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They say that
the women in New York
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00:00:59,166 --> 00:01:01,626
are the most beautiful
women in the world.
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00:01:06,542 --> 00:01:08,212
Which explains
why men in New York
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00:01:08,291 --> 00:01:11,041
spend all their time
looking at them.
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00:01:11,125 --> 00:01:14,785
The city
is a veritable playground
for men's roving eyes.
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00:01:14,875 --> 00:01:16,705
Unfortunately,
they need both of them
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00:01:16,792 --> 00:01:18,712
looking straight
ahead to survive.
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Oh... hey!
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00:01:21,834 --> 00:01:24,254
This New York woman
was pretty happy.
10
00:01:24,333 --> 00:01:25,753
I was seeing Big again.
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Unfortunately, my New York guy
12
00:01:28,333 --> 00:01:30,293
was still seeing other women.
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If checking out other women
is the biggest problem
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you're having with him,
you're lucky.
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Well, if it's that small,
he should be able to stop.
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00:01:38,208 --> 00:01:40,038
Oh, honey, you can't
change that about a man.
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It's part of their genetic code,
like farting.
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Oh, please, you're gonna
put me off my pretzel.
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00:01:44,542 --> 00:01:46,042
You have to take
Big the way he is.
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Once you start to
try to change a man,
it's doomed,
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they won't budge an inch.
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Well, I know, but you can...
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00:01:51,458 --> 00:01:52,918
subtly manipulate and cajole.
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The only things
you can work with
are hair and wardrobe,
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00:01:55,083 --> 00:01:56,833
but even then,
it's a constant battle.
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I already
like the hair
and wardrobe.
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Then be happy.
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Honey, no man is perfect.
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I'm not asking for perfection,
I'm just looking for, uh...
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slight alterations.
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Oh, be careful with alterations.
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If you pull the wrong thread,
everything falls apart.
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While Samantha and I
discussed the theory of change,
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00:02:14,125 --> 00:02:15,995
Miranda was going
through it for real.
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She had a new apartment,
a new boyfriend...
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And a new dating schedule
that was killing her.
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00:02:29,125 --> 00:02:30,955
Hey, I'm sorry.
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I thought we'd be
closing the bar earlier.
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Oh, jeez, you were asleep.
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No, no, I'm up, hi.
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Come on in.
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-Ow! Ow!
-Oh!
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-Come here, you okay?
-Ow, ow.
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-Let's see.
-Ah!
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Ow!
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Is that better?
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That's better, thank you.
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So, how was your night?
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00:02:57,917 --> 00:03:00,457
I don't know, I was asleep.
50
00:03:00,875 --> 00:03:02,415
I'm sorry I was late.
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00:03:07,709 --> 00:03:09,249
I thought we were gonna
close the bar around two.
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Then we got this big group
of Japanese bankers came in.
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And all they want is
these big flaming drinks.
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And then one of them
got sick and then...
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Never mind.
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00:03:28,542 --> 00:03:31,962
Everything
was great about Steve,
except for one thing.
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-Mmm! Mmm!
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Morning.
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00:03:41,458 --> 00:03:42,628
Come here!
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00:03:42,709 --> 00:03:44,379
-Uh--
-Come here, come here,
come here.
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They had completely
opposite schedules.
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00:03:47,125 --> 00:03:49,575
Steve had all the time
in the world in the mornings.
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00:03:49,667 --> 00:03:51,207
Miranda got right up at seven.
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Unfortunately, Steve did too.
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I have to go to work.
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00:03:54,834 --> 00:03:56,424
Not yet.
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00:03:56,500 --> 00:03:58,540
The only thing
Miranda liked inside her
in the mornings
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00:03:58,625 --> 00:04:02,575
was the cup of take-out coffee
she drank on the way
to the subway.
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00:04:02,667 --> 00:04:04,877
That night,
in a bed across town,
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00:04:04,959 --> 00:04:06,879
Charlotte was seeing
a lot of Mike,
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00:04:06,959 --> 00:04:08,829
a cute but feared
restaurant critic
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famous for his patented
five-whisk rating system.
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00:04:12,542 --> 00:04:13,632
Mike?
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00:04:13,834 --> 00:04:14,834
Yeah?
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00:04:15,583 --> 00:04:16,673
Let's make love.
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00:04:17,166 --> 00:04:18,246
Charlotte...
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00:04:18,333 --> 00:04:20,673
Charlotte, you are
a five-whisk woman.
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00:04:20,750 --> 00:04:24,040
But just when Charlotte
had become comfortable
with the penis,
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00:04:24,125 --> 00:04:26,785
she got a very
unexpected surprise.
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00:04:28,500 --> 00:04:29,670
Oh...
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00:04:30,166 --> 00:04:31,326
You're...
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00:04:32,208 --> 00:04:33,168
It's...
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00:04:34,041 --> 00:04:35,671
Uncircumcised.
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00:04:35,917 --> 00:04:36,917
Is that okay?
85
00:04:37,000 --> 00:04:38,000
No!
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00:04:38,500 --> 00:04:39,540
Sure.
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00:04:41,333 --> 00:04:43,083
Of course, it is.
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00:04:43,166 --> 00:04:44,916
It was not okay.
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00:04:45,000 --> 00:04:47,460
The only uncut version
of anything
Charlotte had ever seen
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00:04:47,542 --> 00:04:49,502
was the original
Gone With The Wind.
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00:04:50,792 --> 00:04:52,292
There was so much skin,
92
00:04:52,375 --> 00:04:53,665
it was like a Shar Pei!
