1 00:00:46,020 --> 00:00:49,020 [Carrie] The only thing as delicious as those first few bites 2 00:00:50,000 --> 00:00:51,020 of a truly great burger 3 00:00:51,020 --> 00:00:55,000 are those first few dates with someone truly great... 4 00:00:55,002 --> 00:00:56,002 like Berger. 5 00:00:56,004 --> 00:00:57,024 All right, so I thought, that's cool. 6 00:00:57,021 --> 00:01:00,011 I'll do a book reading in my hometown. 7 00:01:00,012 --> 00:01:01,022 Right about after the fifth question, 8 00:01:02,000 --> 00:01:04,010 I realized that my mother is heckling me. 9 00:01:04,010 --> 00:01:05,020 -She was not! -No, no, she was! 10 00:01:05,020 --> 00:01:08,010 Ask anybody at the Downer's Grove Barnes and Noble, all right. 11 00:01:08,010 --> 00:01:09,020 They still talk about it. 12 00:01:11,000 --> 00:01:12,000 Come here. 13 00:01:14,014 --> 00:01:17,014 [Carrie] Everything is fresh. Everything is a first. 14 00:01:17,016 --> 00:01:18,006 You like your beef. 15 00:01:18,016 --> 00:01:19,996 [Carrie] Everything is foreplay. 16 00:01:20,004 --> 00:01:21,024 [laughing] 17 00:01:22,022 --> 00:01:24,022 Even a trip to Bed Bath and Beyond 18 00:01:24,021 --> 00:01:27,001 can become an ecstatic errand. 19 00:01:27,002 --> 00:01:28,022 I don't see you as a fish person. 20 00:01:29,000 --> 00:01:30,010 Yeah, the problem with the fish is 21 00:01:30,009 --> 00:01:31,019 then you're into the whole fish theme. 22 00:01:31,021 --> 00:01:34,011 You have the fish soap, the fish bath mat... 23 00:01:34,008 --> 00:01:37,008 It's a pyramid scheme, this shower curtain. 24 00:01:37,012 --> 00:01:39,022 Now, this one... this is the one I have at home. 25 00:01:39,023 --> 00:01:40,023 Mm-hmm. 26 00:01:41,001 --> 00:01:42,021 Except on mine, China's covered in mold. 27 00:01:42,017 --> 00:01:44,017 And here they thought communism was a problem. 28 00:01:44,020 --> 00:01:45,020 Hmm. 29 00:01:45,018 --> 00:01:47,008 You know, it's a very intimate thing, 30 00:01:47,012 --> 00:01:49,012 shopping for shower curtains. 31 00:01:49,013 --> 00:01:50,023 Oh, yeah? 32 00:01:50,018 --> 00:01:52,008 Wait till I get you into bedding. 33 00:01:54,016 --> 00:01:57,006 [Carrie] And of course, those first kisses 34 00:01:57,008 --> 00:01:59,998 are the greatest kisses in the world. 35 00:02:04,017 --> 00:02:05,997 [man] Goodnight. 36 00:02:09,011 --> 00:02:12,021 All right, we should get out of here before they turn the lights off. 37 00:02:12,019 --> 00:02:14,009 Oh, well. 38 00:02:14,007 --> 00:02:16,007 The wait staff couldn't wait any longer, 39 00:02:16,007 --> 00:02:17,007 and neither could I. 40 00:02:17,015 --> 00:02:20,015 I wanted Berger in my Bed Bath and Beyond... 41 00:02:20,021 --> 00:02:21,021 immediately. 42 00:02:21,020 --> 00:02:23,010 I'm either leaving a very big tip 43 00:02:23,013 --> 00:02:25,023 or a dry-cleaning receipt. 44 00:02:35,002 --> 00:02:36,012 Ow, my hair. 45 00:02:36,011 --> 00:02:37,021 Oh, sorry, is that... 46 00:02:37,021 --> 00:02:39,001 Yeah, no, I just... 47 00:02:43,018 --> 00:02:46,018 [bus passing outside] 48 00:03:00,012 --> 00:03:03,022 [Carrie] The next night, Samantha convinced us to go to Raw, 49 00:03:03,021 --> 00:03:07,001 where the scene was hot and the food was not. 50 00:03:07,004 --> 00:03:10,014 You'd think a place that eliminated cooking could eliminate waiting. 51 00:03:10,011 --> 00:03:12,011 What do you mean? They don't cook the food here? 52 00:03:12,011 --> 00:03:13,021 That's why they call it Raw. 53 00:03:13,018 --> 00:03:14,018 The raw food movement? 54 00:03:15,001 --> 00:03:16,001 People love it. 55 00:03:16,003 --> 00:03:19,013 Sting, Demi, Soon Yi, soon me. 56 00:03:19,011 --> 00:03:21,001 Now, what is raw food exactly? 57 00:03:21,003 --> 00:03:25,003 Vegan non-dairy, and nothing is cooked over 118 degrees. 58 00:03:25,005 --> 00:03:27,015 So in other words, raw vegetables. 59 00:03:27,023 --> 00:03:29,013 And sometimes flowers. 60 00:03:29,009 --> 00:03:30,019 And you knew about this? 61 00:03:30,017 --> 00:03:32,007 I read a review in The Times. 62 00:03:32,009 --> 00:03:33,009 Where, in the gardening section? 63 00:03:33,014 --> 00:03:34,024 I heard it's delicious. 64 00:03:34,021 --> 00:03:37,011 People, the emperor has no oven! 65 00:03:38,020 --> 00:03:42,000 Sorry. Sorry. I didn't get enough sleep last night. 66 00:03:42,006 --> 00:03:45,006 Really? Did you finally bugger Berger? 67 00:03:45,007 --> 00:03:46,017 How long have you been waiting to say that? 68 00:03:46,023 --> 00:03:48,003 It just occurred to me. 69 00:03:48,002 --> 00:03:50,022 -Yes, we finally buggered. -Yay! 70 00:03:50,019 --> 00:03:52,019 You realize you're now applauding intercourse? 71 00:03:52,019 --> 00:03:54,999 Well, it was her first time and she really likes him. 72 00:03:55,006 --> 00:03:56,996 Jones, your table is ready. 