1 00:00:06,520 --> 00:00:08,217 There's no better feeling in the world 2 00:00:08,284 --> 00:00:10,733 than a warm pizza box on your lap. 3 00:00:11,999 --> 00:00:14,063 I know you love it, baby. 4 00:00:20,959 --> 00:00:23,223 Don't try to take a slice out, Doug. 5 00:00:23,291 --> 00:00:26,221 You'll just get pizza on yourself and the car. 6 00:00:26,289 --> 00:00:29,618 Just lookin' at her, makin' sure she's our girl. 7 00:00:29,703 --> 00:00:32,084 Yup, that's Annie may. 8 00:00:32,851 --> 00:00:34,482 She's purty. 9 00:00:42,060 --> 00:00:43,425 Doug! It's just pepperoni! 10 00:00:43,492 --> 00:00:45,457 One piece of pepperoni! 11 00:00:50,222 --> 00:00:53,967 I got pizza on myself and the car. 12 00:01:32,507 --> 00:01:33,572 Hey. Hi, baby. 13 00:01:33,639 --> 00:01:36,270 We... we should keep gum. 14 00:01:36,338 --> 00:01:37,901 We should have, like, a whole drawer 15 00:01:37,969 --> 00:01:39,595 just dedicated to gum. 16 00:01:39,619 --> 00:01:42,815 Yeah. Great idea. Doug Heffernan for president. 17 00:01:42,882 --> 00:01:44,947 Ok, so, I'm just gonna jump in the shower, 18 00:01:45,014 --> 00:01:46,946 and then we'll, uh, swing by the bank 19 00:01:47,012 --> 00:01:48,343 and head over to the d.M.V. 20 00:01:48,411 --> 00:01:50,520 D.M.V? You didn't say anything about going to the d.M.V. 21 00:01:50,544 --> 00:01:52,744 Yeah. I just found out my license expires on my birthday 22 00:01:52,810 --> 00:01:54,272 in like 2 weeks. 23 00:01:54,340 --> 00:01:55,605 The bank and the d.M.V? 24 00:01:55,673 --> 00:01:57,388 I've done nothing to hurt you. 25 00:01:57,455 --> 00:01:59,702 Oh, come on. You'll keep me entertained in line 26 00:01:59,771 --> 00:02:02,634 with all that funny crap you say. 27 00:02:04,100 --> 00:02:05,832 Douglas, I heard through the grapevine 28 00:02:05,899 --> 00:02:08,330 that, uh, you kids were doin' some errands. 29 00:02:08,399 --> 00:02:10,728 Would you mind dropping these bags off 30 00:02:10,796 --> 00:02:12,327 at goodwill for me? 31 00:02:12,394 --> 00:02:14,075 Yeah, sure. 32 00:02:14,143 --> 00:02:15,707 I've inflated the value of everything 33 00:02:15,775 --> 00:02:17,790 I'm donating by 50%. 34 00:02:17,857 --> 00:02:19,172 Take that, Johnny I.R.S. 35 00:02:20,671 --> 00:02:22,319 I'm sure the poor will really appreciate 36 00:02:22,387 --> 00:02:24,202 your used underwear. 37 00:02:24,269 --> 00:02:27,982 I only hope it serves them as well as it served me. 38 00:02:28,050 --> 00:02:29,132 Hold on a second. 39 00:02:29,200 --> 00:02:30,729 You're donating some of our stuff. 40 00:02:30,797 --> 00:02:33,295 Oh, Carrie put some things in there. 41 00:02:33,363 --> 00:02:35,293 Wait a second. This is the jacket I gave her 42 00:02:35,361 --> 00:02:36,492 on our last anniversary. 43 00:02:36,559 --> 00:02:38,508 Let me see. 44 00:02:39,792 --> 00:02:41,322 Yowza, that's a doozy. 45 00:02:42,922 --> 00:02:44,021 What are you talking about? 46 00:02:44,089 --> 00:02:45,220 It's a great jacket. 47 00:02:45,287 --> 00:02:46,786 Great if you like to wear things 48 00:02:46,852 --> 00:02:49,133 that are extremely ugly. 49 00:02:49,202 --> 00:02:50,266 What's up with this? 50 00:02:50,334 --> 00:02:52,763 This is the necklace I gave her. 51 00:02:54,114 --> 00:02:56,577 It's a nice necklace, ok? It was very expensive. 52 00:02:56,645 --> 00:02:58,910 Douglas, I hope I'm not betraying Carrie's confidence 53 00:02:58,978 --> 00:03:01,741 when I say she told me she hates every gift 54 00:03:01,808 --> 00:03:04,706 you've ever given her. 55 00:03:04,773 --> 00:03:06,503 You don't know what you're talkin' about. 56 00:03:06,571 --> 00:03:08,368 Oh, don't I? She may open your gifts 57 00:03:08,436 --> 00:03:09,835 with a smile on her face, 58 00:03:09,903 --> 00:03:11,983 but she's dead behind the eyes. 59 00:03:18,613 --> 00:03:20,810 Hangin' at the d.M.V. 60 00:03:22,042 --> 00:03:24,774 The dumuv. 