1 00:00:47,002 --> 00:00:48,022 Taxi! 2 00:00:50,002 --> 00:00:53,012 In autumn, New Yorkers treat every nice day 3 00:00:53,013 --> 00:00:55,013 as if it could be their last. 4 00:00:57,017 --> 00:01:00,007 I'd have another if you would. What do you say? 5 00:01:00,009 --> 00:01:01,019 -You're a bad influence. 6 00:01:01,017 --> 00:01:03,007 I waited and waited! 7 00:01:03,009 --> 00:01:04,999 You said to meet you at the subway. 8 00:01:05,002 --> 00:01:06,012 I was at the subway! 9 00:01:06,010 --> 00:01:07,020 I was at the foot of the stairs! 10 00:01:07,020 --> 00:01:09,010 You was at the subway? 11 00:01:09,016 --> 00:01:10,016 You was in the subway! 12 00:01:10,020 --> 00:01:12,020 Oh, you don't know how to give directions, I waited... 13 00:01:12,023 --> 00:01:14,013 That's gonna be us in 30 years. 14 00:01:14,012 --> 00:01:15,022 Please don't say that. 15 00:01:15,023 --> 00:01:17,023 I'm kidding, that could never be us. 16 00:01:17,023 --> 00:01:19,013 That already was us, remember? 17 00:01:19,016 --> 00:01:21,006 Yeah, but that was then. 18 00:01:21,009 --> 00:01:24,019 Okay, so for the future, I don't want to become that. 19 00:01:25,021 --> 00:01:28,001 Okay, I don't want you to worry about becoming that. 20 00:01:28,006 --> 00:01:30,006 Okay, I won't. 21 00:01:30,008 --> 00:01:32,008 -All right. -Anything else we don't want? 22 00:01:32,015 --> 00:01:33,005 Yeah. 23 00:01:33,016 --> 00:01:35,016 I don't want you paying for these beers. 24 00:01:35,018 --> 00:01:38,018 -I'm serious. Your turn. 25 00:01:38,019 --> 00:01:41,999 Okay. I don't want to become your mother. 26 00:01:42,006 --> 00:01:43,016 -That's a good one. 27 00:01:44,000 --> 00:01:45,020 I don't want to slack off like I used to. 28 00:01:46,000 --> 00:01:48,020 I don't want to be so moody. This is fun. 29 00:01:48,023 --> 00:01:51,013 I don't want to lose you again. 30 00:01:51,009 --> 00:01:54,009 Even if I screw up all the other stuff, 31 00:01:54,009 --> 00:01:56,009 that's the one that matters. 32 00:01:56,012 --> 00:01:59,002 I don't want to lose you either. 33 00:02:01,016 --> 00:02:02,016 Will you marry me? 34 00:02:07,009 --> 00:02:08,019 Are you serious? 35 00:02:10,015 --> 00:02:12,995 Yes. Will you? 36 00:02:14,005 --> 00:02:15,015 Hell yeah! 37 00:02:15,023 --> 00:02:18,003 Some couples have to say their "I don'ts" 38 00:02:18,003 --> 00:02:21,013 before they can ever imagine saying their "I dos." 39 00:02:28,022 --> 00:02:31,002 80 blocks and a world away, 40 00:02:31,004 --> 00:02:34,004 I was enjoying a different kind of happy hour. 41 00:02:34,004 --> 00:02:36,014 At Aleksandr Petrovsky's. 42 00:02:36,010 --> 00:02:38,010 That's pretty. What is that? 43 00:02:42,000 --> 00:02:43,010 Oh, the berries. 44 00:02:52,022 --> 00:02:55,022 This little tune I made up for you. 45 00:02:55,021 --> 00:02:58,021 What? No, you didn't. 46 00:02:58,021 --> 00:03:00,011 Yes, I did. 47 00:03:00,008 --> 00:03:02,998 "La Femme Avec Les Yeux Lumineux." 48 00:03:03,003 --> 00:03:06,003 Which means "Woman with luminous, 49 00:03:06,004 --> 00:03:09,004 uh, shining, sparkling eyes." 50 00:03:11,001 --> 00:03:12,001 Hm. 51 00:03:21,003 --> 00:03:25,003 That is the cheesiest thing I have ever heard in my life. 52 00:03:25,006 --> 00:03:26,006 Ick! 53 00:03:26,007 --> 00:03:29,007 I know, I can't even look at you all right now, 54 00:03:29,008 --> 00:03:30,008 I'm so embarrassed. 55 00:03:30,015 --> 00:03:32,015 Well, it all sounds very old-world to me. 56 00:03:32,020 --> 00:03:34,020 -Very 18th century Russia. Yes, 57 00:03:35,000 --> 00:03:37,010 and I live in New York City, circa now. 58 00:03:37,014 --> 00:03:40,014 I think it's romantic if someone offers me a seat on the subway. 59 00:03:40,014 --> 00:03:42,004 That is romantic. 60 00:03:42,003 --> 00:03:44,023 We are just starved for real romance, 61 00:03:45,001 --> 00:03:46,011 and that is the sad truth. 62 00:03:46,013 --> 00:03:47,013 I'm not starved. 63 00:03:47,015 --> 00:03:48,015 Smith is in L.A. for the week, 64 00:03:49,001 --> 00:03:51,011 and he calls me every night before he goes to sleep. 65 00:03:51,014 --> 00:03:52,024 Phone sex doesn't count. 66 00:03:52,017 --> 00:03:54,017 Well, I'm drinking a glass of wine while we do it. 67 00:03:54,020 --> 00:03:56,000 I want to hear more about the romance. 68 00:03:56,005 --> 00:03:58,005 What else? What else did he do? 69 00:03:58,008 --> 00:04:00,998 Well, there was one more thing, 70 00:04:01,003 --> 00:04:05,003 but if I tell you, it'll be the ick heard 'round the world. 