73 00:03:57,005 --> 00:03:58,995 [all sighing] 74 00:03:59,005 --> 00:04:01,005 [soothing music plays on PA] 75 00:04:03,004 --> 00:04:04,014 So details? 76 00:04:04,016 --> 00:04:06,006 Um, it was good. 77 00:04:06,010 --> 00:04:08,000 -It was fine. -Fine? 78 00:04:08,006 --> 00:04:09,016 I don't really want to talk about it. 79 00:04:09,018 --> 00:04:10,018 He couldn't get it up. 80 00:04:10,021 --> 00:04:12,011 He could get it up, that wasn't the-- 81 00:04:12,008 --> 00:04:14,018 You know what, there was no problem. 82 00:04:14,020 --> 00:04:15,020 Moving on. 83 00:04:18,014 --> 00:04:19,024 -Enjoy your meal. -Thanks. 84 00:04:21,009 --> 00:04:24,009 [soothing music continues playing] 85 00:04:26,014 --> 00:04:28,024 What? I don't want to make a big deal about it. 86 00:04:28,018 --> 00:04:30,008 It was just the first time. 87 00:04:32,015 --> 00:04:34,015 But we're so good everywhere else. 88 00:04:34,021 --> 00:04:37,011 We're great in restaurants, it's like poppity pop pop. 89 00:04:37,013 --> 00:04:40,013 And the kisses are great. And then... 90 00:04:40,015 --> 00:04:41,015 in bed, there was... 91 00:04:42,001 --> 00:04:45,001 there was no sexual chemistry. 92 00:04:45,003 --> 00:04:46,003 I don't know what happened. 93 00:04:46,005 --> 00:04:47,005 He just... 94 00:04:47,009 --> 00:04:48,009 Couldn't find your clit? 95 00:04:48,014 --> 00:04:50,014 He knows what he's doing! 96 00:04:50,013 --> 00:04:52,013 Then what are we talking about? 97 00:04:53,013 --> 00:04:56,023 It was... it was just quiet. 98 00:04:56,018 --> 00:04:58,018 [Charlotte] I wouldn't worry about it, Carrie. 99 00:04:58,019 --> 00:04:59,009 If the kisses were good, 100 00:04:59,016 --> 00:05:01,006 then the sex will eventually be good. 101 00:05:01,010 --> 00:05:03,010 -I'm not worried. -How quiet was it? 102 00:05:03,010 --> 00:05:06,010 It was so quiet that at one point I heard the M11 bus. 103 00:05:06,011 --> 00:05:09,001 I heard the doors open. I heard people getting off. 104 00:05:09,005 --> 00:05:10,015 Well, at least someone was getting off. 105 00:05:11,001 --> 00:05:12,021 And speaking of... 106 00:05:13,000 --> 00:05:13,020 Hey. 107 00:05:13,021 --> 00:05:15,001 Welcome to Raw. 108 00:05:15,002 --> 00:05:16,012 Hello. 109 00:05:20,020 --> 00:05:23,010 We like to get you started with a little amuse-bouche. 110 00:05:23,016 --> 00:05:25,016 I'd like him to amuse my "bouche." 111 00:05:25,018 --> 00:05:27,008 Well, this just looks delicious. 112 00:05:27,010 --> 00:05:29,010 It's our summer vegetable soup. 113 00:05:29,007 --> 00:05:30,017 I see you guys are set for drinks, 114 00:05:30,022 --> 00:05:32,012 so I'll give you a minute with the menus. 115 00:05:32,012 --> 00:05:34,012 And, oh, our specials tonight, if you're interested-- 116 00:05:34,014 --> 00:05:37,014 Oh, I'm extremely interested. 117 00:05:37,011 --> 00:05:39,021 Leek papaya patties and zucchini enchiladas. 118 00:05:39,023 --> 00:05:41,003 Mmm. 119 00:05:41,006 --> 00:05:42,016 I'm gonna need a pizza after this. 120 00:05:42,018 --> 00:05:44,998 I'm gonna need a napkin to dry off my seat. 121 00:05:45,006 --> 00:05:47,016 That waiter was hot. 122 00:05:47,019 --> 00:05:48,019 And the soup is not. 123 00:05:49,001 --> 00:05:49,021 What is this? 124 00:05:49,023 --> 00:05:51,013 Bad, this is bad. 125 00:05:51,010 --> 00:05:53,000 It is like lawn in a bowl. 126 00:05:53,003 --> 00:05:55,023 Maybe some things should be over 118 degrees. 127 00:05:56,000 --> 00:05:56,020 Like sex for example. 128 00:05:57,000 --> 00:05:58,020 Okay, can we please forget I said anything? 129 00:05:58,021 --> 00:05:59,021 Seriously. 130 00:06:00,020 --> 00:06:02,010 Who else has news? 131 00:06:02,007 --> 00:06:04,997 I do, but you're going to have to put down your menus 132 00:06:05,006 --> 00:06:06,016 because I need your undivided attention. 133 00:06:06,018 --> 00:06:08,008 Well, you'll have to shoot our waiter. 134 00:06:08,008 --> 00:06:10,998 Will you look at that ass? 135 00:06:12,007 --> 00:06:14,007 Do you mind? 136 00:06:14,010 --> 00:06:18,010 I have something a bit shocking to say. 137 00:06:18,009 --> 00:06:20,009 And after I say it, I don't want anyone to react 138 00:06:20,011 --> 00:06:23,001 because I'm very happy with my decision. 139 00:06:25,009 --> 00:06:27,019 I'm becoming a Jew. 140 00:06:27,022 --> 00:06:29,022 [music pauses] 141 00:06:30,001 --> 00:06:31,021 -[music continues playing] -What? 142 00:06:32,000 --> 00:06:34,010 I can feel you reacting. 143 00:06:34,016 --> 00:06:37,006 I love Harry very much, and he loves me. 144 00:06:37,013 --> 00:06:41,023 So tomorrow I'm meeting with a rabbi to discuss converting. 