1 00:00:05,171 --> 00:00:06,771 Douglas, if you have a moment, 2 00:00:06,839 --> 00:00:09,608 I've written a letter, and I'd like your thoughts. 3 00:00:09,676 --> 00:00:11,176 I almost went to white castle. 4 00:00:11,244 --> 00:00:13,011 Yeah. 5 00:00:13,079 --> 00:00:14,879 "Dear Sir or Madam," 6 00:00:14,947 --> 00:00:17,882 "recently I purchased a tube of your so-called soothing ointment" 7 00:00:17,950 --> 00:00:19,851 "to combat a particularly stubborn rash" 8 00:00:19,919 --> 00:00:22,554 "that I contracted through no fault of my own." 9 00:00:22,622 --> 00:00:25,924 "Upon using said product, not only did I fail to find relief" 10 00:00:25,991 --> 00:00:28,527 "but the area is now completely inflamed" 11 00:00:28,595 --> 00:00:30,161 "and periodically erupting:." 12 00:00:30,230 --> 00:00:31,830 "See photo A." 13 00:00:33,165 --> 00:00:35,601 "To remove all uncertainty from the matter," 14 00:00:35,668 --> 00:00:37,969 "I conducted a controlled experiment" 15 00:00:38,037 --> 00:00:41,873 "using an acquaintance of mine named Bernard: See photo B." 16 00:00:41,941 --> 00:00:43,908 "Bernard is the scrawny fellow on the left." 17 00:00:45,712 --> 00:00:49,681 "Please review this material and advise me posthaste. 18 00:00:49,749 --> 00:00:51,383 Sincerely, A. Spooner." 19 00:00:52,785 --> 00:00:54,253 What do you think? 20 00:00:54,320 --> 00:00:55,920 It's delightful. 21 00:00:55,988 --> 00:00:57,256 Thank you. 22 00:00:57,323 --> 00:00:58,923 You can keep those photos. 23 00:00:58,991 --> 00:01:00,325 I have better angles. 24 00:01:07,734 --> 00:01:09,501 Ah, what the hell. 25 00:01:28,123 --> 00:01:31,125 Ah, nothing quite like changing out of your work clothes 26 00:01:31,193 --> 00:01:34,128 and throwing on a comfy old pair of sweats. 27 00:01:34,196 --> 00:01:36,163 Doug, you wear shorts to work, 28 00:01:36,231 --> 00:01:38,899 and you unbutton them in the truck. 29 00:01:38,967 --> 00:01:40,901 Actually, I've been asked not to do that. 30 00:01:42,670 --> 00:01:44,605 So, uh, how was your day? 31 00:01:44,672 --> 00:01:45,906 It was ok. 32 00:01:45,974 --> 00:01:48,142 Oh, they have me wearing one of those headsets now 33 00:01:48,210 --> 00:01:49,410 to talk on the phone. 34 00:01:49,478 --> 00:01:50,878 Ooh, I like those. 35 00:01:50,945 --> 00:01:52,346 Think they'll let you take it home 36 00:01:52,414 --> 00:01:54,382 so we could, uh, you know? 37 00:01:55,850 --> 00:01:58,619 What? Talk on the phone without using our hands? 38 00:02:00,122 --> 00:02:01,222 No, fool around. 39 00:02:01,289 --> 00:02:03,590 I could pretend you're Janet Jackson, or... 40 00:02:05,327 --> 00:02:06,827 A time-life operator. 41 00:02:07,962 --> 00:02:09,530 And would you still be you? 42 00:02:09,597 --> 00:02:10,864 Hey, that hurts. 43 00:02:21,009 --> 00:02:22,176 Hello. 44 00:02:22,244 --> 00:02:24,278 Oh, hey, there. 45 00:02:24,346 --> 00:02:26,647 Uh, ok. Sure. Fine. 46 00:02:26,714 --> 00:02:28,049 Yeah, we'll be here. 47 00:02:28,116 --> 00:02:29,517 Ok, bye. 48 00:02:29,584 --> 00:02:30,518 Who was that? 49 00:02:30,585 --> 00:02:32,453 The Sackskys from next door. 50 00:02:32,521 --> 00:02:34,732 They have something important to tell us. They're on their way over. 51 00:02:34,756 --> 00:02:35,656 What? 52 00:02:35,723 --> 00:02:38,426 No! They're so annoying! 53 00:02:38,493 --> 00:02:40,227 Why did you say they could come over? 54 00:02:40,295 --> 00:02:41,562 What am I gonna say? 55 00:02:41,629 --> 00:02:43,030 You make something up. 56 00:02:43,098 --> 00:02:44,898 We're sleeping, we're eating, 57 00:02:44,966 --> 00:02:46,333 we're dead. 58 00:02:46,401 --> 00:02:47,535 I don't know, 59 00:02:47,602 --> 00:02:49,403 you think on your feet, for God's sake. 60 00:02:49,471 --> 00:02:50,837 I'm sorry. 61 00:02:50,905 --> 00:02:53,006 He said, "how you doin', champ?" And I got thrown. 