1 00:00:46,001 --> 00:00:48,011 When you live in "the city that never sleeps," 2 00:00:48,007 --> 00:00:50,007 it comes as a bit of a shock when, somehow, 3 00:00:50,015 --> 00:00:52,015 you manage to oversleep. 4 00:00:52,018 --> 00:00:54,018 Oh! 5 00:00:55,009 --> 00:00:56,999 Oh, taxi! 6 00:00:57,006 --> 00:00:59,006 Taxi! Oh... 7 00:01:06,017 --> 00:01:08,997 Oh, excuse me, sorry. 8 00:01:12,005 --> 00:01:14,995 -Oh, oh, oh, I'm sorry, sorry. 9 00:01:16,007 --> 00:01:18,007 Oh, taxi! 10 00:01:20,007 --> 00:01:21,017 Thank you! 11 00:01:26,001 --> 00:01:28,011 Fuck! Motherfucker! Fuck, shit! 12 00:01:39,004 --> 00:01:40,014 Sir? 13 00:01:40,016 --> 00:01:42,996 Sir, I have to be downtown in 30 minutes. 14 00:01:51,001 --> 00:01:52,011 Thank you. 15 00:01:53,009 --> 00:01:54,999 Keep the change. 16 00:01:55,002 --> 00:01:56,022 Blondie, you need a lift? 17 00:02:17,009 --> 00:02:18,999 Excuse me, hi. 18 00:02:19,002 --> 00:02:20,012 Which way to the stock exchange? 19 00:02:20,011 --> 00:02:21,011 -There. -Thank you. 20 00:02:21,011 --> 00:02:23,011 Oh, excuse me. 21 00:02:33,008 --> 00:02:34,008 Step forward. 22 00:02:34,009 --> 00:02:35,019 -Stop. 23 00:02:35,021 --> 00:02:38,021 -Give him the pocketbook. -Oh. Here. Can you hold that? 24 00:02:38,022 --> 00:02:41,012 Let's go. Stop. Arms. 25 00:02:41,008 --> 00:02:42,018 -I'm sorry. 26 00:02:42,017 --> 00:02:43,017 Oh. 27 00:02:46,003 --> 00:02:50,013 Oh, sir, sir, can you hurry, I'm here to ring the bell. 28 00:02:50,009 --> 00:02:51,009 -Sir-- Okay. -Go ahead. 29 00:02:51,012 --> 00:02:52,022 -Thank you. -Step forward. 30 00:03:01,018 --> 00:03:02,018 Alright. 31 00:03:03,000 --> 00:03:05,010 You have to put this on and we gotta hurry up. 32 00:03:05,011 --> 00:03:07,021 -Wow. -Yeah, it's real busy. 33 00:03:10,002 --> 00:03:13,012 Excuse us, excuse us... 34 00:03:19,014 --> 00:03:22,024 Today one of New York's favorite newspapers, 35 00:03:23,001 --> 00:03:25,021 the New York Star, is going public... 36 00:03:25,022 --> 00:03:30,012 And here to open trading is one of its favorite columnists, 37 00:03:30,007 --> 00:03:32,007 Carrie Bradshaw! 38 00:03:34,020 --> 00:03:36,010 Now you can press it. 39 00:03:36,009 --> 00:03:36,999 Okay. 40 00:03:42,011 --> 00:03:43,021 The day after the stock market, 41 00:03:43,021 --> 00:03:45,011 I met the ladies for lunch 42 00:03:45,009 --> 00:03:46,999 in the fashionable meat market. 43 00:03:47,004 --> 00:03:49,014 It was so exciting it almost made me want 44 00:03:49,013 --> 00:03:50,023 to invest in something. 45 00:03:50,022 --> 00:03:52,002 I love the stock market. 46 00:03:52,003 --> 00:03:54,013 A room full of screaming, sweating men, 47 00:03:54,013 --> 00:03:56,003 all trying to get it up. 48 00:03:56,002 --> 00:03:58,002 I don't invest anymore, it's too volatile. 49 00:03:58,002 --> 00:04:00,012 Exactly, I like my money right where I can see it, 50 00:04:00,012 --> 00:04:02,002 hanging in my closet. 51 00:04:02,004 --> 00:04:03,014 Actually, your stock is up. 52 00:04:03,013 --> 00:04:05,023 I bought some shares of your newspaper yesterday. 53 00:04:05,020 --> 00:04:08,000 Really, well, thank you, sweetie. 54 00:04:08,005 --> 00:04:09,005 Was it expensive? 55 00:04:09,008 --> 00:04:10,008 Oh, no, you're cheap. 56 00:04:10,008 --> 00:04:12,008 Well, I never. 57 00:04:12,010 --> 00:04:14,000 -Here, ladies. -Thank you. 58 00:04:14,006 --> 00:04:15,006 Thank you. 59 00:04:15,016 --> 00:04:17,016 Twenty dollars for a hamburger, oh, that's reasonable. 60 00:04:18,001 --> 00:04:19,001 Pathetic! 61 00:04:19,003 --> 00:04:20,023 When I moved to this neighborhood, 62 00:04:20,018 --> 00:04:22,018 the only thing that cost $20 was a hand job from a tranny. 63 00:04:23,001 --> 00:04:24,011 Ew! 64 00:04:24,007 --> 00:04:27,017 I'm serious, it's all gotten so sanitary. 65 00:04:27,020 --> 00:04:28,020 I mean, no smoking in bars, 66 00:04:29,001 --> 00:04:30,021 what's next, no fucking in bars? 67 00:04:30,020 --> 00:04:33,020 Well, first there would have to be a "no fucking" section. 68 00:04:33,017 --> 00:04:35,007 I mean, just look at this street... 69 00:04:35,009 --> 00:04:37,009 Stella McCartney, Alexander McQueen, 70 00:04:37,011 --> 00:04:39,001 the only designer name that belongs 71 00:04:39,004 --> 00:04:41,024 in the meatpacking district is Oscar Mayer. 72 00:04:42,001 --> 00:04:44,011 I never liked his clothes. Too fatty. 73 00:04:44,015 --> 00:04:46,005 But that's what's great about New York. 74 00:04:46,008 --> 00:04:48,008 There's always a new neighborhood, a new restaurant... 75 00:04:48,015 --> 00:04:49,015 A new man. 76 00:04:49,022 --> 00:04:50,022 Oh. 77 00:04:50,021 --> 00:04:52,011 That's right, Friday night, 78 00:04:52,007 --> 00:04:55,007 my first official date with Jack Berger. 