[Carrie] One of the reasons some people
still risk the possible horror of a first date
is the possible magic of the goodnight kiss
at the front door.
It was so good.
I had a great time.
So did I.
[Carrie] The world slows down, just for a second,
as some people take that hopeful lean
into a possible future together.
[all] Eww!
I mean, all around my mouth.
[all] Eww!
How do you think I felt?
His tongue actually licked my teeth.
[Samantha] I don't get it...
did he want to fuck you or floss you?
Bad kissers are the worst.
The worst. When it comes to the worst,
they're at the top, the top of the worst.
He has these sweet little lips.
I thought he would be a good kisser.
See, that's the scary thing, you can never tell.
They look totally normal.
Until their pointy tongue
is darting in and out of your mouth.
Oh, stabby-little- pointy-tongue.
-That is the worst of the worst. -[laughs]
No, no, no, what's worse
is when they expect you to do all the work,
and their tongue just lays there in your mouth like a clam.
[all] Eww!
The "clam mouth," that's the worst!
At that point I say, "Get that thing out of my mouth,
put it in a cab, and take its lazy ass home."
You'd dump a guy because of a bad kiss?
Honey, you have to.
I mean, if their tongue's just gonna lay there,
what do you think their dick's gonna do?
-Point taken. -Maybe we can work on it.
-"Practice makes perfect." -No, no, no.
No, dump him.
A bad kisser is a non-negotiable.
I am not gonna dump Brad just because of that.
Then, might I suggest,
you change his name from Brad to "Bad"?
But I really like him, I mean, well, I did until...
Until his tongue was in your stomach?
[all] Eww!
I'm going to have to ask you ladies to hold it down.
This is a respectable restaurant.
[Carrie] Adeena Williams was my newspaper's former food editor
and the chef and proud owner of Fusion,
a restaurant whose specialty
was a mingling of trendy food with soul food:
Martha Stewart meets Puff Daddy...
on a plate.
So... the poached salmon with okra?
-Oh, so good. -Heaven.
Oh, trust me, this time next year,
okra will be the new edamame.
Hey, sis, we're leaving. You want to come say goodbye?
Everybody, this is my successful brother
who brings me tons of that juicy music industry business. [laughs]
Hey, listen, I gotta go, but I'm sending over dessert.
-No! -Pecan and praline pie.
Yes!
Didn't I meet you at the Columbia Records party for Jennifer Lopez?
I don't think so.
My PR firm handled it,
but I'm sure I'd remember meeting you.
Well, I guess I just saw you.
Chivon Williams, artists' rep for--
Tommy Boy Records, I remember from the guest list.
You're good.
Samantha Jones.
If you ever need me...
for a party.
Ladies, I apologize for interrupting.
Have a pleasant evening.
-[Miranda] You too. -[Carrie] Bye.
Could he be any cuter?
You gotta love a fella who loves the jewelry.
That is one fine looking man.
I'd like to get me some of that.
[Charlotte] Don't talk like that.
[Samantha] Like what?
You know.
Oh, relax with the knee-jerk liberal reaction.
That wasn't "black talk," that was "sex talk."
Okay, first of all, it isn't "black" talk,
it's "African-American" talk.
And you shouldn't be talking like that at all, Samantha.
It's rude and politically incorrect.
Sweetie, a reminder: Samantha is rude and politically incorrect.
She's an equal opportunity offender.
Precisely.
I don't see color, I see conquests.
Talk about "affirmative action."
[knock at door]
[Carrie] The next morning, I had just settled down
with a coffee cup full of fresh coffee
and a coffee table full of fresh fashion magazines, when...
Who is it?
[Stanford] Mr. Right.
Have you seen The New York Times ' style section?
You know I can't handle hard news before noon.
There's a beautiful man downtown selling beautiful furniture. We're going.
Stanford, I got a whole afternoon planned
with Australian Vogue .
I'm not just gonna drop everything
to go downtown to see some cute guy.
-He's straight. -I'll get my purse.
All these people with nothing better to do
than to ogle some lowly craftsman?
Pathetic.
Really, look at this place.
It's nothing but baguettes and faggots.
[chuckles]
Ooh.
-Ew. -Ooh.
If you see anything you like, just tell them you're a designer.
These places always give a discount.
That's how I got 50 bucks off my end table.
Ah, jeez, you're a classy guy.
[gasps]
[man] One second.
Mm? Mm-mmm.
[Carrie] His name was Aidan Shaw.
