1
00:00:05,038 --> 00:00:06,339
Hey, there.

2
00:00:06,407 --> 00:00:07,807
Hey, sweetie, how was work?

3
00:00:07,874 --> 00:00:09,742
Well, let's just say
that a lot of packages

4
00:00:09,810 --> 00:00:11,911
are in different places then
they were this morning.

5
00:00:11,978 --> 00:00:13,779
It's what I do.

6
00:00:13,847 --> 00:00:15,481
Hey, what have you got there?

7
00:00:15,549 --> 00:00:16,949
A C.D.

8
00:00:17,017 --> 00:00:19,252
Apparently Bon Jovi is back.

9
00:00:20,921 --> 00:00:22,589
Oh, he looks cute.

10
00:00:22,656 --> 00:00:24,156
I'd still do him.

11
00:00:25,359 --> 00:00:26,392
Put it on.

12
00:00:26,460 --> 00:00:28,194
You got it. Comin' up.

13
00:00:49,116 --> 00:00:50,350
Just pull the tab.

14
00:00:50,417 --> 00:00:51,651
I don't... I don't see a tab.

15
00:00:51,719 --> 00:00:52,918
Well, there's a tab.

16
00:00:52,986 --> 00:00:54,120
That red, plastic thing.

17
00:00:54,187 --> 00:00:56,556
Ok, that's not on this.
That's on gum.

18
00:00:59,159 --> 00:01:00,493
Here we go. Here we go.

19
00:01:00,561 --> 00:01:02,328
There we go.

20
00:01:02,396 --> 00:01:03,863
Yeah.

21
00:01:05,366 --> 00:01:07,300
Bon jovi comin' up.

22
00:01:11,838 --> 00:01:14,006
All right, you know what?
Give me something sharp now.

23
00:01:14,074 --> 00:01:17,477
Here. I just got
some new scissors.

24
00:01:57,924 --> 00:01:58,924
Here you go, darling.

25
00:01:58,992 --> 00:02:01,260
I finished the book
you loaned me.

26
00:02:02,395 --> 00:02:03,863
Tuesdays with morrie.

27
00:02:03,930 --> 00:02:05,231
Dad, I didn't loan this to you.

28
00:02:05,298 --> 00:02:08,300
I bought this for
someone as a gift.

29
00:02:08,368 --> 00:02:09,835
That might explain

30
00:02:09,903 --> 00:02:12,304
why it was in your
drawer in a bag.

31
00:02:12,372 --> 00:02:14,840
Oh, well, there it is, good as new.
Wrap it up.

32
00:02:14,908 --> 00:02:16,742
There are pages ripped out.

33
00:02:16,810 --> 00:02:19,044
Well, I'm sorry. I
was aggravated.

34
00:02:19,112 --> 00:02:21,480
Morrie's dyin' and this
young man visits him,

35
00:02:21,547 --> 00:02:24,383
brings him food, tucks a
blanket under his legs,

36
00:02:24,450 --> 00:02:25,851
writes down all his insights...

37
00:02:25,919 --> 00:02:27,419
Made my stomach turn!

38
00:02:29,256 --> 00:02:30,555
Why?

39
00:02:30,623 --> 00:02:33,292
I've mentored many
young men in my time.

40
00:02:33,359 --> 00:02:34,827
Not a single one has come by

41
00:02:34,895 --> 00:02:36,461
to chronicle my wisdom.

42
00:02:36,529 --> 00:02:37,863
Not one!

43
00:02:37,931 --> 00:02:39,398
Who have you mentored?

44
00:02:39,465 --> 00:02:40,966
Many young men!

45
00:02:41,034 --> 00:02:42,201
Ok, got it. Take a step back.

46
00:02:42,269 --> 00:02:43,368
There you go. Thank you.

47
00:02:44,437 --> 00:02:46,538
Darling, I had an idea.

48
00:02:46,606 --> 00:02:49,275
How would you like to jot
down my musings on life?

49
00:02:49,342 --> 00:02:51,977
Any interest?

50
00:02:52,045 --> 00:02:54,646
Uh, sounds more
like a Doug thing.

51
00:02:56,817 --> 00:02:58,250
Hello.

52
00:02:58,318 --> 00:02:59,685
Hey. Hi.

53
00:02:59,752 --> 00:03:02,587
Douglas, how would you
like to chronicle my life?

54
00:03:04,791 --> 00:03:05,958
What?

55
00:03:06,026 --> 00:03:07,827
Chronicle my life!

56
00:03:07,894 --> 00:03:10,595
Come on, haven't I mentored
you, taken you under my wing,

57
00:03:10,663 --> 00:03:14,033
taught you a few things about
the world and its peoples?

58
00:03:16,502 --> 00:03:18,570
Mmm... No, not really.

59
00:03:20,573 --> 00:03:21,841
I see. Well,

60
00:03:21,908 --> 00:03:25,144
obviously I've been casting
my pearls before swine.

61
00:03:25,212 --> 00:03:27,713
Uh, good day, and I'll
see you both in hell.

62
00:03:30,984 --> 00:03:32,918
So, how was work?

