1
00:00:05,456 --> 00:00:07,424
All right, Friday it is.

2
00:00:07,491 --> 00:00:09,725
I'll see you then. Bye-bye now.

3
00:00:11,395 --> 00:00:13,396
Ah, this sticks on ice.

4
00:00:13,464 --> 00:00:15,031
What's goin' on?

5
00:00:15,099 --> 00:00:18,134
Remember that Mrs. buxraum character
over at the senior center?

6
00:00:18,202 --> 00:00:20,370
Oh, yeah.

7
00:00:20,438 --> 00:00:23,974
She's the one who gives me tootsie
rolls and calls me Evelyn.

8
00:00:24,041 --> 00:00:25,342
How's she doin'?

9
00:00:25,409 --> 00:00:27,477
Dead.

10
00:00:27,544 --> 00:00:29,446
So I'm guessin' that wasn't her.

11
00:00:29,513 --> 00:00:31,948
No, it was her
stupid cousin Judy.

12
00:00:32,016 --> 00:00:34,184
She must've heard through
the grapevine I was single

13
00:00:34,251 --> 00:00:38,054
'cause she was rubbin' up against
me all during the funeral.

14
00:00:38,122 --> 00:00:40,323
You like rubbing.
What's the problem?

15
00:00:40,391 --> 00:00:42,459
She's not my type.

16
00:00:42,526 --> 00:00:45,795
I'm small and pushy. I like 'em big
and scared of their own shadows.

17
00:00:47,598 --> 00:00:49,466
So why're you goin'
out with her?

18
00:00:49,533 --> 00:00:51,034
Wanna get her off my back.

19
00:00:51,102 --> 00:00:53,769
But I'm not spendin' a dime
on her, I'll tell you that.

20
00:00:53,837 --> 00:00:56,339
I invited her here where
we can eat for free.

21
00:00:57,475 --> 00:01:00,043
Dad, the food here ain't free.

22
00:01:00,111 --> 00:01:02,112
It is for me.

23
00:01:02,179 --> 00:01:04,214
Oh, my God! Oh, my God! What?

24
00:01:04,281 --> 00:01:06,282
A roach, a roach. It was
near the refrigerator.

25
00:01:06,350 --> 00:01:07,783
Oh, my God. It just
went under it.

26
00:01:07,851 --> 00:01:10,186
That's not a roach.
That's a baby frog.

27
00:01:10,254 --> 00:01:13,089
Dad, I think I know what a
roach looks like. Doug!

28
00:01:13,157 --> 00:01:16,559
That was a baby frog. I used to
race 'em down in cajun country.

29
00:01:16,627 --> 00:01:18,094
Would you stop it? Doug!

30
00:01:18,162 --> 00:01:19,195
What?

31
00:01:19,263 --> 00:01:20,963
There's a baby
frog in the house.

32
00:01:21,032 --> 00:01:22,298
It's a roach.

33
00:01:22,366 --> 00:01:24,834
Ah, you don't know your
ass from your elbow.

34
00:01:26,070 --> 00:01:27,137
Well, where is it?

35
00:01:27,204 --> 00:01:28,471
He was near the refrigerator.

36
00:01:28,539 --> 00:01:30,173
Oh, there he is! Kill him.
Kill him.

37
00:01:30,241 --> 00:01:31,241
Just get some raid.

38
00:01:31,308 --> 00:01:32,242
Ok, ok.

39
00:01:32,309 --> 00:01:33,243
Hurry up.

40
00:01:33,310 --> 00:01:34,511
I'm looking.

41
00:01:34,578 --> 00:01:35,945
Come on, I got him
cornered here.

42
00:01:36,013 --> 00:01:36,946
Here, here.

43
00:01:37,014 --> 00:01:38,648
Ok, this is oven cleaner.

44
00:01:38,715 --> 00:01:41,418
We don't have raid. Just...
just spray him.

45
00:01:42,553 --> 00:01:43,886
Ew. Is he dead?

46
00:01:43,954 --> 00:01:46,622
I can't tell, but he's
blind and he's sizzling.

47
00:01:48,225 --> 00:01:49,492
Just pick him up. Pick him up.

48
00:01:49,560 --> 00:01:50,826
All right. Ok.

49
00:01:50,894 --> 00:01:52,895
All right, I got him.
Oh, my God, he's big.

50
00:01:53,997 --> 00:01:56,266
Don't. Stop it. Stop!

51
00:01:56,333 --> 00:01:58,401
There's probably a whole
village of 'em under there,

52
00:01:58,469 --> 00:01:59,802
and it's all your fault. What?

53
00:01:59,870 --> 00:02:02,072
Yeah, when you broke
the snapple bottle,

54
00:02:02,139 --> 00:02:04,851
I told you, you have to pull the
refrigerator out and clean underneath it.

55
00:02:04,875 --> 00:02:06,909
Ok, you know what? I broke
that bottle a year ago.