145 00:06:41,020 --> 00:06:43,020 Isn't that a lot of hoop-jumping for a man? 146 00:06:43,021 --> 00:06:47,011 Look, Harry is not who I expected to fall in love with, 147 00:06:47,010 --> 00:06:48,020 but I did. 148 00:06:49,000 --> 00:06:52,010 And he makes me laugh, And he says what he means. 149 00:06:52,011 --> 00:06:54,021 And I feel like I can be myself around him. 150 00:06:54,023 --> 00:06:56,013 But yourself is Episcopalian. 151 00:06:56,012 --> 00:07:01,012 And it is still the most exciting sex I've ever had. 152 00:07:01,008 --> 00:07:03,008 Mazel tov. 153 00:07:03,016 --> 00:07:05,006 -[Miranda] Now, this is food. -[Carrie] Mm... 154 00:07:05,009 --> 00:07:06,019 [Miranda] And you know what's even better? 155 00:07:06,019 --> 00:07:08,009 While I'm eating this slice of pizza, 156 00:07:08,010 --> 00:07:10,020 my boyfriend is home taping my favorite TV show. 157 00:07:10,021 --> 00:07:13,011 And to which boyfriend are we referring? 158 00:07:13,009 --> 00:07:14,009 My boyfriend, TiVo. 159 00:07:14,011 --> 00:07:15,011 Ah. 160 00:07:15,010 --> 00:07:17,010 You've traded Steve-o for TiVo. 161 00:07:17,015 --> 00:07:19,005 We don't talk of Steve-o anymore. 162 00:07:19,011 --> 00:07:20,021 I thought if I changed his name-- 163 00:07:20,020 --> 00:07:21,020 [Miranda] Who needs him? 164 00:07:21,023 --> 00:07:23,023 With TiVo, when there's something I don't enjoy, 165 00:07:23,021 --> 00:07:25,001 I just speed right through it. 166 00:07:25,006 --> 00:07:26,996 -If only we could do that in life. -[Miranda] Exactly. 167 00:07:27,006 --> 00:07:29,016 And he surprises me with things that he thinks I might like, 168 00:07:29,017 --> 00:07:31,007 which is how I got hooked on Jules & Mimi. 169 00:07:31,008 --> 00:07:32,018 I stopped watching television 170 00:07:32,017 --> 00:07:34,017 when people started putting leeches down their pants. 171 00:07:35,001 --> 00:07:36,021 No, no, no, this is BBC America. 172 00:07:36,023 --> 00:07:38,013 It's about a beautiful black man from Brixton 173 00:07:38,016 --> 00:07:40,996 and a white woman from Hampstead Heath, 174 00:07:41,006 --> 00:07:42,016 I don't know what that means exactly, 175 00:07:42,021 --> 00:07:44,021 but apparently there's a great divide. 176 00:07:44,018 --> 00:07:47,018 And he rents the flat above her hat shop. 177 00:07:47,017 --> 00:07:49,997 And tonight, they're finally having sex. 178 00:07:50,004 --> 00:07:53,004 Well, good luck to them. 179 00:07:53,002 --> 00:07:55,012 -Carrie, it was the first time. -I know. 180 00:07:55,009 --> 00:07:56,019 [Miranda] And sometimes you have to work at it. 181 00:07:56,023 --> 00:07:58,013 Have you ever had to work at it? 182 00:07:58,013 --> 00:08:00,013 I'm dating a digital recording device. 183 00:08:00,014 --> 00:08:02,004 Well, I have never had to work at it 184 00:08:02,003 --> 00:08:03,013 with someone I really like. 185 00:08:03,009 --> 00:08:04,019 You should probably keep that to yourself. 186 00:08:05,001 --> 00:08:08,001 Okay, but Miranda, 187 00:08:08,005 --> 00:08:11,005 I gotta tell you, it was not good. 188 00:08:11,007 --> 00:08:12,017 There was no... 189 00:08:12,019 --> 00:08:13,999 No... grrrr. 190 00:08:14,006 --> 00:08:15,016 No throw down. 191 00:08:15,019 --> 00:08:18,009 It was more like... a "slow down." 192 00:08:18,012 --> 00:08:19,012 Hmm. 193 00:08:19,012 --> 00:08:20,022 Yeah, and it caught me completely off guard, 194 00:08:20,021 --> 00:08:22,021 because I thought it would be amazing. 195 00:08:22,019 --> 00:08:23,019 Well, maybe that's the problem. 196 00:08:23,021 --> 00:08:25,021 -What? -[Miranda] Your expectations were too high. 197 00:08:25,023 --> 00:08:27,003 Of course you were disappointed. 198 00:08:27,002 --> 00:08:28,022 From now on, people should tell it like it is. 199 00:08:29,001 --> 00:08:30,021 First time sex: tricky. 200 00:08:31,001 --> 00:08:34,011 Non-dairy vegan ravioli: kindergarten paste. 201 00:08:42,012 --> 00:08:46,002 [Carrie] As I tried to scrub the smell of uncooked okra off me, 202 00:08:46,003 --> 00:08:50,003 I started thinking about "sexpectations." 203 00:08:50,003 --> 00:08:51,013 [laptop chiming on] 204 00:08:51,013 --> 00:08:53,023 We're aware, as smart single women, 205 00:08:54,000 --> 00:08:55,010 that we can't expect perfection. 206 00:08:55,016 --> 00:08:59,006 But life still manages to throw us curve balls. 207 00:08:59,011 --> 00:09:02,011 Maybe once you're into your mid-30s, 208 00:09:02,008 --> 00:09:04,008 it shouldn't be called dating. 209 00:09:04,008 --> 00:09:05,008 It should be called 210 00:09:05,011 --> 00:09:08,011 "waiting for the other shoe to drop." 211 00:09:08,012 --> 00:09:11,002 If it's not the sex between me and you, 212 00:09:11,002 --> 00:09:13,022 then someone has to become a Jew. 213 00:09:14,001 --> 00:09:16,021 Why is it always something? 