like urine down here. 135 00:06:04,240 --> 00:06:06,041 Take care of that, will ya? 136 00:06:08,945 --> 00:06:10,745 Hey. 137 00:06:10,813 --> 00:06:11,822 Hey, honey, where you been? 138 00:06:11,846 --> 00:06:13,515 Errands and basketball. 139 00:06:13,582 --> 00:06:15,150 I now have your dry cleaning 140 00:06:15,218 --> 00:06:16,685 and some very sharp chest pains. 141 00:06:16,753 --> 00:06:17,954 Thank you. 142 00:06:19,054 --> 00:06:20,155 Wait a minute. 143 00:06:20,222 --> 00:06:22,223 You took this to Ritz? 144 00:06:22,291 --> 00:06:23,901 Hang on a second. I had lunch at Cooper's. 145 00:06:23,925 --> 00:06:25,027 Ritz is right next door. 146 00:06:25,095 --> 00:06:27,729 I told you the guy was rude to me. 147 00:06:27,797 --> 00:06:28,597 Maybe he's got a crush on you 148 00:06:28,665 --> 00:06:31,400 and that's just his way. 149 00:06:31,468 --> 00:06:32,801 Oh, and look at this. 150 00:06:32,868 --> 00:06:35,570 They didn't even get the stain out of my green blouse. 151 00:06:35,638 --> 00:06:37,740 Let me see. 152 00:06:37,808 --> 00:06:39,676 They attached a note, huh? Lookit. 153 00:06:39,744 --> 00:06:42,413 "We tried and tried, but we couldn't get it out." 154 00:06:42,480 --> 00:06:46,049 Yeah. "We tried and tried." 155 00:06:46,117 --> 00:06:47,127 That's twice that we know of. 156 00:06:47,151 --> 00:06:48,585 This isn't funny. 157 00:06:48,653 --> 00:06:50,920 All right, come on, it's dry cleaning. Relax. 158 00:06:50,989 --> 00:06:52,621 Don't tell me to relax. 159 00:06:52,689 --> 00:06:54,268 All right, how does settle down work for you? 160 00:06:54,292 --> 00:06:57,228 You know what? Let me tell you something, OK? 161 00:06:57,295 --> 00:06:58,995 Great. OK. Thanks a lot! 162 00:06:59,063 --> 00:07:00,864 I just stepped on my pants! 163 00:07:00,931 --> 00:07:03,934 It's not just the dry cleaning, Doug. 164 00:07:04,002 --> 00:07:07,137 It's everything. This happens all the time. 165 00:07:07,204 --> 00:07:08,873 What are you talkin' about? 166 00:07:08,940 --> 00:07:10,980 I ask you to do something, you completely ignore me. 167 00:07:11,043 --> 00:07:13,645 I mean, I would never be that inconsiderate to you. 168 00:07:16,314 --> 00:07:17,715 What does that mean? 169 00:07:17,782 --> 00:07:18,683 Carrie, you spend half your life 170 00:07:18,751 --> 00:07:20,082 criticizing everything I do. 171 00:07:20,150 --> 00:07:21,718 That is not true! 172 00:07:21,786 --> 00:07:23,654 I bring home takeout, the food sucks. 173 00:07:23,723 --> 00:07:25,491 I buy toilet paper, it's not soft enough. 174 00:07:25,559 --> 00:07:27,458 Oh, when have you bought toilet paper? 175 00:07:27,526 --> 00:07:30,495 Oh, my God. Oh, my God! 176 00:07:30,563 --> 00:07:33,164 I bought great toilet paper and did I get thanked for it? 177 00:07:33,232 --> 00:07:34,265 No. All I got was, 178 00:07:34,333 --> 00:07:35,800 "Oh, it's not quilted. I hate it. 179 00:07:35,868 --> 00:07:38,069 It's the worst thing that's ever happened to me!" 180 00:07:38,137 --> 00:07:39,838 This is so typical. 181 00:07:39,905 --> 00:07:42,406 It's like that time I asked you to please, 182 00:07:42,474 --> 00:07:45,244 please send in the fridge warranty. 183 00:07:45,310 --> 00:07:47,680 Oh, here we go with the fridge warranty again! 