62 00:02:54,443 --> 00:02:55,809 What do they want? 63 00:02:55,877 --> 00:02:57,988 You... you didn't run over anything they own, did you? 64 00:02:58,012 --> 00:02:59,146 No. 65 00:02:59,214 --> 00:03:01,515 Oh, wait a second, do they have a cat? 66 00:03:01,583 --> 00:03:03,117 No. 67 00:03:03,185 --> 00:03:05,519 Did you run over a cat? 68 00:03:05,587 --> 00:03:07,888 I don't think it was, no. 69 00:03:07,956 --> 00:03:09,290 All right, look, Doug, 70 00:03:09,357 --> 00:03:11,625 I do not want to get involved with these people. 71 00:03:11,693 --> 00:03:13,660 So no matter what they suggest, 72 00:03:13,728 --> 00:03:15,496 we say no. Got it? 73 00:03:15,564 --> 00:03:17,164 Fine. So, what's our excuse? 74 00:03:17,232 --> 00:03:19,166 Um, I have a cold. 75 00:03:19,234 --> 00:03:21,702 You? What if they want to do something with me? 76 00:03:21,769 --> 00:03:24,138 Excuse me, I thought of it, ok? 77 00:03:24,206 --> 00:03:26,707 I get the cold. I'm nasal anyway. 78 00:03:28,243 --> 00:03:29,376 Go, go. 79 00:03:30,412 --> 00:03:32,580 Hi. 80 00:03:32,647 --> 00:03:33,880 Hey, there. How you doing? 81 00:03:35,150 --> 00:03:36,270 Oh, I'm sorry. I got a cold. 82 00:03:38,086 --> 00:03:39,720 Come on in. Come on in. 83 00:03:39,787 --> 00:03:41,522 Thank you. Have a seat. 84 00:03:43,125 --> 00:03:45,493 So, what's up? 85 00:03:47,095 --> 00:03:48,229 Well, 86 00:03:48,296 --> 00:03:49,663 we have some news. 87 00:03:49,731 --> 00:03:51,665 This is kind of hard to say, 88 00:03:51,733 --> 00:03:53,867 and it'll probably be hard to hear. 89 00:03:56,505 --> 00:03:57,838 Tim and I are separating. 90 00:03:57,905 --> 00:03:59,340 Now, it's no one's fault. 91 00:03:59,407 --> 00:04:01,442 We just have some issues that can't be resolved. 92 00:04:01,510 --> 00:04:04,711 And we just wanted to tell the people closest to us. 93 00:04:08,016 --> 00:04:09,216 Oh, us. Right. 94 00:04:09,284 --> 00:04:12,119 Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, no, yeah. 95 00:04:12,187 --> 00:04:13,654 Sorry. 96 00:04:13,721 --> 00:04:15,833 We'll both be staying in the house until we can sell it, 97 00:04:15,857 --> 00:04:17,291 which could be a while. 98 00:04:17,359 --> 00:04:20,161 Tim seems to have bought on the high end of the market. 99 00:04:21,095 --> 00:04:22,496 Yes, I did. 100 00:04:22,564 --> 00:04:23,864 I did that. 101 00:04:26,334 --> 00:04:27,901 Well... 102 00:04:27,969 --> 00:04:30,904 This is a lot to take in all at once. 103 00:04:30,972 --> 00:04:32,873 Uh, if it's ok, 104 00:04:32,940 --> 00:04:35,242 I think Doug and I need to be alone with this right now. 105 00:04:35,310 --> 00:04:36,644 A-a-absolutely. 106 00:04:36,711 --> 00:04:38,045 Let's go. Let's go. 107 00:04:38,112 --> 00:04:39,480 Oh, there is one more thing. 108 00:04:39,548 --> 00:04:41,825 You see, we actually have a time-share out in the Hamptons 109 00:04:41,849 --> 00:04:42,949 for the 3rd week in June. 110 00:04:43,017 --> 00:04:44,185 Oh, here's a brochure. 111 00:04:44,252 --> 00:04:45,386 Yeah, it's all paid for, 112 00:04:45,453 --> 00:04:46,953 but obviously we won't be using it, 113 00:04:47,021 --> 00:04:48,689 so we'd love to give it away to friends. 114 00:04:48,756 --> 00:04:50,591 Well, you know, that all sounds very nice, 115 00:04:50,659 --> 00:04:52,459 but unfortunately, we gotta throw you a no. 116 00:04:52,527 --> 00:04:53,694 You know, I'm... 117 00:04:53,761 --> 00:04:57,097 I'm actually having exploratory surgery that week. 118 00:04:57,165 --> 00:04:59,667 We really would have loved for you to stay in the cottage. 119 00:04:59,734 --> 00:05:00,767 Yeah. 120 00:05:00,835 --> 00:05:03,270 Well, can't do it. Cannot do it. 121 00:05:03,338 --> 00:05:04,805 Right, hon'? 122 00:05:04,872 --> 00:05:07,308 Hmm? Oh, right. Right, right, right. 123 00:05:27,320 --> 00:05:28,395 Hey. 124 00:05:28,463 --> 00:05:29,896 Hey, it's 8:30, where you been? 125 00:05:29,964 --> 00:05:31,498 I stopped at the drugstore 126 00:05:31,566 --> 00:05:33,066 and then swung by the, uh, 127 00:05:33,134 --> 00:05:34,335 Hamptons. 