1 00:00:55,083 --> 00:00:57,923 [Charlotte moans] 2 00:00:58,000 --> 00:01:00,880 [Carrie] My friend Charlotte was dating Dr. Bram Walker... 3 00:01:00,959 --> 00:01:03,999 a very hard-working orthopedic surgeon. 4 00:01:05,792 --> 00:01:06,792 Bram? 5 00:01:07,750 --> 00:01:09,250 [snores] 6 00:01:09,333 --> 00:01:10,293 Bram? 7 00:01:10,959 --> 00:01:11,959 What? 8 00:01:12,542 --> 00:01:13,632 Were you asleep? 9 00:01:13,792 --> 00:01:16,252 No, no, I was just resting my eyes. 10 00:01:16,583 --> 00:01:17,583 Oh, my God. 11 00:01:18,083 --> 00:01:20,633 Okay, I fell asleep for one second. 12 00:01:21,041 --> 00:01:22,381 Oh, oh, my God, I... 13 00:01:22,458 --> 00:01:24,288 I've been up since five, I had three carpal tunnels. 14 00:01:24,375 --> 00:01:26,825 It's very exhaustive reconstructive work. 15 00:01:28,834 --> 00:01:31,634 He fell asleep when he was making love to me. 16 00:01:32,000 --> 00:01:32,960 -Oh. -He fell asleep! 17 00:01:33,041 --> 00:01:34,671 Sweetie, he was tired. 18 00:01:34,750 --> 00:01:37,080 This has nothing to do with you. 19 00:01:37,333 --> 00:01:39,753 Has a man ever fallen asleep making love to you? 20 00:01:39,834 --> 00:01:43,294 No, but I'm sure many of them wanted to. 21 00:01:43,375 --> 00:01:45,825 [cries] I can't believe this happened to me! 22 00:01:45,917 --> 00:01:47,667 You want some herb tea? How about some herb tea? 23 00:01:47,750 --> 00:01:49,710 I must be really bad in bed. 24 00:01:49,792 --> 00:01:51,502 You are not bad in bed. 25 00:01:51,583 --> 00:01:54,673 Okay, I've got, uh, Constant Comment and Tummy T-- 26 00:01:54,750 --> 00:01:56,580 Charlotte, honey, you want some Tummy Tamer? 27 00:01:56,667 --> 00:01:57,577 Of course it's her. 28 00:01:57,667 --> 00:01:58,577 And I have to say, 29 00:01:58,667 --> 00:01:59,577 I'm not surprised. 30 00:01:59,667 --> 00:02:01,377 Ever seen her on a StairMaster? 31 00:02:01,458 --> 00:02:03,248 Nothing happening below the waist. 32 00:02:03,333 --> 00:02:04,423 Nada. No sale. 33 00:02:04,500 --> 00:02:05,750 How can you say that? 34 00:02:05,834 --> 00:02:08,714 Even if she was bad in bed, which she isn't, 35 00:02:08,792 --> 00:02:10,672 is it really that important? 36 00:02:10,750 --> 00:02:11,880 Absolutely. 37 00:02:11,959 --> 00:02:14,329 Who we are in bed, is who we are in life. 38 00:02:14,542 --> 00:02:16,582 I never met a man who was bad in bed 39 00:02:16,667 --> 00:02:17,667 who was good at life. 40 00:02:17,875 --> 00:02:20,125 And just for the record, in bed, you are... 41 00:02:20,208 --> 00:02:22,038 Don't make me state the obvious. 42 00:02:22,333 --> 00:02:24,173 How can you be so sure? 43 00:02:24,250 --> 00:02:27,960 Well, no one ever took a nap while fucking me and... 44 00:02:28,041 --> 00:02:29,961 I get affirmations all the time. 45 00:02:30,041 --> 00:02:31,291 Why, just last week... 46 00:02:31,375 --> 00:02:32,625 [Carrie] It seems, last week, 47 00:02:32,709 --> 00:02:33,959 Samantha was invited to dinner 48 00:02:34,041 --> 00:02:36,211 by a gay couple she'd known for years... 49 00:02:36,291 --> 00:02:37,791 David and David. 50 00:02:37,875 --> 00:02:39,745 Well, thanks for a lovely dinner. 51 00:02:39,834 --> 00:02:41,134 It was fun. [giggles] 52 00:02:41,208 --> 00:02:44,248 Well, I have to admit, we have an ulterior motive. 53 00:02:44,625 --> 00:02:45,625 What? 54 00:02:45,875 --> 00:02:47,875 We were wondering if you were seeing anybody 55 00:02:47,959 --> 00:02:48,959 special right now? 56 00:02:49,250 --> 00:02:50,880 Well, actually, no. 57 00:02:51,250 --> 00:02:53,000 Do you have a hot guy for me? 58 00:02:53,083 --> 00:02:54,583 -Hmm? -[both chuckle] 59 00:02:54,834 --> 00:02:55,884 Two. 60 00:03:01,500 --> 00:03:03,500 -No! -Yes! 61 00:03:03,583 --> 00:03:05,463 We want to have sex with a woman. 62 00:03:05,542 --> 00:03:06,672 [laughs] 63 00:03:06,750 --> 00:03:07,960 Are you serious? 64 00:03:08,041 --> 00:03:09,291 Totally, I've always been curious 65 00:03:09,375 --> 00:03:10,375 what it would be like. 66 00:03:10,458 --> 00:03:11,668 Neither one of us has ever done it 67 00:03:11,750 --> 00:03:13,790 and we thought it might be fun. 68 00:03:13,875 --> 00:03:14,995 And then we were like, well, 69 00:03:15,083 --> 00:03:17,003 if we were gonna do it with a woman, 70 00:03:17,083 --> 00:03:17,883 who would it be? 71 00:03:17,959 --> 00:03:19,919 And then we were like, aw, 72 00:03:20,000 --> 00:03:21,920 -Samantha. -Totally. 73 00:03:22,000 --> 00:03:25,130 We decided of all the beautiful women we know, 74 00:03:25,208 --> 00:03:27,248 you were probably the best in bed. 75 00:03:27,333 --> 00:03:28,673 Totally. 76 00:03:28,750 --> 00:03:31,460 -[everyone laughs] -Look at that! 77 00:03:31,750 --> 00:03:33,460 So I'm thinking about doing it. 78 00:03:33,542 --> 00:03:36,212 -They're cute, they're healthy. -They're gay! 79 00:03:36,291 --> 00:03:37,541 [Samantha] You know, for a sex columnist 80 00:03:37,625 --> 00:03:39,745 you have a very limited view of sexuality. 