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00:00:57,959 --> 00:01:00,579
I had been dating
politician Bill Kelley
2
00:01:00,667 --> 00:01:02,207
for three weeks now.
3
00:01:02,291 --> 00:01:04,671
Since most of my time with him
was spent on the campaign trail,
4
00:01:04,750 --> 00:01:06,790
I decided to dress the part.
5
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I found
some vintage Halston
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and did a spin on
Jackie Kennedy, the early years.
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Go Kelley.
8
00:01:20,250 --> 00:01:22,500
Who here knows what
a city comptroller does?
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Me!
10
00:01:25,250 --> 00:01:26,670
You do?
11
00:01:26,750 --> 00:01:28,250
I figured
we made a good match.
12
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I was adept at fashion,
he was adept at politics.
13
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At the heart of this
world city is a populace
whose passion,
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love and devotion
to their home...
15
00:01:37,125 --> 00:01:39,075
And really,
what's the difference?
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They're both about
recycling shopworn ideas
17
00:01:41,333 --> 00:01:43,923
and making them seem
fresh and inspiring.
18
00:01:44,000 --> 00:01:46,080
And it is this
unique love affair,
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00:01:46,166 --> 00:01:50,166
this symbiotic relationship
between citizenry and city
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00:01:50,250 --> 00:01:53,170
that I promise
to cherish and protect.
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00:01:53,583 --> 00:01:56,083
-Thank you.
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00:01:56,166 --> 00:01:59,036
-Great guy.
-Yes, he is.
23
00:02:07,875 --> 00:02:11,205
Can I talk to you
about proposition 114?
24
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What is that?
25
00:02:12,375 --> 00:02:14,075
You and me
in the bedroom.
26
00:02:15,750 --> 00:02:17,170
Is that
on the ballot?
27
00:02:17,250 --> 00:02:19,540
Well, it oughta be,
I'd back it.
28
00:02:19,625 --> 00:02:22,535
Or front it,
or whatever position you want.
29
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Which way is
the bedroom?
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Ahh!
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00:02:27,375 --> 00:02:30,535
Put me down!
32
00:02:31,750 --> 00:02:35,210
Oh, God!
Well, you're all man...
33
00:02:36,834 --> 00:02:40,544
That was the night I had my
political consciousness raised.
34
00:02:42,792 --> 00:02:45,252
So how about
a movie Wednesday night?
35
00:02:45,333 --> 00:02:46,423
Wednesday?
36
00:02:46,500 --> 00:02:48,670
I'm not sure,
I might be working.
37
00:02:48,750 --> 00:02:50,250
Thursday then.
38
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Okay,
maybe Thursday.
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00:02:52,375 --> 00:02:53,665
I'll see.
40
00:02:53,750 --> 00:02:55,540
Why, do you have plans?
41
00:02:55,875 --> 00:03:00,245
Steve, you can't
just assume that I'm gonna
be free every night, right?
42
00:03:00,333 --> 00:03:03,423
Ah...
Is it a date?
43
00:03:04,083 --> 00:03:05,463
It could be a date.
44
00:03:05,542 --> 00:03:07,502
In which case
I wouldn't necessarily
45
00:03:07,583 --> 00:03:09,333
share that
information with you.
46
00:03:09,417 --> 00:03:11,497
Why not? I'd like to know,
who are you dating?
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00:03:11,583 --> 00:03:13,463
Nobody in particular.
48
00:03:14,041 --> 00:03:16,711
-Anybody specifically?
-What is this,
the third degree?
49
00:03:16,792 --> 00:03:18,172
I'm just trying
to figure out
50
00:03:18,250 --> 00:03:20,630
when I get
to see you again.
51
00:03:20,709 --> 00:03:22,919
I'm not
dating anyone else.
52
00:03:23,000 --> 00:03:25,880
I'm not planning
on dating anyone else.
53
00:03:28,709 --> 00:03:30,749
I just want
to see you.
54
00:03:31,375 --> 00:03:32,625
I see.
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00:03:33,792 --> 00:03:35,252
Exclusively.
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00:03:38,458 --> 00:03:39,748
I got it.
57
00:03:40,917 --> 00:03:44,667
That's very sweet.
I just hadn't thought
about things that way.
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00:03:44,917 --> 00:03:46,627
So, think about it.
59
00:03:48,166 --> 00:03:49,076
Okay.
60
00:03:49,166 --> 00:03:50,326
Because I've
thought about it.
61
00:03:50,417 --> 00:03:51,747
And I think if
we really want to see
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00:03:51,834 --> 00:03:53,504
if things can work out
between us this time,
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00:03:53,583 --> 00:03:57,133
we gotta at least
make the commitment
to be exclusive.
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Okay.
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00:04:01,375 --> 00:04:02,785
I hear ya.
66
00:04:03,625 --> 00:04:04,955
Okay.
67
00:04:11,583 --> 00:04:14,883
The truth was, there were
no other candidates in sight,
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00:04:14,959 --> 00:04:16,329
but Miranda
wasn't sure
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00:04:16,417 --> 00:04:19,167
she was ready
to let Steve win by default.
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00:04:20,375 --> 00:04:22,495
I can't believe
you're dating a politician.
71
00:04:22,583 --> 00:04:23,923
You're not even
registered to vote!
72
00:04:24,000 --> 00:04:25,630
It's the undecideds
they're really after.
73
00:04:25,709 --> 00:04:27,169
Well, I totally
get it.
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00:04:27,250 --> 00:04:28,460
Not only
is he good looking,
75
00:04:28,542 --> 00:04:30,422
but he's got the power thing
going for him.
76
00:04:30,500 --> 00:04:31,710
It's gotta be
a turn-on.
77
00:04:31,792 --> 00:04:34,252
Oh, yeah, I'm dating
a potential comptroller.
78
00:04:34,333 --> 00:04:35,883
-It's hot.
79
00:04:35,959 --> 00:04:37,749
I want to help out
with the campaign.
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00:04:37,834 --> 00:04:40,174
Since when are you
interested in politics?
81
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Always.
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00:04:41,375 --> 00:04:43,035
It's a really great way
to meet men.
83
00:04:43,125 --> 00:04:44,245
And with Carrie
by our side,
84
00:04:44,333 --> 00:04:46,293
we can just get to meet
the inner circle
85
00:04:46,375 --> 00:04:48,285
and all the really
interesting donors.
