1
00:00:49,002 --> 00:00:52,022
My career had reached
new heights, literally.
2
00:00:52,022 --> 00:00:55,012
An editor at New York Magazine
thought I would be
3
00:00:55,009 --> 00:00:56,999
the perfect person
to write about
4
00:00:57,002 --> 00:00:59,002
the ultimate challenge
for swingers...
5
00:00:59,005 --> 00:01:00,995
The flying trapeze.
6
00:01:01,006 --> 00:01:02,016
Wouldn't you rather
be at Jeffrey?
7
00:01:02,020 --> 00:01:05,000
They're having
a sale on stripes.
8
00:01:05,004 --> 00:01:07,014
That's not supportive!
9
00:01:08,000 --> 00:01:10,010
Step on up, good.
10
00:01:10,008 --> 00:01:13,018
That's good, that's great.
Come around to my side...
11
00:01:15,004 --> 00:01:16,024
I'm gonna take off
your climbing lines
12
00:01:16,023 --> 00:01:18,023
and strap on your
safety harness.
13
00:01:18,020 --> 00:01:20,000
Yes, please strap on anything
14
00:01:20,006 --> 00:01:21,016
that will keep me from
plummeting to my death.
15
00:01:21,020 --> 00:01:24,020
Toes over the edge,
feet shoulder-width apart.
16
00:01:24,020 --> 00:01:26,010
And just a little bit more.
17
00:01:27,005 --> 00:01:28,015
That's good, head up.
18
00:01:29,000 --> 00:01:31,020
Now put your right hand
out in front of you.
19
00:01:31,018 --> 00:01:33,008
I've got you, good.
20
00:01:33,008 --> 00:01:34,008
Are you ready to grab the bar?
21
00:01:34,014 --> 00:01:36,014
I'm ready to go to the bar.
22
00:01:36,010 --> 00:01:38,010
-Does everyone say that?
-Pretty much.
23
00:01:38,016 --> 00:01:40,016
Okay, hold the bar
in one hand.
24
00:01:41,000 --> 00:01:42,010
You're queen of the world!
25
00:01:42,010 --> 00:01:44,020
-You're queen of the world!
Ha-hah.
26
00:01:44,018 --> 00:01:46,018
Alright, that's good.
27
00:01:46,021 --> 00:01:50,011
Keep your head up,
don't look down. Are you ready?
28
00:01:51,001 --> 00:01:53,001
And... Up.
29
00:01:54,001 --> 00:01:55,001
Whoo!
30
00:01:57,019 --> 00:01:59,009
Aaahh!
31
00:01:59,013 --> 00:02:01,013
Swing out, sister!
32
00:02:01,014 --> 00:02:04,014
Two hours later, I was hooked.
33
00:02:05,017 --> 00:02:08,997
Stanny, are you watching?
I'm about to try a catch!
34
00:02:09,004 --> 00:02:11,004
Maybe you should
quit while you're a...
35
00:02:11,004 --> 00:02:12,004
live.
36
00:02:12,002 --> 00:02:13,012
You can totally do this.
37
00:02:13,009 --> 00:02:16,009
Just listen to me and trust me.
38
00:02:16,013 --> 00:02:17,023
Up!
39
00:02:19,004 --> 00:02:21,024
Alright, legs up.
40
00:02:21,022 --> 00:02:24,022
Take your hands off
and reach for me.
41
00:02:25,000 --> 00:02:26,020
This time you got it.
42
00:02:26,017 --> 00:02:28,007
Let go!
43
00:02:28,014 --> 00:02:30,014
-Let go!
-No!
44
00:02:30,013 --> 00:02:32,013
Ooh... No, no, no, no.
45
00:02:33,020 --> 00:02:36,000
That day,
I didn't get caught...
46
00:02:37,018 --> 00:02:39,998
But Samantha's zipper did.
47
00:02:58,003 --> 00:03:01,003
This is one of the frustrating
things about living alone,
48
00:03:01,002 --> 00:03:04,012
there's not always somebody
around to rip your clothes off.
49
00:03:14,023 --> 00:03:16,013
Hey, Smith.
50
00:03:16,007 --> 00:03:19,007
Want to come over
and do me?
51
00:03:19,011 --> 00:03:21,021
What she meant was "undo" me...
52
00:03:21,023 --> 00:03:24,013
but two birds with one stone.
53
00:03:25,002 --> 00:03:26,022
And in Central Park,
54
00:03:26,019 --> 00:03:28,019
a photographer
attempted to catch
55
00:03:28,020 --> 00:03:32,010
two lovebirds
sitting on a stone.
56
00:03:32,009 --> 00:03:36,009
Honey, a little less teeth,
just relax your lips.
57
00:03:36,009 --> 00:03:38,009
Oh no, now you're squinting.
58
00:03:38,011 --> 00:03:41,021
A lesser man might have told
Charlotte to take
a flying leap,
59
00:03:42,001 --> 00:03:44,011
but Harry loved her too much.
60
00:03:44,009 --> 00:03:45,999
I thought the point
was to look natural.
61
00:03:46,005 --> 00:03:48,015
That's what I'm trying
to get you to do.
62
00:03:48,017 --> 00:03:50,017
Well, one might ask,
how natural is it
63
00:03:51,000 --> 00:03:53,000
to be sitting in
Central Park in a suit?
64
00:03:53,004 --> 00:03:56,014
Honey, I read the wedding
section religiously
65
00:03:56,010 --> 00:03:58,000
and I know what
they're looking for,
66
00:03:58,004 --> 00:03:59,024
and not all pictures
are selected.
67
00:03:59,022 --> 00:04:01,012
And I really,
really want there to be
68
00:04:01,016 --> 00:04:03,016
a York-Goldenblatt announcement
of our wedding
69
00:04:03,021 --> 00:04:04,021
in The Sunday Times.
