1 00:00:48,005 --> 00:00:51,005 Once upon a time, 2 00:00:51,010 --> 00:00:53,020 in a kingdom far away, 3 00:00:55,012 --> 00:00:59,022 a certain man and a slightly less certain woman 4 00:00:59,017 --> 00:01:01,997 kept bumping into one another. 5 00:01:03,009 --> 00:01:05,009 They seemed to meet everywhere. 6 00:01:08,009 --> 00:01:09,999 On street corners, 7 00:01:12,016 --> 00:01:14,006 at parties. 8 00:01:14,016 --> 00:01:18,006 It was almost as if they were dating accidentally. 9 00:01:18,010 --> 00:01:21,000 And then, after another chance meeting 10 00:01:21,004 --> 00:01:23,014 at a wealthy lawyer's new son's bris... 11 00:01:23,016 --> 00:01:25,016 Oh! 12 00:01:25,022 --> 00:01:30,002 ...they decided to pick a time to bump into each other on purpose. 13 00:01:30,002 --> 00:01:31,022 You wanna go out and get... 14 00:01:32,017 --> 00:01:33,997 Saturday, 10:30, 15 00:01:34,002 --> 00:01:36,012 the hottest new restaurant in Manhattan. 16 00:01:36,014 --> 00:01:40,024 -You're not on the list. Samantha's PR firm was handling the opening. 17 00:01:41,000 --> 00:01:42,010 Hi. -Hey. 18 00:01:42,007 --> 00:01:43,997 Hey! Hi, pretty. 19 00:01:44,021 --> 00:01:46,011 So, isn't Brian great? 20 00:01:46,009 --> 00:01:48,009 Charlotte had a new boyfriend. 21 00:01:48,009 --> 00:01:52,009 looks, manners, money. 22 00:01:52,008 --> 00:01:54,018 Did I tell you he wants to buy a painting from my gallery? 23 00:01:55,001 --> 00:01:57,021 Love and a commission, she couldn't have been happier. 24 00:01:58,001 --> 00:01:59,021 Alright, it's official, he's late. 25 00:01:59,020 --> 00:02:00,020 Who? 26 00:02:00,018 --> 00:02:02,008 Mr. Big, who else? 27 00:02:02,007 --> 00:02:04,017 Carrie, that's great! Is it a date? 28 00:02:05,001 --> 00:02:06,001 No, he called it a "thing." 29 00:02:06,002 --> 00:02:07,012 He said "Meet me... 30 00:02:07,007 --> 00:02:08,997 meet me for a drink thing." 31 00:02:09,003 --> 00:02:10,023 He never used the "D" word. 32 00:02:10,019 --> 00:02:12,009 Well, thing is good. 33 00:02:12,009 --> 00:02:13,999 I mean, thing comes before date. 34 00:02:14,003 --> 00:02:16,003 Well, let's hope so. Alright, I'm gonna go in. 35 00:02:16,002 --> 00:02:16,022 -Okay. -Okay. 36 00:02:17,000 --> 00:02:17,020 See you in there. 37 00:02:18,000 --> 00:02:19,010 Where did Skipper go? 38 00:02:19,015 --> 00:02:21,015 Oh, I don't know how you can date that younger guy. 39 00:02:21,021 --> 00:02:23,021 I mean, they're so scattered and unfocused. 40 00:02:23,017 --> 00:02:25,017 We're not dating, it's a fuck thing. 41 00:02:26,023 --> 00:02:28,023 -Girls, isn't this fun? Hello! 42 00:02:28,023 --> 00:02:31,003 I've turned away twenty so far. 43 00:02:31,002 --> 00:02:33,022 People are actually crying. 44 00:02:37,008 --> 00:02:38,998 Okay. Bye. 45 00:02:40,012 --> 00:02:42,012 Um, something came up. 46 00:02:42,014 --> 00:02:44,014 He's not gonna meet me. 47 00:02:44,008 --> 00:02:46,998 Here, will you listen to this and tell me if you can figure out 48 00:02:47,003 --> 00:02:49,003 whether he's not meeting me as a date 49 00:02:49,006 --> 00:02:50,016 or not meeting me as a friend? 50 00:02:50,021 --> 00:02:52,011 Alright. 51 00:02:52,010 --> 00:02:54,020 Sometimes you need a second opinion. 52 00:02:54,021 --> 00:02:57,011 With doctors, real estate, men. 53 00:02:57,009 --> 00:02:58,999 Well? 54 00:02:59,006 --> 00:03:00,996 I have no idea. 55 00:03:01,010 --> 00:03:04,010 And I finished first in my litigation class. 