1 00:00:59,917 --> 00:01:02,497 [Carrie] It is said that it takes a lifetime 2 00:01:02,583 --> 00:01:04,043 to figure out who you are. 3 00:01:04,125 --> 00:01:06,325 This book cover is so you. 4 00:01:06,417 --> 00:01:09,787 [Carrie] People in publishing move a tad faster. 5 00:01:09,875 --> 00:01:11,625 It's just a mock-up. And don't be thrown, 6 00:01:11,709 --> 00:01:13,209 we put your head on another person's body. 7 00:01:13,291 --> 00:01:15,881 -Oh... -Okay, here it is... 8 00:01:15,959 --> 00:01:18,249 The cover of "Sex And The City." 9 00:01:18,333 --> 00:01:21,963 The best-selling "Sex And The City." 10 00:01:24,083 --> 00:01:25,503 No! 11 00:01:25,583 --> 00:01:28,213 Oh, I'm sorry. That just came out. 12 00:01:28,291 --> 00:01:30,251 Uh, not at all. That's good. 13 00:01:30,333 --> 00:01:32,383 You had a strong reaction. That's what we want. 14 00:01:32,458 --> 00:01:35,328 Well, we don't want people's reaction to be no. 15 00:01:35,417 --> 00:01:37,537 Right, Let me talk you through it. 16 00:01:37,625 --> 00:01:39,785 Blurred background, 17 00:01:39,875 --> 00:01:41,745 a fast-paced city. 18 00:01:41,834 --> 00:01:45,084 And you naked with nothing but your ideas. 19 00:01:45,166 --> 00:01:46,286 No, I get it, 20 00:01:46,375 --> 00:01:50,995 but, see, no matter how fast-paced the city, 21 00:01:51,083 --> 00:01:53,883 I always manage to get my clothes on 22 00:01:53,959 --> 00:01:55,749 before I leave the apartment. 23 00:01:55,834 --> 00:01:59,004 See, Courtney, here's what concerns me, 24 00:01:59,083 --> 00:02:01,713 that cover is all about sex. 25 00:02:01,792 --> 00:02:03,252 Well, sex sells. [chuckles] 26 00:02:03,333 --> 00:02:07,753 [Carrie] Yes, yes, but my columns are about relationships. 27 00:02:07,834 --> 00:02:10,584 And when I do write about sex, it's just words. 28 00:02:10,667 --> 00:02:12,917 Reading about sex is a lot different 29 00:02:13,000 --> 00:02:15,960 than seeing it in front of you, 30 00:02:16,041 --> 00:02:19,581 naked on Sixth Avenue hailing a cab. 31 00:02:19,667 --> 00:02:21,627 I totally understand, Carrie. 32 00:02:21,709 --> 00:02:23,329 Okay. 33 00:02:23,750 --> 00:02:24,790 We're fucked. 34 00:02:25,625 --> 00:02:29,785 Well, oh, no, no, no, okay, okay. Let me see it again. 35 00:02:29,875 --> 00:02:32,165 No, no, absolutely not. I would sooner die. 36 00:02:32,250 --> 00:02:34,080 The next day, our talk turned 37 00:02:34,166 --> 00:02:37,326 from bachelors, baby bottles and Balenciaga blouses... 38 00:02:37,417 --> 00:02:38,457 to books. 39 00:02:38,542 --> 00:02:43,542 [Carrie] Bad. Worse. Loser. Disaster. 40 00:02:43,625 --> 00:02:45,325 And you know the scary thing? 41 00:02:45,417 --> 00:02:46,747 I'm being kind. 42 00:02:48,291 --> 00:02:49,501 Honey, relax. 43 00:02:49,583 --> 00:02:51,833 What could anyone say about you? You're fabulous. 44 00:02:51,917 --> 00:02:55,877 That's sweet, but if I get the wrong book cover I'm a fabulous target. 45 00:02:56,125 --> 00:02:57,415 People are mean. 46 00:02:57,500 --> 00:02:59,170 People are not that mean. 47 00:02:59,250 --> 00:03:01,330 Ugh, she looks like shit. 48 00:03:01,417 --> 00:03:02,497 Is her stylist blind? 49 00:03:02,583 --> 00:03:05,003 I have just officially entered panic. 50 00:03:05,083 --> 00:03:07,713 -Oh stop. Talk to me. -[Carrie moaning] 51 00:03:07,792 --> 00:03:09,462 This is what I do. 52 00:03:09,542 --> 00:03:12,212 How do you see yourself on the cover? 53 00:03:12,291 --> 00:03:15,131 You know, like a writer who somehow happened 54 00:03:15,208 --> 00:03:17,038 to have wound up on her book cover 55 00:03:17,125 --> 00:03:20,455 looking smart, sexy and properly airbrushed. 56 00:03:20,542 --> 00:03:22,172 Mm, well I can help you with that. 57 00:03:22,250 --> 00:03:24,500 I'll talk to the publishers. When's the photo shoot? 58 00:03:24,583 --> 00:03:27,463 It's next Thursday but, Samantha, I can't afford you. 59 00:03:27,542 --> 00:03:30,292 Mm, true, my P.R. services are pricey. 60 00:03:30,375 --> 00:03:34,075 It'll cost you two martinis and a lunch. 61 00:03:34,166 --> 00:03:37,286 Uh-huh, uh-huh. Okay, I'll talk to my people. 62 00:03:37,375 --> 00:03:39,625 What kind of diet book are you looking for? 63 00:03:39,709 --> 00:03:40,669 I don't know. 64 00:03:40,750 --> 00:03:42,500 Something with a title like, 65 00:03:42,583 --> 00:03:45,883 "How To Lose That Baby Fat By Sitting On Your Ass." 66 00:03:45,959 --> 00:03:46,999 [Charlotte laughs] 67 00:03:47,083 --> 00:03:48,213 How about The Zone ? 68 00:03:48,291 --> 00:03:50,041 -How about, no? -Thought you were serious 69 00:03:50,125 --> 00:03:51,705 -about this. -I am. 70 00:03:51,792 --> 00:03:55,422 Just as soon as I finish this nugget caramel pretzel devil thing. 71 00:03:55,500 --> 00:03:56,710 Okay. [sighs] 72 00:03:56,792 --> 00:03:58,632 I'm gonna go look for this book I read about. 