1 00:00:58,458 --> 00:00:59,625 One of the best things 2 00:00:59,709 --> 00:01:01,834 about living in a city like New York 3 00:01:02,709 --> 00:01:04,333 is leaving it. 4 00:01:07,667 --> 00:01:09,333 My friend, Patience and her husband 5 00:01:09,417 --> 00:01:12,083 invited me out to the Hamptons for the weekend. 6 00:01:13,542 --> 00:01:16,083 Patience and Peter were the perfect married couple. 7 00:01:16,166 --> 00:01:17,750 They were fun, smart, 8 00:01:17,834 --> 00:01:20,000 and they looked like they fell out of a J.Crew catalog. 9 00:01:20,083 --> 00:01:22,291 If their house wasn't right on the beach, 10 00:01:22,375 --> 00:01:24,417 I would have hated them. 11 00:01:24,500 --> 00:01:27,959 So he gets in the cab and he slides up next to me. 12 00:01:31,500 --> 00:01:32,667 Yes? 13 00:01:33,542 --> 00:01:35,208 -And it is hot. 14 00:01:35,291 --> 00:01:38,083 It is hot all the way from Houston and West Broadway 15 00:01:38,166 --> 00:01:39,542 to 72nd and Madison. 16 00:01:39,625 --> 00:01:41,917 Hampton houseguests are always required 17 00:01:42,000 --> 00:01:43,250 to sing for their supper. 18 00:01:43,333 --> 00:01:45,959 Brokers give investment advice, 19 00:01:46,041 --> 00:01:47,583 architects, design advice, 20 00:01:47,667 --> 00:01:50,083 single people give married friends 21 00:01:50,166 --> 00:01:52,542 tidbits from their sexual escapades. 22 00:01:54,000 --> 00:01:57,458 The next morning I woke up feeling rested and fabulous. 23 00:01:57,542 --> 00:01:58,750 I couldn't wait to go out 24 00:01:58,834 --> 00:02:00,667 and take in the spectacular view. 25 00:02:02,083 --> 00:02:03,208 Morning. 26 00:02:04,583 --> 00:02:07,291 Patience went out to get juice and muffins. 27 00:02:07,375 --> 00:02:08,875 She'll be right back. 28 00:02:08,959 --> 00:02:12,834 There he was, full frontal... 29 00:02:12,917 --> 00:02:14,375 friend. 30 00:02:14,458 --> 00:02:15,375 Good! 31 00:02:15,458 --> 00:02:17,583 He just stood there, casual, 32 00:02:17,667 --> 00:02:19,166 happy, hanging out. 33 00:02:19,250 --> 00:02:20,917 I didn't know what to do, what to say. 34 00:02:21,000 --> 00:02:21,792 Great. 35 00:02:21,875 --> 00:02:23,000 I only knew one thing, 36 00:02:23,083 --> 00:02:26,125 that's way too much Peter before coffee. 37 00:02:26,208 --> 00:02:28,375 -Good morning. -Hey. 38 00:02:28,458 --> 00:02:30,166 I've got some fresh juice 39 00:02:30,250 --> 00:02:32,083 and the good muffins. 40 00:02:33,500 --> 00:02:35,917 So what's happening? 41 00:02:36,000 --> 00:02:40,458 Oh, well, um, I ran into Peter in the hallway, 42 00:02:40,542 --> 00:02:42,542 without his underwear on. 43 00:02:44,041 --> 00:02:46,542 P.S. Congratulations. 44 00:02:48,250 --> 00:02:49,375 Sunny day. 45 00:02:49,458 --> 00:02:52,500 Honey, did Carrie see your dick in the hall? 46 00:02:52,583 --> 00:02:55,333 Oh, yeah, she caught me on the way to the bathroom. 47 00:02:55,417 --> 00:02:57,750 Oh, on the way to the bathroom. 48 00:02:57,834 --> 00:03:00,959 Oh, yeah! The good muffins. 49 00:03:04,208 --> 00:03:07,333 So, um, what are we doing today? 50 00:03:07,417 --> 00:03:10,500 I barely had time to shove a "good muffin" in my purse 51 00:03:10,583 --> 00:03:12,333 before I was on my way back to New York. 52 00:03:12,417 --> 00:03:13,709 I'm confused. Why would he do that? 53 00:03:13,792 --> 00:03:15,083 Did he want to have sex with you? 54 00:03:15,166 --> 00:03:17,166 I don't know. It didn't feel sexual. 55 00:03:17,250 --> 00:03:19,959 Maybe he just wanted to show it off, like a monkey. 56 00:03:21,083 --> 00:03:23,333 So how big was it? 57 00:03:23,417 --> 00:03:25,291 Fresh pepper? 58 00:03:26,333 --> 00:03:28,875 Yes, please. Thank you very much. 59 00:03:29,917 --> 00:03:30,917 That'll do. 60 00:03:31,000 --> 00:03:32,333 Would you like some fresh pepper? 61 00:03:32,417 --> 00:03:34,875 Oh, honey, I'd love some fresh pepper. 62 00:03:34,959 --> 00:03:36,959 In fact, I think everyone at this table 63 00:03:37,041 --> 00:03:39,125 could use a lot of fresh pepper. 64 00:03:42,250 --> 00:03:43,792 Thanks. 65 00:03:46,083 --> 00:03:48,500 Mmm, so I told her I didn't understand 66 00:03:48,583 --> 00:03:49,542 why she was so upset. 