1 00:00:15,110 --> 00:00:16,570 Hello? 2 00:00:17,154 --> 00:00:21,032 Oh, yeah, I'll pick it up tomorrow. What time do you guys close? 3 00:00:21,241 --> 00:00:24,327 All right. Thank you. Bye. 4 00:00:26,830 --> 00:00:27,831 What? 5 00:00:28,331 --> 00:00:32,252 I gotta tell you, I am not crazy about the way you answer the phone. 6 00:00:32,502 --> 00:00:33,503 What do you mean? 7 00:00:33,753 --> 00:00:36,506 The way you say hello. It's like, "Hello." 8 00:00:36,673 --> 00:00:37,674 It's like you're saying: 9 00:00:37,883 --> 00:00:41,052 "I'm already bored with this conversation and I'm bored with you." 10 00:00:42,137 --> 00:00:43,972 And the way you answer the phone is so great? 11 00:00:44,222 --> 00:00:45,849 Yeah. Yes, it is. I'm very friendly. 12 00:00:46,099 --> 00:00:49,895 - Really? Let's hear one. - All right. Hello. 13 00:00:50,937 --> 00:00:52,689 You do not do that. 14 00:00:52,939 --> 00:00:55,317 - I do so. Yes. It's a very solid hello. - No, you don't. 15 00:00:55,525 --> 00:01:00,280 It's warm and inviting and, I've been told, a little sexy. 16 00:01:01,072 --> 00:01:04,201 You know what I'll do? I'll quit my job and practise saying hello full-time. 17 00:01:04,409 --> 00:01:06,036 - Is that good? - You don't have to bite. 18 00:01:06,244 --> 00:01:08,371 I'm just trying to help you with your greeting skills. 19 00:01:08,580 --> 00:01:10,540 - Well, don't. - Whatever. Sorry I brought it up. 20 00:01:10,749 --> 00:01:11,750 Yeah, me too. 21 00:01:12,000 --> 00:01:14,127 - Fine. - Fine. 22 00:01:55,930 --> 00:01:58,140 I think they made a mistake in the word jumble. 23 00:01:58,349 --> 00:02:02,144 - Yeah? - Yeah. The letters are M-A-L-B. 24 00:02:02,353 --> 00:02:05,105 There's nothing you can make of that, you know? 25 00:02:14,031 --> 00:02:17,117 - There's nothing. - Lamb. 26 00:02:18,577 --> 00:02:20,704 I'll play around with that. 27 00:02:32,341 --> 00:02:34,927 Arthur. 28 00:02:42,601 --> 00:02:45,020 In case you didn't catch that subtle hint, 29 00:02:45,229 --> 00:02:46,605 his birthday's coming up. 30 00:02:46,814 --> 00:02:49,900 Yeah, I know. This morning, I woke up with a party hat on. 31 00:02:51,902 --> 00:02:54,655 God, he's gonna be 75. 32 00:02:54,822 --> 00:02:57,032 We should do something special for him, don't you think? 33 00:02:57,283 --> 00:02:59,160 Chip in for a hooker? 34 00:03:00,494 --> 00:03:01,745 Not quite that special. 35 00:03:02,538 --> 00:03:05,207 We can save that for my birthday. Hey, who said that? 36 00:03:05,374 --> 00:03:08,460 Doug, come on, I'm being serious. 37 00:03:08,669 --> 00:03:10,796 I feel like such a slug when it comes to his birthday. 38 00:03:11,005 --> 00:03:12,965 I mean, every year, we schlep him to White Castle 39 00:03:13,174 --> 00:03:15,134 and throw 20 bucks' worth of scratch-offs at him. 40 00:03:15,509 --> 00:03:16,802 What do you wanna do instead? 41 00:03:17,052 --> 00:03:19,013 I don't know, I'm thinking like a surprise party. 42 00:03:19,680 --> 00:03:22,433 A party? With people? 43 00:03:23,017 --> 00:03:25,060 I'm thinking with people, yes, yes. 44 00:03:25,269 --> 00:03:26,979 Let's see, his birthday is on Tuesday. 45 00:03:27,188 --> 00:03:29,690 Maybe we can catch him off guard if we do it on Sunday. 46 00:03:30,024 --> 00:03:31,984 Sunday? No, no, you can't do it on Sunday. 