1 00:00:23,984 --> 00:00:26,445 I'll pay you $5 if you eat that. 2 00:00:27,905 --> 00:00:29,865 - What? - The cheese you just dropped. 3 00:00:30,032 --> 00:00:31,992 Eat it and earn yourself 5 smackeroos. 4 00:00:32,784 --> 00:00:34,453 - No, thanks. - Ten. 5 00:00:34,661 --> 00:00:36,622 - No. - Twenty? 6 00:00:37,831 --> 00:00:39,666 Doug, we have the same bank account. 7 00:00:39,833 --> 00:00:42,628 If I wanna get $20 from you, I'll go to the ATM. 8 00:00:42,794 --> 00:00:45,297 I don't need to eat dirty cheese. 9 00:00:45,631 --> 00:00:47,257 True, but I got a 20 right here. 10 00:00:47,424 --> 00:00:50,427 You can have it right now. Buy yourself a new brassiere. 11 00:00:53,639 --> 00:00:57,226 Awful tempting, but still a no. 12 00:01:02,773 --> 00:01:04,233 Will you give me 20 if I eat it? 13 00:01:05,025 --> 00:01:06,485 - No. - Ten? 14 00:01:06,652 --> 00:01:07,694 - No. - Five? 15 00:01:07,861 --> 00:01:09,196 - Doug... - That's a bargain. 16 00:01:09,363 --> 00:01:12,825 You're not gonna find anybody to eat dirty cheese for under $5. 17 00:01:13,033 --> 00:01:18,080 I don't care. I have no desire to pay or be paid to eat dirty cheese. 18 00:01:18,872 --> 00:01:21,583 You take no joy in life, do you? 19 00:02:02,161 --> 00:02:05,039 - You trying to see my combination? - No, I was just looking at the... 20 00:02:07,082 --> 00:02:09,126 What is it? Ten, two, 38? 21 00:02:09,293 --> 00:02:11,337 You were looking. And by the way, you're wrong. 22 00:02:11,503 --> 00:02:12,588 Ten, three, 35? 23 00:02:12,755 --> 00:02:13,922 - Nope. - Come on, give it up. 24 00:02:14,089 --> 00:02:15,507 I thought we were friends. 25 00:02:15,674 --> 00:02:18,927 Okay, fine, it's seven, eight, 53. 26 00:02:19,094 --> 00:02:20,888 Don't insult my intelligence. 27 00:02:21,513 --> 00:02:23,474 - Come on, you ready? - Just one second. 28 00:02:23,641 --> 00:02:25,225 - I wanna talk to Roger first. - Why? 29 00:02:25,392 --> 00:02:28,812 I wanna see if I can switch vacation time so mine matches with Carrie's. 30 00:02:29,355 --> 00:02:30,606 Hey, hey, hey, Roger. 31 00:02:30,773 --> 00:02:33,942 You happen to have a chance to talk to your wife about the vacation thing? 32 00:02:34,109 --> 00:02:37,321 Oh, yeah. You can have the time. 33 00:02:37,613 --> 00:02:39,740 My wife and I are actually splitting up. 34 00:02:39,907 --> 00:02:41,575 Oh, man, that's rough. 35 00:02:41,742 --> 00:02:45,746 That's really... So that's the 8th to the 22nd, right? 36 00:02:45,913 --> 00:02:47,122 Yeah. 37 00:02:47,289 --> 00:02:49,124 Yeah, anyway, sorry to hear about that. 38 00:02:49,291 --> 00:02:53,379 That's brutal stuff, you know? Stay strong. 39 00:02:56,799 --> 00:02:58,592 How long before I can start celebrating? 40 00:02:58,759 --> 00:03:02,221 And he's around the corner. 41 00:03:03,472 --> 00:03:05,849 - Where you taking your vacation? - We haven't decided yet. 42 00:03:06,016 --> 00:03:08,143 All I know is we're going on vacation, 43 00:03:08,310 --> 00:03:10,479 because Roger's wife say, "Bye-bye, loser!" 44 00:03:10,646 --> 00:03:12,773 Not you. Different Roger. 45 00:03:33,544 --> 00:03:35,546 Great RV. 46 00:03:35,713 --> 00:03:39,133 Thanks. It's a Road bird Freedom 5000. 