1 00:00:33,631 --> 00:00:35,298 Dad, will you please drop it? 2 00:00:35,365 --> 00:00:36,399 I won't! 3 00:00:36,467 --> 00:00:37,901 You're being insane! 4 00:00:37,968 --> 00:00:39,669 I just want to be properly groomed! 5 00:00:39,737 --> 00:00:41,522 That's the opposite of insane! 6 00:00:41,590 --> 00:00:43,525 This has nothing to do with grooming. 7 00:00:43,593 --> 00:00:46,455 It has to do with you trying to get your hair dyed for free. 8 00:00:46,479 --> 00:00:48,179 Tinted! On your left. 9 00:00:48,247 --> 00:00:50,583 The point is, I am not schlepping you 10 00:00:50,651 --> 00:00:52,351 to some beauty school in Brooklyn 11 00:00:52,419 --> 00:00:54,120 just so that you can save a few bucks. 12 00:00:54,188 --> 00:00:56,022 It's not to save a few bucks. 13 00:00:56,090 --> 00:00:59,427 I want to help the Paul lemond students learn their craft! 14 00:00:59,495 --> 00:01:01,028 Need the butter, thanks. 15 00:01:01,096 --> 00:01:04,500 Douglas, do you think my request is so insane? 16 00:01:04,568 --> 00:01:08,203 Go ahead, tell him, Doug. Tell him how insane it is. 17 00:01:09,173 --> 00:01:10,239 I don't want any trouble. 18 00:01:10,307 --> 00:01:11,841 Ok, all right. You know what, dad? 19 00:01:11,909 --> 00:01:14,245 Fine. If you want to go so badly, 20 00:01:14,313 --> 00:01:16,380 here is money for a cab. Go to Brooklyn. 21 00:01:16,448 --> 00:01:18,115 Get a mohawk, have a ball. 22 00:01:18,183 --> 00:01:19,751 I don't want your filthy lucre. 23 00:01:19,819 --> 00:01:21,353 Ok, your lucre's in my toast. 24 00:01:21,421 --> 00:01:23,288 Well, I am not driving you, 25 00:01:23,356 --> 00:01:24,791 so if you want to go, 26 00:01:24,859 --> 00:01:26,676 you're gonna have to hitchhike. 27 00:01:26,744 --> 00:01:28,945 So some trucker can have his way with me? 28 00:01:29,012 --> 00:01:30,864 You'd love that! 29 00:01:30,932 --> 00:01:32,593 Yeah, I'd love it if he drove off with you. 30 00:01:32,617 --> 00:01:34,486 How dare you! 31 00:01:39,025 --> 00:01:40,727 What the hell is wrong with you? 32 00:01:40,794 --> 00:01:43,696 Perhaps you should be asking that of yourself. 33 00:01:43,764 --> 00:01:45,549 And we're back. 34 00:01:45,617 --> 00:01:48,985 Why would you try to dye your own hair? Why? 35 00:01:49,053 --> 00:01:51,139 Because you wouldn't drive me to Brooklyn! 36 00:01:51,440 --> 00:01:53,024 Excuse me. I just need a beer. 37 00:01:53,092 --> 00:01:54,626 And congratulations, dad, 38 00:01:54,694 --> 00:01:56,161 you've managed to ruin my sink. 39 00:01:56,229 --> 00:01:58,364 And why black hair dye? 40 00:01:58,431 --> 00:02:00,316 I mean, what's that about? 41 00:02:00,384 --> 00:02:02,719 The drugstore was out of summer auburn. 42 00:02:02,787 --> 00:02:05,690 Besides, I think I look quite dashing. 43 00:02:05,757 --> 00:02:07,341 Dashing? 44 00:02:07,409 --> 00:02:09,745 You're dripping like bad mascara. 45 00:02:09,812 --> 00:02:12,313 You should know! 46 00:02:12,381 --> 00:02:15,235 Why wouldn't you just take the $20 I gave you 47 00:02:15,303 --> 00:02:16,937 and call a cab? Hmm? Why? 48 00:02:17,004 --> 00:02:19,389 It was a matter of principle! 49 00:02:19,457 --> 00:02:20,540 Principle? 50 00:02:20,608 --> 00:02:22,209 Oh, ok, what principle is that, dad? 51 00:02:22,277 --> 00:02:24,444 I pay for your room, your food, your clothes. 52 00:02:24,512 --> 00:02:28,433 What principle won't allow you to take my money for your hair? 53 00:02:30,320 --> 00:02:34,774 Oh, couldn't even get the bat off your shoulder on that one, huh? 54 00:02:41,317 --> 00:02:43,718 Because my room, food, and clothing 55 00:02:43,785 --> 00:02:46,255 do not grow out of my head! 56 00:02:46,323 --> 00:02:48,257 That's the difference. 57 00:02:51,845 --> 00:02:53,597 Well, well. 58 00:02:53,664 --> 00:02:56,551 Now who can't get the bat off their shoulder? 59 00:02:57,786 --> 00:02:59,253 Good night. 60 00:03:03,193 --> 00:03:04,693 Turn the light off, hon'. 