1 00:00:48,007 --> 00:00:51,007 My friend, Miranda, was dating Thomas John Anderson, 2 00:00:51,010 --> 00:00:53,020 an up and coming New York playwright. 3 00:00:53,019 --> 00:00:58,019 Oh, God! 4 00:00:59,000 --> 00:01:02,020 That was wonderful. 5 00:01:02,019 --> 00:01:05,019 Things were going great except for one thing. 6 00:01:05,020 --> 00:01:07,010 I'll be right back. 7 00:01:09,008 --> 00:01:10,998 Immediately after sex, 8 00:01:11,004 --> 00:01:13,024 he'd hop out of bed and shower. 9 00:01:16,012 --> 00:01:22,022 Oh, God! 10 00:01:25,000 --> 00:01:25,020 Wow! 11 00:01:26,016 --> 00:01:27,016 Be right back. 12 00:01:27,018 --> 00:01:29,998 Night after night, it was the same thing. 13 00:01:30,003 --> 00:01:34,013 Oh, God! 14 00:01:37,003 --> 00:01:39,003 -I'll be right-- -Yeah. 15 00:01:39,002 --> 00:01:41,012 She decided to confront Thomas John Anderson 16 00:01:41,015 --> 00:01:43,005 as soon as he dried off. 17 00:01:47,005 --> 00:01:50,005 So, what's with the showers? 18 00:01:51,006 --> 00:01:52,006 What do you mean? 19 00:01:52,014 --> 00:01:55,004 You always get up and shower right after we're done. 20 00:01:55,006 --> 00:01:57,006 I'm starting to feel like it's me. 21 00:01:57,009 --> 00:02:00,009 Oh, no, no, no, it's not you. 22 00:02:00,009 --> 00:02:01,019 It's just... 23 00:02:01,021 --> 00:02:02,021 What? 24 00:02:03,001 --> 00:02:04,011 Just a habit I have. 25 00:02:04,010 --> 00:02:08,000 Growing up, the nuns told us that sex was a sin, 26 00:02:08,003 --> 00:02:12,013 so I just got into the habit of taking a shower after I... 27 00:02:12,016 --> 00:02:13,016 you know, came. 28 00:02:13,020 --> 00:02:15,010 Oh, the nuns. 29 00:02:15,008 --> 00:02:19,008 Miranda suddenly realized she was dating "Catholic guy." 30 00:02:19,014 --> 00:02:21,014 So you think the water serves as 31 00:02:21,011 --> 00:02:23,021 a retro baptism kind of thing? 32 00:02:23,020 --> 00:02:25,010 Beats me, if I'd known he was Catholic, 33 00:02:25,015 --> 00:02:27,005 I never would've gone out with him in the first place. 34 00:02:27,016 --> 00:02:29,006 They should make them wear a sign. 35 00:02:29,008 --> 00:02:30,018 Single people in New York 36 00:02:30,018 --> 00:02:32,998 rarely ask about their dates' religious backgrounds 37 00:02:33,003 --> 00:02:34,023 for the same reason they don't ask 38 00:02:34,020 --> 00:02:37,010 the number of former sex partners, too scary. 39 00:02:37,008 --> 00:02:39,998 I mean, he's a rational, logical guy 40 00:02:40,002 --> 00:02:42,012 in every respect but this. 41 00:02:42,008 --> 00:02:44,008 Clean, you forgot clean. He's a clean guy. 42 00:02:44,014 --> 00:02:46,024 Leave it to me to find the only religious guy 43 00:02:47,000 --> 00:02:48,010 still left in Manhattan. 44 00:02:48,016 --> 00:02:51,006 New York is a city filled with places to worship, 45 00:02:51,008 --> 00:02:52,018 but it recently dawned on me, 46 00:02:53,001 --> 00:02:56,011 the only time I ever heard anyone mention going into one 47 00:02:56,007 --> 00:02:58,007 was for a singles mixer. 48 00:02:58,016 --> 00:03:02,006 Are relationships the religion of the 90's? 49 00:03:02,008 --> 00:03:04,998 Having been raised in the church of "Be nice to people 50 00:03:05,004 --> 00:03:07,004 and don't talk with your mouth full," 51 00:03:07,005 --> 00:03:09,995 I decided to check out some more traditional religious types 52 00:03:10,005 --> 00:03:11,015 in their natural habitat. 53 00:03:11,017 --> 00:03:13,007 As I watched people leaving church, 54 00:03:13,011 --> 00:03:15,011 I was amazed at how they looked. 55 00:03:15,010 --> 00:03:17,000 Valentino, Escada, 56 00:03:17,005 --> 00:03:18,015 Oscar de la Renta. 57 00:03:18,020 --> 00:03:20,020 What is it about God and fashion 58 00:03:20,019 --> 00:03:22,019 that go so well together? 59 00:03:22,018 --> 00:03:26,018 And suddenly, there he was wearing Armani on Sunday... 60 00:03:27,008 --> 00:03:29,008 Mr. Big. 61 00:03:29,013 --> 00:03:31,013 I admit it was kind of a shock. 62 00:03:31,009 --> 00:03:34,999 Up until that moment, I thought he only believed in the Yankees. 63 00:03:41,017 --> 00:03:43,017 Well, hello there, church-goer. 64 00:03:43,019 --> 00:03:45,009 Hey... 65 00:03:45,012 --> 00:03:47,022 What are you doing here? 66 00:03:47,017 --> 00:03:48,997 Research. 