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It's been said
that New Yorkers
2
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are the most jaded people
in the world.
3
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You freak!
4
00:01:05,458 --> 00:01:09,378
The fact is,
we've pretty much done
and seen it all.
5
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It takes quite a bit
to shock us.
6
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Which is why when Charlotte
said the new show at her gallery
7
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would totally blow us away,
8
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we took it with the proverbial
grain of salt.
9
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Seriously.
10
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That's a woman?
11
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It was the latest
installation
12
00:01:24,792 --> 00:01:27,172
from the photographer,
Baird Johnson, entitled,
13
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"the Collision
of Illusion and Reality."
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Yep.
15
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That's the woman.
16
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Look at that bulge.
It's shocking.
17
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Yeah, I know.
Hurry up and look before
Giuliani shuts it down.
18
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So, what do you guys think?
19
00:01:42,166 --> 00:01:44,456
It's amazing.
Congratulations, sweetie.
20
00:01:44,542 --> 00:01:47,752
You know, women dressing like
men is very popular right now.
21
00:01:48,000 --> 00:01:49,790
And here I thought
it was Pokémon.
22
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Who knew it was this easy?
23
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All it takes
is some stick-on sideburns
24
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and a sock in your pants.
25
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That's some sock.
26
00:01:56,750 --> 00:01:58,750
I've always had
a thing for cowboys.
27
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Reminder.
John Wayne's a Jane.
28
00:02:02,333 --> 00:02:03,293
Oh, my God.
29
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I'm attracted to her.
30
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Maybe I'm a lesbian.
31
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I once dated a guy
who liked to wear my underwear,
32
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but I've never
gone the other way.
33
00:02:11,208 --> 00:02:14,328
See, when you're gay, everyone
can wear everyone's underwear.
34
00:02:14,417 --> 00:02:15,537
That's hygienic.
35
00:02:15,625 --> 00:02:17,455
I bet being a drag king
would be fun.
36
00:02:17,542 --> 00:02:18,832
Oh, please.
37
00:02:18,917 --> 00:02:21,167
I have enough trouble
figuring out how to be a woman
38
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in a man's world
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without trying to be a woman
40
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pretending to be a man
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00:02:24,750 --> 00:02:25,880
in a man's world.
42
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Well, at least you
wouldn't have to wax.
43
00:02:27,625 --> 00:02:29,535
And by the way,
if you ever change your mind,
44
00:02:29,709 --> 00:02:31,459
you've got "cop"
written all over you.
45
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-Really.
46
00:02:33,041 --> 00:02:34,381
So am I rich yet?
47
00:02:34,458 --> 00:02:37,628
Getting there.
Everyone, this is Baird,
the artist.
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-Oh, hi.
-Hi!
49
00:02:38,542 --> 00:02:39,832
These are my friends.
50
00:02:40,208 --> 00:02:42,208
What inspired you to do this?
51
00:02:42,291 --> 00:02:45,541
I feel we have dual powers
within each of us.
52
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Men can be very female...
53
00:02:47,875 --> 00:02:49,745
and women can be very male.
54
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Gender is an illusion.
55
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Sometimes a very
beautiful illusion.
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You know?
57
00:02:58,333 --> 00:03:00,173
I'm gonna go get a canapé.
58
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Because I'm starved.
59
00:03:02,125 --> 00:03:04,825
So, I mean,
not that a canapé is a meal,
60
00:03:04,917 --> 00:03:06,747
but, you know, in a pinch.
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00:03:06,834 --> 00:03:08,424
Excuse us.
62
00:03:14,208 --> 00:03:15,578
Okay, what was that about?
63
00:03:15,667 --> 00:03:17,827
Nobody loves canapés that much.
64
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He makes me nervous.
65
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The drag king stuff?
66
00:03:20,166 --> 00:03:21,706
No, I think he's...
67
00:03:21,792 --> 00:03:23,002
So ask him out.
68
00:03:23,083 --> 00:03:24,423
Oh, I can't.
69
00:03:24,500 --> 00:03:26,630
You know me, I can never
make the first move.
70
00:03:26,709 --> 00:03:29,459
Sounds like someone needs
a sock in the pants.
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00:03:29,875 --> 00:03:32,245
Well, I'm gonna
drag myself home.
72
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You wanna share a cab?
73
00:03:33,458 --> 00:03:34,378
No, I'm meeting Sean.
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Ooh, the young guy?
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00:03:35,792 --> 00:03:37,462
He's not that young.
76
00:03:37,542 --> 00:03:39,042
Carrie, he's 26.
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His generation has a totally
different letter than ours.
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Oh, who cares?
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Age is an illusion.
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-Goodnight!
-Goodnight.
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-Night.
-Night.
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Later, Miranda was
shocked to find her apartment
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had undergone a gender
transformation of its own.
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Hey!
85
00:03:54,291 --> 00:03:55,711
What are you doing here?
86
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I still got your key from
when I fed your cat that time.
87
00:03:58,291 --> 00:03:59,541
I ordered us Chinese.
88
00:03:59,625 --> 00:04:01,495
I didn't think we were
seeing each other tonight.
89
00:04:01,583 --> 00:04:04,213
Oh, planning on seeing your
other boyfriend, were you?
90
00:04:04,291 --> 00:04:06,381
Well, now, you've ruined that.
91
00:04:07,625 --> 00:04:09,455
-This is what we're watching?
-Yeah.
92
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Gimme that.
93
00:04:11,875 --> 00:04:13,745
-Somebody managed...
94
00:04:13,834 --> 00:04:14,754
Will be...
95
00:04:14,834 --> 00:04:16,464
Hey there, easy, chief.
96
00:04:16,542 --> 00:04:18,002
You're making my brain hurt.
