1 00:00:05,738 --> 00:00:07,939 Whoa, wait a minute. Leave that. 2 00:00:08,007 --> 00:00:09,074 What is it? 3 00:00:09,142 --> 00:00:10,942 I don't know, but Jimmy Smits is in it. 4 00:00:11,010 --> 00:00:13,178 That's all I need to know. 5 00:00:13,246 --> 00:00:15,414 Ah, so you like your Jimmy, do you? 6 00:00:15,482 --> 00:00:17,616 Honey, I love you more than anyone in the world, 7 00:00:17,683 --> 00:00:19,184 but if I actually had a shot at him, 8 00:00:19,252 --> 00:00:22,154 I'd have to shove you in front of a bus. 9 00:00:22,222 --> 00:00:24,389 Ok, fair enough. So, uh, do I get one? 10 00:00:24,457 --> 00:00:25,557 One what? 11 00:00:25,625 --> 00:00:27,025 A fantasy person. 12 00:00:27,093 --> 00:00:28,893 You know, it's like, we each get to pick 13 00:00:28,961 --> 00:00:30,262 that one person on the planet 14 00:00:30,330 --> 00:00:32,564 that if by some crazy fluke 15 00:00:32,632 --> 00:00:34,533 we actually got a chance to be with them, 16 00:00:34,601 --> 00:00:37,436 the other just has to grin and let it happen. 17 00:00:38,404 --> 00:00:40,439 All right. I like it. 18 00:00:40,507 --> 00:00:41,584 So you're going with Jimmy? 19 00:00:41,608 --> 00:00:43,442 Gimme a second, will you? 20 00:00:44,977 --> 00:00:48,046 It's a big planet. I don't wanna blow it. 21 00:00:48,114 --> 00:00:50,282 Ok, do the Baldwin brothers count as one? 22 00:00:50,350 --> 00:00:51,517 No. 23 00:00:51,584 --> 00:00:52,584 Ok. 24 00:00:53,353 --> 00:00:55,654 Uh, Mel Gibson. 25 00:00:55,721 --> 00:00:57,088 You're sure? 26 00:00:57,157 --> 00:00:59,591 Yeah. Yeah, I'm sure. You can't go wrong with Mel. 27 00:00:59,659 --> 00:01:00,959 Ok. 28 00:01:01,027 --> 00:01:02,761 All right, who's yours? 29 00:01:02,828 --> 00:01:05,830 Um, Julia Roberts... 30 00:01:05,898 --> 00:01:07,832 Nah. 31 00:01:07,900 --> 00:01:10,780 I think I'm just gonna go with that girl that does your nails. Goodnight. 32 00:01:25,987 --> 00:01:27,921 All right, are you comfortable? Ready to go? 33 00:01:27,989 --> 00:01:29,256 I'm ready. 34 00:01:29,324 --> 00:01:32,626 Ok. Got the movie, got a box of dots, 35 00:01:32,694 --> 00:01:36,196 a box of milk duds, and a backup box of dots. 36 00:01:37,732 --> 00:01:40,801 Doug, when you plan a Saturday night, look out! 37 00:01:41,603 --> 00:01:42,603 Dot me, baby. 38 00:01:42,671 --> 00:01:43,737 Ok, there you are. 39 00:01:45,573 --> 00:01:48,809 Oh, I didn't know we were gonna watch a motion picture. 40 00:01:48,876 --> 00:01:50,243 Hi, dad. 41 00:01:50,312 --> 00:01:53,447 You should warn a fella when it's movie night. 42 00:01:53,515 --> 00:01:56,450 Actually, we, uh, we assumed that you had other plans. 43 00:01:56,518 --> 00:01:57,518 Well, you're in luck. 44 00:01:57,585 --> 00:02:00,287 Tonight, my dance card is wide open. 45 00:02:02,056 --> 00:02:03,324 All right. 46 00:02:03,391 --> 00:02:05,859 So what have we here: Shoot-'em-up, Sci-Fi, 47 00:02:06,728 --> 00:02:08,495 erotic thriller? 48 00:02:12,967 --> 00:02:14,301 It's a mystery, I think. 49 00:02:14,369 --> 00:02:16,403 Oh, nothing like a good whodunnit. 50 00:02:16,471 --> 00:02:18,905 Shh. Ok, here we go. Come on. 51 00:02:18,973 --> 00:02:20,607 "F.B.I. Warning, 52 00:02:20,675 --> 00:02:24,812 federal law provides severe civil and criminal..." 53 00:02:24,879 --> 00:02:26,447 Fast forwarding. 54 00:02:26,514 --> 00:02:29,850 Here we go. All right, here we go. 55 00:02:29,917 --> 00:02:33,787 Pentagon, October 1962. 56 00:02:33,855 --> 00:02:36,657 On the Eve of the Cuban missile crisis... 57 00:02:36,725 --> 00:02:37,891 Arthur, 58 00:02:38,560 --> 00:02:39,893 we can read. 59 00:02:40,662 --> 00:02:42,329 A thousand pardons. 60 00:02:47,034 --> 00:02:49,870 Why is that guy shaving his beard? 61 00:02:49,937 --> 00:02:52,005 Did I get here before you? 62 00:02:52,073 --> 00:02:54,808 I'm just trying to follow the story, Douglas. 