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00:00:00,500 --> 00:00:03,569
Tonight on 22 minutes ,
when beer just won't cut it,
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00:00:03,704 --> 00:00:05,237
The anti-vaxxer's weakness,
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00:00:05,239 --> 00:00:06,972
Up close and personal, and
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00:00:07,107 --> 00:00:08,907
Something to
be thankful for.
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00:00:08,909 --> 00:00:10,776
22 minutes
starts now.
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00:00:10,911 --> 00:00:15,247
♪ [theme]
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00:00:15,316 --> 00:00:19,518
♪ ♪
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00:00:19,653 --> 00:00:23,388
[cheers and applause]
9
00:00:23,391 --> 00:00:25,591
Well, vaccine
passports are here,
10
00:00:25,593 --> 00:00:28,394
So I spent the weekend scrolling
through my screen shots
11
00:00:28,529 --> 00:00:31,397
Before accidentally showing
a moxie's waitress my nudes.
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00:00:31,532 --> 00:00:32,731
[audience laughter]
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00:00:32,866 --> 00:00:36,334
Yes, provinces are rolling out
their vaccine passports.
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Nova scotia is using
the canimmunize app,
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00:00:38,939 --> 00:00:41,073
Quebec has an app
called vaxicode,
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00:00:41,208 --> 00:00:44,709
And p.E.I.'s is just a potato
with "yup" written on it.
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00:00:44,779 --> 00:00:46,411
[audience laughter]
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In alberta, it's called a
restrictions exemption program.
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00:00:49,884 --> 00:00:53,051
How stupid does jason kenney
think albertans are?
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"uh, no, it's not a passport.
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00:00:56,290 --> 00:01:00,292
It's a yeah-hoo freedom
pass for hot cowboys".
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00:01:00,294 --> 00:01:03,228
You can tell alberta is serious
about their freedom
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00:01:03,264 --> 00:01:05,831
Because their passport
is an unlocked pdf.
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You're free to edit, which is
how this person changed theirs
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To say their name was
fakus mcfakeface.
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Jason kenney responded
by immediately naming
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Fakus mcfakeface his
new health minister.
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And then there's ontario.
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Whereas b.C. And quebec hired
developers to come up with
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Sexy looking apps, ontario
decided to make theirs in-house,
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Which is why it looks like
a coupon your husband gives you
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For free back rubs.
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To be fair, it is better
than the first passports
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Doug ford printed himself
that said "bofe vaxeems".
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[audience laughter]
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While passports have made
vaccination rates go up,
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Not everyone is sold on them
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And some people are
really digging in.
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Take a look.
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Baa-aa-aa-aa!
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Baa-aa-aa-aa!
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Look at all the sheep.
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The government is
controlling you.
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The vaccine passports are
taking away our freedoms.
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00:02:03,423 --> 00:02:06,758
That's right.
The government! No-wuh!
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00:02:06,827 --> 00:02:08,927
Hey, we're trying to
have a nice dinner out.
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I haven't been to a restaurant
in quite some time.
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Sort of miss it.
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00:02:12,699 --> 00:02:13,765
You know, if you
got a vaccine passport,
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You could come in.
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Well, I don't have one
of those because I didn't
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Get one of those!
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00:02:18,706 --> 00:02:20,439
And I will never
get one of those.
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Those look really, really good.
Sort of golden brown.
55
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Mind if I have just
a little nibby there.
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You can't have a nibby.
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Ok, well, then just describe it
and let me eat your words.
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-No.
-Then waft it.
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Hit me with a
really good waft.
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We're not going to waft you.
Just go get vaccinated.
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No way, sheep.
I'll never get vaccinated.
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I don't need this --
are those calamari?
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Ohhh, hoo-hoo,
that looks really good.
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Squirt that lemon
all over it.
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No, no, get citrus
on every bite.
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You're going to have
uneven lemon distribution.
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I like doing it this way.
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-Just go away.
- No,
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I don't need this restaurant
anyway. That's right.
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Is that as sizzling
fajita plate?
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Ok, I'll make you a deal.
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I'll get one dose
of the vaccine for
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One bite of that
sizzling fajita plate.
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Does that come with guac?
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Guac is extra.
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Deal's off!
I tried! Nope.
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I'm not going to pump my
veins full of poison.
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00:03:06,287 --> 00:03:08,119
Hey, can we get this
guy out of here?
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-Yeah, you guys just --
-all right, buddy, let's go.
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No, no, just make sure that
you enjoy the meal, ok?
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Just take the time to stop
and relax and let an
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Unvaccinated guy eat --
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-No!
-Hey!
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Order me a margarita
just so I can smell it.
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Come on, get your
vaccinated hands off me.
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♪ ♪
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According to a new poll,
82 per cent of ndp voters
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00:03:27,675 --> 00:03:29,841
Want jagmeet singh
to be their party leader,
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00:03:29,910 --> 00:03:32,577
While 82 per cent of liberal
voters want jagmeet singh
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00:03:32,646 --> 00:03:35,380
To be their party leader.
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00:03:35,416 --> 00:03:36,781
The royals attended the premiere
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Of the new james bond film,
"no time to die",
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Which also happens to
be the queen's motto.
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[audience laughter]
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-She's 407 years old.
-She's 400 at least, yeah.