79 00:04:55,014 --> 00:04:57,024 That is so exciting, isn't that exciting? 80 00:04:57,020 --> 00:05:01,010 Oh sure, it's all fun and games 'til someone has a child. 81 00:05:01,013 --> 00:05:03,023 So, what do you two have planned? 82 00:05:04,001 --> 00:05:05,011 Well, he hasn't said yet, 83 00:05:05,008 --> 00:05:07,018 so many, many outfits need to be scouted. 84 00:05:07,021 --> 00:05:09,021 Oh, you kids today and your dating. 85 00:05:09,021 --> 00:05:11,011 I know. 86 00:05:11,007 --> 00:05:13,017 I feel like a girl of 35 again. 87 00:05:13,019 --> 00:05:14,999 -Aw. 88 00:05:16,014 --> 00:05:18,014 Oh, I really like him. 89 00:05:18,007 --> 00:05:20,017 Then you better find out his bottom line right up front. 90 00:05:20,017 --> 00:05:22,997 If Harry had told me that he could only be serious about me 91 00:05:23,003 --> 00:05:25,023 if I were Jewish, I doubt I'd be in my situation. 92 00:05:25,021 --> 00:05:29,011 I don't get it, what kind of man passes up pussy for Purim? 93 00:05:30,017 --> 00:05:33,007 The soup and the tenderloin of pork. 94 00:05:35,013 --> 00:05:37,013 What's with the face? 95 00:05:37,007 --> 00:05:38,017 I didn't make a face. 96 00:05:38,018 --> 00:05:40,018 I said "pork," you went... 97 00:05:40,020 --> 00:05:43,010 Well, it's just, I'm confused. 98 00:05:44,008 --> 00:05:46,008 I mean, you can order pork, but you can't get serious 99 00:05:46,013 --> 00:05:48,023 about a future with me because I'm not Jewish. 100 00:05:48,022 --> 00:05:51,012 And from the meat market to the marriage market. 101 00:05:51,009 --> 00:05:53,009 Charlotte, it doesn't work that way. 102 00:05:53,013 --> 00:05:55,013 I'm not kosher, I'm conservative. 103 00:05:55,008 --> 00:05:56,018 I'm conservative too! 104 00:05:56,019 --> 00:05:58,019 Yeah, well, my conservative doesn't have anything to do 105 00:05:58,019 --> 00:05:59,999 with wearing pearls. 106 00:06:00,017 --> 00:06:02,017 Look, I know what you're thinking, okay. 107 00:06:02,018 --> 00:06:04,018 Why did I let things get this far without talking about this? 108 00:06:05,000 --> 00:06:07,010 Why did I sleep with you? Why did I even kiss you? 109 00:06:07,011 --> 00:06:08,011 Why did you? 110 00:06:08,011 --> 00:06:09,021 Because I couldn't not kiss you, 111 00:06:09,023 --> 00:06:11,023 not sleep with you, not see you. 112 00:06:12,001 --> 00:06:14,021 Believe me, I never thought a shiksa goddess like you 113 00:06:14,021 --> 00:06:17,011 would fall for a putz like me. 114 00:06:18,020 --> 00:06:20,010 You're not a putz. 115 00:06:21,009 --> 00:06:23,009 Do you even know what putz means? 116 00:06:23,013 --> 00:06:25,023 Yes, schmuck. 117 00:06:26,023 --> 00:06:28,023 You sure you're not Jewish? 118 00:06:32,009 --> 00:06:33,009 Okay. 119 00:06:33,016 --> 00:06:35,996 And from Jewish to poo-ish. 120 00:06:36,005 --> 00:06:37,015 Ah, Miranda? 121 00:06:38,001 --> 00:06:40,011 You got a little doody on your forehead. 122 00:06:40,009 --> 00:06:41,009 What? Where? 123 00:06:41,016 --> 00:06:43,016 Oh, no, now you got more, the other side. 124 00:06:44,000 --> 00:06:44,020 Which side? 125 00:06:46,004 --> 00:06:48,024 Well, help, it's not funny! 126 00:06:48,017 --> 00:06:50,017 -Baby wipe me, get it off! -Okay. 127 00:06:50,022 --> 00:06:52,012 "Baby wipe me!" 128 00:06:52,011 --> 00:06:54,011 I did not say it like that, just get it off. 129 00:06:54,015 --> 00:06:55,015 "Baby wipe me!" 130 00:06:55,023 --> 00:06:57,013 Oh, yeah, let's see how you like it. 131 00:06:57,015 --> 00:06:58,995 -No! No! -You like it? 132 00:06:59,005 --> 00:07:00,015 -No, Miranda, Miranda, Miranda! -You want it on your face? 133 00:07:00,019 --> 00:07:01,999 -No! -Huh, mister, mister, mister? On your face? 134 00:07:02,006 --> 00:07:03,016 -Knock it off! -"Knock it off!" 135 00:07:03,022 --> 00:07:06,022 Brady, help, tell Mommy to stop chasing Daddy. 136 00:07:07,020 --> 00:07:09,010 What? 137 00:07:11,013 --> 00:07:12,023 I just don't think it's so fucking funny. 138 00:07:12,022 --> 00:07:14,022 You weren't the one with shit on your face. 139 00:07:14,021 --> 00:07:16,001 You were chasing me! 140 00:07:16,002 --> 00:07:17,012 You know, I don't have time for this, 141 00:07:17,008 --> 00:07:18,018 -I have to get up early. 142 00:07:19,006 --> 00:07:20,016 I don't even know why you're still here. 143 00:07:20,018 --> 00:07:21,018 You dropped off the baby hours ago. 144 00:07:21,022 --> 00:07:23,002 I don't have time to stand around 145 00:07:23,006 --> 00:07:25,016 while you read the paper and order food in-- 146 00:07:27,006 --> 00:07:28,006 Don't you have a life? 147 00:07:28,009 --> 00:07:30,999 Yeah, I got a life. 148 00:07:33,012 --> 00:07:35,012 Bye, Brady. 149 00:07:41,021 --> 00:07:42,021 Hey. 150 00:07:42,018 --> 00:07:43,998 I'm in love with Steve. 