63 00:02:54,876 --> 00:02:57,154 That's fine. Follow it without talking. Could you do that. 64 00:02:57,178 --> 00:02:59,079 Shh. Not me, him. Shh! 65 00:03:00,782 --> 00:03:01,915 Hey! 66 00:03:11,493 --> 00:03:14,227 What did he put into that bag? 67 00:03:15,997 --> 00:03:17,865 Arthur, every time you ask me a question, 68 00:03:17,932 --> 00:03:18,965 I can't watch the movie. 69 00:03:19,033 --> 00:03:20,434 Then I don't know what's going on! 70 00:03:20,502 --> 00:03:22,870 Then you should get a simpler movie! 71 00:03:22,937 --> 00:03:24,772 Oh, I'm gettin' a beer. 72 00:03:24,839 --> 00:03:25,916 Crack one for me, will you? 73 00:03:25,940 --> 00:03:26,940 Yeah. 74 00:03:31,646 --> 00:03:33,113 Aw, look at you. 75 00:03:33,180 --> 00:03:35,449 Babe, you're missing the movie. 76 00:03:35,517 --> 00:03:38,485 God, the universe is so big. 77 00:03:38,553 --> 00:03:40,921 Why did he have to end up here? 78 00:03:40,988 --> 00:03:42,723 Why couldn't he be... 79 00:03:43,725 --> 00:03:45,492 Like, there? 80 00:03:45,560 --> 00:03:47,160 Ok, you know what? 81 00:03:47,228 --> 00:03:48,562 Tonight, when he's sleeping, 82 00:03:48,630 --> 00:03:51,665 I'm gonna hold a pillow over his face. 83 00:03:51,733 --> 00:03:53,901 What, nothing for that? 84 00:03:53,968 --> 00:03:56,303 I just wish we had the house to ourselves, one time. 85 00:03:56,370 --> 00:03:58,204 Believe me, I would love that, too. 86 00:03:58,272 --> 00:03:59,272 Yeah. 87 00:03:59,340 --> 00:04:01,508 Know when we first bought the place? 88 00:04:01,576 --> 00:04:05,612 Every weekend we'd just bunker in, get take-out, and walk around naked. 89 00:04:05,680 --> 00:04:06,814 Yeah. 90 00:04:06,881 --> 00:04:09,450 And you'd tell me to put some clothes on. 91 00:04:10,151 --> 00:04:11,251 Yeah. 92 00:04:11,319 --> 00:04:12,619 Well, that party's over. 93 00:04:12,687 --> 00:04:14,721 Honey, I'm sorry he's gotta be here. 94 00:04:14,789 --> 00:04:16,690 He's not a bad guy. It's just... 95 00:04:16,758 --> 00:04:18,826 I wish we could, you know, get rid of him. 96 00:04:19,894 --> 00:04:21,662 For a weekend. 97 00:04:21,729 --> 00:04:23,363 Well, you know what? Maybe we can. 98 00:04:23,431 --> 00:04:25,031 What do you mean? 99 00:04:25,099 --> 00:04:27,110 Well, maybe we can ask somebody to take him for a couple of days, 100 00:04:27,134 --> 00:04:28,702 you know, as a favor. 101 00:04:28,770 --> 00:04:30,471 You ever save anybody's life? 102 00:04:30,538 --> 00:04:33,173 No. Damn it, I had so many chances, too. 103 00:04:34,175 --> 00:04:35,241 Ok, you know what? 104 00:04:35,309 --> 00:04:37,043 Tomorrow we'll just start asking people. 105 00:04:37,111 --> 00:04:38,512 I mean, there's gotta be somebody. 106 00:04:38,580 --> 00:04:40,113 Absolutely. You know what we'll do? 107 00:04:40,181 --> 00:04:42,683 We'll get everyone we know drunk and just see where he sticks. 108 00:04:42,750 --> 00:04:43,817 It's a plan. 109 00:04:43,885 --> 00:04:46,653 Next weekend, it's just you and me, bub. 110 00:04:46,721 --> 00:04:49,055 Why did he put the bag in the locker? 111 00:04:49,123 --> 00:04:50,924 I'm not even in there! 112 00:04:55,697 --> 00:04:56,763 Hey, man, so, you ok? 113 00:04:56,831 --> 00:04:58,164 You, uh, need another beer? 114 00:04:58,232 --> 00:05:00,133 Moose, it's 4:00 in the afternoon. 115 00:05:00,201 --> 00:05:02,870 What are you trying to do, get me drunk? 116 00:05:02,937 --> 00:05:05,105 Whoa, look at this. We caught a break, Arthur's here. 117 00:05:05,172 --> 00:05:07,107 Capt. Artie, is it ok if we hang with you? 118 00:05:07,174 --> 00:05:08,876 I don't give a crap. 119 00:05:10,512 --> 00:05:12,178 So, you wanna hang? 120 00:05:12,814 --> 00:05:15,115 Whatever. 