61 00:03:04,760 --> 00:03:06,462 Turn the light off? Turn the light off? 62 00:03:06,530 --> 00:03:08,581 Yeah. 63 00:03:08,649 --> 00:03:10,260 Did you happen to notice that a lunatic just came into our room? 64 00:03:10,284 --> 00:03:13,520 And now he's gone, so can you turn the light off? 65 00:03:13,921 --> 00:03:15,188 Carrie! 66 00:03:15,256 --> 00:03:17,041 What are you so upset about all of a sudden? 67 00:03:17,109 --> 00:03:19,027 This kind of thing happens almost every day. 68 00:03:19,095 --> 00:03:20,228 And it's not natural. 69 00:03:20,296 --> 00:03:21,864 Other people don't live like this. 70 00:03:21,932 --> 00:03:23,599 I know, 'cause I see them on my route. 71 00:03:23,667 --> 00:03:25,969 Ok, they're happy. They smile, they sing, Carrie. 72 00:03:26,037 --> 00:03:27,637 We don't sing! 73 00:03:27,839 --> 00:03:29,640 What do you want me to do, Doug? 74 00:03:29,707 --> 00:03:31,875 He's just a crazy, difficult old man. 75 00:03:31,943 --> 00:03:34,696 Yeah, well, there must be things you can do with crazy old people. 76 00:03:34,764 --> 00:03:38,133 What? Like get him his own corner on 48th street? 77 00:03:38,201 --> 00:03:40,619 I don't know. All I'm sayin' is, I can't take it anymore. 78 00:03:40,687 --> 00:03:43,289 Look, I'm gonna lay it on the line here. 79 00:03:43,357 --> 00:03:45,692 If you wanna keep gettin' this, 80 00:03:45,760 --> 00:03:48,796 you're gonna have to do something about that. 81 00:03:50,532 --> 00:03:52,834 Ok, which way you leanin', here? 82 00:03:52,902 --> 00:03:56,004 All right, Doug, maybe you're right. 83 00:03:56,071 --> 00:03:59,274 We could take him to see a therapist or something. 84 00:03:59,342 --> 00:04:00,743 Therapist? 85 00:04:00,811 --> 00:04:02,813 I was thinking more along the lines 86 00:04:02,881 --> 00:04:04,815 of a big cage. 87 00:04:04,883 --> 00:04:06,133 Why don't we try this first? 88 00:04:06,200 --> 00:04:08,231 Yeah, but therapists, aren't they expensive? 89 00:04:08,255 --> 00:04:10,188 No, we'll just take him for one session, 90 00:04:10,255 --> 00:04:12,492 just so the guy can get a sense of who he is, you know? 91 00:04:12,559 --> 00:04:15,311 What goes on in his mind and give him some really good drugs. 92 00:04:15,379 --> 00:04:16,980 Drugs. Yeah, yeah. That's good. 93 00:04:17,048 --> 00:04:20,116 That's what they do with cranky old people now. They dope 'em up. 94 00:04:20,184 --> 00:04:21,318 Yeah. 95 00:04:21,386 --> 00:04:23,671 Let's bring him in, get him altered. 96 00:04:23,738 --> 00:04:25,323 I'll check into it tomorrow, ok? 97 00:04:25,391 --> 00:04:26,559 Ok. All right. 98 00:04:26,626 --> 00:04:28,594 Let's go back to sleep. 99 00:04:31,280 --> 00:04:34,601 Hey, as long as we're up, you, uh... 100 00:04:35,570 --> 00:04:36,804 You want some of this? 101 00:04:36,872 --> 00:04:39,656 Good night, honey. All right, good night. 102 00:04:47,067 --> 00:04:50,653 So, Arthur, how do you feel about being here? 103 00:04:50,721 --> 00:04:53,591 I despise it with every fiber of my being. 104 00:04:55,627 --> 00:04:58,629 Psychiatry is for the weak and the decadent. 105 00:04:58,697 --> 00:05:00,832 Then why did you agree to come? 106 00:05:00,899 --> 00:05:04,086 I was promised a steak dinner. 107 00:05:04,154 --> 00:05:07,073 A fancy steakhouse, not sizzler! 108 00:05:09,377 --> 00:05:11,828 Who exactly was that directed towards? 109 00:05:11,896 --> 00:05:13,181 My daughter and son-in-law, 110 00:05:13,248 --> 00:05:16,167 who are obviously observing me in the waiting room 111 00:05:16,235 --> 00:05:18,103 through this 2-way mirror. 112 00:05:23,310 --> 00:05:25,445 It's a regular mirror. 113 00:05:25,512 --> 00:05:28,482 And the waiting room is over there. 114 00:05:28,534 --> 00:05:30,767 Fine. We'll play it your way. 115 00:05:33,188 --> 00:05:34,922 Well, as long as you are here, 116 00:05:34,990 --> 00:05:37,109 is there anything you'd like to talk about? 117 00:05:37,176 --> 00:05:39,478 Nothing you want to hear, my friend. 118 00:05:39,547 --> 00:05:41,180 What do you think I want to hear? 119 00:05:41,248 --> 00:05:44,868 Oh, I suppose all the usual moaning and crying. 