1
00:00:46,009 --> 00:00:49,009
[vacuum running]
2
00:00:58,022 --> 00:01:02,012
[Carrie]
In New York city,
it is a statistical fact
3
00:01:02,007 --> 00:01:04,007
that once
every seven minutes,
4
00:01:04,016 --> 00:01:06,006
an unsuspecting woman...
5
00:01:06,012 --> 00:01:07,012
[screams]
6
00:01:07,010 --> 00:01:09,000
Shut the fuck up!
7
00:01:09,003 --> 00:01:10,013
[Carrie] ...dates an actor.
8
00:01:10,012 --> 00:01:12,012
Let me go! My husband will
be home any minute!
9
00:01:12,012 --> 00:01:15,022
[Carrie] For Samantha, one of
the perks of dating
Jerry the actor
10
00:01:15,022 --> 00:01:18,022
was getting to stage full-scale
fantasy productions.
11
00:01:19,000 --> 00:01:20,010
Please, please,
don't hurt me.
12
00:01:20,009 --> 00:01:21,999
I'll do anything,
anything!
13
00:01:22,004 --> 00:01:23,024
Just shut
the fuck up!
14
00:01:23,019 --> 00:01:26,009
Shut the fuck up!
15
00:01:26,012 --> 00:01:28,022
Oh, you are
really good.
16
00:01:28,018 --> 00:01:32,008
I said,
shut the fuck up!
17
00:01:32,009 --> 00:01:33,009
No, you shut
the fuck up
18
00:01:33,014 --> 00:01:35,014
and fuck me before
my husband gets home.
19
00:01:35,014 --> 00:01:37,024
Now!
[laughing]
20
00:01:37,018 --> 00:01:40,008
And then he pretended
to tie my hands behind my back,
21
00:01:40,014 --> 00:01:42,014
and the whole time
he kept screaming,
22
00:01:42,014 --> 00:01:44,014
"Shut the fuck up,
shut the fuck up!"
23
00:01:44,016 --> 00:01:46,016
I tell you,
it is so refreshing
24
00:01:46,023 --> 00:01:50,023
to be with someone who likes
to fuck outside the box.
25
00:01:50,019 --> 00:01:53,009
And this is
my friend Samantha.
26
00:01:53,008 --> 00:01:55,018
The wallflower, right...
27
00:01:56,001 --> 00:01:57,021
That is incredibly
offensive.
28
00:01:58,001 --> 00:01:59,021
Violence against women
is a very serious issue.
29
00:02:00,001 --> 00:02:03,021
Oh, please, it was a fantasy,
fantasies can't be censored.
30
00:02:03,018 --> 00:02:05,008
Actually, I think
the supreme court is
31
00:02:05,007 --> 00:02:06,007
working on that
right now.
32
00:02:06,016 --> 00:02:08,996
All fantasies are
healthy and harmless.
33
00:02:09,003 --> 00:02:11,003
Don't you agree?
34
00:02:11,004 --> 00:02:13,014
You know, as a guy, I've always
been under the impression
35
00:02:13,015 --> 00:02:16,995
that rape or anything
in the "rape family"
36
00:02:17,002 --> 00:02:19,022
is just...
not a good idea.
37
00:02:20,001 --> 00:02:21,011
-Can I go home now?
-[chuckling]
38
00:02:21,015 --> 00:02:23,015
[Carrie]
There is no greater sound
than your friends laughing
39
00:02:23,018 --> 00:02:24,998
at your new
boyfriend's jokes.
40
00:02:25,003 --> 00:02:27,003
Well, that's not
the only scenario we play.
41
00:02:27,003 --> 00:02:30,013
Sometimes he's Senator Smith,
or Principal Smith...
42
00:02:30,015 --> 00:02:31,995
Cellmate Smith--
43
00:02:32,002 --> 00:02:33,012
Okay, moving on.
44
00:02:33,009 --> 00:02:36,009
Uh, Miranda, how was your date
with the real estate guy?
45
00:02:36,012 --> 00:02:38,002
-[cell phone ringing]
-Actually, it wasn't horrible.
46
00:02:38,002 --> 00:02:40,022
-Oh!
-He was kind of cute,
and funny and...
47
00:02:40,023 --> 00:02:42,023
Hello?
48
00:02:42,020 --> 00:02:46,010
Oh, Dr. Smith, thank you
for returning my call.
49
00:02:48,012 --> 00:02:52,002
Excuse me, he thinks
I may have the mumps.
50
00:02:52,006 --> 00:02:53,006
Yes, I'm swollen.
51
00:02:53,009 --> 00:02:54,019
Now, that's hot.
52
00:02:54,018 --> 00:02:56,008
[laughing]
53
00:02:56,012 --> 00:02:58,002
So how did
the date end?
54
00:02:58,005 --> 00:03:00,005
Um, he walked me home--
55
00:03:00,016 --> 00:03:02,996
I'm sorry, are you
maxed-out on girl-talk?
56
00:03:03,005 --> 00:03:04,005
No, no, no,
I'm good.
57
00:03:04,012 --> 00:03:05,022
-I'll let you know.
-Okay.
58
00:03:06,000 --> 00:03:08,020
So, he kissed me
goodnight at the door,
59
00:03:08,019 --> 00:03:09,999
I invited him up,
60
00:03:10,002 --> 00:03:12,012
he couldn't because
he had an early meeting.
61
00:03:12,007 --> 00:03:14,007
We kissed again,
then he said he'd call.
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00:03:14,015 --> 00:03:17,005
Two kisses,
very promising.
63
00:03:17,011 --> 00:03:19,011
You think, even though
he didn't come up?
64
00:03:19,012 --> 00:03:21,012
Definitely,
it means he likes you,
65
00:03:21,013 --> 00:03:22,023
but he wants
to take it slow.
66
00:03:22,019 --> 00:03:23,019
That's nice.
67
00:03:23,022 --> 00:03:25,022
Berger,
what do you think?
68
00:03:27,015 --> 00:03:28,015
You really
want to know?
69
00:03:28,019 --> 00:03:31,009
Please, I would love to have
a man's opinion for a change.
70
00:03:31,013 --> 00:03:34,003
Alright, I'm not gonna
sugarcoat it for you.
71
00:03:34,005 --> 00:03:35,015
He's just not
that into you.
72
00:03:35,023 --> 00:03:37,003
[squeaks]
73
00:03:38,021 --> 00:03:40,011
That's not true!
74
00:03:40,008 --> 00:03:41,018
Don't listen to him!
75
00:03:41,021 --> 00:03:43,021
No, no,
I'm-- I'm intrigued.
76
00:03:43,021 --> 00:03:45,011
Elaborate.
