1 00:00:33,968 --> 00:00:35,936 Today really? Th-that's great. 2 00:00:36,003 --> 00:00:39,139 3:00? That's right, you know what, no problem. Wide open today. 3 00:00:39,207 --> 00:00:40,606 No, we're not. 4 00:00:40,674 --> 00:00:42,485 You know what, don't worry about it, it's no problem. 5 00:00:42,509 --> 00:00:43,877 Doug, who're you talking to? 6 00:00:43,945 --> 00:00:45,712 Look... look we wanna see you, we're coming. 7 00:00:45,779 --> 00:00:47,480 Doug, hello. 8 00:00:47,548 --> 00:00:49,515 It's fine, yup, ok. 9 00:00:49,583 --> 00:00:51,484 Pay attention to me. 10 00:00:52,519 --> 00:00:54,687 Got it, ok, bye mom. 11 00:00:56,390 --> 00:00:59,059 Nice job, now I'm gonna hear her voice every time I see those. 12 00:00:59,126 --> 00:01:01,527 So am I hearing your parents are coming down here today? 13 00:01:01,595 --> 00:01:04,130 Yeah, yeah, they are, uh, flying to Montreal for a wedding. 14 00:01:04,198 --> 00:01:06,733 It turns out they got a 45-minute layover at j.F.K. 15 00:01:06,800 --> 00:01:08,634 So we're gonna drive out and see them. 16 00:01:08,702 --> 00:01:10,503 Doug, even if I wasn't really busy today, 17 00:01:10,571 --> 00:01:12,205 that sounds like a big pain in the ass. 18 00:01:12,273 --> 00:01:13,740 Hey, come on, it's my parents. 19 00:01:13,807 --> 00:01:15,541 I know and I love them, believe me. 20 00:01:15,609 --> 00:01:17,510 It's just the drive there, find parking... 21 00:01:17,578 --> 00:01:19,980 A 45-minute visit is gonna take 4 hours. 22 00:01:20,047 --> 00:01:21,848 A 4-hour inconvenience with my parents 23 00:01:21,916 --> 00:01:24,885 as opposed to in my house always. 24 00:01:28,822 --> 00:01:31,024 Doug, you may have never made a better point. 25 00:01:31,092 --> 00:01:32,825 Hmm. Yeah. 26 00:01:32,894 --> 00:01:34,838 Dad, we're gonna have to move your haircut appointment today. 27 00:01:34,862 --> 00:01:36,263 I'm sorry. What? Why? 28 00:01:36,330 --> 00:01:37,864 Doug's parents are coming into town. 29 00:01:37,932 --> 00:01:39,766 Well, well, well, stop the world. 30 00:01:39,833 --> 00:01:43,303 The Heffernans have deigned to grace us with their presence. 31 00:01:43,371 --> 00:01:45,838 Would you stop. They are very nice people. 32 00:01:45,907 --> 00:01:47,874 Yeah, well I'm down here in the trenches, 33 00:01:47,942 --> 00:01:49,642 doing the heavy lifting of parenting, 34 00:01:49,710 --> 00:01:52,245 then they waltz into town and get all the glory. 35 00:01:52,313 --> 00:01:54,447 Yes, you're an unsung hero. 36 00:02:00,421 --> 00:02:02,455 Come on, I wanna meet them when they get off. 37 00:02:02,523 --> 00:02:04,925 I can't believe you made me change my haircut appointment. 38 00:02:04,992 --> 00:02:06,993 Dad we're taking you there right after this. 39 00:02:07,061 --> 00:02:09,629 And listen, you're not the only one who had to move stuff, ok? 40 00:02:09,696 --> 00:02:11,932 I had to change my manicure to 6:00. 41 00:02:11,999 --> 00:02:14,401 And I had to cancel the toes, all right? 42 00:02:14,468 --> 00:02:17,437 So suck it up, we're doing this for Doug's parents. 43 00:02:17,504 --> 00:02:20,673 Yeah, well while we're at it, why don't we tweak the earth's axis 44 00:02:20,741 --> 00:02:23,509 to make the weather more pleasant for them. 45 00:02:25,679 --> 00:02:27,880 Do you think my mom'll bring her lemon squares? 46 00:02:27,949 --> 00:02:29,449 Has she ever not? 47 00:02:29,516 --> 00:02:30,450 No. 48 00:02:30,517 --> 00:02:31,851 No, she always does. 49 00:02:31,919 --> 00:02:33,886 Just gonna get a drink of water. 50 00:02:33,955 --> 00:02:35,822 Come on, Arthur, can't you grab it later? 51 00:02:35,889 --> 00:02:38,124 Hold your horses, I'm thirsty. 52 00:02:40,428 --> 00:02:42,628 What the hell just happened? 53 00:02:42,696 --> 00:02:44,464 Oh, that was good water. 