151 00:07:44,003 --> 00:07:45,023 Hold this. 152 00:07:46,018 --> 00:07:50,008 Oh my God, I can't believe it. 153 00:07:50,011 --> 00:07:53,011 Come on, are you seriously telling me you didn't know? 154 00:07:53,010 --> 00:07:55,020 Oh, I knew, I just can't believe you admitted it. 155 00:07:55,020 --> 00:07:57,010 I need a drink, what have you got? 156 00:07:57,014 --> 00:07:59,014 It's 11:30 on a Saturday morning. 157 00:07:59,007 --> 00:08:02,007 Did you not hear me just say I was in love with Steve? 158 00:08:03,014 --> 00:08:07,014 I think I got an old bottle of Kahlua somewhere. 159 00:08:07,009 --> 00:08:09,999 Okay, hold on there, Brady. 160 00:08:10,005 --> 00:08:12,005 Momma needs a cocktail. 161 00:08:12,007 --> 00:08:13,007 Last night we were in the dining room 162 00:08:13,015 --> 00:08:15,015 and we were laughing and all of a sudden 163 00:08:16,001 --> 00:08:18,001 I looked over at him and I realized... 164 00:08:19,004 --> 00:08:20,024 We belong together. 165 00:08:22,009 --> 00:08:24,019 -Oh, Miranda. Yeah. 166 00:08:25,005 --> 00:08:27,005 So I picked a huge fight and threw him out of my apartment. 167 00:08:27,016 --> 00:08:28,016 Good thinking. 168 00:08:29,004 --> 00:08:33,014 Okay, these Triscuits have been here since the mid-'80s. 169 00:08:33,010 --> 00:08:36,010 I so cannot be in love with Steve. 170 00:08:36,007 --> 00:08:39,007 Steve so is not the guy for me. 171 00:08:40,011 --> 00:08:41,011 Miranda... 172 00:08:41,016 --> 00:08:42,016 You're right. 173 00:08:43,007 --> 00:08:45,007 Steve so is the guy for me. 174 00:08:45,010 --> 00:08:47,020 No, no, no, I was just asking if Brady can eat crackers yet. 175 00:08:48,001 --> 00:08:49,011 No. 176 00:08:49,007 --> 00:08:51,017 How can I have been wrong all these years? 177 00:08:51,023 --> 00:08:54,003 You weren't wrong. It just... 178 00:08:54,004 --> 00:08:55,024 It just took you a while to get here. 179 00:08:56,006 --> 00:08:59,006 So, what are you gonna do? 180 00:08:59,014 --> 00:09:02,014 I don't know, I have a lot invested in this relationship, 181 00:09:02,014 --> 00:09:03,024 plus we have the baby. 182 00:09:04,001 --> 00:09:05,021 Yeah, plus, you said you were in love with him. 183 00:09:06,020 --> 00:09:08,010 Yeah. 184 00:09:08,016 --> 00:09:10,006 So how are you gonna tell him? 185 00:09:10,023 --> 00:09:13,013 Maybe I should take him somewhere romantic. 186 00:09:13,012 --> 00:09:15,012 Where I can't start a fight. 187 00:09:15,013 --> 00:09:19,003 Oh my God, Miranda, do you know what this means? 188 00:09:19,009 --> 00:09:21,009 You're asking Steve out on a date! 189 00:09:25,022 --> 00:09:27,022 -Hi, Samantha. -Hi, Al. 190 00:09:27,022 --> 00:09:29,022 -Looking good, Sam. -Hi. 191 00:09:32,000 --> 00:09:34,010 That night, as Samantha walked home 192 00:09:34,007 --> 00:09:36,017 past her friendly neighborhood bar, the Ram Hole, 193 00:09:36,018 --> 00:09:39,018 she saw something truly upsetting. 194 00:09:47,018 --> 00:09:48,018 Just what we need, 195 00:09:48,023 --> 00:09:51,013 another Wall Street asshole with money. 196 00:10:00,023 --> 00:10:02,013 Hold the door! 197 00:10:06,001 --> 00:10:08,001 Hi, thanks, I live here. 198 00:10:08,005 --> 00:10:10,015 See, here are my keys. 199 00:10:11,005 --> 00:10:13,005 Chip Kilkinney, I just moved in. 200 00:10:13,015 --> 00:10:15,995 Samantha Jones, 3F. 201 00:10:16,005 --> 00:10:17,995 I'm 4F. You're right under me. 202 00:10:18,006 --> 00:10:19,016 That sounds promising. 203 00:10:20,013 --> 00:10:21,023 That's quite a car. 204 00:10:23,008 --> 00:10:24,018 I love a nice Hummer. 205 00:10:26,008 --> 00:10:29,008 Well, good night. 206 00:10:35,016 --> 00:10:38,996 And uptown, in a slightly less obvious maneuver... 207 00:10:39,003 --> 00:10:40,023 Oh, oh, I'm close. 208 00:10:40,022 --> 00:10:42,022 Mm, honey... 209 00:10:42,023 --> 00:10:47,013 Is this whole Jewish thing really that big a deal? 210 00:10:47,009 --> 00:10:50,019 No, no-- oh God, no! 211 00:10:51,002 --> 00:10:54,002 Ah! 212 00:10:56,022 --> 00:11:00,002 The next morning, bright and early. 213 00:11:00,014 --> 00:11:03,014 Good morning. 214 00:11:03,015 --> 00:11:06,005 There's a happy face. 215 00:11:06,007 --> 00:11:08,007 I am a happy face. 216 00:11:08,014 --> 00:11:12,014 It's a beautiful morning, and the sun is shining, 217 00:11:12,020 --> 00:11:15,010 and you changed your mind about the Jewish thing. 218 00:11:15,009 --> 00:11:18,009 Whoa, whoa, what... what Jewish thing? When? 219 00:11:18,008 --> 00:11:19,008 Last night. 220 00:11:19,016 --> 00:11:21,006 I asked you if it was really that important to you, 221 00:11:21,010 --> 00:11:22,020 and you said no. 222 00:11:22,021 --> 00:11:24,021 -I did? -Yeah. 223 00:11:25,004 --> 00:11:28,004 When we were making love, right before you came. 224 00:11:28,004 --> 00:11:29,024 How could you not remember? 