1
00:00:45,014 --> 00:00:46,024
[elevator bell dings]
2
00:00:51,014 --> 00:00:52,024
[Carrie] In a single gal's life,
3
00:00:52,021 --> 00:00:55,021
there are three
important firsts.
4
00:00:55,021 --> 00:00:58,011
The first time you have sex,
5
00:00:58,007 --> 00:01:01,007
the first time
you have good sex and...
6
00:01:01,007 --> 00:01:02,017
the first time you see a guy
7
00:01:02,019 --> 00:01:05,009
you just started dating's
apartment.
8
00:01:08,020 --> 00:01:11,010
-Hey.
-Hi.
9
00:01:11,008 --> 00:01:12,998
-Come on in.
-Okay.
10
00:01:13,017 --> 00:01:14,017
Wow.
11
00:01:16,016 --> 00:01:19,016
Oh, nice.
12
00:01:19,022 --> 00:01:22,012
Very nice.
13
00:01:22,010 --> 00:01:23,010
Thank God.
14
00:01:23,011 --> 00:01:25,001
You were expecting?
15
00:01:25,004 --> 00:01:26,014
Well, one never knows.
16
00:01:26,013 --> 00:01:29,003
Gentlemen left
to their own devices...
17
00:01:29,006 --> 00:01:31,016
Oh, you name it, I've seen it.
18
00:01:31,023 --> 00:01:37,023
Pleather couches.
Two-foot bongs.
19
00:01:38,000 --> 00:01:40,020
-Dead body in a corner.
-A dead body, huh?
20
00:01:40,021 --> 00:01:43,011
I only went out with him
for a week after that.
21
00:01:43,012 --> 00:01:49,002
But, uh, so far, nothing in here
says "scary bachelor."
22
00:01:49,003 --> 00:01:50,003
Except me.
23
00:01:51,021 --> 00:01:54,021
Hey, I really
like this wall color.
24
00:01:54,022 --> 00:01:57,022
Yeah, I can't take credit
for that, that's Lauren.
25
00:01:57,021 --> 00:01:58,021
Ralph Lauren?
26
00:01:58,019 --> 00:02:00,009
No, Lauren, Lauren. My ex...
27
00:02:00,012 --> 00:02:01,012
girlfriend.
28
00:02:01,014 --> 00:02:03,004
She was the decorator.
29
00:02:03,005 --> 00:02:04,995
Oh, uh-huh.
30
00:02:05,002 --> 00:02:06,022
-I'm sorry. Is that weird?
-Please.
31
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Please, you have a "decorator,"
I have a "decorator."
32
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There's really no need for the
"ex-decorator" conversation.
33
00:02:18,014 --> 00:02:19,014
Got it.
34
00:02:23,004 --> 00:02:25,014
Should I set the alarm?
Do you need to get up early?
35
00:02:25,015 --> 00:02:27,005
[Carrie] Nope, I'm all yours.
36
00:02:28,018 --> 00:02:30,008
-Goodnight.
-Goodnight.
37
00:02:30,010 --> 00:02:31,020
Welcome to my house.
38
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[rainforest sounds]
39
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[bird trills]
40
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Oh.
41
00:02:47,002 --> 00:02:49,012
Okay, what's going on there?
42
00:02:49,014 --> 00:02:54,004
Oh, uh, that's my sound machine.
I'm a troubled sleeper.
43
00:02:54,002 --> 00:02:55,012
Kinda hooked on it.
44
00:02:55,016 --> 00:02:57,016
Oh. Frogs?
45
00:02:57,021 --> 00:02:59,011
Yeah, and cicadas.
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00:02:59,010 --> 00:03:01,000
Officially,
we're in the rainforest.
47
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[bird chirps]
48
00:03:02,015 --> 00:03:04,005
Oh, that there's a bird.
49
00:03:07,020 --> 00:03:11,000
Well, I feel like I'm camping.
50
00:03:11,005 --> 00:03:13,005
Not a big fan of camping.
51
00:03:13,009 --> 00:03:15,009
Tomorrow morning
I'll make you s'mores.
52
00:03:15,015 --> 00:03:16,015
Okay.
53
00:03:18,017 --> 00:03:20,017
[birds twitter]
54
00:03:21,000 --> 00:03:23,000
I always wondered
who bought those.
55
00:03:24,019 --> 00:03:25,999
Actually, it was a gift.
56
00:03:26,003 --> 00:03:26,023
Oh, from--
57
00:03:27,001 --> 00:03:28,011
-Yeah, Lauren.
-Yeah.
58
00:03:28,015 --> 00:03:31,005
She got it for me
about two weeks
after we started going out.
59
00:03:31,009 --> 00:03:33,009
She hated it
when I tossed and turned.
60
00:03:33,008 --> 00:03:34,998
It was her therapist's idea.
61
00:03:35,003 --> 00:03:36,023
Lauren always did
everything her therapist--
62
00:03:36,017 --> 00:03:38,007
Mm-hmm, okay, okay.
63
00:03:41,005 --> 00:03:43,005
So... frogs.
64
00:03:44,009 --> 00:03:45,019
What's so bad about frogs?
65
00:03:49,013 --> 00:03:50,023
Goodnight.
66
00:03:50,023 --> 00:03:52,013
You'll see...
67
00:03:52,008 --> 00:03:55,018
After a while,
you won't even hear it.
68
00:03:55,019 --> 00:03:59,009
[Carrie] I could only hope
he was referring
to his ex-decorator's name.
69
00:04:01,011 --> 00:04:03,011
Okay, one drink
and then we leave.
70
00:04:03,015 --> 00:04:05,015
And one drink means one drink.
71
00:04:05,019 --> 00:04:07,009
Tell me why we're going
to this again?
72
00:04:07,014 --> 00:04:09,004
She's an old friend
going through a breakup.
73
00:04:09,004 --> 00:04:10,014
We're being supportive.
74
00:04:10,011 --> 00:04:11,021
On a Friday night?
75
00:04:11,020 --> 00:04:13,000
She tried to kill herself.
76
00:04:13,002 --> 00:04:14,002
It was six Advil.
77
00:04:14,002 --> 00:04:16,012
-On an empty stomach.
-[Miranda groans]
78
00:04:16,009 --> 00:04:18,019
The good news is
I'm off the Zoloft,
79
00:04:18,017 --> 00:04:21,997
I lost ten pounds and
after that asshole dumped me,
80
00:04:22,005 --> 00:04:25,005
I realized I have this amazing
gift for designing bags!