47 00:03:32,193 --> 00:03:35,571 It's my only day off this week because I'm working Saturday, remember? 48 00:03:35,779 --> 00:03:37,865 Hey, do it Saturday. 49 00:03:38,115 --> 00:03:39,825 Doug, come on, you gotta be there. 50 00:03:40,034 --> 00:03:42,369 Well, think about it. First of all, I don't wanna be there. 51 00:03:42,578 --> 00:03:43,787 And they don't want me there. 52 00:03:43,996 --> 00:03:45,206 You know, I'll start drinking. 53 00:03:45,414 --> 00:03:47,625 I'm an angry drunk. I'll pop someone. 54 00:03:48,334 --> 00:03:49,335 That's very nice, Doug. 55 00:03:49,543 --> 00:03:53,422 You can't give up one lousy afternoon for a man who's turning 75? 56 00:03:53,672 --> 00:03:56,175 - It's not that old. - It is old. 57 00:03:56,383 --> 00:03:59,053 Do you realise who was president when he was born? 58 00:03:59,261 --> 00:04:01,931 I can't spell lamb. 59 00:04:13,526 --> 00:04:16,695 Doug, what are you still doing home? 60 00:04:16,904 --> 00:04:19,907 Trying to enjoy my two minutes of weekend. 61 00:04:20,324 --> 00:04:22,034 Well, I hope you did, because they're over. 62 00:04:22,243 --> 00:04:24,745 Now, come on. You gotta get my father out of the house 63 00:04:24,954 --> 00:04:26,872 so I can start setting up. 64 00:04:27,081 --> 00:04:28,874 Fine. 65 00:04:30,251 --> 00:04:32,586 "Get him out of the house." You're not the boss of me. 66 00:04:33,420 --> 00:04:35,130 - What'd you say? - Nothing. Nothing. 67 00:04:35,339 --> 00:04:36,966 So, what excuse are you gonna use? 68 00:04:37,216 --> 00:04:40,886 I don't know, can't we just club him? When he wakes up, we yell "Surprise." 69 00:04:41,554 --> 00:04:43,389 Doug, you need to get him out of the house. 70 00:04:43,639 --> 00:04:45,516 All right, all right. Take a chill pill. 71 00:04:45,766 --> 00:04:47,309 "Take a chill pill"? 72 00:04:48,102 --> 00:04:50,146 What's wrong with that? You say, "It's all good." 73 00:04:50,396 --> 00:04:52,439 All right, just go. Just go. 74 00:04:59,238 --> 00:05:00,614 Hey, guy. What you doing? 75 00:05:00,781 --> 00:05:03,284 I'm watching this very interesting programme. 76 00:05:03,534 --> 00:05:07,872 Seems this young fella, Screech, has painted himself into quite a corner. 77 00:05:08,664 --> 00:05:11,417 Listen, I was gonna go out and get a bite to eat and I thought: 78 00:05:11,625 --> 00:05:14,628 "Hey, you know what, why not grab the man down under?" 79 00:05:14,837 --> 00:05:16,755 So you up for it? 80 00:05:17,006 --> 00:05:18,465 Thank you, no. 81 00:05:18,716 --> 00:05:21,886 I was thinking maybe we'd swing by that Skeeball place you like so much. 82 00:05:22,094 --> 00:05:24,346 - So, what do you say? Come on. - "Passeroo." 83 00:05:26,891 --> 00:05:28,971 Maybe then we'd go to the bowling alley afterwards... 84 00:05:29,143 --> 00:05:31,729 Sweet Mary, will you take a hint? 85 00:05:34,732 --> 00:05:36,442 You know what? Look, Arthur, 86 00:05:36,650 --> 00:05:42,490 the thing is, you see, I need you to come with me on an errand. 87 00:05:42,740 --> 00:05:45,034 - What errand? - I have to pick something up. 88 00:05:45,284 --> 00:05:46,535 What? 89 00:05:47,661 --> 00:05:49,997 A great big one of those... 90 00:05:50,247 --> 00:05:52,208 - Fish tank? - Yeah. 91 00:05:52,458 --> 00:05:54,084 - We're getting fish? - Yeah. 92 00:05:54,293 --> 00:05:55,920 Been thinking about it for quite a while. 