1 00:00:01,211 --> 00:00:03,838 Hey, it's almost 11. You ready to go? 2 00:00:04,798 --> 00:00:08,510 Doug, you've seen this a hundred times. We're late. 3 00:00:13,848 --> 00:00:15,850 Hey, the tortoise beat Bugs Bunny. 4 00:00:16,017 --> 00:00:17,435 Who'd have thunk it? 5 00:00:17,644 --> 00:00:21,815 Hey, it's not about who wins, it's the journey. 6 00:00:22,190 --> 00:00:23,399 Hey, is this for me? 7 00:00:23,608 --> 00:00:25,693 We're on our way to see Deacon and Kelly's new baby, 8 00:00:25,860 --> 00:00:29,781 and the paper says "baby" all over it, but yes, it's for you. 9 00:00:30,907 --> 00:00:34,119 Do you have to build yourself up by tearing me down? 10 00:00:34,327 --> 00:00:36,121 Yes. Now let's go. 11 00:00:36,287 --> 00:00:38,164 What about for Kirby? 12 00:00:39,082 --> 00:00:41,793 Don't you get something for the other kid when the new one is born? 13 00:00:41,960 --> 00:00:44,629 So he doesn't get jealous and poke the baby in the soft spot? 14 00:00:45,839 --> 00:00:47,507 You're right. Shoot. 15 00:00:48,049 --> 00:00:49,717 You know what? We don't have time to stop. 16 00:00:49,884 --> 00:00:51,469 Maybe I could find him something 17 00:00:51,636 --> 00:00:55,265 in our stash of crappy gifts people gave us. 18 00:00:56,141 --> 00:00:57,183 This opens up? 19 00:01:01,646 --> 00:01:04,732 Okay, let me see what we got here for the little fella. 20 00:01:04,899 --> 00:01:09,863 Bottle of Harvey's Bristol Cream, that's wrong. 21 00:01:10,029 --> 00:01:12,198 Flavoured body oils, 22 00:01:12,365 --> 00:01:13,825 wronger. 23 00:01:13,992 --> 00:01:16,411 Here we go, beaded car seat. 24 00:01:17,704 --> 00:01:19,247 It's got beads. 25 00:01:19,414 --> 00:01:21,499 Kids love to sit. 26 00:01:21,708 --> 00:01:23,793 Okay, I'll take it from here, Butch. 27 00:01:24,210 --> 00:01:25,462 Well, time for work. 28 00:01:25,628 --> 00:01:28,631 The pretzel store awaits. 29 00:01:28,840 --> 00:01:30,717 Off to the salt mines, huh? 30 00:01:31,217 --> 00:01:33,344 I don't follow. 31 00:01:33,553 --> 00:01:36,848 That's just an expression. Plus you work in a pretzel store. 32 00:01:39,934 --> 00:01:42,228 Pretzels have salt. 33 00:01:42,937 --> 00:01:46,900 Well, that's 10 seconds of my life I'm never getting back. 34 00:01:48,026 --> 00:01:50,779 Hey, Dad, what's with the briefcase? 35 00:01:51,613 --> 00:01:53,865 Just picked up a few things at the five-and-dime 36 00:01:54,032 --> 00:01:57,160 to make my workspace more enjoyable. 37 00:01:57,744 --> 00:01:59,871 I got this Garfield paperweight, 38 00:02:00,038 --> 00:02:02,665 some fake doggie poop, 39 00:02:02,832 --> 00:02:07,796 and this novelty troll statue with purple hair. 40 00:02:08,004 --> 00:02:10,882 Oh, Dad, that's great. I'll give you 5 bucks for this. 41 00:02:11,216 --> 00:02:12,717 Fifty. 42 00:02:13,218 --> 00:02:15,178 You want 50 bucks for this? 43 00:02:15,553 --> 00:02:16,971 You seem very eager. 44 00:02:17,597 --> 00:02:20,350 Okay, this is a troll, and I am your daughter. 45 00:02:20,558 --> 00:02:22,602 I know the difference. 46 00:02:26,689 --> 00:02:27,899 Five bucks. 47 00:02:30,318 --> 00:02:32,737 Hey, whoa, whoa, whoa. 48 00:02:33,738 --> 00:02:35,782 How much for the poop? 49 00:02:36,157 --> 00:02:38,535 Not for sale. 50 00:03:16,399 --> 00:03:18,994 He's just so little. 51 00:03:19,202 --> 00:03:21,137 Although, he probably felt like a holiday ham 52 00:03:21,304 --> 00:03:22,973 when you had to squeeze him out, huh? 53 00:03:23,139 --> 00:03:26,393 Girl, you know I was numb from the eyebrows down. 54 00:03:27,852 --> 00:03:29,104 So Major, huh? 55 00:03:29,271 --> 00:03:31,273 Yup. That was my grandfather's name too. 56 00:03:31,439 --> 00:03:32,649 Major Palmer. 