81 00:03:39,834 --> 00:03:41,334 Gay as pink suede. 82 00:03:41,417 --> 00:03:43,457 [Samantha] Wake up! It's 2000. 83 00:03:43,792 --> 00:03:45,962 The new millennium won't be about sexual labels, 84 00:03:46,041 --> 00:03:47,791 it'll be about sexual expression. 85 00:03:47,875 --> 00:03:50,125 It won't matter if you're sleeping with men or women. 86 00:03:50,208 --> 00:03:52,538 It'll be about sleeping with individuals. 87 00:03:52,625 --> 00:03:54,495 Or in your case, twos or threes. 88 00:03:54,583 --> 00:03:56,753 Soon everyone will be pansexual. 89 00:03:56,834 --> 00:03:58,504 It won't matter if you're gay or straight. 90 00:03:58,959 --> 00:04:00,919 Just if you're good or bad in bed. 91 00:04:01,000 --> 00:04:02,290 Exactly. 92 00:04:02,375 --> 00:04:05,535 [Carrie] That night I got to thinking about bed. 93 00:04:05,625 --> 00:04:08,375 Are we secretly being graded every time we invite someone 94 00:04:08,458 --> 00:04:09,668 to join us in it? 95 00:04:09,750 --> 00:04:13,000 A+, B, D, incomplete. 96 00:04:13,083 --> 00:04:16,333 Is making love really nothing more than a pop quiz? 97 00:04:16,417 --> 00:04:18,417 And if sex is a test, 98 00:04:18,500 --> 00:04:21,000 how do we know if we're passing or failing? 99 00:04:21,083 --> 00:04:23,333 How do you know if you're good in bed? 100 00:04:25,667 --> 00:04:27,077 Later that week, I was walking home 101 00:04:27,166 --> 00:04:29,996 thinking about my own sexual report card when... 102 00:04:31,166 --> 00:04:32,206 Ow! 103 00:04:32,291 --> 00:04:34,081 God! What the hell was-- 104 00:04:34,166 --> 00:04:35,326 -I am-- -What was that? 105 00:04:35,417 --> 00:04:37,247 Christ, I'm sorry. I-- I didn't see you. 106 00:04:37,333 --> 00:04:38,923 I just threw my cigarette. 107 00:04:39,000 --> 00:04:40,710 I thought I was stung by a bee. 108 00:04:40,792 --> 00:04:41,582 Jesus! 109 00:04:41,667 --> 00:04:42,537 I-- I'm sorry. 110 00:04:42,625 --> 00:04:44,165 I did-- Did it leave a mark? 111 00:04:44,709 --> 00:04:46,419 You can't smoke in the restaurant. 112 00:04:46,500 --> 00:04:47,670 You know, I'm a smoker. 113 00:04:47,750 --> 00:04:49,330 Yeah, I'm a smoker too, but come on, pally, 114 00:04:49,417 --> 00:04:51,667 watch where you throw those things, huh? 115 00:04:53,166 --> 00:04:55,376 No, it didn't leave a mark. 116 00:04:55,458 --> 00:04:58,208 As the pain subsided, my mind was free to notice 117 00:04:58,291 --> 00:05:00,541 how incredibly cute this guy was. 118 00:05:00,625 --> 00:05:01,875 Look, I am sorry. 119 00:05:02,250 --> 00:05:04,040 My name's Patrick. Patrick Casey. 120 00:05:04,208 --> 00:05:06,248 Carrie Bradshaw, burn victim. 121 00:05:06,333 --> 00:05:08,463 [laughs] How-- how weird was that? 122 00:05:08,542 --> 00:05:09,752 I mean, that was-- that was intense. 123 00:05:09,834 --> 00:05:11,044 But you-- you gotta admit, 124 00:05:11,125 --> 00:05:13,375 it's a pretty clever way to meet the ladies. 125 00:05:13,458 --> 00:05:15,288 Oh, so you got a little comedy routine 126 00:05:15,375 --> 00:05:16,575 going there, huh, Patrick? 127 00:05:16,667 --> 00:05:17,877 [laughs] A little bit. 128 00:05:18,208 --> 00:05:20,038 But listen, I-- I really feel bad. 129 00:05:20,125 --> 00:05:22,455 So at least let me buy you a cup of coffee 130 00:05:22,542 --> 00:05:24,082 or some burn salve? 131 00:05:24,417 --> 00:05:25,497 Not funny yet. 132 00:05:25,583 --> 00:05:27,543 -[laughs] Sorry. -But it might be... 133 00:05:27,625 --> 00:05:29,165 after a cappuccino. 134 00:05:29,458 --> 00:05:31,668 There's a place right around the corner. 135 00:05:31,875 --> 00:05:33,205 We can smoke there. 136 00:05:33,291 --> 00:05:35,881 Three Marlboros and two Marlboro Lights later, 137 00:05:35,959 --> 00:05:38,169 I had learned that Patrick was a composer 138 00:05:38,250 --> 00:05:39,920 who wrote music for the movies. 139 00:05:40,250 --> 00:05:42,670 So what type of movies do you compose for? 140 00:05:42,750 --> 00:05:44,170 Really bad ones. 141 00:05:44,250 --> 00:05:45,830 You know, the: 142 00:05:45,917 --> 00:05:48,497 "I Screamed When I Knew What You Did Last Summer On Elm Street," type. 143 00:05:48,709 --> 00:05:51,579 Well, as long as you're challenged by what you do. 144 00:05:52,458 --> 00:05:54,168 Oh, damn it! 145 00:05:54,250 --> 00:05:57,630 Patrick Casey, whoever you are. 146 00:05:57,709 --> 00:05:59,169 I'm late. I have to go. 147 00:05:59,250 --> 00:06:00,330 Aww. 148 00:06:00,417 --> 00:06:01,707 Thank you for the coffee. 149 00:06:01,792 --> 00:06:06,132 And maybe one day you'll give me scar tissue again. 150 00:06:06,208 --> 00:06:08,128 [laughs] You're great. 151 00:06:08,709 --> 00:06:10,629 Thanks. 152 00:06:10,709 --> 00:06:12,999 As I walked away, I started to think. 