61 00:03:26,107 --> 00:03:27,405 I was, uh, wondering, 62 00:03:27,473 --> 00:03:30,170 anything special you want for your birthday this year? 63 00:03:30,238 --> 00:03:32,301 Oh. Uh, no, not really. 64 00:03:32,369 --> 00:03:33,800 You don't have to get me anything, 65 00:03:33,868 --> 00:03:34,932 just your love. 66 00:03:35,967 --> 00:03:37,265 That's sweet. 67 00:03:37,332 --> 00:03:38,630 Hey, speaking of presents, 68 00:03:38,698 --> 00:03:40,596 remember that necklace I got you last year? 69 00:03:40,664 --> 00:03:42,362 You know, the one with the... the beads? 70 00:03:42,429 --> 00:03:44,726 How come you never wear that? 71 00:03:44,793 --> 00:03:46,459 I wear that. 72 00:03:46,526 --> 00:03:48,089 You do? Yup. 73 00:03:48,157 --> 00:03:50,288 Really? When? 74 00:03:50,357 --> 00:03:52,355 Um, usually just at work. 75 00:03:52,422 --> 00:03:53,486 Next. 76 00:03:54,619 --> 00:03:55,951 Hi. I'm renewing. 77 00:03:56,018 --> 00:03:57,183 Ok. 78 00:03:57,251 --> 00:03:58,392 Please look into the machine. 79 00:03:58,416 --> 00:03:59,648 Read the third line down. 80 00:03:59,716 --> 00:04:02,580 Ok, that's, um... 81 00:04:02,648 --> 00:04:07,526 "Y, e, d," 82 00:04:07,594 --> 00:04:10,674 "h", and, uh... 83 00:04:10,741 --> 00:04:12,156 Is that a... is that a dollar sign? 84 00:04:12,224 --> 00:04:15,054 Are those in there now? 85 00:04:15,089 --> 00:04:17,369 Do you wear glasses or contact lenses 86 00:04:17,436 --> 00:04:18,896 you don't have in right now? 87 00:04:18,920 --> 00:04:19,920 Um, I have glasses, 88 00:04:19,968 --> 00:04:21,644 but I don't need them to drive. 89 00:04:21,668 --> 00:04:24,764 I can see fine. It's "y, e, d, h"... 90 00:04:24,831 --> 00:04:27,389 Dollar sign. 91 00:04:27,413 --> 00:04:28,773 Ok, I'm gonna have to Mark you down 92 00:04:28,813 --> 00:04:30,609 with a "one" for corrective lenses. 93 00:04:30,744 --> 00:04:32,824 I don't need glasses to drive, ok? 94 00:04:32,892 --> 00:04:34,789 Not a whole lot of little tiny eye charts 95 00:04:34,857 --> 00:04:36,088 on the side of the road there. 96 00:04:36,156 --> 00:04:38,554 I mean, ask my husband. Am I not a great driver? 97 00:04:41,552 --> 00:04:44,267 You have your own style. 98 00:04:44,334 --> 00:04:46,848 Excuse me. Come here for a second. Come here. 99 00:04:46,915 --> 00:04:49,412 What is your problem? Could you just back me up here? 100 00:04:49,480 --> 00:04:50,828 Back you up? 101 00:04:50,979 --> 00:04:52,586 They're telling you you need glasses to drive. 102 00:04:52,610 --> 00:04:55,441 They're the department of driving. 103 00:04:55,509 --> 00:04:56,839 I'm kind of with them on this one. 104 00:04:56,907 --> 00:04:58,505 But I already need them to read. 105 00:04:58,573 --> 00:05:00,504 I don't want to wear them all the time. 106 00:05:00,572 --> 00:05:02,868 They make me feel old. Next thing you know, 107 00:05:02,937 --> 00:05:04,968 they'll be hanging on a chain around my neck. 108 00:05:05,036 --> 00:05:07,299 I'll have the flab thing goin' on over here. 109 00:05:07,366 --> 00:05:11,145 So you'll feel old, but pedestrians will live. 110 00:05:12,830 --> 00:05:13,961 Fine. 111 00:05:21,340 --> 00:05:22,571 Hello. 112 00:05:23,571 --> 00:05:25,536 Uh. I can't do this. 113 00:05:27,135 --> 00:05:28,501 You know what you should've got? 114 00:05:28,568 --> 00:05:29,933 You should've got yourself a pair 115 00:05:30,000 --> 00:05:32,763 of those cat-eye contacts like in the thriller video. 116 00:05:35,497 --> 00:05:37,960 Could you just not look at me? 117 00:05:38,027 --> 00:05:40,792 All right. Could I get to the sink? 118 00:05:40,860 --> 00:05:42,389 You know Deacon's kids? 119 00:05:42,457 --> 00:05:44,988 They got that new wild Berry-flavored toothpaste. 120 00:05:45,055 --> 00:05:47,020 I tried it. You know what it is? 121 00:05:47,088 --> 00:05:48,686 It's wild! 122 00:05:50,069 --> 00:05:51,234 Could you also not speak 123 00:05:51,302 --> 00:05:53,332 and maybe leave? 