71 00:04:05,004 --> 00:04:06,024 It will not. 72 00:04:06,020 --> 00:04:09,000 You know the song that he wrote for me? 73 00:04:09,004 --> 00:04:11,024 -Yeah... Ick. -Well... 74 00:04:11,017 --> 00:04:13,017 It had a name. 75 00:04:13,019 --> 00:04:18,019 "La Femme Avec Les Yeux Lumineux." 76 00:04:18,019 --> 00:04:21,009 "The Woman With Eyes That..." 77 00:04:21,014 --> 00:04:23,014 "Sparkle." 78 00:04:23,010 --> 00:04:24,020 What's French for ick? 79 00:04:24,020 --> 00:04:25,020 Eek. 80 00:04:25,019 --> 00:04:26,999 And I swear to you, while he was playing it, 81 00:04:27,002 --> 00:04:31,002 I floated up out of my body and I was on the ceiling 82 00:04:31,002 --> 00:04:35,012 looking down at myself thinking... Come on! 83 00:04:35,012 --> 00:04:38,012 He's just expressing genuine emotion in an old-fashioned way. 84 00:04:38,014 --> 00:04:40,014 But it's not genuine, it's pure show. 85 00:04:40,013 --> 00:04:43,003 I can't stand all that artificial hoo-hah. 86 00:04:43,006 --> 00:04:46,996 That's why I proposed to Steve over three-dollar beers. 87 00:04:50,011 --> 00:04:52,001 You proposed? 88 00:04:52,003 --> 00:04:54,013 You proposed... marriage? 89 00:04:54,008 --> 00:04:55,998 Okay, everybody, stop. 90 00:04:56,002 --> 00:04:58,022 It's not a big deal, I am not "engaged," 91 00:04:58,020 --> 00:05:00,020 I'm not doing the big circus wedding. 92 00:05:00,021 --> 00:05:04,011 There will be no white dress or bridesmaids, or posed pictures. 93 00:05:04,007 --> 00:05:06,007 I hate all that shit. 94 00:05:06,012 --> 00:05:07,022 Well, that's your choice. 95 00:05:07,023 --> 00:05:10,023 Every bride has to find her own style. 96 00:05:10,023 --> 00:05:12,023 Well, when is it gonna be? 97 00:05:12,018 --> 00:05:14,018 As soon as I can find some place that doesn't make me hurl. 98 00:05:15,001 --> 00:05:17,021 It's just going to be a simple, nothing thing. 99 00:05:17,022 --> 00:05:20,002 I don't even care about the wedding, 100 00:05:20,005 --> 00:05:21,995 I just want to be with Steve. 101 00:05:22,006 --> 00:05:23,006 Oh, Miranda... 102 00:05:23,008 --> 00:05:25,998 Okay, this is exactly what I don't want. 103 00:05:26,004 --> 00:05:27,004 No tears. 104 00:05:27,002 --> 00:05:28,022 Oh my God... 105 00:05:28,018 --> 00:05:29,998 I can't believe it... 106 00:05:30,003 --> 00:05:32,023 That's it, you're all freaking me out. 107 00:05:34,003 --> 00:05:36,023 Samantha, I expected more from you. 108 00:05:40,013 --> 00:05:43,013 He just felt inspired to write her a song 109 00:05:43,016 --> 00:05:44,016 and then he played it for her. 110 00:05:45,000 --> 00:05:47,010 Isn't that the most romantic thing you've ever heard? 111 00:05:47,009 --> 00:05:49,009 Yeah, not bad. 112 00:05:49,012 --> 00:05:51,012 I used to play clarinet when I was little. 113 00:05:51,011 --> 00:05:54,021 This is so good, you have to have some. 114 00:05:54,018 --> 00:05:57,008 Doesn't that taste like real butter pecan? 115 00:05:57,016 --> 00:05:59,006 Okay, if that's what we're playing. 116 00:05:59,007 --> 00:06:02,017 Sure, I can pretend this whipped flavored air is the real thing. 117 00:06:02,022 --> 00:06:04,012 -Yum! 118 00:06:04,007 --> 00:06:05,997 I mean, it's like something out of a Victorian novel. 119 00:06:06,004 --> 00:06:08,024 people just don't do those things anymore. 120 00:06:08,017 --> 00:06:10,017 Hey, I can be romantic, too, you know. 121 00:06:10,022 --> 00:06:13,012 Oh, honey, I know you can. 122 00:06:13,008 --> 00:06:14,998 I think it's romantic that you walk me to 123 00:06:15,002 --> 00:06:16,012 Tasti-D-Lite every night. 124 00:06:16,013 --> 00:06:17,023 Don't humor me, 125 00:06:17,021 --> 00:06:19,011 I know how to do romance right. 126 00:06:19,016 --> 00:06:21,016 It's not just for foo-foo foreigners. 127 00:06:21,017 --> 00:06:22,017 -In fact... -Mm. 128 00:06:22,020 --> 00:06:24,000 In fact, I'm gonna take you out 129 00:06:24,005 --> 00:06:27,005 for a real romantic night on the town. Mm-hm. 130 00:06:27,007 --> 00:06:29,007 Wining and dining, baby. 131 00:06:29,008 --> 00:06:30,018 -Really? -You bet. 132 00:06:31,001 --> 00:06:33,011 Let me get another lick of that... 133 00:06:33,008 --> 00:06:34,018 -Mmm. -Uh-huh. 134 00:06:34,018 --> 00:06:36,018 I don't want to make a big entrance. 135 00:06:36,020 --> 00:06:38,020 I don't want everyone staring at me. 136 00:06:38,021 --> 00:06:40,021 And from licking to lugging... 137 00:06:40,020 --> 00:06:43,000 I just want it to feel like us. Like, 138 00:06:43,004 --> 00:06:45,014 not like one of those millions of cookie-cutter weddings 139 00:06:45,016 --> 00:06:46,996 I've had to suffer through. 140 00:06:47,005 --> 00:06:48,005 How do we do that? 141 00:06:48,010 --> 00:06:49,020 What about one of those boat rides 142 00:06:50,000 --> 00:06:51,010 that goes all around the island? 