56 00:03:04,012 --> 00:03:06,012 How pathetic do I feel 57 00:03:06,010 --> 00:03:09,020 asking you if a guy kinda likes me? 58 00:03:10,023 --> 00:03:12,013 There you are! 59 00:03:12,007 --> 00:03:13,007 Hey! -Hey. 60 00:03:13,014 --> 00:03:15,004 Hi. 61 00:03:15,003 --> 00:03:17,003 Carrie, Miranda, 62 00:03:17,004 --> 00:03:20,014 this is the hottest chef in New York, Jon. 63 00:03:20,011 --> 00:03:21,021 Jon. 64 00:03:21,019 --> 00:03:22,019 J-o-n. 65 00:03:22,018 --> 00:03:24,008 No "H", no last name. 66 00:03:24,009 --> 00:03:26,019 His blue crab strudel was so fabulous he didn't need one. 67 00:03:26,023 --> 00:03:30,003 And this is his very cute friend, Sam. 68 00:03:30,002 --> 00:03:31,002 Hey. 69 00:03:31,005 --> 00:03:32,005 Sam? 70 00:03:32,011 --> 00:03:33,011 Who's named Sam? 71 00:03:33,014 --> 00:03:34,024 Me. 72 00:03:34,020 --> 00:03:35,020 Can I get you a drink? 73 00:03:35,023 --> 00:03:37,023 Oh, good luck, the bar is packed. 74 00:03:37,022 --> 00:03:40,012 No problem, 'cause the bartender's a buddy of mine. 75 00:03:40,011 --> 00:03:42,011 -Miranda? Martini. 76 00:03:42,014 --> 00:03:46,024 Twenty-something guys always know the really important "B" 77 00:03:47,016 --> 00:03:49,016 busboys, bouncers. 78 00:03:49,020 --> 00:03:51,010 Plus, they have cute butts. 79 00:03:51,014 --> 00:03:52,014 Hmm... 80 00:03:52,016 --> 00:03:54,006 That's the Times critic. 81 00:03:54,009 --> 00:03:55,999 I'd better go. 82 00:03:58,004 --> 00:03:59,024 Mmm. 83 00:04:10,002 --> 00:04:12,012 Did I mention I'm sleeping with him? 84 00:04:16,002 --> 00:04:17,012 Skipper! 85 00:04:19,022 --> 00:04:21,022 He's lost. We gotta... 86 00:04:24,005 --> 00:04:25,005 They stopped making martinis, 87 00:04:25,011 --> 00:04:27,021 so I got us two rum and Cokes, is that okay? 88 00:04:27,018 --> 00:04:30,008 Well, I hate rum and I hate Coke, 89 00:04:30,009 --> 00:04:31,009 but thanks. 90 00:04:31,014 --> 00:04:34,014 Martinis, ladies? -Well, look at you. 91 00:04:34,012 --> 00:04:36,002 I was a waiter at TGIF. 92 00:04:36,005 --> 00:04:37,015 Fabulous. 93 00:04:40,007 --> 00:04:41,997 -Hey. -Hey. 94 00:04:42,002 --> 00:04:43,012 -Sam. -Skipper. 95 00:04:43,011 --> 00:04:44,021 -Hey. -Hey. 96 00:04:45,001 --> 00:04:47,011 They liked each other immediately. 97 00:04:47,017 --> 00:04:49,007 You want to see something? 98 00:04:50,013 --> 00:04:51,023 Come here. 99 00:04:53,023 --> 00:04:56,013 Can you narrow that down a little bit? 100 00:04:58,005 --> 00:04:59,015 Wait. I didn't-- 101 00:05:00,023 --> 00:05:03,023 No fair. Do it over. Let me see it. 102 00:05:03,021 --> 00:05:04,021 Oh! 103 00:05:06,023 --> 00:05:08,013 -Hey! -Hey! 104 00:05:08,015 --> 00:05:09,015 It's you. 105 00:05:09,019 --> 00:05:11,009 I've been looking all over for you. 106 00:05:11,011 --> 00:05:12,021 Here you are, 107 00:05:13,001 --> 00:05:14,011 holding a tongue. 108 00:05:14,016 --> 00:05:16,006 Well, your message said you weren't coming. 109 00:05:16,012 --> 00:05:18,012 I thought I said I'd try to make it for an hour. 110 00:05:18,014 --> 00:05:20,004 Well, yeah, but then you said that-- 111 00:05:20,004 --> 00:05:22,024 -What-- What did I say? -Never mind, never mind. 112 00:05:23,000 --> 00:05:24,020 You're here. You have an hour. Let's have a drink. 113 00:05:25,000 --> 00:05:27,000 Well, I was outside trying to get in for 30 minutes, 114 00:05:27,002 --> 00:05:28,022 inside looking for you for 20 minutes. 115 00:05:28,017 --> 00:05:31,017 So that leaves me with just enough time to tell you that... 116 00:05:32,014 --> 00:05:35,024 I'm out of time. You have fun. 117 00:05:35,023 --> 00:05:39,023 Men in their 40's are like the New York Times Sunday crossword puzzle. 118 00:05:39,020 --> 00:05:41,010 Tricky, complicated, 119 00:05:41,012 --> 00:05:44,002 and you're never really sure you've got the right answer. 120 00:05:44,004 --> 00:05:46,014 This place is tired. 