121 00:05:15,182 --> 00:05:17,851 I don't know why this guy insists on buying a "u." 122 00:05:17,919 --> 00:05:20,854 Some people have their brains in their asses. 123 00:05:22,089 --> 00:05:23,390 Brains in the ass. 124 00:05:23,457 --> 00:05:25,458 That's not even possible. 125 00:05:25,527 --> 00:05:28,228 Where does he come up with this stuff? 126 00:05:28,295 --> 00:05:30,864 Cup holder! It's cup holder. 127 00:05:30,932 --> 00:05:33,066 Oh, this guy ought to be shot. 128 00:05:34,969 --> 00:05:37,303 Shot. Oh, man, once he gets going, 129 00:05:37,371 --> 00:05:40,541 you just, you know what you do? You pull up a chair and enjoy the show. 130 00:05:40,608 --> 00:05:42,809 I thought you said he always drives you nuts. 131 00:05:42,877 --> 00:05:46,179 Well, sure, I did, but that was until I spent the weekend with him. 132 00:05:46,247 --> 00:05:48,615 Then, you know, I got it. You know. 133 00:05:49,984 --> 00:05:52,485 Oh, I just... I just got a crazy idea. 134 00:05:52,554 --> 00:05:54,120 What? 135 00:05:54,188 --> 00:05:56,333 You should... you should take him for, like, a weekend, you know. 136 00:05:56,357 --> 00:05:59,192 Keep him at your place. I'm cool with it. Hey, you need another beer? 137 00:05:59,260 --> 00:06:00,360 Sorry, moose. 138 00:06:00,428 --> 00:06:02,068 I ain't taking the old man off your hands. 139 00:06:02,129 --> 00:06:04,230 Oh, come on, rich. Just for one weekend. 140 00:06:04,298 --> 00:06:06,366 Forget it! I'm gonna head down to the firehouse. 141 00:06:06,434 --> 00:06:08,268 Hopefully, there's a fire somewhere. 142 00:06:08,335 --> 00:06:09,870 Hey, he likes fires, huh? 143 00:06:09,938 --> 00:06:12,706 He starts 'em, you put 'em out. There's a weekend right there. 144 00:06:16,878 --> 00:06:18,178 Dad, you want any dessert? 145 00:06:18,245 --> 00:06:19,546 No, thanks. 146 00:06:19,614 --> 00:06:21,514 I'm stuffed to the gills with lasagne. 147 00:06:21,583 --> 00:06:24,517 Now it's time to go upstairs and pay the band. 148 00:06:30,825 --> 00:06:32,225 So, did you find anybody yet? 149 00:06:32,293 --> 00:06:33,660 No. How about you? 150 00:06:33,728 --> 00:06:35,261 No. 151 00:06:35,329 --> 00:06:37,363 I made the mistake of asking my aunt Patti first, 152 00:06:37,431 --> 00:06:38,932 and she must have tipped people off 153 00:06:39,000 --> 00:06:41,935 because I can't get a phone call returned. 154 00:06:42,003 --> 00:06:43,704 Can't we just drive him out to the country 155 00:06:43,771 --> 00:06:45,405 and let him go? 156 00:06:49,477 --> 00:06:51,544 Nah, he'll find his way back. 157 00:06:52,446 --> 00:06:53,614 I guess. 158 00:06:53,681 --> 00:06:55,782 Well, everybody said no, huh? 159 00:06:55,850 --> 00:06:57,117 Even your cousin Danny? 160 00:06:57,184 --> 00:06:58,418 Oh, I didn't ask him. 161 00:06:58,486 --> 00:07:00,854 What? Why not? He idolizes you. 162 00:07:00,922 --> 00:07:02,055 He'd do anything for you. 163 00:07:02,123 --> 00:07:03,523 I know. That's the exact problem. 164 00:07:03,591 --> 00:07:05,631 My whole life he's been trying to be my best friend. 165 00:07:05,660 --> 00:07:08,161 He's like those little fish that glom onto the bigger fish. 166 00:07:08,229 --> 00:07:09,362 What do you call those? 167 00:07:09,430 --> 00:07:10,597 Uh, plankton? No. 168 00:07:10,665 --> 00:07:12,032 Barnacles? 169 00:07:12,100 --> 00:07:13,166 No. What else you got? 170 00:07:13,234 --> 00:07:14,534 Just call him! 171 00:07:14,602 --> 00:07:16,336 No, I don't wanna call him. All right! 172 00:07:16,403 --> 00:07:19,305 I've worked very hard at keeping my distance. I wanna keep it that way. 173 00:07:19,373 --> 00:07:21,541 All right, don't get your panties in a bunch. 174 00:07:22,744 --> 00:07:24,177 Douglas, I forget. 175 00:07:24,245 --> 00:07:27,047 Is your toothbrush the green one or the blue one? 176 00:07:28,449 --> 00:07:29,449 Blue. 177 00:07:29,517 --> 00:07:30,817 Oh, my God. 178 00:07:35,657 --> 00:07:37,691 All right. All right. All right. 