70
00:04:05,000 --> 00:04:07,020
So please, just, just
a little less teeth, just...
71
00:04:07,022 --> 00:04:12,022
Charlotte York,
I cannot wait to marry you.
72
00:04:12,018 --> 00:04:13,998
That's perfect, that's it!
73
00:04:14,006 --> 00:04:15,006
I was having a moment!
74
00:04:15,014 --> 00:04:17,024
Oh...
75
00:04:17,018 --> 00:04:19,018
Ah, lipstick!
76
00:04:19,023 --> 00:04:23,023
Wait, no, no, sorry.
No kissing pictures, it's tacky.
77
00:04:23,022 --> 00:04:25,022
And speaking of tacky...
78
00:04:25,020 --> 00:04:27,000
It's cute, huh?
79
00:04:27,002 --> 00:04:29,022
Debbie bought it for him over
at the 6th Avenue Flea Market.
80
00:04:31,005 --> 00:04:33,995
-Did you wash it first?
81
00:04:34,005 --> 00:04:36,005
She also got something for you.
82
00:04:38,021 --> 00:04:40,021
It's aromatherapy.
83
00:04:41,013 --> 00:04:45,003
Oh. Huh.
84
00:04:45,002 --> 00:04:46,012
You know, I was thinking,
85
00:04:46,009 --> 00:04:49,999
maybe we should figure out a
time for the two of you to meet.
86
00:04:50,005 --> 00:04:51,015
What? Why?
87
00:04:52,001 --> 00:04:53,021
Well, she's around Brady,
88
00:04:53,020 --> 00:04:55,020
and I know you're not
so comfortable with that--
89
00:04:55,019 --> 00:04:58,009
I'm completely comfortable.
I don't need to meet her.
90
00:04:58,012 --> 00:05:00,012
I trust you.
91
00:05:00,011 --> 00:05:04,001
She bought me a fucking candle!
92
00:05:04,005 --> 00:05:06,015
And it was an
aromatherapy candle
93
00:05:06,023 --> 00:05:08,013
for serenity and calm.
94
00:05:08,010 --> 00:05:12,010
I was much more serene and calm
before the fucking candle.
95
00:05:12,015 --> 00:05:14,015
Women with candles
have replaced women with cats
96
00:05:14,017 --> 00:05:15,017
as the new sad thing.
97
00:05:15,022 --> 00:05:18,022
Oh, and get this,
he thinks I should meet her.
98
00:05:19,000 --> 00:05:21,020
I sense that he wants us
to become friends.
99
00:05:21,020 --> 00:05:23,010
Oh, no, no, no, no,
forget it.
100
00:05:23,010 --> 00:05:26,010
You do not need to become
friends with the new girlfriend.
101
00:05:26,007 --> 00:05:29,017
It's unnatural,
uncomfortable, insincere
102
00:05:29,021 --> 00:05:31,021
and rife with ulterior motives.
103
00:05:31,022 --> 00:05:35,012
-Has this happened to you?
-No, I'm just being supportive.
104
00:05:35,008 --> 00:05:36,018
But there is
a baby involved.
105
00:05:37,001 --> 00:05:40,001
Exactly, she's using
Brady to get to me.
106
00:05:40,003 --> 00:05:41,023
And I am not falling for it.
107
00:05:42,000 --> 00:05:45,020
Oh, speaking of falling,
I tried the trapeze yesterday
108
00:05:46,000 --> 00:05:47,010
for that piece
that I'm writing--
109
00:05:47,012 --> 00:05:50,022
I could never, I have the most
terrible fear of heights.
110
00:05:50,020 --> 00:05:52,010
Well, I do not,
you've seen my shoes.
111
00:05:52,007 --> 00:05:54,017
So, did you fly through the air
with the greatest of ease?
112
00:05:54,018 --> 00:05:56,998
At first, but then
I couldn't do a catch.
113
00:05:57,004 --> 00:05:59,014
All I had to do was let go
and reach for the guy,
114
00:05:59,011 --> 00:06:01,021
who was very cute,
and I still couldn't do it.
115
00:06:02,000 --> 00:06:04,000
You are insane for
getting into a harness
116
00:06:04,005 --> 00:06:06,005
without even the hope
of an orgasm.
117
00:06:06,010 --> 00:06:07,020
Hello, ladies.
118
00:06:07,019 --> 00:06:09,009
Hi, honey.
119
00:06:09,012 --> 00:06:11,002
Hi, Harry.
-Mm-wah. Hi, Howie.
120
00:06:11,004 --> 00:06:12,014
Hi.
121
00:06:12,007 --> 00:06:14,007
Everyone, this is Harry's
best man, Howie Halberstein,
122
00:06:14,013 --> 00:06:15,023
-in from Portland.
-Hello.
123
00:06:16,000 --> 00:06:17,000
We're not crashing,
124
00:06:17,003 --> 00:06:18,023
I'm just here to drop
off the photo-proofs...
125
00:06:18,020 --> 00:06:20,010
-...and the seating chart.
126
00:06:20,013 --> 00:06:21,013
Oh.
127
00:06:21,015 --> 00:06:22,005
-We're gonna have a quick
bite to eat...
-Right.
128
00:06:22,015 --> 00:06:23,015
...and then I'm going
to take the place cards
129
00:06:24,001 --> 00:06:25,021
-to the calligrapher.
-Oh.
130
00:06:25,020 --> 00:06:26,020
And after that, if there's time,
131
00:06:26,020 --> 00:06:27,020
we're gonna go
around the corner
132
00:06:28,000 --> 00:06:29,000
and try to find our balls.
133
00:06:30,005 --> 00:06:33,005
Yes, Harry knows how
to show a guy a good time.
134
00:06:33,007 --> 00:06:34,017
Howie, this is Samantha
and Miranda.
135
00:06:34,023 --> 00:06:35,023
-Hello.