184 00:07:47,748 --> 00:07:50,382 You don't forget anything. You're like a freakin' elephant. 185 00:07:50,450 --> 00:07:52,128 Oh, yeah. Out of the two of us, I'm the elephant. 186 00:07:52,152 --> 00:07:54,419 You just call me an elephant? 187 00:07:54,487 --> 00:07:55,855 You just called me one! 188 00:07:55,923 --> 00:07:57,500 I called you an elephant for good memory. 189 00:07:57,524 --> 00:08:00,327 You called me an elephant for fatness! 190 00:08:00,595 --> 00:08:04,330 Speaking of which, this should be fun to clean up, 191 00:08:04,398 --> 00:08:06,398 but, oh, wait a minute, you won't because I will 192 00:08:06,466 --> 00:08:08,043 because I always do because I'm the only one 193 00:08:08,067 --> 00:08:09,680 who ever cleans up anything in this house! 194 00:08:09,704 --> 00:08:11,470 If this house is too much for you, 195 00:08:11,538 --> 00:08:13,373 then I'll sell it! I'll sell it right now! 196 00:08:13,674 --> 00:08:14,808 I love this house! 197 00:08:14,875 --> 00:08:16,576 I'll freakin' burn it to the ground 198 00:08:16,643 --> 00:08:18,312 before I let you sell it! 199 00:08:21,047 --> 00:08:22,149 Bless you. 200 00:08:22,250 --> 00:08:23,917 Thanks. 201 00:08:30,192 --> 00:08:31,792 Oh, my God. 202 00:08:31,860 --> 00:08:32,992 Oh, my God! 203 00:08:33,260 --> 00:08:34,828 What? What did I do now? 204 00:08:34,896 --> 00:08:37,197 The window was open this whole time. 205 00:08:37,265 --> 00:08:38,365 So what? 206 00:08:38,433 --> 00:08:40,968 So Mike and Debi must have heard us. 207 00:08:41,036 --> 00:08:42,735 Who? The new neighbors! 208 00:08:42,803 --> 00:08:44,871 We already made a crappy first impression. 209 00:08:44,939 --> 00:08:47,140 Now they're gonna think we fight all the time. 210 00:08:47,208 --> 00:08:49,477 We do fight all the time. 211 00:08:49,544 --> 00:08:50,912 No, we don't. 212 00:08:50,980 --> 00:08:52,715 OK. 213 00:08:52,781 --> 00:08:54,025 Doug, we do not fight all the time. 214 00:08:54,049 --> 00:08:57,051 We are a loving couple that love each other very much. 215 00:08:57,119 --> 00:08:58,396 We just called each other elephants 216 00:08:58,420 --> 00:09:00,088 and you threatened to burn the house down. 217 00:09:00,390 --> 00:09:01,656 Banter. 218 00:09:03,626 --> 00:09:05,003 What do you care if they heard, anyway? 219 00:09:05,027 --> 00:09:06,761 Because they don't know it's banter. 220 00:09:06,829 --> 00:09:09,098 They don't know that's just our way of airing things out 221 00:09:09,165 --> 00:09:10,466 and we'll make love later. 222 00:09:10,533 --> 00:09:12,900 We will? 223 00:09:12,968 --> 00:09:15,037 No, I'm tired. 224 00:09:16,672 --> 00:09:18,018 I don't want to fight anymore, huh? 225 00:09:18,042 --> 00:09:20,444 I mean, who cares what the neighbors think about us, huh? 226 00:09:20,511 --> 00:09:22,179 You should care what we think about us. 227 00:09:22,246 --> 00:09:24,680 Come on, I love you. 228 00:09:32,055 --> 00:09:34,123 I love you, too, honey! 229 00:09:45,203 --> 00:09:46,536 What are you doin'? 230 00:09:46,604 --> 00:09:49,172 Waiting for Mike and Debi to come over 231 00:09:49,240 --> 00:09:50,173 to return our mail. 232 00:09:50,241 --> 00:09:51,876 They should be here any minute. 