1 00:00:58,917 --> 00:01:00,127 [Carrie] Manhattan... 2 00:01:00,208 --> 00:01:01,628 For millions of our forefathers, 3 00:01:01,709 --> 00:01:04,669 the gateway to hope, opportunity and happiness 4 00:01:04,750 --> 00:01:06,380 beyond their wildest dreams. 5 00:01:06,458 --> 00:01:08,418 Today that hope is still alive. 6 00:01:08,500 --> 00:01:10,880 It's called the first date. 7 00:01:10,959 --> 00:01:14,129 On Saturday nights every restaurant in lower Manhattan 8 00:01:14,208 --> 00:01:16,708 resembles its own little Ellis Island. 9 00:01:16,792 --> 00:01:19,832 Hordes of single women crowded into a hot cramped space 10 00:01:19,917 --> 00:01:22,627 hoping to make it to their final destination... 11 00:01:22,709 --> 00:01:24,459 The state of matrimony. 12 00:01:24,542 --> 00:01:26,832 Or at least to get a hot meal in transit. 13 00:01:27,959 --> 00:01:30,379 Samantha didn't believe in the first date. 14 00:01:30,458 --> 00:01:32,418 But she did believe in sex after it. 15 00:01:32,500 --> 00:01:34,670 Mmm. 16 00:01:34,750 --> 00:01:36,250 [man chuckles] 17 00:01:36,333 --> 00:01:38,923 Ooh, I think you missed a drop. 18 00:01:39,000 --> 00:01:41,380 [Carrie] Harrison was a very successful litigator 19 00:01:41,458 --> 00:01:43,498 who took steam baths with Ron Perlman 20 00:01:43,583 --> 00:01:46,583 and owned an an apartment on the 39th floor of Museum Tower, 21 00:01:46,667 --> 00:01:49,077 an excellent first date pedigree. 22 00:01:49,166 --> 00:01:50,416 After dinner, 23 00:01:50,500 --> 00:01:54,000 Harrison invited Samantha up to see his view. 24 00:01:56,333 --> 00:01:59,383 I think you should know my specialty is sexual harassment. 25 00:01:59,458 --> 00:02:00,458 Really? 26 00:02:00,542 --> 00:02:01,422 So is mine. 27 00:02:01,500 --> 00:02:02,830 [both chuckling] 28 00:02:04,000 --> 00:02:05,330 This is a classic case. 29 00:02:06,041 --> 00:02:08,081 A classic case of entrapment. 30 00:02:08,917 --> 00:02:10,127 Beautiful woman, 31 00:02:10,208 --> 00:02:12,208 -mind altering wine. -Mm-mmm... 32 00:02:12,291 --> 00:02:13,791 I could claim temporary insanity. 33 00:02:13,875 --> 00:02:17,125 I do have a prior record of driving men a little crazy. 34 00:02:17,208 --> 00:02:18,578 [chuckles] 35 00:02:19,041 --> 00:02:20,461 You fit the profile. 36 00:02:20,542 --> 00:02:23,542 Most sexual harassment cases are brought by older women. 37 00:02:29,709 --> 00:02:30,879 I'm sorry? 38 00:02:30,959 --> 00:02:34,789 No offense, but c'mon, what are you, 40, 41? 39 00:02:34,875 --> 00:02:36,995 [Carrie] Samantha had celebrated her 35th birthday 40 00:02:37,083 --> 00:02:38,963 for as long as we could remember. 41 00:02:39,250 --> 00:02:41,040 I'm just gonna freshen up. 42 00:02:41,125 --> 00:02:43,875 Well, I think you're pretty fresh already. 43 00:02:51,250 --> 00:02:53,670 ♪ I'm too sexy for my shirt ♪ 44 00:02:53,750 --> 00:02:55,790 ♪ Too sexy for my shirt ♪ 45 00:02:55,875 --> 00:02:58,875 ♪ So sexy it hurts ♪ 46 00:02:58,959 --> 00:03:01,829 ♪ I'm too sexy for your body ♪ 47 00:03:01,917 --> 00:03:06,537 [Harrison] Hey sexy, I'm over here. 48 00:03:10,959 --> 00:03:13,499 [Carrie] There, next to his Brooks Brothers suits, 49 00:03:13,583 --> 00:03:17,423 was the world's smallest cedar-lined den of iniquity. 50 00:03:17,500 --> 00:03:19,000 Slap me. 51 00:03:19,417 --> 00:03:20,747 You've got to be kidding. 52 00:03:20,834 --> 00:03:23,214 Oh, c'mon. 53 00:03:23,834 --> 00:03:25,544 Slap me hard. 54 00:03:25,625 --> 00:03:29,285 [Carrie] Apparently the view left a little to be desired. 55 00:03:33,417 --> 00:03:36,167 The next night, Samantha invited us to a party she was throwing 56 00:03:36,250 --> 00:03:39,040 for the new coffee table book du jour. 57 00:03:39,125 --> 00:03:40,955 The book was awful, 58 00:03:41,041 --> 00:03:43,291 but the hors d'oeuvres were fabulous. 59 00:03:43,375 --> 00:03:45,325 Well, you got to give the guy credit. 