-Hi.
136
00:06:35,021 --> 00:06:37,011
And... Carrie.
137
00:06:37,016 --> 00:06:38,996
-Hi.
-Hi, how are ya?
138
00:06:39,004 --> 00:06:40,024
-Good.
-Good.
139
00:06:40,022 --> 00:06:44,002
Good guy, you two,
I see it happening.
140
00:06:44,004 --> 00:06:45,014
Shh. Shh.
141
00:06:46,006 --> 00:06:47,016
Oh. Oh.
142
00:06:47,017 --> 00:06:48,017
So, uh, Carrie?
143
00:06:49,001 --> 00:06:52,001
I was thinking maybe you might
show Howie around
a little later.
144
00:06:52,002 --> 00:06:55,012
Unless Harry needs me
to ice a cake or something.
145
00:06:55,008 --> 00:07:00,018
Well, um...
I'm-- I-- I'm kind of busy,
146
00:07:01,000 --> 00:07:04,010
'cause I have to do
a flying trapeze thing.
147
00:07:04,010 --> 00:07:07,000
That is so weird, because I have
a lion taming thing tomorrow,
148
00:07:07,006 --> 00:07:08,016
so that's out for me.
149
00:07:09,016 --> 00:07:11,006
But, you know,
if you change your mind...
150
00:07:11,010 --> 00:07:14,000
I will give you
my business card.
151
00:07:14,003 --> 00:07:15,003
Okay.
152
00:07:16,006 --> 00:07:17,006
-There you go.
-Thank you.
153
00:07:17,008 --> 00:07:18,018
All my lines are on there.
154
00:07:18,018 --> 00:07:19,998
-Okay.
-Call me any--
155
00:07:20,006 --> 00:07:21,016
-I'll be waiting by the phone.
-Okay. Okay.
156
00:07:23,017 --> 00:07:25,007
What's wrong with you?
157
00:07:25,016 --> 00:07:27,016
He was funny and cute!
158
00:07:27,022 --> 00:07:31,002
And in town for a week.
What's the point?
159
00:07:31,006 --> 00:07:34,006
That is the point.
It's the best possible scenario
160
00:07:34,007 --> 00:07:35,997
because you know he's leaving.
161
00:07:36,005 --> 00:07:37,995
But it's, it's like...
162
00:07:38,005 --> 00:07:41,005
whatever happens,
there's an expiration date.
163
00:07:41,014 --> 00:07:43,014
It's expiration dating.
164
00:07:43,007 --> 00:07:44,997
It isn't dating. It's sex.
165
00:07:45,005 --> 00:07:47,015
It's fun, it's a fling!
166
00:07:47,017 --> 00:07:49,997
Oh, please,
I'm too old for a fling.
167
00:07:50,003 --> 00:07:51,023
I can barely do a swing.
168
00:07:51,018 --> 00:07:54,008
And if you will excuse me,
I have to go home
169
00:07:54,011 --> 00:07:57,011
so I can write about the fact
that I couldn't do a catch.
170
00:07:57,008 --> 00:07:58,008
He is a catch.
171
00:07:58,011 --> 00:08:00,011
You should do him!
172
00:08:02,002 --> 00:08:03,002
When you're young,
173
00:08:03,006 --> 00:08:06,006
your whole life is about
the pursuit of fun.
174
00:08:06,015 --> 00:08:10,015
Then, you grow up
and learn to be cautious.
175
00:08:10,020 --> 00:08:13,020
You could break a bone
or a heart.
176
00:08:13,021 --> 00:08:14,021
You look before you leap,
177
00:08:15,000 --> 00:08:16,000
and sometimes you
don't leap at all
178
00:08:16,006 --> 00:08:19,006
because there's not always
someone there to catch you.
179
00:08:19,016 --> 00:08:23,996
And in life,
there's no safety net.
180
00:08:24,003 --> 00:08:28,013
When did it stop being fun
and start being scary?
181
00:08:28,008 --> 00:08:31,998
I decided it was time
to leave fear behind
182
00:08:32,004 --> 00:08:34,014
and have some fun.
183
00:08:39,000 --> 00:08:41,020
Okay, legs up.
184
00:08:42,001 --> 00:08:43,001
That's good.
185
00:08:43,006 --> 00:08:44,006
Let go and reach for me.
186
00:08:44,016 --> 00:08:46,006
I can't!
187
00:08:46,015 --> 00:08:50,005
Alright, this time let go!
188
00:08:50,010 --> 00:08:53,020
I can't! I can't!
189
00:08:53,020 --> 00:08:55,010
Don't tell me you can't.
190
00:08:55,011 --> 00:08:57,021
I want nothing but lilies
on the chuppah!
191
00:08:57,020 --> 00:08:59,000
The theme is Yentl chic!
192
00:08:59,003 --> 00:09:00,003
Don't forget the candles!
193
00:09:00,005 --> 00:09:01,015
You think this is the first
wedding I ever planned?
194
00:09:02,001 --> 00:09:03,021
Jesus Christ,
you're worse than me!
195
00:09:04,000 --> 00:09:05,010
We want candles,
candles, candles!
196
00:09:05,015 --> 00:09:08,005
And I don't want short, stubby,
little, broken-off dick candles.
197
00:09:08,013 --> 00:09:11,013
I want long tapers.
198
00:09:11,009 --> 00:09:13,019
-Alright, call me right back!
-Ta-dah!
199
00:09:15,000 --> 00:09:17,000
-It's okay?
-Okay?
200
00:09:17,005 --> 00:09:18,005
You're Audrey Hepburn...
201
00:09:18,012 --> 00:09:19,012
owitz.
202
00:09:19,011 --> 00:09:21,011
I'm so excited
about this wedding.
203
00:09:21,011 --> 00:09:23,021
We're gonna do everything
according to tradition.