120 00:05:44,936 --> 00:05:47,070 Oh, doctor, please help me. 121 00:05:47,138 --> 00:05:49,073 I was an unhappy child. 122 00:05:49,141 --> 00:05:52,812 I wanted to kill my father and make love to my mother. 123 00:05:58,169 --> 00:05:59,903 Damn, you're good. 124 00:06:02,473 --> 00:06:04,458 But my most frequent childhood fear 125 00:06:04,526 --> 00:06:06,827 was that I would lose my voice, 126 00:06:06,895 --> 00:06:09,064 that one day I would try to speak 127 00:06:09,249 --> 00:06:10,765 and no sound would come out. 128 00:06:13,454 --> 00:06:15,371 Does that mean I'm gay? 129 00:06:17,207 --> 00:06:18,926 No. 130 00:06:18,994 --> 00:06:22,413 It could mean you feel like you're not always being heard. 131 00:06:22,480 --> 00:06:24,582 Yes, of course. 132 00:06:24,650 --> 00:06:25,883 Which is perhaps 133 00:06:25,951 --> 00:06:28,438 why you developed a tendency to scream. 134 00:06:28,505 --> 00:06:30,573 Amazing. How did you know I scream? 135 00:06:30,641 --> 00:06:34,211 From before, when you screamed at me. 136 00:06:34,279 --> 00:06:36,479 Sorry again about that. I didn't realize 137 00:06:36,547 --> 00:06:38,716 you were just making notes on your pad. 138 00:06:38,784 --> 00:06:42,686 I thought you were drawing my caricature. 139 00:06:42,754 --> 00:06:45,474 Let's talk more about this issue of not being heard. 140 00:06:45,542 --> 00:06:48,462 Can you remember a specific incident from childhood 141 00:06:48,529 --> 00:06:50,697 when you felt that way? 142 00:06:50,765 --> 00:06:53,216 Oh, can I ever. 143 00:06:53,283 --> 00:06:57,121 It involved something very, very close to my heart. 144 00:07:01,677 --> 00:07:04,681 Hey, Arthur, do those dumb things even work? 145 00:07:04,748 --> 00:07:07,249 I'm looking at your skeleton as we speak. 146 00:07:07,318 --> 00:07:10,086 Getting those glasses was the happiest moment of my life. 147 00:07:10,154 --> 00:07:11,322 You mean up to that point? 148 00:07:11,389 --> 00:07:12,723 No. Ever. 149 00:07:17,379 --> 00:07:18,580 Hey, Arthur, 150 00:07:18,648 --> 00:07:20,482 I thought dad said you couldn't have those. 151 00:07:20,551 --> 00:07:22,018 Where did you get the money anyhow? 152 00:07:22,085 --> 00:07:23,285 Don't tell him. 153 00:07:23,353 --> 00:07:25,455 I won it pitching pennies against whitey dug an. 154 00:07:25,523 --> 00:07:26,690 Damn. 155 00:07:30,462 --> 00:07:31,729 Hi, dad. 156 00:07:31,797 --> 00:07:33,798 Hey, there, skitchy! How's it goin'? 157 00:07:33,866 --> 00:07:34,900 Good. 158 00:07:34,968 --> 00:07:36,268 Hi, dad. 159 00:07:37,203 --> 00:07:39,472 Arthur. 160 00:07:39,540 --> 00:07:42,141 Say, what's that on your head? 161 00:07:42,209 --> 00:07:43,944 These are just my regular glasses. 162 00:07:44,011 --> 00:07:45,913 Really? 163 00:07:45,981 --> 00:07:48,225 They always had those spirally circle things on the lenses? 164 00:07:48,249 --> 00:07:49,517 Sure. 165 00:07:49,586 --> 00:07:50,819 Don't lie to me, boy. 166 00:07:50,887 --> 00:07:52,207 I can check with your optometrist. 167 00:07:52,254 --> 00:07:53,889 They're X-ray glasses. 168 00:07:53,957 --> 00:07:56,069 He bought them with the money he won pitching pennies. 169 00:07:56,093 --> 00:07:57,159 What? 170 00:07:57,227 --> 00:07:58,995 Et tu, skitch? 171 00:07:59,063 --> 00:08:01,231 I thought I told you any money you win pitching pennies 172 00:08:01,299 --> 00:08:03,467 goes right into skitchy's college fund, huh? 173 00:08:03,534 --> 00:08:05,770 It was just 15 cents, dad! 174 00:08:05,838 --> 00:08:08,473 Please, dad, don't throw 'em in the trash. 175 00:08:08,540 --> 00:08:10,109 Oh, don't worry, I won't. 176 00:08:10,176 --> 00:08:12,144 Happy Birthday, skitch. Thanks, dad. 177 00:08:12,212 --> 00:08:13,913 Now go to your room! 178 00:08:13,981 --> 00:08:16,366 I hate it here! 179 00:08:19,103 --> 00:08:20,604 Those glasses meant the world to me, 180 00:08:20,672 --> 00:08:22,273 but you couldn't hear that, could you? 181 00:08:22,341 --> 00:08:24,008 Instead you had to give them to skitch, 182 00:08:24,076 --> 00:08:26,345 your beloved, your golden boy. 183 00:08:26,413 --> 00:08:28,447 Skitch is a smart kid. He's going places. 