67 00:03:49,002 --> 00:03:51,012 I'm doing a column on closet Presbyterians. 68 00:03:51,016 --> 00:03:52,006 You know any? 69 00:03:52,016 --> 00:03:53,996 Actually, I'm an atheist, 70 00:03:54,003 --> 00:03:56,013 but don't tell that to the minister. 71 00:03:56,012 --> 00:03:58,012 Who's the mystery woman? 72 00:03:59,022 --> 00:04:00,022 My mother. 73 00:04:02,000 --> 00:04:04,010 I take her to church every Sunday. 74 00:04:04,010 --> 00:04:06,010 Really? 75 00:04:06,011 --> 00:04:07,021 I'm so loving that. 76 00:04:08,000 --> 00:04:10,000 How come you never told me? 77 00:04:10,003 --> 00:04:12,023 Well, you write every Sunday, so... 78 00:04:12,021 --> 00:04:16,011 So, every Sunday... church. 79 00:04:16,010 --> 00:04:17,020 Right. 80 00:04:21,021 --> 00:04:23,021 You know, I've got 20 minutes before my racquetball game. 81 00:04:23,023 --> 00:04:25,023 Why don't we have a cup of coffee? 82 00:04:25,017 --> 00:04:26,017 Oh, I can't, I'm on deadline 83 00:04:27,001 --> 00:04:30,001 and this cappuccino just kicked in, so... 84 00:04:30,020 --> 00:04:32,000 So? 85 00:04:32,005 --> 00:04:33,005 Bye. 86 00:04:36,016 --> 00:04:37,016 God bless. 87 00:04:38,001 --> 00:04:40,011 It was one of those awkward relationship moments 88 00:04:40,008 --> 00:04:42,008 where you feel like you know nothing about 89 00:04:42,010 --> 00:04:45,010 the person you thought you knew everything about. 90 00:04:45,013 --> 00:04:47,003 He goes to church with his mother? 91 00:04:47,005 --> 00:04:49,005 -That can't be good. -Oh, don't listen to her. 92 00:04:49,013 --> 00:04:52,013 A man who cares about his mother makes a wonderful husband. 93 00:04:52,014 --> 00:04:53,024 I think it's sweet. 94 00:04:53,021 --> 00:04:55,001 Sure, all religions are sweet 95 00:04:55,004 --> 00:04:57,014 until you get to that shower after sex phase. 96 00:04:57,007 --> 00:04:58,017 Oh, my God, is he still doing that? 97 00:04:58,023 --> 00:05:00,023 Please, it's amazing he has any skin left. 98 00:05:00,018 --> 00:05:02,018 Well, have you tried taking a shower with him? 99 00:05:02,019 --> 00:05:05,019 No, I'm afraid he'll pull out garlic and a cross. 100 00:05:05,019 --> 00:05:08,009 So which church does his mother go to? 101 00:05:08,016 --> 00:05:09,016 Park Avenue Presbyterian. 102 00:05:09,023 --> 00:05:10,023 Good church. 103 00:05:11,000 --> 00:05:12,020 It's one of the best on the east side. 104 00:05:12,019 --> 00:05:13,019 What are you rating churches? 105 00:05:14,001 --> 00:05:15,011 Is there a Zagat guide for that? 106 00:05:15,010 --> 00:05:16,020 Four stars, great bread, 107 00:05:16,018 --> 00:05:18,008 disappointing wine selection. 108 00:05:18,007 --> 00:05:21,017 The thing is, I'm dying to meet his mother. 109 00:05:21,018 --> 00:05:22,018 Can you imagine? 110 00:05:22,022 --> 00:05:24,022 Getting on the good side of his mother 111 00:05:25,000 --> 00:05:26,010 is like closing the deal. 112 00:05:26,016 --> 00:05:27,016 Hey, I'm sorry I'm late. 113 00:05:27,023 --> 00:05:29,013 Well, it's about time. 114 00:05:29,010 --> 00:05:31,010 I just had a five hour lunch with James. 115 00:05:31,014 --> 00:05:33,014 Five hour lunches, I remember those. 116 00:05:33,015 --> 00:05:36,005 Ladies, I have an announcement. 117 00:05:36,007 --> 00:05:37,997 Please don't laugh. 118 00:05:38,002 --> 00:05:39,002 What? 119 00:05:39,021 --> 00:05:41,021 -I'm in love. -What? 120 00:05:41,021 --> 00:05:44,011 Samantha uttering those words to us 121 00:05:44,012 --> 00:05:46,022 was an event as unfathomable 122 00:05:46,021 --> 00:05:50,011 as Moses parting the Red Sea. 123 00:05:50,010 --> 00:05:52,020 It all started a couple of weeks ago 124 00:05:52,020 --> 00:05:54,020 on a particularly blah Wednesday night. 125 00:05:55,001 --> 00:05:56,021 Samantha decided to treat herself 126 00:05:56,023 --> 00:05:58,023 to a night of great music. 127 00:06:02,006 --> 00:06:05,006 I couldn't help but notice how you move to the music. 128 00:06:05,015 --> 00:06:07,005 It's beautiful. 129 00:06:07,014 --> 00:06:09,014 Well, I love jazz. 130 00:06:09,015 --> 00:06:11,005 That's pretty clear. 