54 00:02:48,035 --> 00:02:50,203 Check it, make him check it. 55 00:02:51,605 --> 00:02:53,440 Ok, you know what, it's not working, guy. 56 00:02:53,507 --> 00:02:55,942 You got to... it's too big. You got to check the bag. 57 00:02:56,010 --> 00:02:58,044 No, you got to check it, you got to check it. 58 00:02:58,112 --> 00:02:59,912 All right here you go. 59 00:03:00,581 --> 00:03:01,581 Sorry. 60 00:03:04,585 --> 00:03:06,386 Oh, good, the doors aren't even open yet. 61 00:03:06,454 --> 00:03:08,054 See we didn't miss bupkiss. 62 00:03:08,122 --> 00:03:10,790 The further you go, the behinder he gets. 63 00:03:14,928 --> 00:03:16,396 Can I borrow the pen? 64 00:03:18,599 --> 00:03:19,765 What're you doing? 65 00:03:19,833 --> 00:03:21,667 Just shut-y and watch-y. 66 00:03:24,805 --> 00:03:25,805 Thanks. 67 00:03:28,842 --> 00:03:32,479 Ok, I'm not gonna lie to you Doug, it's border line embarrassing 68 00:03:32,546 --> 00:03:34,847 you're kidding me, this is gonna go over huge. 69 00:03:41,688 --> 00:03:42,755 Is that them? 70 00:03:43,657 --> 00:03:44,657 No. 71 00:03:47,495 --> 00:03:48,561 My arm hurts. 72 00:03:53,367 --> 00:03:55,301 You know, it's ok to let this thing go. 73 00:03:57,071 --> 00:03:58,704 It's gonna be hilarious. 74 00:04:00,041 --> 00:04:02,042 Carrie, Doug, Arthur. 75 00:04:02,109 --> 00:04:03,376 Hi. 76 00:04:03,444 --> 00:04:06,479 Excuse me are you, uh, "mom and dad." 77 00:04:06,547 --> 00:04:07,713 What's this for? 78 00:04:07,781 --> 00:04:09,249 It's like when you get a limo. 79 00:04:09,316 --> 00:04:11,476 You got a limo? Oh, Doug, I hope you didn't get a limo. 80 00:04:11,519 --> 00:04:14,054 We got a connecting flight, you told him it was just a layover. 81 00:04:14,121 --> 00:04:15,522 Well, of course, I did. 82 00:04:15,589 --> 00:04:16,956 Why do you waste a $100 on a limo? 83 00:04:17,024 --> 00:04:18,858 I didn't get one. We just don't have the time. 84 00:04:18,926 --> 00:04:20,493 Ok, here's what's going on here. 85 00:04:20,561 --> 00:04:22,939 Doug thought it would be cute to pretend he was a limo driver. 86 00:04:22,963 --> 00:04:25,365 There's no car. Everything's fine, the joke didn't land. 87 00:04:25,433 --> 00:04:27,300 So lets all hug and say hi now. 88 00:04:29,770 --> 00:04:30,937 My baby. 89 00:04:31,004 --> 00:04:32,738 The same Dougie boy, eh? 90 00:04:32,806 --> 00:04:34,907 Hello, Arthur. 91 00:04:36,477 --> 00:04:39,212 I brought a couple of goodies from the sunshine state. 92 00:04:39,280 --> 00:04:42,248 There's a little something for everyone. Ah, that's so nice. 93 00:04:42,316 --> 00:04:45,185 For Carrie, from my favorite store at the bulk & more. 94 00:04:45,252 --> 00:04:48,455 Oh, this is great. 95 00:04:48,522 --> 00:04:50,490 Ok, I'll just wear both. Here you go. 96 00:04:50,558 --> 00:04:51,558 Thank you. 97 00:04:51,625 --> 00:04:54,594 So, uh, why aren't I eating a lemon square? 98 00:04:54,661 --> 00:04:58,064 Oh, my God, I'm so sorry, I forgot. 99 00:04:59,467 --> 00:05:00,467 Just kidding. 100 00:05:03,504 --> 00:05:04,670 Don't do that, ok? 101 00:05:04,738 --> 00:05:06,038 Give me that. After lunch. 102 00:05:06,107 --> 00:05:07,240 Give me 'em. 103 00:05:07,308 --> 00:05:09,109 Hey, hey, good to see you, Spooner. 104 00:05:09,176 --> 00:05:12,579 Heffernan. Got a little something for you, too. Real deal. 105 00:05:12,646 --> 00:05:14,481 Cuba no. 106 00:05:14,548 --> 00:05:16,882 Enjoy it, on me. 107 00:05:20,787 --> 00:05:22,054 And so it begins. 108 00:05:26,660 --> 00:05:28,328 Your sister's gonna make it? 109 00:05:28,395 --> 00:05:30,830 She said she'll try, she's reffing a girl's soccer game. 110 00:05:30,897 --> 00:05:32,865 Oh, that's a good way to meet a man. 111 00:05:32,933 --> 00:05:35,535 Well, since we don't have much time... 112 00:05:35,603 --> 00:05:39,038 Yes, the dreaded to-do file. 113 00:05:39,106 --> 00:05:41,207 Just a couple of things. 114 00:05:41,275 --> 00:05:44,377 We're not gonna see you on your birthday, so we goy you an early card. 115 00:05:44,445 --> 00:05:45,612 Happy 30 bump bumps. 116 00:05:48,215 --> 00:05:50,850 Hey, a $100 bill. 117 00:05:50,917 --> 00:05:53,219 Hey much nicer than the $50 you gave me last year 118 00:05:53,287 --> 00:05:55,121 I told you, you only gave him $50. 