121 00:05:47,009 --> 00:05:48,019 Do you want to get out of here? 122 00:05:49,000 --> 00:05:50,010 Sure. 123 00:05:51,021 --> 00:05:53,001 Uh-huh. 124 00:05:53,013 --> 00:05:55,013 Why not? 125 00:05:55,013 --> 00:05:57,003 A short cab ride later, 126 00:05:57,005 --> 00:05:59,005 Samantha, Jon, no "H", Sam and I, 127 00:05:59,015 --> 00:06:02,005 found ourselves at the nearby twenty-something club. 128 00:06:03,014 --> 00:06:05,024 I can't believe you made Jon leave his own opening. 129 00:06:06,001 --> 00:06:07,021 Well, he is way too happening 130 00:06:07,018 --> 00:06:10,008 to be seen someplace borderline tired. 131 00:06:10,013 --> 00:06:11,023 It was a tough town. 132 00:06:11,023 --> 00:06:14,023 Hot places had the life span of a med fly. 133 00:06:14,023 --> 00:06:16,003 Samantha, 134 00:06:16,004 --> 00:06:18,024 everybody in here is in their twenties. 135 00:06:18,017 --> 00:06:20,007 And so are we. 136 00:06:20,015 --> 00:06:21,995 As I glanced around the room, 137 00:06:22,006 --> 00:06:26,016 I was amazed at the wide variety of great twenty-something guys. 138 00:06:27,008 --> 00:06:29,018 The groovy guy. 139 00:06:30,000 --> 00:06:31,020 The corporate guy. 140 00:06:32,009 --> 00:06:33,999 The jock guy. 141 00:06:35,005 --> 00:06:36,015 The underage guy. 142 00:06:40,014 --> 00:06:44,014 Oh, there you are. How are you? 143 00:06:46,016 --> 00:06:47,016 Big couch. 144 00:06:48,000 --> 00:06:51,010 Oh, here. You can squeeze. 145 00:06:52,002 --> 00:06:54,012 Oh! Whoa! 146 00:06:54,022 --> 00:06:57,012 Oh! 147 00:06:58,005 --> 00:06:59,005 I'm all right. 148 00:07:00,006 --> 00:07:02,016 I'm not too heavy? I don't weigh too much? 149 00:07:02,018 --> 00:07:04,008 Oh, right, you weigh like nothing. 150 00:07:04,008 --> 00:07:06,008 Aw, what's cuter than that? 151 00:07:07,021 --> 00:07:10,001 As we took a swig from our pony-necked beers, 152 00:07:10,006 --> 00:07:13,006 I remembered another type of twenty-something guy. 153 00:07:13,009 --> 00:07:14,019 So, 154 00:07:15,002 --> 00:07:16,022 what's it like to kiss with that thing? 155 00:07:18,004 --> 00:07:20,024 You want to find out? 156 00:07:24,002 --> 00:07:26,012 The really good kisser guy. 157 00:07:40,005 --> 00:07:41,015 Hello. 158 00:07:41,019 --> 00:07:43,009 I am so fucked. 159 00:07:43,009 --> 00:07:44,009 What's wrong? 160 00:07:44,009 --> 00:07:45,019 No, I mean, literally. 161 00:07:45,019 --> 00:07:48,009 I have been fucked every way you can be fucked. 162 00:07:48,012 --> 00:07:52,002 If you keep talking like that, I'm going to have to charge you by the minute. 163 00:07:52,004 --> 00:07:54,014 As I searched for my morning Marlboro Light, 164 00:07:54,007 --> 00:07:57,997 Samantha proceeded to give me a rundown of her night with Jon. 165 00:07:58,004 --> 00:08:00,004 No "H", no inhibitions. 166 00:08:00,003 --> 00:08:02,013 We did it with him on top. 167 00:08:02,009 --> 00:08:05,019 Me on top. Me on my side. 168 00:08:06,006 --> 00:08:07,006 Him on his side? 169 00:08:07,013 --> 00:08:09,003 Oh, God, yes. 170 00:08:09,006 --> 00:08:10,006 On his back, 171 00:08:10,014 --> 00:08:11,024 on his side, 172 00:08:11,017 --> 00:08:13,007 on his face. 173 00:08:13,007 --> 00:08:13,997 Have you ever done that? 174 00:08:14,006 --> 00:08:15,996 It's too early to remember. 175 00:08:16,004 --> 00:08:17,004 Well, do it immediately. 176 00:08:17,006 --> 00:08:18,016 It is fabulous. 177 00:08:18,021 --> 00:08:21,021 These guys in their twenties, they are up for anything. 178 00:08:21,019 --> 00:08:23,019 How did it go with, uh... 179 00:08:23,019 --> 00:08:25,009 you and Sam? 180 00:08:25,007 --> 00:08:26,997 We kissed. 181 00:08:27,012 --> 00:08:29,002 Just kissed? 182 00:08:29,011 --> 00:08:32,001 No. We just kissed for five hours. 183 00:08:32,017 --> 00:08:36,007 At the club, in front of the club, on the corner of the club. 184 00:08:36,012 --> 00:08:39,002 I forgot how much fun it is to just kiss, you know, 185 00:08:39,012 --> 00:08:41,002 even if I did only get about two hours sleep. 