1
00:00:33,631 --> 00:00:35,298
Dad, will you please drop it?
2
00:00:35,365 --> 00:00:36,399
I won't!
3
00:00:36,467 --> 00:00:37,901
You're being insane!
4
00:00:37,968 --> 00:00:39,669
I just want to be
properly groomed!
5
00:00:39,737 --> 00:00:41,522
That's the opposite of insane!
6
00:00:41,590 --> 00:00:43,525
This has nothing to
do with grooming.
7
00:00:43,593 --> 00:00:46,461
It has to do with you trying to
get your hair dyed for free.
8
00:00:46,479 --> 00:00:48,179
Tinted! On your left.
9
00:00:48,247 --> 00:00:50,583
The point is, I am
not schlepping you
10
00:00:50,651 --> 00:00:52,351
to some beauty
school in Brooklyn
11
00:00:52,419 --> 00:00:54,120
just so that you can
save a few bucks.
12
00:00:54,188 --> 00:00:56,022
It's not to save a few bucks.
13
00:00:56,090 --> 00:00:59,427
I want to help the Paul lemond
students learn their craft!
14
00:00:59,495 --> 00:01:01,028
Need the butter, thanks.
15
00:01:01,096 --> 00:01:04,500
Douglas, do you think my
request is so insane?
16
00:01:04,568 --> 00:01:08,203
Go ahead, tell him, Doug.
Tell him how insane it is.
17
00:01:09,173 --> 00:01:10,239
I don't want any trouble.
18
00:01:10,307 --> 00:01:11,841
Ok, all right. You
know what, dad?
19
00:01:11,909 --> 00:01:14,245
Fine. If you want
to go so badly,
20
00:01:14,313 --> 00:01:16,380
here is money for a cab.
Go to Brooklyn.
21
00:01:16,448 --> 00:01:18,115
Get a mohawk, have a ball.
22
00:01:18,183 --> 00:01:19,751
I don't want your filthy lucre.
23
00:01:19,819 --> 00:01:21,353
Ok, your lucre's in my toast.
24
00:01:21,421 --> 00:01:23,288
Well, I am not driving you,
25
00:01:23,356 --> 00:01:24,791
so if you want to go,
26
00:01:24,859 --> 00:01:26,676
you're gonna have to hitchhike.
27
00:01:26,744 --> 00:01:28,945
So some trucker can
have his way with me?
28
00:01:29,012 --> 00:01:30,864
You'd love that!
29
00:01:30,932 --> 00:01:32,549
Yeah, I'd love it if
he drove off with you.
30
00:01:32,617 --> 00:01:34,486
How dare you!
31
00:01:39,025 --> 00:01:40,727
What the hell is wrong with you?
32
00:01:40,794 --> 00:01:43,696
Perhaps you should be
asking that of yourself.
33
00:01:43,764 --> 00:01:45,549
And we're back.
34
00:01:45,617 --> 00:01:48,985
Why would you try to dye
your own hair? Why?
35
00:01:49,053 --> 00:01:51,139
Because you wouldn't
drive me to Brooklyn!
36
00:01:51,440 --> 00:01:53,024
Excuse me. I just need a beer.
37
00:01:53,092 --> 00:01:54,626
And congratulations, dad,
38
00:01:54,694 --> 00:01:56,161
you've managed to ruin my sink.
39
00:01:56,229 --> 00:01:58,364
And why black hair dye?
40
00:01:58,431 --> 00:02:00,316
I mean, what's that about?
41
00:02:00,384 --> 00:02:02,719
The drugstore was out
of summer auburn.
42
00:02:02,787 --> 00:02:05,690
Besides, I think I
look quite dashing.
43
00:02:05,757 --> 00:02:07,341
Dashing?
44
00:02:07,409 --> 00:02:09,745
You're dripping
like bad mascara.
45
00:02:09,812 --> 00:02:12,313
You should know!
46
00:02:12,381 --> 00:02:15,235
Why wouldn't you just
take the $20 I gave you
47
00:02:15,303 --> 00:02:16,937
and call a cab? Hmm? Why?
48
00:02:17,004 --> 00:02:19,389
It was a matter of principle!
49
00:02:19,457 --> 00:02:20,540
Principle?
50
00:02:20,608 --> 00:02:22,209
Oh, ok, what principle
is that, dad?
51
00:02:22,277 --> 00:02:24,444
I pay for your room,
your food, your clothes.
52
00:02:24,512 --> 00:02:28,433
What principle won't allow you
to take my money for your hair?
53
00:02:30,320 --> 00:02:34,774
Oh, couldn't even get the bat off
your shoulder on that one, huh?
54
00:02:41,317 --> 00:02:43,718
Because my room,
food, and clothing
55
00:02:43,785 --> 00:02:46,255
do not grow out of my head!
56
00:02:46,323 --> 00:02:48,257
That's the difference.
57
00:02:51,845 --> 00:02:53,597
Well, well.
58
00:02:53,664 --> 00:02:56,551
Now who can't get the
bat off their shoulder?
59
00:02:57,786 --> 00:02:59,253
Good night.
60
00:03:03,193 --> 00:03:04,693
Turn the light off, hon'.
61
00:03:04,760 --> 00:03:06,462
Turn the light off?
Turn the light off?
62
00:03:06,530 --> 00:03:08,581
Yeah.