67 00:03:49,625 --> 00:03:51,500 She said I couldn't understand it, 68 00:03:51,583 --> 00:03:53,542 -I'm single. -And what? 69 00:03:53,625 --> 00:03:55,417 Single women prowl beach houses 70 00:03:55,500 --> 00:03:58,458 hoping for glimpses of their friends' husbands' dicks? 71 00:03:58,542 --> 00:03:59,750 How good of a friend was she? 72 00:03:59,834 --> 00:04:01,291 What's the difference? 73 00:04:01,375 --> 00:04:03,208 When someone gets married, all bets are off. 74 00:04:03,291 --> 00:04:05,542 They become married, and we become the enemy. 75 00:04:05,625 --> 00:04:07,917 As the only single lawyer working at her law firm, 76 00:04:08,000 --> 00:04:09,875 Miranda had given this topic some thought. 77 00:04:09,959 --> 00:04:11,875 You know, married women are threatened 78 00:04:11,959 --> 00:04:15,208 because we can have sex anytime, anywhere, with anyone. 79 00:04:15,291 --> 00:04:16,417 We can? 80 00:04:16,500 --> 00:04:18,250 And they're afraid we're gonna have it 81 00:04:18,333 --> 00:04:20,333 anytime, anywhere, with their husbands. 82 00:04:20,417 --> 00:04:22,125 I would never sleep with a married man. 83 00:04:22,208 --> 00:04:23,542 What makes you so sure you haven't? 84 00:04:23,625 --> 00:04:25,000 Wedding rings come off, you know. 85 00:04:25,083 --> 00:04:29,208 Face it, ladies, if you're still single, you are not to be trusted. 86 00:04:29,291 --> 00:04:31,750 Come on, not all married women feel that way. 87 00:04:31,834 --> 00:04:33,834 Charlotte treated marriage like a sorority 88 00:04:33,917 --> 00:04:35,750 she was desperately hoping to pledge. 89 00:04:35,834 --> 00:04:37,625 You're right, not all. 90 00:04:37,709 --> 00:04:39,917 The ones who don't fear you, pity you. 91 00:04:40,000 --> 00:04:41,750 That's not true. 92 00:04:41,834 --> 00:04:43,291 Are you telling me you haven't gotten those 93 00:04:43,375 --> 00:04:45,000 "poor single you" looks? 94 00:04:45,083 --> 00:04:46,208 I hate those. 95 00:04:46,291 --> 00:04:47,542 Okay, yes, I have. 96 00:04:47,625 --> 00:04:50,667 I hate when you're the only single person at a dinner party 97 00:04:50,750 --> 00:04:52,000 and they all look at you like you're a-- 98 00:04:52,083 --> 00:04:53,250 -loser? -Leper. 99 00:04:53,333 --> 00:04:55,208 -Whore. -Exactly. 100 00:04:55,291 --> 00:04:58,000 I'm telling you, married people are the enemy! 101 00:04:58,083 --> 00:05:00,125 Was Miranda right? 102 00:05:00,208 --> 00:05:02,000 Were we enemies? 103 00:05:02,083 --> 00:05:05,375 Is there a secret cold war between marrieds and singles? 104 00:05:06,917 --> 00:05:08,417 I love my single friends, 105 00:05:08,500 --> 00:05:09,625 but now that I'm married, 106 00:05:09,709 --> 00:05:12,083 I don't see them as much as I used to. 107 00:05:12,166 --> 00:05:13,959 It's too painful. 108 00:05:14,041 --> 00:05:17,333 They remind me of how desperate I used to be. 109 00:05:17,417 --> 00:05:20,208 When women get married, they forget who they are. 110 00:05:20,291 --> 00:05:21,834 "I" becomes "we". 111 00:05:21,917 --> 00:05:23,500 "We loved the movie." 112 00:05:23,583 --> 00:05:25,125 "We hate that restaurant." 113 00:05:25,208 --> 00:05:26,834 We, we, we, we, we. 114 00:05:26,917 --> 00:05:29,750 My best buddy and I did everything together. 115 00:05:29,834 --> 00:05:32,458 Then he married this girl who doesn't like me. 116 00:05:32,542 --> 00:05:35,000 Now I only see him on Super Bowl Sunday. 117 00:05:35,083 --> 00:05:36,917 It's all about what you want out of life. 118 00:05:37,000 --> 00:05:39,291 Some people, like me, choose to grow up, 119 00:05:39,375 --> 00:05:41,583 face reality, and get married. 120 00:05:41,667 --> 00:05:44,000 And others choose to, what? 121 00:05:44,083 --> 00:05:48,333 Live an empty, haunted life of stunted adolescence. 122 00:05:48,417 --> 00:05:50,250 No, it's not a cold war. 123 00:05:50,333 --> 00:05:51,709 It's an out and out battle. 124 00:05:51,792 --> 00:05:53,834 And it isn't just straight people. 125 00:05:53,917 --> 00:05:56,750 Every gay guy I know is running off to Hawaii, 126 00:05:56,834 --> 00:05:59,083 putting on a caftan, reciting vows, 127 00:05:59,166 --> 00:06:01,041 and feeling superior to me. 128 00:06:01,125 --> 00:06:01,917 Caftans? 