57 00:03:32,857 --> 00:03:35,151 I like it. You know, it's very dignified, 58 00:03:35,318 --> 00:03:38,697 like Colonel Sanders or Captain Crunch. 59 00:03:39,906 --> 00:03:42,075 It's my kid. 60 00:03:43,535 --> 00:03:44,744 Sorry. 61 00:03:44,911 --> 00:03:46,663 Deacon, can you bring me a cloth diaper? 62 00:03:46,830 --> 00:03:48,290 You got it. 63 00:03:50,333 --> 00:03:53,169 - Here you go. - Thanks, baby. 64 00:03:53,712 --> 00:03:55,630 Feeding time. 65 00:03:55,879 --> 00:03:59,216 - What's the matter, Doug? - What? Noth... What? Nothing. 66 00:03:59,424 --> 00:04:01,093 Sorry, is this making you uncomfortable? 67 00:04:01,301 --> 00:04:04,680 Is what making me uncomfortable? Because I'm comfortable, okay? 68 00:04:04,846 --> 00:04:06,682 Because I could feed him in the other room. 69 00:04:06,890 --> 00:04:09,393 What, that? Are you kidding me? That's natural, you know. 70 00:04:09,559 --> 00:04:12,979 In fact, hey, Major, save some for me. 71 00:04:18,068 --> 00:04:19,861 You can relax, Doug, he's not even hungry. 72 00:04:20,028 --> 00:04:23,115 Hey, listen, we wanted to talk to you guys about something. 73 00:04:23,281 --> 00:04:24,324 Sure. What's up? 74 00:04:24,491 --> 00:04:27,035 Well, Major's christening is coming up, 75 00:04:27,202 --> 00:04:28,620 and part of that whole thing 76 00:04:28,787 --> 00:04:31,206 is that we have to pick godparents for him. 77 00:04:31,415 --> 00:04:33,333 We've been going crazy trying to figure out, 78 00:04:33,500 --> 00:04:36,503 you know, should they be relatives, friends, older, younger? 79 00:04:36,670 --> 00:04:39,006 Should they be black, should they have kids of their own? 80 00:04:39,172 --> 00:04:40,549 You know, all that kind of stuff. 81 00:04:40,716 --> 00:04:43,218 - Anyway... - We picked you guys. 82 00:04:44,011 --> 00:04:45,929 Us? Really? 83 00:04:46,096 --> 00:04:47,806 Wow, that's... 84 00:04:48,557 --> 00:04:50,851 - We are so touched. - It's a symbolic thing, mostly. 85 00:04:51,018 --> 00:04:53,603 Being at all the special occasions, that kind of stuff. 86 00:04:53,937 --> 00:04:57,315 - Well, and there's one other thing. - What? 87 00:04:57,524 --> 00:05:00,319 Well, you know, if anything happens to me and Deacon, 88 00:05:00,485 --> 00:05:02,988 you'd sort of step in and raise the boys. 89 00:05:06,908 --> 00:05:09,411 So you wanna think about it for a while or? 90 00:05:09,619 --> 00:05:12,914 What, are you kidding me? Sign us up. 91 00:05:13,123 --> 00:05:14,958 - Yeah? - Yeah, man, we are in. 92 00:05:15,125 --> 00:05:17,252 In like Flynn or Flint, whichever. 93 00:05:17,419 --> 00:05:19,880 Right, hon? Come on. 94 00:05:20,047 --> 00:05:21,757 Yeah. Yeah. 95 00:05:21,965 --> 00:05:24,634 - That's great. - Thank you, guys, so much. 96 00:05:24,843 --> 00:05:25,886 Thank us? Thank you. 97 00:05:26,053 --> 00:05:27,346 Get in here. God. 98 00:05:35,854 --> 00:05:38,774 Okay, yeah. I'll be there in the morning. 99 00:05:38,940 --> 00:05:41,026 Hey, Kenny, I got a problem with my other store. 100 00:05:41,234 --> 00:05:42,694 Can you run the show for two days? 101 00:05:42,903 --> 00:05:43,945 I don't think so. 102 00:05:44,112 --> 00:05:46,948 I got band practice all this week, and they said if we're really good, 103 00:05:47,115 --> 00:05:49,743 - there's a chance... - Great story, thanks. 104 00:05:49,951 --> 00:05:52,412 Rita, think you could run the place for a few days? 105 00:05:53,622 --> 00:05:55,332 - Yes? - Yes? 106 00:05:55,957 --> 00:05:58,418 - No. - No. 107 00:05:58,627 --> 00:06:00,170 Never mind. 108 00:06:06,093 --> 00:06:07,969 Arthur. 