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00:03:48,862 --> 00:03:52,397
According to stats canada,
new brunswick's population
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Grew faster than the national
average last year.
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00:03:54,935 --> 00:03:57,135
Might have something to do
with new brunswick's new
99
00:03:57,204 --> 00:03:58,736
Highway welcome signs that read,
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00:03:58,772 --> 00:04:02,407
"new brunswick,
now you can't leave".
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00:04:02,542 --> 00:04:04,943
Tim hortons is releasing
a clothing line.
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00:04:04,945 --> 00:04:06,878
And if their threads are
as good as their coffee,
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00:04:06,880 --> 00:04:10,148
I'll double double pass.
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00:04:10,217 --> 00:04:13,418
Last week it was reported that
a nova scotian cocaine smuggler
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00:04:13,487 --> 00:04:15,754
Stole two boats and
sailed into a hurricane
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In order to flee the police.
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Read all about it
in my new book,
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00:04:19,093 --> 00:04:22,894
"trent mcclellan's
coke boat adventure".
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00:04:22,930 --> 00:04:26,030
A.I. Can now predict if it's
going to rain in two hours,
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00:04:26,066 --> 00:04:29,768
Which means technology is as
advanced as my grandma's bones.
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00:04:29,770 --> 00:04:32,371
[audience laughter]
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00:04:32,373 --> 00:04:36,107
Will smith has admitted to
wanting a harem of girlfriends.
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00:04:36,143 --> 00:04:38,443
He wants one girlfriend
for chillin' out,
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00:04:38,578 --> 00:04:40,979
One for maxin',
one for relaxin' all cool,
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00:04:41,048 --> 00:04:43,381
And a fourth one for
shootin' some b-ball
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Outside of the school.
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[audience laughter]
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Katie! Hey!
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Hey, you!
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Oh!
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Oh, right, yeah.
We doing this?
122
00:04:54,762 --> 00:04:56,328
Oh, yeah.
123
00:04:56,397 --> 00:04:57,562
[chuckling]
124
00:04:57,564 --> 00:05:00,398
Well, you know, I've
actually been doing this.
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00:05:00,467 --> 00:05:01,366
Oh.
126
00:05:01,435 --> 00:05:02,668
I'm vaxxed, so.
127
00:05:02,803 --> 00:05:04,069
I'm vaxxed.
We can do this.
128
00:05:04,138 --> 00:05:05,236
-We can do this.
-All right.
129
00:05:05,272 --> 00:05:06,238
-Ok.
-We doing this?
130
00:05:06,240 --> 00:05:07,472
-Let's do this.
-We're doing this.
131
00:05:07,474 --> 00:05:09,140
-We're doing this. Ok.
-Ok.
132
00:05:09,176 --> 00:05:11,076
Aww. We're doing.
133
00:05:11,211 --> 00:05:12,410
We're doing this.
134
00:05:12,446 --> 00:05:13,745
We're doing...
135
00:05:13,814 --> 00:05:15,514
We're doing... This.
136
00:05:17,017 --> 00:05:18,583
♪ [romantic]
137
00:05:18,585 --> 00:05:19,885
Are we doing this?
138
00:05:19,887 --> 00:05:21,486
I could do this.
139
00:05:21,621 --> 00:05:23,021
Both: We're doing this.
140
00:05:23,090 --> 00:05:24,489
Both: I could do this.
141
00:05:26,293 --> 00:05:27,559
Mmm, we're doing this.
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00:05:27,561 --> 00:05:28,426
Mmmm!
143
00:05:28,462 --> 00:05:29,627
I could do this
right in the park.
144
00:05:29,663 --> 00:05:30,929
-Me too.
-Ok.
145
00:05:31,999 --> 00:05:34,232
Vaxxed and tested and
ready to do this.
146
00:05:34,301 --> 00:05:40,706
[moaning]
147
00:05:40,841 --> 00:05:44,642
We're back, baby! Yes!
148
00:05:44,678 --> 00:05:46,310
[ra-ta-tat]
149
00:05:46,347 --> 00:05:48,113
Last week saw the first ever
150
00:05:48,248 --> 00:05:50,515
National day for
truth and reconciliation,
151
00:05:50,650 --> 00:05:53,051
A day created by the
trudeau government.
152
00:05:53,120 --> 00:05:55,920
It was intended to be a
day of quiet reflection.
153
00:05:55,989 --> 00:05:57,989
So how did the prime
minister mark it?
154
00:05:57,991 --> 00:05:59,724
Well, his official
itinerary said
155
00:05:59,727 --> 00:06:01,526
He was in ottawa for
private meetings.
156
00:06:01,528 --> 00:06:02,594
But global news
157
00:06:02,596 --> 00:06:05,330
Found him vacationing
on a beach in tofino.
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00:06:05,332 --> 00:06:06,331
Take a look.
159
00:06:08,268 --> 00:06:12,069
I'm on air again joking about a
justin trudeau vacation scandal,
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00:06:12,106 --> 00:06:15,072
So things are finally
getting back to normal.
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00:06:15,109 --> 00:06:17,542
Trudeau got back to work
and in true trudeau
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00:06:17,677 --> 00:06:20,545
Fashion, back to work
meant back to vacation.
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00:06:20,680 --> 00:06:23,882
Justin, the day is meant to
focus on reconciliation, not
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00:06:23,951 --> 00:06:25,750
Wreck beach.