184 00:08:28,515 --> 00:08:29,982 He's gonna be arrested 9 times 185 00:08:30,051 --> 00:08:32,101 for stealing women's shoes. 186 00:08:32,169 --> 00:08:35,673 Hey, you want to join yourself in that bedroom? 187 00:08:35,740 --> 00:08:38,342 You can't intimidate me any more, dad. 188 00:08:38,410 --> 00:08:39,644 Oh, God. 189 00:08:39,711 --> 00:08:41,846 Get back here! 190 00:08:41,914 --> 00:08:43,282 You want a piece of me? 191 00:08:43,349 --> 00:08:45,162 You're gonna have to come through my psychiatrist. 192 00:08:45,186 --> 00:08:47,187 Ooh, what have we here? 193 00:08:47,254 --> 00:08:50,123 Big fancy park Avenue headshrinker, huh? 194 00:08:50,192 --> 00:08:51,258 What's the matter, 195 00:08:51,326 --> 00:08:52,759 couldn't make it as a real doctor? 196 00:08:52,827 --> 00:08:54,228 I'm just here to observe. 197 00:08:54,296 --> 00:08:56,097 Oh, are you, Mary? 198 00:08:57,166 --> 00:09:01,070 Uh, let's get out of here. 199 00:09:10,899 --> 00:09:13,885 Well, Arthur and I have had a very interesting hour. 200 00:09:13,952 --> 00:09:15,504 I think, perhaps, there are ways 201 00:09:15,571 --> 00:09:17,606 to bring about an improvement in the situation 202 00:09:17,674 --> 00:09:19,108 you've been having at home. 203 00:09:19,176 --> 00:09:21,178 Hey, listen, if, uh, there's anything we can do 204 00:09:21,245 --> 00:09:22,979 to... to help Arthur feel better, 205 00:09:23,047 --> 00:09:24,564 please, you know, just say the word. 206 00:09:24,631 --> 00:09:26,567 Absolutely. 207 00:09:26,634 --> 00:09:30,087 So is the pharmacy in the lobby still open, or... 208 00:09:30,155 --> 00:09:31,500 Yes. Why? 209 00:09:31,524 --> 00:09:33,164 Well, if you can write a prescription now, 210 00:09:33,226 --> 00:09:35,610 he'll be much happier by tonight. 211 00:09:36,813 --> 00:09:39,282 May I continue? Please. 212 00:09:39,349 --> 00:09:40,682 Arthur, by his own admission, 213 00:09:40,750 --> 00:09:42,719 is a man who struggles with not being heard. 214 00:09:42,787 --> 00:09:44,721 The more he feels like he's not being heard, 215 00:09:44,789 --> 00:09:47,925 the louder he screams, literally and figuratively. 216 00:09:47,993 --> 00:09:49,560 As you know, he is a screamer. 217 00:09:49,628 --> 00:09:51,380 Not in the gay sense. 218 00:09:52,549 --> 00:09:55,851 Anyway, a pattern has obviously developed 219 00:09:55,919 --> 00:09:58,138 wherein Arthur assumes that the 2 of you 220 00:09:58,206 --> 00:10:02,259 will consider his desires to be extreme or frivolous, 221 00:10:02,327 --> 00:10:07,249 and thus he tends to live down to your expectations. 222 00:10:08,902 --> 00:10:10,886 Do you understand? 223 00:10:10,954 --> 00:10:12,688 Yeah, I do. We do. 224 00:10:14,775 --> 00:10:17,745 So, uh, does the pharmacy take insurance, or... 225 00:10:20,265 --> 00:10:23,930 You're not gonna write him a prescription, are you? 226 00:10:23,954 --> 00:10:28,958 My only prescription is more validation for this man. 227 00:10:29,026 --> 00:10:30,959 Listen to him. Hear him. 228 00:10:31,712 --> 00:10:33,764 Let him be who he is. 229 00:10:48,115 --> 00:10:51,652 Hey, dad. Whatcha got goin' on here? 230 00:10:51,719 --> 00:10:53,320 Making candles. 231 00:10:54,657 --> 00:10:56,024 Candles? 232 00:10:56,091 --> 00:10:59,795 Yes, I always wanted to make and sell them out of my own home. 233 00:10:59,863 --> 00:11:01,730 Ok, first of all, my home. 234 00:11:01,798 --> 00:11:04,750 Second of all, I eat spaghetti out of that. 235 00:11:05,552 --> 00:11:06,569 Well, well. 236 00:11:06,637 --> 00:11:09,957 I'm not feeling very validated right now. 237 00:11:10,024 --> 00:11:11,291 No, no, no. No, no, dad. 238 00:11:11,359 --> 00:11:13,028 We support you all the way. 239 00:11:13,095 --> 00:11:15,030 And by the way, we do validate. 