124 00:05:53,399 --> 00:05:54,759 Yeah, well, this will cheer you up. 125 00:05:54,798 --> 00:05:55,830 Everybody I invited 126 00:05:55,899 --> 00:05:57,264 is comin' to your birthday party. 127 00:05:57,330 --> 00:05:59,727 And you're gonna love your present... 128 00:05:59,795 --> 00:06:02,159 As soon as you tell me what I should get you. 129 00:06:02,261 --> 00:06:04,357 I don't know. I can't focus on that right now. 130 00:06:04,425 --> 00:06:06,023 Ok, you know what? I can't... 131 00:06:06,091 --> 00:06:08,022 I can't... I'm not gonna... I can't wear these. 132 00:06:08,090 --> 00:06:10,187 I'm just gonna have to go with my glasses. 133 00:06:11,387 --> 00:06:13,251 Well, I think you look adorable in them. 134 00:06:13,319 --> 00:06:15,366 Aw, do you? 135 00:06:16,649 --> 00:06:19,079 Get out of here before I kick your ass. 136 00:06:22,163 --> 00:06:23,394 Guess who! 137 00:06:27,542 --> 00:06:29,372 Still not gettin' it. 138 00:06:31,606 --> 00:06:32,771 Hey! 139 00:06:32,838 --> 00:06:34,037 Hi. Guess what? 140 00:06:34,104 --> 00:06:36,035 I finally got you the greatest birthday present 141 00:06:36,102 --> 00:06:37,300 in the entire world. 142 00:06:37,368 --> 00:06:38,700 I know it's a few days early, 143 00:06:38,768 --> 00:06:42,097 but I give you the gift of sight. 144 00:06:44,962 --> 00:06:46,826 What? Open it up, open it up. 145 00:06:48,927 --> 00:06:50,390 Laser eye surgery? 146 00:06:50,458 --> 00:06:53,221 Laser eye surgery! 147 00:06:53,289 --> 00:06:55,886 One and a half minutes on each eye, and, bam, you're cured. 148 00:06:55,954 --> 00:06:58,952 No glasses, no contacts. Just perfect vision. 149 00:06:59,020 --> 00:07:01,782 Yeah, I know a few people who got this. 150 00:07:01,850 --> 00:07:03,814 And I took care of everything with your boss. 151 00:07:03,882 --> 00:07:05,147 I got you 4 days off to recover 152 00:07:05,214 --> 00:07:07,254 even though most people are good to go the next day. 153 00:07:07,312 --> 00:07:10,842 But definitely by your party, you're lookin' at 20-20. 154 00:07:12,543 --> 00:07:13,707 So? 155 00:07:13,775 --> 00:07:15,573 Wow. Well, it'd be great 156 00:07:15,641 --> 00:07:17,303 not to have to wear glasses. 157 00:07:17,371 --> 00:07:18,437 Yeah! 158 00:07:18,505 --> 00:07:20,536 But eye surgery. 159 00:07:22,935 --> 00:07:24,465 Isn't that kind of risky? 160 00:07:24,534 --> 00:07:26,664 Risky? Well, let me just read you 161 00:07:26,732 --> 00:07:29,496 a list of those people who were willing to take that risk. 162 00:07:29,564 --> 00:07:33,026 Brad Pitt, hmm? Big-time movie star. 163 00:07:33,093 --> 00:07:36,424 Not too big for Lasik, though, is he? 164 00:07:36,492 --> 00:07:38,922 Former defense secretary William Cohen. 165 00:07:39,773 --> 00:07:41,238 I'm a huge fan. 166 00:07:43,286 --> 00:07:44,784 Kenny g. Kenny g, Carrie. 167 00:07:44,852 --> 00:07:46,783 You think Kenny g. Would risk going blind? 168 00:07:46,851 --> 00:07:48,615 His eyes are his living! 169 00:07:48,682 --> 00:07:50,014 He's a musician. 170 00:07:50,081 --> 00:07:52,013 Aren't a lot of them blind? 171 00:07:52,080 --> 00:07:53,395 Come on, are you gonna do it? 172 00:07:53,462 --> 00:07:54,593 I don't know. 173 00:07:54,661 --> 00:07:57,791 Come on, you gonna do it? I don't know! 174 00:07:57,858 --> 00:07:59,756 You're not gonna do it, are you? 175 00:07:59,925 --> 00:08:01,772 It's just... It's eye surgery. 176 00:08:01,840 --> 00:08:04,704 You know, that's surgery on your eyes. 177 00:08:06,303 --> 00:08:07,501 Damn it. 178 00:08:07,569 --> 00:08:09,576 I just... I really thought I pulled it off this time. 179 00:08:09,600 --> 00:08:11,799 What are you talkin' about? 180 00:08:11,866 --> 00:08:13,031 You reject all my presents. 