1
00:00:09,660 --> 00:00:12,996
Oh, my God! Oh, my God.

2
00:00:13,064 --> 00:00:16,366
Doug, what are you doing?
It's 5:30 in the morning.

3
00:00:16,434 --> 00:00:17,767
They closed down union turnpike.

4
00:00:17,835 --> 00:00:20,136
I gotta leave for work now if
I'm gonna beat the traffic.

5
00:00:20,204 --> 00:00:21,671
Just go to sleep. Go to sleep.

6
00:00:21,738 --> 00:00:24,007
Curl up like a baby bear.
There you go.

7
00:00:36,753 --> 00:00:38,788
Ok, shh. Settle down.

8
00:00:38,856 --> 00:00:40,256
Shh. I'm ok.

9
00:01:06,283 --> 00:01:08,518
Without waking up,

10
00:01:08,585 --> 00:01:11,021
do you have any idea where
my work shirt would be?

11
00:01:11,088 --> 00:01:12,555
Check the floor.

12
00:01:14,458 --> 00:01:17,093
I got it. I got it.
Go back to sleep.

13
00:01:17,161 --> 00:01:20,096
You're dreaming.
You're dreaming.

14
00:01:20,164 --> 00:01:24,401
You're rollerblading
naked with Tony Danza.

15
00:01:27,104 --> 00:01:29,005
Then you're ironing his shirt.

16
00:02:22,675 --> 00:02:23,675
Hey, Carrie.

17
00:02:23,743 --> 00:02:24,743
Oh, hey, Lou.

18
00:02:24,777 --> 00:02:26,078
What have you got there?

19
00:02:26,146 --> 00:02:28,914
Ah, I finally decided to
spring for an air conditioner.

20
00:02:28,982 --> 00:02:30,916
Between my dad and Doug,

21
00:02:30,984 --> 00:02:34,419
that living room can get pretty ripe
in August. You know what I'm sayin'?

22
00:02:34,487 --> 00:02:35,520
You need any help?

23
00:02:35,588 --> 00:02:37,890
Oh, no, I... I think I can...

24
00:02:37,958 --> 00:02:40,960
Actually, you're strong
for a living, right?

25
00:02:41,027 --> 00:02:42,027
I got it.

26
00:02:42,062 --> 00:02:44,363
Thanks. You got it?

27
00:02:51,938 --> 00:02:53,772
Where do you want it?

28
00:02:53,840 --> 00:02:55,551
Right there's fine. It's just
gonna go in that window.

29
00:02:55,575 --> 00:02:57,977
I could put it in for you.
I'm free all day tomorrow.

30
00:02:58,044 --> 00:03:00,379
Oh, no, no, no.
That's way too nice.

31
00:03:00,446 --> 00:03:01,981
Please, it's no problem.

32
00:03:02,048 --> 00:03:04,183
My God, you are
such a sweetheart.

33
00:03:04,251 --> 00:03:07,286
And listen, if there's ever
anything I can do for you...

34
00:03:07,354 --> 00:03:10,189
Can you get your husband
to stop making hulk jokes?

35
00:03:11,324 --> 00:03:13,558
I don't think so. I'm sorry.

36
00:03:15,762 --> 00:03:17,529
Although, there is one thing.

37
00:03:17,597 --> 00:03:19,198
You know what? I
shouldn't bother you.

38
00:03:19,266 --> 00:03:20,900
No, no. Come on,
come on, what is it?

39
00:03:20,967 --> 00:03:24,603
Well, my wife usually does it
for me, but she's out of town.

40
00:03:25,471 --> 00:03:26,471
Ok.

41
00:03:29,642 --> 00:03:31,243
No, nothing like that.

42
00:03:31,311 --> 00:03:33,913
It's just that I have to do a
posing at a gym opening next week,

43
00:03:33,980 --> 00:03:36,581
and it's a last-minute
thing, and, uh...

44
00:03:36,649 --> 00:03:38,083
And? Come on. What is it?

45
00:03:38,151 --> 00:03:40,585
Would you spread tanning
cream on my body?

46
00:03:51,764 --> 00:03:53,598
Attention. I.P.S.
Driver in the house.

47
00:03:53,666 --> 00:03:55,567
But don't worry,
I come in peace.

48
00:03:57,037 --> 00:03:59,204
Hey, I'm lookin'
for Chip Diggins?

49
00:03:59,272 --> 00:04:00,306
Thanks.

50
00:04:02,008 --> 00:04:04,576
Chip? Hey, man, I... I
got a package for you.

51
00:04:04,644 --> 00:04:07,012
Oh. Great.

52
00:04:07,080 --> 00:04:08,880
How's it feel to be
on the other side?

53
00:04:10,483 --> 00:04:12,028
You and I, we're... we're
used to givin' packages,

54
00:04:12,052 --> 00:04:14,586
but now you're gettin' one.

55
00:04:14,654 --> 00:04:17,323
Uh, it feels pretty
much like you'd expect.

56
00:04:17,390 --> 00:04:19,224
What, you never got a package?

57
00:04:20,260 --> 00:04:22,261
Just making conversation, guy.