47 00:03:39,299 --> 00:03:40,551 Where you headed? 48 00:03:40,718 --> 00:03:42,594 The wife and I just drove down from Seattle. 49 00:03:42,761 --> 00:03:45,198 Don't know where we're going next, but it doesn't really matter 50 00:03:45,222 --> 00:03:47,933 when you're driving one of these puppies. 51 00:03:48,309 --> 00:03:51,520 Hey, honey, fry me up some Steak-umms, will you? 52 00:03:54,898 --> 00:03:56,483 You ever been in one of these? 53 00:03:56,650 --> 00:03:58,569 Best vacation of my life. 54 00:04:06,327 --> 00:04:10,331 Doug. Come on, it's the Grand Canyon. 55 00:04:10,497 --> 00:04:13,417 The sun's about to set. You're gonna miss it. 56 00:04:13,584 --> 00:04:15,502 Coming. 57 00:04:30,517 --> 00:04:31,602 Yes. 58 00:04:37,650 --> 00:04:40,110 - Hello, sweetheart. - Hey, Dad. 59 00:04:42,738 --> 00:04:45,115 "Planning a Trip to Paris." 60 00:04:45,824 --> 00:04:48,369 What are you, planning a trip to Paris? 61 00:04:49,370 --> 00:04:51,121 You nailed it. 62 00:04:51,580 --> 00:04:53,207 Doug and I are going on vacation 63 00:04:53,374 --> 00:04:56,251 and I found these really cheap flights on the Internet. 64 00:04:56,418 --> 00:04:57,753 Paris. 65 00:04:57,920 --> 00:04:59,922 Last time I was there was when we liberated it 66 00:05:00,089 --> 00:05:03,384 from the Nazis back in '44. 67 00:05:03,801 --> 00:05:06,679 Freedom rang again in the City of Lights. 68 00:05:07,012 --> 00:05:10,265 I also got the clap, but that's a story for another time. 69 00:05:15,437 --> 00:05:18,315 Anyway, as far as this trip is concerned, thank you 70 00:05:18,482 --> 00:05:22,069 but I'm going to have to respectfully decline. 71 00:05:24,780 --> 00:05:26,615 Don't be offended, I'd love to come with you. 72 00:05:26,782 --> 00:05:29,118 It's just I have a problem on long flights. 73 00:05:29,284 --> 00:05:32,329 I tend to panic and sob like a woman. 74 00:05:33,914 --> 00:05:36,792 Okay. Well, if you can't come, you can't come, Dad. 75 00:05:36,959 --> 00:05:39,003 - Send me a postcard. - Okay. 76 00:05:40,212 --> 00:05:41,922 - Close your eyes. - What? 77 00:05:42,089 --> 00:05:44,967 - Close this part of your face now. - Okay. 78 00:05:45,134 --> 00:05:47,177 - What is it? What's going on? - Just come with me. 79 00:05:47,344 --> 00:05:49,138 Okay. All right, Doug. 80 00:05:49,305 --> 00:05:52,099 Don't try to feel me up like you did last time. 81 00:05:52,766 --> 00:05:55,519 Relax, okay? I just picked up a little something on my way home. 82 00:05:55,686 --> 00:05:57,479 - Okay. - Okay. 83 00:05:58,522 --> 00:06:00,566 Here we go. 84 00:06:01,775 --> 00:06:07,698 Okay, open them up and step into the world of the Road bird Freedom 5000. 85 00:06:07,865 --> 00:06:10,409 Do you like being a slave to the clock, 86 00:06:10,576 --> 00:06:13,996 feeling compelled to follow a certain schedule, 87 00:06:14,163 --> 00:06:16,415 or are you independent-minded? 88 00:06:16,582 --> 00:06:18,584 When you see RVs on the road, 89 00:06:18,751 --> 00:06:21,920 do you wonder where they're going, where they've been 90 00:06:22,087 --> 00:06:24,423 and envy the driver's freedom? 91 00:06:24,590 --> 00:06:28,594 Yes, yes, and oh, yeah. 92 00:06:30,596 --> 00:06:32,014 Doug. 93 00:06:32,181 --> 00:06:35,225 Don't think we're going in an RV for our vacation. 