214 00:09:17,001 --> 00:09:21,011 Unless you're in a problem-free relationship with TiVo. 215 00:09:24,003 --> 00:09:25,003 [Miranda] No. 216 00:09:25,003 --> 00:09:27,013 No. Maybe later... 217 00:09:28,001 --> 00:09:31,001 Ahh... hello. 218 00:09:32,017 --> 00:09:34,017 Shut up, shut up, shut up, shut up. 219 00:09:35,001 --> 00:09:37,011 Ah, thank you. 220 00:09:43,020 --> 00:09:45,000 [woman on TV] Jules... 221 00:09:45,006 --> 00:09:46,006 Are you there? 222 00:09:47,014 --> 00:09:49,014 Hello, Mimi. 223 00:09:49,011 --> 00:09:52,001 [Mimi] Do you always answer the door without a shirt on? 224 00:09:52,002 --> 00:09:54,012 The heat isn't working. 225 00:09:54,007 --> 00:09:55,997 That's why I rang you up. 226 00:09:57,003 --> 00:09:58,023 [Mimi] It seems to be working. 227 00:09:59,021 --> 00:10:01,011 It's definitely balmy in here. 228 00:10:01,011 --> 00:10:03,021 No, the problem is in the bedroom. 229 00:10:03,022 --> 00:10:06,012 [Mimi] Right, of course. 230 00:10:06,014 --> 00:10:07,014 The bedroom. 231 00:10:07,015 --> 00:10:10,015 [Carrie] The next day, Charlotte boldly went 232 00:10:10,021 --> 00:10:13,011 where no York had gone before. 233 00:10:13,012 --> 00:10:14,022 The synagogue. 234 00:10:18,022 --> 00:10:19,022 Shalom. 235 00:10:19,020 --> 00:10:21,020 Where would I find the rabbi? 236 00:10:22,017 --> 00:10:24,017 His study. Inside. 237 00:10:24,019 --> 00:10:26,009 Thank you. 238 00:10:31,012 --> 00:10:32,022 Are you the rabbi? 239 00:10:33,001 --> 00:10:34,001 Mm-hmm. 240 00:10:34,003 --> 00:10:35,023 Hi, my name is Charlotte York, 241 00:10:35,019 --> 00:10:37,019 and I'm here today because I would like to consider 242 00:10:37,023 --> 00:10:39,013 joining the Jewish faith. 243 00:10:39,016 --> 00:10:41,006 We're not interested. 244 00:10:50,003 --> 00:10:52,023 Hello. I need to report a very rude man. 245 00:10:52,019 --> 00:10:54,009 I was just saying that my name is Charlotte York, 246 00:10:54,010 --> 00:10:57,010 and I would like to consider joining the Jewish-- 247 00:11:01,023 --> 00:11:04,023 I don't know what is with these people. I never! 248 00:11:05,001 --> 00:11:07,011 Do you know how much I love you for doing this? 249 00:11:07,011 --> 00:11:09,021 And do you know how sexy you look? 250 00:11:09,017 --> 00:11:11,007 That's it, I have to have you immediately. 251 00:11:11,015 --> 00:11:13,005 [Carrie] Harry definitely had "throw down," 252 00:11:13,016 --> 00:11:16,006 but Charlotte was too thrown and down to care. 253 00:11:16,015 --> 00:11:17,015 Stop, Harry. 254 00:11:17,017 --> 00:11:20,017 I'm feeling very rejected by your people. 255 00:11:21,001 --> 00:11:22,011 That's the game, baby. 256 00:11:22,007 --> 00:11:24,017 They try to make it hard for you. 257 00:11:25,000 --> 00:11:26,020 -What? -It's part of the process. 258 00:11:27,000 --> 00:11:29,000 Traditionally, they turn you down three times 259 00:11:29,003 --> 00:11:30,013 to make sure you're serious. 260 00:11:30,013 --> 00:11:33,003 [Carrie] Suddenly, Charlotte understood. 261 00:11:33,003 --> 00:11:35,013 They were playing hard to get. 262 00:11:35,009 --> 00:11:37,009 They were "rules" rabbis. 263 00:11:38,002 --> 00:11:39,022 I can play that game. 264 00:11:41,006 --> 00:11:43,996 I invented that game. 265 00:11:44,003 --> 00:11:46,013 No man rejects Charlotte York! 266 00:11:46,012 --> 00:11:48,012 I don't care what any rabbi says. 267 00:11:48,012 --> 00:11:50,022 You are my chosen person. 268 00:11:51,001 --> 00:11:52,001 [Charlotte yelps] 269 00:11:53,020 --> 00:11:56,020 [Carrie] Miranda was looking forward to another perfect night 270 00:11:56,017 --> 00:11:58,007 with her perfect boyfriend. 271 00:11:58,009 --> 00:12:01,009 But unfortunately, there was another woman. 272 00:12:01,008 --> 00:12:02,998 I think I did something bad. 273 00:12:03,005 --> 00:12:04,005 What do you mean, Brady? 274 00:12:04,007 --> 00:12:05,007 I just checked on him. 275 00:12:05,014 --> 00:12:08,004 No, the boy is beautiful, is fine. 276 00:12:12,002 --> 00:12:13,002 TiVo? 277 00:12:14,021 --> 00:12:16,011 What did you do? 278 00:12:16,008 --> 00:12:17,998 Exactly what did you do? 279 00:12:20,001 --> 00:12:21,011 I sit on... 280 00:12:23,000 --> 00:12:24,000 and then nothing. 281 00:12:24,005 --> 00:12:25,995 You sat on TiVo? 282 00:12:26,004 --> 00:12:27,014 Is it okay? 283 00:12:29,007 --> 00:12:32,007 Nothing is recorded. How could you do this? 284 00:12:32,009 --> 00:12:34,019 This is Jules & Mimi, the morning after. 285 00:12:34,018 --> 00:12:37,018 No, no, no, no, no! 286 00:12:38,008 --> 00:12:40,018 Yes. 287 00:12:40,022 --> 00:12:45,012 [Carrie] And across town, I lay in bed willing Berger to call me, 288 00:12:45,013 --> 00:12:46,023 which never works. 289 00:12:46,021 --> 00:12:48,021 [telephone rings] 290 00:12:51,016 --> 00:12:52,006 Hello? 