204
00:09:23,021 --> 00:09:25,011
We are going to smash the glass,
205
00:09:25,016 --> 00:09:29,006
and the signing of
the ketubah, the hora...
206
00:09:29,010 --> 00:09:31,020
Be careful, God forbid
you fall off the chair.
207
00:09:31,023 --> 00:09:33,013
Oh, "the hora,
the hora."
208
00:09:33,013 --> 00:09:35,013
Well, maybe we won't
do the chair thing.
209
00:09:35,011 --> 00:09:37,011
You have to,
that's the big finish!
210
00:09:37,011 --> 00:09:39,001
Just remember when
you're up there,
211
00:09:39,003 --> 00:09:40,013
pretend you're having
a good time,
212
00:09:40,007 --> 00:09:42,017
hang on for dear life,
and for fuck's sake,
213
00:09:42,020 --> 00:09:43,020
keep your legs together.
214
00:09:43,021 --> 00:09:45,011
Nobody wants to see
the bride's beaver.
215
00:09:45,008 --> 00:09:46,998
Shhh!
216
00:09:47,002 --> 00:09:48,022
Don't say that
in front of my dress.
217
00:09:51,006 --> 00:09:52,996
Hello, York residence.
218
00:09:53,003 --> 00:09:54,013
Yes, we have a minute.
219
00:09:54,008 --> 00:09:55,018
It's the New York Times
fact checker.
220
00:09:55,018 --> 00:09:56,018
-Yes,
221
00:09:56,022 --> 00:09:58,012
Goldenblatt has two T's...
222
00:09:59,007 --> 00:10:01,017
Sure, fax it over!
223
00:10:01,022 --> 00:10:05,002
-We're in, we're in!
224
00:10:05,004 --> 00:10:08,024
-This calls for a hora!
225
00:10:10,014 --> 00:10:11,024
Hey.
226
00:10:11,019 --> 00:10:14,009
Oh my God,
what are you doing here?
227
00:10:14,008 --> 00:10:16,008
Don't look at me,
don't look at me!
228
00:10:16,016 --> 00:10:17,996
Jesus Christ, Char, my ear.
229
00:10:18,004 --> 00:10:19,024
You're not supposed
to see me in my dress.
230
00:10:19,021 --> 00:10:22,011
This is bad luck, very bad luck.
231
00:10:22,008 --> 00:10:25,008
Close your eyes,
keep them closed!
232
00:10:25,012 --> 00:10:27,022
Oh, no, this is so bad!
233
00:10:30,003 --> 00:10:31,023
Are all brides like that?
234
00:10:31,019 --> 00:10:32,999
That's nothin',
235
00:10:33,002 --> 00:10:36,012
I once had a girl on Long Island
give herself a stroke.
236
00:10:36,007 --> 00:10:39,007
She pulled it together
for the big day, though.
237
00:10:44,004 --> 00:10:46,014
Hopefully I'll get
cell reception down in Mexico.
238
00:10:46,015 --> 00:10:47,015
Uh-huh.
239
00:10:47,017 --> 00:10:50,007
Samantha, a fan
of expiration dating,
240
00:10:50,011 --> 00:10:52,011
was about to enjoy
one of the benefits
241
00:10:52,015 --> 00:10:53,015
of dating an actor...
242
00:10:54,001 --> 00:10:55,021
Location, location, location.
243
00:10:55,022 --> 00:10:57,022
It's gonna be cool
working with Gus Van Sant.
244
00:10:57,019 --> 00:10:58,999
Uh-huh.
245
00:11:00,016 --> 00:11:02,016
Here, let me...
246
00:11:04,018 --> 00:11:08,008
I can't believe we don't get
to spend my last night together.
247
00:11:08,008 --> 00:11:09,998
Are you dying?
248
00:11:10,006 --> 00:11:13,006
-No.
-Then it's not your last night.
249
00:11:15,001 --> 00:11:16,011
There.
250
00:11:18,000 --> 00:11:19,010
I'm gonna miss you, Samantha.
251
00:11:19,011 --> 00:11:22,021
Oh, save that performance
for Mr. Van Sant.
252
00:11:22,019 --> 00:11:24,999
It's just two weeks.
253
00:11:25,002 --> 00:11:26,012
-It's a long time!
-Mm-hm.
254
00:11:26,007 --> 00:11:27,007
Would you get out
of here already?
255
00:11:27,016 --> 00:11:28,016
I'm late as it is.
256
00:11:29,023 --> 00:11:31,013
Yeah, yeah.
257
00:11:31,013 --> 00:11:32,013
And listen...
258
00:11:32,016 --> 00:11:35,016
When you're on location,
don't do anything I wouldn't do.
259
00:11:35,021 --> 00:11:39,001
-What does that rule out?
-Mmm, there are things...
260
00:11:40,019 --> 00:11:45,019
-Karaoke, I don't do that.
261
00:11:45,021 --> 00:11:52,021
♪ He flies through the air,
With the greatest of ease ♪
262
00:11:53,001 --> 00:11:57,011
♪ That daring young boy
On the flying trapeze ♪
263
00:11:57,016 --> 00:11:58,016
This is it.
264
00:11:59,000 --> 00:12:00,020
It's a very nice building.
265
00:12:02,016 --> 00:12:03,016
I can't find my keys.
266
00:12:04,001 --> 00:12:04,021
Magda...
267
00:12:05,000 --> 00:12:07,010
You still have keys?
-I'm not home.
268
00:12:07,011 --> 00:12:09,011
Do you understand?
269
00:12:09,008 --> 00:12:14,008
I'm already at Charlotte's,
I am not home.
270
00:12:20,008 --> 00:12:21,018
Is Miranda here?
271
00:12:21,017 --> 00:12:23,997
She is not home.
272
00:12:24,006 --> 00:12:25,016
Oh. Well, that's too
bad.