225 00:11:29,021 --> 00:11:31,011 Charlotte, honey, 226 00:11:31,007 --> 00:11:33,997 I can't remember my own name right before I come. 227 00:11:34,010 --> 00:11:36,000 Well, that's what you said. 228 00:11:36,002 --> 00:11:39,012 Asking me to renounce Judaism during sex is a clear manipulation. 229 00:11:39,010 --> 00:11:41,000 Oh, blah blah blah! 230 00:11:41,004 --> 00:11:44,014 I just don't understand, why is this so important to you? 231 00:11:45,011 --> 00:11:48,001 I promised my mother I would marry a Jew. 232 00:11:48,004 --> 00:11:49,024 Your mother? 233 00:11:49,019 --> 00:11:51,019 Charlotte had had her fill of potential husbands 234 00:11:52,001 --> 00:11:53,021 and their demanding mothers... 235 00:11:53,017 --> 00:11:55,997 Harry's stock suddenly began to plummet. 236 00:11:56,004 --> 00:11:59,004 Yeah, right before she died. 237 00:11:59,004 --> 00:12:02,014 And just like that, it was up again. 238 00:12:02,019 --> 00:12:05,009 I'm very sorry your mother's no longer with us, 239 00:12:05,013 --> 00:12:07,023 because if she met me-- 240 00:12:07,021 --> 00:12:10,011 She'd fall in love with you like I did and not care? 241 00:12:10,013 --> 00:12:13,023 -Uh-huh. -No, Jews don't think like that. 242 00:12:13,020 --> 00:12:16,000 Keeping tradition alive was very important to her. 243 00:12:16,002 --> 00:12:18,012 She lost family in the Holocaust. 244 00:12:20,021 --> 00:12:22,011 What? 245 00:12:23,023 --> 00:12:25,013 Well, now I can't say anything 246 00:12:25,011 --> 00:12:29,001 because you've brought up the Holocaust. 247 00:12:32,009 --> 00:12:34,009 Hi, it's me, leave a message. 248 00:12:35,013 --> 00:12:36,023 Hi, it's Jack... 249 00:12:37,017 --> 00:12:39,997 Berger, not Kerouac. 250 00:12:40,002 --> 00:12:41,012 Wanted to clear that up. 251 00:12:41,012 --> 00:12:44,012 So you're probably standing there screening. 252 00:12:44,008 --> 00:12:44,998 Way to play it, 253 00:12:45,006 --> 00:12:46,996 I'm a big fan of the screen. 254 00:12:47,005 --> 00:12:49,995 In fact, don't pick up or I'll just panic and hang up. 255 00:12:50,014 --> 00:12:51,024 Don't pick up. 256 00:12:51,021 --> 00:12:54,011 I'm not ready for actual "voice on voice" action. 257 00:12:54,013 --> 00:12:58,013 So, I'm jumping right in and suggesting dinner and a movie 258 00:12:58,013 --> 00:12:59,023 for the big date. 259 00:12:59,023 --> 00:13:02,003 Everybody's really been loving that movie Craig's Room, 260 00:13:02,005 --> 00:13:04,015 so why don't we go and hate it? 261 00:13:04,019 --> 00:13:09,999 Here come the movie times, we have 5:15, we have 7:00... 262 00:13:10,005 --> 00:13:12,995 And he calculated which times and which theaters 263 00:13:13,006 --> 00:13:15,006 would be least crowded, "take charge." 264 00:13:15,011 --> 00:13:19,021 Yet left the restaurant choice "flexible." 265 00:13:20,001 --> 00:13:22,011 All in all, the perfect machine message. 266 00:13:22,014 --> 00:13:26,004 I think Berger and I are gonna be very happy together. 267 00:13:27,023 --> 00:13:29,023 Oh, I love this time, before the first date, 268 00:13:29,020 --> 00:13:31,000 when you can make statements like that 269 00:13:31,004 --> 00:13:32,004 and almost believe them. 270 00:13:32,004 --> 00:13:34,014 Why all the drama? 271 00:13:34,009 --> 00:13:35,019 Because I really like him. 272 00:13:35,021 --> 00:13:38,001 And you can imagine what that does to a girl. 273 00:13:38,005 --> 00:13:40,995 Got it, say no more. Really, say no more. 274 00:13:41,006 --> 00:13:43,996 Oh, and then right after he called, I got a message from this other fella 275 00:13:44,005 --> 00:13:45,005 who I've known for a year, 276 00:13:45,010 --> 00:13:46,020 suddenly asking me out on a date. 277 00:13:46,022 --> 00:13:48,012 Which only proves my theory, 278 00:13:48,011 --> 00:13:51,011 the only thing a girl needs to get a date is another date. 279 00:13:51,008 --> 00:13:52,008 Your stock is up. 280 00:13:52,009 --> 00:13:53,009 And did you say yes? 281 00:13:53,008 --> 00:13:54,018 No, I already have a date. 282 00:13:54,018 --> 00:13:56,008 Which is why you should say yes to the other one. 283 00:13:56,012 --> 00:13:59,002 I think you're putting a lot of pressure on this Berger date. 284 00:13:59,006 --> 00:14:00,006 Honey, Charlotte's right. 285 00:14:00,013 --> 00:14:02,013 You need to do something to take the edge off. 286 00:14:02,011 --> 00:14:04,011 I am not going on a "Sim-U-Date." 287 00:14:04,009 --> 00:14:07,009 Carrie, how many new outfits have you bought for this movie? 288 00:14:07,016 --> 00:14:08,006 Be honest! 289 00:14:08,014 --> 00:14:10,024 None, six, all returnable. 