81
00:04:28,008 --> 00:04:29,018
It's a purse party!
82
00:04:29,022 --> 00:04:31,022
[all] Oh!
83
00:04:33,005 --> 00:04:34,015
Isn't this precious?
84
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You can take it to lunch.
85
00:04:36,016 --> 00:04:37,016
[all] Mmm!
86
00:04:37,018 --> 00:04:39,008
Isn't life funny?
87
00:04:39,014 --> 00:04:43,024
Because of that fucker,
I've discovered I'm Fendi!
88
00:04:43,020 --> 00:04:45,010
[laughs]
89
00:04:45,015 --> 00:04:46,015
Buy away!
90
00:04:53,011 --> 00:04:56,021
When did making bags
become the fallback career?
91
00:04:56,018 --> 00:04:59,018
Someone should tell crazy
that owning a hot glue gun
92
00:04:59,019 --> 00:05:01,019
does not make you
a hot purse designer.
93
00:05:01,023 --> 00:05:03,013
Don't call her crazy.
94
00:05:03,007 --> 00:05:05,007
Look at this.
I'd rather carry
a colostomy bag.
95
00:05:05,013 --> 00:05:07,003
Ladies, these aren't bags,
they're baggage.
96
00:05:07,003 --> 00:05:10,013
We are standing among the ruins
of her last relationship.
97
00:05:10,011 --> 00:05:13,021
And it was one ugly break-up.
98
00:05:13,020 --> 00:05:15,010
I resent this.
99
00:05:15,008 --> 00:05:17,018
The only one who should have
to pay for a bad relationship
100
00:05:18,000 --> 00:05:20,000
is the person
in your next relationship.
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00:05:20,003 --> 00:05:23,013
True, and here's hoping
that isn't me.
102
00:05:23,007 --> 00:05:26,007
Last night, Berger started
opening the "ex file."
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00:05:26,013 --> 00:05:29,003
Fascinating.
What do you know so far?
104
00:05:29,005 --> 00:05:30,005
Well, her name is Lauren.
105
00:05:30,011 --> 00:05:32,021
She bought him a Sharper Image
Sound Machine.
106
00:05:32,019 --> 00:05:34,999
-She's a monster.
-I mean, we just started dating.
107
00:05:35,003 --> 00:05:37,023
Do I really need
to hear about the ex already?
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00:05:38,000 --> 00:05:39,020
Yes! The sooner the better.
109
00:05:39,018 --> 00:05:40,018
Maybe it should be
the later the better.
110
00:05:41,001 --> 00:05:42,011
Or better yet,
the never the better.
111
00:05:42,014 --> 00:05:43,024
That's good tuna.
112
00:05:43,018 --> 00:05:45,008
[Charlotte] Carrie, you have
to know where he's been
113
00:05:45,010 --> 00:05:46,020
so you know what you're getting.
114
00:05:46,021 --> 00:05:48,011
As long as what
you get doesn't itch,
115
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I say you're fine.
116
00:05:49,018 --> 00:05:51,008
Look, he has a past,
I have a past.
117
00:05:51,009 --> 00:05:53,009
Do our pasts really
have to have a present?
118
00:05:53,011 --> 00:05:55,021
Yes!
At least find out
how they broke up.
119
00:05:55,023 --> 00:05:58,003
That will tell you a lot
about their relationship.
120
00:05:58,003 --> 00:06:01,013
See, I was hoping to skip all
that and start fresh this time.
121
00:06:01,009 --> 00:06:02,009
Is that crazy?
122
00:06:02,011 --> 00:06:05,011
No, here comes crazy.
123
00:06:05,016 --> 00:06:08,016
Look at this one.
Little shoes!
124
00:06:08,017 --> 00:06:09,017
Isn't this fun?
125
00:06:09,020 --> 00:06:12,010
I mean, who needs a balding
38-year-old boyfriend
126
00:06:12,010 --> 00:06:13,020
with erectile dysfunction
127
00:06:13,020 --> 00:06:17,010
when you can have a new career
and cute cater waiters?
128
00:06:17,008 --> 00:06:20,008
Excuse me,
champagne for the girls!
129
00:06:20,007 --> 00:06:21,007
Have fun!
130
00:06:22,009 --> 00:06:23,009
Katie.
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00:06:23,010 --> 00:06:24,020
-Hi!
-Shoes!
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[Charlotte] Hey,
doesn't that waiter
look familiar?
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00:06:27,014 --> 00:06:28,024
I fucked him.
134
00:06:28,022 --> 00:06:30,022
Oh, that guy.
135
00:06:30,020 --> 00:06:34,020
It's that waiter from Raw.
Also known as the best sex
I've had in years.
136
00:06:34,022 --> 00:06:36,012
[waiter] Champagne, ladies?
137
00:06:36,008 --> 00:06:39,018
This party just got
a whole lot more exciting.
138
00:06:39,022 --> 00:06:44,012
Okay, just one glass and then
we've got dinner reservations
at 66, yes?
139
00:06:44,010 --> 00:06:45,010
Okay, but I can't stay out late
140
00:06:45,014 --> 00:06:47,014
because I have a 9:00 a.m.
conversion class
141
00:06:47,008 --> 00:06:48,008
at the synagogue.
142
00:06:48,008 --> 00:06:49,018
You had a two-hour class today.
143
00:06:50,000 --> 00:06:50,020
I know!
144
00:06:50,020 --> 00:06:52,000
I'm accelerating my studies.
145
00:06:52,006 --> 00:06:53,016
There's just so much to take in.
146
00:06:54,001 --> 00:06:57,001
The history, the tradition,
the philosophy...
147
00:06:57,006 --> 00:06:58,006
Oy.
148
00:06:59,007 --> 00:07:00,017
You guys...
149
00:07:00,018 --> 00:07:02,998
That was my first "oy."
150
00:07:04,012 --> 00:07:06,022
-[woman] Hi, Victoria!
-Hi!
151
00:07:06,021 --> 00:07:08,011
A whole bunch of folks
just arrived
152
00:07:08,015 --> 00:07:10,005
so I'm gonna need
some more tuna tartlets!
153
00:07:10,013 --> 00:07:11,013
All right.