153 00:06:13,083 --> 00:06:15,043 How many cute, smart, single smokers 154 00:06:15,125 --> 00:06:16,535 are there left in the world? 155 00:06:16,625 --> 00:06:18,165 Seven? 156 00:06:18,250 --> 00:06:21,540 I decided to do something I almost never do... 157 00:06:21,625 --> 00:06:23,625 give a man my phone number. 158 00:06:23,917 --> 00:06:28,127 Hi. This whole burn lawsuit I plan to initiate, 159 00:06:28,333 --> 00:06:30,043 it might get a little crazy. 160 00:06:30,125 --> 00:06:31,325 So here is... 161 00:06:33,041 --> 00:06:34,081 my phone number. 162 00:06:34,166 --> 00:06:35,746 You'll need that for your attorney... 163 00:06:35,834 --> 00:06:39,464 Or if you want to have coffee again some time. 164 00:06:39,542 --> 00:06:40,882 I left feeling great. 165 00:06:40,959 --> 00:06:42,789 It was such a cute approach. 166 00:06:42,875 --> 00:06:44,205 How could he not call? 167 00:06:44,291 --> 00:06:45,751 Come on, how could he not call? 168 00:06:45,834 --> 00:06:47,174 It's been three days. 169 00:06:47,583 --> 00:06:49,583 Give him 12 more hours and then send him off 170 00:06:49,667 --> 00:06:51,247 to the island of lost men. 171 00:06:51,333 --> 00:06:53,673 Well, I don't wanna send him there, I like him. 172 00:06:53,750 --> 00:06:55,670 Could you believe that someone actually had the nerve 173 00:06:55,750 --> 00:06:58,290 to call this color Florentine peach? 174 00:06:58,375 --> 00:06:59,375 I can't believe you had the nerve 175 00:06:59,458 --> 00:07:00,918 to spend this much on sheets. 176 00:07:01,000 --> 00:07:02,380 It's an experiment. 177 00:07:02,625 --> 00:07:04,325 I'm trying to change my bed Karma. 178 00:07:04,417 --> 00:07:08,417 I figure if I can make my bed a place I really want to be... 179 00:07:08,500 --> 00:07:09,920 others will feel the same way. 180 00:07:10,166 --> 00:07:12,246 Ah! The field of dreams. 181 00:07:12,333 --> 00:07:15,423 Exactly. If you build it, he will come. 182 00:07:15,500 --> 00:07:18,040 The thing that gets me is I'm not usually wrong 183 00:07:18,125 --> 00:07:20,075 about the phone-number-size-up. 184 00:07:20,166 --> 00:07:21,416 I don't put it out there 185 00:07:21,500 --> 00:07:23,170 unless I'm pretty damn sure it's coming back. 186 00:07:23,250 --> 00:07:27,750 I'm either really loving or hating the color. 187 00:07:27,834 --> 00:07:28,794 He thinks I'm ugly. 188 00:07:28,875 --> 00:07:31,745 Oh, my God... get a grip. 189 00:07:32,125 --> 00:07:35,285 A guy doesn't call you for three days and you're ugly? 190 00:07:35,375 --> 00:07:36,415 What's your point? 191 00:07:36,500 --> 00:07:37,500 Pillowcase. 192 00:07:38,542 --> 00:07:39,752 It's amazing. 193 00:07:39,834 --> 00:07:42,294 We can feel totally good about ourselves, 194 00:07:42,375 --> 00:07:43,995 and then it all goes out the window 195 00:07:44,083 --> 00:07:46,673 if the guy doesn't mirror that right back to us. 196 00:07:46,750 --> 00:07:50,250 [gasps] This has a little weird thing here. 197 00:07:50,333 --> 00:07:51,463 Damnit. 198 00:07:51,542 --> 00:07:52,962 Does everything I bring into this bedroom 199 00:07:53,041 --> 00:07:54,291 have to have a flaw? 200 00:07:54,375 --> 00:07:55,455 Ha, ha! 201 00:07:55,542 --> 00:07:56,882 [laughs] 202 00:07:58,041 --> 00:07:59,291 The next day I was in the village 203 00:07:59,375 --> 00:08:01,325 looking for the perfect $7 vintage dress 204 00:08:01,417 --> 00:08:04,077 to go with my $300 shoes, when... 205 00:08:05,000 --> 00:08:06,130 I had a choice. 206 00:08:06,208 --> 00:08:07,628 I could turn around and run away, 207 00:08:07,709 --> 00:08:10,829 or I could smile, be brave, and walk on over. 208 00:08:14,375 --> 00:08:15,625 Hey, hi. 209 00:08:15,709 --> 00:08:17,669 So what, Saturday's the day you stand on the street 210 00:08:17,750 --> 00:08:19,170 and smoke in the village? 211 00:08:21,166 --> 00:08:22,996 Hi, I'm Carrie. 212 00:08:23,083 --> 00:08:24,673 We're kind of in the middle of something. 213 00:08:24,750 --> 00:08:26,880 Oh, right, sure, sure, right. 214 00:08:26,959 --> 00:08:28,539 Uh, okay, bye. 215 00:08:28,625 --> 00:08:30,035 I was just on my way to Perry street. 216 00:08:30,125 --> 00:08:31,245 This is Perry street. 217 00:08:31,583 --> 00:08:34,213 Bleecker. Bleecker, I meant Bleecker. 218 00:08:34,542 --> 00:08:37,082 Okay, bye. And goodbye to you, too. 219 00:08:41,250 --> 00:08:42,380 Carrie! 220 00:08:44,125 --> 00:08:45,625 Listen, let me explain. I-- 221 00:08:45,709 --> 00:08:47,169 No, no, no, I'm embarrassed. 222 00:08:47,250 --> 00:08:49,540 You know, you're obviously, you're in the middle of a thing 223 00:08:49,625 --> 00:08:50,875 with your lover or whoever, 224 00:08:50,959 --> 00:08:52,879 -and I'm standing there all-- -No, no, no, I-- 225 00:08:53,083 --> 00:08:54,253 I'm not gay. 226 00:08:55,417 --> 00:08:56,707 I'm an alcoholic. 227 00:08:57,583 --> 00:08:59,173 We were just waiting for a meeting to start. 