63
00:03:08,649 --> 00:03:10,216
Did you happen to notice that a
lunatic just came into our room?
64
00:03:10,284 --> 00:03:13,520
And now he's gone, so can
you turn the light off?
65
00:03:13,921 --> 00:03:15,188
Carrie!
66
00:03:15,256 --> 00:03:17,041
What are you so upset
about all of a sudden?
67
00:03:17,109 --> 00:03:19,027
This kind of thing happens
almost every day.
68
00:03:19,095 --> 00:03:20,228
And it's not natural.
69
00:03:20,296 --> 00:03:21,864
Other people don't
live like this.
70
00:03:21,932 --> 00:03:23,599
I know, 'cause I see
them on my route.
71
00:03:23,667 --> 00:03:25,969
Ok, they're happy. They
smile, they sing, Carrie.
72
00:03:26,037 --> 00:03:27,637
We don't sing!
73
00:03:27,839 --> 00:03:29,640
What do you want me to do, Doug?
74
00:03:29,707 --> 00:03:31,875
He's just a crazy,
difficult old man.
75
00:03:31,943 --> 00:03:34,696
Yeah, well, there must be things
you can do with crazy old people.
76
00:03:34,764 --> 00:03:38,133
What? Like get him his own
corner on 48th street?
77
00:03:38,201 --> 00:03:40,619
I don't know. All I'm sayin'
is, I can't take it anymore.
78
00:03:40,687 --> 00:03:43,289
Look, I'm gonna lay
it on the line here.
79
00:03:43,357 --> 00:03:45,692
If you wanna keep gettin' this,
80
00:03:45,760 --> 00:03:48,796
you're gonna have to do
something about that.
81
00:03:50,532 --> 00:03:52,834
Ok, which way you leanin', here?
82
00:03:52,902 --> 00:03:56,004
All right, Doug,
maybe you're right.
83
00:03:56,071 --> 00:03:59,274
We could take him to see a
therapist or something.
84
00:03:59,342 --> 00:04:00,743
Therapist?
85
00:04:00,811 --> 00:04:02,813
I was thinking more
along the lines
86
00:04:02,881 --> 00:04:04,815
of a big cage.
87
00:04:04,883 --> 00:04:06,133
Why don't we try this first?
88
00:04:06,200 --> 00:04:08,253
Yeah, but therapists,
aren't they expensive?
89
00:04:08,255 --> 00:04:10,188
No, we'll just take
him for one session,
90
00:04:10,255 --> 00:04:12,492
just so the guy can get a
sense of who he is, you know?
91
00:04:12,559 --> 00:04:15,311
What goes on in his mind and
give him some really good drugs.
92
00:04:15,379 --> 00:04:16,980
Drugs. Yeah, yeah. That's good.
93
00:04:17,048 --> 00:04:20,116
That's what they do with cranky
old people now. They dope 'em up.
94
00:04:20,184 --> 00:04:21,318
Yeah.
95
00:04:21,386 --> 00:04:23,671
Let's bring him in,
get him altered.
96
00:04:23,738 --> 00:04:25,323
I'll check into it tomorrow, ok?
97
00:04:25,391 --> 00:04:26,559
Ok. All right.
98
00:04:26,626 --> 00:04:28,594
Let's go back to sleep.
99
00:04:31,280 --> 00:04:34,601
Hey, as long as we're
up, you, uh...
100
00:04:35,570 --> 00:04:36,804
You want some of this?
101
00:04:36,872 --> 00:04:39,656
Good night, honey. All
right, good night.
102
00:04:47,067 --> 00:04:50,653
So, Arthur, how do you
feel about being here?
103
00:04:50,721 --> 00:04:53,591
I despise it with every
fiber of my being.
104
00:04:55,627 --> 00:04:58,629
Psychiatry is for the
weak and the decadent.
105
00:04:58,697 --> 00:05:00,832
Then why did you agree to come?
106
00:05:00,899 --> 00:05:04,086
I was promised a steak dinner.
107
00:05:04,154 --> 00:05:07,073
A fancy steakhouse, not sizzler!
108
00:05:09,377 --> 00:05:11,828
Who exactly was that
directed towards?
109
00:05:11,896 --> 00:05:13,181
My daughter and son-in-law,
110
00:05:13,248 --> 00:05:16,167
who are obviously observing
me in the waiting room
111
00:05:16,235 --> 00:05:18,103
through this 2-way mirror.
112
00:05:23,310 --> 00:05:25,445
It's a regular mirror.
113
00:05:25,512 --> 00:05:28,482
And the waiting
room is over there.
114
00:05:28,534 --> 00:05:30,767
Fine. We'll play it your way.
115
00:05:33,188 --> 00:05:34,922
Well, as long as you are here,
116
00:05:34,990 --> 00:05:37,109
is there anything you'd
like to talk about?
117
00:05:37,176 --> 00:05:39,478
Nothing you want to
hear, my friend.
118
00:05:39,547 --> 00:05:41,180
What do you think
I want to hear?
119
00:05:41,248 --> 00:05:44,868
Oh, I suppose all the
usual moaning and crying.
120
00:05:44,936 --> 00:05:47,070
Oh, doctor, please help me.
121
00:05:47,138 --> 00:05:49,073
I was an unhappy child.