58
00:04:24,264 --> 00:04:25,965
Doug!

59
00:04:26,032 --> 00:04:28,200
Mitch! Hey, man. I haven't
seen you since I.P.S.

60
00:04:28,268 --> 00:04:29,368
I know, I know.

61
00:04:29,436 --> 00:04:31,103
Clean up nice.

62
00:04:31,171 --> 00:04:32,949
Yeah, well, I'm in personnel now.
I gotta look my best.

63
00:04:32,973 --> 00:04:34,006
What brings you by?

64
00:04:34,074 --> 00:04:35,874
Oh, I just had a delivery.

65
00:04:35,942 --> 00:04:37,943
Really? Out here in the boonies?

66
00:04:38,011 --> 00:04:40,212
Can't believe they still
got you working zone 12.

67
00:04:40,280 --> 00:04:41,813
Yeah. Why?

68
00:04:41,881 --> 00:04:44,583
Well, it's just that you
were workin' zone 12

69
00:04:44,650 --> 00:04:46,251
when I left 2 years ago.

70
00:04:46,319 --> 00:04:49,688
You took some time off?
Were you injured?

71
00:04:49,755 --> 00:04:52,291
No, no. It's a tough route, but
they only give the tough routes

72
00:04:52,359 --> 00:04:53,758
to the tough
drivers, am I right?

73
00:04:53,826 --> 00:04:55,727
Why? You think I should
have a better route?

74
00:04:55,795 --> 00:04:57,429
I don't know. But I
tell you one thing,

75
00:04:57,497 --> 00:04:59,817
if you worked here, you'd write
your own ticket, my friend.

76
00:04:59,866 --> 00:05:00,503
Really?

77
00:05:00,528 --> 00:05:03,869
You kidding me? With your experience,
you'd be working Kew Gardens now.

78
00:05:03,936 --> 00:05:06,805
Kew Gardens? They got trees.

79
00:05:08,975 --> 00:05:11,143
Anyway, just one man's opinion.

80
00:05:11,211 --> 00:05:12,744
Ooh, Doug, love
to stay and chat,

81
00:05:12,812 --> 00:05:14,846
but Rodriguez ain't
gonna fire himself.

82
00:05:14,914 --> 00:05:16,815
Hey, it's good to see you.

83
00:05:17,683 --> 00:05:18,884
Have a mug.

84
00:05:27,994 --> 00:05:29,928
This is very sweet of you.

85
00:05:31,697 --> 00:05:33,832
Hey, it's what neighbors do.

86
00:05:35,902 --> 00:05:37,302
Don't forget my obliques.

87
00:05:37,370 --> 00:05:38,670
Ok, kitten.

88
00:05:41,341 --> 00:05:42,408
Hey.

89
00:05:52,585 --> 00:05:54,186
So, what's for dinner?

90
00:05:54,254 --> 00:05:57,489
I don't know, but whatever it is,
it's gonna have a gorgeous tan.

91
00:05:58,658 --> 00:06:01,393
What's the matter?

92
00:06:01,461 --> 00:06:04,329
All these years at I.P.S., I'm
still delivering in zone 12.

93
00:06:04,397 --> 00:06:05,397
So?

94
00:06:05,432 --> 00:06:07,766
12.

95
00:06:08,935 --> 00:06:09,935
12!

96
00:06:12,238 --> 00:06:15,907
I'm familiar with the
number, but why is it bad?

97
00:06:15,975 --> 00:06:17,309
Because it's the crap zone.

98
00:06:17,377 --> 00:06:20,079
It's far away, it's
full of potholes,

99
00:06:20,146 --> 00:06:22,047
there's hookers on every corner.

100
00:06:22,115 --> 00:06:25,284
P.S., most of them
are pretty skanky.

101
00:06:25,351 --> 00:06:27,719
Honey, you've had this
same route for years.

102
00:06:27,787 --> 00:06:29,455
What's the deal today?

103
00:06:29,522 --> 00:06:30,866
The deal is, I ran into
an old friend of mine

104
00:06:30,890 --> 00:06:33,058
who works in personnel at Fedex.

105
00:06:33,126 --> 00:06:35,671
You know what he told me? If I was over
there, I could write my own ticket.

106
00:06:35,695 --> 00:06:38,363
My own ticket. I never
had my own ticket!

107
00:06:38,431 --> 00:06:40,265
Really? That's... that's great.

108
00:06:40,333 --> 00:06:41,967
It's just not fair, you know?

109
00:06:42,034 --> 00:06:45,337
I'm at I.P.S. 8 years, and they
still treat me like a pack mule.

110
00:06:45,405 --> 00:06:46,838
You know, I'm at
Fedex 5 minutes,

111
00:06:46,906 --> 00:06:48,474
they treat me like
a valuable person,

112
00:06:48,541 --> 00:06:50,542
and they give me
a beautiful mug.

113
00:06:51,444 --> 00:06:52,478
Where is it?

114
00:06:52,545 --> 00:06:54,713
Handle snapped off.