181 00:08:13,098 --> 00:08:15,395 What? That's not true! 182 00:08:15,463 --> 00:08:17,960 Yeah? What about the necklace I got you last year? 183 00:08:18,028 --> 00:08:19,991 You know, the one you "wear." 184 00:08:21,258 --> 00:08:23,123 I found it in the goodwill bag. 185 00:08:23,191 --> 00:08:25,721 Oh. No, no, no, no. I did wear that. 186 00:08:25,789 --> 00:08:28,020 I wore it so much, I wore it out. 187 00:08:28,087 --> 00:08:29,551 You know what? It's fine, you know. 188 00:08:29,619 --> 00:08:30,950 I'll just... I'll call the doctor 189 00:08:31,018 --> 00:08:33,382 and I'll... I'll cancel everything, ok? 190 00:08:33,450 --> 00:08:35,514 Honey, it's just that, you know, 191 00:08:35,581 --> 00:08:37,680 that's a necklace. This is... this is surgery. 192 00:08:37,747 --> 00:08:39,611 I just thought I'd finally found something 193 00:08:39,679 --> 00:08:41,677 you'd really love and you... you needed, 194 00:08:41,744 --> 00:08:44,392 and I just thought it'd be real special, that's all. 195 00:08:44,458 --> 00:08:46,372 You know what? It... it is special, honey. 196 00:08:46,440 --> 00:08:49,038 It is special. I-I'm gonna go for it. 197 00:08:49,105 --> 00:08:50,369 Really? Yes. 198 00:08:50,437 --> 00:08:52,118 Yes! 199 00:08:52,186 --> 00:08:55,183 Wait till you see the surprise I get you for Christmas. 200 00:08:55,250 --> 00:08:57,049 I'm not gonna tell you what it is, 201 00:08:57,116 --> 00:08:59,547 but you're gonna need a bigger bra. 202 00:09:05,942 --> 00:09:07,940 I can't believe I'm actually doing this. 203 00:09:08,008 --> 00:09:10,239 Perfect vision by your birthday. 204 00:09:10,307 --> 00:09:11,904 It's gonna be awesome. 205 00:09:13,337 --> 00:09:14,502 Hey, look. 206 00:09:14,570 --> 00:09:16,534 Little baby with glasses. 207 00:09:17,951 --> 00:09:20,315 Wonder if he does the other baby's taxes. 208 00:09:22,247 --> 00:09:23,478 Carrie Heffernan? 209 00:09:23,546 --> 00:09:24,744 That's me. 210 00:09:24,812 --> 00:09:26,443 You can follow me to the prep room now. 211 00:09:26,511 --> 00:09:29,508 Ok. Well, this is it. 212 00:09:29,575 --> 00:09:30,908 Hey, listen, uh, 213 00:09:30,975 --> 00:09:33,305 since you're gonna be seeing clear from now on, 214 00:09:33,373 --> 00:09:35,537 I feel I should warn you. 215 00:09:35,605 --> 00:09:37,269 I'm a little overweight. 216 00:09:38,869 --> 00:09:41,831 Ok, honey, ok. I gotta go. All right. Bye. 217 00:09:41,900 --> 00:09:42,900 Ok. 218 00:09:42,965 --> 00:09:44,830 Hey, Happy Birthday, baby! 219 00:10:04,733 --> 00:10:06,182 Doug, wake up. 220 00:10:07,515 --> 00:10:09,079 You're totally blurry. 221 00:10:10,146 --> 00:10:11,461 Really? 222 00:10:11,528 --> 00:10:13,142 All right. Well, it's just the first day. 223 00:10:13,210 --> 00:10:15,424 They said there could be some side effects. 224 00:10:15,525 --> 00:10:17,773 It's totally normal. 225 00:10:24,319 --> 00:10:26,234 Still blurry, Doug. 226 00:10:26,285 --> 00:10:27,898 Still normal. 227 00:10:32,613 --> 00:10:34,110 Normal. 228 00:10:46,419 --> 00:10:48,717 I still can't see, Doug. 229 00:10:48,784 --> 00:10:50,949 It's 2 days before my birthday, 230 00:10:51,016 --> 00:10:52,948 and I still can't see. 231 00:10:53,015 --> 00:10:54,745 Does it say anything in the brochure 232 00:10:54,813 --> 00:10:56,278 about how long it took Kenny g 233 00:10:56,346 --> 00:10:57,943 to see normally? 234 00:10:59,177 --> 00:11:01,807 I think he was just mentioned the one time. 235 00:11:01,874 --> 00:11:03,473 So it's exactly the same? 236 00:11:03,540 --> 00:11:05,004 I mean, give me a status report. 237 00:11:05,071 --> 00:11:06,537 Is everything still cloudy? 238 00:11:06,605 --> 00:11:09,802 No, no. Today, everything's doubled, 239 00:11:09,870 --> 00:11:12,383 and all light looks like hazy starbursts. 240 00:11:13,883 --> 00:11:15,414 I gotta tell you, car, 241 00:11:15,481 --> 00:11:17,763 that sounds pretty freakin' cool. 242 00:11:21,678 --> 00:11:24,374 Yeah. Being blind is awesome. 243 00:11:24,442 --> 00:11:26,073 I'm just trying to lighten things up. 244 00:11:26,141 --> 00:11:27,971 The doctor said it may take some time, huh? 245 00:11:28,040 --> 00:11:29,080 We're still in that range. 