He was warm, masculine, and classic American...
just like his furniture.
Jesus Christ, the dog is overkill.
Go get him.
Excuse me?
He's perfect for you.
I'll come visit you and the children
at your country cabin upstate.
I think we're staring, look away.
[gasps]
[Carrie] His name was Marty Mendleson.
He was warm, stylish, and classic gay...
just like his outfit.
[Stanford] He's a fantastic designer, and single.
Go get him.
I'll come visit you and the swatches
at your country cabin upstate.
Hey, doggie.
-Hi, hi. -[dog whines]
Oh.
Okay.
Yeah. Okay, down.
That's bad, doggie, down.
-Seriously, down. -Oh, hey.
Hey, okay, there you go.
[laughs]
You should get that creature a chew toy or something.
Look, to his credit, he only picks the best looking ladies.
You can't imagine how flattered I am.
-I'm Aidan. -I'm humiliated.
It's my fault, I shouldn't let him run around loose in the store.
Oh! This is your store?
I had no idea.
As soon as I heard the lie come out of my mouth,
I knew I was kinda interested.
This is a beautiful chair.
This is my favorite piece in the shop.
Aw, you say that about every piece, right?
[laughs] Not really.
This leather's about a hundred years old.
I stripped it off an old railroad car seat.
Here, feel this.
Soft, huh?
I'll take it.
I wasn't really in the market for a big leather chair,
but suddenly I had to have
whatever it was that I just felt.
Um, uh, I'm a designer.
Carrie Bradshaw... "Carrie Bradshaw Designs."
Okay, let's see, with the, uh...
designer discount...
and the dog-humiliation factor...
how's that?
How soon can it be delivered?
I can get it to you the end of the week.
[Carrie] In New York City retail lingo,
that meant: I kinda like you too.
Cool, I just got a couple questions:
where do you want it delivered
and can I take you out to dinner sometime?
Will you knock another $10 off?
[chuckles]
The dog humping aside, it was one of those
perfect New York Saturdays.
I'm back!
[Carrie] And uptown at Miranda's,
Steve was having an even better Saturday.
Guess what happened? It's so fucking great!
What?
You know how at halftime at the Knicks game,
when they pick somebody to try and make a half-court shot
for a million-dollar prize?
Kinda, but go ahead.
Well, next Tuesday...
it's fuckin' me! They picked my name
from the contest I entered at Sam Goody's!
Well... great!
Yeah! No, Miranda, it's not great.
A million dollars, it's fucking great!
Yes, Steve, it is fucking great.
But just don't get your hopes up.
It's a kinda tough shot, isn't it?
Yeah, for other guys, but they don't have my moves, see?
[laughs] Okay.
You know what the problem here is?
You don't know how good I am.
Don't let these legs fool you, I'm fucking great.
I like your little legs.
Okay, let's go down to the playground right now.
I'll show you!
No, please, I believe you.
You've got the moves!
-Whoo! -[Steve] No, no, no.
I don't want no charity, seeing is believing.
Next Saturday, you come down to the playground
and watch me shoot, promise?
Promise?
-Ah! -Hey!
That's Ralph Lauren paint.
Yeah, I'll buy you more.
I'm a fuckin' millionaire! Whoo!
[Carrie] I have a crush.
Yeah?
Yep.
Good.
You haven't had a real crush in a while.
Not since Big.
Big wasn't a crush, he was a crash.
His name is Aidan
and I believe him to be very cute.
So cute, I bought a chair I couldn't afford
just because he made it.
Did he ask you out?
So the chair's a write-off.
I haven't had a crush since Sean Cassidy.
-No way! -Sadly, yes.
At this age, I'd have to say I'm "crush-proof."
What about Steve?
Oh, God, right, I forgot about my boyfriend.
Is that normal?
You're asking me?
Steve thinks he's gonna win a million dollars.
You told me.
I guess I have to keep repeating it until I believe it.
It's totally illogical.
And then he wants me to be all supportive.
Well?
Well, what?
It's a half-court shot.
There are actual Knicks who can't make it.
I would have no trouble supporting him if it was a real dream,
like opening his own bar or something,
but this is just silly.
Isn't that what you couples do?
Support each other's silly dreams?
You're asking me?
[chuckles]
[Carrie] Later that week, Chivon invited Samantha to go uptown
and hear an artist he was thinking of signing.
[woman] Back of the line, motherfucker!
[woman 2] That ain't right, that ain't right.