77
00:03:45,010 --> 00:03:48,000
Look, I'm sorry, but when
a guy's really into you,
78
00:03:48,004 --> 00:03:51,004
he's coming upstairs,
meeting or no meeting.
79
00:03:51,004 --> 00:03:53,004
Oh, that is ludicrous.
80
00:03:53,004 --> 00:03:55,004
What about extenuating
circumstances?
81
00:03:55,002 --> 00:03:57,012
What about you're stressed out,
you're on deadline,
82
00:03:57,014 --> 00:03:58,024
you have a migraine?
83
00:03:58,021 --> 00:04:01,021
Or, a lot of guys are afraid
of getting their feelings hurt,
84
00:04:02,000 --> 00:04:04,000
and they don't want
to ruin a friendship.
85
00:04:04,003 --> 00:04:06,023
Or they're freaked out
by their own feelings.
86
00:04:07,001 --> 00:04:10,011
There's a lot of
push-pull out there,
a lot of mixed messages.
87
00:04:10,015 --> 00:04:12,015
Yeah, I'd have to say
that's all code for:
88
00:04:12,023 --> 00:04:14,013
he's just not
that into you.
89
00:04:14,011 --> 00:04:16,021
I'm sorry, but with guys,
it's very simple,
90
00:04:16,017 --> 00:04:18,007
if we're into you,
we're coming upstairs,
91
00:04:18,012 --> 00:04:22,002
we're booking the next date.
There are no mixed messages.
92
00:04:22,005 --> 00:04:24,005
No mixed messages?
But--
93
00:04:24,010 --> 00:04:27,020
I've spent my whole life
deciphering mixed messages.
94
00:04:27,023 --> 00:04:29,023
I've made a whole
career of it.
95
00:04:29,021 --> 00:04:30,021
Wow.
96
00:04:30,019 --> 00:04:36,019
He's just not that into me.
97
00:04:36,018 --> 00:04:38,018
Oh, honey,
ignore this person,
98
00:04:38,017 --> 00:04:41,007
he doesn't know what
he's talking about.
99
00:04:41,007 --> 00:04:43,007
You're fired.
100
00:04:43,009 --> 00:04:44,009
Look, if he's
not into you,
101
00:04:44,014 --> 00:04:46,024
the guy's obviously
a weenie, so--
102
00:04:46,017 --> 00:04:48,007
No, no, I love it.
103
00:04:48,009 --> 00:04:50,999
It is the most liberating
thing I have ever heard.
104
00:04:51,006 --> 00:04:53,006
Think how much time
and therapy I could have
105
00:04:53,012 --> 00:04:56,012
saved over the last 20 years
if I had known this.
106
00:04:56,007 --> 00:04:58,997
I still think the real estate
guy is gonna call.
107
00:04:59,003 --> 00:05:01,013
Yeah, I think you've got
an uncomfortable e-mail
108
00:05:01,008 --> 00:05:02,018
coming your way,
you know?
109
00:05:02,017 --> 00:05:04,017
Something like,
"Sorry I haven't called,
110
00:05:04,020 --> 00:05:07,010
I'm in a place in the world
where they don't have phones."
111
00:05:07,011 --> 00:05:08,021
[laughing]
112
00:05:08,023 --> 00:05:10,013
[mouthing]
I love him.
113
00:05:10,015 --> 00:05:12,005
[Carrie] The best part of a
night out with your friends
114
00:05:12,014 --> 00:05:14,024
is talking about them
all the way home.
115
00:05:14,018 --> 00:05:15,998
Charlotte is a trip,
116
00:05:16,006 --> 00:05:18,006
Samantha's hilarious,
they all are--
117
00:05:18,007 --> 00:05:19,017
They thought
you were hilarious.
118
00:05:20,001 --> 00:05:21,021
Miranda, how do you
not love Miranda?
119
00:05:21,018 --> 00:05:23,008
I know, I love her.
120
00:05:23,016 --> 00:05:25,996
And I love
that you loved her.
121
00:05:26,002 --> 00:05:28,022
Oh God, she loved you,
they all did.
122
00:05:28,018 --> 00:05:30,008
And they're
a tough crowd.
123
00:05:30,013 --> 00:05:31,023
I'm a tough crowd.
124
00:05:31,018 --> 00:05:33,018
Okay, your choice:
125
00:05:33,021 --> 00:05:36,021
Fudgesicle
or Nutty Buddy?
126
00:05:36,020 --> 00:05:39,010
Oh, my God,
I wanted this one,
127
00:05:39,008 --> 00:05:41,018
we're perfect!
128
00:05:41,018 --> 00:05:43,008
Oh, and when you went to
the men's room, they were all--
129
00:05:43,014 --> 00:05:44,024
Stop.
130
00:05:44,020 --> 00:05:46,020
-What? Am I talking too much?
-No, I want to say something,
131
00:05:46,019 --> 00:05:48,999
and I don't want you
to say anything back, okay?
132
00:05:49,004 --> 00:05:50,014
You promise?
133
00:05:52,015 --> 00:05:54,015
I love you.
134
00:05:54,018 --> 00:05:56,018
I love you, too,
and I'm not saying it
135
00:05:56,019 --> 00:05:57,999
because you said it
to me, I promise.
136
00:05:58,003 --> 00:05:59,013
I was gonna
say it before,
137
00:05:59,012 --> 00:06:01,022
I've been thinking it
the whole night--
138
00:06:01,017 --> 00:06:02,997
Mmm...
139
00:06:03,003 --> 00:06:04,003
I love you.
140
00:06:04,005 --> 00:06:06,005
I just wanted to say it
again on my own.
141
00:06:07,022 --> 00:06:09,022
[Carrie] In my euphoric state,
142
00:06:10,000 --> 00:06:13,010
I knew there was only one
kind of person
who could tolerate me.
143
00:06:13,015 --> 00:06:14,015
I'm in love, too!
144
00:06:14,023 --> 00:06:16,003
I'm so happy
for you.
145
00:06:16,002 --> 00:06:18,012
It's the fastest I've
ever said, "I love you,"
146
00:06:18,007 --> 00:06:20,017
but I literally could not
hold it in my mouth.
147
00:06:20,019 --> 00:06:21,019
And why should you?
148
00:06:21,018 --> 00:06:23,008
There's no reason,
you're in love.
149
00:06:23,009 --> 00:06:24,019
I'm in love.
150
00:06:24,018 --> 00:06:27,018
I love Harry
so much it hurts.
151
00:06:27,017 --> 00:06:28,997
Sometimes I look
at Berger,
152
00:06:29,006 --> 00:06:30,016
and he's so cute,
153
00:06:30,017 --> 00:06:33,017
I just want to
squeeze his face off.
154
00:06:33,017 --> 00:06:35,017
This Friday night is
my first official Shabbas,
155
00:06:36,001 --> 00:06:40,001
so I am cooking a big,
traditional dinner for Harry.