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00:06:25,786 --> 00:06:28,286
A day of reflection doesn't mean
looking at your reflection
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00:06:28,355 --> 00:06:30,555
And wondering,
"am I beach bod ready?".
167
00:06:30,557 --> 00:06:33,458
I haven't seen someone run away
from a camera like that since
168
00:06:33,460 --> 00:06:35,560
To catch a predator
was cancelled.
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00:06:35,629 --> 00:06:38,296
To make matters worse, he isn't
even wearing an orange shirt.
170
00:06:38,432 --> 00:06:40,165
But at least he is
wearing a shirt.
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00:06:41,335 --> 00:06:43,769
Lots of canadians
were upset.
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00:06:43,904 --> 00:06:47,105
Breakfast television
showed more respect
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00:06:47,174 --> 00:06:49,241
To the day of truth
and reconciliation
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00:06:49,376 --> 00:06:50,642
Than our prime minister.
175
00:06:50,644 --> 00:06:53,111
You know you messed up when
breakfast television
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00:06:53,113 --> 00:06:54,846
Is pissed at you.
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00:06:54,882 --> 00:06:57,849
And yes, we all deserve to spend
a day of fun with our family.
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00:06:57,885 --> 00:07:00,785
Just maybe not on the day
you chose to reflect on
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00:07:00,854 --> 00:07:03,521
The indigenous children who were
taken from their families.
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00:07:03,657 --> 00:07:05,323
It's not like you
didn't have options.
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00:07:05,359 --> 00:07:07,592
Chief rosanne casimir
invited trudeau
182
00:07:07,661 --> 00:07:09,461
To attend a ceremony
near kamloops,
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00:07:09,463 --> 00:07:11,629
Where the remains
of over 200 children
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00:07:11,665 --> 00:07:13,398
Were discovered buried in may.
185
00:07:13,533 --> 00:07:16,934
An event he not only skipped,
but flew directly over.
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00:07:16,970 --> 00:07:19,136
The prime minister's
official itinerary was
187
00:07:19,173 --> 00:07:23,007
Eventually updated to show
he was on vacation in tofino.
188
00:07:23,076 --> 00:07:25,544
So I guess there was
eventually some truth.
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00:07:25,679 --> 00:07:28,145
An attempt at reconciliation
came Sunday,
190
00:07:28,182 --> 00:07:30,615
When trudeau pulled a trudeau
and apologized.
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00:07:30,617 --> 00:07:33,184
But we will never have
reconciliation
192
00:07:33,253 --> 00:07:36,420
By just talking the talk.
We need to walk the walk,
193
00:07:36,457 --> 00:07:39,157
And by "the walk",
I don't mean this one.
194
00:07:39,292 --> 00:07:40,692
[applause]
195
00:07:40,827 --> 00:07:44,362
♪ [theme]
196
00:07:44,498 --> 00:07:46,964
A new poll found alberta premier
jason kenney has
197
00:07:47,000 --> 00:07:48,767
An 11 per cent
approval rating.
198
00:07:48,902 --> 00:07:50,969
Wow, he's less popular
in alberta than
199
00:07:50,971 --> 00:07:54,372
Pierre trudeau wearing
a "flames suck" t-shirt.
200
00:07:54,441 --> 00:07:56,975
This is after kenney said
the pandemic was over
201
00:07:56,977 --> 00:07:59,110
And that the province was
open for the summer.
202
00:07:59,146 --> 00:08:01,112
And now the icus
are fuller than a
203
00:08:01,181 --> 00:08:03,548
Porta potti at the stampede.
204
00:08:03,550 --> 00:08:06,985
Things are so bad, newfoundland
is sending doctors to help.
205
00:08:07,054 --> 00:08:09,120
It's like doctors without
borders, except it's
206
00:08:09,189 --> 00:08:10,856
Doctors with
eight brudders.
207
00:08:10,991 --> 00:08:14,659
Never in my life did I think
the problem in alberta was
208
00:08:14,794 --> 00:08:16,595
Not enough newfoundlanders.
209
00:08:16,730 --> 00:08:17,996
That's like saying
the problem with
210
00:08:17,998 --> 00:08:20,732
Banff is not enough
australians.
211
00:08:20,801 --> 00:08:23,201
You know these doctors are going
to show up with a bottle of rum
212
00:08:23,270 --> 00:08:26,671
And a cod in a cooler like,
"where's the covid at?"
213
00:08:26,707 --> 00:08:30,242
Rest assured, the newfoundland
doctors will save the day,
214
00:08:30,377 --> 00:08:32,610
But it's going to take them
a while to get there because
215
00:08:32,679 --> 00:08:34,679
They're coming by ferry.
216
00:08:34,681 --> 00:08:36,881
So albertans,
stay where you're to
217
00:08:36,950 --> 00:08:38,883
'til they comes
where you're at.
218
00:08:38,952 --> 00:08:41,152
[cheers and applause]
219
00:08:41,188 --> 00:08:43,688
Announcer: Ever wish those
holiday family dinners
220
00:08:43,690 --> 00:08:45,523
Would go a bit more smoothly?
221
00:08:45,592 --> 00:08:47,859
Now they can with
thanksgiving uncles.