119 00:05:55,189 --> 00:05:57,323 Too late, this is now the minimum. 120 00:05:57,391 --> 00:05:59,492 So, come on, how about giving me a lemon square, huh? 121 00:05:59,560 --> 00:06:01,794 Well, just one. I don't wanna spoil your appetite. 122 00:06:01,862 --> 00:06:03,296 Yet to happen. 123 00:06:07,635 --> 00:06:09,169 Something's... something's different. 124 00:06:10,404 --> 00:06:12,639 Since we're now in Florida, I'm using real lemons 125 00:06:12,706 --> 00:06:15,007 instead of that fake bottle stuff. 126 00:06:23,417 --> 00:06:24,917 What's the matter with you? 127 00:06:24,985 --> 00:06:27,953 I wasn't told there'll be gift giving. 128 00:06:28,021 --> 00:06:30,790 Dad, it was just a nice gesture. 129 00:06:30,857 --> 00:06:33,426 Yeah, well, I'm familiar with that gesture. 130 00:06:33,494 --> 00:06:36,396 It means I'm nothing and they're aristocrats. 131 00:06:36,463 --> 00:06:38,598 Joe owned a hardware store. 132 00:06:38,666 --> 00:06:40,900 Did you see how he shoved the cigar down my pocket? 133 00:06:40,967 --> 00:06:43,002 Like he was tipping a bellhop. 134 00:06:43,070 --> 00:06:44,404 I can't even stand looking at it. 135 00:06:44,471 --> 00:06:47,907 All right, well, great, now you don't have to. 136 00:06:47,974 --> 00:06:49,209 What else here? 137 00:06:51,412 --> 00:06:53,779 This cartoon reminded me of you, sweety. 138 00:06:55,082 --> 00:06:57,983 You see, the dog is driving a truck just like you do 139 00:07:01,522 --> 00:07:04,524 oh, yeah, I'll put it with the others. 140 00:07:04,592 --> 00:07:06,759 Well, what's, uh, what's this? 141 00:07:06,827 --> 00:07:08,861 Oh, just some papers we ned you to sign. 142 00:07:10,731 --> 00:07:12,265 A living will? 143 00:07:12,333 --> 00:07:14,133 It just says if ever there's a problem, 144 00:07:14,201 --> 00:07:16,035 that you shouldn't use any artificial means 145 00:07:16,103 --> 00:07:18,605 to keep your dad and me alive. 146 00:07:18,672 --> 00:07:22,642 Is there a reason the cartoon is attached to it, or... 147 00:07:22,710 --> 00:07:25,478 No, I was just saving a staple. 148 00:07:25,546 --> 00:07:27,580 You sign right here beside the sticker. 149 00:07:27,648 --> 00:07:30,483 And then your initial right there 150 00:07:30,551 --> 00:07:32,818 next to the section about comas. 151 00:07:35,389 --> 00:07:37,990 Oh, we'd better go to the bathroom before the food comes. 152 00:07:38,058 --> 00:07:39,225 How do you know I have to go? 153 00:07:39,293 --> 00:07:40,627 I'm sure you have to go. 154 00:07:41,928 --> 00:07:43,263 She's right. 155 00:07:53,490 --> 00:07:55,758 Those Heffernans always trying to show me up. 156 00:07:55,825 --> 00:07:57,360 You know when it started, don't you? 157 00:07:57,427 --> 00:07:59,428 The day I let them pay for your wedding. 158 00:07:59,496 --> 00:08:01,497 Dad, don't start with that now, please. 159 00:08:01,565 --> 00:08:03,766 You were out of a job, they did a very nice thing. 160 00:08:03,833 --> 00:08:05,834 Yes, but did it have to be so lavish? 161 00:08:05,902 --> 00:08:10,139 Oh, sure, everybody's got to have a glass of champagne. 162 00:08:10,206 --> 00:08:13,876 You already made your feelings very clear on our wedding video. 163 00:08:13,943 --> 00:08:16,879 Well, they're not the only ones who can give flashy gifts. 164 00:08:16,946 --> 00:08:18,914 Dad, you don't have to buy them anything. 165 00:08:18,982 --> 00:08:21,651 Yes I do. Today I even the score. 166 00:08:21,718 --> 00:08:25,388 Although I am a bit short on cash. 167 00:08:25,455 --> 00:08:28,857 Darling, uh, would you mind floating me over a few balloons? 168 00:08:28,925 --> 00:08:29,825 No. 169 00:08:29,893 --> 00:08:30,926 Come on. No. 170 00:08:30,994 --> 00:08:32,728 Dad, I-I'm paying for the food 171 00:08:32,796 --> 00:08:35,731 and the rest I'm saving for something not insane. 172 00:08:35,799 --> 00:08:38,934 Fine. I gave you life. Whatever. 