1 00:01:00,458 --> 00:01:04,828 Someone once said that two halves make a whole. 2 00:01:06,667 --> 00:01:08,957 And when two halves move in together, 3 00:01:09,041 --> 00:01:13,081 it makes a whole lot of stuff. 4 00:01:13,667 --> 00:01:14,917 Hey, what's--? 5 00:01:15,000 --> 00:01:16,880 Hey, Pop-Tart, where you been and whatcha been doing? 6 00:01:16,959 --> 00:01:19,669 I got coffee and papers. 7 00:01:19,750 --> 00:01:21,710 But I think the more pressing question is... 8 00:01:21,792 --> 00:01:24,082 What have you been doing? 9 00:01:24,166 --> 00:01:25,746 Made myself an area. 10 00:01:25,834 --> 00:01:27,544 Yes, I can see that. 11 00:01:27,625 --> 00:01:31,575 I needed a space for my work papers and stuff, you know, so... 12 00:01:31,667 --> 00:01:32,747 Is that okay? 13 00:01:32,834 --> 00:01:33,834 Yeah, sure, yes. 14 00:01:33,917 --> 00:01:35,747 It's just, you know, 15 00:01:35,834 --> 00:01:37,134 you're blocking the bathroom door. 16 00:01:37,208 --> 00:01:39,578 Yeah, but you got another one. Who needs two bathroom doors? 17 00:01:39,667 --> 00:01:40,667 I do, me. 18 00:01:40,750 --> 00:01:43,630 Me, the one who loves her two bathroom doors. 19 00:01:43,709 --> 00:01:45,379 What do you need two doors for? 20 00:01:45,458 --> 00:01:46,668 Well, 'cause, you know, sometimes I'm in a hurry 21 00:01:46,750 --> 00:01:48,290 and it's just quicker to go "ping," out that one, 22 00:01:48,375 --> 00:01:50,915 and it's my escape route in case. 23 00:01:51,000 --> 00:01:51,920 In case what? 24 00:01:52,000 --> 00:01:54,040 In case rapists come in my bedroom window. 25 00:01:54,125 --> 00:01:56,535 I see them in the mirror and then "phew," I'm gone. 26 00:01:56,625 --> 00:02:00,575 There's a whole lot of "phewing" going on in that bathroom. 27 00:02:00,667 --> 00:02:03,497 Hey, it's just gonna be like this until we're able to 28 00:02:03,583 --> 00:02:04,793 take over the apartment next door, 29 00:02:04,875 --> 00:02:06,165 then we can load the stuff in. 30 00:02:06,250 --> 00:02:08,580 And would that be happening in the next five minutes, 31 00:02:08,667 --> 00:02:10,127 please, God? 32 00:02:10,208 --> 00:02:12,828 Closing at the end of next week. 33 00:02:12,917 --> 00:02:14,747 Oh, hello, Petey. 34 00:02:14,834 --> 00:02:16,794 Really, what's the problem, right? 35 00:02:16,875 --> 00:02:19,075 It's just boxes, right? 36 00:02:20,041 --> 00:02:21,501 A plant! 37 00:02:21,583 --> 00:02:23,883 The man brought a living thing into my apartment. 38 00:02:23,959 --> 00:02:25,079 I don't do plants. 39 00:02:25,166 --> 00:02:26,456 I kill everything I bring in there. 40 00:02:26,542 --> 00:02:28,632 You said "yes" to moving in, the guy moved in. 41 00:02:28,709 --> 00:02:31,459 But he's taking over whole areas. 42 00:02:31,542 --> 00:02:32,962 This is why I've never lived with a man. 43 00:02:33,041 --> 00:02:36,131 This, and the fact that I want them out an hour after I climax. 44 00:02:36,208 --> 00:02:37,878 You let them stay a whole hour? 45 00:02:37,959 --> 00:02:40,289 You'd be surprised how many are ready to go again 46 00:02:40,375 --> 00:02:41,575 after a quick catnap. 47 00:02:41,667 --> 00:02:43,327 And there's no walls, you know, there's nowhere to hide. 48 00:02:43,417 --> 00:02:45,627 As soon as I walk in the door, he's all up in my face with, 49 00:02:45,709 --> 00:02:46,879 "Who'd you see? Where'd you go? 50 00:02:47,000 --> 00:02:49,330 Who'd ya meet? What do ya know?" 51 00:02:49,417 --> 00:02:53,207 What I know is I need time to decompress. 52 00:02:53,291 --> 00:02:54,501 Just be alone. 53 00:02:54,583 --> 00:02:56,673 But Carrie, there are gonna have to be some adjustments. 54 00:02:56,750 --> 00:02:58,500 Relationships are hard. 55 00:02:58,583 --> 00:03:01,793 Oh, you guys, I miss walking into my apartment 56 00:03:01,875 --> 00:03:04,455 with no one there and it's all quiet, 57 00:03:04,542 --> 00:03:08,172 and I can do that stuff you do when you're totally alone, 58 00:03:08,250 --> 00:03:12,750 things you would never want your boyfriend to see you do. 59 00:03:12,834 --> 00:03:16,334 -Like masturbate? -My S.S.B., my "secret single behavior." 60 00:03:16,417 --> 00:03:19,667 Like, I like to make a stack of saltines. 61 00:03:19,750 --> 00:03:21,420 I put grape jelly on them. 62 00:03:21,500 --> 00:03:25,040 I eat them standing up in the kitchen reading fashion magazines. 