228 00:08:59,250 --> 00:09:00,830 and I wanted to introduce you, 229 00:09:00,917 --> 00:09:03,247 but it's supposed to be anonymous, so... 230 00:09:03,333 --> 00:09:06,713 Well, you know, I-- I really wasn't getting the gay vibe from you, 231 00:09:06,792 --> 00:09:09,712 it's just, uh, he was so cute and-- and-- 232 00:09:09,792 --> 00:09:11,882 -I never called. -Right. 233 00:09:11,959 --> 00:09:13,039 I was freaked. 234 00:09:13,250 --> 00:09:14,880 You know, I've only been in the program 11 months 235 00:09:14,959 --> 00:09:16,709 and my sponsor said I really shouldn't get involved 236 00:09:16,792 --> 00:09:19,132 with someone for a year, and... 237 00:09:20,041 --> 00:09:21,251 So... 238 00:09:21,750 --> 00:09:22,830 Well, okay. 239 00:09:22,917 --> 00:09:24,417 So, maybe you'll call me in a month. 240 00:09:24,959 --> 00:09:26,829 It doesn't bother you that I'm an alcoholic? 241 00:09:27,083 --> 00:09:28,423 No, God, no. 242 00:09:28,500 --> 00:09:29,630 No, I love alcoholics. 243 00:09:29,709 --> 00:09:31,629 Hell, I hope to be one someday. 244 00:09:32,875 --> 00:09:33,915 That was a joke. 245 00:09:34,000 --> 00:09:35,460 That's not funny, yet. 246 00:09:35,542 --> 00:09:37,832 But it might be after a cappuccino. 247 00:09:38,250 --> 00:09:39,380 You know, what the fuck... 248 00:09:39,458 --> 00:09:40,668 It's only a couple of weeks. 249 00:09:40,750 --> 00:09:43,040 Would you like to go out on a date sometime? 250 00:09:43,125 --> 00:09:44,705 I can't think why not. 251 00:09:45,792 --> 00:09:46,962 You call me. 252 00:09:48,000 --> 00:09:50,080 So I accepted his kind invitation. 253 00:09:50,166 --> 00:09:51,746 Because when you think about it, 254 00:09:51,834 --> 00:09:53,924 aren't we all in recovery from something? 255 00:09:54,000 --> 00:09:55,880 Drinking? Drugging? 256 00:09:55,959 --> 00:09:58,499 Our last relationship? 257 00:09:58,583 --> 00:10:01,463 On our first date, Patrick and I went for coffee. 258 00:10:01,542 --> 00:10:03,172 Hey, I'm really compulsive. 259 00:10:03,250 --> 00:10:06,830 If I open up a bag of Chips Ahoy, I-- I gotta eat the whole thing. 260 00:10:06,917 --> 00:10:08,997 I'm like that with Reese's Pieces. 261 00:10:09,083 --> 00:10:10,583 Reese's Pieces and shoes. 262 00:10:10,667 --> 00:10:14,127 Wouldn't the shoes be a little tough on digestion? 263 00:10:15,375 --> 00:10:17,955 Well, this is me. 264 00:10:19,083 --> 00:10:22,423 Thank you, Mr. Casey, I had a great time. 265 00:10:22,500 --> 00:10:26,420 Oh, no, Miss Burn Victim, I had the great time. 266 00:10:26,500 --> 00:10:29,380 [Carrie] Then, I gave him my very best 267 00:10:29,458 --> 00:10:31,668 lean-in-and-kiss-me-goodnight move. 268 00:10:40,417 --> 00:10:42,167 Well, that was... 269 00:10:42,250 --> 00:10:43,500 Our next date, over dinner, 270 00:10:43,583 --> 00:10:45,963 he told me about working his 12 steps. 271 00:10:46,041 --> 00:10:48,461 And after dinner, I stood on my third step 272 00:10:48,542 --> 00:10:49,712 trying to work him. 273 00:10:49,792 --> 00:10:51,882 That smell is amazing. What is that? 274 00:10:52,875 --> 00:10:54,035 Me. 275 00:10:56,834 --> 00:10:59,754 I'll, uh, call you. 276 00:10:59,834 --> 00:11:01,544 [Carrie] I couldn't figure it out. 277 00:11:07,625 --> 00:11:09,325 I knew he wanted me because during my 278 00:11:09,417 --> 00:11:11,077 lean-in-and-kiss-me goodnight move, 279 00:11:11,166 --> 00:11:14,456 I'd accidentally on purpose felt his pop-up and say hello. 280 00:11:14,542 --> 00:11:17,332 So what was going on? 281 00:11:17,417 --> 00:11:19,667 By the third date I wanted him even more 282 00:11:19,750 --> 00:11:22,080 than a fistful of Reese's Pieces. 283 00:11:25,750 --> 00:11:27,830 Well, then, goodnight. 284 00:11:27,917 --> 00:11:31,037 That was that. I'd hit my humiliation limit. 285 00:11:31,125 --> 00:11:32,625 And then I thought, 286 00:11:32,709 --> 00:11:35,459 how many cute, smart, sexy, single, smoking alcoholics 287 00:11:35,542 --> 00:11:37,132 are there left in the world? 288 00:11:37,208 --> 00:11:38,248 Five? 289 00:11:51,834 --> 00:11:53,334 Do you want to come up? 290 00:11:53,542 --> 00:11:54,582 Yeah. 291 00:11:55,208 --> 00:11:56,538 But you see, the thing is... 292 00:11:56,625 --> 00:11:59,205 I-- I've never had sex sober. 293 00:11:59,542 --> 00:12:01,752 I've always been drunk or high. 294 00:12:02,083 --> 00:12:03,833 I don't know if I'll be any good. 295 00:12:05,458 --> 00:12:06,788 Oh, what the hell. 296 00:12:07,375 --> 00:12:09,285 Let's take it one step at a time. 297 00:12:13,959 --> 00:12:16,289 Oh! Oh! 298 00:12:16,542 --> 00:12:17,792 Ahhhh! 299 00:12:18,709 --> 00:12:21,129 Oh! [laughs] Woo! 300 00:12:22,458 --> 00:12:24,078 Oh, sex... 301 00:12:24,458 --> 00:12:26,078 is amazing. 302 00:12:27,083 --> 00:12:29,633 It feels so fucking amazing. 