60 00:03:45,417 --> 00:03:47,497 It takes a lot of work to get all rigged up like that. 61 00:03:47,583 --> 00:03:50,213 Yeah, most of my first dates don't even open the cab door. 62 00:03:50,291 --> 00:03:51,921 Hey, what if he's still hanging there? 63 00:03:52,000 --> 00:03:53,250 The super would find him eventually. 64 00:03:53,333 --> 00:03:54,963 You see, this is why I don't date. 65 00:03:55,041 --> 00:03:56,631 The men out there are freaks. 66 00:03:56,709 --> 00:03:58,079 Well, that's completely unfair. 67 00:03:58,166 --> 00:04:00,036 I'm sorry, if a man is over 30 and single 68 00:04:00,125 --> 00:04:01,875 there's something wrong with him. 69 00:04:01,959 --> 00:04:04,829 It's Darwinian. They're being weeded out from propagating the species. 70 00:04:04,917 --> 00:04:06,377 Okay, what about us? 71 00:04:06,458 --> 00:04:08,078 We're just choosy. 72 00:04:09,125 --> 00:04:10,995 I'm getting more shrimp. 73 00:04:12,333 --> 00:04:14,463 You know what the worst part of the date was? 74 00:04:15,291 --> 00:04:18,131 Harrison actually thought I was 40. 75 00:04:18,625 --> 00:04:21,035 -Really? -Really. 76 00:04:21,583 --> 00:04:23,333 Do you think I look 40? 77 00:04:23,417 --> 00:04:25,537 [Carrie] If Samantha's past four birthdays taught me anything, 78 00:04:25,625 --> 00:04:28,745 it was that there is only one answer to a question like that. 79 00:04:28,834 --> 00:04:30,544 You don't look a day over 35. 80 00:04:33,709 --> 00:04:35,169 This is a great party. 81 00:04:35,250 --> 00:04:36,630 I just met the most amazing guy, 82 00:04:36,709 --> 00:04:38,079 Mitchell Saylor. 83 00:04:38,166 --> 00:04:39,706 [Carrie] When Charlotte really liked a guy, 84 00:04:39,792 --> 00:04:41,292 she said his whole name. 85 00:04:41,375 --> 00:04:43,825 It helped her to imagine their future monogrammed towels. 86 00:04:43,917 --> 00:04:45,207 Mitch Saylor? 87 00:04:45,291 --> 00:04:46,421 Yeah, do you know him? 88 00:04:46,500 --> 00:04:48,130 [Samantha] Oh, honey, I know of him. 89 00:04:48,208 --> 00:04:50,128 Well, well, what is that supposed to mean? 90 00:04:50,208 --> 00:04:54,248 Ladies, I suggest you join me in the bathroom. 91 00:04:55,417 --> 00:04:57,207 -He's "Mr. Pussy." -Mr. Who? 92 00:04:57,291 --> 00:04:59,251 [Carrie] Suddenly Charlotte's monogrammed towels 93 00:04:59,333 --> 00:05:00,503 were looking very different. 94 00:05:00,583 --> 00:05:03,293 He's renowned, he loves going down on women. 95 00:05:03,375 --> 00:05:05,245 He's so cute to be so nasty. 96 00:05:05,333 --> 00:05:06,333 That's disgusting! 97 00:05:06,417 --> 00:05:07,787 I told you there'd be something. 98 00:05:07,875 --> 00:05:10,325 He's a legend. He's just amazing at eating pussy. 99 00:05:10,417 --> 00:05:12,207 Would you please just stop calling it that? 100 00:05:12,291 --> 00:05:14,131 Oh, fine, going down, giving head. 101 00:05:14,208 --> 00:05:15,458 Eating out? 102 00:05:15,542 --> 00:05:16,882 I never understood that, shouldn't it be eating in? 103 00:05:16,959 --> 00:05:18,579 Stop it, stop it, stop it! 104 00:05:19,208 --> 00:05:20,748 You do do that, right? 105 00:05:21,041 --> 00:05:22,171 Of course! 106 00:05:22,250 --> 00:05:24,170 I just... I don't have to talk about it. 107 00:05:24,250 --> 00:05:26,250 [Carrie] The reality was, 108 00:05:26,333 --> 00:05:28,503 the only thing that went down with any regularity on Charlotte's dates 109 00:05:28,583 --> 00:05:30,173 was a gold American Express card. 110 00:05:30,250 --> 00:05:34,500 Forget it. I'm not dating anyone who is known as "Mr. Pussy." 111 00:05:34,583 --> 00:05:35,673 Why not? 112 00:05:35,750 --> 00:05:37,330 Well, maybe I want more than that. 113 00:05:37,417 --> 00:05:40,747 Oh, sweetie, if a man is good at that, there is nothing more. 114 00:05:40,834 --> 00:05:42,174 -Amen. -Amen. 115 00:05:42,250 --> 00:05:44,080 [woman] You have to be talking about Mitch Saylor. 