246 00:11:29,139 --> 00:11:30,370 Let's not freak out. 247 00:11:30,438 --> 00:11:31,735 And that toaster's on. 248 00:11:34,167 --> 00:11:35,399 Douglas. 249 00:11:36,732 --> 00:11:39,330 Hello, darling, it's your daddy! 250 00:11:40,763 --> 00:11:42,861 Hi, dad. 251 00:11:42,928 --> 00:11:45,309 I'm standing right next to you, 252 00:11:45,376 --> 00:11:47,873 and I'm going to kiss you good morning. 253 00:11:47,941 --> 00:11:49,855 Don't be startled. 254 00:11:52,105 --> 00:11:53,336 Thank you. Thank you. 255 00:11:53,404 --> 00:11:55,069 That was lovely. 256 00:11:55,136 --> 00:11:56,367 Now I need some coffee. 257 00:11:56,435 --> 00:11:57,766 You know what? Here, let me... 258 00:11:57,834 --> 00:11:59,265 Don't help her! 259 00:12:01,132 --> 00:12:02,380 If she's gonna survive, 260 00:12:02,447 --> 00:12:05,378 she needs to learn to live with her disability. 261 00:12:07,810 --> 00:12:09,907 I told you, she's gonna be fine. 262 00:12:09,975 --> 00:12:12,374 She's blind, damn it! 263 00:12:12,441 --> 00:12:14,904 And you're gonna make her soft 264 00:12:14,972 --> 00:12:17,536 and get her killed. 265 00:12:17,604 --> 00:12:19,200 Ok, the both of you... 266 00:12:19,268 --> 00:12:20,783 Just... you need to shut up, ok? 267 00:12:20,851 --> 00:12:22,991 Because you're totally stressing me out. 268 00:12:23,015 --> 00:12:24,495 I'm gonna call the doctor to make sure 269 00:12:24,531 --> 00:12:26,862 this is really normal. Ok, I can't find the phone. 270 00:12:26,930 --> 00:12:28,187 Here, let me get it. I'll get it. 271 00:12:28,211 --> 00:12:29,344 Don't help her! 272 00:12:29,411 --> 00:12:30,675 Shut off! 273 00:12:37,272 --> 00:12:39,768 Yeah, hi, this is, uh, Doug Heffernan. 274 00:12:39,836 --> 00:12:42,001 Is Dr. white horn available? 275 00:12:42,069 --> 00:12:43,800 Yeah. Sure, I'll hold. 276 00:12:44,833 --> 00:12:45,998 Yeah, hello? Yeah. 277 00:12:46,066 --> 00:12:47,464 Uh, yeah, my wife was in there 278 00:12:47,532 --> 00:12:49,861 for laser eye surgery about 5 days ago, 279 00:12:49,930 --> 00:12:52,028 and she's still not seeing all that well. 280 00:12:52,095 --> 00:12:53,492 Is that normal? 281 00:12:55,491 --> 00:12:57,206 Oh, ok. 282 00:12:57,274 --> 00:13:00,004 Thank you, thank you very much. Ok. 283 00:13:00,071 --> 00:13:02,936 You're gonna be fine. It's totally normal. 284 00:13:03,637 --> 00:13:05,584 He said it wasn't normal. 285 00:13:07,233 --> 00:13:09,031 When I told him it had been 5 days, 286 00:13:09,098 --> 00:13:11,645 he actually said, "huh!" 287 00:13:14,679 --> 00:13:17,508 You do not want to hear "huh" from your eye surgeon. 288 00:13:17,575 --> 00:13:19,074 I know. 289 00:13:19,142 --> 00:13:21,471 He said if she didn't get better by... by tomorrow, 290 00:13:21,539 --> 00:13:24,204 he'd have to go back in there and fix it. 291 00:13:25,737 --> 00:13:27,618 Like go back into her eyes? 292 00:13:29,084 --> 00:13:31,880 Actually, I think they use the same incision line... 293 00:13:31,948 --> 00:13:33,179 Stop, man. They... no. 294 00:13:33,247 --> 00:13:34,879 Then they cut open a flap, 295 00:13:34,947 --> 00:13:36,561 and they slip in under the cornea... 296 00:13:36,628 --> 00:13:37,993 Would you stop it? 297 00:13:38,061 --> 00:13:39,092 It's what they do. 298 00:13:39,160 --> 00:13:40,291 I don't care what they do. 299 00:13:40,359 --> 00:13:43,289 I don't want to hear about an eye flap. Damn! 300 00:13:44,473 --> 00:13:45,855 Why did I do this? 301 00:13:45,922 --> 00:13:48,519 I told you to get her the foot massager. 302 00:13:48,587 --> 00:13:51,350 Why didn't you get her the foot massager? 303 00:13:51,418 --> 00:13:53,216 I thought about it, but then I was like, 304 00:13:53,282 --> 00:13:55,509 "when is she really gonna use this?" 305 00:13:55,533 --> 00:13:57,696 So, I decided to blind her instead. 306 00:13:59,862 --> 00:14:01,788 Hey, you know who else is blind? 307 00:14:01,812 --> 00:14:03,508 This ref! Am I right? 