156
00:06:40,006 --> 00:06:41,996
I'm so excited
to finally be a real Jew.
157
00:06:42,004 --> 00:06:44,014
[butcher] Here's your brisket,
lady.
158
00:06:44,012 --> 00:06:46,012
Oh... Listen, listen,
I said "lean."
159
00:06:46,013 --> 00:06:48,013
[butcher]
Sixty-four, sixty-four here.
160
00:06:53,013 --> 00:06:55,013
[Carrie] Just when I thought my
week couldn't get any better,
161
00:06:55,011 --> 00:06:59,011
I came home to find
a little surprise from Berger.
162
00:07:13,016 --> 00:07:16,996
From Berger's book,
to Samantha's books.
163
00:07:18,010 --> 00:07:20,000
[sighs]
I'm sorry, Ms. Jones,
164
00:07:20,003 --> 00:07:22,013
but you owe the U.S. government
165
00:07:22,009 --> 00:07:24,019
$300,000 in back taxes.
166
00:07:25,001 --> 00:07:28,011
But, auditor Smith, I don't
have that kind of money.
167
00:07:28,010 --> 00:07:31,020
What are you going to do,
take the shirt off my back?
168
00:07:33,012 --> 00:07:35,002
Take the shirt
off my back.
169
00:07:37,017 --> 00:07:41,007
Oh! Ah!
170
00:07:41,015 --> 00:07:44,005
This is what I call
"internal revenue"!
171
00:07:47,011 --> 00:07:48,021
[Carrie] In my fantasy,
172
00:07:48,017 --> 00:07:50,017
Hurricane Pandora
would be brilliant.
173
00:07:51,019 --> 00:07:53,009
In reality...
174
00:07:55,000 --> 00:07:56,020
It was.
175
00:07:56,021 --> 00:07:58,021
[knocking]
176
00:08:03,000 --> 00:08:04,000
Alright, if you're
still not finished,
177
00:08:04,004 --> 00:08:05,014
it's all over
between us.
178
00:08:05,011 --> 00:08:08,001
I just finished it,
just this minute, I swear.
179
00:08:08,002 --> 00:08:09,012
What, did you
stop for meals?
180
00:08:09,012 --> 00:08:11,022
Hey, it's been
two days.
181
00:08:11,018 --> 00:08:13,018
-It's 400 pages.
-Yeah, well,
182
00:08:13,021 --> 00:08:15,011
I can't
date a slow reader.
183
00:08:15,014 --> 00:08:16,024
Are you done?
184
00:08:16,022 --> 00:08:17,022
The question is,
are you done?
185
00:08:18,000 --> 00:08:21,010
Yes, I'm done, and if
you would shut your trap,
186
00:08:21,009 --> 00:08:23,999
I could tell you...
187
00:08:24,004 --> 00:08:28,014
That I love, love,
loved it.
188
00:08:28,016 --> 00:08:30,006
I loved it!
189
00:08:30,016 --> 00:08:32,016
Except for
one huge problem.
190
00:08:33,000 --> 00:08:35,010
You have your leading lady
running all over town
191
00:08:35,015 --> 00:08:37,015
wearing a scrunchie.
192
00:08:38,013 --> 00:08:40,013
A scrunchie!
193
00:08:40,007 --> 00:08:42,007
Uh, the hair thing?
194
00:08:42,016 --> 00:08:43,996
What's wrong
with that?
195
00:08:44,003 --> 00:08:45,023
Well, nothing unless
you're writing about women
196
00:08:45,019 --> 00:08:47,019
on the island of Manhattan,
in which case, uh...
197
00:08:47,018 --> 00:08:49,008
Where do I begin?
198
00:08:49,011 --> 00:08:51,001
What are you
talking about?
199
00:08:51,003 --> 00:08:52,013
A lot of New York women
wear scrunchies.
200
00:08:52,012 --> 00:08:55,022
Uh, in the bathroom, maybe when
they're washing their faces.
201
00:08:56,000 --> 00:08:58,020
You're full of shit,
I see women every single day,
202
00:08:58,021 --> 00:09:01,011
all over New York city,
they're wearing scrunchies.
203
00:09:01,011 --> 00:09:04,001
Okay, but here's the thing,
here's my crucial point,
204
00:09:04,004 --> 00:09:07,014
no woman who works
at W Magazine,
and lives on Perry Street,
205
00:09:07,013 --> 00:09:11,003
would be caught dead at
a hip, downtown restaurant,
206
00:09:11,005 --> 00:09:14,995
wearing a scrunchie!
207
00:09:15,005 --> 00:09:16,995
Man, it's a good thing
I came along,
208
00:09:17,006 --> 00:09:18,996
because you may
know the fellas,
209
00:09:19,006 --> 00:09:21,016
but I know the ladies.
210
00:09:21,019 --> 00:09:22,019
Great.
211
00:09:22,022 --> 00:09:25,002
Okay, can I read you
my favorite part?
212
00:09:25,006 --> 00:09:27,006
No, I'm done talking
about the book.
213
00:09:28,007 --> 00:09:30,007
Uh, we ordering in?
214
00:09:32,006 --> 00:09:33,016
[horn honking]
215
00:09:33,021 --> 00:09:36,001
He completely
shut down.
216
00:09:36,002 --> 00:09:36,022
Why?
217
00:09:37,000 --> 00:09:39,000
Why did I have to get up
on my sassy horse
218
00:09:39,006 --> 00:09:40,006
and ruin everything?
219
00:09:40,012 --> 00:09:42,012
Yeah, sass'll
bite you on the ass.
220
00:09:42,008 --> 00:09:44,008
And the thing that kills me
is I love the book.
221
00:09:44,016 --> 00:09:46,006
I could have gushed
about it all night.
222
00:09:46,007 --> 00:09:47,997
Why did I have to go
straight to the negative
223
00:09:48,006 --> 00:09:49,006
and just pick at it?
224
00:09:49,016 --> 00:09:51,006
Because you're
in a relationship.
225
00:09:51,008 --> 00:09:52,998
I used to pick at Steve
about everything,
226
00:09:53,006 --> 00:09:55,016
the way he held his fork,
his grammar,
227
00:09:55,021 --> 00:09:57,011
his dirty fingernails...
228
00:09:57,010 --> 00:09:58,010
Used to?
229
00:09:58,007 --> 00:10:00,007
He has a new girlfriend
for that now.
230
00:10:00,010 --> 00:10:02,000
Debbie!
231
00:10:02,003 --> 00:10:03,013
Do you think Debbie
picks at Steve?
232
00:10:03,014 --> 00:10:06,014
Of course. All women pick,
it's in our DNA.
233
00:10:06,012 --> 00:10:08,012
It's our little way
of showing that we care.