290 00:14:11,020 --> 00:14:13,010 Alright, maybe just a casual coffee 291 00:14:13,011 --> 00:14:14,021 to take the edge off Berger. 292 00:14:14,019 --> 00:14:15,999 Exactly! 293 00:14:16,003 --> 00:14:17,023 Later that day, I got to thinking 294 00:14:17,017 --> 00:14:20,007 about the stock market and dating. 295 00:14:20,007 --> 00:14:21,017 Are they really that different? 296 00:14:22,001 --> 00:14:24,021 If you have a bad stock, you can lose your shirt. 297 00:14:24,017 --> 00:14:26,007 If you have a bad date, 298 00:14:26,011 --> 00:14:28,001 you can lose your will to live. 299 00:14:28,003 --> 00:14:32,013 And if the date is good, the stakes get even higher. 300 00:14:33,008 --> 00:14:35,018 After weathering all the ups and downs, 301 00:14:35,019 --> 00:14:38,019 you could one day find yourself with nothing. 302 00:14:38,017 --> 00:14:42,017 So, when it comes to finance and dating, 303 00:14:42,017 --> 00:14:44,007 I couldn't help but wonder... 304 00:14:44,013 --> 00:14:47,013 Why do we keep investing? 305 00:14:51,017 --> 00:14:54,007 And speaking of high risk investments... 306 00:15:02,017 --> 00:15:03,017 Hey, it's me. I'm not here. 307 00:15:03,023 --> 00:15:07,013 Try me at Scout, 957-7297. 308 00:15:07,014 --> 00:15:09,004 Don't forget the 212. 309 00:15:10,012 --> 00:15:11,022 Hi, Steve... 310 00:15:11,017 --> 00:15:15,017 Hi, Steve, um... 311 00:15:16,008 --> 00:15:18,018 I need to talk to you about something. 312 00:15:19,002 --> 00:15:21,002 How about we do it over dinner? 313 00:15:21,002 --> 00:15:22,012 How's tomorrow night? 314 00:15:22,011 --> 00:15:24,011 Madga can sit with Brady. 315 00:15:24,016 --> 00:15:27,006 Let me know. Bye! 316 00:15:27,013 --> 00:15:29,013 Oh, it's Miranda and-- 317 00:15:30,019 --> 00:15:31,999 Bye. 318 00:15:32,004 --> 00:15:34,004 Miranda feared it was possibly 319 00:15:34,002 --> 00:15:36,022 the most imperfect machine message ever. 320 00:15:38,010 --> 00:15:42,000 And Samantha decided to say it with a basket. 321 00:15:50,013 --> 00:15:52,013 Welcome wagon! 322 00:15:52,009 --> 00:15:53,019 Hi, ah... 323 00:15:54,000 --> 00:15:55,020 Excuse the towel, I was just in the shower. 324 00:15:55,021 --> 00:15:57,021 I brought you a basket filled with goodies 325 00:15:58,000 --> 00:16:00,000 to acquaint you with your new neighborhood. 326 00:16:00,006 --> 00:16:03,006 Cheese, prosciutto, condoms, handcuffs. 327 00:16:03,022 --> 00:16:04,022 Handcuffs? 328 00:16:04,020 --> 00:16:06,010 From the bar next door. 329 00:16:07,008 --> 00:16:08,008 Enjoy! 330 00:16:08,023 --> 00:16:12,013 If I reach for that, my towel will fall. 331 00:16:12,007 --> 00:16:13,017 I'm no fool. 332 00:16:21,018 --> 00:16:24,008 A little while later, Samantha blew Chip... 333 00:16:24,009 --> 00:16:25,019 Stockbroker. 334 00:16:25,017 --> 00:16:29,007 Yes, yes, yes, yes! Yes, yes, yes! 335 00:16:31,001 --> 00:16:33,021 Now, that's what I call eating in. 336 00:16:34,012 --> 00:16:39,002 Look, I never do this, but here's a tip. 337 00:16:39,019 --> 00:16:42,009 Alon Pharmaceuticals. 338 00:16:42,007 --> 00:16:43,017 It's gonna split and go through the roof. 339 00:16:43,020 --> 00:16:46,000 Alon Pharmaceuticals. 340 00:16:49,010 --> 00:16:50,010 Thanks. 341 00:16:50,012 --> 00:16:51,022 No, thank you. 342 00:16:52,006 --> 00:16:54,006 That was the best F-ing head of my life. 343 00:16:56,016 --> 00:16:57,996 And, just like that, 344 00:16:58,004 --> 00:17:02,014 their mutual fun turned into mutual funds. 345 00:17:02,016 --> 00:17:05,006 Later that week, I met with graphic designer 346 00:17:05,008 --> 00:17:06,008 Willy Applegate, 347 00:17:06,015 --> 00:17:08,015 for a late afternoon "Sim-U-Date." 348 00:17:08,017 --> 00:17:09,017 It's a cute place. 349 00:17:09,023 --> 00:17:12,003 Yeah, I hope it's okay, yeah, I didn't know, 350 00:17:12,006 --> 00:17:15,016 but I figured, can't go wrong with a garden, right? 351 00:17:15,018 --> 00:17:16,018 Yeah, it's great. 352 00:17:16,021 --> 00:17:19,011 I hope it's okay, I didn't know. 353 00:17:20,005 --> 00:17:21,995 I just said that. 354 00:17:22,003 --> 00:17:25,013 It suddenly became clear that a "Sim-U-Date" for me 355 00:17:25,013 --> 00:17:27,013 was a first date for him. 356 00:17:28,013 --> 00:17:31,023 Are you... looking at my sty? 357 00:17:32,000 --> 00:17:33,000 Excuse me? 358 00:17:33,004 --> 00:17:35,014 My sty, I have a sty. 359 00:17:35,009 --> 00:17:36,999 See, right here. 360 00:17:37,002 --> 00:17:38,012 And I was gonna cancel, but then I thought, 361 00:17:38,015 --> 00:17:40,015 well, maybe she won't even notice it. 362 00:17:40,021 --> 00:17:42,001 And I didn't even-- 363 00:17:42,013 --> 00:17:44,003 -No, I wasn't looking at it. -Oh, oh... 364 00:17:44,004 --> 00:17:45,014 That's good. 365 00:17:45,016 --> 00:17:47,016 Oh, oh! 366 00:17:47,023 --> 00:17:51,013 Okay. What-- what was that? 367 00:17:51,022 --> 00:17:53,022 Have you ever seen anything like...? 368 00:17:53,021 --> 00:17:55,011 No, I have never! 