109 00:06:10,055 --> 00:06:11,973 Yes, sir? 110 00:06:12,182 --> 00:06:14,142 All right, Arthur, at ease. 111 00:06:14,309 --> 00:06:17,729 Look, I'm gonna be out for a few days. I'm gonna put you in charge, all right? 112 00:06:17,938 --> 00:06:20,649 Really? Well, thank you, sir. I appreciate the vote of confidence. 113 00:06:20,816 --> 00:06:23,860 - I assure you, I'll rise to the challenge. - Yeah, all right, whatever. 114 00:06:24,027 --> 00:06:25,904 Make sure you keep everything running normally. 115 00:06:26,071 --> 00:06:28,031 Hold on. 116 00:06:30,200 --> 00:06:34,830 Everything running... What was it? 117 00:06:36,331 --> 00:06:38,750 - Normally. - Normally. 118 00:06:38,917 --> 00:06:41,044 Got it. 119 00:06:44,256 --> 00:06:46,258 Sorry, Car, I don't know what you want me to say. 120 00:06:46,425 --> 00:06:48,885 I just don't understand why you were so quick to say yes. 121 00:06:49,094 --> 00:06:51,596 I don't know. I guess I was just honoured that they asked us. 122 00:06:51,763 --> 00:06:54,307 - It seemed like a nice compliment. - Compliment? 123 00:06:54,474 --> 00:06:56,059 When someone says you have nice eyes, 124 00:06:56,226 --> 00:06:57,352 that's a compliment. 125 00:06:57,561 --> 00:07:00,397 When they say, "Will you raise our kids if we're ever squashed?" 126 00:07:00,605 --> 00:07:03,025 That's something to think about for five minutes. 127 00:07:03,775 --> 00:07:06,236 All right, is this tuna fish or cake? 128 00:07:06,445 --> 00:07:09,156 - Can you focus, please? - What? I'm focused. 129 00:07:09,364 --> 00:07:11,116 Okay, what if, God forbid, 130 00:07:11,283 --> 00:07:13,035 something did happen to Deacon and Kelly? 131 00:07:13,201 --> 00:07:16,330 - Are you really ready to raise two kids? - Nothing's gonna happen to them. 132 00:07:16,496 --> 00:07:19,374 What if, God forbid, something did? 133 00:07:19,583 --> 00:07:20,625 Nothing will. 134 00:07:20,792 --> 00:07:23,837 No, no? You wanna tell the kids on Party of Five that? 135 00:07:26,715 --> 00:07:28,800 Touché. Okay. 136 00:07:28,967 --> 00:07:31,345 Well, you know, if, God forbid, something happened to them, 137 00:07:31,511 --> 00:07:34,389 - I guess we'd just have to deal with it. - That's a lot to deal with. 138 00:07:34,598 --> 00:07:36,118 - But if God forbid... - You know what? 139 00:07:36,308 --> 00:07:38,310 Let's ease up on the God forbids. 140 00:07:38,935 --> 00:07:40,354 Second of all, I gotta tell you, 141 00:07:40,520 --> 00:07:42,939 I don't know if I'm ready to raise somebody else's children. 142 00:07:43,148 --> 00:07:44,775 - You're ready. - No, Doug, 143 00:07:44,941 --> 00:07:47,110 having kids of our own is scary to me. 144 00:07:47,277 --> 00:07:48,779 I mean, if we have two kids 145 00:07:48,945 --> 00:07:51,156 and then we get their two kids, that's four. 146 00:07:51,365 --> 00:07:52,699 Four human beings 147 00:07:52,866 --> 00:07:55,577 whose futures are in our hands all at once. 148 00:07:55,744 --> 00:07:57,788 That's a massive responsibility. 149 00:07:58,413 --> 00:08:00,874 Plus all the noise. 150 00:08:01,625 --> 00:08:03,877 Tell you what, if something happens to Deacon and Kelly, 151 00:08:04,044 --> 00:08:06,338 I'll take full responsibility for the kids, okay? 152 00:08:06,505 --> 00:08:09,216 I'll feed them, I'll bathe them, everything. All me. 153 00:08:09,591 --> 00:08:10,967 Like the dog? 154 00:08:13,136 --> 00:08:16,014 All right, yeah, that's not gonna work. All right. 155 00:08:16,473 --> 00:08:18,308 I don't know what to do, we already said yes. 156 00:08:18,475 --> 00:08:19,685 No, you said yes. 157 00:08:19,851 --> 00:08:23,897 - "In like Flynn. In like Flint." - Okay, all right, all right, all right. 