234
00:10:08,012 --> 00:10:10,012
Well, I think I made it
abundantly clear
235
00:10:10,008 --> 00:10:12,008
just how much I care.
236
00:10:12,010 --> 00:10:13,020
Well, you have to
work it out with him.
237
00:10:13,022 --> 00:10:16,012
Berger has single-handedly
changed my life.
238
00:10:16,013 --> 00:10:18,013
I still haven't heard
from the real estate guy,
239
00:10:18,013 --> 00:10:21,003
but it's fine, he's just
not that into me!
240
00:10:21,002 --> 00:10:23,012
I think right now,
Berger's just not that into me.
241
00:10:23,010 --> 00:10:24,020
So talk to him
about it.
242
00:10:25,001 --> 00:10:27,021
You two seem like you could
laugh your way through anything.
243
00:10:27,020 --> 00:10:30,010
Yeah, it's that kind of
thinking that got me into this
244
00:10:30,015 --> 00:10:32,015
in the first place.
245
00:10:34,014 --> 00:10:37,014
[Carrie] One of the signs that
a female gorilla is in love
246
00:10:37,007 --> 00:10:39,017
is that she can be
seen picking nits
247
00:10:39,021 --> 00:10:42,011
off her male companion.
248
00:10:49,009 --> 00:10:50,009
And yet in humans,
249
00:10:50,012 --> 00:10:53,012
nitpicking can ruin
a perfectly good evening,
250
00:10:53,009 --> 00:10:56,009
not to mention
a relationship.
251
00:10:56,007 --> 00:10:57,997
Women are known to be
more verbal than men,
252
00:10:58,006 --> 00:11:01,016
but when does criticism
that's constructive
253
00:11:02,001 --> 00:11:04,011
become destructive?
254
00:11:04,007 --> 00:11:05,017
Are there times
when the ladies
255
00:11:05,021 --> 00:11:08,011
should just
shut the fuck up?
256
00:11:13,012 --> 00:11:18,002
The next morning, another woman
was making too much noise.
257
00:11:19,008 --> 00:11:21,018
What on earth is
all that banging?
258
00:11:22,001 --> 00:11:23,011
Oh, good morning,
Mrs. Collier.
259
00:11:23,015 --> 00:11:25,995
I'm a Jew now.
How are you?
260
00:11:34,007 --> 00:11:35,017
-I know he'll call eventually.
-Yeah.
261
00:11:35,021 --> 00:11:38,011
He's just going through
a really hard time right now.
262
00:11:38,013 --> 00:11:40,003
-Mm-hmm.
-His boss got laid off...
263
00:11:40,004 --> 00:11:41,014
[Carrie] Later,
on her lunch hour,
264
00:11:41,015 --> 00:11:43,005
Miranda checked her Blackberry.
265
00:11:43,015 --> 00:11:44,005
There it was.
266
00:11:44,016 --> 00:11:48,006
The uncomfortable email
Berger had predicted.
267
00:11:48,014 --> 00:11:51,014
-[Marcy] Yeah.
-[Pam] Then when they get busy,
it's like, "Oh, I can't call.
268
00:11:51,016 --> 00:11:53,016
Oh, I'm so stressed,
I can't call you."
269
00:11:53,017 --> 00:11:55,007
-[Marcy] Yeah...
-[Pam] But he's gonna call.
270
00:11:55,009 --> 00:11:56,999
[Pam] And his kitchen's
being rewired.
271
00:11:57,003 --> 00:11:58,013
[Marcy] It's all so complicated.
272
00:11:58,008 --> 00:11:59,998
-Yeah, that's like
a two day process.
-At least.
273
00:12:00,006 --> 00:12:01,016
-They have to remove everything.
-[Marcy] I know.
274
00:12:01,021 --> 00:12:05,011
Excuse me, I couldn't help
but overhear your conversation,
275
00:12:05,013 --> 00:12:07,013
and I hope what
I'm gonna say
276
00:12:07,009 --> 00:12:10,019
will save you a lot
of time and energy.
277
00:12:11,016 --> 00:12:14,016
He's just not
that into you.
278
00:12:14,019 --> 00:12:15,999
So, move on.
279
00:12:16,019 --> 00:12:18,009
Have a great day.
280
00:12:18,013 --> 00:12:21,013
[Carrie] Having passed on the
gospel to these New York women,
281
00:12:21,011 --> 00:12:23,011
Miranda could only hope
282
00:12:23,008 --> 00:12:25,018
they would spread the word
far and wide.
283
00:12:25,020 --> 00:12:27,020
-Bitch.
-Who the hell asked her?
284
00:12:28,001 --> 00:12:28,021
Not me.
285
00:12:29,001 --> 00:12:30,021
-I know you didn't.
-Crazy people in New York.
286
00:12:31,000 --> 00:12:33,000
-Bitch, he is so gonna call you.
-I know!
287
00:12:33,006 --> 00:12:35,996
[Carrie] And as two women's
fantasies were being
shattered,
288
00:12:36,006 --> 00:12:38,006
another's were being
brought to life.
289
00:12:38,016 --> 00:12:40,006
[sighing]
290
00:12:41,014 --> 00:12:42,024
Samantha Jones?
291
00:12:44,006 --> 00:12:45,006
Detective Smith.
292
00:12:45,013 --> 00:12:47,003
Department of Homicide.
293
00:12:47,005 --> 00:12:50,005
I'm afraid I'm gonna have to
ask you some questions, ma'am.
294
00:12:50,012 --> 00:12:52,012
Why, certainly,
detective.
295
00:12:52,010 --> 00:12:55,010
Am I in some kind
of trouble?
296
00:12:55,010 --> 00:12:58,000
-Two martinis please,
straight up.
-[bartender] Yes, ma'am.
297
00:12:58,003 --> 00:12:59,023
Actually,
make mine a seltzer.
298
00:12:59,021 --> 00:13:02,001
Oh, of course,
you're working.
299
00:13:03,011 --> 00:13:05,011
But, you know,
detective,
300
00:13:05,014 --> 00:13:08,014
one little drink
won't kill you.
301
00:13:08,012 --> 00:13:10,012
He'll have a martini.
302
00:13:10,007 --> 00:13:12,007
No, it's a seltzer.
303
00:13:12,015 --> 00:13:14,005
Seriously, Samantha,
I'm in A.A.
304
00:13:14,016 --> 00:13:15,996
[Carrie] That sobered
Samantha right up.
305
00:13:16,003 --> 00:13:19,013
I was totally, like, fucked up
for, like, eight years
in Seattle, it's--
306
00:13:19,016 --> 00:13:21,996
You know, I just realized
I have a presentation
307
00:13:22,006 --> 00:13:24,016
first thing
in the morning, so...