115
00:06:54,780 --> 00:06:57,549
Driving over a zone 12 pothole.

116
00:06:57,617 --> 00:07:00,719
Doug, maybe it's time to
think about makin' a move.

117
00:07:01,588 --> 00:07:02,687
What do you mean?

118
00:07:02,755 --> 00:07:04,156
Goin' to work for Fedex.

119
00:07:04,224 --> 00:07:06,191
No, no, no... Why not?

120
00:07:06,259 --> 00:07:09,361
No, that'd be... It's
like a big deal.

121
00:07:09,429 --> 00:07:11,730
I'd have to empty out my locker,

122
00:07:13,166 --> 00:07:16,201
bring home my George
Foreman grill.

123
00:07:16,269 --> 00:07:18,537
All right. You know what? Fine.
Do whatever you want.

124
00:07:18,605 --> 00:07:19,771
Carrie?

125
00:07:19,839 --> 00:07:22,040
Excuse me. I have to
go finish off Lou.

126
00:07:25,711 --> 00:07:28,247
Now, come on, Carrie. I wasn't
sayin' I wanted to change jobs.

127
00:07:28,314 --> 00:07:30,115
I was just blowin' off steam.

128
00:07:30,183 --> 00:07:31,683
You know, I'm pretty
happy where I am.

129
00:07:31,751 --> 00:07:33,385
Now you're happy. 5 seconds ago,

130
00:07:33,453 --> 00:07:36,688
you were ranting about how
they treat you like an animal.

131
00:07:36,756 --> 00:07:38,089
The beer's kicked in.

132
00:07:38,158 --> 00:07:40,269
All right, you know what? I
don't want to get involved,

133
00:07:40,293 --> 00:07:42,294
because when I do, you
just drive me crazy.

134
00:07:42,362 --> 00:07:45,597
So, you drink your beer, and
I'll spread my tanning cream.

135
00:07:45,665 --> 00:07:46,698
Fine.

136
00:07:51,937 --> 00:07:54,339
Besides, I just don't think
I'd fit in over at Fedex.

137
00:07:54,407 --> 00:07:57,309
What are you talkin' about? It's
the same exact job you do now.

138
00:07:57,377 --> 00:07:59,844
Only in a blue uniform.

139
00:07:59,912 --> 00:08:01,346
There you go. I can't wear blue.

140
00:08:01,414 --> 00:08:05,083
You said yourself,
I'm an autumn.

141
00:08:05,151 --> 00:08:08,720
All right. Maybe you don't have to
actually take the job at Fedex,

142
00:08:08,788 --> 00:08:11,290
but could you at least...
Forget it.

143
00:08:11,357 --> 00:08:12,357
What?

144
00:08:12,425 --> 00:08:14,092
No, never mind. Forget it.

145
00:08:14,160 --> 00:08:17,429
Doug, I think Carrie's sayin' that
you could use the heat from Fedex

146
00:08:17,497 --> 00:08:19,464
to put the screen on I.P.S.

147
00:08:19,532 --> 00:08:21,266
Thank you.

148
00:08:21,334 --> 00:08:24,436
Doug, you're hot. You're in play.
Use it.

149
00:08:24,504 --> 00:08:28,139
It works. I got a nice rate on the hulk
when they wanted me on the bionic woman.

150
00:08:28,208 --> 00:08:30,342
Huh, huh? The bionic woman.

151
00:08:37,883 --> 00:08:39,218
Hey. Hey, man.

152
00:08:42,955 --> 00:08:44,789
So, the new boy seems ok, huh?

153
00:08:44,857 --> 00:08:47,759
Yeah. Good-lookin' guy.

154
00:08:49,395 --> 00:08:50,962
I guess.

155
00:08:51,030 --> 00:08:52,575
Just seems to me, if you're
secure in your manhood,

156
00:08:52,599 --> 00:08:54,933
you don't need to
look all attractive.

157
00:08:58,605 --> 00:09:00,205
Zone 1. All right.

158
00:09:02,575 --> 00:09:05,043
Zone 1? He's been here a
week, he gets zone 1?

159
00:09:05,111 --> 00:09:06,811
It took me 4 years
to get zone 1.

160
00:09:06,879 --> 00:09:08,480
I never had it!

161
00:09:08,548 --> 00:09:11,650
I gotta tell you, man, I am so fed up
with the way I get treated around here.

162
00:09:11,718 --> 00:09:14,185
Hey, how you doing?

163
00:09:14,254 --> 00:09:15,787
Don't tell me, tell O'Boyle.

164
00:09:15,855 --> 00:09:17,155
Maybe I will. Go ahead.

165
00:09:17,223 --> 00:09:18,557
Oh, I'm gonna go. I'm goin'.

166
00:09:18,625 --> 00:09:19,558
Ok, go.

167
00:09:19,626 --> 00:09:20,626
Oh, it's on, baby.

168
00:09:20,693 --> 00:09:21,627
Do it, man!

169
00:09:21,694 --> 00:09:22,994
It's done.

170
00:09:23,062 --> 00:09:25,029
Just give me a little push.

171
00:09:31,604 --> 00:09:33,037
Sorry.

