[Carrie] I had been dating politician Bill Kelley
for three weeks now.
Since most of my time with him was spent on the campaign trail,
I decided to dress the part.
I found some vintage Halston
and did a spin on Jackie Kennedy, the early years.
Go Kelley.
Who here knows what a city comptroller does?
[kids] Me!
You do?
[Carrie] I figured we made a good match.
I was adept at fashion, he was adept at politics.
[Kelley] At the heart of this world city is a populace whose passion,
love and devotion to their home...
[Carrie] And really, what's the difference?
They're both about recycling shopworn ideas
and making them seem fresh and inspiring.
And it is this unique love affair,
this symbiotic relationship between citizenry and city
that I promise to cherish and protect.
-Thank you. -[applause]
-Great guy. -Yes, he is.
Can I talk to you about proposition 114?
What is that?
You and me in the bedroom.
Is that on the ballot?
Well, it oughta be, I'd back it.
Or front it, or whatever position you want.
Which way is the bedroom?
[Carrie] Ahh!
[giggling] Put me down!
Oh, God! Well, you're all man...
[Carrie] That was the night I had my political consciousness raised.
So how about a movie Wednesday night?
Wednesday?
I'm not sure, I might be working.
Thursday then.
Okay, maybe Thursday.
I'll see.
Why, do you have plans?
Steve, you can't just assume that I'm gonna be free every night, right?
Ah... Is it a date?
It could be a date.
In which case I wouldn't necessarily
share that information with you.
Why not? I'd like to know, who are you dating?
Nobody in particular.
-Anybody specifically? -What is this, the third degree?
I'm just trying to figure out
when I get to see you again.
I'm not dating anyone else.
I'm not planning on dating anyone else.
I just want to see you.
I see.
Exclusively.
I got it.
That's very sweet. I just hadn't thought about things that way.
So, think about it.
Okay.
Because I've thought about it.
And I think if we really want to see
if things can work out between us this time,
we gotta at least make the commitment to be exclusive.
Okay.
I hear ya.
Okay.
[Carrie] The truth was, there were no other candidates in sight,
but Miranda wasn't sure
she was ready to let Steve win by default.
I can't believe you're dating a politician.
You're not even registered to vote!
It's the undecideds they're really after.
Well, I totally get it.
Not only is he good looking,
but he's got the power thing going for him.
It's gotta be a turn-on.
Oh, yeah, I'm dating a potential comptroller.
-It's hot. -[Miranda laughs]
I want to help out with the campaign.
Since when are you interested in politics?
[Charlotte] Always.
It's a really great way to meet men.
And with Carrie by our side,
we can just get to meet the inner circle
and all the really interesting donors.
By interesting men she means single and rich.
Whoa, guys, he's not running for president.
Oh, he should, I'd vote for him. He's really cute.
So?
I always vote for candidates according to their looks.
I base my decision on the swimsuit competition.
The country runs better with a good looking man in the White House.
Look what happened with Nixon.
No one wanted to fuck him, so he fucked everyone.
I used to have a college crush on Dan Quayle.
[Carrie] The country needs a president in a hat.
No one wears a hat anymore.
FDR: good president...
Wore a hat.
So busy picking out a hat, he forgot to get in the war.
I had a college crush on Dan Quayle.
Yeah, we pretty much tried to ignore that the first time.
I think it was his crisp, white shirts...
Reminded me of my father.
So, basically, you're just voting for your father?
-Yeah. -I always thought there was something homoerotic
about Quayle's relationship with Bush,
very Batman and Robin.
Well, based strictly on looks...
No one was more handsome than JFK.
Or quicker to jump in the sack, I might add.
I'm glad you three weren't around during the original 13 colonies.
I don't think our founding fathers were very "fuck-able".
[Samantha] I don't know...
I heard that Thomas Jefferson was a real fox.
[Carrie] There we were,
just four girls talking politics.
Meanwhile, Miranda was facing a day at the polls
a bit earlier than she expected.
Last night, as we were walking home from dinner,
Steve asked me to go steady.
Oh, how sweet. They still call it that?