154
00:07:11,011 --> 00:07:13,021
[rattling sounds]
155
00:07:18,004 --> 00:07:19,014
Hello?
156
00:07:20,013 --> 00:07:22,013
[moaning]
157
00:07:28,020 --> 00:07:31,010
-Oh, my God!
-Oh, God.
158
00:07:31,014 --> 00:07:34,014
I'm way too fucking
fragile to see this!
159
00:07:35,010 --> 00:07:36,020
You're fired!
160
00:07:37,021 --> 00:07:40,011
This is my big purse party!
161
00:07:43,023 --> 00:07:46,003
[moans]
162
00:07:47,018 --> 00:07:51,008
Victoria, does this come
in any other colors?
163
00:07:51,008 --> 00:07:53,018
Do I look like a fucking
department store?
164
00:07:54,022 --> 00:07:57,012
Get the fuck out
of my apartment!
165
00:07:57,010 --> 00:07:59,010
All you bitches
get out of my apartment!
166
00:07:59,014 --> 00:08:01,014
Give it!
167
00:08:01,010 --> 00:08:04,000
[gasps] Look what you did!
168
00:08:04,006 --> 00:08:07,006
I cut up my bedspread for this!
169
00:08:07,008 --> 00:08:08,998
Okay, dinner time.
170
00:08:09,003 --> 00:08:11,023
The next day
at Temple Emanuel...
171
00:08:12,000 --> 00:08:15,010
Soon, you'll be ready
for your mikvah.
172
00:08:15,010 --> 00:08:18,010
Who can tell me
what the mikvah is?
173
00:08:19,006 --> 00:08:19,996
Yes, Charlotte?
174
00:08:20,005 --> 00:08:21,015
It's the ceremony that marks
175
00:08:21,019 --> 00:08:23,019
our official conversion
to Judaism.
176
00:08:24,000 --> 00:08:25,010
Very good.
177
00:08:25,008 --> 00:08:27,998
And what does
the service entail?
178
00:08:31,009 --> 00:08:32,009
Yes, Charlotte?
179
00:08:32,013 --> 00:08:33,023
It's a ritual bath
180
00:08:34,000 --> 00:08:37,000
where we are immersed
in water and reborn a Jew.
181
00:08:37,002 --> 00:08:38,002
Very good.
182
00:08:38,004 --> 00:08:40,024
[Carrie] Charlotte,
always the straight A student,
183
00:08:40,019 --> 00:08:44,009
took to her Judaism class
like a gefilte fish to water.
184
00:08:44,012 --> 00:08:46,022
As you come
to your rebirth as a Jew,
185
00:08:47,001 --> 00:08:49,021
you will find special
and new traditions to embrace.
186
00:08:50,000 --> 00:08:52,010
However, you must
also bear in mind
187
00:08:52,015 --> 00:08:55,995
that you will be letting go
of your Christian traditions.
188
00:08:56,004 --> 00:09:00,014
Many find Christmas
to be the most difficult
to leave in the past.
189
00:09:00,011 --> 00:09:02,011
You must grieve this loss.
190
00:09:03,020 --> 00:09:06,010
It can be quite hard.
191
00:09:08,017 --> 00:09:10,007
[knocking, doorbell rings]
192
00:09:10,013 --> 00:09:13,013
[Carrie] And speaking
of the past...
193
00:09:13,007 --> 00:09:15,017
It's half past two.
You're 20 minutes late.
194
00:09:15,017 --> 00:09:16,997
I know.
I got held up.
195
00:09:17,004 --> 00:09:18,014
I'm barely gonna
make my appointment.
196
00:09:18,011 --> 00:09:19,021
I'm sorry.
197
00:09:19,017 --> 00:09:21,017
Debbie had car trouble
so I took a cab.
198
00:09:21,023 --> 00:09:23,013
Debbie? Who's Debbie?
199
00:09:23,015 --> 00:09:25,005
Debbie, the girl I'm seeing.
200
00:09:26,014 --> 00:09:27,024
Oh.
201
00:09:27,022 --> 00:09:30,002
So Brady's changed
and ready to go.
202
00:09:30,004 --> 00:09:31,014
Don't forget the diaper bag.
203
00:09:31,012 --> 00:09:33,022
And please try to have him back
on time tomorrow.
204
00:09:33,020 --> 00:09:36,010
I'm sorry, I'm never late.
It's just her car--
205
00:09:36,008 --> 00:09:37,018
Steve, I don't need to know!
206
00:09:38,001 --> 00:09:40,011
I just need you not
to be 20 minutes late again.
207
00:09:40,014 --> 00:09:41,014
Thanks.
208
00:09:46,016 --> 00:09:49,016
-Excuse me, Rabbi Minsch?
-Yes, Charlotte?
209
00:09:49,018 --> 00:09:53,008
Um, I was just wondering,
what you said about Christmas.
210
00:09:53,012 --> 00:09:55,012
How exactly black
and white is that?
211
00:09:55,011 --> 00:09:58,001
Charlotte, as a Jew,
you have to embrace
212
00:09:58,006 --> 00:10:00,016
the new holidays
and let go of the old.
213
00:10:00,019 --> 00:10:04,999
Keeping Christmas would be
like being a vegetarian
214
00:10:05,003 --> 00:10:06,013
and still eating meat.
215
00:10:06,008 --> 00:10:07,998
Well, I wouldn't go
to church or anything,
216
00:10:08,004 --> 00:10:09,024
but maybe I could
still have a tree?
217
00:10:09,022 --> 00:10:11,012
No.
218
00:10:14,015 --> 00:10:15,995
-Caroling?
-Uh-uh.
219
00:10:18,003 --> 00:10:19,013
Rudolph?
220
00:10:20,008 --> 00:10:21,008
But Rabbi Minsch--
221
00:10:21,016 --> 00:10:24,016
Charlotte, if you are serious
about becoming a Jew,
222
00:10:25,001 --> 00:10:28,021
you have to let go of
the attachments to your past.
223
00:10:28,023 --> 00:10:32,013
[Carrie] From that day on,
Charlotte would always think
of him
224
00:10:32,009 --> 00:10:34,999
as the Minsch
who stole Christmas.
225
00:10:35,003 --> 00:10:38,003
That night,
miles from the Amazon,
226
00:10:38,003 --> 00:10:40,023
I was just drifting off
to sleep when...
227
00:10:40,019 --> 00:10:42,019
[telephone rings]
228
00:10:51,003 --> 00:10:52,023
Hello?