308
00:13:25,013 --> 00:13:27,013
Sorry.
309
00:13:30,008 --> 00:13:33,018
[Carrie] Jerry had taken
the fantasy into
dangerous territory...
310
00:13:34,014 --> 00:13:36,014
Reality.
311
00:13:36,011 --> 00:13:37,011
[bartender] Two martinis.
312
00:13:37,015 --> 00:13:40,005
No, dude,
I said a seltzer.
313
00:13:40,008 --> 00:13:43,008
[Carrie] Meanwhile,
Charlotte was hard at work on
her fantasy role...
314
00:13:43,013 --> 00:13:44,023
Martha Jewart.
315
00:13:44,019 --> 00:13:47,999
Okay, the kugel's in the oven,
the matzoh balls are boiling.
316
00:13:48,002 --> 00:13:49,002
It's three hours
'til Shabbas,
317
00:13:49,005 --> 00:13:50,015
I think we should
start braiding the challah.
318
00:13:50,023 --> 00:13:53,003
Doesn't Shabbas mean
"day of rest,"
319
00:13:53,002 --> 00:13:55,002
i.e. "ordering in"?
320
00:13:55,002 --> 00:13:56,012
We're wearing aprons.
321
00:13:56,015 --> 00:13:58,005
Do you own aprons?
322
00:13:58,011 --> 00:13:59,011
The challah!
323
00:13:59,007 --> 00:14:02,007
Okay, okay, you don't
have to "holla."
324
00:14:02,015 --> 00:14:04,005
[Charlotte] Miranda, like this.
325
00:14:04,012 --> 00:14:08,022
Oh... I don't know
what I'm doing.
326
00:14:08,021 --> 00:14:10,011
Why did you call me
over here?
327
00:14:10,013 --> 00:14:12,013
Because I didn't want to spend
the rest of the week saying,
328
00:14:12,016 --> 00:14:13,996
"Guess you had
to be there."
329
00:14:14,002 --> 00:14:16,022
Hey, did Harry's friend
ever call you?
330
00:14:16,017 --> 00:14:18,997
Yes, as a matter of fact,
I'm seeing him tonight.
331
00:14:19,003 --> 00:14:19,023
[Carrie] Ooh...
332
00:14:20,001 --> 00:14:21,021
You think I can get away
with this outfit?
333
00:14:21,017 --> 00:14:23,017
Definitely,
the apron softens you.
334
00:14:23,023 --> 00:14:26,013
Can you read me what's next
after it's braided?
335
00:14:26,014 --> 00:14:30,024
Hmm, uh...
Oh.
336
00:14:30,018 --> 00:14:33,008
[Charlotte] With her high school
boyfriend, Charlotte doodled,
337
00:14:33,015 --> 00:14:35,005
with Harry, she "Jew-dled."
338
00:14:35,013 --> 00:14:38,023
Um, I think
it calls for
339
00:14:38,018 --> 00:14:42,008
"two cups of Mrs. Harry
York-Goldenblatt..."
340
00:14:42,008 --> 00:14:43,018
-[chuckling]
-Did I miss something?
341
00:14:43,021 --> 00:14:45,011
Did you get married
while I was at work?
342
00:14:45,014 --> 00:14:48,024
No, but that's
where we're headed.
343
00:14:48,017 --> 00:14:50,017
You forgot
Charlotte Yorkenblatt.
344
00:14:51,001 --> 00:14:53,021
Actually, I've been
making some calls,
345
00:14:53,021 --> 00:14:56,011
and I was wondering how you
both felt about November?
346
00:14:56,007 --> 00:14:57,997
November, for what?
347
00:14:58,004 --> 00:15:00,004
For our wedding.
348
00:15:00,005 --> 00:15:02,005
Most of the synagogues
are booked through the fall.
349
00:15:02,016 --> 00:15:04,016
November works for me.
350
00:15:04,017 --> 00:15:06,017
Has Harry even
proposed yet?
351
00:15:06,018 --> 00:15:07,018
Miranda.
352
00:15:07,017 --> 00:15:09,017
No, but he will.
353
00:15:09,021 --> 00:15:13,011
Aren't you counting your
matzoh balls before they rise?
354
00:15:13,008 --> 00:15:14,008
Miranda...
355
00:15:14,011 --> 00:15:15,011
Zip the lip.
356
00:15:15,016 --> 00:15:17,006
Harry and I have an
understanding about our future.
357
00:15:17,011 --> 00:15:19,001
We don't have to talk
about it all the time.
358
00:15:19,006 --> 00:15:20,996
It's... It's b'shert.
359
00:15:21,006 --> 00:15:23,006
I don't know
what that means.
360
00:15:23,011 --> 00:15:25,021
It's meant to be.
361
00:15:27,006 --> 00:15:28,996
I would never have gone
through all this trouble
362
00:15:29,002 --> 00:15:31,022
if I didn't know for sure
that we were getting married.
363
00:15:31,018 --> 00:15:34,998
I'm sorry, I just don't want
to see you get hurt again.
364
00:15:40,012 --> 00:15:43,002
[Carrie] And ever since her
reality check with Jerry,
365
00:15:43,006 --> 00:15:47,016
Samantha had no interest
in seeing him again.
366
00:15:47,019 --> 00:15:50,019
However, when a certain
government official called,
367
00:15:50,020 --> 00:15:53,020
she was more than happy
to take a meeting.
368
00:15:53,020 --> 00:15:57,000
[suspenseful music]
369
00:15:57,004 --> 00:16:01,024
Secret Service agent Smith,
if you're here,
370
00:16:02,000 --> 00:16:04,020
who's protecting
the president?
371
00:16:04,019 --> 00:16:06,009
You know,
I changed my mind.
372
00:16:06,012 --> 00:16:09,022
I thought of something
even hotter for us to play.
373
00:16:09,017 --> 00:16:11,007
Hotter than
secret service sluts?
374
00:16:11,012 --> 00:16:12,022
-Yeah.
-Oh!
375
00:16:14,001 --> 00:16:15,011
I'm me,
376
00:16:15,007 --> 00:16:16,017
you're you.
377
00:16:16,023 --> 00:16:17,023
Go.
378
00:16:19,008 --> 00:16:20,008
Oh.
379
00:16:20,013 --> 00:16:22,023
You know, when I told you
the other night I was in A.A.,
380
00:16:22,019 --> 00:16:24,009
you bolted.
381
00:16:24,011 --> 00:16:25,021
What's up
with that?
382
00:16:25,019 --> 00:16:27,009
Jerry...
383
00:16:27,007 --> 00:16:29,007
It is Jerry,
isn't it?
384
00:16:29,010 --> 00:16:31,020
I'm afraid we want
different things.
385
00:16:31,022 --> 00:16:34,012
You want to tell me
all about you,
386
00:16:34,014 --> 00:16:37,024
and I don't want you
to tell me all about you.
