1 00:00:57,333 --> 00:00:59,503 It's been said that New Yorkers 2 00:00:59,583 --> 00:01:01,583 are the most jaded people in the world. 3 00:01:03,792 --> 00:01:05,382 You freak! 4 00:01:05,458 --> 00:01:09,378 The fact is, we've pretty much done and seen it all. 5 00:01:09,458 --> 00:01:11,668 It takes quite a bit to shock us. 6 00:01:13,208 --> 00:01:15,538 Which is why when Charlotte said the new show at her gallery 7 00:01:15,625 --> 00:01:17,455 would totally blow us away, 8 00:01:17,542 --> 00:01:20,292 we took it with the proverbial grain of salt. 9 00:01:20,583 --> 00:01:21,713 Seriously. 10 00:01:21,792 --> 00:01:23,132 That's a woman? 11 00:01:23,208 --> 00:01:24,708 It was the latest installation 12 00:01:24,792 --> 00:01:27,172 from the photographer, Baird Johnson, entitled, 13 00:01:27,250 --> 00:01:31,170 "the Collision of Illusion and Reality." 14 00:01:31,250 --> 00:01:32,380 Yep. 15 00:01:32,458 --> 00:01:33,998 That's the woman. 16 00:01:34,542 --> 00:01:36,832 Look at that bulge. It's shocking. 17 00:01:36,917 --> 00:01:40,077 Yeah, I know. Hurry up and look before Giuliani shuts it down. 18 00:01:40,166 --> 00:01:42,076 So, what do you guys think? 19 00:01:42,166 --> 00:01:44,456 It's amazing. Congratulations, sweetie. 20 00:01:44,542 --> 00:01:47,752 You know, women dressing like men is very popular right now. 21 00:01:48,000 --> 00:01:49,790 And here I thought it was Pokémon. 22 00:01:50,000 --> 00:01:51,290 Who knew it was this easy? 23 00:01:51,375 --> 00:01:53,495 All it takes is some stick-on sideburns 24 00:01:53,583 --> 00:01:54,753 and a sock in your pants. 25 00:01:54,834 --> 00:01:56,254 That's some sock. 26 00:01:56,750 --> 00:01:58,750 I've always had a thing for cowboys. 27 00:01:58,834 --> 00:02:01,634 Reminder. John Wayne's a Jane. 28 00:02:02,333 --> 00:02:03,293 Oh, my God. 29 00:02:03,375 --> 00:02:04,705 I'm attracted to her. 30 00:02:04,792 --> 00:02:06,252 Maybe I'm a lesbian. 31 00:02:06,667 --> 00:02:09,457 I once dated a guy who liked to wear my underwear, 32 00:02:09,542 --> 00:02:11,132 but I've never gone the other way. 33 00:02:11,208 --> 00:02:14,328 See, when you're gay, everyone can wear everyone's underwear. 34 00:02:14,417 --> 00:02:15,537 That's hygienic. 35 00:02:15,625 --> 00:02:17,455 I bet being a drag king would be fun. 36 00:02:17,542 --> 00:02:18,832 Oh, please. 37 00:02:18,917 --> 00:02:21,167 I have enough trouble figuring out how to be a woman 38 00:02:21,250 --> 00:02:22,250 in a man's world 39 00:02:22,333 --> 00:02:23,293 without trying to be a woman 40 00:02:23,375 --> 00:02:24,665 pretending to be a man 41 00:02:24,750 --> 00:02:25,880 in a man's world. 42 00:02:25,959 --> 00:02:27,539 Well, at least you wouldn't have to wax. 43 00:02:27,625 --> 00:02:29,535 And by the way, if you ever change your mind, 44 00:02:29,709 --> 00:02:31,459 you've got "cop" written all over you. 45 00:02:31,542 --> 00:02:32,672 -Really. 46 00:02:33,041 --> 00:02:34,381 So am I rich yet? 47 00:02:34,458 --> 00:02:37,628 Getting there. Everyone, this is Baird, the artist. 48 00:02:37,709 --> 00:02:38,459 -Oh, hi. -Hi! 49 00:02:38,542 --> 00:02:39,832 These are my friends. 50 00:02:40,208 --> 00:02:42,208 What inspired you to do this? 51 00:02:42,291 --> 00:02:45,541 I feel we have dual powers within each of us. 52 00:02:45,625 --> 00:02:47,785 Men can be very female... 53 00:02:47,875 --> 00:02:49,745 and women can be very male. 54 00:02:50,375 --> 00:02:52,125 Gender is an illusion. 55 00:02:52,750 --> 00:02:54,920 Sometimes a very beautiful illusion. 56 00:02:56,500 --> 00:02:57,580 You know? 57 00:02:58,333 --> 00:03:00,173 I'm gonna go get a canapé. 58 00:03:00,250 --> 00:03:02,040 Because I'm starved. 59 00:03:02,125 --> 00:03:04,825 So, I mean, not that a canapé is a meal, 60 00:03:04,917 --> 00:03:06,747 but, you know, in a pinch. 61 00:03:06,834 --> 00:03:08,424 Excuse us. 62 00:03:14,208 --> 00:03:15,578 Okay, what was that about? 63 00:03:15,667 --> 00:03:17,827 Nobody loves canapés that much. 64 00:03:17,917 --> 00:03:18,827 He makes me nervous. 65 00:03:18,917 --> 00:03:20,077 The drag king stuff? 66 00:03:20,166 --> 00:03:21,706 No, I think he's... 67 00:03:21,792 --> 00:03:23,002 So ask him out. 68 00:03:23,083 --> 00:03:24,423 Oh, I can't. 69 00:03:24,500 --> 00:03:26,630 You know me, I can never make the first move. 70 00:03:26,709 --> 00:03:29,459 Sounds like someone needs a sock in the pants. 71 00:03:29,875 --> 00:03:32,245 Well, I'm gonna drag myself home. 72 00:03:32,333 --> 00:03:33,383 You wanna share a cab? 73 00:03:33,458 --> 00:03:34,378 No, I'm meeting Sean. 74 00:03:34,458 --> 00:03:35,708 Ooh, the young guy? 75 00:03:35,792 --> 00:03:37,462 He's not that young. 