56
00:02:06,977 --> 00:02:09,946
For the love of God, move on.

57
00:02:10,013 --> 00:02:12,848
It's not funny. We're
probably infested.

58
00:02:12,916 --> 00:02:14,150
I'll do it tomorrow.

59
00:02:14,218 --> 00:02:16,652
No, I'm gonna find them in
my bed tonight. Do it now.

60
00:02:16,720 --> 00:02:19,089
You're trembling.

61
00:02:19,156 --> 00:02:20,823
Cut it out. Stop it.

62
00:02:23,127 --> 00:02:24,794
What are you doing?

63
00:02:24,861 --> 00:02:25,928
What am I doing?

64
00:02:25,996 --> 00:02:29,199
I'm calming you with
my manly caresses.

65
00:02:29,266 --> 00:02:31,801
Doug, if you think sex is
gonna get you out of this,

66
00:02:31,868 --> 00:02:34,170
you are very, very wrong.

67
00:02:34,238 --> 00:02:37,607
And yet I'm gonna
go for it anyway.

68
00:02:37,674 --> 00:02:39,476
I'm very annoyed
at you, you know.

69
00:02:39,543 --> 00:02:41,478
Hmm, and that only arouses me.

70
00:02:41,545 --> 00:02:43,480
And you know what else?

71
00:02:43,547 --> 00:02:45,482
I left a wet towel on
the bathroom floor.

72
00:02:45,549 --> 00:02:47,484
That's pretty annoying, huh?

73
00:02:47,551 --> 00:02:49,352
Actually, that really is.

74
00:02:52,490 --> 00:02:55,525
Come on, carry me upstairs
and have your way with me.

75
00:02:56,994 --> 00:02:58,861
Just lift with your legs.

76
00:03:02,699 --> 00:03:04,200
Deac?

77
00:03:04,268 --> 00:03:05,268
Yeah.

78
00:03:07,238 --> 00:03:09,339
Hey, can I whip you up
a breakfast burrito?

79
00:03:10,707 --> 00:03:11,874
No, thanks.

80
00:03:11,942 --> 00:03:12,942
Denver omelet?

81
00:03:13,010 --> 00:03:14,677
Nope. Uh, I'm good.

82
00:03:18,582 --> 00:03:19,616
Blintzes?

83
00:03:19,683 --> 00:03:21,117
Still no.

84
00:03:23,387 --> 00:03:25,855
Hey, how'd that massage pillow
work out for you last night?

85
00:03:25,922 --> 00:03:27,524
Uh, great. Um, thanks.

86
00:03:27,591 --> 00:03:29,671
Hey, gettin' tossed out by
your wife is tough enough,

87
00:03:29,726 --> 00:03:32,928
I mean, you don't want to replace one
pain in the neck with the other one.

88
00:03:32,996 --> 00:03:35,097
Am I right, huh? Who's with me?

89
00:03:37,468 --> 00:03:38,734
Answer the door.

90
00:03:42,105 --> 00:03:43,306
Hey, man. Hey.

91
00:03:43,374 --> 00:03:44,907
Hey, you got time
for some breakfast?

92
00:03:44,975 --> 00:03:46,876
Uh, no. Uh, we... we
gotta get to work

93
00:03:46,943 --> 00:03:48,978
or all... all the good
trucks are gonna be taken.

94
00:03:49,046 --> 00:03:50,280
Oh, got you.

95
00:03:50,347 --> 00:03:52,014
Oh, hey, any idea
when you'll be back?

96
00:03:52,082 --> 00:03:54,984
'Cause, uh, I was gonna
rent blues brothers 2000.

97
00:03:57,588 --> 00:03:59,155
Director's cut!

98
00:04:00,757 --> 00:04:02,958
Man, it's brutal in there.

99
00:04:03,026 --> 00:04:04,494
Ah, come on. He means well.

100
00:04:04,562 --> 00:04:07,163
He's smothering me. You know
what he did last night?

101
00:04:07,231 --> 00:04:08,831
He drew me a bath.

102
00:04:11,068 --> 00:04:13,102
Drew me a bath.

103
00:04:15,939 --> 00:04:17,574
I had sex last night.

104
00:04:20,110 --> 00:04:21,411
Unscheduled.

105
00:04:29,853 --> 00:04:30,953
Idiot.

106
00:04:48,805 --> 00:04:50,773
Hey, how was work?

107
00:04:55,879 --> 00:04:57,680
That was very reckless.

108
00:04:57,748 --> 00:05:00,250
You leave the refrigerator in
the middle of the kitchen.

109
00:05:00,317 --> 00:05:02,719
Excuse me, I was just doin'
what you asked me to do.

110
00:05:02,786 --> 00:05:04,787
Then the phone rang,
I got distracted.

111
00:05:04,855 --> 00:05:06,956
You got distracted by the phone?