229
00:10:52,017 --> 00:10:54,007
[Big] Remember that red dress
you had?
230
00:10:54,013 --> 00:10:55,013
What?
231
00:10:55,015 --> 00:10:56,005
Where are you?
232
00:10:56,014 --> 00:10:57,024
In California.
233
00:10:58,013 --> 00:10:59,013
In bed.
234
00:10:59,016 --> 00:11:00,016
[Carrie] Oh.
235
00:11:01,015 --> 00:11:03,005
I was sleeping.
236
00:11:04,014 --> 00:11:05,014
Alone?
237
00:11:05,013 --> 00:11:08,013
Yes, you woke me up.
238
00:11:08,012 --> 00:11:10,022
[Big] You never used to need
so much sleep, kid.
239
00:11:10,019 --> 00:11:11,019
[Carrie] I'm old now...
240
00:11:12,000 --> 00:11:13,010
Like you.
241
00:11:14,017 --> 00:11:16,017
So the red dress?
242
00:11:16,019 --> 00:11:17,999
Versace or Gucci?
243
00:11:18,005 --> 00:11:19,015
[Big] It had tiny little straps.
244
00:11:19,020 --> 00:11:21,000
Gucci.
245
00:11:21,005 --> 00:11:24,995
And when I slipped
one strap down,
the other would fall.
246
00:11:25,005 --> 00:11:26,005
Remember that dress?
247
00:11:26,008 --> 00:11:27,008
Yes.
248
00:11:28,007 --> 00:11:30,007
You looked good in that dress.
249
00:11:30,015 --> 00:11:31,015
Yes.
250
00:11:35,003 --> 00:11:37,003
Remember when I found you
in your closet
251
00:11:37,005 --> 00:11:39,005
in just heels and a bra?
252
00:11:39,009 --> 00:11:43,009
And I came up behind you and
put your hands
against the wall?
253
00:11:43,007 --> 00:11:45,007
Remember that, hmm?
254
00:11:46,010 --> 00:11:47,010
Yes!
255
00:11:47,015 --> 00:11:48,995
So what'd you do last night?
256
00:11:49,003 --> 00:11:51,023
Oh, nothing.
Went to bed early.
257
00:11:52,001 --> 00:11:54,001
Had accidental
phone sex with Big.
258
00:11:54,003 --> 00:11:56,023
-What?
-Brunch is suddenly looking up.
259
00:11:56,017 --> 00:11:58,007
Well, actually,
he had phone sex,
260
00:11:58,016 --> 00:12:01,006
I was on the other end
trying to figure out
a polite way to get out of it.
261
00:12:01,015 --> 00:12:05,005
Turns out, there is no polite
way to get out of phone sex.
262
00:12:05,009 --> 00:12:07,019
I wasn't aware that you
and Big had phone sex.
263
00:12:08,000 --> 00:12:11,010
Occasionally,
since he moved away.
264
00:12:11,009 --> 00:12:12,019
You have phone sex?
265
00:12:12,023 --> 00:12:15,003
Well, I prefer to think
of it not as phone sex
266
00:12:15,005 --> 00:12:17,995
so much as
a trip down memory lane.
267
00:12:18,006 --> 00:12:19,016
Well, the next time he calls,
just tell him
268
00:12:20,000 --> 00:12:21,020
that you're in a serious
relationship with Berger.
269
00:12:21,021 --> 00:12:24,001
But I'm not in a serious
relationship with Berger.
270
00:12:24,003 --> 00:12:25,003
We're still just dating.
271
00:12:25,004 --> 00:12:26,014
I mean, it's good dating,
272
00:12:26,008 --> 00:12:27,018
but we don't know
where it's going yet.
273
00:12:27,023 --> 00:12:29,013
Well, you're never gonna
know where it's going
274
00:12:29,009 --> 00:12:30,999
if you keep
"reminiscing" with Big.
275
00:12:31,006 --> 00:12:33,006
One doesn't have anything
to do with the other.
276
00:12:33,013 --> 00:12:35,023
I just don't know why you want
to drag all that Big baggage
277
00:12:35,017 --> 00:12:36,017
into the new relationship.
278
00:12:36,023 --> 00:12:39,013
It's not baggage,
it's "Biggage."
279
00:12:39,008 --> 00:12:40,998
And Big is no more
a threat to Berger
280
00:12:41,006 --> 00:12:42,016
than Lauren is to me.
281
00:12:43,001 --> 00:12:43,021
Thank you.
282
00:12:43,022 --> 00:12:45,002
It's all in the past.
283
00:12:45,006 --> 00:12:46,016
And on your phone bill.
284
00:12:46,019 --> 00:12:48,009
He called me.
285
00:12:48,010 --> 00:12:50,010
I'm a lady.
286
00:12:50,007 --> 00:12:51,017
[Brady cries]
287
00:12:51,022 --> 00:12:57,002
Oh, come on, pudding.
I'll get your pacifier.
288
00:12:57,002 --> 00:12:58,012
Yeah.
289
00:12:58,009 --> 00:13:00,999
Look at all the shit
Steve has in here.
290
00:13:02,013 --> 00:13:05,013
Oh, honey, isn't the baby
birth control enough?
291
00:13:05,008 --> 00:13:07,008
They're Steve's and Debbie's...
292
00:13:07,008 --> 00:13:08,998
his new girlfriend,
that's her name...
293
00:13:09,003 --> 00:13:10,013
Debbie.
294
00:13:10,013 --> 00:13:12,013
Where are they doing it?
Gymboree?
295
00:13:12,010 --> 00:13:14,000
"Debbie does day care."
296
00:13:18,004 --> 00:13:19,014
Oh, honey, relax.
297
00:13:19,007 --> 00:13:21,017
I have those in my mouth
all the time.
298
00:13:21,022 --> 00:13:25,022
[Carrie] Later that day,
I got to thinking
about tense relationships.
299
00:13:25,022 --> 00:13:27,022
And by that
I mean a relationship
300
00:13:27,023 --> 00:13:32,003
and its connection to the past,
present, and future tense.
301
00:13:32,003 --> 00:13:34,013
At a certain age,
we've all had relationships
302
00:13:34,016 --> 00:13:36,016
that are far
from "past perfect."