273
00:12:25,019 --> 00:12:27,019
I was really looking
forward to meeting her.
274
00:12:28,000 --> 00:12:30,010
She is not home.
275
00:12:30,015 --> 00:12:34,015
Magda, this is Debbie.
Nice to meet you.
276
00:12:34,022 --> 00:12:37,022
Alright, we just need to grab
some things out of Brady's crib.
277
00:12:38,001 --> 00:12:39,021
Last time I forgot Mr. Elephant
278
00:12:39,020 --> 00:12:41,020
and Brady acted like a big baby.
279
00:12:41,021 --> 00:12:43,001
Didn't you, B-boy?
280
00:12:43,002 --> 00:12:46,002
He is a big baby...
281
00:12:46,019 --> 00:12:47,999
silly.
282
00:12:50,006 --> 00:12:53,006
But, uh... I have not
cleaned in room yet.
283
00:12:53,014 --> 00:12:55,014
That's okay.
284
00:12:59,009 --> 00:13:01,019
This is a nice room,
she has nice taste.
285
00:13:02,001 --> 00:13:03,021
Yeah, I helped build the crib.
286
00:13:04,000 --> 00:13:07,000
Really? Wow.
287
00:13:09,014 --> 00:13:14,024
What's wrong, Brady,
did you drop your binky?
288
00:13:14,017 --> 00:13:15,997
Where's your binky?
289
00:13:16,005 --> 00:13:17,015
Oh. It's right there.
290
00:13:17,019 --> 00:13:18,019
Oh.
291
00:13:23,023 --> 00:13:25,023
Hey,
wanna go to Blockbuster
292
00:13:25,019 --> 00:13:26,019
and rent a tape or something?
293
00:13:27,001 --> 00:13:29,011
Okay, but this time
I get to pick.
294
00:13:32,007 --> 00:13:34,997
Bye.
Bye, Magda.
295
00:13:41,021 --> 00:13:44,001
There's a lot
of dust down there.
296
00:13:44,005 --> 00:13:45,995
You really should vacuum...
297
00:13:47,009 --> 00:13:48,999
under...
298
00:13:53,013 --> 00:13:55,013
That night, we all
gathered at Charlotte's
299
00:13:55,013 --> 00:13:57,013
casual rehearsal dinner.
300
00:13:57,010 --> 00:14:00,020
You're like a lint tray,
what's happening back here?
301
00:14:00,018 --> 00:14:03,008
That Debbie is crazy.
302
00:14:03,015 --> 00:14:05,015
She came to
my apartment with Steve,
303
00:14:05,020 --> 00:14:06,020
totally ambushed me...
304
00:14:07,000 --> 00:14:09,010
I had to hide under
the bed to avoid them.
305
00:14:09,007 --> 00:14:10,997
Seriously?
306
00:14:11,004 --> 00:14:12,014
Maybe.
307
00:14:12,012 --> 00:14:13,012
Well, did you see her?
308
00:14:13,012 --> 00:14:15,012
Just her shoes and her nails.
309
00:14:15,016 --> 00:14:17,006
-And...
-Both acrylic.
310
00:14:17,009 --> 00:14:18,009
Mm.
311
00:14:18,012 --> 00:14:20,012
Maybe you should just meet her
and get it over with.
312
00:14:20,016 --> 00:14:23,006
I don't want to meet her.
If I meet her, she's real,
313
00:14:23,011 --> 00:14:25,021
and that means Steve
has an actual girlfriend.
314
00:14:25,023 --> 00:14:27,023
Apparently,
I wasn't the only one
315
00:14:28,001 --> 00:14:29,021
who had trouble letting go.
316
00:14:29,017 --> 00:14:31,017
Hey, what's happening there?
317
00:14:32,000 --> 00:14:33,000
Oh, you know...
318
00:14:33,004 --> 00:14:35,024
Bride, bride, bride,
blah, blah, blah.
319
00:14:35,019 --> 00:14:38,009
Hey, I just saw your fling
go into the bedroom.
320
00:14:38,009 --> 00:14:39,999
It's like shooting
fish in a barrel.
321
00:14:40,004 --> 00:14:41,004
Still, no.
322
00:14:41,002 --> 00:14:42,002
Ooh!
323
00:14:42,005 --> 00:14:45,015
-It's just casual sex.
-Nothing's casual anymore.
324
00:14:45,017 --> 00:14:48,007
Not even when it says so
on the invitation.
325
00:14:48,009 --> 00:14:50,019
Just go in there
and see what happens.
326
00:14:51,000 --> 00:14:53,020
Worst comes to worst, you can
always hide under the bed.
327
00:14:57,008 --> 00:14:58,018
I decided they were right.
328
00:14:58,021 --> 00:15:01,011
It was time to get back
in the swing of things.
329
00:15:07,017 --> 00:15:08,997
See ya later.
-See ya later, Howie.
330
00:15:09,004 --> 00:15:12,024
Oh, hey, how are ya?
331
00:15:12,018 --> 00:15:16,008
Wow, this is kind of
uncomfortable.
332
00:15:16,008 --> 00:15:17,998
Look, would you please
stop calling me?
333
00:15:18,004 --> 00:15:19,024
I don't have time to chat,
334
00:15:20,001 --> 00:15:22,011
I've got boutonnieres
on my mind.
335
00:15:22,015 --> 00:15:23,015
I'm sorry I never called.
336
00:15:23,022 --> 00:15:25,022
I understand, you're busy.
That time of the year,
337
00:15:25,022 --> 00:15:29,002
you know, final exams
for clown college...
or something.
338
00:15:29,005 --> 00:15:31,005
And what would
that entail, you think?
339
00:15:31,010 --> 00:15:34,000
You know, the seating
arrangements in the little car,
340
00:15:34,006 --> 00:15:35,006
walking in the floppy shoes...
341
00:15:35,015 --> 00:15:37,015
Squirting flower
and nose application.