86
00:04:48,375 --> 00:04:51,245
By interesting men
she means single and rich.
87
00:04:51,333 --> 00:04:53,463
Whoa, guys,
he's not running for president.
88
00:04:53,542 --> 00:04:56,672
Oh, he should,
I'd vote for him.
He's really cute.
89
00:04:56,750 --> 00:04:58,080
So?
90
00:04:58,166 --> 00:05:00,956
I always vote for candidates
according to their looks.
91
00:05:01,041 --> 00:05:04,001
I base my decision
on the swimsuit competition.
92
00:05:04,083 --> 00:05:07,503
The country runs better
with a good looking man
in the White House.
93
00:05:07,583 --> 00:05:09,463
Look what happened
with Nixon.
94
00:05:09,542 --> 00:05:12,672
No one wanted to fuck him,
so he fucked everyone.
95
00:05:12,750 --> 00:05:14,460
I used to have a college crush
on Dan Quayle.
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00:05:14,542 --> 00:05:16,542
The country needs
a president in a hat.
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00:05:16,625 --> 00:05:18,665
No one wears
a hat anymore.
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00:05:18,750 --> 00:05:21,460
good president...
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00:05:21,542 --> 00:05:22,882
Wore a hat.
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00:05:22,959 --> 00:05:25,789
So busy picking out a hat,
he forgot to get in the war.
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00:05:25,875 --> 00:05:27,665
I had a college crush
on Dan Quayle.
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00:05:27,750 --> 00:05:30,630
Yeah, we pretty much tried to
ignore that the first time.
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00:05:30,709 --> 00:05:33,379
I think it was his crisp,
white shirts...
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Reminded me
of my father.
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00:05:35,083 --> 00:05:36,883
So, basically, you're just
voting for your father?
106
00:05:36,959 --> 00:05:39,329
-Yeah.
-I always thought there was
something homoerotic
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00:05:39,417 --> 00:05:41,667
about Quayle's
relationship with Bush,
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00:05:41,750 --> 00:05:43,000
very Batman and Robin.
109
00:05:43,083 --> 00:05:44,673
Well, based
strictly on looks...
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00:05:44,750 --> 00:05:47,750
No one was more handsome
than JFK.
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00:05:47,834 --> 00:05:49,884
Or quicker to jump in the sack,
I might add.
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00:05:49,959 --> 00:05:53,039
I'm glad you three
weren't around during
the original 13 colonies.
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00:05:53,125 --> 00:05:56,205
I don't think
our founding fathers
were very "fuck-able".
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00:05:56,291 --> 00:05:57,541
I don't know...
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00:05:57,625 --> 00:06:01,125
I heard that Thomas Jefferson
was a real fox.
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There we were,
117
00:06:02,417 --> 00:06:05,167
just four girls
talking politics.
118
00:06:05,250 --> 00:06:07,830
Meanwhile, Miranda was facing
a day at the polls
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a bit earlier
than she expected.
120
00:06:09,583 --> 00:06:11,793
Last night, as we were
walking home from dinner,
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00:06:11,875 --> 00:06:13,285
Steve asked me
to go steady.
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00:06:13,375 --> 00:06:15,825
Oh, how sweet.
They still call it that?
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00:06:15,917 --> 00:06:17,627
I don't know that I can make
that kind of commitment.
124
00:06:17,709 --> 00:06:19,709
Well, how many other guys
are you dating?
125
00:06:19,792 --> 00:06:21,502
That's not the point.
126
00:06:21,583 --> 00:06:24,133
I'm just so ambivalent
about Steve and moving forward.
127
00:06:24,208 --> 00:06:26,038
Well, you did let him
back in your life.
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So?
129
00:06:27,333 --> 00:06:29,213
So, that's gotta mean
there's something there.
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00:06:29,291 --> 00:06:30,711
Sure,
there's plenty there,
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00:06:30,792 --> 00:06:32,922
lots of flaws that make me
not want to stick my neck out.
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00:06:33,000 --> 00:06:35,500
But then there's a lot of
really great stuff too.
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00:06:35,583 --> 00:06:38,173
Maybe I should just
be honest and tell him
what I'm really feeling,
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00:06:38,250 --> 00:06:40,830
what if somebody
better comes along?
135
00:06:40,917 --> 00:06:43,627
You gotta put a better
spin on it than that.
136
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You see,
that's my problem.
137
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I don't know how to be
political in relationships.
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00:06:49,083 --> 00:06:51,333
Uh-oh, it's time
for the ol' list.
139
00:06:51,417 --> 00:06:54,207
Things you like about Steve,
things you don't
like about Steve.
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00:06:54,291 --> 00:06:55,961
See which column
is longer.
141
00:06:56,041 --> 00:06:59,421
-That's so judgmental.
-Miranda, you are judgmental.
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00:06:59,500 --> 00:07:01,130
Why don't you
put it to good use?
143
00:07:01,709 --> 00:07:04,169
Okay...
Fine.
144
00:07:04,500 --> 00:07:06,920
I'll make a list.
145
00:07:07,000 --> 00:07:09,380
Though politics had always
seemed as relevant to me
146
00:07:09,458 --> 00:07:11,458
as a new Erica Jong novel,
147
00:07:11,542 --> 00:07:14,382
I did find it interesting
that a discussion about politics
148
00:07:14,458 --> 00:07:17,458
ultimately became
a discussion about sex,
149
00:07:17,542 --> 00:07:19,042
and a discussion
about sex
150
00:07:19,125 --> 00:07:21,745
ultimately became
a question of politics.
151
00:07:21,834 --> 00:07:24,584
Which led me to wonder
if the two weren't in fact,
152
00:07:24,667 --> 00:07:28,247
inextricably linked,
and if so...
153
00:07:28,333 --> 00:07:31,633
can there be sex
without politics?
154
00:07:31,709 --> 00:07:34,959
That night, Samantha discovered
a hot new candidate of her own.
155
00:07:35,041 --> 00:07:37,961
Hey there, pink lady,
can I buy that for you?
156
00:07:38,542 --> 00:07:41,132
Maybe... if you promise
never to use a lame line
157
00:07:41,208 --> 00:07:42,418
like that ever again.
158
00:07:42,500 --> 00:07:44,000
Hey, it worked,
didn't it?