172
00:09:33,105 --> 00:09:36,241
How 'bout dinner and drinks before
you get that close, huh, chief?

173
00:09:36,309 --> 00:09:37,309
Supervisor O'Boyle?

174
00:09:37,377 --> 00:09:38,677
Yeah, Doug, what up?

175
00:09:38,745 --> 00:09:41,146
Uh, it just happened to
come to my attention

176
00:09:41,213 --> 00:09:43,615
that you assigned the
new guy to zone 1.

177
00:09:43,683 --> 00:09:44,916
Yeah?

178
00:09:44,984 --> 00:09:46,951
Well, it's just that
that's the best zone.

179
00:09:47,019 --> 00:09:49,265
I mean, is that like a welcome
to the company kind of thing

180
00:09:49,289 --> 00:09:50,355
instead of a basket or...

181
00:09:50,423 --> 00:09:52,457
No. No, that's his zone.

182
00:09:52,525 --> 00:09:54,092
Although, he did get
the basket, too.

183
00:09:54,160 --> 00:09:57,095
Plus, I think, some coupons
for loews theaters.

184
00:09:57,163 --> 00:09:58,764
I guess I just don't understand

185
00:09:58,831 --> 00:10:00,799
why the new guy lucks
out with a zone

186
00:10:00,866 --> 00:10:03,435
that's all light packages
for suburban housewives?

187
00:10:03,503 --> 00:10:04,703
Well, look at the guy, Doug.

188
00:10:04,771 --> 00:10:06,505
Come on. He's gorgeous.

189
00:10:09,409 --> 00:10:11,042
Listen, I... I gotta
jump on the horn.

190
00:10:11,110 --> 00:10:14,313
Somehow 100 pints of plasma wound
up at tavern on the green.

191
00:10:14,380 --> 00:10:17,048
I got a very angry
maitre d' to deal with.

192
00:10:17,850 --> 00:10:19,150
I'm in play.

193
00:10:19,218 --> 00:10:20,352
Pardon?

194
00:10:20,420 --> 00:10:22,298
Yeah. You know, I... I
didn't want to say anything,

195
00:10:22,322 --> 00:10:24,055
but I got a lot of heat on me.

196
00:10:24,123 --> 00:10:25,424
Lotta heat.

197
00:10:25,491 --> 00:10:26,891
What... what are you saying?

198
00:10:26,959 --> 00:10:29,037
You saying there's another
company interested in you?

199
00:10:29,061 --> 00:10:30,128
Ah, yes, there is.

200
00:10:30,196 --> 00:10:31,363
Who?

201
00:10:31,431 --> 00:10:32,574
Well, I'm really not at liberty

202
00:10:32,598 --> 00:10:33,799
to disclose that information.

203
00:10:33,866 --> 00:10:36,167
Let's just say it ends in "x."

204
00:10:36,703 --> 00:10:37,703
Gas-x?

205
00:10:39,271 --> 00:10:40,271
Fedex.

206
00:10:40,306 --> 00:10:41,906
Oh. Fedex. Wow.

207
00:10:41,974 --> 00:10:45,744
Now, if we could, uh, come
to some kind of agreement,

208
00:10:45,812 --> 00:10:47,579
you know, regarding my route,

209
00:10:47,647 --> 00:10:50,315
I'd be happy to tell Fedex
to overnight their offer

210
00:10:50,383 --> 00:10:51,583
to where the sun don't shine.

211
00:10:53,052 --> 00:10:54,953
puttin' the squeeze
on the ol' boss, huh?

212
00:10:55,020 --> 00:10:56,621
Maybe just a touch.

213
00:10:56,689 --> 00:10:58,767
You're a good worker, Doug,
and I'd hate to lose you,

214
00:10:58,791 --> 00:11:00,625
so what's it gonna take
to make you happy?

215
00:11:00,693 --> 00:11:02,694
Zone 1. No can do.
Anything else?

216
00:11:03,295 --> 00:11:04,229
Zone 2?

217
00:11:04,296 --> 00:11:06,297
2? That's right next to 1.

218
00:11:06,366 --> 00:11:09,000
Then zone 3 or 4. It doesn't matter.
Anything with single digits.

219
00:11:09,068 --> 00:11:10,769
Hmm, nope. Nope. No way.

220
00:11:10,837 --> 00:11:13,238
Tell you what, if you can wait
a year, I can get you 13.

221
00:11:13,305 --> 00:11:14,973
I'm in 12 now!

222
00:11:15,040 --> 00:11:17,519
Listen, Doug. I'm tryin' to work with you.
What do you want from me?

223
00:11:17,543 --> 00:11:19,778
I want the respect that I deserve.
You know?

224
00:11:19,846 --> 00:11:22,046
I've been here 8 years,
and I'm a good driver.

225
00:11:22,114 --> 00:11:23,415
I should have zone 1.

226
00:11:23,483 --> 00:11:25,617
And if I don't get it, I'll...

227
00:11:25,685 --> 00:11:26,852
You'll what?