129 00:06:02,000 --> 00:06:04,083 Oh, yes, with orchid leis. 130 00:06:04,166 --> 00:06:06,166 Aloha. 131 00:06:06,250 --> 00:06:08,542 I miss the old times when everyone was alone. 132 00:06:08,625 --> 00:06:10,333 Now, I'm just starting to feel like 133 00:06:10,417 --> 00:06:13,083 -I'm an outcast in the outcasts. Carrie? 134 00:06:13,750 --> 00:06:16,333 Oh, my God! Joe! 135 00:06:16,417 --> 00:06:17,583 Hi! Wow! 136 00:06:17,667 --> 00:06:19,125 Jeez, it's been years. 137 00:06:19,208 --> 00:06:21,500 I haven't seen you since you were, um... 138 00:06:21,583 --> 00:06:22,542 Straight? 139 00:06:22,625 --> 00:06:24,875 Well, I was gonna say in Miss Saigon . 140 00:06:24,959 --> 00:06:25,875 Oh. Still am. 141 00:06:25,959 --> 00:06:27,542 I love Miss Saigon . 142 00:06:27,625 --> 00:06:29,834 Oh, this is, um, this is my friend, Stanford. 143 00:06:29,917 --> 00:06:33,083 Hi. And this is my life partner, Lou. 144 00:06:33,166 --> 00:06:35,291 Oh, wow. Look at that. 145 00:06:35,375 --> 00:06:37,375 Congratulations. 146 00:06:37,458 --> 00:06:39,291 -Where are you registered? -Barney's. 147 00:06:39,375 --> 00:06:41,750 I was kidding. 148 00:06:41,834 --> 00:06:44,333 So Carrie, how about you? Are you married? 149 00:06:44,417 --> 00:06:46,375 Oh, not really. I mean, no! 150 00:06:46,458 --> 00:06:48,333 Are you thinking what I'm thinking? 151 00:06:49,458 --> 00:06:52,333 -Perfect! -What? 152 00:06:52,417 --> 00:06:55,333 Well, Lou and I are interested in having a child. 153 00:06:55,417 --> 00:06:58,542 We already have a surrogate, but we need a top-notch egg. 154 00:06:58,625 --> 00:07:03,250 What are your feelings about donating one? 155 00:07:03,333 --> 00:07:06,417 Well, listen, here's our card. 156 00:07:06,500 --> 00:07:08,542 You think about it and give us a call. 157 00:07:08,625 --> 00:07:10,000 -We'll pay. -Yeah. 158 00:07:10,083 --> 00:07:11,542 Great seeing you. 159 00:07:13,333 --> 00:07:15,500 I had just experienced single bashing 160 00:07:15,583 --> 00:07:16,875 for the new millennium. 161 00:07:16,959 --> 00:07:19,583 I was no longer even considered a person. 162 00:07:19,667 --> 00:07:21,917 I was now an egg farm. 163 00:07:22,000 --> 00:07:23,792 Meanwhile, in a park downtown, 164 00:07:23,875 --> 00:07:26,709 another single woman was about to be humiliated. 165 00:07:26,792 --> 00:07:27,917 Miranda was obliged 166 00:07:28,000 --> 00:07:30,667 to attend her firm's annual softball game. 167 00:07:30,750 --> 00:07:32,959 A law firm softball game is like any other, 168 00:07:33,041 --> 00:07:36,041 except when a lawyer steals a base, he gets promoted. 169 00:07:36,125 --> 00:07:39,041 Miranda. I was afraid you wouldn't come. 170 00:07:39,125 --> 00:07:42,458 All right, let's get it over with. 171 00:07:42,542 --> 00:07:45,417 Panicked at the idea of spending another firm function 172 00:07:45,500 --> 00:07:46,709 labeled as a leper, 173 00:07:46,792 --> 00:07:50,125 Miranda had agreed to be fixed up on a blind date. 174 00:07:50,208 --> 00:07:51,959 Miranda, this is Syd. 175 00:07:52,041 --> 00:07:53,208 Syd, Miranda. 176 00:07:54,625 --> 00:07:56,917 Look at you two. It's like the perfect match. 177 00:07:58,458 --> 00:08:00,583 Well, I'm gonna excuse myself. 178 00:08:03,709 --> 00:08:05,083 -Nice to meet you. -You too. 179 00:08:05,166 --> 00:08:07,625 I tell you what, I'm gonna get a soda. 180 00:08:07,709 --> 00:08:08,959 -You want a soda? -Yeah. 181 00:08:09,041 --> 00:08:11,375 I'm gonna get us a soda. Okay. 182 00:08:12,875 --> 00:08:13,834 Jeff! 183 00:08:13,917 --> 00:08:16,875 Pretty great, huh? Can I pick 'em or what? 184 00:08:16,959 --> 00:08:18,208 Yeah, I'm not gay. 185 00:08:18,792 --> 00:08:19,750 Seriously? 186 00:08:19,834 --> 00:08:21,834 I've been with the firm eight months, 187 00:08:21,917 --> 00:08:23,542 I haven't once seen you with a guy. 188 00:08:23,625 --> 00:08:25,834 Circumstantial, Jeff. I'm single. 