94 00:06:36,143 --> 00:06:40,064 - Why not? - Because we are going to Paris. 95 00:06:40,230 --> 00:06:42,566 I found these really cheap flights on the Internet. 96 00:06:42,733 --> 00:06:45,778 No, no, no. RV, out West, I got the video. 97 00:06:45,944 --> 00:06:48,864 Okay, maybe you didn't hear me but I said Paris. 98 00:06:49,031 --> 00:06:50,949 You know, as in Paris. 99 00:06:51,116 --> 00:06:54,244 The most romantic frigging city in the world. 100 00:06:55,704 --> 00:06:58,332 Okay. It's beautiful, it's old... 101 00:06:58,499 --> 00:07:01,001 Oh, okay. I guess the Grand Canyon isn't old. 102 00:07:01,168 --> 00:07:02,961 - Yeah, they just put that in. - All right. 103 00:07:03,128 --> 00:07:04,505 Doug. Just come here. 104 00:07:04,672 --> 00:07:06,215 Let me show you the stuff I printed. 105 00:07:06,382 --> 00:07:08,092 Now, we don't have to stay in Paris. 106 00:07:08,258 --> 00:07:10,302 We could just be based there, you know, 107 00:07:10,469 --> 00:07:15,683 and just travel around to like the wine country, the Loire Valley. 108 00:07:15,849 --> 00:07:18,519 I'm sorry, the what valley? 109 00:07:18,686 --> 00:07:20,187 Loire. 110 00:07:20,354 --> 00:07:21,772 Okay, we're going back to the tape. 111 00:07:21,939 --> 00:07:24,483 No, come on, I don't wanna see the tape again. 112 00:07:24,650 --> 00:07:27,319 I don't think you understand how great this is. 113 00:07:27,486 --> 00:07:32,449 Look what this man is doing. He's driving around in his living room. 114 00:07:33,409 --> 00:07:35,703 And his wife is making him chilli. Where? 115 00:07:35,869 --> 00:07:38,038 In the living room. 116 00:07:38,205 --> 00:07:41,834 Okay, Doug, listen to me, sweetie. 117 00:07:42,001 --> 00:07:46,213 You're a good fella. I love being married to you, I do. 118 00:07:46,380 --> 00:07:50,801 Now, that being said, RV, N-O. 119 00:07:51,468 --> 00:07:54,263 - Okay, okay. I see, I see. - You see what? 120 00:07:54,430 --> 00:07:56,265 You obviously like being a slave to the clock. 121 00:07:56,432 --> 00:07:58,559 You feel compelled to follow a certain schedule, 122 00:07:58,726 --> 00:08:00,728 whereas I am independent-minded. 123 00:08:01,687 --> 00:08:03,647 Don't quote from the video. 124 00:08:03,814 --> 00:08:05,941 I'm not, I just thought of that. 125 00:08:06,233 --> 00:08:08,402 I'm not giving in on this one, Carrie. Okay? 126 00:08:08,569 --> 00:08:10,779 I'm not. You got your way on all our other vacations. 127 00:08:10,946 --> 00:08:12,114 When? When did I get my way? 128 00:08:12,281 --> 00:08:13,824 Two years ago when we went to Florida? 129 00:08:13,991 --> 00:08:17,745 Yeah, and we spent the entire time at the Mets spring-training camp. 130 00:08:17,911 --> 00:08:20,748 Excuse me, that was research for my gambling. 131 00:08:20,914 --> 00:08:22,624 Oh, please. 132 00:08:23,334 --> 00:08:27,171 Okay, fine, fine. What about when we went to Apple Country? 