63 00:03:25,125 --> 00:03:26,125 Why standing up? 64 00:03:26,208 --> 00:03:28,708 It's weird, but it just feels great. 65 00:03:28,792 --> 00:03:31,582 I like to put vaseline on my hands and put them in 66 00:03:31,667 --> 00:03:33,707 those Borghese conditioning gloves 67 00:03:33,792 --> 00:03:35,252 while watching infomercials. 68 00:03:35,333 --> 00:03:36,833 Before I was married, 69 00:03:36,917 --> 00:03:38,957 I used to study my pores in a magnifying mirror 70 00:03:39,041 --> 00:03:41,041 for an hour each night. 71 00:03:41,125 --> 00:03:42,915 But I'm afraid Trey will just think it's weird. 72 00:03:43,000 --> 00:03:44,330 Well, he would. 73 00:03:44,417 --> 00:03:46,037 You can't do that stuff in front of men. 74 00:03:46,125 --> 00:03:47,785 What about you, Lolita? 75 00:03:47,875 --> 00:03:50,955 Anything you do you wouldn't want a man to see? 76 00:03:51,041 --> 00:03:52,381 No. 77 00:03:52,458 --> 00:03:54,378 You know, I believe her. 78 00:03:54,458 --> 00:03:55,918 -Mmm! 79 00:03:56,000 --> 00:03:59,040 Hey, didn't we make a rule about those things at lunch? 80 00:03:59,125 --> 00:04:01,955 It's my boss, I have to take it. 81 00:04:02,041 --> 00:04:03,541 Samantha Jones. 82 00:04:03,625 --> 00:04:06,705 Richard, it's Sunday. 83 00:04:06,792 --> 00:04:08,212 Fine. 84 00:04:08,291 --> 00:04:10,381 I'll see you in an hour. 85 00:04:10,458 --> 00:04:13,918 He wants me to drop something off this afternoon. 86 00:04:14,000 --> 00:04:15,420 Nice. 87 00:04:15,500 --> 00:04:18,580 A little "skyrockets in flight, afternoon delight"? 88 00:04:18,667 --> 00:04:20,577 No, it's just work. 89 00:04:20,667 --> 00:04:23,077 Hardly, you're sleeping with him. 90 00:04:23,166 --> 00:04:24,416 You told them? 91 00:04:24,500 --> 00:04:26,080 I also like to gossip on the phone 92 00:04:26,166 --> 00:04:28,246 while secretly pumicing my calluses. 93 00:04:28,333 --> 00:04:29,423 So, how is he? 94 00:04:29,500 --> 00:04:31,790 And spare no detail, I'm a horny pregnant person. 95 00:04:31,875 --> 00:04:33,995 I don't want to talk about it. 96 00:04:34,083 --> 00:04:35,793 Whooo! Whooo! 97 00:04:35,875 --> 00:04:39,375 ♪ Samantha likes a guy, Samantha likes a guy ♪ 98 00:04:39,458 --> 00:04:40,668 I do not. 99 00:04:40,750 --> 00:04:42,000 You do! You do! 100 00:04:42,083 --> 00:04:43,463 Or you would tell us all the dirty details. 101 00:04:43,542 --> 00:04:46,212 Oh, my God, we're gonna have to ice skate home, 102 00:04:46,291 --> 00:04:48,131 hell just froze over. 103 00:04:48,208 --> 00:04:50,038 Okay, you want details? 104 00:04:50,125 --> 00:04:51,495 Okay. 105 00:04:52,750 --> 00:04:56,210 He's got the most perfect dick I've ever seen. 106 00:04:56,291 --> 00:04:59,251 Long, pink, amazing. 107 00:05:00,667 --> 00:05:02,917 It's dick-a-licious. 108 00:05:03,000 --> 00:05:05,540 Alright, so, what should I do about Aidan's stuff? 109 00:05:07,625 --> 00:05:09,785 I'm gonna have the girls over for dinner. 110 00:05:09,875 --> 00:05:11,415 Oh, that sounds like fun. 111 00:05:11,500 --> 00:05:12,630 What night? 112 00:05:12,709 --> 00:05:14,209 Just the girls. 113 00:05:14,291 --> 00:05:16,961 I'm sorry, but I'm trying to get my day planner back together. 114 00:05:17,041 --> 00:05:18,291 I just have so much more free time 115 00:05:18,375 --> 00:05:19,705 now that we're no longer on the baby track. 116 00:05:19,792 --> 00:05:22,332 Some apartments are cluttered with physical stuff... 117 00:05:22,417 --> 00:05:24,377 Others, emotional stuff. 118 00:05:24,458 --> 00:05:26,628 It's a big readjustment. 119 00:05:26,709 --> 00:05:28,789 I've wanted a baby ever since I was a little girl. 120 00:05:28,875 --> 00:05:32,325 I mean, we have a baby room and no baby. 121 00:05:32,417 --> 00:05:36,037 Well, I've got some good news. 122 00:05:36,125 --> 00:05:40,415 Bram Pomander thinks he's snagged us orchestra seats 123 00:05:40,500 --> 00:05:42,960 to The Producers next week. 124 00:05:45,333 --> 00:05:48,133 Charlotte, yes, we're disappointed. 125 00:05:48,208 --> 00:05:49,578 But life goes on. 126 00:05:49,667 --> 00:05:52,077 We still have to find a way to have a giggle. 127 00:05:52,917 --> 00:05:55,747 Come on, give me a smile. 128 00:06:05,041 --> 00:06:06,671 Hold on! 129 00:06:06,750 --> 00:06:08,000 Potential investors in Munich. 