291 00:12:52,014 --> 00:12:54,014 [Berger] Hey, it's me. 292 00:12:54,015 --> 00:12:55,015 I'm sorry for not calling earlier, 293 00:12:55,019 --> 00:12:57,999 and I know this is the same excuse that every guy gives, 294 00:12:58,005 --> 00:12:59,015 but in my case, it is true. 295 00:12:59,023 --> 00:13:01,023 A 60-foot raccoon was attacking the village, 296 00:13:02,000 --> 00:13:05,000 and I had to trap it, and kill it, and stuff it 297 00:13:05,002 --> 00:13:06,022 and everybody's safe now, 298 00:13:06,017 --> 00:13:08,007 even the little Flanders girl 299 00:13:08,012 --> 00:13:10,022 who was stuck in a tree. 300 00:13:11,001 --> 00:13:12,011 [giggles] 301 00:13:12,007 --> 00:13:14,007 But I might have rabies. 302 00:13:14,007 --> 00:13:15,007 What've you been up to? 303 00:13:15,016 --> 00:13:16,996 Oh, same old, same old. 304 00:13:17,003 --> 00:13:20,023 Did The Times crossword puzzle, found a cure for cancer. 305 00:13:21,000 --> 00:13:22,010 You did The Times crossword puzzle? 306 00:13:22,015 --> 00:13:23,015 Monday's, not Sunday's. 307 00:13:24,001 --> 00:13:25,021 Oh, okay. 308 00:13:25,019 --> 00:13:27,009 I need like three people to do Sunday's, 309 00:13:27,012 --> 00:13:28,022 one of them has to have the answers. 310 00:13:28,019 --> 00:13:31,009 [Carrie] I was thinking that if two people can be good in bed 311 00:13:31,014 --> 00:13:33,024 when they're not in the same bed, 312 00:13:33,017 --> 00:13:35,017 how hard a conversion could it be? 313 00:13:35,023 --> 00:13:38,013 I have some answers if you have cab fare. 314 00:13:38,016 --> 00:13:39,016 Oh, yeah? 315 00:13:51,011 --> 00:13:54,011 [bus passing outside] 316 00:13:58,015 --> 00:13:59,005 [Samantha] Dump him! 317 00:13:59,014 --> 00:14:01,014 Fuck me badly once, shame on you. 318 00:14:01,013 --> 00:14:03,013 Fuck me badly twice, shame on me. 319 00:14:04,016 --> 00:14:05,996 Is that the saying? 320 00:14:06,003 --> 00:14:07,023 That's my saying. 321 00:14:07,020 --> 00:14:09,020 I don't want to dump him. I think he's fantastic. 322 00:14:10,001 --> 00:14:12,021 And aren't we getting a little old to jump to the dump? 323 00:14:12,018 --> 00:14:14,008 What about working on things? 324 00:14:14,014 --> 00:14:17,004 Look at Charlotte, she's becoming a Jew. 325 00:14:17,006 --> 00:14:19,016 Hi, I need something that will make a guy cum in his pants 326 00:14:19,023 --> 00:14:21,003 as soon as he sees me. 327 00:14:21,005 --> 00:14:22,005 Got it. 328 00:14:23,010 --> 00:14:25,010 You talk to salespeople like that? 329 00:14:25,009 --> 00:14:26,999 I'm here all the time. They love me. 330 00:14:27,003 --> 00:14:29,003 Is this for a specific gentleman 331 00:14:29,003 --> 00:14:30,023 or do you just look for that generally? 332 00:14:31,000 --> 00:14:32,020 It's for that hot waiter from Raw. 333 00:14:32,019 --> 00:14:35,999 I'm sleeping with him tonight, but he doesn't know it yet. 334 00:14:36,006 --> 00:14:37,996 I think I have to talk to him. 335 00:14:38,019 --> 00:14:39,999 No! 336 00:14:40,003 --> 00:14:41,013 We talk about everything else. 337 00:14:41,016 --> 00:14:43,006 Honey, when it comes to sex, 338 00:14:43,008 --> 00:14:44,008 spray it, don't say it. 339 00:14:44,016 --> 00:14:45,996 Okay, that was unnecessary. 340 00:14:46,004 --> 00:14:47,024 I'm trying to salvage your love life. 341 00:14:48,001 --> 00:14:51,021 The only words you should be saying in bed are dirty ones. 342 00:14:51,017 --> 00:14:54,007 I can't do that... without alcohol. 343 00:14:54,014 --> 00:14:57,024 Then start drinking, because if you want a hotter sex life, 344 00:14:57,020 --> 00:14:59,020 you're going to have to turn up the heat. 345 00:15:00,000 --> 00:15:01,020 Starting with... 346 00:15:02,014 --> 00:15:04,004 I don't wear furry shoes. 347 00:15:04,002 --> 00:15:05,022 They're not for you, they're for him. 348 00:15:06,001 --> 00:15:07,011 He mostly wears loafers. 349 00:15:07,011 --> 00:15:09,011 Are you sure I can't talk to him about it? 350 00:15:09,011 --> 00:15:10,021 Honey... 351 00:15:11,019 --> 00:15:12,019 If the sex isn't great, 352 00:15:12,020 --> 00:15:14,010 it doesn't help to say it's not great. 353 00:15:14,007 --> 00:15:16,017 That's usually a downer, and by that, I mean... 354 00:15:16,020 --> 00:15:20,000 -Uh, uh... uh. -[Carrie] Yeah. 355 00:15:20,003 --> 00:15:21,023 Plus, he must know it's not great. 356 00:15:21,020 --> 00:15:23,020 He can't think this is good. 357 00:15:25,002 --> 00:15:26,022 Oh, God! 358 00:15:26,017 --> 00:15:29,007 Is it possible he thinks this is good? 359 00:15:29,014 --> 00:15:30,024 Here we are. 360 00:15:30,023 --> 00:15:34,003 Oh, as a matter of fact, I'm gonna take this. 361 00:15:34,002 --> 00:15:35,012 No, we'll take two. 362 00:15:35,009 --> 00:15:39,009 And um, these in a seven. 