173 00:08:41,738 --> 00:08:44,774 Douglas, quick. I need to borrow some cash. 174 00:08:44,841 --> 00:08:47,176 I only got like $10 on me. 175 00:08:47,243 --> 00:08:49,445 Well, what have we here, a c-note? 176 00:08:49,513 --> 00:08:51,514 Oh, yeah. I forgot about that. 177 00:08:51,581 --> 00:08:54,317 But you know I'm good for it. 178 00:08:54,384 --> 00:08:56,985 Hey, there goes a crap load of burgers. 179 00:08:58,588 --> 00:09:00,956 Hey, where is everyone? 180 00:09:01,024 --> 00:09:02,458 Look at this thing. 181 00:09:02,526 --> 00:09:04,727 Look at what my parents gave me to sign. Look at that. 182 00:09:04,795 --> 00:09:05,861 A living will? 183 00:09:05,929 --> 00:09:07,129 Yeah, look at this. 184 00:09:07,197 --> 00:09:09,432 I get to be the conservator of their person. 185 00:09:09,499 --> 00:09:12,968 Which basically means if they stub their toe, I fly in and waste them. 186 00:09:13,036 --> 00:09:15,938 All right, calm down. We do these at the law firm all the time 187 00:09:16,005 --> 00:09:17,206 it's actually a good idea. 188 00:09:17,273 --> 00:09:18,674 It's a terrible idea. 189 00:09:18,742 --> 00:09:20,376 Look at this. 190 00:09:20,444 --> 00:09:22,522 Look they checked "do not resuscitate" on every thing. 191 00:09:22,546 --> 00:09:24,313 It's like they can't die fast enough. 192 00:09:24,381 --> 00:09:26,014 Doug, it's not that they wanna die. 193 00:09:26,082 --> 00:09:28,384 It's just that they're trying to plan for the future. 194 00:09:28,452 --> 00:09:31,153 You know, in the off chance if they're ever in a... 195 00:09:31,221 --> 00:09:32,888 Vegetative state. 196 00:09:32,956 --> 00:09:35,991 Vegetative state! They were just supposed to bring me lemon squares. 197 00:09:36,059 --> 00:09:37,860 Ok. I know this is stressful, 198 00:09:37,927 --> 00:09:41,029 but it's what they want. 199 00:09:41,097 --> 00:09:43,532 Did you, uh, sign one of these for your dad? 200 00:09:43,600 --> 00:09:49,538 Actually he checked "yes" to anything they could do to keep him alive. 201 00:09:49,606 --> 00:09:53,509 I think he even wrote in something about freezing his head. 202 00:09:58,114 --> 00:10:01,384 Hello, my good man, I'm in the market for some high-end gifts. 203 00:10:01,451 --> 00:10:04,620 Give me your most expensive whisky and your finest perfume. 204 00:10:04,688 --> 00:10:05,954 All righty, coming up. 205 00:10:06,022 --> 00:10:09,024 "International duty free shop." 206 00:10:09,092 --> 00:10:12,461 So tell me are we currently standing on American soil 207 00:10:12,529 --> 00:10:14,663 or are we in some sort of a border less limbo? 208 00:10:15,799 --> 00:10:16,932 Uh, it's America. 209 00:10:18,502 --> 00:10:20,135 That'll be $423. 210 00:10:20,203 --> 00:10:22,070 Uh-huh, ok, plan b. 211 00:10:22,138 --> 00:10:24,973 Lets go down to your 4th best in both categories. 212 00:10:25,041 --> 00:10:26,041 Sure. 213 00:10:26,976 --> 00:10:29,478 And what flight are you on? 214 00:10:29,546 --> 00:10:31,847 That's none of your affair. 215 00:10:31,915 --> 00:10:35,083 You can't buy duty free unless you're on an international flight. 216 00:10:35,151 --> 00:10:36,952 I see, well, in that case, 217 00:10:37,020 --> 00:10:39,722 I'm on b.O.A.C. Flight 1 en route to constantinople. 218 00:10:41,124 --> 00:10:42,491 I'll need to see a ticket. 219 00:10:42,559 --> 00:10:44,960 I must have left it in my attache case. 220 00:10:45,028 --> 00:10:48,431 I'm sorry, I can't sell this to you without a ticket. 221 00:10:48,498 --> 00:10:51,166 Let me ask you this. 222 00:10:51,234 --> 00:10:54,570 Were I traveling abroad, what would my total have been? 223 00:10:55,539 --> 00:10:57,706 $97.50. 224 00:10:59,242 --> 00:11:04,379 I have in my hand a crisp $100 bill. 225 00:11:04,448 --> 00:11:07,650 What if I left the change on the counter and just walked away? 226 00:11:11,154 --> 00:11:13,055 Come on, it's a $300 travel voucher. 227 00:11:13,122 --> 00:11:14,623 And we'll still get there. 