63
00:03:32,986 --> 00:03:34,220
Good. Today at lunch

64
00:03:34,287 --> 00:03:35,821
I nailed down the difference

65
00:03:35,889 --> 00:03:37,857
between pastrami
and corned beef.

66
00:03:37,924 --> 00:03:39,591
One makes me go like this...

67
00:03:40,994 --> 00:03:42,527
The other one, like this...

68
00:03:48,068 --> 00:03:49,368
Once again, question was,

69
00:03:49,435 --> 00:03:50,469
"how was work?"

70
00:03:50,536 --> 00:03:51,770
It was busy. Busy.

71
00:03:51,838 --> 00:03:53,049
Kew gardens branch
was down today,

72
00:03:53,073 --> 00:03:54,473
they routed everything
through us.

73
00:03:55,742 --> 00:03:57,276
That's no big deal, though.

74
00:03:57,344 --> 00:03:58,988
The new kid, Rico, I'm workin'
with, really came through.

75
00:03:59,012 --> 00:04:00,079
He was like,

76
00:04:00,146 --> 00:04:01,780
"Hey, that's no problem.

77
00:04:01,848 --> 00:04:03,582
We just double up, Jack.
Push it, baby."

78
00:04:04,717 --> 00:04:05,851
Is that the way he talks?

79
00:04:05,919 --> 00:04:07,452
Yeah, he's got that
accent, you know?

80
00:04:07,520 --> 00:04:09,255
"Hey, Jack, how you doin'?"

81
00:04:09,322 --> 00:04:11,156
He calls everybody Jack.

82
00:04:11,224 --> 00:04:12,358
I wish I had a little thing,

83
00:04:12,425 --> 00:04:14,726
a little signature
way of talkin'.

84
00:04:14,794 --> 00:04:16,028
You kinda do.

85
00:04:16,096 --> 00:04:17,162
Really?

86
00:04:17,230 --> 00:04:18,830
Yeah. You know, like when you...

87
00:04:18,899 --> 00:04:20,432
You extend words for no reason,

88
00:04:20,500 --> 00:04:21,867
like... like this would be

89
00:04:21,935 --> 00:04:22,968
an "on-I-on-I-on."

90
00:04:23,036 --> 00:04:24,036
You know?

91
00:04:28,508 --> 00:04:30,642
Yeah, I guess I do have that.

92
00:04:30,710 --> 00:04:33,045
It's not cool, though, you know?

93
00:04:33,113 --> 00:04:35,680
"Hey, what's for dinner, Jack?"

94
00:04:35,748 --> 00:04:37,049
We're lookin' at spaghetti.

95
00:04:37,117 --> 00:04:38,984
Oh, yeah. Give me a taste, baby.

96
00:04:39,052 --> 00:04:40,986
Ok, comin' at ya.

97
00:04:41,054 --> 00:04:42,788
Yeah, feed me the
pasta, feed me.

98
00:04:42,855 --> 00:04:44,533
Come on, come on, give it...
give it to me, yeah.

99
00:04:44,557 --> 00:04:46,225
Oh, my God, that's hot!

100
00:04:51,731 --> 00:04:53,432
Hey, what you doin'?

101
00:04:53,499 --> 00:04:55,000
Paying our bills online.

102
00:05:02,542 --> 00:05:04,643
And you think with all
the technology we have,

103
00:05:04,710 --> 00:05:06,611
they can come up with a
better sound than...

104
00:05:13,586 --> 00:05:16,155
Hey, hey! It's annoying, ok?

105
00:05:16,222 --> 00:05:18,290
So, come on, why don't you
leave your bills behind

106
00:05:18,358 --> 00:05:20,092
and get reacquainted
with my underdougie?

107
00:05:20,160 --> 00:05:22,094
No, no, no, come on.
No, no, no, come on.

108
00:05:22,162 --> 00:05:23,495
I gotta do this.
I gotta do this.

109
00:05:23,563 --> 00:05:24,763
Hey, come on.

110
00:05:24,831 --> 00:05:26,065
Hey, didn't you vow to obey me

111
00:05:26,132 --> 00:05:27,366
at our wedding?

112
00:05:27,434 --> 00:05:28,800
Obey me. Obey me, wife.

113
00:05:28,868 --> 00:05:29,901
Obey me.

114
00:05:29,970 --> 00:05:31,503
Doug, stop it!

115
00:05:31,571 --> 00:05:34,073
Come on, we cut
that obey stuff out

116
00:05:34,140 --> 00:05:35,540
when we wrote our own vows.

117
00:05:35,608 --> 00:05:37,176
Actually, I snuck
it back in quietly.

118
00:05:37,243 --> 00:05:38,777
It was... it was like,

119
00:05:38,845 --> 00:05:40,379
Obey me.

120
00:05:40,447 --> 00:05:42,781
Look, if I don't get
these paid by tomorrow,

121
00:05:42,849 --> 00:05:43,882
the power company

122
00:05:43,950 --> 00:05:45,517
is gonna turn our lights off.

123
00:05:45,585 --> 00:05:48,620
That's ok, baby. We just
make love in the dark.

124
00:05:48,688 --> 00:05:50,589
You know that's the way
it's supposed to be,

125
00:05:50,656 --> 00:05:51,991
you know?

