1 00:00:02,714 --> 00:00:05,175 Carrie. Car, come on, we gotta go. 2 00:00:05,384 --> 00:00:06,551 I'm coming. 3 00:00:06,760 --> 00:00:08,470 League starts in 20 minutes. 4 00:00:08,637 --> 00:00:10,180 Will you relax? 5 00:00:10,347 --> 00:00:12,557 Broads... 6 00:00:12,766 --> 00:00:14,184 So where you off to tonight? 7 00:00:14,643 --> 00:00:19,690 Are the bowling shirt and bowling ball any help or? 8 00:00:19,940 --> 00:00:23,985 All right, call off your dogs, sassy. Just making small talk. 9 00:00:24,319 --> 00:00:26,363 All right, look, I was out of line there. I'm sorry. 10 00:00:26,988 --> 00:00:28,448 Quite all right. 11 00:00:28,657 --> 00:00:30,367 So where you off to? 12 00:00:32,703 --> 00:00:34,496 Carrie! 13 00:00:34,705 --> 00:00:37,082 Come on, what are you doing? 14 00:00:37,874 --> 00:00:39,042 What are you doing? 15 00:00:39,251 --> 00:00:40,877 Ironing my jeans, I'm almost done. 16 00:00:41,294 --> 00:00:42,921 What was wrong with the ones you had on? 17 00:00:43,130 --> 00:00:45,257 I didn't like the way my butt looked in those. 18 00:00:45,465 --> 00:00:46,633 Oh, come on. 19 00:00:46,800 --> 00:00:50,554 Hey, back it off. This is between me and my ass. 20 00:00:51,388 --> 00:00:52,428 You'll have to understand, 21 00:00:52,597 --> 00:00:54,558 bowling is all about the way you look from behind. 22 00:00:54,766 --> 00:00:56,560 Yeah. And you looked fine in the other ones. 23 00:00:56,727 --> 00:00:59,271 Although I can't say I'm hating this look. 24 00:00:59,438 --> 00:01:01,148 Get you spread eagle on a hood of a Camaro, 25 00:01:01,314 --> 00:01:03,608 we got a big-selling poster. 26 00:01:06,445 --> 00:01:07,904 I am done. 27 00:01:08,071 --> 00:01:10,198 Oh, yeah. Put your pants on. 28 00:01:10,407 --> 00:01:12,784 Slow for daddy. 29 00:01:13,285 --> 00:01:14,369 Yeah. 30 00:01:14,578 --> 00:01:16,621 - Shut up, would you please? - Yeah. 31 00:01:16,788 --> 00:01:18,498 Okay. Nice. 32 00:01:18,707 --> 00:01:21,501 - Let's go, Slammo. - Thank God. 33 00:01:21,668 --> 00:01:23,712 Oh, yeah. 34 00:01:56,946 --> 00:02:00,992 All right. The Cooper's Onion Ringers have arrived. 35 00:02:01,158 --> 00:02:02,952 Yeah! 36 00:02:03,119 --> 00:02:05,079 Okay, nobody seems to care. 37 00:02:05,288 --> 00:02:07,164 That's because they're all losers. 38 00:02:07,331 --> 00:02:09,375 All right, people, let's push some tables together. 39 00:02:09,542 --> 00:02:11,182 - Yeah. - Three pitchers, right over here. 40 00:02:11,377 --> 00:02:13,257 - Spence, nice bowling tonight, cutie. - Thanks. 41 00:02:13,462 --> 00:02:15,006 Gosh, the man can't run, he can't jump, 42 00:02:15,172 --> 00:02:17,633 he can barely walk, but, damn it, he can roll a ball. 43 00:02:17,842 --> 00:02:19,385 Magic fingers. I got magic fingers. 44 00:02:19,594 --> 00:02:20,845 - Yeah. - Lannucci, 45 00:02:21,053 --> 00:02:23,764 obviously trying to impress someone into having sex with him. 46 00:02:23,973 --> 00:02:27,310 I don't know, I wasn't that impressed. Just scored a 135. 47 00:02:27,476 --> 00:02:30,396 Hey, hey, a 191. I gets no love? 48 00:02:30,563 --> 00:02:32,356 Deac, you and I, we're the legends, you know? 49 00:02:32,565 --> 00:02:34,191 We don't talk about it, we just do it. 50 00:02:34,400 --> 00:02:37,903 Yeah, a 191, I wanna talk about it. 51 00:02:38,112 --> 00:02:39,739 Hey, how about Carrie over here, huh? 52 00:02:39,947 --> 00:02:41,490 Hey, my lovely wife, huh? 53 00:02:41,657 --> 00:02:44,910 Gutting her way to a personal best score of 47. 54 00:02:45,077 --> 00:02:46,537 Oh, yeah. 55 00:02:48,122 --> 00:02:49,123 Sucky bowler right here. 56 00:02:49,332 --> 00:02:51,459 - Can't bowl for crap, yeah. - Oh, yeah. 57 00:02:51,667 --> 00:02:53,794 - But her ass was in great form, huh? - Thank you. 58 00:02:54,045 --> 00:02:55,379 - Yes, Carrie. - Your wife's ugly. 59 00:02:55,546 --> 00:02:56,714 Nice ugly. 60 00:02:56,923 --> 00:02:59,675 All right, if you guys will excuse me, I'm gonna go stop in on Bobby 61 00:02:59,842 --> 00:03:01,042 and pick up our league cheque, 62 00:03:01,218 --> 00:03:04,013 so do me a favour, order me several thousand hot wings. 