342
00:15:37,021 --> 00:15:40,011
Continual pie-ing,
the clown kissing.
343
00:15:40,012 --> 00:15:42,012
Maybe I would have a fling.
344
00:15:42,008 --> 00:15:45,008
After all, how bad could it be?
345
00:15:51,011 --> 00:15:55,011
That night, Howie and I had sex
like we were teenagers again...
346
00:15:55,016 --> 00:15:58,016
Meaning, he had no idea
what he was doing,
347
00:15:58,023 --> 00:16:01,003
and I didn't say anything.
348
00:16:06,015 --> 00:16:10,005
Meanwhile, Samantha
was banging around as well.
349
00:16:13,019 --> 00:16:16,009
You have one new message.
350
00:16:18,004 --> 00:16:20,024
Hey, I'm here,
it's pretty cool.
351
00:16:21,013 --> 00:16:22,023
Miss me yet?
352
00:16:24,014 --> 00:16:26,024
That's the thing about
getting used to a man.
353
00:16:26,023 --> 00:16:29,013
There's always a catch.
354
00:16:32,017 --> 00:16:34,997
It's here!
It's here!
355
00:16:35,002 --> 00:16:38,022
Not just her wedding day,
but the New York Times.
356
00:16:44,005 --> 00:16:45,995
Oh, my God.
357
00:16:46,003 --> 00:16:48,013
I have a mustache.
358
00:16:49,012 --> 00:16:51,002
It's an ink stain.
359
00:16:51,003 --> 00:16:54,003
Hey, but look at me. Now that,
that is a terrific smile.
360
00:16:54,005 --> 00:16:55,015
This is a nightmare.
361
00:16:55,019 --> 00:16:58,019
It's probably just our paper.
362
00:16:59,000 --> 00:17:01,010
Anyway, who cares?
We're getting married today!
363
00:17:01,007 --> 00:17:02,017
I look like Hitler.
364
00:17:03,001 --> 00:17:05,021
I am having a Jewish wedding
and I look like Hitler.
365
00:17:05,020 --> 00:17:07,000
Hello?
366
00:17:07,004 --> 00:17:09,014
In your paper,
do I have a mustache?
367
00:17:09,012 --> 00:17:10,022
What?
368
00:17:10,018 --> 00:17:13,018
In your wedding section, does it
look like I have a mustache?
369
00:17:13,019 --> 00:17:17,009
Oh, hang on a minute.
370
00:17:17,015 --> 00:17:21,015
As I feared, my fling
had become a pain in the neck.
371
00:17:21,019 --> 00:17:24,019
You do not look like Hitler.
372
00:17:24,019 --> 00:17:26,019
The Frito Bandito, maybe...
373
00:17:26,022 --> 00:17:29,002
The bad luck
is starting already.
374
00:17:30,022 --> 00:17:33,012
Hmm.
375
00:17:33,013 --> 00:17:36,023
Yeah, there's
a little something,
376
00:17:37,001 --> 00:17:39,021
but maybe it's just my paper...
377
00:17:40,001 --> 00:17:41,001
and your paper.
378
00:17:41,006 --> 00:17:42,006
I have to go.
379
00:17:42,016 --> 00:17:44,996
Clearly, Charlotte
was bent out of shape.
380
00:17:45,006 --> 00:17:46,016
And so was I.
381
00:17:47,001 --> 00:17:50,011
C'mon granny, I'll take you
to the early bird special.
382
00:17:50,012 --> 00:17:52,022
Oh, God, don't make me laugh.
383
00:17:53,000 --> 00:17:54,020
It hurts.
384
00:17:54,018 --> 00:17:56,998
Is this still from your days
as a Flying Wallenda?
385
00:17:57,005 --> 00:18:01,995
Well, that's my official story,
and it's partially true, but...
386
00:18:02,003 --> 00:18:04,013
this is a sex sprain.
387
00:18:04,015 --> 00:18:07,995
-Good for you!
-No, it was not good for me.
388
00:18:08,005 --> 00:18:09,015
It was jack rabbit sex.
389
00:18:09,017 --> 00:18:11,017
You know, pow, pow, pow, pow
pow, pow, pow, pow.
390
00:18:11,019 --> 00:18:13,019
Are straight men
still allowed to do that?
391
00:18:13,019 --> 00:18:15,999
No, they aren't, it's bad.
392
00:18:16,005 --> 00:18:19,005
It's basically masturbating with
a woman instead of your hand.
393
00:18:19,015 --> 00:18:21,015
I don't enjoy.
394
00:18:21,020 --> 00:18:23,010
Carrie, you made it.
395
00:18:23,015 --> 00:18:25,995
Oh, hi.
396
00:18:26,002 --> 00:18:27,012
-I gotta go.
-Hi.
397
00:18:27,013 --> 00:18:29,023
-The jack rabbit?
-Uh-huh.
398
00:18:29,021 --> 00:18:32,001
-I better...
-Hop to it?
399
00:18:35,001 --> 00:18:37,001
-Hi. Hi.
-Hi.
400
00:18:40,003 --> 00:18:42,013
You look hot.
401
00:18:42,008 --> 00:18:43,018
-Oh.
402
00:18:43,018 --> 00:18:44,018
Thanks.
403
00:18:47,000 --> 00:18:48,010
-Guess what?
-What?
404
00:18:48,010 --> 00:18:50,020
I got a suite at
the Mercer for later.
405
00:18:51,000 --> 00:18:52,000
King-size bed,
406
00:18:52,005 --> 00:18:53,015
huge tub.
407
00:18:53,017 --> 00:18:55,017
We can have breakfast
before I leave,
408
00:18:55,023 --> 00:18:56,023
unless, of course,
409
00:18:57,001 --> 00:18:59,021
we're busy doing
something else, huh?