303 00:12:29,875 --> 00:12:31,455 Do other people know about this? 304 00:12:31,542 --> 00:12:33,752 [laughs] I mean... whoa! 305 00:12:33,834 --> 00:12:34,754 Yeah! 306 00:12:34,834 --> 00:12:37,134 All right! I did it! 307 00:12:37,208 --> 00:12:38,788 Sex without beer! 308 00:12:38,875 --> 00:12:39,785 Yeah! 309 00:12:39,875 --> 00:12:41,205 Woo-hoo! 310 00:12:41,625 --> 00:12:43,245 [both laugh] 311 00:12:43,333 --> 00:12:44,503 Easy, cowboy. 312 00:12:44,750 --> 00:12:45,670 You! 313 00:12:45,750 --> 00:12:47,330 What about you! 314 00:12:47,417 --> 00:12:48,877 You are the best. 315 00:12:48,959 --> 00:12:50,669 Well, you weren't half bad yourself. 316 00:12:50,750 --> 00:12:51,580 No! 317 00:12:51,667 --> 00:12:52,997 You are the best. 318 00:12:53,667 --> 00:12:54,747 [chuckles] You're the best. 319 00:12:54,834 --> 00:12:56,464 I aim to please. 320 00:12:58,458 --> 00:13:01,498 After we have a cigarette, 321 00:13:05,750 --> 00:13:06,580 can we do it again? 322 00:13:06,667 --> 00:13:07,877 [giggles] 323 00:13:10,000 --> 00:13:11,580 I'm gonna have a Spanish omelet, 324 00:13:11,667 --> 00:13:13,037 hash browns, some more coffee, 325 00:13:13,125 --> 00:13:14,455 and orange juice. 326 00:13:14,542 --> 00:13:17,922 Oh, and, um, can I have some rice pudding for later? 327 00:13:18,250 --> 00:13:19,330 Thanks. 328 00:13:19,709 --> 00:13:21,039 Storing up for winter? 329 00:13:21,125 --> 00:13:22,625 No, I'm starving. 330 00:13:22,709 --> 00:13:24,959 Patrick and I... all last night 331 00:13:25,041 --> 00:13:26,041 and I'm just-- 332 00:13:26,667 --> 00:13:28,127 No, don't stop, it's okay. 333 00:13:28,208 --> 00:13:29,828 I mean, just because I'm bad in bed 334 00:13:29,917 --> 00:13:31,627 doesn't mean everybody has to be. 335 00:13:31,709 --> 00:13:33,419 [Miranda] Okay, one more time. 336 00:13:33,500 --> 00:13:35,920 -You are not bad in bed. -Oh, really? 337 00:13:36,000 --> 00:13:38,710 Has a man ever fallen asleep making love to you? 338 00:13:38,792 --> 00:13:41,882 [Samantha] No, but I once fell asleep when a guy was doing me. 339 00:13:41,959 --> 00:13:42,959 It was the ludes. 340 00:13:43,041 --> 00:13:44,081 [Charlotte] It's okay. 341 00:13:44,166 --> 00:13:46,206 I'm mature enough to realize that 342 00:13:46,291 --> 00:13:47,631 while I may be good at some things, 343 00:13:47,709 --> 00:13:50,129 like accessories... 344 00:13:50,208 --> 00:13:53,378 that I might need help in others like... 345 00:13:53,583 --> 00:13:54,753 Fucking? 346 00:13:54,834 --> 00:13:56,134 Making love. 347 00:13:56,583 --> 00:13:57,673 [sighs] So... 348 00:13:57,750 --> 00:14:00,170 [clears throat] I'm taking a class. 349 00:14:00,250 --> 00:14:01,830 [laughs] A fucking class? 350 00:14:01,917 --> 00:14:04,537 -No, a Tantric sex workshop. -[Miranda laughs] 351 00:14:04,625 --> 00:14:06,625 Well, just don't drink any suspicious Kool-Aid 352 00:14:06,709 --> 00:14:07,669 or put on new Nikes. 353 00:14:07,750 --> 00:14:09,250 [laughs] Oh, it's not like that. 354 00:14:09,333 --> 00:14:12,253 It's taught by this very well respected woman psychologist. 355 00:14:12,333 --> 00:14:15,043 It's called, "How to Please a Man." 356 00:14:15,125 --> 00:14:16,285 I know how to please a man. 357 00:14:16,375 --> 00:14:17,995 You just give away most of your power. 358 00:14:18,083 --> 00:14:19,133 [everyone laughs] 359 00:14:19,208 --> 00:14:21,208 Look, I have a trainer for the gym. 360 00:14:21,291 --> 00:14:22,711 I can have a trainer for... 361 00:14:22,792 --> 00:14:23,792 Fucking? 362 00:14:24,041 --> 00:14:25,421 [sighs] Please stop saying that. 363 00:14:25,500 --> 00:14:26,750 [Samantha and Miranda laugh] 364 00:14:26,834 --> 00:14:28,424 Are you-- are you actually going to do this? 365 00:14:28,583 --> 00:14:29,463 Yep. 366 00:14:29,542 --> 00:14:31,792 And, uh, seating was limited, 367 00:14:31,875 --> 00:14:33,035 so I signed you guys up. 368 00:14:34,500 --> 00:14:36,500 -Please, please? -I-- I... 369 00:14:36,583 --> 00:14:37,713 I can't go alone. 370 00:14:37,792 --> 00:14:39,712 And if Bram ever falls asleep on me again, 371 00:14:39,792 --> 00:14:40,752 I will die. 372 00:14:40,834 --> 00:14:42,334 Please, pretty please, 373 00:14:42,417 --> 00:14:43,707 pretty please with sugar on it? 374 00:14:43,792 --> 00:14:44,882 Christ, I'm in. 375 00:14:45,500 --> 00:14:48,880 What the hell, I don't exactly have them hanging from the rafters. 376 00:14:49,208 --> 00:14:50,628 [Samantha] "How to Please a Man." 377 00:14:50,709 --> 00:14:53,169 I could teach the damn class. 378 00:14:55,041 --> 00:14:57,131 [sighs] All right. 