73 00:03:58,709 --> 00:03:59,629 What's it called? 74 00:03:59,709 --> 00:04:02,169 Starting Over Yet Again. 75 00:04:05,417 --> 00:04:06,827 See ya. 76 00:04:12,125 --> 00:04:16,785 [Carrie] There it was. The Self-Hell aisle. 77 00:04:19,583 --> 00:04:21,293 [woman sobbing] 78 00:04:25,792 --> 00:04:27,752 As Charlotte looked at the titles... 79 00:04:27,834 --> 00:04:29,674 The Woman's Comfort Book. 80 00:04:29,750 --> 00:04:31,040 The Path To Love. 81 00:04:31,125 --> 00:04:32,745 Excuse Me Your Life Is Waiting. 82 00:04:32,834 --> 00:04:34,584 Please Understand Me II. 83 00:04:34,667 --> 00:04:38,127 She couldn't bear the thought that she belonged there. 84 00:04:40,917 --> 00:04:43,167 [woman sobbing] That really helped me. 85 00:04:43,834 --> 00:04:47,174 [woman cries] 86 00:04:48,291 --> 00:04:57,421 Travel? 87 00:04:59,375 --> 00:05:01,745 [clerk] Oh, this is adorable. 88 00:05:03,500 --> 00:05:05,540 This is psychotic. 89 00:05:06,792 --> 00:05:08,962 All right, it's none of my business, but don't do that. 90 00:05:09,041 --> 00:05:10,631 I did, I lost 24, 91 00:05:10,709 --> 00:05:11,959 gained 46. 92 00:05:12,041 --> 00:05:13,751 But The New York Times said-- 93 00:05:13,834 --> 00:05:15,584 Is The New York Times gonna come to your apartment at 2:00 a.m. 94 00:05:15,667 --> 00:05:18,037 and pry the cookie dough outta your hands? I don't think so. 95 00:05:18,125 --> 00:05:21,075 Weight Watchers. It's the only sane way to go. 96 00:05:21,166 --> 00:05:22,746 You can even have dessert. 97 00:05:23,792 --> 00:05:25,132 [man] Okay, thanks a lot. 98 00:05:25,208 --> 00:05:27,168 -Where's Starting Over Yet Again? -Shh! 99 00:05:27,250 --> 00:05:28,630 Here you go. 100 00:05:28,709 --> 00:05:30,379 Good luck with Weight Watchers. 101 00:05:30,458 --> 00:05:31,918 Thank you. 102 00:05:32,667 --> 00:05:34,457 [Carrie] Did you find your book? 103 00:05:34,542 --> 00:05:37,332 No, it wasn't for me. 104 00:05:37,417 --> 00:05:40,207 [laughter] 105 00:05:42,291 --> 00:05:45,881 [Miranda laughs] Yeah. Like I need his advice. 106 00:05:46,667 --> 00:05:48,827 I'm a dead woman. 107 00:05:48,917 --> 00:05:50,497 Who needs the Self-Help aisle 108 00:05:50,583 --> 00:05:53,003 when you can self-help yourself to Amazon.com 109 00:05:53,083 --> 00:05:55,833 and get exactly what you need overnight express 110 00:05:55,917 --> 00:05:57,627 and shame free. 111 00:05:58,792 --> 00:06:00,542 [sighs] 112 00:06:01,583 --> 00:06:03,923 That's quite a package. 113 00:06:04,375 --> 00:06:05,205 Excuse me? 114 00:06:05,291 --> 00:06:07,751 That's quite a package. 115 00:06:09,417 --> 00:06:11,287 Wanna sign right here, please? 116 00:06:20,625 --> 00:06:23,875 There. How's that? 117 00:06:23,959 --> 00:06:25,079 Pretty damn good. 118 00:06:25,166 --> 00:06:27,206 I just got my nails done. 119 00:06:27,291 --> 00:06:28,711 Would you mind... 120 00:06:28,792 --> 00:06:31,132 opening my package? 121 00:06:31,625 --> 00:06:34,495 Ssss, ooh, thank you. 122 00:06:35,208 --> 00:06:39,288 Now maybe I can help you with your package. 123 00:06:39,375 --> 00:06:40,495 Fuckin' A. 124 00:06:40,583 --> 00:06:42,173 [Samantha laughs] 125 00:06:47,166 --> 00:06:49,376 [Carrie] At exactly 12:15, 126 00:06:49,458 --> 00:06:52,578 I stopped by to pick up Samantha for our business lunch 127 00:06:52,667 --> 00:06:54,917 to decide what we thought was sexy. 128 00:06:55,291 --> 00:06:56,461 [gasping] 129 00:06:58,542 --> 00:07:00,542 Oh! Ow! 130 00:07:03,583 --> 00:07:06,333 Ooh! Um! I'm sorry. 131 00:07:06,834 --> 00:07:07,794 [squeaks] 132 00:07:07,875 --> 00:07:09,125 You wanna keep going? 133 00:07:09,208 --> 00:07:12,038 No, I've... had enough. 134 00:07:16,625 --> 00:07:18,205 [Carrie] Some women, like Samantha, 135 00:07:18,291 --> 00:07:20,751 know when to stop putting things in their mouths. 136 00:07:20,834 --> 00:07:24,384 While others, like Miranda, need a little help. 137 00:07:24,458 --> 00:07:27,458 [woman] Oh, look at you, you look great. 138 00:07:31,166 --> 00:07:32,496 I'm much lighter metric. 139 00:07:32,583 --> 00:07:34,713 [man] Oh, you did great this week. 140 00:07:34,792 --> 00:07:37,832 [woman] Oh, I almost didn't recognize you. 141 00:07:37,917 --> 00:07:40,957 -Oh, oh, excuse me. Hi. -Hi. 142 00:07:41,041 --> 00:07:42,461 There's been a mistake on my weight. 143 00:07:42,542 --> 00:07:44,292 Nope the scales don't lie. 144 00:07:44,375 --> 00:07:46,035 Uh... This isn't a vanity thing. 145 00:07:46,125 --> 00:07:48,205 The other woman inverted the numbers. 146 00:07:48,542 --> 00:07:51,132 Look. If I'm gonna do this, I wanna do it right. 147 00:07:51,500 --> 00:07:54,040 Well, you've got the right attitude, come on. 148 00:07:54,125 --> 00:07:55,915 Hi, I'm sorry, can I scooch in a minute? 