112
00:05:07,023 --> 00:05:09,158
Yes, I'm easily distracted.

113
00:05:09,226 --> 00:05:10,826
What happens when
the doorbell rings?

114
00:05:10,894 --> 00:05:12,695
You wet yourself?

115
00:05:12,763 --> 00:05:14,397
Oh, that's very clever, Carrie,

116
00:05:14,465 --> 00:05:16,432
'cause nervous
disorders are funny.

117
00:05:16,500 --> 00:05:18,234
All right, now I know.

118
00:05:18,302 --> 00:05:21,437
And apparently, putting the
milk away was too much for you,

119
00:05:21,505 --> 00:05:25,341
even though the fridge is now
one inch from the table.

120
00:05:25,409 --> 00:05:28,811
The phone rang!

121
00:05:28,879 --> 00:05:31,847
You know, I broke a
nail putting it back.

122
00:05:31,915 --> 00:05:34,484
So, buy another one.

123
00:05:34,551 --> 00:05:36,919
You know what, Doug? You always
give me this excuse crap,

124
00:05:36,987 --> 00:05:39,121
and it drives me insane.

125
00:05:39,189 --> 00:05:41,257
"I had to go to work,
the game was on,

126
00:05:41,325 --> 00:05:44,093
I smelled cheese."

127
00:05:44,161 --> 00:05:45,961
I mean, are you incredibly lazy,

128
00:05:46,029 --> 00:05:48,097
or do you... Do
you just hate me?

129
00:05:48,165 --> 00:05:49,265
60-40.

130
00:05:50,901 --> 00:05:52,335
Ha, ha. Jerk.

131
00:05:52,403 --> 00:05:54,203
Ah, come on.

132
00:05:54,271 --> 00:05:56,906
Would you just go down
there and finish?

133
00:05:56,973 --> 00:06:00,510
God. I'm exhausted. I'm just...
I'm gonna go to bed.

134
00:06:02,846 --> 00:06:05,682
Come... come on,
car, I'm sorry, ok?

135
00:06:05,749 --> 00:06:07,183
I'm a bad boy.

136
00:06:08,852 --> 00:06:10,119
Punish me.

137
00:06:11,054 --> 00:06:12,154
Leave me alone.

138
00:06:12,222 --> 00:06:15,124
Come on, let's do stuff.

139
00:06:15,192 --> 00:06:18,428
Made you feel better
last night, right? Mmm.

140
00:06:18,495 --> 00:06:21,698
Oh, my God. Oh, my God.

141
00:06:21,765 --> 00:06:25,067
I just read an article about
exactly what we're doing.

142
00:06:25,135 --> 00:06:27,236
Really? Were there pictures?

143
00:06:28,339 --> 00:06:30,506
No. It was about couples

144
00:06:30,574 --> 00:06:33,609
who... who substitute
sex for communication.

145
00:06:34,778 --> 00:06:36,078
That's what we do.

146
00:06:36,146 --> 00:06:38,147
Right, right.

147
00:06:38,215 --> 00:06:39,482
Take your pants off.

148
00:06:39,550 --> 00:06:41,684
Doug, think about it.

149
00:06:41,752 --> 00:06:44,153
Last night, I was upset
with you about the fridge,

150
00:06:44,221 --> 00:06:46,422
and how'd it end up? With sex.

151
00:06:46,490 --> 00:06:48,858
And then we were just about
to do the same thing tonight.

152
00:06:48,925 --> 00:06:50,893
Well, it's better than
fighting, isn't it?

153
00:06:50,961 --> 00:06:53,429
Doug, it's not just
when we're fighting.

154
00:06:53,497 --> 00:06:55,231
We fall back on
sex all the time.

155
00:06:55,298 --> 00:06:57,266
When we're mad,
when we're happy.

156
00:06:57,334 --> 00:06:58,868
When there's nothing
good on T.V.

157
00:06:58,935 --> 00:06:59,869
So?

158
00:06:59,936 --> 00:07:01,704
So, the article said

159
00:07:01,772 --> 00:07:04,474
if couples do not explore other
aspects of their relationship,

160
00:07:04,541 --> 00:07:06,275
it could hurt their marriage,

161
00:07:06,343 --> 00:07:07,677
you know, down the line.

162
00:07:07,745 --> 00:07:09,245
Carrie, believe me.

163
00:07:09,312 --> 00:07:13,649
I would never do anything
to hurt what we have, ever.

164
00:07:13,717 --> 00:07:15,852
Now of fee with the pants.

165
00:07:15,919 --> 00:07:16,986
What are you,

166
00:07:17,053 --> 00:07:19,121
Benny hill over here?

167
00:07:19,189 --> 00:07:22,458
Can we have a conversation
about this, please?

168
00:07:22,526 --> 00:07:24,660
Fine. So we fall back
on sex once in a while.

169
00:07:24,728 --> 00:07:26,128
What the hell can
we do about it?