63 00:03:04,180 --> 00:03:06,223 Bobby. Yo, Bobby. 64 00:03:06,974 --> 00:03:10,895 Bobby. Hey, you're not Bobby. Where's Bobby? 65 00:03:11,228 --> 00:03:14,106 I fired Bobby. Who are you? 66 00:03:14,315 --> 00:03:16,692 Oh, I was just... I was... Who are you? 67 00:03:17,360 --> 00:03:18,611 My name is Bruce Degner. 68 00:03:18,861 --> 00:03:22,782 - Oh, so you're the new Bobby. - No, I'm not the new Bobby. 69 00:03:22,990 --> 00:03:26,494 My father-in-law owns this place. He just had a massive brain aneurysm, 70 00:03:26,702 --> 00:03:28,329 which he richly deserves. 71 00:03:29,038 --> 00:03:31,791 So now I have to spend time I don't have away from my law practice 72 00:03:31,958 --> 00:03:33,918 to come in here every night and sit and look over 73 00:03:34,126 --> 00:03:37,380 this random heap of Post-its and napkins 74 00:03:37,546 --> 00:03:39,924 that passes around here for a ledger, 75 00:03:40,091 --> 00:03:43,427 something I'm trying very hard to do right now, 76 00:03:43,594 --> 00:03:46,681 which brings me back to my original, still unanswered question: 77 00:03:46,847 --> 00:03:48,182 Who are you? 78 00:03:48,557 --> 00:03:49,809 Hi, I'm Doug. Doug Heffernan. 79 00:03:50,017 --> 00:03:53,104 I'm a member of the bowling team you sponsor. 80 00:03:53,312 --> 00:03:56,899 Member, I'm actually the captain. 81 00:03:57,149 --> 00:03:58,567 So, what do you want, captain? 82 00:03:58,776 --> 00:04:02,905 It's just that Bobby, who I did not like, 83 00:04:03,489 --> 00:04:06,200 was supposed to leave me a cheque for our league dues this month. 84 00:04:06,409 --> 00:04:08,452 Swell, because this place really isn't haemorrhaging 85 00:04:08,661 --> 00:04:10,371 quite enough money yet. 86 00:04:10,538 --> 00:04:11,706 All right, how much? 87 00:04:11,956 --> 00:04:12,957 It's $1,500. 88 00:04:13,165 --> 00:04:15,876 Boy, it's getting cold down here. Were you outside? 89 00:04:16,085 --> 00:04:18,212 Fifteen hundred? For the year? 90 00:04:18,462 --> 00:04:20,339 Well, if you mean calendar year, yes. 91 00:04:20,548 --> 00:04:22,675 There's another 1,500 due in the middle of the season, 92 00:04:22,883 --> 00:04:24,427 but that's way, way off. 93 00:04:24,677 --> 00:04:25,928 So let me get this straight, 94 00:04:26,095 --> 00:04:29,098 Cooper's has been paying you people $3,000 a year... 95 00:04:29,348 --> 00:04:32,101 - No, a season. - A season to bowl? 96 00:04:32,310 --> 00:04:34,437 Can I assume that you are some of the finest bowlers 97 00:04:34,645 --> 00:04:37,023 in the history of mankind? 98 00:04:38,524 --> 00:04:40,401 If you want to. 99 00:04:41,652 --> 00:04:43,529 Sorry, Doug, I can't do it. 100 00:04:43,738 --> 00:04:46,032 Hey, come on, Bruce. You can't just drop us. 101 00:04:46,240 --> 00:04:48,117 The Cooper's bowling team is a great tradition. 102 00:04:48,326 --> 00:04:50,536 Plus, it's great for business too, you know? 103 00:04:50,786 --> 00:04:53,706 People see us bowling out there wearing these shirts that say Cooper's. 104 00:04:53,873 --> 00:04:57,960 You know, and they think to themselves... Cooper's. 105 00:04:58,127 --> 00:04:59,754 - You with me? - I think so. 106 00:04:59,962 --> 00:05:01,839 Yeah, plus, when we win a big championship, 107 00:05:02,048 --> 00:05:04,592 there's an article in the newspaper, pictures, more publicity... 108 00:05:04,842 --> 00:05:06,802 - You're a championship team? - Did I say that? 109 00:05:07,011 --> 00:05:08,179 Yes. 110 00:05:08,638 --> 00:05:09,805 Well, no, no, no. We're not, 111 00:05:09,972 --> 00:05:14,143 but we often make incredible comebacks that fall just short. 