93 00:05:56,128 --> 00:05:57,129 I love fish. 94 00:05:57,338 --> 00:05:59,840 Well, that's something we share. So you coming? 95 00:06:00,049 --> 00:06:01,050 Try and stop me. 96 00:06:01,550 --> 00:06:04,220 Hey, did you know I had a trout farm before the war? 97 00:06:04,386 --> 00:06:06,013 Nope, didn't know that. 98 00:06:06,180 --> 00:06:09,517 Let me tell you, Douglas, they're very delicate creatures. 99 00:06:09,725 --> 00:06:11,977 I learned that the hard way. 100 00:06:13,521 --> 00:06:15,606 Oh, hey, where are you fellas off to? 101 00:06:15,815 --> 00:06:19,443 Where do you think we're going? To get the new aquarium. 102 00:06:23,447 --> 00:06:25,574 We may have to get rid of the piano. 103 00:06:30,913 --> 00:06:33,749 This is great, huh? 104 00:06:33,999 --> 00:06:36,168 I thought we were getting an aquarium. 105 00:06:36,418 --> 00:06:37,419 We are, we are. 106 00:06:37,628 --> 00:06:41,048 I just thought we'd spend a little time just you and me first, you know? 107 00:06:41,257 --> 00:06:45,761 Just the men. The boys. No pesky women dragging us down. 108 00:06:46,011 --> 00:06:47,721 I don't know where you're going with this, 109 00:06:47,888 --> 00:06:50,641 but you're making me very uncomfortable. 110 00:06:52,768 --> 00:06:56,021 We're eating lunch, okay? Hey, you like the buffet here, right? 111 00:06:56,272 --> 00:06:57,481 - Actually, I do. - Yeah. 112 00:06:57,690 --> 00:07:01,610 They got hot wings here that'll singe your short hairs right off. 113 00:07:03,154 --> 00:07:05,823 A little less hungry now, but okay. 114 00:07:06,365 --> 00:07:08,284 The little meatballs are also marvellous. 115 00:07:08,492 --> 00:07:11,412 Oh, and the brownies, wow. Out of this world. 116 00:07:11,579 --> 00:07:14,999 - Are you gentlemen ready to order? - Yeah, I'm gonna go with the buffet. 117 00:07:15,207 --> 00:07:17,376 Nothing for me, thanks. 118 00:07:19,545 --> 00:07:20,921 I thought you wanted the buffet. 119 00:07:21,172 --> 00:07:24,175 Oh, I do. And I'll be having it. 120 00:07:26,343 --> 00:07:27,928 Why are you winking at me? 121 00:07:28,179 --> 00:07:30,848 You just fall off the turnip truck? 122 00:07:31,056 --> 00:07:34,685 I'll tell you what I wanna eat, you slip it to me off your plate 123 00:07:34,894 --> 00:07:38,355 and we walk out of here 6.99 richer. 124 00:07:40,024 --> 00:07:43,027 Oh, God. Arthur, just let me pay for you. 125 00:07:43,277 --> 00:07:47,698 That's crazy. You're about to invest in a very expensive aquarium. 126 00:07:48,616 --> 00:07:51,368 It's okay, all right? I can take the hit. Where's the waiter? 127 00:07:51,577 --> 00:07:54,163 Douglas, I will not sit here and watch you spend like a madman 128 00:07:54,371 --> 00:07:56,165 just to impress me. 129 00:07:56,415 --> 00:07:58,125 - I'll see you at home. - Fine, fine, fine. 130 00:07:58,292 --> 00:08:00,002 Look, we can share off my plate, all right? 131 00:08:00,211 --> 00:08:02,004 That's my boy. 132 00:08:02,546 --> 00:08:04,965 So, what do you want me to get first? 133 00:08:05,925 --> 00:08:08,594 Just put whatever you want for yourself on one half of the plate 134 00:08:08,761 --> 00:08:11,430 and the other half, load it up with beets. 135 00:08:23,818 --> 00:08:24,858 - Dear? - Yes, Mrs. Hanley? 136 00:08:25,027 --> 00:08:28,405 I'm diabetic and I can't take any sugar. 