308 00:14:10,904 --> 00:14:12,467 Birthday party! 309 00:14:12,536 --> 00:14:14,900 B-day part-ay! 310 00:14:14,968 --> 00:14:16,932 Part-ay! 311 00:14:17,000 --> 00:14:20,029 Party on down to birthday town. 312 00:14:20,097 --> 00:14:23,543 I'm a prisoner in my own body. 313 00:14:23,611 --> 00:14:26,131 Come on, let's... let's get you ready. Let's paint your face up. 314 00:14:26,176 --> 00:14:28,372 You're always happy when you paint your face up. 315 00:14:28,440 --> 00:14:31,221 I can't see. How am I gonna put my makeup on? 316 00:14:31,289 --> 00:14:33,336 Well, hey, that's what I'm here for, huh? 317 00:14:33,404 --> 00:14:34,735 Let me work my magic. 318 00:14:34,803 --> 00:14:36,001 Come on, 319 00:14:36,069 --> 00:14:38,699 let's stroll out over to the goop zone. 320 00:14:41,465 --> 00:14:43,113 All right, you know, I'll come to you. 321 00:14:43,181 --> 00:14:45,611 That's fine. We'll, uh, we'll start with the lips. 322 00:14:45,679 --> 00:14:48,009 Whoa. Mac. 323 00:14:48,077 --> 00:14:49,841 I'm your "Mac" daddy. 324 00:14:55,771 --> 00:14:57,635 There we go. 325 00:14:57,703 --> 00:15:00,133 Jeez, I feel... feel a little bit like 326 00:15:00,200 --> 00:15:01,833 a serial killer. 327 00:15:03,899 --> 00:15:05,830 Pretty. 328 00:15:08,312 --> 00:15:10,309 You look so pretty. 329 00:15:11,276 --> 00:15:12,858 Pretty little... 330 00:15:12,925 --> 00:15:15,321 Pretty. 331 00:15:15,389 --> 00:15:16,888 All right, all right. You know what? 332 00:15:16,956 --> 00:15:17,987 This is insane. 333 00:15:18,054 --> 00:15:19,752 Why am I even having a party? 334 00:15:19,820 --> 00:15:21,585 I can't Friggin' see. 335 00:15:21,651 --> 00:15:23,484 The doctor said I would be better by today. 336 00:15:23,552 --> 00:15:25,564 How come I'm not better? 337 00:15:26,765 --> 00:15:29,396 Actually, now that you bring it up, 338 00:15:30,495 --> 00:15:31,827 he did mention 339 00:15:31,895 --> 00:15:33,425 that he might have get back in there 340 00:15:33,493 --> 00:15:34,859 and do the operation again. 341 00:15:34,926 --> 00:15:36,057 Hold still now. 342 00:15:36,124 --> 00:15:37,890 What? Another operation? 343 00:15:37,957 --> 00:15:39,672 How come you didn't say anything? 344 00:15:39,740 --> 00:15:41,202 That was a worst-case scenario. 345 00:15:41,270 --> 00:15:43,003 Oh, so I'm a worst-case scenario? 346 00:15:43,070 --> 00:15:45,834 Oh, my... I can't believe I let you talk me into this. 347 00:15:45,901 --> 00:15:47,332 Honey, look, you're gonna be fine. 348 00:15:47,399 --> 00:15:48,832 I'll take you back there tomorrow, 349 00:15:48,899 --> 00:15:50,563 and they'll take care of you. 350 00:15:50,632 --> 00:15:52,073 And today, we got a great party for you, huh? 351 00:15:52,097 --> 00:15:53,560 It'll take your mind off of things. 352 00:15:53,629 --> 00:15:54,960 No, it won't. What do you think? 353 00:15:55,028 --> 00:15:57,375 Halfway through I'm gonna forget I can't see? 354 00:15:57,442 --> 00:15:58,990 You don't need to see to enjoy. 355 00:15:59,058 --> 00:16:01,089 You still have 5 other senses. 356 00:16:01,622 --> 00:16:03,903 5 other senses? 357 00:16:03,971 --> 00:16:06,086 There are only 5 senses total. 358 00:16:06,153 --> 00:16:08,317 No, there are 6. 359 00:16:08,385 --> 00:16:09,716 No, there are 5. 360 00:16:09,783 --> 00:16:11,847 Ok, fine. What about the movie the sixth sense? 361 00:16:11,915 --> 00:16:13,447 Huh? You think they were just wrong? 362 00:16:13,514 --> 00:16:16,212 An entire film company, just wrong. 363 00:16:17,877 --> 00:16:19,242 The... the... the point is, 364 00:16:19,310 --> 00:16:21,108 your friends, they wanna see you. 365 00:16:21,176 --> 00:16:22,972 I mean, they love you. 366 00:16:23,040 --> 00:16:25,404 And I... I... I love you. Come on, now. Come on. 367 00:16:28,719 --> 00:16:30,167 Fine. 368 00:16:30,235 --> 00:16:32,383 There you go. 369 00:16:32,451 --> 00:16:35,347 You know, I think this blindness 370 00:16:35,414 --> 00:16:39,544 actually softens you a little, you know? 371 00:16:39,612 --> 00:16:41,577 It makes you more approachable 372 00:16:42,210 --> 00:16:43,740 like Marlee Matlin. 