112 00:05:14,352 --> 00:05:17,688 - Doug, you seem like a nice guy. - So do you. 113 00:05:17,897 --> 00:05:19,482 But it just doesn't make any sense to me 114 00:05:19,649 --> 00:05:23,152 to sponsor a bowling team unless it wins. 115 00:05:23,402 --> 00:05:25,196 Even then, it's hard to get too enthusiastic. 116 00:05:25,404 --> 00:05:27,531 - Yeah, but the shirts... - Yes, I know the shirts. 117 00:05:27,740 --> 00:05:28,741 Yes, yes, yes, 118 00:05:28,950 --> 00:05:31,953 but, look, I guess if you did well, 119 00:05:32,119 --> 00:05:34,163 the publicity would be good for business. 120 00:05:34,372 --> 00:05:36,749 I'll tell you what, you do what you gotta do 121 00:05:36,958 --> 00:05:39,418 and show me you got a shot at winning one of those trophies, 122 00:05:39,627 --> 00:05:42,171 you know, with a guy on top with the sweater and the silver, 123 00:05:42,338 --> 00:05:43,923 and I'll write you a cheque, you got it? 124 00:05:44,090 --> 00:05:45,890 I got it. I promise, we'll kick it up a notch. 125 00:05:46,092 --> 00:05:47,885 - See how you do on Wednesday. - All right. 126 00:05:48,052 --> 00:05:49,762 You know what? Even if we lose though, 127 00:05:49,929 --> 00:05:52,765 I could always just buy you one of those trophies, you know? 128 00:05:53,641 --> 00:05:55,518 Or I could just stand in your office like this: 129 00:05:55,685 --> 00:05:57,812 You know, be the one-legged... 130 00:05:58,020 --> 00:06:00,231 All right, man, thank you. 131 00:06:01,565 --> 00:06:05,319 Now when we lose, it's only by an average of about 40 pins, 132 00:06:05,569 --> 00:06:08,990 so just one more strike, you know, per game from each of us 133 00:06:09,156 --> 00:06:10,408 ought to do it. 134 00:06:11,117 --> 00:06:12,994 That's it, just one more strike each. 135 00:06:14,036 --> 00:06:18,124 Or two of us have to get two more strikes each. 136 00:06:19,750 --> 00:06:23,337 Or we each take a turn bowling a perfect game. 137 00:06:25,131 --> 00:06:28,301 All right, I know. It's Carrie, she stinks. 138 00:06:28,467 --> 00:06:29,802 She's stinky Carrie. 139 00:06:30,011 --> 00:06:31,887 What am I supposed to do? I can't fire my wife. 140 00:06:32,138 --> 00:06:33,931 If you don't, we're not gonna have a team. 141 00:06:34,140 --> 00:06:35,308 Then, you know what? Screw it. 142 00:06:35,474 --> 00:06:36,809 We don't need the league, right? 143 00:06:36,976 --> 00:06:39,020 What is that? "Oh, free lane time, free food." 144 00:06:39,228 --> 00:06:42,231 I say we all get together and bowl on another night, like regular people. 145 00:06:42,398 --> 00:06:44,609 - You wanna? - No. 146 00:06:45,026 --> 00:06:46,569 Oh, God. 147 00:06:46,736 --> 00:06:49,655 Come on, Doug, we've been bowling in a league for three years. 148 00:06:49,822 --> 00:06:55,119 That's the life we know. We're not like the others anymore. 149 00:06:56,495 --> 00:06:58,873 All right, anyway, look, we gotta have two women out of six, 150 00:06:59,081 --> 00:07:01,125 league rules. So who we gonna get to replace Carrie? 151 00:07:01,334 --> 00:07:03,628 Go with Pam DiMeo, who I wanted to get in the first place. 152 00:07:03,836 --> 00:07:05,212 - She's awesome. - Can you get her? 153 00:07:05,379 --> 00:07:09,300 - Yeah, I work with her brother... - This is Carrie we're talking about. 154 00:07:09,550 --> 00:07:11,177 You guys are like a pack of wild dingoes, 155 00:07:11,385 --> 00:07:16,182 you know, biting into her flesh and pulling her off the bowling team. 156 00:07:16,390 --> 00:07:18,434 Come on, Moose, don't be putting this on us. 157 00:07:18,643 --> 00:07:21,187 When we put this team together, we wanted to be good, remember? 158 00:07:21,354 --> 00:07:22,939 - You more than anybody. - He's right. 