159
00:07:44,083 --> 00:07:45,883
-Jeff Fenton.
-Samantha Jones.
160
00:07:45,959 --> 00:07:48,959
You are damn attractive,
and that is not a line.
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00:07:49,041 --> 00:07:51,791
Jeff, how long have you been
sitting at this bar?
162
00:07:51,875 --> 00:07:52,875
My first drink.
163
00:07:52,959 --> 00:07:54,459
So you're just
naturally forward?
164
00:07:54,542 --> 00:07:55,542
I'm aggressive.
165
00:07:55,625 --> 00:07:57,625
I run a very successful
hedge fund.
166
00:07:57,709 --> 00:08:00,039
My whole life is about
calculating risk.
167
00:08:00,125 --> 00:08:02,875
And telling a beautiful lady
she's attractive,
168
00:08:02,959 --> 00:08:05,499
that's the safest bet
I've made all day.
169
00:08:06,041 --> 00:08:07,131
Thank you.
170
00:08:07,208 --> 00:08:09,128
-You like to ski?
-I love it.
171
00:08:09,208 --> 00:08:11,958
My partners and I have this
gorgeous house in Sun Valley.
172
00:08:12,041 --> 00:08:13,291
How long
have you been skiing?
173
00:08:13,375 --> 00:08:14,575
On and off
for years.
174
00:08:14,667 --> 00:08:16,787
I can tell, you got
the legs for the sport.
175
00:08:16,875 --> 00:08:18,285
-Oh, shit...
176
00:08:18,375 --> 00:08:20,705
I gotta
run back to the office.
177
00:08:21,500 --> 00:08:23,000
How 'bout dinner
this week?
178
00:08:23,083 --> 00:08:25,003
Because I got to tell you
everything about me,
179
00:08:25,083 --> 00:08:27,133
I didn't get a chance to hear
anything about you.
180
00:08:27,208 --> 00:08:28,788
Samantha never
felt better.
181
00:08:28,875 --> 00:08:31,325
There were gorgeous women
sitting on either side,
182
00:08:31,417 --> 00:08:32,877
and Jeff
had elected her.
183
00:08:32,959 --> 00:08:35,169
-"Fenton Partners."
That's right.
184
00:08:35,250 --> 00:08:37,750
We're up 320 percent
for the year.
185
00:08:39,625 --> 00:08:41,825
"Samantha Jones,
Public Relations."
186
00:08:41,917 --> 00:08:43,327
Very nice,
you must do well.
187
00:08:43,417 --> 00:08:45,287
Like who's gonna
say no to you?
188
00:08:45,750 --> 00:08:48,000
What do you say
to dinner? Friday night?
189
00:08:48,083 --> 00:08:49,713
I think
that might work.
190
00:08:49,792 --> 00:08:53,632
And just as her self esteem was
soaring right off the charts...
191
00:08:53,709 --> 00:08:55,829
Nice to meet you,
pink lady.
192
00:08:55,917 --> 00:08:57,877
I'll give you a call.
193
00:08:59,417 --> 00:09:00,747
Bye.
194
00:09:05,208 --> 00:09:06,828
Later that week,
195
00:09:06,917 --> 00:09:09,577
I brought the "Single Ladies'
Coalition To Elect Bill Kelley"
196
00:09:09,667 --> 00:09:10,997
to a fundraiser.
197
00:09:11,083 --> 00:09:12,633
What do you guys consider
to be the height difference
198
00:09:12,709 --> 00:09:14,749
between a short person
and a little person?
199
00:09:14,834 --> 00:09:17,004
-A little person?
-You know, a midget.
200
00:09:17,083 --> 00:09:18,293
A midget
or a dwarf?
201
00:09:18,375 --> 00:09:20,205
-What's the difference?
-I'm not sure, actually.
202
00:09:20,291 --> 00:09:22,171
I think "little person"
is the proper way
203
00:09:22,250 --> 00:09:24,420
to refer to an adult
under five feet.
204
00:09:24,500 --> 00:09:27,830
Well, then I agreed
to go on a date
with a very short person.
205
00:09:27,917 --> 00:09:29,787
But I didn't realize
he was so short.
206
00:09:29,875 --> 00:09:32,205
I mean, sitting down, he was
perfectly proportional,
207
00:09:32,291 --> 00:09:34,421
standing up, he barely
clears my nipples.
208
00:09:34,500 --> 00:09:35,880
Well, that may be
the perfect height.
209
00:09:35,959 --> 00:09:37,129
I'd like to
cancel the thing,
210
00:09:37,208 --> 00:09:39,038
but I can't just because
he's a munchkin.
211
00:09:39,125 --> 00:09:41,825
You know, this is a very
politically incorrect
conversation
212
00:09:41,917 --> 00:09:43,247
to be having at
a political fundraiser.
213
00:09:43,333 --> 00:09:46,043
But anything less than
five feet is unacceptable.
214
00:09:46,125 --> 00:09:48,075
Now, if you'll excuse me
I have to go mingle
215
00:09:48,166 --> 00:09:49,876
because there are
a lot of cute guys here,
216
00:09:49,959 --> 00:09:52,579
and these things never last
beyond two martinis.
217
00:09:52,667 --> 00:09:54,327
Charlotte was running
her own campaign.
218
00:09:54,417 --> 00:09:56,917
She was determined
to be elected wife
219
00:09:57,000 --> 00:09:59,000
before the year was out.
220
00:09:59,083 --> 00:10:00,333
There's Miranda.
221
00:10:00,834 --> 00:10:01,924
Give me that.
222
00:10:02,000 --> 00:10:04,170
-Hey, you made it. Hi.
Hey!
223
00:10:05,291 --> 00:10:07,251
Tell me again, why are
we voting for this guy?
224
00:10:07,333 --> 00:10:09,253
Well, he's calling
for an investigation
225
00:10:09,333 --> 00:10:11,583
into the board of education
to weed out waste and fraud
226
00:10:11,667 --> 00:10:14,287
and he's launched a probe
against large corporations
227
00:10:14,375 --> 00:10:16,625
to make them stop throwing away
your tax dollars.
228
00:10:17,250 --> 00:10:18,420
I'm sleeping
with him.
229
00:10:18,792 --> 00:10:20,422
-Good enough for me.
