1 00:00:09,009 --> 00:00:10,009 Should I get that? 2 00:00:10,076 --> 00:00:11,576 No, let the machine get it. 3 00:00:13,046 --> 00:00:15,547 Hello. You've reached the home 4 00:00:15,615 --> 00:00:19,284 of Doug, Carrie, and yours truly, Arthur. 5 00:00:19,352 --> 00:00:22,187 If this is Herb, I already left for the movie. 6 00:00:22,255 --> 00:00:24,789 Don't bring any of those crummy sandwiches, 7 00:00:24,857 --> 00:00:27,192 'cause I got chicken. 8 00:00:27,260 --> 00:00:30,062 I'll meet you in the theater in the front row. 9 00:00:30,130 --> 00:00:33,032 That's right, you heard me. The front row. 10 00:00:33,099 --> 00:00:36,435 Didn't think I'd have the nugs to stand up to you, did you? 11 00:00:36,503 --> 00:00:39,204 Well, I'm not gonna be your whipping boy anymore! 12 00:00:39,272 --> 00:00:42,441 It's a new day, my friend, so you better get used to it! 13 00:00:44,377 --> 00:00:46,878 Anyone else, please leave a message. 14 00:00:57,859 --> 00:01:00,027 It's 7:30 in the morning. 15 00:01:11,505 --> 00:01:13,306 What? Come on, it's funny. 16 00:01:13,374 --> 00:01:15,175 I hate our bathroom. 17 00:01:15,242 --> 00:01:17,143 That's what you were sitting there thinking? 18 00:01:17,211 --> 00:01:19,279 It's just so bath roomy, you know? 19 00:01:19,346 --> 00:01:22,816 With the "Blech" tile and those horrible curtains, don't you think? 20 00:01:24,518 --> 00:01:25,686 There are curtains? 21 00:01:27,021 --> 00:01:28,354 Yes, there are curtains. 22 00:01:28,422 --> 00:01:29,756 They're peach, and they're ugly. 23 00:01:29,824 --> 00:01:31,257 You know what? Come look with me. 24 00:01:31,325 --> 00:01:32,459 I will show you what I mean. 25 00:01:32,526 --> 00:01:35,528 Carrie, I was just in there for a very long time. 26 00:01:35,597 --> 00:01:37,297 I gotta get to work. 27 00:01:37,364 --> 00:01:38,976 They're sticking me with a trainee today. I can't be late. 28 00:01:39,000 --> 00:01:40,500 All right. Well, maybe I'll stop off 29 00:01:40,568 --> 00:01:42,803 and look at some new tile or paint. 30 00:01:42,870 --> 00:01:45,305 What do you think of, like, a taupe? 31 00:01:49,711 --> 00:01:50,711 You can go now. 32 00:01:50,778 --> 00:01:52,079 I love you. 33 00:01:55,950 --> 00:01:57,985 Well, I got 8 months to die. 34 00:01:59,721 --> 00:02:02,055 You, uh... I'm sorry, what? 35 00:02:03,491 --> 00:02:06,493 I was at the cemetery paying my respects 36 00:02:06,560 --> 00:02:07,928 to one of your stepmothers, 37 00:02:07,996 --> 00:02:10,230 and I happened to look at my headstone. 38 00:02:10,297 --> 00:02:11,531 You have a headstone? 39 00:02:11,599 --> 00:02:14,501 Yeah. I prepaid for it 20 years ago to save money. 40 00:02:14,568 --> 00:02:19,906 It says, "Arthur Spooner, 1926 to 19 blank blank." 41 00:02:19,974 --> 00:02:21,908 They already carved in the 19, 42 00:02:21,976 --> 00:02:24,945 so unless I die by the end of the year, I'm screwed! 43 00:02:26,413 --> 00:02:28,581 Uh, good luck? 44 00:02:29,917 --> 00:02:31,451 You know, when I bought the stone, 45 00:02:31,519 --> 00:02:34,554 the salesman assured me I would be dead by the year 2000. 46 00:02:34,622 --> 00:02:36,923 You know what my mistake was? 47 00:02:36,991 --> 00:02:38,859 I should have got that in writing! 48 00:02:45,432 --> 00:02:46,900 And here's the driver's lounge. 49 00:02:46,968 --> 00:02:48,268 After a hard day on the road, 50 00:02:48,335 --> 00:02:49,415 you enjoy some burnt coffee 51 00:02:49,470 --> 00:02:50,570 and sit on a metal chair, 52 00:02:50,638 --> 00:02:52,438 you know what I'm saying? 53 00:02:55,810 --> 00:02:57,343 Any questions so far? 54 00:03:02,583 --> 00:03:04,051 I gotta go talk to him for a minute. 55 00:03:09,957 --> 00:03:11,491 So how's it going with your trainee? 