93
00:04:53,750 --> 00:04:55,670
You've never seen
an uncircumcised one?
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00:04:55,750 --> 00:04:57,000
I'm from Connecticut!
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00:04:57,083 --> 00:04:59,633
Reminder, you're dating
the guy, not the penis.
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00:04:59,709 --> 00:05:01,329
Aesthetics are
important to me.
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00:05:01,417 --> 00:05:04,327
It's not what it looks like,
it's what they can do with it.
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00:05:04,542 --> 00:05:07,292
Well, I don't need one
that can make its
own carrying case!
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00:05:07,375 --> 00:05:09,245
-Ha, ha, ha, ha!
-Personally...
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00:05:09,333 --> 00:05:11,543
I love an uncircumcised dick.
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00:05:11,875 --> 00:05:13,075
It's like a tootsie pop.
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00:05:13,375 --> 00:05:14,915
Hard on the outside,
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00:05:15,000 --> 00:05:17,250
with a delicious
surprise inside.
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00:05:17,333 --> 00:05:18,583
I don't like surprises.
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I like it all out there
where I can see it.
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00:05:20,875 --> 00:05:22,915
Same here, I'm sorry,
it is not normal.
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00:05:23,000 --> 00:05:26,290
Well, actually, it is.
Something like 85% of men
aren't circumcised.
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00:05:26,375 --> 00:05:28,165
Great, now they're
taking over the world!
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00:05:28,250 --> 00:05:30,040
Honey, it's a penis,
not Godzilla.
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00:05:30,125 --> 00:05:33,165
Hey, if 85% aren't circumcised,
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00:05:33,500 --> 00:05:37,080
that means I've only slept
with 15% of the population,
tops!
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00:05:37,166 --> 00:05:38,536
Wow, you're
practically a virgin.
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00:05:38,625 --> 00:05:41,625
You know,
he's a nice, waspy guy.
What went wrong?
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00:05:41,709 --> 00:05:44,499
Well, maybe his parents
were hippies and they just
didn't believe in it.
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00:05:44,583 --> 00:05:47,003
I am so circumcising my kids.
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00:05:47,083 --> 00:05:49,173
I think you can pay
people to do that now.
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00:05:49,250 --> 00:05:51,630
I don't ever wanna know
there's a woman out there
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00:05:51,709 --> 00:05:53,669
calling my son a Shar Pei.
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All I'm saying is
uncut men are the best.
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They try harder.
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I should know.
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I've slept with five of them.
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00:06:01,417 --> 00:06:02,497
Out of how many?
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00:06:02,583 --> 00:06:03,633
Infinity.
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00:06:04,917 --> 00:06:06,167
That night,
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00:06:06,250 --> 00:06:08,080
Big and I went out
to celebrate...
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00:06:08,166 --> 00:06:09,916
absolutely nothing.
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00:06:10,583 --> 00:06:12,003
More grappa ?
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00:06:12,083 --> 00:06:13,423
No, thank you.
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00:06:14,917 --> 00:06:17,827
Oh, listen, my editor
called me today and she's...
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Hm?
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00:06:22,291 --> 00:06:23,381
You were saying?
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00:06:23,458 --> 00:06:24,828
Yes, I was.
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00:06:26,291 --> 00:06:28,461
Excuse me, you can't
smoke that in here.
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00:06:29,667 --> 00:06:30,667
Really?
136
00:06:30,875 --> 00:06:33,125
You're absolutely positively
sure about that?
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00:06:33,583 --> 00:06:34,793
Because,
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00:06:34,875 --> 00:06:36,875
I checked the zoning
on this particular table,
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and I'm pretty sure
this table is in
a cigar-friendly zone.
140
00:06:40,291 --> 00:06:43,131
Well, I don't mind, but
it's for the other patrons.
141
00:06:44,750 --> 00:06:48,630
Oh, you mean, if those five
patrons don't mind,
it's okay with you?
142
00:06:48,709 --> 00:06:50,789
-Sir, I'm gonna have to...
-Just one second.
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00:06:52,834 --> 00:06:55,674
Excuse me, this is
my last day on earth.
144
00:06:56,125 --> 00:06:58,495
I'm being executed
tomorrow morning.
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00:06:58,959 --> 00:07:00,789
Um, that's my parole officer
there.
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00:07:00,875 --> 00:07:03,245
Would you mind terribly
if I smoked this, ladies?
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00:07:03,333 --> 00:07:04,333
No.
148
00:07:04,834 --> 00:07:06,004
Thank you.
149
00:07:07,166 --> 00:07:08,376
Excuse me, I'm sorry.
150
00:07:08,458 --> 00:07:09,998
Would it be okay
if I smoked this?
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00:07:10,083 --> 00:07:12,333
And, please, let me
152
00:07:12,417 --> 00:07:14,877
I'd like to buy everybody
a round of drinks.
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Apparently,
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00:07:19,917 --> 00:07:22,417
the other patrons
aren't bothered at all.
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I didn't have the guts
to tell Big that he was actually
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00:07:24,834 --> 00:07:26,214
kind of bothering me.
157
00:07:26,291 --> 00:07:27,831
Well, it's not like they're
gonna tell you the truth.
158
00:07:27,917 --> 00:07:30,627
No one is gonna
say to your face
they hate your cigar.
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00:07:31,041 --> 00:07:32,001
Good.
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00:07:32,709 --> 00:07:35,379
You are very arrogant.
161
00:07:37,542 --> 00:07:39,382
I thought that's what you liked
about me.