131 00:06:11,016 --> 00:06:13,996 Are you a musician? 132 00:06:14,019 --> 00:06:16,019 Yeah. 133 00:06:16,017 --> 00:06:18,017 Trapped in the body of a lawyer. 134 00:06:18,019 --> 00:06:21,009 Well, we won't tell anyone. 135 00:06:22,017 --> 00:06:24,007 May I join you? 136 00:06:25,012 --> 00:06:26,022 Sure. 137 00:06:31,019 --> 00:06:33,019 After they closed the jazz joint, 138 00:06:33,018 --> 00:06:35,008 they walked and talked for blocks. 139 00:06:35,012 --> 00:06:37,022 You have to at least try one of the glazed. 140 00:06:38,001 --> 00:06:39,021 It's a little bit of heaven. 141 00:06:41,000 --> 00:06:43,000 Mmm, heavenly. 142 00:06:43,004 --> 00:06:45,014 And I never thought I'd get there. 143 00:06:45,013 --> 00:06:47,013 Why not? 144 00:06:47,013 --> 00:06:49,003 An angel like you? 145 00:06:50,009 --> 00:06:52,009 And then Samantha did something 146 00:06:52,008 --> 00:06:54,008 rather shocking for a first date. 147 00:06:54,012 --> 00:06:56,012 She didn't ask him home. 148 00:06:57,004 --> 00:06:58,024 Thanks, James. 149 00:06:58,020 --> 00:07:02,010 I had a wonderful time. 150 00:07:02,013 --> 00:07:04,013 Can I see you again? 151 00:07:05,018 --> 00:07:06,998 I'd love that. 152 00:07:09,020 --> 00:07:11,010 And with that one touch, 153 00:07:11,016 --> 00:07:14,996 Samantha, who was never a believer in relationships, 154 00:07:15,002 --> 00:07:17,002 suddenly became a convert. 155 00:07:17,004 --> 00:07:18,024 I mean, I'd totally given up on the idea 156 00:07:18,021 --> 00:07:20,021 that you could actually talk to men. 157 00:07:20,021 --> 00:07:22,011 Hey, don't spread that around. 158 00:07:22,008 --> 00:07:23,998 Before James, all my conversations 159 00:07:24,006 --> 00:07:25,996 consisted of two sentences. 160 00:07:26,002 --> 00:07:29,002 "Give it to me" and "Go home." 161 00:07:29,005 --> 00:07:30,995 And I owe it all to Charlotte. 162 00:07:31,005 --> 00:07:32,005 Me? 163 00:07:32,013 --> 00:07:34,003 What did I do? 164 00:07:34,005 --> 00:07:35,015 All that bullshit you spout 165 00:07:35,021 --> 00:07:38,021 about not sleeping with men right away actually paid off. 166 00:07:39,000 --> 00:07:41,000 I mean, if I'd fucked James already, 167 00:07:41,006 --> 00:07:42,016 who knows where we'd be. 168 00:07:42,017 --> 00:07:44,017 Wait, you haven't had sex yet? 169 00:07:44,021 --> 00:07:45,021 Soon. 170 00:07:46,023 --> 00:07:48,003 You know, 171 00:07:48,004 --> 00:07:51,014 I think he's someone I could actually marry. 172 00:07:52,019 --> 00:07:55,009 Samantha, that's great. 173 00:07:55,007 --> 00:07:56,017 The idea that Samantha 174 00:07:56,019 --> 00:07:58,019 could possibly get married before she did, 175 00:07:58,022 --> 00:08:01,012 shook Charlotte's beliefs to the core. 176 00:08:01,008 --> 00:08:03,008 She took some drastic action. 177 00:08:03,010 --> 00:08:05,020 She made an appointment to see Noanie Stein, 178 00:08:05,019 --> 00:08:07,999 psychic to the stars, and a cosmic connection 179 00:08:08,006 --> 00:08:09,006 who lived in a brownstone 180 00:08:09,015 --> 00:08:11,015 between Central Park West and Columbus. 181 00:08:11,020 --> 00:08:13,010 Is this you and Madonna? 182 00:08:13,015 --> 00:08:16,015 Yeah, we go to the same kabbalah class. 183 00:08:18,006 --> 00:08:19,006 Now... 184 00:08:20,005 --> 00:08:21,015 Pick three cards, 185 00:08:22,001 --> 00:08:24,021 face down with your left hand. 186 00:08:24,023 --> 00:08:27,023 Charlotte had heard about Noanie through a sorority sister 187 00:08:27,020 --> 00:08:31,000 whose marriage she had very accurately predicted. 188 00:08:31,004 --> 00:08:32,014 Okay, 189 00:08:32,008 --> 00:08:35,018 now is there one question in particular? 190 00:08:36,001 --> 00:08:40,011 Well, no, just... 191 00:08:40,012 --> 00:08:41,022 There is. 192 00:08:42,020 --> 00:08:44,020 When will I get married? 193 00:08:47,010 --> 00:08:50,010 Ace of wands, prosperity. 194 00:08:52,001 --> 00:08:53,011 Nine of cups, 195 00:08:53,011 --> 00:08:55,021 strength and independence. 196 00:08:57,015 --> 00:09:00,015 The hanged man, a new awakening. 197 00:09:00,019 --> 00:09:03,019 You're a strong independent woman 198 00:09:03,018 --> 00:09:05,008 with great success in your future, 199 00:09:05,013 --> 00:09:07,013 but I do not see marriage. 