170
00:07:26,196 --> 00:07:28,564
Well, it's funny
that you should ask.

171
00:07:28,632 --> 00:07:30,165
The author of this article,

172
00:07:30,233 --> 00:07:32,935
who is a psychologist
by the way,

173
00:07:33,003 --> 00:07:35,772
suggests that couples
take a respite.

174
00:07:35,839 --> 00:07:37,874
Which means rest,

175
00:07:37,941 --> 00:07:42,578
from sex, while they explore other
areas of their relationship.

176
00:07:42,646 --> 00:07:44,380
Ok, fair enough. Fair enough.

177
00:07:44,448 --> 00:07:47,817
Now, I just read an
article in penthouse

178
00:07:49,252 --> 00:07:50,820
by a sexologist...

179
00:07:50,888 --> 00:07:54,356
Doug, could you take
this seriously, please?

180
00:07:54,425 --> 00:07:56,091
I'm sorry. But this
is crazy, Carrie.

181
00:07:56,159 --> 00:07:57,794
I mean, yesterday
everything was fine,

182
00:07:57,861 --> 00:07:59,896
and today you're telling
me we have too much sex.

183
00:07:59,963 --> 00:08:01,997
I mean, most people would
die for that problem.

184
00:08:02,065 --> 00:08:04,934
Oh, really? Really? Deacon and
Kelly had sex all the time.

185
00:08:05,001 --> 00:08:06,402
And now their
marriage is a mess.

186
00:08:06,470 --> 00:08:08,481
Ok, you don't know that too
much sex was the reason.

187
00:08:08,505 --> 00:08:11,474
No, but I know that something
was obviously missing there.

188
00:08:11,542 --> 00:08:13,876
And now it might be
too late to fix it.

189
00:08:13,944 --> 00:08:16,412
Do you want that
to happen to us?

190
00:08:16,480 --> 00:08:18,714
Of course not. Honey...

191
00:08:19,683 --> 00:08:21,617
All right, so,

192
00:08:21,685 --> 00:08:25,387
so how long will this
no-sex thing be for?

193
00:08:25,456 --> 00:08:26,556
2 weeks.

194
00:08:26,623 --> 00:08:27,557
2 weeks!

195
00:08:27,624 --> 00:08:29,459
That's what the article said.

196
00:08:29,526 --> 00:08:31,761
Well, why'd you have to go
and read in the first place?

197
00:08:31,829 --> 00:08:33,329
Show-off.

198
00:08:33,396 --> 00:08:37,099
Doug, come on. It's not that bad.
We've gone 2 weeks before.

199
00:08:37,167 --> 00:08:39,168
Maybe you have.

200
00:08:39,235 --> 00:08:40,636
Come on, it's not that long.

201
00:08:40,704 --> 00:08:43,172
And... and, look, we'll
channel all that extra energy

202
00:08:43,239 --> 00:08:45,475
into making the rest of
our relationship better.

203
00:08:45,542 --> 00:08:48,010
And at the end of the 2
weeks, the forbidden fruit

204
00:08:48,078 --> 00:08:51,013
will taste that much
sweeter, don't you think?

205
00:08:55,719 --> 00:08:57,319
Ok, I'm on board.

206
00:08:57,387 --> 00:09:00,255
Thank you. I love you.

207
00:09:00,323 --> 00:09:02,758
I'll tell you, I just wish I
would have known about this ban

208
00:09:02,826 --> 00:09:04,794
before last night's sex.

209
00:09:04,862 --> 00:09:07,296
I probably would've
concentrated more.

210
00:09:11,802 --> 00:09:13,302
Doug? Yeah.

211
00:09:13,370 --> 00:09:14,937
Get out of there.

212
00:09:26,449 --> 00:09:28,050
You have a lovely home, Artie.

213
00:09:28,118 --> 00:09:29,417
I really like it.

214
00:09:32,789 --> 00:09:34,056
Thank you.

215
00:09:37,460 --> 00:09:38,493
H...

216
00:09:41,731 --> 00:09:43,331
That's nice.

217
00:09:43,399 --> 00:09:46,235
Tell me, have you had
tuberculosis long?

218
00:09:48,071 --> 00:09:50,172
Oh, Artie, you're a caution.

219
00:09:54,911 --> 00:09:56,678
Oh, my children are home.
Excuse me.

220
00:09:56,746 --> 00:09:58,480
Hey kids, this is Judy.

221
00:09:59,249 --> 00:10:00,182
Hi, there.

222
00:10:00,250 --> 00:10:01,549
Hello. Nice to meet you.

223
00:10:03,953 --> 00:10:05,520
Douglas, very discreetly,

224
00:10:05,588 --> 00:10:07,856
I need you to set
the drapes on fire.

225
00:10:11,594 --> 00:10:13,295
Oh, things aren't
going so well, huh?