159 00:07:23,105 --> 00:07:25,858 Yeah. One day, you just pranced in and said, "Carrie's on the team." 160 00:07:26,025 --> 00:07:27,735 - And that was it. - I know. I know. 161 00:07:27,944 --> 00:07:29,570 She was like, "Oh, bowling. I wanna play. 162 00:07:29,779 --> 00:07:31,364 How much fun would that be to play?" 163 00:07:31,530 --> 00:07:33,491 First of all, you don't even play bowling, okay? 164 00:07:33,699 --> 00:07:36,452 You go bowling. 165 00:07:38,412 --> 00:07:41,374 - You should have just nixed it then. - Nix it how? 166 00:07:41,540 --> 00:07:43,584 By not mentioning it to begin with, that's how. 167 00:07:43,793 --> 00:07:47,296 I mean, Kelly didn't know I was in a bowling league till year two. 168 00:07:47,546 --> 00:07:48,923 This is brutal. 169 00:07:49,090 --> 00:07:53,094 Now we're either gonna fire my wife or just let the team just fall apart. 170 00:07:53,261 --> 00:07:54,428 It's like... 171 00:07:54,637 --> 00:07:57,098 It's like Sophie's Choice. 172 00:07:58,057 --> 00:07:59,141 Not really. 173 00:08:00,017 --> 00:08:01,978 No? What was Sophie's choice again? 174 00:08:02,228 --> 00:08:05,398 She had to decide which of her children to give to the Nazis. 175 00:08:05,648 --> 00:08:07,775 Okay, yeah, that's harder. 176 00:08:08,693 --> 00:08:11,070 - What am I gonna do? - Pull her aside and say... 177 00:08:11,279 --> 00:08:13,155 - If I don't... - Hey, guys, what's up? 178 00:08:13,322 --> 00:08:14,657 What's up? 179 00:08:16,409 --> 00:08:18,452 What, did I interrupt something? 180 00:08:18,661 --> 00:08:20,538 You guys talking about chicks? 181 00:08:21,163 --> 00:08:23,291 See a nice rack? 182 00:08:24,417 --> 00:08:26,961 Nice set of ta-tas? 183 00:08:27,712 --> 00:08:30,715 Yes. Two. 184 00:08:40,933 --> 00:08:42,476 Okay, 185 00:08:43,811 --> 00:08:45,271 that sucked. 186 00:08:46,480 --> 00:08:48,524 Yeah, yeah, yeah, it did. 187 00:08:48,691 --> 00:08:50,401 Diet Coke me, baby. 188 00:08:50,568 --> 00:08:52,278 You know what? 189 00:08:52,445 --> 00:08:56,115 Just for fun, why don't we try to, like, bowl really well? 190 00:08:57,838 --> 00:08:59,632 Are your sideburns longer? 191 00:09:00,341 --> 00:09:01,342 I don't know, maybe. 192 00:09:01,551 --> 00:09:03,761 Look, Wednesday night we're playing Hey Eddie's Pizza, 193 00:09:03,928 --> 00:09:05,471 and I just wanna beat them. 194 00:09:05,721 --> 00:09:08,558 - Oh, why? I like their pizza. - That's not the point. 195 00:09:08,766 --> 00:09:11,227 I just think we should try to win more often, 196 00:09:11,394 --> 00:09:13,104 because winning is good, you know? 197 00:09:13,271 --> 00:09:17,650 - It means you've won. - Okay. 198 00:09:17,859 --> 00:09:18,943 - Let's practise. - Yeah. 199 00:09:19,110 --> 00:09:21,237 Okay, great. Okay, let me break it down for you. 200 00:09:21,404 --> 00:09:22,488 - All right? - Okay. 201 00:09:22,738 --> 00:09:24,458 Now, it's very simple, all right? It's here. 202 00:09:24,657 --> 00:09:28,870 It's one, two, three, four. 203 00:09:31,205 --> 00:09:33,249 Yeah. Yeah, see? 204 00:09:33,416 --> 00:09:37,003 See right there, you use the arrows in the lane, they're your friends. 205 00:09:37,169 --> 00:09:39,839 - Okay, let me try, let me try. - All right. Great, great, great. 206 00:09:40,047 --> 00:09:41,215 - Okay. - Okay. 207 00:09:41,382 --> 00:09:43,009 - Okay, you ready? - Yeah. Nice and easy. 208 00:09:43,217 --> 00:09:45,261 - Here we go. - Okay. Okay. 209 00:09:45,469 --> 00:09:49,307 Okay, it's one, two... Okay, four. 210 00:09:49,515 --> 00:09:52,518 - Okay, you forgot three. - Yeah, I skipped three. 211 00:09:52,727 --> 00:09:53,728 - Okay? - Yeah, yeah. 212 00:09:53,936 --> 00:09:57,940 Okay. Here, let me try to teach you a little something about form. 213 00:09:58,107 --> 00:10:00,234 - Come here. - Okay, teach away, Mr. Kotter. 