233 00:09:51,944 --> 00:09:53,210 What? 234 00:09:53,277 --> 00:09:56,012 Yep. I put a piece of our mail in their slot. 235 00:09:56,080 --> 00:09:58,381 That way, they have to come over to return it 236 00:09:58,449 --> 00:10:01,585 and we'll get a chance to chat and show them what we're really like. 237 00:10:01,653 --> 00:10:03,453 Or... 238 00:10:03,521 --> 00:10:05,456 we could capture them, lock 'em in our attic 239 00:10:05,525 --> 00:10:08,426 till they realize how delightful we are. 240 00:10:08,494 --> 00:10:09,827 Doug, I'm sorry, 241 00:10:09,895 --> 00:10:12,763 but I just can't stand the fact the we're living next door 242 00:10:12,831 --> 00:10:15,299 to nice, successful people who think we're losers. 243 00:10:15,367 --> 00:10:17,134 Uh! OK, come on, honey. Here they come. 244 00:10:17,201 --> 00:10:18,270 Come on, come on, come on! 245 00:10:18,337 --> 00:10:20,204 Tuck in, tuck in, tuck in. There ya go. 246 00:10:23,276 --> 00:10:25,009 Bad idea. Tug back out, baby. Tug back out. 247 00:10:25,077 --> 00:10:27,345 All right, look! All right! 248 00:10:41,461 --> 00:10:43,361 Hi, Spence. 249 00:10:43,429 --> 00:10:45,831 Arthur, I did it as a favor for you the other day, 250 00:10:45,900 --> 00:10:48,101 but I can't let you on for free again. 251 00:10:48,168 --> 00:10:48,967 I see. 252 00:10:49,103 --> 00:10:50,904 Well, I suppose if I have to pay, 253 00:10:50,970 --> 00:10:53,107 then I shall pay. All right. 254 00:10:53,175 --> 00:10:56,108 No, it's not all right, you little weasel. 255 00:10:56,176 --> 00:10:58,012 You let me in this turnstile 256 00:10:58,079 --> 00:10:59,411 or I'll pull you through this slot 257 00:10:59,480 --> 00:11:01,748 and ride you down those stairs like a toboggan. 258 00:11:03,750 --> 00:11:06,018 Look in my eyes. 259 00:11:06,086 --> 00:11:07,487 Do I look like I'm kidding? 260 00:11:08,689 --> 00:11:10,689 Do I? 261 00:11:23,271 --> 00:11:25,038 What is this, jazz? 262 00:11:25,105 --> 00:11:26,941 Yes, when Mike and Debi get here, 263 00:11:27,009 --> 00:11:29,910 I want to show them that we are nice, normal people 264 00:11:29,977 --> 00:11:32,280 with a certain sense of style. 265 00:11:32,347 --> 00:11:36,551 And we couldn't get that done with Kiss Alive 2? 266 00:11:36,619 --> 00:11:38,219 No. 267 00:11:38,287 --> 00:11:41,022 So, uh, how'd you rope 'em into this, anyway? 268 00:11:41,090 --> 00:11:42,756 I didn't have to rope 'em in. 269 00:11:42,823 --> 00:11:45,126 I just gave them a choice of 10 different nights 270 00:11:45,194 --> 00:11:46,874 we were available and they picked this one. 271 00:11:48,565 --> 00:11:50,031 Oh, OK, honey, that's them. 272 00:11:50,099 --> 00:11:51,866 Now remember, you're funny and I'm charming 273 00:11:51,934 --> 00:11:53,769 and we love being together. OK, come on. 274 00:11:53,837 --> 00:11:55,304 Hey... wait. 275 00:11:59,942 --> 00:12:01,876 Hi, you guys, 276 00:12:01,944 --> 00:12:03,679 we are so glad to see you! 277 00:12:03,746 --> 00:12:07,716 Lady and fella in the doorway! 278 00:12:08,751 --> 00:12:11,386 Don't be shy. Come on. Come on in. 279 00:12:11,454 --> 00:12:13,721 It's really, uh, nice of you to have us over. 280 00:12:13,789 --> 00:12:15,658 Yeah, thanks. This is for you. 281 00:12:15,725 --> 00:12:17,693 Scotch. Hope you like it. 282 00:12:17,760 --> 00:12:21,497 Like it? He loves it. Big scotch guy right here. 283 00:12:21,565 --> 00:12:24,666 Oh, scotch is great. Love the drink, love the tape. 284 00:12:28,605 --> 00:12:30,406 OK, you guys sit right on the couch. 