226
00:10:13,362 --> 00:10:16,899
It's torture. She's diseased
and incredibly boring.

227
00:10:16,966 --> 00:10:18,200
Be right with you, dear.

228
00:10:18,268 --> 00:10:19,835
Can you help me out, huh?

229
00:10:19,903 --> 00:10:22,137
Sorry. I've got my
own problems, guy.

230
00:10:26,242 --> 00:10:28,410
Wow, you're dad's really
in agony down there, huh?

231
00:10:28,477 --> 00:10:31,446
Yeah, that Judy is a rough
stretch of highway, huh?

232
00:10:33,416 --> 00:10:37,019
Actually, if she wasn't his date,
I'd be jumping her as we speak.

233
00:10:37,086 --> 00:10:39,587
Come on, we're doing
great without sex.

234
00:10:39,655 --> 00:10:41,690
We had a nice dinner,
we saw a good movie.

235
00:10:41,757 --> 00:10:43,192
It was a good movie.

236
00:10:44,861 --> 00:10:46,328
So now we're home.

237
00:10:46,395 --> 00:10:48,163
Now we're home.

238
00:10:48,231 --> 00:10:50,665
What to do? What to do?

239
00:10:52,335 --> 00:10:54,169
Hey, why don't we just talk?

240
00:10:54,237 --> 00:10:55,270
Talk?

241
00:10:55,338 --> 00:10:56,671
Yeah, why not?

242
00:10:56,739 --> 00:10:58,440
All right, let's
talk our brains out.

243
00:10:58,507 --> 00:10:59,708
All right.

244
00:11:03,412 --> 00:11:04,679
Here we go.

245
00:11:05,414 --> 00:11:06,514
Let's talk.

246
00:11:06,582 --> 00:11:08,116
Gonna do some talkin'.

247
00:11:09,285 --> 00:11:11,053
Conversation.

248
00:11:23,599 --> 00:11:26,468
You know, the faster you eat
it, the better it tastes.

249
00:11:26,535 --> 00:11:28,103
That's their slogan actually.

250
00:11:28,171 --> 00:11:29,804
Oh. What brand is it?

251
00:11:30,639 --> 00:11:31,639
Uh, fast cake.

252
00:11:38,214 --> 00:11:39,814
I beg your pardon.

253
00:11:41,050 --> 00:11:42,684
Oh, it's 9:30,

254
00:11:43,386 --> 00:11:45,254
the witching hour.

255
00:11:45,321 --> 00:11:46,554
Well, maybe for you.

256
00:11:46,622 --> 00:11:48,223
Me, I can stay up all night.

257
00:11:48,291 --> 00:11:50,825
I'm used to serving drinks
until 5:00 in the morning.

258
00:11:50,894 --> 00:11:52,294
Really? How fascinating.

259
00:11:52,362 --> 00:11:54,229
I'll get your coat.

260
00:11:54,297 --> 00:11:56,731
Yep. You had to be on your toes

261
00:11:56,799 --> 00:11:58,100
when you served the big boys.

262
00:11:58,167 --> 00:11:59,201
Sure.

263
00:11:59,269 --> 00:12:01,303
Like take Sinatra, for example.

264
00:12:01,371 --> 00:12:03,471
You got the drink
order wrong for him,

265
00:12:03,539 --> 00:12:07,042
next thing you knew,
you were wearing it.

266
00:12:07,110 --> 00:12:11,179
You, uh, you served
drinks to Frank Sinatra?

267
00:12:11,247 --> 00:12:13,615
Oh, I served him a lot
more than drinks.

268
00:12:15,351 --> 00:12:18,853
Well, good night, Artie.
Thanks for the laughs.

269
00:12:21,490 --> 00:12:24,559
We're talkin' about Frank Sinatra sr.
Here, right?

270
00:12:25,561 --> 00:12:27,329
Old blue eyes himself.

271
00:12:28,864 --> 00:12:31,466
Well, then where the hell
are you going, baby?

272
00:12:47,016 --> 00:12:48,716
What about politics?

273
00:12:50,119 --> 00:12:51,987
We never talk about politics.

274
00:12:52,055 --> 00:12:53,422
Ok.

275
00:12:53,489 --> 00:12:55,958
Ok, politics.

276
00:12:56,025 --> 00:12:58,593
I'll take politics
for 200, Alex.

277
00:13:04,800 --> 00:13:07,002
All right, I'll get the
party started here.

278
00:13:07,070 --> 00:13:09,237
Uh, in the last election,

279
00:13:09,305 --> 00:13:12,007
how did you vote on prop 17?

280
00:13:12,608 --> 00:13:13,942
Uh, I voted no.

281
00:13:14,010 --> 00:13:16,178
Really. Why?

282
00:13:16,245 --> 00:13:19,214
Well, I... I vote with a system.

283
00:13:19,282 --> 00:13:21,649
No, yes, no, yes,
no, yes, no, yes.