76 00:03:37,542 --> 00:03:39,042 Carrie, he's 26. 77 00:03:39,125 --> 00:03:41,745 His generation has a totally different letter than ours. 78 00:03:41,834 --> 00:03:42,834 Oh, who cares? 79 00:03:42,917 --> 00:03:44,167 Age is an illusion. 80 00:03:44,458 --> 00:03:45,378 -Goodnight! -Goodnight. 81 00:03:45,458 --> 00:03:47,708 -Night. -Night. 82 00:03:47,792 --> 00:03:50,002 Later, Miranda was shocked to find her apartment 83 00:03:50,083 --> 00:03:53,213 had undergone a gender transformation of its own. 84 00:03:53,291 --> 00:03:54,211 Hey! 85 00:03:54,291 --> 00:03:55,711 What are you doing here? 86 00:03:55,792 --> 00:03:58,212 I still got your key from when I fed your cat that time. 87 00:03:58,291 --> 00:03:59,541 I ordered us Chinese. 88 00:03:59,625 --> 00:04:01,495 I didn't think we were seeing each other tonight. 89 00:04:01,583 --> 00:04:04,213 Oh, planning on seeing your other boyfriend, were you? 90 00:04:04,291 --> 00:04:06,381 Well, now, you've ruined that. 91 00:04:07,625 --> 00:04:09,455 -This is what we're watching? -Yeah. 92 00:04:09,750 --> 00:04:11,790 Gimme that. 93 00:04:11,875 --> 00:04:13,745 -Somebody managed... 94 00:04:13,834 --> 00:04:14,754 Will be... 95 00:04:14,834 --> 00:04:16,464 Hey there, easy, chief. 96 00:04:16,542 --> 00:04:18,002 You're making my brain hurt. 97 00:04:18,750 --> 00:04:20,290 Don't you have to work tonight? 98 00:04:20,583 --> 00:04:21,923 Not until 10:00. 99 00:04:22,000 --> 00:04:24,210 And I got stuff here I can change into. 100 00:04:24,291 --> 00:04:25,631 Right. 101 00:04:28,959 --> 00:04:30,669 But I got till 10:00. 102 00:04:36,333 --> 00:04:39,963 Miranda absolutely loved the man inside of her. 103 00:04:40,041 --> 00:04:43,001 She just didn't love him inside her apartment all the time. 104 00:05:05,166 --> 00:05:06,206 Oh! 105 00:05:06,291 --> 00:05:08,541 C'mon, the ice waits for no woman. 106 00:05:08,625 --> 00:05:11,075 I'm practicing my triple salchow in my head. 107 00:05:11,166 --> 00:05:12,076 -Heads up! -Whew! 108 00:05:12,166 --> 00:05:13,456 A little while later 109 00:05:13,542 --> 00:05:15,422 and I was being dragged around by Sean, 110 00:05:15,500 --> 00:05:17,460 my generation something-else date. 111 00:05:17,542 --> 00:05:19,132 We met at a downtown party 112 00:05:19,208 --> 00:05:21,668 celebrating a new internet magazine that Sean was running 113 00:05:21,750 --> 00:05:23,790 and that I still couldn't find on my computer. 114 00:05:23,875 --> 00:05:25,125 No, don't! 115 00:05:25,208 --> 00:05:27,208 Oh, seriously, stop! 116 00:05:27,417 --> 00:05:30,167 I'm guessing it's easier to balance when you're not smoking. 117 00:05:30,583 --> 00:05:33,383 Smoking is the only thing that keeps me balanced. 118 00:05:34,750 --> 00:05:35,920 Doesn't this place rock? 119 00:05:36,000 --> 00:05:37,750 Oh, yeah. 120 00:05:37,834 --> 00:05:40,584 You have to give me a little credit for an original date. 121 00:05:40,917 --> 00:05:43,917 I don't believe it's officially a date without cocktails. 122 00:05:46,625 --> 00:05:48,625 My coach is gonna kill me. 123 00:05:55,959 --> 00:05:57,079 Whoa! 124 00:05:58,000 --> 00:06:00,080 Half a flask of Jim Beam later, 125 00:06:00,166 --> 00:06:02,536 Sean and I had really broken the ice. 126 00:06:02,625 --> 00:06:03,745 Or at least my ass had. 127 00:06:03,834 --> 00:06:06,294 Man, that last fall was at least a 9.2. 128 00:06:06,375 --> 00:06:08,995 Oh, you and the Russian judge. Tough. 129 00:06:09,083 --> 00:06:10,423 There was something about him. 130 00:06:10,500 --> 00:06:15,130 He was sexy, charming, sexy, coordinated... 131 00:06:15,208 --> 00:06:18,208 Nothing about him or our third date was feeling typical. 132 00:06:18,291 --> 00:06:19,751 So, Kerrigan... 133 00:06:20,166 --> 00:06:22,536 When was your last serious relationship? 134 00:06:22,625 --> 00:06:24,745 Until then. There it was. 135 00:06:24,834 --> 00:06:26,834 The inevitable third-date question. 136 00:06:27,709 --> 00:06:28,789 Ooh. 137 00:06:28,875 --> 00:06:29,995 Bad question? 138 00:06:30,500 --> 00:06:32,580 Wanna take another spin around the death rink? 139 00:06:33,417 --> 00:06:35,457 No, it's fine, it's fine. 140 00:06:36,625 --> 00:06:38,745 I ended something a while ago. 141 00:06:39,291 --> 00:06:41,541 Two years of a lot of back and forth. 142 00:06:41,625 --> 00:06:44,285 You know, apparently, we weren't Y2K compatible. 143 00:06:44,792 --> 00:06:45,792 What about you? 144 00:06:46,125 --> 00:06:47,705 Well, before you, there was Kayla. 145 00:06:47,792 --> 00:06:49,382 Really neurotic. Lasted a year. 146 00:06:49,458 --> 00:06:52,248 And before her, Leslie. Couldn't commit. 