122
00:05:49,141 --> 00:05:52,812
I wanted to kill my father
and make love to my mother.
123
00:05:58,169 --> 00:05:59,903
Damn, you're good.
124
00:06:02,473 --> 00:06:04,458
But my most frequent
childhood fear
125
00:06:04,526 --> 00:06:06,827
was that I would lose my voice,
126
00:06:06,895 --> 00:06:09,064
that one day I
would try to speak
127
00:06:09,249 --> 00:06:10,765
and no sound would come out.
128
00:06:10,833 --> 00:06:12,184
Aha.
129
00:06:13,454 --> 00:06:15,371
Does that mean I'm gay?
130
00:06:17,207 --> 00:06:18,926
No.
131
00:06:18,994 --> 00:06:22,413
It could mean you feel like
you're not always being heard.
132
00:06:22,480 --> 00:06:24,582
Yes, of course.
133
00:06:24,650 --> 00:06:25,883
Which is perhaps
134
00:06:25,951 --> 00:06:28,438
why you developed a
tendency to scream.
135
00:06:28,505 --> 00:06:30,573
Amazing. How did
you know I scream?
136
00:06:30,641 --> 00:06:34,211
From before, when
you screamed at me.
137
00:06:34,279 --> 00:06:36,479
Sorry again about that.
I didn't realize
138
00:06:36,547 --> 00:06:38,716
you were just making
notes on your pad.
139
00:06:38,784 --> 00:06:42,686
I thought you were
drawing my caricature.
140
00:06:42,754 --> 00:06:45,474
Let's talk more about this
issue of not being heard.
141
00:06:45,542 --> 00:06:48,462
Can you remember a specific
incident from childhood
142
00:06:48,529 --> 00:06:50,697
when you felt that way?
143
00:06:50,765 --> 00:06:53,216
Oh, can I ever.
144
00:06:53,283 --> 00:06:57,121
It involved something very,
very close to my heart.
145
00:07:01,677 --> 00:07:04,681
Hey, Arthur, do those
dumb things even work?
146
00:07:04,748 --> 00:07:07,249
I'm looking at your
skeleton as we speak.
147
00:07:07,318 --> 00:07:10,086
Getting those glasses was the
happiest moment of my life.
148
00:07:10,154 --> 00:07:11,322
You mean up to that point?
149
00:07:11,389 --> 00:07:12,723
No. Ever.
150
00:07:17,379 --> 00:07:18,580
Hey, Arthur,
151
00:07:18,648 --> 00:07:20,482
I thought dad said you
couldn't have those.
152
00:07:20,551 --> 00:07:22,018
Where did you get
the money anyhow?
153
00:07:22,085 --> 00:07:23,285
Don't tell him.
154
00:07:23,353 --> 00:07:25,455
I won it pitching pennies
against whitey dugan.
155
00:07:25,523 --> 00:07:26,690
Damn.
156
00:07:30,462 --> 00:07:31,729
Hi, dad.
157
00:07:31,797 --> 00:07:33,798
Hey, there, skitchy!
How's it goin'?
158
00:07:33,866 --> 00:07:34,900
Good.
159
00:07:34,968 --> 00:07:36,268
Hi, dad.
160
00:07:37,203 --> 00:07:39,472
Arthur.
161
00:07:39,540 --> 00:07:42,141
Say, what's that on your head?
162
00:07:42,209 --> 00:07:43,944
These are just my
regular glasses.
163
00:07:44,011 --> 00:07:45,913
Really?
164
00:07:45,981 --> 00:07:48,182
They always had those spirally
circle things on the lenses?
165
00:07:48,249 --> 00:07:49,517
Sure.
166
00:07:49,586 --> 00:07:50,819
Don't lie to me, boy.
167
00:07:50,887 --> 00:07:52,187
I can check with
your optometrist.
168
00:07:52,254 --> 00:07:53,889
They're X-ray glasses.
169
00:07:53,957 --> 00:07:56,025
He bought them with the money
he won pitching pennies.
170
00:07:56,093 --> 00:07:57,159
What?
171
00:07:57,227 --> 00:07:58,995
Et tu, skitch?
172
00:07:59,063 --> 00:08:01,231
I thought I told you any money
you win pitching pennies
173
00:08:01,299 --> 00:08:03,467
goes right into skitchy's
college fund, huh?
174
00:08:03,534 --> 00:08:05,770
It was just 15 cents, dad!
175
00:08:05,838 --> 00:08:08,473
Please, dad, don't throw
'em in the trash.
176
00:08:08,540 --> 00:08:10,109
Oh, don't worry, I won't.
177
00:08:10,176 --> 00:08:12,144
Happy Birthday, skitch.
Thanks, dad.
178
00:08:12,212 --> 00:08:13,913
Now go to your room!
179
00:08:13,981 --> 00:08:16,366
I hate it here!
180
00:08:19,103 --> 00:08:20,604
Those glasses meant
the world to me,
181
00:08:20,672 --> 00:08:22,273
but you couldn't hear
that, could you?
182
00:08:22,341 --> 00:08:24,008
Instead you had to
give them to skitch,
183
00:08:24,076 --> 00:08:26,345
your beloved, your golden boy.
184
00:08:26,413 --> 00:08:28,447
Skitch is a smart kid.
He's going places.