284
00:13:24,920 --> 00:13:26,888
So you just alternate?

285
00:13:28,091 --> 00:13:29,891
Yes, that's my system.

286
00:13:30,793 --> 00:13:32,227
Right, right.

287
00:13:37,733 --> 00:13:38,800
Uh, how about you?

288
00:13:38,868 --> 00:13:41,403
I voted yes. I voted yes.

289
00:13:41,471 --> 00:13:42,670
Hmm. Yeah.

290
00:13:43,772 --> 00:13:45,073
At least I think I did,

291
00:13:45,141 --> 00:13:47,275
unless I left a hanging Chad.

292
00:13:49,912 --> 00:13:52,347
Oh, right. 'Cause of the, uh, thing.
Right.

293
00:14:02,688 --> 00:14:04,022
It's open.

294
00:14:05,191 --> 00:14:07,592
Hey, man.

295
00:14:07,660 --> 00:14:09,061
Hey, Spence. It's Doug.

296
00:14:09,129 --> 00:14:10,695
Hi, Doug!

297
00:14:10,764 --> 00:14:12,942
Hey, I'm making Deacon a
grilled-cheese sandwich. You want one?

298
00:14:12,966 --> 00:14:14,633
No, I'm... I'm good.

299
00:14:14,700 --> 00:14:16,735
Bring him one of those
international beers.

300
00:14:16,803 --> 00:14:17,836
And one for me, too.

301
00:14:17,904 --> 00:14:18,904
You got it, bro.

302
00:14:18,972 --> 00:14:19,905
You the man.

303
00:14:19,973 --> 00:14:21,473
No, you're the man.

304
00:14:23,143 --> 00:14:25,144
What the hell's going on here?

305
00:14:26,312 --> 00:14:28,113
Why's he "the man" now?

306
00:14:28,181 --> 00:14:31,316
I don't know, man. At a certain
point I just said why fight it?

307
00:14:31,384 --> 00:14:32,751
You know what? It's fantastic.

308
00:14:32,819 --> 00:14:36,388
He cooks for me. He
cleans up after me.

309
00:14:36,455 --> 00:14:38,590
He's like my own
little Gilligan.

310
00:14:40,193 --> 00:14:44,029
Great. Glad one of our
relationships is clickin'.

311
00:14:44,097 --> 00:14:47,232
Hey, Doug. What's up, man?
All right.

312
00:14:47,300 --> 00:14:51,069
Here is your bottle
of laymenbourd.

313
00:14:51,137 --> 00:14:52,237
Thank you.

314
00:14:52,305 --> 00:14:55,274
And Doug, I brought you a tika.

315
00:14:55,341 --> 00:14:58,143
That is a pale ale
from French Guyana.

316
00:14:59,425 --> 00:15:00,558
You got Schmidt's.

317
00:15:01,614 --> 00:15:04,349
Try it. It's smooth.

318
00:15:04,417 --> 00:15:07,820
What's goin' on, man? Uh, you and...
you and Carrie having some problems?

319
00:15:07,887 --> 00:15:09,621
Aw, what's the matter?

320
00:15:09,689 --> 00:15:11,656
Oh, man, it's brutal. She...

321
00:15:11,724 --> 00:15:14,392
She decided she wanted
to ban sex for 2 weeks.

322
00:15:14,460 --> 00:15:17,029
With you or with anybody?

323
00:15:17,096 --> 00:15:19,164
Oh, no, you didn't.

324
00:15:21,968 --> 00:15:25,603
All right, would you idiots shut up!
I got a real problem here.

325
00:15:26,906 --> 00:15:28,907
Oh, I'm... I'm sorry, man.

326
00:15:29,809 --> 00:15:31,609
So, um, she banned sex?

327
00:15:31,677 --> 00:15:35,247
A week ago. You know, she said it
keeps us from "communicating."

328
00:15:35,315 --> 00:15:37,682
So we... we tried to
communicate, and, guess what?

329
00:15:37,750 --> 00:15:39,918
We got nothin'. Zippo.

330
00:15:39,986 --> 00:15:42,054
What?

331
00:15:42,121 --> 00:15:45,690
It's true. I mean, without sex, my
marriage is like a bad first date.

332
00:15:45,758 --> 00:15:50,595
Except this one I can't
just ditch at the diner.

333
00:15:50,663 --> 00:15:53,732
Well, don't... don't worry about it, man.
I mean, you gotta work at it.

334
00:15:53,799 --> 00:15:57,302
Hey, Deac and I, this didn't
come together over night.

335
00:15:57,370 --> 00:15:59,571
Hey, good cookin' don't hurt.

336
00:15:59,638 --> 00:16:00,873
Stop it.

337
00:16:00,940 --> 00:16:04,409
You can't stop the truth.
You punish that kitchen.

338
00:16:04,477 --> 00:16:06,478
A little encouragement
doesn't hurt.