228 00:11:14,691 --> 00:11:16,391 I don't want to do it. 229 00:11:16,460 --> 00:11:17,693 What's going on? 230 00:11:17,761 --> 00:11:19,361 Oh, they overbooked a flight to Montreal. 231 00:11:19,395 --> 00:11:21,697 Now they're offering to bump people on to the next flight. 232 00:11:21,765 --> 00:11:23,499 And they hand us free money. 233 00:11:23,567 --> 00:11:25,701 It's ridiculous! We're flying to a wedding. 234 00:11:25,769 --> 00:11:27,603 We're not gonna miss the rehearsal dinner. 235 00:11:27,671 --> 00:11:30,072 I don't give a crap about this girl's rehearsal dinner. 236 00:11:30,139 --> 00:11:33,676 I'd much rather spend the next 4 hours right here with you kids. 237 00:11:33,743 --> 00:11:35,611 Cool. 238 00:11:35,679 --> 00:11:38,681 Oh, I don't know. What do you two think? 239 00:11:38,748 --> 00:11:41,383 Um, actually, you know what? 240 00:11:41,451 --> 00:11:43,051 Rehearsal dinners are very important. 241 00:11:43,119 --> 00:11:45,554 A friend missed ours, and I, I really hate her now. 242 00:11:47,190 --> 00:11:49,692 Thank you. Fine. 243 00:11:49,759 --> 00:11:51,760 You signed those papers yet, honey? 244 00:11:51,828 --> 00:11:54,797 Uh, you know what? I'm gonna hold on to these 245 00:11:54,865 --> 00:11:56,699 and have my guy take a look at 'em. 246 00:11:56,766 --> 00:11:59,067 You have a guy now? 247 00:11:59,135 --> 00:12:01,871 Yeah, I have a guy. He looks over things. 248 00:12:01,938 --> 00:12:03,706 What is he, a lawyer? Kinda. 249 00:12:03,773 --> 00:12:06,074 You always used our guy! When did you get a guy? 250 00:12:06,142 --> 00:12:08,110 Actually, I've had one for a while now. 251 00:12:08,177 --> 00:12:09,612 What's the matter with Dan? 252 00:12:09,679 --> 00:12:12,715 I've know Dan for 27 years. What am I gonna tell Dan when he asks? 253 00:12:12,782 --> 00:12:14,783 I don't care what you tell Dan, ok? 254 00:12:14,851 --> 00:12:17,085 You know, you fly in here on a 45-minute layover, 255 00:12:17,153 --> 00:12:18,921 and you spring your death warrants on me, 256 00:12:18,989 --> 00:12:21,857 stapled to a wizard of ID cartoon! 257 00:12:23,059 --> 00:12:24,894 You know, this is crazy! I'm not signing. 258 00:12:24,961 --> 00:12:25,961 Enjoy your comas. 259 00:12:26,029 --> 00:12:28,864 You're gonna be in them for quite some time. 260 00:12:37,339 --> 00:12:40,108 Ha! Why couldn't the Knicks get Shaq? 261 00:12:40,176 --> 00:12:42,377 Well, if they let me run that team for one year... 262 00:12:42,444 --> 00:12:43,679 Dad, if you ran the team, 263 00:12:43,746 --> 00:12:47,315 there'd be 87 players on a billion-dollar payroll. 264 00:12:47,383 --> 00:12:49,284 And a championship, son. 265 00:12:49,852 --> 00:12:51,053 Right. 266 00:12:51,120 --> 00:12:52,754 Look, we don't get to see you that much. 267 00:12:52,822 --> 00:12:54,723 Um, sorry this turned into a whole thing. 268 00:12:54,791 --> 00:12:56,457 Yeah, not our... Not our best visit. 269 00:12:56,525 --> 00:12:58,560 Well, we should have known you might feel that way. 270 00:12:58,627 --> 00:12:59,895 I remember how upset you were 271 00:12:59,962 --> 00:13:02,002 when you had to take your pet Guinea pig to the vet, 272 00:13:02,031 --> 00:13:03,198 to put him to sleep. 273 00:13:03,265 --> 00:13:06,068 Hey, mork still had some good years left! 274 00:13:06,135 --> 00:13:08,570 He was blind, and his kidneys were shot. 275 00:13:08,637 --> 00:13:11,272 He had more time. 276 00:13:13,475 --> 00:13:15,744 Look, we got to start boarding in like 20 minutes. 277 00:13:15,812 --> 00:13:18,580 I don't want to leave without getting this settled. 278 00:13:18,647 --> 00:13:20,348 All right. 279 00:13:20,416 --> 00:13:22,818 I'm gonna work with you here. 280 00:13:22,885 --> 00:13:24,920 What are you most uncomfortable with? 281 00:13:24,987 --> 00:13:27,589 We're not married to all of these. 282 00:13:27,656 --> 00:13:29,991 I don't know, how about like... like this one here? 283 00:13:30,059 --> 00:13:32,194 "If I have no reasonable hope for normal functioning, 284 00:13:32,261 --> 00:13:34,495 "withhold life-sustaining treatment, including nutrition 285 00:13:34,563 --> 00:13:35,697 and anyhydration." 