185
00:08:28,515 --> 00:08:29,982
He's gonna be arrested 9 times
186
00:08:30,051 --> 00:08:32,101
for stealing women's shoes.
187
00:08:32,169 --> 00:08:35,673
Hey, you want to join
yourself in that bedroom?
188
00:08:35,740 --> 00:08:38,342
You can't intimidate
me any more, dad.
189
00:08:38,410 --> 00:08:39,644
Oh, God.
190
00:08:39,711 --> 00:08:41,846
Get back here!
191
00:08:41,914 --> 00:08:43,282
You want a piece of me?
192
00:08:43,349 --> 00:08:45,117
You're gonna have to come
through my psychiatrist.
193
00:08:45,186 --> 00:08:47,187
Ooh, what have we here?
194
00:08:47,254 --> 00:08:50,123
Big fancy park Avenue
headshrinker, huh?
195
00:08:50,192 --> 00:08:51,258
What's the matter,
196
00:08:51,326 --> 00:08:52,759
couldn't make it
as a real doctor?
197
00:08:52,827 --> 00:08:54,228
I'm just here to observe.
198
00:08:54,296 --> 00:08:56,097
Oh, are you, Mary?
199
00:08:57,166 --> 00:09:01,070
Uh, let's get out of here.
200
00:09:10,899 --> 00:09:13,885
Well, Arthur and I have had
a very interesting hour.
201
00:09:13,952 --> 00:09:15,504
I think, perhaps, there are ways
202
00:09:15,571 --> 00:09:17,606
to bring about an improvement
in the situation
203
00:09:17,674 --> 00:09:19,108
you've been having at home.
204
00:09:19,176 --> 00:09:21,178
Hey, listen, if, uh,
there's anything we can do
205
00:09:21,245 --> 00:09:22,979
to... to help
Arthur feel better,
206
00:09:23,047 --> 00:09:24,564
please, you know,
just say the word.
207
00:09:24,631 --> 00:09:26,567
Absolutely.
208
00:09:26,634 --> 00:09:30,087
So is the pharmacy in the
lobby still open, or...
209
00:09:30,155 --> 00:09:31,506
Yes. Why?
210
00:09:31,524 --> 00:09:33,158
Well, if you can write
a prescription now,
211
00:09:33,226 --> 00:09:35,610
he'll be much
happier by tonight.
212
00:09:36,813 --> 00:09:39,282
May I continue? Please.
213
00:09:39,349 --> 00:09:40,682
Arthur, by his own admission,
214
00:09:40,750 --> 00:09:42,719
is a man who struggles
with not being heard.
215
00:09:42,787 --> 00:09:44,721
The more he feels like
he's not being heard,
216
00:09:44,789 --> 00:09:47,925
the louder he screams,
literally and figuratively.
217
00:09:47,993 --> 00:09:49,560
As you know, he is a screamer.
218
00:09:49,628 --> 00:09:51,380
Not in the gay sense.
219
00:09:52,549 --> 00:09:55,851
Anyway, a pattern has
obviously developed
220
00:09:55,919 --> 00:09:58,138
wherein Arthur assumes
that the 2 of you
221
00:09:58,206 --> 00:10:02,259
will consider his desires
to be extreme or frivolous,
222
00:10:02,327 --> 00:10:07,249
and thus he tends to live
down to your expectations.
223
00:10:08,902 --> 00:10:10,886
Do you understand?
224
00:10:10,954 --> 00:10:12,688
Yeah, I do. We do.
225
00:10:14,775 --> 00:10:17,745
So, uh, does the pharmacy
take insurance, or...
226
00:10:20,265 --> 00:10:23,952
You're not gonna write him
a prescription, are you?
227
00:10:23,954 --> 00:10:28,958
My only prescription is more
validation for this man.
228
00:10:29,026 --> 00:10:30,959
Listen to him. Hear him.
229
00:10:31,712 --> 00:10:33,764
Let him be who he is.
230
00:10:48,115 --> 00:10:51,652
Hey, dad. Whatcha
got goin' on here?
231
00:10:51,719 --> 00:10:53,320
Making candles.
232
00:10:54,657 --> 00:10:56,024
Candles?
233
00:10:56,091 --> 00:10:59,795
Yes, I always wanted to make and
sell them out of my own home.
234
00:10:59,863 --> 00:11:01,730
Ok, first of all, my home.
235
00:11:01,798 --> 00:11:04,750
Second of all, I eat
spaghetti out of that.
236
00:11:05,552 --> 00:11:06,569
Well, well.
237
00:11:06,637 --> 00:11:09,957
I'm not feeling very
validated right now.
238
00:11:10,024 --> 00:11:11,291
No, no, no. No, no, dad.
239
00:11:11,359 --> 00:11:13,028
We support you all the way.
240
00:11:13,095 --> 00:11:15,030
And by the way, we do validate.
241
00:11:15,097 --> 00:11:16,464
We just want to make sure
242
00:11:16,532 --> 00:11:18,300
that this is something you
really, really wanna do.
243
00:11:18,368 --> 00:11:19,401
It is.
244
00:11:19,469 --> 00:11:21,270
Ok, then.
245
00:11:24,976 --> 00:11:26,409
Oh, um.
246
00:11:26,477 --> 00:11:29,547
Just try to watch
out for, you know,
247
00:11:29,614 --> 00:11:31,882
burning the house down.