369 00:17:55,013 --> 00:17:58,003 This was a bad choice of place, I'm sorry. 370 00:17:58,004 --> 00:17:59,014 No, it's fine. 371 00:17:59,012 --> 00:18:00,022 It's fun, it's like... 372 00:18:00,019 --> 00:18:02,999 Cappuccino wilderness safari. 373 00:18:07,010 --> 00:18:08,010 Ouch. Uh... 374 00:18:08,008 --> 00:18:10,998 Balsamic vinegar, in my sty. 375 00:18:11,006 --> 00:18:14,996 -Ouch. -Oh God, here, here you go. 376 00:18:15,019 --> 00:18:16,019 Ouch. 377 00:18:16,022 --> 00:18:18,022 Thanks, could this go any worse? 378 00:18:20,006 --> 00:18:21,016 -Oh. -What the-- 379 00:18:21,018 --> 00:18:23,018 What the fuck! 380 00:18:23,018 --> 00:18:24,018 Whoa! 381 00:18:25,000 --> 00:18:25,020 Oh! 382 00:18:26,006 --> 00:18:28,016 I'm fine! I'm fine. I'm fine. 383 00:18:28,020 --> 00:18:33,020 It was a sudden crash no analysts had seen coming. 384 00:18:33,023 --> 00:18:35,023 And in yet another type of market... 385 00:18:35,017 --> 00:18:36,017 Well, I hope you're happy, 386 00:18:37,001 --> 00:18:39,001 now I'm twice as nervous about my Berger date. 387 00:18:39,002 --> 00:18:42,012 Caring too much is like a disaster magnet. 388 00:18:42,009 --> 00:18:43,019 Oh, poor guy. 389 00:18:43,017 --> 00:18:46,017 Can you catch a sty helping someone up from gravel? 390 00:18:46,021 --> 00:18:48,011 Where's the homeopathic section? 391 00:18:48,012 --> 00:18:50,022 Maybe they make something called "Sty-Be-Gone." 392 00:18:50,018 --> 00:18:51,998 Did you know that Elizabeth Taylor 393 00:18:52,003 --> 00:18:54,013 converted to Judaism for Eddie Fisher? 394 00:18:54,008 --> 00:18:55,018 I am thrown by the change of topic, 395 00:18:55,022 --> 00:18:57,012 but I do appreciate the trivia. 396 00:18:57,010 --> 00:18:59,010 I'm reading her book, My Love Affair with Jewelry. 397 00:18:59,015 --> 00:19:00,015 Not surprising. 398 00:19:00,023 --> 00:19:03,023 And she changed her religion for the man she loved. 399 00:19:03,018 --> 00:19:05,018 Yeah, and a big ol' honking piece of jewelry. 400 00:19:05,018 --> 00:19:07,008 Oh, don't be so cynical. 401 00:19:07,013 --> 00:19:09,023 Sorry, it's my potential sty talking. 402 00:19:09,023 --> 00:19:10,023 Love. 403 00:19:10,021 --> 00:19:11,021 She did it for love. 404 00:19:12,014 --> 00:19:15,014 Are you thinking of pulling an Elizabeth Taylor? 405 00:19:15,022 --> 00:19:17,012 I need more information. 406 00:19:17,010 --> 00:19:19,000 There's more to being a Jew than jewelry. 407 00:19:19,005 --> 00:19:20,995 Wise words, I'll meet you at the checkout. 408 00:19:21,004 --> 00:19:22,004 'Kay. 409 00:19:30,010 --> 00:19:31,010 Ah. 410 00:19:33,017 --> 00:19:36,007 Charlotte wondered just how far she would go 411 00:19:36,008 --> 00:19:37,998 for her true love. 412 00:19:41,013 --> 00:19:42,013 Ooh. 413 00:19:42,014 --> 00:19:43,024 Did you know that Elizabeth Taylor 414 00:19:44,001 --> 00:19:47,001 converted to Judaism for Eddie Fisher? 415 00:19:47,006 --> 00:19:48,996 Now, don't get too excited, 416 00:19:49,002 --> 00:19:50,022 we're just trading information here. 417 00:19:51,000 --> 00:19:54,000 Okay, then, from a not-excited place I ask, 418 00:19:54,002 --> 00:19:56,002 is this something you might consider? 419 00:19:56,022 --> 00:19:58,002 I'm just trying to understand, 420 00:19:58,003 --> 00:19:59,023 what's so special about being a Jew? 421 00:19:59,023 --> 00:20:01,013 I feel like I'm on a game show. 422 00:20:01,013 --> 00:20:03,023 I'm serious, I mean, if this is really your bottom line, 423 00:20:03,021 --> 00:20:05,021 then you're gonna have to try and give me a reason, 424 00:20:06,000 --> 00:20:09,010 aside from your mother, that I can relate to. 425 00:20:13,019 --> 00:20:15,009 Well... 426 00:20:16,001 --> 00:20:18,011 If we were to get married, 427 00:20:18,009 --> 00:20:20,009 we're just trading information here. 428 00:20:21,017 --> 00:20:24,017 I would want our children to be raised Jewish. 429 00:20:24,018 --> 00:20:28,008 Charlotte realized it was time to reveal to Harry 430 00:20:28,010 --> 00:20:30,020 her bottom line. 431 00:20:31,012 --> 00:20:33,022 Well, if that's really the reason, then... 432 00:20:34,000 --> 00:20:36,000 I have to tell you something. 433 00:20:39,010 --> 00:20:40,010 I... 434 00:20:43,006 --> 00:20:45,016 I may not be able to give you children. 435 00:20:46,012 --> 00:20:50,022 I'm, um, challenged in the reproductive area. 436 00:20:51,004 --> 00:20:55,014 It's not hopeless, but it's difficult. 