130 00:06:08,083 --> 00:06:09,833 I wish I knew how to say "fuck you" in German. 131 00:06:09,917 --> 00:06:12,827 Fick mich. 132 00:06:15,375 --> 00:06:16,415 Impressive. 133 00:06:16,500 --> 00:06:17,960 Why do you speak German? 134 00:06:18,041 --> 00:06:20,541 A gal has her reasons. 135 00:06:20,625 --> 00:06:23,075 Come to think of it, that wasn't "fuck you," it was "fuck me." 136 00:06:23,166 --> 00:06:25,496 That's a negotiation ploy I haven't tried before. 137 00:06:25,583 --> 00:06:26,713 Who are you kidding? 138 00:06:26,792 --> 00:06:28,882 So, where's the layout for the L.A. Magazine spread? 139 00:06:28,959 --> 00:06:31,209 Signed, sealed, delivered. 140 00:06:31,291 --> 00:06:32,791 And one more thing... 141 00:06:36,208 --> 00:06:37,708 It was perfect. 142 00:06:37,792 --> 00:06:41,422 Long, pink, amazing. 143 00:06:44,166 --> 00:06:46,246 I thought about you all weekend. 144 00:06:48,041 --> 00:06:50,881 Well, let me see if I can give you something 145 00:06:50,959 --> 00:06:52,959 to think about all evening. 146 00:06:54,917 --> 00:06:57,037 Bring out that gorgeous dick. 147 00:06:57,125 --> 00:06:59,915 You're gonna get down on your knees right here? 148 00:07:00,000 --> 00:07:02,380 What if my assistant should see you? 149 00:07:07,291 --> 00:07:08,671 Oops. 150 00:07:09,667 --> 00:07:11,877 I dropped my portfolio. 151 00:07:13,625 --> 00:07:16,165 That may take some time to pick up. 152 00:07:24,458 --> 00:07:28,998 Das ist ein schöner, perfekter Schwanz. 153 00:07:35,792 --> 00:07:40,502 Whoops, better get those while you're down there. 154 00:07:40,583 --> 00:07:43,633 If I had known you were gonna turn out to be so not a loser, 155 00:07:43,709 --> 00:07:45,539 I would have run home after work and changed. 156 00:07:45,625 --> 00:07:49,035 Or at least put on some fresh deodorant, huh? 157 00:07:49,125 --> 00:07:50,125 Oh. 158 00:07:50,208 --> 00:07:51,918 Ow, careful. 159 00:07:52,000 --> 00:07:53,960 You know, I was a much younger man 160 00:07:54,041 --> 00:07:55,461 when we started trying to set up this blind date. 161 00:07:55,542 --> 00:07:58,382 Well, you're the one who kept canceling to go to... 162 00:07:58,458 --> 00:07:59,788 Where were you? 163 00:07:59,875 --> 00:08:01,625 First time, Spain and Rome... 164 00:08:01,709 --> 00:08:04,539 The second time, Luxembourg and Athens. 165 00:08:04,625 --> 00:08:07,035 Walker Lewis, fluent in five languages, 166 00:08:07,125 --> 00:08:08,285 traveled the world 167 00:08:08,375 --> 00:08:10,205 as a state department interpreter. 168 00:08:10,291 --> 00:08:11,671 Seriously, Miranda, 169 00:08:11,750 --> 00:08:15,330 best blind date I have ever had... 170 00:08:15,417 --> 00:08:18,377 in the continental USA. 171 00:08:31,458 --> 00:08:33,168 What? 172 00:08:33,250 --> 00:08:35,830 Listen, any reason I can't see you again 173 00:08:35,917 --> 00:08:37,577 before I go to Brussels? 174 00:08:40,458 --> 00:08:43,288 He is so cute and funny and sexy. 175 00:08:43,375 --> 00:08:44,995 And I really want to have sex with him. 176 00:08:45,083 --> 00:08:46,003 But I don't know. 177 00:08:46,083 --> 00:08:47,633 Is it okay to fuck one guy, 178 00:08:47,709 --> 00:08:49,499 when you're pregnant with another guy's baby? 179 00:08:49,583 --> 00:08:52,583 If one more person asks me that today... 180 00:08:52,667 --> 00:08:54,877 I mean, I'm not in a relationship 181 00:08:54,959 --> 00:08:56,959 with the father of the baby or anything... 182 00:08:57,041 --> 00:08:59,041 Well, I've rarely heard that used as a plus, 183 00:08:59,125 --> 00:08:59,995 but go on... 184 00:09:00,083 --> 00:09:01,713 It's just... Is it tacky? 185 00:09:01,792 --> 00:09:03,582 And beyond tacky, is it safe? 186 00:09:03,667 --> 00:09:06,287 Let's assume he's a really great fuck. 187 00:09:06,375 --> 00:09:07,705 'Cause so many men are... 188 00:09:07,792 --> 00:09:10,922 Could all that poking shake the baby loose or something? 189 00:09:11,750 --> 00:09:13,880 No, that's silly. 