147 00:06:52,333 --> 00:06:54,293 And before Leslie, there was Mark. 148 00:06:56,750 --> 00:06:58,000 Is that a problem? 149 00:07:00,834 --> 00:07:02,334 He's a bisexual. 150 00:07:02,667 --> 00:07:04,417 Well, I could have told you that, sweetie. 151 00:07:04,500 --> 00:07:06,580 He took you ice skating, for God's sake. 152 00:07:06,667 --> 00:07:09,457 The weird thing is, he was so open about it. 153 00:07:09,542 --> 00:07:12,252 Y'know, "Hi, I'm a bisexual," like, um... 154 00:07:12,333 --> 00:07:14,543 "Hi, I'm from Colorado," or something. 155 00:07:14,625 --> 00:07:16,915 I don't think you're allowed to be bisexual in Colorado. 156 00:07:17,000 --> 00:07:19,670 "Is that a problem?" I mean, what kind of question is that? 157 00:07:19,750 --> 00:07:20,830 "Is that a problem?" 158 00:07:20,917 --> 00:07:22,327 Of course, it's a problem. 159 00:07:22,417 --> 00:07:23,327 What did you say? 160 00:07:23,417 --> 00:07:24,957 I said it wasn't a problem. 161 00:07:25,041 --> 00:07:26,461 I panicked! 162 00:07:26,542 --> 00:07:28,082 He's such a good kisser. 163 00:07:28,166 --> 00:07:31,826 You know, that generation is all about sexual experimentation. 164 00:07:31,917 --> 00:07:33,327 All the kids are going bi. 165 00:07:33,417 --> 00:07:35,377 So, what, if all the bi kids are jumping off a bridge, 166 00:07:35,458 --> 00:07:36,418 you're gonna do that too? 167 00:07:36,500 --> 00:07:37,420 I'm a trisexual. 168 00:07:37,500 --> 00:07:39,290 I'll try anything once. 169 00:07:39,375 --> 00:07:40,875 When did this happen? 170 00:07:40,959 --> 00:07:43,039 When did the sexes get all confused? 171 00:07:43,208 --> 00:07:45,128 Somewhere between Gen X and Gen Y 172 00:07:45,208 --> 00:07:47,038 they blended and made XY. 173 00:07:47,125 --> 00:07:50,575 Y'know, I did the, uh, date-the-bisexual-guy 174 00:07:50,667 --> 00:07:51,827 thing in college. 175 00:07:51,917 --> 00:07:53,957 But in the end, they all ended up with men. 176 00:07:54,041 --> 00:07:55,671 So did the bisexual women. 177 00:07:55,750 --> 00:07:59,210 Which explains why there are no available men left for us. 178 00:07:59,625 --> 00:08:01,285 Oh, geez. 179 00:08:01,375 --> 00:08:03,705 Maybe I do have a problem with this. 180 00:08:04,875 --> 00:08:05,955 I'm an old fart. 181 00:08:06,041 --> 00:08:07,131 Correction. 182 00:08:07,208 --> 00:08:08,578 A hot old fart. 183 00:08:08,667 --> 00:08:10,957 I'm not even sure bisexuality exists. 184 00:08:11,041 --> 00:08:14,381 I-- I think it's just a layover on the way to Gaytown. 185 00:08:14,458 --> 00:08:16,538 Isn't that right next to Ricky Martinville? 186 00:08:16,834 --> 00:08:18,714 Y'know, I think it's great. 187 00:08:19,125 --> 00:08:22,165 He's open to all sexual experiences, he's evolved. 188 00:08:22,250 --> 00:08:23,080 It's hot. 189 00:08:23,166 --> 00:08:24,496 It's not hot, it's greedy. 190 00:08:24,583 --> 00:08:26,003 He's double-dipping. 191 00:08:26,083 --> 00:08:28,423 You're not marrying the guy, you're making out with him. 192 00:08:28,500 --> 00:08:30,460 Enjoy it. Don't worry about the labels. 193 00:08:30,542 --> 00:08:32,002 Ah, you're right, you're right. 194 00:08:32,083 --> 00:08:33,333 I'm very into labels. 195 00:08:33,417 --> 00:08:34,707 Gay. Straight. 196 00:08:34,792 --> 00:08:37,042 Pick a side and stay there. 197 00:08:37,583 --> 00:08:38,713 Hey, sister. 198 00:08:38,792 --> 00:08:40,502 -Where are you going? -Home. 199 00:08:40,583 --> 00:08:43,043 I've got a date with my remote control. 200 00:08:43,125 --> 00:08:44,285 Steve's playing basketball. 201 00:08:44,375 --> 00:08:45,825 That means at least three hours 202 00:08:45,917 --> 00:08:48,787 of blissfully uninterrupted alone time. 203 00:08:48,875 --> 00:08:50,415 What about my problem? 204 00:08:50,834 --> 00:08:52,634 Stop kissing him. 205 00:08:54,750 --> 00:08:56,250 Easy for her to say. 206 00:08:57,792 --> 00:09:01,712 That night, I couldn't get Samantha's words out of my head. 207 00:09:01,792 --> 00:09:04,042 Was Sean's generation onto something? 208 00:09:04,125 --> 00:09:06,705 Was sexual flipping the wave of the future? 209 00:09:06,792 --> 00:09:08,792 And if it was, could I play that game, 210 00:09:08,875 --> 00:09:10,825 or was I over the hill? 211 00:09:10,917 --> 00:09:13,707 If women can transform into men, and men can become women 212 00:09:13,792 --> 00:09:16,002 and we can choose to sleep with everyone, 213 00:09:16,083 --> 00:09:19,043 then maybe gender doesn't even exist anymore. 214 00:09:19,125 --> 00:09:21,455 If we can take the best of the other sex 215 00:09:21,542 --> 00:09:22,962 and make it our own, 216 00:09:24,083 --> 00:09:26,673 has the opposite sex become obsolete? 