186 00:08:41,006 --> 00:08:43,016 I didn't sleep at all. 187 00:08:43,020 --> 00:08:46,020 As Samantha went on about her sexual escapades, 188 00:08:46,022 --> 00:08:48,022 I glanced down at my arm. 189 00:08:48,021 --> 00:08:50,021 There it was in Bic blue. 190 00:08:50,022 --> 00:08:53,002 Twenty-something Sam's phone number. 191 00:08:53,002 --> 00:08:56,022 I had this sudden urge to call but I'd just left him. 192 00:08:56,018 --> 00:08:58,018 Hell, my lips were still swollen. 193 00:08:59,000 --> 00:09:00,020 Why this sudden craving? 194 00:09:00,022 --> 00:09:04,022 Are men in their twenties the new designer drug? 195 00:09:04,021 --> 00:09:08,011 Yes, Samantha, Miranda and I were all recreational users, 196 00:09:08,013 --> 00:09:11,003 but were we getting into something we couldn't handle? 197 00:09:11,003 --> 00:09:14,023 Okay. We were attracted to younger men for various reasons. 198 00:09:15,000 --> 00:09:16,010 But I couldn't help but wonder, 199 00:09:16,011 --> 00:09:18,011 what do they see in us? 200 00:09:19,007 --> 00:09:21,017 Women in their thirties are just so grateful. 201 00:09:22,001 --> 00:09:24,021 It's like every bullshit, nice thing you do 202 00:09:24,020 --> 00:09:26,020 is like throwing food to the starving. 203 00:09:29,004 --> 00:09:30,014 Take your shot! 204 00:09:32,007 --> 00:09:35,007 They give great head and know a lot about wine. 205 00:09:39,003 --> 00:09:40,023 They remind me of my mom. 206 00:09:46,016 --> 00:09:49,996 They know who they are and what they want. And I like that. 207 00:09:53,003 --> 00:09:55,023 Come on, take it! Come on, take it, man! 208 00:09:57,004 --> 00:09:57,024 Fuck! 209 00:09:58,001 --> 00:09:59,021 smart pussy. 210 00:10:02,004 --> 00:10:04,004 Shoot it! 211 00:10:04,002 --> 00:10:06,002 Later that week, Miranda and I compared notes. 212 00:10:06,006 --> 00:10:08,016 Shouldn't we be dating men our own age? 213 00:10:08,017 --> 00:10:10,007 Good luck finding one. 214 00:10:10,007 --> 00:10:12,997 There are no available men in their thirties in New York. 215 00:10:13,005 --> 00:10:15,015 Giuliani had them removed along with the homeless. 216 00:10:17,003 --> 00:10:18,013 Well, so then what's really going on here? 217 00:10:18,015 --> 00:10:21,015 I mean, is it younger... younger men feel safer? 218 00:10:21,017 --> 00:10:23,997 What's really going on here is sex. 219 00:10:24,006 --> 00:10:25,996 Good old fashioned, eager to please, 220 00:10:26,006 --> 00:10:28,006 do what I tell you to, Eagle Scout sex. 221 00:10:28,016 --> 00:10:30,006 Yeah, but I'm not having sex. 222 00:10:30,008 --> 00:10:31,018 It's a kissing thing. 223 00:10:32,003 --> 00:10:33,013 So what's the big deal? 224 00:10:33,016 --> 00:10:34,996 It's just a fling. 225 00:10:35,004 --> 00:10:37,014 It's not like we're throwing out our schedules or anything. 226 00:10:37,009 --> 00:10:38,999 Oh, sweetie, I gotta go. 227 00:10:39,003 --> 00:10:40,023 -Yeah? -I'm late for a meeting with my editor. 228 00:10:40,023 --> 00:10:41,023 -Oh. Bye! 229 00:10:42,000 --> 00:10:43,000 Bye. 230 00:10:44,019 --> 00:10:46,019 I didn't want to tell her I canceled lunch 231 00:10:46,019 --> 00:10:47,999 with my editor to go to Banana Republic 232 00:10:48,006 --> 00:10:50,006 and help twenty-something Sam pick out a shirt. 233 00:10:54,023 --> 00:10:55,023 Here. 234 00:10:57,007 --> 00:11:00,007 As I helped him try them on, I thought... 235 00:11:00,009 --> 00:11:03,009 he's sweet, he's fun, and I think he likes me. 236 00:11:03,010 --> 00:11:05,010 Could he be more than a fling? 237 00:11:05,008 --> 00:11:07,998 Could he be a potential boyfriend? 238 00:11:08,005 --> 00:11:09,015 Please. 239 00:11:10,016 --> 00:11:12,006 This isn't the Gap. 240 00:11:14,008 --> 00:11:15,018 What's wrong with him? 241 00:11:15,018 --> 00:11:17,998 And speaking of potential boyfriends... 