190 00:09:13,959 --> 00:09:15,539 Married couples have sex all the time. 191 00:09:15,625 --> 00:09:17,875 But what if he's huge? 192 00:09:17,959 --> 00:09:19,829 Again, 'cause so many men are. 193 00:09:19,917 --> 00:09:21,877 Could the dick dent the baby? 194 00:09:21,959 --> 00:09:23,749 Where do you think dimples come from? 195 00:09:25,041 --> 00:09:26,331 Oh, that is so cute. 196 00:09:26,417 --> 00:09:27,497 I try. 197 00:09:27,583 --> 00:09:30,713 Okay, I really need to have sex with him now. 198 00:09:30,792 --> 00:09:32,172 Next time he comes back in town 199 00:09:32,250 --> 00:09:34,040 I'll be too big and he won't want to. 200 00:09:34,125 --> 00:09:39,035 Nothing puts a man off sex like pregnancy. 201 00:09:39,125 --> 00:09:41,705 This is my last chance. 202 00:09:41,792 --> 00:09:44,502 Last chance for sex. 203 00:09:44,583 --> 00:09:46,293 You're not on death row. 204 00:09:46,375 --> 00:09:48,575 Yes, I am, dead woman fucking. 205 00:09:48,667 --> 00:09:50,627 Miranda, it's your body, your life. 206 00:09:50,709 --> 00:09:52,079 You do what's best for you. 207 00:09:52,166 --> 00:09:53,376 Easier said than done. 208 00:09:53,458 --> 00:09:55,788 You can't even ask Aidan not to talk 209 00:09:55,875 --> 00:09:58,415 when you walk in the front door. 210 00:09:58,500 --> 00:09:59,580 Hi, Mrs. Cohen! 211 00:09:59,667 --> 00:10:01,417 Oh, let me help. Hold on a second. 212 00:10:01,500 --> 00:10:02,750 Here, let me help you. 213 00:10:02,834 --> 00:10:05,964 Hold on, here we go. 214 00:10:06,417 --> 00:10:07,537 Hello. 215 00:10:07,625 --> 00:10:08,415 Okay? 216 00:10:08,500 --> 00:10:09,960 That's a crazy outfit. 217 00:10:11,166 --> 00:10:14,996 Okay, Mrs. Cohen, this is my friend, Miranda. 218 00:10:15,083 --> 00:10:17,213 Hello, Mrs. Cohen. 219 00:10:18,917 --> 00:10:21,077 Listen, you tell your boy 220 00:10:21,166 --> 00:10:23,666 I'm not leaving for 30 days. 221 00:10:23,750 --> 00:10:24,750 What? 222 00:10:24,834 --> 00:10:27,674 But we're closing in a week. 223 00:10:27,750 --> 00:10:30,830 Read the contract! 224 00:10:30,917 --> 00:10:34,457 I didn't think Mrs. Cohen could move any slower, 225 00:10:34,542 --> 00:10:37,502 but apparently she could. 226 00:10:39,375 --> 00:10:41,075 Hey, gal, what's up? 227 00:10:41,166 --> 00:10:43,496 Where ya been? What do ya know? 228 00:10:48,417 --> 00:10:50,417 Brace yourself, partner. 229 00:10:50,500 --> 00:10:53,460 I been outside and what's up 230 00:10:53,542 --> 00:10:56,582 is old lightning rod next door informs me 231 00:10:56,667 --> 00:11:01,207 she will not be leaving for 30 days. 232 00:11:02,291 --> 00:11:03,831 I was afraid she was gonna do that. 233 00:11:03,917 --> 00:11:06,787 Fuck! Fuck! 234 00:11:06,875 --> 00:11:10,575 What the fuck are we gonna fucking do now? 235 00:11:10,667 --> 00:11:14,167 Oh, thank you... 236 00:11:14,250 --> 00:11:16,880 You hate it too, I'm so relieved! 237 00:11:16,959 --> 00:11:19,829 I thought you'd already changed into a pod... 238 00:11:19,917 --> 00:11:22,827 "Invasion Of The Single Snatchers." 239 00:11:22,917 --> 00:11:25,537 -Oh... -Of course I hate it. 240 00:11:25,625 --> 00:11:29,325 We cannot live like this. 241 00:11:29,417 --> 00:11:31,707 I mean, I got all my boxes in the hall. 242 00:11:31,792 --> 00:11:33,252 You can't get in the fucking door. 243 00:11:33,333 --> 00:11:35,043 I know, did you see me? 244 00:11:35,125 --> 00:11:37,245 Every time! Every single time! 245 00:11:37,333 --> 00:11:38,583 We gotta get this stuff out of here. 246 00:11:38,667 --> 00:11:41,787 We could make some room for it if we cleaned out your closet. 247 00:11:45,333 --> 00:11:47,003 Careful! 248 00:11:47,083 --> 00:11:49,833 Okay, damn, my ears. 249 00:11:49,917 --> 00:11:51,167 Listen to me. 250 00:11:51,250 --> 00:11:55,130 I have laid out clean towels on the floor of the bathroom. 251 00:11:55,208 --> 00:12:00,788 Gently place the shoes and boxes on them. 252 00:12:03,834 --> 00:12:09,424 Oh, wow, I forgot I had these. 253 00:12:09,500 --> 00:12:11,290 Things are looking up. 254 00:12:11,375 --> 00:12:13,625 How many pairs of shoes does one person need? 255 00:12:13,709 --> 00:12:16,499 That is not the way to get out of this alive. 256 00:12:17,834 --> 00:12:21,174 I figure I'm gonna need about half this space. 257 00:12:21,250 --> 00:12:23,380 I figure you've gone mentally ill. 258 00:12:23,458 --> 00:12:25,128 What, you never wear most of this stuff. 