126
00:05:52,058 --> 00:05:53,792
Mmm. You like doing
it in the dark, Rico?

127
00:05:53,860 --> 00:05:55,094
Oh, yeah, baby.

128
00:05:55,161 --> 00:05:57,262
So why don't you say good
night to the World-Wide web

129
00:05:57,330 --> 00:06:00,466
and let Rico connect you, uh?

130
00:06:01,868 --> 00:06:03,502
You think you got it in you?

131
00:06:03,569 --> 00:06:05,004
You know I do.

132
00:06:06,306 --> 00:06:08,207
Show me what you got.

133
00:06:14,047 --> 00:06:18,350
Horrible beeping noise
must be stopped.

134
00:06:19,619 --> 00:06:23,422
Must snuggle with
bear-like husband.

135
00:06:26,826 --> 00:06:28,994
Pretty wiped out, huh?

136
00:06:30,063 --> 00:06:32,364
Yeah. Tend to have that effect

137
00:06:32,432 --> 00:06:34,766
on the ladies.

138
00:06:41,607 --> 00:06:43,308
Well, hello.

139
00:06:43,376 --> 00:06:44,743
I didn't hear you coming,

140
00:06:44,810 --> 00:06:46,611
Mr. morning sex!

141
00:06:49,582 --> 00:06:50,615
Doug?

142
00:06:50,683 --> 00:06:51,950
Yeah?

143
00:06:52,018 --> 00:06:53,285
Do Rico.

144
00:06:53,920 --> 00:06:55,020
What?

145
00:06:58,858 --> 00:07:01,160
The voice. Do Rico.

146
00:07:06,632 --> 00:07:07,899
Ok, so...

147
00:07:09,469 --> 00:07:12,871
You want to dance the samba
in the air, eh, baby?

148
00:07:12,939 --> 00:07:14,106
Mmm-hmm, yeah.

149
00:07:14,174 --> 00:07:15,674
That's the early bird special.

150
00:07:15,741 --> 00:07:17,376
That's gonna cost you.

151
00:07:20,680 --> 00:07:22,013
Frankie Johnson?

152
00:07:22,082 --> 00:07:24,316
Arthur Spooner. Remember me?

153
00:07:24,384 --> 00:07:27,819
I filled in for your archery
instructor at camp wigwam.

154
00:07:30,223 --> 00:07:33,325
Oh, for God's sakes,
I mentored you!

155
00:07:34,894 --> 00:07:37,329
Fine. See you in hell!

156
00:07:40,100 --> 00:07:41,933
Who is it?

157
00:07:42,001 --> 00:07:43,502
A taste of Bombay!

158
00:07:43,570 --> 00:07:44,836
Oh, terrific!

159
00:07:47,173 --> 00:07:48,273
Hi, there.

160
00:07:48,341 --> 00:07:51,009
Hello. You have the
makni tikka chicken,

161
00:07:51,077 --> 00:07:52,944
palak paneer, and a lemonade.

162
00:07:53,012 --> 00:07:54,613
That's $14.82, sir.

163
00:07:55,915 --> 00:07:57,882
Let me get some cash.

164
00:08:02,054 --> 00:08:03,655
Come in. Come in.

165
00:08:09,061 --> 00:08:11,363
Son, how far do you
and I go back?

166
00:08:11,431 --> 00:08:12,964
What is it, 2, 3 years?

167
00:08:13,032 --> 00:08:14,799
I don't know.

168
00:08:14,867 --> 00:08:16,768
Remember that time I ordered

169
00:08:16,836 --> 00:08:19,371
the tandoori lamb from you?

170
00:08:19,439 --> 00:08:22,508
Oh, that was fun.

171
00:08:22,575 --> 00:08:24,376
What... what was
your name again?

172
00:08:24,444 --> 00:08:25,677
Sanjib.

173
00:08:25,745 --> 00:08:26,878
Sinbad?

174
00:08:27,680 --> 00:08:29,481
Sanjib.

175
00:08:29,549 --> 00:08:30,949
Sandjob?

176
00:08:31,984 --> 00:08:33,485
Sanjib.

177
00:08:33,553 --> 00:08:35,554
Look, I have a lot of
other orders in the car

178
00:08:35,622 --> 00:08:38,023
so if you could please pay
me, I would appreciate it.

179
00:08:38,090 --> 00:08:39,758
Oh, yes. I'll get to that.

180
00:08:39,825 --> 00:08:41,160
But first,

181
00:08:41,227 --> 00:08:42,704
I have a few things
I'd like to tell you

182
00:08:42,728 --> 00:08:43,995
about the way things work

183
00:08:44,063 --> 00:08:45,830
in this crazy place

184
00:08:45,898 --> 00:08:47,832
we call planet earth.

185
00:08:48,934 --> 00:08:51,170
Hit record and play
at the same time.

186
00:08:54,507 --> 00:08:55,541
Boop-boop.

187
00:08:57,677 --> 00:08:58,677
Dead-end package.

188
00:09:00,012 --> 00:09:01,780
You know, if your owner
really wanted you,

189
00:09:01,847 --> 00:09:03,848
he might have been
home 1 of the 3 times

190
00:09:03,916 --> 00:09:05,517
I tried to deliver you.