133 00:08:27,338 --> 00:08:30,424 - That was a weekend. - Of pure apple hell. 134 00:08:32,092 --> 00:08:36,096 All right, Doug, please? Let's not fight about this, okay? 135 00:08:36,263 --> 00:08:37,640 - All right, you're right. - Okay. 136 00:08:37,806 --> 00:08:41,602 I mean, this is our vacation. We're supposed to be having fun. 137 00:08:41,769 --> 00:08:43,103 Have fun, yes. 138 00:08:43,270 --> 00:08:46,148 Let's just sleep on it. We'll figure something out. 139 00:08:46,315 --> 00:08:48,192 - Figure something out? - I'm screwed, right? 140 00:08:48,359 --> 00:08:49,485 Doesn't look good. 141 00:08:49,652 --> 00:08:51,070 I don't wanna go to Paris. 142 00:08:51,236 --> 00:08:53,072 Can't I just run at her, tape her mouth shut, 143 00:08:53,238 --> 00:08:55,491 throw her in the RV and drive off? 144 00:08:55,658 --> 00:08:57,409 It's not against the law if you're married. 145 00:08:57,576 --> 00:08:58,994 It might be, yeah. 146 00:08:59,161 --> 00:09:01,205 - Hey, you try the guilt thing. - What do you mean? 147 00:09:01,372 --> 00:09:02,414 You know, you say, 148 00:09:02,581 --> 00:09:05,376 "Hey, let's go where you wanna go. I want you to be happy." 149 00:09:05,542 --> 00:09:08,253 She thinks you're so sweet, she'll do what you want instead. 150 00:09:08,420 --> 00:09:12,216 I'll try it, man, I got nothing else. Paris. 151 00:09:12,383 --> 00:09:15,010 I'm from Paris, look at me. 152 00:09:16,303 --> 00:09:18,973 - What accent was that? - I don't know. 153 00:09:24,979 --> 00:09:27,022 - Hey. - Hey. 154 00:09:27,856 --> 00:09:30,317 Look, about the vacation, 155 00:09:30,484 --> 00:09:34,154 I thought about it and I realised you work hard 156 00:09:34,321 --> 00:09:37,199 and I know this time is important to you, 157 00:09:37,366 --> 00:09:40,369 - so if you wanna go to Paris... - Oh, my God. 158 00:09:40,536 --> 00:09:42,663 - This is gonna be so great. - No, no, Paris, no. 159 00:09:45,749 --> 00:09:47,167 Why did you just say we can go? 160 00:09:47,334 --> 00:09:49,545 That's nothing you need to know about. 161 00:09:49,712 --> 00:09:51,964 The important thing is, we need to make a decision here. 162 00:09:52,131 --> 00:09:53,173 How do you wanna decide? 163 00:09:53,340 --> 00:09:54,925 I don't know. But we have to decide soon 164 00:09:55,092 --> 00:09:57,386 or we'll never be able to get plane reservations. 165 00:09:57,553 --> 00:10:02,933 - Or? - Or get bug spray or whatever. 166 00:10:04,226 --> 00:10:05,978 It's obvious neither of us is gonna budge, 167 00:10:06,145 --> 00:10:09,148 so how about this, how about we flip a coin? 168 00:10:09,773 --> 00:10:13,527 Flip a coin? You wanna decide our vacation by flipping a coin? 169 00:10:13,694 --> 00:10:16,780 If it's good enough for the Super Bowl, it's good enough for the Heffernans. 170 00:10:18,490 --> 00:10:20,409 Okay, fine, fine. Flip a coin. 171 00:10:20,576 --> 00:10:22,244 Here you go. 172 00:10:23,120 --> 00:10:27,124 You wanna flip a penny? What the hell is wrong with you? 173 00:10:29,752 --> 00:10:31,211 What? It has two sides. 174 00:10:31,378 --> 00:10:33,964 You are such a girl. 175 00:10:35,424 --> 00:10:36,508 We're gonna flip a quarter. 176 00:10:36,675 --> 00:10:40,220 And for future reference, this is your smallest flippable coin. 177 00:10:40,387 --> 00:10:42,139 - Okay, flip it. - Okay, here we go. 178 00:10:42,306 --> 00:10:46,560 So let's say, heads, Paris? Tails, RV? 179 00:10:47,978 --> 00:10:49,146 - Okay, okay. - All right. 