97
00:04:18,750 --> 00:04:20,290
Don't you have to work tonight?
98
00:04:20,583 --> 00:04:21,923
Not until 10:00.
99
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And I got stuff here
I can change into.
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Right.
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00:04:28,959 --> 00:04:30,669
But I got till 10:00.
102
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Miranda absolutely
loved the man inside of her.
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She just didn't love him inside
her apartment all the time.
104
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Oh!
105
00:05:06,291 --> 00:05:08,541
C'mon,
the ice waits for no woman.
106
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I'm practicing
my triple salchow in my head.
107
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-Heads up!
-Whew!
108
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A little while later
109
00:05:13,542 --> 00:05:15,422
and I was being dragged around
by Sean,
110
00:05:15,500 --> 00:05:17,460
my generation
something-else date.
111
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We met at a downtown party
112
00:05:19,208 --> 00:05:21,668
celebrating a new internet
magazine that Sean was running
113
00:05:21,750 --> 00:05:23,790
and that I still couldn't find
on my computer.
114
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No, don't!
115
00:05:25,208 --> 00:05:27,208
Oh, seriously, stop!
116
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I'm guessing it's easier to
balance when you're not smoking.
117
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Smoking is the only thing
that keeps me balanced.
118
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Doesn't this place rock?
119
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Oh, yeah.
120
00:05:37,834 --> 00:05:40,584
You have to give me a little
credit for an original date.
121
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I don't believe it's officially
a date without cocktails.
122
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My coach is gonna kill me.
123
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Whoa!
124
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Half a flask of Jim Beam later,
125
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Sean and I had really
broken the ice.
126
00:06:02,625 --> 00:06:03,745
Or at least my ass had.
127
00:06:03,834 --> 00:06:06,294
Man, that last fall
was at least a 9.2.
128
00:06:06,375 --> 00:06:08,995
Oh, you and the Russian judge.
Tough.
129
00:06:09,083 --> 00:06:10,423
There was something about him.
130
00:06:10,500 --> 00:06:15,130
He was sexy, charming,
sexy, coordinated...
131
00:06:15,208 --> 00:06:18,208
Nothing about him or our
third date was feeling typical.
132
00:06:18,291 --> 00:06:19,751
So, Kerrigan...
133
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When was your last
serious relationship?
134
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Until then.
There it was.
135
00:06:24,834 --> 00:06:26,834
The inevitable
third-date question.
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00:06:27,709 --> 00:06:28,789
Ooh.
137
00:06:28,875 --> 00:06:29,995
Bad question?
138
00:06:30,500 --> 00:06:32,580
Wanna take another spin
around the death rink?
139
00:06:33,417 --> 00:06:35,457
No, it's fine, it's fine.
140
00:06:36,625 --> 00:06:38,745
I ended something a while ago.
141
00:06:39,291 --> 00:06:41,541
Two years of a lot
of back and forth.
142
00:06:41,625 --> 00:06:44,285
You know, apparently,
we weren't Y2K compatible.
143
00:06:44,792 --> 00:06:45,792
What about you?
144
00:06:46,125 --> 00:06:47,705
Well, before you,
there was Kayla.
145
00:06:47,792 --> 00:06:49,382
Really neurotic.
Lasted a year.
146
00:06:49,458 --> 00:06:52,248
And before her, Leslie.
Couldn't commit.
147
00:06:52,333 --> 00:06:54,293
And before Leslie,
there was Mark.
148
00:06:56,750 --> 00:06:58,000
Is that a problem?
149
00:07:00,834 --> 00:07:02,334
He's a bisexual.
150
00:07:02,667 --> 00:07:04,417
Well, I could have
told you that, sweetie.
151
00:07:04,500 --> 00:07:06,580
He took you ice skating,
for God's sake.
152
00:07:06,667 --> 00:07:09,457
The weird thing is,
he was so open about it.
153
00:07:09,542 --> 00:07:12,252
Y'know, "Hi, I'm a bisexual,"
like, um...
154
00:07:12,333 --> 00:07:14,543
"Hi, I'm from Colorado,"
or something.
155
00:07:14,625 --> 00:07:16,915
I don't think you're allowed
to be bisexual in Colorado.
156
00:07:17,000 --> 00:07:19,670
"Is that a problem?"
I mean,
what kind of question is that?
157
00:07:19,750 --> 00:07:20,830
"Is that a problem?"
158
00:07:20,917 --> 00:07:22,327
Of course, it's a problem.
159
00:07:22,417 --> 00:07:23,327
What did you say?
160
00:07:23,417 --> 00:07:24,957
I said it wasn't a problem.
161
00:07:25,041 --> 00:07:26,461
I panicked!
162
00:07:26,542 --> 00:07:28,082
He's such a good kisser.
163
00:07:28,166 --> 00:07:31,826
You know, that generation is all
about sexual experimentation.
164
00:07:31,917 --> 00:07:33,327
All the kids are going bi.
165
00:07:33,417 --> 00:07:35,377
So, what, if all the bi kids
are jumping off a bridge,
166
00:07:35,458 --> 00:07:36,418
you're gonna do that too?
167
00:07:36,500 --> 00:07:37,420
I'm a trisexual.
168
00:07:37,500 --> 00:07:39,290
I'll try anything once.
169
00:07:39,375 --> 00:07:40,875
When did this happen?
170
00:07:40,959 --> 00:07:43,039
When did the sexes
get all confused?
171
00:07:43,208 --> 00:07:45,128
Somewhere between
Gen X and Gen Y
172
00:07:45,208 --> 00:07:47,038
they blended and made XY.
173
00:07:47,125 --> 00:07:50,575
Y'know, I did the, uh,
date-the-bisexual-guy
174
00:07:50,667 --> 00:07:51,827
thing in college.