56 00:03:11,559 --> 00:03:13,359 Man, the fact that they think someone like him 57 00:03:13,394 --> 00:03:16,462 could do my job is very depressing. 58 00:03:16,530 --> 00:03:19,132 Hey, is one of you guys Doug Heffernan? 59 00:03:19,200 --> 00:03:20,300 That would be me. 60 00:03:20,367 --> 00:03:21,935 Hi. I'm Julie Patterson. 61 00:03:22,003 --> 00:03:24,304 You're supposed to be my trainer person. 62 00:03:26,607 --> 00:03:29,042 Hey, how are you there? Great to meet you, Julie. 63 00:03:29,110 --> 00:03:30,744 Uh, this is Deacon Palmer. 64 00:03:30,812 --> 00:03:31,878 How you doing? 65 00:03:31,946 --> 00:03:33,246 Hi. Sorry I'm late. 66 00:03:33,314 --> 00:03:34,834 I was just getting my uniform together. 67 00:03:34,882 --> 00:03:36,382 Never thought green was my color, 68 00:03:36,450 --> 00:03:38,551 but I guess it is now. 69 00:03:38,619 --> 00:03:41,088 Sorry. I have some hyper "first day" thing going on here. 70 00:03:41,155 --> 00:03:42,956 It's ok. Settle down, Julie. 71 00:03:43,024 --> 00:03:44,324 You already got the job. 72 00:03:44,391 --> 00:03:45,525 Right. 73 00:03:45,593 --> 00:03:47,327 So you ready to saddle up and hit the trail? 74 00:03:47,394 --> 00:03:49,429 I think so. Let me just go grab my jacket. 75 00:03:49,496 --> 00:03:50,496 Ok. 76 00:03:54,635 --> 00:03:55,668 Damn! 77 00:04:01,508 --> 00:04:03,676 So, how did I do on that delivery? 78 00:04:03,745 --> 00:04:05,846 Better, definitely better. 79 00:04:05,913 --> 00:04:08,949 Just next time you might not wanna refer to this as the "signy thing." 80 00:04:09,016 --> 00:04:10,717 Oh, I know. 81 00:04:10,785 --> 00:04:13,586 I knew it as soon as I said it, too. 82 00:04:13,654 --> 00:04:15,021 What's it called, anyway? 83 00:04:15,089 --> 00:04:17,057 That little baby's your dicad board. 84 00:04:17,125 --> 00:04:20,293 Take care of it, and it'll take care of you. 85 00:04:20,361 --> 00:04:22,195 What's that stand for? 86 00:04:22,263 --> 00:04:25,899 Oh, it's your delivery information coordination, uh... 87 00:04:25,967 --> 00:04:27,400 It's your dicad board. 88 00:04:27,468 --> 00:04:29,836 That's all you need to know right now, ok? 89 00:04:33,007 --> 00:04:34,274 So where did you get this? 90 00:04:34,341 --> 00:04:36,276 Oh, I don't like to brag. 91 00:04:36,343 --> 00:04:39,212 Let's just say I know my way around a ring toss. 92 00:04:39,280 --> 00:04:40,546 Very impressive. 93 00:04:40,614 --> 00:04:41,815 Thank ya. 94 00:04:47,655 --> 00:04:49,455 So, is she "hot hot" 95 00:04:49,523 --> 00:04:51,758 or is she just "delivery-person hot"? 96 00:04:52,960 --> 00:04:54,194 "Hot hot." 97 00:04:54,262 --> 00:04:56,296 In fact, I might even throw in a 3rd "hot." 98 00:04:56,363 --> 00:04:59,732 Really? You mean "hot hot hot"? 99 00:04:59,801 --> 00:05:02,002 That would be 3. Very good. 100 00:05:02,069 --> 00:05:04,905 All right, moose, just bottom-line this for me. 101 00:05:04,972 --> 00:05:07,040 Is she hot enough that you might think about her 102 00:05:07,108 --> 00:05:08,975 while you're havin' sex with Carrie? 103 00:05:09,043 --> 00:05:10,443 I don't think about other women 104 00:05:10,511 --> 00:05:11,945 while I'm having sex with my wife. 105 00:05:12,013 --> 00:05:14,480 Oh, sure. So what do you think about? 106 00:05:16,851 --> 00:05:18,185 I think about my marriage vows 107 00:05:18,252 --> 00:05:20,086 and the life we built together. 108 00:05:25,059 --> 00:05:27,294 Ah, funny stuff, funny stuff. 109 00:05:27,361 --> 00:05:29,296 So, how you plan on telling Carrie 110 00:05:29,363 --> 00:05:31,031 about this little trainee? 111 00:05:31,098 --> 00:05:32,218 You think I should tell her? 112 00:05:32,266 --> 00:05:33,506 Well, yeah, you gotta tell her. 113 00:05:33,534 --> 00:05:34,801 That's a great big mistake. 114 00:05:34,869 --> 00:05:35,969 What are you talking about? 