339
00:16:06,545 --> 00:16:08,680
This guy, what're you
going to do with him?

340
00:16:08,748 --> 00:16:10,148
No, you... No, you.

341
00:16:14,687 --> 00:16:15,787
Goodbye.

342
00:16:25,664 --> 00:16:28,133
Oh, crap, there's another one.

343
00:16:28,201 --> 00:16:31,904
How'd you like me to come under the
fridge and ruin your sex life?

344
00:16:35,308 --> 00:16:39,011
Douglas, I hate to interrupt what appears
to be some kind of herky-jerky dance,

345
00:16:39,078 --> 00:16:42,981
but I was wondering if you happen to
have any oysters on the half shell?

346
00:16:43,917 --> 00:16:45,984
Not on me, no. What's going on?

347
00:16:47,887 --> 00:16:51,323
I've got my lady friend downstairs, and
I'm this close to closing the deal.

348
00:16:51,391 --> 00:16:53,325
And when I do, Douglas,

349
00:16:53,393 --> 00:16:55,961
I'm goin' to do her my way.

350
00:16:59,232 --> 00:17:03,368
Ok, let me be the
first to say "brosh."

351
00:17:03,436 --> 00:17:06,271
And 2nd of all, what are you talking about?
I thought you hated her.

352
00:17:06,339 --> 00:17:09,942
That was before I found out she's
been intimate with Mr. Frank Sinatra.

353
00:17:10,009 --> 00:17:11,443
So? So, don't you get it?

354
00:17:11,510 --> 00:17:14,746
If I get in there, it's like
I've been with Sinatra.

355
00:17:19,018 --> 00:17:21,486
You do realize he's a man?

356
00:17:21,554 --> 00:17:22,587
Lover!

357
00:17:22,655 --> 00:17:24,489
On my way, you cuckoo broad.

358
00:17:28,861 --> 00:17:30,095
Hey! Hey.

359
00:17:30,163 --> 00:17:33,332
Honey, this is the
answer to our problem.

360
00:17:35,401 --> 00:17:38,270
"101 ways to make love
without doing it."

361
00:17:39,572 --> 00:17:41,573
I got that on campus today.

362
00:17:41,640 --> 00:17:42,740
Yeah!

363
00:17:42,808 --> 00:17:44,609
Ok. Here we go. You ready?

364
00:17:45,578 --> 00:17:46,711
All right.

365
00:17:46,779 --> 00:17:48,013
Number 1.

366
00:17:48,081 --> 00:17:50,715
"Tell the other person
you love them."

367
00:17:52,452 --> 00:17:55,053
Doug, I love you.

368
00:17:55,121 --> 00:17:56,754
I love you, too, Carrie.

369
00:17:58,091 --> 00:18:00,392
That was great. I
need a cigarette.

370
00:18:04,998 --> 00:18:07,265
Ok, movin' on. Number 2.

371
00:18:07,333 --> 00:18:09,567
"Give or get a hug."

372
00:18:15,475 --> 00:18:16,774
All righty.

373
00:18:17,743 --> 00:18:19,344
"Start a scrapbook."

374
00:18:24,317 --> 00:18:26,584
Ok. "Give each other pet names."

375
00:18:26,652 --> 00:18:29,554
Play footsie." Oh,
that might be fun.

376
00:18:29,622 --> 00:18:30,822
Let's play footsie.

377
00:18:30,890 --> 00:18:32,590
All right. All right. Here we go.
Up here.

378
00:18:32,658 --> 00:18:33,658
Ok.

379
00:18:41,467 --> 00:18:45,370
Ok. I guess, uh, footsie pretty
much has to be a spontaneous thing.

380
00:18:46,705 --> 00:18:48,673
Yeah, and even then, hmm.

381
00:18:49,842 --> 00:18:53,811
Ok. Number 8. "Kiss."

382
00:18:53,879 --> 00:18:55,447
Kiss? That's a good one.
Let's kiss.

383
00:18:55,515 --> 00:18:57,382
Ok. Yeah. It's like
we're teenagers again.

384
00:18:57,450 --> 00:18:58,783
Yeah. Ok. All right.

385
00:18:58,851 --> 00:19:00,585
Shall I keep my eyes
open or closed?

386
00:19:00,653 --> 00:19:01,753
Couldn't care less.

387
00:19:01,820 --> 00:19:02,820
Ok.

388
00:19:08,361 --> 00:19:10,995
No. Doug, come on.

389
00:19:11,630 --> 00:19:12,931
Come on!

390
00:19:12,998 --> 00:19:14,832
Are you on board
with this or not?

391
00:19:14,900 --> 00:19:16,535
Yes. That's how I kiss.

392
00:19:17,937 --> 00:19:19,938
Fine, you know what? I'm...

393
00:19:20,005 --> 00:19:22,140
I'm not on board with
this, all right?