217 00:09:27,208 --> 00:09:28,748 Don't bust my balls here, Mitch. 218 00:09:28,834 --> 00:09:30,424 You call yourself a fucking headhunter? 219 00:09:30,500 --> 00:09:31,880 Then get me a decent assistant. 220 00:09:31,959 --> 00:09:33,129 -Yeah? 221 00:09:33,208 --> 00:09:34,998 I'm looking for Mrs. Jones? 222 00:09:36,375 --> 00:09:37,535 It's Miss. 223 00:09:37,625 --> 00:09:39,665 I'm here for the assistant job. 224 00:09:40,458 --> 00:09:43,828 Well, please, come in. 225 00:09:43,917 --> 00:09:47,247 Samantha hired Matt five minutes later. 226 00:09:47,333 --> 00:09:48,923 She may have been the man of the office, 227 00:09:49,000 --> 00:09:51,330 but she figured she could always make room for one more. 228 00:09:52,333 --> 00:09:53,833 Meanwhile, downtown, 229 00:09:53,917 --> 00:09:56,037 Charlotte could have used some help herself. 230 00:09:56,125 --> 00:09:57,955 Someone's being industrious. 231 00:09:58,041 --> 00:10:00,671 Oh, Baird, hi. 232 00:10:00,750 --> 00:10:02,250 I didn't, I didn't hear you come in. 233 00:10:02,333 --> 00:10:04,083 I was in the neighborhood, so I thought I'd come by 234 00:10:04,166 --> 00:10:06,376 -and scare the shit out of you. 235 00:10:06,458 --> 00:10:08,998 Pick up my check for the pieces I sold. 236 00:10:09,542 --> 00:10:10,542 Right. 237 00:10:13,750 --> 00:10:15,250 -Here. -Thanks. 238 00:10:15,333 --> 00:10:16,753 Oh, there's something else. 239 00:10:16,834 --> 00:10:18,794 I've been thinking about this. 240 00:10:19,959 --> 00:10:22,169 I would love to have you pose for me. 241 00:10:22,625 --> 00:10:23,495 As... 242 00:10:23,583 --> 00:10:24,423 a man? 243 00:10:24,500 --> 00:10:26,670 Yeah. You'd be great. 244 00:10:26,750 --> 00:10:28,210 No. 245 00:10:28,917 --> 00:10:30,127 I don't think so. 246 00:10:30,208 --> 00:10:31,248 Why not? 247 00:10:31,583 --> 00:10:33,003 Well, I'm not, y'know... 248 00:10:33,083 --> 00:10:34,213 What, a model? 249 00:10:34,291 --> 00:10:35,831 No, butch. 250 00:10:36,291 --> 00:10:37,421 You'd be surprised, Charlotte. 251 00:10:37,500 --> 00:10:39,960 Every woman has a male inside of her. 252 00:10:40,041 --> 00:10:41,421 Even you. 253 00:10:42,208 --> 00:10:44,958 No, not me. 254 00:10:45,041 --> 00:10:46,671 I'm really bad at math, 255 00:10:46,750 --> 00:10:49,710 and I can't change a tire to save my life. 256 00:10:50,083 --> 00:10:51,583 Pose for me. 257 00:10:51,667 --> 00:10:53,207 I'll get it out of you. 258 00:10:54,208 --> 00:10:56,918 C'mon, be a man. 259 00:11:03,709 --> 00:11:06,419 The next night, Sean took me to a club so new 260 00:11:06,500 --> 00:11:08,250 even I hadn't heard of it. 261 00:11:09,667 --> 00:11:11,207 What's the name of this place? 262 00:11:11,291 --> 00:11:12,081 "Hair." 263 00:11:12,166 --> 00:11:13,246 Like the musical? 264 00:11:13,333 --> 00:11:14,633 Like the stuff on your head. 265 00:11:14,709 --> 00:11:17,129 Oh, you're too cool for me. 266 00:11:17,208 --> 00:11:18,788 You're too cute for me. 267 00:11:18,875 --> 00:11:21,375 Ten seconds of making out and I could almost forget 268 00:11:21,458 --> 00:11:24,038 Sean's lack of sexual orientation... 269 00:11:24,834 --> 00:11:26,754 until we stopped kissing. 270 00:11:33,208 --> 00:11:34,498 Okay, mister, who you checking out? 271 00:11:34,583 --> 00:11:35,833 The guy or the girl? 272 00:11:36,250 --> 00:11:38,420 Carrie, I was looking for the bathroom. 273 00:11:39,792 --> 00:11:40,752 Oh. 274 00:11:41,417 --> 00:11:42,577 Sorry, sorry! 275 00:11:43,041 --> 00:11:45,631 Sorry, this whole, uh, this whole bisexual thing, 276 00:11:45,709 --> 00:11:48,579 it's just, it's kinda throwing me for a loop. 277 00:11:49,083 --> 00:11:52,133 You know, you've been with men, you've been with women... 278 00:11:53,458 --> 00:11:54,458 Wait, seriously. 279 00:11:55,000 --> 00:11:56,630 Were you just looking at that guy? 280 00:11:56,959 --> 00:11:59,919 Carrie, I'm looking at you. 281 00:12:00,291 --> 00:12:01,631 I'm with you. 282 00:12:02,083 --> 00:12:03,003 I dig you. 283 00:12:03,083 --> 00:12:04,253 Oh, "dig" is in again? 284 00:12:04,333 --> 00:12:06,423 Yeah, and so is "groovy." 285 00:12:06,500 --> 00:12:07,630 And you're that, too. 286 00:12:07,709 --> 00:12:08,749 So you're not gay. 287 00:12:08,834 --> 00:12:09,924 I'm not gay. 288 00:12:10,000 --> 00:12:11,380 I've been in three major relationships. 289 00:12:11,458 --> 00:12:13,248 One happened to be a guy, okay? 290 00:12:13,333 --> 00:12:14,753 That's just me. 291 00:12:22,792 --> 00:12:25,832 An hour later, Sean was in my bed. 292 00:12:26,959 --> 00:12:28,079 That's just me. 293 00:12:32,333 --> 00:12:33,253 Nice floor. 