230
00:10:20,500 --> 00:10:22,290
C'mon,
I'll introduce you.
231
00:10:22,625 --> 00:10:23,705
Hey, psst!
232
00:10:24,834 --> 00:10:26,794
Jesus Christ, that guy
talks more than I do.
233
00:10:26,875 --> 00:10:28,245
-Hi.
-Hi.
234
00:10:28,333 --> 00:10:30,213
This is the lovely
Miranda Hobbes...
235
00:10:30,291 --> 00:10:31,291
-Hi.
-Hello.
236
00:10:31,375 --> 00:10:32,455
...and her friend
Steve Brady.
237
00:10:32,542 --> 00:10:33,792
-Hey.
-How you doin'?
238
00:10:33,875 --> 00:10:35,375
I've heard such wonderful
things about you.
239
00:10:35,458 --> 00:10:37,128
You must be
reading my clippings.
240
00:10:37,208 --> 00:10:39,708
I pay a lot of people
a lot of money
to say nice things about me.
241
00:10:39,792 --> 00:10:41,132
Hey, if you win,
242
00:10:41,208 --> 00:10:42,918
maybe you can fix a couple of
parking tickets for me?
243
00:10:43,000 --> 00:10:44,830
I owe the city of New York
500 bucks.
244
00:10:44,917 --> 00:10:46,877
I figure I need the money
more than they do.
245
00:10:47,667 --> 00:10:49,287
What? It's a joke!
246
00:10:49,792 --> 00:10:51,502
Come on, he knows
I'm kidding.
247
00:10:53,917 --> 00:10:55,917
I'll grab us a drink.
It's nice meeting you.
248
00:10:56,000 --> 00:10:57,040
Nice meeting you.
249
00:10:57,125 --> 00:10:58,455
We have
the mayor's wife over here.
250
00:10:58,542 --> 00:10:59,542
Excuse me.
251
00:11:01,000 --> 00:11:03,710
con.
252
00:11:04,041 --> 00:11:07,211
pro.
253
00:11:08,250 --> 00:11:09,960
I don't believe
in the Republican party
254
00:11:10,041 --> 00:11:11,291
or the Democratic party.
255
00:11:11,375 --> 00:11:12,915
I just believe
in parties.
256
00:11:14,709 --> 00:11:17,289
Across the room, Charlotte
was stumping for her cause,
257
00:11:17,375 --> 00:11:19,075
and making new friends.
258
00:11:19,166 --> 00:11:23,326
I love Lichtenstein, but then I
loved comic books as a kid, too.
259
00:11:23,417 --> 00:11:24,537
But that's great.
260
00:11:24,625 --> 00:11:27,125
His work is accessible
on so many levels.
261
00:11:28,291 --> 00:11:30,131
Sweetheart,
this is Charlotte.
262
00:11:30,208 --> 00:11:31,828
She runs
a gallery downtown.
263
00:11:31,917 --> 00:11:34,247
Charlotte,
this is my fiancé Catherine.
264
00:11:34,333 --> 00:11:35,383
Hi.
265
00:11:35,709 --> 00:11:37,129
Nice to meet you.
266
00:11:41,000 --> 00:11:42,250
Stanford!
267
00:11:42,333 --> 00:11:43,583
Hey!
268
00:11:44,625 --> 00:11:46,075
I can only stay
a few minutes.
269
00:11:46,166 --> 00:11:47,916
I've got tickets to
The Vagina Monologues.
270
00:11:48,000 --> 00:11:49,130
Why?
271
00:11:49,208 --> 00:11:50,708
Just because I don't
eat at the restaurant
272
00:11:50,792 --> 00:11:52,752
doesn't mean I can't
hear the specials.
273
00:11:52,834 --> 00:11:54,964
Quick, no one's looking,
give me a sip of your drink.
274
00:11:55,041 --> 00:11:56,131
Hey, Bill,
275
00:11:56,208 --> 00:11:57,748
this is my fabulous friend
Stanford Blatch.
276
00:11:57,834 --> 00:11:58,884
-Mmm!
-Bill Kelley.
277
00:11:58,959 --> 00:12:00,579
Hello, I represent
the queer vote.
278
00:12:00,667 --> 00:12:01,457
Mmm.
279
00:12:01,542 --> 00:12:02,712
If you can carry Chelsea,
280
00:12:02,792 --> 00:12:04,212
you've got the city locked up.
281
00:12:04,291 --> 00:12:05,961
I'm not worried
about Chelsea.
282
00:12:06,041 --> 00:12:07,461
Have you seen
my ass?
283
00:12:08,333 --> 00:12:09,673
Got my vote.
284
00:12:09,959 --> 00:12:11,579
Mr. Mcgrath,
twelve o'clock.
285
00:12:11,792 --> 00:12:13,172
Oh, excuse me.
286
00:12:15,959 --> 00:12:17,129
Who's that guy?
287
00:12:18,000 --> 00:12:20,210
Oh, that's his
campaign manager.
288
00:12:20,291 --> 00:12:21,631
Fix me up.
289
00:12:22,625 --> 00:12:24,035
How do you even
know he's gay?
290
00:12:24,125 --> 00:12:26,375
I've seen him rollerblading
on Eighth Avenue.
291
00:12:26,458 --> 00:12:28,498
-Oh.
-That's enough.
292
00:12:29,959 --> 00:12:30,999
Please?
293
00:12:31,667 --> 00:12:34,787
Oh, great, now I'm
a first lady and a pimp.
294
00:12:40,000 --> 00:12:41,540
Hey, excuse me.
295
00:12:42,250 --> 00:12:44,330
Um, this is awkward,
296
00:12:44,417 --> 00:12:46,747
so feel free to stop me
at any time,
297
00:12:46,834 --> 00:12:48,384
but, um...
298
00:12:48,458 --> 00:12:51,288
there's a person here
who'd like to meet you.
299
00:12:51,375 --> 00:12:52,375
Okay.
300
00:12:52,458 --> 00:12:53,958
A guy.
301
00:12:56,333 --> 00:12:57,463
Keep going.
302
00:12:58,083 --> 00:13:00,043
Oh, okay, well,
303
00:13:00,542 --> 00:13:02,672
it's the guy
right over there.
304
00:13:05,417 --> 00:13:08,207
You mean the blonde guy
with the great arms?