158 00:08:24,064 --> 00:08:27,067 You see, you really wouldn't be good with children. 159 00:08:27,234 --> 00:08:29,152 You're mean. 160 00:08:30,779 --> 00:08:33,407 All right, so, what are we gonna do here? 161 00:08:33,615 --> 00:08:36,910 Well, if it was up to me, I'd go through with it, all right? 162 00:08:37,077 --> 00:08:38,120 But if you don't want to, 163 00:08:38,286 --> 00:08:42,749 we just have to go back over there tomorrow and tell them. 164 00:08:44,459 --> 00:08:46,003 That's gonna be a fun night. 165 00:08:46,169 --> 00:08:48,463 "Hey, remember that thing about raising your kids 166 00:08:48,630 --> 00:08:50,966 if they're ever orphaned and helpless? 167 00:08:51,133 --> 00:08:54,177 Well, gotta give you a big fat no. 168 00:08:54,761 --> 00:08:56,430 Bye-bye." 169 00:08:58,473 --> 00:09:00,559 I think it's meat loaf. 170 00:09:07,357 --> 00:09:09,359 - Hey. What's happening? - Hey. 171 00:09:09,526 --> 00:09:10,694 - Hi. - How's it going? 172 00:09:10,861 --> 00:09:14,948 Hey, Major, look who's here. It's your godparents. 173 00:09:15,115 --> 00:09:18,910 No, that's okay, just call us Doug and Carrie. 174 00:09:19,494 --> 00:09:21,163 What's going on? What are you doing here? 175 00:09:21,330 --> 00:09:22,998 Oh, we were just coming back from a thing. 176 00:09:23,165 --> 00:09:25,417 - Just thought we'd stop by and say hi. - Oh, great. 177 00:09:25,584 --> 00:09:27,461 We can't stay long, we got another thing after. 178 00:09:27,627 --> 00:09:29,379 Yeah, it's just one thing after another. 179 00:09:29,546 --> 00:09:31,715 Hey, as long as the baby is up, let's grab a picture. 180 00:09:31,882 --> 00:09:33,925 - Oh, great idea. - No, because my hair is... 181 00:09:34,092 --> 00:09:36,094 Kirby, Doug and Carrie are here. 182 00:09:36,261 --> 00:09:38,847 Yeah! 183 00:09:40,098 --> 00:09:43,643 Hey, yeah. Yeah. 184 00:09:43,852 --> 00:09:45,312 Everybody say godparents. 185 00:09:45,812 --> 00:09:48,106 - Godparents. - Godparents. 186 00:09:48,649 --> 00:09:51,276 That's great. We'll make you a copy. You guys want an 8-by-10? 187 00:09:51,485 --> 00:09:53,945 - No, no, that's way too big. - Yeah, small one, small one. 188 00:09:55,489 --> 00:09:58,367 So as long as we're here, 189 00:09:58,533 --> 00:10:00,702 we kind of needed to talk to you guys about something. 190 00:10:00,869 --> 00:10:02,954 - Sure, what's up? - Yeah, what's going on? 191 00:10:04,247 --> 00:10:07,084 Well, we were just at home, and we were talking about it, 192 00:10:07,250 --> 00:10:09,169 and we were just kind of thinking... 193 00:10:09,836 --> 00:10:12,130 Thinking that... 194 00:10:17,094 --> 00:10:19,596 First, right off the bat, let me tell you, we love your kids. 195 00:10:19,763 --> 00:10:20,806 - Love them. - Love them. 196 00:10:20,972 --> 00:10:23,016 I mean, this one here, he's a champ, 197 00:10:23,183 --> 00:10:25,977 and Major, even though we don't know him too well yet, 198 00:10:26,144 --> 00:10:27,729 - he gives off a good vibe. - Yeah. 199 00:10:29,564 --> 00:10:31,274 - Yeah, good, good vibe. - You can feel it. 200 00:10:31,441 --> 00:10:33,527 Yeah. He's already got a nice head of hair too. 201 00:10:33,694 --> 00:10:35,320 Beautiful. Very natural. 202 00:10:36,363 --> 00:10:38,073 Thanks. 203 00:10:38,240 --> 00:10:42,160 The thing is that we just kind of got our hands full, what with Arthur... 204 00:10:42,327 --> 00:10:45,664 - Oh, he is a full-time job, that one. - Yeah. 205 00:10:45,831 --> 00:10:47,874 Plus, we may have kids of our own soon. 206 00:10:48,041 --> 00:10:49,084 Yes. Yes, we may. 207 00:10:49,251 --> 00:10:53,130 You know, this one is such a dingbat about taking her pill, I'll tell you. 208 00:10:55,424 --> 00:10:58,844 So, what are you saying? 