200 00:09:09,001 --> 00:09:10,011 Excuse me? 201 00:09:10,011 --> 00:09:11,021 I don't see it. 202 00:09:12,018 --> 00:09:13,018 What? 203 00:09:13,020 --> 00:09:15,020 I don't see marriage. 204 00:09:15,019 --> 00:09:18,009 Well, how can you just... 205 00:09:18,007 --> 00:09:20,007 say that like that? 206 00:09:20,013 --> 00:09:24,003 I mean, what about my feelings? 207 00:09:24,006 --> 00:09:27,016 Honey, I'm a psychic, I'm not a shrink. 208 00:09:27,018 --> 00:09:30,008 So, who is this fabulous mother in the hat, 209 00:09:30,008 --> 00:09:33,008 and when do I get to go to church with you two? 210 00:09:33,010 --> 00:09:35,020 You want to go to church? 211 00:09:36,000 --> 00:09:38,020 You say that like I'm the Antichrist or something. 212 00:09:38,022 --> 00:09:41,012 No, it's just I never thought of you 213 00:09:41,014 --> 00:09:43,014 as the church type. 214 00:09:43,008 --> 00:09:44,018 Oh, really? 215 00:09:44,022 --> 00:09:46,012 What type am I? 216 00:09:46,009 --> 00:09:50,009 The incredibly beautiful and intelligent type. 217 00:09:51,019 --> 00:09:53,009 What religion are you? 218 00:09:53,013 --> 00:09:55,023 I'm no one religion in particular. 219 00:09:55,020 --> 00:09:56,020 I'm open to all. 220 00:09:56,023 --> 00:09:58,013 Oh, kind of like a 7-11? 221 00:09:58,015 --> 00:09:59,015 Come on, 222 00:10:00,001 --> 00:10:02,021 I want to go to church with you and your mommy. 223 00:10:02,020 --> 00:10:04,010 How about this Sunday? 224 00:10:04,010 --> 00:10:07,020 Well, it's just a private little thing 225 00:10:08,001 --> 00:10:10,011 my mother and I do, just the two of us. 226 00:10:18,020 --> 00:10:20,020 Want to go to the Caribbean next week? 227 00:10:21,001 --> 00:10:23,001 Sure, I'll go pack my Jet Ski. 228 00:10:23,005 --> 00:10:24,005 No, I'm serious. 229 00:10:24,009 --> 00:10:26,009 We can both use a vacation, come on. 230 00:10:26,014 --> 00:10:29,004 The sun, the sand, you and me. 231 00:10:29,005 --> 00:10:31,005 You waiting on me. Can you get away? 232 00:10:31,008 --> 00:10:32,998 Yeah, but I can't afford it. 233 00:10:33,002 --> 00:10:34,012 Well, I'll tell you what. 234 00:10:34,015 --> 00:10:36,005 I'll buy the tickets, when we get to St. Barts, 235 00:10:36,016 --> 00:10:39,016 you can buy me one big margarita. 236 00:10:42,001 --> 00:10:47,021 Oh, God! 237 00:10:54,010 --> 00:10:56,020 Wait, I want to hold you. 238 00:10:57,010 --> 00:10:58,020 I'll be right back. 239 00:10:58,021 --> 00:11:00,001 Stay here a second. 240 00:11:02,005 --> 00:11:05,015 Isn't this nice? Us together? 241 00:11:06,000 --> 00:11:08,000 Yeah. 242 00:11:08,004 --> 00:11:09,024 Look, I'm just gonna go jump in the shower 243 00:11:10,001 --> 00:11:12,021 and then boom, I'm all yours. 244 00:11:12,022 --> 00:11:15,012 There's nothing sinful about sex. 245 00:11:17,000 --> 00:11:20,000 Oh, oh, really? 246 00:11:20,002 --> 00:11:22,022 Well, thanks for clearing that up. 247 00:11:22,021 --> 00:11:25,021 And what is that? The gospel according to Miranda? 248 00:11:25,022 --> 00:11:28,012 What are you gonna tell me next, that God made the body? 249 00:11:28,012 --> 00:11:29,022 And if God made the body 250 00:11:29,020 --> 00:11:31,010 and sex is an expression of that body, 251 00:11:31,011 --> 00:11:33,021 how can anything made by that God-made body 252 00:11:33,023 --> 00:11:35,013 be considered sin? 253 00:11:35,011 --> 00:11:37,011 Well, yeah. 254 00:11:37,008 --> 00:11:40,008 Oh, it's a miracle, I'm healed! 255 00:11:40,013 --> 00:11:42,023 You're free to go work with the lepers now. 256 00:11:42,017 --> 00:11:44,007 I guess this means I'm not going to hell. 257 00:11:44,016 --> 00:11:45,996 Great news! 258 00:11:46,006 --> 00:11:47,016 Thank you, Miranda. 259 00:11:47,019 --> 00:11:50,009 Thank you for saving my immortal soul. 260 00:11:50,012 --> 00:11:52,012 In her effort to help, 261 00:11:52,009 --> 00:11:54,999 Miranda had accidentally detonated some kind of 262 00:11:55,004 --> 00:11:56,024 Catholic guilt bomb. 263 00:11:57,022 --> 00:11:59,022 I'm gonna go take a shower. 