285 00:12:30,474 --> 00:12:31,408 There's some hors d'oeuvres. 286 00:12:31,475 --> 00:12:33,342 Honey, you sit right there in that chair, 287 00:12:33,410 --> 00:12:35,812 and I will sit on your lap. 288 00:12:37,715 --> 00:12:40,517 My big, sexy elephant. 289 00:12:45,757 --> 00:12:48,258 This is nice. 290 00:12:55,000 --> 00:12:57,935 These, um, little quiches are so good. 291 00:12:58,003 --> 00:12:59,738 Oh, I had the deli make 'em up. 292 00:12:59,806 --> 00:13:01,640 The one around the corner? 293 00:13:02,008 --> 00:13:03,751 Is the guy behind the counter there kind of... 294 00:13:03,775 --> 00:13:04,641 perverted? Yes. 295 00:13:04,709 --> 00:13:05,810 Oh, my God. 296 00:13:05,877 --> 00:13:07,255 I thought I was the only one who thought so. 297 00:13:07,279 --> 00:13:08,812 Oh, no, no, no. The guy's a skeevo. 298 00:13:08,880 --> 00:13:11,283 Who, Ralphie? Yeah, Ralphie. 299 00:13:11,351 --> 00:13:13,061 He's always asking if I want to see his sausage. 300 00:13:13,085 --> 00:13:14,197 I mean, it's not even clever. 301 00:13:14,221 --> 00:13:15,831 Oh, and I'm sorry. I do not want to see a guy 302 00:13:15,855 --> 00:13:18,657 behind a deli counter wearing shorts that short. 303 00:13:18,726 --> 00:13:19,658 Yeah, or shorts at all. 304 00:13:19,726 --> 00:13:21,159 Yes, thank you. 305 00:13:21,228 --> 00:13:22,294 Yet they keep going back. 306 00:13:22,362 --> 00:13:24,463 Am I right, sir? Yes, they do. 307 00:13:24,531 --> 00:13:27,434 Well, here's to finding a new delicatessen. 308 00:13:30,971 --> 00:13:33,906 Oh, you know there's another deli 2 blocks down? 309 00:13:33,973 --> 00:13:35,407 It's right behind that shoe store. 310 00:13:47,588 --> 00:13:49,054 Hello, Spence. 311 00:13:49,122 --> 00:13:50,224 What do you want? 312 00:13:50,292 --> 00:13:53,594 I think you know what I want. 313 00:14:04,806 --> 00:14:06,706 No! You know what? 314 00:14:06,774 --> 00:14:09,108 I'm not letting you on for free anymore, Arthur. 315 00:14:09,177 --> 00:14:10,676 My whole life, everyone thinks 316 00:14:10,744 --> 00:14:11,823 they can just push me around... 317 00:14:11,847 --> 00:14:14,715 You, Larry Saccaricci in the eighth grade, 318 00:14:14,783 --> 00:14:16,283 my fruit guy. 319 00:14:16,351 --> 00:14:17,461 Well, let me tell you something, 320 00:14:17,485 --> 00:14:19,253 I'm putting a stop to it right here and now. 321 00:14:19,321 --> 00:14:21,255 I'm not takin' any more bruised plums 322 00:14:21,324 --> 00:14:24,591 and I'm not letting you ride my subway for free! 323 00:14:26,862 --> 00:14:28,897 My name is Spence Olchin. 324 00:14:28,964 --> 00:14:32,067 I sell tokens. 325 00:14:33,969 --> 00:14:38,206 Well, I didn't mean to put you in an uncomfortable position. 326 00:14:39,975 --> 00:14:41,810 Thank you for saying that. 327 00:14:41,878 --> 00:14:43,845 What's that over there? 328 00:14:43,912 --> 00:14:44,913 Where? 329 00:14:48,952 --> 00:14:51,721 So long, douche! 330 00:14:56,326 --> 00:15:00,496 So he thinks his name is Howard and Doug has to answer because it's his boss, right? 331 00:15:00,564 --> 00:15:02,197 So every time I call his work, 332 00:15:02,266 --> 00:15:03,900 I have to ask for Howard. 333 00:15:03,967 --> 00:15:06,468 That's so funny. 