214 00:10:00,443 --> 00:10:02,486 - Okay. - Okay, baby. 215 00:10:02,695 --> 00:10:04,322 All right, remember now, it's here first. 216 00:10:04,530 --> 00:10:08,701 Then you come up, one, two, three, four. 217 00:10:08,868 --> 00:10:10,912 No. Okay, Carrie, come on. Carrie, come on. 218 00:10:11,078 --> 00:10:12,718 - You copped a feel there too. - I didn't. 219 00:10:12,914 --> 00:10:15,291 - Yeah, you did. - Knock it off! 220 00:10:15,458 --> 00:10:17,335 I wanna win on Wednesday, okay? 221 00:10:17,668 --> 00:10:19,212 What's the big deal? 222 00:10:19,462 --> 00:10:21,005 I just wanna beat Hey Eddie's. 223 00:10:21,214 --> 00:10:22,465 Why? 224 00:10:23,174 --> 00:10:24,717 They don't use enough sauce. 225 00:10:27,178 --> 00:10:28,971 All right. 226 00:10:29,138 --> 00:10:32,642 Talk to me here. What the hell is going on? 227 00:10:34,560 --> 00:10:36,604 Look, it's the new guy running Cooper's, all right? 228 00:10:36,771 --> 00:10:38,898 He's not gonna sponsor the team unless we get better. 229 00:10:40,066 --> 00:10:42,276 Yeah. In fact, if we don't win on Wednesday, it's over. 230 00:10:42,443 --> 00:10:44,403 That's why I wanted you to practise. 231 00:10:44,654 --> 00:10:47,907 - Because I'm the weak link, got it. - I'm sorry I didn't tell you. 232 00:10:48,074 --> 00:10:50,451 I just thought, maybe, you know, 233 00:10:50,618 --> 00:10:52,745 if you improve, you might become one of those bowlers 234 00:10:52,954 --> 00:10:56,707 that actually knocks pins down. 235 00:10:57,542 --> 00:10:59,752 Okay, well, let me save you some time here. 236 00:10:59,961 --> 00:11:03,464 - I suck at bowling, and I always will. - Don't say that. 237 00:11:03,714 --> 00:11:07,468 Doug, stop it, will you? I'm not gonna get any better. 238 00:11:11,347 --> 00:11:15,101 So, what is it? You want me off the team? Is that it? 239 00:11:15,309 --> 00:11:18,062 No, I don't want you off the team. 240 00:11:18,229 --> 00:11:19,605 Why, you wanna be off the team? 241 00:11:20,648 --> 00:11:23,818 Well, if I'm gonna ruin it for everybody else... 242 00:11:25,069 --> 00:11:26,946 Sure you're okay with this? 243 00:11:28,364 --> 00:11:31,617 I guess I have to be, don't I? 244 00:11:36,914 --> 00:11:40,084 Hey, who's up for lemon ice's? 245 00:11:51,352 --> 00:11:52,520 Hey, Bruce. 246 00:11:52,771 --> 00:11:54,189 - Oh, hello. - How's it going? 247 00:11:54,355 --> 00:11:56,816 Hey, how's your father-in-law doing? Is he feeling any better? 248 00:11:57,025 --> 00:12:00,361 He flat lined for over a minute yesterday. 249 00:12:02,405 --> 00:12:04,699 - So, what else is up? - Do you want something? 250 00:12:04,866 --> 00:12:06,910 Yeah, actually, I wanna talk to you about the team. 251 00:12:07,077 --> 00:12:08,161 - Team? - The bowling team. 252 00:12:08,411 --> 00:12:12,082 - Oh, yeah. - We've got kind of a little problem. 253 00:12:12,540 --> 00:12:16,377 I mean, the bowling team is great, except for one person, not so great. 254 00:12:16,586 --> 00:12:19,047 You know? Never gonna win with this person. 255 00:12:19,255 --> 00:12:22,592 And this person turns out to be, wouldn't you know it, 256 00:12:22,801 --> 00:12:24,844 my wife, yeah. 257 00:12:25,303 --> 00:12:28,139 Six dollars for a urinal cake. It's madness. 258 00:12:28,306 --> 00:12:30,850 We ought to make people bring their own. 259 00:12:31,393 --> 00:12:33,186 - My wife. - What about her? 260 00:12:33,436 --> 00:12:35,563 - Bad... She's the bad bowler. - And? 261 00:12:35,814 --> 00:12:37,315 And I guess, you know, what I'm asking 262 00:12:37,482 --> 00:12:40,568 is if you wouldn't mind overlooking the whole not winning thing, 263 00:12:40,735 --> 00:12:42,529 you know, so I could keep her on the team. 264 00:12:42,779 --> 00:12:44,656 Otherwise, at home, I'm gonna hear a lot of: 265 00:12:47,158 --> 00:12:50,578 - Yeah. I know what that's like. - Yeah. 266 00:12:50,745 --> 00:12:52,872 - Wanna hear a funny story? - Sure. 267 00:12:53,081 --> 00:12:56,584 About a year or so ago, my wife is all stressed out, 268 00:12:56,793 --> 00:12:58,586 for what reason, God only knows. 