294 00:12:33,333 --> 00:12:35,173 Ah, thanks. It's a rental. 295 00:12:42,333 --> 00:12:43,833 -What? -Nothing. 296 00:12:44,458 --> 00:12:46,878 Tell me or I'll make you go skating again. 297 00:12:56,875 --> 00:12:58,825 Do I kiss better than a guy? 298 00:12:59,875 --> 00:13:01,665 Better than any I've kissed. 299 00:13:02,500 --> 00:13:03,670 How 'bout me? 300 00:13:12,917 --> 00:13:14,377 Top two percent. 301 00:13:14,709 --> 00:13:16,249 I'll take that. 302 00:13:19,125 --> 00:13:22,955 So if there was this really good-looking guy 303 00:13:23,041 --> 00:13:24,381 walking towards you, 304 00:13:25,500 --> 00:13:28,710 and across the street was a really beautiful girl, 305 00:13:29,959 --> 00:13:32,539 -which one would you-- -Hey, Carrie, c'mon. 306 00:13:33,166 --> 00:13:35,666 Could you stop making this all about sex? 307 00:13:36,125 --> 00:13:38,495 It's not, y'know. It's about the person. 308 00:13:38,959 --> 00:13:39,879 You. 309 00:13:40,125 --> 00:13:42,285 -I'm crazy about you. 310 00:13:42,375 --> 00:13:44,165 The way you smell... 311 00:13:44,667 --> 00:13:47,077 The way your upper lip tastes... 312 00:13:49,875 --> 00:13:51,825 It may not have been all about sex, 313 00:13:51,917 --> 00:13:53,877 but it was for the next two hours. 314 00:13:57,083 --> 00:14:00,043 I wasn't the only one with thoughts of younger men on the brain. 315 00:14:00,250 --> 00:14:01,750 No, you listen to me. 316 00:14:01,834 --> 00:14:04,044 We've called your boss three times already. 317 00:14:04,125 --> 00:14:06,325 I'm not leaving word again, okay? 318 00:14:06,417 --> 00:14:08,417 Give him that message. 319 00:14:08,917 --> 00:14:10,957 Hello? Hello? 320 00:14:11,583 --> 00:14:12,673 What are you doing? 321 00:14:12,750 --> 00:14:14,500 Matt, that is not how I do business. 322 00:14:14,583 --> 00:14:15,923 That bitch makes me crazy. 323 00:14:16,000 --> 00:14:17,670 I don't care. These are important clients. 324 00:14:17,750 --> 00:14:19,380 You can't talk to them like that. 325 00:14:19,458 --> 00:14:21,578 Do you want them to call you back, or not? 326 00:14:22,041 --> 00:14:24,671 Maybe I need to remind you that I am the boss here. 327 00:14:24,750 --> 00:14:26,000 So fire me. 328 00:14:26,083 --> 00:14:29,753 I just think you deserve some respect, that's all. 329 00:14:31,542 --> 00:14:33,632 Put this in the Fargas Benefit file. 330 00:14:37,250 --> 00:14:40,880 Samantha found Matt's boyish arrogance annoying, 331 00:14:40,959 --> 00:14:42,709 unprofessional... 332 00:14:42,792 --> 00:14:44,292 and incredibly hot. 333 00:14:47,083 --> 00:14:48,923 Meanwhile, Miranda was having her own problems 334 00:14:49,000 --> 00:14:51,630 sharing a confined space with the other sex. 335 00:14:55,792 --> 00:14:56,632 Hey! 336 00:14:56,709 --> 00:14:57,669 What? 337 00:14:58,667 --> 00:14:59,787 What's goin' on? 338 00:15:00,375 --> 00:15:01,785 You're on my side. 339 00:15:02,542 --> 00:15:03,792 My pillow. 340 00:15:04,583 --> 00:15:06,083 My guest's pillow. 341 00:15:06,709 --> 00:15:10,129 Okay, um, I'll tell you what. 342 00:15:10,458 --> 00:15:12,918 Tomorrow, we'll go buy some paint 343 00:15:13,000 --> 00:15:15,290 and we'll draw a line down the middle for you. 344 00:15:20,834 --> 00:15:22,294 Go to sleep. 345 00:15:26,834 --> 00:15:28,714 That pile. Your stuff. 346 00:15:29,000 --> 00:15:30,540 You have to keep it neater. 347 00:15:31,333 --> 00:15:35,083 Well, maybe if you could spare a drawer or a box or something, 348 00:15:35,166 --> 00:15:36,956 I could keep my underwear out of the way. 349 00:15:37,041 --> 00:15:38,331 You want a drawer? 350 00:15:43,458 --> 00:15:44,498 Actually... 351 00:15:48,083 --> 00:15:49,673 actually, I'd like to move in. 352 00:15:49,750 --> 00:15:52,670 Most single women dream of this moment. 353 00:15:53,458 --> 00:15:55,828 Most single women, but Miranda. 354 00:15:56,834 --> 00:15:57,834 Wow! 355 00:15:58,500 --> 00:16:01,830 Okay, where did that come from? 356 00:16:02,792 --> 00:16:04,882 What? I've been thinking about it. 357 00:16:05,834 --> 00:16:07,004 We have a great time together. 358 00:16:07,083 --> 00:16:08,793 We're practically living together anyway-- 359 00:16:08,875 --> 00:16:11,415 Yeah, but we're not. 360 00:16:15,166 --> 00:16:19,126 Look, we just started dating again. 361 00:16:19,458 --> 00:16:21,998 There's no need to go at warp speed, here. 362 00:16:22,083 --> 00:16:25,463 I mean, nobody's dying and I'm sure every book 363 00:16:25,542 --> 00:16:26,832 would say that we're not ready. 364 00:16:26,917 --> 00:16:29,377 I mean, you're here all the time! 365 00:16:29,750 --> 00:16:30,830 No problem. 