115 00:05:36,037 --> 00:05:37,770 If he doesn't tell her, and she finds out, 116 00:05:37,839 --> 00:05:40,373 she'll wonder why he was keeping it a secret in the first place. 117 00:05:40,441 --> 00:05:42,475 He'll never get out from under that. 118 00:05:42,543 --> 00:05:44,010 So what do you want him to do, 119 00:05:44,078 --> 00:05:46,278 walk into his kitchen and say, "hey, honey, guess what?" 120 00:05:46,314 --> 00:05:48,281 My new trainee's got an ass like a nectarine"? 121 00:05:48,349 --> 00:05:50,650 No. But he's gotta tell her something. 122 00:05:50,718 --> 00:05:53,553 There is no way that a guy could tell his wife 123 00:05:53,620 --> 00:05:55,722 about a broad that he thinks is hot 124 00:05:55,789 --> 00:05:58,791 without her knowing that he thinks that she's hot. 125 00:05:58,860 --> 00:06:00,526 Give me a little credit. 126 00:06:00,594 --> 00:06:02,239 I can tell Carrie about this without it being a big deal. 127 00:06:02,263 --> 00:06:03,629 No, you can't. Yes, I can. 128 00:06:03,697 --> 00:06:05,698 I'll just bring up the topic of work casually. 129 00:06:05,766 --> 00:06:07,300 She'll ask, "oh, how's your trainee?" 130 00:06:07,368 --> 00:06:10,003 I'll say, "she's fine," and we'll move on. 131 00:06:10,071 --> 00:06:11,671 Ok, let's try it out. I'm Carrie. 132 00:06:11,739 --> 00:06:13,073 Ok. 133 00:06:13,140 --> 00:06:14,975 So, uh, how's your trainee? 134 00:06:21,015 --> 00:06:22,415 S-she's fine. 135 00:06:23,484 --> 00:06:24,650 Oh, God. 136 00:06:57,385 --> 00:06:58,518 Arthur? 137 00:07:00,754 --> 00:07:01,754 Yello! 138 00:07:03,124 --> 00:07:04,291 Nothin'. 139 00:07:05,326 --> 00:07:06,326 Hey. 140 00:07:06,360 --> 00:07:07,460 Hey, what's with the, uh... 141 00:07:07,528 --> 00:07:08,628 Tombstone? 142 00:07:08,695 --> 00:07:10,496 My dad got into a fight with the cemetery 143 00:07:10,564 --> 00:07:13,266 because they wouldn't change his date of death for free. 144 00:07:13,334 --> 00:07:15,402 God bless him, he keeps busy. 145 00:07:17,305 --> 00:07:19,272 So, hon'... Yeah? 146 00:07:19,340 --> 00:07:21,241 I had quite a day at work. 147 00:07:21,309 --> 00:07:22,542 Oh, that's great. 148 00:07:22,609 --> 00:07:24,877 Oh, before we eat, let me show you some paint samples. 149 00:07:24,946 --> 00:07:26,012 What do you think? 150 00:07:26,080 --> 00:07:27,414 You know, that's the exact color 151 00:07:27,481 --> 00:07:29,349 of the coffee stirrers we have down at work. 152 00:07:29,417 --> 00:07:30,750 Who was using one of those today? 153 00:07:30,818 --> 00:07:33,653 Oh, yes, my trainee. 154 00:07:33,720 --> 00:07:35,922 I don't know. It might look good on a sample, 155 00:07:35,990 --> 00:07:38,959 but a whole wall might make you wanna puke. 156 00:07:39,026 --> 00:07:41,294 Well, at least you'll be in the right room, right? 157 00:07:41,362 --> 00:07:43,263 Puke. Speaking of which, 158 00:07:43,331 --> 00:07:45,098 I, uh, I almost puked on my trainee today. 159 00:07:45,166 --> 00:07:46,566 What? 160 00:07:46,633 --> 00:07:47,834 I didn't almost puke. 161 00:07:47,901 --> 00:07:50,003 It was more of a burp with ham. 162 00:07:51,672 --> 00:07:53,473 Trainees. Gotta love 'em, huh? 163 00:07:53,540 --> 00:07:55,908 You know, they're our future. 164 00:07:55,977 --> 00:07:57,110 So, how is your trainee? 165 00:07:57,178 --> 00:07:58,945 Oh, Sheesh... 166 00:08:00,314 --> 00:08:01,914 I got a good one. 167 00:08:02,649 --> 00:08:03,883 He's a nice guy? 168 00:08:03,951 --> 00:08:05,311 You know, it's a funny thing. Uh... 169 00:08:05,353 --> 00:08:07,620 One second. 170 00:08:08,822 --> 00:08:10,756 Hello? 171 00:08:10,824 --> 00:08:13,026 Oh, hi. This is his daughter. 172 00:08:14,061 --> 00:08:15,695 What? 173 00:08:15,762 --> 00:08:19,265 Oh, come on. You can't ban him from being buried in your cemetery. 