242 00:11:18,005 --> 00:11:20,005 later that week the crossword puzzle 243 00:11:20,007 --> 00:11:22,017 asked me to meet him for a drink, blank. 244 00:11:22,018 --> 00:11:25,998 Not quite a date, five letters, starts with a "T". 245 00:11:30,007 --> 00:11:31,017 Yeah, whoever this is, I can't talk. 246 00:11:31,020 --> 00:11:33,020 -I'm late for a drink thing. -I just need five minutes. 247 00:11:33,022 --> 00:11:35,022 I'm meeting Brian later and I don't know what to do. 248 00:11:35,022 --> 00:11:38,012 -About what? Well, last night 249 00:11:38,009 --> 00:11:40,019 after a movie, we were walking down 2nd Avenue 250 00:11:40,021 --> 00:11:42,021 -and we we just pass that cute little-- -Four minutes, Charlotte. 251 00:11:42,018 --> 00:11:46,008 Okay, I can't just blurt out what he asked me, it's embarrassing. 252 00:11:46,010 --> 00:11:47,010 What? 253 00:11:47,014 --> 00:11:50,004 What did the perfect boyfriend ask? 254 00:11:51,017 --> 00:11:53,997 Meet me in front of your apartment in ten minutes. 255 00:11:57,004 --> 00:11:58,024 Okay, words are essential. 256 00:11:58,018 --> 00:12:00,018 Tell me exactly how he worded it. 257 00:12:00,021 --> 00:12:03,011 "We've been seeing each other for a couple of weeks. 258 00:12:03,015 --> 00:12:04,015 I really like you, 259 00:12:04,022 --> 00:12:06,022 and tomorrow night after dinner, 260 00:12:06,021 --> 00:12:08,021 I want us to have anal sex." 261 00:12:08,021 --> 00:12:11,011 Okay, next stop is gonna be 62nd and Madison. 262 00:12:11,014 --> 00:12:12,024 Sixty-second and Madison? 263 00:12:12,017 --> 00:12:13,017 We're picking up Miranda. 264 00:12:13,021 --> 00:12:15,001 -No, God, no. -Yes, and then 265 00:12:15,005 --> 00:12:17,005 -we're picking up Samantha. -Oh, Carrie, no. 266 00:12:17,012 --> 00:12:19,022 Sweetie, listen, you need all the girl support you can get 267 00:12:19,019 --> 00:12:21,009 and I'm late for drinks with Big. 268 00:12:21,007 --> 00:12:22,017 Oh, that's great. 269 00:12:22,018 --> 00:12:25,008 Even in her state of abject blackness, 270 00:12:25,007 --> 00:12:27,007 Charlotte was a dating optimist. 271 00:12:27,010 --> 00:12:28,010 It all depends. 272 00:12:28,012 --> 00:12:30,012 -How much do you like him? -A lot. 273 00:12:30,014 --> 00:12:32,024 Dating a few months until someone better comes along a lot, 274 00:12:33,001 --> 00:12:35,011 or marrying and moving to East Hampton a lot? 275 00:12:35,007 --> 00:12:37,007 I don't know. I'm not sure. 276 00:12:37,007 --> 00:12:38,997 Well, you better get sure real quick. 277 00:12:39,003 --> 00:12:40,013 You're scaring me. 278 00:12:40,009 --> 00:12:41,019 -Okay. -Don't scare her. 279 00:12:41,021 --> 00:12:43,011 It's all about control. 280 00:12:43,012 --> 00:12:45,022 If he goes up there, there's going to be a shift in power. 281 00:12:46,000 --> 00:12:47,020 Either he'll have the upper hand or you will. 282 00:12:48,001 --> 00:12:50,001 Now there's a certain camp that believe whoever holds 283 00:12:50,005 --> 00:12:51,995 the dick, holds the power but... 284 00:12:52,004 --> 00:12:52,024 Hello. 285 00:12:53,001 --> 00:12:54,011 You're driving. 286 00:12:56,018 --> 00:12:57,998 if he goes up your butt, 287 00:12:58,004 --> 00:13:00,004 will he respect you more or respect you less? 288 00:13:00,002 --> 00:13:01,012 That's the issue. 289 00:13:01,007 --> 00:13:02,017 No, no smoking in cab. 290 00:13:03,022 --> 00:13:05,012 Sir, we're talking up the butt. 291 00:13:05,008 --> 00:13:06,018 A cigarette is in order. 292 00:13:07,012 --> 00:13:08,022 Front, back, who cares? 293 00:13:08,019 --> 00:13:10,009 A hole is a hole. 294 00:13:10,009 --> 00:13:11,009 Can I quote you? 295 00:13:11,013 --> 00:13:12,013 Oh, don't be so judgmental. 