410
00:18:59,019 --> 00:19:02,009
Oh, yeah.
411
00:19:02,007 --> 00:19:04,997
-I don't know.
412
00:19:05,002 --> 00:19:07,012
I'm pretty tired
from last night.
413
00:19:07,015 --> 00:19:09,015
Yeah, well, I'm only gonna
be in town for another day,
414
00:19:09,019 --> 00:19:11,019
and I want to get
to know you better.
415
00:19:13,018 --> 00:19:16,008
Well, okay.
416
00:19:16,010 --> 00:19:18,000
We'll see...
417
00:19:18,006 --> 00:19:20,016
We'll see?
418
00:19:20,019 --> 00:19:23,019
I know what "we'll see" means.
It means "see ya."
419
00:19:23,018 --> 00:19:27,998
No, no, the thing is...
420
00:19:28,003 --> 00:19:32,023
You're just visiting,
so I figured--
421
00:19:36,003 --> 00:19:41,023
I-- I figured it was
a one-night kind of thing.
422
00:19:43,004 --> 00:19:45,014
Just fun.
423
00:19:47,004 --> 00:19:48,024
Wow.
424
00:19:50,001 --> 00:19:51,021
If I had known
you were just using me,
425
00:19:51,021 --> 00:19:54,021
I wouldn't have made love
to you like that.
426
00:20:00,007 --> 00:20:03,017
We are here today
to celebrate the union of
427
00:20:03,019 --> 00:20:05,019
two very special people,
428
00:20:05,017 --> 00:20:08,007
Harry Goldenblatt
and Charlotte York.
429
00:20:09,015 --> 00:20:11,005
It's important for everyone here
430
00:20:11,011 --> 00:20:14,001
to be a witness to this moment,
431
00:20:14,003 --> 00:20:17,023
for the Jewish wedding ceremony
has two parts.
432
00:20:17,018 --> 00:20:22,008
The first designates to
the community that the kallah,
433
00:20:22,013 --> 00:20:29,013
bride, and khatan, groom,
are for one another alone.
434
00:20:30,017 --> 00:20:34,997
And the second part
gives them to one another.
435
00:20:35,004 --> 00:20:36,024
-It's a gift...
436
00:20:36,023 --> 00:20:40,003
...and a huge responsibility.
437
00:20:59,017 --> 00:21:02,007
As one man slipped a ring on,
438
00:21:02,010 --> 00:21:06,010
one woman was still trying
to slip a bracelet off.
439
00:21:08,014 --> 00:21:10,014
-Oh!
-Oh!
440
00:21:13,007 --> 00:21:15,007
Ow! Ow! Ow!
441
00:21:15,008 --> 00:21:18,018
Sorry, it's a back spasm,
I'm sorry.
442
00:21:29,011 --> 00:21:31,001
Ow.
443
00:21:40,008 --> 00:21:42,008
It seemed to Charlotte that
the wedding had gone from
444
00:21:42,013 --> 00:21:46,023
Jewish law to Murphy's law.
445
00:21:48,020 --> 00:21:50,020
Oh!
446
00:21:58,010 --> 00:21:59,010
Ah!
447
00:22:02,020 --> 00:22:04,010
Mazel tov!
448
00:22:14,002 --> 00:22:16,002
Hey, Charlotte, are you okay?
449
00:22:16,003 --> 00:22:18,003
This is a disaster.
450
00:22:18,004 --> 00:22:19,024
It's the worst wedding
in history.
451
00:22:19,020 --> 00:22:22,010
That's not true.
452
00:22:22,008 --> 00:22:25,018
Although I only saw
most of it from here down.
453
00:22:25,023 --> 00:22:27,013
Harry never should have
walked in on me
454
00:22:27,016 --> 00:22:28,016
wearing my wedding dress.
455
00:22:29,000 --> 00:22:32,010
-Now we're cursed.
-You're not cursed.
456
00:22:32,021 --> 00:22:33,021
You're married.
457
00:22:33,020 --> 00:22:36,010
You just got married!
458
00:22:36,007 --> 00:22:37,017
I know, but...
459
00:22:37,021 --> 00:22:40,001
I wanted everything
to be perfect.
460
00:22:40,005 --> 00:22:42,015
Okay, you have
to stop with the tears.
461
00:22:42,018 --> 00:22:46,008
You already had the perfect
wedding and the marriage...
462
00:22:46,012 --> 00:22:48,012
Not so perfect.
463
00:22:48,015 --> 00:22:50,005
You know, I think
this is a good sign.
464
00:22:50,007 --> 00:22:52,007
I think the worse the wedding,
465
00:22:52,011 --> 00:22:54,011
the better the marriage.
466
00:22:54,011 --> 00:22:56,011
I have a stain on my dress.
467
00:22:56,011 --> 00:22:57,021
That's good!
468
00:22:57,020 --> 00:22:59,010
That's a good sign!
469
00:22:59,012 --> 00:23:01,022
You're just trying
to make me feel better.
470
00:23:01,019 --> 00:23:03,999
No, I'm trying to get you
to open your eyes,
471
00:23:04,006 --> 00:23:05,016
because you're missing it!
472
00:23:06,013 --> 00:23:08,003
-What?
-Everything!
473
00:23:08,006 --> 00:23:10,016
You're missing
your wedding.
474
00:23:10,017 --> 00:23:14,007
You have a wonderful man
who loves you,
475
00:23:14,008 --> 00:23:16,008
who will be there
to catch you when you fall.
476
00:23:16,007 --> 00:23:17,017
Do you know how special that is?
477
00:23:17,021 --> 00:23:19,011
I would love to find a man
478
00:23:19,012 --> 00:23:21,012
who was strong enough
to catch me.
479
00:23:24,004 --> 00:23:26,014
So, let's get to that reception
480
00:23:26,008 --> 00:23:28,008
so you can fall
in a cake or something.