264 00:12:00,001 --> 00:12:01,001 When I come out, 265 00:12:01,005 --> 00:12:02,995 I'd kind of like it if you weren't here. 266 00:12:04,001 --> 00:12:05,001 You got it. 267 00:12:05,005 --> 00:12:07,015 Six months later, that exact same speech 268 00:12:07,018 --> 00:12:10,008 would find its way into Thomas John Anderson's 269 00:12:10,008 --> 00:12:13,008 hit off-Broadway play, Shower of Shame. 270 00:12:15,016 --> 00:12:17,006 Meanwhile, downtown, 271 00:12:17,013 --> 00:12:20,023 Samantha was preparing to see God. 272 00:12:22,021 --> 00:12:25,021 I know it's only been a couple of weeks, 273 00:12:25,023 --> 00:12:27,023 but I love you, Samantha. 274 00:12:27,020 --> 00:12:29,020 Oh, I love you too. 275 00:12:37,006 --> 00:12:39,996 Oh, honey, I can't wait any longer. 276 00:12:40,006 --> 00:12:42,996 Just unzip and get over here. 277 00:12:55,012 --> 00:12:57,022 Okay, I'm ready. 278 00:12:57,019 --> 00:12:59,009 Put it in. 279 00:12:59,016 --> 00:13:02,006 It is in. 280 00:13:02,007 --> 00:13:05,007 Samantha said a little prayer that he was kidding. 281 00:13:06,006 --> 00:13:07,016 He wasn't. 282 00:13:09,017 --> 00:13:10,997 Sunday morning, 283 00:13:11,002 --> 00:13:14,012 a time for rest, a time for relaxation, 284 00:13:14,014 --> 00:13:16,024 a time for spying. 285 00:13:16,021 --> 00:13:19,011 The plan was simple, just get a look at the mother, 286 00:13:19,015 --> 00:13:21,005 then Miranda and I would go for eggs. 287 00:13:21,015 --> 00:13:23,005 Look at how crowded it is. 288 00:13:23,015 --> 00:13:24,005 What a sham. 289 00:13:24,016 --> 00:13:25,016 Will you lighten up? 290 00:13:25,017 --> 00:13:27,007 It's a Presbyterian church, not a Catholic one. 291 00:13:27,016 --> 00:13:29,016 Whatever, Catholics, Episcopalians, 292 00:13:29,023 --> 00:13:31,013 Buddhists, Shakers, Quakers, 293 00:13:31,016 --> 00:13:34,006 all the same, all designed to fuck up our sex lives. 294 00:13:34,016 --> 00:13:35,016 Here, pray. 295 00:13:37,005 --> 00:13:38,005 Oh, there they are. 296 00:13:38,012 --> 00:13:40,002 -Where? -Right there. 297 00:13:40,006 --> 00:13:44,006 As I watched Mr. Big standing quietly next to his mother, 298 00:13:44,011 --> 00:13:47,011 tall, proud, respectful, 299 00:13:47,014 --> 00:13:50,014 I think I fell a little bit more in love with him. 300 00:13:50,013 --> 00:13:52,023 Let us pray. 301 00:13:52,020 --> 00:13:54,020 We come together this day... 302 00:13:54,019 --> 00:13:55,019 We're out of here. 303 00:13:56,000 --> 00:13:57,010 ...to receive your blessings... 304 00:13:58,015 --> 00:13:59,015 ...Lord and Savior... 305 00:14:08,017 --> 00:14:09,997 Here they come. 306 00:14:10,004 --> 00:14:11,014 I say we make a break for it. 307 00:14:11,013 --> 00:14:13,013 No, no, they saw me, I have to say hello. 308 00:14:13,008 --> 00:14:15,008 I can't just pray and run. 309 00:14:15,012 --> 00:14:17,012 Oh, there they are. 310 00:14:17,011 --> 00:14:19,001 Okay, go, I'm fine. 311 00:14:19,003 --> 00:14:20,013 Go. 312 00:14:23,014 --> 00:14:26,014 Aren't you the young lady who made all that noise? 313 00:14:26,011 --> 00:14:28,011 Slippery gloves. 314 00:14:28,016 --> 00:14:29,006 Morning. 315 00:14:29,015 --> 00:14:31,015 -Good morning. -It's a lovely church. 316 00:14:31,017 --> 00:14:33,007 Yes, isn't it? 317 00:14:33,011 --> 00:14:34,021 Don't you think it's lovely? 318 00:14:34,021 --> 00:14:37,021 Mother, this is my friend, Carrie. 319 00:14:37,017 --> 00:14:38,997 I searched her face, 320 00:14:39,005 --> 00:14:41,005 looking for the light of recognition. 321 00:14:42,021 --> 00:14:44,011 But there was nothing. 322 00:14:44,009 --> 00:14:45,019 Carrie, Carrie. 323 00:14:46,001 --> 00:14:47,021 I'm just gonna go and say goodbye to the pastor. 324 00:14:47,023 --> 00:14:49,023 It was lovely meeting you. 325 00:14:52,010 --> 00:14:53,020 "My friend, Carrie"? 326 00:14:53,021 --> 00:14:56,001 You show up at church after I asked you not to. 327 00:14:56,004 --> 00:14:57,024 What are you trying to do, test me? 328 00:14:57,023 --> 00:15:00,013 Why all the sudden interest in meeting my mother? 329 00:15:00,012 --> 00:15:02,002 Well, has the woman ever even heard of me? 330 00:15:02,006 --> 00:15:04,016 My mother doesn't need to meet another girlfriend. 