269 00:12:59,170 --> 00:13:01,464 She decides she's gonna take a yoga class. 270 00:13:01,631 --> 00:13:03,591 - Yoga, right? - Oh, yeah. Right, right, right. 271 00:13:03,758 --> 00:13:06,302 - The feet behind the head, it's crazy. - Insane. 272 00:13:06,469 --> 00:13:08,012 So she starts going three times a week, 273 00:13:08,179 --> 00:13:11,349 and it works. I mean, she's relaxed, she's happy. 274 00:13:11,516 --> 00:13:13,309 - You know why? - Why? 275 00:13:13,518 --> 00:13:16,604 It turns out she was having a great deal of sex with the instructor. 276 00:13:16,855 --> 00:13:20,692 Oh, my God. Oh, man, that is so... 277 00:13:21,735 --> 00:13:23,361 Yeah. 278 00:13:24,112 --> 00:13:28,575 The point is, we all have problems with our wives, don't we? 279 00:13:31,619 --> 00:13:33,913 I guess so, yeah. 280 00:13:40,086 --> 00:13:42,213 - Hey. - Hey. 281 00:13:42,422 --> 00:13:43,590 I'm just... 282 00:13:44,090 --> 00:13:45,967 I gotta head off to the... 283 00:13:46,468 --> 00:13:48,928 It's time for me to go... 284 00:13:49,471 --> 00:13:51,181 You know. 285 00:13:51,973 --> 00:13:53,600 Yes, I know. 286 00:13:53,767 --> 00:13:55,143 All right. Alrighty. 287 00:13:55,310 --> 00:13:57,103 Well, you have a great night. 288 00:13:57,270 --> 00:13:58,813 - I love you. Okay? - Love you too. 289 00:13:59,022 --> 00:14:00,106 - See you later. - Okay. 290 00:14:00,315 --> 00:14:01,900 - Hello, Douglas. - Hey. 291 00:14:02,067 --> 00:14:03,943 What's going on? 292 00:14:04,527 --> 00:14:06,905 - Isn't she bowling tonight? - No, Dad. 293 00:14:08,364 --> 00:14:10,158 Why isn't she bowling tonight? 294 00:14:10,950 --> 00:14:14,287 - She... - I'm not on the team anymore. 295 00:14:15,705 --> 00:14:17,332 Why not? 296 00:14:18,541 --> 00:14:21,002 Is she injured? 297 00:14:23,379 --> 00:14:25,590 No, the guy at Cooper's told Doug 298 00:14:25,799 --> 00:14:29,219 that the team has to start winning more or he won't sponsor it. 299 00:14:30,095 --> 00:14:32,222 So you fire her off the team? 300 00:14:33,181 --> 00:14:37,018 - No, I just... - No, I agreed to quit, Dad. 301 00:14:37,560 --> 00:14:39,854 And you just let her quit? 302 00:14:40,814 --> 00:14:43,691 - It's okay, Dad. - It is not okay. 303 00:14:43,900 --> 00:14:46,111 We're talking about disloyalty and backstabbing. 304 00:14:46,319 --> 00:14:49,989 And for what? A free night of bowling? 305 00:14:50,240 --> 00:14:53,326 Excuse me, honey, but I don't like the smell in here. 306 00:14:56,037 --> 00:14:57,580 Okay. Be back by 10. 307 00:15:02,142 --> 00:15:04,769 Oh, here he is. Well, thanks for showing up. 308 00:15:04,936 --> 00:15:07,063 Sorry. Had a little trouble getting out of the house. 309 00:15:07,272 --> 00:15:09,232 Doug, this is our new teammate, Pam DiMeo. 310 00:15:09,441 --> 00:15:12,277 - Hey, how you doing, buddy? - Whoa, hey. 311 00:15:12,527 --> 00:15:13,862 All right, it's time to focus. 312 00:15:14,029 --> 00:15:15,488 We're fighting for our lives here. 313 00:15:15,655 --> 00:15:17,949 - Hey Eddie's Pizza's going down. - Yeah. 314 00:15:18,158 --> 00:15:20,994 - Moose, you're up. Let's go. - All right, let's get down to business. 315 00:15:21,161 --> 00:15:23,455 - No, he's Moose. - Yeah. 316 00:15:24,831 --> 00:15:26,708 - Come on, Dougie. - Go. Come on. 317 00:15:26,916 --> 00:15:29,628 - Come on. - Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. 318 00:15:32,672 --> 00:15:35,467 - All right, come on, pick it up. - Spare it up, Dougie boy. 319 00:15:35,634 --> 00:15:37,594 - Yeah. - Sparing it up. 320 00:15:37,761 --> 00:15:41,264 Sparing it up. Up it will be spared. 