334 00:15:06,536 --> 00:15:10,173 Hey, Howard, let me top you off. 335 00:15:10,240 --> 00:15:11,340 Oh, uh, OK. 336 00:15:11,408 --> 00:15:12,342 That's plenty, that's plenty. 337 00:15:12,409 --> 00:15:14,076 I'm gonna go in the kitchen 338 00:15:14,144 --> 00:15:15,522 and see if there's any more of those mini quiches. 339 00:15:15,546 --> 00:15:16,479 I'll be right back. 340 00:15:16,546 --> 00:15:17,481 Your nails are great. 341 00:15:17,548 --> 00:15:19,282 Is there a good nail place around here? 342 00:15:19,350 --> 00:15:20,183 Oh, yeah, thank you. 343 00:15:20,251 --> 00:15:22,286 Um, don't go to the place around the corner. 344 00:15:22,353 --> 00:15:23,987 The girl's very rude. I hate her. 345 00:15:24,155 --> 00:15:25,188 OK. Where should I go? 346 00:15:25,256 --> 00:15:27,322 Go to Tina's, but there's 4 Tina's, 347 00:15:27,390 --> 00:15:29,760 so go to the one on Hillside Avenue. That's the best. 348 00:15:29,828 --> 00:15:31,161 OK. Yeah. 349 00:15:31,228 --> 00:15:34,866 Hey, here we go. All righty. 350 00:15:34,932 --> 00:15:37,111 Doug, you didn't have to ditch the scotch if you didn't like it. 351 00:15:37,135 --> 00:15:40,137 I mean, it's not like I made it or anything. 352 00:15:41,807 --> 00:15:43,073 I drank it. 353 00:15:44,442 --> 00:15:46,944 No, I saw you pour it down the sink. 354 00:15:47,012 --> 00:15:49,514 Ha ha ha ha. No. I drank it. 355 00:15:51,750 --> 00:15:53,484 The... The pass-through was a little open. 356 00:15:53,553 --> 00:15:54,786 I drank it. 357 00:15:55,888 --> 00:15:56,988 OK. 358 00:15:57,057 --> 00:15:58,723 It was good. I liked it. 359 00:16:00,158 --> 00:16:01,893 Great. 360 00:16:04,030 --> 00:16:05,640 Take care and, hey, thanks again for that scotch. 361 00:16:05,664 --> 00:16:07,599 I may polish that baby off tonight. 362 00:16:10,670 --> 00:16:12,370 All right. I, uh... 363 00:16:12,438 --> 00:16:13,672 Shut up! 364 00:16:13,739 --> 00:16:15,507 I'm gonna make sure 365 00:16:15,575 --> 00:16:16,743 all the windows are closed 366 00:16:16,811 --> 00:16:18,110 and when I do, 367 00:16:18,178 --> 00:16:19,978 you are dead! 368 00:16:25,718 --> 00:16:26,719 Look, I didn't... 369 00:16:26,786 --> 00:16:29,488 Shut up! 370 00:16:31,224 --> 00:16:32,692 I didn't do anything. 371 00:16:32,760 --> 00:16:34,893 Oh, no? No? You didn't pour the scotch down the sink, 372 00:16:34,961 --> 00:16:38,064 lie about it, and then stick to the lie even after he caught you? 373 00:16:39,866 --> 00:16:42,001 Yes, I did that. 374 00:16:42,069 --> 00:16:43,802 It's just our luck 375 00:16:43,869 --> 00:16:45,906 they bring over the one thing on earth 376 00:16:45,973 --> 00:16:48,441 you're not willing to throw down your gullet. 377 00:17:03,124 --> 00:17:04,124 This is all your fault. 378 00:17:04,158 --> 00:17:05,225 You can stop whispering. 379 00:17:05,293 --> 00:17:06,369 All the windows are closed. 380 00:17:06,393 --> 00:17:07,728 OK. This is all your fault, OK? 381 00:17:07,796 --> 00:17:09,263 You had to invite 'em over here 382 00:17:09,330 --> 00:17:10,663 to prove how sophisticated we are 383 00:17:10,731 --> 00:17:13,466 with our jazz playing and our scotch drinking. 384 00:17:13,534 --> 00:17:17,138 I just wanted to show them that we are a happy, loving couple. 