259 00:12:25,208 --> 00:12:26,538 Yet! 260 00:12:26,625 --> 00:12:29,285 I never wear most of this stuff yet. Someday I will. 261 00:12:30,125 --> 00:12:32,245 Oh, like, uh... 262 00:12:32,333 --> 00:12:33,583 Like this? 263 00:12:33,667 --> 00:12:37,877 When and where were you planning to wear this? 264 00:12:37,959 --> 00:12:40,879 Don't do that, don't mock the clothes. 265 00:12:40,959 --> 00:12:43,579 And for the record, have worn it. 266 00:12:43,667 --> 00:12:46,417 December, '99, Union Square. 267 00:12:46,500 --> 00:12:48,960 Book signing. 268 00:12:49,041 --> 00:12:50,711 We gotta start somewhere. 269 00:12:50,792 --> 00:12:54,292 Oh, come on, I love this outfit. 270 00:12:54,375 --> 00:12:56,625 That's when I realized I was holding onto 271 00:12:56,709 --> 00:12:58,539 a Roberto Cavalli outfit, 272 00:12:58,625 --> 00:13:00,915 and throwing away my relationship. 273 00:13:01,000 --> 00:13:02,580 Okay, it goes! 274 00:13:02,667 --> 00:13:03,787 Good. 275 00:13:03,875 --> 00:13:05,375 Bye-bye. 276 00:13:11,041 --> 00:13:13,831 Pete! 277 00:13:13,917 --> 00:13:15,127 Hey, hey, Pete! 278 00:13:15,208 --> 00:13:16,288 Stop it! 279 00:13:16,375 --> 00:13:18,245 Pete, stop it! 280 00:13:18,333 --> 00:13:22,383 -Pete, Pete, oh my God! -Pete! Hey! 281 00:13:22,458 --> 00:13:25,288 Don't show it to me, don't even show it to me! 282 00:13:25,375 --> 00:13:26,875 I think I saw turquoise. 283 00:13:26,959 --> 00:13:30,129 That better not be the pair I think! 284 00:13:30,208 --> 00:13:32,958 Oh, godammit! 285 00:13:33,041 --> 00:13:36,751 That dog owes me $380. 286 00:13:36,834 --> 00:13:41,004 -Fine. -You can't buy it, it's circa 1996! 287 00:13:41,625 --> 00:13:43,035 Godammit! 288 00:13:43,125 --> 00:13:44,785 He's a dog, what's he supposed to do 289 00:13:44,875 --> 00:13:46,875 with all your shit lying around here? 290 00:13:46,959 --> 00:13:51,419 My shit wouldn't be lying around if we weren't making room 291 00:13:51,500 --> 00:13:53,710 because your shit is lying around. 292 00:13:53,792 --> 00:13:56,132 You got more shit lying around than I got lying around. 293 00:13:56,208 --> 00:13:57,998 What? Look at this place. 294 00:13:58,083 --> 00:13:59,503 It's loaded with your shit. 295 00:13:59,583 --> 00:14:02,173 Just look at the-- just look at this bathroom! 296 00:14:02,250 --> 00:14:04,670 Look at all your shit in my bathroom. 297 00:14:04,750 --> 00:14:09,790 Who needs five almost empty Speed Stick deodorants? 298 00:14:09,875 --> 00:14:11,205 What are you, a crazy bag man? 299 00:14:11,291 --> 00:14:12,671 They're different smells! 300 00:14:12,750 --> 00:14:14,460 And musk, when have you ever worn musk? 301 00:14:14,542 --> 00:14:19,962 I mean, look at this stuff, you got old razors, Rogaine-- 302 00:14:21,125 --> 00:14:23,125 Wait a minute, you use Rogaine? 303 00:14:23,208 --> 00:14:25,538 -I didn't know you needed-- -It's preventative! 304 00:14:25,625 --> 00:14:28,075 -But is your hair falling out? -I don't want to talk about it! 305 00:14:28,166 --> 00:14:31,786 It seems it's not only women who have secret single behavior. 306 00:14:31,875 --> 00:14:35,035 This is my stuff! Don't be going through my stuff. 307 00:14:35,125 --> 00:14:36,875 You were more than happy to go through my stuff. 308 00:14:36,959 --> 00:14:38,879 Oh, your stuff, your bathroom. 309 00:14:38,959 --> 00:14:41,539 You always do that, you never want to let me in. 310 00:14:41,625 --> 00:14:44,165 I don't always do anything. 311 00:14:44,250 --> 00:14:46,830 And I have let you in. 312 00:14:46,917 --> 00:14:50,207 You're fighting with me about a stupid fucking outfit! 313 00:14:50,291 --> 00:14:51,421 Oh, shut up! 314 00:14:51,500 --> 00:14:53,210 It's Roberto Cavalli. 315 00:14:53,291 --> 00:14:55,711 I threw it away and I love it! 316 00:14:55,792 --> 00:14:57,042 What more do you want? 317 00:14:57,125 --> 00:14:59,535 Shut up? Shut up? 318 00:14:59,625 --> 00:15:01,205 Yes, shut up! 319 00:15:01,291 --> 00:15:03,461 Shut up? You're telling me to shut up? 320 00:15:03,542 --> 00:15:05,962 Please, just shut up! 321 00:15:06,041 --> 00:15:09,921 I'm so sick of hearing you talking, talking, talking, all the time! 322 00:15:10,000 --> 00:15:11,880 Don't you ever just shut up? 323 00:15:11,959 --> 00:15:13,129 I'm gonna take a walk. 324 00:15:13,208 --> 00:15:15,168 No, no, no, no, no. 325 00:15:15,250 --> 00:15:16,920 I'm taking a walk! 326 00:15:17,000 --> 00:15:19,880 You can stay here with your boxes of shit 327 00:15:19,959 --> 00:15:23,379 and your shoe-eating dog and you can knock yourself out 328 00:15:23,458 --> 00:15:26,168 putting on the Rogaine and the Speed Stick! 