[club music]
[Carrie] Although Samantha had been in the New York club scene for years,
this was the first time she was expected to spread
without, at least, the offer of a cocktail.
[rap music playing]
And this right here is DJ Oh Man...
[Carrie] Within a matter of minutes,
Samantha felt perfectly at home in Chivon's world.
Hey, guys, I'm Samantha.
What's up, Samantha?
[Carrie] And within a matter of hours,
Chivon was perfectly at home in Samantha's home.
-Do you like this groove? -Mm.
It's a new kid out of Philly.
I'm surprised it's so soft.
I thought all rap had a harder edge.
It can be hard or soft...
like you.
I mean, you have so much attitude up front...
Look at you now,
soft, sweet.
Sweet?
[laughs] Me?
Who do you think you're fooling? Huh?
You know...
I don't usually sleep with men
who have nicer accessories than me.
Where did you get these fabulous earrings?
-Tiffany. -[gasps]
Where else?
I hope you can sleep in a little.
Sleep?
[Carrie] Samantha rarely asked a man to stay over,
but she just couldn't resist
having breakfast with his Tiffanys.
One of the reasons some people still risk
the possible horror of a first date
is the possible magic of the goodnight kiss at the front door.
You know, my dog, he's obsessed with you.
He, uh, kept me up talking all night.
"Her leg, man, her leg."
-Aroo! -[laughs]
I finally had to say, "Pete, let her go, man.
-It's over!" -[laughs]
I have a confession to make.
Uh-oh.
I'm not a designer.
I'm a writer.
What was that... fiction?
I wanted the discount.
It's shameful, but true.
But don't worry, I only lie about furniture...
nothing else.
Are you upset?
You smoke?
Oh... um... just a little.
The minute I heard the lie come out of my mouth,
I realized just how much I kinda liked him.
If it bothers you, I'll just...
-Well... I had a great time. -Hmm.
Hmm.
I can taste that cigarette.
Oh, I'm sorry, I have an Altoid.
Carrie, I think you're just--
No, no, I totally, totally get it.
I have a mint here, they're curiously strong.
Look... [chuckles]
Here, can you just, uh, hold that for a second?
-Sure. -Thanks, sorry.
I don't want to be a jerk,
but I can't date a smoker.
Oh.
So...
Really?
It's a thing I have.
[Carrie] I couldn't believe what my crush was saying...
I was crushed.
Later that night, I couldn't help but wonder...
When the hell did dating become so "dump-friendly"?
What happened to the time when a bad kiss or a cigarette
or even a ridiculous dream
was just part of a person's portfolio?
In today's volatile dating market
is it wise to liquidate certain stocks at the very first sign
that they might not perform as well as expected?
Or are there certain things one should try and negotiate?
In relationships, what are the "deal breakers"?
I think it's really sexy
when you lightly touch your lips to mine.
[Carrie] Never one to trade a stock before it had matured,
a determined and patient Charlotte decided to teach "Bad"
how to kiss good.
You like that, huh?
Mm-hmm.
And I like it when you slowly open your mouth
and just sort of tickle my lips with the tip of your tongue.
-You like that? -Mmm.
Mmm.
[Carrie] And with just a little gentle negotiating,
Brad's "stock" suddenly began to rise.
Okay, stop, stop it!
You're sucking too hard!
And for the record, my mouth is up here!
Is there a problem?
I can't do this!
Brad... you're a bad kisser.
Come on... that's my thing.
Where are you going?
[Carrie] And downtown at Marty Mendleson's,
some other people were experiencing
a much more successful first kiss.
Let's move into the bedroom.
These are my dolls.
I've been collecting them for years.
I had no idea.
This...
is the "Queen of Siam."
She's my favorite.
Bisque China face.
She's a real collector's item.
Uh-huh.
And this is "Mary, Queen of Scots."
Are they all queens?
No, just the ones from Madame Alexander's.
Well, help me clear off the bed.
No, no, no.
The southern belle sits on the table.
[Carrie] Stanford wondered if he was enough of a queen
to make love to a queen who collected queens.
And uptown at Fusion,
Samantha was feeling a bit like a queen herself.
Did I tell you how beautiful you look tonight?
Thank you.
Hey, what's up, genius?
Oh, genius' overtired ass is draggin' all over this fool restaurant.
[everyone laughs]
Oh, you know, Aunt Alice and her friends are leaving now
in case you want to go pay your respects.
Our favorite aunt... I'll introduce you.
No, no, no, Aunt Alice is out the door already.
You go, and I'll sit here and talk with Samantha.