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00:07:40,709 --> 00:07:42,499
Maybe Big was right.
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00:07:42,583 --> 00:07:45,173
Maybe we were at
that inevitable point
in the relationship
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00:07:45,250 --> 00:07:48,670
when all those little things
you love about the other person
become...
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00:07:48,750 --> 00:07:50,380
huge liabilities.
166
00:07:50,458 --> 00:07:51,458
And just then...
167
00:07:52,583 --> 00:07:54,583
...a huge liability walked by.
168
00:07:57,709 --> 00:07:58,709
Hey!
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00:07:59,291 --> 00:08:00,331
What?
170
00:08:00,959 --> 00:08:02,079
I...
171
00:08:02,709 --> 00:08:05,039
I... hate that cigar.
172
00:08:10,583 --> 00:08:12,583
And you told me
right to my face.
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00:08:17,000 --> 00:08:19,420
New York City
is all about change.
174
00:08:19,500 --> 00:08:22,000
New yorkers change
their haircuts, their politics,
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00:08:22,083 --> 00:08:24,213
even their friends
in the blink of an eye.
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00:08:24,291 --> 00:08:27,711
If change was so easy,
why was it so hard for Big?
177
00:08:28,917 --> 00:08:30,537
Was I banging
my head against the wall
178
00:08:30,625 --> 00:08:33,285
thinking I could get him
to stop and notice me?
179
00:08:33,375 --> 00:08:36,915
Did I have to change
my expectations,
or was it possible...
180
00:08:38,417 --> 00:08:39,827
Can you change a man?
181
00:08:40,250 --> 00:08:42,670
My husband used
to be obsessed
with watching sports
182
00:08:42,750 --> 00:08:44,170
twenty-four hours a day.
183
00:08:44,458 --> 00:08:46,878
Then I started fooling around
with his best friend.
184
00:08:47,250 --> 00:08:49,420
And now he's obsessed
with watching me.
185
00:08:49,500 --> 00:08:51,880
Every girlfriend I've had
wants me to change something.
186
00:08:51,959 --> 00:08:54,999
Change your job,
change your friends,
change your attitude.
187
00:08:55,417 --> 00:08:56,917
The only thing
I ever change...
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00:08:57,500 --> 00:08:58,540
is girlfriends.
189
00:09:02,291 --> 00:09:03,711
No.
190
00:09:03,792 --> 00:09:05,212
Meanwhile, Charlotte
was about to discover
191
00:09:05,291 --> 00:09:06,881
that some men can change.
192
00:09:06,959 --> 00:09:09,289
Thanks for dinner,
it was great.
193
00:09:13,792 --> 00:09:14,752
So, uh...
194
00:09:15,375 --> 00:09:18,745
-Can I come upstairs with you?
-Oh, jeez, uh...
195
00:09:19,125 --> 00:09:20,495
I have to get up really early,
196
00:09:20,583 --> 00:09:22,833
-and my place is just a mess.
-Look, Charlotte, I...
197
00:09:23,166 --> 00:09:24,206
I understand.
198
00:09:24,291 --> 00:09:25,881
-You do?
-Yeah, I mean...
199
00:09:26,375 --> 00:09:28,285
What happened
the other night, you're...
200
00:09:28,625 --> 00:09:30,745
you're not the first woman
to react to it that way.
201
00:09:30,834 --> 00:09:32,544
I've gotten that most
of my life.
202
00:09:32,625 --> 00:09:33,745
-Really?
-Yeah.
203
00:09:33,834 --> 00:09:35,964
And I've decided
to do something about it.
204
00:09:36,250 --> 00:09:38,460
I've been uncomfortable
for too long, so...
205
00:09:39,250 --> 00:09:40,920
I'm getting circumcised.
206
00:09:45,709 --> 00:09:47,039
Can you do that?
207
00:09:47,125 --> 00:09:48,535
Well, yeah, I mean, it hurts,
208
00:09:48,625 --> 00:09:50,535
it takes a long time to heal,
but...
209
00:09:50,792 --> 00:09:52,332
But I'm willing to do that, I...
210
00:09:52,667 --> 00:09:54,577
I want to feel good
about making love.
211
00:09:54,667 --> 00:09:56,327
Oh, that is so...
212
00:09:56,834 --> 00:09:58,134
sweet.
213
00:09:59,000 --> 00:10:00,710
-Do you mind waiting?
-Oh, no.
214
00:10:00,792 --> 00:10:01,962
Not at all.
215
00:10:03,083 --> 00:10:04,333
Mm.
216
00:10:12,583 --> 00:10:15,253
Apparently,
Samantha was wrong.
217
00:10:15,333 --> 00:10:17,463
Some men could budge an inch.
218
00:10:17,542 --> 00:10:20,252
In Mike's case,
it may have been more like,
219
00:10:20,333 --> 00:10:23,083
an inch and a half.
220
00:10:23,166 --> 00:10:27,166
The next morning,
Miranda was getting
her usual wake-up call.
221
00:10:34,083 --> 00:10:35,173
Mm...
222
00:10:35,250 --> 00:10:37,630
Hey,
where are you going?
223
00:10:38,917 --> 00:10:40,327
I'm getting up.
224
00:10:40,417 --> 00:10:42,877
Ah, come on, it's Saturday.
Come on, lay down, slow down.
225
00:10:42,959 --> 00:10:43,999
Come here.
226
00:10:47,959 --> 00:10:49,669
How long are
we gonna do this?
227
00:10:52,667 --> 00:10:54,667
You want a time frame
for cuddling?