305
00:13:13,041 --> 00:13:15,921
Oh, actually, no.
306
00:13:16,000 --> 00:13:18,880
It's the,
it's the bald guy
307
00:13:19,709 --> 00:13:21,879
with the great
sense of humor.
308
00:13:22,500 --> 00:13:24,130
Do you know
the blonde guy?
309
00:13:24,208 --> 00:13:25,378
No.
310
00:13:25,709 --> 00:13:27,709
Because he's really
much more my type.
311
00:13:28,083 --> 00:13:29,213
Okay...
312
00:13:29,542 --> 00:13:31,042
Well...
313
00:13:31,542 --> 00:13:33,962
Go Kelley!
314
00:13:34,041 --> 00:13:37,171
I wondered how to handle
this political hot potato.
315
00:13:38,917 --> 00:13:40,377
He's not gay.
316
00:13:40,834 --> 00:13:43,924
-I could've sworn he was.
-Mmm. Mmm-mmm-mmm.
317
00:13:44,000 --> 00:13:46,750
I realized I was getting
good at politics.
318
00:13:46,834 --> 00:13:48,634
I am just
so at the place
319
00:13:48,709 --> 00:13:51,079
where I'm just really
ready to settle down.
320
00:13:51,166 --> 00:13:54,876
I mean, it just seems like a
miracle when two nice people
like you guys
321
00:13:55,000 --> 00:13:56,580
can even
find each other.
322
00:13:56,667 --> 00:13:58,827
Actually, we met
in the most unusual way.
323
00:13:58,917 --> 00:14:00,457
One of my girlfriends
threw a party
324
00:14:00,542 --> 00:14:02,582
where all of the women
were asked to bring a man
325
00:14:02,667 --> 00:14:04,077
they weren't interested in.
326
00:14:04,500 --> 00:14:07,080
-Somebody brought Bob.
327
00:14:07,667 --> 00:14:08,997
And the rest
is history.
328
00:14:09,083 --> 00:14:11,133
I love that!
329
00:14:11,417 --> 00:14:15,207
One woman's trash
is another woman's treasure!
330
00:14:17,458 --> 00:14:20,128
Bill raised
six grand that night.
331
00:14:20,208 --> 00:14:22,078
It really got him
in the mood.
332
00:14:22,417 --> 00:14:23,537
You know,
333
00:14:23,625 --> 00:14:25,625
you're the first woman
in a long long time
334
00:14:25,709 --> 00:14:27,539
that I've felt
this intimate with.
335
00:14:27,625 --> 00:14:29,875
You're so beautiful
and so funny.
336
00:14:29,959 --> 00:14:31,419
You're, you're great.
337
00:14:31,500 --> 00:14:32,540
Thank you.
338
00:14:33,417 --> 00:14:34,997
I love
making love with you.
339
00:14:35,083 --> 00:14:36,963
The feeling's mutual.
340
00:14:38,083 --> 00:14:40,543
Is there anything you want
or need that I'm not doing?
341
00:14:40,625 --> 00:14:42,995
-No, it's great.
-'Cause I want to know.
342
00:14:43,208 --> 00:14:44,788
I want to make you happy.
343
00:14:45,000 --> 00:14:46,630
Well, I am happy.
344
00:14:47,125 --> 00:14:48,745
What about you?
345
00:14:48,834 --> 00:14:51,544
Is there anything
that you want or need
that I'm not doing?
346
00:14:51,625 --> 00:14:52,625
No.
347
00:14:55,041 --> 00:14:56,581
Well,
maybe one thing.
348
00:14:57,000 --> 00:14:58,040
What?
349
00:14:58,291 --> 00:15:01,751
Well, I would love
to get you in the shower...
350
00:15:02,625 --> 00:15:03,705
Mm-hmm.
351
00:15:03,792 --> 00:15:06,252
And get each other
all fresh and clean...
352
00:15:06,792 --> 00:15:08,502
Well, that
sounds nice.
353
00:15:08,959 --> 00:15:10,129
And then...
354
00:15:11,291 --> 00:15:13,131
let you pee on me.
355
00:15:17,917 --> 00:15:19,997
I would be very
worried if I were you.
356
00:15:20,083 --> 00:15:21,793
The pee could
just be foreplay.
357
00:15:21,875 --> 00:15:22,915
Oh, my God!
358
00:15:23,000 --> 00:15:24,750
Where there's smoke...
I'm just saying.
359
00:15:24,834 --> 00:15:26,924
This is so typical
of men in power.
360
00:15:27,000 --> 00:15:29,330
They just love to be
dominated and humiliated.
361
00:15:29,417 --> 00:15:30,827
What did you say
when he asked you?
362
00:15:30,917 --> 00:15:33,417
Well, I told him I'd just gone
but maybe another time.
363
00:15:33,500 --> 00:15:37,290
But I really don't think that
I can keep saying that forever.
364
00:15:37,375 --> 00:15:39,915
I peed on a guy once
during sex.
365
00:15:40,000 --> 00:15:41,420
But it was
an accident.
366
00:15:41,500 --> 00:15:42,580
What did he say?
367
00:15:42,667 --> 00:15:44,377
Honestly, I don't even
think he noticed.
368
00:15:44,458 --> 00:15:47,708
-Huh.
-I once had to stop
eating meat for six months.
369
00:15:47,792 --> 00:15:49,422
So this is
what it's come down to...
370
00:15:49,500 --> 00:15:51,880
-Ready, set, pee.
371
00:15:51,959 --> 00:15:55,249
Look,
sometimes for the right guy,
you have to make concessions.
372
00:15:55,333 --> 00:15:57,083
There's always
gonna be something.
373
00:15:57,166 --> 00:15:58,826
Are you guys seriously
advocating that I do this?
374
00:15:58,917 --> 00:16:01,997
Well, why not?
He's a great looking,
rich, political prince.
375
00:16:02,083 --> 00:16:03,923
Oh, sure,
it's practically a fairy tale.
376
00:16:04,000 --> 00:16:05,130
"The Princess
and the Pee."
377
00:16:08,333 --> 00:16:11,043
You know, if you really feel
like you can't work it out
with Bill,
378
00:16:11,125 --> 00:16:13,125
then just bring him
to this party
I'm having Friday night.
379
00:16:13,208 --> 00:16:16,378
Everyone is bringing a guy
they're no longer interested in.