189 00:08:25,917 --> 00:08:29,125 Christ, when did being single translate into being gay? 190 00:08:29,208 --> 00:08:30,917 Shit. 191 00:08:31,000 --> 00:08:34,166 Uh, do you want me to go over there and... 192 00:08:34,250 --> 00:08:35,875 No, I'll do it. 193 00:08:38,542 --> 00:08:42,250 Brave Miranda marched right over and told Syd she wasn't. 194 00:08:42,333 --> 00:08:43,333 They had a good laugh 195 00:08:43,417 --> 00:08:45,375 and decided to stay and play ball. 196 00:08:56,375 --> 00:08:58,500 Miranda and Syd's last inning double play 197 00:08:58,583 --> 00:09:00,083 got the attention of everyone, 198 00:09:00,166 --> 00:09:01,834 even the firm's senior partner. 199 00:09:01,917 --> 00:09:03,375 That was quite a play, ladies. 200 00:09:03,458 --> 00:09:05,458 It's all about teamwork, Charles. 201 00:09:05,542 --> 00:09:08,041 -Uh, Chip. -Chip. 202 00:09:08,125 --> 00:09:12,083 Listen, my wife and I are having a little dinner party on the 12th, 203 00:09:12,166 --> 00:09:14,166 just some couples, nothing fancy. 204 00:09:14,250 --> 00:09:16,542 We'd love it if you both could make it. 205 00:09:16,625 --> 00:09:17,750 We'd love to. 206 00:09:22,166 --> 00:09:25,709 Later that night, Miranda gave me the lowdown on her day. 207 00:09:25,792 --> 00:09:28,083 So you think it's just because they think 208 00:09:28,166 --> 00:09:29,291 that you're in a couple? 209 00:09:29,375 --> 00:09:30,333 I know it. 210 00:09:30,417 --> 00:09:31,792 I've been with the firm for two years. 211 00:09:31,875 --> 00:09:33,041 He's barely even spoken to me. 212 00:09:33,125 --> 00:09:34,750 All of a sudden, it's "Chip." 213 00:09:34,834 --> 00:09:36,458 A lawyer named Chip, gotta love that. 214 00:09:36,542 --> 00:09:39,625 And he seemed so relieved to have finally figured me out. 215 00:09:39,709 --> 00:09:42,208 So you're actually gonna go through with the dinner? 216 00:09:42,291 --> 00:09:43,333 Yup. 217 00:09:43,417 --> 00:09:45,041 I'm determined to make partner in this firm 218 00:09:45,125 --> 00:09:47,375 even if I have to be a lesbian partner. 219 00:09:47,458 --> 00:09:49,750 After Miranda left, I had a thought. 220 00:09:49,834 --> 00:09:52,041 Maybe the cold war isn't about hate. 221 00:09:52,125 --> 00:09:56,250 Maybe it's about fear, fear of the unknown. 222 00:09:56,333 --> 00:09:58,709 Married people don't hate singles. 223 00:09:58,792 --> 00:10:02,083 They just want us "figured out." 224 00:10:02,166 --> 00:10:04,875 I felt it was time to stop all this speculation 225 00:10:04,959 --> 00:10:06,583 and infiltrate the enemy camp. 226 00:10:06,667 --> 00:10:10,542 Lunch with my favorite couple, David and Lisa. 227 00:10:10,625 --> 00:10:14,125 Well, I don't think of us as married so much as together. 228 00:10:14,208 --> 00:10:15,792 -Wait, are we married? -Uh, yeah. 229 00:10:15,875 --> 00:10:17,375 Remember that day you wore the white dress 230 00:10:17,458 --> 00:10:18,834 and we got all the flatware? 231 00:10:18,917 --> 00:10:20,500 Oh, yeah. 232 00:10:20,583 --> 00:10:21,917 I guess I should stop seeing other men. 233 00:10:22,000 --> 00:10:22,917 Hey. 234 00:10:23,000 --> 00:10:25,250 What about you? You like being single? 235 00:10:25,333 --> 00:10:27,709 Yeah. Most of the time, yeah. 236 00:10:27,792 --> 00:10:30,417 And then there are the other times, you know, like um, 237 00:10:30,500 --> 00:10:31,542 like family functions 238 00:10:31,625 --> 00:10:33,041 when you're the only one that's not married 239 00:10:33,125 --> 00:10:34,542 and they sit you at the kid's table. 240 00:10:34,625 --> 00:10:39,875 Or, um, or when you two eat off the same fork, I just... 241 00:10:39,959 --> 00:10:41,875 Oh, man, that's so sweet. 242 00:10:41,959 --> 00:10:43,750 Don't start crying. 243 00:10:43,834 --> 00:10:45,041 He's such a pussy. 244 00:10:45,125 --> 00:10:47,875 But you do want to get married someday, right? 245 00:10:47,959 --> 00:10:49,625 I don't know. 246 00:10:49,709 --> 00:10:52,333 I'm beginning to think I may not be the marrying kind. 247 00:10:52,417 --> 00:10:53,333 Really? 248 00:10:53,417 --> 00:10:54,458 No sooner had the words 249 00:10:54,542 --> 00:10:55,625 come out of my mouth 250 00:10:55,709 --> 00:10:57,125 then I wondered if they were true. 251 00:10:57,208 --> 00:10:58,333 Hey! 252 00:10:58,417 --> 00:10:59,500 -Hey, Sean! -Hey! 253 00:10:59,583 --> 00:11:01,291 What a surprise. 