149 00:07:56,000 --> 00:07:57,540 -Sure. -Thanks. 150 00:07:58,166 --> 00:08:00,536 Oh. [laughs] 151 00:08:01,375 --> 00:08:02,245 See? 152 00:08:02,333 --> 00:08:03,503 -[sighs] Elaine! -[Elaine] Yeah? 153 00:08:03,583 --> 00:08:06,883 You wrote down this woman weighs 158.2, 154 00:08:06,959 --> 00:08:10,289 -but she weighs 152.8. -[Elaine] Sorry. 155 00:08:10,375 --> 00:08:12,375 Could you not yell out my weight? 156 00:08:13,083 --> 00:08:15,003 Hey, I weigh 240. 157 00:08:15,083 --> 00:08:16,543 Goal weight's 77. 158 00:08:16,625 --> 00:08:19,535 Here you go, and here's a nametag. 159 00:08:19,625 --> 00:08:20,625 A nametag? 160 00:08:20,709 --> 00:08:23,039 Oh, yeah. We all gotta wear these. 161 00:08:24,125 --> 00:08:26,535 -[Tom] Tom, Big Boned. -[Miranda giggling] 162 00:08:26,625 --> 00:08:28,535 Miranda, Baby Weight. 163 00:08:28,625 --> 00:08:30,875 -Hi. -Hi. 164 00:08:32,166 --> 00:08:33,626 [Carrie] Later that same day, 165 00:08:33,709 --> 00:08:36,169 Stanford came over for a fag and some flipping. 166 00:08:36,250 --> 00:08:39,380 Hey, finish that and get over here and start on Vogue . 167 00:08:39,458 --> 00:08:41,708 Tear out any outfit that might work for me. 168 00:08:41,792 --> 00:08:43,832 Try to pick something that won't be too pathetic 169 00:08:43,917 --> 00:08:46,377 if I wind up in the half-off bin. [laughs] 170 00:08:51,125 --> 00:08:53,745 Well you look very... 171 00:08:53,834 --> 00:08:55,004 something. 172 00:08:55,083 --> 00:08:56,503 I am very something. 173 00:08:56,583 --> 00:08:59,583 What's going on over there, Ms. Blatch? 174 00:09:01,250 --> 00:09:02,380 I met someone. 175 00:09:02,750 --> 00:09:05,130 Oh, my God, really? 176 00:09:05,208 --> 00:09:07,248 That's fantastic! 177 00:09:08,917 --> 00:09:10,787 His name is Marcus. 178 00:09:10,875 --> 00:09:12,035 And is he a Roman? 179 00:09:12,125 --> 00:09:14,035 -No, he is not. -Oh, too bad. 180 00:09:14,125 --> 00:09:16,625 I always adore a metal breastplate on a man. 181 00:09:16,709 --> 00:09:18,879 So, what does this Marcus do? 182 00:09:18,959 --> 00:09:20,249 Okay. 183 00:09:20,333 --> 00:09:22,963 Before I tell you, you have to promise not to judge. 184 00:09:23,041 --> 00:09:26,041 -Do I judge? -We all judge. That's our hobby. 185 00:09:26,125 --> 00:09:28,875 Some people do arts and crafts. We judge. 186 00:09:28,959 --> 00:09:30,459 I'll be kind. 187 00:09:30,792 --> 00:09:34,292 He's a dancer. At Radio City Music Hall. 188 00:09:34,792 --> 00:09:36,882 I feel as though my hands are tied. 189 00:09:36,959 --> 00:09:40,579 He's a Broadway-caliber dancer. Working in the male chorus. 190 00:09:40,667 --> 00:09:42,207 Last Christmas, 191 00:09:42,291 --> 00:09:44,881 he danced the part of Arabian Coffee in The Nutcracker. 192 00:09:44,959 --> 00:09:47,039 And where did you meet your Rockette? 193 00:09:47,125 --> 00:09:48,575 Standing in line at Starbucks. 194 00:09:48,667 --> 00:09:51,747 You met a man who played coffee, waiting to get coffee? 195 00:09:51,834 --> 00:09:53,174 -Mm-hmm. -[Carrie giggles] 196 00:09:53,250 --> 00:09:55,790 We're both grande house blends. 197 00:09:55,875 --> 00:09:57,955 [laughingly] What is that, a new zodiac sign? 198 00:09:58,041 --> 00:10:01,671 -[Carrie laughs] -[phone ringing] 199 00:10:02,125 --> 00:10:04,375 Ah... Hello? 200 00:10:04,458 --> 00:10:07,328 How funny was that thing in my office today? 201 00:10:07,417 --> 00:10:10,627 It was hilarious. I'm sending you the x-ray bill for my elbow. 202 00:10:10,709 --> 00:10:13,129 Could you have gotten out of there any faster? 203 00:10:13,208 --> 00:10:14,748 No. 204 00:10:14,834 --> 00:10:16,714 Oh, lighten up. 205 00:10:17,291 --> 00:10:19,751 Um... I am lightened up. 206 00:10:19,834 --> 00:10:21,004 [Samantha] Good news. 207 00:10:21,083 --> 00:10:23,423 I got my favorite stylist to do us a favor 208 00:10:23,500 --> 00:10:25,080 and pull some looks for the cover. 209 00:10:25,166 --> 00:10:28,286 Oh. Well, did you tell them what we're looking for? 210 00:10:28,375 --> 00:10:30,375 Sexy chic, just like you said. 211 00:10:30,458 --> 00:10:31,878 Well, when are you meeting them 212 00:10:31,959 --> 00:10:33,919 'cause maybe I should join you as well. 213 00:10:34,000 --> 00:10:36,420 Don't worry. I'll handle it. 214 00:10:36,500 --> 00:10:38,880 But... I have some ideas. 215 00:10:38,959 --> 00:10:41,629 You still want me to do this, right? 216 00:10:41,709 --> 00:10:43,669 -Yeah, why wouldn't I? -Fantastic. 217 00:10:43,750 --> 00:10:46,790 I'll have him pull some stuff and we can go look at it. How's Saturday? 218 00:10:46,875 --> 00:10:49,575 Ah, it's great and I'll ask Stanford to come. 219 00:10:49,667 --> 00:10:51,457 Is Stanford suddenly a stylist? 220 00:10:51,542 --> 00:10:54,832 No, but he's gay and bitchy. My target test audience. 