248
00:11:31,950 --> 00:11:32,835
Roger that!
249
00:11:32,903 --> 00:11:34,970
Ok.
250
00:11:35,038 --> 00:11:37,022
"Let's take him to a therapist."
251
00:11:37,090 --> 00:11:38,541
Wow! You're smart.
252
00:11:38,609 --> 00:11:40,710
All right, I thought the guy
would just medicate him.
253
00:11:40,778 --> 00:11:42,546
Did I know he was a
"validation" quack?
254
00:11:42,614 --> 00:11:44,182
I say we just bail
on this right now.
255
00:11:44,249 --> 00:11:45,582
We can't.
256
00:11:45,650 --> 00:11:47,018
I'm the one who made
him go to a shrink.
257
00:11:47,085 --> 00:11:48,653
If we blow off what
the guy says now,
258
00:11:48,721 --> 00:11:50,322
my dad will never
listen to me again.
259
00:11:50,389 --> 00:11:51,472
Things will just get worse.
260
00:11:51,540 --> 00:11:52,675
There's a man with glaucoma
261
00:11:52,743 --> 00:11:54,143
pouring hot wax in our kitchen.
262
00:11:54,211 --> 00:11:56,913
How much worse can it get?
263
00:11:56,980 --> 00:11:58,382
Anyone want a candle
264
00:11:58,449 --> 00:12:01,118
that looks sort of
like melvyn Douglas?
265
00:12:02,855 --> 00:12:03,988
I do!
266
00:12:05,490 --> 00:12:08,560
Mind if I hang this
over the mantel?
267
00:12:08,628 --> 00:12:11,246
Permission to start
a bluegrass band.
268
00:12:13,468 --> 00:12:14,568
Don't mind me.
269
00:12:14,635 --> 00:12:17,003
This is just for my documentary.
270
00:12:18,140 --> 00:12:20,174
I'd like to get a large parrot
271
00:12:20,242 --> 00:12:21,976
and name it Douglas.
272
00:12:23,196 --> 00:12:24,496
F.Y.I.,
273
00:12:24,564 --> 00:12:27,333
the lippman's will be
spending the night.
274
00:12:28,969 --> 00:12:30,937
I'd like to get another
parrot that lives,
275
00:12:31,039 --> 00:12:33,440
and call it Douglas the second.
276
00:12:35,276 --> 00:12:36,560
Actually, perhaps I should wait
277
00:12:36,628 --> 00:12:38,647
until I get the rest
of Douglas the first
278
00:12:38,714 --> 00:12:40,882
off the side of the garage.
279
00:12:46,457 --> 00:12:47,523
Hey, Arthur.
280
00:12:47,591 --> 00:12:48,792
Hello.
281
00:12:52,797 --> 00:12:54,599
Hey, how's the, uh, bluegrass
band workin' out for you?
282
00:12:54,667 --> 00:12:55,900
You got any gigs lined up?
283
00:12:55,968 --> 00:12:57,936
No, it never really got goin'.
284
00:12:58,004 --> 00:13:00,256
Mickey cracked his tooth
blowin' into the jug.
285
00:13:00,324 --> 00:13:01,924
Uh-huh.
286
00:13:01,992 --> 00:13:04,461
Hey, so when am I gettin' my candle
in the shape of Rusty staub?
287
00:13:04,529 --> 00:13:06,330
Uh, that's not gonna happen.
288
00:13:06,397 --> 00:13:07,814
Unfortunately,
289
00:13:07,882 --> 00:13:10,635
hot wax and hairy forearms
are a volatile mix.
290
00:13:11,270 --> 00:13:13,722
Right, right.
291
00:13:13,790 --> 00:13:16,392
Hey, how's Douglas
the second doin'?
292
00:13:19,746 --> 00:13:21,014
I'm sorry.
293
00:13:21,082 --> 00:13:23,533
Hey, look, Arthur, is there
anything else you need?
294
00:13:23,601 --> 00:13:25,719
Or, you know, anything
you want to buy or...
295
00:13:25,787 --> 00:13:27,655
Or build or immerse yourself in?
296
00:13:27,722 --> 00:13:29,023
'Cause we're here to listen.
297
00:13:29,192 --> 00:13:32,093
No, no. I'm... I'm
quite fine, thanks.
298
00:13:32,161 --> 00:13:34,531
Think I'll go grab a little nap.
299
00:13:39,404 --> 00:13:40,871
That shrink is a genius!
300
00:13:40,939 --> 00:13:42,289
What?
301
00:13:42,357 --> 00:13:43,741
He knew what he was
doing all along.
302
00:13:43,808 --> 00:13:46,110
We just kept validating Arthur
until he punched himself out.
303
00:13:46,178 --> 00:13:48,913
I... I... I can't even describe
to you how I feel right now.
304
00:13:48,981 --> 00:13:53,085
Carrie, I swear to you,
I've never been happier.
305
00:13:53,152 --> 00:13:55,488
I've never been more miserable.
306
00:14:05,519 --> 00:14:07,469
The adjustments you've
been making at home,
307
00:14:07,537 --> 00:14:09,539
the listening, the validating,
that's not working?
308
00:14:09,607 --> 00:14:11,641
Well, it's working for
my father, I guess.