137 00:08:28,614 --> 00:08:30,866 - Do you have any Equal? - Yes, it's right over there. 138 00:08:31,075 --> 00:08:33,911 - Oh, thank you so much. - You're welcome. 139 00:08:40,042 --> 00:08:43,170 So little Carrie Spooner. 140 00:08:43,420 --> 00:08:46,841 - Hi, Mr. Tepper. - My, how the years fly by. 141 00:08:47,049 --> 00:08:50,553 It seems like only yesterday you were a gangly little kid, 142 00:08:50,761 --> 00:08:52,441 you know, with the pigtails and the braces. 143 00:08:52,638 --> 00:08:55,474 - You remember that? - Worst years of my life. Yes, I do. 144 00:08:56,058 --> 00:08:59,979 Now look at you. You've blossomed into a lovely young lady. 145 00:09:00,229 --> 00:09:02,356 - Thank you so much. - No, I mean it, you're gorgeous. 146 00:09:02,565 --> 00:09:06,152 With that velvet skin and that tight little body. 147 00:09:07,778 --> 00:09:11,240 Yeah, you're probably as limber as a cat. 148 00:09:12,616 --> 00:09:14,326 Excuse me. 149 00:09:15,828 --> 00:09:17,872 Thank you. 150 00:09:19,623 --> 00:09:23,335 - Oh, Mr. Glassman, hi. - Hey. Carrie, it's good to see you. 151 00:09:23,544 --> 00:09:25,004 Oh, thank you for coming. 152 00:09:25,212 --> 00:09:26,672 Are you kidding? 153 00:09:26,881 --> 00:09:29,383 You think I would miss a wonderful thing like this? 154 00:09:29,592 --> 00:09:31,302 Wild horses couldn't keep me... 155 00:09:31,594 --> 00:09:34,180 Who invited that miserable bastard? 156 00:09:34,430 --> 00:09:35,556 Screw you. 157 00:09:35,973 --> 00:09:37,933 Okay. 158 00:09:42,229 --> 00:09:44,356 I'm ready for a tater tot. 159 00:10:18,849 --> 00:10:21,060 Do you really enjoy eating this way? 160 00:10:22,645 --> 00:10:23,771 Yes, I do. 161 00:10:23,979 --> 00:10:26,106 Now, under the guise of shaking hands, 162 00:10:26,315 --> 00:10:29,193 pass me a stuffed mushroom. 163 00:10:31,529 --> 00:10:33,072 This is where I throw you a no. 164 00:10:33,447 --> 00:10:34,824 Come on, grease me. 165 00:10:35,032 --> 00:10:36,659 Would...? Do me a favour, take the plate. 166 00:10:36,909 --> 00:10:39,161 Are you insane? The walls have eyes around here. 167 00:10:39,411 --> 00:10:41,622 Do they? Well, then let's stop stealing, huh? 168 00:10:41,872 --> 00:10:43,707 Why don't you shout it through a megaphone? 169 00:10:43,916 --> 00:10:45,751 For God's sake, be discreet. 170 00:10:46,001 --> 00:10:47,211 I am being discreet. 171 00:10:47,419 --> 00:10:49,964 Okay? You're the one with buffalo-wing sauce all over your face. 172 00:10:50,172 --> 00:10:52,049 - Now, just take the plate. Take it. - No. No. 173 00:10:52,258 --> 00:10:54,176 - Excuse me. - Yes? 174 00:10:54,426 --> 00:10:56,345 Are you also having the buffet, sir? 175 00:10:56,554 --> 00:10:58,430 How dare you make such an accusation? 176 00:10:58,639 --> 00:11:01,559 - I fought for this country. - Yes, we have been sharing. 177 00:11:01,767 --> 00:11:03,727 Here's $20 for two buffets, keep the change. 178 00:11:03,936 --> 00:11:04,937 Thank you. 179 00:11:05,146 --> 00:11:07,106 - Hold it, fella. - Yes, sir? 180 00:11:07,731 --> 00:11:09,817 There was broken glass in his taco meat. 181 00:11:10,067 --> 00:11:12,194 No, there wasn't. Okay? It's fine, everything's fine. 182 00:11:12,403 --> 00:11:14,530 Okay, thank you very much. Thank you. 183 00:11:14,738 --> 00:11:17,241 Arthur, what is going on inside that head of yours? 