180 00:10:49,313 --> 00:10:52,316 All right, here we go. Tails never fails. 181 00:10:54,401 --> 00:10:55,611 Oh, all right. 182 00:10:55,819 --> 00:11:00,157 Well, the important thing is we'll have a great vacation together. 183 00:11:00,324 --> 00:11:02,242 Speaking English. 184 00:11:03,077 --> 00:11:06,288 But I will gladly make you French toast every morning because I won. 185 00:11:06,455 --> 00:11:08,749 Touché. Non Paris, Carrie. 186 00:11:40,513 --> 00:11:42,432 Oh, God. 187 00:11:49,339 --> 00:11:50,715 Climb aboard. 188 00:11:56,009 --> 00:11:58,261 What is this doing here now? 189 00:11:58,428 --> 00:12:01,014 The guy let me take it home overnight for a test drive. 190 00:12:04,642 --> 00:12:07,228 Okay. It has a lot of horn sounds, we get it. 191 00:12:07,395 --> 00:12:09,147 Yup, she's got 28 of them. 192 00:12:09,314 --> 00:12:10,940 - She? - That's right, she. 193 00:12:11,107 --> 00:12:15,320 Okay. Unless she has boobies and a uterus, that has to stop. 194 00:12:15,487 --> 00:12:16,988 Come on, let me give you the tour. 195 00:12:17,155 --> 00:12:20,408 All right, then. You got your driver's cockpit right here. 196 00:12:20,575 --> 00:12:22,786 That's right, I said cockpit. 197 00:12:23,036 --> 00:12:26,331 With a powerful Triton V-10 engine humming underneath. 198 00:12:26,498 --> 00:12:30,376 Over here, you got your galley slide-out with genuine-leather seating surfaces. 199 00:12:30,543 --> 00:12:32,170 Oh, and this is great. 200 00:12:32,337 --> 00:12:36,049 Built-in 25-inch television. Think of the beauty of it, Carrie. 201 00:12:36,216 --> 00:12:40,094 If we're not getting great reception, we just drive to wherever it's better. 202 00:12:41,262 --> 00:12:44,224 And look here, see this table? Folds into an extra bed. 203 00:12:44,390 --> 00:12:45,433 See how that works? 204 00:12:45,600 --> 00:12:49,270 Bed. Table. 205 00:12:49,437 --> 00:12:53,983 Yeah, it's two things, I get it. Okay, can I ask you a question? 206 00:12:55,151 --> 00:13:00,031 Breaker one-nine, lady's got a question. Ten-four. 207 00:13:02,408 --> 00:13:05,245 - Where do you go to the bathroom? - I'm glad you asked, little missy. 208 00:13:05,411 --> 00:13:07,705 You got your private restroom quarters right over here, 209 00:13:07,914 --> 00:13:11,251 conveniently located right off of the master bedroom. 210 00:13:11,668 --> 00:13:13,294 See? You got all your privacy. 211 00:13:13,461 --> 00:13:15,713 Nobody knows your business. 212 00:13:15,880 --> 00:13:19,259 I actually can hear you better now. 213 00:13:19,425 --> 00:13:22,470 All right, what happens if we use the bathroom and we're out on the road? 214 00:13:22,637 --> 00:13:24,597 Where does everything go? 215 00:13:24,764 --> 00:13:26,516 Well, you ride around with it for a few days 216 00:13:26,683 --> 00:13:28,101 until you find a place to drain it. 217 00:13:29,227 --> 00:13:31,354 Oh, my God. 218 00:13:32,105 --> 00:13:34,899 You know what would be nice? If you were remotely on board with this. 219 00:13:35,066 --> 00:13:36,609 How can I be on board with this, Doug? 220 00:13:36,776 --> 00:13:39,362 - It's horrible. - Hey, I won the flip, all right? 221 00:13:39,529 --> 00:13:41,906 I didn't force you to flip a coin. You agreed. 