222
00:08:47,994 --> 00:08:50,228
When you hire from us,
you get an uncle with
223
00:08:50,230 --> 00:08:53,364
No strong opinions,
no prejudices, and
224
00:08:53,433 --> 00:08:56,901
Just the right brand of bland
for your table.
225
00:08:56,970 --> 00:08:59,837
Each uncle comes pre-stocked
with inoffensive phrases like...
226
00:08:59,873 --> 00:09:02,173
I guess I can see
both sides on that one.
227
00:09:02,209 --> 00:09:05,310
You know,
it takes all kinds.
228
00:09:05,445 --> 00:09:08,380
My opinion is that issue
is a steaming cup...
229
00:09:08,382 --> 00:09:09,847
..Of none-of-my-business.
230
00:09:09,883 --> 00:09:12,584
Announcer: Instead of hot takes
and conspiracy theories,
231
00:09:12,586 --> 00:09:15,553
It's warm smiles
and tasty stuffing.
232
00:09:15,589 --> 00:09:17,355
So what do we think about
all this immigration?
233
00:09:17,490 --> 00:09:18,923
Immigration?
234
00:09:18,926 --> 00:09:21,726
I'd say that's folks going
from one country to another.
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00:09:21,861 --> 00:09:23,995
Boy howdy.
[chuckles]
236
00:09:24,130 --> 00:09:27,065
Announcer: Order now, and as
a bonus, your new uncle will
237
00:09:27,067 --> 00:09:30,267
Respond and change the subject
in the blink of an eye.
238
00:09:30,304 --> 00:09:32,804
Me, I don't really follow
politics too closely.
239
00:09:32,806 --> 00:09:36,808
Mary, these mashed potatoes
are absolutely criminal.
240
00:09:36,877 --> 00:09:39,411
Mmm! You guys have tried
the mashed potatoes, huh?
241
00:09:39,546 --> 00:09:41,613
Hmm, reproductive rights, huh?
242
00:09:41,748 --> 00:09:44,416
I'll tell you what
I am pro-choice on:
243
00:09:44,418 --> 00:09:46,751
Choosing more of these roles.
[laughs]
244
00:09:46,820 --> 00:09:49,020
Announcer: Our thanksgiving
uncles skillfully handle
245
00:09:49,056 --> 00:09:51,322
Any conversation
without offending,
246
00:09:51,391 --> 00:09:53,091
Whether the stakes
are big or small.
247
00:09:53,226 --> 00:09:56,961
You can't be serious.
They've won 24 stanley cups.
248
00:09:57,030 --> 00:09:58,429
How many in this
millennium?
249
00:09:58,465 --> 00:10:00,031
What do you think?
Leafs or habs?
250
00:10:00,166 --> 00:10:03,668
Me? I just love a well-played
game of hockey.
251
00:10:06,440 --> 00:10:08,105
Announcer:
Thanksgiving uncles,
252
00:10:08,141 --> 00:10:10,775
From the makers of
picnic grandmas.
253
00:10:10,777 --> 00:10:11,977
[ra-ta-tat]
254
00:10:14,381 --> 00:10:16,181
♪ [theme]
255
00:10:16,316 --> 00:10:18,582
[cheers and applause]
256
00:10:18,619 --> 00:10:21,252
A reliable source says
pop singer shakira
257
00:10:21,321 --> 00:10:23,855
Was attacked by wild boars
in barcelona.
258
00:10:23,924 --> 00:10:26,524
The reliable source:
Her hips.
259
00:10:26,660 --> 00:10:29,527
[audience laughter]
260
00:10:29,563 --> 00:10:32,063
Singer shakira
walked away unscathed
261
00:10:32,132 --> 00:10:34,799
From a wild boar attack
in Spain this week.
262
00:10:34,801 --> 00:10:37,936
Apparently, the boar appeared
after hearing its mating call.
263
00:10:37,938 --> 00:10:40,472
[shakira impression]
♪ lelo lo le lo le! ♪
264
00:10:40,607 --> 00:10:41,739
[audience laughter]
265
00:10:41,808 --> 00:10:44,876
A conservation officer in
newfoundland spent three hours
266
00:10:44,945 --> 00:10:46,877
Saving seven beached whales.
267
00:10:46,913 --> 00:10:48,546
They're calling it an orgy
268
00:10:48,615 --> 00:10:51,149
Because there were
so many free willies.
269
00:10:51,151 --> 00:10:53,084
[audience laughter]
270
00:10:53,153 --> 00:10:55,887
[chatter and laughter]
271
00:10:56,022 --> 00:10:57,889
You having fun, honey?
272
00:10:57,891 --> 00:10:59,090
Oh, yeah.
273
00:10:59,092 --> 00:11:01,493
Jerry's got this incredible
story about a photocopier.
274
00:11:01,628 --> 00:11:02,927
Oh yeah, that's great.
275
00:11:02,996 --> 00:11:04,429
So I just wanted
to let you know
276
00:11:04,498 --> 00:11:05,964
That we're going
to be fighting later.
277
00:11:06,099 --> 00:11:07,565
What?
278
00:11:07,634 --> 00:11:09,534
Oh yeah, big fight.
279
00:11:09,669 --> 00:11:10,902
What did I do?
280
00:11:11,037 --> 00:11:12,170
You know.
281
00:11:12,239 --> 00:11:13,504
I don't know.