366 00:16:31,166 --> 00:16:32,706 I'll get outta your hair. 367 00:16:33,166 --> 00:16:34,876 -I'll leave the key. -No, no. 368 00:16:34,959 --> 00:16:37,379 Don't leave the key! I-- I-- I-- I-- take the key! 369 00:16:37,458 --> 00:16:39,668 I just-- I need my space. 370 00:16:39,750 --> 00:16:42,040 I feel like I'm being suffocated! 371 00:16:45,125 --> 00:16:46,745 Jesus, Miranda. 372 00:16:49,291 --> 00:16:51,541 It's like you're the guy sometimes. 373 00:16:54,083 --> 00:16:55,923 Faced with relationship problems, 374 00:16:56,000 --> 00:16:57,960 some women turn to fried food. 375 00:16:58,041 --> 00:16:59,961 Miranda decided to turn to Manhattan's 376 00:17:00,041 --> 00:17:02,671 latest fitness craze, The Goddess Workout. 377 00:17:02,750 --> 00:17:05,500 All right, ladies, open up your chakras, 378 00:17:05,583 --> 00:17:07,543 let the inner goddess sing. 379 00:17:09,583 --> 00:17:12,253 She's in there. All you have to do is let her out. 380 00:17:12,709 --> 00:17:14,579 This is gonna help you be a woman? 381 00:17:14,667 --> 00:17:17,327 I'm gonna find my inner goddess if it kills me. 382 00:17:17,417 --> 00:17:18,877 And pop your hip. 383 00:17:18,959 --> 00:17:20,289 Pop your hip. 384 00:17:21,125 --> 00:17:23,785 Open yourself like a lotus flower. 385 00:17:24,792 --> 00:17:26,132 C'mon, pop your hip. 386 00:17:27,709 --> 00:17:28,829 Pop your hip. 387 00:17:31,125 --> 00:17:32,205 You see? 388 00:17:32,583 --> 00:17:34,753 My hips don't pop, I'm a guy! 389 00:17:34,834 --> 00:17:36,044 You're insane. 390 00:17:36,125 --> 00:17:37,915 This isn't helping me find my inner goddess. 391 00:17:38,000 --> 00:17:39,920 This is making me find my inner humiliation. 392 00:17:40,000 --> 00:17:43,750 And reach back, ladies, reach for the stars. 393 00:17:47,542 --> 00:17:50,382 -Ugh! 394 00:17:50,792 --> 00:17:52,212 You know what? We're out of here. 395 00:17:52,291 --> 00:17:53,461 Yeah. 396 00:17:57,375 --> 00:17:59,205 I'm never gonna be a girly girl. 397 00:17:59,291 --> 00:18:00,291 I never will. 398 00:18:00,375 --> 00:18:01,955 I'm never gonna be a lotus flower. 399 00:18:02,041 --> 00:18:03,671 And may I just say, thank God? 400 00:18:03,750 --> 00:18:05,960 A girly girl would want her boyfriend to move in. 401 00:18:06,041 --> 00:18:08,041 Yeah, she also wears makeup to the gym. 402 00:18:08,125 --> 00:18:10,535 And makes little hearts above her I's. 403 00:18:14,166 --> 00:18:15,456 I do love him. 404 00:18:16,709 --> 00:18:18,249 -I do. -I know, sweetie. 405 00:18:18,333 --> 00:18:19,673 So, what's my problem? 406 00:18:20,083 --> 00:18:23,293 I think in any relationship one person's the alpha dog. 407 00:18:23,375 --> 00:18:24,535 The one that's in charge. 408 00:18:24,625 --> 00:18:25,745 That's you. 409 00:18:25,834 --> 00:18:27,544 You don't want to share your water dish. 410 00:18:28,166 --> 00:18:29,956 But I'm very free with the chew toys. 411 00:18:30,041 --> 00:18:31,171 That you are. 412 00:18:33,166 --> 00:18:36,206 Miranda arrived home later to an empty apartment. 413 00:18:39,166 --> 00:18:42,826 And for the first time, she really didn't like it. 414 00:18:45,333 --> 00:18:48,423 While Miranda and I worked out our inner goddesses, 415 00:18:48,500 --> 00:18:51,000 Baird was working the male out of Charlotte. 416 00:18:51,083 --> 00:18:52,083 Yeah. 417 00:18:52,583 --> 00:18:54,923 -You look great. 418 00:18:55,625 --> 00:18:57,205 I'm sorry, I can't. 419 00:18:58,041 --> 00:18:59,671 I can't do this. 420 00:19:00,625 --> 00:19:01,705 Just relax. 421 00:19:02,542 --> 00:19:04,672 Okay, let it go. Forget Charlotte. 422 00:19:05,000 --> 00:19:06,540 You're a man now... 423 00:19:07,250 --> 00:19:08,630 You're a hot guy. 424 00:19:08,709 --> 00:19:09,959 You can get any woman you want. 425 00:19:10,041 --> 00:19:12,041 You're rich. You're powerful. 426 00:19:12,125 --> 00:19:14,375 You eat guys like me for lunch. 427 00:19:15,500 --> 00:19:16,710 How you feeling now? 428 00:19:18,792 --> 00:19:21,542 I think I need a bigger sock. 429 00:19:23,458 --> 00:19:25,078 I think you do too. 430 00:19:45,375 --> 00:19:46,375 Better? 431 00:19:47,959 --> 00:19:49,169 Much. 432 00:19:49,250 --> 00:19:51,130 Who knows whether it was the sock, 433 00:19:51,208 --> 00:19:52,788 or the suit, or Baird, 434 00:19:52,875 --> 00:19:56,125 but suddenly Charlotte wasn't just a chick with a dick. 435 00:19:57,041 --> 00:19:58,921 She was a chick with balls. 436 00:20:07,166 --> 00:20:10,036 Unfortunately, the two alpha dogs in Samantha's office 437 00:20:10,125 --> 00:20:11,745 were not getting along as well. 438 00:20:12,166 --> 00:20:15,166 These invitations need to go to the printers, ASAP. 439 00:20:15,792 --> 00:20:17,172 Yeah, okay. I'll get to it. 440 00:20:17,542 --> 00:20:20,712 Now! Drop them at 72nd Street and then pick up lunch. 