222 00:13:42,073 --> 00:13:44,200 Yeah, but you forced me to flip a quarter, okay? 223 00:13:44,367 --> 00:13:46,327 I had a good feeling about that penny. 224 00:13:46,786 --> 00:13:48,455 All I know is if you'd have won the flip, 225 00:13:48,621 --> 00:13:50,707 I'd be going to Paris with a beret and a smile. 226 00:13:50,874 --> 00:13:53,710 Oh, yeah, right, I can just imagine what a joy you would have been 227 00:13:53,877 --> 00:13:55,253 when we were standing in the Louvre 228 00:13:55,420 --> 00:13:58,548 looking at 19th century impressionist art. 229 00:14:01,759 --> 00:14:04,929 Well, we'll never know that now, will we? 230 00:14:05,096 --> 00:14:06,848 Now, this is gonna be fun. You know why? 231 00:14:07,015 --> 00:14:10,268 Because that's a table bed and that's pretty neat. Yeah. 232 00:14:14,272 --> 00:14:16,733 An RV? What are you gonna do? 233 00:14:16,900 --> 00:14:18,902 I don't know. 234 00:14:19,068 --> 00:14:20,779 Maybe I could drop something on Doug's foot 235 00:14:20,945 --> 00:14:23,406 so he can't drive for two weeks. 236 00:14:23,573 --> 00:14:25,450 Don't hurt him too bad. He drives for a living. 237 00:14:25,617 --> 00:14:27,744 Oh, they'll find him something. 238 00:14:28,745 --> 00:14:31,206 Where do you even go to the bathroom in one of these things? 239 00:14:31,372 --> 00:14:35,543 Into a pail which is behind a piece of cardboard. 240 00:14:35,919 --> 00:14:37,545 You gotta keep this from happening. 241 00:14:37,712 --> 00:14:42,383 I know. I wish there was some way I can get Doug off of this. 242 00:14:43,885 --> 00:14:45,220 - Darling. - Hey, Dad. 243 00:14:45,386 --> 00:14:47,972 - Oh, hello, Kelly. - Hello. 244 00:14:48,139 --> 00:14:50,975 - You're looking gorgeous as usual. - Thank you, Mr. Spooner. 245 00:14:51,142 --> 00:14:55,647 Oh, what a thing we could have going if it wasn't for society's taboos. 246 00:14:56,981 --> 00:14:59,400 Those damn taboos. 247 00:14:59,859 --> 00:15:01,736 "RV Rental Agreement." 248 00:15:01,903 --> 00:15:04,614 What are you, agreeing to rent an RV? 249 00:15:05,448 --> 00:15:08,701 Yeah, we're doing that instead of the Paris trip. 250 00:15:08,868 --> 00:15:09,911 No kidding? 251 00:15:10,078 --> 00:15:13,498 Nothing I love more than cruising the open road. 252 00:15:13,665 --> 00:15:16,042 You think Douglas would mind if I tagged along? 253 00:15:18,962 --> 00:15:25,426 Actually, he did say something about a table turning into a bed. 254 00:15:38,523 --> 00:15:41,985 Oh, this is gonna be a sweet road-mix tape. 255 00:15:42,152 --> 00:15:44,571 Are you sure you don't wanna take this? 256 00:15:44,737 --> 00:15:48,116 "Spence Olchin's Prom Party-Through-the-Night" mix? 257 00:15:50,535 --> 00:15:52,203 I'm pretty sure. 258 00:15:52,495 --> 00:15:54,497 "Sunglasses at Night." 259 00:15:54,664 --> 00:15:56,958 "Too Shy" by KajaGooGoo. 260 00:15:57,125 --> 00:16:01,004 Oh, I guess you can't drive to those. This is a great tape. 261 00:16:01,171 --> 00:16:03,756 Yeah, it worked great for you on prom night, didn't it? 262 00:16:05,300 --> 00:16:07,469 It's still a great tape. 263 00:16:08,178 --> 00:16:09,429 No, I'm fine with what I got. 264 00:16:09,596 --> 00:16:12,599 I'm gonna be rocking my way across the U.S.A. 265 00:16:44,297 --> 00:16:47,717 Bet you didn't know I played the mouth organ, did you, Douglas? 