228
00:10:54,917 --> 00:10:55,787
Yeah.
229
00:10:55,875 --> 00:10:57,035
Like 20 minutes?
230
00:10:57,834 --> 00:10:59,004
Thirty?
231
00:10:59,625 --> 00:11:00,915
You're kidding me.
232
00:11:01,375 --> 00:11:03,995
It helps if I have
an end point in mind.
233
00:11:04,083 --> 00:11:05,503
I respond well to limits.
234
00:11:05,583 --> 00:11:07,833
That's your problem,
you got too many limits.
235
00:11:07,917 --> 00:11:10,167
You gotta let go
a little, Miranda.
236
00:11:10,250 --> 00:11:11,330
Look...
237
00:11:11,709 --> 00:11:13,329
Saturday is my free day, right?
238
00:11:13,417 --> 00:11:15,957
I have spinning,
and then I get
my dry cleaning,
239
00:11:16,041 --> 00:11:17,291
and then I get
my nails done,
240
00:11:17,375 --> 00:11:19,245
and I do my grocery
shopping for the week.
241
00:11:19,458 --> 00:11:20,538
-Okay?
Okay.
242
00:11:20,625 --> 00:11:22,075
You're not sounding
very free to me.
243
00:11:26,333 --> 00:11:27,333
Do you want
to come with me
244
00:11:27,417 --> 00:11:28,747
and get my dry cleaning?
245
00:11:29,417 --> 00:11:31,247
No, I didn't think so.
246
00:11:37,583 --> 00:11:39,793
An hour and a half, tops.
247
00:11:41,208 --> 00:11:43,788
Twelve hours later,
Steve went to work.
248
00:11:46,125 --> 00:11:48,375
About the same time,
we went out
to our favorite bar
249
00:11:48,458 --> 00:11:51,918
which on Saturdays,
changes into drag queen bingo.
250
00:11:52,583 --> 00:11:54,503
Come on, come on, N-23.
251
00:11:54,583 --> 00:11:55,673
I really like him.
252
00:11:55,750 --> 00:11:57,750
But this morning thing
is killing me.
253
00:11:57,834 --> 00:12:00,044
It's bad enough we've
never done it at night,
254
00:12:00,125 --> 00:12:01,245
but after we do it
in the morning,
255
00:12:01,333 --> 00:12:02,883
he just wants to
lie there with me.
256
00:12:02,959 --> 00:12:05,499
Everyone wants a guy
who wants to cuddle.
257
00:12:05,834 --> 00:12:07,964
O-33, ladies.
258
00:12:08,041 --> 00:12:09,001
Shit!
259
00:12:09,083 --> 00:12:10,383
Well, I'm jealous.
260
00:12:10,458 --> 00:12:12,378
Big won't even spend
the night at my place.
261
00:12:12,625 --> 00:12:14,535
You know, what you have
is real intimacy.
262
00:12:14,625 --> 00:12:15,785
It's bed-arrest.
263
00:12:15,959 --> 00:12:17,419
I've been horizontal
all day,
264
00:12:17,500 --> 00:12:20,000
and I had errands to do,
I missed spinning.
265
00:12:20,083 --> 00:12:22,793
You don't have to spin
if you're having sex.
266
00:12:22,875 --> 00:12:24,245
B-12!
267
00:12:24,333 --> 00:12:26,423
How about N-23?
268
00:12:26,500 --> 00:12:28,130
I don't know why
I play this, I never win.
269
00:12:28,208 --> 00:12:31,128
Why do I have
to be the one
to change my routine?
270
00:12:31,208 --> 00:12:32,918
Well, maybe because
you really like the guy
271
00:12:33,000 --> 00:12:34,920
and it wouldn't kill
you to slow down a little.
272
00:12:35,000 --> 00:12:36,580
No, Miranda's right.
273
00:12:36,667 --> 00:12:39,417
Why is it the woman
that always has to change
and never the guy?
274
00:12:39,500 --> 00:12:41,250
Because we are more adaptable.
275
00:12:41,333 --> 00:12:42,633
I love morning sex.
276
00:12:42,709 --> 00:12:44,709
I haven't done morning sex
since I was in college
277
00:12:44,792 --> 00:12:46,752
and then it was only because
I didn't have to be in class
278
00:12:46,834 --> 00:12:47,834
until eleven.
279
00:12:47,917 --> 00:12:48,917
Well, maybe you guys
should come up
280
00:12:49,000 --> 00:12:50,080
with a schedule or something.
281
00:12:50,166 --> 00:12:51,416
A sex schedule?
282
00:12:51,500 --> 00:12:52,420
Very romantic!
283
00:12:52,500 --> 00:12:53,790
Yeah, surprise him at the bar
284
00:12:53,875 --> 00:12:56,075
wearing nothing
but a trench coat
and a smile.
285
00:12:56,166 --> 00:12:57,666
Now, that would be
a happy hour.
286
00:12:57,750 --> 00:12:59,380
O-69!
287
00:12:59,458 --> 00:13:01,708
I just think that
if you really believe
in the relationship
288
00:13:01,792 --> 00:13:03,132
then you should work at it.
289
00:13:03,208 --> 00:13:05,918
This, from a woman
who dumped a guy
over foreskin.
290
00:13:06,000 --> 00:13:07,540
Actually, we're still dating.
291
00:13:08,000 --> 00:13:09,170
The Shar Pei?
292
00:13:09,458 --> 00:13:10,998
He's getting circumcised.
293
00:13:13,291 --> 00:13:15,791
Please tell me that
we're not invited to the bris.