441 00:20:20,792 --> 00:20:22,212 They're in opposite directions. 442 00:20:22,291 --> 00:20:23,081 I'll get lunch first. 443 00:20:23,166 --> 00:20:25,456 No! Invitations first. 444 00:20:26,333 --> 00:20:27,963 Fine. Then I'll be an hour late. 445 00:20:28,041 --> 00:20:30,211 Do you realize that you are my assistant? 446 00:20:30,417 --> 00:20:33,167 Your job is to do what I say, no matter what. 447 00:20:33,250 --> 00:20:34,830 I know what I'm doing. 448 00:20:35,250 --> 00:20:36,710 And I know better. 449 00:20:36,792 --> 00:20:38,832 -Yeah, says who? -Me. 450 00:20:38,917 --> 00:20:40,417 And who the hell do you think you are? 451 00:20:40,500 --> 00:20:42,290 -Your boss! 452 00:20:44,291 --> 00:20:45,961 Samantha Jones, PR. 453 00:20:46,125 --> 00:20:48,665 No, I don't know when she will... 454 00:20:48,750 --> 00:20:50,710 Yeah, well, she's been busy. 455 00:20:51,208 --> 00:20:53,288 Yeah? You have a shitty attitude too. 456 00:20:53,583 --> 00:20:55,633 Oh, and FYI, your parties suck! 457 00:20:57,750 --> 00:21:00,670 Well, the bad news is, you're fired. 458 00:21:00,750 --> 00:21:04,040 The good news is... now, I can fuck you. 459 00:21:04,125 --> 00:21:06,125 Samantha discovered the only place 460 00:21:06,208 --> 00:21:08,498 she and Matt worked well together was in bed. 461 00:21:08,583 --> 00:21:10,293 Fuck me on the desk. 462 00:21:13,208 --> 00:21:15,748 -No, the chair. -No, on the desk. 463 00:21:15,834 --> 00:21:18,334 With Sam on top, naturally. 464 00:21:20,166 --> 00:21:24,286 That night, Miranda invited Steve over for "pasta al détente." 465 00:21:24,375 --> 00:21:25,285 Hi! 466 00:21:25,375 --> 00:21:26,875 I'm late, I know I'm late. 467 00:21:26,959 --> 00:21:29,169 -Hey, it's okay-- -No, it's not okay. 468 00:21:29,500 --> 00:21:31,750 I was gonna make you dinner and then this conference call 469 00:21:31,834 --> 00:21:33,834 went over like two hours. 470 00:21:34,041 --> 00:21:35,541 And I went to the market, and the recipe calls 471 00:21:35,625 --> 00:21:38,035 for extra virgin olive oil, and they only had virgin. 472 00:21:38,125 --> 00:21:39,455 And how the hell do I know the difference 473 00:21:39,542 --> 00:21:40,582 since I don't even cook? 474 00:21:40,667 --> 00:21:41,957 So I just scrapped the whole thing 475 00:21:42,041 --> 00:21:44,541 and got the stuff in a jar, and I'm late-- 476 00:21:46,208 --> 00:21:48,038 Don't move. It's glass. 477 00:21:50,875 --> 00:21:51,955 I can't! 478 00:21:52,041 --> 00:21:53,131 I can't do this. 479 00:21:53,208 --> 00:21:55,038 Of course you can't, we'll order pizza. 480 00:21:55,125 --> 00:21:57,455 -It's no big deal. -It's a big fucking deal! 481 00:21:57,875 --> 00:22:00,625 I spilled marinara sauce all over myself, and you're here, 482 00:22:00,709 --> 00:22:03,289 and you saw that and I drop things, okay? 483 00:22:03,375 --> 00:22:06,205 Okay, so do I... 484 00:22:07,917 --> 00:22:09,457 I do love you. 485 00:22:10,125 --> 00:22:12,075 But I've never lived with anybody before, 486 00:22:12,875 --> 00:22:16,075 and I'm stubborn, and I like the remote, 487 00:22:16,875 --> 00:22:18,035 and I can't cook. 488 00:22:18,834 --> 00:22:21,794 And I don't do laundry sometimes for like two weeks 489 00:22:21,875 --> 00:22:25,915 and my sponges smell, and you're gonna see all that, 490 00:22:26,875 --> 00:22:28,245 and I'm scared... 491 00:22:29,583 --> 00:22:31,793 And I don't know if I can move forward, 492 00:22:31,875 --> 00:22:34,075 but I really don't want to lose you. 493 00:22:35,750 --> 00:22:36,920 Hey. 494 00:22:42,083 --> 00:22:44,253 I'm not going anywhere. 495 00:22:50,875 --> 00:22:52,625 Crying on your shoulder. 496 00:22:52,709 --> 00:22:55,879 Jesus, I guess I really am a woman, huh? 497 00:22:55,959 --> 00:22:59,039 A week later, Miranda's man moved into her place... 498 00:22:59,125 --> 00:23:03,205 the same day that Charlotte moved her man into her place. 499 00:23:03,291 --> 00:23:04,751 She never saw Baird again. 500 00:23:04,834 --> 00:23:07,674 She was too embarrassed about how forward she'd been. 501 00:23:07,750 --> 00:23:10,540 She realized she might have been that type of guy, 502 00:23:10,625 --> 00:23:13,125 but she'd never be that type of woman. 503 00:23:14,834 --> 00:23:17,754 Eighty blocks downtown and five flights up, 504 00:23:17,834 --> 00:23:20,504 Sean and I had almost made it to the party. 505 00:23:20,583 --> 00:23:22,883 I swear, one more floor, promise. 