380
00:16:16,458 --> 00:16:17,458
That's a great idea!
381
00:16:17,542 --> 00:16:19,792
-I can bring my short guy!
-Yes!
382
00:16:19,875 --> 00:16:21,955
Oh, yeah, that's terrific,
you're dating a munchkin,
383
00:16:22,041 --> 00:16:23,791
and I've gotta follow
the yellow brick road.
384
00:16:23,875 --> 00:16:27,325
A couple of nights later
and no closer to a solution,
385
00:16:27,417 --> 00:16:28,877
I had a date with Bill.
386
00:16:28,959 --> 00:16:30,919
He took me to his
favorite Indian restaurant
387
00:16:31,000 --> 00:16:33,540
that boasted the hottest
curry in the city.
388
00:16:34,041 --> 00:16:37,631
So I just got some new polls
which have me way ahead
in Manhattan and Brooklyn,
389
00:16:37,709 --> 00:16:39,789
but for some reason
I'm lagging in the Bronx.
390
00:16:39,875 --> 00:16:41,285
I may have to spend
another 50 grand
391
00:16:41,375 --> 00:16:43,825
just to buy myself
some voter turnout.
392
00:16:43,917 --> 00:16:45,457
-It's pretty hot, isn't it?
-Yeah!
393
00:16:45,542 --> 00:16:48,082
-Have some water.
-Oh, no, I'm fine.
394
00:16:48,875 --> 00:16:51,665
Excuse me, can I get
another one of these?
395
00:16:51,750 --> 00:16:52,960
You want a beer?
396
00:16:53,834 --> 00:16:56,464
So... I read
your column yesterday.
397
00:16:56,542 --> 00:16:58,212
-You did?
-Yeah, it's great.
398
00:16:58,291 --> 00:16:59,251
Very funny.
399
00:16:59,333 --> 00:17:00,833
Just one question.
400
00:17:00,917 --> 00:17:03,497
Who's the handsome politico
you keep referring to?
401
00:17:03,583 --> 00:17:07,133
Oh, he's just some other fellow
I'm seeing in Washington.
402
00:17:08,333 --> 00:17:09,673
You don't mind,
do you?
403
00:17:09,750 --> 00:17:11,750
Hey, my life
is an open book.
404
00:17:11,834 --> 00:17:13,134
It has to be.
405
00:17:16,500 --> 00:17:17,710
But what I really
love about the column
406
00:17:17,792 --> 00:17:19,712
is the way you seem
to feel about him.
407
00:17:19,792 --> 00:17:21,292
And it's mutual.
408
00:17:21,375 --> 00:17:23,495
Even if I can't put it
in print the way you do.
409
00:17:25,333 --> 00:17:27,633
I am so crazy
about you.
410
00:17:30,083 --> 00:17:31,133
Me too.
411
00:17:32,125 --> 00:17:34,165
Listen, I was really
hoping we could
spend the night together,
412
00:17:34,250 --> 00:17:36,000
but I have an
early breakfast meeting
413
00:17:36,083 --> 00:17:37,423
with the Brooklyn Bridge
preservation--
414
00:17:37,500 --> 00:17:38,960
Oh, that's no problem.
415
00:17:40,750 --> 00:17:41,830
Rain check?
416
00:17:46,375 --> 00:17:50,625
That Friday night, Charlotte
threw her "used date party".
417
00:17:51,625 --> 00:17:52,915
Hi!
418
00:17:53,291 --> 00:17:54,751
You made it.
419
00:17:55,542 --> 00:17:57,132
There are so many
eligible men here.
420
00:17:57,208 --> 00:17:59,328
-Oh...
-Hi, Charlotte, nice apartment.
421
00:17:59,417 --> 00:18:00,667
Can I get you
something to drink?
422
00:18:00,750 --> 00:18:03,630
Yes, immediately,
if not sooner.
423
00:18:04,750 --> 00:18:06,330
You brought Stanford?
424
00:18:06,417 --> 00:18:08,917
Well, you said to bring a man
you're not interested in.
425
00:18:09,000 --> 00:18:10,830
You're making a mockery
of this party.
426
00:18:10,917 --> 00:18:11,747
Oh...
427
00:18:11,834 --> 00:18:13,294
Carrie,
Charlotte...
428
00:18:13,375 --> 00:18:14,455
Hi!
429
00:18:14,542 --> 00:18:16,252
This is
Jeff Fenton.
430
00:18:16,333 --> 00:18:17,423
Ladies...
431
00:18:17,500 --> 00:18:19,210
-How do you do?
It's a pleasure.
432
00:18:19,291 --> 00:18:20,881
-Hi.
-Nice to meet you.
433
00:18:20,959 --> 00:18:22,499
I'll take your coat.
434
00:18:22,583 --> 00:18:24,043
Take your time.
435
00:18:24,959 --> 00:18:26,079
Mingle.
436
00:18:26,500 --> 00:18:28,500
Is that the smallest man
you've ever seen?
437
00:18:28,875 --> 00:18:30,245
If you ladies
will excuse me,
438
00:18:30,333 --> 00:18:32,543
I have to go meet
my eligible guests.
439
00:18:32,625 --> 00:18:34,625
I've gotta
get busy, too.
440
00:18:43,000 --> 00:18:44,920
Carrie! Hey!
441
00:18:45,000 --> 00:18:45,790
Hey!
442
00:18:45,875 --> 00:18:47,125
What are
you doing here?
443
00:18:47,208 --> 00:18:49,628
Well, I figure
before I finalize the list,
444
00:18:49,709 --> 00:18:51,669
I should see
what's out there.
445
00:18:54,458 --> 00:18:57,038
-How's that list going?
-Great, fine.
446
00:18:58,291 --> 00:19:00,461
I'm guessing that's
Samantha's little friend.
447
00:19:00,542 --> 00:19:01,542
Oh, yeah.
448
00:19:02,709 --> 00:19:04,039
You've gotta
go to Cuba now.
449
00:19:04,125 --> 00:19:05,535
Another year will
be too late.
450
00:19:05,625 --> 00:19:07,325
But can't you
get arrested for going?
451
00:19:07,417 --> 00:19:08,787
No, you just
fly through Canada.
452
00:19:08,875 --> 00:19:10,205
They love Americans.