373 00:16:44,741 --> 00:16:45,840 She's very hot, 374 00:16:45,907 --> 00:16:47,538 but the deaf thing makes you think, 375 00:16:47,606 --> 00:16:49,586 "mmm, I could get her." 376 00:17:03,029 --> 00:17:04,992 I'm gonna set this here. 377 00:17:05,059 --> 00:17:08,890 Whoa, whoa, watch yourself. Now, that... that's fire. 378 00:17:08,957 --> 00:17:10,622 All right, honey, just... just blow now. 379 00:17:10,689 --> 00:17:11,689 Ok. 380 00:17:16,917 --> 00:17:19,216 Thank you, everyone, for coming. 381 00:17:19,284 --> 00:17:21,214 I know this is a little weird. 382 00:17:22,880 --> 00:17:25,011 It's great. 383 00:17:25,078 --> 00:17:27,043 Oh, I'll, uh, I'll serve this up. 384 00:17:27,111 --> 00:17:29,375 Ok, thanks, sweetie. 385 00:17:34,938 --> 00:17:36,469 You're Carrie's boss, right? 386 00:17:36,637 --> 00:17:37,652 I sure am. 387 00:17:37,719 --> 00:17:39,051 I don't want you cutting her 388 00:17:39,118 --> 00:17:42,314 any slack at work because she's blind. 389 00:17:42,382 --> 00:17:45,813 Reprimand her just as hard as you would anyone else. 390 00:17:46,513 --> 00:17:47,745 If necessary, 391 00:17:47,813 --> 00:17:50,176 I will make her life a living hell. 392 00:17:50,244 --> 00:17:52,442 God bless you. 393 00:17:52,508 --> 00:17:53,873 How about opening some presents? 394 00:17:53,941 --> 00:17:55,040 Yeah. 395 00:17:55,106 --> 00:17:56,438 All right, here we go. 396 00:17:56,505 --> 00:17:58,170 Oh, oh, that one's from, uh, me. 397 00:17:58,238 --> 00:17:59,370 From Spence. 398 00:17:59,438 --> 00:18:01,001 Oh, thank you. 399 00:18:01,069 --> 00:18:02,266 Ok. 400 00:18:02,802 --> 00:18:03,899 Hey. 401 00:18:03,967 --> 00:18:05,565 Hey, nice, Spence. 402 00:18:05,633 --> 00:18:06,797 Hey, what is it? 403 00:18:06,864 --> 00:18:08,095 Oh, I'm sorry, honey. 404 00:18:08,163 --> 00:18:09,829 It's a... It's a beautiful red sweater. 405 00:18:09,896 --> 00:18:11,028 Feel that. Feels nice, huh? 406 00:18:11,095 --> 00:18:12,226 Feel that. 407 00:18:12,294 --> 00:18:13,859 Oh, well, thank you, Spence. 408 00:18:13,927 --> 00:18:15,758 Oh, I'm over here now. 409 00:18:15,826 --> 00:18:16,956 Marco! 410 00:18:18,256 --> 00:18:20,288 This one's from me. 411 00:18:20,356 --> 00:18:22,053 From Kim from the office. 412 00:18:22,121 --> 00:18:23,385 Ok. Ok. 413 00:18:25,651 --> 00:18:29,448 Oh, wow! It's a beautiful book of nature photographs. 414 00:18:34,278 --> 00:18:35,278 Sorry. 415 00:18:35,344 --> 00:18:37,009 Ok, you know what? 416 00:18:37,077 --> 00:18:39,274 Everybody just talk amongst yourselves, ok? 417 00:18:39,340 --> 00:18:41,339 Party like I can see fine. 418 00:18:41,407 --> 00:18:43,053 Ok. 419 00:18:44,854 --> 00:18:46,118 I gotta tell you, Carrie, 420 00:18:46,186 --> 00:18:48,250 I am shocked at the problems 421 00:18:48,317 --> 00:18:50,048 you're having with your surgery. 422 00:18:50,116 --> 00:18:51,615 I feel awful. 423 00:18:51,682 --> 00:18:53,457 Oh. Thank you, Mr. Pruzan, but it's not your fault. 424 00:18:53,481 --> 00:18:54,846 Well, I feel like it is. 425 00:18:54,912 --> 00:18:57,344 I mean, I was the one who recommended you to go to Dr. Burns. 426 00:18:57,412 --> 00:19:00,858 When he did my eyes, I was skeet shooting that afternoon. 427 00:19:00,925 --> 00:19:02,207 I didn't go to a Dr. Burns. 428 00:19:02,275 --> 00:19:03,473 I never heard of a Dr. Burns. 429 00:19:03,541 --> 00:19:05,138 I told Doug about him 430 00:19:05,206 --> 00:19:07,303 when he called to ask for your time off. 431 00:19:07,371 --> 00:19:08,569 What happened? 432 00:19:08,637 --> 00:19:11,118 I thought you were gonna go with my guy. 433 00:19:11,184 --> 00:19:13,316 There are a lot of places. 434 00:19:13,383 --> 00:19:15,080 Where'd you end up going? 