221 00:10:54,917 --> 00:10:56,787 -[laughs lightly] -You okay? 222 00:10:56,875 --> 00:10:59,285 [Samantha] I'm fabulous, we'll talk tomorrow. 223 00:10:59,375 --> 00:11:02,955 Okay. Hm... 224 00:11:03,333 --> 00:11:04,963 Ask Stanford to come where? 225 00:11:05,041 --> 00:11:06,881 Look at some outfits for the cover. 226 00:11:06,959 --> 00:11:08,129 Saturday. 227 00:11:08,208 --> 00:11:10,498 Well, I'll have to check with Marcus. 228 00:11:10,583 --> 00:11:13,293 -We may have plans. -Oh, God, 229 00:11:13,375 --> 00:11:16,035 you're not gonna turn into one of those couples, are you? 230 00:11:16,125 --> 00:11:19,705 -Judgey Wudgey was a bear. -[Carrie giggles] 231 00:11:19,792 --> 00:11:22,672 [Carrie] I think it's pretty much agreed that it goes, 232 00:11:22,750 --> 00:11:24,380 "Open minded, good." 233 00:11:24,458 --> 00:11:26,708 "Judgmental, bad." 234 00:11:26,792 --> 00:11:30,922 But are we being too quick to judge judgment? 235 00:11:32,542 --> 00:11:35,922 Perhaps judgment is not so much a snap decision... 236 00:11:36,000 --> 00:11:40,080 as an early warning and detection device. 237 00:11:40,166 --> 00:11:42,496 If it is instantly clear that a person, a place 238 00:11:42,583 --> 00:11:45,043 or even a profession is not for you... 239 00:11:45,125 --> 00:11:47,455 Is it better to ignore your better judgment 240 00:11:47,542 --> 00:11:49,002 and read between the lines? 241 00:11:49,083 --> 00:11:52,753 Or, should you judge a book by it's cover? 242 00:11:54,041 --> 00:11:55,831 [computer] You've got mail. 243 00:11:59,125 --> 00:12:00,535 "Based on your recent book purchase, 244 00:12:00,625 --> 00:12:04,165 here's a list of books you might be interested in." 245 00:12:04,250 --> 00:12:06,670 [Carrie] The selected list included... 246 00:12:07,333 --> 00:12:08,793 Lonely Women, No Men. 247 00:12:08,875 --> 00:12:11,875 Love Hurts, You Don't Have To. 248 00:12:11,959 --> 00:12:13,879 I'm Fine Now. 249 00:12:13,959 --> 00:12:17,789 And, Reservations For One. 250 00:12:17,875 --> 00:12:21,745 Charlotte refused to see herself as one of those type women. 251 00:12:26,333 --> 00:12:27,713 It fell eight flights 252 00:12:27,792 --> 00:12:30,042 and landed at the feet of a woman walking by 253 00:12:30,125 --> 00:12:32,745 who was contemplating a divorce. 254 00:12:32,834 --> 00:12:35,964 She considered it a sign from God. 255 00:12:36,041 --> 00:12:37,791 After three Weight Watchers meetings 256 00:12:37,875 --> 00:12:40,375 where they did nothing but talk about eating... 257 00:12:40,458 --> 00:12:42,418 Miranda Baby Weight and Tom Big Boned 258 00:12:42,500 --> 00:12:45,170 decided to go someplace and actually eat. 259 00:12:45,250 --> 00:12:47,750 So then I did the one where you can only have the... 260 00:12:47,834 --> 00:12:49,214 water, eggs and grapefruit. 261 00:12:49,291 --> 00:12:50,461 'Cause they're so good together. 262 00:12:50,542 --> 00:12:51,922 Yes. [chuckles] 263 00:12:52,000 --> 00:12:54,380 Actually, it worked out well for me until I, um, fainted, 264 00:12:54,458 --> 00:12:56,078 on an Indian woman in the subway. 265 00:12:56,166 --> 00:12:59,376 What about the one with all the pre-packaged, chemicalized food? 266 00:12:59,458 --> 00:13:01,288 I don't know how they get all of those 267 00:13:01,375 --> 00:13:04,705 delicious artificial ingredients into such little tiny packages. 268 00:13:04,792 --> 00:13:06,422 [Miranda laughs] I know. Although, 269 00:13:06,500 --> 00:13:08,920 they did have this itty bitty thing of tuna 270 00:13:09,000 --> 00:13:10,250 that I loved. 271 00:13:10,333 --> 00:13:12,503 But then I cut my tongue licking it out of the can 272 00:13:12,583 --> 00:13:14,133 and I knew it was time to stop. 273 00:13:14,208 --> 00:13:15,498 Did you ever try the cabbage soup diet? 274 00:13:15,583 --> 00:13:17,963 No. [laughs] I heard it gives you really bad-- 275 00:13:18,041 --> 00:13:19,961 Gas? Yeah. It's true. 276 00:13:20,041 --> 00:13:21,711 That was the end of my fiancée. 277 00:13:21,792 --> 00:13:23,712 Oh. She sounds mean. 278 00:13:23,792 --> 00:13:26,132 Well, I think there was more to it than cabbage. 279 00:13:26,208 --> 00:13:28,788 We weren't very good together. She was very critical. 280 00:13:28,875 --> 00:13:30,955 The more she put me down the more I ate. 281 00:13:31,041 --> 00:13:35,001 And, to this day, whenever somebody criticizes me, I, um... 282 00:13:35,542 --> 00:13:36,882 I go right for those. 283 00:13:37,875 --> 00:13:41,325 Oh, glazed, they're my favorite. 284 00:13:41,417 --> 00:13:42,707 Tell me about it. 285 00:13:42,792 --> 00:13:45,082 Best Weight Watchers meeting is down on 23rd Street. 286 00:13:45,166 --> 00:13:47,036 Can't go anywhere near it, 'cause there's a Krispy Kreme 287 00:13:47,125 --> 00:13:48,745 right next door to the place. 