I don't know that I can make that kind of commitment.
Well, how many other guys are you dating?
That's not the point.
I'm just so ambivalent about Steve and moving forward.
Well, you did let him back in your life.
So?
So, that's gotta mean there's something there.
Sure, there's plenty there,
lots of flaws that make me not want to stick my neck out.
But then there's a lot of really great stuff too.
Maybe I should just be honest and tell him what I'm really feeling,
which is: what if somebody better comes along?
You gotta put a better spin on it than that.
You see, that's my problem.
I don't know how to be political in relationships.
Uh-oh, it's time for the ol' list.
Things you like about Steve, things you don't like about Steve.
See which column is longer.
-That's so judgmental. -Miranda, you are judgmental.
Why don't you put it to good use?
Okay... Fine.
I'll make a list.
[Carrie] Though politics had always seemed as relevant to me
as a new Erica Jong novel,
I did find it interesting that a discussion about politics
ultimately became a discussion about sex,
and a discussion about sex
ultimately became a question of politics.
Which led me to wonder if the two weren't in fact,
inextricably linked, and if so...
can there be sex without politics?
That night, Samantha discovered a hot new candidate of her own.
[man] Hey there, pink lady, can I buy that for you?
Maybe... if you promise never to use a lame line
like that ever again.
Hey, it worked, didn't it?
-Jeff Fenton. -Samantha Jones.
You are damn attractive, and that is not a line.
Jeff, how long have you been sitting at this bar?
My first drink.
So you're just naturally forward?
I'm aggressive.
I run a very successful hedge fund.
My whole life is about calculating risk.
And telling a beautiful lady she's attractive,
that's the safest bet I've made all day.
Thank you.
-You like to ski? -I love it.
My partners and I have this gorgeous house in Sun Valley.
How long have you been skiing?
On and off for years.
I can tell, you got the legs for the sport.
-[beeper] -Oh, shit...
I gotta run back to the office.
How 'bout dinner this week?
Because I got to tell you everything about me,
I didn't get a chance to hear anything about you.
[Carrie] Samantha never felt better.
There were gorgeous women sitting on either side,
and Jeff had elected her.
-"Fenton Partners." -[Jeff] That's right.
We're up 320 percent for the year.
"Samantha Jones, Public Relations."
Very nice, you must do well.
Like who's gonna say no to you?
What do you say to dinner? Friday night?
I think that might work.
[Carrie] And just as her self esteem was soaring right off the charts...
Nice to meet you, pink lady.
I'll give you a call.
Bye.
[Carrie] Later that week,
I brought the "Single Ladies' Coalition To Elect Bill Kelley"
to a fundraiser.
What do you guys consider to be the height difference
between a short person and a little person?
-A little person? -You know, a midget.
A midget or a dwarf?
-What's the difference? -I'm not sure, actually.
I think "little person" is the proper way
to refer to an adult under five feet.
Well, then I agreed to go on a date with a very short person.
But I didn't realize he was so short.
I mean, sitting down, he was perfectly proportional,
standing up, he barely clears my nipples.
Well, that may be the perfect height.
I'd like to cancel the thing,
but I can't just because he's a munchkin.
You know, this is a very politically incorrect conversation
to be having at a political fundraiser.
But anything less than five feet is unacceptable.
Now, if you'll excuse me I have to go mingle
because there are a lot of cute guys here,
and these things never last beyond two martinis.
[Carrie] Charlotte was running her own campaign.
She was determined to be elected wife
before the year was out.
There's Miranda.
Give me that.
-Hey, you made it. Hi. -[Miranda] Hey!
Tell me again, why are we voting for this guy?
Well, he's calling for an investigation
into the board of education to weed out waste and fraud
and he's launched a probe against large corporations
to make them stop throwing away your tax dollars.
I'm sleeping with him.
-Good enough for me. -[Miranda laughs]
C'mon, I'll introduce you.
Hey, psst!
Jesus Christ, that guy talks more than I do.
-Hi. -Hi.
This is the lovely Miranda Hobbes...
-Hi. -Hello.