116 00:05:44,166 --> 00:05:46,036 He's unbelievable. 117 00:05:46,875 --> 00:05:48,285 I dated him for a month. 118 00:05:48,750 --> 00:05:52,290 He was so good, I actually passed out when I came. 119 00:05:53,458 --> 00:05:54,578 Enjoy. 120 00:05:57,750 --> 00:06:00,630 Well, the guy's got good word of mouth. 121 00:06:02,417 --> 00:06:05,417 Oh, my God, right over there. That's... that's him. That's Mr... 122 00:06:20,625 --> 00:06:22,125 [Carrie] Unlike Miranda, 123 00:06:22,208 --> 00:06:24,708 I wasn't ready to accept that all single men were freaks. 124 00:06:24,792 --> 00:06:27,632 I was so optimistic that I had actually agreed 125 00:06:27,709 --> 00:06:30,709 to go on my first blind date in two years. 126 00:06:30,792 --> 00:06:34,132 P.J. was a very successful independent movie producer. 127 00:06:34,208 --> 00:06:36,458 His documentary on endangered seagulls 128 00:06:36,542 --> 00:06:39,042 had just aired to excellent reviews on PBS. 129 00:06:39,125 --> 00:06:42,995 So documentary films, that must be fun. 130 00:06:43,083 --> 00:06:44,503 Look, let's be realistic. 131 00:06:44,583 --> 00:06:46,883 I'm only doing this docu bullshit to earn a rep, you know? 132 00:06:46,959 --> 00:06:49,579 I mean, ultimately I want to parlay into the action movie arena. 133 00:06:49,667 --> 00:06:50,917 I want to make money. 134 00:06:51,000 --> 00:06:52,540 I'm not afraid to say it, okay? I love money. 135 00:06:52,625 --> 00:06:55,285 I would sell toilet bowls if it would make me a millionaire. 136 00:06:55,375 --> 00:06:56,665 What about the seagulls? 137 00:06:56,750 --> 00:06:58,290 Fuck the seagulls. 138 00:06:59,458 --> 00:07:00,668 [Carrie] Step right up, folks. 139 00:07:00,750 --> 00:07:02,210 Two vodkas and a 12 dollar pasta 140 00:07:02,291 --> 00:07:06,671 buys your admission to see the man with no soul. 141 00:07:09,166 --> 00:07:11,746 Observe if you dare, this chilling sight. 142 00:07:11,834 --> 00:07:14,044 Bachelor number two seemed promising. 143 00:07:14,125 --> 00:07:17,495 Just so you know, I can't see a movie without popcorn. 144 00:07:17,917 --> 00:07:20,077 -I'm a junior mints kind of guy. -Mmm. 145 00:07:20,166 --> 00:07:22,996 This relationship is probably doomed. 146 00:07:23,083 --> 00:07:24,463 [sighs] 147 00:07:26,291 --> 00:07:27,631 You want to lean a little closer? 148 00:07:27,709 --> 00:07:29,459 Maybe hear our entire conversation? 149 00:07:29,542 --> 00:07:30,752 Hey, here's a better idea, 150 00:07:30,834 --> 00:07:32,044 why don't you and your fucking girlfriend 151 00:07:32,125 --> 00:07:33,325 just sit on our laps during the movie? 152 00:07:33,417 --> 00:07:36,207 Then you won't miss a fucking word, dick! 153 00:07:41,166 --> 00:07:44,456 [Carrie] Ladies and gentlemen, stand far away from... 154 00:07:44,542 --> 00:07:47,332 the man with two faces. 155 00:07:49,333 --> 00:07:51,583 They say the third time's the charm. 156 00:07:51,667 --> 00:07:54,997 Max was a broker who had made two million on bonds last year. 157 00:07:55,083 --> 00:07:57,673 We had a great dinner in Little Italy. 158 00:07:59,375 --> 00:08:01,245 Not only did Max have two million, 159 00:08:01,333 --> 00:08:05,293 he also appeared to have a lending library in his pants. 160 00:08:05,375 --> 00:08:08,785 Parents, please keep the kiddies away from the cage of... 161 00:08:08,875 --> 00:08:12,705 The man who steals cheap used books for no reason. 162 00:08:12,792 --> 00:08:15,462 Okay, now I was afraid. 163 00:08:15,542 --> 00:08:18,502 Apparently the men in the dating world had devolved 164 00:08:18,583 --> 00:08:20,673 since the last time I visited. 165 00:08:20,750 --> 00:08:22,330 Maybe Miranda was right. 166 00:08:22,417 --> 00:08:24,327 Maybe they should never have outlawed freak shows, 167 00:08:24,417 --> 00:08:27,707 because at least then the freaks were rounded up in one place. 