329 00:15:29,375 --> 00:15:33,125 This is why I need a second door! 330 00:15:35,542 --> 00:15:37,002 I heard that! 331 00:15:39,250 --> 00:15:42,210 I used to think those people who sat alone at Starbucks 332 00:15:42,291 --> 00:15:45,251 writing on their laptops were pretentious posers. 333 00:15:45,333 --> 00:15:46,883 Now, I know. 334 00:15:46,959 --> 00:15:49,709 They're people who have recently moved in with someone. 335 00:15:49,792 --> 00:15:51,002 As I looked around, 336 00:15:51,083 --> 00:15:54,253 I wondered how many of them were mid-fight, 337 00:15:54,333 --> 00:15:55,923 like myself. 338 00:15:56,000 --> 00:15:58,250 The hard thing about fighting in relationships 339 00:15:58,333 --> 00:16:00,333 as opposed to Madison Square Garden, 340 00:16:00,417 --> 00:16:01,877 no referee. 341 00:16:01,959 --> 00:16:04,209 There's no one to tell you which comments are below the belt, 342 00:16:04,291 --> 00:16:06,211 or when to go to your separate corners. 343 00:16:06,291 --> 00:16:10,291 As a result, someone usually gets hurt. 344 00:16:10,375 --> 00:16:12,415 And it seems, the closer a couple gets 345 00:16:12,500 --> 00:16:14,000 and the more "stuff" they have between them, 346 00:16:14,083 --> 00:16:17,793 the harder it is to figure out exactly why they are yelling. 347 00:16:17,875 --> 00:16:20,205 When it comes to relationships, 348 00:16:20,291 --> 00:16:21,541 I couldn't help but wonder... 349 00:16:21,625 --> 00:16:23,165 What are we fighting for? 350 00:16:27,542 --> 00:16:29,502 Hello, my darling. 351 00:16:30,291 --> 00:16:32,211 I'm home! 352 00:16:36,375 --> 00:16:37,705 What are you...? 353 00:16:37,792 --> 00:16:39,502 Is that a surprise for me? 354 00:16:39,583 --> 00:16:40,793 Yes, it is. 355 00:16:40,875 --> 00:16:43,825 Don't get all excited, it's just a little silly something. 356 00:16:43,917 --> 00:16:45,167 What is it? 357 00:16:45,250 --> 00:16:46,880 Open it. 358 00:16:51,750 --> 00:16:53,880 It's a cardboard baby. 359 00:16:53,959 --> 00:16:55,379 I saw it in the window 360 00:16:55,458 --> 00:16:57,628 of a novelty store next to the hospital. 361 00:16:57,709 --> 00:17:01,579 See, now we can relax because we have one. 362 00:17:10,083 --> 00:17:11,423 Oh, dear. 363 00:17:11,500 --> 00:17:13,170 It was supposed to be funny. 364 00:17:13,250 --> 00:17:15,330 I thought we'd have a chuckle. 365 00:17:15,417 --> 00:17:17,787 Don't talk to me. 366 00:17:17,875 --> 00:17:20,205 See, it was a novelty store. 367 00:17:20,291 --> 00:17:21,921 The clerk said that they sell-- 368 00:17:23,458 --> 00:17:24,578 But to Charlotte, 369 00:17:24,667 --> 00:17:27,207 it was definitely hitting below the belt. 370 00:17:27,291 --> 00:17:31,211 If the meat is about a quarter of an inch thick, it's ready... 371 00:17:31,291 --> 00:17:34,381 And across town, Miranda decided it was time 372 00:17:34,458 --> 00:17:37,628 to put on the gloves and come out swinging. 373 00:17:37,709 --> 00:17:39,459 Leave a message. 374 00:17:39,542 --> 00:17:41,882 Hi, Walker... Miranda. 375 00:17:41,959 --> 00:17:44,039 Before you leave for Brussels on Monday, 376 00:17:44,125 --> 00:17:45,705 how about getting together Friday night? 377 00:17:45,792 --> 00:17:47,832 My apartment, call me. 378 00:17:47,917 --> 00:17:50,077 Pregnant or not, Miranda had needs 379 00:17:50,166 --> 00:17:51,876 and decided to stop fighting them. 380 00:17:51,959 --> 00:17:55,169 Now if you like it spicy, add some of those... 381 00:17:55,250 --> 00:17:58,080 And surprisingly, Samantha developed 382 00:17:58,166 --> 00:18:01,496 some secret single behavior of her own. 383 00:18:09,667 --> 00:18:13,037 Seven hours and a landslide of lattes later, 384 00:18:13,125 --> 00:18:17,375 I vibrated home prepared to admit how silly I'd been. 385 00:18:23,417 --> 00:18:24,747 That was... 386 00:18:24,834 --> 00:18:28,294 until he wasn't prepared to admit how silly he'd been. 387 00:18:37,834 --> 00:18:39,584 He yelled, then I yelled. 388 00:18:39,667 --> 00:18:43,827 It's been three days and nothing, not a word. 389 00:18:43,917 --> 00:18:45,787 And I'll be damned if I say I'm sorry first. 