387
00:16:37,019 --> 00:16:40,019
It spoils
the fantasy.
388
00:16:41,000 --> 00:16:41,020
That's harsh.
389
00:16:42,001 --> 00:16:44,011
Yeah, I am harsh.
390
00:16:44,007 --> 00:16:47,007
I'm also demanding,
stubborn, self-sufficient,
391
00:16:47,007 --> 00:16:48,007
and always right.
392
00:16:48,013 --> 00:16:50,013
In bed, at the office,
393
00:16:50,008 --> 00:16:51,018
and everywhere else.
394
00:16:51,022 --> 00:16:52,022
I already knew that.
395
00:16:53,000 --> 00:16:56,000
And that's just
a little bit about me.
396
00:16:56,004 --> 00:16:58,024
Alright, cool.
397
00:16:58,022 --> 00:17:00,022
Let me tell you one
little thing about me.
398
00:17:00,023 --> 00:17:02,013
See, this is exactly what I--
399
00:17:02,016 --> 00:17:05,006
At least let me
tell you my last name.
400
00:17:05,010 --> 00:17:06,010
It's Jerrod.
401
00:17:09,020 --> 00:17:11,020
Your parents named you
Jerry Jerrod?
402
00:17:11,022 --> 00:17:14,022
-Yeah.
-No wonder you drank.
403
00:17:14,019 --> 00:17:15,999
Right?
404
00:17:16,003 --> 00:17:17,023
[Carrie] There would still
be accountants
405
00:17:17,019 --> 00:17:19,009
and undercover agents
in their future.
406
00:17:19,014 --> 00:17:21,014
But that night,
Samantha and Jerry
407
00:17:21,011 --> 00:17:23,021
got off on
playing themselves.
408
00:17:25,000 --> 00:17:26,020
Meanwhile,
I was looking forward
409
00:17:26,017 --> 00:17:29,007
to putting the scrunchie
moment behind us...
410
00:17:33,009 --> 00:17:37,019
Unfortunately, it was
staring us in the face.
411
00:17:41,019 --> 00:17:43,999
Okay, I'm sorry
to have to do this,
412
00:17:44,005 --> 00:17:47,995
but I do believe we are
in the presence of a scrunchie.
413
00:17:48,022 --> 00:17:50,012
I also do believe,
414
00:17:50,007 --> 00:17:51,017
and correct me
if I'm wrong,
415
00:17:51,017 --> 00:17:53,007
that we are
in New York City proper.
416
00:17:53,016 --> 00:17:54,016
Mm.
417
00:17:54,017 --> 00:17:57,007
This woman does not appear
to be washing her face,
418
00:17:57,013 --> 00:17:59,003
she appears to be
standing on line
419
00:17:59,006 --> 00:18:02,006
at a hip,
downtown restaurant.
420
00:18:02,011 --> 00:18:07,011
So, kinda kills
your New York-woman theory.
421
00:18:07,008 --> 00:18:09,008
Ah, tough break,
Bradshaw.
422
00:18:11,004 --> 00:18:12,024
She's not
from New York.
423
00:18:13,000 --> 00:18:14,010
What?
424
00:18:15,006 --> 00:18:15,996
It doesn't matter.
425
00:18:16,006 --> 00:18:17,016
Did they say how long
the wait was gonna be?
426
00:18:17,022 --> 00:18:19,002
Excuse me.
427
00:18:19,002 --> 00:18:20,012
Hi, I'm sorry
to bother you,
428
00:18:20,013 --> 00:18:23,013
we were just wondering what
part of New York you live in?
429
00:18:23,010 --> 00:18:24,010
[laughs]
430
00:18:24,012 --> 00:18:25,012
Who, me?
431
00:18:25,010 --> 00:18:28,010
[laughing]
Oh, gosh!
432
00:18:28,008 --> 00:18:31,998
I am from
Macon, Georgia.
433
00:18:32,003 --> 00:18:34,013
But thanks,
you made my whole day!
434
00:18:34,016 --> 00:18:35,016
Honey, did you
hear that?
435
00:18:35,022 --> 00:18:38,022
These people think
I live in New York.
436
00:18:39,001 --> 00:18:43,011
I'm so hungry, when are
they gonna let us sit down?
437
00:18:43,008 --> 00:18:45,018
[Carrie] Downtown,
over curried lamb and chutney,
438
00:18:45,021 --> 00:18:48,011
Miranda found herself
pleasantly surprised
439
00:18:48,007 --> 00:18:49,997
by Charlotte's
matchmaking skills.
440
00:18:50,002 --> 00:18:53,002
Whew, that was
one spicy biryani.
441
00:18:53,002 --> 00:18:57,012
I know, I've lost
all feeling in my tongue.
442
00:18:57,007 --> 00:18:59,017
Listen, I know a great
place around the corner
443
00:18:59,017 --> 00:19:01,017
if you want
to get coffee.
444
00:19:01,019 --> 00:19:03,009
Oh, uh, I...
445
00:19:03,007 --> 00:19:06,007
You know, I wish I could,
but I really...
446
00:19:07,004 --> 00:19:09,004
should call it a night.
447
00:19:09,002 --> 00:19:12,002
Hey, it's fine,
I understand.
448
00:19:12,002 --> 00:19:13,012
You're just not
that into me.
449
00:19:13,011 --> 00:19:15,011
And it's okay.
I get it!
450
00:19:15,013 --> 00:19:20,023
No, no, no, I like you,
I just... really have to go.
451
00:19:21,000 --> 00:19:21,020
Paul.
452
00:19:21,022 --> 00:19:23,012
C'mon, you can
stop lying.
453
00:19:23,015 --> 00:19:24,015
I am not lying.
454
00:19:24,019 --> 00:19:27,009
Come on, be a man,
tell the truth!
455
00:19:29,013 --> 00:19:31,023
I have diarrhea.
456
00:19:32,000 --> 00:19:36,000
[Carrie] Apparently,
there is one rare exception
to Berger's rule.
457
00:19:36,002 --> 00:19:38,022
And it often
involves curry.
458
00:19:38,019 --> 00:19:40,999
After dinner,
Berger ate banana cream pie,
459
00:19:41,004 --> 00:19:42,024
and I ate my words.
460
00:19:42,018 --> 00:19:43,008
Another thing
I loved
461
00:19:43,016 --> 00:19:45,016
was the way you used
the sister's phone calls
462
00:19:45,020 --> 00:19:47,010
as little land-posts--
463
00:19:47,010 --> 00:19:52,010
I mean, landmarks or miles--
mile-posts? I don't--
464
00:19:52,007 --> 00:19:55,007
Anyway, I just loved how those
sort of punctuated the story...