168 00:08:27,792 --> 00:08:31,252 Now they're out there among us, roaming free. 169 00:08:31,333 --> 00:08:33,383 Is it true? 170 00:08:33,458 --> 00:08:35,878 Are all men freaks? 171 00:08:37,750 --> 00:08:41,250 Apparently Charlotte's week went a little better than mine. 172 00:08:41,333 --> 00:08:43,253 On Monday night she was finally ready 173 00:08:43,333 --> 00:08:46,043 to let Mitch under her sheets... 174 00:08:48,417 --> 00:08:50,577 Way under. 175 00:09:00,959 --> 00:09:02,039 Sorry. 176 00:09:02,125 --> 00:09:03,075 It tickles. 177 00:09:03,166 --> 00:09:04,626 Just relax. 178 00:09:05,333 --> 00:09:07,293 Relax. 179 00:09:09,166 --> 00:09:13,956 [Carrie] That night Charlotte came harder than she ever had before. 180 00:09:19,291 --> 00:09:21,421 That is, until Tuesday. 181 00:09:21,500 --> 00:09:23,710 Oh! Oh, yes, oh, yes! 182 00:09:23,792 --> 00:09:27,712 - [Carrie] Wednesday... -Oh, yes, oh, yes, oh, yes! Uh-huh... 183 00:09:27,792 --> 00:09:29,632 -[Carrie] Thursday... -[Charlotte] Uh-huh... 184 00:09:32,000 --> 00:09:34,170 -[Carrie] Friday.. . -Oh God! Oh! 185 00:09:34,250 --> 00:09:36,540 -[Carrie] Friday... -Oh God! Oh,God! Ah... 186 00:09:36,625 --> 00:09:37,705 Oh! Oh, God! 187 00:09:37,792 --> 00:09:40,212 -[Carrie] Friday... -Oh, God! Oh, God! 188 00:09:40,291 --> 00:09:43,421 Oh, God! Oh... 189 00:09:43,500 --> 00:09:46,670 [Carrie] That night Charlotte saw God seven times. 190 00:09:46,750 --> 00:09:50,210 For a lapsed Episcopalian, it was a very good Friday. 191 00:09:52,250 --> 00:09:53,630 If Mitch was a freak, 192 00:09:53,709 --> 00:09:56,329 Charlotte was ready to run away and join the circus. 193 00:10:00,834 --> 00:10:03,544 [cheering and clapping] 194 00:10:05,667 --> 00:10:08,667 Meanwhile, all I wanted to do was run away. 195 00:10:27,542 --> 00:10:29,042 Rough night? 196 00:10:30,125 --> 00:10:31,535 Bad date. 197 00:10:32,583 --> 00:10:34,173 Been there. 198 00:10:35,291 --> 00:10:37,711 He was a kleptomaniac. 199 00:10:39,125 --> 00:10:42,625 Last month I went out with a woman who slept with her shoes on. 200 00:10:42,709 --> 00:10:44,079 [giggles] 201 00:10:47,583 --> 00:10:49,083 Hi, Carrie. 202 00:10:50,375 --> 00:10:51,785 Ben. 203 00:10:51,875 --> 00:10:53,625 [Carrie] I was instantly attracted. 204 00:10:53,709 --> 00:10:57,709 But I was pretty sure I could feel webs between his fingers. 205 00:10:59,375 --> 00:11:02,245 So when did you guys all become freaks? 206 00:11:03,083 --> 00:11:04,213 Us? 207 00:11:05,291 --> 00:11:07,881 No, the shoe woman seemed totally normal. 208 00:11:08,000 --> 00:11:10,210 Then a month in I discover she's a freak. 209 00:11:11,000 --> 00:11:12,630 They hide it really well. 210 00:11:13,625 --> 00:11:15,995 That's why I don't date anymore. 211 00:11:16,083 --> 00:11:17,753 Women are bizarre. 212 00:11:18,083 --> 00:11:19,383 Thank you. 213 00:11:19,709 --> 00:11:21,709 Sometimes in a good way. 214 00:11:26,542 --> 00:11:29,632 I once saw the world's fattest twins at a state fair. 215 00:11:30,417 --> 00:11:32,037 They were both married. 216 00:11:32,792 --> 00:11:34,882 Their wives were very skinny. 217 00:11:35,500 --> 00:11:37,420 Maybe it was an optical illusion. 218 00:11:39,333 --> 00:11:40,883 Maybe. 219 00:11:48,917 --> 00:11:50,917 Would you have dinner with me? 220 00:11:51,375 --> 00:11:52,495 I thought you didn't date. 221 00:11:52,583 --> 00:11:54,753 I don't. It... it would be a non-date. 222 00:11:54,834 --> 00:11:57,294 A non-date. 223 00:11:59,375 --> 00:12:01,245 Maybe. 224 00:12:02,291 --> 00:12:04,211 Is that a yes? 225 00:12:04,291 --> 00:12:08,041 Let's call it a non-no. 226 00:12:08,125 --> 00:12:11,375 [Carrie] And it was then that the most freaky thing happened. 227 00:12:11,458 --> 00:12:13,418 There in the middle of Manhattan, 228 00:12:13,500 --> 00:12:18,380 two complete strangers gave out their unlisted phone numbers. 229 00:12:18,458 --> 00:12:22,828 Meanwhile, Samantha was about to have her own chance encounter. 