209 00:11:00,846 --> 00:11:03,724 I guess what we're saying is that... 210 00:11:03,890 --> 00:11:08,145 Hey, Regis Philbin. This guy's on fire, huh? 211 00:11:11,606 --> 00:11:14,276 So you don't wanna be the godparents? 212 00:11:14,609 --> 00:11:16,153 Look, Kel, I'm sorry. 213 00:11:16,320 --> 00:11:17,779 You know how we feel about you guys. 214 00:11:17,946 --> 00:11:21,783 If something were to happen, it would just be way too much for us. 215 00:11:22,743 --> 00:11:24,828 Okay. I mean, I understand. 216 00:11:24,995 --> 00:11:27,914 It's just, you know, you seemed so enthusiastic the other night. 217 00:11:28,123 --> 00:11:30,917 Hey, I had a whole sleeve of Oreo's. I was flying. 218 00:11:37,007 --> 00:11:38,842 - Sorry, Deac. - Hey, you know, it's cool. 219 00:11:39,009 --> 00:11:42,304 I mean, I guess it was kind of a heavy thing we put on you guys. 220 00:11:42,512 --> 00:11:44,598 Seriously, guys, it's really okay. 221 00:11:45,307 --> 00:11:47,851 - Well, good. - Good. 222 00:11:48,352 --> 00:11:50,729 - Hey, here you go. - There you go. 223 00:11:57,213 --> 00:11:59,381 Here you go, fella, my newest innovation. 224 00:11:59,548 --> 00:12:00,841 The frequent-buyer card. 225 00:12:01,008 --> 00:12:03,677 You buy ten pretzels, you get one free. 226 00:12:03,844 --> 00:12:06,180 Nine X's to go. 227 00:12:08,474 --> 00:12:09,892 Arthur? 228 00:12:10,059 --> 00:12:11,936 I've been meaning to tell you, 229 00:12:12,102 --> 00:12:13,437 don't you think you should punch, 230 00:12:13,604 --> 00:12:16,482 like, a pretzel-shaped hole or something when they buy a pretzel? 231 00:12:16,732 --> 00:12:18,567 Instead of just making an X with a pen? 232 00:12:18,776 --> 00:12:22,905 Because, you know, people have their own pens. 233 00:12:23,322 --> 00:12:25,991 I don't think I like, nor do I completely understand, 234 00:12:26,158 --> 00:12:28,035 what you're getting at. 235 00:12:28,661 --> 00:12:30,621 But I know a mutiny when I see one. 236 00:12:30,788 --> 00:12:32,028 No, no, I'm just saying that... 237 00:12:32,206 --> 00:12:34,124 Save your speech for the unemployment line! 238 00:12:34,291 --> 00:12:35,918 You're through here! 239 00:12:36,085 --> 00:12:37,711 Now, beat it. 240 00:12:39,296 --> 00:12:41,173 All right. 241 00:12:48,389 --> 00:12:50,266 Rita, you saw that, he lunged at me. 242 00:12:52,560 --> 00:12:56,188 And I may need you to sign an affidavit to that effect. 243 00:12:56,397 --> 00:12:58,274 - Excuse me. - Yes, may I help you? 244 00:12:58,649 --> 00:13:00,484 Free pretzel, please. 245 00:13:01,402 --> 00:13:02,444 Ten X's already? 246 00:13:03,445 --> 00:13:05,447 Wow, that was fast. 247 00:13:10,452 --> 00:13:11,954 How are they running this christening? 248 00:13:12,121 --> 00:13:14,039 You think there'll be some food beforehand? 249 00:13:14,206 --> 00:13:15,249 Because if there isn't, 250 00:13:15,416 --> 00:13:18,127 there's a Nathan's coming up on Union Turnpike. 251 00:13:19,420 --> 00:13:21,130 You think our gift is good enough? 252 00:13:21,297 --> 00:13:22,756 I mean, I know we got a $200 bond, 253 00:13:22,923 --> 00:13:24,758 but everybody knows you pay a hundred for it. 254 00:13:24,925 --> 00:13:26,385 It's not like we're fooling anyone. 255 00:13:27,636 --> 00:13:30,556 What do you say, couple of franks? I'm buying. 256 00:13:30,723 --> 00:13:31,974 It's 9 a.m. 257 00:13:32,141 --> 00:13:36,020 Hey, they are open, all right? It's not like I'm a freak or anything. 