240 00:11:15,097 --> 00:11:16,464 We just want to make sure 241 00:11:16,532 --> 00:11:18,344 that this is something you really, really wanna do. 242 00:11:18,368 --> 00:11:19,401 It is. 243 00:11:19,469 --> 00:11:21,270 Ok, then. 244 00:11:26,477 --> 00:11:29,547 Just try to watch out for, you know, 245 00:11:29,614 --> 00:11:31,882 burning the house down. 246 00:11:31,950 --> 00:11:32,835 Roger that! 247 00:11:32,903 --> 00:11:34,970 Ok. 248 00:11:35,038 --> 00:11:37,022 "Let's take him to a therapist." 249 00:11:37,090 --> 00:11:38,541 Wow! You're smart. 250 00:11:38,609 --> 00:11:40,710 All right, I thought the guy would just medicate him. 251 00:11:40,778 --> 00:11:42,546 Did I know he was a "validation" quack? 252 00:11:42,614 --> 00:11:44,182 I say we just bail on this right now. 253 00:11:44,249 --> 00:11:45,582 We can't. 254 00:11:45,650 --> 00:11:47,061 I'm the one who made him go to a shrink. 255 00:11:47,085 --> 00:11:48,653 If we blow off what the guy says now, 256 00:11:48,721 --> 00:11:50,322 my dad will never listen to me again. 257 00:11:50,389 --> 00:11:51,472 Things will just get worse. 258 00:11:51,540 --> 00:11:52,675 There's a man with glaucoma 259 00:11:52,743 --> 00:11:54,143 pouring hot wax in our kitchen. 260 00:11:54,211 --> 00:11:56,913 How much worse can it get? 261 00:11:56,980 --> 00:11:58,382 Anyone want a candle 262 00:11:58,449 --> 00:12:01,118 that looks sort of like melvyn Douglas? 263 00:12:02,855 --> 00:12:03,988 I do! 264 00:12:05,490 --> 00:12:08,560 Mind if I hang this over the mantel? 265 00:12:08,628 --> 00:12:11,246 Permission to start a bluegrass band. 266 00:12:13,468 --> 00:12:14,568 Don't mind me. 267 00:12:14,635 --> 00:12:17,003 This is just for my documentary. 268 00:12:18,140 --> 00:12:20,174 I'd like to get a large parrot 269 00:12:20,242 --> 00:12:21,976 and name it Douglas. 270 00:12:23,196 --> 00:12:24,496 F.Y.I., 271 00:12:24,564 --> 00:12:27,333 the lippman's will be spending the night. 272 00:12:28,969 --> 00:12:30,937 I'd like to get another parrot that lives, 273 00:12:31,039 --> 00:12:33,440 and call it Douglas the second. 274 00:12:35,276 --> 00:12:36,560 Actually, perhaps I should wait 275 00:12:36,628 --> 00:12:38,647 until I get the rest of Douglas the first 276 00:12:38,714 --> 00:12:40,882 off the side of the garage. 277 00:12:46,457 --> 00:12:47,523 Hey, Arthur. 278 00:12:47,591 --> 00:12:48,792 Hello. 279 00:12:52,797 --> 00:12:54,643 Hey, how's the, uh, bluegrass band workin' out for you? 280 00:12:54,667 --> 00:12:55,900 You got any gigs lined up? 281 00:12:55,968 --> 00:12:57,936 No, it never really got goin'. 282 00:12:58,004 --> 00:13:00,256 Mickey cracked his tooth blowin' into the jug. 283 00:13:01,992 --> 00:13:04,505 Hey, so when am I gettin' my candle in the shape of Rusty staub? 284 00:13:04,529 --> 00:13:06,330 Uh, that's not gonna happen. 285 00:13:06,397 --> 00:13:07,814 Unfortunately, 286 00:13:07,882 --> 00:13:10,635 hot wax and hairy forearms are a volatile mix. 287 00:13:11,270 --> 00:13:13,722 Right, right. 288 00:13:13,790 --> 00:13:16,392 Hey, how's Douglas the second doin'? 289 00:13:19,746 --> 00:13:21,014 I'm sorry. 290 00:13:21,082 --> 00:13:23,533 Hey, look, Arthur, is there anything else you need? 291 00:13:23,601 --> 00:13:25,719 Or, you know, anything you want to buy or... 292 00:13:25,787 --> 00:13:27,655 Or build or immerse yourself in? 293 00:13:27,722 --> 00:13:29,023 'Cause we're here to listen. 294 00:13:29,192 --> 00:13:32,093 No, no. I'm... I'm quite fine, thanks. 295 00:13:32,161 --> 00:13:34,531 Think I'll go grab a little nap. 296 00:13:39,404 --> 00:13:40,871 That shrink is a genius! 297 00:13:40,939 --> 00:13:42,289 What? 298 00:13:42,357 --> 00:13:43,757 He knew what he was doing all along. 299 00:13:43,808 --> 00:13:46,154 We just kept validating Arthur until he punched himself out. 300 00:13:46,178 --> 00:13:48,913 I... I... I can't even describe to you how I feel right now. 301 00:13:48,981 --> 00:13:53,085 Carrie, I swear to you, I've never been happier. 302 00:13:53,152 --> 00:13:55,488 I've never been more miserable. 303 00:14:05,519 --> 00:14:07,469 The adjustments you've been making at home, 304 00:14:07,537 --> 00:14:09,539 the listening, the validating, that's not working? 