143 00:06:51,012 --> 00:06:52,012 -That's different. 144 00:06:52,012 --> 00:06:53,012 We're not boat people. 145 00:06:53,016 --> 00:06:55,006 When have we ever been on a boat together, ever? 146 00:06:55,016 --> 00:06:58,006 Okay, you got a better idea? 147 00:06:58,016 --> 00:07:00,016 Oh, shit! 148 00:07:00,018 --> 00:07:02,008 Oh, shit. Agh! 149 00:07:02,014 --> 00:07:05,024 This is so us, we are pathetic. 150 00:07:05,020 --> 00:07:07,020 This gum is like superglue. 151 00:07:07,023 --> 00:07:08,023 Look at this. 152 00:07:08,022 --> 00:07:12,012 You see, we're bag people, not boat people. 153 00:07:12,010 --> 00:07:14,020 We should get married right here in this mess. 154 00:07:14,023 --> 00:07:17,003 We're gonna have to if I can't get this gum off. 155 00:07:20,005 --> 00:07:21,005 Hey... 156 00:07:21,016 --> 00:07:23,016 That's a nice garden. 157 00:07:24,019 --> 00:07:26,019 Yeah, it's pretty. 158 00:07:27,020 --> 00:07:29,010 But not corny. 159 00:07:30,001 --> 00:07:32,011 What do you think? 160 00:07:32,009 --> 00:07:33,999 I don't hate it. 161 00:07:35,023 --> 00:07:38,003 The only thing harder than choosing a spot 162 00:07:38,005 --> 00:07:39,995 for your wedding when you hate weddings... 163 00:07:40,004 --> 00:07:41,004 What about a guest book? 164 00:07:41,004 --> 00:07:42,024 ...is choosing a wedding gift 165 00:07:42,020 --> 00:07:44,010 for your friend who hates weddings. 166 00:07:44,008 --> 00:07:45,018 Sweetie, there's gonna be like eight of us there. 167 00:07:45,023 --> 00:07:47,023 There's no one to keep track of. 168 00:07:47,021 --> 00:07:50,011 I can't believe Miranda is getting married. 169 00:07:50,012 --> 00:07:51,022 -Mm... -This is pretty. 170 00:07:51,017 --> 00:07:53,007 Oh, she'll hate that. Too domestic. 171 00:07:53,011 --> 00:07:54,021 And too bridey. 172 00:07:55,000 --> 00:07:56,020 Yeah, let's try not to piss her off. 173 00:07:56,019 --> 00:07:58,019 Well, maybe we should just buy her a stapler, 174 00:07:58,017 --> 00:08:01,007 and wrap it in brown paper and just smear some dog poo on it. 175 00:08:01,012 --> 00:08:03,012 Do you think she'd be comfortable with that? 176 00:08:06,000 --> 00:08:07,010 Fine, we'll get the dish. 177 00:08:09,001 --> 00:08:12,021 Ladies, I have something to tell you, 178 00:08:12,018 --> 00:08:13,998 and you're not going to like it. 179 00:08:14,004 --> 00:08:17,024 If you get married and leave me all alone I will kill you. 180 00:08:17,017 --> 00:08:21,007 As you know, I have always loved my body just the way it is. 181 00:08:21,015 --> 00:08:22,015 My legs are fantastic, 182 00:08:23,000 --> 00:08:25,020 I have killer abs, my ass is perfection... 183 00:08:25,020 --> 00:08:27,010 Is this the part we're not gonna like? 184 00:08:27,012 --> 00:08:30,022 But I have decided, after careful consideration, 185 00:08:30,021 --> 00:08:33,021 that I might be ready for bigger boobs. 186 00:08:34,016 --> 00:08:35,996 Since when? 187 00:08:36,002 --> 00:08:39,012 Since I had a cold, hard dose of reality... 188 00:08:40,003 --> 00:08:41,003 from this. 189 00:08:41,004 --> 00:08:44,014 -Look. -You're in In Touch magazine? 190 00:08:44,007 --> 00:08:45,997 And that's your source of reality? 191 00:08:46,004 --> 00:08:49,024 Yes, they named Smith Jerrod the number one hot guy to watch, 192 00:08:50,001 --> 00:08:52,001 they followed him all over town for a week. 193 00:08:52,003 --> 00:08:54,003 I'm in half the pictures. See, 194 00:08:54,003 --> 00:08:56,003 there are my boobs on Wednesday. 195 00:08:56,003 --> 00:08:57,013 See how small they are? 196 00:08:57,016 --> 00:09:01,006 There they are again on Thursday, teeny-tiny... 197 00:09:01,007 --> 00:09:02,017 And there they are having lunch, 198 00:09:02,019 --> 00:09:05,999 you can barely see them, I should've brought my loop. 199 00:09:06,002 --> 00:09:07,012 I can't believe you would actually consider 200 00:09:07,014 --> 00:09:08,024 having a boob job. 201 00:09:08,020 --> 00:09:11,010 I can't believe you went to Planet Hollywood. 202 00:09:11,012 --> 00:09:14,002 You are a confident, intelligent woman. 203 00:09:14,003 --> 00:09:15,023 Why would you want to look like a bimbo? 204 00:09:15,017 --> 00:09:18,017 I wouldn't be getting the watermelon freak-show kind. 205 00:09:18,017 --> 00:09:21,007 I'd get something tasteful, something like... 206 00:09:22,008 --> 00:09:24,008 yours. 207 00:09:24,007 --> 00:09:25,017 Yours are good. 208 00:09:26,001 --> 00:09:27,011 -Mine? -Mm. 209 00:09:27,008 --> 00:09:28,008 Thanks. 