390 00:18:45,875 --> 00:18:48,125 Well, Trey and I hardly ever yell. 391 00:18:48,208 --> 00:18:49,248 We're WASPs. 392 00:18:49,333 --> 00:18:51,293 WASPs don't yell, it's genetic. 393 00:18:51,375 --> 00:18:52,625 Would anyone like more salad? 394 00:18:52,709 --> 00:18:55,129 No, we're done, what's the main course? 395 00:18:55,208 --> 00:18:56,498 Hey, relax. 396 00:18:56,583 --> 00:18:57,963 Chew. You'll get laid. 397 00:18:58,041 --> 00:18:59,631 You're not meeting him 'til 10:00. 398 00:18:59,709 --> 00:19:01,289 -Beef with Thai noodles. -Ooh! 399 00:19:01,375 --> 00:19:05,165 Richard is thinking of opening a hotel in Thailand. 400 00:19:07,000 --> 00:19:07,920 Sweetie? 401 00:19:08,000 --> 00:19:10,710 It's perfectly okay to like a guy. 402 00:19:10,792 --> 00:19:11,832 For the last time, 403 00:19:11,917 --> 00:19:14,077 the only thing I like about Richard 404 00:19:14,166 --> 00:19:19,496 is his big, throbbing, rock-hard perfect dick. 405 00:19:19,583 --> 00:19:20,463 Whoops. 406 00:19:20,542 --> 00:19:22,082 Forgot it was ladies night. 407 00:19:22,166 --> 00:19:24,826 Trey, you're not supposed to be here. 408 00:19:24,917 --> 00:19:25,917 Good evening, everyone. 409 00:19:26,000 --> 00:19:27,670 Hi. 410 00:19:27,750 --> 00:19:29,130 Hello, Mrs... 411 00:19:29,959 --> 00:19:33,789 Still mad, I see. 412 00:19:33,875 --> 00:19:35,745 I suppose she told you about the baby. 413 00:19:35,834 --> 00:19:36,794 No, I didn't. 414 00:19:36,875 --> 00:19:38,955 I never want to think about it again. 415 00:19:39,041 --> 00:19:41,381 Well, see... 416 00:19:41,458 --> 00:19:43,878 I was trying to make Charlotte laugh and-- 417 00:19:43,959 --> 00:19:45,249 it's not funny! 418 00:19:45,333 --> 00:19:47,833 Well, wait a minute now, maybe they'll think it's funny. 419 00:19:47,917 --> 00:19:51,577 Uh, see, we were so tense about not being able to have one, 420 00:19:51,667 --> 00:19:54,827 that I gave Charlotte a cardboard baby. 421 00:19:54,917 --> 00:19:56,077 Isn't that funny? 422 00:20:01,583 --> 00:20:04,133 Carrie, you're funny. 423 00:20:04,208 --> 00:20:07,418 Cardboard baby, that's funny, right? 424 00:20:07,500 --> 00:20:11,460 I mean, it's not funny "ha ha," but silly. 425 00:20:13,458 --> 00:20:17,538 See, they sell them in novelty stores... 426 00:20:17,625 --> 00:20:18,705 And other people buy them, and... 427 00:20:18,792 --> 00:20:21,712 And the clerk said that it was funny. 428 00:20:21,792 --> 00:20:22,962 You know what? Maybe you have to see it. 429 00:20:23,041 --> 00:20:24,831 Don't you bring that thing in here! 430 00:20:24,917 --> 00:20:26,207 It's silly, it's silly. 431 00:20:26,291 --> 00:20:27,421 Not to me it isn't! 432 00:20:27,500 --> 00:20:29,580 How would you feel if I gave you a cardboard cutout 433 00:20:29,667 --> 00:20:31,747 of a big flaccid penis? 434 00:20:31,834 --> 00:20:33,214 It's not so funny now, is it? 435 00:20:33,291 --> 00:20:35,881 Oh! Don't you bring that flat baby in here, 436 00:20:35,959 --> 00:20:37,669 I will kill you! 437 00:20:37,750 --> 00:20:40,250 How dare you talk to me like that in front of your friends! 438 00:20:40,333 --> 00:20:41,923 Oh, they know all about your penis problems! 439 00:20:42,000 --> 00:20:43,250 And they're just sick of hearing about it! 440 00:20:43,333 --> 00:20:46,043 There we were, right in the middle of a WASP nest. 441 00:20:46,125 --> 00:20:47,375 This is unforgivable! 442 00:20:47,458 --> 00:20:50,958 No, what's unforgivable is you denying me my baby, 443 00:20:51,041 --> 00:20:53,251 because of your own selfish, spoiled needs. 444 00:20:53,333 --> 00:20:54,423 I'm spoiled? Yes! 445 00:20:54,500 --> 00:20:55,880 You! You are spoiled! 446 00:20:55,959 --> 00:20:57,749 -Ever since we moved back in here 447 00:20:57,834 --> 00:20:59,294 -it's been nothing but "baby, baby"! -Samantha Jones. 448 00:20:59,375 --> 00:21:00,875 What about me? What about you, 449 00:21:00,959 --> 00:21:02,749 -you big baby? -Richard, hello. 450 00:21:02,834 --> 00:21:06,464 -No, no, it's not too late to call. 451 00:21:06,542 --> 00:21:07,582 Everything but a baby! 452 00:21:07,667 --> 00:21:09,667 Um, we're gonna go. 453 00:21:09,750 --> 00:21:10,750 Good! 454 00:21:10,834 --> 00:21:12,424 oh! Don't you talk to my friends like that! 455 00:21:12,500 --> 00:21:14,250 Without a baby, they're all I have! 456 00:21:14,333 --> 00:21:15,583 And what am I? 457 00:21:15,667 --> 00:21:18,957 You are the man who gave me a cardboard baby! 458 00:21:19,041 --> 00:21:20,921 It was funny! 