305 00:14:09,607 --> 00:14:11,641 Well, it's working for my father, I guess. 306 00:14:11,709 --> 00:14:13,543 Now that we give him everything he wants, 307 00:14:13,611 --> 00:14:14,978 he doesn't want anything. 308 00:14:15,046 --> 00:14:16,247 No more crazy demands, 309 00:14:16,315 --> 00:14:18,349 no more screaming, no more fighting. 310 00:14:18,417 --> 00:14:19,751 It's what Doug's always wanted. 311 00:14:19,819 --> 00:14:21,886 He's happy, but I'm miserable. 312 00:14:21,954 --> 00:14:22,988 Well, let's explore that. 313 00:14:23,055 --> 00:14:24,857 Hey, doc, listen to me, ok? 314 00:14:24,925 --> 00:14:26,859 I don't need to send your kid to college 315 00:14:26,927 --> 00:14:28,928 to find out what I already know. 316 00:14:28,996 --> 00:14:30,330 And what is that? 317 00:14:30,398 --> 00:14:31,831 That I like to fight. 318 00:14:31,900 --> 00:14:33,566 Obviously, on some level, 319 00:14:33,634 --> 00:14:35,169 I enjoyed fighting with my father, 320 00:14:35,237 --> 00:14:36,888 and now that we don't fight, I miss it. 321 00:14:36,956 --> 00:14:38,957 If you knew that, why'd you come to see me? 322 00:14:39,025 --> 00:14:42,278 Um, well, I was hoping that you could, um, 323 00:14:42,346 --> 00:14:44,179 prescribe me something, you know, 324 00:14:44,248 --> 00:14:46,883 to kind of take the sting out of it. 325 00:14:48,286 --> 00:14:50,187 Uh-huh. Well, since we have the whole hour, 326 00:14:50,256 --> 00:14:52,407 why don't we talk about your fighting issue? 327 00:14:52,474 --> 00:14:54,669 Wow, you really don't like to take that prescription pad 328 00:14:54,693 --> 00:14:56,762 out of the holster, do you? 329 00:14:58,247 --> 00:14:59,364 Fine! 330 00:15:00,434 --> 00:15:02,635 I'll talk about my "fighting issue." 331 00:15:02,703 --> 00:15:04,847 What do you want, like a childhood memory or something? 332 00:15:04,871 --> 00:15:05,872 It's up to you. 333 00:15:05,940 --> 00:15:07,674 Ugh. Ok, fine. 334 00:15:09,911 --> 00:15:11,779 Sheena Easton sucks! 335 00:15:11,847 --> 00:15:13,898 She does not. She's the best. 336 00:15:13,966 --> 00:15:15,216 You're stupid! 337 00:15:15,285 --> 00:15:17,047 I'm not stupid, Carrie. You are. 338 00:15:17,071 --> 00:15:17,937 You are! 339 00:15:18,005 --> 00:15:20,540 And that outfit, not your best look. 340 00:15:21,576 --> 00:15:22,642 You see? 341 00:15:22,710 --> 00:15:24,478 I liked to fight even as a kid. 342 00:15:24,545 --> 00:15:25,914 Are you convinced now? 343 00:15:25,982 --> 00:15:27,382 Well, I see what you're saying, 344 00:15:27,449 --> 00:15:28,884 though I find it interesting 345 00:15:28,951 --> 00:15:31,097 you picked this particular memory to use as an example. 346 00:15:31,121 --> 00:15:34,022 I picked it because it was Lucy McDonald's birthday party. 347 00:15:34,090 --> 00:15:35,925 She was my best friend. Let's go back. 348 00:15:35,993 --> 00:15:37,344 Not just yet. 349 00:15:37,411 --> 00:15:38,588 Why? So you can finish eating? 350 00:15:38,612 --> 00:15:40,146 That cake is 22 years old. 351 00:15:40,214 --> 00:15:41,282 It's good, 352 00:15:41,350 --> 00:15:44,352 and I'm not really a cake guy. 353 00:15:44,419 --> 00:15:46,421 What's happening over there? 354 00:15:46,489 --> 00:15:48,057 Please let this be a Barbie dream house. 355 00:15:48,124 --> 00:15:49,892 Please, please, please. 356 00:15:49,959 --> 00:15:51,745 I hope it's not. 357 00:15:51,812 --> 00:15:52,996 Why did you say that? 358 00:15:53,064 --> 00:15:54,731 I thought Lucy was your best friend. 359 00:15:54,799 --> 00:15:57,001 She was. I don't know why I said that. 360 00:15:59,437 --> 00:16:01,873 A Barbie dream house! Yay! 361 00:16:02,608 --> 00:16:03,875 Damn. 362 00:16:05,294 --> 00:16:06,529 Why are you upset? 363 00:16:06,597 --> 00:16:08,414 'Cause Lucy got what she wanted. 364 00:16:08,482 --> 00:16:10,582 But you love her. You should be happy. 365 00:16:10,650 --> 00:16:11,650 Well, I'm not. 366 00:16:11,702 --> 00:16:13,770 What is wrong with you? 367 00:16:15,623 --> 00:16:17,775 A bee! A bee! 368 00:16:19,294 --> 00:16:21,396 Now you're happy? That's demented! 