309
00:14:11,709 --> 00:14:13,543
Now that we give him
everything he wants,
310
00:14:13,611 --> 00:14:14,978
he doesn't want anything.
311
00:14:15,046 --> 00:14:16,247
No more crazy demands,
312
00:14:16,315 --> 00:14:18,349
no more screaming,
no more fighting.
313
00:14:18,417 --> 00:14:19,751
It's what Doug's always wanted.
314
00:14:19,819 --> 00:14:21,886
He's happy, but I'm miserable.
315
00:14:21,954 --> 00:14:22,988
Well, let's explore that.
316
00:14:23,055 --> 00:14:24,857
Hey, doc, listen to me, ok?
317
00:14:24,925 --> 00:14:26,859
I don't need to send
your kid to college
318
00:14:26,927 --> 00:14:28,928
to find out what I already know.
319
00:14:28,996 --> 00:14:30,330
And what is that?
320
00:14:30,398 --> 00:14:31,831
That I like to fight.
321
00:14:31,900 --> 00:14:33,566
Obviously, on some level,
322
00:14:33,634 --> 00:14:35,169
I enjoyed fighting
with my father,
323
00:14:35,237 --> 00:14:36,888
and now that we don't
fight, I miss it.
324
00:14:36,956 --> 00:14:38,957
If you knew that, why'd
you come to see me?
325
00:14:39,025 --> 00:14:42,278
Um, well, I was hoping
that you could, um,
326
00:14:42,346 --> 00:14:44,179
prescribe me
something, you know,
327
00:14:44,248 --> 00:14:46,883
to kind of take the
sting out of it.
328
00:14:48,286 --> 00:14:50,187
Uh-huh. Well, since we
have the whole hour,
329
00:14:50,256 --> 00:14:52,407
why don't we talk about
your fighting issue?
330
00:14:52,474 --> 00:14:54,625
Wow, you really don't like to
take that prescription pad
331
00:14:54,693 --> 00:14:56,762
out of the holster, do you?
332
00:14:58,247 --> 00:14:59,364
Fine!
333
00:15:00,434 --> 00:15:02,635
I'll talk about my
"fighting issue."
334
00:15:02,703 --> 00:15:04,804
What do you want, like a
childhood memory or something?
335
00:15:04,871 --> 00:15:05,872
It's up to you.
336
00:15:05,940 --> 00:15:07,674
Ugh. Ok, fine.
337
00:15:09,911 --> 00:15:11,779
Sheena Easton sucks!
338
00:15:11,847 --> 00:15:13,898
She does not. She's the best.
339
00:15:13,966 --> 00:15:15,216
You're stupid!
340
00:15:15,285 --> 00:15:17,052
I'm not stupid, Carrie. You are.
341
00:15:17,071 --> 00:15:17,937
You are!
342
00:15:18,005 --> 00:15:20,540
And that outfit, not
your best look.
343
00:15:21,576 --> 00:15:22,642
You see?
344
00:15:22,710 --> 00:15:24,478
I liked to fight even as a kid.
345
00:15:24,545 --> 00:15:25,914
Are you convinced now?
346
00:15:25,982 --> 00:15:27,382
Well, I see what you're saying,
347
00:15:27,449 --> 00:15:28,884
though I find it interesting
348
00:15:28,951 --> 00:15:31,053
you picked this particular
memory to use as an example.
349
00:15:31,121 --> 00:15:34,022
I picked it because it was Lucy
McDonald's birthday party.
350
00:15:34,090 --> 00:15:35,925
She was my best friend.
Let's go back.
351
00:15:35,993 --> 00:15:37,344
Not just yet.
352
00:15:37,411 --> 00:15:38,544
Why? So you can finish eating?
353
00:15:38,612 --> 00:15:40,146
That cake is 22 years old.
354
00:15:40,214 --> 00:15:41,282
It's good,
355
00:15:41,350 --> 00:15:44,352
and I'm not really a cake guy.
356
00:15:44,419 --> 00:15:46,421
What's happening over there?
357
00:15:46,489 --> 00:15:48,057
Please let this be a
Barbie dream house.
358
00:15:48,124 --> 00:15:49,892
Please, please, please.
359
00:15:49,959 --> 00:15:51,745
I hope it's not.
360
00:15:51,812 --> 00:15:52,996
Why did you say that?
361
00:15:53,064 --> 00:15:54,731
I thought Lucy was
your best friend.
362
00:15:54,799 --> 00:15:57,001
She was. I don't know
why I said that.
363
00:15:57,069 --> 00:15:59,370
♪
364
00:15:59,437 --> 00:16:01,873
A Barbie dream house! Yay!
365
00:16:02,608 --> 00:16:03,875
Damn.
366
00:16:05,294 --> 00:16:06,529
Why are you upset?
367
00:16:06,597 --> 00:16:08,414
'Cause Lucy got what she wanted.
368
00:16:08,482 --> 00:16:10,582
But you love her. You
should be happy.
369
00:16:10,650 --> 00:16:11,635
Well, I'm not.
370
00:16:11,702 --> 00:16:13,770
What is wrong with you?
371
00:16:15,623 --> 00:16:17,775
A bee! A bee!
372
00:16:19,294 --> 00:16:21,396
Now you're happy?
That's demented!