331 00:15:05,014 --> 00:15:07,004 Oh. 332 00:15:07,022 --> 00:15:10,002 I didn't mean that-- 333 00:15:11,011 --> 00:15:12,011 I mean, 334 00:15:12,013 --> 00:15:15,013 I'll introduce you as my girlfriend when I'm sure. 335 00:15:15,011 --> 00:15:17,011 Oh. 336 00:15:17,008 --> 00:15:21,008 Look, I have to do things on my time frame. 337 00:15:21,013 --> 00:15:23,003 Time frame? 338 00:15:23,005 --> 00:15:25,005 We've been going out for months. 339 00:15:28,015 --> 00:15:31,015 I really don't know what else to say to you. 340 00:15:31,018 --> 00:15:32,018 We'll get there. 341 00:15:33,001 --> 00:15:34,021 You just have to have a little faith. 342 00:15:35,000 --> 00:15:36,000 Faith? 343 00:15:36,003 --> 00:15:37,023 Yeah. 344 00:15:37,018 --> 00:15:39,018 Look, in a couple days we're going on vacation, 345 00:15:39,020 --> 00:15:40,020 we'll have plenty of time to talk this out. 346 00:15:41,000 --> 00:15:43,010 Right now I've got to get my mother home, okay? 347 00:15:43,013 --> 00:15:44,023 Well, go. 348 00:15:46,018 --> 00:15:48,008 Just go. 349 00:16:04,013 --> 00:16:06,003 Move over. 350 00:16:11,015 --> 00:16:13,005 I didn't leave. 351 00:16:13,015 --> 00:16:15,015 You didn't seem fine. 352 00:16:15,022 --> 00:16:19,002 He introduced me to his mother as a friend. 353 00:16:20,018 --> 00:16:22,008 She never heard of me. 354 00:16:23,016 --> 00:16:25,016 That isn't a good sign. 355 00:16:27,010 --> 00:16:29,000 Maybe they're not that close. 356 00:16:29,002 --> 00:16:31,012 Come on, don't lie, you're in a church. 357 00:16:36,008 --> 00:16:38,008 I can't get inside. 358 00:16:40,003 --> 00:16:43,003 I don't know what else I can do. 359 00:16:44,023 --> 00:16:47,023 Later that night, in the church of disco, 360 00:16:47,019 --> 00:16:49,009 Stanford invited everyone he knew 361 00:16:49,016 --> 00:16:51,996 to a party to introduce a new fragrance... 362 00:16:52,005 --> 00:16:54,005 Fallen Angel. 363 00:16:55,017 --> 00:16:57,007 Hi, Carrie. 364 00:16:57,007 --> 00:16:58,017 Carrie! 365 00:16:58,019 --> 00:17:02,019 Also, he wanted to show off his new boyfriend, Alanne. 366 00:17:03,021 --> 00:17:05,021 -Hi. -Isn't this fun? 367 00:17:05,019 --> 00:17:08,009 It's like hell with a cover charge. 368 00:17:08,011 --> 00:17:10,001 Carrie, this is Alanne. 369 00:17:10,004 --> 00:17:11,014 Alanne, Carrie. 370 00:17:11,015 --> 00:17:13,005 Hi, nice to meet you finally. 371 00:17:13,010 --> 00:17:14,010 You, too. 372 00:17:14,007 --> 00:17:15,007 Did I tell you that Alanne 373 00:17:15,016 --> 00:17:17,016 designed the Fallen Angel bottle? 374 00:17:18,020 --> 00:17:20,010 Yes, congratulations! 375 00:17:20,014 --> 00:17:22,014 Thank you. 376 00:17:22,009 --> 00:17:23,009 Excuse me for a second. 377 00:17:23,015 --> 00:17:26,005 I just saw someone I want to say hello to. 378 00:17:31,005 --> 00:17:32,995 So you know what we did today? 379 00:17:33,005 --> 00:17:36,015 We shopped for deco cabinet handles 380 00:17:36,017 --> 00:17:37,017 for his armoire. 381 00:17:38,001 --> 00:17:39,021 I turned into one of those couples we hate, 382 00:17:39,019 --> 00:17:41,009 and I'm loving it! 383 00:17:41,014 --> 00:17:44,014 Stanford and Alanne worshiped the same God... 384 00:17:44,016 --> 00:17:45,016 style. 385 00:17:45,020 --> 00:17:49,010 So, you all excited for the big "vacationné"? 386 00:17:49,009 --> 00:17:50,019 Oh, I don't know. 387 00:17:50,018 --> 00:17:51,018 I can't help feeling like 388 00:17:51,022 --> 00:17:53,022 it's some sort of consolation prize 389 00:17:53,018 --> 00:17:55,018 for not letting me in his life. 390 00:17:55,018 --> 00:17:57,018 Well, what is going on with you two? 391 00:17:57,022 --> 00:17:59,022 We're not in the greatest place. 392 00:18:00,000 --> 00:18:02,000 What happened? 393 00:18:02,005 --> 00:18:04,015 He wouldn't introduce me to his mother. 394 00:18:05,007 --> 00:18:06,007 Ouch. 395 00:18:09,002 --> 00:18:10,012 Thanks. 396 00:18:11,007 --> 00:18:13,007 Skipper, hi. 397 00:18:13,009 --> 00:18:16,019 It seems Stanford had invited everyone in his rolodex. 398 00:18:16,022 --> 00:18:18,022 I, uh, I was hoping I'd see you here. 399 00:18:18,023 --> 00:18:22,013 I've been totally thinking about you since we broke up. 400 00:18:22,008 --> 00:18:23,008 You have? 401 00:18:23,009 --> 00:18:24,009 Totally. 