288 00:13:48,834 --> 00:13:51,634 How many Weight Watchers points do you think is in one of those? 289 00:13:51,709 --> 00:13:54,709 200,000? 290 00:13:55,959 --> 00:13:59,749 Would it be terrible if we split one? 291 00:14:01,083 --> 00:14:04,083 We're consenting adults. 292 00:14:04,834 --> 00:14:05,834 Sir? 293 00:14:05,917 --> 00:14:07,327 Can I get a Krispy Kreme 294 00:14:07,417 --> 00:14:10,707 and, um... a knife? 295 00:14:14,375 --> 00:14:16,075 [waiter] Here you go. 296 00:14:17,375 --> 00:14:19,125 Whoever invented glaze, 297 00:14:19,417 --> 00:14:22,077 -is a genius. -Mm-hmm. 298 00:14:23,667 --> 00:14:25,037 [Miranda laughs] 299 00:14:27,667 --> 00:14:31,167 [moaning] 300 00:14:31,250 --> 00:14:34,080 See, that is worth being fat for. 301 00:14:34,166 --> 00:14:37,496 -I'm sorry, it's just worth it. -Mm-hmm. 302 00:14:37,917 --> 00:14:39,577 I know how we can burn this off. 303 00:14:39,834 --> 00:14:41,134 Really? 304 00:14:42,000 --> 00:14:43,920 Activity points. 305 00:14:47,125 --> 00:14:53,995 [moaning] 306 00:14:58,291 --> 00:15:01,631 [Carrie] Weight Watchers turned out to be a lot more enjoyable 307 00:15:01,709 --> 00:15:03,919 than Miranda had expected. 308 00:15:04,125 --> 00:15:06,915 [breathing heavily] 309 00:15:19,834 --> 00:15:21,424 -No! -[Miranda] Yes. 310 00:15:21,500 --> 00:15:23,630 I was all over his face. 311 00:15:23,709 --> 00:15:24,789 -No! -Yes! 312 00:15:24,875 --> 00:15:26,205 Talk about loving yourself. 313 00:15:26,291 --> 00:15:28,251 I'd rather just be good friends with myself. 314 00:15:28,333 --> 00:15:29,543 You know when I was a lesbian-- 315 00:15:29,625 --> 00:15:30,745 I saw that coming. 316 00:15:30,834 --> 00:15:32,884 I could get in and out with nothing more 317 00:15:32,959 --> 00:15:34,079 than a fine lip gloss. 318 00:15:34,166 --> 00:15:35,416 You're awfully quiet. 319 00:15:35,500 --> 00:15:36,580 What is there to say? 320 00:15:36,667 --> 00:15:38,577 The man simply has bad manners. 321 00:15:38,667 --> 00:15:41,077 You keep a box of tissues on the nightstand, 322 00:15:41,166 --> 00:15:43,126 while he's stroking you with one hand, 323 00:15:43,208 --> 00:15:46,668 he grabs a tissue and subtly dabs his face. 324 00:15:47,125 --> 00:15:49,415 Hm, Emily Post, "Polite Pussy". 325 00:15:49,500 --> 00:15:51,380 So why didn't you just say something? 326 00:15:51,750 --> 00:15:53,420 It's a little hard to criticize 327 00:15:53,500 --> 00:15:56,710 if you're with someone who overeats when he's criticized. 328 00:15:56,792 --> 00:16:00,252 Miranda went out with an overeater and he overate her. 329 00:16:00,333 --> 00:16:03,173 [all laugh] 330 00:16:03,500 --> 00:16:05,250 And then when he popped his head up 331 00:16:05,333 --> 00:16:07,713 he had such a proud look on his face. 332 00:16:07,792 --> 00:16:09,672 Oh, they always look so proud. 333 00:16:09,750 --> 00:16:11,830 Like they just came back from war. 334 00:16:11,917 --> 00:16:13,997 [to "When Johnny Comes Marching Home"] ♪ Do, do, do, do, do, Do, do do-do, do-do ♪ 335 00:16:14,083 --> 00:16:16,963 And they all want that, "You're my hero," kiss. 336 00:16:17,041 --> 00:16:18,921 Not without a tissue and an Altoid. 337 00:16:19,000 --> 00:16:21,250 It's a weird double standard, I guess. 338 00:16:21,333 --> 00:16:23,793 I'd feel insulted if I'd just gone down on a guy 339 00:16:23,875 --> 00:16:25,535 and he wouldn't kiss me. Samantha? 340 00:16:25,625 --> 00:16:27,785 -Mm-hmm? -Do you kiss after a blow job? 341 00:16:27,875 --> 00:16:29,995 No, she just signs the delivery slip 342 00:16:30,083 --> 00:16:32,713 and sends him on his way. 343 00:16:33,500 --> 00:16:34,460 [slurps] 344 00:16:34,542 --> 00:16:36,132 What's going on? 345 00:16:36,208 --> 00:16:38,378 Apparently Carrie has a problem with the fact 346 00:16:38,458 --> 00:16:41,378 that she saw me blowing the, uh, World Wide Express guy. 347 00:16:41,458 --> 00:16:43,538 -Ew! -[Carrie] Okay, I would like to 348 00:16:43,625 --> 00:16:45,285 point out that was her and not me. 349 00:16:45,375 --> 00:16:47,035 And when did I say I had a problem? 350 00:16:47,125 --> 00:16:49,995 Oh, please, you walked in, caught us, turned and ran. 351 00:16:50,083 --> 00:16:51,293 Well, what was I supposed to do, 352 00:16:51,375 --> 00:16:52,825 sit and flip through Marie Claire? 353 00:16:52,917 --> 00:16:55,037 Where did you see her blowing the World Wide Express guy? 354 00:16:55,125 --> 00:16:57,665 -Not on the street? -Of course not! 355 00:16:57,750 --> 00:16:59,830 It was in the privacy of my office. 356 00:16:59,917 --> 00:17:00,997 Ho-oh-ho. 357 00:17:01,083 --> 00:17:03,833 And it wasn't a World Wide Express guy. 358 00:17:03,917 --> 00:17:06,327 It was my WorldWide Express guy. 359 00:17:06,417 --> 00:17:08,537 Your WorldWide Express guy? 360 00:17:08,625 --> 00:17:10,745 -Yes. -Really, what's his name? 361 00:17:10,834 --> 00:17:13,174 Joe. Tuesdays and Thursdays. 