128 00:05:34,402 --> 00:05:35,603 The Hamptons? 129 00:05:35,670 --> 00:05:37,938 Yeah, where the Sackskys have their time-share. 130 00:05:38,005 --> 00:05:40,274 Doug, it is a nice house, 131 00:05:40,342 --> 00:05:41,675 it's blue, with a deck, 132 00:05:41,743 --> 00:05:43,577 and those cape-coddy shutters. 133 00:05:43,645 --> 00:05:45,556 So, what are you saying, you actually wanna do this now? 134 00:05:45,580 --> 00:05:47,881 It's in this cute little town called Quogue. 135 00:05:48,516 --> 00:05:50,751 Quo-gue. 136 00:05:50,818 --> 00:05:52,185 Come on, honey, let's do this. 137 00:05:52,254 --> 00:05:53,654 You went on and on the other night 138 00:05:53,722 --> 00:05:55,889 about how we shouldn't get involved with these people. 139 00:05:55,957 --> 00:05:58,626 Doug, we are not getting involved with these people. 140 00:05:58,693 --> 00:06:01,362 We'll be at their house, 70 Miles away, 141 00:06:01,429 --> 00:06:03,697 and they'll still be here. 142 00:06:03,765 --> 00:06:06,133 Did you work that out on the car ride home? 143 00:06:06,200 --> 00:06:08,669 Come on, let's spend a week at the beach. 144 00:06:08,737 --> 00:06:09,836 I don't want to. 145 00:06:09,904 --> 00:06:11,505 Why not? 146 00:06:11,573 --> 00:06:13,117 Carrie, I'm gigantic and I'm fair-skinned, all right? 147 00:06:13,141 --> 00:06:14,841 The beach is not the best spot for me. 148 00:06:17,412 --> 00:06:18,845 Doug, I want a vacation. 149 00:06:18,913 --> 00:06:21,548 We never have any money to go anywhere nice. 150 00:06:21,616 --> 00:06:25,152 Oh, ok. I guess Hershey, Pennsylvania, is not nice. 151 00:06:25,219 --> 00:06:27,388 A whole town that smells like chocolate. Whatever. 152 00:06:29,291 --> 00:06:31,925 But, Doug, they're offering this to us for free. 153 00:06:31,993 --> 00:06:33,594 It's like we won this. 154 00:06:33,662 --> 00:06:35,162 Come on, come on, come on, come on... 155 00:06:35,229 --> 00:06:36,297 Aah, all right. 156 00:06:36,364 --> 00:06:38,899 Yes! Thank you, honey. All right, call. 157 00:06:38,966 --> 00:06:40,467 Why do I have to call 'em? 158 00:06:40,535 --> 00:06:42,436 Because they like you. You're the nice one. 159 00:06:42,504 --> 00:06:44,805 Here, I will dial it for you. 160 00:06:44,872 --> 00:06:46,540 Oh, great! Thanks. 161 00:06:46,608 --> 00:06:49,328 'Cause when you make a phone call, the dialing, that's the hard part. 162 00:06:56,951 --> 00:06:57,984 Hello? 163 00:06:58,052 --> 00:06:59,986 Uh, hi, Tim, it's Doug Heffernan. 164 00:07:00,054 --> 00:07:03,089 Hey, Doug, hey. How's the weather over there? 165 00:07:03,157 --> 00:07:04,925 What did he say? What did he say? 166 00:07:04,992 --> 00:07:07,260 C-c-could you hang on a second? 167 00:07:07,329 --> 00:07:09,162 He said, "how's the weather over there?" 168 00:07:10,231 --> 00:07:11,298 What does that mean? 169 00:07:11,366 --> 00:07:13,099 Do you want to do this? Ok, go. 170 00:07:13,167 --> 00:07:14,201 What's up, Doug? 171 00:07:14,268 --> 00:07:16,269 Uh, it's just that Carrie and I 172 00:07:16,338 --> 00:07:18,905 would, uh, love to take that time-share 173 00:07:18,973 --> 00:07:20,641 if she's still floating around. 174 00:07:20,709 --> 00:07:22,175 What happened to your surgery? 175 00:07:22,243 --> 00:07:25,346 Huh? Oh, I... I... I don't need it. 176 00:07:25,413 --> 00:07:27,214 Uh, the coin worked its way out. 177 00:07:31,986 --> 00:07:35,789 Well... well, great, then the place is yours. 178 00:07:35,857 --> 00:07:37,624 Just happy we can keep it in the family. 179 00:07:37,692 --> 00:07:39,493 Well, great. Thanks a lot, Tim. 180 00:07:39,561 --> 00:07:42,500 Hey, you know what? I'll bring the key and the parking permit over right now, 181 00:07:42,524 --> 00:07:44,826 then maybe we can, you know, hang out and watch a game. 182 00:07:44,899 --> 00:07:47,067 You wanna watch a game? 183 00:07:47,134 --> 00:07:49,403 Uh, just hang on a second, ok? 184 00:07:50,204 --> 00:07:51,805 Huh? Hmm-mm-mm-mm? 185 00:07:53,007 --> 00:07:54,375 He wants to drop the key off, 186 00:07:54,442 --> 00:07:56,276 and then he wants to watch a game with me. 187 00:07:56,344 --> 00:07:57,644 So, watch! 