282
00:11:13,540 --> 00:11:15,907
Well, all will be made clear
when we get in the car.
283
00:11:15,976 --> 00:11:17,041
It's something trivial,
284
00:11:17,077 --> 00:11:18,777
But I've decided to
blow it out of proportion.
285
00:11:18,779 --> 00:11:21,412
All right. Well, maybe we could
just resolve this right now.
286
00:11:21,481 --> 00:11:25,116
I don't want to fight in public.
I just want to stew in public.
287
00:11:25,152 --> 00:11:27,518
So have fun while you can,
288
00:11:27,587 --> 00:11:30,855
Because the second the car door
closes, I will be unleashing
289
00:11:30,857 --> 00:11:33,257
A fury on you that you
know not of, brian.
290
00:11:33,293 --> 00:11:34,525
Samantha.
291
00:11:34,561 --> 00:11:37,662
♪ [sinister]
I will be everywhere.
292
00:11:37,797 --> 00:11:40,999
Hi! Oh my god.
293
00:11:41,001 --> 00:11:42,633
[party music plays,
glasses clink]
294
00:11:42,669 --> 00:11:44,803
That's when I knew I had
to scan the document.
295
00:11:44,805 --> 00:11:47,405
[laughs]
you would.
296
00:11:47,407 --> 00:11:49,874
[soft whisper]
your ass is grass.
297
00:11:49,876 --> 00:11:50,608
[soft whisper]
what?
298
00:11:50,744 --> 00:11:52,977
[loud whisper]
your ass is grass.
299
00:11:54,914 --> 00:11:56,915
[laughter]
300
00:11:56,917 --> 00:11:59,184
Are you ok, brian?
301
00:11:59,319 --> 00:12:01,418
Mm-hmm. Oh, yeah.
I am not leaving
302
00:12:01,455 --> 00:12:04,155
Until I've tried every
one of these hors d'oeuvres.
303
00:12:04,290 --> 00:12:05,690
I mean it.
I'm not leaving.
304
00:12:05,759 --> 00:12:09,294
Don't choke.
We got to fight later.
305
00:12:11,831 --> 00:12:15,033
Don't go.
Stay here. Don't go.
306
00:12:16,836 --> 00:12:20,171
Karl, the party's not over yet.
There's still more party!
307
00:12:20,173 --> 00:12:21,539
You know, brian, we really
should think about
308
00:12:21,575 --> 00:12:22,307
Heading out ourselves.
309
00:12:22,442 --> 00:12:23,174
No, no,
310
00:12:23,243 --> 00:12:25,376
Jerry, tell that
photocopier story.
311
00:12:25,378 --> 00:12:26,944
Sorry, dude, we got to
work in the morning.
312
00:12:27,013 --> 00:12:28,980
You got to keep
the party going.
313
00:12:29,115 --> 00:12:30,982
Jesus, brian, do we have
to stage an intervention?
314
00:12:30,984 --> 00:12:32,984
Samantha said we're
going to fight later.
315
00:12:33,119 --> 00:12:36,487
Oooh! Way to throw samantha
under the bus, brian.
316
00:12:36,490 --> 00:12:38,122
I don't know what
we're fighting about.
317
00:12:38,158 --> 00:12:40,525
Whatever it was,
it's about this now.
318
00:12:40,527 --> 00:12:41,759
Mm-hmm.
319
00:12:41,795 --> 00:12:44,796
You know, the subaru 's all
warmed up for us to fight in.
320
00:12:44,931 --> 00:12:46,597
I want to thank you
so much for having us.
321
00:12:46,633 --> 00:12:47,799
It truly was a
wonderful night.
322
00:12:47,934 --> 00:12:49,934
Samantha, come on!
323
00:12:50,003 --> 00:12:51,803
-Keep walking.
-Have fun, you two.
324
00:12:51,938 --> 00:12:53,271
You ready to fight?
325
00:12:53,406 --> 00:12:55,273
What did I do?
326
00:12:55,275 --> 00:12:57,041
♪ ♪
327
00:12:57,077 --> 00:13:00,077
Last week in a tim hortons
a former ppc candidate,
328
00:13:00,113 --> 00:13:02,213
And need I say
anti-vaxxer,
329
00:13:02,215 --> 00:13:06,217
Staged what he called a sit-in
against segregation.
330
00:13:06,253 --> 00:13:10,154
This is our rosa parks moment.
331
00:13:10,157 --> 00:13:13,825
So I will sit in this restaurant
like these other people here,
332
00:13:13,827 --> 00:13:16,627
You know, stand on
my right as a free man.
333
00:13:16,663 --> 00:13:19,163
Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm.
Question for you, dude.
334
00:13:19,166 --> 00:13:21,899
Were you allowed to sit
wherever you wanted?
335
00:13:22,035 --> 00:13:24,302
Then you're not
rosa parks!
336
00:13:24,304 --> 00:13:26,571
You're more like
roseanne barr.
337
00:13:26,706 --> 00:13:28,239
Exactly.
338
00:13:28,374 --> 00:13:31,042
This is yet another example
of anti-vaccination groups
339
00:13:31,111 --> 00:13:34,846
Co-opting social justice
language for their loser cause.