-So... -So.
How was everything?
Ah, perfection.
Chivon is right, you are a genius.
Oh, thank you, thank you. [laughs]
And now I have a non-food related question...
What's going on between you and my brother?
-What do you mean? -Well, you've been in here together like,
two or three times.
Well, we're dating, why?
So you're not just fucking?
Well, not that it's any of your business,
but no, we're not just fucking.
We actually really like each other.
[scoffs] No.
I don't want you seeing my brother.
Excuse me?
I don't approve.
But you don't even know me--
Let's not get all personal here.
I'm sure you're a very nice person, but... you're white.
And I have a problem with my only brother
getting serious with a white woman.
[Carrie] Apparently to Adeena,
Samantha's skin was a non-negotiable.
How can you even say that to me? It's--
[Adeena] Listen, that's how I feel.
I'm never going to approve
and my approval means a lot to my brother.
So why don't you just save us all a lot of time and trouble
and get out now before anybody gets hurt?
I'll send over some Mississippi mud pie.
[Carrie] Samantha realized the only place Adeena was interested in fusion
was on a plate.
Talk about politically incorrect!
She can't dis me just because I'm white.
Please tell me you didn't say "dis."
Maybe you should stop seeing him, Samantha.
Race is a very big issue.
No, there is no reason to bring race into this.
Chivon is a sweet man, we have great sex
and he happens to have the biggest--
Black cock! We know, he has a big black cock!
I was about to say, biggest heart.
But now that you're so interested, yes...
he does have a big black cock.
It's big "African-American" cock. Right, Charlotte?
Don't make fun of me, my chin hurts.
Yeah, what exactly happened there?
He raped my face. I'm never seeing him again.
[Carrie] To Charlotte York, a black and blue chin was a deal breaker.
Well, I am not about to back down to her.
That is just not who I am.
[Carrie] Yeah, Samantha's right.
She shouldn't have to sacrifice who she is,
just because somebody else has a problem with it.
-Thank you. -[Carrie] It's like me with smoking.
You know, it's too bad that Aidan had a problem with it,
but you have to accept people for who they are.
Wait, you're choosing cigarettes over a cute guy?
He's not that cute.
You bought furniture, he was so cute.
Okay, but for him to dump me like that
over a little thing like smoking.
Smoking is not a little thing.
It's a dirty, disgusting habit and you're killing yourself.
-Thank you, chin. -[Charlotte] Really, Carrie, we all hate it.
We just put up with it because we love you.
Now you have a reason to quit, so, quit.
You know, I really don't appreciate being ganged up on.
Who's ganging up on you?
Smoking is a part of who I am.
I will quit when I want to quit
and it won't be because some cute guy told me to.
Right, Samantha?
[Samantha] No, honey.
Fighting a battle for Chivon is one thing,
but holding onto those nasty cigarettes, well...
that's just wack.
Please tell me she didn't just say "wack."
It's all total bullshit.
What is wrong with cigarettes?
Nothing... they're fabulous.
It's not like you have a hideous doll collection or something.
Do you think that's an overreaction
to a repressed childhood or something?
Who cares? It's fucking freaky.
I was willing to overlook his receding hair,
but the dollies?
No.
So it's, "Goodbye, Dolly"?
[both laugh]
It's too bad, I kinda liked him.
Well, Stanny, if I may call you that,
maybe you should reconsider.
When was the last time someone you had a crush on asked you out?
You're no one to talk, Miss Marlboro Lights.
Yeah, you're right, I am no one to talk.
Maybe I could quit, you know, just a little,
till I see what's up.
Et tu?
Fine.
But I just can't see myself getting all excited
because my boyfriend's three-foot "Lady Di" doll
is arriving from QVC.
[both laugh]
Okay, books away, let's go.
-What? -Time to go shoot hoops.
Oh, right, I can't, I got behind on this file.
Ah, no, you don't, let's go, come on, you promised.
They messengered this over late.
It has to be ready first thing Monday.
I don't have time to go watch you shoot hoops.
I ask you to do one thing, one time for me and you can't do it.
What the fuck is that?
What the fuck is with the attitude?
You know how many "law" things I've been to?
How many times I do what you want?
Why are you getting so upset?
It's just a stupid half-court shot.
Not to me, it's not!
Why do you always have to be so pessimistic?
"You can't make that shot."
Steve, come on!
[Steve] It's not just the shot, it's everything!
"We can't move in together... This isn't gonna work."