266 00:16:48,510 --> 00:16:51,387 Okay, first of all, please don't call it that. 267 00:16:51,596 --> 00:16:54,099 And second of all, why are you playing it? 268 00:16:54,265 --> 00:16:57,936 Because I'm coming on the road with you, you silly son of a bitch. 269 00:16:59,437 --> 00:17:02,232 If you're willing to learn to play the spoons, we can jam all night. 270 00:17:03,441 --> 00:17:05,568 What do you mean, you're coming on the road with us? 271 00:17:05,735 --> 00:17:06,778 In the RV. 272 00:17:06,945 --> 00:17:10,323 That was quite generous of you kids. I know they can be cramped quarters. 273 00:17:10,490 --> 00:17:12,909 That's why I'm only gonna pack this outfit 274 00:17:13,076 --> 00:17:16,704 and a pair of silk underwear I'll wash out at night. 275 00:17:17,956 --> 00:17:19,749 Will you excuse me? I have to... 276 00:17:19,916 --> 00:17:22,001 Carrie! 277 00:17:23,086 --> 00:17:25,505 What did you do? What did you do? 278 00:17:25,672 --> 00:17:27,715 - What? - You invited your father. 279 00:17:27,882 --> 00:17:30,844 You're trying to ruin this vacation out of spite, aren't you? 280 00:17:31,594 --> 00:17:33,680 No, no, no. 281 00:17:33,847 --> 00:17:37,434 He overheard me talking and he thought I was inviting him. 282 00:17:37,600 --> 00:17:40,770 And then he got so excited, I just didn't wanna say no. 283 00:17:41,729 --> 00:17:45,066 I don't want your father in my Road bird. 284 00:17:45,692 --> 00:17:48,486 Why not? We got that great table-bed, right? 285 00:17:48,653 --> 00:17:51,030 Yes, we do, but I don't wanna eat breakfast on a table 286 00:17:51,197 --> 00:17:52,949 that recently held your father's ass. 287 00:17:53,116 --> 00:17:54,534 That's ass breakfast. 288 00:17:55,243 --> 00:17:57,745 Well, Doug, you know, we do have another option. 289 00:17:57,912 --> 00:17:59,497 I mean, my father doesn't like to fly, 290 00:17:59,664 --> 00:18:03,793 so we could go to, oh, I don't know, Paris? 291 00:18:05,295 --> 00:18:07,797 Well, this is a side of you I've never seen. 292 00:18:07,964 --> 00:18:09,466 - What do you mean? - What do I mean? 293 00:18:09,632 --> 00:18:12,135 You think if you invite your father on the RV, I'll back out, 294 00:18:12,302 --> 00:18:14,471 then go to Paris like you wanted in the first place. 295 00:18:14,637 --> 00:18:15,805 No, no, no. 296 00:18:15,972 --> 00:18:18,683 I just thought it would be nice to have my father with us. 297 00:18:18,850 --> 00:18:21,519 Oh, the lies. 298 00:18:22,562 --> 00:18:24,439 Know what? That's it. You know what you bought? 299 00:18:24,606 --> 00:18:26,900 A trip with your father, because I'm not backing down. 300 00:18:27,066 --> 00:18:28,610 - That's fine. - Fine, sunshine sister. 301 00:18:28,777 --> 00:18:31,780 Because that's the deal, and as long as we're inviting people on vacation, 302 00:18:31,946 --> 00:18:33,239 watch this little ditty. 303 00:18:33,406 --> 00:18:35,825 Spence? 304 00:18:36,534 --> 00:18:37,827 Oh, yeah, it's gonna happen. 305 00:18:38,870 --> 00:18:41,915 That's fine, that's fine. 306 00:18:42,373 --> 00:18:44,375 I like Spence. 