210 00:09:28,008 --> 00:09:29,018 What's wrong with mine? 211 00:09:29,018 --> 00:09:31,018 Well, they're not bad, either. Let's see... 212 00:09:31,023 --> 00:09:34,003 Okay, alright... Get hers! 213 00:09:34,003 --> 00:09:36,003 No. 214 00:09:37,012 --> 00:09:40,002 A few days later, the rain came... 215 00:09:40,004 --> 00:09:42,004 Listen, you'll like this poem. 216 00:09:42,020 --> 00:09:43,020 Poem? 217 00:09:44,000 --> 00:09:45,020 And so did the poetry. 218 00:09:45,018 --> 00:09:47,018 "So long had life together been that 219 00:09:47,022 --> 00:09:50,012 once the snow began to fall, 220 00:09:50,014 --> 00:09:53,024 it seemed unending that least the flakes 221 00:09:54,000 --> 00:09:56,020 should make her eyelids wince. 222 00:09:56,018 --> 00:09:58,018 I'd shield them with my hand, 223 00:09:58,022 --> 00:10:02,002 and they, pretending not to believe the cherishing of eyes, 224 00:10:02,006 --> 00:10:06,006 would beat against my palm like butterflies..." 225 00:10:09,002 --> 00:10:13,002 Ee-yow. That is some serious stuff. 226 00:10:13,005 --> 00:10:15,015 -Had enough, huh? -No. 227 00:10:15,017 --> 00:10:17,007 No, it's beautiful... 228 00:10:17,011 --> 00:10:18,011 Um... 229 00:10:18,016 --> 00:10:22,006 How about I read you a little bit of my favorite poetry? 230 00:10:22,007 --> 00:10:23,997 Please. 231 00:10:25,022 --> 00:10:29,022 "Cocktails at Tiffany's calls for classic charm. 232 00:10:29,023 --> 00:10:33,023 Oscar De La Renta sleeveless silk faille, 233 00:10:33,023 --> 00:10:38,023 full-skirted dress, with black patent leather bow belt." 234 00:10:40,006 --> 00:10:44,006 Now that is pure poetry. 235 00:10:44,014 --> 00:10:46,004 Oscar is a good friend of mine. 236 00:10:46,003 --> 00:10:47,023 I'll tell him you like the dress. 237 00:10:47,020 --> 00:10:50,010 Oscar? 238 00:10:50,012 --> 00:10:52,012 You call him Oscar? 239 00:10:52,011 --> 00:10:53,021 It's his name, isn't it? 240 00:10:55,014 --> 00:10:58,014 So, you feel uncomfortable with the poetry. 241 00:10:58,014 --> 00:10:59,014 Why is that? 242 00:11:01,022 --> 00:11:04,002 Look, I'm sorry, 243 00:11:04,005 --> 00:11:07,015 perhaps we were not properly introduced. 244 00:11:07,020 --> 00:11:10,010 I write a column based on the assumption 245 00:11:10,010 --> 00:11:13,020 that romance is either dead or just... 246 00:11:13,018 --> 00:11:14,018 phony. 247 00:11:14,017 --> 00:11:15,017 You think I'm phony? 248 00:11:15,020 --> 00:11:18,000 No, no, no, not at all. 249 00:11:18,004 --> 00:11:21,004 No, I'm the one that feels like a phony. 250 00:11:21,002 --> 00:11:26,022 Frankly, I'm just not used to these grand gestures. 251 00:11:26,020 --> 00:11:28,000 You mean no other man... 252 00:11:28,004 --> 00:11:33,014 No one ever read you a little poem, or-- 253 00:11:33,011 --> 00:11:35,001 Played a little music for you? 254 00:11:35,022 --> 00:11:38,002 Um... 255 00:11:38,002 --> 00:11:40,002 No. 256 00:11:40,003 --> 00:11:42,013 No, they have not. 257 00:11:42,008 --> 00:11:44,008 Wow. 258 00:11:45,022 --> 00:11:48,002 Oh, okay. 259 00:11:54,013 --> 00:11:56,023 I'm in over my head, where are you? 260 00:11:56,021 --> 00:11:59,011 Shopping for a wedding dress on my lunch hour. 261 00:11:59,012 --> 00:12:01,022 I said no white, no ivory, 262 00:12:02,001 --> 00:12:03,021 No nothing that says virgin. 263 00:12:04,001 --> 00:12:06,011 I have a child, the jig is up. 264 00:12:06,014 --> 00:12:07,024 Okay, so... 265 00:12:07,021 --> 00:12:11,021 yesterday, the Russian read me a Russian poem, 266 00:12:12,001 --> 00:12:13,001 but, you know, in English. 267 00:12:13,006 --> 00:12:15,996 Are you just making this stuff up now? 268 00:12:16,003 --> 00:12:18,013 No. And this might sound crazy, 269 00:12:18,008 --> 00:12:20,008 but I don't think it's an act. 270 00:12:20,011 --> 00:12:24,011 I think he actually means it. 271 00:12:24,008 --> 00:12:25,998 That doesn't make it okay. 272 00:12:26,004 --> 00:12:28,004 Has he considered your feelings? 273 00:12:28,006 --> 00:12:30,006 You're right, he's a selfish pig. 274 00:12:30,012 --> 00:12:31,022 I'm serious. 275 00:12:32,000 --> 00:12:35,010 I think you should tell him that this whole romance thing 276 00:12:35,010 --> 00:12:36,020 gives you the icks, turns your stomach, 277 00:12:36,020 --> 00:12:39,020 and that he's dating you, not Anna Karenina. 278 00:12:39,022 --> 00:12:41,002 Okay, I'll tell him that. 279 00:12:41,006 --> 00:12:42,016 I can't tell him that. 280 00:12:43,001 --> 00:12:47,021 And let me ask you something, if you're so anti-romance, 281 00:12:47,017 --> 00:12:48,017 why are you having a wedding at all? 282 00:12:48,023 --> 00:12:52,023 Why not just go down to city hall and get it over with? 283 00:12:52,017 --> 00:12:55,007 You know, I thought about that, but then I realized, 284 00:12:55,013 --> 00:12:58,023 I actually do want to say those vows out loud, 285 00:12:58,018 --> 00:13:01,998 to Steve, in front of the people I care about. 