321 00:16:09,709 --> 00:16:11,169 Yeah. 322 00:16:20,637 --> 00:16:22,931 Okay, you know what your problem is? 323 00:16:23,098 --> 00:16:25,475 You're not thinking about what you're doing. 324 00:16:25,684 --> 00:16:28,520 Think. Think. 325 00:16:33,274 --> 00:16:35,235 Don't think. 326 00:16:35,443 --> 00:16:38,613 Clear your head, nice and easy. 327 00:16:41,700 --> 00:16:44,619 Oh, mother of crap. 328 00:16:49,332 --> 00:16:54,129 Okay, it's one, two, three, four. 329 00:16:54,296 --> 00:16:55,922 The arrows are your friends. 330 00:16:56,089 --> 00:16:58,049 You fired your wife from the bowling team. 331 00:16:58,258 --> 00:17:01,344 Oh, you're an ugly, ugly man. 332 00:17:01,511 --> 00:17:04,222 Oh, look at that, the Brunswick man wears a crown. 333 00:17:04,389 --> 00:17:05,932 Come on, focus, focus. 334 00:17:06,099 --> 00:17:08,977 Focus on the ball. Or on the pins. 335 00:17:09,144 --> 00:17:12,063 One or the other. You fired your wife. 336 00:17:17,944 --> 00:17:19,988 It's okay. I'm doing good. I'm actually... I'm good. 337 00:17:20,155 --> 00:17:22,365 I'm good. They all know I'm good. Yeah, yeah, I'm good. 338 00:17:22,532 --> 00:17:24,172 Good bowler. Big Doug. Big, big, big Doug. 339 00:17:24,367 --> 00:17:26,247 Good bowler. Where's the ball? Where's the ball? 340 00:17:26,453 --> 00:17:27,996 Oh, what's the difference? 341 00:17:28,163 --> 00:17:29,331 Really. What does it matter? 342 00:17:29,497 --> 00:17:30,665 Use the arrows. Why? 343 00:17:30,874 --> 00:17:35,503 Why? You don't deserve to use those arrows! 344 00:17:39,299 --> 00:17:41,926 Shut up, Hey Eddie's! 345 00:17:47,557 --> 00:17:49,351 Honey, honey... 346 00:17:49,517 --> 00:17:51,811 Hey, Bruce, can I talk to you? 347 00:17:51,978 --> 00:17:54,939 Look, honey, if the doctor says it's time to pull the plug, 348 00:17:55,106 --> 00:17:57,484 he must have a good reason. 349 00:17:57,734 --> 00:18:01,404 And plus that nurse also thought it was time, don't forget that. 350 00:18:02,238 --> 00:18:03,698 - One second. - Hang on, honey, 351 00:18:03,907 --> 00:18:04,991 there's a guy in my office. 352 00:18:05,241 --> 00:18:06,618 That... Fine, just lie down, 353 00:18:06,785 --> 00:18:09,412 and put the doctor on. All right. What do you want? 354 00:18:09,621 --> 00:18:12,082 I just wanna let you know that the bowling team won tonight. 355 00:18:12,332 --> 00:18:13,667 Yes. There is a God. 356 00:18:13,833 --> 00:18:15,210 Hello, doctor. Dr. Goldman? 357 00:18:15,377 --> 00:18:17,017 - This is Bruce Degner. - And, and, and... 358 00:18:17,212 --> 00:18:18,213 Hold on, doctor. 359 00:18:18,421 --> 00:18:20,465 I also want you to know that I'm quitting the team. 360 00:18:20,632 --> 00:18:22,425 But don't worry, everything will be fine, 361 00:18:22,634 --> 00:18:24,427 because my friend Deacon, you don't know him, 362 00:18:24,636 --> 00:18:27,097 he's a good guy, he's gonna be taking over as the new captain. 363 00:18:27,305 --> 00:18:28,848 He'll get a great bowler to replace me. 364 00:18:29,015 --> 00:18:31,142 They're gonna get you one of those trophies, you know? 365 00:18:31,393 --> 00:18:33,520 Doug, do you have any idea what's going on here? 366 00:18:33,687 --> 00:18:37,023 I'm about to give my permission to make a man stop living. 367 00:18:37,190 --> 00:18:38,900 No, no, that was not official. 368 00:18:39,109 --> 00:18:40,568 Right, right. No, I understand that. 369 00:18:40,735 --> 00:18:42,946 I wanted to make sure that we're on the same page, okay? 370 00:18:43,154 --> 00:18:44,781 I'm out, Deacon's in, great bowling team, 371 00:18:44,990 --> 00:18:47,659 - you'll keep writing those cheques. - It all sounds so wonderful. 372 00:18:47,826 --> 00:18:48,866 - Now please leave. - Okay. 373 00:18:49,077 --> 00:18:50,328 I'm out of here. You know what? 374 00:18:50,495 --> 00:18:51,997 Good luck with the plug pulling thing. 