373
00:16:21,464 --> 00:16:23,065
She's demented!
374
00:16:23,132 --> 00:16:26,803
Help! He's gonna sting me!
He's gonna sting me!
375
00:16:29,890 --> 00:16:31,926
Actually, it is kind of funny.
376
00:16:31,993 --> 00:16:35,196
"He's gonna sting me! Aah!"
377
00:16:38,501 --> 00:16:40,235
♪
378
00:16:40,303 --> 00:16:41,737
Oh, my God.
379
00:16:43,757 --> 00:16:45,925
I'm only happy when other
people are miserable,
380
00:16:45,993 --> 00:16:47,795
and I'm miserable
when they're happy.
381
00:16:47,862 --> 00:16:49,396
Is that it?
382
00:16:49,464 --> 00:16:50,864
I'm afraid
383
00:16:51,968 --> 00:16:53,952
we're out of time.
384
00:16:59,693 --> 00:17:01,310
I'm really not
following you at all.
385
00:17:01,378 --> 00:17:02,596
It's very simple.
386
00:17:02,664 --> 00:17:04,531
You are a happy
person by nature,
387
00:17:04,599 --> 00:17:05,999
and I am not.
388
00:17:06,067 --> 00:17:08,403
Ok, look. You are here,
389
00:17:08,471 --> 00:17:10,171
and I am here.
390
00:17:10,239 --> 00:17:12,774
When my father was
acting like a maniac,
391
00:17:12,842 --> 00:17:14,109
that made you unhappy,
392
00:17:14,177 --> 00:17:16,011
which brought you down to here,
393
00:17:16,079 --> 00:17:17,229
closer to me,
394
00:17:17,297 --> 00:17:18,815
which made me happier
395
00:17:18,883 --> 00:17:21,017
because now I had some company.
396
00:17:21,085 --> 00:17:22,136
How you doing so far?
397
00:17:22,204 --> 00:17:23,321
Keep going. Ok.
398
00:17:23,389 --> 00:17:25,239
Now that my father's
calmed down,
399
00:17:25,307 --> 00:17:26,540
you are back up here,
400
00:17:26,608 --> 00:17:28,276
and I am stuck down
here by myself.
401
00:17:28,344 --> 00:17:31,696
You are happy, I am
not, and I hate that.
402
00:17:31,764 --> 00:17:35,167
So when I'm unhappy,
that makes you happy?
403
00:17:36,270 --> 00:17:39,189
Well, not happy, but happier.
404
00:17:41,276 --> 00:17:43,911
I'm not gonna lie to you. I'm
a little shaken by that.
405
00:17:43,979 --> 00:17:45,947
And you should be.
That's my point.
406
00:17:46,015 --> 00:17:47,549
Don't you see? No.
407
00:17:47,617 --> 00:17:49,752
Doug, I am not fit
to be with you.
408
00:17:49,820 --> 00:17:51,420
You're sane and
healthy and nice,
409
00:17:51,487 --> 00:17:52,689
and I'm evil!
410
00:17:52,757 --> 00:17:55,491
Carrie, hey. Would I marry evil?
411
00:17:55,559 --> 00:17:57,460
Don't... don't touch me.
412
00:17:59,631 --> 00:18:01,382
My wife won't let me touch her.
413
00:18:01,449 --> 00:18:03,552
Does she usually?
414
00:18:03,620 --> 00:18:05,237
Yes.
415
00:18:05,305 --> 00:18:06,939
Yes, it's just the thing is...
416
00:18:07,007 --> 00:18:09,909
The thing is she's convinced now
that everything is her fault.
417
00:18:09,977 --> 00:18:12,312
That she's a bad
person or something.
418
00:18:12,380 --> 00:18:13,481
Do you agree?
419
00:18:13,548 --> 00:18:14,582
No.
420
00:18:14,650 --> 00:18:16,601
No, she's great. I
mean, I love her.
421
00:18:16,668 --> 00:18:19,137
Then what do you think
the problem is?
422
00:18:19,205 --> 00:18:21,239
I was kind of hoping,
for the $80,
423
00:18:21,374 --> 00:18:23,192
you'd tell me.
424
00:18:23,260 --> 00:18:25,828
I can't do that.
425
00:18:25,896 --> 00:18:27,714
Does that make you
angry with me?
426
00:18:27,765 --> 00:18:29,883
What? No, no, no.
427
00:18:29,951 --> 00:18:31,118
Are you sure?
428
00:18:31,185 --> 00:18:32,570
Yeah, no. I'm... I'm sure.
429
00:18:32,637 --> 00:18:35,006
Really? Because your neck
is starting to perspire.
430
00:18:35,073 --> 00:18:37,158
Look, I'm not angry!
Leave me alone!
431
00:18:40,147 --> 00:18:42,314
I said, leave me alone!
432
00:18:42,382 --> 00:18:45,185
Hey, Mr. mazzio told us
to clean the erasers.
433
00:18:45,253 --> 00:18:46,486
That's all I'm doing.
434
00:18:48,890 --> 00:18:50,057
Cut it out!
435
00:18:50,125 --> 00:18:51,609
What's the matter, Heffernan?
436
00:18:51,677 --> 00:18:53,345
You're afraid of someone
smaller than you?
437
00:18:53,380 --> 00:18:55,914
You could kick my ass if you
weren't such a chicken.