179 00:07:41,562 --> 00:07:44,597 Dad. Dad. 180 00:07:44,666 --> 00:07:45,598 Huh! 181 00:07:45,667 --> 00:07:47,034 Sorry. Didn't mean to scare you. 182 00:07:47,101 --> 00:07:49,770 Oh, you're lucky I didn't throw a kick. 183 00:07:49,837 --> 00:07:51,237 What are you listening to? 184 00:07:51,305 --> 00:07:53,106 Oh, it's my self-help tape. 185 00:07:53,174 --> 00:07:55,441 Do you realize I'm the one who gets in my own way? 186 00:07:55,509 --> 00:07:57,243 Yes, I do. 187 00:07:57,311 --> 00:08:01,214 Uh, dad, Doug and I are having, uh, sort of a problem. 188 00:08:01,282 --> 00:08:02,783 Um, yeah, uh... 189 00:08:02,850 --> 00:08:04,284 You know my cousin Danny 190 00:08:04,351 --> 00:08:05,686 w-who owns the pizza place? 191 00:08:05,753 --> 00:08:08,021 No, but press on. 192 00:08:08,089 --> 00:08:11,457 Well, anyway, he's... he's got a guy out sick this weekend. 193 00:08:11,525 --> 00:08:14,761 Do you happen to know anyone who could possibly fill in? 194 00:08:14,829 --> 00:08:16,697 Hmm, let me see. 195 00:08:16,764 --> 00:08:19,866 Oh, I knew a fellow in the army who would be perfect for this. 196 00:08:19,934 --> 00:08:23,403 The only thing is his legs were blown off by a Nazi mortar. 197 00:08:24,138 --> 00:08:25,572 And he's dead. 198 00:08:27,274 --> 00:08:28,374 Sorry. 199 00:08:30,678 --> 00:08:31,878 Nice going. 200 00:08:31,946 --> 00:08:33,180 I was trying to be subtle. 201 00:08:33,247 --> 00:08:35,292 Doug, he didn't even know what you were talking about. 202 00:08:35,316 --> 00:08:37,150 Oh, he knew. He knew. You knew. You knew. 203 00:08:37,218 --> 00:08:40,153 All right. Stop it. All right. Stop it. Let me handle this. 204 00:08:42,190 --> 00:08:44,124 Still us, dad. 205 00:08:44,192 --> 00:08:46,126 So, you find anyone yet? 206 00:08:47,394 --> 00:08:49,562 Uh, no. 207 00:08:49,630 --> 00:08:52,866 But, you know, actually, Doug and I had this crazy idea. 208 00:08:52,934 --> 00:08:55,702 Uh, why don't you, uh, help Danny at the pizza place? 209 00:08:55,770 --> 00:08:58,471 Me? I'm flattered. 210 00:08:58,539 --> 00:09:01,641 So, I guess I gotta wear some sort of leotard? 211 00:09:04,545 --> 00:09:06,512 Did you hear "pizza place"? 212 00:09:10,351 --> 00:09:12,786 Listen, Danny, thanks again for, uh, helping out with Arthur. 213 00:09:12,854 --> 00:09:15,421 Oh, come on. This is great. I mean, just to see you again. 214 00:09:15,489 --> 00:09:18,825 You know, gotta tell this guy to call me back once in a while. 215 00:09:18,893 --> 00:09:21,928 I know, I'm bad. I don't call back. I'm not a phone guy. 216 00:09:21,996 --> 00:09:24,530 Aw, I'm just kidding around with you. Giving you a hard time. 217 00:09:24,598 --> 00:09:27,100 Listen, listen, we're... we're throwing together a dart league, 218 00:09:27,168 --> 00:09:30,370 and, uh, we got some room. Can I sign you up? 219 00:09:31,572 --> 00:09:33,573 You know, I think I'm already in one. 220 00:09:34,776 --> 00:09:36,509 Oh, uh, just... Just a second. 221 00:09:36,577 --> 00:09:38,945 Yello, Angelo's. How ya do, huh? 222 00:09:39,013 --> 00:09:41,114 Ok, a large pie, 223 00:09:41,182 --> 00:09:44,785 right half pepperoni. Ok. 224 00:09:44,852 --> 00:09:47,587 Hey, Giuseppe! Hey, when you gonna Bocce ball? 225 00:09:49,456 --> 00:09:50,924 Ok, 15 minutes. 226 00:09:53,094 --> 00:09:56,263 Listen, you can never be in too many dart leagues. 227 00:09:56,330 --> 00:09:57,597 Right. 228 00:09:57,665 --> 00:09:59,105 We should get going, what do you say? 229 00:09:59,133 --> 00:10:00,500 Wait, wait. Before you do, here, 230 00:10:00,567 --> 00:10:04,271 why don't you, uh, take home a couple of pies, huh? 231 00:10:04,338 --> 00:10:05,371 Uh, you don't have to. 232 00:10:05,439 --> 00:10:08,008 I know, I don't have to. I want to. 233 00:10:08,075 --> 00:10:10,243 Let me give you some money. 