188 00:07:57,712 --> 00:08:00,046 They're offering us their time-share, for God's sake. 189 00:08:00,114 --> 00:08:01,615 Don't be rude. 190 00:08:03,317 --> 00:08:04,485 Uh, sure, Tim. 191 00:08:04,552 --> 00:08:06,387 On my way., great. 192 00:08:08,089 --> 00:08:10,557 Thank you. I love you. 193 00:08:10,625 --> 00:08:11,792 Yeah, get off. 194 00:08:15,430 --> 00:08:16,897 Look at this. 195 00:08:16,964 --> 00:08:18,832 Will you look at this? 196 00:08:18,900 --> 00:08:21,167 Hot damn, this is livin'! 197 00:08:21,235 --> 00:08:22,335 Whoo! 198 00:08:22,404 --> 00:08:24,004 Ok, let's get the whole game thing going. 199 00:08:24,071 --> 00:08:25,238 What do you say, huh? 200 00:08:25,306 --> 00:08:27,040 Huh, yeah. 201 00:08:27,108 --> 00:08:28,419 Oh, by the way, here's your, uh, parking permit. 202 00:08:28,443 --> 00:08:29,943 Oh. 203 00:08:30,011 --> 00:08:31,244 Ok. 204 00:08:31,312 --> 00:08:33,146 You know, I couldn't find the key, 205 00:08:33,214 --> 00:08:35,115 but Dorothy will bring it by tomorrow, 206 00:08:35,182 --> 00:08:38,752 and I brought us some Dutch beers. 207 00:08:38,820 --> 00:08:40,454 You like a dark lager, do you? 208 00:08:40,522 --> 00:08:43,590 Oh, anything with alcohol would be perfect. 209 00:08:43,658 --> 00:08:44,825 I hear you. 210 00:08:46,193 --> 00:08:48,161 Oh, boy. Ah... 211 00:08:48,229 --> 00:08:49,530 Click. Yeah. 212 00:08:52,099 --> 00:08:54,134 Ah! 213 00:08:54,201 --> 00:08:55,836 You like racquetball, Doug? 214 00:08:55,904 --> 00:08:57,170 Um, maybe. 215 00:08:58,005 --> 00:08:59,205 Do you? 216 00:09:00,141 --> 00:09:01,308 What do you like? 217 00:09:01,375 --> 00:09:04,878 You like, uh, a nice jog, a hike, skeet shooting? 218 00:09:04,946 --> 00:09:06,379 What's your thing? 219 00:09:06,448 --> 00:09:08,849 Actually, I'm... I'm between things right now. 220 00:09:08,917 --> 00:09:09,850 Ah. 221 00:09:09,918 --> 00:09:10,918 Yeah. 222 00:09:10,952 --> 00:09:12,719 Hey, mind if I flip around? 223 00:09:14,322 --> 00:09:15,722 Oh, yeah. 224 00:09:15,790 --> 00:09:18,091 Single life is gonna be good. 225 00:09:19,761 --> 00:09:21,495 I can come over here anytime I want 226 00:09:21,563 --> 00:09:23,430 without the wifey breathing down my neck. 227 00:09:23,498 --> 00:09:25,398 Whoa... 228 00:09:25,467 --> 00:09:28,068 Boy, those Olsen twins are growing up fast, aren't they? 229 00:09:41,370 --> 00:09:43,004 Hey, hi! 230 00:09:45,920 --> 00:09:47,521 You owe me big. 231 00:09:47,589 --> 00:09:49,422 Tim is very unpleasant. 232 00:09:50,424 --> 00:09:52,092 You did good, babe. 233 00:09:55,229 --> 00:09:56,964 I said you owe me big. 234 00:10:01,970 --> 00:10:03,403 There you go. 235 00:10:12,448 --> 00:10:13,916 Oy! 236 00:10:17,020 --> 00:10:18,854 Hi, Carrie. Dorothy, hi. 237 00:10:18,922 --> 00:10:20,288 I didn't mean to bother you, hon', 238 00:10:20,356 --> 00:10:22,424 I just wanted to drop by some time-share stuff. 239 00:10:22,491 --> 00:10:24,026 Oh, that is so sweet, thanks. 240 00:10:24,094 --> 00:10:25,794 Oh, there are some local menus. 241 00:10:25,862 --> 00:10:27,629 Ooh, crab shack, yummy. 242 00:10:27,697 --> 00:10:29,798 Emergency numbers, oh, and directions to the house. 243 00:10:29,866 --> 00:10:31,700 The place can be impossible to find. 244 00:10:31,768 --> 00:10:33,202 Tell me about it. 245 00:10:33,269 --> 00:10:35,003 What? Huh? 246 00:10:35,071 --> 00:10:38,406 Oh, anyway, um, I guess you're all set. 247 00:10:38,474 --> 00:10:39,641 Yes, we are. 248 00:10:39,709 --> 00:10:41,076 So, is there a key or... 249 00:10:41,144 --> 00:10:43,345 Oh, it's in our safe-deposit box at the bank. 250 00:10:43,412 --> 00:10:45,047 I'll swing by tomorrow. 