362 00:17:13,250 --> 00:17:15,500 -[Miranda laughing] -[bell dings] 363 00:17:15,583 --> 00:17:17,333 Samantha, what's the big deal? 364 00:17:17,417 --> 00:17:19,037 We laugh about this kinda stuff all the time. 365 00:17:19,125 --> 00:17:20,455 -Fine. -Oh. 366 00:17:20,542 --> 00:17:22,002 Samantha! 367 00:17:22,083 --> 00:17:23,293 It's fine. 368 00:17:24,375 --> 00:17:27,325 We better go, Carrie, we'll be late for the stylist. 369 00:17:28,959 --> 00:17:31,249 Naughty, fabulous, camp... 370 00:17:31,333 --> 00:17:32,133 Harlow. 371 00:17:32,208 --> 00:17:34,288 No, no, no, no! 372 00:17:34,375 --> 00:17:36,325 Well, I think it's a fantastic approach 373 00:17:36,417 --> 00:17:37,997 and the publishers loved the idea. 374 00:17:38,083 --> 00:17:41,423 They wanted me buck naked waiting for the M-11 bus. 375 00:17:41,500 --> 00:17:42,380 [Samantha sighs] 376 00:17:42,458 --> 00:17:43,708 I thought we said sexy chic. 377 00:17:43,792 --> 00:17:45,672 Who is this stylist, Frederick's of Hollywood? 378 00:17:45,750 --> 00:17:48,000 Oh, just go behind there and at least try one on. 379 00:17:48,083 --> 00:17:49,753 I can't wear this. 380 00:17:49,834 --> 00:17:52,214 I'm gonna look like an extra from Moulin Rouge. 381 00:17:52,291 --> 00:17:54,541 You will not. The shoes are lined up in there, 382 00:17:54,625 --> 00:17:55,495 scoot. 383 00:17:55,583 --> 00:17:56,883 [man] Phone call, Dominique. 384 00:17:56,959 --> 00:17:59,129 -Don't say "scoot." -[small laugh] 385 00:17:59,208 --> 00:18:01,038 -[Stanford] Knock, knock. -Oh! 386 00:18:01,125 --> 00:18:03,955 Nothing in here I haven't seen and ruled out in junior high. 387 00:18:04,041 --> 00:18:05,001 -[kisses] -Hi. 388 00:18:05,083 --> 00:18:07,333 Hello, doll, Carrie's changing. 389 00:18:07,583 --> 00:18:10,793 Uh, Samantha... This is my boyfriend. 390 00:18:10,875 --> 00:18:11,995 Marcus. 391 00:18:12,083 --> 00:18:14,673 Oh, Papa's got himself a brand new bag. 392 00:18:14,750 --> 00:18:16,250 [Samantha and Stanford laugh] 393 00:18:16,333 --> 00:18:18,883 Carrie, come on out, I want to introduce you. 394 00:18:29,959 --> 00:18:30,829 Uh... 395 00:18:30,917 --> 00:18:34,167 Marcus Adant... Lady Marmalade. 396 00:18:34,250 --> 00:18:35,630 Hi, Marcus. It's nice to meet you. 397 00:18:35,709 --> 00:18:37,789 I don't usually dress like a high-class hooker. 398 00:18:37,875 --> 00:18:39,495 That is not a hooker look. 399 00:18:39,583 --> 00:18:42,923 Please! This screams hooker. 400 00:18:43,000 --> 00:18:44,630 What respectable New York woman 401 00:18:44,709 --> 00:18:46,829 would be caught dead wearing this? 402 00:18:46,917 --> 00:18:48,537 I have one in red. 403 00:18:50,959 --> 00:18:52,289 Am I a hooker? 404 00:18:52,375 --> 00:18:53,875 Could you guys wait outside for a second? 405 00:18:53,959 --> 00:18:55,669 We're just having some trouble deciding on my outfit. 406 00:18:55,750 --> 00:18:59,880 No, no, no, let's get a second and, I might add, "gay" opinion. 407 00:19:00,041 --> 00:19:01,751 Stanford, doesn't she look 408 00:19:01,834 --> 00:19:03,964 -adorable in that? -Yes. 409 00:19:04,041 --> 00:19:07,751 Stanford, isn't this the worst possible outfit for my cover? 410 00:19:08,750 --> 00:19:09,750 Yes. 411 00:19:10,750 --> 00:19:13,500 Well, what about you? What do you think of this? 412 00:19:14,709 --> 00:19:16,789 It's not very modern. 413 00:19:16,875 --> 00:19:17,915 Isn't he great? 414 00:19:18,000 --> 00:19:19,250 He's great. 415 00:19:19,333 --> 00:19:22,383 Can you wait outside for a second? Just a second? 416 00:19:23,375 --> 00:19:25,995 -What do you think? -Yeah, great, great. 417 00:19:27,125 --> 00:19:28,375 [door closes] 418 00:19:28,458 --> 00:19:31,538 -[signal tone] -[speaker] Markie, Big Fly-Fly. 419 00:19:33,583 --> 00:19:36,003 Samantha, I really appreciate the help. 420 00:19:36,625 --> 00:19:38,665 But you and I have very different ideas 421 00:19:38,750 --> 00:19:39,750 about what's sexy. 422 00:19:40,250 --> 00:19:42,040 This is about the blow job, isn't it? 423 00:19:42,125 --> 00:19:43,375 What? 424 00:19:43,458 --> 00:19:46,038 One little blow job, and I'm a hooker with no taste. 425 00:19:46,125 --> 00:19:49,245 This isn't about the blow job, this is about the book cover. 426 00:19:49,333 --> 00:19:51,333 I don't feel comfortable being on a shelf 427 00:19:51,417 --> 00:19:54,077 next to a biography of Eleanor Roosevelt 428 00:19:54,166 --> 00:19:55,786 with my breasts hanging out. 429 00:19:55,875 --> 00:19:57,285 What is the problem? 