234 00:10:10,311 --> 00:10:12,012 He wants to give me money. 235 00:10:12,079 --> 00:10:13,780 Would you get outta here with the money! 236 00:10:13,848 --> 00:10:17,083 Just take me to a mets game like you promised me 6 years ago, huh? 237 00:10:18,652 --> 00:10:20,287 Right. Ok. 238 00:10:20,354 --> 00:10:22,422 So, what are those, toppings? 239 00:10:23,390 --> 00:10:25,225 Uh, dad, we're leaving now. 240 00:10:25,293 --> 00:10:28,128 Now, I want you to listen to Danny and do what he says, ok? 241 00:10:28,196 --> 00:10:29,429 Gimme a kiss goodbye. 242 00:10:29,496 --> 00:10:30,831 Not at work. 243 00:10:32,166 --> 00:10:33,700 Ok, bye-bye. 244 00:10:36,403 --> 00:10:37,804 I wanna watch movies. 245 00:10:37,872 --> 00:10:40,307 I wanna... I wanna take a bath. I wanna... I wanna... 246 00:10:40,374 --> 00:10:41,541 Write it down. Write it down. 247 00:10:41,608 --> 00:10:43,009 Make a list. Make a list. 248 00:10:43,077 --> 00:10:45,812 Ok, I wanna, um... I wanna blast the stereo. 249 00:10:45,880 --> 00:10:48,114 I wanna have sex in the kitchen. 250 00:10:48,182 --> 00:10:50,317 Oh, yeah, put me down for that, too. 251 00:10:51,652 --> 00:10:53,286 Oh, man, I... I... I wanna eat pizza. 252 00:10:53,354 --> 00:10:55,355 I wanna run around naked. I wanna, I wanna... 253 00:11:23,953 --> 00:11:25,154 Dougie. 254 00:11:26,355 --> 00:11:29,257 Well, I guess we're in the living room, 255 00:11:29,325 --> 00:11:32,928 so we can't fool around. 256 00:11:32,996 --> 00:11:35,463 Oh, wait a minute. Yes, we can. 257 00:11:37,433 --> 00:11:40,069 For the sweet love of God, you gotta get off me. 258 00:11:43,606 --> 00:11:45,640 Ok, now I feel sexy. 259 00:11:47,210 --> 00:11:49,011 I ate too much. 260 00:11:49,079 --> 00:11:52,715 Oh, my God, Doug, how many slices did you have? 261 00:11:52,782 --> 00:11:55,383 Put it this way, I shattered my old record. 262 00:11:56,953 --> 00:11:58,921 Your father wasn't here. I got excited. 263 00:11:58,988 --> 00:12:01,523 Doug, you can eat pizza when he's here. 264 00:12:01,591 --> 00:12:05,961 I know, it just tastes better when he's gone. I was in a zone. 265 00:12:06,029 --> 00:12:07,896 So what about us? I mean, the whole reason 266 00:12:07,964 --> 00:12:09,231 for getting rid of my father 267 00:12:09,298 --> 00:12:10,999 was so we could do stuff together. 268 00:12:11,067 --> 00:12:13,335 It's ok. It's ok. It's only Friday, you know? 269 00:12:13,402 --> 00:12:14,482 Just let me sleep this off, 270 00:12:14,537 --> 00:12:15,804 and tomorrow, I promise, 271 00:12:15,872 --> 00:12:18,273 we'll... we'll go crazy, all right. I swear. 272 00:12:32,388 --> 00:12:33,789 Oh, hey, baby, you're up. 273 00:12:33,857 --> 00:12:36,158 I was just gonna go out for a few hours. Do you mind? 274 00:12:36,226 --> 00:12:37,325 What? Where are you going? 275 00:12:37,393 --> 00:12:38,827 I wanna get my hair done. 276 00:12:38,895 --> 00:12:39,928 But this is a big day. 277 00:12:39,996 --> 00:12:41,730 Come on, I made us a great breakfast. 278 00:12:41,798 --> 00:12:43,431 Huh? There's food to be had, 279 00:12:43,499 --> 00:12:45,200 orgasms to be faked. 280 00:12:48,204 --> 00:12:50,438 Oh, honey, that is so sweet. 281 00:12:50,506 --> 00:12:53,642 And look, you made the whole pound of bacon. 282 00:12:53,709 --> 00:12:55,944 I had to. It expires in 3 weeks. 283 00:12:56,980 --> 00:12:58,546 Come on, stay. 284 00:12:58,614 --> 00:13:00,315 Honey, I already made the appointment. 