294
00:13:17,709 --> 00:13:20,249
Could I get another board,
please?
295
00:13:21,709 --> 00:13:22,749
Samantha?
296
00:13:23,041 --> 00:13:23,961
Yes.
297
00:13:24,041 --> 00:13:25,211
It's me.
298
00:13:25,417 --> 00:13:26,497
Brad.
299
00:13:27,750 --> 00:13:29,040
Brad McColskey?
300
00:13:29,125 --> 00:13:31,245
Brad was a
semi-professional hockey player
301
00:13:31,333 --> 00:13:33,293
Samantha had dated
a few years back.
302
00:13:33,375 --> 00:13:36,665
Apparently, the only thing
he was checking these days
were his pants...
303
00:13:36,750 --> 00:13:37,830
at the door.
304
00:13:37,917 --> 00:13:40,877
Look at you, miss thing,
you look fabulous!
305
00:13:41,125 --> 00:13:43,875
Oh, wow, well, so do you.
306
00:13:44,208 --> 00:13:46,038
Uh... When did you start
doing... Doing...?
307
00:13:46,125 --> 00:13:48,535
Oh! About five years ago.
308
00:13:48,792 --> 00:13:50,382
Right after you.
309
00:13:51,375 --> 00:13:52,825
Maybe Samantha
was wrong.
310
00:13:52,917 --> 00:13:55,207
Apparently, she could
change a man.
311
00:13:55,291 --> 00:13:56,331
How are the kids?
312
00:13:56,417 --> 00:13:57,827
Oh, good, good,
Jake is in second grade.
313
00:13:57,917 --> 00:13:59,627
Jake has two mommies.
314
00:13:59,917 --> 00:14:03,077
There are other people
who need boards, Samantha.
315
00:14:03,166 --> 00:14:05,286
Take a chill pill, Miss Saigon!
316
00:14:05,375 --> 00:14:06,745
Samantha?
317
00:14:08,250 --> 00:14:11,540
Well, imitation is the
sincerest form of flattery.
318
00:14:13,041 --> 00:14:14,421
Gotta go, enjoy the game!
319
00:14:16,166 --> 00:14:17,746
N-23!
320
00:14:18,041 --> 00:14:19,131
Bingo!
321
00:14:19,208 --> 00:14:21,748
I am so much prettier than him.
322
00:14:24,291 --> 00:14:28,081
Two hours later,
I was supposed to meet
Big at his place.
323
00:14:29,417 --> 00:14:31,077
Two and a half hours later,
324
00:14:31,166 --> 00:14:32,286
he showed up.
325
00:14:35,000 --> 00:14:36,080
Hey!
326
00:14:36,500 --> 00:14:37,500
Sorry.
327
00:14:37,917 --> 00:14:39,327
You're a half hour late.
328
00:14:39,792 --> 00:14:41,502
Your doorman thinks
I'm a hooker.
329
00:14:41,959 --> 00:14:45,379
-Did you make any money?
-Not funny. I hate waiting,
330
00:14:45,458 --> 00:14:47,288
here, for you.
331
00:14:47,875 --> 00:14:50,075
There's a coffee shop,
around the corner,
332
00:14:50,166 --> 00:14:51,956
you could've waited, in.
333
00:14:52,625 --> 00:14:53,825
You know what?
I'm gonna go.
334
00:14:53,917 --> 00:14:55,957
-Oh, don't be pissed.
-I'm pissed!
335
00:14:56,041 --> 00:14:57,081
Well...
336
00:14:57,667 --> 00:14:59,037
Come upstairs.
337
00:14:59,125 --> 00:15:01,285
You know, if you gave me a key,
338
00:15:01,375 --> 00:15:03,285
I could wait upstairs next time.
339
00:15:04,166 --> 00:15:05,126
A key?
340
00:15:06,458 --> 00:15:08,418
Or you can stay at
my place sometimes.
341
00:15:08,500 --> 00:15:10,040
It's easy to pick my locks.
342
00:15:10,125 --> 00:15:11,205
Yeah...
343
00:15:11,500 --> 00:15:13,170
But then, I like my bed.
344
00:15:15,083 --> 00:15:16,293
Look at that service.
345
00:15:18,083 --> 00:15:19,293
Come on.
346
00:15:22,375 --> 00:15:24,665
That night,
something else changed.
347
00:15:24,750 --> 00:15:27,420
Neither of us
wanted to make love.
348
00:15:27,500 --> 00:15:31,920
If this was all I was
ever gonna get out of Big,
was it enough for me?
349
00:15:32,000 --> 00:15:35,750
And then, at 3:00 a.m.,
somewhere between
sleep and waking,
350
00:15:35,834 --> 00:15:37,174
I got my answer.
351
00:15:37,709 --> 00:15:39,629
-Ow, dammit!
-What?
352
00:15:40,000 --> 00:15:41,380
Huh? Carrie?
353
00:15:41,458 --> 00:15:43,078
Ah! Are you all right?
354
00:15:43,166 --> 00:15:44,166
No!
355
00:15:44,250 --> 00:15:45,790
What the fuck?
356
00:15:45,875 --> 00:15:47,325
Oh, my God!
357
00:15:48,125 --> 00:15:49,495
What the hell was that?
358
00:15:49,583 --> 00:15:51,083
You knocked me out of bed!
359
00:15:51,166 --> 00:15:52,746
You didn't even
know I was here!
360
00:15:52,834 --> 00:15:56,754
Well, I do now.
Why don't you break
my arm the next time?