385 00:17:17,206 --> 00:17:19,406 Well, you should have known we couldn't handle that! 386 00:17:19,474 --> 00:17:21,376 Oy, what these people must think 387 00:17:21,444 --> 00:17:23,110 when they look at us. 388 00:17:25,815 --> 00:17:26,614 Oh, my God. 389 00:17:26,682 --> 00:17:29,419 Do you see what's happened here? 390 00:17:29,486 --> 00:17:31,820 We're the new neighborhood freaks. 391 00:17:31,887 --> 00:17:33,588 No, we're not. 392 00:17:33,656 --> 00:17:34,524 Yes, we are. 393 00:17:34,658 --> 00:17:35,990 When the Sackskys moved, 394 00:17:36,057 --> 00:17:39,961 they left a freak void and we filled it. 395 00:17:40,029 --> 00:17:42,296 What about little-eyed Goldberg? 396 00:17:42,364 --> 00:17:44,232 It's big-eyed Goldberg and so what? 397 00:17:44,300 --> 00:17:45,635 His features are a little off. 398 00:17:45,703 --> 00:17:47,135 That's exotic. 399 00:17:47,203 --> 00:17:49,071 I'd kill for a big eye right now. 400 00:17:49,139 --> 00:17:51,907 We're the freaks, Doug, not the Goldberg boy. 401 00:17:51,975 --> 00:17:54,044 We're the freaks! 402 00:17:54,912 --> 00:17:57,713 Oh, spank me hard! 403 00:18:02,954 --> 00:18:04,654 You gotta let it go. It's over. 404 00:18:04,721 --> 00:18:07,289 I want to, but I can't. 405 00:18:07,357 --> 00:18:08,458 Yes, you can. 406 00:18:08,526 --> 00:18:11,761 This isn't the Carrie I know. 407 00:18:11,830 --> 00:18:14,130 The Carrie I know doesn't care what other people think. 408 00:18:14,198 --> 00:18:16,066 She gets up every morning, 409 00:18:16,134 --> 00:18:18,068 she gets dressed, she walks out the front door, 410 00:18:18,135 --> 00:18:21,938 and she gives the world the finger. 411 00:18:25,477 --> 00:18:26,810 I miss that Carrie. 412 00:18:26,878 --> 00:18:31,248 You're right. You are so right. 413 00:18:31,316 --> 00:18:34,319 I mean, who the hell do they think they are? 414 00:18:34,386 --> 00:18:36,954 "We're Mike and Debi. We're tall and we drink scotch." 415 00:18:37,021 --> 00:18:38,622 There you go! 416 00:18:38,689 --> 00:18:40,268 I mean, we don't need them. We got each other. 417 00:18:40,292 --> 00:18:41,659 You and me, babe. 418 00:18:41,727 --> 00:18:45,396 You know what? I hate their guts. 419 00:18:46,264 --> 00:18:48,066 Welcome back. 420 00:18:53,306 --> 00:18:54,373 Car? 421 00:18:54,440 --> 00:18:55,573 You home? 422 00:18:55,641 --> 00:18:58,176 Car? 423 00:18:58,243 --> 00:19:00,377 You didn't have to buy us new scotch, Carrie. 424 00:19:00,445 --> 00:19:01,445 Really, take it back. 425 00:19:01,481 --> 00:19:02,781 No, I want you to have it. 426 00:19:02,848 --> 00:19:05,050 I mean, I don't know what Doug was thinking. 427 00:19:05,118 --> 00:19:08,555 I mean, he's not a bad guy, but he lies. 428 00:19:08,622 --> 00:19:11,090 Actually, that's what we fight about most of the time: 429 00:19:11,158 --> 00:19:12,925 His lying. 430 00:19:12,993 --> 00:19:15,259 I hear you! 431 00:19:21,968 --> 00:19:23,235 What the hell are you doing? 432 00:19:24,304 --> 00:19:25,304 Just relax, OK? 433 00:19:25,339 --> 00:19:27,372 Oh, now I'm supposed to relax? 434 00:19:27,440 --> 00:19:29,241 What happened about last night, huh? 435 00:19:29,309 --> 00:19:31,020 Whatever happened to not carin' what these people think? 