175
00:07:51,917 --> 00:07:53,957
But in the end,
they all ended up with men.
176
00:07:54,041 --> 00:07:55,671
So did the bisexual women.
177
00:07:55,750 --> 00:07:59,210
Which explains why there are
no available men left for us.
178
00:07:59,625 --> 00:08:01,285
Oh, geez.
179
00:08:01,375 --> 00:08:03,705
Maybe I do have
a problem with this.
180
00:08:04,875 --> 00:08:05,955
I'm an old fart.
181
00:08:06,041 --> 00:08:07,131
Correction.
182
00:08:07,208 --> 00:08:08,578
A hot old fart.
183
00:08:08,667 --> 00:08:10,957
I'm not even sure
bisexuality exists.
184
00:08:11,041 --> 00:08:14,381
I-- I think it's just a layover
on the way to Gaytown.
185
00:08:14,458 --> 00:08:16,538
Isn't that right next
to Ricky Martinville?
186
00:08:16,834 --> 00:08:18,714
Y'know, I think it's great.
187
00:08:19,125 --> 00:08:22,165
He's open to all
sexual experiences,
he's evolved.
188
00:08:22,250 --> 00:08:23,080
It's hot.
189
00:08:23,166 --> 00:08:24,496
It's not hot, it's greedy.
190
00:08:24,583 --> 00:08:26,003
He's double-dipping.
191
00:08:26,083 --> 00:08:28,423
You're not marrying the guy,
you're making out with him.
192
00:08:28,500 --> 00:08:30,460
Enjoy it.
Don't worry about the labels.
193
00:08:30,542 --> 00:08:32,002
Ah, you're right,
you're right.
194
00:08:32,083 --> 00:08:33,333
I'm very into labels.
195
00:08:33,417 --> 00:08:34,707
Gay.
Straight.
196
00:08:34,792 --> 00:08:37,042
Pick a side and stay there.
197
00:08:37,583 --> 00:08:38,713
Hey, sister.
198
00:08:38,792 --> 00:08:40,502
-Where are you going?
-Home.
199
00:08:40,583 --> 00:08:43,043
I've got a date with
my remote control.
200
00:08:43,125 --> 00:08:44,285
Steve's playing basketball.
201
00:08:44,375 --> 00:08:45,825
That means at least three hours
202
00:08:45,917 --> 00:08:48,787
of blissfully uninterrupted
alone time.
203
00:08:48,875 --> 00:08:50,415
What about my problem?
204
00:08:50,834 --> 00:08:52,634
Stop kissing him.
205
00:08:54,750 --> 00:08:56,250
Easy for her to say.
206
00:08:57,792 --> 00:09:01,712
That night, I couldn't get
Samantha's words out of my head.
207
00:09:01,792 --> 00:09:04,042
Was Sean's generation
onto something?
208
00:09:04,125 --> 00:09:06,705
Was sexual flipping
the wave of the future?
209
00:09:06,792 --> 00:09:08,792
And if it was,
could I play that game,
210
00:09:08,875 --> 00:09:10,825
or was I over the hill?
211
00:09:10,917 --> 00:09:13,707
If women can transform into men,
and men can become women
212
00:09:13,792 --> 00:09:16,002
and we can choose
to sleep with everyone,
213
00:09:16,083 --> 00:09:19,043
then maybe gender doesn't
even exist anymore.
214
00:09:19,125 --> 00:09:21,455
If we can take
the best of the other sex
215
00:09:21,542 --> 00:09:22,962
and make it our own,
216
00:09:24,083 --> 00:09:26,673
has the opposite sex
become obsolete?
217
00:09:27,208 --> 00:09:28,748
Don't bust my balls here, Mitch.
218
00:09:28,834 --> 00:09:30,424
You call yourself
a fucking headhunter?
219
00:09:30,500 --> 00:09:31,880
Then get me
a decent assistant.
220
00:09:31,959 --> 00:09:33,129
-Yeah?
221
00:09:33,208 --> 00:09:34,998
I'm looking for Mrs. Jones?
222
00:09:36,375 --> 00:09:37,535
It's Miss.
223
00:09:37,625 --> 00:09:39,665
I'm here for the assistant job.
224
00:09:40,458 --> 00:09:43,828
Well, please, come in.
225
00:09:43,917 --> 00:09:47,247
Samantha hired Matt
five minutes later.
226
00:09:47,333 --> 00:09:48,923
She may have been
the man of the office,
227
00:09:49,000 --> 00:09:51,330
but she figured she could
always make room for one more.
228
00:09:52,333 --> 00:09:53,833
Meanwhile, downtown,
229
00:09:53,917 --> 00:09:56,037
Charlotte could have
used some help herself.
230
00:09:56,125 --> 00:09:57,955
Someone's being industrious.
231
00:09:58,041 --> 00:10:00,671
Oh, Baird, hi.
232
00:10:00,750 --> 00:10:02,250
I didn't,
I didn't hear you come in.
233
00:10:02,333 --> 00:10:04,083
I was in the neighborhood,
so I thought I'd come by
234
00:10:04,166 --> 00:10:06,376
-and scare the shit out of you.
235
00:10:06,458 --> 00:10:08,998
Pick up my check
for the pieces I sold.
236
00:10:09,542 --> 00:10:10,542
Right.
237
00:10:13,750 --> 00:10:15,250
-Here.
-Thanks.
238
00:10:15,333 --> 00:10:16,753
Oh, there's something else.
239
00:10:16,834 --> 00:10:18,794
I've been thinking about this.
240
00:10:19,959 --> 00:10:22,169
I would love to have
you pose for me.
241
00:10:22,625 --> 00:10:23,495
As...