191
00:09:05,585 --> 00:09:08,030
Surprising the way people don't
wait at home for their packages.

192
00:09:08,054 --> 00:09:09,321
It really is.

193
00:09:09,389 --> 00:09:11,256
So, uh, you're a little
late this mornin',

194
00:09:11,324 --> 00:09:12,691
what was up?

195
00:09:12,758 --> 00:09:13,958
Uh, nothin'.

196
00:09:14,026 --> 00:09:16,595
Carrie and I just got into
a little morning action.

197
00:09:18,398 --> 00:09:20,566
mornin' action. Nice work.

198
00:09:20,633 --> 00:09:22,167
It's no big deal.

199
00:09:22,235 --> 00:09:23,302
No big deal?

200
00:09:23,369 --> 00:09:25,404
Didn't you once call morning sex

201
00:09:25,471 --> 00:09:26,971
the, uh, the best
thing in the world

202
00:09:27,039 --> 00:09:28,540
that doesn't have cheese on it?

203
00:09:30,276 --> 00:09:31,343
I mean, it was good.

204
00:09:31,411 --> 00:09:32,611
It was just that, uh...

205
00:09:33,646 --> 00:09:34,746
I don't know.

206
00:09:34,814 --> 00:09:37,449
Do you, uh, do you
think this is weird?

207
00:09:37,517 --> 00:09:38,517
Last night,

208
00:09:38,585 --> 00:09:40,219
I was trying to get
Carrie in the mood.

209
00:09:40,286 --> 00:09:42,120
So I, uh...

210
00:09:42,188 --> 00:09:43,622
I did a voice.

211
00:09:45,225 --> 00:09:46,525
A voice?

212
00:09:46,593 --> 00:09:47,992
Yeah.

213
00:09:48,060 --> 00:09:50,462
What, like bugs bunny?

214
00:09:54,434 --> 00:09:56,435
No. I did the voice
of the new guy.

215
00:09:56,502 --> 00:09:57,603
Who?

216
00:09:57,670 --> 00:09:59,304
Rico? Yeah.

217
00:09:59,372 --> 00:10:02,274
Sort of turned her
on a little, too.

218
00:10:02,342 --> 00:10:03,375
Then this morning,

219
00:10:03,443 --> 00:10:05,210
she asked me to do Rico again.

220
00:10:05,278 --> 00:10:06,878
Think that's a bad sign?

221
00:10:10,116 --> 00:10:11,483
Do the voice for me.

222
00:10:13,486 --> 00:10:15,420
I'm not doing the voice.
I'm just asking you,

223
00:10:15,488 --> 00:10:17,989
do you think it's bad that
Carrie's kind of, like,

224
00:10:18,057 --> 00:10:19,090
I don't know, into Rico?

225
00:10:19,158 --> 00:10:20,626
Does it mean that I'm slippin'?

226
00:10:20,693 --> 00:10:22,661
That maybe me alone doesn't
turn her on anymore?

227
00:10:22,729 --> 00:10:24,496
Well, I mean, has she
ever even met Rico?

228
00:10:24,564 --> 00:10:26,231
No, but I think she's
rollin' the dice

229
00:10:26,299 --> 00:10:27,899
that young, Latino stud

230
00:10:27,967 --> 00:10:29,601
might be a little bit
more of a turn-on

231
00:10:29,669 --> 00:10:31,035
than big ass who's always there,

232
00:10:31,103 --> 00:10:32,103
always!

233
00:10:33,839 --> 00:10:35,407
Yeah. I... I see your point.

234
00:10:35,475 --> 00:10:36,508
I knew it!

235
00:10:36,576 --> 00:10:38,243
Oh, c-come on, man!
I think it's fine.

236
00:10:38,311 --> 00:10:39,911
Look, you've been
married for a while.

237
00:10:39,979 --> 00:10:41,680
These things happen.
You get creative.

238
00:10:41,748 --> 00:10:43,148
Don't worry about it.

239
00:10:43,215 --> 00:10:45,350
You, uh... You do voices?

240
00:10:45,418 --> 00:10:46,785
No.

241
00:10:47,654 --> 00:10:50,188
I do wear a bandana.

242
00:10:50,256 --> 00:10:52,257
Really? Now... now, are
you playing a character

243
00:10:52,325 --> 00:10:53,558
when you wear that bandana?

244
00:10:53,626 --> 00:10:54,959
Hmm, I guess not.

245
00:10:55,027 --> 00:10:56,060
So that's still you.

246
00:10:56,128 --> 00:10:58,196
Well, it's "bad" me.

247
00:10:59,599 --> 00:11:01,500
See, that wasn't me at
all in bed last night.

248
00:11:01,567 --> 00:11:02,634
Just do the voice for me.

249
00:11:02,702 --> 00:11:03,735
I'm not doing the voice!

250
00:11:03,803 --> 00:11:05,069
I just want to feel the magic.

251
00:11:05,137 --> 00:11:06,297
You know what he sounds like.

252
00:11:06,339 --> 00:11:07,416
Yeah, but not talking sexy.