184 00:11:17,449 --> 00:11:20,202 Are there two wires that are touching that shouldn't be? 185 00:11:22,705 --> 00:11:23,914 Is there a leak of some sort? 186 00:11:24,123 --> 00:11:27,334 Because let me tell you, something is very, very wrong. 187 00:11:28,127 --> 00:11:32,006 I'm going to the bathroom. When I come back, be fixed. 188 00:11:35,342 --> 00:11:37,887 All right, just calm down, Mr. Glassman. 189 00:11:38,137 --> 00:11:39,937 Have a cold drink, everything's gonna be fine. 190 00:11:40,181 --> 00:11:42,725 You give a guy a first job and he stabs you in the back. 191 00:11:42,975 --> 00:11:46,604 Some first job. Taking orders from that snot-nosed kid of yours. 192 00:11:46,812 --> 00:11:50,274 - Okay, Mr. Tepper... - Oh, that's why you did it. To get even. 193 00:11:50,524 --> 00:11:52,693 I didn't do anything, you crazy old man. 194 00:11:53,569 --> 00:11:56,405 - Who's old? You're older than me. - I am not. 195 00:11:56,614 --> 00:11:58,254 - You are older... - Okay, enough! Enough! 196 00:11:58,449 --> 00:12:00,910 Let's just agree, you're both old, okay? 197 00:12:01,118 --> 00:12:03,037 Now, come on, what's the big deal here, huh? 198 00:12:03,245 --> 00:12:05,164 What, did he cheat you at gin rummy, huh? 199 00:12:05,372 --> 00:12:07,958 Forget to return your power mower on time? What? 200 00:12:08,501 --> 00:12:10,711 He had sex with my wife. 201 00:12:11,420 --> 00:12:14,298 Okay, that's significant. 202 00:12:14,548 --> 00:12:17,801 It's been 40 years and he can't accept the fact that I did not do it. 203 00:12:18,010 --> 00:12:20,846 Why would I? She looked like Tony Randall in a wig. 204 00:12:21,889 --> 00:12:23,599 She had to wear a wig. She had a condition. 205 00:12:23,808 --> 00:12:28,187 Okay, guys, enough. Now, look, Doug is back with Arthur, okay? 206 00:12:28,395 --> 00:12:30,981 He's your friend and you want him to have a nice party, right? 207 00:12:31,232 --> 00:12:32,441 - Yeah, yeah. - Yeah, yeah. 208 00:12:32,691 --> 00:12:36,821 Okay, so from now on, no more talk about who did or didn't do your wife. 209 00:12:37,029 --> 00:12:38,113 All right? Let's just smile 210 00:12:38,364 --> 00:12:41,617 and put all our energies into a nice, robust "Surprise." 211 00:12:41,826 --> 00:12:46,413 Okay? Okay? Alrighty. Let's get ready. Come on, come on. 212 00:12:50,751 --> 00:12:52,127 Surprise! 213 00:12:52,294 --> 00:12:54,213 Hey, how you doing? 214 00:12:55,548 --> 00:12:57,341 Hon, where is my father? 215 00:12:58,133 --> 00:13:01,262 - I was hoping he came back here. - No. Why is he not with you? 216 00:13:02,513 --> 00:13:04,306 He got loose. 217 00:13:11,173 --> 00:13:12,716 I went to the bathroom for two seconds. 218 00:13:12,883 --> 00:13:14,563 When I came back to the table, he was gone. 219 00:13:14,760 --> 00:13:16,970 All he left was a note on his placemat. 220 00:13:17,179 --> 00:13:21,225 "Dear Douglas. I'd rather have a defective head than a cold heart. 221 00:13:21,433 --> 00:13:27,398 So kiss me where the sun don't shine, and I don't mean London." 222 00:13:31,402 --> 00:13:32,403 That's all he wrote? 223 00:13:32,653 --> 00:13:35,656 No, he also did the connect-the-dots on the back. 224 00:13:35,864 --> 00:13:38,617 How do you not see that's a candy cane? 225 00:13:38,867 --> 00:13:41,286 For God's sakes, Doug, why'd you have to get so mad at him? 226 00:13:41,495 --> 00:13:44,331 I told you, he was acting like a maniac with his little buffet scheme. 