307 00:18:49,297 --> 00:18:51,883 - You all packed? - Yup, you? 308 00:18:52,050 --> 00:18:54,469 - Yup. - Great. 309 00:18:54,636 --> 00:18:58,389 - Excited? - Oh, yeah, excited. 310 00:19:05,980 --> 00:19:08,108 - I don't have it. - Move faster. 311 00:19:08,274 --> 00:19:11,152 - It's heavy. - Dad, what the hell is that? 312 00:19:11,319 --> 00:19:13,279 I bought a canoe. I figured, why rent? 313 00:19:13,446 --> 00:19:16,366 It'll pay for itself after 50 uses. 314 00:19:17,242 --> 00:19:18,910 We don't have room for a canoe, Arthur. 315 00:19:19,077 --> 00:19:20,954 - I told you. - Shut up. 316 00:19:21,121 --> 00:19:24,582 If you hadn't been so whiny, we could have snuck it by them. 317 00:19:24,749 --> 00:19:26,292 Okay, back down. 318 00:19:32,632 --> 00:19:34,634 Man, what the hell did we do? 319 00:19:34,801 --> 00:19:37,512 We destroyed our vacation, that's what. 320 00:19:38,430 --> 00:19:40,849 You know, now that my father and Spence are coming, 321 00:19:41,015 --> 00:19:44,477 the thought of you and me alone in an RV 322 00:19:44,644 --> 00:19:46,688 sounds like a little slice of heaven. 323 00:19:49,107 --> 00:19:50,150 What if we bolt right now? 324 00:19:50,316 --> 00:19:53,111 We'll drive through the night. They'll never find us. 325 00:19:53,987 --> 00:19:59,242 No, they'll hear the engine starting. They'll run after us like dogs. 326 00:20:00,201 --> 00:20:04,664 No, we just gotta bite the bullet and get this stupid vacation over with. 327 00:20:04,831 --> 00:20:06,875 No. No, that is not acceptable, okay? 328 00:20:07,041 --> 00:20:10,336 We got the Road bird Freedom 5000 sitting right outside, okay? 329 00:20:10,503 --> 00:20:13,840 I cannot... I will not let that dream go. 330 00:20:14,007 --> 00:20:16,217 Spence, Arthur. 331 00:20:16,384 --> 00:20:18,595 Oh, my God. 332 00:20:18,762 --> 00:20:20,346 Let me handle this, son. 333 00:20:20,764 --> 00:20:24,976 Do you mean to tell me we were never wanted on this trip? 334 00:20:26,060 --> 00:20:31,191 That we were just pawns in some twisted little game of marital chicken? 335 00:20:32,025 --> 00:20:36,905 Dad, it's not like we don't enjoy spending time with the both of you. 336 00:20:37,071 --> 00:20:40,450 - Here. - Yes, love you both. 337 00:20:40,617 --> 00:20:42,410 Here. 338 00:20:42,786 --> 00:20:44,829 This is an outrage. 339 00:20:44,996 --> 00:20:48,583 This young man cleared two weeks out of his schedule, as did I. 340 00:20:48,750 --> 00:20:52,003 And this is a very busy time for me. 341 00:20:53,213 --> 00:20:58,259 Look, Dad, we are very, very sorry, but it is our vacation. 342 00:20:58,426 --> 00:21:01,096 Well, it is our vacation too. 343 00:21:01,262 --> 00:21:06,184 We have just as much right to that gorgeous motor home as you do. 344 00:21:07,185 --> 00:21:11,356 It would seem that we are at an impasse. 345 00:21:11,523 --> 00:21:14,234 All right, so how do you wanna settle this? 346 00:21:24,327 --> 00:21:29,499 Well, I guess sometimes tails does fail. 347 00:21:43,316 --> 00:21:44,734 Hey, Clem. 348 00:21:44,901 --> 00:21:48,697 Check out that old man and that funny-looking boy by the camper. 349 00:21:48,863 --> 00:21:52,284 The boy's got an awful pretty mouth.