...and her friend Steve Brady.
-Hey. -How you doin'?
I've heard such wonderful things about you.
You must be reading my clippings.
I pay a lot of people a lot of money to say nice things about me.
Hey, if you win,
maybe you can fix a couple of parking tickets for me?
I owe the city of New York 500 bucks.
I figure I need the money more than they do.
What? It's a joke!
Come on, he knows I'm kidding.
I'll grab us a drink. It's nice meeting you.
Nice meeting you.
We have the mayor's wife over here.
Excuse me.
The dumb jokes: con.
[sighs] Cute butt: pro.
I don't believe in the Republican party
or the Democratic party.
I just believe in parties.
[Carrie] Across the room, Charlotte was stumping for her cause,
and making new friends.
I love Lichtenstein, but then I loved comic books as a kid, too.
But that's great.
His work is accessible on so many levels.
Sweetheart, this is Charlotte.
She runs a gallery downtown.
Charlotte, this is my fiancé Catherine.
Hi.
Nice to meet you.
[Carrie] Stanford!
Hey!
I can only stay a few minutes.
I've got tickets to The Vagina Monologues.
Why?
Just because I don't eat at the restaurant
doesn't mean I can't hear the specials.
Quick, no one's looking, give me a sip of your drink.
Hey, Bill,
this is my fabulous friend Stanford Blatch.
-Mmm! -Bill Kelley.
Hello, I represent the queer vote.
Mmm.
If you can carry Chelsea,
you've got the city locked up.
I'm not worried about Chelsea.
Have you seen my ass?
Got my vote.
Mr. Mcgrath, twelve o'clock.
Oh, excuse me.
Who's that guy?
[Carrie] Oh, that's his campaign manager.
Fix me up.
How do you even know he's gay?
I've seen him rollerblading on Eighth Avenue.
-Oh. -That's enough.
Please?
Oh, great, now I'm a first lady and a pimp.
Hey, excuse me.
Um, this is awkward,
so feel free to stop me at any time,
but, um...
there's a person here who'd like to meet you.
Okay.
A guy.
Keep going.
Oh, okay, well,
it's the guy right over there.
You mean the blonde guy with the great arms?
Oh, actually, no.
It's the, it's the bald guy
with the great sense of humor.
Do you know the blonde guy?
No.
Because he's really much more my type.
Okay...
Well...
Go Kelley!
[Carrie] I wondered how to handle this political hot potato.
He's not gay.
-I could've sworn he was. -Mmm. Mmm-mmm-mmm.
[Carrie] I realized I was getting good at politics.
I am just so at the place
where I'm just really ready to settle down.
I mean, it just seems like a miracle when two nice people like you guys
can even find each other.
Actually, we met in the most unusual way.
One of my girlfriends threw a party
where all of the women were asked to bring a man
they weren't interested in.
-Somebody brought Bob. -[both laugh]
And the rest is history.
[squeals] I love that!
One woman's trash is another woman's treasure!
[Carrie] Bill raised six grand that night.
It really got him in the mood.
You know,
you're the first woman in a long long time
that I've felt this intimate with.
You're so beautiful and so funny.
You're, you're great.
Thank you.
I love making love with you.
The feeling's mutual.
Is there anything you want or need that I'm not doing?
-No, it's great. -'Cause I want to know.
I want to make you happy.
Well, I am happy.
What about you?
Is there anything that you want or need that I'm not doing?
No.
Well, maybe one thing.
What?
Well, I would love to get you in the shower...
Mm-hmm.
And get each other all fresh and clean...
Well, that sounds nice.
And then...
let you pee on me.
[Miranda] I would be very worried if I were you.
The pee could just be foreplay.
Oh, my God!
Where there's smoke... I'm just saying.
This is so typical of men in power.
They just love to be dominated and humiliated.
What did you say when he asked you?
Well, I told him I'd just gone but maybe another time.
But I really don't think that I can keep saying that forever.
I peed on a guy once during sex.
But it was an accident.
What did he say?
Honestly, I don't even think he noticed.