251 00:10:45,115 --> 00:10:47,275 There's some stuff I have to sneak out of there anyway. 252 00:10:50,019 --> 00:10:51,754 So... Yeah. 253 00:10:51,821 --> 00:10:53,722 Once again, uh, thank you so much 254 00:10:53,790 --> 00:10:55,357 for letting us use your house. 255 00:10:55,424 --> 00:10:56,992 Oh, don't be silly. 256 00:10:57,060 --> 00:10:58,326 I'm just glad 257 00:10:58,394 --> 00:11:01,496 the place won't be sitting there empty. 258 00:11:01,564 --> 00:11:03,832 Well, I'm just heading out to the gym, so... 259 00:11:09,338 --> 00:11:10,572 Is everything all right? 260 00:11:13,509 --> 00:11:16,311 Tim is out on a date. 261 00:11:16,379 --> 00:11:18,480 What? Oh, I'm so sorry. 262 00:11:18,547 --> 00:11:19,815 I... I'm sorry, Carrie. 263 00:11:19,883 --> 00:11:21,884 I'm sorry for dropping all this on you. 264 00:11:21,951 --> 00:11:23,718 It's just that, I don't know, 265 00:11:23,787 --> 00:11:26,321 I just feel such a connection with you. 266 00:11:27,490 --> 00:11:28,791 D-ditto. 267 00:11:30,827 --> 00:11:32,494 A-ah. 268 00:11:32,561 --> 00:11:33,829 You're not even trying. 269 00:11:33,897 --> 00:11:35,798 I told you I didn't even want to do this. 270 00:11:35,865 --> 00:11:38,133 Come on. Open your mouth wider. Let's go. 271 00:11:38,201 --> 00:11:40,002 The problem is your teeth are too big. 272 00:11:40,069 --> 00:11:43,105 W-W-What if I swallow one? 273 00:11:43,173 --> 00:11:44,639 That's a classy problem. 274 00:11:44,707 --> 00:11:46,041 Oh. 275 00:11:46,109 --> 00:11:47,642 Hey. Hey, honey, come on. 276 00:11:47,710 --> 00:11:50,012 Try it. Open your mouth. Try to catch one. 277 00:11:50,079 --> 00:11:51,880 Ok. That's mine now. 278 00:11:51,948 --> 00:11:53,782 What's the matter? 279 00:11:53,850 --> 00:11:55,717 My new best friend Dorothy is in there 280 00:11:55,785 --> 00:11:57,219 driving me crazy. 281 00:11:57,287 --> 00:11:59,721 Oh, too bad. I guess that's the price you pay 282 00:11:59,789 --> 00:12:02,390 for falling in love with the word, "Quogue." 283 00:12:04,527 --> 00:12:05,794 Shut up. 284 00:12:06,662 --> 00:12:08,396 Hey, Richie, 285 00:12:08,464 --> 00:12:10,398 would you do me a huge favor? 286 00:12:10,466 --> 00:12:12,500 I told Dorothy that I would bring her a beer. 287 00:12:12,568 --> 00:12:15,337 Would you bring this in to her and be a little nice to her, huh? 288 00:12:15,404 --> 00:12:16,638 I'm busy. 289 00:12:17,573 --> 00:12:19,041 Richie, come on. 290 00:12:19,108 --> 00:12:21,176 She... she's depressed and very needy right now, 291 00:12:21,244 --> 00:12:22,444 and I'm late for the gym. 292 00:12:22,511 --> 00:12:24,079 Just... just bring this in to her, 293 00:12:24,147 --> 00:12:26,748 flatter her, boost her ego, please. 294 00:12:26,816 --> 00:12:28,550 I don't wanna. 295 00:12:28,617 --> 00:12:30,485 You want me to take this one? 296 00:12:30,553 --> 00:12:31,760 Um... 297 00:12:31,785 --> 00:12:34,424 Would a simple "no, thank you" have killed you? 298 00:12:40,731 --> 00:12:41,898 Hi. Hi. 299 00:12:41,966 --> 00:12:43,132 Here you go. 300 00:12:43,200 --> 00:12:44,467 Oh, thanks. 301 00:12:47,338 --> 00:12:49,138 I'm Dorothy Sacksky. 302 00:12:49,206 --> 00:12:50,874 Richie Iannucci. 303 00:12:53,110 --> 00:12:54,978 So, um, 304 00:12:55,045 --> 00:12:56,812 you have very nice... 305 00:12:58,916 --> 00:12:59,916 Hair. 306 00:13:01,986 --> 00:13:03,253 Thank you. 307 00:13:09,693 --> 00:13:10,994 Carrie! 308 00:13:11,862 --> 00:13:12,862 Carrie! 309 00:13:14,831 --> 00:13:17,400 Hey, um, what are you, throwing curlers? 310 00:13:17,467 --> 00:13:19,102 Is Doug in there? 311 00:13:19,169 --> 00:13:22,272 Ah, no, he's still out skeet shooting with Tim. 312 00:13:22,339 --> 00:13:24,007 You gotta talk to your friend Richie. 313 00:13:24,074 --> 00:13:25,241 About? 314 00:13:25,309 --> 00:13:26,876 Well, I invited him over last night 315 00:13:26,944 --> 00:13:28,477 to check my smoke alarms, 316 00:13:28,545 --> 00:13:30,646 and let's just say a lot more happened. 