303
00:13:36,018 --> 00:13:38,998
But how much does
that past relationship
304
00:13:39,002 --> 00:13:41,022
affect our dream
of a future perfect?
305
00:13:42,001 --> 00:13:44,021
And as I became
more and more tense,
306
00:13:44,022 --> 00:13:47,012
I couldn't help but wonder,
307
00:13:47,014 --> 00:13:50,024
can you get to a future
if your past is present?
308
00:13:52,022 --> 00:13:54,012
And over at Samantha's...
309
00:13:54,010 --> 00:13:57,010
a day of great sex was
about to fade into the past.
310
00:13:57,016 --> 00:14:00,006
Are you absolutely sure
you can't stay?
311
00:14:00,008 --> 00:14:03,018
Yeah, I gotta pull an extra
shift over at the restaurant.
312
00:14:03,018 --> 00:14:06,998
I got fired
from my other gig, remember?
313
00:14:07,003 --> 00:14:10,023
Listen, I do feel bad
about what happened.
314
00:14:10,020 --> 00:14:13,010
And I wanted you to have this...
315
00:14:18,000 --> 00:14:19,000
$300.00?
316
00:14:19,003 --> 00:14:20,013
I made some calls.
317
00:14:20,014 --> 00:14:23,004
That is what
the A-list caterers pay.
318
00:14:23,003 --> 00:14:25,023
Lady, you are fucking
out of your mind.
319
00:14:30,010 --> 00:14:31,010
[door slams]
320
00:14:31,007 --> 00:14:32,007
[Carrie] The next morning,
321
00:14:32,015 --> 00:14:35,005
after another fitful night
of frogs...
322
00:14:35,015 --> 00:14:36,015
So are you gonna be okay here?
323
00:14:37,001 --> 00:14:38,011
Absolutely, go.
324
00:14:38,010 --> 00:14:41,010
You know, it's just a stupid
standing breakfast thing
325
00:14:41,009 --> 00:14:42,009
with a bunch of writer buddies.
326
00:14:42,013 --> 00:14:43,023
I'd ask you along,
327
00:14:43,023 --> 00:14:45,023
but we're
a pretty pathetic bunch.
328
00:14:45,021 --> 00:14:46,021
Please, go.
329
00:14:47,000 --> 00:14:49,000
And for the record,
you, my friend,
330
00:14:49,006 --> 00:14:51,006
are not pathetic.
331
00:14:51,010 --> 00:14:52,020
Ah.
332
00:14:52,017 --> 00:14:54,007
[telephone rings]
333
00:14:57,005 --> 00:14:58,005
Hey, you gonna get that?
334
00:14:58,016 --> 00:15:00,006
Do you know what?
9:30 in the morning?
335
00:15:00,008 --> 00:15:01,018
One word: "telemarketer."
336
00:15:01,020 --> 00:15:04,000
I think that's
a two-word hyphenate.
337
00:15:04,005 --> 00:15:04,995
[answering machine beeps]
338
00:15:05,006 --> 00:15:07,016
[woman] Hey, Jack.
It's Lauren...
339
00:15:08,000 --> 00:15:09,010
[Carrie] It was official.
340
00:15:09,012 --> 00:15:12,002
Lauren controlled
every machine in the apartment.
341
00:15:12,002 --> 00:15:15,012
[Lauren] And, uh... call me.
I want to talk to you.
342
00:15:15,007 --> 00:15:16,007
Fuck you!
343
00:15:16,010 --> 00:15:18,010
And fuck you!
344
00:15:19,006 --> 00:15:22,016
B'bye.
345
00:15:25,019 --> 00:15:26,999
You don't want
your new boyfriend
346
00:15:27,006 --> 00:15:28,016
to still be in love with the ex,
347
00:15:28,023 --> 00:15:30,013
but you don't want--
348
00:15:32,016 --> 00:15:36,006
That is not the way you talk
to your ex-decorator.
349
00:15:36,014 --> 00:15:37,024
Damn it, just when you thought
350
00:15:38,001 --> 00:15:40,011
you didn't have
to open the ex file.
351
00:15:40,015 --> 00:15:41,995
So he's doing
a "fuck you" to the ex.
352
00:15:42,006 --> 00:15:44,016
As long as he keeps fucking you,
what's the problem?
353
00:15:44,017 --> 00:15:46,007
The problem is,
what's going on there?
354
00:15:46,016 --> 00:15:47,996
What big thing
happened between them
355
00:15:48,005 --> 00:15:49,015
that would cause
a double finger situation?
356
00:15:50,001 --> 00:15:52,011
And if it wasn't big,
why is he still so angry?
357
00:15:52,013 --> 00:15:54,003
Does he have
a problem with anger?
358
00:15:54,004 --> 00:15:56,024
And here come the questions.
359
00:15:56,018 --> 00:15:58,998
You're right, men are crazy.
360
00:15:59,004 --> 00:16:00,024
I fucked that waiter
at the party
361
00:16:00,018 --> 00:16:03,008
and he got fired for it,
so I gave him $300
362
00:16:03,012 --> 00:16:07,002
the next time we fucked,
and now I think he's upset.
363
00:16:07,003 --> 00:16:08,023
Okay, not the same situation.
364
00:16:08,023 --> 00:16:10,013
I don't see what the problem is.
365
00:16:10,011 --> 00:16:11,011
It's like a big tip.
366
00:16:11,015 --> 00:16:14,005
No, $300 in a restaurant
is a big tip.
367
00:16:14,016 --> 00:16:17,006
$300 in the bedroom
is a big prostitute.
368
00:16:17,010 --> 00:16:19,010
Well, at least
it wasn't phone sex.
369
00:16:19,008 --> 00:16:20,998
He called me.
370
00:16:21,004 --> 00:16:23,014
Yeah, keep telling
yourself that.
371
00:16:26,010 --> 00:16:27,010
Right on time.
372
00:16:27,009 --> 00:16:28,009
And I appreciate that.
373
00:16:28,014 --> 00:16:30,014
I do! Come in.
374
00:16:31,017 --> 00:16:34,007
I'm just getting Brady
ready to go out
375
00:16:34,008 --> 00:16:35,008
for a night with his dad.
376
00:16:35,014 --> 00:16:37,014
Packing up the old diaper bag.
377
00:16:37,008 --> 00:16:39,008
Making sure he has
everything he needs.
378
00:16:39,012 --> 00:16:43,012
Uh, bottle. Binky.