253
00:11:07,440 --> 00:11:08,807
Come on. Do the voice.

254
00:11:08,874 --> 00:11:10,041
Put on the bandana.

255
00:11:11,644 --> 00:11:13,545
Hey, Rico. Come
here for a second.

256
00:11:13,613 --> 00:11:16,080
Hey. What's up, Jack?

257
00:11:16,148 --> 00:11:17,882
Not too much, man. Listen, um...

258
00:11:17,950 --> 00:11:20,151
Doug and I were just trying
to remember the words

259
00:11:20,219 --> 00:11:21,886
to that, uh, uh,
George Michael song,

260
00:11:21,954 --> 00:11:23,722
I want your sex.

261
00:11:23,790 --> 00:11:25,223
Um, remember how that goes?

262
00:11:25,291 --> 00:11:28,193
Yeah, I think it's
something like, um...

263
00:11:30,830 --> 00:11:31,996
Yeah.

264
00:11:37,136 --> 00:11:38,403
That's right.

265
00:11:39,138 --> 00:11:40,138
Thanks.

266
00:11:42,141 --> 00:11:43,542
Ok.

267
00:11:44,536 --> 00:11:46,169
That got me a little hot.

268
00:11:53,917 --> 00:11:56,018
What have you brought
me today, son?

269
00:11:57,286 --> 00:11:58,854
What you ordered.

270
00:12:02,158 --> 00:12:04,126
That was very kind of you.

271
00:12:05,128 --> 00:12:06,461
Could you tuck this blanket

272
00:12:06,530 --> 00:12:07,530
under my feet?

273
00:12:17,841 --> 00:12:19,441
Thank you.

274
00:12:19,509 --> 00:12:21,610
So, that's, uh, $13.28.

275
00:12:21,678 --> 00:12:23,445
Right, right.

276
00:12:23,513 --> 00:12:25,548
Sit for a moment, would you?

277
00:12:32,822 --> 00:12:34,122
Sanjib,

278
00:12:34,190 --> 00:12:36,959
do you see this
glass as half empty

279
00:12:37,627 --> 00:12:39,394
or half full?

280
00:12:40,597 --> 00:12:41,797
Half full.

281
00:12:41,865 --> 00:12:44,066
Ok, so you know that one.

282
00:12:46,402 --> 00:12:48,737
Dad, would you just pay the
guy and let him leave?

283
00:12:48,805 --> 00:12:50,138
In a minute.

284
00:12:50,206 --> 00:12:52,608
And stop ordering Indian food.

285
00:12:52,676 --> 00:12:54,743
It's stinkin' up the fridge.

286
00:12:55,478 --> 00:12:56,478
No offense.

287
00:13:00,684 --> 00:13:01,817
Hey, sweetie.

288
00:13:01,885 --> 00:13:02,918
Hi.

289
00:13:02,986 --> 00:13:04,687
Oh, N.Y.P.D. Blue.

290
00:13:05,689 --> 00:13:07,155
I miss Jimmy Smits,

291
00:13:07,223 --> 00:13:08,523
but good for Rick schroeder,

292
00:13:08,592 --> 00:13:09,692
you know what I'm sayin'?

293
00:13:09,759 --> 00:13:12,094
Yeah, yeah. Good for him.

294
00:13:17,133 --> 00:13:20,069
Have I told you how
much I love you today?

295
00:13:20,136 --> 00:13:21,336
Oh, honey, that's sweet.

296
00:13:21,404 --> 00:13:22,938
I love you, too.

297
00:13:25,742 --> 00:13:27,375
So you, uh,

298
00:13:27,443 --> 00:13:29,311
you wanna... Hmm?

299
00:13:29,378 --> 00:13:31,213
Yeah, yeah, yeah.

300
00:13:31,280 --> 00:13:34,249
Let's just finish
watching the show first.

301
00:13:39,522 --> 00:13:41,657
Come on, baby. Let's do it now.

302
00:13:43,793 --> 00:13:45,094
Oh, Rico,

303
00:13:46,395 --> 00:13:48,130
you want me to turn the T.V.
Off?

304
00:13:48,197 --> 00:13:50,065
Yes.

305
00:13:50,700 --> 00:13:51,934
Well, ok.

306
00:13:53,637 --> 00:13:55,938
Here I am, you big Latin stud.

307
00:13:56,006 --> 00:13:58,073
Hmm. All right, that's it!

308
00:13:58,842 --> 00:14:00,009
What?

309
00:14:00,076 --> 00:14:01,610
You wouldn't turn off the T.V.
For me,

310
00:14:01,678 --> 00:14:02,718
but you sure turned it off

311
00:14:02,779 --> 00:14:03,779
for Rico, didn't you?

312
00:14:03,847 --> 00:14:05,014
What are you talking about?

313
00:14:05,081 --> 00:14:07,059
Oh, nothing. Just that
you're more attracted to him

314
00:14:07,083 --> 00:14:08,150
than you are to me.

315
00:14:08,217 --> 00:14:09,217
Doug, I don't know Rico.

316
00:14:09,285 --> 00:14:10,585
I've never even met him.

317
00:14:10,654 --> 00:14:12,220
Oh, you know him.