296 00:13:12,016 --> 00:13:14,016 You could use a little back door. 297 00:13:14,019 --> 00:13:16,009 I'm not a hole. 298 00:13:16,010 --> 00:13:17,010 Honey, we know. 299 00:13:17,014 --> 00:13:18,024 Look, all I'm saying, that this is... 300 00:13:19,000 --> 00:13:21,010 This is a physical expression that the body was-- 301 00:13:21,014 --> 00:13:23,014 well, it was designed to experience. 302 00:13:23,011 --> 00:13:24,011 And P.S. 303 00:13:24,012 --> 00:13:26,002 It's fabulous. 304 00:13:26,002 --> 00:13:27,002 What are you talking about? 305 00:13:27,005 --> 00:13:28,005 I went to Smith. 306 00:13:28,013 --> 00:13:31,003 Look, I'm just saying, with the right guy 307 00:13:31,003 --> 00:13:32,013 and the right lubricant... 308 00:13:35,011 --> 00:13:37,011 Whoa. 309 00:13:37,008 --> 00:13:38,998 What was that? 310 00:13:39,005 --> 00:13:40,005 A preview? 311 00:13:47,006 --> 00:13:48,016 Thanks. 312 00:13:52,009 --> 00:13:55,019 Well, I can't believe it. 313 00:13:56,001 --> 00:13:58,011 Same time, same place. 314 00:13:59,004 --> 00:14:00,024 Just you and me. 315 00:14:01,009 --> 00:14:03,019 Well, sort of. 316 00:14:04,010 --> 00:14:06,010 Meet my friend, Jack. 317 00:14:08,005 --> 00:14:08,995 Oh. 318 00:14:09,004 --> 00:14:10,014 Hi, how are you? 319 00:14:11,017 --> 00:14:13,007 Marvelous. Going through my second divorce, 320 00:14:13,010 --> 00:14:16,000 bitch is getting everything the first bitch didn't. 321 00:14:16,002 --> 00:14:20,002 There he was, right in the middle of my drink thing. 322 00:14:20,006 --> 00:14:21,996 Mr. Marvelous. 323 00:14:22,018 --> 00:14:23,018 Jesus. 324 00:14:24,007 --> 00:14:26,007 Look at that beautiful woman. 325 00:14:27,008 --> 00:14:29,008 I'm gonna go ask her to join us for dinner. 326 00:14:29,007 --> 00:14:30,007 Excuse me. 327 00:14:30,011 --> 00:14:31,011 Okay. 328 00:14:37,022 --> 00:14:40,012 He called me crying. 329 00:14:45,012 --> 00:14:46,022 Do you forgive me? 330 00:14:49,013 --> 00:14:50,023 Here's what. 331 00:14:54,015 --> 00:14:56,995 Why don't you two have a guy's night. 332 00:14:57,005 --> 00:14:59,995 You know, talk, cry, shoot bear. 333 00:15:00,004 --> 00:15:02,014 I'm way behind on my column anyway. 334 00:15:03,009 --> 00:15:03,999 Here. 335 00:15:04,006 --> 00:15:06,006 Next round on me. 336 00:15:06,009 --> 00:15:08,019 We'll do our thing another time. 337 00:15:09,021 --> 00:15:11,021 Are you sure? 338 00:15:14,011 --> 00:15:17,011 Abso-fucking-lutely. 339 00:15:17,013 --> 00:15:19,023 I didn't know what I was supposed to feel. 340 00:15:19,023 --> 00:15:23,013 Confused, sad, rejected? 341 00:15:23,014 --> 00:15:25,024 I decided to walk to clear my head. 342 00:15:25,022 --> 00:15:28,012 Also, I just left my cab fare on the table. 343 00:15:28,014 --> 00:15:30,004 So I walked. 344 00:15:30,002 --> 00:15:33,012 I walked 48 blocks in four hundred dollar shoes. 345 00:15:39,023 --> 00:15:42,013 I just needed something to take the edge off. 346 00:15:46,022 --> 00:15:49,012 A little kiss to make me feel better. 347 00:16:04,011 --> 00:16:06,011 But now, it wasn't working. 348 00:16:06,014 --> 00:16:09,004 I wasn't getting the same rush. 349 00:16:09,002 --> 00:16:11,012 Tonight, I needed more. 350 00:16:11,007 --> 00:16:16,007 Meanwhile, uptown, Charlotte wondered when relationships had gotten so complicated. 351 00:16:16,011 --> 00:16:19,011 She yearned for the time when dinner was followed by dessert, 352 00:16:19,010 --> 00:16:20,020 not lubricant. 