242
00:10:23,583 --> 00:10:24,423
a man?
243
00:10:24,500 --> 00:10:26,670
Yeah. You'd be great.
244
00:10:26,750 --> 00:10:28,210
No.
245
00:10:28,917 --> 00:10:30,127
I don't think so.
246
00:10:30,208 --> 00:10:31,248
Why not?
247
00:10:31,583 --> 00:10:33,003
Well, I'm not, y'know...
248
00:10:33,083 --> 00:10:34,213
What, a model?
249
00:10:34,291 --> 00:10:35,831
No, butch.
250
00:10:36,291 --> 00:10:37,421
You'd be surprised, Charlotte.
251
00:10:37,500 --> 00:10:39,960
Every woman has a male
inside of her.
252
00:10:40,041 --> 00:10:41,421
Even you.
253
00:10:42,208 --> 00:10:44,958
No, not me.
254
00:10:45,041 --> 00:10:46,671
I'm really bad at math,
255
00:10:46,750 --> 00:10:49,710
and I can't change a tire
to save my life.
256
00:10:50,083 --> 00:10:51,583
Pose for me.
257
00:10:51,667 --> 00:10:53,207
I'll get it out of you.
258
00:10:54,208 --> 00:10:56,918
C'mon, be a man.
259
00:11:03,709 --> 00:11:06,419
The next night,
Sean took me to a club so new
260
00:11:06,500 --> 00:11:08,250
even I hadn't heard of it.
261
00:11:09,667 --> 00:11:11,207
What's the name of this place?
262
00:11:11,291 --> 00:11:12,081
"Hair."
263
00:11:12,166 --> 00:11:13,246
Like the musical?
264
00:11:13,333 --> 00:11:14,633
Like the stuff on your head.
265
00:11:14,709 --> 00:11:17,129
Oh, you're too cool for me.
266
00:11:17,208 --> 00:11:18,788
You're too cute for me.
267
00:11:18,875 --> 00:11:21,375
Ten seconds of making
out and I could almost forget
268
00:11:21,458 --> 00:11:24,038
Sean's lack
of sexual orientation...
269
00:11:24,834 --> 00:11:26,754
until we stopped kissing.
270
00:11:33,208 --> 00:11:34,498
Okay, mister,
who you checking out?
271
00:11:34,583 --> 00:11:35,833
The guy or the girl?
272
00:11:36,250 --> 00:11:38,420
Carrie, I was looking
for the bathroom.
273
00:11:39,792 --> 00:11:40,752
Oh.
274
00:11:41,417 --> 00:11:42,577
Sorry, sorry!
275
00:11:43,041 --> 00:11:45,631
Sorry, this whole, uh,
this whole bisexual thing,
276
00:11:45,709 --> 00:11:48,579
it's just, it's kinda
throwing me for a loop.
277
00:11:49,083 --> 00:11:52,133
You know, you've been with men,
you've been with women...
278
00:11:53,458 --> 00:11:54,458
Wait, seriously.
279
00:11:55,000 --> 00:11:56,630
Were you just looking
at that guy?
280
00:11:56,959 --> 00:11:59,919
Carrie, I'm looking at you.
281
00:12:00,291 --> 00:12:01,631
I'm with you.
282
00:12:02,083 --> 00:12:03,003
I dig you.
283
00:12:03,083 --> 00:12:04,253
Oh, "dig" is in again?
284
00:12:04,333 --> 00:12:06,423
Yeah, and so is "groovy."
285
00:12:06,500 --> 00:12:07,630
And you're that, too.
286
00:12:07,709 --> 00:12:08,749
So you're not gay.
287
00:12:08,834 --> 00:12:09,924
I'm not gay.
288
00:12:10,000 --> 00:12:11,380
I've been in three
major relationships.
289
00:12:11,458 --> 00:12:13,248
One happened to be a guy, okay?
290
00:12:13,333 --> 00:12:14,753
That's just me.
291
00:12:22,792 --> 00:12:25,832
An hour later,
Sean was in my bed.
292
00:12:26,959 --> 00:12:28,079
That's just me.
293
00:12:32,333 --> 00:12:33,253
Nice floor.
294
00:12:33,333 --> 00:12:35,173
Ah, thanks. It's a rental.
295
00:12:42,333 --> 00:12:43,833
-What?
-Nothing.
296
00:12:44,458 --> 00:12:46,878
Tell me or I'll make
you go skating again.
297
00:12:56,875 --> 00:12:58,825
Do I kiss better than a guy?
298
00:12:59,875 --> 00:13:01,665
Better than any I've kissed.
299
00:13:02,500 --> 00:13:03,670
How 'bout me?
300
00:13:12,917 --> 00:13:14,377
Top two percent.
301
00:13:14,709 --> 00:13:16,249
I'll take that.
302
00:13:19,125 --> 00:13:22,955
So if there was this
really good-looking guy
303
00:13:23,041 --> 00:13:24,381
walking towards you,
304
00:13:25,500 --> 00:13:28,710
and across the street was
a really beautiful girl,
305
00:13:29,959 --> 00:13:32,539
-which one would you--
-Hey, Carrie, c'mon.
306
00:13:33,166 --> 00:13:35,666
Could you stop making
this all about sex?
307
00:13:36,125 --> 00:13:38,495
It's not, y'know.
It's about the person.
308
00:13:38,959 --> 00:13:39,879
You.
309
00:13:40,125 --> 00:13:42,285
-I'm crazy about you.
310
00:13:42,375 --> 00:13:44,165
The way you smell...
311
00:13:44,667 --> 00:13:47,077
The way your upper lip tastes...
312
00:13:49,875 --> 00:13:51,825
It may not have
been all about sex,
313
00:13:51,917 --> 00:13:53,877
but it was
for the next two hours.