-Huh. -I once had to stop eating meat for six months.
So this is what it's come down to...
-Ready, set, pee. -[all laugh]
Look, sometimes for the right guy, you have to make concessions.
There's always gonna be something.
Are you guys seriously advocating that I do this?
Well, why not? He's a great looking, rich, political prince.
Oh, sure, it's practically a fairy tale.
"The Princess and the Pee."
[all laughing]
You know, if you really feel like you can't work it out with Bill,
then just bring him to this party I'm having Friday night.
Everyone is bringing a guy they're no longer interested in.
That's a great idea!
-I can bring my short guy! -Yes!
Oh, yeah, that's terrific, you're dating a munchkin,
and I've gotta follow the yellow brick road.
[Carrie] A couple of nights later and no closer to a solution,
I had a date with Bill.
He took me to his favorite Indian restaurant
that boasted the hottest curry in the city.
So I just got some new polls which have me way ahead in Manhattan and Brooklyn,
but for some reason I'm lagging in the Bronx.
I may have to spend another 50 grand
just to buy myself some voter turnout.
-It's pretty hot, isn't it? -Yeah!
-Have some water. -Oh, no, I'm fine.
Excuse me, can I get another one of these?
You want a beer?
So... I read your column yesterday.
-You did? -Yeah, it's great.
Very funny.
Just one question.
Who's the handsome politico you keep referring to?
Oh, he's just some other fellow I'm seeing in Washington.
You don't mind, do you?
Hey, my life is an open book.
It has to be.
[water pouring loudly]
But what I really love about the column
is the way you seem to feel about him.
And it's mutual.
Even if I can't put it in print the way you do.
I am so crazy about you.
Me too.
Listen, I was really hoping we could spend the night together,
but I have an early breakfast meeting
with the Brooklyn Bridge preservation--
Oh, that's no problem.
Rain check?
[Carrie] That Friday night, Charlotte threw her "used date party".
Hi!
You made it.
There are so many eligible men here.
-Oh... -Hi, Charlotte, nice apartment.
Can I get you something to drink?
Yes, immediately, if not sooner.
You brought Stanford?
Well, you said to bring a man you're not interested in.
You're making a mockery of this party.
Oh...
Carrie, Charlotte...
Hi!
This is Jeff Fenton.
Ladies...
-How do you do? -[Jeff] It's a pleasure.
-Hi. -Nice to meet you.
I'll take your coat.
Take your time.
Mingle.
Is that the smallest man you've ever seen?
If you ladies will excuse me,
I have to go meet my eligible guests.
I've gotta get busy, too.
[sighs]
[Miranda] Carrie! Hey!
Hey!
What are you doing here?
Well, I figure before I finalize the list,
I should see what's out there.
-How's that list going? -Great, fine.
I'm guessing that's Samantha's little friend.
Oh, yeah.
You've gotta go to Cuba now.
Another year will be too late.
But can't you get arrested for going?
No, you just fly through Canada.
They love Americans.
Hey, I'll email you some of my pictures if you want.
Yeah, I'd love to see them!
Charlotte, right?
Right.
-And... -Greg Miller.
Very nice to meet you, Greg Miller.
Having any luck?
Excuse me?
Meeting someone.
Well, I'm kinda already here with somebody.
Yeah.
An ex-girlfriend, right?
What are you talking about?
Get a clue.
You brought me here to dump me?
Not exactly...
I just thought maybe you could meet someone else your...
Your own size.
Listen, sweetheart, give me an hour in the sack,
and you'll swear I'm the Jolly Green Giant.
Oh, really?
Oh, really, I'm the best you've ever had.
[Carrie] Samantha felt so politically incorrect about dumping a man for his height,
that she felt she had no other option than to sleep with him.
Fine, let's go.
Okay, I'm ready to go, there's no one here for us.
Oh, speak for yourself.
If these guys are in their 30s and these women don't want them,
there might just be a little something here for me.
I'll talk to you tomorrow.
Bye.
Hi.
I'm an adventure travel junkie.
I took the entire year off after business school
-and trekked the old spice route through Asia. -Wow.