285 00:13:00,383 --> 00:13:03,185 Come on, you know I always feel sexier after I get my hair done. 286 00:13:03,253 --> 00:13:04,552 Yeah, same here. 287 00:13:04,620 --> 00:13:06,655 All right. I'll grab a shower while you're gone. 288 00:13:06,722 --> 00:13:07,956 You know, clean myself up, 289 00:13:08,024 --> 00:13:09,291 bang out a couple of push ups. 290 00:13:09,358 --> 00:13:11,093 Hey, why don't you start with the shower 291 00:13:11,161 --> 00:13:12,795 and see how you feel, ok? 292 00:13:15,431 --> 00:13:18,000 Who's next? Who's next? Yes, sir. 293 00:13:18,067 --> 00:13:20,102 Give me a slice with, uh, mushrooms. 294 00:13:20,170 --> 00:13:23,405 All right. Oh, got you a beauty here. 295 00:13:23,472 --> 00:13:25,007 Throw a little red pepper on that, 296 00:13:25,074 --> 00:13:26,441 and it's gonna sing. 297 00:13:26,509 --> 00:13:27,943 That'll be $2. 298 00:13:33,316 --> 00:13:34,449 Ok, they're legit. 299 00:13:34,517 --> 00:13:36,451 Thank you for coming to Angelo's. 300 00:13:39,122 --> 00:13:42,757 Uh, Arthur, you probably don't have to check the ones. 301 00:13:43,592 --> 00:13:45,160 I see I've upset you. 302 00:13:45,228 --> 00:13:48,596 Shall I consider this a formal reprimand? 303 00:13:48,664 --> 00:13:50,199 Oh, no. No, no. No, no. 304 00:13:50,266 --> 00:13:51,533 You're doing a great job, here. 305 00:13:51,600 --> 00:13:54,002 Thank you. I must say your cousin was right. 306 00:13:54,070 --> 00:13:56,238 You are a terrific guy. 307 00:13:56,306 --> 00:13:57,572 He said that? 308 00:13:57,640 --> 00:13:59,241 Oh, yeah, in the car ride over here. 309 00:13:59,309 --> 00:14:01,176 He was going on and on. 310 00:14:01,244 --> 00:14:04,479 I started getting a little nauseous. I had to tune him out. 311 00:14:04,547 --> 00:14:06,882 Really? I... I... I can't believe it. 312 00:14:06,950 --> 00:14:09,151 All my life, I... I thought he just didn't like me. 313 00:14:09,219 --> 00:14:11,419 Well, that's the way it is with Doug. 314 00:14:11,487 --> 00:14:13,889 He has a hard time showin' his love. 315 00:14:13,957 --> 00:14:16,091 I mean, sometimes he acts like... 316 00:14:16,159 --> 00:14:18,227 He doesn't want me around. 317 00:15:14,350 --> 00:15:15,350 Hey. 318 00:15:17,653 --> 00:15:19,254 Ok, it's showtime. 319 00:15:33,736 --> 00:15:35,470 I can't believe these people. 320 00:15:35,538 --> 00:15:36,738 They totally ruined my hair. 321 00:15:36,806 --> 00:15:38,673 I am so pissed! 322 00:15:39,542 --> 00:15:40,675 Hey. 323 00:15:42,211 --> 00:15:43,711 It's horrible, right? 324 00:15:43,779 --> 00:15:45,280 What's wrong with it? 325 00:15:45,348 --> 00:15:46,881 Ok, how about it's totally uneven, 326 00:15:46,950 --> 00:15:48,883 and he made this part way too light. 327 00:15:50,053 --> 00:15:51,586 Well, if it bothers you that much, 328 00:15:51,654 --> 00:15:53,055 put on a wig. 329 00:15:53,923 --> 00:15:55,257 A blond one. 330 00:15:56,926 --> 00:15:58,526 Would you stop it? 331 00:15:58,594 --> 00:15:59,794 I look horrible. 332 00:15:59,862 --> 00:16:01,529 No, you don't. Yes, I do. 333 00:16:01,597 --> 00:16:03,332 Look, I know what you need. 334 00:16:03,399 --> 00:16:06,701 You just need yourself a nice climb up mount Doug more. 335 00:16:08,471 --> 00:16:10,839 Doug, I am not even close to being in the mood. 336 00:16:10,906 --> 00:16:12,207 You can't see this? 337 00:16:12,275 --> 00:16:13,908 Carrie, I'm all set to go, here. 338 00:16:13,977 --> 00:16:15,587 Well, I'm sorry. What do you want me to do, 339 00:16:15,611 --> 00:16:18,613 just lie down and go through the motions? 340 00:16:18,681 --> 00:16:19,914 If you want to. 341 00:16:21,817 --> 00:16:23,018 All right, here's the deal. 342 00:16:23,086 --> 00:16:25,287 Why don't you take yourself a nice hot shower, 343 00:16:25,355 --> 00:16:27,922 and then after, you can redo your hair the way you like it, 344 00:16:27,991 --> 00:16:30,325 like, all sexy. Ok? 345 00:16:30,393 --> 00:16:31,426 Yeah, let me do that. 346 00:16:31,494 --> 00:16:32,527 All right, that's a girl. 347 00:16:33,629 --> 00:16:34,896 Oh! All right, you go suds up. 348 00:16:34,964 --> 00:16:36,865 I'll get rid of whoever this is. 349 00:16:41,137 --> 00:16:42,137 You! 350 00:16:43,106 --> 00:16:44,139 Me? 351 00:16:44,207 --> 00:16:45,207 You! 352 00:16:47,110 --> 00:16:48,010 What? 353 00:16:48,077 --> 00:16:50,112 Arthur told me what you said. 354 00:16:50,179 --> 00:16:51,246 A-a-about? 