369 00:16:21,464 --> 00:16:23,065 She's demented! 370 00:16:23,132 --> 00:16:26,803 Help! He's gonna sting me! He's gonna sting me! 371 00:16:29,890 --> 00:16:31,926 Actually, it is kind of funny. 372 00:16:31,993 --> 00:16:35,196 "He's gonna sting me! Aah!" 373 00:16:40,303 --> 00:16:41,737 Oh, my God. 374 00:16:43,757 --> 00:16:45,925 I'm only happy when other people are miserable, 375 00:16:45,993 --> 00:16:47,795 and I'm miserable when they're happy. 376 00:16:47,862 --> 00:16:49,396 Is that it? 377 00:16:49,464 --> 00:16:50,864 I'm afraid 378 00:16:51,968 --> 00:16:53,952 we're out of time. 379 00:16:59,693 --> 00:17:01,310 I'm really not following you at all. 380 00:17:01,378 --> 00:17:02,596 It's very simple. 381 00:17:02,664 --> 00:17:04,531 You are a happy person by nature, 382 00:17:04,599 --> 00:17:05,999 and I am not. 383 00:17:06,067 --> 00:17:08,403 Ok, look. You are here, 384 00:17:08,471 --> 00:17:10,171 and I am here. 385 00:17:10,239 --> 00:17:12,774 When my father was acting like a maniac, 386 00:17:12,842 --> 00:17:14,109 that made you unhappy, 387 00:17:14,177 --> 00:17:16,011 which brought you down to here, 388 00:17:16,079 --> 00:17:17,229 closer to me, 389 00:17:17,297 --> 00:17:18,815 which made me happier 390 00:17:18,883 --> 00:17:21,017 because now I had some company. 391 00:17:21,085 --> 00:17:22,136 How you doing so far? 392 00:17:22,204 --> 00:17:23,321 Keep going. Ok. 393 00:17:23,389 --> 00:17:25,239 Now that my father's calmed down, 394 00:17:25,307 --> 00:17:26,540 you are back up here, 395 00:17:26,608 --> 00:17:28,276 and I am stuck down here by myself. 396 00:17:28,344 --> 00:17:31,696 You are happy, I am not, and I hate that. 397 00:17:31,764 --> 00:17:35,167 So when I'm unhappy, that makes you happy? 398 00:17:36,270 --> 00:17:39,189 Well, not happy, but happier. 399 00:17:41,276 --> 00:17:43,911 I'm not gonna lie to you. I'm a little shaken by that. 400 00:17:43,979 --> 00:17:45,947 And you should be. That's my point. 401 00:17:46,015 --> 00:17:47,549 Don't you see? No. 402 00:17:47,617 --> 00:17:49,752 Doug, I am not fit to be with you. 403 00:17:49,820 --> 00:17:51,420 You're sane and healthy and nice, 404 00:17:51,487 --> 00:17:52,689 and I'm evil! 405 00:17:52,757 --> 00:17:55,491 Carrie, hey. Would I marry evil? 406 00:17:55,559 --> 00:17:57,460 Don't... don't touch me. 407 00:17:59,631 --> 00:18:01,382 My wife won't let me touch her. 408 00:18:01,449 --> 00:18:03,552 Does she usually? 409 00:18:03,620 --> 00:18:05,237 Yes. 410 00:18:05,305 --> 00:18:06,939 Yes, it's just the thing is... 411 00:18:07,007 --> 00:18:09,909 The thing is she's convinced now that everything is her fault. 412 00:18:09,977 --> 00:18:12,312 That she's a bad person or something. 413 00:18:12,380 --> 00:18:13,481 Do you agree? 414 00:18:13,548 --> 00:18:14,582 No. 415 00:18:14,650 --> 00:18:16,601 No, she's great. I mean, I love her. 416 00:18:16,668 --> 00:18:19,137 Then what do you think the problem is? 417 00:18:19,205 --> 00:18:21,239 I was kind of hoping, for the $80, 418 00:18:21,374 --> 00:18:23,192 you'd tell me. 419 00:18:23,260 --> 00:18:25,828 I can't do that. 420 00:18:25,896 --> 00:18:27,714 Does that make you angry with me? 421 00:18:27,765 --> 00:18:29,883 What? No, no, no. 422 00:18:29,951 --> 00:18:31,118 Are you sure? 423 00:18:31,185 --> 00:18:32,570 Yeah, no. I'm... I'm sure. 424 00:18:32,637 --> 00:18:35,006 Really? Because your neck is starting to perspire. 425 00:18:35,073 --> 00:18:37,158 Look, I'm not angry! Leave me alone! 426 00:18:40,147 --> 00:18:42,314 I said, leave me alone! 427 00:18:42,382 --> 00:18:45,185 Hey, Mr. mazzio told us to clean the erasers. 428 00:18:45,253 --> 00:18:46,486 That's all I'm doing. 429 00:18:48,890 --> 00:18:50,057 Cut it out! 430 00:18:50,125 --> 00:18:51,609 What's the matter, Heffernan? 431 00:18:51,677 --> 00:18:53,345 You're afraid of someone smaller than you? 432 00:18:53,380 --> 00:18:55,914 You could kick my ass if you weren't such a chicken. 433 00:18:55,982 --> 00:18:58,901 I don't want any trouble. 