375 00:18:52,163 --> 00:18:54,624 I'm sure you'll make the right decision, 376 00:18:54,874 --> 00:18:57,002 unlike pulling the mozzarella sticks from the menu. 377 00:18:57,502 --> 00:18:59,963 We can go over that another time. 378 00:19:03,758 --> 00:19:05,719 Famous H's for 300. 379 00:19:06,803 --> 00:19:10,307 She's the face that launched a thousand ships. 380 00:19:10,598 --> 00:19:11,683 I don't know. 381 00:19:11,891 --> 00:19:13,059 From Troy. 382 00:19:14,644 --> 00:19:16,271 - Not sure. - Helen of Troy. 383 00:19:16,438 --> 00:19:18,815 - I still don't know. - That's the answer. 384 00:19:19,858 --> 00:19:21,234 - Hey. - Hey. 385 00:19:21,401 --> 00:19:23,278 - How was bowling? - Yeah, how was it? 386 00:19:23,486 --> 00:19:26,156 After firing your wife, did you find a little chippy? 387 00:19:26,323 --> 00:19:28,033 Did you? 388 00:19:28,241 --> 00:19:29,326 Mr. Arnold? 389 00:19:30,660 --> 00:19:32,537 Benedict Arnold? 390 00:19:33,204 --> 00:19:35,874 Famous traitor? Revolutionary War? 391 00:19:37,459 --> 00:19:40,295 Doesn't anybody read a book around here? 392 00:19:42,297 --> 00:19:44,090 He's still pretty mad at you. 393 00:19:44,299 --> 00:19:46,509 You might not wanna use the shampoo. 394 00:19:47,677 --> 00:19:49,804 Thanks for the warning. 395 00:19:50,055 --> 00:19:53,391 So you guys went pretty late tonight, huh? 396 00:19:53,808 --> 00:19:58,021 Well, actually, I stopped by Cooper's after, and I quit the team. 397 00:19:58,229 --> 00:20:00,607 You quit the team? Why? 398 00:20:00,815 --> 00:20:04,402 Why? You know this wasn't working. Me on the team, you not on the team, 399 00:20:04,611 --> 00:20:06,321 all the unspoken tension. 400 00:20:06,529 --> 00:20:10,659 You know, we pass in the morning, "Oh, hello. You're looking well." 401 00:20:11,952 --> 00:20:14,412 Okay, which one of us said that? 402 00:20:14,621 --> 00:20:17,624 Look, you know what I mean, all right? I mean, I felt bad, you know? 403 00:20:17,791 --> 00:20:22,587 I was thinking about you all night, and I bowled an 80. 404 00:20:23,505 --> 00:20:26,508 Oh, you sucked because of me? 405 00:20:26,716 --> 00:20:28,343 That's so sweet. 406 00:20:28,551 --> 00:20:31,012 But, honey, you shouldn't have quit the team. 407 00:20:31,179 --> 00:20:33,848 I should've. This is the first time in a week you're not depressed. 408 00:20:34,015 --> 00:20:37,352 Well, yes, that's because I'm touched that you were willing to quit. 409 00:20:37,560 --> 00:20:38,937 So it is good that I quit? 410 00:20:39,145 --> 00:20:41,439 No, it's not good that you quit. 411 00:20:41,690 --> 00:20:43,566 Okay, what is this, a riddle? 412 00:20:44,442 --> 00:20:46,242 Look, Doug, I don't want you to quit the team. 413 00:20:46,444 --> 00:20:51,241 I never wanted you to quit the team. I just wanted you to want to quit. 414 00:20:51,491 --> 00:20:52,891 Well, why didn't you just say that? 415 00:20:53,118 --> 00:20:54,158 Well, I couldn't say that. 416 00:20:54,327 --> 00:20:57,289 If I had said that, then you wouldn't really be wanting to quit, 417 00:20:57,455 --> 00:21:01,835 you would just be wanting it because I wanted you to want it. 418 00:21:02,544 --> 00:21:05,380 Okay, if you don't make sense, I'm gonna tackle you. 419 00:21:06,798 --> 00:21:09,634 I want you on the team. 420 00:21:11,386 --> 00:21:16,266 So let me understand this, there's no actual plug, per se? 421 00:21:18,435 --> 00:21:20,312 Got a sec? 422 00:21:26,010 --> 00:21:27,011 I don't understand. 423 00:21:27,220 --> 00:21:29,889 What is it? That I'm an older gentleman? 424 00:21:30,056 --> 00:21:31,391 Because let me tell you, darling, 425 00:21:31,557 --> 00:21:34,644 I'll treat you like no man you've ever been with. 426 00:21:35,520 --> 00:21:38,147 No, thanks, buddy. 427 00:21:38,356 --> 00:21:41,192 Playing hard to get, I like it.