355 00:16:51,314 --> 00:16:53,348 That I'm a terrific guy. 356 00:16:53,416 --> 00:16:55,384 Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. I mentioned that, yeah. 357 00:16:55,451 --> 00:16:57,691 Come on, let me buy you a beer in your kitchen. Let's go. 358 00:16:57,753 --> 00:16:59,554 Uh, actually, c-Carrie's upstairs. 359 00:16:59,622 --> 00:17:01,433 Oh, don't worry. I gotta get back to the shop, anyway. 360 00:17:01,457 --> 00:17:02,657 Come on, quick beer. 361 00:17:02,725 --> 00:17:04,359 Ok. 362 00:17:04,427 --> 00:17:05,827 Remember when we were kids, 363 00:17:05,895 --> 00:17:08,330 we would, uh, pin those towels around our necks? 364 00:17:08,398 --> 00:17:10,165 Yeah, I think I remember that. 365 00:17:10,233 --> 00:17:11,566 Oh, sure you do. Sure you do. 366 00:17:11,634 --> 00:17:13,268 You'd pretend to be, uh, superman, 367 00:17:13,336 --> 00:17:15,003 and I was your sidekick... 368 00:17:15,671 --> 00:17:16,571 Towel boy. 369 00:17:16,639 --> 00:17:18,573 Towel boy, that's right! Yeah! 370 00:17:18,641 --> 00:17:20,675 Ah, those were fun times. 371 00:17:20,743 --> 00:17:22,077 Hmm. 372 00:17:22,145 --> 00:17:23,822 So, Doug, what... you know, what... what went wrong? 373 00:17:23,846 --> 00:17:25,447 How did we drift apart? 374 00:17:25,515 --> 00:17:28,483 Was it me, because I... I know I can come on like a ton of bricks. 375 00:17:28,551 --> 00:17:30,352 No, no, you're fine. I mean, 376 00:17:30,420 --> 00:17:32,297 you were a bit of a pain in the ass when we were kids, 377 00:17:32,321 --> 00:17:34,222 but I guess, you know, I never let it go. 378 00:17:34,290 --> 00:17:35,590 You know what? I'm... I'm sorry. 379 00:17:35,658 --> 00:17:37,159 Well, whatever happened, 380 00:17:37,226 --> 00:17:39,761 I'm just glad we were able to hang out a little, you know? 381 00:17:39,828 --> 00:17:41,463 Well, listen, I... I'm gonna get going. 382 00:17:41,531 --> 00:17:43,298 And you know what? Maybe, sometime, 383 00:17:43,366 --> 00:17:45,100 w-we'll do that mets game together, huh? 384 00:17:45,168 --> 00:17:47,169 Yeah, whenever. I'm not pushin'. 385 00:17:47,236 --> 00:17:49,438 Hey, remember the last one we went to back in '86? 386 00:17:49,505 --> 00:17:52,040 Oh, yeah, right. When you threw my keys in the urinal. 387 00:17:52,108 --> 00:17:54,142 Right, right. But I made it up to you, though. 388 00:17:54,210 --> 00:17:56,644 Remember I took you to Tracy Matello's birthday party, huh? 389 00:17:56,712 --> 00:17:57,712 You remember that? 390 00:17:57,746 --> 00:17:59,514 Yeah, I remember. 391 00:17:59,582 --> 00:18:01,393 That's the night everyone started calling me stumpy. 392 00:18:01,417 --> 00:18:03,585 Yeah, that was because of me. I... I started that. 393 00:18:03,652 --> 00:18:05,787 Remember, you were wearing that stupid turtleneck, 394 00:18:05,854 --> 00:18:07,322 dancing on the floor out there, 395 00:18:07,390 --> 00:18:10,692 and I was like, "hey, nice move there, stumpy!" 396 00:18:11,427 --> 00:18:13,027 That was all me. 397 00:18:13,096 --> 00:18:15,029 Do you know that people still call me that? 398 00:18:15,098 --> 00:18:17,332 Oh, really? That's funny. 399 00:18:17,400 --> 00:18:19,134 It is. Yeah, yeah, yeah. 400 00:18:19,202 --> 00:18:20,879 Did you ever try to get a girl to go out with you 401 00:18:20,903 --> 00:18:22,270 when your nickname is stumpy? 402 00:18:22,338 --> 00:18:24,906 God! I... I can't believe that was you! 403 00:18:24,974 --> 00:18:26,641 You did that to me! 404 00:18:28,111 --> 00:18:29,478 No, actually, it was Rick Usher. 