340
00:13:34,848 --> 00:13:36,513
They're comparing the
civil rights movement
341
00:13:36,550 --> 00:13:38,649
To being denied
apple fritters.
342
00:13:38,718 --> 00:13:40,517
To quote
martin luther king junior,
343
00:13:40,554 --> 00:13:43,454
"what the actual hell?"
344
00:13:43,456 --> 00:13:46,858
Anti-vaxxers are also using the
phrase, "my body, my choice."
345
00:13:46,860 --> 00:13:48,793
It's not the same thing, morons!
346
00:13:48,928 --> 00:13:52,196
You can't catch baby from a
pregnant woman coughing on you.
347
00:13:52,265 --> 00:13:55,132
Babies come from
a mommy and a daddy
348
00:13:55,168 --> 00:13:57,135
Having a three-way
with a stork.
349
00:13:57,270 --> 00:13:59,403
But tell that to
texas senator and
350
00:13:59,472 --> 00:14:02,073
Virgin wolverine ted cruz,
who supported
351
00:14:02,208 --> 00:14:04,141
Anti-vax nba
players by tweeting
352
00:14:04,177 --> 00:14:08,279
"your body your choice" after
his state just banned abortion.
353
00:14:08,348 --> 00:14:10,548
I wish he was here
so my body could choose
354
00:14:10,683 --> 00:14:12,617
To pop him
like a zit.
355
00:14:12,619 --> 00:14:14,885
We cannot let
anti-vaxxers
356
00:14:14,921 --> 00:14:16,754
Get away with
this dumb bull crap!
357
00:14:16,756 --> 00:14:18,222
Whoa! Language.
358
00:14:18,225 --> 00:14:20,691
I'm sorry.
I'm just all fired up.
359
00:14:20,760 --> 00:14:22,894
It's like they're equating
black lives matter with
360
00:14:22,896 --> 00:14:26,564
"bring back the mcrib."
it's not the same thing!
361
00:14:26,566 --> 00:14:28,099
You're right. I mean,
these people need to
362
00:14:28,168 --> 00:14:30,234
Slither home, pour
themselves a nice,
363
00:14:30,303 --> 00:14:33,571
Tall glass of horse dewormer and
come up with their own slogans.
364
00:14:33,706 --> 00:14:35,573
You know, something
catchy like,
365
00:14:35,575 --> 00:14:38,643
"we're here. We're dumb.
Get used to it!"
366
00:14:38,778 --> 00:14:42,847
Or "being difficult is
my entire personality!"
367
00:14:42,982 --> 00:14:45,116
Or "I'd like to
speak to the manager --
368
00:14:45,185 --> 00:14:47,051
Oh, no, I've died."
369
00:14:47,120 --> 00:14:50,188
And as a general rule,
if you're ever tempted
370
00:14:50,190 --> 00:14:52,857
To call yourself rosa parks,
just take a seat
371
00:14:52,992 --> 00:14:54,258
In the back.
372
00:14:54,261 --> 00:14:55,193
Mm-hmm.
373
00:14:55,328 --> 00:14:59,930
[applause]
374
00:14:59,966 --> 00:15:03,267
After my internship at
wetzel's pretzels,
375
00:15:03,270 --> 00:15:08,206
I then went on to co-manage a
bank... Rupt wetzel's pretzels.
376
00:15:08,208 --> 00:15:10,608
I'm sorry.
You just don't have
377
00:15:10,743 --> 00:15:13,411
Enough experience
for a job here at nasa.
378
00:15:13,413 --> 00:15:17,481
This never would have happened
if my hair was different.
379
00:15:17,550 --> 00:15:19,884
[plays rock riff]
woo! Gee-tah!
380
00:15:20,019 --> 00:15:21,819
Hi, I'm bonnie raitt.
381
00:15:21,821 --> 00:15:23,821
Are you a natural redhead
382
00:15:23,857 --> 00:15:25,890
Who wants to be treated
less like a girl
383
00:15:26,025 --> 00:15:29,159
And more like the distinguished
adult woman you are?
384
00:15:29,195 --> 00:15:33,431
Then try l'oreal 's "huge
hunk of white in the front".
385
00:15:33,433 --> 00:15:35,366
A huge hunk of white
in the front
386
00:15:35,435 --> 00:15:39,770
Lets us redheads command
the respect we deserve.
387
00:15:39,806 --> 00:15:41,105
Astronaut brian?
388
00:15:41,107 --> 00:15:42,473
Yes, astronaut craig.
389
00:15:42,608 --> 00:15:44,042
Meet your new boss.
390
00:15:44,177 --> 00:15:50,114
♪ ♪
391
00:15:50,116 --> 00:15:54,618
It's one small step for man,
one giant streak on your head.
392
00:15:54,654 --> 00:15:57,521
Thanks, l'oreal.
393
00:15:57,557 --> 00:16:00,992
♪ lt's give 'em something
to talk about ♪
394
00:16:00,994 --> 00:16:04,729
How about a huge hunk
of white in the front?
395
00:16:04,731 --> 00:16:07,465
Announcer: Available
in bonnie raitt
396
00:16:07,467 --> 00:16:09,066
And arlene dickinson.
397
00:16:09,135 --> 00:16:09,968
[ra-ta-tat]
398
00:16:12,271 --> 00:16:14,204
♪ [theme]
399
00:16:14,240 --> 00:16:16,607
[cheers and applause]
400
00:16:16,609 --> 00:16:21,011
Last week, 39 workers trapped in
a sudbury mine were all rescued.