174 00:08:21,402 --> 00:08:22,802 But he'll be dead! 175 00:08:22,870 --> 00:08:25,538 He's not gonna bother you when he's dead. 176 00:08:27,141 --> 00:08:28,141 All right. 177 00:08:28,209 --> 00:08:30,477 I'll call you back. Ok, bye. 178 00:08:30,544 --> 00:08:32,012 Hon', I gotta go talk to dad. 179 00:08:35,249 --> 00:08:36,983 My trainee's a girl. 180 00:08:39,520 --> 00:08:40,786 She's hot. 181 00:08:45,493 --> 00:08:47,627 All right, anything up to 70 pounds can go as is. 182 00:08:47,694 --> 00:08:49,762 Anything from 70 to 150, you gotta throw on 183 00:08:49,830 --> 00:08:51,998 a heavy package sticker. 184 00:08:52,066 --> 00:08:53,566 Now, don't be the one 185 00:08:53,634 --> 00:08:57,070 who puts a heavy package sticker on my back. 186 00:08:57,138 --> 00:09:00,006 It's been done. Ha, ha. I'm heavy, we get it. 187 00:09:01,608 --> 00:09:03,109 Yo, Dougie? Yeah? 188 00:09:03,177 --> 00:09:04,411 Carrie's here. What? 189 00:09:04,478 --> 00:09:06,146 Yeah, I just saw her in the front office 190 00:09:06,213 --> 00:09:07,680 chatting with Sheehan's secretary. 191 00:09:07,748 --> 00:09:09,349 Uh, y-you know what? That's it for now. 192 00:09:09,417 --> 00:09:12,519 Why don't you guys go practice punching in and out? 193 00:09:12,586 --> 00:09:14,720 What am I gonna do? I never told her about Julie. 194 00:09:16,123 --> 00:09:17,901 I tried to the other night, but then the phone rang, 195 00:09:17,925 --> 00:09:20,460 and she left the room. I missed my window. 196 00:09:20,528 --> 00:09:22,529 Well, I told Kelly about my trainee. 197 00:09:22,596 --> 00:09:23,896 No problem. 198 00:09:27,634 --> 00:09:29,069 Hey, you know what I was thinkin'? 199 00:09:29,136 --> 00:09:30,603 Maybe you should go around the back 200 00:09:30,671 --> 00:09:32,505 and unload those 2-day packages. 201 00:09:32,573 --> 00:09:34,274 But the 2-days aren't here yet. 202 00:09:34,341 --> 00:09:35,952 Oh, uh, well, maybe you should go around back, 203 00:09:35,976 --> 00:09:38,878 and, you know, start to stretch. 204 00:09:38,946 --> 00:09:41,581 Maybe I'll just get our afternoon route schedule. 205 00:09:41,648 --> 00:09:43,416 Sure. Fine. Good. Ok. 206 00:09:43,484 --> 00:09:46,152 Hey, what are you doing here? I love you. 207 00:09:48,122 --> 00:09:50,557 All right, I think I've finally picked out a color, 208 00:09:50,624 --> 00:09:52,492 and before I get, like, 80 gallons of it, 209 00:09:52,560 --> 00:09:54,927 I just wanna make sure that you didn't hate it. 210 00:09:54,995 --> 00:09:57,763 Ok, what do you think? Misty aqua. 211 00:09:57,831 --> 00:09:59,566 Misty aqua. Yes, yes! 212 00:10:00,167 --> 00:10:01,801 Yeah! 213 00:10:01,868 --> 00:10:03,970 Really, honey? You don't think it's too light? 214 00:10:04,037 --> 00:10:05,938 No, no, no, it's perfect. 215 00:10:06,006 --> 00:10:08,874 It gives you that aqua feeling, only mistier. 216 00:10:11,112 --> 00:10:12,312 Maybe I'll keep looking. 217 00:10:12,379 --> 00:10:14,280 Keep looking. Great, I'll see you tonight? 218 00:10:14,348 --> 00:10:15,681 All right. Ok. I'll see you, hon. 219 00:10:15,749 --> 00:10:17,183 Hey, Doug. Is this your wife? 220 00:10:17,251 --> 00:10:19,285 Uh, yes, yes, yes, it is. 221 00:10:19,353 --> 00:10:21,354 Isn't she a doozy? 222 00:10:21,422 --> 00:10:23,556 Hi. I'm Julie, Doug's trainee. 223 00:10:24,758 --> 00:10:27,793 Hi! I... I'm Carrie. How you doin'? 224 00:10:27,861 --> 00:10:28,961 Fine, fine. 225 00:10:29,029 --> 00:10:30,896 So what, you guys have not met yet? 226 00:10:30,964 --> 00:10:33,299 Have you not met before, 'cause I... I thought I was, uh... 227 00:10:33,367 --> 00:10:35,535 No, really? I... I must be screwy. 228 00:10:35,603 --> 00:10:39,606 'Cause... well, so here I am with my wife and my trainee, 229 00:10:39,673 --> 00:10:41,341 the... the 2 women in my life. 230 00:10:48,482 --> 00:10:51,217 All right, guess I'll get goin', hon'. 