363 00:15:39,007 --> 00:15:42,007 That evening, Miranda had one of those regrettable discussions 364 00:15:42,009 --> 00:15:43,019 that results from the belief 365 00:15:43,017 --> 00:15:44,017 that you and your significant other 366 00:15:44,023 --> 00:15:46,023 should be able to talk through any problem. 367 00:15:47,000 --> 00:15:48,020 We have been over this before. 368 00:15:49,001 --> 00:15:51,021 I feel like you are not listening to me. 369 00:15:51,019 --> 00:15:55,019 I turned the system off for ten minutes and nothing changed! 370 00:15:58,013 --> 00:15:59,023 I'm sorry. 371 00:16:00,010 --> 00:16:01,020 I'm upset. 372 00:16:03,021 --> 00:16:05,021 I'm just so disappointed. 373 00:16:05,022 --> 00:16:07,022 I got used to coming home to something. 374 00:16:07,022 --> 00:16:09,022 Can't you work with me on this? 375 00:16:13,002 --> 00:16:14,022 You told me to do that already! 376 00:16:15,000 --> 00:16:17,010 What is wrong with you? 377 00:16:20,000 --> 00:16:21,000 [groans] 378 00:16:23,015 --> 00:16:25,005 [Carrie] Friday night with Berger, 379 00:16:25,011 --> 00:16:29,011 I had my sexy lingerie under my cool couture, 380 00:16:29,013 --> 00:16:32,003 and I was feeling good. 381 00:16:32,003 --> 00:16:33,023 You look so hot in that shirt. 382 00:16:34,018 --> 00:16:36,008 You being serious? 383 00:16:36,009 --> 00:16:38,009 Okay, we're gonna need some drinks. 384 00:16:38,013 --> 00:16:40,003 -Oh, hey. -[waitress] Hi! 385 00:16:40,003 --> 00:16:41,013 Well, it's still happy hour, 386 00:16:41,007 --> 00:16:42,017 so frozen margaritas are two-for-one. 387 00:16:42,021 --> 00:16:44,001 All righty, okay. 388 00:16:44,004 --> 00:16:46,004 -When in Rome. -Sure. 389 00:16:46,006 --> 00:16:51,006 [Carrie] Since we were 0 for 2, I figured two-for-one was a good idea. 390 00:16:58,001 --> 00:17:00,001 And after three unreturned phone calls, 391 00:17:00,004 --> 00:17:02,014 Charlotte decided to make a house call. 392 00:17:02,007 --> 00:17:02,997 [Charlotte] Hello, rabbi. 393 00:17:03,005 --> 00:17:04,015 I brought you some kosher wine. 394 00:17:17,000 --> 00:17:19,010 I'm sorry, but my husband can't see you now. 395 00:17:19,014 --> 00:17:21,014 Excuse me, I don't mean to be rude, 396 00:17:21,011 --> 00:17:23,011 but I think he can! 397 00:17:24,005 --> 00:17:25,015 Miss, wha--! 398 00:17:27,012 --> 00:17:32,002 Look, I am 37 years old, I'm reproductively challenged. 399 00:17:32,006 --> 00:17:33,016 I am in love with a Jewish person, 400 00:17:33,020 --> 00:17:35,000 and it took me 20 years to find him. 401 00:17:35,005 --> 00:17:37,005 I don't have time to play these games! 402 00:17:51,004 --> 00:17:52,004 [sighs] 403 00:17:52,006 --> 00:17:54,016 All right, Charlotte, lesson number one: 404 00:17:54,021 --> 00:17:56,011 you have to give it a rest 405 00:17:56,011 --> 00:17:59,011 because it's about to be Sabbath, the day of rest. 406 00:17:59,015 --> 00:18:01,005 You want to be a Jew? 407 00:18:03,022 --> 00:18:04,022 Sit. 408 00:18:06,013 --> 00:18:07,023 Watch. 409 00:18:08,006 --> 00:18:09,016 Learn. 410 00:18:10,000 --> 00:18:12,010 Oh, that is so sweet. 411 00:18:12,012 --> 00:18:13,012 But actually... 412 00:18:13,016 --> 00:18:15,996 I'm supposed to meet my boyfriend... 413 00:18:18,014 --> 00:18:20,024 I can skip it. 414 00:18:20,017 --> 00:18:21,017 Come, girls, gather. 415 00:18:28,018 --> 00:18:30,008 [cell phone rings] 416 00:18:35,006 --> 00:18:37,006 -Oh, sorry. -[cell beeps off] 417 00:18:43,013 --> 00:18:46,023 Baruch atah adonai, eloheinu melech ha-olam... 418 00:18:46,021 --> 00:18:52,021 [continues prayer] 419 00:18:52,019 --> 00:18:53,019 [all] Amen. 420 00:18:53,018 --> 00:18:54,018 Amen. 421 00:18:57,008 --> 00:19:01,018 [Carrie] And Samantha was at Raw, ready to get things cooking. 422 00:19:03,000 --> 00:19:04,010 Hey, welcome to Raw. 423 00:19:04,016 --> 00:19:06,006 Hello. 424 00:19:06,012 --> 00:19:08,022 -I was here the other night. -That's what happens. 425 00:19:08,017 --> 00:19:10,017 You come once, and you just keep coming over and over. 426 00:19:10,020 --> 00:19:11,020 [laughs] 427 00:19:11,022 --> 00:19:13,022 Here's hoping. 428 00:19:13,021 --> 00:19:15,021 I'll be with you in a minute. I'm getting slammed tonight. 429 00:19:16,001 --> 00:19:17,011 For some reason, the hostess keeps seating 430 00:19:17,010 --> 00:19:19,020 everyone in my section. Be right back. 431 00:19:21,002 --> 00:19:22,002 [women] Hi! 432 00:19:22,023 --> 00:19:25,013 [women chattering] 433 00:19:30,018 --> 00:19:33,018 [Carrie] Suddenly, Samantha realized why the raw food movement 434 00:19:33,020 --> 00:19:35,010 was a movement. 435 00:19:35,011 --> 00:19:37,021 Women weren't there for the cold food. 436 00:19:37,021 --> 00:19:40,001 They were there for the hot waiter. 437 00:19:42,009 --> 00:19:43,999 [Miranda] Oh! 438 00:19:44,003 --> 00:19:45,013 Sorry! 