286 00:13:02,003 --> 00:13:03,023 Are you gagging over there? 287 00:13:03,020 --> 00:13:07,020 No, the opposite. My God, Miranda. 288 00:13:08,000 --> 00:13:10,010 You were my cynical touchstone. 289 00:13:10,010 --> 00:13:11,020 Do you promise to still be cynical, 290 00:13:11,019 --> 00:13:13,009 even after you're married? 291 00:13:13,009 --> 00:13:14,019 I do. 292 00:13:14,023 --> 00:13:18,023 I have got to go, there's a big pile of tutus coming at me. 293 00:13:18,023 --> 00:13:23,003 Okay, we need to have another talk. 294 00:13:26,015 --> 00:13:29,005 One of the great things about living in New York City 295 00:13:29,010 --> 00:13:32,010 is that you don't have to sugarcoat your feelings. 296 00:13:32,014 --> 00:13:34,004 But have New York women 297 00:13:34,006 --> 00:13:37,016 settled for a sugar-free existence as well? 298 00:13:38,001 --> 00:13:41,011 We accept Tasti-D-Lite instead of real ice cream. 299 00:13:41,007 --> 00:13:45,017 E-mails instead of love songs, jokes instead of poetry. 300 00:13:45,023 --> 00:13:48,013 It's no wonder that when faced with the real thing, 301 00:13:48,014 --> 00:13:49,024 we can't stomach it. 302 00:13:50,001 --> 00:13:53,011 Is it something we could learn to digest, or... 303 00:13:53,013 --> 00:13:57,003 Have we become romance-intolerant? 304 00:14:02,012 --> 00:14:04,022 Et puis, for the troisieme course, 305 00:14:05,000 --> 00:14:06,010 we would like the foie gras, 306 00:14:06,013 --> 00:14:08,013 followed by the boeuf bourguignon, 307 00:14:08,016 --> 00:14:11,006 avec les legumes a la creme... 308 00:14:11,008 --> 00:14:13,008 It was Harry's version of a serenade, 309 00:14:13,007 --> 00:14:14,017 and Charlotte ate it right up. 310 00:14:15,000 --> 00:14:17,010 Et en fin, the plat du fromage. 311 00:14:17,015 --> 00:14:18,015 The plate or the cart? 312 00:14:18,023 --> 00:14:20,023 We have a lovely cheese cart. 313 00:14:20,017 --> 00:14:22,007 Mais, oui! Bring us the cart! 314 00:14:22,015 --> 00:14:24,005 Tout suite for my sweetie. 315 00:14:24,015 --> 00:14:27,015 I had no idea you could speak French so well, honey. 316 00:14:27,022 --> 00:14:31,012 The French learned romance from me, bébé. 317 00:14:34,007 --> 00:14:37,007 Downtown, in the name of boob job research, 318 00:14:37,011 --> 00:14:40,011 Samantha decided to go where the biggest crop 319 00:14:40,009 --> 00:14:42,009 would be on display. 320 00:14:42,016 --> 00:14:43,016 Some were little boobs... 321 00:14:43,018 --> 00:14:44,998 -Ooh, that's okay. -Not so bad. 322 00:14:45,006 --> 00:14:46,006 Not too small. 323 00:14:46,009 --> 00:14:47,019 Some were big boobs... 324 00:14:47,019 --> 00:14:50,019 Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah... 325 00:14:53,005 --> 00:14:55,005 Some were ridiculously big boobs... 326 00:14:55,007 --> 00:14:56,017 Oh, boy. 327 00:14:56,023 --> 00:14:58,023 Okay, that's my wife, right there. 328 00:14:59,001 --> 00:15:01,021 And then, there were the two biggest boobs of all, 329 00:15:01,018 --> 00:15:02,018 right beside her. 330 00:15:03,000 --> 00:15:04,000 Wow. 331 00:15:10,022 --> 00:15:12,022 Can I get you something? 332 00:15:12,019 --> 00:15:14,009 You either have the most naturally 333 00:15:14,016 --> 00:15:16,006 beautiful breasts I've ever seen, 334 00:15:16,015 --> 00:15:18,015 or I need the name of your doctor. 335 00:15:19,000 --> 00:15:20,010 You want Dr. Bevel. 336 00:15:20,014 --> 00:15:21,024 He's the best. 337 00:15:21,017 --> 00:15:23,997 They've paid for themselves in tips alone. 338 00:15:26,017 --> 00:15:27,017 Hmm. 339 00:15:27,018 --> 00:15:29,998 Meanwhile, back in the 18th century... 340 00:15:30,002 --> 00:15:35,012 Oh, I'm sorry. Is this a formal sleepover? 341 00:15:40,018 --> 00:15:43,008 Actually, there's an opening at the Met tonight. 342 00:15:43,007 --> 00:15:45,007 It's La Traviata. And you're going with me. 343 00:15:45,007 --> 00:15:49,007 Man, I was this close to throwing on my ball gown, 344 00:15:49,009 --> 00:15:50,019 but I ignored my instincts. 345 00:15:50,017 --> 00:15:51,017 Alright, I'll go home and change? 346 00:15:52,000 --> 00:15:55,010 No, no, no. It would be much faster. Come in. 347 00:16:01,022 --> 00:16:04,012 Come on, open it. 348 00:16:15,004 --> 00:16:16,014 Oh... 349 00:16:19,002 --> 00:16:21,022 Tonight, only your poetry, not mine. 350 00:16:21,023 --> 00:16:23,013 From the magazine. 