379
00:16:44,007 --> 00:16:46,007
Trojans.
380
00:16:46,009 --> 00:16:47,009
Look, Miranda...
381
00:16:47,013 --> 00:16:48,013
I'm not exactly thrilled
382
00:16:48,010 --> 00:16:50,010
that our baby
is having sex already,
383
00:16:50,013 --> 00:16:52,013
but I sure am glad
he's using protection.
384
00:16:52,015 --> 00:16:55,005
Ha ha, ho ho.
Got your point. Very funny.
385
00:16:55,016 --> 00:16:56,016
No, Steve, not funny.
386
00:16:56,019 --> 00:16:57,009
Fucked up.
387
00:16:57,015 --> 00:16:58,015
Come on, it's just condoms.
388
00:16:59,000 --> 00:17:00,000
In the diaper bag, Steve?
389
00:17:00,003 --> 00:17:01,013
How much sex are you having
390
00:17:01,012 --> 00:17:03,012
that you need rubbers
in the diaper bag?
391
00:17:03,008 --> 00:17:05,008
What's it to you?
392
00:17:05,013 --> 00:17:08,013
[Carrie] Apparently,
some of Miranda's baggage
393
00:17:08,013 --> 00:17:10,003
had shifted during fight.
394
00:17:10,006 --> 00:17:13,016
I just don't think you're taking
this parenting thing seriously.
395
00:17:13,017 --> 00:17:16,007
-What?
-You show up late to pick
him up.
396
00:17:16,013 --> 00:17:17,013
One time.
397
00:17:17,011 --> 00:17:18,011
More than one time.
398
00:17:18,010 --> 00:17:19,010
There was that time...
399
00:17:19,009 --> 00:17:20,019
That other time
when you were late.
400
00:17:21,000 --> 00:17:22,020
Okay, what's your problem?
401
00:17:22,020 --> 00:17:25,000
This is not about me.
This is about your need
402
00:17:25,003 --> 00:17:27,003
to start taking responsibility
for your child.
403
00:17:27,004 --> 00:17:28,024
And clearly there are times
when you can't
404
00:17:29,001 --> 00:17:30,021
because your mind
is somewhere else.
405
00:17:31,001 --> 00:17:32,011
What are you talking about?
406
00:17:32,007 --> 00:17:35,017
Like when your penis
is in some girl's vagina
407
00:17:35,020 --> 00:17:37,010
and you're having an orgasm
408
00:17:37,009 --> 00:17:40,009
while our baby is quietly
suffocating in the other room.
409
00:17:40,011 --> 00:17:42,011
Debbie and I never
do it when he's awake.
410
00:17:42,014 --> 00:17:44,014
Okay, Steve,
you're not getting this!
411
00:17:44,014 --> 00:17:47,014
I am saying your focus
needs to be totally
412
00:17:47,016 --> 00:17:48,996
and completely on Brady.
413
00:17:49,003 --> 00:17:53,013
My focus is always
100% on Brady.
414
00:17:53,014 --> 00:17:54,014
-[thuds]
-[screams]
415
00:17:54,014 --> 00:17:55,024
Brady!
416
00:17:56,007 --> 00:17:57,017
[cries]
417
00:18:01,011 --> 00:18:03,001
See?
418
00:18:03,005 --> 00:18:05,005
[Carrie] That night,
the only thing
419
00:18:05,008 --> 00:18:06,998
Miranda and Steve
could agree on
420
00:18:07,002 --> 00:18:10,002
was separate diaper bags.
421
00:18:10,002 --> 00:18:17,012
♪ And may all your Christmas'
Be white ♪
422
00:18:21,006 --> 00:18:26,996
♪ I'm dreaming
Of a white Christmas... ♪
423
00:18:27,005 --> 00:18:29,015
Hey, beautiful. I'm here!
424
00:18:32,021 --> 00:18:34,011
What's all this?
425
00:18:34,012 --> 00:18:36,012
It's my last Christmas tree.
426
00:18:37,012 --> 00:18:38,012
It's July.
427
00:18:38,015 --> 00:18:40,995
That's right.
So it doesn't count.
428
00:18:41,003 --> 00:18:44,003
Charlotte, honey,
you can have a tree.
429
00:18:44,005 --> 00:18:45,005
Lots of Jews do.
430
00:18:45,009 --> 00:18:47,019
Hmm-hmm,
it wouldn't be appropriate.
431
00:18:48,001 --> 00:18:54,011
Oh, look!
Oh, it's my favorite ornament.
432
00:18:54,007 --> 00:18:55,017
"Silent night, holy night."
433
00:18:55,022 --> 00:18:59,022
See, that's the holy family
in the nativity.
434
00:18:59,022 --> 00:19:02,002
This was my grandma York's.
435
00:19:02,003 --> 00:19:03,003
It's so old.
436
00:19:03,004 --> 00:19:04,024
See how there's hardly
any glitter left
437
00:19:04,018 --> 00:19:05,998
on the baby Jesus?
438
00:19:08,002 --> 00:19:11,012
It's very rare to have
a blue Christmas ornament.
439
00:19:11,007 --> 00:19:12,017
Is that a fact?
440
00:19:12,021 --> 00:19:13,021
Yeah.
441
00:19:14,021 --> 00:19:17,021
They're usually red or green.
442
00:19:17,022 --> 00:19:21,012
Silver, and gold.
443
00:19:24,018 --> 00:19:26,018
Keep Christmas. Who cares?
444
00:19:26,023 --> 00:19:27,023
I do.
445
00:19:27,020 --> 00:19:28,020
I'm gonna do this right.
446
00:19:29,001 --> 00:19:32,001
I'm not gonna be
a meat-eating vegetarian.
447
00:19:32,005 --> 00:19:33,015
No, these all have to go.
448
00:19:33,019 --> 00:19:37,009
Except this one.
We're keeping this.
449
00:19:37,011 --> 00:19:39,011
What the hell?
They were Jews too.
450
00:19:41,011 --> 00:19:46,021
♪ Dreidel, dreidel, dreidel
I made it out of clay ♪
451
00:19:46,020 --> 00:19:49,020
♪ And when it's--
Something something... ♪
452
00:19:49,021 --> 00:19:51,011
Dry and ready.
453
00:19:51,007 --> 00:19:54,007
Impressive. Dry and ready.
454
00:19:54,012 --> 00:19:59,012
Oh dreidel, I will play.