227 00:13:44,498 --> 00:13:46,291 So you handshake him a few stuffed mushrooms. 228 00:13:46,500 --> 00:13:47,980 I've been doing it since I was a kid. 229 00:13:48,168 --> 00:13:51,088 Oh, really? Why stop there? Why don't I just French-kiss him Jell-O? 230 00:13:51,255 --> 00:13:53,215 That'll be good. 231 00:13:55,801 --> 00:13:57,094 I cannot believe you. 232 00:13:57,302 --> 00:14:00,472 I give you one thing to do today. One thing, and you screw it up. 233 00:14:00,723 --> 00:14:02,725 Excuse me, it was my one day off in two weeks, 234 00:14:02,933 --> 00:14:05,436 and it was your idea to put me in charge of oldie. 235 00:14:05,644 --> 00:14:08,564 Well, it's oldie's birthday. 236 00:14:09,023 --> 00:14:10,024 Where are you going? 237 00:14:10,232 --> 00:14:12,317 I am going to find him and bring him back. 238 00:14:12,526 --> 00:14:14,737 Now, just stay here and keep the party alive. 239 00:14:19,575 --> 00:14:21,827 It's a little late for that. 240 00:14:22,536 --> 00:14:23,829 I should be back within an hour, 241 00:14:24,038 --> 00:14:26,165 assuming he's at one of his usual hangouts. 242 00:14:26,415 --> 00:14:29,084 Well, he's not at OTB or Nude Nudes. 243 00:14:29,918 --> 00:14:31,795 Thanks. 244 00:14:35,215 --> 00:14:37,676 Hey, how you doing there? Hi. How's it going? All right. 245 00:14:37,885 --> 00:14:38,965 Hey, how's everybody doing? 246 00:14:39,136 --> 00:14:41,305 Anybody need anything? No? All right. Great. 247 00:14:41,513 --> 00:14:43,057 I'm just gonna turn on the TV here, 248 00:14:43,223 --> 00:14:44,933 you guys keep talking about the old times, 249 00:14:45,142 --> 00:14:47,436 how everything used to cost a nickel and whatnot. 250 00:14:47,686 --> 00:14:50,147 - You Carrie's husband? - Yeah, yes, I am. 251 00:14:50,397 --> 00:14:53,400 Any of your friends ever have sex with her? 252 00:14:53,609 --> 00:14:56,528 Don't start up again, you sick, paranoid bastard. 253 00:14:56,737 --> 00:14:58,781 You are gonna rot in hell. 254 00:14:59,031 --> 00:15:03,077 Whoa, guys! Knicks are down by four. 255 00:15:15,381 --> 00:15:17,174 Dad? 256 00:15:18,467 --> 00:15:20,886 Excuse me, is there an Arthur Spooner in there? 257 00:15:21,095 --> 00:15:23,764 No. Now, shut the door. 258 00:15:24,848 --> 00:15:26,600 I know that's you, Dad. 259 00:15:26,809 --> 00:15:31,188 I'm not Dad, my name is Mr. Wong. I'm an importer of silk. 260 00:15:31,355 --> 00:15:33,774 Dad, please don't be Mr. Wong right now. 261 00:15:33,982 --> 00:15:36,527 Come on, I really want you to come home. 262 00:15:36,735 --> 00:15:41,240 Oh, do you? Well, your husband clearly doesn't feel the same way. 263 00:15:41,448 --> 00:15:44,993 Dad, would you listen to me...? Hey, how you doing? 264 00:15:45,202 --> 00:15:47,871 Doug is very sorry for what he said. 265 00:15:48,038 --> 00:15:52,459 Well, sorry doesn't pay the butcher. Now, shut the door. 266 00:15:54,378 --> 00:15:57,881 Don't you go near my car, Glassman. Don't you... 267 00:15:58,090 --> 00:16:01,927 Oh, my God, you are an animal. 268 00:16:02,136 --> 00:16:06,682 All right. All right. Two can play at that game. 269 00:16:07,933 --> 00:16:10,602 Hey, Doug, do you happen to own a sledgehammer? 