318
00:14:13,056 --> 00:14:14,156
What does that mean?

319
00:14:14,223 --> 00:14:15,343
I don't know. All I know is,

320
00:14:15,391 --> 00:14:16,431
Doug plays with your hair,

321
00:14:16,492 --> 00:14:17,526
nothin'.

322
00:14:17,593 --> 00:14:18,627
Rico does, bingo.

323
00:14:18,695 --> 00:14:20,763
Or should I say, El bingo?

324
00:14:22,265 --> 00:14:23,866
Let me get this straight.

325
00:14:23,933 --> 00:14:27,536
You are jealous of a guy
that I've never met

326
00:14:27,603 --> 00:14:28,837
that is actually you.

327
00:14:28,905 --> 00:14:29,905
No, I'm jealous of Rico!

328
00:14:29,973 --> 00:14:31,339
You are Rico, you idiot!

329
00:14:31,407 --> 00:14:33,308
No, I don't go around
calling people "Jack."

330
00:14:33,376 --> 00:14:36,145
I'm the "on-I-on-I-on" guy.

331
00:14:36,212 --> 00:14:37,372
And that, to my recollection,

332
00:14:37,413 --> 00:14:38,814
has never gotten
your middle third

333
00:14:38,882 --> 00:14:40,716
singing sweet Virginia.

334
00:14:41,751 --> 00:14:43,485
Admit it, Carrie.

335
00:14:43,553 --> 00:14:45,754
Another man's voice
is turnin' you on.

336
00:14:45,822 --> 00:14:48,190
Maybe I am turned on by the fact

337
00:14:48,257 --> 00:14:49,992
that you are such
a talented mimic.

338
00:14:50,060 --> 00:14:51,694
You ever think of that?

339
00:14:51,761 --> 00:14:53,305
Oh, is that it? Well, then
let's get original in here.

340
00:14:53,329 --> 00:14:54,863
We'll have an orgy.

341
00:14:57,067 --> 00:14:59,267
Hey, is this what I'm like
when I get my period?

342
00:14:59,335 --> 00:15:02,037
Because if it is, I
am very, very sorry.

343
00:15:04,174 --> 00:15:05,974
You know what? It's fine.
It's fine.

344
00:15:06,042 --> 00:15:07,642
It really is, it
really is, you know?

345
00:15:07,711 --> 00:15:09,845
I just... I guess we've
reached that phase

346
00:15:09,913 --> 00:15:11,646
in our relationship

347
00:15:11,715 --> 00:15:13,749
where I need to do
other people's voices

348
00:15:13,817 --> 00:15:15,350
to turn you on.

349
00:15:15,418 --> 00:15:16,752
What... so what are you sayin'?

350
00:15:16,820 --> 00:15:19,054
You're sayin' that you have
never thought of anyone else

351
00:15:19,122 --> 00:15:21,289
when we're in bed together?
Is that what you're sayin'?

352
00:15:21,357 --> 00:15:23,092
Just the fact that
you're asking me that

353
00:15:23,159 --> 00:15:24,303
means you thought about Rico.

354
00:15:24,327 --> 00:15:25,627
Just answer my question.

355
00:15:25,695 --> 00:15:27,896
Have you ever thought
of anyone else?

356
00:15:27,964 --> 00:15:29,664
I've...

357
00:15:29,733 --> 00:15:31,366
Shuffled through a few images,

358
00:15:31,434 --> 00:15:33,135
but then retreated out of guilt.

359
00:15:34,704 --> 00:15:37,106
So other people have
crossed your mind.

360
00:15:37,173 --> 00:15:39,074
Maybe, but the only
person I've thought

361
00:15:39,142 --> 00:15:40,976
for more than a few
seconds was Don Zimmer.

362
00:15:41,044 --> 00:15:44,079
And that was just to pull
in the reins a little.

363
00:15:45,348 --> 00:15:47,216
Whatever. Look,
this is so crazy.

364
00:15:47,283 --> 00:15:49,752
It's just a stupid little
accent you started doing,

365
00:15:49,819 --> 00:15:51,553
and now for some reason
you're mad at me.

366
00:15:51,621 --> 00:15:52,855
I am begging you.

367
00:15:52,922 --> 00:15:54,623
Can we let this go?

368
00:15:54,690 --> 00:15:56,135
Fine. You know what? I'm
going to grab a beer.

369
00:15:56,159 --> 00:15:57,626
Why don't you give me a jingle

370
00:15:57,693 --> 00:15:59,671
when you're ready to have sex
with Doug Heffernan again!

371
00:15:59,695 --> 00:16:01,630
Oh, yeah? Well, why don't
you give me a jingle

372
00:16:01,697 --> 00:16:04,499
when you stop fantasizing
about Don Zimmer?

373
00:16:07,336 --> 00:16:09,972
I'm sorry, but I really
just have to be going.

374
00:16:10,039 --> 00:16:11,240
Oh, yes.

375
00:16:11,307 --> 00:16:13,642
We're all coming and going.

376
00:16:13,709 --> 00:16:15,377
Only the man who makes
peace with that

377
00:16:15,444 --> 00:16:17,412
can truly be free.