455
00:19:59,009 --> 00:20:02,009
[Carrie] That night,
Charlotte realized the
memories she was giving up
456
00:20:02,015 --> 00:20:06,005
might be nothing compared
to the memories
she was getting.
457
00:20:08,000 --> 00:20:11,000
And Samantha realized,
to make things right,
458
00:20:11,003 --> 00:20:14,013
she would need to service
someone else for a change.
459
00:20:14,013 --> 00:20:15,023
Hello.
460
00:20:16,000 --> 00:20:17,020
My name is Samantha.
461
00:20:17,017 --> 00:20:19,017
I'll be your waitress
this evening.
462
00:20:20,000 --> 00:20:22,020
Tonight, I will be serving you.
463
00:20:24,022 --> 00:20:26,022
You are fucking crazy.
464
00:20:26,019 --> 00:20:29,019
Oh, Mister Waiter,
you have no idea.
465
00:20:30,000 --> 00:20:31,010
You don't know my name, do you?
466
00:20:31,009 --> 00:20:34,009
Of course I do... Paul.
467
00:20:35,003 --> 00:20:36,013
It's Jerry.
468
00:20:36,008 --> 00:20:37,998
I took a shot.
469
00:20:38,004 --> 00:20:39,014
When you're a waiter,
470
00:20:39,013 --> 00:20:45,023
you must always be aware
that the customer comes first.
471
00:20:48,000 --> 00:20:51,020
It's a hard, hard job.
472
00:20:53,021 --> 00:20:57,011
You know, uh, Samantha,
I'm not just a waiter.
473
00:20:57,016 --> 00:21:00,006
Mm. Is that right, Jamie?
474
00:21:00,014 --> 00:21:02,014
Jerry.
475
00:21:02,016 --> 00:21:04,016
Yeah, I'm an actor.
476
00:21:07,002 --> 00:21:09,002
Oh, God, there goes my hard-on.
477
00:21:13,022 --> 00:21:17,012
It's a good thing
I still have mine.
478
00:21:17,011 --> 00:21:20,001
[Carrie] Samantha had had
many waiters in her past,
479
00:21:20,005 --> 00:21:24,005
but to the present day,
this was her very first Jerry.
480
00:21:29,015 --> 00:21:30,015
As for me...
481
00:21:30,017 --> 00:21:31,997
I spent another night
482
00:21:32,006 --> 00:21:34,996
not sleeping in Berger's bed.
483
00:21:35,006 --> 00:21:37,996
[rainforest sounds]
484
00:21:45,013 --> 00:21:46,023
You okay?
485
00:21:46,018 --> 00:21:48,008
No, I can't sleep.
486
00:21:48,015 --> 00:21:49,005
Is it the frogs?
487
00:21:49,016 --> 00:21:51,006
No, the frogs are fine.
488
00:21:52,003 --> 00:21:53,003
What's up?
489
00:21:53,018 --> 00:21:54,018
Nothing.
490
00:21:54,018 --> 00:21:56,008
Nothing. Go back to sleep.
491
00:22:00,015 --> 00:22:01,005
Jesus.
492
00:22:01,016 --> 00:22:03,006
It's the frogs.
I'll turn it off.
493
00:22:03,013 --> 00:22:06,013
No, no. It's not the frogs.
494
00:22:10,019 --> 00:22:12,009
-It's Lauren.
-What about her?
495
00:22:12,014 --> 00:22:13,024
Okay, for the record,
496
00:22:13,022 --> 00:22:17,012
I was hoping to skip this
and start fresh,
497
00:22:17,013 --> 00:22:20,013
but what's going on with you
and the double finger?
498
00:22:20,012 --> 00:22:21,012
The double what?
499
00:22:21,013 --> 00:22:23,023
The other day,
to the answering machine.
500
00:22:25,012 --> 00:22:27,012
[sighs] Right.
501
00:22:27,008 --> 00:22:29,008
Do we need to talk about this?
502
00:22:29,013 --> 00:22:31,013
She just drives me crazy.
503
00:22:31,010 --> 00:22:32,020
You know,
she keeps calling here.
504
00:22:32,021 --> 00:22:35,021
She wants to go out to lunch
for "closure," that's her word.
505
00:22:36,000 --> 00:22:37,000
I would never say closure,
506
00:22:37,003 --> 00:22:38,023
certainly not
at 2:00 in the morning.
507
00:22:39,012 --> 00:22:40,022
She keeps bugging me.
508
00:22:40,023 --> 00:22:43,013
She thinks it's important
in order to move on.
509
00:22:50,008 --> 00:22:51,008
What do you think?
510
00:22:51,015 --> 00:22:54,015
I think that it's gonna take
a lot more than a lunch.
511
00:22:58,012 --> 00:22:59,012
What?
512
00:23:00,007 --> 00:23:03,007
No, it's embarrassing.
513
00:23:07,005 --> 00:23:09,005
She cheated on me.
That's how it ended.
514
00:23:09,016 --> 00:23:10,996
Uh, she broke my heart.
515
00:23:11,005 --> 00:23:13,005
And it pretty much killed me.
516
00:23:13,015 --> 00:23:17,995
And, uh, I was dead... till you.
517
00:23:25,008 --> 00:23:27,998
[Carrie] And then, there is
another important first...
518
00:23:28,003 --> 00:23:31,023
The first time you realize
this really might be something.
519
00:23:33,007 --> 00:23:34,017
You ever been that hurt?
520
00:23:36,006 --> 00:23:37,006
Yeah.
521
00:23:39,004 --> 00:23:41,014
Do you want to tell me about it?
522
00:23:44,002 --> 00:23:44,022
Sure.
523
00:23:45,000 --> 00:23:46,010
And just like that,
524
00:23:46,007 --> 00:23:50,997
we moved out of the present
and into our future.
525
00:23:51,006 --> 00:23:52,006
How much time have you got?
526
00:23:52,010 --> 00:23:53,020
I got all night.
527
00:23:55,012 --> 00:23:58,022
[Carrie] So now, it was time
to clear up the past.
528
00:24:06,010 --> 00:24:08,020
[telephone rings]
529
00:24:15,013 --> 00:24:16,023
Hey, it's me.
530
00:24:17,001 --> 00:24:18,021
[Big] Well, hello there.
531
00:24:18,018 --> 00:24:19,018
Have you got a minute?