254 00:11:01,375 --> 00:11:03,625 -This is our friend, Carrie. -Hi. 255 00:11:03,709 --> 00:11:04,875 We're just about to have dessert. 256 00:11:04,959 --> 00:11:08,000 -Do you want to join us? Uh, sure, sure. 257 00:11:08,083 --> 00:11:10,000 This is such a surprise. 258 00:11:10,083 --> 00:11:11,291 How are you? I'm good. 259 00:11:11,375 --> 00:11:12,500 Another time I hate being single 260 00:11:12,583 --> 00:11:17,000 is when married friends "surprise" fix you up. 261 00:11:17,083 --> 00:11:19,000 Two espressos and a tiramisu later, 262 00:11:19,083 --> 00:11:21,834 I had learned that Sean was the youngest of three brothers, 263 00:11:21,917 --> 00:11:23,417 had his own investment firm 264 00:11:23,500 --> 00:11:25,583 and was about to move into an apartment 265 00:11:25,667 --> 00:11:26,750 he had just purchased. 266 00:11:26,834 --> 00:11:28,417 You know this was a fix-up, right? 267 00:11:28,500 --> 00:11:31,583 Oh, please, I could smell it before you walked in the door. 268 00:11:31,667 --> 00:11:34,083 My parents met on a fix-up, 269 00:11:34,166 --> 00:11:37,083 and they will be married 41 years next month. 270 00:11:37,166 --> 00:11:39,166 Wow, that's great. 271 00:11:39,250 --> 00:11:40,417 It was then I realized, 272 00:11:40,500 --> 00:11:42,583 I was having coffee with the marrying guy. 273 00:11:42,667 --> 00:11:44,333 That elusive and rare Manhattan man 274 00:11:44,417 --> 00:11:46,000 whose sights were set on marriage. 275 00:11:46,083 --> 00:11:47,125 So, Carrie... 276 00:11:48,333 --> 00:11:49,917 can I see you again? 277 00:11:51,041 --> 00:11:52,125 Sure. 278 00:11:56,625 --> 00:12:00,333 Over the next week and a half, I met Sean for a movie... 279 00:12:02,083 --> 00:12:03,834 I met him for another movie. 280 00:12:06,834 --> 00:12:09,500 And I helped him pick out a top of the line cheese grater 281 00:12:09,583 --> 00:12:10,875 at Williams-Sonoma. 282 00:12:10,959 --> 00:12:13,125 Oh, my buddies are giving me a big housewarming on the 12th. 283 00:12:13,208 --> 00:12:14,917 You should come, and bring your friends. 284 00:12:15,000 --> 00:12:16,125 Sounds like fun. 285 00:12:19,250 --> 00:12:21,625 Thanks for a great day. 286 00:12:21,709 --> 00:12:23,792 He was like the flesh and blood equivalent 287 00:12:23,875 --> 00:12:25,542 of a DKNY dress. 288 00:12:25,625 --> 00:12:28,041 You know it's not your style, but it's right there, 289 00:12:28,125 --> 00:12:29,959 so you try it on anyway. 290 00:12:32,333 --> 00:12:33,750 It was the night of the 12th. 291 00:12:33,834 --> 00:12:36,083 On the East Side, a pseudo lesbian couple 292 00:12:36,166 --> 00:12:39,166 attended a right-wing Republican dinner party. 293 00:12:43,417 --> 00:12:44,875 Hey! 294 00:12:44,959 --> 00:12:47,417 On the West Side, a trio of single gals 295 00:12:47,500 --> 00:12:50,125 went to a single guy's housewarming party. 296 00:12:50,208 --> 00:12:52,083 So tell me, are his friends cute? 297 00:12:52,166 --> 00:12:53,709 I don't know, I haven't met them yet. 298 00:12:53,792 --> 00:12:56,625 How did you manage to get a new boyfriend in a week? 299 00:12:56,709 --> 00:12:57,709 He's not my boyfriend. 300 00:12:57,792 --> 00:13:00,583 He's just somebody I'm trying on. 301 00:13:00,667 --> 00:13:02,709 All right. Ready? 302 00:13:07,750 --> 00:13:10,959 Everywhere I looked, people were standing in twos. 303 00:13:11,041 --> 00:13:14,417 It was like Noah's Upper West Side rent-controlled ark. 304 00:13:14,500 --> 00:13:17,500 It's all married couples. 305 00:13:17,583 --> 00:13:20,291 Samantha gave me a look like I had sold her to the enemy 306 00:13:20,375 --> 00:13:22,375 for chocolate bars and nylons. 307 00:13:23,333 --> 00:13:25,792 Oh, hey, this is for you. 308 00:13:25,875 --> 00:13:26,667 Hi. 309 00:13:26,750 --> 00:13:27,834 Oh, you must be Charlotte. 310 00:13:27,917 --> 00:13:28,875 -Hi. -Hi. 311 00:13:28,959 --> 00:13:29,959 And you have to be Samantha. 312 00:13:30,041 --> 00:13:31,291 Yeah. Where's the bar? 313 00:13:31,375 --> 00:13:34,417 Uh, kitchen, you can't miss it, room with the stove. 