351 00:16:23,010 --> 00:16:24,020 You like it? 352 00:16:24,018 --> 00:16:27,008 If I had been on a romance-free diet, 353 00:16:27,008 --> 00:16:29,018 this seemed like a good time to binge. 354 00:16:33,004 --> 00:16:37,014 That was the most romantic, elegant... 355 00:16:40,009 --> 00:16:43,009 Pardon me, that was weird. 356 00:16:45,009 --> 00:16:48,019 Decadent, seven-course-- 357 00:16:52,017 --> 00:16:54,017 I'm sorry, honey. 358 00:16:56,006 --> 00:16:57,016 Oh, boy-- 359 00:16:58,014 --> 00:16:59,024 Are you okay? 360 00:17:09,008 --> 00:17:10,018 Honey? 361 00:17:10,023 --> 00:17:12,023 Are you gonna be long in there? 362 00:17:12,017 --> 00:17:14,017 Uh, maybe. 363 00:17:14,019 --> 00:17:17,009 Oh, definitely. Why? 364 00:17:17,009 --> 00:17:19,009 That's okay, I'll go to the other one. 365 00:17:19,009 --> 00:17:21,999 When you splurge on a romantic seven-course meal, 366 00:17:22,003 --> 00:17:24,023 you generally want to remember every bite. 367 00:17:25,001 --> 00:17:28,001 There was the soup course. The dessert course... 368 00:17:28,002 --> 00:17:31,002 And all those other yummy courses in between... 369 00:17:31,002 --> 00:17:32,022 That's gotta be it. 370 00:17:33,016 --> 00:17:34,996 I'm done. 371 00:17:35,002 --> 00:17:37,022 Harry and Charlotte had romance shooting out of them 372 00:17:37,017 --> 00:17:38,017 every 20 minutes... 373 00:17:38,021 --> 00:17:40,011 Oh, I'm not. 374 00:17:40,016 --> 00:17:42,006 ...for the rest of the night. 375 00:17:42,011 --> 00:17:44,001 I wouldn't go in there, if I were you. 376 00:17:44,006 --> 00:17:44,996 It's not pleasant. 377 00:17:45,002 --> 00:17:46,022 I can't make it to the other one! 378 00:17:46,017 --> 00:17:48,017 It's the fucking fromage. 379 00:17:48,018 --> 00:17:49,018 Oh! 380 00:17:49,023 --> 00:17:53,013 That fucking fromage! 381 00:17:53,015 --> 00:17:59,005 Uh-oh. Oh, oh, look out, I'm coming in. 382 00:17:59,007 --> 00:18:01,997 Surviving a night of food poisoning together 383 00:18:02,004 --> 00:18:04,014 wasn't the stuff of great romance, 384 00:18:04,008 --> 00:18:07,998 but it was the stuff of lasting love. 385 00:18:08,002 --> 00:18:09,002 I thought it starts at 7:30. 386 00:18:09,006 --> 00:18:10,016 No, it's 8:00. We're fine. 387 00:18:10,018 --> 00:18:14,008 Meanwhile, a funny thing happened on the way to the opera. 388 00:18:17,007 --> 00:18:18,997 Wait, wait. 389 00:18:19,006 --> 00:18:20,996 What? 390 00:18:21,002 --> 00:18:24,022 This music, this place. 391 00:18:24,018 --> 00:18:25,998 You. 392 00:18:27,017 --> 00:18:29,017 Isn't it perfect? 393 00:18:30,021 --> 00:18:33,001 Would you dance with me? 394 00:18:38,013 --> 00:18:42,023 It was the most romantic moment... 395 00:18:42,017 --> 00:18:44,017 Whoa, stop, stop. What? 396 00:18:44,022 --> 00:18:47,012 My God, that lady fell! -Hey, hey, hey? Are you okay? 397 00:18:47,014 --> 00:18:50,004 Is she alright? -You okay, hey? 398 00:18:51,008 --> 00:18:52,018 No. 399 00:18:52,019 --> 00:18:54,009 It's too much. 400 00:18:54,011 --> 00:18:57,001 I'm an American. 401 00:18:57,006 --> 00:18:59,016 You gotta take it down a notch... 402 00:18:59,018 --> 00:19:02,008 Does she need any help? No, he's got it. 403 00:19:02,014 --> 00:19:09,004 And then a Quarter Pounder with cheese, um, McNuggets... 404 00:19:09,002 --> 00:19:10,022 Would you like to super-size that? 405 00:19:12,002 --> 00:19:13,012 Can you handle it? 406 00:19:13,009 --> 00:19:16,009 Absolutely. 407 00:19:19,014 --> 00:19:20,024 I'm sorry about the opera. 408 00:19:21,000 --> 00:19:22,000 Don't be silly. 409 00:19:22,002 --> 00:19:25,002 Another time, another dress. 410 00:19:28,003 --> 00:19:29,023 May I offer you a fry? 411 00:19:30,007 --> 00:19:31,007 Mm... 412 00:19:31,007 --> 00:19:32,017 They're French... 413 00:19:32,017 --> 00:19:34,017 Oh, then... 414 00:19:37,023 --> 00:19:39,003 Hm. 415 00:19:40,011 --> 00:19:41,011 Mm. 416 00:19:45,023 --> 00:19:49,023 Okay, I think I might be up for a quick spin now. 417 00:19:51,002 --> 00:19:52,022 If you'll still have me. 418 00:19:52,017 --> 00:19:53,997 Of course. 419 00:19:58,019 --> 00:20:00,019 That'll be $9.54. 420 00:20:07,011 --> 00:20:10,011 And there, beneath the fluorescent moonlight, 421 00:20:10,016 --> 00:20:13,006 I was finally laughing with romance, 422 00:20:13,008 --> 00:20:14,018 and not at it. 423 00:20:16,017 --> 00:20:18,007 And if I went any bigger than this, 424 00:20:18,013 --> 00:20:21,003 I'd think I'd look ridiculous, don't you? 425 00:20:21,002 --> 00:20:22,022 -Well, that's not my work. -Oh. 426 00:20:22,022 --> 00:20:24,012 But I did hers. 427 00:20:24,010 --> 00:20:26,010 And hers right before the Golden Globes. 