353 00:16:21,007 --> 00:16:23,017 I-- I can't, Brian, I can't. 354 00:16:23,018 --> 00:16:25,008 I want to, but I can't. 355 00:16:25,009 --> 00:16:28,019 I mean, actually, no, that's not true. I don't want to. 356 00:16:28,017 --> 00:16:30,017 Or maybe I do. I don't know what I want, but, 357 00:16:30,019 --> 00:16:31,999 I'm afraid if I don't then you'll dump me 358 00:16:32,006 --> 00:16:34,006 and if I do, then I'll be the up-the-butt-girl. 359 00:16:34,008 --> 00:16:35,018 And I don't want to be the up-the-butt-girl. 360 00:16:36,001 --> 00:16:38,011 Because, I mean, men don't marry the up-the-butt-girl. 361 00:16:38,010 --> 00:16:40,000 Who ever heard of Mrs. Up-The-Butt? 362 00:16:40,006 --> 00:16:41,006 No, no, no. 363 00:16:41,012 --> 00:16:42,022 I can't. 364 00:16:43,001 --> 00:16:45,011 I want children and nice bedding and... 365 00:16:45,010 --> 00:16:47,010 I just can't handle this right now. 366 00:16:49,000 --> 00:16:50,010 Can we fuck the regular way? 367 00:16:53,001 --> 00:16:54,021 Yes, please. 368 00:16:59,012 --> 00:17:02,022 That night they made 369 00:17:02,018 --> 00:17:03,998 polite and respectful 370 00:17:04,002 --> 00:17:07,012 on three hundred count Egyptian cotton sheets. 371 00:17:08,015 --> 00:17:10,015 Meanwhile, downtown... 372 00:17:12,015 --> 00:17:14,995 That was really great. 373 00:17:18,008 --> 00:17:19,018 Do you know... 374 00:17:19,020 --> 00:17:20,020 Yeah. 375 00:17:20,023 --> 00:17:23,013 -...when you lay like that... -Mm-hmm. 376 00:17:23,008 --> 00:17:26,018 ...you have the cutest little wrinkles in your neck. 377 00:17:27,000 --> 00:17:30,010 Samantha realized as long as she dated someone younger, 378 00:17:30,014 --> 00:17:32,024 she would always be older. 379 00:17:32,023 --> 00:17:35,013 She gave up twenty-somethings right then and there. 380 00:17:35,013 --> 00:17:37,013 As Samantha went cold turkey... 381 00:17:39,019 --> 00:17:41,999 I got in deeper and deeper. 382 00:17:49,022 --> 00:17:50,022 Oh, that was... 383 00:17:50,021 --> 00:17:52,011 Totally awesome. 384 00:17:52,012 --> 00:17:54,022 I was hooked. Gone. 385 00:17:54,020 --> 00:17:56,010 Who cares about age, 386 00:17:56,008 --> 00:17:57,008 crossword puzzles, 387 00:17:57,015 --> 00:17:59,005 the cab money I'd left on the table? 388 00:17:59,008 --> 00:18:00,018 This felt so good. 389 00:18:00,020 --> 00:18:02,020 I'd do anything to keep this high. 390 00:18:03,000 --> 00:18:06,010 And just when I thought I couldn't get any higher... 391 00:18:06,010 --> 00:18:08,010 he spooned me. 392 00:18:17,014 --> 00:18:21,014 I woke up wanting more, or maybe not. 393 00:18:21,016 --> 00:18:22,996 In the gray morning light, 394 00:18:23,002 --> 00:18:26,022 everything looked completely different. 395 00:18:26,022 --> 00:18:31,012 Candles from Urban Outfitter, dirty laundry, a pizza box. 396 00:18:31,014 --> 00:18:33,024 Suddenly, reality hit. 397 00:18:34,001 --> 00:18:36,011 I'm in a twenty-something apartment. 398 00:18:38,001 --> 00:18:39,011 Morning, babe. 399 00:18:39,021 --> 00:18:41,001 Morning. 400 00:18:41,003 --> 00:18:43,013 Fuck! I had this amazing dream. 401 00:18:44,015 --> 00:18:48,995 My father and my ex-girlfriend were, like, dead or something. 402 00:18:49,006 --> 00:18:50,006 Hey, how you doing? 403 00:18:50,016 --> 00:18:51,996 It's good to see you. 404 00:18:52,003 --> 00:18:53,013 Coffee. I need coffee. 405 00:18:53,009 --> 00:18:55,009 Yeah, it's in the, in the kitchen. 406 00:18:55,009 --> 00:18:57,999 And I had these big hands! 407 00:18:58,003 --> 00:19:00,023 Like big aluminum hands. 408 00:19:01,009 --> 00:19:05,019 And I lived in this, like, big missile silo that was 409 00:19:06,000 --> 00:19:08,010 totally nuclear and it was surrounded by, like, 410 00:19:08,009 --> 00:19:11,019 my enemies and shit, and one by one, they'd run at me. 411 00:19:11,022 --> 00:19:14,022 I mean, they got inside somehow. 412 00:19:14,018 --> 00:19:16,008 I don't remember, but... 413 00:19:16,007 --> 00:19:17,017 they would like run at me 414 00:19:17,021 --> 00:19:21,011 and I would crush them to pieces with my big aluminum hands. 