314
00:13:57,083 --> 00:14:00,043
I wasn't the only one
with thoughts of younger men
on the brain.
315
00:14:00,250 --> 00:14:01,750
No, you listen to me.
316
00:14:01,834 --> 00:14:04,044
We've called your boss
three times already.
317
00:14:04,125 --> 00:14:06,325
I'm not leaving word
again, okay?
318
00:14:06,417 --> 00:14:08,417
Give him that message.
319
00:14:08,917 --> 00:14:10,957
Hello? Hello?
320
00:14:11,583 --> 00:14:12,673
What are you doing?
321
00:14:12,750 --> 00:14:14,500
Matt, that is not
how I do business.
322
00:14:14,583 --> 00:14:15,923
That bitch makes me crazy.
323
00:14:16,000 --> 00:14:17,670
I don't care.
These are important clients.
324
00:14:17,750 --> 00:14:19,380
You can't talk
to them like that.
325
00:14:19,458 --> 00:14:21,578
Do you want them
to call you back, or not?
326
00:14:22,041 --> 00:14:24,671
Maybe I need to remind you
that I am the boss here.
327
00:14:24,750 --> 00:14:26,000
So fire me.
328
00:14:26,083 --> 00:14:29,753
I just think you deserve
some respect, that's all.
329
00:14:31,542 --> 00:14:33,632
Put this in
the Fargas Benefit file.
330
00:14:37,250 --> 00:14:40,880
Samantha found Matt's
boyish arrogance annoying,
331
00:14:40,959 --> 00:14:42,709
unprofessional...
332
00:14:42,792 --> 00:14:44,292
and incredibly hot.
333
00:14:47,083 --> 00:14:48,923
Meanwhile, Miranda was having
her own problems
334
00:14:49,000 --> 00:14:51,630
sharing a confined space
with the other sex.
335
00:14:55,792 --> 00:14:56,632
Hey!
336
00:14:56,709 --> 00:14:57,669
What?
337
00:14:58,667 --> 00:14:59,787
What's goin' on?
338
00:15:00,375 --> 00:15:01,785
You're on my side.
339
00:15:02,542 --> 00:15:03,792
My pillow.
340
00:15:04,583 --> 00:15:06,083
My guest's pillow.
341
00:15:06,709 --> 00:15:10,129
Okay, um, I'll tell you what.
342
00:15:10,458 --> 00:15:12,918
Tomorrow, we'll go
buy some paint
343
00:15:13,000 --> 00:15:15,290
and we'll draw a line
down the middle for you.
344
00:15:20,834 --> 00:15:22,294
Go to sleep.
345
00:15:26,834 --> 00:15:28,714
That pile.
Your stuff.
346
00:15:29,000 --> 00:15:30,540
You have to keep it neater.
347
00:15:31,333 --> 00:15:35,083
Well, maybe if you could spare
a drawer or a box or something,
348
00:15:35,166 --> 00:15:36,956
I could keep my underwear
out of the way.
349
00:15:37,041 --> 00:15:38,331
You want a drawer?
350
00:15:43,458 --> 00:15:44,498
Actually...
351
00:15:48,083 --> 00:15:49,673
actually, I'd like to move in.
352
00:15:49,750 --> 00:15:52,670
Most single women
dream of this moment.
353
00:15:53,458 --> 00:15:55,828
Most single women, but Miranda.
354
00:15:56,834 --> 00:15:57,834
Wow!
355
00:15:58,500 --> 00:16:01,830
Okay, where did that come from?
356
00:16:02,792 --> 00:16:04,882
What?
I've been thinking about it.
357
00:16:05,834 --> 00:16:07,004
We have a great time together.
358
00:16:07,083 --> 00:16:08,793
We're practically living
together anyway--
359
00:16:08,875 --> 00:16:11,415
Yeah, but we're not.
360
00:16:15,166 --> 00:16:19,126
Look, we just
started dating again.
361
00:16:19,458 --> 00:16:21,998
There's no need to go
at warp speed, here.
362
00:16:22,083 --> 00:16:25,463
I mean, nobody's dying
and I'm sure every book
363
00:16:25,542 --> 00:16:26,832
would say that we're not ready.
364
00:16:26,917 --> 00:16:29,377
I mean, you're here
all the time!
365
00:16:29,750 --> 00:16:30,830
No problem.
366
00:16:31,166 --> 00:16:32,706
I'll get outta your hair.
367
00:16:33,166 --> 00:16:34,876
-I'll leave the key.
-No, no.
368
00:16:34,959 --> 00:16:37,379
Don't leave the key!
I-- I-- I-- I-- take the key!
369
00:16:37,458 --> 00:16:39,668
I just--
I need my space.
370
00:16:39,750 --> 00:16:42,040
I feel like
I'm being suffocated!
371
00:16:45,125 --> 00:16:46,745
Jesus, Miranda.
372
00:16:49,291 --> 00:16:51,541
It's like you're
the guy sometimes.
373
00:16:54,083 --> 00:16:55,923
Faced with
relationship problems,
374
00:16:56,000 --> 00:16:57,960
some women turn to fried food.
375
00:16:58,041 --> 00:16:59,961
Miranda decided
to turn to Manhattan's
376
00:17:00,041 --> 00:17:02,671
latest fitness craze,
The Goddess Workout.
377
00:17:02,750 --> 00:17:05,500
All right, ladies,
open up your chakras,
378
00:17:05,583 --> 00:17:07,543
let the inner goddess sing.
379
00:17:09,583 --> 00:17:12,253
She's in there.
All you have to do
is let her out.
380
00:17:12,709 --> 00:17:14,579
This is gonna help
you be a woman?