436 00:19:31,044 --> 00:19:33,748 Look, Doug, I'm sorry. I was wrong, OK? 437 00:19:33,815 --> 00:19:35,926 I mean, they're sitting over there with their Harvard degrees 438 00:19:35,950 --> 00:19:39,685 and their fancy babies and all I've got that I'm proud of is us 439 00:19:39,754 --> 00:19:42,189 and... and I wanted them to know it. 440 00:19:42,257 --> 00:19:43,923 Us? 441 00:19:43,991 --> 00:19:45,125 I heard you in there. 442 00:19:45,192 --> 00:19:47,227 You totally sold me out! 443 00:19:49,930 --> 00:19:51,831 Oh, my God. What are you doing? 444 00:19:51,899 --> 00:19:55,136 Honey, we gotta kiss or they're gonna think something is wrong. Come on. 445 00:19:55,204 --> 00:19:56,703 Something is wrong! 446 00:19:56,771 --> 00:19:58,005 Stop it! 447 00:19:58,073 --> 00:20:00,507 Look, whether you like it or not, we are who we are. 448 00:20:00,575 --> 00:20:03,178 OK, I drive a truck, we hate scotch, 449 00:20:03,245 --> 00:20:05,279 we fight like cats and dogs. Deal with it. 450 00:20:05,314 --> 00:20:06,613 I don't want to deal with it. 451 00:20:06,682 --> 00:20:08,202 You don't want to deal with it? Oh, OK. 452 00:20:08,249 --> 00:20:09,293 You know what? You're right. 453 00:20:09,317 --> 00:20:10,851 I don't hate scotch. 454 00:20:10,918 --> 00:20:13,155 I love it. Oh, that's right. 455 00:20:13,222 --> 00:20:15,390 I love... mmm. 456 00:20:15,456 --> 00:20:18,426 Stop. They're gonna think you're crazy! Stop it! 457 00:20:18,494 --> 00:20:20,461 Oh, what am I, embarrassing you, huh? 458 00:20:20,529 --> 00:20:22,364 How about this for crazy, huh? 459 00:20:22,432 --> 00:20:23,531 Want some? 460 00:20:23,599 --> 00:20:25,300 You want some? 461 00:20:29,473 --> 00:20:31,473 Excuse me. Carrie Heffernan? 462 00:20:31,541 --> 00:20:33,442 Uh, yes? 463 00:20:33,510 --> 00:20:34,943 What's going on? 464 00:20:35,011 --> 00:20:36,644 Your father's been jumping turnstiles 465 00:20:36,712 --> 00:20:37,847 the last couple of days. 466 00:20:37,915 --> 00:20:39,115 Don't say anything, darling. 467 00:20:39,183 --> 00:20:40,950 They got nothin' on me. 468 00:20:41,018 --> 00:20:42,128 You know why he jumped the turnstile? 469 00:20:42,152 --> 00:20:43,719 The whole damn family's crazy. 470 00:20:43,787 --> 00:20:45,086 Sir, have you been drinking? 471 00:20:45,154 --> 00:20:46,423 I haven't been drinkin'. 472 00:20:46,491 --> 00:20:47,700 Sir, you have an open bottle of scotch 473 00:20:47,724 --> 00:20:49,325 and you reek of alcohol. 474 00:20:49,394 --> 00:20:50,626 And that's all her fault! 475 00:20:50,694 --> 00:20:52,529 Don't you yell at her, you shirtless bastard. 476 00:20:52,596 --> 00:20:54,429 Shut up! You shut up! 477 00:20:54,497 --> 00:20:55,598 Make me, Grandpa! 478 00:20:55,665 --> 00:20:57,133 All right, let's dance! 479 00:21:01,872 --> 00:21:04,607 You have a place you can stay tonight, ma'am? 480 00:21:04,675 --> 00:21:06,510 The neighbors, maybe? 481 00:21:10,781 --> 00:21:12,283 No. 482 00:21:26,531 --> 00:21:28,433 You turned me in. 483 00:21:30,069 --> 00:21:32,836 You're a bigger man than I thought. 484 00:21:32,905 --> 00:21:34,740 Just did what I had to do. 485 00:21:36,375 --> 00:21:38,876 I respect that. 486 00:21:38,944 --> 00:21:41,178 I'll take one token, please. 487 00:21:41,246 --> 00:21:43,482 You got it. 488 00:21:43,549 --> 00:21:44,682 And, uh... 489 00:21:44,750 --> 00:21:46,383 this is for you. 490 00:21:50,323 --> 00:21:52,824 In your face!