314 00:13:34,500 --> 00:13:35,959 This apartment is amazing! 315 00:13:36,041 --> 00:13:37,333 Thanks. I've been planning it for years. 316 00:13:37,417 --> 00:13:38,792 Come on, I'll give you guys the grand tour. 317 00:13:38,875 --> 00:13:40,959 As I moved through the married couples, 318 00:13:41,041 --> 00:13:43,625 I noticed something was different... 319 00:13:43,709 --> 00:13:46,208 No fear, no pity, no pointing. 320 00:13:46,291 --> 00:13:49,667 Were Sean's friends cold war conscientious objectors 321 00:13:49,750 --> 00:13:52,667 or was it just that I was "figured out"? 322 00:13:54,542 --> 00:13:58,083 My accountant says that it's best to go with low risk stocks. 323 00:13:58,166 --> 00:14:01,250 Well, that depends. I mean, what are your expectations? 324 00:14:01,333 --> 00:14:03,291 Well, I'm not sure. 325 00:14:03,375 --> 00:14:06,542 Honey, I need you to come over here and meet someone. 326 00:14:06,625 --> 00:14:09,500 Sure. Uh, this is Samantha, Samantha, this is Elaine. 327 00:14:09,583 --> 00:14:11,417 His wife. 328 00:14:11,500 --> 00:14:13,792 Honey, I really need you in the other room. 329 00:14:13,875 --> 00:14:14,959 Sure. 330 00:14:15,041 --> 00:14:17,125 It was nice talking to you, Samantha. 331 00:14:20,875 --> 00:14:22,625 And this is the den. 332 00:14:22,709 --> 00:14:25,458 Oh, you have one of these leather club chairs. I love these. 333 00:14:25,542 --> 00:14:28,083 Thanks. I'm using this room as an office now, 334 00:14:28,166 --> 00:14:31,375 but someday this is gonna be the kid's room. 335 00:14:31,458 --> 00:14:32,417 Look. 336 00:14:34,417 --> 00:14:37,166 I got this three years ago in Aspen. 337 00:14:37,917 --> 00:14:39,166 What do you think? 338 00:14:45,125 --> 00:14:46,375 Okay, I owe you. 339 00:14:46,458 --> 00:14:49,375 I didn't know that all his buddies were gonna be married. 340 00:14:49,458 --> 00:14:52,041 Oh, my God, you're doing tequila shots? 341 00:14:52,125 --> 00:14:54,083 You see that buddy over there? 342 00:14:55,792 --> 00:14:57,125 I fucked him. 343 00:14:58,041 --> 00:14:59,500 See that buddy over there? 344 00:15:00,458 --> 00:15:03,083 I fucked him too. 345 00:15:03,166 --> 00:15:05,291 I never thought I'd see them again. 346 00:15:05,375 --> 00:15:07,750 Well, maybe we should start tagging your married men 347 00:15:07,834 --> 00:15:09,834 and that way you can keep track of them. 348 00:15:09,917 --> 00:15:11,375 He's gonna ask you to marry him. 349 00:15:11,458 --> 00:15:13,834 He is not going to ask me to marry him. 350 00:15:13,917 --> 00:15:15,667 I've been dating him a week and a half. 351 00:15:15,750 --> 00:15:18,709 No guy buys a classic six on the Upper West Side 352 00:15:18,792 --> 00:15:21,458 unless they are seriously thinking about marriage. 353 00:15:21,542 --> 00:15:25,083 Some people read palms, Charlotte read real estate. 354 00:15:25,166 --> 00:15:27,917 If you turn into one of those married assholes, 355 00:15:28,000 --> 00:15:29,375 I'll kill you. 356 00:15:31,333 --> 00:15:33,834 Sean is the greatest guy, 357 00:15:33,917 --> 00:15:36,083 and he loves kids. 358 00:15:36,166 --> 00:15:38,000 Plus, he owns his own business, 359 00:15:38,083 --> 00:15:40,792 and he's got $300,000 in the bank. 360 00:15:40,875 --> 00:15:41,875 We both slept with him, 361 00:15:41,959 --> 00:15:43,792 -and he is great in bed. 362 00:15:43,875 --> 00:15:46,208 An hour and a half into this housewarming, 363 00:15:46,291 --> 00:15:50,083 I had gone from party guest to prisoner of war. 364 00:15:50,166 --> 00:15:52,667 Samantha is totally drunk. I've got to get her out of here. 365 00:15:52,750 --> 00:15:54,417 You're not going anywhere without me. 366 00:15:54,500 --> 00:15:55,750 Carrie! 367 00:15:55,834 --> 00:15:58,000 Oh, God, more friends. 368 00:15:59,417 --> 00:16:01,166 Surprise! 369 00:16:01,250 --> 00:16:02,709 It certainly was. 370 00:16:02,792 --> 00:16:05,625 Last time I saw Patience she was shoving me on a bus. 371 00:16:05,709 --> 00:16:07,542 When Sean told us you and he were dating, 372 00:16:07,625 --> 00:16:09,208 we were just so thrilled. 