381
00:17:14,667 --> 00:17:17,327
I'm gonna find my inner goddess
if it kills me.
382
00:17:17,417 --> 00:17:18,877
And pop your hip.
383
00:17:18,959 --> 00:17:20,289
Pop your hip.
384
00:17:21,125 --> 00:17:23,785
Open yourself like
a lotus flower.
385
00:17:24,792 --> 00:17:26,132
C'mon, pop your hip.
386
00:17:27,709 --> 00:17:28,829
Pop your hip.
387
00:17:31,125 --> 00:17:32,205
You see?
388
00:17:32,583 --> 00:17:34,753
My hips don't pop, I'm a guy!
389
00:17:34,834 --> 00:17:36,044
You're insane.
390
00:17:36,125 --> 00:17:37,915
This isn't helping me
find my inner goddess.
391
00:17:38,000 --> 00:17:39,920
This is making me find
my inner humiliation.
392
00:17:40,000 --> 00:17:43,750
And reach back, ladies,
reach for the stars.
393
00:17:47,542 --> 00:17:50,382
-Ugh!
394
00:17:50,792 --> 00:17:52,212
You know what?
We're out of here.
395
00:17:52,291 --> 00:17:53,461
Yeah.
396
00:17:57,375 --> 00:17:59,205
I'm never gonna be a girly girl.
397
00:17:59,291 --> 00:18:00,291
I never will.
398
00:18:00,375 --> 00:18:01,955
I'm never gonna
be a lotus flower.
399
00:18:02,041 --> 00:18:03,671
And may I just say, thank God?
400
00:18:03,750 --> 00:18:05,960
A girly girl would want
her boyfriend to move in.
401
00:18:06,041 --> 00:18:08,041
Yeah, she also wears
makeup to the gym.
402
00:18:08,125 --> 00:18:10,535
And makes little hearts
above her I's.
403
00:18:14,166 --> 00:18:15,456
I do love him.
404
00:18:16,709 --> 00:18:18,249
-I do.
-I know, sweetie.
405
00:18:18,333 --> 00:18:19,673
So, what's my problem?
406
00:18:20,083 --> 00:18:23,293
I think in any relationship
one person's the alpha dog.
407
00:18:23,375 --> 00:18:24,535
The one that's in charge.
408
00:18:24,625 --> 00:18:25,745
That's you.
409
00:18:25,834 --> 00:18:27,544
You don't want
to share your water dish.
410
00:18:28,166 --> 00:18:29,956
But I'm very free
with the chew toys.
411
00:18:30,041 --> 00:18:31,171
That you are.
412
00:18:33,166 --> 00:18:36,206
Miranda arrived home
later to an empty apartment.
413
00:18:39,166 --> 00:18:42,826
And for the first time,
she really didn't like it.
414
00:18:45,333 --> 00:18:48,423
While Miranda and I worked out
our inner goddesses,
415
00:18:48,500 --> 00:18:51,000
Baird was working the male
out of Charlotte.
416
00:18:51,083 --> 00:18:52,083
Yeah.
417
00:18:52,583 --> 00:18:54,923
-You look great.
418
00:18:55,625 --> 00:18:57,205
I'm sorry, I can't.
419
00:18:58,041 --> 00:18:59,671
I can't do this.
420
00:19:00,625 --> 00:19:01,705
Just relax.
421
00:19:02,542 --> 00:19:04,672
Okay, let it go.
Forget Charlotte.
422
00:19:05,000 --> 00:19:06,540
You're a man now...
423
00:19:07,250 --> 00:19:08,630
You're a hot guy.
424
00:19:08,709 --> 00:19:09,959
You can get any woman you want.
425
00:19:10,041 --> 00:19:12,041
You're rich.
You're powerful.
426
00:19:12,125 --> 00:19:14,375
You eat guys like me for lunch.
427
00:19:15,500 --> 00:19:16,710
How you feeling now?
428
00:19:18,792 --> 00:19:21,542
I think I need a bigger sock.
429
00:19:23,458 --> 00:19:25,078
I think you do too.
430
00:19:45,375 --> 00:19:46,375
Better?
431
00:19:47,959 --> 00:19:49,169
Much.
432
00:19:49,250 --> 00:19:51,130
Who knows whether
it was the sock,
433
00:19:51,208 --> 00:19:52,788
or the suit, or Baird,
434
00:19:52,875 --> 00:19:56,125
but suddenly Charlotte wasn't
just a chick with a dick.
435
00:19:57,041 --> 00:19:58,921
She was a chick with balls.
436
00:20:07,166 --> 00:20:10,036
Unfortunately, the two alpha
dogs in Samantha's office
437
00:20:10,125 --> 00:20:11,745
were not getting along as well.
438
00:20:12,166 --> 00:20:15,166
These invitations need
to go to the printers, ASAP.
439
00:20:15,792 --> 00:20:17,172
Yeah, okay. I'll get to it.
440
00:20:17,542 --> 00:20:20,712
Now!
Drop them at 72nd Street
and then pick up lunch.
441
00:20:20,792 --> 00:20:22,212
They're in opposite directions.
442
00:20:22,291 --> 00:20:23,081
I'll get lunch first.
443
00:20:23,166 --> 00:20:25,456
No! Invitations first.
444
00:20:26,333 --> 00:20:27,963
Fine.
Then I'll be an hour late.
445
00:20:28,041 --> 00:20:30,211
Do you realize that you
are my assistant?
446
00:20:30,417 --> 00:20:33,167
Your job is to do what I say,
no matter what.
447
00:20:33,250 --> 00:20:34,830
I know what I'm doing.
448
00:20:35,250 --> 00:20:36,710
And I know better.
449
00:20:36,792 --> 00:20:38,832
-Yeah, says who?
-Me.