228
00:11:28,120 --> 00:11:30,321
I'll, you know...
I-I'm gonna quit.

229
00:11:31,991 --> 00:11:34,058
Ok, Doug. You win.

230
00:11:34,126 --> 00:11:36,495
Boy, I-I'm gonna
catch hell for this,

231
00:11:36,562 --> 00:11:37,929
but here's what I'm gonna do.

232
00:11:37,997 --> 00:11:42,033
From now on, zone
12 renamed zone 1

233
00:11:42,101 --> 00:11:43,602
and vice versa.

234
00:11:43,669 --> 00:11:45,804
That's the same zone!
That doesn't help at all!

235
00:11:45,872 --> 00:11:47,773
Well, I'm all out
of ideas, Doug.

236
00:11:47,840 --> 00:11:49,808
Listen, you gotta do
what you gotta do, ok?

237
00:11:49,876 --> 00:11:52,644
So, good luck over
there at gas-x.

238
00:11:53,780 --> 00:11:54,846
Fedex.

239
00:12:06,825 --> 00:12:08,158
Hey, there, Louis.

240
00:12:08,226 --> 00:12:10,271
Is this a good time for me to
put in the air conditioner?

241
00:12:10,295 --> 00:12:13,130
Yeah, you bet. Come on in.

242
00:12:13,198 --> 00:12:15,900
Oh, by the way, how
do you like my tan?

243
00:12:15,968 --> 00:12:18,469
Hmm. I don't like it.

244
00:12:18,537 --> 00:12:19,470
Really?

245
00:12:19,538 --> 00:12:21,238
I love it!

246
00:12:22,240 --> 00:12:23,273
No kidding.

247
00:12:23,341 --> 00:12:24,942
Lou, you look fantastic.

248
00:12:25,010 --> 00:12:27,411
A dark, rich, even tan in march?

249
00:12:27,479 --> 00:12:29,780
God, that stuff is amazing.

250
00:12:29,848 --> 00:12:31,549
The best you can buy.

251
00:12:31,617 --> 00:12:33,751
God, look at me compared to you.

252
00:12:33,819 --> 00:12:35,586
I look so pale and pasty.

253
00:12:35,654 --> 00:12:37,522
You look fine.

254
00:12:37,589 --> 00:12:41,025
No, I'm white as a sheet. I look
like I'm touring with mummenschanz.

255
00:12:41,092 --> 00:12:42,894
You want me to get you
a couple bottles?

256
00:12:42,961 --> 00:12:45,730
Really? Yeah, thank you.

257
00:12:45,797 --> 00:12:46,797
Hey.

258
00:12:46,832 --> 00:12:47,832
Hey, honey.

259
00:12:47,866 --> 00:12:48,799
Hey, Lou.

260
00:12:48,867 --> 00:12:50,300
Doug.

261
00:12:50,368 --> 00:12:53,137
Uh, honey, could I talk to you in
the kitchen alone or something?

262
00:12:53,204 --> 00:12:54,872
Oh, you don't have
to go anywhere.

263
00:12:54,940 --> 00:12:59,376
You know I'm hard of hearing, and I
won't read your lips. I promise.

264
00:12:59,444 --> 00:13:01,879
All right. Fine. I
lost my job today.

265
00:13:01,947 --> 00:13:02,947
What?

266
00:13:06,718 --> 00:13:07,718
Sorry.

267
00:13:09,120 --> 00:13:11,055
You lost your job? Yeah.

268
00:13:11,122 --> 00:13:12,557
What happened?

269
00:13:12,624 --> 00:13:14,235
I tried to bluff O'Boyle
with the Fedex thing,

270
00:13:14,259 --> 00:13:16,260
and he didn't bite. He
just let me walk out.

271
00:13:16,327 --> 00:13:18,362
Well, why the hell were
you talkin' to O'Boyle?

272
00:13:18,430 --> 00:13:20,431
'Cause you kept saying how
much heat I had on me,

273
00:13:20,498 --> 00:13:22,818
that I was in play! I thought
you wanted me to talk to him.

274
00:13:22,868 --> 00:13:24,602
Not without preparation,

275
00:13:24,670 --> 00:13:26,737
some rehearsal,
some index cards.

276
00:13:26,805 --> 00:13:29,206
For the love of God, I didn't
want you to just wing it!

277
00:13:29,274 --> 00:13:31,576
Well, too late.
It's already wung.

278
00:13:31,643 --> 00:13:33,611
Well, you know what? I mean...

279
00:13:33,679 --> 00:13:35,839
So, you just go back and tell
O'Boyle it was a mistake.

280
00:13:35,881 --> 00:13:39,450
You know what, you tell him that
you were dehydrated and exhausted.

281
00:13:39,517 --> 00:13:44,321
Oh, better yet, tell him you mixed pills
and booze and you had a bad reaction.

282
00:13:44,389 --> 00:13:46,891
You do understand
my job is driving?

283
00:13:48,326 --> 00:13:50,895
All right.

284
00:13:50,963 --> 00:13:53,363
Well, you know what? Maybe
this is not so bad.