373 00:16:09,291 --> 00:16:10,375 Aw. 374 00:16:10,458 --> 00:16:12,083 Well, listen, about what happened 375 00:16:12,166 --> 00:16:13,417 at your beach house the other day-- 376 00:16:13,500 --> 00:16:14,417 Don't mention it. 377 00:16:14,500 --> 00:16:16,166 Well, I just-- I'm not even sure-- 378 00:16:16,250 --> 00:16:18,000 I said don't mention it. 379 00:16:18,083 --> 00:16:19,750 This party is terrible. 380 00:16:20,542 --> 00:16:21,458 Who are you? 381 00:16:21,542 --> 00:16:23,542 Um, this is my friend Patience, 382 00:16:23,625 --> 00:16:25,375 and this is her husband Peter. 383 00:16:26,083 --> 00:16:27,250 I heard about you. 384 00:16:30,583 --> 00:16:33,208 -Big pepper mill dick! Okay, we gotta go! 385 00:16:35,542 --> 00:16:37,125 And just as suddenly, 386 00:16:37,208 --> 00:16:39,875 our little cease-fire was over. 387 00:16:39,959 --> 00:16:43,250 Meanwhile, across town, things were winding down. 388 00:16:43,333 --> 00:16:45,625 Thank you so much. We really had a great time. 389 00:16:45,709 --> 00:16:47,375 Oh, as did we all. 390 00:16:48,583 --> 00:16:50,166 She is a real find. 391 00:16:50,250 --> 00:16:51,000 Oh. 392 00:16:51,083 --> 00:16:52,792 We'll do it again soon. 393 00:16:52,875 --> 00:16:54,959 I'll meet you at the elevator, okay? 394 00:16:55,041 --> 00:16:56,417 I just need to... 395 00:16:58,208 --> 00:17:00,125 We can't do it again soon. 396 00:17:00,208 --> 00:17:02,083 Syd and I aren't really a couple. 397 00:17:02,166 --> 00:17:05,000 In fact, we're not even really lesbians. 398 00:17:05,083 --> 00:17:07,500 Well, Syd is, I'm not. 399 00:17:07,583 --> 00:17:09,834 I just took advantage of the situation 400 00:17:09,917 --> 00:17:12,417 to bend your ear about my work at the firm. 401 00:17:13,208 --> 00:17:14,625 Shrewd move, counselor. 402 00:17:15,625 --> 00:17:17,041 No harm done. 403 00:17:17,125 --> 00:17:17,917 Thank you, sir. 404 00:17:18,000 --> 00:17:19,250 My wife will be disappointed. 405 00:17:19,333 --> 00:17:23,625 She was looking to add a lesbian couple to our circle. 406 00:17:27,625 --> 00:17:29,250 As they rode between floors, 407 00:17:29,333 --> 00:17:31,959 Miranda considered how much easier her life would be 408 00:17:32,041 --> 00:17:33,542 if she were in a couple, 409 00:17:33,625 --> 00:17:34,792 any couple. 410 00:17:40,917 --> 00:17:44,291 Yup, definitely straight. 411 00:17:45,458 --> 00:17:48,083 Yeah... you are. 412 00:17:49,291 --> 00:17:50,291 Sorry. 413 00:17:52,125 --> 00:17:54,542 While Miranda cursed her heterosexuality 414 00:17:54,625 --> 00:17:58,000 and wondered how much longer she could fight the war, 415 00:17:58,083 --> 00:18:01,792 Charlotte cursed tequila and forced Samantha into a cab. 416 00:18:01,875 --> 00:18:04,542 She decided Samantha was too drunk to get home alone 417 00:18:04,625 --> 00:18:07,458 and insisted she spend the night on her couch. 418 00:18:10,000 --> 00:18:10,917 We're home. 419 00:18:11,000 --> 00:18:12,875 We're home. Oh, boy! 420 00:18:17,166 --> 00:18:19,166 Let me get that door for you. 421 00:18:20,041 --> 00:18:21,041 Hey! 422 00:18:23,000 --> 00:18:23,792 Hi. 423 00:18:23,875 --> 00:18:25,000 All right, all right. 424 00:18:25,083 --> 00:18:26,750 -I like you! -Bye, bye. 425 00:18:26,834 --> 00:18:29,417 She got Samantha upstairs and safely to bed, 426 00:18:29,500 --> 00:18:31,125 or so she thought. 427 00:18:32,834 --> 00:18:34,125 A couple of hours later, 428 00:18:34,208 --> 00:18:36,959 Samantha woke up still drunk and still single. 429 00:18:37,041 --> 00:18:39,792 And single to Samantha meant one thing. 430 00:18:46,333 --> 00:18:47,917 Can I have a cigarette? 431 00:18:48,000 --> 00:18:49,041 Sure. 432 00:18:54,375 --> 00:18:55,750 Can I have a kiss? 433 00:19:07,667 --> 00:19:09,041 Oh, Jesus... 434 00:19:10,458 --> 00:19:13,792 I really shouldn't, somebody might see. 435 00:19:13,875 --> 00:19:17,000 Why don't you come upstairs, just for a minute? 436 00:19:28,875 --> 00:19:30,083 Samantha? 437 00:19:34,250 --> 00:19:35,625 Don't be scared, miss. 438 00:19:35,709 --> 00:19:37,417 It's me, Tommy. I'm just leaving. 