361
00:15:56,834 --> 00:15:57,884
I'm sorry.
362
00:15:57,959 --> 00:15:59,379
Jesus!
363
00:16:00,166 --> 00:16:01,916
God. All right, Sugar Ray.
364
00:16:02,458 --> 00:16:04,628
-The bed's all yours.
-Where are you going?
365
00:16:04,709 --> 00:16:05,919
I'm gonna sleep
on the couch.
366
00:16:06,000 --> 00:16:07,710
Well, wait! Would you
just let me explain?
367
00:16:07,792 --> 00:16:09,132
Don't talk now...
368
00:16:09,208 --> 00:16:10,998
Bad, to talk now.
369
00:16:12,875 --> 00:16:14,535
But I couldn't sleep.
370
00:16:14,625 --> 00:16:17,825
And at 4:00 a.m., I decided
he couldn't sleep, either.
371
00:16:26,208 --> 00:16:28,038
It's ice for your face.
372
00:16:29,250 --> 00:16:31,380
Yes, I can feel that.
373
00:16:34,834 --> 00:16:37,424
Okay, I know I've lost
a little of my power here,
374
00:16:37,500 --> 00:16:40,040
and I'm pretty sure
that most women's magazines
375
00:16:40,125 --> 00:16:43,875
would say that what I just did
was a very bad idea.
376
00:16:44,709 --> 00:16:45,829
But...
377
00:16:45,917 --> 00:16:47,667
The thing is, the other night...
378
00:16:47,750 --> 00:16:49,710
wasn't just about the cigar.
379
00:16:50,291 --> 00:16:51,921
It never is.
380
00:16:53,375 --> 00:16:55,325
I hate that you look
at other women.
381
00:16:55,417 --> 00:16:57,497
I hate that I don't
have a key to your place.
382
00:16:57,583 --> 00:17:00,633
You've never spent
the night at my place.
You can't even make...
383
00:17:00,959 --> 00:17:02,919
space for me in your bed.
384
00:17:03,583 --> 00:17:06,253
And it's not your fault
because I never say it.
385
00:17:07,250 --> 00:17:10,080
So, now I punched you,
so, now I have to say it.
386
00:17:11,458 --> 00:17:13,248
So, now I'm gonna say it.
387
00:17:18,750 --> 00:17:20,250
I feel like,
388
00:17:20,583 --> 00:17:22,043
I'm back in your life,
389
00:17:22,917 --> 00:17:25,207
and nothing has really changed.
390
00:17:25,291 --> 00:17:26,711
And I know that
you can't change a man,
391
00:17:26,792 --> 00:17:30,002
and you definitely can't
change a man like you, but,
392
00:17:32,625 --> 00:17:33,915
I still want...
393
00:17:34,959 --> 00:17:38,169
something to change,
a little bit,
394
00:17:39,291 --> 00:17:40,331
for me.
395
00:17:41,125 --> 00:17:44,455
Physical violence
is never the answer.
396
00:17:44,750 --> 00:17:46,130
Yeah.
397
00:17:47,959 --> 00:17:49,329
I'm gonna go.
398
00:17:51,458 --> 00:17:53,458
-Does it hurt?
-Yes.
399
00:17:57,875 --> 00:17:58,785
Look,
400
00:17:59,250 --> 00:18:02,420
I'm sure there are things
you don't like about me.
401
00:18:02,667 --> 00:18:04,787
Not falling for that one.
402
00:18:07,583 --> 00:18:10,293
Well, that was one
thing I liked about Big.
403
00:18:10,375 --> 00:18:12,325
He definitely knew
when to shut up.
404
00:18:14,583 --> 00:18:16,633
The next night,
Charlotte took Mike out
405
00:18:16,709 --> 00:18:18,749
for a postoperative scotch.
406
00:18:18,834 --> 00:18:20,674
So, did it hurt?
407
00:18:21,417 --> 00:18:23,997
On a scale of one to five,
I'd give it a...
408
00:18:24,291 --> 00:18:25,331
-Seventy-two?
-Ah!
409
00:18:25,417 --> 00:18:27,707
-You poor thing!
-Oh, that's alright.
410
00:18:27,917 --> 00:18:29,417
The worst is over, now I just...
411
00:18:29,792 --> 00:18:31,792
accept sympathy and heal.
412
00:18:32,166 --> 00:18:33,206
For how long?
413
00:18:33,291 --> 00:18:34,791
About another week or so.
414
00:18:34,875 --> 00:18:36,035
I can't wait.
415
00:18:37,000 --> 00:18:38,040
Me either.
416
00:18:38,750 --> 00:18:40,290
Oh, God, Charlotte,
417
00:18:40,625 --> 00:18:42,125
you really turn me on.
418
00:18:46,875 --> 00:18:49,745
-Ow, ow, ow, ow!
-Oh!
419
00:18:50,834 --> 00:18:52,424
You know, you really...
You should go.
420
00:18:57,291 --> 00:18:58,881
Much later that night,
421
00:18:58,959 --> 00:19:00,419
bolstered by coffee,
422
00:19:00,500 --> 00:19:03,880
Miranda decided to perform
a 2:00 a.m. seduction.
423
00:19:10,500 --> 00:19:11,460
Hello.
424
00:19:11,542 --> 00:19:13,922
Wow, look at you,
you look great!
425
00:19:14,291 --> 00:19:15,461
What's the occasion?
426
00:19:15,542 --> 00:19:18,132
It's 2:00 a.m.
and I am still awake.