317 00:13:32,416 --> 00:13:34,017 We made love. 318 00:13:34,084 --> 00:13:36,052 Eeh. 319 00:13:36,120 --> 00:13:38,687 Anyway, he gave me his phone number 320 00:13:38,755 --> 00:13:40,689 and I just tried calling him. 321 00:13:40,757 --> 00:13:42,258 Does he live in a bakery? 322 00:13:43,860 --> 00:13:45,295 You know what? 323 00:13:45,362 --> 00:13:47,196 I think he might. 324 00:13:47,264 --> 00:13:48,965 Oh, my God, 325 00:13:49,033 --> 00:13:53,569 you don't think he was just using me as a one-night stand? 326 00:13:53,637 --> 00:13:55,371 No, no, that doesn't sound like Richie. 327 00:13:55,439 --> 00:13:57,506 Oh, you gotta talk to him. You gotta talk to him. 328 00:13:57,574 --> 00:14:00,209 Tell him I'm sorry. I shouldn't have said I love you so soon. 329 00:14:00,277 --> 00:14:02,011 Oh, please tell him, Carrie. 330 00:14:02,079 --> 00:14:04,347 Dorothy, just calm down. I will go talk to him. 331 00:14:04,415 --> 00:14:05,781 Tell him... Tell him I can change. 332 00:14:05,849 --> 00:14:08,251 Tell him I can be whatever he wants me to be. 333 00:14:08,319 --> 00:14:09,919 Whatever he wants you to be. 334 00:14:09,987 --> 00:14:11,254 Yeah. Got it. 335 00:14:11,322 --> 00:14:12,788 Thank you. 336 00:14:12,856 --> 00:14:16,225 Oh, Dorothy, any luck with that key yet? 337 00:14:16,293 --> 00:14:18,428 I can't think about that right now. 338 00:14:21,731 --> 00:14:24,267 All I said was flatter her. 339 00:14:24,335 --> 00:14:25,534 I did. 340 00:14:25,602 --> 00:14:27,703 I was very complimentary throughout. 341 00:14:30,441 --> 00:14:32,275 I'm glad you think this is funny. 342 00:14:32,343 --> 00:14:34,110 What were you thinking? 343 00:14:34,178 --> 00:14:35,578 I didn't mean to do it. 344 00:14:35,645 --> 00:14:37,046 I was just up on a ladder 345 00:14:37,114 --> 00:14:39,515 checking her smoke alarms, and bam, it happened. 346 00:14:40,617 --> 00:14:41,684 What? 347 00:14:41,751 --> 00:14:43,486 Carrie, what are you yelling at him for? 348 00:14:43,553 --> 00:14:46,222 It's your fault. You're the one that sent him in there with beer. 349 00:14:46,290 --> 00:14:49,959 I did not tell him to have sex with her. 350 00:14:50,027 --> 00:14:51,594 What do you expect? 351 00:14:51,661 --> 00:14:55,365 You put a snake in a cage with a mouse and beer, 352 00:14:58,369 --> 00:15:01,037 you have to expect that they'll have sex. 353 00:15:02,906 --> 00:15:04,573 Look, you don't have to worry about it 354 00:15:04,641 --> 00:15:06,376 'cause I'm not gonna see her again. 355 00:15:06,443 --> 00:15:09,645 Oh, but that's where you're wrong, my friend. 356 00:15:09,713 --> 00:15:11,381 You're gonna keep seeing her for, 357 00:15:11,448 --> 00:15:13,049 I don't know, at least a month. 358 00:15:13,117 --> 00:15:14,317 A month? 359 00:15:14,385 --> 00:15:15,718 A month's a long time, honey. 360 00:15:15,785 --> 00:15:18,054 Doug, he had sex with her. 361 00:15:18,122 --> 00:15:21,357 The only decent thing to do after you've had sex with somebody 362 00:15:21,425 --> 00:15:23,092 is to keep seeing them. 363 00:15:23,160 --> 00:15:24,727 But not a month. 364 00:15:27,564 --> 00:15:29,098 All right, 3 weeks. 365 00:15:29,166 --> 00:15:31,634 That way, Dorothy won't feel like she was a one-night stand. 366 00:15:31,701 --> 00:15:34,737 In fact, she'll probably be sick of him by then. 367 00:15:34,804 --> 00:15:37,340 I don't see why you even care so much. 368 00:15:38,475 --> 00:15:40,243 I care. 369 00:15:40,310 --> 00:15:42,278 She's my neighbor, 370 00:15:42,346 --> 00:15:45,348 my friend, she's a human being, 371 00:15:45,416 --> 00:15:46,749 and she hasn't given me the key 372 00:15:46,816 --> 00:15:49,118 to her beach house yet. 373 00:15:49,186 --> 00:15:52,055 Ah, so that's what this is all about. 374 00:15:52,122 --> 00:15:54,823 You just want to get to use their beach house. 