506 00:23:23,583 --> 00:23:26,543 If there's no vodka at the end of this, it's your head. 507 00:23:26,625 --> 00:23:28,625 Take it easy, dude, we're here. 508 00:23:29,750 --> 00:23:30,750 Okay, dude. 509 00:23:36,291 --> 00:23:37,921 Okay, so whose party is this? 510 00:23:38,000 --> 00:23:38,880 Mark's. 511 00:23:39,000 --> 00:23:39,920 Oh. 512 00:23:40,000 --> 00:23:41,630 Mark, ex-boyfriend Mark? 513 00:23:41,917 --> 00:23:43,077 Is that a problem? 514 00:23:43,458 --> 00:23:45,328 It's his boyfriend's birthday. 515 00:23:47,166 --> 00:23:48,996 It was definitely a first. 516 00:23:49,667 --> 00:23:50,917 I was attending a party 517 00:23:51,000 --> 00:23:53,920 of my sort-of boyfriend's ex-boyfriend. 518 00:23:54,000 --> 00:23:55,040 And his boyfriend. 519 00:23:55,125 --> 00:23:56,415 -Hey. -Hey! 520 00:23:57,208 --> 00:23:59,538 Carrie, this is Mark, and his boyfriend, Garth. 521 00:23:59,625 --> 00:24:01,165 Partner. Nice to meet you. 522 00:24:01,375 --> 00:24:05,075 This is our baby, Isabell, two L's, no E. 523 00:24:05,166 --> 00:24:07,706 Okay, happy birthday. 524 00:24:07,792 --> 00:24:08,922 Oh, thank you, thanks. 525 00:24:09,000 --> 00:24:10,790 This is Dawn and Grace. 526 00:24:10,875 --> 00:24:11,745 -Hi. -Hi! 527 00:24:11,834 --> 00:24:13,254 They just got married in Hawaii. 528 00:24:13,333 --> 00:24:14,713 Oh, congratulations. 529 00:24:14,792 --> 00:24:15,962 Thanks. Thank you. 530 00:24:16,041 --> 00:24:17,751 It was totally spur of the moment. 531 00:24:17,834 --> 00:24:20,334 Yeah, I didn't want a big wedding like my first. 532 00:24:20,417 --> 00:24:21,497 It wasn't so bad. 533 00:24:21,709 --> 00:24:23,709 Yeah, it was being married to you that sucked. 534 00:24:25,333 --> 00:24:26,713 Oh, so you two were-- 535 00:24:26,792 --> 00:24:28,632 Married, right, yeah, for like a year. 536 00:24:28,709 --> 00:24:30,169 We were high on "E" for most of it, though. 537 00:24:30,250 --> 00:24:31,710 Otherwise it would have been miserable. 538 00:24:31,792 --> 00:24:33,962 Hey, don't forget who gave you that egg there, buddy. 539 00:24:34,041 --> 00:24:36,541 Oh, and this is our, uh, token straight friend, Joel. 540 00:24:37,375 --> 00:24:38,995 Are you wearing pleather? 541 00:24:39,458 --> 00:24:41,628 Well, yes, I am. And thank you for noticing. 542 00:24:41,709 --> 00:24:42,829 Carrie, what can I get you? 543 00:24:42,917 --> 00:24:43,957 An hour later, 544 00:24:44,041 --> 00:24:46,131 I had almost gotten it straight. 545 00:24:46,208 --> 00:24:49,628 Okay, so, so Grace once dated Brett, 546 00:24:49,917 --> 00:24:51,787 and Brett used to live with Joel? 547 00:24:51,875 --> 00:24:52,955 Semi-platonically. 548 00:24:53,041 --> 00:24:54,631 And you slept with Dawn. 549 00:24:54,709 --> 00:24:56,039 Before she was with Mark. 550 00:24:56,375 --> 00:24:57,375 Naturally. 551 00:24:57,458 --> 00:24:58,918 Gay, bi, straight... 552 00:24:59,000 --> 00:25:01,460 This party was a veritable pu pu platter 553 00:25:01,542 --> 00:25:03,422 of sexual orientation. 554 00:25:07,959 --> 00:25:10,289 Time to play! 555 00:25:11,917 --> 00:25:13,537 -Play what? -Spin the bottle. 556 00:25:13,792 --> 00:25:15,502 Wait, wait, seriously? 557 00:25:15,583 --> 00:25:17,213 Seventh grade spin the bottle, that one? 558 00:25:17,291 --> 00:25:18,671 Yes, come play, it's fun. 559 00:25:18,750 --> 00:25:19,880 C'mon, it's fun. 560 00:25:39,583 --> 00:25:41,253 Get a room! 561 00:25:42,291 --> 00:25:44,251 Get a dental dam! 562 00:26:07,875 --> 00:26:08,825 Carrie. 563 00:26:11,166 --> 00:26:12,536 Oh, whoops. 564 00:26:12,625 --> 00:26:14,625 It's a girl. Try again. 565 00:26:14,917 --> 00:26:15,787 It's okay. 566 00:26:15,875 --> 00:26:17,375 Of course it was okay. 567 00:26:17,458 --> 00:26:20,418 I was in Alice-in-Confused- Sexual-Orientation-Land. 568 00:26:23,959 --> 00:26:25,579 I realized I had a choice. 569 00:26:25,667 --> 00:26:29,207 I could stand up and walk out and prove I was an old fart, 570 00:26:29,291 --> 00:26:31,671 or I could fall down the rabbit hole. 571 00:27:00,000 --> 00:27:01,380 And so I fell. 572 00:27:01,917 --> 00:27:02,997 It wasn't bad. 573 00:27:03,667 --> 00:27:04,957 Kind of like chicken. 574 00:27:09,750 --> 00:27:10,750 Hey, where you going? 575 00:27:10,834 --> 00:27:11,834 -It's your spin. -Oh. 576 00:27:11,917 --> 00:27:14,077 Just... more cigarettes. 577 00:27:17,250 --> 00:27:19,330 That was the last night I saw Sean. 578 00:27:19,417 --> 00:27:21,287 I realized they could do whatever they wanted, 579 00:27:21,375 --> 00:27:22,535 but deep down? 580 00:27:22,625 --> 00:27:24,575 I was too old to play this game. 581 00:27:26,166 --> 00:27:29,036 So I took my hot, old-fart ass home. 582 00:27:30,083 --> 00:27:31,213 That's just me.