415 00:19:21,015 --> 00:19:23,015 I, like, I crushed this one guy. 416 00:19:23,018 --> 00:19:28,008 He had no face and stuff, but I crushed him. 417 00:19:28,021 --> 00:19:32,021 I could crush anything with these big fucking hands, man. 418 00:19:32,021 --> 00:19:35,001 -You don't have any coffee-- 419 00:19:35,012 --> 00:19:36,022 You don't have any coffee filters. 420 00:19:36,017 --> 00:19:38,017 Oh, I'll make that. That's alright. 421 00:19:38,021 --> 00:19:39,021 Oh! 422 00:19:39,020 --> 00:19:41,000 You were in the dream. 423 00:19:41,004 --> 00:19:43,024 As this beautiful unicorn woman 424 00:19:44,000 --> 00:19:46,000 with glass eyes. 425 00:19:46,004 --> 00:19:47,024 You, coffee. Me, bathroom. 426 00:19:48,000 --> 00:19:51,000 Yeah. That'd make a kick-ass song, wouldn't it? 427 00:19:51,003 --> 00:19:52,023 ♪ Unicorn woman ♪ 428 00:19:52,023 --> 00:19:55,023 -Coffee. -♪ Ooo, ooo, ooo ♪ 429 00:20:01,004 --> 00:20:03,004 Oh, that's my roommate. 430 00:20:04,021 --> 00:20:07,011 Every fiber in my thirty-something being 431 00:20:07,015 --> 00:20:10,015 was screaming, "Get out. You're too old for this." 432 00:20:10,017 --> 00:20:12,017 And just when I thought I couldn't sink any lower... 433 00:20:15,019 --> 00:20:17,019 I need toilet paper! 434 00:20:18,010 --> 00:20:21,010 I'm just using the last of it to make the coffee. 435 00:20:27,020 --> 00:20:31,020 I decided the only way to break free was to move from one addiction 436 00:20:31,018 --> 00:20:32,998 to an even bigger one. 437 00:20:35,006 --> 00:20:36,006 Shoes. 438 00:20:38,008 --> 00:20:40,018 A couple of blocks and way too much money later, 439 00:20:40,020 --> 00:20:44,020 I realized I had just entered an interesting chapter in my life. 440 00:20:45,001 --> 00:20:46,011 I had outgrown the boys of my past 441 00:20:46,016 --> 00:20:49,006 and not quite grown into the men of my future. 442 00:20:49,012 --> 00:20:50,022 Hey! 443 00:20:50,021 --> 00:20:52,001 Hi. 444 00:20:52,002 --> 00:20:53,012 Hello. -Hi, how are ya? 445 00:20:53,014 --> 00:20:57,004 Why is it in a city of ten million men, 446 00:20:57,005 --> 00:20:58,015 you always see the one you don't want 447 00:20:58,018 --> 00:21:00,008 and never see the one you-- 448 00:21:00,011 --> 00:21:02,021 Hi. 449 00:21:03,023 --> 00:21:05,013 What are you doing down there? 450 00:21:05,013 --> 00:21:06,023 Oh, it's a wobbly table. 451 00:21:07,001 --> 00:21:08,011 Guess I have the touch. 452 00:21:08,013 --> 00:21:09,023 Would you care to join us? 453 00:21:11,003 --> 00:21:12,003 Hinge. 454 00:21:12,013 --> 00:21:14,013 -What? Your crossword puzzle. 455 00:21:15,001 --> 00:21:17,021 Five letter word, to bring together. Hinge. 456 00:21:18,019 --> 00:21:19,019 Well, nice seeing you. 457 00:21:19,019 --> 00:21:21,009 -Bye. -Bye. 458 00:21:21,016 --> 00:21:22,016 Excuse me. 459 00:21:22,020 --> 00:21:24,020 Uh, hey, just so you know, uh... 460 00:21:24,023 --> 00:21:27,013 I would have gotten "hinge" on my own. 461 00:21:27,013 --> 00:21:28,023 Maybe. 462 00:21:28,021 --> 00:21:30,011 I have no doubt. 463 00:21:30,009 --> 00:21:31,019 Now that I've got Jack hooked up, I'm single again. 464 00:21:32,001 --> 00:21:34,011 Maybe we could have dinner sometime? 465 00:21:34,009 --> 00:21:36,019 Hmm. I don't know. 466 00:21:36,023 --> 00:21:38,003 I'm good at crossword puzzles. 467 00:21:38,006 --> 00:21:40,996 I'm just not so good at people puzzles. 468 00:21:41,011 --> 00:21:42,021 Anywhere you want. 469 00:21:42,023 --> 00:21:44,013 Just you and me. 470 00:21:46,013 --> 00:21:47,023 Call me. 471 00:21:49,014 --> 00:21:51,024 As I walked away, 472 00:21:51,023 --> 00:21:53,023 maybe all men are a drug. 473 00:21:53,017 --> 00:21:55,007 Sometimes they bring you down 474 00:21:55,011 --> 00:21:58,021 and sometimes, like now, they get you so high. 475 00:22:00,019 --> 00:22:05,009 Damn... It would have been so cool if I hadn't looked back.