465
00:19:55,009 --> 00:19:57,999
It was just
a really nice touch.
466
00:20:00,006 --> 00:20:02,016
Oh, my God, the introduction!
467
00:20:02,023 --> 00:20:03,023
Brilliant.
468
00:20:03,020 --> 00:20:06,000
You're instantly
on this guy's side,
469
00:20:06,005 --> 00:20:08,015
even though
he's a complete mess.
470
00:20:08,022 --> 00:20:12,002
You know, you really
just nailed him.
471
00:20:18,022 --> 00:20:21,022
While I was
working overtime...
472
00:20:21,021 --> 00:20:24,021
Charlotte's work
was finally coming to an end.
473
00:20:24,021 --> 00:20:26,011
Harry, you can
come on in now.
474
00:20:26,009 --> 00:20:28,009
Sorry it's so late.
475
00:20:28,009 --> 00:20:29,009
What's all this?
476
00:20:29,013 --> 00:20:30,023
Well, since it's our
first Shabbas together,
477
00:20:30,022 --> 00:20:32,022
I wanted to make it
a little special.
478
00:20:33,001 --> 00:20:34,021
"A little"?
This is phenomenal.
479
00:20:34,021 --> 00:20:38,021
I just need to get the candles
and then we can say the b'rucha.
480
00:20:42,012 --> 00:20:45,012
[announcer on TV]
Carlos Silva now in the Philly
bullpen...
481
00:20:45,010 --> 00:20:49,010
Roland pinches in at third.
Cedenos squares, bunts foul.
482
00:20:49,012 --> 00:20:51,012
Oh, come on!
483
00:20:51,016 --> 00:20:54,006
[announcer on TV]
...sacrifice, so he was trying
to drop one down...
484
00:20:54,015 --> 00:20:57,005
Honey, please turn that off,
we're about to eat.
485
00:21:02,014 --> 00:21:04,024
Mmm! Smells incredible.
486
00:21:04,018 --> 00:21:09,008
And you made brisket, I cannot
believe you made brisket!
487
00:21:18,014 --> 00:21:23,014
♪ Baruch ata adonai ♪
488
00:21:23,007 --> 00:21:27,997
♪ Elo-hay-nu
me-lech ha-olam ♪
489
00:21:28,003 --> 00:21:33,003
♪ Ah-sher kid-ish-anu
bi-mitzvo-tav ♪
490
00:21:33,006 --> 00:21:37,006
♪ Vet-ziv-anu
li-had-lik-ner ♪
491
00:21:37,014 --> 00:21:41,014
♪ Shel shabbat ♪
492
00:21:45,016 --> 00:21:46,006
Good Shabbas.
493
00:21:46,015 --> 00:21:49,005
Good Shabbas,
sweetie.
494
00:21:51,000 --> 00:21:54,010
Mmm, I cannot believe
you made all this.
495
00:21:54,015 --> 00:21:56,005
What did I do
to deserve you?
496
00:21:56,014 --> 00:21:57,024
I feel the same way.
497
00:21:59,000 --> 00:22:00,010
I've been thinking
about blessings,
498
00:22:00,016 --> 00:22:03,016
and you are such
a blessing to me...
499
00:22:03,020 --> 00:22:05,010
What are you...?
500
00:22:07,010 --> 00:22:08,020
Why is the TV on?
501
00:22:08,019 --> 00:22:09,019
It's on mute.
502
00:22:10,001 --> 00:22:10,021
Mute?
503
00:22:10,023 --> 00:22:13,013
Mute? We're having
Shabbas dinner.
504
00:22:13,007 --> 00:22:14,017
It's a big game,
honey.
505
00:22:14,019 --> 00:22:15,019
Turn it off.
506
00:22:15,019 --> 00:22:17,019
I want you to turn it off
right this minute.
507
00:22:17,020 --> 00:22:18,020
But it's--
508
00:22:18,020 --> 00:22:19,020
Off now!
509
00:22:20,000 --> 00:22:21,010
Let me just watch
this one pitch.
510
00:22:21,011 --> 00:22:24,021
I gave up Christ for you
and you can't give up the Mets?
511
00:22:24,020 --> 00:22:26,020
It's gonna be a long life
if you keep that up.
512
00:22:27,000 --> 00:22:29,010
"I gave up Christ for you,
take out the trash."
513
00:22:29,015 --> 00:22:31,995
"I gave up Christ for you,
pick up your socks."
514
00:22:33,016 --> 00:22:35,006
Do you have any idea
how hard I worked
515
00:22:35,014 --> 00:22:36,024
to prepare this meal
for you?
516
00:22:36,023 --> 00:22:41,013
I went to Zabar's
every day this week.
517
00:22:41,007 --> 00:22:43,007
I had to make
30 matzoh balls
518
00:22:43,011 --> 00:22:47,011
just to get four that were
the right size and shape,
519
00:22:47,007 --> 00:22:50,017
not to mention the months
of studying and cramming
520
00:22:50,018 --> 00:22:52,018
like a maniac
to convert to Judaism.
521
00:22:52,019 --> 00:22:54,019
And what have
you done for me?
522
00:22:54,020 --> 00:22:58,010
Set the date!
523
00:22:58,009 --> 00:22:59,019
What are you
talking about?
524
00:22:59,021 --> 00:23:02,001
You said you wouldn't
marry me unless I was Jewish,
525
00:23:02,005 --> 00:23:03,015
and now I'm Jewish.
526
00:23:03,018 --> 00:23:05,008
Set the date!
527
00:23:05,010 --> 00:23:07,020
You're acting crazy,
do you hear yourself?
528
00:23:07,019 --> 00:23:10,019
Do you know how lucky
you are to have me?
529
00:23:10,019 --> 00:23:11,999
Do you know
how we look?
530
00:23:12,002 --> 00:23:14,022
Do you know what people
out there think
531
00:23:14,020 --> 00:23:16,020
when they see us
together, do you?
532
00:23:16,017 --> 00:23:20,007
Yeah, I know what
people are thinking.
533
00:23:20,015 --> 00:23:22,015
I just didn't think you
were one of 'em.
534
00:23:22,023 --> 00:23:26,013
[Carrie] Finally, it was
Charlotte who was on mute.
535
00:23:26,010 --> 00:23:28,010
I don't need this.
536
00:23:28,023 --> 00:23:30,023
I'm leaving.
537
00:23:34,004 --> 00:23:36,014
To think,
I bought a ring.
538
00:23:41,010 --> 00:23:43,010
[Carrie] The Mets won that
night, five to four.
539
00:23:43,010 --> 00:23:47,010
But Charlotte lost everything
that mattered to her.
540
00:23:47,010 --> 00:23:49,020
Oh, I just remembered
another hilarious part.