401
00:16:21,047 --> 00:16:22,946
Which brings us to
our next segment:
402
00:16:22,983 --> 00:16:26,750
For the love of god, stay
out of the damn mines!
403
00:16:26,786 --> 00:16:29,153
Why are we still
down in the mines?
404
00:16:29,222 --> 00:16:31,355
At this point we know
what mines are up to.
405
00:16:31,424 --> 00:16:34,192
They're holes in the ground
that want to eat us.
406
00:16:34,194 --> 00:16:37,695
And for what? Nickel?
It's sudbury.
407
00:16:37,830 --> 00:16:40,298
How about before you journey to
the centre of the earth you guys
408
00:16:40,433 --> 00:16:43,701
Cut off a slice of the big
nickel you keep as a brag?
409
00:16:43,836 --> 00:16:46,838
All in all, it took a crowd
of volunteers, workers,
410
00:16:46,973 --> 00:16:49,707
And mine rescue officers
to bring them to safety.
411
00:16:49,842 --> 00:16:52,243
Heather hiscox: They were
climbing from this incredible
412
00:16:52,312 --> 00:16:55,646
Depth of, you know,
two cn towers was what we were
413
00:16:55,715 --> 00:16:57,815
Talking about.
1,200 meters down.
414
00:16:57,884 --> 00:16:59,650
Two cn towers?
415
00:16:59,686 --> 00:17:02,920
Why do we always measure
things in canadian icons?
416
00:17:02,956 --> 00:17:05,390
Like me, for example.
I'm not six three.
417
00:17:05,525 --> 00:17:07,324
I'm one and a half ron jameses.
418
00:17:07,360 --> 00:17:09,393
[audience laughter]
419
00:17:09,396 --> 00:17:12,663
But not every story
has a happy ending,
420
00:17:12,665 --> 00:17:16,334
As all 39 of the rescued
miners are now trapped
421
00:17:16,469 --> 00:17:18,803
In sudbury, ontario.
422
00:17:18,805 --> 00:17:20,071
Thoughts and prayers.
423
00:17:20,140 --> 00:17:21,338
Yes.
424
00:17:21,374 --> 00:17:24,142
Announcer: And now raine maida
from our lady peace
425
00:17:24,144 --> 00:17:26,077
Sings the alphabet.
426
00:17:26,079 --> 00:17:28,212
♪ [tune of "superman's dead"]
427
00:17:28,248 --> 00:17:30,881
♪ a, b, c, d, e, f, g ♪
428
00:17:30,917 --> 00:17:33,151
♪ h, I, j, k, l ♪
429
00:17:33,153 --> 00:17:36,020
♪ m, n, o, p-hee ♪
430
00:17:36,022 --> 00:17:38,089
♪ q, r, s, and t ♪
431
00:17:38,091 --> 00:17:40,825
♪ u, and v ♪
432
00:17:40,894 --> 00:17:43,760
♪ w, x ♪
433
00:17:43,797 --> 00:17:48,566
♪ and I'm thinkin'
y-ee-I-ee-I-ee, yeah,
434
00:17:48,568 --> 00:17:50,501
And then zed ♪
435
00:17:50,570 --> 00:17:51,903
♪ aiieeeeee ♪
436
00:17:52,038 --> 00:17:55,706
♪ now I know my abcs,
next time sing with me ♪
437
00:17:55,775 --> 00:17:58,242
Announcer: That was raine maida
from our lady peace
438
00:17:58,377 --> 00:18:00,110
Singing the alphabet.
439
00:18:00,146 --> 00:18:01,279
♪ ♪
440
00:18:02,548 --> 00:18:03,881
What's on your mind?
441
00:18:03,917 --> 00:18:06,250
I don't like beer anymore.
442
00:18:06,286 --> 00:18:08,453
I don't think
I like beer, either.
443
00:18:08,588 --> 00:18:10,588
I just thought
they went together.
444
00:18:10,657 --> 00:18:12,557
Why is beer the go-to?
445
00:18:12,692 --> 00:18:14,258
If only there was
something else to drink.
446
00:18:14,327 --> 00:18:16,994
There is. Whiskey.
447
00:18:17,063 --> 00:18:18,162
[cracks open]
448
00:18:18,297 --> 00:18:21,766
She's right. We should drink
whiskey instead of beer.
449
00:18:21,901 --> 00:18:24,802
That's a great idea that's
never steered anybody wrong.
450
00:18:24,937 --> 00:18:26,937
[audience laughter]
451
00:18:26,973 --> 00:18:29,207
You don't even know
who I am, dude.
452
00:18:29,342 --> 00:18:31,208
You don't even listen to me.
453
00:18:31,244 --> 00:18:32,743
Sometimes I think
about killing you.
454
00:18:32,879 --> 00:18:35,012
I could get away
with it too.
455
00:18:35,081 --> 00:18:39,016
Where's my phone?!
Has anybody seen my phone?
456
00:18:42,055 --> 00:18:43,955
Announcer:
Canadian club.
457
00:18:44,090 --> 00:18:47,291
It's ruined your nights.
Why not let it ruin your day?