231 00:10:51,285 --> 00:10:52,885 Uh, actually, Doug, I think it's time 232 00:10:52,953 --> 00:10:54,220 to get back out on the road. 233 00:10:54,288 --> 00:10:56,322 Oh, you... you're right. I'll see you tonight. 234 00:10:57,424 --> 00:11:00,393 Doug? I... I'm coming with you, right? 235 00:11:00,461 --> 00:11:03,596 Uh, sure, I guess, if that's what you want. 236 00:11:03,664 --> 00:11:05,532 I come with you every day. 237 00:11:05,599 --> 00:11:07,300 Listen, whatever. 238 00:11:18,646 --> 00:11:20,348 Hey, Arthur. Uh, Carrie home? 239 00:11:20,415 --> 00:11:21,548 Not yet. 240 00:11:21,616 --> 00:11:23,050 Hey, give me a hand here, will you? 241 00:11:23,118 --> 00:11:24,151 What are you doing? 242 00:11:24,219 --> 00:11:26,220 Uh, I'm writing my epitaph. 243 00:11:26,288 --> 00:11:27,788 Ok... 244 00:11:27,856 --> 00:11:29,523 Since I'm getting a new headstone, 245 00:11:29,591 --> 00:11:31,791 I figure why not do a little rewrite on the whole thing? 246 00:11:31,826 --> 00:11:33,094 Well, what do you got so far? 247 00:11:33,161 --> 00:11:34,962 Well, take a look. 248 00:11:35,030 --> 00:11:37,365 "Arthur Spooner, husband, father, 249 00:11:37,432 --> 00:11:39,800 true inventor of the moist towelette." 250 00:11:41,103 --> 00:11:42,903 Touching, yet paranoid. 251 00:11:42,971 --> 00:11:44,338 I like it. 252 00:11:44,406 --> 00:11:46,040 Yeah? How 'bout this one? 253 00:11:46,108 --> 00:11:49,343 "Arthur Spooner, your ad here." 254 00:11:49,411 --> 00:11:52,113 All revenue would go straight to you kids. 255 00:11:52,180 --> 00:11:53,447 They both seem fine. 256 00:11:53,515 --> 00:11:57,251 No, no. Too long. I need something snappy. 257 00:11:57,319 --> 00:12:00,221 Something that'll bring 'em in off the street. 258 00:12:00,288 --> 00:12:02,423 You got anything? 259 00:12:02,491 --> 00:12:04,958 I... I don't know. Uh, rest in peace. 260 00:12:06,761 --> 00:12:08,929 No. That's not me. 261 00:12:08,997 --> 00:12:10,331 Let's both keep at it. 262 00:12:10,399 --> 00:12:12,799 I'll meet you back here in 2 hours. 263 00:12:16,571 --> 00:12:17,604 Hey, you! 264 00:12:17,672 --> 00:12:18,705 Hello. 265 00:12:18,773 --> 00:12:20,974 What's this? 266 00:12:21,043 --> 00:12:24,778 Oh, seafoam, great. Yeah, much better than that aqua mist crap. 267 00:12:24,846 --> 00:12:26,247 Doug... 268 00:12:26,314 --> 00:12:27,958 All right, my trainee's a girl. I should've told you, 269 00:12:27,982 --> 00:12:31,885 but I didn't. I'm sorry. Can we please move on? 270 00:12:31,953 --> 00:12:35,156 Yeah, she's a girl, and you were afraid to tell me 271 00:12:35,223 --> 00:12:37,425 because you think she's hot. 272 00:12:37,492 --> 00:12:38,959 I don't think she's hot. 273 00:12:39,027 --> 00:12:41,295 Doug, please. I know you very well. 274 00:12:41,363 --> 00:12:43,397 It's like you have a window on your forehead, 275 00:12:43,465 --> 00:12:45,366 and I can read your thoughts. 276 00:12:45,434 --> 00:12:47,034 Right now, the 2 big ones 277 00:12:47,102 --> 00:12:51,038 are "entenmann's" and "she's hot." 278 00:12:51,106 --> 00:12:53,974 Look, I'm sorry. I just didn't feel comfortable talking about it. 279 00:12:54,042 --> 00:12:55,376 I mean, here's this cute trainee 280 00:12:55,444 --> 00:12:57,411 driving around in the truck all day with me, 281 00:12:57,479 --> 00:13:00,013 and I wouldn't blame you if you felt a little weird about that. 282 00:13:00,082 --> 00:13:01,248 I don't. 283 00:13:01,316 --> 00:13:03,350 Oh, come on, it's not a little weird for you? 284 00:13:03,418 --> 00:13:06,987 No! Doug, I mean, I know you wouldn't fool around on me. 285 00:13:07,055 --> 00:13:09,123 Of course I wouldn't, but her. 286 00:13:09,191 --> 00:13:11,858 I mean, she looks up to me. I'm the center of her world. 