230 00:12:23,166 --> 00:12:24,666 [Monica] Samantha? 231 00:12:24,750 --> 00:12:26,670 Monica! 232 00:12:27,583 --> 00:12:29,173 Look at you. 233 00:12:29,250 --> 00:12:30,380 You look amazing. 234 00:12:30,458 --> 00:12:32,458 Don't I? It's the work. 235 00:12:32,542 --> 00:12:34,962 I had the fat from my ass injected into my face. 236 00:12:35,041 --> 00:12:37,751 And look, like a baby's bottom. 237 00:12:37,834 --> 00:12:40,254 -Unbelievable. -Isn't it? 238 00:12:40,333 --> 00:12:42,213 Fat from my own ass. 239 00:12:42,291 --> 00:12:46,081 Oh, and the best part is, you get to eat like a pig before, fatten up your ass. 240 00:12:46,166 --> 00:12:49,626 And then a week later, poof! It's in your face. 241 00:12:50,000 --> 00:12:52,080 Gotta go, bye. 242 00:12:52,166 --> 00:12:54,996 [Carrie] An hour later, Samantha had her first Big Mac 243 00:12:55,083 --> 00:12:58,293 and an appointment with the most expensive plastic surgeon 244 00:12:58,375 --> 00:13:00,245 on Upper Fifth. 245 00:13:00,333 --> 00:13:03,083 Meanwhile, I had my own ass to be obsessed with 246 00:13:03,166 --> 00:13:04,496 and it belonged to Ben, 247 00:13:04,583 --> 00:13:06,923 an editor at a hip political magazine 248 00:13:07,000 --> 00:13:08,250 who made me laugh. 249 00:13:08,333 --> 00:13:10,133 This is me. 250 00:13:11,250 --> 00:13:14,290 Then I guess this is goodnight. 251 00:13:14,375 --> 00:13:15,495 You know, uh... 252 00:13:15,583 --> 00:13:18,213 Normally I would try to get upstairs, but... 253 00:13:18,834 --> 00:13:21,084 since this is a non-date. 254 00:13:22,041 --> 00:13:23,881 So no kiss. 255 00:13:25,458 --> 00:13:27,288 Well... 256 00:13:27,375 --> 00:13:30,205 Maybe a non-kiss. 257 00:13:41,000 --> 00:13:44,040 [Carrie] There was nothing "non" about it. 258 00:13:46,208 --> 00:13:48,538 A week and three non-dates later, 259 00:13:48,625 --> 00:13:50,915 Samantha summoned us to make an announcement. 260 00:13:51,000 --> 00:13:52,380 You've got to be kidding. 261 00:13:52,458 --> 00:13:56,378 It's sitting in a fat repository in Queens as we speak. 262 00:13:56,458 --> 00:13:58,628 And in three days it will be in my face 263 00:13:58,709 --> 00:14:00,539 and I will look fabulous. 264 00:14:00,625 --> 00:14:03,415 I can't believe this. We spend our lives trying to hide the fat in our ass, 265 00:14:03,500 --> 00:14:05,540 and you're gonna put it right out there on your face? 266 00:14:05,625 --> 00:14:09,415 I just have to wear this girdle for a week to keep my skin tight. 267 00:14:10,166 --> 00:14:11,126 -Oh! -Yikes. 268 00:14:11,208 --> 00:14:13,748 Wow, look at that, huh. 269 00:14:15,834 --> 00:14:17,674 Well, that's a girdle with a hole. 270 00:14:17,750 --> 00:14:21,330 Well, of course it has a hole, it's for peeing, etcetera. 271 00:14:21,417 --> 00:14:22,827 Etcetera? 272 00:14:22,917 --> 00:14:24,917 [Samantha] Last night I slept with a Calvin Klein model. 273 00:14:25,000 --> 00:14:26,460 I've never felt sexier. 274 00:14:26,542 --> 00:14:29,002 I think the fat's already gone to your head. 275 00:14:29,083 --> 00:14:30,503 Could you please put your skirt down? 276 00:14:30,583 --> 00:14:31,793 -[Samantha] Oh, right. -God. 277 00:14:31,875 --> 00:14:33,705 Whatever happened to aging gracefully? 278 00:14:33,792 --> 00:14:35,002 It got old. 279 00:14:35,083 --> 00:14:36,543 I got to go, I'm meeting Mitch at my apartment. 280 00:14:36,625 --> 00:14:38,375 Ooh, so how is he? 281 00:14:38,458 --> 00:14:40,208 He is amazing. 282 00:14:40,291 --> 00:14:43,831 He makes me so happy. I think we have a real chance at a future together. 283 00:14:43,917 --> 00:14:44,917 You and Mr. Pussy. 284 00:14:45,000 --> 00:14:46,290 His name is Mitchell. 285 00:14:46,375 --> 00:14:47,455 Hang on, honey. 286 00:14:47,542 --> 00:14:49,382 You don't fall in love with Mr. Pussy. 