402 00:18:25,023 --> 00:18:27,023 You look great. 403 00:18:27,023 --> 00:18:29,013 Thanks. 404 00:18:29,021 --> 00:18:31,001 So do you. 405 00:18:31,002 --> 00:18:32,022 Miranda looked at Skipper, 406 00:18:32,019 --> 00:18:35,019 the months apart had shed a new light on him. 407 00:18:36,001 --> 00:18:37,011 Actually, they'd shed a new light 408 00:18:37,012 --> 00:18:39,022 on his shower-free feelings about sex. 409 00:18:40,015 --> 00:18:41,015 Later that night, 410 00:18:41,017 --> 00:18:43,017 the three of us tracked Samantha to the ladies room 411 00:18:44,001 --> 00:18:46,011 to get the lowdown on her love life with James. 412 00:18:46,007 --> 00:18:48,007 Here you are, we've been looking for you everywhere. 413 00:18:48,015 --> 00:18:51,005 So, how is everything? 414 00:18:51,015 --> 00:18:53,995 She means have you and James done it yet? 415 00:18:54,013 --> 00:18:55,023 Mm-hmm. 416 00:18:55,018 --> 00:18:56,998 And? 417 00:18:58,014 --> 00:19:00,004 It's nice. 418 00:19:00,004 --> 00:19:02,004 I'm so happy for you. 419 00:19:05,005 --> 00:19:07,015 Sweetie, what-- what? What is it? 420 00:19:07,023 --> 00:19:09,013 Nothing. 421 00:19:13,017 --> 00:19:15,007 Hey. Hey! 422 00:19:15,012 --> 00:19:17,022 What's going on? Why are you crying? 423 00:19:18,013 --> 00:19:19,023 James has a small dick. 424 00:19:19,023 --> 00:19:23,003 Oh, well, it's not the end of the world. 425 00:19:23,003 --> 00:19:24,023 -It's really small. -How small? 426 00:19:25,001 --> 00:19:27,011 -Too small. -Well, size isn't everything. 427 00:19:27,010 --> 00:19:28,010 Three inches? 428 00:19:28,011 --> 00:19:29,021 Well... 429 00:19:29,018 --> 00:19:31,998 -Hard? 430 00:19:32,004 --> 00:19:33,014 Is he a good kisser? 431 00:19:33,013 --> 00:19:35,003 Oh, who the fuck cares? 432 00:19:35,006 --> 00:19:37,006 His dick is like a gherkin! 433 00:19:37,011 --> 00:19:38,021 I feel so terrible. 434 00:19:38,020 --> 00:19:40,020 Listen to me, I'm a bad person. 435 00:19:40,021 --> 00:19:42,011 Don't beat yourself up. 436 00:19:42,007 --> 00:19:44,007 You had certain expectations and you're disappointed. 437 00:19:44,013 --> 00:19:46,013 Why? 438 00:19:46,014 --> 00:19:48,024 Why does he have to have a small dick? 439 00:19:49,014 --> 00:19:51,004 I really like him. 440 00:19:51,006 --> 00:19:52,016 I thought you loved him. 441 00:19:53,001 --> 00:19:53,021 Well... 442 00:19:53,023 --> 00:19:56,003 Oh, look, we've all been there. 443 00:19:56,003 --> 00:19:57,003 That's for sure. 444 00:19:57,003 --> 00:19:58,023 I was once with a guy the size of one of those 445 00:19:58,023 --> 00:20:00,023 little miniature golf pencils. 446 00:20:00,018 --> 00:20:03,008 I couldn't tell if he was trying to fuck me or erase me. 447 00:20:06,000 --> 00:20:08,010 I'm-- I'm sorry, it's just-- it's funny. 448 00:20:08,012 --> 00:20:10,022 Let's not lose perspective. 449 00:20:10,021 --> 00:20:12,011 There are ways to work around it. 450 00:20:12,013 --> 00:20:14,023 Well, I don't want to work around it. 451 00:20:14,018 --> 00:20:15,998 I love a big dick. 452 00:20:16,005 --> 00:20:17,015 I love it inside of me. 453 00:20:17,020 --> 00:20:20,020 I love looking at it, I love everything about it. 454 00:20:22,005 --> 00:20:23,015 When I blow him, it's like... 455 00:20:25,004 --> 00:20:28,004 Nothing. 456 00:20:28,005 --> 00:20:29,015 Can you talk to him about it? 457 00:20:30,000 --> 00:20:31,010 No. 458 00:20:31,013 --> 00:20:34,013 It's the only thing we can't talk about. 459 00:20:36,023 --> 00:20:38,023 What am I gonna do? 460 00:20:39,012 --> 00:20:41,022 How is he with his tongue? 461 00:20:44,017 --> 00:20:46,007 Charlotte left us all behind 462 00:20:46,007 --> 00:20:48,017 telling us she had another party to go to. 463 00:20:50,011 --> 00:20:52,011 She took a cab to a part of town 464 00:20:52,010 --> 00:20:54,020 never mentioned in The New Yorker. 465 00:20:55,001 --> 00:20:56,021 Will I ever get married? 466 00:21:00,011 --> 00:21:03,001 I call the power of all the saints. 467 00:21:03,006 --> 00:21:04,006 Saint Lazarus. 