394
00:19:22,208 --> 00:19:24,242
I mean, I finally figured
out what our problem is.

395
00:19:24,310 --> 00:19:25,477
What?

396
00:19:25,545 --> 00:19:27,712
We had no problem.
That's the problem.

397
00:19:27,780 --> 00:19:30,215
Our relationship was great
until you banned sex.

398
00:19:30,283 --> 00:19:33,185
No, Doug, we were
avoiding communication.

399
00:19:33,252 --> 00:19:35,653
No, we weren't. We were...

400
00:19:35,721 --> 00:19:37,989
Carrie, can I tell
you a little story?

401
00:19:38,057 --> 00:19:39,157
Sure.

402
00:19:39,225 --> 00:19:42,060
It's about a tasty
beverage called Coca-Cola,

403
00:19:42,128 --> 00:19:45,697
invented some time in the 1600s.

404
00:19:45,764 --> 00:19:48,467
Anyway, it was sweet.
It was refreshing.

405
00:19:48,534 --> 00:19:50,302
Stores couldn't
keep it in stock.

406
00:19:50,369 --> 00:19:53,505
Kids wanted it like Wonka
bars, and times were good.

407
00:19:53,573 --> 00:19:55,907
Is this your way of tellin'
me we're running out of coke?

408
00:19:55,975 --> 00:19:58,009
No, it's not! Although
we are running low,

409
00:19:58,077 --> 00:19:59,711
so you might want
to get on that.

410
00:19:59,778 --> 00:20:01,480
Anyway, can I finish
my story, please?

411
00:20:01,547 --> 00:20:04,149
So one day, one... And
baloney, get baloney.

412
00:20:06,419 --> 00:20:10,155
One day, one of the geniuses

413
00:20:10,223 --> 00:20:11,956
working at the coke factory,

414
00:20:12,024 --> 00:20:14,459
probably after
reading an article,

415
00:20:14,527 --> 00:20:17,028
said to himself, "you know what,
I want to make coke better."

416
00:20:17,096 --> 00:20:18,830
And you know what
they came out with?

417
00:20:18,897 --> 00:20:20,632
New coke.

418
00:20:20,699 --> 00:20:23,435
Or as I like to call
it, syrupy piss water.

419
00:20:25,571 --> 00:20:28,540
You finished a pound of baloney?
I just bought that.

420
00:20:28,608 --> 00:20:30,375
Ok. You're not listening
to me here, ok?

421
00:20:30,443 --> 00:20:33,178
The point is... It was
sliced very thin.

422
00:20:33,246 --> 00:20:34,579
But it's still a pound.

423
00:20:34,647 --> 00:20:36,181
Can I bring my point home?

424
00:20:36,249 --> 00:20:39,050
Yes.

425
00:20:39,118 --> 00:20:41,886
The point is, that's what you're
doing with our relationship.

426
00:20:41,954 --> 00:20:44,989
You're screwing around
with the formula.

427
00:20:45,057 --> 00:20:46,991
And you... You don't have to.

428
00:20:47,059 --> 00:20:49,127
It's... it's great what we have.

429
00:20:50,663 --> 00:20:52,130
I don't... I just...

430
00:20:52,198 --> 00:20:53,965
I just felt like we
needed to talk more.

431
00:20:54,033 --> 00:20:56,268
We talk all the time. We just...

432
00:20:56,335 --> 00:20:58,836
We don't talk about
library propositions.

433
00:20:58,904 --> 00:21:00,738
We talk about food,
what's on T.V.

434
00:21:00,806 --> 00:21:03,542
We make fun of strangers,
and damn it, it works!

435
00:21:05,244 --> 00:21:06,911
She works.

436
00:21:06,979 --> 00:21:09,714
You know what? That's it.
I'm not reading anymore.

437
00:21:10,583 --> 00:21:12,717
There you go.

438
00:21:12,785 --> 00:21:15,253
Ok, so is this... Is this over?

439
00:21:16,155 --> 00:21:17,088
It's over.

440
00:21:17,156 --> 00:21:18,990
Thank God.

441
00:21:19,058 --> 00:21:21,859
Now we can get back to talking
like normal people again.

442
00:21:25,030 --> 00:21:26,198
Welcome back,

443
00:21:26,265 --> 00:21:27,765
Fornication.

444
00:21:35,826 --> 00:21:36,865
Hey, man.

445
00:21:36,932 --> 00:21:37,717
Hi.

446
00:21:37,742 --> 00:21:40,877
Perfect timing. The game just started,
and I got a pizza on the way.

447
00:21:42,070 --> 00:21:43,772
Right, right.

448
00:21:45,908 --> 00:21:46,908
You ok, man?

449
00:21:46,975 --> 00:21:49,210
Yeah, I'm fine. Fine.

450
00:21:52,648 --> 00:21:54,849
The thing is I read
this article today.

451
00:21:56,419 --> 00:21:57,985
2 weeks?