532
00:24:19,021 --> 00:24:20,021
Yeah, sure.
533
00:24:20,022 --> 00:24:22,022
I'm just relaxing in my hot tub.
534
00:24:22,021 --> 00:24:24,001
Hot tub?
535
00:24:24,005 --> 00:24:27,015
Oh, shame on you.
That is such a cliché.
536
00:24:27,021 --> 00:24:30,011
No, a jacuzzi is cliché.
537
00:24:30,007 --> 00:24:32,007
A hot tub is retro.
538
00:24:32,015 --> 00:24:34,015
Hey, remember the time
we were in the jacuzzi
539
00:24:34,023 --> 00:24:36,013
in the Four Seasons, and you--
540
00:24:36,008 --> 00:24:37,008
[Carrie] Okay, okay.
541
00:24:37,015 --> 00:24:38,005
Hold on there, partner.
542
00:24:38,014 --> 00:24:39,024
This is not gonna be
543
00:24:39,019 --> 00:24:41,019
one of those types of calls.
544
00:24:41,023 --> 00:24:42,023
[Big] What type of call?
545
00:24:42,023 --> 00:24:44,003
I was talking about
546
00:24:44,002 --> 00:24:45,022
when you lost your necklace
in the jets.
547
00:24:45,023 --> 00:24:47,003
Oh.
548
00:24:47,002 --> 00:24:48,002
[Big] But if you'd like
to make it
549
00:24:48,006 --> 00:24:49,006
one of those phone calls,
550
00:24:49,010 --> 00:24:51,000
I'm $1.50 for the first minute
551
00:24:51,003 --> 00:24:53,003
and 50 cents
for each additional.
552
00:24:53,002 --> 00:24:54,012
Please stop.
553
00:24:54,008 --> 00:24:56,018
What's on your mind, baby?
554
00:24:57,020 --> 00:24:59,010
I was just calling
to tell you that
555
00:24:59,014 --> 00:25:03,024
we won't be having
any more of those calls.
556
00:25:03,019 --> 00:25:07,009
Aw, really? Why is that?
557
00:25:07,008 --> 00:25:09,008
Because we're just friends now.
558
00:25:09,013 --> 00:25:11,013
Those are friendly calls.
559
00:25:11,013 --> 00:25:14,013
I don't talk
to my friends like that.
560
00:25:14,016 --> 00:25:15,006
I do.
561
00:25:15,012 --> 00:25:16,022
Well, maybe that's why
562
00:25:17,001 --> 00:25:18,011
you have so few.
563
00:25:18,014 --> 00:25:20,014
[chuckles]
564
00:25:20,009 --> 00:25:21,009
You got me there.
565
00:25:25,000 --> 00:25:26,020
I started seeing someone.
566
00:25:26,019 --> 00:25:28,999
Were you seeing
someone the other night?
567
00:25:29,004 --> 00:25:30,024
Yes.
568
00:25:30,019 --> 00:25:32,019
But it just got serious.
569
00:25:33,013 --> 00:25:34,013
I see.
570
00:25:34,016 --> 00:25:39,016
So I think we have
to leave all that in the past.
571
00:25:39,019 --> 00:25:42,019
Consider it in the past.
572
00:25:42,020 --> 00:25:44,010
But we'll stay friends.
573
00:25:45,013 --> 00:25:48,003
Ah, friends.
574
00:25:48,005 --> 00:25:49,995
Good friends.
575
00:25:51,009 --> 00:25:52,019
Hmm.
576
00:25:52,023 --> 00:25:54,023
[Carrie] His name
is Jack Berger.
577
00:25:54,018 --> 00:25:56,008
He's a writer as well.
578
00:25:58,023 --> 00:26:00,023
Okay, kid.
579
00:26:00,021 --> 00:26:02,011
Hey, give me a call sometime.
580
00:26:03,014 --> 00:26:05,014
Any kind of call you want.
581
00:26:15,000 --> 00:26:17,020
[Carrie] That night, in the
basement of a synagogue,
582
00:26:17,019 --> 00:26:20,019
after 75 accelerated classes,
583
00:26:20,021 --> 00:26:23,011
Charlotte,
the Episcopalian princess,
584
00:26:23,016 --> 00:26:25,016
was reborn a Jew...
585
00:26:28,022 --> 00:26:32,002
leaving the old
Charlotte behind.
586
00:26:32,002 --> 00:26:33,022
Was this tub drained before me?
587
00:26:35,014 --> 00:26:37,024
[Carrie] Well, not all of her.
588
00:26:43,008 --> 00:26:46,008
[knocking]
589
00:26:46,009 --> 00:26:47,009
Hey.
590
00:26:47,009 --> 00:26:49,019
I finally figured out
what you needed.
591
00:26:49,018 --> 00:26:50,998
-Oh, yeah?
-Mm-hmm.
592
00:26:51,005 --> 00:26:52,995
I thought about it,
and I thought about it
593
00:26:53,005 --> 00:26:56,005
and I narrowed it down
to two choices.
594
00:26:56,013 --> 00:27:00,023
A Pulitzer Prize... or this.
595
00:27:00,017 --> 00:27:02,017
Well, I already have a Pulitzer.
596
00:27:02,020 --> 00:27:05,010
-You do?
-Yeah, I don't like to brag.
597
00:27:05,011 --> 00:27:07,021
Well, then, I chose right.
598
00:27:11,000 --> 00:27:12,000
-Hey.
-It's for a fresh start.
599
00:27:12,002 --> 00:27:13,022
It's the newest
sound machine they make,
600
00:27:13,019 --> 00:27:17,009
with many other sounds
besides frogs.
601
00:27:17,014 --> 00:27:19,014
I don't care for frogs.
602
00:27:19,007 --> 00:27:21,007
New start, new sound.
603
00:27:22,006 --> 00:27:24,006
-Deal.
-Deal.
604
00:27:24,009 --> 00:27:25,019
Deal.
605
00:27:25,017 --> 00:27:26,017
Oh.
606
00:27:28,005 --> 00:27:32,015
[ocean sounds]
607
00:27:36,017 --> 00:27:38,997
That same night,
next to Berger,
608
00:27:39,005 --> 00:27:41,005
and surf sounds number four,
609
00:27:41,010 --> 00:27:43,000
I slept more soundly than I had
610
00:27:43,006 --> 00:27:45,006
in as long as I can remember.