286 00:13:35,765 --> 00:13:37,032 "X" that one out. 287 00:13:37,100 --> 00:13:38,266 We can't lose that. 288 00:13:38,334 --> 00:13:39,935 We might as well drop the whole thing! 289 00:13:40,002 --> 00:13:41,569 What else? 290 00:13:41,637 --> 00:13:43,438 All right, then, fine. How about this one? 291 00:13:43,505 --> 00:13:46,007 "Turning off the respirator." 292 00:13:46,075 --> 00:13:48,176 Nah, your mother's got her heart set on that one. 293 00:13:48,244 --> 00:13:49,878 Well, you're not working with me here! 294 00:13:49,946 --> 00:13:50,946 Don't yell at me, Dougie. 295 00:13:51,013 --> 00:13:53,215 This wasn't my idea in the first place. 296 00:13:53,282 --> 00:13:55,516 What are you... What are you saying? 297 00:13:55,584 --> 00:13:58,453 I'm saying this is really your mother's baby. 298 00:13:59,555 --> 00:14:01,957 Do you even want to do this? 299 00:14:02,024 --> 00:14:04,826 I guess I could either way. 300 00:14:04,894 --> 00:14:08,296 But it'd be a whole big thing with your mother. 301 00:14:08,364 --> 00:14:10,531 So you'd rather die instead of having 302 00:14:10,599 --> 00:14:12,868 an awkward conversation with mom? 303 00:14:17,439 --> 00:14:19,607 I just don't want any trouble. 304 00:14:21,110 --> 00:14:23,745 I'm sorry we dragged you out to hear a Heffernan fight. 305 00:14:23,813 --> 00:14:26,414 I'm sure you had much better things to do with your day. 306 00:14:26,482 --> 00:14:30,518 Oh, no! It's... it's... It's... it's... it's, uh... 307 00:14:30,586 --> 00:14:31,920 It's... 308 00:14:31,988 --> 00:14:33,588 No! No, no, no. 309 00:14:33,656 --> 00:14:35,257 Mom, dad has something to say to you. 310 00:14:35,324 --> 00:14:36,424 I do not. 311 00:14:36,492 --> 00:14:38,260 Tell her what you said back there! 312 00:14:38,327 --> 00:14:41,663 I tell him you grow more beautiful with each passing year. 313 00:14:41,730 --> 00:14:43,765 No, no! He said he doesn't want a living will. 314 00:14:43,833 --> 00:14:45,066 He doesn't want to do this. 315 00:14:45,134 --> 00:14:46,134 You said that? 316 00:14:46,202 --> 00:14:47,568 I said nothing of the kind. 317 00:14:47,636 --> 00:14:49,271 I very much want to die. 318 00:14:49,338 --> 00:14:50,738 Look, now he can't say it! 319 00:14:50,807 --> 00:14:53,275 Look, you... I'm not signing it and you can't make me. 320 00:14:53,342 --> 00:14:54,475 Ok, guys, I made it. 321 00:14:54,543 --> 00:14:55,743 Hey, kiddo! 322 00:14:57,413 --> 00:14:58,613 What's going on? 323 00:14:58,681 --> 00:15:00,448 Mom and dad want me to kill 'em. 324 00:15:00,516 --> 00:15:02,784 What? 325 00:15:02,852 --> 00:15:05,586 We said we want your brother to sign a little piece of paper 326 00:15:05,654 --> 00:15:07,722 in case we ever get very sick. 327 00:15:07,790 --> 00:15:08,890 Hello. 328 00:15:08,958 --> 00:15:10,625 Am I supposed to sign it too? 329 00:15:10,693 --> 00:15:12,794 Actually, no, honey. Just Doug. 330 00:15:12,862 --> 00:15:14,896 W-Why just Doug? 331 00:15:14,964 --> 00:15:17,532 We only needed one of you to sign it. 332 00:15:17,599 --> 00:15:19,267 Then why don't I just sign it? 333 00:15:19,335 --> 00:15:23,104 Well, because we just wanted Doug to sign it. 334 00:15:23,172 --> 00:15:25,640 Honey, you know, he's married. 335 00:15:25,708 --> 00:15:27,542 He's settled. We know where he is. 336 00:15:27,609 --> 00:15:28,877 And you don't know where I am? 337 00:15:28,945 --> 00:15:31,146 It's just that first you were in buffalo, 338 00:15:31,214 --> 00:15:34,549 and... and... and then you're back here in queens, and... 339 00:15:34,616 --> 00:15:37,585 It's called moving! I did it once. 340 00:15:37,653 --> 00:15:39,454 Honey, it's just... If you were married 341 00:15:39,521 --> 00:15:42,324 and settled down, or even had a boyfriend, 342 00:15:42,391 --> 00:15:44,692 or a partner of some sort. 343 00:15:44,760 --> 00:15:46,962 What is that supposed to mean? 344 00:15:47,029 --> 00:15:49,664 Darling, you're a single girl wearing a referee's costume. 