439 00:19:47,008 --> 00:19:49,008 Sorry, sorry. 440 00:19:49,015 --> 00:19:51,995 Hey, B-boy, look who's home. 441 00:19:52,002 --> 00:19:53,022 Oh, I got held up at work. 442 00:19:53,020 --> 00:19:55,020 Thanks for filling in. 443 00:19:55,017 --> 00:19:57,997 Hi, hi, cutie. 444 00:19:58,006 --> 00:19:59,996 Hi, cutie. Did the TiVo guy come? 445 00:20:00,005 --> 00:20:03,005 No, they called and said that they have to reschedule 446 00:20:03,009 --> 00:20:05,019 for a week from Thursday. 447 00:20:05,017 --> 00:20:07,007 A week from Thursday? 448 00:20:07,011 --> 00:20:09,021 Yeah, but I played around with a few things, 449 00:20:09,021 --> 00:20:11,011 and I think it's okay now. 450 00:20:11,010 --> 00:20:12,020 What do you mean? It's working? 451 00:20:12,020 --> 00:20:14,000 [Steve] Yep. 452 00:20:15,016 --> 00:20:16,016 [beeps] 453 00:20:17,001 --> 00:20:20,001 I love you! I mean, you know, for fixing that. 454 00:20:20,006 --> 00:20:23,016 Yeah, well, Magda said it was kind of important. 455 00:20:23,022 --> 00:20:25,012 -So... -[Miranda sighs] 456 00:20:25,010 --> 00:20:26,010 Listen, I gotta take off. 457 00:20:28,000 --> 00:20:28,020 Hot date? 458 00:20:29,000 --> 00:20:30,000 Yeah, I got this dinner thing. 459 00:20:30,005 --> 00:20:32,015 So I'll see you later, champ, all right? 460 00:20:38,005 --> 00:20:40,005 [Carrie] Some things, like a broken TiVo, 461 00:20:40,012 --> 00:20:41,022 can be repaired. 462 00:20:41,019 --> 00:20:44,009 And others, like a broken heart, 463 00:20:44,008 --> 00:20:46,008 are a little more complicated. 464 00:20:46,011 --> 00:20:50,011 Four hours and four courses of uncooked food later, 465 00:20:50,010 --> 00:20:53,020 Samantha and her competitors waited it out. 466 00:21:01,009 --> 00:21:02,009 Maybe they were less horny. 467 00:21:02,014 --> 00:21:04,014 Maybe it was all that roughage. 468 00:21:04,013 --> 00:21:08,003 But one by one, women threw in the napkin. 469 00:21:33,013 --> 00:21:35,013 Can I get you anything else? 470 00:21:35,013 --> 00:21:39,023 Oh, no, I'm just enjoying my delicious... 471 00:21:39,023 --> 00:21:41,003 mushroom tea. 472 00:21:42,003 --> 00:21:43,013 Okay. 473 00:21:45,022 --> 00:21:47,022 Did you want anything else? 474 00:21:47,021 --> 00:21:48,021 You know what? 475 00:21:48,023 --> 00:21:53,013 I would like to have some of that key lime custard. 476 00:21:53,007 --> 00:21:54,997 It sounds too good to pass up. 477 00:21:55,019 --> 00:21:57,009 Okay. 478 00:22:12,022 --> 00:22:14,022 Honey, you've put up a very good fight, 479 00:22:14,017 --> 00:22:17,007 but you have no idea who you're dealing with. 480 00:22:17,008 --> 00:22:18,008 I'm going home with him 481 00:22:18,014 --> 00:22:21,014 and you're going home with key lime custard. 482 00:22:21,012 --> 00:22:23,022 So what do you say I buy your dinner 483 00:22:23,021 --> 00:22:26,011 and we call it a night, hmm? 484 00:22:28,021 --> 00:22:29,021 Okay. 485 00:22:29,021 --> 00:22:30,021 Check! 486 00:22:32,011 --> 00:22:35,011 [Carrie] Meanwhile, I was finally confident 487 00:22:35,011 --> 00:22:37,011 I could heat up my sex life, 488 00:22:37,008 --> 00:22:39,018 because I was a sex columnist, 489 00:22:40,001 --> 00:22:41,021 I was resourceful, 490 00:22:41,018 --> 00:22:43,998 and I was drunkity, drunk, drunk. 491 00:22:44,002 --> 00:22:45,012 Oh! 492 00:22:45,014 --> 00:22:47,004 I'm sorry. 493 00:22:55,021 --> 00:22:57,011 There. Oh! 494 00:22:57,010 --> 00:22:59,000 [laughing] 495 00:22:59,002 --> 00:23:00,002 [Berger grunts] 496 00:23:03,002 --> 00:23:05,012 I got a little something for you. 497 00:23:07,019 --> 00:23:09,009 And you're gonna love it. 498 00:23:14,008 --> 00:23:16,008 Look at that, hmm? 499 00:23:17,005 --> 00:23:18,015 [clatters] 500 00:23:22,008 --> 00:23:23,018 Get ready, mister, 501 00:23:28,000 --> 00:23:29,000 'cause... 502 00:23:34,009 --> 00:23:37,009 'cause I got something under here for you. 503 00:23:39,000 --> 00:23:40,020 Oh! 504 00:23:40,018 --> 00:23:42,008 And there are shoes. 505 00:23:43,017 --> 00:23:46,007 Wait till you see me in these, hmm? 506 00:23:54,015 --> 00:23:56,005 Ah! [thuds] 507 00:23:56,011 --> 00:23:57,011 Ow. 508 00:23:57,009 --> 00:23:58,019 Hey, are you okay? 509 00:23:59,015 --> 00:24:01,005 Yeah, I'm fine. 510 00:24:03,011 --> 00:24:04,021 Phew! 511 00:24:12,001 --> 00:24:14,001 [Carrie] And after a night of raw food, 512 00:24:14,005 --> 00:24:17,015 Samantha enjoyed an all-nighter of raw sex. 513 00:24:17,021 --> 00:24:20,021 [moaning] 514 00:24:28,023 --> 00:24:32,013 [moaning continues] 515 00:24:35,003 --> 00:24:36,013 [sighs] 516 00:24:37,002 --> 00:24:38,022 -Hey. -Huh? 517 00:24:38,018 --> 00:24:40,008 Can I tell you a secret? 518 00:24:40,010 --> 00:24:41,020 You're 12? 