285
00:13:53,431 --> 00:13:54,932
I mean, they still
love you at Fedex.

286
00:13:59,237 --> 00:14:01,038
Go, Fedex! Whoo!

287
00:14:02,941 --> 00:14:04,141
Hey, Mitch.

288
00:14:04,209 --> 00:14:06,811
Doug. Hey, you got
another delivery for us?

289
00:14:06,878 --> 00:14:09,680
Yup. A 250-pound package
of Doug Heffernan.

290
00:14:09,748 --> 00:14:10,681
What?

291
00:14:10,749 --> 00:14:11,816
I left I.P.S.

292
00:14:11,883 --> 00:14:13,484
Really? Why?

293
00:14:13,551 --> 00:14:16,520
Well, let's just say they pushed
and I pushed back. Shall we talk?

294
00:14:16,588 --> 00:14:19,456
Come on. Sure. Come
on in my office.

295
00:14:19,524 --> 00:14:21,626
Gonna be great if I can
get a route in rego park.

296
00:14:21,693 --> 00:14:23,360
That way, I could
stop home for lunch.

297
00:14:23,428 --> 00:14:25,963
But, hey, not a deal-breaker.

298
00:14:29,234 --> 00:14:32,837
So, why should the Fedex
company hire Doug Heffernan?

299
00:14:34,106 --> 00:14:35,305
What?

300
00:14:35,373 --> 00:14:38,475
What would a Doug
Heffernan bring to Fedex?

301
00:14:38,543 --> 00:14:40,410
I-I'd... I'd bring myself.

302
00:14:40,478 --> 00:14:43,413
And my lunch if I
don't get Rego park.

303
00:14:44,616 --> 00:14:46,117
No, I think I'd, uh...

304
00:14:46,184 --> 00:14:48,485
Hey, cast away. Whoa.

305
00:14:55,093 --> 00:14:56,393
No, I'd bring a lot of things.

306
00:14:56,461 --> 00:15:01,265
I'm a... I'm a real good,
dependable driver. You know, um...

307
00:15:01,332 --> 00:15:04,735
I've got a pleasant personality.
I'm relatively hygienic.

308
00:15:04,803 --> 00:15:07,204
And I've been told
I'm quite the cutup.

309
00:15:07,272 --> 00:15:08,539
Cutup, uh-huh.

310
00:15:08,606 --> 00:15:11,608
And where do you see
yourself in the future?

311
00:15:11,677 --> 00:15:13,010
You got a 5-year plan?

312
00:15:13,078 --> 00:15:15,012
5 years? Uh, yeah.

313
00:15:15,080 --> 00:15:17,614
I hope to be still delivering
packages, only in a hovercraft.

314
00:15:18,984 --> 00:15:20,417
Hey, package for Mr. Spacely.

315
00:15:21,787 --> 00:15:24,055
You are quite the cutup.
Here's the thing, though.

316
00:15:24,122 --> 00:15:26,023
We're really not
hiring at the moment.

317
00:15:26,091 --> 00:15:27,224
What?

318
00:15:27,292 --> 00:15:29,203
Yeah. We're a little lean
and mean right now, so...

319
00:15:29,227 --> 00:15:30,661
You just told me
how great I was,

320
00:15:30,729 --> 00:15:32,730
how, if I was here, I could
write my own ticket!

321
00:15:32,798 --> 00:15:34,331
That was just friends talkin'.

322
00:15:34,399 --> 00:15:36,711
What am I gonna say, you're the
heaviest I've ever seen you?

323
00:15:36,735 --> 00:15:38,035
I quit my job!

324
00:15:38,103 --> 00:15:39,770
Doug, look, tell you
what I'm gonna do.

325
00:15:39,838 --> 00:15:41,405
I'll leave your
application on file.

326
00:15:41,472 --> 00:15:43,273
I don't want my
application on file, man.

327
00:15:43,341 --> 00:15:44,641
That's a death warrant!

328
00:15:44,710 --> 00:15:46,744
Look, Mitch, I can do this job.
I want this job.

329
00:15:46,812 --> 00:15:48,679
Look at this. See?
Hey, Fedex calling.

330
00:15:51,482 --> 00:15:53,184
Mitchell, Mitch,
Mitch, listen to me.

331
00:15:53,251 --> 00:15:56,020
I am not leavin' this
building until you hire me.

332
00:15:56,088 --> 00:15:58,122
Now, we both know I'm
the man for the job.

333
00:15:58,190 --> 00:15:59,924
Look in my eyes!
See the passion?

334
00:15:59,991 --> 00:16:01,892
I know you're thinkin'
deep down inside,

335
00:16:01,960 --> 00:16:04,228
I'm gonna roll the
dice on this kid.

336
00:16:06,397 --> 00:16:07,598
Security.

337
00:16:13,872 --> 00:16:15,272
Morning, baby.

338
00:16:16,074 --> 00:16:17,208
What you doing?

339
00:16:17,275 --> 00:16:18,715
Looking through the want ads.
Doug...

340
00:16:18,777 --> 00:16:21,045
I'm looking through the want ads.
Leave me alone!