450
00:20:38,917 --> 00:20:40,417
And who the hell do
you think you are?
451
00:20:40,500 --> 00:20:42,290
-Your boss!
452
00:20:44,291 --> 00:20:45,961
Samantha Jones, PR.
453
00:20:46,125 --> 00:20:48,665
No, I don't know
when she will...
454
00:20:48,750 --> 00:20:50,710
Yeah, well, she's been busy.
455
00:20:51,208 --> 00:20:53,288
Yeah? You have
a shitty attitude too.
456
00:20:53,583 --> 00:20:55,633
Oh, and FYI, your parties suck!
457
00:20:57,750 --> 00:21:00,670
Well, the bad news is,
you're fired.
458
00:21:00,750 --> 00:21:04,040
The good news is...
now, I can fuck you.
459
00:21:04,125 --> 00:21:06,125
Samantha discovered
the only place
460
00:21:06,208 --> 00:21:08,498
she and Matt worked well
together was in bed.
461
00:21:08,583 --> 00:21:10,293
Fuck me on the desk.
462
00:21:13,208 --> 00:21:15,748
-No, the chair.
-No, on the desk.
463
00:21:15,834 --> 00:21:18,334
With Sam on top,
naturally.
464
00:21:20,166 --> 00:21:24,286
That night,
Miranda invited Steve over
for "pasta al détente."
465
00:21:24,375 --> 00:21:25,285
Hi!
466
00:21:25,375 --> 00:21:26,875
I'm late, I know I'm late.
467
00:21:26,959 --> 00:21:29,169
-Hey, it's okay--
-No, it's not okay.
468
00:21:29,500 --> 00:21:31,750
I was gonna make you dinner
and then this conference call
469
00:21:31,834 --> 00:21:33,834
went over like two hours.
470
00:21:34,041 --> 00:21:35,541
And I went to the market,
and the recipe calls
471
00:21:35,625 --> 00:21:38,035
for extra virgin olive oil,
and they only had virgin.
472
00:21:38,125 --> 00:21:39,455
And how the hell do
I know the difference
473
00:21:39,542 --> 00:21:40,582
since I don't even cook?
474
00:21:40,667 --> 00:21:41,957
So I just scrapped
the whole thing
475
00:21:42,041 --> 00:21:44,541
and got the stuff in a jar,
and I'm late--
476
00:21:46,208 --> 00:21:48,038
Don't move. It's glass.
477
00:21:50,875 --> 00:21:51,955
I can't!
478
00:21:52,041 --> 00:21:53,131
I can't do this.
479
00:21:53,208 --> 00:21:55,038
Of course you can't,
we'll order pizza.
480
00:21:55,125 --> 00:21:57,455
-It's no big deal.
-It's a big fucking deal!
481
00:21:57,875 --> 00:22:00,625
I spilled marinara sauce all
over myself, and you're here,
482
00:22:00,709 --> 00:22:03,289
and you saw that
and I drop things, okay?
483
00:22:03,375 --> 00:22:06,205
Okay, so do I...
484
00:22:07,917 --> 00:22:09,457
I do love you.
485
00:22:10,125 --> 00:22:12,075
But I've never lived
with anybody before,
486
00:22:12,875 --> 00:22:16,075
and I'm stubborn,
and I like the remote,
487
00:22:16,875 --> 00:22:18,035
and I can't cook.
488
00:22:18,834 --> 00:22:21,794
And I don't do laundry
sometimes for like two weeks
489
00:22:21,875 --> 00:22:25,915
and my sponges smell,
and you're gonna see all that,
490
00:22:26,875 --> 00:22:28,245
and I'm scared...
491
00:22:29,583 --> 00:22:31,793
And I don't know
if I can move forward,
492
00:22:31,875 --> 00:22:34,075
but I really don't
want to lose you.
493
00:22:35,750 --> 00:22:36,920
Hey.
494
00:22:42,083 --> 00:22:44,253
I'm not going anywhere.
495
00:22:50,875 --> 00:22:52,625
Crying on your shoulder.
496
00:22:52,709 --> 00:22:55,879
Jesus, I guess I really
am a woman, huh?
497
00:22:55,959 --> 00:22:59,039
A week later, Miranda's
man moved into her place...
498
00:22:59,125 --> 00:23:03,205
the same day that Charlotte
moved her man into her place.
499
00:23:03,291 --> 00:23:04,751
She never saw Baird again.
500
00:23:04,834 --> 00:23:07,674
She was too embarrassed about
how forward she'd been.
501
00:23:07,750 --> 00:23:10,540
She realized she might have
been that type of guy,
502
00:23:10,625 --> 00:23:13,125
but she'd never be
that type of woman.
503
00:23:14,834 --> 00:23:17,754
Eighty blocks downtown
and five flights up,
504
00:23:17,834 --> 00:23:20,504
Sean and I had almost
made it to the party.
505
00:23:20,583 --> 00:23:22,883
I swear, one more floor,
promise.
506
00:23:23,583 --> 00:23:26,543
If there's no vodka
at the end of this,
it's your head.
507
00:23:26,625 --> 00:23:28,625
Take it easy, dude, we're here.
508
00:23:29,750 --> 00:23:30,750
Okay, dude.
509
00:23:36,291 --> 00:23:37,921
Okay, so whose party is this?
510
00:23:38,000 --> 00:23:38,880
Mark's.
511
00:23:39,000 --> 00:23:39,920
Oh.
512
00:23:40,000 --> 00:23:41,630
Mark, ex-boyfriend Mark?
513
00:23:41,917 --> 00:23:43,077
Is that a problem?
514
00:23:43,458 --> 00:23:45,328
It's his boyfriend's birthday.