If this is ever gonna work, I need you to believe in us a little more.
I need you to believe in me
even if you think it is fuckin' stupid.
[door slams]
All right, hot shot!
Show me what you got!
Woo-hoo!
Nice legs, very nice!
Okay, this is for the big money!
Okay!
[Carrie] Steve never did win the big money at Madison Square G arden.
But having Miranda show up for him that day,
made him feel like a million bucks.
[Miranda] You were robbed! Robbed!
Do over!
Okay, score!
Whoops. Excuse me. Sorry.
-Don't get any ideas, mister. -Hey, Pete, let's go.
[Carrie laughs]
Aw, this really isn't fair.
You know, he was just starting to get over you.
Look...
since you negotiated such a good price
for me on the chair,
maybe I could negotiate a little deal for you
on the smoking.
What kind of deal?
Well, I've been thinking about quitting anyway, so...
Why not now?
Ta-da.
No cigarettes.
Can you do that?
See, I think maybe you think
I'm more of a smoker than I actually am.
I only have, like, a cigarette with cocktails.
I'm just about done here, you want to get some coffee?
[Carrie] The second I heard him say coffee,
I knew I kinda wanted a cigarette.
I'd love it.
It was one of those great early dates
where you have so much to say that...
coffee turns into a movie,
a movie turns into a long walk,
and a long walk turns into the beginning
of "cold turkey" rehab.
You want to get a bite to eat? Some dinner?
[Carrie] I was completely ready to trade in my crush...
Hi.
[Carrie] When it dawned on me just how much
I was willing to give up for a cigarette.
Well, maybe a quick bite.
Her name is Sheba, she's French.
[Carrie] Meanwhile, back in the "Valley of the Dolls,"
Stanford decided that there was something even more rare
than a porcelain French face...
his passion.
[Marty] No, wait, the dolls!
Yes, oh, yes!
Oh, yes!
[shattering]
[Carrie] To Marty Mendleson,
a broken face was a deal breaker.
[club music]
Adeena!
[Carrie] And uptown,
Samantha was about to come face-to-face
with her own deal breaker.
[Chivon] Hey, what's up?
You tell me, I just got here.
You remember Samantha.
So, what's my favorite girl drinking?
-Margarita. -Champagne.
Coming right up.
What are you doing here?
I told you, I don't want you dating my brother.
Adeena, I'm a lovely person.
At least get to know me, then hate me.
This is not a game,
this is my brother we're talking about.
You know, for a woman with such a progressive view of world food--
That's business, this is family.
I don't understand, what--
I'll say it to you plain.
I don't care how many Jennifer Lopez-lookin' dresses
you have hanging up in your closet,
you don't belong in here.
You can never understand what I'm talkin' about.
This is a black thing.
Now, would you please go and leave my brother alone!
[Carrie] As Samantha turned to leave,
she suddenly realized this wasn't a "black" thing,
it was a "Samantha" thing.
She'd never backed down to a loud-mouth bitch before
and she wasn't about to start now.
Excuse me,
but no woman, no matter what color,
has the right to tell me who I can or cannot fuck!
Get your little white pussy away from my brother!
Get your big black ass out of my face!
And your okra wasn't all that!
-[crowd exclaims] -[screams]
Get off, bitch!
[Chivon] All right, all right, everybody be cool!
All right, all right, let's keep it real!
-Keep it real! -I'm trying to keep it real!
[Carrie] Seven hours into the world's longest date all I could think was...
five more minutes and I can dump this bozo
and smoke the emergency cigarette hidden in my purse.
Would you like to see a dessert menu?
I'll take a look.
Oh, my God! I forgot, I have that deadline!
I have to go.
Oh, wait, I'll walk with you.
No! I mean, stay, enjoy your dessert, I'm fine.
Oh!
No!
Oh!
[Aidan] Carrie?
We've got a little problem.
[Chivon] What can I say?
Adeena has always been there for me.
I mean, ever since Mom died, it's only been the two of us.
Adeena has her issues,
but then you had to go and insult her food, so...
You mean the world to me.
But Adeena... she's my blood.
[Carrie] Samantha knew the real problem wasn't her "little white pussy."
It was the fact that Chivon was a big black pussy
who wouldn't stand up to his sister.
And for Samantha Jones, that was the deal breaker.
It was too bad we had to end,
but that's the way it goes, I guess.
We had some good times together
and I'm pretty sure we could have had more.
But it's over.
[toilet flushing]
In the end, I really did it for me...
I just hope he's worth it.