341
00:16:21,113 --> 00:16:23,413
Would you just call O'Boyle?

342
00:16:23,481 --> 00:16:25,750
He's dead to me.

343
00:16:25,817 --> 00:16:28,318
You are just so damn stubborn.

344
00:16:28,386 --> 00:16:31,222
Just... just crawl back and...
and take your crap.

345
00:16:31,289 --> 00:16:32,556
I do it.

346
00:16:32,624 --> 00:16:35,159
For God's sakes, my boss,
he throws his shoes at me.

347
00:16:35,227 --> 00:16:38,195
I just duck and get
on with my life.

348
00:16:38,263 --> 00:16:40,264
That's you, ok? I want
more out of my job, ok?

349
00:16:40,331 --> 00:16:42,532
I want happiness, I want
respect, and I'm gonna get it,

350
00:16:42,600 --> 00:16:45,903
even if that means slaughtering
pigs for $6 an hour.

351
00:16:49,641 --> 00:16:51,675
All right. You know what, Doug?

352
00:16:51,743 --> 00:16:54,111
If you wanna find a new job,

353
00:16:54,179 --> 00:16:55,646
then... then I support you.

354
00:16:55,713 --> 00:16:57,848
Thank you.

355
00:16:57,916 --> 00:17:00,317
Honey, didn't Lou tell you to
go easy on that tanning cream?

356
00:17:00,385 --> 00:17:01,786
Yeah? So?

357
00:17:01,853 --> 00:17:04,155
So? How many coats is that?

358
00:17:04,222 --> 00:17:05,322
One.

359
00:17:06,792 --> 00:17:08,525
Ok, maybe 3.

360
00:17:08,593 --> 00:17:10,161
Oh, Doug, you don't understand.

361
00:17:10,228 --> 00:17:13,148
People have been tellin' me I've never
looked better. This stuff is magic!

362
00:17:13,198 --> 00:17:16,333
Well, Dougie ain't got no job now,
and that magic costs $18 a bottle.

363
00:17:16,401 --> 00:17:18,669
So slap on a coat of
sealant and call it a day.

364
00:17:18,736 --> 00:17:20,737
Fine.

365
00:17:20,806 --> 00:17:24,541
Besides, I can live without the smeared
brown hand prints all over the house.

366
00:17:24,609 --> 00:17:26,977
It's starting to look
like a crime scene.

367
00:17:27,045 --> 00:17:28,378
I said fine.

368
00:17:28,446 --> 00:17:30,281
Aha. Look at this right here.
Look. Look.

369
00:17:30,348 --> 00:17:32,917
Look what I found, miss
doubting thomasina, huh.

370
00:17:32,984 --> 00:17:35,419
"Metro courier service
in midtown Manhattan.

371
00:17:35,486 --> 00:17:38,488
"Experienced delivery
personnel needed immediately.

372
00:17:38,556 --> 00:17:40,224
Good pay. Flexible hours."

373
00:17:40,292 --> 00:17:43,260
Well, looks like daddy
landed back on his feet.

374
00:17:54,039 --> 00:17:55,973
Respect the signal, dude!

375
00:18:31,276 --> 00:18:32,276
Doug?

376
00:18:32,944 --> 00:18:33,978
Carrie?

377
00:18:34,045 --> 00:18:35,645
Hey, honey.

378
00:18:35,713 --> 00:18:38,249
My God! How much of that
tanning stuff are you using?

379
00:18:38,316 --> 00:18:39,316
None.

380
00:18:39,351 --> 00:18:41,551
None? You look like seal!

381
00:18:43,121 --> 00:18:44,654
For your information,

382
00:18:44,722 --> 00:18:46,924
I had lunch outside today.

383
00:18:46,992 --> 00:18:48,959
Well, unless you had it
8 feet from the sun,

384
00:18:49,027 --> 00:18:51,028
I'd say you got a roaring
tanning cream addiction.

385
00:18:51,096 --> 00:18:53,430
Can we forget about me, please?
What are you doing?

386
00:18:53,498 --> 00:18:54,932
Whose bike is this?

387
00:18:55,000 --> 00:18:56,367
Metro courier's.

388
00:18:57,269 --> 00:18:59,503
You're a bike messenger?

389
00:18:59,570 --> 00:19:02,706
A bike courier, and I
happen to enjoy it.

390
00:19:02,774 --> 00:19:04,841
Oh, come on. You can't
be enjoying this.

391
00:19:04,910 --> 00:19:06,443
Yeah, well, I do.

392
00:19:06,511 --> 00:19:08,512
Doug, I am begging you,

393
00:19:08,579 --> 00:19:10,347
let's cut you out of those pants

394
00:19:10,415 --> 00:19:13,717
and get you back
to I.P.S., please.

395
00:19:13,785 --> 00:19:16,520
No. You know what? If
they can live without me,

396
00:19:16,587 --> 00:19:18,122
I can live without them.

397
00:19:18,189 --> 00:19:20,724
All right? Now, if
you will excuse me,

398
00:19:20,792 --> 00:19:24,161
I need to figure out a way to
pedal through the midtown tunnel.