258 00:13:36,187 --> 00:13:38,689 Okay, do what you want. 259 00:13:40,357 --> 00:13:41,859 So did Deacon mention 260 00:13:42,026 --> 00:13:44,195 who they picked as the new godparents yet? 261 00:13:44,403 --> 00:13:47,281 Yep. Bill and Robin Gilliard. 262 00:13:47,990 --> 00:13:50,367 - The insurance guy and his wife? - Right. 263 00:13:52,578 --> 00:13:54,413 Interesting. 264 00:13:54,955 --> 00:13:57,708 - They're nice. - They're very nice. 265 00:13:58,334 --> 00:13:59,960 Wouldn't be my first choice. 266 00:14:00,336 --> 00:14:02,546 Wasn't theirs either. 267 00:14:02,755 --> 00:14:04,381 Yeah. 268 00:14:08,802 --> 00:14:11,722 How can a hot dog place be out of sauerkraut? 269 00:14:11,889 --> 00:14:14,350 - It's what they do. - Let it go, babe. 270 00:14:14,517 --> 00:14:15,809 Hey, guys. 271 00:14:15,976 --> 00:14:17,186 - Hi, Deac. - Hey, you guys. 272 00:14:17,353 --> 00:14:19,063 - Hi. - How are you? 273 00:14:19,230 --> 00:14:21,357 - You know Bill and Robin Gilliard. - Hi. 274 00:14:21,524 --> 00:14:23,859 Sure. We met at Kirby's birthday party last year. 275 00:14:24,026 --> 00:14:26,195 You were the guy who broke the pinata, right? 276 00:14:26,403 --> 00:14:27,655 The kids got three swings each. 277 00:14:27,821 --> 00:14:30,658 Someone had to step in and make it happen. 278 00:14:30,866 --> 00:14:33,744 Deacon, your aunt is signing her name to other people's gifts again. 279 00:14:33,911 --> 00:14:37,414 Oh, boy. Excuse us. 280 00:14:40,543 --> 00:14:43,754 So you're gonna be godparents. 281 00:14:43,921 --> 00:14:45,548 - Good for you. - Thank you. 282 00:14:45,923 --> 00:14:47,633 Gotta tell you, I give you a lot of credit. 283 00:14:47,800 --> 00:14:48,843 Lot of credit. 284 00:14:49,009 --> 00:14:50,427 If it was me, I would be petrified 285 00:14:50,594 --> 00:14:52,930 at the thought of raising somebody else's kids, 286 00:14:53,097 --> 00:14:55,140 but you probably love children, right? 287 00:14:55,432 --> 00:14:56,475 To tell you the truth, 288 00:14:56,642 --> 00:14:59,353 I've never really been that much of a kid person. 289 00:14:59,895 --> 00:15:01,647 No kidding? 290 00:15:03,107 --> 00:15:04,650 So taping the Nebraska game, 291 00:15:04,817 --> 00:15:06,902 so if you hear anything, don't say a word. 292 00:15:07,069 --> 00:15:08,112 Not to worry. 293 00:15:08,320 --> 00:15:09,780 But I'm taping Charles Osgood, 294 00:15:09,947 --> 00:15:12,700 so if you hear anything, don't say a word. 295 00:15:14,368 --> 00:15:16,537 So you don't watch much college football, huh? 296 00:15:16,745 --> 00:15:18,747 - No, not really. - Pros? 297 00:15:19,415 --> 00:15:22,418 Well, I was invited to a Super Bowl party a few years ago. 298 00:15:22,585 --> 00:15:25,045 - That was a lot of fun. - How about last year's Super Bowl? 299 00:15:25,212 --> 00:15:27,214 Elway, wow, huh? 300 00:15:31,218 --> 00:15:33,929 John Elway? 301 00:15:34,263 --> 00:15:36,682 Sorry, I don't know who that is. 302 00:15:37,224 --> 00:15:38,767 What? 303 00:15:39,768 --> 00:15:41,937 So if something were to happen, God forbid, 304 00:15:42,104 --> 00:15:44,356 you probably got a pretty big house, right? 305 00:15:44,565 --> 00:15:45,941 Just an apartment. 306 00:15:46,150 --> 00:15:48,110 Three, four bedrooms? Come on, what do you got? 307 00:15:48,319 --> 00:15:49,403 Two. 308 00:15:51,280 --> 00:15:52,364 Mets? 309 00:15:52,531 --> 00:15:54,742 Well, I find baseball a little boring. 310 00:15:54,909 --> 00:15:56,076 How about basketball? 311 00:15:56,452 --> 00:16:00,206 A bunch of pituitary cases trying to stuff a ball through a hoop? 312 00:16:00,372 --> 00:16:01,957 No, thank you. 313 00:16:02,124 --> 00:16:04,543 Golf? Rugby? Come on, Bill, give me something. 