458
00:18:47,360 --> 00:18:48,960
[audience laughter]
459
00:18:49,095 --> 00:18:49,961
[ra-ta-tat]
460
00:18:52,298 --> 00:18:54,165
♪ [theme]
461
00:18:54,300 --> 00:18:56,501
[cheers and applause]
462
00:18:56,636 --> 00:18:59,971
A list of best airlines around
the world has been released,
463
00:18:59,973 --> 00:19:02,573
With qatar airways taking
the number one spot,
464
00:19:02,642 --> 00:19:05,176
Followed closely by
every other airline,
465
00:19:05,245 --> 00:19:07,978
Followed by a gap that
looks pretty intentional,
466
00:19:08,014 --> 00:19:11,048
And then someone wrote,
"fine. Air canada ."
467
00:19:11,050 --> 00:19:12,583
[audience laughter]
468
00:19:12,718 --> 00:19:15,719
The vatican is ordering all
employees to be vaccinated
469
00:19:15,755 --> 00:19:18,055
Or tested before
entering the grounds.
470
00:19:18,091 --> 00:19:21,192
"oh crap, my phone died.
You got to believe me.
471
00:19:21,327 --> 00:19:23,461
I'm double pfizered",
said god.
472
00:19:23,463 --> 00:19:25,462
[audience groans]
473
00:19:25,464 --> 00:19:29,000
[laughter]
474
00:19:29,135 --> 00:19:30,668
That was a long
way to go.
475
00:19:30,737 --> 00:19:32,336
It was a long
walk for that.
476
00:19:32,338 --> 00:19:33,804
[crosstalk]
477
00:19:33,873 --> 00:19:34,872
Beautiful walk.
478
00:19:36,943 --> 00:19:41,011
A lithuanian man had to have
one kilogram of screws, nuts,
479
00:19:41,047 --> 00:19:43,747
And knives surgically
removed from his stomach.
480
00:19:43,783 --> 00:19:47,417
And you thought you were bad at
putting together ikea furniture.
481
00:19:47,453 --> 00:19:49,287
[audience laughter]
482
00:19:53,693 --> 00:19:55,393
I can do this?
483
00:19:56,629 --> 00:19:57,828
Ok.
484
00:19:59,199 --> 00:20:00,431
I can do this.
485
00:20:00,433 --> 00:20:01,765
[breathes heavy]
486
00:20:01,801 --> 00:20:03,100
I can do this.
487
00:20:03,136 --> 00:20:04,501
You can do this.
488
00:20:04,503 --> 00:20:06,737
I can do this.
489
00:20:06,872 --> 00:20:08,506
You can do this.
Just pull it.
490
00:20:08,508 --> 00:20:10,040
Just pull it.
491
00:20:10,076 --> 00:20:13,344
Gaaaahhhh!
492
00:20:14,347 --> 00:20:15,613
You're a coward.
493
00:20:15,615 --> 00:20:16,847
That's the last time
494
00:20:16,916 --> 00:20:18,816
I ever eat bread in a hot tub,
I tell you that.
495
00:20:18,951 --> 00:20:21,051
Trent, you have
to do this for me.
496
00:20:21,120 --> 00:20:22,520
It's the only way.
497
00:20:23,656 --> 00:20:25,456
-Do it.
-No!
498
00:20:25,458 --> 00:20:26,524
Shoot the gun, trent!
499
00:20:26,659 --> 00:20:28,926
-Why are you doing this?
-Because
500
00:20:29,061 --> 00:20:32,463
The sign says.
Now do it.
501
00:20:32,598 --> 00:20:34,331
Pull the trigger,
you son of a bitch!
502
00:20:34,367 --> 00:20:35,733
Do it!
503
00:20:35,868 --> 00:20:37,335
Do it!
504
00:20:40,740 --> 00:20:42,406
You're a coward too.
505
00:20:45,044 --> 00:20:46,009
[beep]
506
00:20:46,045 --> 00:20:48,346
♪ mmm whatcha say ♪
507
00:20:48,348 --> 00:20:51,015
♪ mmm are you sure
you feel well? ♪
508
00:20:51,150 --> 00:20:55,886
♪ check yes or no
mmm whatcha say ♪
509
00:20:55,955 --> 00:20:59,090
♪ mmm is there
shortness of breath
510
00:20:59,225 --> 00:21:02,026
Or worsening cough ♪
511
00:21:02,095 --> 00:21:05,096
37.4.
It's a little warm.
512
00:21:05,231 --> 00:21:06,430
A little warm?
513
00:21:06,565 --> 00:21:08,366
Do my glands feel
swollen to you?
514
00:21:08,501 --> 00:21:09,767
[ra-ta-tat]
[cheers and applause]
515
00:21:09,836 --> 00:21:11,369
That's the way we saw
the world this week.
516
00:21:11,504 --> 00:21:12,703
Thanks for watching.
517
00:21:12,739 --> 00:21:14,705
And remember to keep an eye out
for the prime minister.
518
00:21:14,774 --> 00:21:16,907
You never know where
he'll turn up next.
519
00:21:16,909 --> 00:21:17,975
Goodnight.
520
00:21:17,977 --> 00:21:19,310
All: Goodnight.
521
00:21:19,312 --> 00:21:22,079
[cheers and applause]
522
00:21:22,148 --> 00:21:24,949
♪ ♪