287 00:14:49,458 --> 00:14:51,578 You enjoy him and then set him free. 288 00:14:51,667 --> 00:14:54,997 [Carrie] To Samantha, Charlotte had committed the ultimate sin. 289 00:14:55,083 --> 00:14:57,083 She was bogarting Mr. Pussy. 290 00:14:57,166 --> 00:14:58,536 He's a freak! 291 00:14:58,625 --> 00:15:00,535 Aside from technique what do you even know about the guy? 292 00:15:00,625 --> 00:15:02,535 -Do you even talk? -Do you even fuck? 293 00:15:02,625 --> 00:15:04,245 -Stop it. -[Carrie] Sweetie, Miranda has a point. 294 00:15:04,333 --> 00:15:07,083 I mean, have you guys had dinner together, 295 00:15:07,166 --> 00:15:08,746 have you seen a play, anything? 296 00:15:08,834 --> 00:15:11,464 No, but we could. 297 00:15:11,667 --> 00:15:13,997 You know what? I think you've fallen into the sex haze. 298 00:15:14,083 --> 00:15:15,793 You know, where the sex is really great 299 00:15:15,875 --> 00:15:18,575 and then you start acting like a crazy person. 300 00:15:18,667 --> 00:15:21,207 Then you start to imagine the relationship is something it's not. 301 00:15:21,291 --> 00:15:22,791 Charlotte's not having a relationship. 302 00:15:22,875 --> 00:15:25,375 She's having multiple orgasms. 303 00:15:27,625 --> 00:15:29,535 He makes me happy. 304 00:15:29,625 --> 00:15:31,125 [Carrie] Hoping to prove Miranda wrong, 305 00:15:31,208 --> 00:15:33,958 I had convinced her to come out on a double non-date 306 00:15:34,041 --> 00:15:35,631 with Ben's friend Luke. 307 00:15:35,709 --> 00:15:37,919 Things were actually going remarkably well. 308 00:15:38,000 --> 00:15:39,290 Favorite ice cream. 309 00:15:39,375 --> 00:15:40,495 Strawberry. 310 00:15:40,583 --> 00:15:41,833 Oh, I see, you're boring. 311 00:15:41,917 --> 00:15:44,417 [chuckles] I like to see it as traditional. 312 00:15:44,500 --> 00:15:46,420 Traditional? Traditional can be good. 313 00:15:46,500 --> 00:15:49,130 [Carrie] Nothing makes you feel like more of a non-couple 314 00:15:49,208 --> 00:15:50,878 than creating another non-couple. 315 00:15:50,959 --> 00:15:53,879 Unfortunately, our smugness was a little premature. 316 00:15:53,959 --> 00:15:56,749 So, what are you doing this weekend? 317 00:15:56,834 --> 00:15:57,964 Uh, big plans. 318 00:15:58,041 --> 00:16:00,381 I'm gonna go see my granddad in Connecticut. 319 00:16:00,667 --> 00:16:02,917 Uchh... Connecticut? 320 00:16:03,625 --> 00:16:04,955 What's wrong with Connecticut? 321 00:16:05,041 --> 00:16:06,711 I hate the country. 322 00:16:06,792 --> 00:16:09,172 I haven't left Manhattan in ten years. 323 00:16:09,917 --> 00:16:11,537 And you're proud of that? 324 00:16:11,625 --> 00:16:13,495 Everything you want is right here. 325 00:16:13,750 --> 00:16:16,830 Culture, food, the park. 326 00:16:16,917 --> 00:16:18,917 Cabs at three a.m., why leave? 327 00:16:19,000 --> 00:16:21,920 Perhaps to experience a world outside Manhattan. 328 00:16:22,000 --> 00:16:24,920 There is no world outside Manhattan. 329 00:16:25,000 --> 00:16:29,080 [Carrie] I had unwittingly set Miranda up on a date with "Manhattan Guy," 330 00:16:29,166 --> 00:16:32,376 a genetically mutant strain of single man that fed on Zabar's 331 00:16:32,458 --> 00:16:35,248 and midnight shows at the Angelika. 332 00:16:36,375 --> 00:16:37,825 No, thanks. 333 00:16:37,917 --> 00:16:39,707 I like the city. 334 00:16:41,000 --> 00:16:43,210 I also happen to like the country. 335 00:16:43,625 --> 00:16:45,535 This does not make me a freak. 336 00:16:46,250 --> 00:16:48,290 You're obviously not from here. 337 00:16:52,250 --> 00:16:53,790 I have to go feed my cat. 338 00:16:53,875 --> 00:16:55,665 [Carrie] Miranda had invoked our code phrase. 339 00:16:55,750 --> 00:16:58,210 Honed over years of bad parties, awful dates, 340 00:16:58,291 --> 00:16:59,961 and phone calls that wouldn't end. 341 00:17:00,041 --> 00:17:02,251 Unfortunately, I wasn't ready to accept defeat. 342 00:17:02,333 --> 00:17:04,583 I thought you already fed your cat. 343 00:17:05,750 --> 00:17:07,750 I have to feed it again. 