314 00:16:04,752 --> 00:16:06,212 Well, I like to watch swimming. 315 00:16:08,672 --> 00:16:10,674 So come on, I mean, you don't like kids, 316 00:16:10,841 --> 00:16:14,094 you have a small apartment, what's up? 317 00:16:14,303 --> 00:16:15,596 Nothing's up. 318 00:16:15,804 --> 00:16:17,932 Well, why did you say yes? 319 00:16:18,098 --> 00:16:19,600 What's your angle? 320 00:16:20,309 --> 00:16:21,602 We have no angle. 321 00:16:21,769 --> 00:16:25,439 We're just doing what any decent people would do for their friends. 322 00:16:27,858 --> 00:16:29,610 Right. 323 00:16:33,405 --> 00:16:34,823 Who's next? 324 00:16:34,990 --> 00:16:39,078 Hey, free pretzel with honey mustard dip. 325 00:16:39,286 --> 00:16:42,623 - You were just here, weren't you? - Me? No. 326 00:16:43,499 --> 00:16:45,000 Yes, you were. 327 00:16:45,167 --> 00:16:47,253 You know, I'm wise to you. 328 00:16:47,461 --> 00:16:49,463 I'm wise to all of you. 329 00:16:49,672 --> 00:16:53,300 Marking the X's on the cards yourselves. Very clever. 330 00:16:53,509 --> 00:16:55,845 - Thank you. - Thanks. 331 00:16:56,512 --> 00:17:00,015 But let me tell you all something. I may not be hip or with it like you kids. 332 00:17:00,182 --> 00:17:04,311 I may not listen to your Tom Jones or your Dave Clark Five, 333 00:17:04,478 --> 00:17:07,940 but at least I know when I put my head on my pillow tonight, 334 00:17:08,107 --> 00:17:09,525 I'll sleep soundly. 335 00:17:09,692 --> 00:17:10,734 And you know why? 336 00:17:11,026 --> 00:17:13,279 It's because I'll know 337 00:17:13,445 --> 00:17:16,198 that you kids have been dunking your stolen pretzels 338 00:17:16,365 --> 00:17:21,245 in my "very special" dipping sauces. 339 00:17:23,289 --> 00:17:24,623 Oh, yeah. 340 00:17:29,378 --> 00:17:31,380 Lord God, in baptism, 341 00:17:31,547 --> 00:17:36,260 we die with Christ to rise again in him. 342 00:17:39,513 --> 00:17:43,350 We are horrible, horrible people. 343 00:17:43,517 --> 00:17:46,562 They really ought to have backup sauerkraut. 344 00:17:47,104 --> 00:17:49,064 - Doug. - What? 345 00:17:49,273 --> 00:17:51,859 The Gilliards are no better prepared for this than we are, 346 00:17:52,026 --> 00:17:55,613 and yet they didn't even hesitate to open up their life for these kids. 347 00:17:55,779 --> 00:17:58,449 - Why didn't we open up our life? - I wanted to open up our life. 348 00:17:58,616 --> 00:18:01,076 You wanted to keep our life closed. 349 00:18:02,536 --> 00:18:05,498 - You know what? Let's just do this. - What? 350 00:18:05,706 --> 00:18:09,210 I've changed my mind. I want us to be Major's godparents. 351 00:18:09,376 --> 00:18:10,419 Go tell Deacon. 352 00:18:13,547 --> 00:18:16,425 No, Carrie, I can't. The whole thing's already happening. 353 00:18:16,634 --> 00:18:18,260 He's right there. Just go tell him. 354 00:18:18,427 --> 00:18:20,179 - Car, it's too late. - It's not too late. 355 00:18:20,346 --> 00:18:23,140 They didn't even dunk the kid yet. 356 00:18:23,807 --> 00:18:26,018 Even so, all right? I can't go up there. 357 00:18:26,185 --> 00:18:28,270 Doug, if we don't do this, 358 00:18:28,437 --> 00:18:32,316 we will feel guilty for the rest of our lives. 359 00:18:32,483 --> 00:18:35,903 I mean, we're their best friends, we should be the godparents. 