428 00:20:26,007 --> 00:20:27,997 Wow, they're winners. 429 00:20:28,002 --> 00:20:29,002 Other arm, please. 430 00:20:29,003 --> 00:20:30,023 Mm. 431 00:20:31,001 --> 00:20:32,021 I have an event in two months 432 00:20:32,020 --> 00:20:35,000 that I'd really like to have a little cleavage for. 433 00:20:35,004 --> 00:20:36,004 Hmm. 434 00:20:36,004 --> 00:20:37,014 Will they be up and running by then? 435 00:20:37,016 --> 00:20:38,016 Ms. Jones, you have a lump 436 00:20:38,020 --> 00:20:42,010 I'd like you to have checked out before we begin our work. 437 00:20:42,007 --> 00:20:44,007 It's right here, you can feel it yourself. 438 00:20:44,016 --> 00:20:45,016 Are you kidding? 439 00:20:46,001 --> 00:20:48,021 No, I'm afraid not. 440 00:20:48,020 --> 00:20:52,020 Okay, but it's not serious, right? 441 00:20:52,017 --> 00:20:53,997 Well, it's probably just a cyst, 442 00:20:54,003 --> 00:20:55,013 but we want to be absolutely sure. 443 00:20:55,010 --> 00:20:58,010 I'd like you to have it looked at as soon as possible, okay? 444 00:21:05,009 --> 00:21:06,019 By Miranda's wedding day, 445 00:21:06,021 --> 00:21:08,021 I thought the whole world had gone romantic 446 00:21:08,017 --> 00:21:11,017 when Samantha insisted on picking me up in a cab. 447 00:21:12,019 --> 00:21:13,019 What has come over you? 448 00:21:14,001 --> 00:21:15,021 This is a hundred blocks out of your way. 449 00:21:15,017 --> 00:21:17,997 So, now we're going to 10th and 6th Avenue, please. 450 00:21:18,006 --> 00:21:19,016 -Boy, you look nice. -Well, so do you. 451 00:21:19,021 --> 00:21:20,021 Thank you. 452 00:21:20,021 --> 00:21:24,001 So, I had my breast consultation 453 00:21:24,004 --> 00:21:25,014 with the plastic surgeon. 454 00:21:25,011 --> 00:21:27,011 Please tell me you've changed your mind. 455 00:21:27,013 --> 00:21:28,023 Well, not exactly. 456 00:21:28,023 --> 00:21:31,023 He found a lump, and I had it biopsied, 457 00:21:31,021 --> 00:21:33,011 and it turns out I have cancer. 458 00:21:33,015 --> 00:21:35,995 You... What? When? 459 00:21:36,003 --> 00:21:39,013 Well, I had it biopsied on Wednesday and I found out yesterday. 460 00:21:39,008 --> 00:21:40,018 I'm gonna give you all the information 461 00:21:40,023 --> 00:21:43,023 and I don't want you to get upset or start worrying, 462 00:21:43,023 --> 00:21:45,013 and the only reason I'm telling you now 463 00:21:45,011 --> 00:21:48,011 and not later is I didn't want to accidentally blurt out, 464 00:21:48,013 --> 00:21:51,013 "I have cancer," in the middle of Miranda's wedding. 465 00:21:52,017 --> 00:21:55,007 Could you please take Fifth? Broadway's a disaster. 466 00:21:57,010 --> 00:21:58,020 Okay, I'm listening. 467 00:21:58,017 --> 00:22:00,997 And please don't tell Charlotte and Miranda. 468 00:22:01,003 --> 00:22:02,023 I don't want to ruin their days, too. 469 00:22:02,021 --> 00:22:04,011 Of course, whatever you say. 470 00:22:05,013 --> 00:22:07,023 So what exactly do you know? 471 00:22:07,018 --> 00:22:09,008 Well, just that there are cancer cells 472 00:22:09,010 --> 00:22:11,010 and I had a mammogram, and they think it's small, 473 00:22:11,009 --> 00:22:12,009 which is a good sign. 474 00:22:12,015 --> 00:22:13,015 And I won't know anything else 475 00:22:13,020 --> 00:22:15,020 until they take the fucker out next week, 476 00:22:15,020 --> 00:22:17,000 so there, now you know everything 477 00:22:17,003 --> 00:22:18,023 and we can talk about something else. 478 00:22:22,009 --> 00:22:24,019 So, do you like my skunk? 479 00:22:27,000 --> 00:22:28,010 Well, thank you for telling me. 480 00:22:28,015 --> 00:22:30,005 Sure. 481 00:22:30,008 --> 00:22:33,008 I'm sorry to put a big cloud over the whole day. 482 00:22:33,010 --> 00:22:34,010 Samantha-- 483 00:22:34,012 --> 00:22:37,022 I know I'm gonna be fine, I know that. 484 00:22:37,020 --> 00:22:39,010 It's just... 485 00:22:41,011 --> 00:22:43,011 I don't want to lose my breasts. 486 00:22:44,019 --> 00:22:45,999 They're fabulous. 487 00:22:52,015 --> 00:22:53,015 For better or worse. 488 00:22:53,023 --> 00:22:56,023 For richer or poorer. 489 00:22:57,001 --> 00:23:04,011 To love and to cherish, as long as we both shall live. 490 00:23:05,023 --> 00:23:08,013 This is my solemn vow. 491 00:23:08,009 --> 00:23:09,009 Now Miranda. 492 00:23:09,015 --> 00:23:13,005 I, Miranda Hobbes... 493 00:23:15,000 --> 00:23:16,020 Take you, Steve Brady... 494 00:23:18,009 --> 00:23:19,009 To be my husband... 495 00:23:19,011 --> 00:23:22,011 Look, mommy and daddy are getting married. 