378
00:16:17,480 --> 00:16:18,480
More curry?

379
00:16:23,486 --> 00:16:24,619
Coming!

380
00:16:30,493 --> 00:16:32,194
Leave my son alone!

381
00:16:33,562 --> 00:16:34,797
What?

382
00:16:34,864 --> 00:16:38,033
He does not wish to
chronicle your wisdom.

383
00:16:38,101 --> 00:16:39,567
But thank you for your business.

384
00:16:39,635 --> 00:16:41,970
Here's your food. That's $11.95.

385
00:16:43,372 --> 00:16:46,141
All right. Here's your money.

386
00:16:46,209 --> 00:16:48,443
You know, people often ask me,

387
00:16:48,511 --> 00:16:51,113
"why is there so much
anger all around us?"

388
00:16:51,181 --> 00:16:52,181
And I say... Ba-dup!

389
00:16:59,322 --> 00:17:00,655
Oh, strong to the hoop!

390
00:17:00,723 --> 00:17:02,457
Oh, that's the answer,
that's the answer.

391
00:17:02,525 --> 00:17:03,792
It's 10-8, 10-8.

392
00:17:03,860 --> 00:17:06,862
Hey, by the way,
thanks for the tip.

393
00:17:06,930 --> 00:17:07,996
What do you mean?

394
00:17:08,064 --> 00:17:09,497
I tried Rico's voice last night.

395
00:17:09,565 --> 00:17:11,533
Kelly liked it so much
that after we were done,

396
00:17:11,600 --> 00:17:14,837
she got out of bed and
made me a grilled cheese.

397
00:17:16,706 --> 00:17:18,006
Hey, Carrie's here.

398
00:17:18,074 --> 00:17:19,274
Really?

399
00:17:19,342 --> 00:17:20,475
Hey, big guy!

400
00:17:20,543 --> 00:17:22,277
Can I talk to you for a minute?

401
00:17:22,345 --> 00:17:23,345
Oh, this is perfect,

402
00:17:23,412 --> 00:17:25,480
just when he's glistenin'.

403
00:17:25,548 --> 00:17:26,715
Sub!

404
00:17:28,551 --> 00:17:30,085
Hey, how did you
know I was here?

405
00:17:30,153 --> 00:17:32,331
Your dispatcher told me you
guys were playing some ball.

406
00:17:32,355 --> 00:17:34,633
Listen, I... I felt really bad
about our fight last night.

407
00:17:34,657 --> 00:17:36,124
And you know what?
No big deal, ok?

408
00:17:36,192 --> 00:17:37,993
Just, uh, see ya later, ok?
Bye-bye.

409
00:17:38,061 --> 00:17:39,461
Buckle up for safety...
For safety.

410
00:17:39,528 --> 00:17:41,529
No, no, no honey, honey,
it is a big deal, ok?

411
00:17:41,597 --> 00:17:43,165
If your feelings were hurt,

412
00:17:43,233 --> 00:17:45,577
and you were still thinkin' about
it this morning, that's bad.

413
00:17:45,601 --> 00:17:47,841
Now, I don't want to get into
who's right or who's wrong.

414
00:17:47,904 --> 00:17:50,072
The point is, this has
nothing to do with Rico.

415
00:17:50,139 --> 00:17:51,606
I love you, and that's it.

416
00:17:51,674 --> 00:17:52,807
Love me. Got it. Ok.

417
00:17:52,876 --> 00:17:54,109
All right, honey, I love you.

418
00:17:54,177 --> 00:17:55,878
I'll see you at home.
All right. Bye-bye.

419
00:17:57,480 --> 00:17:59,414
Thank you.

420
00:17:59,482 --> 00:18:01,416
Hey, where you goin', Jack?

421
00:18:03,253 --> 00:18:07,155
You liked his voice, now
welcome to his face.

422
00:18:08,591 --> 00:18:11,593
Is that what you're all
worked up about? Pfft!

423
00:18:11,660 --> 00:18:12,694
I gotta tell you, honey.

424
00:18:12,762 --> 00:18:14,329
If I passed him on the street,

425
00:18:14,397 --> 00:18:15,563
nothing.

426
00:18:15,631 --> 00:18:16,899
Then why haven't you blinked?

427
00:18:16,966 --> 00:18:19,001
I'm going.

428
00:18:19,068 --> 00:18:21,436
Hey, you're not
leaving, are you, Jack?

429
00:18:21,504 --> 00:18:23,071
Uh, no, no, no. Uh...

430
00:18:24,707 --> 00:18:27,175
Rico, this is, uh,
my wife Carrie.

431
00:18:27,243 --> 00:18:29,144
Hello, how you doin'?

432
00:18:29,212 --> 00:18:30,345
She's doin' good.

433
00:18:30,413 --> 00:18:31,914
You're doin' really good, right?

434
00:18:33,582 --> 00:18:35,583
This is my girlfriend Francesca.

435
00:18:35,651 --> 00:18:37,752
Mmm, very nice to meet you.

436
00:18:37,820 --> 00:18:39,121
I love your sweater.

437
00:18:39,188 --> 00:18:40,422
Oh. Yeah, well,

438
00:18:40,489 --> 00:18:41,666
Carrie's just
leaving now, right?