287 00:13:11,926 --> 00:13:14,695 I'm the man with the dicad board. 288 00:13:14,762 --> 00:13:17,998 Well, yes, honey, that is quite the aphrodisiac... 289 00:13:19,634 --> 00:13:21,335 But look, I... To be honest with you, 290 00:13:21,403 --> 00:13:23,504 I'm not worried about women coming on to you. 291 00:13:23,572 --> 00:13:24,572 You're not. 292 00:13:24,639 --> 00:13:26,107 No. 293 00:13:26,174 --> 00:13:28,476 You're a decent guy. 294 00:13:28,543 --> 00:13:30,077 And women sense that about you. 295 00:13:30,145 --> 00:13:32,079 I mean, you send out that "good guy" vibe. 296 00:13:32,147 --> 00:13:33,581 You're nice. 297 00:13:33,648 --> 00:13:35,116 I am? Yes! 298 00:13:37,452 --> 00:13:38,885 I am not nice! 299 00:13:38,953 --> 00:13:40,154 Yes, you are. 300 00:13:40,222 --> 00:13:42,990 No, I'm not. I used to play football in high school. 301 00:13:43,057 --> 00:13:45,526 I... I used to... Used to shoplift candy. 302 00:13:45,594 --> 00:13:47,161 Carrie's talking about me 303 00:13:47,229 --> 00:13:50,331 like I'm this little, harmless round guy. 304 00:13:53,168 --> 00:13:55,269 How dare she! 305 00:13:55,337 --> 00:13:57,471 All right, look, I'm out of shape. I'll give her that, 306 00:13:57,539 --> 00:14:00,707 but, hey, I got a thing going on, don't I? 307 00:14:00,775 --> 00:14:04,778 Sort of like a raw... You know, sexual energy? 308 00:14:04,846 --> 00:14:06,913 Yeah, absolutely. I just wish you could turn it off 309 00:14:06,981 --> 00:14:08,649 so I could focus on my work. 310 00:14:08,716 --> 00:14:11,118 All I'm saying is someone like Julie could be into me. 311 00:14:11,186 --> 00:14:12,553 Carrie thinks it's impossible, 312 00:14:12,621 --> 00:14:14,255 and I'll tell you what, it's insulting. 313 00:14:14,322 --> 00:14:16,923 You're not gonna fool around on her. Why does this even matter? 314 00:14:16,991 --> 00:14:18,792 Because there's a principle here. 315 00:14:18,860 --> 00:14:20,638 I assume sleazy guys are hitting on her all the time. 316 00:14:20,662 --> 00:14:23,464 Don't I deserve the same respect? 317 00:14:23,532 --> 00:14:25,399 Hey, what's goin' on? 318 00:14:25,467 --> 00:14:26,767 Richie, what are you doing here? 319 00:14:26,834 --> 00:14:30,804 I, uh, I just wanted to send in my gas bill. 320 00:14:30,872 --> 00:14:34,241 Ok. That would be the post office. We send packages. 321 00:14:34,309 --> 00:14:36,943 Oh. So, you got a box I could put it in? 322 00:14:38,513 --> 00:14:40,013 You are so obvious. 323 00:14:40,081 --> 00:14:42,049 Come on, let me just meet her, moose. Come on. 324 00:14:42,116 --> 00:14:43,784 I got this whole rap worked out. 325 00:14:43,851 --> 00:14:45,586 Little bit of this, little bit of that, 326 00:14:45,654 --> 00:14:48,121 Bada-bing! Who knows? 327 00:14:48,190 --> 00:14:49,657 Doug, good. You haven't left yet. 328 00:14:49,724 --> 00:14:51,058 Um, can I talk to you for a sec? 329 00:14:51,125 --> 00:14:53,194 Yeah, sure. Um... 330 00:14:53,261 --> 00:14:55,929 Uh, um, Julie, this is my friend, Richie. 331 00:14:57,765 --> 00:14:59,200 How ya doin'? 332 00:15:01,303 --> 00:15:02,469 Good. 333 00:15:04,138 --> 00:15:05,138 Ok. 334 00:15:09,844 --> 00:15:11,278 You got game. 335 00:15:13,748 --> 00:15:15,816 Well, what's up? 336 00:15:15,883 --> 00:15:18,952 Oh, Mr. O'Boyle wants me to turn in my union application by tomorrow. 337 00:15:19,020 --> 00:15:21,455 Do you have, like, 10 minutes to go over it with me? 338 00:15:21,523 --> 00:15:22,823 Yeah, sure. 339 00:15:24,292 --> 00:15:25,926 Uh, actually, you know what? 340 00:15:25,993 --> 00:15:27,961 I... I got some stuff I gotta do right now, 341 00:15:28,029 --> 00:15:31,031 but why don't you give me a call home later tonight? 342 00:15:31,099 --> 00:15:32,199 Can I? Yeah. 343 00:15:32,267 --> 00:15:33,701 That'd be great. 