438
00:18:55,982 --> 00:18:58,901
I don't want any trouble.
439
00:18:58,969 --> 00:19:01,220
Why am I taking crap
from that little runt?
440
00:19:01,288 --> 00:19:03,541
I don't know, maybe
you are a chicken.
441
00:19:03,608 --> 00:19:04,675
What?
442
00:19:04,742 --> 00:19:06,410
Hey, punch him in the face.
443
00:19:06,478 --> 00:19:08,012
I don't wanna! You punch him!
444
00:19:08,079 --> 00:19:10,315
I'm not punchin' him. Get in
there and punch him in the face!
445
00:19:10,383 --> 00:19:11,716
No!
446
00:19:11,784 --> 00:19:14,654
Is that who you grew up to be?
An I.P.S. Driver?
447
00:19:14,721 --> 00:19:17,089
Loser!
448
00:19:17,157 --> 00:19:19,459
Ok, you know what? That's it.
Get in there and fight him.
449
00:19:19,527 --> 00:19:20,894
Quit shoving me!
450
00:19:20,962 --> 00:19:22,863
Oh, jeez!
451
00:19:44,324 --> 00:19:45,658
What a freak show, huh?
452
00:19:52,934 --> 00:19:54,535
I don't judge.
453
00:19:56,371 --> 00:19:58,489
Wait!
454
00:19:58,556 --> 00:20:00,358
That's it. I... I
finally figured it out.
455
00:20:00,426 --> 00:20:01,893
I do have anger,
456
00:20:01,961 --> 00:20:04,062
but I don't like confrontation
with other people,
457
00:20:04,130 --> 00:20:05,865
so I take it all out on myself!
458
00:20:07,267 --> 00:20:09,102
Knock it off!
459
00:20:09,169 --> 00:20:10,437
Sorry.
460
00:20:15,595 --> 00:20:17,795
So it turns out, by avoiding
all the confrontation
461
00:20:17,863 --> 00:20:19,347
that's been going
on around here,
462
00:20:19,416 --> 00:20:20,849
I actually caused the 2 of you
463
00:20:20,917 --> 00:20:23,269
to have more conflict
with each other.
464
00:20:23,320 --> 00:20:24,571
So... so... so really,
465
00:20:24,639 --> 00:20:26,406
it's my problem at the
root of all this.
466
00:20:26,474 --> 00:20:29,159
Oh, please! If you 2 are happy
with the new situation,
467
00:20:29,226 --> 00:20:31,279
then clearly, I'm the
one with the problem.
468
00:20:31,346 --> 00:20:33,080
Who says I'm happy?
469
00:20:33,148 --> 00:20:34,198
I thought you were.
470
00:20:34,266 --> 00:20:35,334
Are you kidding?
471
00:20:35,401 --> 00:20:36,768
Being agreed with and validated?
472
00:20:36,836 --> 00:20:38,303
I don't know who I am anymore!
473
00:20:38,371 --> 00:20:40,406
I'm suicidal!
474
00:20:40,474 --> 00:20:43,076
But, dad, if we go back
to the way things were,
475
00:20:43,143 --> 00:20:44,510
then you and I will feel better,
476
00:20:44,578 --> 00:20:46,313
but then Doug will
be unhappy again.
477
00:20:46,381 --> 00:20:48,682
We can't have that.
He's a good man.
478
00:20:48,750 --> 00:20:50,418
But, Arthur, I don't
want to stay happy
479
00:20:50,486 --> 00:20:51,753
if the 2 of you are unhappy.
480
00:20:51,821 --> 00:20:54,789
You're right. That
would be very unfair.
481
00:20:54,857 --> 00:20:57,343
All right, so what we're
dealing with here is,
482
00:20:57,411 --> 00:21:00,898
basically, only 2 of us can
be happy at the same time.
483
00:21:01,632 --> 00:21:03,667
What do we do?
484
00:21:03,734 --> 00:21:05,086
So they're gonna keep fighting,
485
00:21:05,154 --> 00:21:08,423
and I'm gonna come for
therapy once a week.
486
00:21:08,491 --> 00:21:10,392
How's Thursdays at 6:00?
487
00:21:10,460 --> 00:21:12,328
It's perfect.
488
00:21:12,395 --> 00:21:14,363
I'd also like to write
you a prescription.
489
00:21:14,431 --> 00:21:16,399
That'd be great. Thanks.
490
00:21:22,674 --> 00:21:23,658
So why do you think
491
00:21:23,725 --> 00:21:26,695
food has become such an
important factor in your life?
492
00:21:26,763 --> 00:21:29,815
Gee, I don't know.
That's a good one.
493
00:21:29,883 --> 00:21:34,203
I guess, 'cause, you know,
food doesn't call you names
494
00:21:34,271 --> 00:21:36,406
or say you're stupid.
495
00:21:36,474 --> 00:21:38,091
It's always good.
496
00:21:38,160 --> 00:21:41,096
Yes. Thank you.
497
00:21:41,163 --> 00:21:44,532
Sometimes I feel like food
is the only friend I have.
498
00:21:46,637 --> 00:21:48,120
Hey. Come here.
499
00:21:48,188 --> 00:21:50,089
Get off me, lard ass!
500
00:21:52,143 --> 00:21:54,461
You are so dead
after this session.