430 00:19:57,375 --> 00:20:00,205 I've seen you at cocktail parties wearing not much else. 431 00:20:00,291 --> 00:20:03,171 Na-uh. Not lately you haven't, and you know why? 432 00:20:03,250 --> 00:20:06,460 'Cause it's time for ladies my age to cover it up. 433 00:20:06,542 --> 00:20:09,082 We can't get away with the same stuff we used to. 434 00:20:09,166 --> 00:20:11,376 Ha-ha. Meaning blow jobs. 435 00:20:11,458 --> 00:20:14,578 Oh, Jesus, again with the blow jobs. 436 00:20:14,667 --> 00:20:16,707 What is your problem? 437 00:20:16,792 --> 00:20:19,712 I don't have a problem. You have a problem. 438 00:20:19,792 --> 00:20:21,752 I have marabou-covered breasts, 439 00:20:21,834 --> 00:20:23,134 that is my only problem. 440 00:20:23,208 --> 00:20:24,378 I'm not blind. 441 00:20:24,458 --> 00:20:26,668 I saw that look in your eye in my office. 442 00:20:26,750 --> 00:20:28,830 -What look? -That judgmental look! 443 00:20:28,917 --> 00:20:30,877 That wasn't judgment, that was shock. 444 00:20:30,959 --> 00:20:32,079 I thought we were having lunch. 445 00:20:32,166 --> 00:20:34,536 Are you telling me you have no judgment 446 00:20:34,625 --> 00:20:36,745 about me and the World Wide Express guy? 447 00:20:36,834 --> 00:20:38,254 No judgment. 448 00:20:38,333 --> 00:20:41,043 But I do have a question. Will this relationship be 449 00:20:41,125 --> 00:20:43,455 priority overnight or next day delivery? 450 00:20:44,792 --> 00:20:47,672 Oh, come on, Samantha, lighten up, remember? 451 00:20:47,750 --> 00:20:49,880 If I walked in on you 452 00:20:49,959 --> 00:20:52,919 giving a blow job to a World Wide Express guy-- 453 00:20:53,000 --> 00:20:55,460 You would never walk in on me, because that is something 454 00:20:55,542 --> 00:20:57,252 I would never do! 455 00:20:57,333 --> 00:20:58,713 There. 456 00:20:59,959 --> 00:21:02,709 And I cannot believe that you would judge me 457 00:21:02,792 --> 00:21:05,252 after everything that we've been through. 458 00:21:05,333 --> 00:21:06,383 [sighs] 459 00:21:07,792 --> 00:21:09,462 Samantha, where are you going? 460 00:21:09,750 --> 00:21:12,420 I'm gonna splash some water on my face and then I'm going home. 461 00:21:12,500 --> 00:21:16,080 And I will not be judged by you or society. 462 00:21:16,166 --> 00:21:19,706 I will wear whatever and blow whomever I want 463 00:21:19,792 --> 00:21:22,962 as long as I can breathe and kneel. 464 00:21:31,875 --> 00:21:32,875 [gasps] 465 00:21:43,208 --> 00:21:46,038 [moaning] 466 00:21:48,583 --> 00:21:50,833 [Carrie] That night, Miranda had gone from 467 00:21:50,917 --> 00:21:52,787 facing her weight at Weight Watchers 468 00:21:52,875 --> 00:21:55,705 to waiting for her Weight Watchers face. 469 00:21:57,166 --> 00:21:59,876 [breathing heavily] 470 00:22:02,875 --> 00:22:03,955 [Tom chuckles] 471 00:22:04,041 --> 00:22:05,581 [Tom] Hey! 472 00:22:05,875 --> 00:22:09,035 -Give me those gorgeous lips. -Stop, no, I can't do that. 473 00:22:09,375 --> 00:22:12,375 -Why? What'd I do? -It's not you, it's me. 474 00:22:12,667 --> 00:22:15,247 Literally me, I'm all over your face. 475 00:22:15,333 --> 00:22:16,923 I'm all over. 476 00:22:17,291 --> 00:22:19,001 Doesn't that happen to other guys? 477 00:22:19,083 --> 00:22:21,753 Yes, but not so much. 478 00:22:22,250 --> 00:22:24,040 So what are you saying? 479 00:22:24,125 --> 00:22:25,955 -I'm a big fat sloppy eater? -No! No. 480 00:22:26,041 --> 00:22:30,251 I'm just worried that I might be too many food points. 481 00:22:30,458 --> 00:22:32,828 -You're making jokes? -That's what we do. 482 00:22:32,917 --> 00:22:34,627 Miranda "Baby Weight." 483 00:22:34,709 --> 00:22:35,879 [Tom sighs] 484 00:22:35,959 --> 00:22:38,499 Yeah, but not when I'm vulnerable and naked. 485 00:22:38,583 --> 00:22:40,463 I'm not comfortable at this weight. 486 00:22:40,542 --> 00:22:42,082 Never mind. 487 00:22:42,333 --> 00:22:43,713 You look great. 488 00:22:44,750 --> 00:22:47,130 -Take a tissue. -I don't want a tissue. 489 00:22:47,208 --> 00:22:49,628 -I want a pot pie. -You don't want a pot pie. 490 00:22:49,709 --> 00:22:50,749 [Tom sighs] 491 00:22:50,959 --> 00:22:53,419 Yeah, you're right, I want seven. 492 00:22:53,875 --> 00:22:55,245 [Tom sighs] 493 00:22:56,500 --> 00:22:59,630 I don't think we should see each other anymore. 494 00:23:02,625 --> 00:23:04,825 I gotta concentrate on my diet. 495 00:23:04,917 --> 00:23:06,787 [Miranda] Oh... Uh... 496 00:23:07,500 --> 00:23:10,330 I-- I was just being silly. 497 00:23:10,417 --> 00:23:12,997 Oh... Come back to bed. 498 00:23:13,208 --> 00:23:15,128 Uh... do what you were doing. 499 00:23:15,208 --> 00:23:18,288 You're good at it! Bon appétit! 500 00:23:19,542 --> 00:23:22,332 [Carrie] The bad news was that from then on, 501 00:23:22,417 --> 00:23:24,417 Miranda had to go downtown 502 00:23:24,500 --> 00:23:28,540 to the notorious Weight Watchers meeting next to the Krispy Kreme 503 00:23:28,625 --> 00:23:30,535 where she wouldn't bump into Tom. 504 00:23:30,625 --> 00:23:31,995 The good news 505 00:23:32,083 --> 00:23:35,963 was that she never wanted a glazed donut again. 