453
00:19:10,291 --> 00:19:12,921
Hey, I'll email you some of
my pictures if you want.
454
00:19:13,000 --> 00:19:14,880
Yeah, I'd love to
see them!
455
00:19:14,959 --> 00:19:16,129
Charlotte, right?
456
00:19:16,208 --> 00:19:17,208
Right.
457
00:19:17,291 --> 00:19:18,881
-And...
-Greg Miller.
458
00:19:18,959 --> 00:19:21,419
Very nice to meet you,
Greg Miller.
459
00:19:28,333 --> 00:19:29,673
Having any luck?
460
00:19:29,750 --> 00:19:30,830
Excuse me?
461
00:19:30,917 --> 00:19:32,537
Meeting someone.
462
00:19:32,625 --> 00:19:35,455
Well, I'm kinda
already here with somebody.
463
00:19:37,333 --> 00:19:38,213
Yeah.
464
00:19:38,291 --> 00:19:40,171
An ex-girlfriend,
right?
465
00:19:40,250 --> 00:19:42,290
What are you
talking about?
466
00:19:43,083 --> 00:19:45,043
Get a clue.
467
00:19:50,208 --> 00:19:51,918
You brought me here
to dump me?
468
00:19:52,000 --> 00:19:53,420
Not exactly...
469
00:19:53,500 --> 00:19:56,750
I just thought maybe you could
meet someone else your...
470
00:19:56,834 --> 00:19:58,134
Your own size.
471
00:19:58,208 --> 00:19:59,828
Listen, sweetheart,
give me an hour in the sack,
472
00:19:59,917 --> 00:20:02,167
and you'll swear
I'm the Jolly Green Giant.
473
00:20:02,250 --> 00:20:03,380
Oh, really?
474
00:20:03,458 --> 00:20:05,668
Oh, really,
I'm the best you've ever had.
475
00:20:05,750 --> 00:20:08,830
Samantha felt so
politically incorrect about
dumping a man for his height,
476
00:20:08,917 --> 00:20:12,377
that she felt she had
no other option
than to sleep with him.
477
00:20:12,458 --> 00:20:15,128
Fine,
let's go.
478
00:20:19,500 --> 00:20:22,540
Okay, I'm ready to go,
there's no one here for us.
479
00:20:22,625 --> 00:20:24,075
Oh, speak for yourself.
480
00:20:24,166 --> 00:20:27,206
If these guys are in their 30s
and these women don't want them,
481
00:20:27,291 --> 00:20:29,961
there might just be a little
something here for me.
482
00:20:30,834 --> 00:20:32,464
I'll talk
to you tomorrow.
483
00:20:33,458 --> 00:20:34,418
Bye.
484
00:20:39,667 --> 00:20:40,917
Hi.
485
00:20:41,333 --> 00:20:42,713
I'm an adventure
travel junkie.
486
00:20:42,792 --> 00:20:45,542
I took the entire year off
after business school
487
00:20:45,625 --> 00:20:47,995
-and trekked the old
spice route through Asia.
-Wow.
488
00:20:48,083 --> 00:20:51,713
Talking to Greg,
Charlotte felt like she had
unearthed a rare coin
489
00:20:51,792 --> 00:20:54,632
that some other woman
had thoughtlessly discarded.
490
00:20:54,709 --> 00:20:55,829
-Hi.
-Hey!
491
00:20:55,917 --> 00:20:57,877
Charlotte, this is my ex,
Melinda Peters.
492
00:20:57,959 --> 00:20:59,329
She kind of hooked me up
with this thing.
493
00:20:59,417 --> 00:21:02,077
-Hi, you must be
a friend of Karen's.
-Mm-hmm.
494
00:21:02,166 --> 00:21:05,166
Thank you so much for bringing
this wonderful man.
495
00:21:05,250 --> 00:21:06,880
You're welcome.
496
00:21:06,959 --> 00:21:08,829
Can I talk to you
for a minute?
497
00:21:08,917 --> 00:21:10,497
Sure.
Excuse me.
498
00:21:11,959 --> 00:21:13,209
-Bye!
Thanks, Charlotte.
499
00:21:13,291 --> 00:21:15,001
Thanks for coming.
500
00:21:17,208 --> 00:21:18,538
Hey!
501
00:21:18,750 --> 00:21:20,040
-Bye.
-Bye.
502
00:21:20,125 --> 00:21:21,705
Apparently,
once Melinda saw Greg
503
00:21:21,792 --> 00:21:23,082
talking to another woman,
504
00:21:23,166 --> 00:21:25,996
he suddenly looked
all shiny and new again.
505
00:21:35,917 --> 00:21:38,917
That night,
Jeff proved to Samantha
506
00:21:39,000 --> 00:21:42,210
that he more than made up
for his shortcomings.
507
00:21:48,750 --> 00:21:50,290
Samantha told us later,
508
00:21:50,375 --> 00:21:54,455
"It was like having sex
with a horny Smurf."
509
00:21:54,542 --> 00:21:56,632
Meanwhile, across town,
510
00:21:56,709 --> 00:22:00,039
Steve was busy stuffing
Miranda's ballot box.
511
00:22:07,875 --> 00:22:09,245
You know,
512
00:22:10,417 --> 00:22:14,037
I'm not looking
for a quick answer
on the monogamy thing.
513
00:22:14,542 --> 00:22:18,212
It's probably just something
that's gotta happen on its own.
514
00:22:18,542 --> 00:22:19,712
Yeah.
515
00:22:25,250 --> 00:22:28,040
It's just I wanted you
to know how I feel.
516
00:22:28,583 --> 00:22:30,923
You're the best woman
I ever met.
517
00:22:32,917 --> 00:22:36,787
And I want you to know--
to know that.
518
00:22:40,667 --> 00:22:43,917
I love you, Miranda.
I really do.
519
00:22:46,917 --> 00:22:50,497
Suddenly, Steve had just
verbalized the one big pro
520
00:22:50,583 --> 00:22:54,083
that outweighed
all the cons.
521
00:22:54,166 --> 00:22:57,786
Later that week,
Samantha decided
to put her heels in storage
522
00:22:57,875 --> 00:22:59,745
and give Jeff
another chance.
523
00:22:59,834 --> 00:23:02,584
Little boy's room.
I'll be right back.