427
00:19:18,208 --> 00:19:19,628
I thought we could celebrate.
428
00:19:19,709 --> 00:19:21,709
I've had five
cups of coffee.
429
00:19:22,250 --> 00:19:23,540
That's worth
a party.
430
00:19:27,625 --> 00:19:30,535
Meet me in the bedroom,
I'll get the wine.
431
00:19:39,792 --> 00:19:41,382
Hey, get up.
432
00:19:41,917 --> 00:19:43,207
What?
433
00:19:43,291 --> 00:19:45,131
I think you should spend
the night at your place tonight.
434
00:19:45,667 --> 00:19:46,667
Why?
435
00:19:47,041 --> 00:19:49,381
Because I'd really like
to catch up on my sleep,
436
00:19:49,458 --> 00:19:51,328
and I really don't
want to worry about
437
00:19:51,417 --> 00:19:52,827
having sex with you
in the morning,
438
00:19:52,917 --> 00:19:55,577
and then just lying
there and being late.
439
00:19:57,542 --> 00:19:59,172
You don't like
having sex with me.
440
00:19:59,250 --> 00:20:00,750
No, I do, I love it.
441
00:20:00,834 --> 00:20:02,834
But just once I would
like to do it at night,
442
00:20:02,917 --> 00:20:04,377
like other normal Homo sapiens.
443
00:20:04,458 --> 00:20:06,538
Hey, relax!
We can have sex now.
444
00:20:06,625 --> 00:20:08,075
We can't have sex now!
445
00:20:08,625 --> 00:20:11,455
I had a window, and it happened
half an hour ago!
446
00:20:11,750 --> 00:20:12,830
You had a window for sex?
447
00:20:12,917 --> 00:20:15,207
I'm sorry, I'm a lawyer,
I get tired.
448
00:20:15,583 --> 00:20:17,043
Yeah, well,
I'm a bartender,
449
00:20:17,125 --> 00:20:18,245
and I get awfully tired
450
00:20:18,333 --> 00:20:20,133
of dealing with other
people's neuroses.
451
00:20:21,917 --> 00:20:23,287
When you get, uh...
452
00:20:23,792 --> 00:20:25,132
Get, you know, a...
453
00:20:25,917 --> 00:20:29,127
a picture window
or a whole doorway of time,
454
00:20:30,959 --> 00:20:31,959
call me.
455
00:20:35,542 --> 00:20:38,712
Miranda had never felt
less like a successful lawyer
456
00:20:38,792 --> 00:20:39,832
in her life.
457
00:20:41,083 --> 00:20:43,043
Even though she'd won her case,
458
00:20:43,125 --> 00:20:45,575
she'd also been left
with all the damages.
459
00:20:46,750 --> 00:20:49,540
A week later,
Charlotte finally got her chance
460
00:20:49,625 --> 00:20:51,495
to break in
the new merchandise.
461
00:20:53,917 --> 00:20:54,997
What do you think?
462
00:20:56,000 --> 00:20:57,670
It's perfect.
463
00:20:57,750 --> 00:21:00,670
It was like
her birthday and Christmas
rolled into one.
464
00:21:00,959 --> 00:21:02,999
You realize this
makes me a virgin.
465
00:21:05,375 --> 00:21:06,705
I'll be gentle.
466
00:21:15,500 --> 00:21:17,330
That was really wonderful.
467
00:21:17,667 --> 00:21:18,667
It was.
468
00:21:18,917 --> 00:21:19,957
A five.
469
00:21:23,625 --> 00:21:25,325
So, what do you want
to do Saturday night?
470
00:21:26,166 --> 00:21:27,126
Saturday?
471
00:21:27,333 --> 00:21:28,463
Did we have plans?
472
00:21:28,834 --> 00:21:30,044
No, but...
473
00:21:30,333 --> 00:21:32,793
I thought maybe we could go
to this drama league benefit,
474
00:21:32,875 --> 00:21:34,745
or we could... you know,
475
00:21:35,208 --> 00:21:37,628
go low-key and stay in
and rent videos.
476
00:21:37,709 --> 00:21:38,709
Oh, Charlotte,
477
00:21:39,083 --> 00:21:40,213
hang on, listen.
478
00:21:41,458 --> 00:21:43,538
I don't think I'm ready
for this to be...
479
00:21:44,083 --> 00:21:45,423
you know, like a big thing.
480
00:21:47,834 --> 00:21:48,964
A big thing?
481
00:21:49,333 --> 00:21:52,883
Well, I...
I just feel like I can't
be tied down right now.
482
00:21:53,834 --> 00:21:55,174
There's a whole new me
happening.
483
00:21:55,250 --> 00:21:57,540
I feel like I should
get out there and share it.
484
00:21:59,709 --> 00:22:01,669
You want to
share your penis?
485
00:22:02,291 --> 00:22:03,251
Well...
486
00:22:04,375 --> 00:22:05,375
Yeah.
487
00:22:06,417 --> 00:22:08,457
I mean, I feel like
I owe it to myself
488
00:22:08,542 --> 00:22:11,712
to take the doggie out
for a walk around the block.
489
00:22:12,542 --> 00:22:13,752
You know?
490
00:22:13,834 --> 00:22:15,964
Charlotte
never saw Mike again.
491
00:22:16,041 --> 00:22:18,961
She realized you could take
the Shar Pei out of the penis,
492
00:22:19,041 --> 00:22:22,961
but she could never take
the dog out of the man.
493
00:22:23,041 --> 00:22:26,331
A few days later,
I realized you could
change a man.