439
00:18:41,690 --> 00:18:44,192
Yeah. Oh, I was just leaving.

440
00:18:44,260 --> 00:18:46,028
Drive away, honey. Drive away.

441
00:18:57,273 --> 00:19:00,008
Come on, Doug. Can't
we get past this?

442
00:19:00,076 --> 00:19:02,911
Don't you want to
"dougercise" me?

443
00:19:04,880 --> 00:19:06,048
Or somethin'?

444
00:19:06,115 --> 00:19:07,349
I can't.

445
00:19:07,417 --> 00:19:09,284
You'll just think about Rico.

446
00:19:09,352 --> 00:19:11,153
And I can't imitate that body.

447
00:19:14,657 --> 00:19:16,992
Why does this have
to be a bad thing?

448
00:19:17,060 --> 00:19:19,761
I mean, maybe this is
like a new phase for us,

449
00:19:19,829 --> 00:19:21,029
you know, we role-play.

450
00:19:21,097 --> 00:19:22,264
It could be fun.

451
00:19:22,332 --> 00:19:23,731
What do you mean?

452
00:19:24,968 --> 00:19:28,136
Doug, I'm Francesca,

453
00:19:28,204 --> 00:19:30,805
Rico's adorable girlfriend.

454
00:19:30,873 --> 00:19:34,076
I'm very sexy and very Italian

455
00:19:34,143 --> 00:19:35,277
and very hopeful

456
00:19:35,345 --> 00:19:37,346
that you will come out to play.

457
00:19:39,849 --> 00:19:42,351
What the hell have
you been drinkin'?

458
00:19:44,820 --> 00:19:46,554
Well, I think

459
00:19:46,622 --> 00:19:48,857
you might like a
little action, too.

460
00:19:48,924 --> 00:19:50,725
And not Don Zimmer's.

461
00:19:52,462 --> 00:19:54,396
So, Doug...

462
00:19:54,464 --> 00:19:57,532
You like it, come on. Say
you like it, Dougie.

463
00:19:58,501 --> 00:20:01,069
Mmm. I'm not hatin' it.

464
00:20:03,006 --> 00:20:07,976
You would, uh, do
Francesca during hmm?

465
00:20:08,044 --> 00:20:11,313
Of course. I'll do anything for you, Doug.
I love you.

466
00:20:11,381 --> 00:20:12,814
So, Doug,

467
00:20:12,882 --> 00:20:15,583
you want a little-a
Italian gelato?

468
00:20:15,651 --> 00:20:16,651
What flavor?

469
00:20:16,719 --> 00:20:18,086
Spumoni.

470
00:20:18,154 --> 00:20:19,388
What's that?

471
00:20:19,955 --> 00:20:21,556
It's got

472
00:20:22,258 --> 00:20:23,958
fruits,

473
00:20:24,027 --> 00:20:26,628
and nuts and candy.

474
00:20:28,164 --> 00:20:29,797
Ok, now I actually want gelato.

475
00:20:34,203 --> 00:20:36,771
But I can get that later.

476
00:20:37,806 --> 00:20:39,741
So, Francesca,

477
00:20:39,808 --> 00:20:41,643
are you ready for
some hot, Latin love,

478
00:20:41,710 --> 00:20:42,844
eh, baby?

479
00:20:42,912 --> 00:20:44,846
I'm ready, Rico.

480
00:20:45,981 --> 00:20:49,084
Mmm. You are a big,
sexy Latino stud.

481
00:20:49,152 --> 00:20:51,486
Oh, that's-a right, Jack!

482
00:20:56,359 --> 00:20:58,326
What was that?

483
00:20:58,394 --> 00:21:00,662
The toilet won't-a
stop flushing again!

484
00:21:02,432 --> 00:21:04,666
You know, it kind of smells.

485
00:21:06,001 --> 00:21:07,436
I'll get the plunger.

486
00:21:13,543 --> 00:21:16,578
Whoo! Man, it is
great to be them.

487
00:21:23,608 --> 00:21:24,841
And so,

488
00:21:24,909 --> 00:21:26,210
that is why I look at this glass

489
00:21:26,278 --> 00:21:27,811
as half full.

490
00:21:29,747 --> 00:21:31,882
Write that down.

491
00:21:31,949 --> 00:21:33,551
I'm not gonna write it down.

492
00:21:33,618 --> 00:21:36,153
You're supposed to be
chronicling my wisdom.

493
00:21:36,221 --> 00:21:38,755
I'm not going to
chronicle your wisdom.

494
00:21:39,757 --> 00:21:42,159
You chronicle my wisdom.

495
00:21:43,395 --> 00:21:44,861
Your wisdom is stupid.

496
00:21:45,397 --> 00:21:47,298
Oh, what?

497
00:21:47,365 --> 00:21:49,166
The glass is half full.

498
00:21:49,234 --> 00:21:51,202
Oh, that's genius.

499
00:21:51,269 --> 00:21:53,370
So, that's how it's gonna be?

500
00:21:53,438 --> 00:21:54,971
Well, chronicle this.

501
00:21:55,039 --> 00:21:56,507
I'll see you in hell!