515
00:23:47,166 --> 00:23:48,996
It was definitely
a first.
516
00:23:49,667 --> 00:23:50,917
I was attending a party
517
00:23:51,000 --> 00:23:53,920
of my sort-of boyfriend's
ex-boyfriend.
518
00:23:54,000 --> 00:23:55,040
And his boyfriend.
519
00:23:55,125 --> 00:23:56,415
-Hey.
-Hey!
520
00:23:57,208 --> 00:23:59,538
Carrie, this is Mark,
and his boyfriend, Garth.
521
00:23:59,625 --> 00:24:01,165
Partner. Nice to meet you.
522
00:24:01,375 --> 00:24:05,075
This is our baby, Isabell,
two L's, no E.
523
00:24:05,166 --> 00:24:07,706
Okay, happy birthday.
524
00:24:07,792 --> 00:24:08,922
Oh, thank you, thanks.
525
00:24:09,000 --> 00:24:10,790
This is Dawn and Grace.
526
00:24:10,875 --> 00:24:11,745
-Hi.
-Hi!
527
00:24:11,834 --> 00:24:13,254
They just got married in Hawaii.
528
00:24:13,333 --> 00:24:14,713
Oh, congratulations.
529
00:24:14,792 --> 00:24:15,962
Thanks.
Thank you.
530
00:24:16,041 --> 00:24:17,751
It was totally
spur of the moment.
531
00:24:17,834 --> 00:24:20,334
Yeah, I didn't want
a big wedding like my first.
532
00:24:20,417 --> 00:24:21,497
It wasn't so bad.
533
00:24:21,709 --> 00:24:23,709
Yeah, it was being married
to you that sucked.
534
00:24:25,333 --> 00:24:26,713
Oh, so you two were--
535
00:24:26,792 --> 00:24:28,632
Married, right,
yeah, for like a year.
536
00:24:28,709 --> 00:24:30,169
We were high on "E"
for most of it, though.
537
00:24:30,250 --> 00:24:31,710
Otherwise it would
have been miserable.
538
00:24:31,792 --> 00:24:33,962
Hey, don't forget who gave you
that egg there, buddy.
539
00:24:34,041 --> 00:24:36,541
Oh, and this is our, uh,
token straight friend, Joel.
540
00:24:37,375 --> 00:24:38,995
Are you wearing pleather?
541
00:24:39,458 --> 00:24:41,628
Well, yes, I am.
And thank you for noticing.
542
00:24:41,709 --> 00:24:42,829
Carrie,
what can I get you?
543
00:24:42,917 --> 00:24:43,957
An hour later,
544
00:24:44,041 --> 00:24:46,131
I had almost gotten it straight.
545
00:24:46,208 --> 00:24:49,628
Okay, so, so Grace
once dated Brett,
546
00:24:49,917 --> 00:24:51,787
and Brett used to live
with Joel?
547
00:24:51,875 --> 00:24:52,955
Semi-platonically.
548
00:24:53,041 --> 00:24:54,631
And you slept with Dawn.
549
00:24:54,709 --> 00:24:56,039
Before she was with Mark.
550
00:24:56,375 --> 00:24:57,375
Naturally.
551
00:24:57,458 --> 00:24:58,918
Gay, bi, straight...
552
00:24:59,000 --> 00:25:01,460
This party was a veritable
pu pu platter
553
00:25:01,542 --> 00:25:03,422
of sexual orientation.
554
00:25:07,959 --> 00:25:10,289
Time to play!
555
00:25:11,917 --> 00:25:13,537
-Play what?
-Spin the bottle.
556
00:25:13,792 --> 00:25:15,502
Wait, wait, seriously?
557
00:25:15,583 --> 00:25:17,213
Seventh grade spin the bottle,
that one?
558
00:25:17,291 --> 00:25:18,671
Yes, come play, it's fun.
559
00:25:18,750 --> 00:25:19,880
C'mon, it's fun.
560
00:25:39,583 --> 00:25:41,253
Get a room!
561
00:25:42,291 --> 00:25:44,251
Get a dental dam!
562
00:26:07,875 --> 00:26:08,825
Carrie.
563
00:26:11,166 --> 00:26:12,536
Oh, whoops.
564
00:26:12,625 --> 00:26:14,625
It's a girl. Try again.
565
00:26:14,917 --> 00:26:15,787
It's okay.
566
00:26:15,875 --> 00:26:17,375
Of course it was okay.
567
00:26:17,458 --> 00:26:20,418
I was in Alice-in-Confused-
Sexual-Orientation-Land.
568
00:26:23,959 --> 00:26:25,579
I realized I had a choice.
569
00:26:25,667 --> 00:26:29,207
I could stand up and walk out
and prove I was an old fart,
570
00:26:29,291 --> 00:26:31,671
or I could fall down
the rabbit hole.
571
00:27:00,000 --> 00:27:01,380
And so I fell.
572
00:27:01,917 --> 00:27:02,997
It wasn't bad.
573
00:27:03,667 --> 00:27:04,957
Kind of like chicken.
574
00:27:09,750 --> 00:27:10,750
Hey, where you going?
575
00:27:10,834 --> 00:27:11,834
-It's your spin.
-Oh.
576
00:27:11,917 --> 00:27:14,077
Just... more cigarettes.
577
00:27:17,250 --> 00:27:19,330
That was the last night
I saw Sean.
578
00:27:19,417 --> 00:27:21,287
I realized they could
do whatever they wanted,
579
00:27:21,375 --> 00:27:22,535
but deep down?
580
00:27:22,625 --> 00:27:24,575
I was too old to play this game.
581
00:27:26,166 --> 00:27:29,036
So I took my hot,
old-fart ass home.
582
00:27:30,083 --> 00:27:31,213
That's just me.