494
00:22:26,417 --> 00:22:28,747
You could change him
into not calling you.
495
00:22:34,917 --> 00:22:35,917
Oh!
496
00:22:36,250 --> 00:22:37,290
Hi.
497
00:22:38,875 --> 00:22:40,245
Well, look at that.
498
00:22:40,750 --> 00:22:42,790
No, you look at it,
I've seen it already.
499
00:22:44,083 --> 00:22:45,083
Sorry.
500
00:22:46,166 --> 00:22:47,956
Ah, easy!
501
00:22:48,041 --> 00:22:49,581
No hands near the face.
502
00:22:52,208 --> 00:22:53,248
Come in.
503
00:22:54,709 --> 00:22:56,749
I just came over
to tell you something.
504
00:22:58,959 --> 00:23:00,829
You're suing me, right?
505
00:23:04,417 --> 00:23:05,417
Look,
506
00:23:05,834 --> 00:23:09,294
maybe you need a key to know
that I'm crazy about you.
507
00:23:09,792 --> 00:23:12,002
But the thing is,
I've given out like,
508
00:23:12,375 --> 00:23:13,495
five keys.
509
00:23:14,834 --> 00:23:16,134
And you never get 'em back.
510
00:23:17,625 --> 00:23:19,035
And maybe I...
511
00:23:19,125 --> 00:23:21,955
I hog my bed.
But, I mean, it's my bed.
512
00:23:22,291 --> 00:23:23,291
And,
513
00:23:23,500 --> 00:23:24,790
well, I like you in it.
514
00:23:26,834 --> 00:23:28,544
Wow, I should
hit you more often.
515
00:23:28,625 --> 00:23:30,325
-And the oranges.
-What?
516
00:23:30,417 --> 00:23:31,917
The oranges have to go.
517
00:23:32,166 --> 00:23:34,286
Now, this is something
I don't like about you.
518
00:23:34,834 --> 00:23:36,964
I hate that you eat
oranges in my bed.
519
00:23:37,041 --> 00:23:38,131
You do?
520
00:23:38,417 --> 00:23:40,997
They're sticky
and they make the sheets stink.
521
00:23:41,458 --> 00:23:42,458
That's it?
522
00:23:42,542 --> 00:23:43,962
I like my sheets.
523
00:23:45,375 --> 00:23:47,665
What are you gonna give me
for the oranges?
524
00:23:47,750 --> 00:23:48,920
A negotiation?
525
00:23:49,000 --> 00:23:49,960
Yep.
526
00:23:50,500 --> 00:23:51,880
Well, this could take a while.
527
00:23:53,291 --> 00:23:54,331
It could.
528
00:23:57,667 --> 00:24:00,877
Well, it looks like I may
have to spend the night.
529
00:24:00,959 --> 00:24:03,749
That night,
for the first time,
530
00:24:03,834 --> 00:24:07,294
Big spent the night
at my place.
531
00:24:07,375 --> 00:24:10,915
I realized that neither of us
would ever fundamentally change,
532
00:24:11,000 --> 00:24:12,710
but we were talking about it.
533
00:24:12,792 --> 00:24:14,882
And maybe that was
the biggest change of all.
534
00:24:16,625 --> 00:24:18,955
The next day,
my sheets stunk of cigars.
535
00:24:19,041 --> 00:24:20,711
I changed them immediately.
536
00:24:22,709 --> 00:24:24,829
Across town, it was 2:00 a.m.,
537
00:24:24,917 --> 00:24:27,327
and Miranda was no closer
to getting sleep.
538
00:24:34,083 --> 00:24:35,043
Hello?
539
00:24:39,875 --> 00:24:40,875
Hi.
540
00:24:41,333 --> 00:24:42,673
Sorry to wake you.
541
00:24:43,250 --> 00:24:45,210
It's okay, I was awake.
542
00:24:45,417 --> 00:24:47,327
Look, I don't
wanna bug you. Um...
543
00:24:48,291 --> 00:24:49,331
Do me a favor,
544
00:24:50,709 --> 00:24:51,709
go to the window.
545
00:24:55,709 --> 00:24:56,709
Okay.
546
00:24:57,542 --> 00:24:58,712
Now look up.
547
00:25:00,250 --> 00:25:02,670
Oh, my God!
548
00:25:02,750 --> 00:25:04,210
It's amazing,
isn't it?
549
00:25:05,500 --> 00:25:06,750
It's a blue moon,
550
00:25:07,625 --> 00:25:09,165
it's really rare.
551
00:25:09,250 --> 00:25:11,330
I just wanted
you to see it.
552
00:25:11,417 --> 00:25:12,827
It was right then,
553
00:25:12,917 --> 00:25:14,997
that Miranda
finally slowed down,
554
00:25:15,083 --> 00:25:16,293
and gave into Steve.
555
00:25:17,417 --> 00:25:19,127
Come over when
you're done, okay?
556
00:25:20,959 --> 00:25:21,919
Yeah.
557
00:25:24,083 --> 00:25:25,883
Night.
558
00:25:25,959 --> 00:25:29,129
That night,
Miranda and Steve made love.
559
00:25:30,375 --> 00:25:32,785
And they did it
again in the morning.
560
00:25:32,875 --> 00:25:36,665
Miranda was an hour
late for work
and didn't even notice.
561
00:25:36,750 --> 00:25:38,830
So, maybe
you can't change a man,
562
00:25:38,917 --> 00:25:40,287
but once in a blue moon,
563
00:25:40,375 --> 00:25:41,915
you can change a woman.