541
00:23:49,019 --> 00:23:52,999
And later,
on the corner of 73rd and
"Mea Culpa..."
542
00:23:53,004 --> 00:23:56,024
Um, you know, the scene
where the dishwasher guy
543
00:23:56,020 --> 00:23:58,010
is spooning up
the Rice Chex
544
00:23:58,010 --> 00:23:59,020
and he's putting them
back in the box?
545
00:24:00,001 --> 00:24:01,001
It's perfection.
546
00:24:01,002 --> 00:24:02,022
How did you
come up with that?
547
00:24:03,001 --> 00:24:04,011
That's so lame.
548
00:24:04,009 --> 00:24:05,019
No, it was not.
549
00:24:05,020 --> 00:24:07,000
It was hysterical.
550
00:24:07,002 --> 00:24:08,012
No, I'm not talking
about the book,
551
00:24:08,014 --> 00:24:10,014
I'm talking about what
you're doing right now.
552
00:24:10,011 --> 00:24:14,021
I just wanted you to know
how much I loved your book,
553
00:24:15,006 --> 00:24:16,016
because I did.
554
00:24:16,023 --> 00:24:20,013
And I'm sorry I muddied it up
with the whole scrunchie thing.
555
00:24:20,011 --> 00:24:21,021
It's not that big a deal.
556
00:24:22,023 --> 00:24:24,013
Okay...
557
00:24:26,001 --> 00:24:27,011
I think I'm gonna
call it a night.
558
00:24:27,011 --> 00:24:30,021
Uh... I got to get an early
start tomorrow.
559
00:24:30,021 --> 00:24:32,001
Are you kidding?
560
00:24:32,003 --> 00:24:34,013
No, thanks for dinner.
561
00:24:34,016 --> 00:24:35,016
I'll call you tomorrow.
562
00:24:36,000 --> 00:24:38,010
[Carrie] And then, there are
times when a New York woman
563
00:24:38,015 --> 00:24:40,005
should not shut
the fuck up.
564
00:24:40,013 --> 00:24:41,023
Hey!
565
00:24:43,005 --> 00:24:44,005
Berger.
566
00:24:46,012 --> 00:24:49,002
Berger!
567
00:24:49,005 --> 00:24:52,005
You can't just pull that
line on me and walk away.
568
00:24:52,009 --> 00:24:53,019
Well, this time
it's true.
569
00:24:53,022 --> 00:24:56,002
Well, you're obviously
still pissed and I'm sorry,
570
00:24:56,003 --> 00:24:58,013
but you can't just
shut down like this.
571
00:24:58,014 --> 00:25:00,024
We have to be able to say
what's on our minds.
572
00:25:01,001 --> 00:25:04,011
If you thought that I had
made some kind of mistake,
573
00:25:04,016 --> 00:25:06,006
I would want you
to tell me.
574
00:25:06,010 --> 00:25:07,020
Oh?
575
00:25:07,023 --> 00:25:09,023
Nice hat.
576
00:25:13,002 --> 00:25:14,012
Carrie!
577
00:25:14,008 --> 00:25:16,008
It's fabulous, and you just
said that to hurt my feelings.
578
00:25:16,013 --> 00:25:17,023
Yeah, well, that's how you made
me feel
579
00:25:17,020 --> 00:25:19,020
-the other night.
-Fabulous!
580
00:25:19,023 --> 00:25:21,013
So, you could just
walk away now?
581
00:25:21,011 --> 00:25:24,001
-Uh, yes, I can.
-Well, look, I'm sorry, alright?
582
00:25:24,003 --> 00:25:25,003
But what was
I supposed to do
583
00:25:25,006 --> 00:25:26,006
with that scrunchie
comment?
584
00:25:26,011 --> 00:25:27,021
Was I supposed to hop
in my time machine
585
00:25:27,022 --> 00:25:29,012
and go back,
fix my entire book?
586
00:25:29,011 --> 00:25:31,001
I don't know what
your problem is,
587
00:25:31,003 --> 00:25:33,013
but it doesn't have anything
to do with a scrunchie.
588
00:25:33,007 --> 00:25:34,007
Yeah, it's about
the fact that
589
00:25:34,012 --> 00:25:36,022
my book is a big,
fat fucking failure.
590
00:25:36,019 --> 00:25:38,009
-Wait, what?
-It's just...
591
00:25:38,007 --> 00:25:39,997
You know,
I already feel like shit,
592
00:25:40,006 --> 00:25:44,006
you trying to pump me up
all night, not helping.
593
00:25:47,005 --> 00:25:48,995
I'm sure this is
all very sexy.
594
00:25:49,006 --> 00:25:51,006
You probably never
really want to--
595
00:25:52,004 --> 00:25:53,014
Stop.
596
00:25:54,017 --> 00:25:57,017
I want to say something
and I want you to listen.
597
00:25:58,023 --> 00:26:01,023
You're a beautiful writer.
598
00:26:01,023 --> 00:26:07,023
And I loved your book,
and I love you.
599
00:26:07,020 --> 00:26:09,020
And I still think...
600
00:26:10,000 --> 00:26:12,010
you're very sexy.
601
00:26:12,011 --> 00:26:16,021
-Mmm.
-And I'm not gonna let you
make a joke right now.
602
00:26:19,000 --> 00:26:21,010
Then I got nothin'.
603
00:26:25,018 --> 00:26:26,998
Come on.
604
00:26:31,002 --> 00:26:32,022
Saying "I love you" is easy,
605
00:26:33,018 --> 00:26:35,008
what comes next...
606
00:26:35,007 --> 00:26:37,017
is a little "scrunchier."
607
00:26:41,010 --> 00:26:43,010
Harry hadn't
called in two days,
608
00:26:43,014 --> 00:26:47,014
except to say he was sending
someone over to pick up his TV.
609
00:26:51,001 --> 00:26:54,021
Just what New York needs,
another single Jewish girl.
610
00:26:59,023 --> 00:27:03,013
Good morning.
611
00:27:03,013 --> 00:27:05,013
Mind if I get in there
and wash my face?
612
00:27:05,013 --> 00:27:07,013
Not at all.
613
00:27:10,002 --> 00:27:12,012
Oh, my God,
where did you get that?
614
00:27:12,015 --> 00:27:13,015
[in Southern accent]
Well, Macon, Georgia!
615
00:27:14,000 --> 00:27:15,020
-Why, you want to try it on?
-No.
616
00:27:15,021 --> 00:27:18,021
-Oh, but you're gonna look so
pretty with this scrunchie on.
-No, no!
617
00:27:18,023 --> 00:27:20,023
[giggling and screaming]
618
00:27:20,018 --> 00:27:22,018
No, no, I hate you!
619
00:27:22,019 --> 00:27:26,009
-[laughing and chattering]
-[Berger] Put on the scrunchie!