506 00:23:39,333 --> 00:23:41,503 [woman] Samantha Jones, please hold. 507 00:23:41,667 --> 00:23:43,747 -Hey, Carrie. -Hi, is she in? 508 00:23:43,834 --> 00:23:46,174 -Okay. -Hello? Uh-huh. 509 00:23:46,917 --> 00:23:48,327 Is she alone? 510 00:23:49,375 --> 00:23:51,575 -Okay. -Mm-hmm? 511 00:23:52,000 --> 00:23:54,460 -[Carrie] Knock, knock. -[knocking] 512 00:23:58,333 --> 00:24:00,833 See? Live it, learn it. 513 00:24:05,000 --> 00:24:08,170 That's all I get for a tailor-made knock-knock joke? 514 00:24:10,333 --> 00:24:11,883 That's better. 515 00:24:12,875 --> 00:24:14,245 So... 516 00:24:14,333 --> 00:24:18,003 Two days, four calls, no answer. 517 00:24:18,083 --> 00:24:20,333 I know, sorry. 518 00:24:20,417 --> 00:24:22,037 I've been busy. 519 00:24:24,000 --> 00:24:25,790 Do we have to do this? 520 00:24:25,875 --> 00:24:28,625 Can't we just pretend the whole thing didn't happen? 521 00:24:28,709 --> 00:24:31,129 Well, sure, if we don't ever wanna talk on the phone again. 522 00:24:31,208 --> 00:24:33,458 In a few days the whole thing will blow over. 523 00:24:33,542 --> 00:24:35,712 That's an interesting choice of words. 524 00:24:36,625 --> 00:24:37,575 Hm... 525 00:24:37,667 --> 00:24:39,077 Look... 526 00:24:40,166 --> 00:24:42,496 -I'm sorry-- -Carrie, stop. 527 00:24:42,875 --> 00:24:45,455 I don't wanna do the I'm sorry stuff with you. 528 00:24:45,542 --> 00:24:47,632 Anyone else but not you. 529 00:24:47,709 --> 00:24:49,829 You and I are perfect. 530 00:24:49,917 --> 00:24:54,167 Sweetie, as lovely as that idea sounds... 531 00:24:54,250 --> 00:24:55,130 We're not perfect. 532 00:24:55,208 --> 00:24:57,328 Well, we're pretty damn close. 533 00:24:57,417 --> 00:25:00,537 Make no mistake about it, it's not my personal style. 534 00:25:00,625 --> 00:25:02,955 But I really admire your ability 535 00:25:03,041 --> 00:25:05,081 to put your sex life out there. 536 00:25:06,375 --> 00:25:07,415 Thank you. 537 00:25:07,500 --> 00:25:11,540 So, I brought some looks for my cover. 538 00:25:12,083 --> 00:25:14,503 -I want your opinion. -You do? 539 00:25:14,583 --> 00:25:18,793 Yeah, well, just... in there. 540 00:25:21,000 --> 00:25:22,080 I did judge you. 541 00:25:23,083 --> 00:25:24,383 Just a little. 542 00:25:25,125 --> 00:25:26,535 And I feel bad, 543 00:25:26,625 --> 00:25:28,285 especially in light of the fact that you were so good to me 544 00:25:28,375 --> 00:25:31,075 during the whole Big-married man affair. 545 00:25:31,166 --> 00:25:32,536 No, honey, it's not just you, 546 00:25:32,625 --> 00:25:33,575 I judge me. 547 00:25:33,667 --> 00:25:34,957 Ever since that fucking Richard, 548 00:25:35,041 --> 00:25:37,291 I don't even know who I am anymore. 549 00:25:37,375 --> 00:25:39,075 [Carrie] And just like that, 550 00:25:39,166 --> 00:25:43,036 I realized what was under Samantha's fabulous cover. 551 00:25:43,458 --> 00:25:45,038 And I'm sorry about the delivery guy. 552 00:25:45,125 --> 00:25:48,205 I had no idea what that must have been like for you. 553 00:25:48,625 --> 00:25:51,875 Until I walked in on Stanford getting a blow job from Marcus. 554 00:25:51,959 --> 00:25:53,539 Oh yeah, he told me. 555 00:25:53,625 --> 00:25:55,455 Oh! This is good. 556 00:25:55,542 --> 00:25:57,712 -Yeah? -Just the jacket and legs? 557 00:25:57,792 --> 00:26:00,252 With a sexy pair of shoes-- Wait, wait, wait! 558 00:26:00,709 --> 00:26:04,039 Stanford was getting a blow job? I thought he would be-- 559 00:26:04,125 --> 00:26:06,625 You know, never mind, too judgmental. 560 00:26:06,709 --> 00:26:08,289 Oh, honey, we all thought that. 561 00:26:08,375 --> 00:26:09,415 [giggles] 562 00:26:09,792 --> 00:26:12,132 [photographer] Right here at the camera. 563 00:26:12,458 --> 00:26:13,998 [photographer] Love that smile. 564 00:26:14,458 --> 00:26:16,288 -That looks great. -[Courtney] For the cover, 565 00:26:16,375 --> 00:26:17,455 -you know, more... -Big smile. 566 00:26:19,375 --> 00:26:21,285 -You look gorgeous. -...something. 567 00:26:21,667 --> 00:26:23,787 -[Samantha] Wait, wait. -What? 568 00:26:23,875 --> 00:26:27,165 [Carrie] Sometimes it takes a friend to make a picture perfect. 569 00:26:27,250 --> 00:26:29,210 But a picture perfect friendship... 570 00:26:29,291 --> 00:26:30,921 Well, that's just in books. 571 00:26:31,000 --> 00:26:31,920 Yeah, that's right. 572 00:26:32,000 --> 00:26:33,250 -You like it? -Yes. 573 00:26:33,333 --> 00:26:35,383 -[assistant] Cable! -[Samantha laughs] 574 00:26:37,250 --> 00:26:39,500 Isn't she fabulous? 575 00:26:42,709 --> 00:26:46,209 [photographer] Big smile here at me, Cover Girl.