459 00:21:21,000 --> 00:21:22,080 No, it wasn't! 460 00:21:22,166 --> 00:21:23,576 Goodnight! 461 00:21:34,125 --> 00:21:38,285 Okay, what's so important that it couldn't wait until-- 462 00:21:38,375 --> 00:21:40,245 This. 463 00:21:45,125 --> 00:21:47,075 Let's get something straight. 464 00:21:47,166 --> 00:21:49,626 I want no part of that. 465 00:21:49,709 --> 00:21:52,579 That turns everything into a big screaming mess. 466 00:21:52,667 --> 00:21:55,377 We are work and sex, nothing more. 467 00:21:56,375 --> 00:21:57,995 Now... 468 00:21:58,083 --> 00:22:02,043 Kindly take off those pants and show me your dick. 469 00:22:11,542 --> 00:22:14,332 I'll show you mine if you show me yours. 470 00:22:32,417 --> 00:22:35,207 That's what I'm talking about. 471 00:22:58,583 --> 00:23:00,543 Seeing a bantamweight championship fight 472 00:23:00,625 --> 00:23:03,075 like Charlotte and Trey's made me feel thankful 473 00:23:03,166 --> 00:23:05,996 that Aidan and I were still in the "banter weight" division. 474 00:23:06,083 --> 00:23:07,423 I'm sorry. 475 00:23:08,125 --> 00:23:09,785 I'm sorry, too. 476 00:23:14,375 --> 00:23:17,495 That night, I slept in my clothes. 477 00:23:24,417 --> 00:23:28,417 Trey and his baby slept in the guest room... 478 00:23:28,500 --> 00:23:32,290 And Charlotte no longer cared what Trey thought. 479 00:23:39,166 --> 00:23:42,286 Fuck me! Fuck me like there's no tomorrow! 480 00:23:42,375 --> 00:23:43,785 Yeah! 481 00:23:43,875 --> 00:23:47,415 For her last meal, the condemned woman had seconds... 482 00:23:47,500 --> 00:23:48,420 Yeah! 483 00:23:48,500 --> 00:23:50,330 And thirds. Yeah! 484 00:23:51,834 --> 00:23:55,584 Samantha met the dawn after a night of "S.S.B." 485 00:23:55,667 --> 00:23:56,577 Thanks. 486 00:23:56,667 --> 00:23:58,877 Sexy swimming behavior. 487 00:24:09,208 --> 00:24:10,998 Dance with me. 488 00:24:11,083 --> 00:24:13,133 What did I say? 489 00:24:15,667 --> 00:24:17,877 I'm your boss. 490 00:24:19,083 --> 00:24:21,173 It's an order. 491 00:24:30,875 --> 00:24:33,995 -Richard... -Dance. 492 00:25:07,583 --> 00:25:10,753 Samantha finally threw in the towel. 493 00:25:10,834 --> 00:25:13,674 All this time she'd been trying to make him 494 00:25:13,750 --> 00:25:15,500 just a perfect dick, 495 00:25:15,583 --> 00:25:16,793 fighting her feelings 496 00:25:16,875 --> 00:25:19,165 that he might be the perfect Richard. 497 00:25:34,208 --> 00:25:36,328 And back at the Bradshaw-Shaw residence, 498 00:25:36,417 --> 00:25:38,997 it was pretty much business as usual. 499 00:25:39,083 --> 00:25:40,213 Hey, what's up? 500 00:25:40,291 --> 00:25:41,751 Where ya been? Who'd ya see? 501 00:25:52,375 --> 00:25:55,785 Buddy, I need you to do something. 502 00:25:57,375 --> 00:25:58,455 What? 503 00:26:00,125 --> 00:26:01,825 I've never lived with anybody before you, 504 00:26:01,917 --> 00:26:05,707 so, I don't know how to say this correctly, but... 505 00:26:05,792 --> 00:26:11,382 I need you to not talk to me for one whole hour. 506 00:26:11,458 --> 00:26:12,878 I know that sounds pretty selfish, 507 00:26:12,959 --> 00:26:15,789 but it's just what I need. 508 00:26:15,875 --> 00:26:17,035 Is that okay? 509 00:26:17,125 --> 00:26:18,205 Mm-hmm. 510 00:26:18,291 --> 00:26:20,881 Okay, good. 511 00:26:20,959 --> 00:26:24,499 We don't have any other rooms yet, so... 512 00:26:24,583 --> 00:26:25,923 I'm gonna close these 513 00:26:26,000 --> 00:26:29,330 and then it's like I'm not here. 514 00:26:29,417 --> 00:26:33,537 For one whole hour, I'm not here. 515 00:26:34,917 --> 00:26:36,287 Thanks. 516 00:26:37,500 --> 00:26:38,790 I love you. 517 00:27:10,250 --> 00:27:12,170 So, what are you doing out here? 518 00:27:20,542 --> 00:27:24,582 That's the thing about needs, sometimes when you get them met, 519 00:27:24,667 --> 00:27:26,877 you don't need them anymore. 520 00:27:28,208 --> 00:27:29,828 As our 30 days wore on, 521 00:27:29,917 --> 00:27:34,207 Aidan and I miraculously managed to not kill each other. 522 00:27:34,291 --> 00:27:35,831 But, as I predicted... 523 00:27:36,750 --> 00:27:37,710 Toodle-loo! 524 00:27:37,792 --> 00:27:40,042 ...the plant was not so lucky.