344 00:17:09,834 --> 00:17:12,294 Cat people are freaks. 345 00:17:14,125 --> 00:17:15,995 -Where are you going? -Home. 346 00:17:16,083 --> 00:17:18,583 The man has not left Manhattan in a decade, Carrie. 347 00:17:18,667 --> 00:17:19,707 He's obviously a freak. 348 00:17:19,792 --> 00:17:21,712 And by the way, if Luke's a freak, 349 00:17:21,792 --> 00:17:23,332 Ben is bound to be a freak too. 350 00:17:23,417 --> 00:17:24,707 You can tell everything about a person 351 00:17:24,792 --> 00:17:26,752 by who their friends are. 352 00:17:28,000 --> 00:17:30,330 God, I hope not. 353 00:17:41,458 --> 00:17:44,288 [Carrie] That night I couldn't get Miranda's freaky comment 354 00:17:44,375 --> 00:17:46,125 out of my head. 355 00:17:50,583 --> 00:17:52,083 So... 356 00:17:53,834 --> 00:17:56,214 Is there anything weird about you I should know 357 00:17:56,291 --> 00:17:59,131 before this gets any more compromising? 358 00:18:01,333 --> 00:18:03,963 Well, now that you mention it, there is. 359 00:18:15,333 --> 00:18:16,503 Oh... 360 00:18:17,834 --> 00:18:19,674 It's adorable. 361 00:18:20,000 --> 00:18:24,210 Yeah, it's a souvenir from a drunken bachelor party a few years ago. 362 00:18:24,291 --> 00:18:25,751 Yeah, my friend's marriage didn't last, 363 00:18:25,834 --> 00:18:27,834 -but Tweety Bird did. -Mmm. 364 00:18:31,375 --> 00:18:32,875 So what about you? 365 00:18:32,959 --> 00:18:34,749 You're probably perfect, huh? 366 00:18:34,834 --> 00:18:36,674 No. 367 00:18:40,250 --> 00:18:42,420 Three stitches. 368 00:18:42,500 --> 00:18:46,790 I got into a fight with a third grade bully. 369 00:18:49,709 --> 00:18:51,829 You're scrappy. 370 00:18:52,417 --> 00:18:54,377 I like scrappy. 371 00:18:56,125 --> 00:18:59,785 [Carrie] And then the amazing tattooed man made love to me. 372 00:18:59,875 --> 00:19:02,415 And it didn't feel weird at all. 373 00:19:05,208 --> 00:19:07,498 While Miranda was busy feeding her pussy, 374 00:19:07,583 --> 00:19:09,633 Charlotte was trying to do everything but. 375 00:19:09,709 --> 00:19:11,959 Did you ever go to summer camp? 376 00:19:12,041 --> 00:19:14,631 [Carrie] There, over the exotic fruit plate, 377 00:19:14,709 --> 00:19:17,629 Charlotte tried to make a relationship happen. 378 00:19:17,709 --> 00:19:19,039 I loved camp. 379 00:19:19,125 --> 00:19:22,035 I went to this place in Maine called Minihaha. 380 00:19:22,125 --> 00:19:24,285 We used to play these big games of color war. 381 00:19:24,375 --> 00:19:26,125 I was always a red. 382 00:19:26,208 --> 00:19:27,998 It was so much fun. 383 00:19:28,083 --> 00:19:29,333 And then they made us stop 384 00:19:29,417 --> 00:19:32,127 because they said that it glorified warfare. 385 00:19:36,291 --> 00:19:38,251 You're awfully quiet tonight. 386 00:19:38,333 --> 00:19:40,293 What are you thinking about? 387 00:19:44,667 --> 00:19:47,207 [Carrie] Charlotte realized Miranda was right. 388 00:19:47,291 --> 00:19:49,751 She had stayed too long at the fair. 389 00:19:50,959 --> 00:19:52,379 From that moment on, 390 00:19:52,458 --> 00:19:54,328 Charlotte couldn't be in the same room with a fig. 391 00:19:54,417 --> 00:19:58,287 Some people might call that a little odd. 392 00:19:58,375 --> 00:20:01,955 Meanwhile, Samantha was about to get her own special showing. 393 00:20:02,041 --> 00:20:03,171 Voila. 394 00:20:03,250 --> 00:20:06,380 [Samantha] I love it, what else can you do? 395 00:20:06,458 --> 00:20:09,538 [Carrie] To Samantha, surgery was like being at Barney's. 396 00:20:09,625 --> 00:20:12,035 Once you're in the door, you might as well shop. 397 00:20:12,125 --> 00:20:14,665 We can always lift a little here. 398 00:20:14,750 --> 00:20:17,290 Take care of these lines. 