519 00:24:42,001 --> 00:24:44,021 You didn't have to order all that shit. 520 00:24:44,020 --> 00:24:46,020 I was ready to go home with you last Tuesday. 521 00:24:46,023 --> 00:24:50,013 Now you tell me. I ate a fucking cactus. 522 00:24:50,013 --> 00:24:53,003 Get back down there and make it up to me. 523 00:24:53,004 --> 00:24:54,014 Awesome. 524 00:25:01,022 --> 00:25:03,012 [moaning] 525 00:25:10,015 --> 00:25:11,015 [Carrie] Samantha was still having sex 526 00:25:12,000 --> 00:25:16,000 when it "dawned" on me that Berger and I hadn't. 527 00:25:28,017 --> 00:25:31,017 Hey. 528 00:25:31,017 --> 00:25:33,997 We both knew, it was now or never. 529 00:25:41,003 --> 00:25:43,013 That morning I resigned myself to the idea 530 00:25:43,011 --> 00:25:47,011 that I would never again have frozen drinks or hot sex. 531 00:25:48,020 --> 00:25:50,020 I suck. This is awful! 532 00:25:50,018 --> 00:25:51,018 I know! 533 00:25:51,017 --> 00:25:53,997 I've never been this bad. 534 00:25:54,003 --> 00:25:56,023 Look, I don't want to toot my own horn here, all right, 535 00:25:56,019 --> 00:25:58,009 but I'm way better than this. 536 00:25:58,011 --> 00:25:59,021 I've actually been told that I'm good at this. 537 00:25:59,019 --> 00:26:01,019 I don't know what the fuck is happening. 538 00:26:01,021 --> 00:26:03,001 We're so good everywhere else. 539 00:26:03,002 --> 00:26:04,022 Would you look at us in restaurants! 540 00:26:04,017 --> 00:26:05,007 We're the best! 541 00:26:05,013 --> 00:26:06,023 We're the couple you want to be! 542 00:26:08,023 --> 00:26:11,013 All right, we gotta make the bed more like a restaurant. 543 00:26:18,008 --> 00:26:19,008 Are you coming back? 544 00:26:19,013 --> 00:26:22,003 [Berger] Yeah. Grab something that'll help. 545 00:26:26,022 --> 00:26:28,012 Now we're talking, huh? 546 00:26:28,010 --> 00:26:29,020 What do you have there, a pet? 547 00:26:30,017 --> 00:26:31,017 Shoes. 548 00:26:32,004 --> 00:26:33,024 Oh. 549 00:26:33,021 --> 00:26:34,021 All right. 550 00:26:36,006 --> 00:26:38,996 Here, and... 551 00:26:39,002 --> 00:26:41,012 Berger, what if we're just not good together in bed? 552 00:26:41,013 --> 00:26:43,023 No, don't say that. 553 00:26:43,018 --> 00:26:46,018 All right, look, I choked. 554 00:26:46,022 --> 00:26:48,022 -We had it all going on... -We did. 555 00:26:49,001 --> 00:26:50,001 And I thought it would be great. 556 00:26:50,003 --> 00:26:51,023 And I wanted it to be great. 557 00:26:51,017 --> 00:26:53,007 And... I choked. 558 00:26:53,016 --> 00:26:54,016 And then I came over the next night 559 00:26:54,023 --> 00:26:56,023 and I thought it would be better and-- 560 00:26:56,017 --> 00:26:58,007 -I choked. -Well, what's up? 561 00:26:58,009 --> 00:27:01,009 We should be smokin', not chokin'. 562 00:27:01,009 --> 00:27:03,019 I think sometimes the rhyme helps. 563 00:27:03,023 --> 00:27:05,013 I agree. 564 00:27:05,013 --> 00:27:07,013 Boy, those are some... 565 00:27:07,016 --> 00:27:09,006 very sexy shoes. 566 00:27:09,015 --> 00:27:10,015 Shall I put them on? 567 00:27:10,018 --> 00:27:12,008 Yeah, hey, couldn't hurt. 568 00:27:18,023 --> 00:27:21,003 All right, um... 569 00:27:21,005 --> 00:27:23,005 Here, throw some of that over your left shoulder. 570 00:27:23,014 --> 00:27:25,014 Come on, you want things to get worse? 571 00:27:27,020 --> 00:27:29,010 I was gonna talk to you about it, but-- 572 00:27:29,013 --> 00:27:31,013 Yeah, I wanted to talk to you, but-- 573 00:27:31,010 --> 00:27:32,010 Well, let's make a deal. 574 00:27:32,014 --> 00:27:34,014 I talk to you. You talk to me. 575 00:27:34,013 --> 00:27:36,023 We should be able to talk about these things. 576 00:27:36,019 --> 00:27:37,019 Let's talk about it. 577 00:27:37,022 --> 00:27:39,002 We'll talk. 578 00:27:49,020 --> 00:27:50,020 That morning, 579 00:27:50,023 --> 00:27:52,013 the other shoe dropped, 580 00:27:52,016 --> 00:27:54,006 and it wasn't bad at all. 581 00:27:54,012 --> 00:27:57,002 In fact, it was kind of hot. 582 00:28:02,004 --> 00:28:09,014 ♪ Give me one more chance And you'll be satisfied ♪ 583 00:28:09,008 --> 00:28:15,008 ♪ Give me two more chances You won't be denied ♪ 584 00:28:17,012 --> 00:28:20,022 ♪ Well my heart is where It's always been ♪ 585 00:28:20,022 --> 00:28:24,002 ♪ My head is somewhere In between ♪ 586 00:28:24,006 --> 00:28:30,996 ♪ Give me one more chance Let me be your lover tonight ♪ 587 00:28:32,007 --> 00:28:34,007 ♪ Check it out ♪ 588 00:28:34,010 --> 00:28:36,010 ♪ You're the real thing ♪ 589 00:28:36,016 --> 00:28:40,006 ♪ You're the real thing ♪ 590 00:28:40,013 --> 00:28:44,013 ♪ You take me higher ♪ 591 00:28:44,007 --> 00:28:47,007 ♪ You're the real thing ♪ 592 00:28:47,013 --> 00:28:51,013 ♪ Even better than the real thing ♪ 593 00:28:51,009 --> 00:28:54,999 ♪ Even better than the real thing ♪