524
00:23:17,041 --> 00:23:18,881
Samantha was stunned.
525
00:23:18,959 --> 00:23:21,789
It was one thing
to date a man who went
to the little boy's room,
526
00:23:21,875 --> 00:23:26,125
quite another to date one
who still shopped
at the little boy's department.
527
00:23:26,959 --> 00:23:29,079
Samantha?
-Ah!
528
00:23:29,166 --> 00:23:32,036
Oh, I'm not feeling very
well, I've gotta go.
529
00:23:32,125 --> 00:23:32,955
Goodnight.
530
00:23:33,041 --> 00:23:34,791
Wait, I'll take you.
531
00:23:36,083 --> 00:23:37,883
I'm not really sick.
532
00:23:37,959 --> 00:23:40,419
Look, Jeff,
I can't do this.
533
00:23:40,500 --> 00:23:41,750
It's not a very good idea.
534
00:23:41,834 --> 00:23:43,424
I just don't want to
lead you on.
535
00:23:43,500 --> 00:23:44,580
Lead me on?
536
00:23:44,667 --> 00:23:46,827
You came five times
the other night.
537
00:23:46,917 --> 00:23:49,827
-Well, it's not really that.
-Then what, what is it?
538
00:23:49,917 --> 00:23:52,537
What happened
in the past five minutes?
539
00:23:53,750 --> 00:23:56,580
You shop at
the boy's department.
540
00:23:56,667 --> 00:23:57,917
So what?
541
00:23:58,000 --> 00:24:00,080
The clothes fit me better,
plus they're cheaper.
542
00:24:00,166 --> 00:24:02,536
Where do you shop,
the big and tall whore store?
543
00:24:04,291 --> 00:24:05,751
You know,
544
00:24:05,834 --> 00:24:08,504
you're nothing but a big dick
with a little man attached.
545
00:24:08,583 --> 00:24:11,963
And you're nothing
but a big pair of tits
with too much extra leg room.
546
00:24:14,709 --> 00:24:18,669
Surprisingly, Samantha had found
what she was really looking for.
547
00:24:18,750 --> 00:24:20,580
And it had nothing
to do with size.
548
00:24:20,667 --> 00:24:23,457
Hey, somebody get me
a booster chair!
549
00:24:23,542 --> 00:24:26,422
She had found a man
who made her laugh.
550
00:24:26,500 --> 00:24:27,960
They dated
for two weeks.
551
00:24:28,041 --> 00:24:29,331
Though he was short,
552
00:24:29,417 --> 00:24:32,747
it was a very long
relationship for Samantha.
553
00:24:32,834 --> 00:24:35,634
That same night,
parched and nervous,
554
00:24:35,709 --> 00:24:37,789
I spent another night
with Bill.
555
00:24:37,875 --> 00:24:39,285
Man, that was great.
556
00:24:39,375 --> 00:24:40,875
Yes it was.
557
00:24:41,834 --> 00:24:43,884
Come on,
let's go take a shower!
558
00:25:15,792 --> 00:25:17,712
C'mon, get in here
while it's hot.
559
00:25:21,375 --> 00:25:23,995
Bill, can I talk to you
about something?
560
00:25:24,083 --> 00:25:25,543
Yeah, okay.
561
00:25:32,083 --> 00:25:35,333
I've been giving
this peeing thing
a lot of thought.
562
00:25:35,417 --> 00:25:37,377
And while I think
it's totally fine
563
00:25:37,458 --> 00:25:40,128
that that's
what you're into, I just--
564
00:25:40,208 --> 00:25:43,378
It's just never
really been my thing.
565
00:25:43,750 --> 00:25:44,880
Oh, yeah?
566
00:25:44,959 --> 00:25:47,209
Yeah, so I thought instead, um,
567
00:25:47,291 --> 00:25:49,921
maybe you could
close your eyes
568
00:25:50,000 --> 00:25:52,750
and I could dribble
warm tea on you.
569
00:25:52,834 --> 00:25:54,794
That might feel good.
570
00:25:54,875 --> 00:26:00,625
Or maybe you might
think it's fun
571
00:26:00,709 --> 00:26:05,789
to hear the sound
of running water
when we have sex.
572
00:26:06,792 --> 00:26:10,462
And if things got
really serious between us,
573
00:26:10,542 --> 00:26:16,712
I could maybe even leave
the bathroom door open sometime.
574
00:26:16,792 --> 00:26:19,882
Although, honestly, I'm really
not sure how comfortable
575
00:26:19,959 --> 00:26:22,459
I would be
with that, either.
576
00:26:24,041 --> 00:26:26,791
You know, there's something
I wanted to tell you, too.
577
00:26:26,875 --> 00:26:28,075
Oh.
578
00:26:28,166 --> 00:26:29,916
Some people connected
with the campaign
579
00:26:30,000 --> 00:26:31,250
read your column
580
00:26:31,333 --> 00:26:34,833
and they had a different
take on it than I did.
581
00:26:36,166 --> 00:26:37,496
What does that mean?
582
00:26:37,583 --> 00:26:40,253
Well, they thought it was
really funny and clever,
583
00:26:40,333 --> 00:26:43,333
but that it was
a lot about sex.
584
00:26:43,959 --> 00:26:46,539
And they don't think
it's such a good idea
585
00:26:46,625 --> 00:26:49,495
for me to be dating
a sex columnist
586
00:26:49,583 --> 00:26:51,503
so close
to the election.
587
00:26:51,583 --> 00:26:54,503
They thought
it was kind of seamy.
588
00:26:55,667 --> 00:26:57,287
Wait a second...
589
00:26:57,375 --> 00:26:58,825
I may write about sex,
590
00:26:58,917 --> 00:27:02,877
but you like people
to pee on you!
591
00:27:04,000 --> 00:27:07,170
Yeah, but nobody
knows about that.
592
00:27:17,375 --> 00:27:20,665
I realized that politics
had not only entered my bedroom,
593
00:27:20,750 --> 00:27:22,880
but my bathroom as well.
594
00:27:22,959 --> 00:27:27,079
And I decided then and there
that my bravest political act
595
00:27:27,166 --> 00:27:29,496
would be
to tell the truth.
596
00:27:32,959 --> 00:27:34,669
Of course I didn't
use his real name.
597
00:27:34,750 --> 00:27:37,750
It was much
more political not to.