345 00:15:49,732 --> 00:15:51,967 What are we supposed to think? 346 00:15:52,034 --> 00:15:54,970 Look, it's her life. Let her do what she wants. 347 00:15:55,037 --> 00:15:56,972 Please, let me sign this. 348 00:15:57,940 --> 00:15:59,074 You're not signing it. 349 00:15:59,141 --> 00:16:00,441 This is so typical. 350 00:16:00,509 --> 00:16:02,010 Doug got the bedroom in the attic. 351 00:16:02,078 --> 00:16:03,378 Doug got the car. 352 00:16:03,445 --> 00:16:07,648 Doug gets to pull the plug. He gets to do everything! 353 00:16:07,716 --> 00:16:09,817 Joe, it's obvious we're not gonna settle this 354 00:16:09,886 --> 00:16:10,886 in the next 10 minutes. 355 00:16:10,953 --> 00:16:13,021 Let's take that later flight. 356 00:16:13,089 --> 00:16:17,592 Doug, I have a 6:00 manicure with Denise. 357 00:16:17,659 --> 00:16:19,861 She's very hard to get. 358 00:16:19,929 --> 00:16:21,296 Let Steph sign it. 359 00:16:21,364 --> 00:16:22,463 No. 360 00:16:22,531 --> 00:16:24,366 Come on, Doug. This could be good for her. 361 00:16:24,433 --> 00:16:25,466 Throw her a bone. 362 00:16:25,534 --> 00:16:27,002 No! 363 00:16:27,069 --> 00:16:28,947 Joe, see if you can change our flight, would you? 364 00:16:28,971 --> 00:16:31,350 You know what, you know, let me... let me, yeah, let me do this. 365 00:16:31,374 --> 00:16:33,708 You guys, you keep talking. You're making progress here. 366 00:16:33,776 --> 00:16:35,043 Oh, ok! Thank you, honey. 367 00:16:35,111 --> 00:16:36,778 No problem. Later flight, coming up. 368 00:16:42,318 --> 00:16:44,652 You're going. Oh, you're going now. 369 00:16:46,422 --> 00:16:48,023 How about this? 370 00:16:48,090 --> 00:16:49,634 How about we put these papers away for 10, 15 years? 371 00:16:49,658 --> 00:16:51,159 And then I'll be happy to sign them. 372 00:16:51,227 --> 00:16:52,493 I'm ready to sign them anytime. 373 00:16:52,561 --> 00:16:54,062 Just back off, Steph. 374 00:16:54,130 --> 00:16:56,831 Well, we're not going anywhere until this is settled. 375 00:16:59,601 --> 00:17:01,069 I hope Carrie's getting somewhere 376 00:17:01,137 --> 00:17:02,737 with the other flight. 377 00:17:15,985 --> 00:17:18,719 Come on, Doug. We love you. We ask so little of you. 378 00:17:18,787 --> 00:17:21,089 It's just a piece of paper. Do us a favor. 379 00:17:21,157 --> 00:17:22,157 No, I'm not signing it. 380 00:17:22,224 --> 00:17:24,092 Just sign it! Uh-uh. 381 00:17:24,160 --> 00:17:27,095 Why are you making this such a big giant thing? 382 00:17:27,163 --> 00:17:28,896 Becau... because you... 383 00:17:30,032 --> 00:17:31,333 I don't know, I mean... 384 00:17:31,400 --> 00:17:33,701 All of a sudden everything's different. 385 00:17:33,769 --> 00:17:34,769 What do you mean? 386 00:17:34,837 --> 00:17:36,204 I mean, dad, I-look at you, dad. 387 00:17:36,272 --> 00:17:37,705 I mean, your hair is totally gray. 388 00:17:37,773 --> 00:17:39,740 You're not even using just for men anymore. 389 00:17:39,808 --> 00:17:40,942 It's like you don't care. 390 00:17:41,743 --> 00:17:42,777 And mom? 391 00:17:42,845 --> 00:17:45,680 Real lemons in the lemon squares? 392 00:17:45,747 --> 00:17:48,683 Why would you ever mess with that? 393 00:17:48,750 --> 00:17:52,053 Look, Doug, things can't stay the same forever. 394 00:17:53,822 --> 00:17:55,156 I... I know. I... 395 00:17:58,260 --> 00:17:59,294 Look at that. 396 00:17:59,362 --> 00:18:01,096 Just a second ago, that was me. 397 00:18:01,163 --> 00:18:02,830 Huh? Remember that? 398 00:18:02,898 --> 00:18:05,066 This guy right here was me. 399 00:18:05,134 --> 00:18:06,634 Remember my face? 400 00:18:06,702 --> 00:18:08,803 My pudgy little pie-stained- from-McDonald's face. 401 00:18:08,871 --> 00:18:10,505 Remember the chunkiness? 402 00:18:11,440 --> 00:18:13,108 Where did it go? 403 00:18:13,175 --> 00:18:15,143 Look, we're just trying to go to Disney world. 