437 00:20:56,022 --> 00:20:58,022 I guess I should've brought it up sooner, 438 00:20:58,020 --> 00:21:01,010 but I never thought that we'd end... 439 00:21:01,021 --> 00:21:03,011 I understand if you-- 440 00:21:03,009 --> 00:21:08,019 Shh, Charlotte, I love you. 441 00:21:08,018 --> 00:21:10,008 You're the most wonderful thing 442 00:21:10,008 --> 00:21:13,008 that could ever happen to a schmuck like me. 443 00:21:14,017 --> 00:21:16,017 You're not a schmuck. 444 00:21:16,017 --> 00:21:17,997 You're a putz. 445 00:21:19,005 --> 00:21:23,015 But seriously, Harry, you want a family and... 446 00:21:26,021 --> 00:21:29,011 What if I couldn't give that to you? 447 00:21:29,016 --> 00:21:31,996 We'd adopt or something. 448 00:21:32,020 --> 00:21:34,020 But they wouldn't be your own. 449 00:21:34,018 --> 00:21:36,008 Eh... 450 00:21:37,008 --> 00:21:38,018 What are ya gonna do? 451 00:21:38,018 --> 00:21:41,018 Charlotte York was deeply touched 452 00:21:41,019 --> 00:21:45,999 by Harry Goldenblatt's humor, compassion and acceptance. 453 00:21:46,004 --> 00:21:48,014 If this is Jewish, she thought, 454 00:21:48,011 --> 00:21:50,011 that's worth looking into. 455 00:21:50,011 --> 00:21:54,021 Meanwhile downtown, Samantha had moved her neighbor from stocks and bonds 456 00:21:54,019 --> 00:21:56,019 -to stockings and bondage. -I'm bad! 457 00:21:59,011 --> 00:22:00,021 Go away, I'm busy! 458 00:22:03,004 --> 00:22:04,014 Ms. Jones. 459 00:22:04,015 --> 00:22:05,015 Juan. 460 00:22:08,001 --> 00:22:09,021 Who the fuck are you? 461 00:22:09,018 --> 00:22:11,008 FBI, get dressed. 462 00:22:11,016 --> 00:22:13,006 You're under arrest for insider trading. 463 00:22:13,012 --> 00:22:15,022 Turns out, Chip Kilkinney was quite the ladies' man. 464 00:22:16,000 --> 00:22:19,010 And every time a woman went down, the Dow went up. 465 00:22:19,012 --> 00:22:21,022 Ma'am, can you undo your cuffs so we can use ours? 466 00:22:21,021 --> 00:22:23,001 Surely. 467 00:22:23,011 --> 00:22:26,011 All the good ones are getting arrested. 468 00:22:30,019 --> 00:22:32,009 And at a romantic restaurant, 469 00:22:32,012 --> 00:22:37,002 a 37-year-old single mother found herself on a first date. 470 00:22:38,003 --> 00:22:39,013 You look pretty. 471 00:22:40,020 --> 00:22:42,010 You got a date later? 472 00:22:42,023 --> 00:22:45,003 No, it's just the dress. 473 00:22:46,015 --> 00:22:48,015 Jeez Louise, it's dark in here, 474 00:22:48,019 --> 00:22:49,999 I can barely read my menu. 475 00:22:50,002 --> 00:22:52,002 We need, like, another candle or something. 476 00:22:52,009 --> 00:22:54,009 I think it's kind of nice. 477 00:22:55,015 --> 00:22:57,015 Um, Steve? 478 00:22:58,017 --> 00:22:59,017 Yeah? 479 00:22:59,023 --> 00:23:03,023 I asked you here because I wanted to explain why 480 00:23:03,019 --> 00:23:05,009 I picked a fight with you last week. 481 00:23:05,011 --> 00:23:08,011 Miranda, I know you and I know why you picked a fight with me. 482 00:23:09,021 --> 00:23:11,021 -You do? -Yeah. 483 00:23:11,017 --> 00:23:14,007 You're upset 'cause I'm hanging around too much, 484 00:23:14,015 --> 00:23:16,005 you think I'm getting too close. 485 00:23:16,008 --> 00:23:17,998 But you don't have to worry. 486 00:23:18,003 --> 00:23:20,013 'Cause I just started seeing someone else 487 00:23:20,011 --> 00:23:23,001 and it's going really good. 488 00:23:23,004 --> 00:23:25,014 So, please, relax. 489 00:23:26,015 --> 00:23:28,995 I'm not in love with you anymore. 490 00:23:38,007 --> 00:23:41,007 All that stuff I said to you about Steve never happened. 491 00:23:41,014 --> 00:23:44,014 Don't mention it to anyone, don't think about it, 492 00:23:44,016 --> 00:23:46,006 don't even so much as give me a look 493 00:23:46,010 --> 00:23:48,010 like you might be thinking about it. 494 00:23:48,009 --> 00:23:49,019 Like that, that look. 495 00:23:49,019 --> 00:23:51,999 I can't ever, never see that look again. 496 00:23:52,005 --> 00:23:53,015 Will you please calm down? 497 00:23:53,019 --> 00:23:55,999 I think you're overreacting to that thing that never happened. 498 00:23:56,006 --> 00:23:57,016 If you think I'm overreacting here, 499 00:23:57,020 --> 00:23:58,020 you should be inside my head. 500 00:23:59,001 --> 00:24:00,021 Miranda, I have to say this next thing, 501 00:24:01,001 --> 00:24:04,011 but I will play along and not look at you while I say it. 502 00:24:06,000 --> 00:24:08,010 Maybe if you had told Steve anyway, he-- 503 00:24:08,013 --> 00:24:10,013 Carrie, I swear to God, I love you, 504 00:24:10,013 --> 00:24:12,003 but I will have to kill you. 505 00:24:12,013 --> 00:24:15,023 Brady, come on, work with mommy here, please. 506 00:24:15,017 --> 00:24:18,017 I'm sorry, but I'm looking and I'm talking. 507 00:24:19,006 --> 00:24:22,996 This is your life, you two have a baby together. 