399 00:20:17,375 --> 00:20:19,325 Here... 400 00:20:19,625 --> 00:20:23,825 In five years we can augment the breasts, 401 00:20:24,458 --> 00:20:27,828 pick them up a little, in ten years, a tummy tuck. 402 00:20:28,208 --> 00:20:30,538 Uh-huh... Oh, lipo. 403 00:20:30,625 --> 00:20:34,705 Yeah, yeah. The hip and the thigh area. 404 00:20:34,792 --> 00:20:36,832 [knocking] 405 00:20:36,917 --> 00:20:40,247 Doctor, you're-- you're needed on the phone. 406 00:20:40,625 --> 00:20:42,245 Knee lift. 407 00:20:55,000 --> 00:20:58,710 [Carrie] Samantha felt like she had walked into a fun house. 408 00:20:58,792 --> 00:21:01,382 Only it wasn't particularly funny. 409 00:21:02,667 --> 00:21:05,667 [crying] 410 00:21:19,667 --> 00:21:21,917 I'm late for my soccer game. 411 00:21:22,000 --> 00:21:23,500 Stay here. 412 00:21:23,583 --> 00:21:25,793 I'll be back in two hours. 413 00:21:28,375 --> 00:21:29,745 [Carrie] It had happened. 414 00:21:29,834 --> 00:21:33,294 We had done it and now I really liked him. 415 00:21:33,375 --> 00:21:38,455 I was deep into the sex haze, and completely freaked out. 416 00:21:38,542 --> 00:21:41,632 There had to be something sick and off about him. 417 00:21:41,709 --> 00:21:43,419 If the rest of the species had devolved, 418 00:21:43,500 --> 00:21:45,960 Ben would have to be a freak to survive. 419 00:21:46,041 --> 00:21:47,921 I had to find out what was wrong 420 00:21:48,000 --> 00:21:50,130 before I wasted the next six months. 421 00:21:50,208 --> 00:21:52,288 It started innocently enough. 422 00:21:52,375 --> 00:21:54,875 I just wanted to see what the guy ate... 423 00:21:55,583 --> 00:21:57,333 Listened to... 424 00:21:58,333 --> 00:21:59,883 Dated. 425 00:21:59,959 --> 00:22:02,079 Then it took on a life of its own. 426 00:22:02,166 --> 00:22:04,286 Somewhere in this hip, normal looking apartment, 427 00:22:04,375 --> 00:22:06,785 was the clue to Ben's inner freakiness. 428 00:22:06,875 --> 00:22:09,535 And I wasn't gonna rest until I found it. 429 00:22:26,875 --> 00:22:29,075 There it was, taunting me. 430 00:22:29,166 --> 00:22:31,286 Ben's secret box of freakdom. 431 00:22:31,375 --> 00:22:33,535 Home of elicit photos, love letters, 432 00:22:33,625 --> 00:22:36,125 maybe an old marriage license. 433 00:22:45,417 --> 00:22:47,417 -[Ben] Carrie. -Oh! 434 00:22:53,250 --> 00:22:55,420 What the hell are you doing? 435 00:22:58,792 --> 00:23:00,462 I don't know. 436 00:23:01,625 --> 00:23:03,665 I can't explain it. I... 437 00:23:05,166 --> 00:23:07,126 I guess I was... 438 00:23:08,083 --> 00:23:09,963 Looking for something. 439 00:23:10,959 --> 00:23:12,459 Something? 440 00:23:13,625 --> 00:23:16,915 Something... freaky. 441 00:23:32,458 --> 00:23:34,788 It's my cub scout badge collection. 442 00:23:38,208 --> 00:23:40,958 I was gonna skip the game to be with you. 443 00:23:41,709 --> 00:23:44,379 I thought you were actually a normal one. 444 00:23:44,875 --> 00:23:46,495 I was. 445 00:23:51,000 --> 00:23:53,130 I'm gonna go. 446 00:23:53,667 --> 00:23:55,327 Good idea. 447 00:24:04,959 --> 00:24:08,579 [Carrie] That was the day I came face to face with my freak. 448 00:24:08,667 --> 00:24:12,207 The frightening woman whose fear ate her sanity. 449 00:24:16,500 --> 00:24:18,670 The truth is, it isn't just the men. 450 00:24:18,750 --> 00:24:20,130 It's all of us. 451 00:24:20,208 --> 00:24:21,828 Anyone who's single in Manhattan 452 00:24:21,917 --> 00:24:25,747 gets a little freaked out from time to time. 453 00:24:25,834 --> 00:24:28,674 But we keep trying, because you have to figure, 454 00:24:28,750 --> 00:24:31,170 if the world's fattest twins can find love 455 00:24:31,250 --> 00:24:33,040 there's hope for all of us. 456 00:24:33,125 --> 00:24:35,035 Somewhere out there 457 00:24:35,125 --> 00:24:38,705 is another little freak who will love us, understand us, 458 00:24:38,792 --> 00:24:42,132 and kiss our three heads and make it all better. 459 00:24:42,208 --> 00:24:44,078 And in the meantime, 460 00:24:44,166 --> 00:24:46,746 we always have Manhattan.