375 00:15:54,891 --> 00:15:56,459 What, you just figured that out now? 376 00:15:56,527 --> 00:15:59,695 You haven't noticed that I... I've been skeet shooting a lot more than usual? 377 00:16:00,797 --> 00:16:02,432 Oh, come on, you guys. 378 00:16:02,499 --> 00:16:04,633 Help me out. I've been working very hard this year. 379 00:16:04,701 --> 00:16:05,768 I want a tan. 380 00:16:05,835 --> 00:16:08,071 Doug, tell him to do this. 381 00:16:08,138 --> 00:16:09,838 What's in it for me? 382 00:16:10,674 --> 00:16:11,974 Richie, go do it. 383 00:16:12,809 --> 00:16:13,876 But, moose... 384 00:16:13,944 --> 00:16:15,644 Do it! 385 00:16:21,118 --> 00:16:23,386 Man, this Dorothy is wearing me out. 386 00:16:23,454 --> 00:16:26,189 At least she finally got the top step of her ladder carpeted. 387 00:16:26,256 --> 00:16:29,058 Hmm, fate is a funny animal, isn't it? 388 00:16:29,126 --> 00:16:31,461 If it had been me who brought her the beer that night, 389 00:16:31,528 --> 00:16:34,730 I'd be the exhausted lover right now, 390 00:16:34,798 --> 00:16:38,067 instead of the lonely, bitter man-child. 391 00:16:39,803 --> 00:16:41,471 Hey, hey, hey, Doug! 392 00:16:41,538 --> 00:16:42,938 Uh, yeah. 393 00:16:43,006 --> 00:16:44,207 Yeah, Tim. 394 00:16:44,274 --> 00:16:45,708 Hey, hey, uh, 395 00:16:45,775 --> 00:16:48,411 so... so what are you doing, you watching a game? 396 00:16:49,646 --> 00:16:51,447 Yeah, sure. Come on over. 397 00:16:51,515 --> 00:16:53,416 Moose, what the hell are you doing? 398 00:16:53,484 --> 00:16:55,118 Relax. He doesn't know you're the guy. 399 00:16:55,185 --> 00:16:56,519 I'm wearing his shirt. 400 00:16:58,822 --> 00:17:01,624 Oh, the plot thickens. 401 00:17:01,691 --> 00:17:03,359 Why are you wearing his shirt? 402 00:17:03,427 --> 00:17:06,529 'Cause Dorothy chewed the buttons off of mine last night. 403 00:17:06,597 --> 00:17:08,498 See, those could have been my but... 404 00:17:08,565 --> 00:17:10,633 Oh, forget it. 405 00:17:10,700 --> 00:17:12,668 Try... try not to let him see it, that's all. 406 00:17:12,736 --> 00:17:14,370 All right, all right. If he notices, 407 00:17:14,438 --> 00:17:16,872 just tell him I went to Swatchmore, too. 408 00:17:16,940 --> 00:17:17,940 Hey. 409 00:17:17,974 --> 00:17:19,142 Hey, Tim. 410 00:17:19,209 --> 00:17:21,144 Oh, so, uh, is this your posse? 411 00:17:23,447 --> 00:17:26,182 I actually like to refer to them as my peeps, but yes. 412 00:17:27,684 --> 00:17:28,984 Hiya, Tim Sacksky. 413 00:17:29,052 --> 00:17:30,453 Hi, Spence Olchin. 414 00:17:30,521 --> 00:17:32,221 Ooh, strong handshake there. 415 00:17:32,289 --> 00:17:33,289 You in sales? 416 00:17:33,323 --> 00:17:34,624 Yep, subway tokens. 417 00:17:36,360 --> 00:17:38,093 Uh, Tim Sacksky, how are you? 418 00:17:38,162 --> 00:17:39,362 Fine. 419 00:17:39,429 --> 00:17:41,797 He's gotta get to know you first. 420 00:17:43,300 --> 00:17:45,234 So, what have we got here, 421 00:17:45,302 --> 00:17:46,569 a, uh, sports game? 422 00:17:46,637 --> 00:17:48,437 Uh, basketball playoffs, yeah. 423 00:17:48,505 --> 00:17:51,073 Oh, hey, all right! 424 00:17:51,141 --> 00:17:52,642 Oh, this is great. 425 00:17:52,709 --> 00:17:54,943 Oh, it feels so good just to hang with the boys, 426 00:17:55,011 --> 00:17:56,845 you know, have a brewsky, 427 00:17:56,913 --> 00:17:58,648 take my mind off the fact that my wife 428 00:17:58,715 --> 00:18:00,316 is screwing someone else! 429 00:18:03,554 --> 00:18:06,922 Uh, haven't you been seeing someone, Tim? 430 00:18:06,990 --> 00:18:12,195 No. No, I... I only made that up to get her jealous. 431 00:18:12,262 --> 00:18:14,096 No, I just go to the multiplex 432 00:18:14,164 --> 00:18:16,499 and watch all those movies with the teenagers in them. 433 00:18:17,701 --> 00:18:19,235 You should see she's all that. 434 00:18:19,303 --> 00:18:22,305 It's kind of a modern-day Pygmalion story. 