508 00:24:23,005 --> 00:24:24,015 And it's not high school. 509 00:24:24,018 --> 00:24:26,008 Isn't that Berger? 510 00:24:30,007 --> 00:24:31,997 Oh God, I look like shit. 511 00:24:32,005 --> 00:24:33,005 You don't look like shit. 512 00:24:33,014 --> 00:24:35,024 I look like shit, this is not my perfect outfit! 513 00:24:36,011 --> 00:24:38,001 -Are you leaving? -Yeah, bye. 514 00:24:39,011 --> 00:24:41,011 Oh God, shit. 515 00:24:54,004 --> 00:24:57,014 I was just entering the safety zone when... 516 00:24:58,014 --> 00:24:59,024 There he was... 517 00:25:00,001 --> 00:25:04,001 My emotional equivalent to the big crash of '29... 518 00:25:04,004 --> 00:25:05,014 Aidan. 519 00:25:19,013 --> 00:25:21,013 -Hey. -Hey. 520 00:25:23,009 --> 00:25:25,999 Look at you. 521 00:25:26,004 --> 00:25:27,014 I had a baby! 522 00:25:27,009 --> 00:25:28,019 I have a date! 523 00:25:31,007 --> 00:25:33,997 That's wonderful, is this him? 524 00:25:34,003 --> 00:25:37,003 No, no, this isn't him, this is a stunt baby. 525 00:25:37,021 --> 00:25:38,021 Yeah, it's him. 526 00:25:38,023 --> 00:25:40,013 This is the man, Tate. 527 00:25:40,023 --> 00:25:43,023 I call him Tater, 'cause he kinda looks like one, you know? 528 00:25:43,019 --> 00:25:45,009 No hair, big eyes. 529 00:25:45,018 --> 00:25:48,008 Yeah, but he's cool, aren't you, Tate? 530 00:25:48,022 --> 00:25:50,022 So where you running to? 531 00:25:51,008 --> 00:25:52,008 Home. 532 00:25:53,006 --> 00:25:54,996 So, things are good? They look good. 533 00:25:55,004 --> 00:25:57,004 Yeah, I'm just hanging out in front of this fabric store 534 00:25:57,002 --> 00:25:58,022 waiting for Tate's mom. 535 00:25:58,020 --> 00:26:02,020 -Alright, don't laugh, I married another furniture designer. -Really. 536 00:26:02,018 --> 00:26:05,018 -Yeah, what are you gonna do? -Yep, you can't fight city hall. 537 00:26:06,009 --> 00:26:08,009 Cathy, she's great. 538 00:26:08,019 --> 00:26:10,009 You want to come in and meet her? 539 00:26:10,014 --> 00:26:13,024 Oh, another time, I really have to run. 540 00:26:13,022 --> 00:26:15,012 Okay. 541 00:26:15,012 --> 00:26:16,022 Bye, Tate. 542 00:26:20,014 --> 00:26:22,024 Oh God, Aidan. 543 00:26:26,007 --> 00:26:27,017 It's good to see you. 544 00:26:29,010 --> 00:26:30,020 You too. 545 00:26:32,011 --> 00:26:35,001 We should get together and have coffee sometime and catch up. 546 00:26:35,004 --> 00:26:38,024 Yeah, great. Okay, we'll do that. 547 00:26:40,012 --> 00:26:42,022 Bye. 548 00:26:42,019 --> 00:26:46,009 There is the type of date you can't wait to keep 549 00:26:46,010 --> 00:26:49,020 and the type of date you both know 550 00:26:49,023 --> 00:26:51,023 you will never keep. 551 00:27:10,003 --> 00:27:12,003 A block later I realized, 552 00:27:12,005 --> 00:27:14,995 if Aidan and I could survive that huge a crash 553 00:27:15,006 --> 00:27:16,016 and both get out alive, 554 00:27:17,000 --> 00:27:19,010 there was nothing I could do on a first date 555 00:27:19,007 --> 00:27:20,017 I couldn't bounce back from. 556 00:27:20,019 --> 00:27:22,009 Hey, Berger, it's Carrie. 557 00:27:22,015 --> 00:27:24,015 Hey. -Yeah, hi, listen. 558 00:27:24,021 --> 00:27:26,021 I'm standing outside the Sony theater 559 00:27:26,019 --> 00:27:28,019 near Lincoln Center and Craig's Room 560 00:27:28,022 --> 00:27:31,022 starts in half an hour and there are no lines. 561 00:27:31,019 --> 00:27:33,009 Can you go now? 562 00:27:33,010 --> 00:27:35,020 That's so weird, I'm right in that neighborhood. 563 00:27:36,010 --> 00:27:38,010 Really? Ha, it must be fate. 564 00:27:38,016 --> 00:27:41,016 I'll be right there. -Okay, bye. 565 00:27:47,013 --> 00:27:48,023 Hey! 566 00:27:49,007 --> 00:27:50,997 Well, this blows. 567 00:27:51,006 --> 00:27:53,006 I had my special outfit all picked out for tonight. 568 00:27:53,010 --> 00:27:57,010 -I got the tickets. -Alright, then I got the popcorn and assorted chocolate goodness. 569 00:27:57,012 --> 00:27:58,012 Are you a candy gal? 570 00:27:58,012 --> 00:27:59,022 I am the candy gal. 571 00:27:59,020 --> 00:28:01,020 Cool, 'cause I'm the candy man. 572 00:28:01,020 --> 00:28:04,020 -Yeah? -No, I am, serious, Sammy Davis ripped me off. 573 00:28:04,018 --> 00:28:05,018 Yeah, Sammy Davis? 574 00:28:06,000 --> 00:28:07,020 You don't feel the need to use the "Junior"? 575 00:28:07,017 --> 00:28:09,007 No, not at all. 576 00:28:09,018 --> 00:28:10,018 -Really? -Nope. 577 00:28:11,001 --> 00:28:12,011 Nope, we're good. 578 00:28:12,009 --> 00:28:13,999 Get it! 579 00:28:14,003 --> 00:28:16,023 And by close of Wall Street that day, 580 00:28:16,018 --> 00:28:19,008 the NASDAQ was down, but amazingly, 581 00:28:19,011 --> 00:28:22,011 our stock was still up.