468 00:21:04,010 --> 00:21:05,020 Santa Rosa. 469 00:21:05,019 --> 00:21:07,999 Saint Rosa, send me your guidance. 470 00:21:09,015 --> 00:21:10,005 Send me the truth. 471 00:21:14,004 --> 00:21:15,024 Send me an answer. 472 00:21:27,002 --> 00:21:28,022 No yolk. 473 00:21:28,018 --> 00:21:29,018 What does that mean? 474 00:21:31,018 --> 00:21:32,998 You'll never be married. 475 00:21:35,012 --> 00:21:36,022 You are cursed. 476 00:21:38,006 --> 00:21:38,996 But do not worry, 477 00:21:39,003 --> 00:21:42,013 for the hundred dollars, we can remove it. 478 00:21:48,004 --> 00:21:49,014 The entire way home, 479 00:21:49,014 --> 00:21:52,024 Charlotte berated herself for being so foolish. 480 00:21:52,017 --> 00:21:54,007 She simply refused to give into the idea 481 00:21:54,016 --> 00:21:56,006 that she would never get married. 482 00:21:56,013 --> 00:21:57,013 -Sorry. -Sorry. 483 00:21:57,014 --> 00:21:59,024 All she had to do was keep believing 484 00:21:59,017 --> 00:22:01,007 and it would happen. 485 00:22:04,008 --> 00:22:06,018 It was 3:00 a.m. in the church of disco, 486 00:22:06,019 --> 00:22:09,019 and Miranda couldn't believe what she was about to say. 487 00:22:09,017 --> 00:22:11,017 You want to spend the night? 488 00:22:11,017 --> 00:22:12,007 The night? 489 00:22:12,015 --> 00:22:14,015 The whole night? 490 00:22:15,000 --> 00:22:17,010 Yeah, the whole night. 491 00:22:20,021 --> 00:22:22,011 I knew we'd get back together. 492 00:22:22,014 --> 00:22:24,004 You did, huh? 493 00:22:24,020 --> 00:22:25,020 Yup... 494 00:22:26,001 --> 00:22:29,011 Every night I'd light a candle and say a little prayer. 495 00:22:30,009 --> 00:22:31,019 You're a freak. 496 00:22:33,011 --> 00:22:35,011 Samantha tried desperately to believe 497 00:22:35,016 --> 00:22:37,016 that love was stronger than sex. 498 00:22:39,013 --> 00:22:40,023 Why are you crying? 499 00:22:42,009 --> 00:22:44,009 I'm just so happy. 500 00:22:49,020 --> 00:22:51,000 I stayed up all night 501 00:22:51,006 --> 00:22:52,016 questioning my faith in faith. 502 00:22:53,001 --> 00:22:56,011 I mean, hadn't I had faith in us all along? 503 00:23:01,023 --> 00:23:04,013 Faith that all the withholding would stop... 504 00:23:06,012 --> 00:23:08,022 Faith that he'd say, "I love you." 505 00:23:09,000 --> 00:23:10,010 Let's go! 506 00:23:10,008 --> 00:23:13,998 Hey, hurry, we're gonna miss the plane. 507 00:23:14,005 --> 00:23:16,005 Wait, wait, wait, put them down a second. 508 00:23:17,013 --> 00:23:19,003 Just put them down. 509 00:23:21,007 --> 00:23:22,007 Okay. 510 00:23:23,017 --> 00:23:25,007 What? 511 00:23:26,012 --> 00:23:28,022 I need a sign. 512 00:23:29,000 --> 00:23:33,000 I mean, you told me to have faith, but see, um, 513 00:23:33,004 --> 00:23:36,014 I'm kind of losing mine, so, so... 514 00:23:37,012 --> 00:23:38,022 I need a sign. 515 00:23:38,019 --> 00:23:41,009 What, like in those old religious movies, 516 00:23:41,007 --> 00:23:43,007 you want a voice from above? 517 00:23:43,014 --> 00:23:45,014 Just tell me I'm the one. 518 00:23:46,021 --> 00:23:49,011 Come on, you don't have to tell your mother 519 00:23:49,012 --> 00:23:51,022 or the whole world, just... 520 00:23:53,020 --> 00:23:55,010 Just tell me. 521 00:24:11,009 --> 00:24:13,009 I can't do this. 522 00:24:14,007 --> 00:24:16,007 Carrie, Carrie. 523 00:24:17,022 --> 00:24:22,002 Carrie, just get in the car, please. 524 00:24:23,013 --> 00:24:24,023 I can't. 525 00:24:26,016 --> 00:24:28,016 I love you, but I can't. 526 00:24:34,011 --> 00:24:36,011 So that's it? 527 00:24:50,002 --> 00:24:52,002 ♪ No regrets ♪ 528 00:24:53,022 --> 00:25:00,012 ♪ Although our love affair has gone astray ♪ 529 00:25:00,009 --> 00:25:05,009 ♪ No regrets ♪ 530 00:25:05,010 --> 00:25:08,000 After he left, I cried for a week. 531 00:25:10,005 --> 00:25:12,015 And then I realized I do have faith... 532 00:25:12,023 --> 00:25:15,023 Faith in myself. 533 00:25:15,023 --> 00:25:18,013 Faith that I would one day meet someone 534 00:25:18,016 --> 00:25:21,996 who would be sure that I was the one. 535 00:25:22,005 --> 00:25:27,005 ♪ Still in my heart you'll be ♪ 536 00:25:27,023 --> 00:25:32,023 ♪ Forever mine ♪ 537 00:25:34,000 --> 00:25:37,010 ♪ No regrets ♪