379 00:15:01,667 --> 00:15:04,207 [Carrie] That night, while David and David got undressed 380 00:15:04,291 --> 00:15:06,041 and waited for her in the bedroom, 381 00:15:06,125 --> 00:15:07,325 Samantha began to wonder 382 00:15:07,417 --> 00:15:10,037 if maybe she was about to go too far. 383 00:15:10,125 --> 00:15:13,625 Was she actually capable of being this sexually free? 384 00:15:13,709 --> 00:15:16,209 Or was she getting in over her head? 385 00:15:16,291 --> 00:15:17,921 She decided, before there were any regrets, 386 00:15:18,041 --> 00:15:20,791 they should all talk about it a little more. 387 00:15:22,667 --> 00:15:24,997 Listen, David and David, maybe... 388 00:15:25,625 --> 00:15:27,375 [exhales sharply] You look amazing. 389 00:15:27,458 --> 00:15:29,918 -Just like Jean Harlow in Red Dust . -[David S. breathes shakily] 390 00:15:30,000 --> 00:15:33,500 [Carrie] Samantha loved the Samantha mirrored at her through the eyes of the David's. 391 00:15:33,583 --> 00:15:35,253 -[David's groan sexually] -What the hell? 392 00:15:35,333 --> 00:15:37,333 -[Samantha giggles] -[David's laugh] 393 00:15:44,750 --> 00:15:46,460 Oh! 394 00:15:48,792 --> 00:15:50,832 [sighs] 395 00:15:58,500 --> 00:16:01,210 [moaning] 396 00:16:05,291 --> 00:16:07,001 Oh! 397 00:16:13,000 --> 00:16:14,500 [gasps] 398 00:16:15,625 --> 00:16:16,915 [David's moan] 399 00:16:18,083 --> 00:16:19,463 They're so soft. 400 00:16:19,542 --> 00:16:21,002 I know. 401 00:16:24,917 --> 00:16:26,667 [both laugh] 402 00:16:35,208 --> 00:16:37,378 I can't do this. 403 00:16:37,583 --> 00:16:38,883 Neither can I. 404 00:16:41,375 --> 00:16:42,495 But I-- 405 00:16:42,583 --> 00:16:44,673 [scoffs] We're just getting start-- 406 00:16:44,750 --> 00:16:47,960 No. Can't. I'm sorry. 407 00:16:48,041 --> 00:16:48,961 Sorry. 408 00:16:49,041 --> 00:16:50,581 It's very pretty, but... 409 00:16:51,083 --> 00:16:52,133 no. 410 00:16:52,208 --> 00:16:54,248 It's not you. It's us. 411 00:16:54,333 --> 00:16:55,673 I have an idea. 412 00:16:55,750 --> 00:16:58,380 Let's all put on our clothes and go out for gelati! 413 00:16:58,458 --> 00:17:00,748 -Cheesecake. -Whatever. 414 00:17:03,417 --> 00:17:05,417 [Carrie] Suddenly, Samantha wasn't feeling so good 415 00:17:05,500 --> 00:17:06,920 about herself in bed. 416 00:17:11,333 --> 00:17:12,463 Oh, yikes. 417 00:17:13,166 --> 00:17:17,206 I gotta go or I'm going to be late for the Tantric Workshop thing. 418 00:17:17,291 --> 00:17:21,171 [Pat laughs] Oh, baby, you don't need a workshop. 419 00:17:21,250 --> 00:17:23,040 Mmm, you are amazing. 420 00:17:23,125 --> 00:17:26,375 Now, come on. Come on. One more time. 421 00:17:26,792 --> 00:17:28,792 We did it last night and all this morning. 422 00:17:28,875 --> 00:17:31,955 I could have sex with you morning, noon, and night. Now, come on. 423 00:17:32,041 --> 00:17:33,711 [Carrie] That's when I realized it. 424 00:17:33,792 --> 00:17:36,212 Mr. Compulsive wasn't in bed with me... 425 00:17:36,291 --> 00:17:37,711 More, come on. 426 00:17:37,792 --> 00:17:40,382 [Carrie] He was in bed with a big bag of Chips Ahoy. 427 00:17:40,458 --> 00:17:41,498 [Patrick] More. 428 00:17:41,875 --> 00:17:44,535 [Dr. G. Shapiro] The intent of Tantric, 429 00:17:44,625 --> 00:17:47,955 we say: "Sacred sexuality," 430 00:17:48,041 --> 00:17:52,001 is to experience and merge with the divine. 431 00:17:52,083 --> 00:17:54,133 I think Patrick's addicted to me. 432 00:17:54,709 --> 00:17:57,039 It's like he's replaced drinking with me. 433 00:17:57,125 --> 00:17:58,915 Yeah, "Program guys" are tough. 434 00:17:59,000 --> 00:18:01,210 I dated a guy who was in Overeaters Anonymous. 435 00:18:01,291 --> 00:18:02,541 And every time we had a fight, 436 00:18:02,625 --> 00:18:04,375 he'd binge eat hot fudge sundaes. 437 00:18:04,458 --> 00:18:05,708 Shh. 438 00:18:05,792 --> 00:18:07,382 In other words, ladies, 439 00:18:07,458 --> 00:18:10,458 to drive your man crazy. 440 00:18:10,542 --> 00:18:12,502 He wants to have sex all the time. 441 00:18:12,583 --> 00:18:14,333 It's getting a little out of hand. 442 00:18:14,417 --> 00:18:16,417 Well, at least he wants to fuck you. 443 00:18:16,500 --> 00:18:18,080 They were gay. 444 00:18:18,166 --> 00:18:18,996 So? 445 00:18:19,083 --> 00:18:20,173 One minute they were interested 446 00:18:20,250 --> 00:18:22,170 and then, suddenly they weren't. 447 00:18:22,667 --> 00:18:24,537 What did I do to turn them off? 448 00:18:25,208 --> 00:18:27,788 Not having a dick would be the thing that you did 449 00:18:27,875 --> 00:18:29,035 -to turn them off. -[Carrie laughs] 450 00:18:29,125 --> 00:18:31,165 You guys, I'm serious. This is rude. 451 00:18:31,250 --> 00:18:36,290 And use it to bring any man to his knees 452 00:18:36,500 --> 00:18:37,880 with love, of course. 453 00:18:38,166 --> 00:18:40,576 Where was this bitch last night when I needed her? 454 00:18:40,667 --> 00:18:42,917 Shh. Shh! Be quiet and you might learn something. 455 00:18:43,000 --> 00:18:45,040 This lady is supposed to be a genius. 456 00:18:46,000 --> 00:18:47,290 If she's so good, 457 00:18:47,375 --> 00:18:50,285 why is she having this workshop in her apartment? 