405 00:18:29,545 --> 00:18:31,480 That's who it was, Rick Usher, I remember. 406 00:18:31,547 --> 00:18:33,582 Yeah, yeah, sure. Blame the dead kid. You know? 407 00:18:33,649 --> 00:18:35,049 It was you! 408 00:18:35,118 --> 00:18:36,418 Now, wait till my therapist 409 00:18:36,486 --> 00:18:38,286 gets this piece of the puzzle! 410 00:18:46,129 --> 00:18:47,462 It was just a nickname. 411 00:18:47,530 --> 00:18:50,132 Oy! Can I get a little focus here? 412 00:18:50,199 --> 00:18:53,368 How can I focus? I ruined the guy's life. 413 00:18:53,436 --> 00:18:55,770 Stumpy's funny though, right? 414 00:18:55,838 --> 00:18:57,472 Doug, if you're trying to get me hot, 415 00:18:57,540 --> 00:19:00,675 repeating the word "stumpy" is not gonna help. 416 00:19:00,743 --> 00:19:03,145 I just feel so guilty. 417 00:19:03,212 --> 00:19:05,079 Ok, well, look at it this way. 418 00:19:05,148 --> 00:19:07,249 Now he hates you. Now he won't call you as much. 419 00:19:07,316 --> 00:19:08,483 I don't want him to hate me. 420 00:19:08,551 --> 00:19:10,885 I want him to love me and not call me. 421 00:19:10,953 --> 00:19:12,120 Ok, so what are you saying? 422 00:19:12,188 --> 00:19:13,555 Are we gonna fool around or not? 423 00:19:13,623 --> 00:19:15,023 Look, I'll do whatever you want. 424 00:19:15,090 --> 00:19:16,391 I'm just telling you right now, 425 00:19:16,459 --> 00:19:18,393 I can't give you all the engines. 426 00:19:21,297 --> 00:19:24,132 Doug, it's Saturday, ok? 427 00:19:24,200 --> 00:19:27,302 Our weekend without my father is over tomorrow. 428 00:19:27,370 --> 00:19:29,804 Fine. We'll fool around in the morning, ok? 429 00:19:31,374 --> 00:19:32,907 Just go to sleep now. 430 00:19:34,544 --> 00:19:35,810 It's 7:30. 431 00:19:37,413 --> 00:19:39,113 Shut up, weird hair. 432 00:19:48,957 --> 00:19:51,059 Hey, it's Sunday morning. 433 00:19:51,126 --> 00:19:52,794 You wanna have sex? 434 00:19:54,029 --> 00:19:58,266 Do ya? Do ya? 435 00:19:58,334 --> 00:19:59,568 Stop. 436 00:19:59,635 --> 00:20:00,968 Hey, come on. Wake up, I want sex. 437 00:20:01,036 --> 00:20:02,937 Your hair looks good now. 438 00:20:05,575 --> 00:20:07,242 Doug, I'm sleeping. 439 00:20:09,645 --> 00:20:11,246 Did you feel that? 440 00:20:11,780 --> 00:20:12,914 Oh, no. 441 00:20:14,350 --> 00:20:15,617 Oh, honey! 442 00:20:16,285 --> 00:20:18,320 It's a Dougquake! 443 00:20:18,387 --> 00:20:21,155 Oh, God! Oh, boy! 444 00:20:21,224 --> 00:20:22,957 Quick, under a doorjamb! 445 00:20:23,025 --> 00:20:24,158 Under a doorjamb! 446 00:20:24,227 --> 00:20:25,460 Find one! 447 00:20:25,528 --> 00:20:26,695 Stop it. 448 00:20:31,967 --> 00:20:33,468 Aftershocks! 449 00:20:36,572 --> 00:20:38,806 You are so dead. 450 00:20:38,874 --> 00:20:40,408 You are so dead! 451 00:20:42,811 --> 00:20:44,279 You want a piece of me? 452 00:20:44,347 --> 00:20:45,980 Come on, sex in the kitchen. 453 00:20:52,121 --> 00:20:53,455 Dad, what are you doing? 454 00:20:53,522 --> 00:20:55,457 I thought you weren't coming home until tonight. 455 00:20:55,524 --> 00:20:56,991 Danny gave me the boot. 456 00:20:57,059 --> 00:20:58,826 What? Why? 457 00:20:58,894 --> 00:21:01,329 I don't know. Something about Doug being an idiot. 458 00:21:01,397 --> 00:21:03,565 So, what are you kids up to? 459 00:21:06,835 --> 00:21:08,903 We wanna have sex in the kitchen... 460 00:21:14,111 --> 00:21:16,445 I see. So, tell me, 461 00:21:16,513 --> 00:21:19,749 what, exactly, do you remember about that day? 462 00:21:19,817 --> 00:21:22,318 Well, Danny and I were at this birthday party, 463 00:21:22,386 --> 00:21:23,553 and I, uh... 464 00:21:24,521 --> 00:21:26,489 I just called him stumpy. 465 00:21:36,567 --> 00:21:37,867 You think that's funny? 466 00:21:37,935 --> 00:21:40,103 I told you. Right? It's funny, right?