434 00:18:58,969 --> 00:19:01,220 Why am I taking crap from that little runt? 435 00:19:01,288 --> 00:19:03,541 I don't know, maybe you are a chicken. 436 00:19:03,608 --> 00:19:04,675 What? 437 00:19:04,742 --> 00:19:06,410 Hey, punch him in the face. 438 00:19:06,478 --> 00:19:08,012 I don't wanna! You punch him! 439 00:19:08,079 --> 00:19:10,359 I'm not punchin' him. Get in there and punch him in the face! 440 00:19:10,383 --> 00:19:11,716 No! 441 00:19:11,784 --> 00:19:14,654 Is that who you grew up to be? An I.P.S. Driver? 442 00:19:14,721 --> 00:19:17,089 Loser! 443 00:19:17,157 --> 00:19:19,459 Ok, you know what? That's it. Get in there and fight him. 444 00:19:19,527 --> 00:19:20,894 Quit shoving me! 445 00:19:20,962 --> 00:19:22,863 Oh, jeez! 446 00:19:44,324 --> 00:19:45,658 What a freak show, huh? 447 00:19:52,934 --> 00:19:54,535 I don't judge. 448 00:19:56,371 --> 00:19:58,489 Wait! 449 00:19:58,556 --> 00:20:00,358 That's it. I... I finally figured it out. 450 00:20:00,426 --> 00:20:01,893 I do have anger, 451 00:20:01,961 --> 00:20:04,062 but I don't like confrontation with other people, 452 00:20:04,130 --> 00:20:05,865 so I take it all out on myself! 453 00:20:07,267 --> 00:20:09,102 Knock it off! 454 00:20:09,169 --> 00:20:10,437 Sorry. 455 00:20:15,595 --> 00:20:17,795 So it turns out, by avoiding all the confrontation 456 00:20:17,863 --> 00:20:19,347 that's been going on around here, 457 00:20:19,416 --> 00:20:20,849 I actually caused the 2 of you 458 00:20:20,917 --> 00:20:23,269 to have more conflict with each other. 459 00:20:23,320 --> 00:20:24,571 So... so... so really, 460 00:20:24,639 --> 00:20:26,406 it's my problem at the root of all this. 461 00:20:26,474 --> 00:20:29,159 Oh, please! If you 2 are happy with the new situation, 462 00:20:29,226 --> 00:20:31,279 then clearly, I'm the one with the problem. 463 00:20:31,346 --> 00:20:33,080 Who says I'm happy? 464 00:20:33,148 --> 00:20:34,198 I thought you were. 465 00:20:34,266 --> 00:20:35,334 Are you kidding? 466 00:20:35,401 --> 00:20:36,768 Being agreed with and validated? 467 00:20:36,836 --> 00:20:38,303 I don't know who I am anymore! 468 00:20:38,371 --> 00:20:40,406 I'm suicidal! 469 00:20:40,474 --> 00:20:43,076 But, dad, if we go back to the way things were, 470 00:20:43,143 --> 00:20:44,510 then you and I will feel better, 471 00:20:44,578 --> 00:20:46,313 but then Doug will be unhappy again. 472 00:20:46,381 --> 00:20:48,682 We can't have that. He's a good man. 473 00:20:48,750 --> 00:20:50,418 But, Arthur, I don't want to stay happy 474 00:20:50,486 --> 00:20:51,753 if the 2 of you are unhappy. 475 00:20:51,821 --> 00:20:54,789 You're right. That would be very unfair. 476 00:20:54,857 --> 00:20:57,343 All right, so what we're dealing with here is, 477 00:20:57,411 --> 00:21:00,898 basically, only 2 of us can be happy at the same time. 478 00:21:01,632 --> 00:21:03,667 What do we do? 479 00:21:03,734 --> 00:21:05,086 So they're gonna keep fighting, 480 00:21:05,154 --> 00:21:08,423 and I'm gonna come for therapy once a week. 481 00:21:08,491 --> 00:21:10,392 How's Thursdays at 6:00? 482 00:21:10,460 --> 00:21:12,328 It's perfect. 483 00:21:12,395 --> 00:21:14,363 I'd also like to write you a prescription. 484 00:21:14,431 --> 00:21:16,399 That'd be great. Thanks. 485 00:21:22,674 --> 00:21:23,674 So why do you think 486 00:21:23,725 --> 00:21:26,695 food has become such an important factor in your life? 487 00:21:26,763 --> 00:21:29,815 Gee, I don't know. That's a good one. 488 00:21:29,883 --> 00:21:34,203 I guess, 'cause, you know, food doesn't call you names 489 00:21:34,271 --> 00:21:36,406 or say you're stupid. 490 00:21:36,474 --> 00:21:38,091 It's always good. 491 00:21:38,160 --> 00:21:41,096 Yes. Thank you. 492 00:21:41,163 --> 00:21:44,532 Sometimes I feel like food is the only friend I have. 493 00:21:46,637 --> 00:21:48,120 Hey. Come here. 494 00:21:48,188 --> 00:21:50,089 Get off me, lard ass! 495 00:21:52,143 --> 00:21:54,461 You are so dead after this session.