458 00:18:50,375 --> 00:18:51,575 I don't know. 459 00:18:51,667 --> 00:18:54,747 [Dr. G. Shapiro] Tantric sex is not about talk, 460 00:18:54,959 --> 00:18:56,379 it's about action. 461 00:18:57,291 --> 00:18:59,671 Delayed action. 462 00:19:00,000 --> 00:19:01,130 So... 463 00:19:01,208 --> 00:19:04,418 without further "delay," 464 00:19:05,041 --> 00:19:08,751 let me introduce my husband... 465 00:19:08,834 --> 00:19:13,214 Dr. Ronny Shapiro. 466 00:19:14,041 --> 00:19:16,541 I will demonstrate 467 00:19:16,625 --> 00:19:21,415 the very effective lingam massage. 468 00:19:23,250 --> 00:19:25,580 I think I know why we're in an apartment. 469 00:19:26,750 --> 00:19:33,790 The receiver lies on his back before the giver, naked. 470 00:19:34,166 --> 00:19:38,786 Genitals clearly exposed for the massage. 471 00:19:38,875 --> 00:19:40,375 You're not writing. 472 00:19:40,750 --> 00:19:45,000 [Dr. G. Shapiro] Take your time doing this... 473 00:19:45,083 --> 00:19:46,463 [Carrie] An hour and a half later, 474 00:19:46,542 --> 00:19:47,712 crippled by our inability 475 00:19:47,792 --> 00:19:49,332 to look away from a car crash, 476 00:19:49,417 --> 00:19:53,497 we watched as the Dr. Shapiro illustrated Tantric sex. 477 00:19:53,583 --> 00:19:56,833 Massage the head of the lingam 478 00:19:56,917 --> 00:19:59,917 as if you are using an orange juicer. 479 00:20:00,125 --> 00:20:02,995 Well, there go my good feelings about breakfast. 480 00:20:03,083 --> 00:20:04,003 [all three laugh] 481 00:20:04,083 --> 00:20:06,293 Stop it! You're embarrassing me. 482 00:20:06,375 --> 00:20:08,575 Oh, we're the embarrassing part? 483 00:20:08,875 --> 00:20:13,035 [Dr. G. Shapiro] Now, place your right hand 484 00:20:13,125 --> 00:20:16,535 on the receiver's root chakra. 485 00:20:16,625 --> 00:20:18,125 -Root! -[both laugh] 486 00:20:18,208 --> 00:20:21,248 The root chakra is located between 487 00:20:21,333 --> 00:20:23,753 the anus and the genitals. 488 00:20:24,125 --> 00:20:26,915 Well, I think that I just got my 50 bucks worth, so... 489 00:20:27,000 --> 00:20:33,040 [Dr. G. Shapiro] Gently rock your hand to awaken this chakra. 490 00:20:33,250 --> 00:20:36,380 Clinically referred to as perineum. 491 00:20:36,458 --> 00:20:39,498 Perineum, Latin for: Not without an engagement ring. 492 00:20:39,583 --> 00:20:40,463 [both laugh] 493 00:20:40,542 --> 00:20:41,882 Will the women who are laughing 494 00:20:41,959 --> 00:20:43,709 compose themselves? 495 00:20:43,792 --> 00:20:45,252 -[Carrie laughs] -Thank you. 496 00:20:45,667 --> 00:20:49,877 Orgasm is not the goal of lingam massage, 497 00:20:49,959 --> 00:20:55,329 but can be a pleasant and very welcome side effect. 498 00:20:55,917 --> 00:20:59,327 Watch what I'm doing here. 499 00:21:00,667 --> 00:21:03,127 If you can master this, 500 00:21:03,208 --> 00:21:06,168 your man will always be faithful. 501 00:21:06,417 --> 00:21:13,327 Because once they go Tantric, they don't go back. 502 00:21:15,000 --> 00:21:16,210 You go, girl. 503 00:21:17,166 --> 00:21:20,496 See that, can you all see this? 504 00:21:21,000 --> 00:21:23,630 [Dr. Ronny moans] 505 00:21:23,709 --> 00:21:24,999 Oh, my God! 506 00:21:25,458 --> 00:21:26,578 [Dr. Ronny gasps] 507 00:21:26,667 --> 00:21:27,957 He's gonna-- 508 00:21:28,041 --> 00:21:28,921 [Dr. Ronny shouts] 509 00:21:29,000 --> 00:21:30,540 [Carrie laughs] 510 00:21:30,625 --> 00:21:32,575 [Miranda] Oh, God. 511 00:21:32,667 --> 00:21:36,327 [Carrie] And just like that, Miranda got hit by old faithful. 512 00:21:36,542 --> 00:21:38,332 -Oh! -[both laugh] 513 00:21:38,417 --> 00:21:39,917 What's funny? 514 00:21:40,000 --> 00:21:46,080 [laughing continues] 515 00:21:46,166 --> 00:21:48,916 [Carrie] That night, after we talked Miranda in from the ledge, 516 00:21:49,000 --> 00:21:50,580 I met Patrick for a movie. 517 00:21:50,667 --> 00:21:54,127 So I was telling my sponsor today how I felt about you, 518 00:21:54,208 --> 00:21:55,788 and suddenly I realized, 519 00:21:55,875 --> 00:21:58,455 duh, maybe I should just tell you. 520 00:21:58,542 --> 00:21:59,292 Oh. 521 00:21:59,375 --> 00:22:03,125 Carrie... I love you. 522 00:22:03,208 --> 00:22:04,628 [Carrie] There it was... 523 00:22:04,709 --> 00:22:06,919 the little phrase every girl is dying to hear 524 00:22:07,000 --> 00:22:09,250 a week and a half into a relationship. 525 00:22:09,500 --> 00:22:10,880 Oh, wow. [laughs] 526 00:22:11,500 --> 00:22:14,380 Well, thanks and that's, uh, so... 527 00:22:15,875 --> 00:22:17,165 -Wow. -What? 528 00:22:17,250 --> 00:22:19,170 Too soon. Is that what you're thinking? 529 00:22:19,250 --> 00:22:22,500 Well, we have been going out like a minute. 530 00:22:22,583 --> 00:22:24,583 Oh, fuck that shit. I don't want to play games. 531 00:22:24,667 --> 00:22:27,127 I'm just trying to own my feelings. 