481
00:23:29,021 --> 00:23:33,011
Okay. Oh, dear.
482
00:23:33,008 --> 00:23:34,998
So...
483
00:23:35,002 --> 00:23:35,022
Okay?
484
00:23:36,000 --> 00:23:37,020
Perfect, still. Of course.
485
00:23:38,021 --> 00:23:41,011
-Oh. Oh, Christ.
Oh...
486
00:23:41,007 --> 00:23:43,007
-Oh, Christ.
487
00:23:43,007 --> 00:23:46,997
Best of luck to you.
Best of luck.
488
00:23:48,018 --> 00:23:49,998
Are you okay?
489
00:23:50,002 --> 00:23:51,002
Oh, yeah.
490
00:23:51,005 --> 00:23:53,005
I'm just feeling
a little sad.
491
00:23:53,010 --> 00:23:55,010
It was just so beautiful.
492
00:23:55,010 --> 00:23:56,010
The ceremony?
493
00:23:56,014 --> 00:23:57,024
My bracelet.
494
00:23:58,000 --> 00:23:59,010
Mm...
495
00:24:03,009 --> 00:24:05,019
Ladies and gentlemen, can I have
your attention please?
496
00:24:05,019 --> 00:24:06,999
Oh, God, it's time
for the toast.
497
00:24:07,005 --> 00:24:08,015
Top me off, I'm next.
498
00:24:09,001 --> 00:24:11,011
I would like to raise a glass...
499
00:24:12,021 --> 00:24:15,011
to Harry and Charlotte,
500
00:24:15,009 --> 00:24:20,019
because they found each other,
despite all the bullshit.
501
00:24:20,022 --> 00:24:26,002
Huh? Hey, hey...
It's tough out there.
502
00:24:26,003 --> 00:24:29,023
I mean, people don't care
like they used to.
503
00:24:30,000 --> 00:24:32,010
People leave you hanging.
504
00:24:32,015 --> 00:24:34,005
People...
505
00:24:34,008 --> 00:24:35,008
are a bitch.
506
00:24:36,014 --> 00:24:38,014
Is this a toast or a roast?
507
00:24:38,010 --> 00:24:39,020
So here's to love.
508
00:24:41,007 --> 00:24:45,997
And love means...
never ever...
509
00:24:47,014 --> 00:24:48,024
having to say...
510
00:24:51,002 --> 00:24:53,002
You used me for sex!
511
00:24:54,019 --> 00:24:56,009
Thanks, Howie.
512
00:24:56,007 --> 00:24:57,007
That's nice.
513
00:24:57,010 --> 00:25:00,010
No, wait, hey, Mazel tov.
514
00:25:00,015 --> 00:25:03,015
It was a Mazel tov cocktail.
515
00:25:03,021 --> 00:25:07,021
Carrie said,
"The worse the wedding,
516
00:25:07,023 --> 00:25:08,023
the better the marriage."
517
00:25:09,001 --> 00:25:11,021
Well, then I think Howie
just got us to our silver.
518
00:25:16,011 --> 00:25:17,011
Hi.
519
00:25:17,008 --> 00:25:18,018
Um... Hello?
520
00:25:18,020 --> 00:25:20,020
Great. Um...
521
00:25:23,001 --> 00:25:29,021
I would like to congratulate
my very brave friend, Charlotte,
522
00:25:29,019 --> 00:25:31,019
who knows what she wants
523
00:25:31,022 --> 00:25:33,022
and who goes for it.
524
00:25:35,000 --> 00:25:38,010
Not everyone can do that,
525
00:25:38,011 --> 00:25:41,021
especially when
it comes to love.
526
00:25:41,022 --> 00:25:48,002
Some of us can't even
say the words, but--
527
00:25:54,016 --> 00:25:56,016
Sorry, hon.
528
00:25:56,017 --> 00:25:58,997
Good speech though.
529
00:25:59,004 --> 00:26:01,014
Maybe Miranda just
got us to our gold.
530
00:26:02,023 --> 00:26:05,023
Mazel tov!
531
00:26:43,013 --> 00:26:45,013
He's certainly acrobatic.
532
00:26:45,009 --> 00:26:49,019
Oh, yeah, he's
a regular "Jerk du Soleil."
533
00:26:52,019 --> 00:26:54,019
Do you think everyone
knows I slept with him?
534
00:26:55,001 --> 00:26:58,011
Yes.
And they all think
you're a big "hora."
535
00:27:05,013 --> 00:27:07,003
I don't like this, I'm afraid...
536
00:27:07,004 --> 00:27:07,024
Of what?
537
00:27:08,001 --> 00:27:09,011
What's the worst
that could happen?
538
00:27:09,013 --> 00:27:11,013
We'll live happily ever after?
539
00:27:11,015 --> 00:27:13,015
Ho!
540
00:27:22,020 --> 00:27:24,020
And, of course,
this being a wedding,
541
00:27:24,022 --> 00:27:26,012
there was one more catch to go.
542
00:27:26,007 --> 00:27:30,007
Okay... Ooh... Who's ready
to catch the bouquet?
543
00:27:30,010 --> 00:27:31,020
Not me.
544
00:27:31,018 --> 00:27:36,008
I've lit myself on fire,
I showed emotion in public,
545
00:27:36,009 --> 00:27:37,019
I think I'm done.
546
00:27:37,018 --> 00:27:39,008
Oh, you were fabulous.
547
00:27:39,014 --> 00:27:41,024
I believe you mean "flammable."
548
00:27:46,010 --> 00:27:48,000
Okay, now you're done.
549
00:27:48,004 --> 00:27:50,014
It wasn't a perfect catch...
550
00:27:59,004 --> 00:28:01,014
And neither was mine.
551
00:28:02,003 --> 00:28:03,023
But I survived,
552
00:28:03,018 --> 00:28:05,018
because I have
a good safety net.