344 00:15:33,768 --> 00:15:36,437 You know what? I'll be getting in probably around 11:00. 345 00:15:36,504 --> 00:15:39,773 So, why don't you call me? Here's my number. 346 00:15:39,841 --> 00:15:41,275 Are you sure? That late? 347 00:15:41,343 --> 00:15:43,076 Oh, yeah. I mean, I'll be up. 348 00:15:43,144 --> 00:15:45,112 The nighttime is my time. 349 00:15:47,249 --> 00:15:48,415 I am the night. 350 00:16:33,662 --> 00:16:35,462 Doug, are you gonna answer that? 351 00:16:35,530 --> 00:16:36,963 Why me? 352 00:16:37,031 --> 00:16:38,332 Well, because you're wide awake 353 00:16:38,400 --> 00:16:40,934 and the phone is on your side of the bed. 354 00:16:41,002 --> 00:16:42,135 Why don't you answer it? 355 00:16:42,203 --> 00:16:44,471 I love the way you say, "hello." 356 00:16:50,378 --> 00:16:51,412 Hello? 357 00:16:51,479 --> 00:16:52,780 Oh, yeah... 358 00:16:54,148 --> 00:16:56,116 Oh, yeah, hi. Yeah, hold on. 359 00:16:56,184 --> 00:16:58,151 It's what's-her-face, your trainee. 360 00:16:58,219 --> 00:17:01,455 Really? Calling me at home at 11:00? 361 00:17:01,523 --> 00:17:03,624 What's that about? 362 00:17:03,692 --> 00:17:06,059 Yeah, Julie. What is it? 363 00:17:06,127 --> 00:17:07,328 Your union application? 364 00:17:07,395 --> 00:17:09,496 Isn't this something we can talk about at work? 365 00:17:09,564 --> 00:17:12,633 I mean, it's after 11:00. No. Not then either. 366 00:17:12,701 --> 00:17:15,336 I spend my weekends with my wife. 367 00:17:15,403 --> 00:17:16,570 Look, I think you and I 368 00:17:16,638 --> 00:17:18,078 need to have a talk about boundaries. 369 00:17:18,139 --> 00:17:19,740 Ok? Ok. Goodbye. 370 00:17:21,242 --> 00:17:23,677 Jeez, well, what's tha... 371 00:17:39,394 --> 00:17:41,762 Excuse me, honey. I just need to... 372 00:17:46,267 --> 00:17:49,102 You know what? I just need to... real quick. 373 00:17:49,170 --> 00:17:51,872 I just want to see if there's room for a vanity here. 374 00:17:51,939 --> 00:17:53,874 You know what? Can you hold this, real quick? 375 00:17:53,941 --> 00:17:56,343 Can I please brush my teeth? 376 00:17:56,411 --> 00:17:58,211 What's wrong with you? 377 00:18:01,750 --> 00:18:03,417 You called me nice! 378 00:18:07,555 --> 00:18:09,189 What are you talking about? 379 00:18:09,257 --> 00:18:10,891 When we were talking about my trainee 380 00:18:10,958 --> 00:18:13,627 and you said you weren't worried because I'm a nice guy. 381 00:18:13,695 --> 00:18:16,129 Oh, that's what this is? 382 00:18:16,197 --> 00:18:19,600 Doug, nice is good. Women like nice. 383 00:18:19,667 --> 00:18:21,869 Let me ask you this. Who would you rather have sex with? 384 00:18:21,936 --> 00:18:23,837 A guy with an eye patch who rides a motorcycle 385 00:18:23,905 --> 00:18:26,072 or a guy who's nice? 386 00:18:26,140 --> 00:18:28,776 Well, I wouldn't want a guy who drives a motorcycle 387 00:18:28,843 --> 00:18:31,177 and has an eye patch. 388 00:18:31,245 --> 00:18:33,213 No depth perception there. 389 00:18:34,048 --> 00:18:35,048 Come on. 390 00:18:35,116 --> 00:18:36,550 Doug, what do you want me to say? 391 00:18:36,618 --> 00:18:38,184 That you're a little worried 392 00:18:38,252 --> 00:18:40,330 that I have a hot female trainee with an ass like a nectarine. 393 00:18:40,354 --> 00:18:41,354 I'm sorry. 394 00:18:44,058 --> 00:18:45,492 I am worried. 395 00:18:46,694 --> 00:18:48,862 Yeah. I mean, now that I think about it, 396 00:18:48,930 --> 00:18:51,899 you're out there alone in your truck 397 00:18:51,966 --> 00:18:54,034 with her every day. 398 00:18:54,101 --> 00:18:55,135 You know what? 399 00:18:55,202 --> 00:18:57,771 I want that little hussy away from you. 400 00:18:58,807 --> 00:18:59,907 Don't. 401 00:19:11,252 --> 00:19:12,486 Doug. 402 00:19:12,554 --> 00:19:14,455 Oh, hi, listen, I'm... I'm really sorry 403 00:19:14,522 --> 00:19:17,090 about that whole phone call thing last night. 