532 00:22:28,291 --> 00:22:30,881 I-- I love you. I said it. 533 00:22:31,375 --> 00:22:34,455 Mr. Casey, you do not love me... 534 00:22:34,959 --> 00:22:37,749 You love you not drinking with me. 535 00:22:37,834 --> 00:22:39,924 No, I love you. 536 00:22:41,917 --> 00:22:43,037 Okay, look... 537 00:22:43,959 --> 00:22:47,829 Gosh, I am, I-- it's-- I'm so flattered, 538 00:22:48,250 --> 00:22:49,580 but I just think maybe we should, 539 00:22:49,667 --> 00:22:51,457 we should slow down a little here. 540 00:22:51,542 --> 00:22:52,962 -What does that mean? -[both laugh] 541 00:22:53,041 --> 00:22:55,331 It just-- it means that, you know, it's-- 542 00:22:55,417 --> 00:22:56,877 things are going very fast, and I just, 543 00:22:57,000 --> 00:22:58,750 it-- you know, you have all these new feelings. 544 00:22:58,834 --> 00:23:00,294 -'Cause you're not drinking-- -No, no, no. 545 00:23:00,375 --> 00:23:02,745 Don't give me that program bullshit. 546 00:23:03,291 --> 00:23:05,291 This has nothing to do with drinking. 547 00:23:07,709 --> 00:23:09,079 [laughs] I love you. 548 00:23:10,208 --> 00:23:13,078 Maybe we should spend a little time apart. 549 00:23:14,291 --> 00:23:15,831 I'll call you tomorrow. 550 00:23:16,417 --> 00:23:17,707 I'm not coming up? 551 00:23:17,792 --> 00:23:18,922 Just a couple nights. 552 00:23:20,291 --> 00:23:22,541 Are you breaking up with me? 'Cause if you break up-- 553 00:23:22,625 --> 00:23:24,705 Patrick, I'm not, I'm not breaking up with you. 554 00:23:24,792 --> 00:23:26,632 I'm just going inside. 555 00:23:27,250 --> 00:23:29,000 So call me tomorrow. 556 00:23:29,291 --> 00:23:31,461 We'll do something next week, okay? 557 00:23:33,041 --> 00:23:34,961 What, what am I gonna do now? 558 00:23:35,500 --> 00:23:37,710 Well, you should go to a meeting. 559 00:23:38,083 --> 00:23:41,333 And then you go home and call me tomorrow. 560 00:23:43,333 --> 00:23:44,833 Okay? Goodnight. 561 00:23:45,875 --> 00:23:47,495 I'll see you next week. 562 00:23:50,041 --> 00:23:51,331 Go. 563 00:23:58,875 --> 00:24:00,495 Get yourself some cookies. 564 00:24:05,542 --> 00:24:06,792 [cries out] 565 00:24:06,875 --> 00:24:08,125 Meanwhile, across town at Charlotte's... 566 00:24:08,208 --> 00:24:10,128 Oh, my God, Charlotte, what are you doing? 567 00:24:10,208 --> 00:24:12,578 Oh. Oh, God. 568 00:24:12,667 --> 00:24:13,877 Oh! Mmm. 569 00:24:13,959 --> 00:24:15,829 Oh, Charlotte, you are good. 570 00:24:15,917 --> 00:24:18,377 Sweet Christ. You are good. 571 00:24:18,458 --> 00:24:19,418 [moans] 572 00:24:19,500 --> 00:24:20,830 [Carrie] Charlotte considered it 573 00:24:20,917 --> 00:24:23,917 the best 50 bucks she'd ever spent. 574 00:24:27,208 --> 00:24:28,708 It cost Miranda a little more, 575 00:24:28,792 --> 00:24:31,882 but across town in her bed, things were good as well. 576 00:24:45,542 --> 00:24:47,082 [Patrick] Carrie! 577 00:24:49,041 --> 00:24:58,381 Carrie! 578 00:24:58,834 --> 00:25:00,464 Patrick, what are you doing? 579 00:25:00,542 --> 00:25:03,792 Huh? You, you bitch! 580 00:25:03,875 --> 00:25:04,785 Shit! 581 00:25:04,875 --> 00:25:06,375 [Patrick] I loved you. 582 00:25:07,041 --> 00:25:08,831 And you didn't love me. 583 00:25:09,333 --> 00:25:12,963 You fucking made me date you before the month. 584 00:25:13,959 --> 00:25:15,709 And now I'm drunk. 585 00:25:15,792 --> 00:25:18,292 -Shh! -And I don't care! 586 00:25:19,083 --> 00:25:21,133 -[glass shatters] -Carrie! 587 00:25:21,417 --> 00:25:23,707 I love you, Carrie! 588 00:25:23,959 --> 00:25:25,499 I love you! 589 00:25:25,583 --> 00:25:27,463 Make love to me! 590 00:25:28,667 --> 00:25:29,667 What are you doing? 591 00:25:29,750 --> 00:25:32,790 God, don't take your clothes off. 592 00:25:32,875 --> 00:25:35,495 My first impulse was to go down and rescue him, 593 00:25:35,583 --> 00:25:37,173 but as I learned on our second date, 594 00:25:37,250 --> 00:25:39,080 that would be codependent. 595 00:25:39,166 --> 00:25:41,706 Still, I felt I had to do something. 596 00:25:42,709 --> 00:25:45,789 Here, put this on, you'll get a cold. 597 00:25:45,875 --> 00:25:49,415 I hope I fucking die! [cries] 598 00:25:49,500 --> 00:25:50,960 [man] Quiet, asshole, I'll call the cops! 599 00:25:51,041 --> 00:25:53,921 Oh, shut the fuck up, dick weed! 600 00:25:55,083 --> 00:25:56,423 Carrie! 601 00:25:57,041 --> 00:26:00,381 You were the best fuck I ever had! 602 00:26:00,458 --> 00:26:02,918 [Carrie] Three weeks later, I got a letter from Patrick, 603 00:26:03,000 --> 00:26:04,330 saying he was back in the program 604 00:26:04,417 --> 00:26:06,127 and wanted to make amends. 605 00:26:06,208 --> 00:26:08,628 I never saw him again, but I always wondered two things... 606 00:26:08,709 --> 00:26:09,629 [Patrick] Carrie! 607 00:26:09,709 --> 00:26:11,289 Was he able to stay sober? 608 00:26:11,375 --> 00:26:13,665 Am I really that good in bed?