[Carrie] Talking to Greg, Charlotte felt like she had unearthed a rare coin
that some other woman had thoughtlessly discarded.
-Hi. -Hey!
Charlotte, this is my ex, Melinda Peters.
She kind of hooked me up with this thing.
-Hi, you must be a friend of Karen's. -Mm-hmm.
Thank you so much for bringing this wonderful man.
You're welcome.
Can I talk to you for a minute?
Sure. Excuse me.
-Bye! -[woman] Thanks, Charlotte.
Thanks for coming.
[gasps]
Hey!
-Bye. -Bye.
[Carrie] Apparently, once Melinda saw Greg
talking to another woman,
he suddenly looked all shiny and new again.
["A Change Would Do You Good" by Sheryl Crow playing]
[Carrie] That night, Jeff proved to Samantha
that he more than made up for his shortcomings.
[moaning]
[Carrie] Samantha told us later,
"It was like having sex with a horny Smurf."
Meanwhile, across town,
Steve was busy stuffing Miranda's ballot box.
You know,
I'm not looking for a quick answer on the monogamy thing.
It's probably just something that's gotta happen on its own.
Yeah.
It's just I wanted you to know how I feel.
You're the best woman I ever met.
And I want you to know-- to know that.
I love you, Miranda. I really do.
[Carrie] Suddenly, Steve had just verbalized the one big pro
that outweighed all the cons.
Later that week, Samantha decided to put her heels in storage
and give Jeff another chance.
Little boy's room. I'll be right back.
[Carrie] Samantha was stunned.
It was one thing to date a man who went to the little boy's room,
quite another to date one who still shopped at the little boy's department.
-[Jeff] Samantha? -Ah!
Oh, I'm not feeling very well, I've gotta go.
Goodnight.
[Jeff] Wait, I'll take you.
I'm not really sick.
Look, Jeff, I can't do this.
It's not a very good idea.
I just don't want to lead you on.
Lead me on?
You came five times the other night.
-Well, it's not really that. -Then what, what is it?
What happened in the past five minutes?
You shop at the boy's department.
So what?
The clothes fit me better, plus they're cheaper.
Where do you shop, the big and tall whore store?
[chuckles]
You know,
you're nothing but a big dick with a little man attached.
And you're nothing but a big pair of tits with too much extra leg room.
[laughs]
[Carrie] Surprisingly, Samantha had found what she was really looking for.
And it had nothing to do with size.
Hey, somebody get me a booster chair!
[Carrie] She had found a man who made her laugh.
They dated for two weeks.
Though he was short,
it was a very long relationship for Samantha.
That same night, parched and nervous,
I spent another night with Bill.
Man, that was great.
Yes it was.
Come on, let's go take a shower!
[shower running]
[shower curtain pulling]
C'mon, get in here while it's hot.
Bill, can I talk to you about something?
[Bill] Yeah, okay.
I've been giving this peeing thing a lot of thought.
And while I think it's totally fine
that that's what you're into, I just--
It's just never really been my thing.
[Bill] Oh, yeah?
Yeah, so I thought instead, um,
maybe you could close your eyes
and I could dribble warm tea on you.
That might feel good.
Or maybe you might think it's fun
to hear the sound of running water when we have sex.
And if things got really serious between us,
I could maybe even leave the bathroom door open sometime.
Although, honestly, I'm really not sure how comfortable
I would be with that, either.
You know, there's something I wanted to tell you, too.
Oh.
[Bill] Some people connected with the campaign
read your column
and they had a different take on it than I did.
What does that mean?
[Bill] Well, they thought it was really funny and clever,
but that it was a lot about sex.
And they don't think it's such a good idea
for me to be dating a sex columnist
so close to the election.
They thought it was kind of seamy.
Wait a second...
I may write about sex,
but you like people to pee on you!
Yeah, but nobody knows about that.
[Carrie] I realized that politics had not only entered my bedroom,
but my bathroom as well.
And I decided then and there that my bravest political act
would be to tell the truth.
Of course I didn't use his real name.
It was much more political not to.