439 00:19:37,500 --> 00:19:38,792 Your friend invited me up. 440 00:19:38,875 --> 00:19:40,000 I know it was wrong, 441 00:19:40,083 --> 00:19:43,125 but I've just been so lonely since I left home and... 442 00:19:43,208 --> 00:19:48,750 I wanted the feel of a woman's touch on me. 443 00:19:48,834 --> 00:19:50,959 I'm going into the bathroom now 444 00:19:51,041 --> 00:19:54,750 and when I come out you won't be here. 445 00:19:54,834 --> 00:19:56,625 And I never want this mentioned again. 446 00:19:58,083 --> 00:19:59,583 Let me get the door for you, miss. 447 00:20:09,875 --> 00:20:12,000 I was kind of hoping you'd stay over. 448 00:20:16,291 --> 00:20:18,542 Look, Sean, um... 449 00:20:18,625 --> 00:20:20,542 I don't think this is gonna work. 450 00:20:20,625 --> 00:20:22,041 We want different things. 451 00:20:22,125 --> 00:20:23,542 You obviously want to get married 452 00:20:23,625 --> 00:20:26,333 and I don't know what I want. 453 00:20:28,583 --> 00:20:30,917 You could smell my desperation, right? 454 00:20:31,000 --> 00:20:32,041 -It's... 455 00:20:32,125 --> 00:20:34,625 No, no, no. It's just... 456 00:20:35,667 --> 00:20:36,709 It's... 457 00:20:36,792 --> 00:20:40,125 I was, uh, trying you on, you know? 458 00:20:40,208 --> 00:20:41,417 To see if it fit. 459 00:20:42,458 --> 00:20:43,625 It doesn't. 460 00:20:45,291 --> 00:20:46,583 I'm sorry. 461 00:20:53,917 --> 00:20:56,417 I don't understand you women. 462 00:20:56,500 --> 00:20:58,125 All I hear is, 463 00:20:58,208 --> 00:21:00,834 "I want to get married. I want to get married." 464 00:21:01,750 --> 00:21:03,083 And none of you says yes. 465 00:21:03,166 --> 00:21:04,500 What the fuck? 466 00:21:14,250 --> 00:21:17,333 I'm so tired of going through women. 467 00:21:17,417 --> 00:21:19,125 I just want to get married. 468 00:21:21,875 --> 00:21:24,291 I may know someone who's perfect for you. 469 00:21:26,542 --> 00:21:27,291 Who? 470 00:21:27,375 --> 00:21:29,417 They started out casual, 471 00:21:29,500 --> 00:21:31,667 a brunch here, a concert there. 472 00:21:31,750 --> 00:21:34,458 But pretty soon they were visiting China. 473 00:21:34,542 --> 00:21:37,709 I always wanted this pattern for formal dining. 474 00:21:39,458 --> 00:21:41,166 Are you serious? 475 00:21:44,500 --> 00:21:46,625 Charlotte broke it off then and there. 476 00:21:46,709 --> 00:21:47,959 It would never work. 477 00:21:48,041 --> 00:21:51,000 He was American classic, she was French country. 478 00:21:53,250 --> 00:21:55,959 Your friend never called like she promised. 479 00:21:56,041 --> 00:21:57,208 Why is that? 480 00:21:58,208 --> 00:21:59,375 I don't know. 481 00:22:03,542 --> 00:22:06,709 As I sifted through the rubble of my marriage skirmish, 482 00:22:06,792 --> 00:22:07,959 I had a thought. 483 00:22:08,041 --> 00:22:10,583 Maybe the fight between marrieds and singles 484 00:22:10,667 --> 00:22:12,583 is like the war in Northern Ireland. 485 00:22:12,667 --> 00:22:14,125 We're all basically the same, 486 00:22:14,208 --> 00:22:17,125 but somehow, we wound up on different sides. 487 00:22:17,208 --> 00:22:19,792 Sure, it'd be great to have that one special person 488 00:22:19,875 --> 00:22:21,250 to walk home with, 489 00:22:21,333 --> 00:22:23,458 but sometimes, there's nothing better 490 00:22:23,542 --> 00:22:24,959 than meeting your single girlfriends 491 00:22:25,041 --> 00:22:25,959 for a night at the movies. 492 00:22:26,041 --> 00:22:27,834 ♪ You know I got it ♪ 493 00:22:27,917 --> 00:22:29,500 ♪ All I'm asking ♪ 494 00:22:29,583 --> 00:22:31,834 ♪ Is for a little respect when you come home ♪ 495 00:22:31,917 --> 00:22:32,792 ♪ Just a little bit ♪ 496 00:22:32,875 --> 00:22:34,458 ♪ Hey, baby Just a little bit ♪ 497 00:22:34,542 --> 00:22:35,834 ♪ When you come home ♪ 498 00:22:35,917 --> 00:22:37,166 ♪ Just a little bit ♪ 499 00:22:37,250 --> 00:22:38,000 ♪ Mister ♪ 500 00:22:38,083 --> 00:22:39,834 ♪ Just a little bit ♪ 501 00:22:39,917 --> 00:22:42,333 ♪ I ain't gonna do you wrong ♪ 502 00:22:42,417 --> 00:22:44,166 ♪ While you're gone ♪ 503 00:22:44,250 --> 00:22:46,458 ♪ Ain't gonna do you wrong ♪ 504 00:22:46,542 --> 00:22:48,542 ♪ 'Cause I don't want to ♪ 505 00:22:48,625 --> 00:22:50,250 ♪ All I'm asking ♪