360 00:18:36,612 --> 00:18:37,780 Well, I was a little rattled 361 00:18:37,947 --> 00:18:41,075 when Bill told me he didn't know who John Elway was. 362 00:18:42,826 --> 00:18:45,037 And you want that freak raising our kids? 363 00:18:46,372 --> 00:18:47,581 Go, go tell him. 364 00:18:48,541 --> 00:18:50,584 - Go, they're next. - Okay. Okay. 365 00:18:50,960 --> 00:18:54,296 Excuse me. Excuse me. 366 00:18:54,463 --> 00:18:57,258 Excuse me. Sorry about that. 367 00:18:57,424 --> 00:18:59,009 Excuse me. 368 00:19:02,930 --> 00:19:04,014 Hey, Deac. 369 00:19:04,682 --> 00:19:06,725 Hey, Deac. 370 00:19:07,101 --> 00:19:09,812 I need to talk to you. 371 00:19:11,564 --> 00:19:12,731 What is it? 372 00:19:12,940 --> 00:19:16,527 Look, we changed our minds. 373 00:19:17,987 --> 00:19:22,867 We want to take your children when you die. 374 00:19:25,578 --> 00:19:27,955 God forbid. 375 00:19:31,792 --> 00:19:34,253 What are you talking about? We already started here. 376 00:19:34,461 --> 00:19:36,130 I know. We made a mistake, we wanna do it. 377 00:19:36,338 --> 00:19:39,425 - Just sit down. - Bill doesn't know who Elway is. 378 00:19:39,633 --> 00:19:41,760 Sit down. 379 00:19:45,764 --> 00:19:48,434 What? Oh, for God's sake. 380 00:19:51,145 --> 00:19:54,356 I'm so sorry. Pardon me. Oh, nice hat. 381 00:19:54,899 --> 00:19:55,941 What happened? 382 00:19:56,108 --> 00:20:00,029 - He said it was too late. - It's not too late. Watch out. 383 00:20:01,906 --> 00:20:03,574 Hey. 384 00:20:04,992 --> 00:20:06,994 Hey. 385 00:20:11,207 --> 00:20:14,251 - What? - We wanna be the godparents again. 386 00:20:14,418 --> 00:20:16,086 Carrie, this is not a good time. 387 00:20:16,295 --> 00:20:19,173 I know, but you said it yourselves, we're the best people for the job. 388 00:20:19,340 --> 00:20:21,008 And you know what? You're not invincible. 389 00:20:21,175 --> 00:20:24,970 - Something could happen. - God forbid. 390 00:20:26,847 --> 00:20:28,849 I've never been that excited about the Gilliards. 391 00:20:29,016 --> 00:20:30,142 - You haven't? - No. 392 00:20:30,309 --> 00:20:31,560 Then why did you agree to them? 393 00:20:31,727 --> 00:20:34,688 - I thought you were crazy about them. - Well, they're okay. 394 00:20:35,064 --> 00:20:37,608 Well, tell them they're out and that Doug and Carrie are in. 395 00:20:37,775 --> 00:20:40,361 Get out of here. You tell them. 396 00:20:40,528 --> 00:20:42,446 She's your friend. I just know them through you. 397 00:20:42,655 --> 00:20:43,948 - Want me to tell them? - Yeah. 398 00:20:44,156 --> 00:20:45,616 - Deacon! - Okay. 399 00:20:45,783 --> 00:20:48,869 Fine. I'll go. 400 00:20:49,954 --> 00:20:51,038 Kelly, I want you to know, 401 00:20:51,205 --> 00:20:53,332 we'll raise the kids as Jets or Giants fans, 402 00:20:53,499 --> 00:20:54,792 whichever you want. 403 00:20:55,209 --> 00:20:57,628 That is comforting. 404 00:21:00,464 --> 00:21:01,882 Bill, 405 00:21:03,092 --> 00:21:05,052 give me the baby. 406 00:21:10,161 --> 00:21:11,788 So godparents, huh? 407 00:21:11,954 --> 00:21:14,666 - Yeah. - Yeah, a boy. 408 00:21:15,208 --> 00:21:17,877 The reverend was pretty cool about us pulling the old switcheroo. 409 00:21:18,044 --> 00:21:19,712 Yeah, he rolled with it. 410 00:21:20,546 --> 00:21:21,756 Hey, remember that song, 411 00:21:21,923 --> 00:21:24,050 Reverend bluejeans? 412 00:21:24,717 --> 00:21:25,885 What? 413 00:21:26,511 --> 00:21:28,388 Neil Diamond. 414 00:21:28,596 --> 00:21:31,849 Reverend bluejeans, babe. 415 00:21:32,016 --> 00:21:35,061 It's not "Reverend Blue Jeans." 416 00:21:35,228 --> 00:21:37,480 It's "Forever in Blue Jeans." 417 00:21:37,647 --> 00:21:38,982 No, it was "Reverend Blue Jeans." 418 00:21:39,148 --> 00:21:42,902 It was about a hip reverend, he wore jeans. 419 00:21:43,069 --> 00:21:45,780 Reverend bluejeans, babe. 420 00:21:46,280 --> 00:21:48,282 No. 421 00:21:51,828 --> 00:21:55,456 Forever in bluejeans, babe. 422 00:21:56,249 --> 00:21:58,042 How did I miss that?