435 00:18:22,372 --> 00:18:26,809 She is obviously only doing this to get back at me. 436 00:18:26,876 --> 00:18:29,612 You know what? She doesn't even like sex. 437 00:18:30,880 --> 00:18:31,980 The fact is, 438 00:18:32,048 --> 00:18:35,017 the woman is incapable of having an orgasm. 439 00:18:39,923 --> 00:18:42,458 I mean, she has so many hang-ups. 440 00:18:42,526 --> 00:18:44,993 I mean, there are certain things that a man needs 441 00:18:45,061 --> 00:18:47,096 which she flat-out won't do. 442 00:18:50,300 --> 00:18:53,236 Oh, God, I want her back. 443 00:18:53,303 --> 00:18:56,372 I just... I just want to hold her in my arms again 444 00:18:56,440 --> 00:18:59,308 and make love to her in the sand. 445 00:18:59,376 --> 00:19:01,877 But now there's this other guy, 446 00:19:01,945 --> 00:19:04,213 and he probably loves her, and... 447 00:19:05,716 --> 00:19:07,850 Oh, I'm sure that he doesn't. 448 00:19:09,119 --> 00:19:11,954 Well, d... hey, did you go to Swarthmore? 449 00:19:12,756 --> 00:19:14,056 Uh, yeah. 450 00:19:14,124 --> 00:19:15,791 What class? 451 00:19:15,859 --> 00:19:17,226 Thank you. 452 00:19:23,600 --> 00:19:27,236 Hey, look. Just finished shopping for the Hamptons. 453 00:19:27,304 --> 00:19:28,337 Huh? 454 00:19:28,405 --> 00:19:31,140 And look! 455 00:19:32,142 --> 00:19:33,776 You! 456 00:19:40,850 --> 00:19:44,353 You are gonna look so hot with tan lines. 457 00:19:46,122 --> 00:19:48,691 Yeah, well, before you get too excited, quoggie, 458 00:19:48,759 --> 00:19:51,360 I, uh, I got some news for you. 459 00:19:51,428 --> 00:19:53,763 Tim wants to get back together with Dorothy. 460 00:19:53,830 --> 00:19:55,564 What? How do you know that? 461 00:19:55,632 --> 00:19:56,732 'Cause he just told me. 462 00:19:56,800 --> 00:19:58,233 He w-wants to get back with her. 463 00:19:58,302 --> 00:20:01,270 He wants to make love to her in the sand. 464 00:20:01,338 --> 00:20:03,238 What? What sand? Not our sand? 465 00:20:03,307 --> 00:20:05,073 Honey, just prepare yourself. 466 00:20:05,141 --> 00:20:08,143 They're gonna get back together, and they're gonna want their beach house. 467 00:20:08,211 --> 00:20:09,578 Wait a minute. Wait a minute. 468 00:20:09,646 --> 00:20:11,947 I am not so sure they are getting back together. 469 00:20:12,015 --> 00:20:13,549 I mean, Dorothy's with Richie now. 470 00:20:13,617 --> 00:20:14,717 They're very happy. 471 00:20:14,785 --> 00:20:16,084 I saw them biking. 472 00:20:16,152 --> 00:20:17,753 Let it go. 473 00:20:17,821 --> 00:20:20,155 Ok, she's only with him in the sick little world 474 00:20:20,223 --> 00:20:21,624 where you're the God. 475 00:20:21,692 --> 00:20:23,693 Ok, how about this? 476 00:20:23,760 --> 00:20:25,528 How about this? 477 00:20:25,595 --> 00:20:29,298 I tell Dorothy that Richie is considering proposing marriage... 478 00:20:29,366 --> 00:20:31,200 Carrie. 479 00:20:31,267 --> 00:20:32,779 Meanwhile, the next time you go skeet shooting with Tim, 480 00:20:32,803 --> 00:20:35,037 you accidentally shoot him in the foot. That way... 481 00:20:35,104 --> 00:20:36,372 Honey, honey, look at me. 482 00:20:36,940 --> 00:20:38,073 It's over. 483 00:20:47,016 --> 00:20:48,183 Here you go, hon'. 484 00:20:48,885 --> 00:20:50,219 Thank you. 485 00:20:50,286 --> 00:20:51,320 Careful up here. 486 00:20:51,388 --> 00:20:53,456 This, uh, might be asbestos. 487 00:21:02,901 --> 00:21:04,501 Hey, Arthur, you got a letter. 488 00:21:05,637 --> 00:21:08,906 Oh, it's from those ointment people. 489 00:21:08,974 --> 00:21:12,577 Let's see what those charlatans have to say. 490 00:21:12,644 --> 00:21:15,312 "Dear Mr. Spooner, after examining the unused portion 491 00:21:15,380 --> 00:21:16,914 "of the ointment you returned, 492 00:21:16,982 --> 00:21:19,416 "we determined that what you were actually using on your rash 493 00:21:19,484 --> 00:21:23,888 "was our all-weather, high-grade, silicon window caulking. 494 00:21:25,323 --> 00:21:28,325 Please discontinue use immediately." 495 00:21:28,393 --> 00:21:31,195 Well, that explains the big metal applicator.