404 00:19:17,158 --> 00:19:19,125 I'm gonna level with you. 405 00:19:19,193 --> 00:19:20,627 I like my gin. 406 00:19:22,564 --> 00:19:25,231 Look, uh, you clearly have some issues 407 00:19:25,299 --> 00:19:26,433 you're trying to work out. 408 00:19:26,501 --> 00:19:28,001 And that's cool, 409 00:19:28,069 --> 00:19:29,903 but I really need this job, so... 410 00:19:29,971 --> 00:19:31,505 So? 411 00:19:31,573 --> 00:19:34,407 So I asked supervisor O'Boyle to assign me to another driver. 412 00:19:35,844 --> 00:19:39,412 I also asked that my locker be moved away from yours. 413 00:19:39,481 --> 00:19:41,114 Ouch again. 414 00:19:41,182 --> 00:19:43,884 Anyway, I think you're a great guy, 415 00:19:43,952 --> 00:19:45,051 and I'll see you around. 416 00:19:45,119 --> 00:19:46,487 Wait, wait, wait, wait. 417 00:19:46,554 --> 00:19:49,422 Just so you know, I'm not crazy, you know? 418 00:19:49,491 --> 00:19:51,157 It's just you're an attractive woman, 419 00:19:51,225 --> 00:19:53,460 and I thought my wife would be jealous, 420 00:19:53,528 --> 00:19:56,129 and when she wasn't, I kind of felt bad, 421 00:19:56,197 --> 00:19:59,332 I flipped out, and I tried to make her jealous. 422 00:19:59,400 --> 00:20:01,969 Anyway, I'm... I'm sorry. 423 00:20:02,036 --> 00:20:04,938 Really? That's what this was all about? 424 00:20:06,574 --> 00:20:08,308 That is so cute! 425 00:20:09,711 --> 00:20:11,378 Cute. Great. 426 00:20:11,445 --> 00:20:13,046 Well, I gotta go. 427 00:20:14,081 --> 00:20:15,549 Oh, um, by the way, 428 00:20:15,617 --> 00:20:18,451 can I get your friend Richie's phone number? 429 00:20:21,122 --> 00:20:22,255 Doug? 430 00:20:22,323 --> 00:20:23,557 Yeah. 431 00:20:23,625 --> 00:20:27,093 You got a rush order pickup at 1202 Stratford. 432 00:20:27,161 --> 00:20:29,830 Oh, I'm... I'm right here. I'll get it now. 433 00:20:38,139 --> 00:20:39,506 Carr', what are you... 434 00:20:39,574 --> 00:20:41,207 I'm your pickup. 435 00:20:41,275 --> 00:20:43,043 What? 436 00:20:43,110 --> 00:20:46,547 I want to say I was sorry for calling you "nice." 437 00:20:46,614 --> 00:20:49,082 You're not nice. You're bad. 438 00:20:50,552 --> 00:20:51,952 No, I'm not. 439 00:20:52,020 --> 00:20:54,655 Ok, fine. You're not bad, but... 440 00:20:54,722 --> 00:20:58,191 I think you are the sexiest nice guy 441 00:20:58,259 --> 00:21:00,226 in the whole wide world. 442 00:21:00,294 --> 00:21:02,629 And just because you're nice 443 00:21:02,697 --> 00:21:05,432 doesn't mean you can't get a little nasty. 444 00:21:06,834 --> 00:21:08,168 Yazzbahh! 445 00:21:11,806 --> 00:21:13,640 You mean the back of the truck fantasy? 446 00:21:13,708 --> 00:21:15,475 That's right, tiger. 447 00:21:15,543 --> 00:21:16,577 Come on. 448 00:21:19,480 --> 00:21:21,181 Whoa, that metal's cold, huh? 449 00:21:21,248 --> 00:21:24,284 Do you have a blanket or some bubble wrap or something? 450 00:21:24,351 --> 00:21:26,252 No. I've got a hand truck. 451 00:21:26,320 --> 00:21:27,721 Still metal, honey. 452 00:21:27,789 --> 00:21:29,790 Maybe we should just do this tonight at home. 453 00:21:29,857 --> 00:21:33,193 Yeah, maybe. I'm still bad, right? 454 00:21:33,260 --> 00:21:34,728 Yes, you are. 455 00:21:41,003 --> 00:21:44,538 All right. It cost me a pretty penny, 456 00:21:44,606 --> 00:21:47,474 but this headstone business is finally behind us. 457 00:21:47,542 --> 00:21:48,976 I hired a Mason 458 00:21:49,044 --> 00:21:51,846 to buff out the 19 and chisel in a 20. 459 00:21:51,914 --> 00:21:53,747 At least I can head into the new millennium 460 00:21:53,816 --> 00:21:55,817 without worrying about all this. 461 00:21:55,884 --> 00:21:58,186 Ow! That's a chest pain. 462 00:21:59,387 --> 00:22:01,355 I can't catch a break here!