270 00:16:10,769 --> 00:16:13,522 - In the garage. - Thank you. 271 00:16:13,689 --> 00:16:15,065 Hey, Tepper. 272 00:16:16,066 --> 00:16:19,862 Thanks for leaving your top down. Made my job a lot easier. 273 00:16:20,821 --> 00:16:24,366 You just bought yourself a date with my fist. 274 00:16:24,616 --> 00:16:27,036 Oh, come on. Give me your best shot. 275 00:16:27,286 --> 00:16:29,246 - You'll get my best shot. - Come on. Bring it on. 276 00:16:29,455 --> 00:16:31,790 It's coming. It's coming special delivery. 277 00:16:31,999 --> 00:16:36,211 - I'll be at home to sign for it. - Either fight or nap. 278 00:16:41,592 --> 00:16:45,054 You see, what Doug meant was 279 00:16:45,262 --> 00:16:51,268 your brain is like a computer. You know, very intricate and complex. 280 00:16:51,477 --> 00:16:53,854 And if something was to go wrong inside of it, 281 00:16:54,063 --> 00:16:57,316 then that would make him sad. 282 00:16:57,983 --> 00:17:01,904 Don't try to sugar-coat this, darling. He clearly despises me. 283 00:17:02,154 --> 00:17:03,280 Oh, that is so not the case. 284 00:17:03,489 --> 00:17:05,616 He took you to lunch. That proves he likes you, right? 285 00:17:05,824 --> 00:17:08,994 No, it proves he needed someone to hold up the other end of a fish tank. 286 00:17:09,203 --> 00:17:11,121 What a waste of an afternoon this was. 287 00:17:11,372 --> 00:17:13,916 Believe me, not having the time of my life either. 288 00:17:14,124 --> 00:17:16,794 Dad, could you please just get past this and come home? 289 00:17:17,002 --> 00:17:19,171 - Sorry. - Dad. 290 00:17:19,380 --> 00:17:24,968 I am hot and sweaty and I have seen things in here I will never forget. 291 00:17:25,135 --> 00:17:28,222 - Now, can we please just go home? - No. 292 00:17:28,472 --> 00:17:30,392 For God's sakes, could you stop being so selfish? 293 00:17:30,557 --> 00:17:31,684 The reason Doug took you out 294 00:17:31,892 --> 00:17:33,936 was because we're having a surprise party for you. 295 00:17:34,186 --> 00:17:35,729 A surprise party? Really? 296 00:17:35,896 --> 00:17:37,898 Yes. 297 00:17:38,107 --> 00:17:39,566 Way to ruin it. 298 00:17:42,986 --> 00:17:47,616 Okay, now, guys, I'd really like to settle this before the fourth quarter starts. 299 00:17:47,825 --> 00:17:49,284 Carl, 300 00:17:49,493 --> 00:17:52,955 did you or did you not sleep with Irv's wife? 301 00:17:53,205 --> 00:17:54,206 I did not. 302 00:17:54,456 --> 00:17:56,792 Well, there you go, case closed. Feels good, doesn't it? 303 00:17:57,001 --> 00:17:59,211 It was him. I got a witness. 304 00:17:59,461 --> 00:18:01,088 Who's your witness? 305 00:18:01,255 --> 00:18:04,633 - All right, Irv, who was your witness? - Arthur Spooner. 306 00:18:04,883 --> 00:18:10,389 Oh, yeah. He said he saw Carl Tepper sneaking out of my house at 2 a.m. 307 00:18:10,597 --> 00:18:12,766 That's impossible. I was working the night shift. 308 00:18:13,017 --> 00:18:14,018 Oh, really? 309 00:18:14,226 --> 00:18:16,395 He told me he saw you with my wife at the Concord Hotel 310 00:18:16,603 --> 00:18:19,106 and inside a bungalow at Ocean City. 311 00:18:19,356 --> 00:18:21,150 I never been to those places. 312 00:18:21,400 --> 00:18:23,318 Oh, please. Please. 313 00:18:23,527 --> 00:18:27,573 I'm just lucky that every time my wife was unfaithful, Arthur was there. 