404 00:18:15,211 --> 00:18:17,778 Oh, that is so great! See? 405 00:18:17,846 --> 00:18:19,047 Get him a hat. 406 00:18:27,589 --> 00:18:29,357 You really... 407 00:18:29,425 --> 00:18:31,126 You really want me to sign it? 408 00:18:32,361 --> 00:18:33,661 Yes, we do. 409 00:18:35,564 --> 00:18:37,932 All right, give me the papers. I'll sign it. 410 00:18:39,468 --> 00:18:40,902 Thank you, dear. 411 00:18:40,969 --> 00:18:42,747 Yeah, but you gotta go back to using fake juice 412 00:18:42,771 --> 00:18:43,971 in the lemon squares, right? 413 00:18:44,040 --> 00:18:45,073 You got it. 414 00:18:45,141 --> 00:18:46,908 Yeah, 'cause that's a deal-breaker. 415 00:18:46,975 --> 00:18:48,809 I come bearing gifts. 416 00:18:50,212 --> 00:18:51,346 What? 417 00:18:51,414 --> 00:18:54,382 As patriarch of the Spooner-Heffernan clan, 418 00:18:54,450 --> 00:18:57,118 I thought I'd commemorate the time we spent together. 419 00:18:57,186 --> 00:18:59,220 No strings attached. 420 00:18:59,288 --> 00:19:02,723 Arthur, you didn't have to. It was totally unnecessary. 421 00:19:02,791 --> 00:19:04,792 For Janet, the largest 422 00:19:04,860 --> 00:19:06,994 big apple snow-globe on the market. 423 00:19:08,297 --> 00:19:09,730 Fine, 424 00:19:09,798 --> 00:19:11,199 thank you. 425 00:19:11,267 --> 00:19:12,567 And for Joe, 426 00:19:12,634 --> 00:19:15,736 lady liberty in 2 sizes, whatever works for your decor. 427 00:19:16,838 --> 00:19:18,206 And you can Duke it out 428 00:19:18,274 --> 00:19:20,508 over an assortment of refreshing velamints, 429 00:19:20,576 --> 00:19:22,643 a sparkle pen, and the latest page-Turner 430 00:19:22,711 --> 00:19:24,479 from Mr. Ken follet. 431 00:19:25,481 --> 00:19:27,282 Well, thank you, Arthur. 432 00:19:27,349 --> 00:19:29,084 That's what you spent the $100 on? 433 00:19:29,151 --> 00:19:30,385 That was my birthday gift. 434 00:19:30,453 --> 00:19:31,586 Wait, you bought all these 435 00:19:31,653 --> 00:19:33,421 with the money we gave to Doug? 436 00:19:33,489 --> 00:19:35,457 So it's like we bought our own gifts? 437 00:19:35,524 --> 00:19:36,991 Oh, that's funny! 438 00:19:38,127 --> 00:19:39,127 Thank you, Joe. 439 00:19:39,195 --> 00:19:41,096 Thank you, Janet. 440 00:19:41,163 --> 00:19:42,230 Son of a bitch! 441 00:19:44,733 --> 00:19:47,735 Bad news. I cannot get you guys on a later flight. 442 00:19:47,803 --> 00:19:51,072 And I... I fought with the man. He was very rude. 443 00:19:51,873 --> 00:19:52,974 Everything is fine. 444 00:19:53,041 --> 00:19:54,942 Doug signed the papers. We're good to go. 445 00:19:55,010 --> 00:19:56,644 Oh! Then it all worked out. 446 00:19:56,712 --> 00:19:58,079 Ok, we should board. 447 00:19:58,147 --> 00:20:00,815 If we want an overhead bin, we're already on the bubble. 448 00:20:00,882 --> 00:20:02,350 Sorry about all this, kitten. 449 00:20:02,418 --> 00:20:05,286 Oh! Bye, dad. Mmm, it's great to see you. 450 00:20:05,354 --> 00:20:06,354 Well. 451 00:20:07,256 --> 00:20:08,789 Yup. 452 00:20:08,857 --> 00:20:11,192 Oh, I love you, baby. 453 00:20:11,260 --> 00:20:13,528 Sorry I got upset. I just love you both so much. 454 00:20:13,596 --> 00:20:16,797 Ok. People. Let's put wings on this credit crap. 455 00:20:16,865 --> 00:20:20,935 Bye-bye, darling. Bye-bye baby. 456 00:20:21,003 --> 00:20:24,639 Flight 714 has been delayed due to congestion in Montreal. 457 00:20:24,706 --> 00:20:26,874 We'll keep you updated as we get more information. 458 00:20:26,942 --> 00:20:27,975 Thank you. 459 00:20:34,750 --> 00:20:35,883 Hey. 460 00:20:51,467 --> 00:20:52,967 So, what else? 461 00:21:08,025 --> 00:21:09,659 Hold the Guinea pig higher, Doug. 462 00:21:09,727 --> 00:21:11,193 Ok. 463 00:21:11,261 --> 00:21:13,530 It's October 3, 1978, 464 00:21:13,597 --> 00:21:17,233 and we're presenting Doug and his sidekick, Mork. 465 00:21:17,301 --> 00:21:20,136 I love you, Mork, I love you. 466 00:21:31,081 --> 00:21:32,181 Doug, ok, Dougie. 467 00:21:33,551 --> 00:21:34,584 Calm down, Dougie! 468 00:21:36,587 --> 00:21:37,587 Dougie!