399
00:19:26,864 --> 00:19:28,198
No seat!

400
00:19:39,277 --> 00:19:40,277
Hey, there.

401
00:19:40,312 --> 00:19:42,146
Hey, Doug. What brings you by?

402
00:19:42,213 --> 00:19:45,449
I just wanted to drop
off all my uniforms.

403
00:19:45,516 --> 00:19:47,217
I... I had 'em
martinized for you.

404
00:19:47,285 --> 00:19:50,120
I don't know what that means,
but it cost me a buck extra.

405
00:19:50,188 --> 00:19:51,888
Well, thanks.

406
00:19:51,957 --> 00:19:54,358
So how's your job
there at Fedex?

407
00:19:54,426 --> 00:19:57,828
Oh, actually, you know what?
I passed on 'em. Yeah.

408
00:19:57,895 --> 00:20:01,165
You know what it is? Didn't
quite work into my 5-year plan.

409
00:20:01,232 --> 00:20:04,034
Didn't see it happening. Went over
to Metro courier. Good outfit.

410
00:20:04,102 --> 00:20:06,536
Oh. Those the guys
deliver on skates?

411
00:20:06,604 --> 00:20:09,173
No, no, no, no. They, uh, they
stopped doin' that years ago

412
00:20:09,240 --> 00:20:10,441
when they lost a few guys.

413
00:20:10,508 --> 00:20:12,609
Huh, it's all scooters and bikes.
I'm on a bike.

414
00:20:12,677 --> 00:20:14,644
It's very pleasant, actually.
Very pleasant.

415
00:20:14,712 --> 00:20:16,180
You want your job
back, don't you?

416
00:20:16,247 --> 00:20:18,148
Certainly do. Yes.

417
00:20:18,216 --> 00:20:21,251
Now, what about this respect thing?
You still into that?

418
00:20:21,319 --> 00:20:22,987
Not so much. No. No.

419
00:20:25,056 --> 00:20:27,358
I think once you been
violated by a 10-speed,

420
00:20:27,425 --> 00:20:29,926
your priorities kind of change.

421
00:20:29,995 --> 00:20:32,229
I heard that. All right.

422
00:20:32,297 --> 00:20:34,631
You can come back, Doug. See
you in the morning. Oh.

423
00:20:34,699 --> 00:20:36,733
Well, thank you.
Thank you so much.

424
00:20:37,869 --> 00:20:40,237
You know that thing
you said about,

425
00:20:40,305 --> 00:20:42,373
you know, calling
zone 12 zone 1?

426
00:20:42,440 --> 00:20:45,509
I think I... I might be willing to...
to go for that after all.

427
00:20:45,576 --> 00:20:48,512
Nah. You see, Doug,
if I let you do it,

428
00:20:48,579 --> 00:20:51,115
then everybody's gonna want
to rename their zone, zone 1.

429
00:20:51,182 --> 00:20:53,917
You know, it's a... it's a
slippery slope, my friend.

430
00:20:53,985 --> 00:20:58,122
Ok, what if you and I just call
it zone 1 when we're alone?

431
00:20:58,189 --> 00:20:59,723
Alone? What are you getting at?

432
00:20:59,790 --> 00:21:03,227
Aw, forget it. How about giving me a...
a welcome basket?

433
00:21:03,294 --> 00:21:05,029
Doug, again with the slippery...

434
00:21:05,096 --> 00:21:07,398
Well, look, man, I
been here 8 years!

435
00:21:07,465 --> 00:21:09,233
You gotta give me somethin'!

436
00:21:09,867 --> 00:21:11,168
Movie passes?

437
00:21:12,970 --> 00:21:14,671
All right. What the hell?

438
00:21:14,739 --> 00:21:16,373
All right.

439
00:21:16,441 --> 00:21:18,042
Welcome back, Doug.

440
00:21:18,109 --> 00:21:20,511
Well, thank you. It's
nice to be back, sir.

441
00:21:20,578 --> 00:21:22,146
And good to be appreciated.

442
00:21:23,214 --> 00:21:24,415
Ah, great.

443
00:21:27,585 --> 00:21:30,854
Wait a sec. These... these
passes have expired.

444
00:21:30,922 --> 00:21:33,390
It's cool. It's cool. It's cool.
It's cool.

445
00:21:35,235 --> 00:21:39,138
No. You know what? If they can live
without me, I can live without them.

446
00:21:39,205 --> 00:21:42,174
Now, if you'll excuse
me, I need a way to...

447
00:21:42,242 --> 00:21:44,310
One more time!

448
00:21:44,377 --> 00:21:47,179
No. No, no. If they can live without
me, I can live without them.

449
00:21:47,247 --> 00:21:49,782
Ok? Now, if you'll excuse me,

450
00:21:49,850 --> 00:21:51,851
I have to figure out a way to...

451
00:21:51,919 --> 00:21:53,686
I'm laughing at...

452
00:21:53,754 --> 00:21:56,689
Hey, you know what? If they
can't live without me,

453
00:21:56,757 --> 00:21:58,858
then I can't live without them.