314 00:18:35,789 --> 00:18:38,709 Happy birthday, dear Arthur. 315 00:18:38,917 --> 00:18:43,756 Happy birthday to you. 316 00:18:45,549 --> 00:18:47,509 Remember, no one thinks you know about the party. 317 00:18:47,718 --> 00:18:48,958 So make sure you act surprised. 318 00:18:49,136 --> 00:18:52,097 Don't you worry. I do a wonderful fake heart attack. 319 00:18:52,306 --> 00:18:55,726 Yeah, I know. I remember from our wedding. 320 00:18:59,855 --> 00:19:01,565 All right, now, Dad, I'm just gonna run in, 321 00:19:01,732 --> 00:19:03,525 make sure everybody's set to surprise you 322 00:19:03,734 --> 00:19:07,237 and sing "Happy Birthday" and all that, okay? 323 00:19:08,989 --> 00:19:11,200 - Darling, wait. - What? 324 00:19:11,450 --> 00:19:14,203 I've given this a lot of thought, and I've decided I'd prefer. 325 00:19:14,370 --> 00:19:15,913 "For He's a Jolly Good Fellow." 326 00:19:16,622 --> 00:19:19,166 That's fine. I'll be right back. 327 00:19:27,216 --> 00:19:29,301 What's going on? Where is everybody? 328 00:19:29,635 --> 00:19:30,803 I sent them home. 329 00:19:31,053 --> 00:19:34,556 What? Why do you keep losing people? 330 00:19:35,265 --> 00:19:36,425 Hey, back it down, all right? 331 00:19:36,600 --> 00:19:38,977 I saved your father from being hollowed out by an angry mob. 332 00:19:39,228 --> 00:19:41,689 - What are you talking about? - Let's say we got to the bottom 333 00:19:41,897 --> 00:19:43,774 of who nailed Marian Glassman. 334 00:19:44,233 --> 00:19:46,151 - Oh, my God. My father? - Yup. 335 00:19:46,360 --> 00:19:49,738 And he blamed it on the other guy. That's our birthday boy. 336 00:19:51,573 --> 00:19:53,575 - So where is he? - He's right outside. 337 00:19:53,784 --> 00:19:54,910 - So bring him in. - I can't. 338 00:19:55,119 --> 00:19:57,788 He thinks there's a surprise party waiting for him. 339 00:19:57,997 --> 00:19:59,197 Why did you tell him about it? 340 00:19:59,373 --> 00:20:01,583 It was the only way I could get him to come home. 341 00:20:02,126 --> 00:20:03,961 This is such an honour. 342 00:20:04,169 --> 00:20:07,172 A man is nothing without friends. 343 00:20:10,759 --> 00:20:14,596 This is such an honour. A man is nothing without friends. 344 00:20:15,514 --> 00:20:17,641 All right, what are we gonna do? What are we gonna do? 345 00:20:17,850 --> 00:20:20,269 Should we call neighbours? Have them come in the back door? 346 00:20:20,477 --> 00:20:22,438 No, they're all much younger than him. 347 00:20:22,646 --> 00:20:24,773 And he's suing most of them. 348 00:20:25,024 --> 00:20:27,901 Okay, okay. Hey, how about that soft-yogurt place at the mall? 349 00:20:28,110 --> 00:20:31,280 You ever see that place? It's like a sea of grey. 350 00:20:31,905 --> 00:20:34,033 You feel like saying anything helpful? 351 00:20:34,283 --> 00:20:35,993 Hey, I don't hear you tossing out any gems. 352 00:20:36,160 --> 00:20:39,246 I'm sorry. I can't bring that man in here without a fricking surprise party. 353 00:20:39,413 --> 00:20:41,040 - It'll kill him. - So, what do we do? 354 00:20:41,248 --> 00:20:42,541 I don't know. Think. 355 00:20:47,921 --> 00:20:50,924 Which nobody can deny. 356 00:21:34,477 --> 00:21:37,689 - Hello? - Better, but be more inviting. 357 00:21:37,897 --> 00:21:39,941 Hello. 358 00:21:40,191 --> 00:21:42,610 Stop it!