435 00:19:16,114 --> 00:19:18,495 We went to, uh... 436 00:19:18,563 --> 00:19:20,111 Vision village. 437 00:19:21,710 --> 00:19:24,308 Doug, can I talk to you privately for a second? 438 00:19:26,523 --> 00:19:29,354 Pruzan told you about a great doctor? 439 00:19:29,421 --> 00:19:32,017 Yeah. He told me about his guy, 440 00:19:32,085 --> 00:19:34,583 but I thought we should go another way. 441 00:19:34,651 --> 00:19:37,548 Go another way. Hmm. 442 00:19:38,715 --> 00:19:40,428 Watch out, honey! 443 00:19:40,496 --> 00:19:42,861 Could you just calm down? 444 00:19:42,929 --> 00:19:44,993 Look, the guy he recommended was in Manhattan. 445 00:19:45,060 --> 00:19:46,557 You go in there, you're just paying 446 00:19:46,626 --> 00:19:47,924 for the bells and the whistles. 447 00:19:47,992 --> 00:19:49,723 Mmm-hmm. Is sight a bell or a whistle? 448 00:19:49,790 --> 00:19:52,186 The place we went to seemed fine. 449 00:19:52,255 --> 00:19:53,653 They were certified. 450 00:19:53,721 --> 00:19:55,545 I got the certification inside. You want to see it? 451 00:19:55,569 --> 00:19:57,284 I'd like to see a lot of things, hon. 452 00:19:57,350 --> 00:19:59,799 I'm just... I'm just sayin' it seemed fine, ok? 453 00:19:59,867 --> 00:20:01,863 I mean, the brochure, it was beautiful, 454 00:20:01,930 --> 00:20:03,663 and I... I got the coupon in the mail. 455 00:20:03,730 --> 00:20:05,461 A coupon? 456 00:20:07,876 --> 00:20:09,957 I cannot believe you used a coupon for my surgery? 457 00:20:10,026 --> 00:20:11,622 How could you go to a place 458 00:20:11,689 --> 00:20:12,988 that even offered a coupon? 459 00:20:13,056 --> 00:20:14,854 How much did you save, Doug? 460 00:20:14,921 --> 00:20:16,186 I don't want to say now. 461 00:20:16,254 --> 00:20:18,501 I wanna know how much you saved. 462 00:20:20,284 --> 00:20:22,080 Half off the second eye. 463 00:20:24,182 --> 00:20:25,746 Half off the second eye. 464 00:20:25,814 --> 00:20:27,012 That's wonderful. 465 00:20:27,079 --> 00:20:28,211 You know what, sweetie? 466 00:20:28,279 --> 00:20:29,976 Next time you want to give me a gift, 467 00:20:30,044 --> 00:20:31,242 just hand me a $100 bill, 468 00:20:31,310 --> 00:20:32,550 and stay the hell away from me. 469 00:20:32,708 --> 00:20:34,068 Ok, Carrie, you know, I get it, ok? 470 00:20:34,107 --> 00:20:35,406 All my gifts suck, ok? 471 00:20:35,473 --> 00:20:36,848 Why don't you just throw your eyeballs 472 00:20:36,872 --> 00:20:38,187 in the goodwill bag? 473 00:20:38,255 --> 00:20:40,285 Oh, I cannot believe 474 00:20:40,353 --> 00:20:43,261 you are still trying to make me feel guilty about this. 475 00:20:43,285 --> 00:20:44,832 Yeah, well, you hurt my feelings! 476 00:20:44,899 --> 00:20:45,665 Well, you blinded me! 477 00:20:45,733 --> 00:20:47,147 So we're even! 478 00:20:50,479 --> 00:20:51,760 Ok, here we go. 479 00:20:51,828 --> 00:20:54,057 Wow. Pruzan's guy 480 00:20:54,125 --> 00:20:55,424 even uses nicer bandages. 481 00:20:55,492 --> 00:20:57,390 All right. Could you just get it off please? 482 00:20:57,457 --> 00:20:58,655 I will. Relax, ok? 483 00:20:58,722 --> 00:20:59,820 Everything's gonna be fine. 484 00:20:59,888 --> 00:21:01,186 Ok. 485 00:21:07,049 --> 00:21:08,448 Here we go. 486 00:21:11,946 --> 00:21:13,044 I can see. 487 00:21:13,112 --> 00:21:14,627 I can see everything clearly. 488 00:21:14,694 --> 00:21:16,892 Oh, my God, this is fantastic! 489 00:21:16,959 --> 00:21:18,258 Ok. 490 00:21:20,956 --> 00:21:22,322 Apology accepted. 491 00:21:32,432 --> 00:21:34,097 There's no better feeling in the world 492 00:21:34,165 --> 00:21:35,727 than a warm bag of Chinese take-out 493 00:21:35,795 --> 00:21:37,261 on your lap. 494 00:21:37,328 --> 00:21:40,674 I thought there was no better feeling than pizza. 495 00:21:40,741 --> 00:21:42,789 Now it's Chinese. 496 00:21:43,556 --> 00:21:44,721 Ok. 497 00:21:56,780 --> 00:21:59,245 I got egg roll on myself and the car.