496 00:23:24,002 --> 00:23:25,012 For richer or poorer... 497 00:23:25,014 --> 00:23:28,024 In sickness and in health... 498 00:23:29,001 --> 00:23:35,021 To love and to cherish, as long as we both shall live. 499 00:23:35,022 --> 00:23:38,022 This is my solemn vow. 500 00:23:38,020 --> 00:23:40,020 Do you promise to uphold these vows 501 00:23:41,001 --> 00:23:43,001 you've made here today, witnessed by your closest 502 00:23:43,002 --> 00:23:45,002 friends and family? 503 00:23:46,011 --> 00:23:49,011 I do. 504 00:23:49,010 --> 00:23:52,010 With the power vested in me by the state of New York, 505 00:23:52,007 --> 00:23:56,007 I now pronounce you husband and wife. 506 00:24:02,008 --> 00:24:05,998 C'mon, everybody, it's happy time. 507 00:24:06,003 --> 00:24:08,023 C'mon, it's happy time. 508 00:24:09,000 --> 00:24:13,000 C'mon, it's happy time! 509 00:24:16,005 --> 00:24:19,005 The one wedding ritual Miranda never had a problem with 510 00:24:19,013 --> 00:24:21,023 was the part where everyone eats. 511 00:24:21,022 --> 00:24:23,012 And so we did. 512 00:24:23,016 --> 00:24:25,016 Samantha, you look so pretty today. 513 00:24:25,018 --> 00:24:27,008 Thanks, I have cancer. 514 00:24:27,007 --> 00:24:29,007 -What? -Are you all okay with drinks? 515 00:24:29,007 --> 00:24:31,017 Uh, no, we're not okay with drinks. Keep 'em coming. 516 00:24:31,019 --> 00:24:32,019 Cool. 517 00:24:35,006 --> 00:24:36,016 I like the color of your dress. 518 00:24:36,019 --> 00:24:37,999 Oh, thank you. 519 00:24:38,003 --> 00:24:41,023 I admire you for not pretending. 520 00:24:41,022 --> 00:24:44,012 Listen, we're family now 521 00:24:44,007 --> 00:24:47,007 and there's something private I want to tell you... 522 00:24:47,013 --> 00:24:48,023 Oh, you don't have to. 523 00:24:48,023 --> 00:24:53,023 The day I married Steve's father, I wore white. 524 00:24:53,021 --> 00:24:55,001 But I shouldn't have. 525 00:24:56,002 --> 00:24:57,022 I slipped. 526 00:24:57,020 --> 00:24:59,020 Once, God forgive me. 527 00:25:01,019 --> 00:25:04,009 Don't tell Steve. 528 00:25:04,012 --> 00:25:07,012 When I walked down that aisle at Saint Agnes... 529 00:25:07,010 --> 00:25:10,010 I had a white dress on-- on the outside, 530 00:25:10,010 --> 00:25:13,010 and my little Jackie on the inside. 531 00:25:22,006 --> 00:25:23,006 Steve? 532 00:25:24,011 --> 00:25:25,021 Hey, Ma. 533 00:25:25,019 --> 00:25:27,009 -What? -Ya still hungry? 534 00:25:27,007 --> 00:25:28,017 C'mon, let's get some chow. 535 00:25:31,015 --> 00:25:35,015 Oh my God, I am legally bound to Steve's mother. 536 00:25:35,017 --> 00:25:36,017 -Hi again. -There she is. 537 00:25:37,000 --> 00:25:38,020 Congratulations! 538 00:25:41,006 --> 00:25:42,996 What, why are you being weird? 539 00:25:43,004 --> 00:25:45,004 We're not being weird. 540 00:25:45,002 --> 00:25:46,002 No, we're just talking. 541 00:25:46,005 --> 00:25:48,005 About me, right? 542 00:25:48,009 --> 00:25:49,009 You think I'm an asshole, 543 00:25:49,013 --> 00:25:51,023 that I've become one of them, that I'm a Stepford bride. 544 00:25:51,019 --> 00:25:53,999 -God, no! -No! 545 00:25:54,004 --> 00:25:55,024 Then tell me what you're talking about. 546 00:25:55,017 --> 00:25:56,007 I'll tell you tomorrow, 547 00:25:56,014 --> 00:25:58,004 I don't want to ruin your special day. 548 00:25:58,003 --> 00:26:01,013 Forget about my special fucking day and be normal. 549 00:26:01,014 --> 00:26:03,024 Please, I beg of you. 550 00:26:08,000 --> 00:26:09,020 I have breast cancer. 551 00:26:10,017 --> 00:26:11,017 What? 552 00:26:11,020 --> 00:26:12,020 See? 553 00:26:12,020 --> 00:26:15,010 Now it's my special fucking day. Hmph! 554 00:26:16,018 --> 00:26:18,008 You have breast cancer? 555 00:26:18,008 --> 00:26:21,008 Hey, no tears. 556 00:26:21,008 --> 00:26:24,018 Miranda, I expected more from you. 557 00:26:25,001 --> 00:26:26,011 See, this is what we were afraid of. 558 00:26:26,010 --> 00:26:29,010 Go back to your people, we'll talk about this later. 559 00:26:29,009 --> 00:26:32,009 You are my people and we'll talk about it now! 560 00:26:33,016 --> 00:26:34,016 Now, start at the beginning. 561 00:26:34,022 --> 00:26:38,012 You are the bossiest bride in the world. 562 00:26:38,016 --> 00:26:41,006 Yes, I am. And you have to do everything I say. 563 00:26:41,008 --> 00:26:42,008 Ooh. 564 00:26:43,022 --> 00:26:46,022 Now start talking. 565 00:26:47,001 --> 00:26:50,021 Okay, do you remember when I wanted... 566 00:26:50,017 --> 00:26:52,017 For better or for worse, 567 00:26:52,019 --> 00:26:55,009 we were all ourselves that day. 568 00:26:56,017 --> 00:26:58,017 Just the way Miranda wanted it.