Once upon a time
an English journalist came to New York.
Elizabeth was attractive and bright,
and right away she hooked up with one of the city's
typically eligible bachelors.
The question remains,
is this really a company we want to own?
Tim was forty-two.
A well-liked and respected investment banker,
who made about two million a year.
They met one evening in typical New York fashion,
at a gallery opening.
Like it?
Yes, actually. I think it's quite interesting.
What?
I feel like I know you from somewhere.
Oh, doubtful.
I only just moved here from London.
London, really?
That's my all-time favorite city.
It is?
Absolutely.
It was love at first sight.
You know...
I think perhaps I have met you somewhere before.
For two weeks they snuggled,
went to romantic restaurants...
had wonderful sex...
and shared the most intimate secrets.
One warm spring day he took her to a townhouse
he saw in Sunday's New York Times.
How about if we start at the top and work our way down?
There are four bedrooms upstairs.
Do you have any children?
Not yet.
That day, Tim popped the question.
How'd you like to have dinner with my folks Tuesday night?
I'd love to.
On Tuesday, he called with some bad news.
My mother's not feeling very well.
Oh, gosh, I'm sorry.
Can we take a rain check?
Of course.
Tell your mom I hope she feels better.
When she hadn't heard from him for two weeks, she called.
Tim, it's Elizabeth.
That's an awfully long rain check.
He said he was up to his ears and that he'd call the next day.
He never did call, of course. Bastard.
She told me one day over coffee...
I don't understand.
In England, looking at houses together,
would have meant something.
Then I realized, no one had told her
about the end of love in Manhattan.
Welcome to the age of un-innocence.
No one has "breakfast at Tiffany's"
and no one has "affairs to remember."
Instead, we have breakfast at 7:00 a.m.
and affairs we try to forget as quickly as possible.
Self-protection and closing the deal are paramount.
Cupid has flown the co-op.
How the hell did we get into this mess?
There are thousands,
maybe tens of thousands of women like this in the city.
We all know them and we all agree they're great.
They travel, they pay taxes,
they'll spend $400 on a pair of
Manolo Blahnik strappy sandals,
and they're alone.
It's like the riddle of the Sphinx.
Why are there so many great unmarried women
and no great unmarried men?
I explore these sorts of issues in my column
and I have terrific sources, my friends.
When you're a young guy in your twenties,
women are controlling the relationships.
By the time you're an eligible man in your thirties,
you feel like you're being devoured by women.
Suddenly the guys are holding all the chips.
I call it "the mid-thirties power flip."
It's all about age and biology.
I mean, if you want to get married,
it's to have kids, right?
And you don't want to do it with someone older than 35
'cause then you have to have kids right away
and that's about it.
I think these women should forget about marriage...
and have a good time.
I have a friend
who'd always gone out with extremely sexy guys
and just had a good time.
One day she woke up and she was forty-one.
She couldn't get any more dates.
She had a complete physical breakdown,
couldn't hold on to her job,
and had to move back to Wisconsin
to live with her mother.
Trust me,
this is not a story that makes men feel bad.
Most men are threatened by successful women.
If you want to get these guys,
you have to keep your mouth shut and play by the rules.
I totally believe that love conquers all.
Sometimes you just have to give it a little space
and that's exactly what's missing in Manhattan,
the space for romance.
The problem is expectations,
older women don't want to settle for what's available.
By the time you reach your mid-thirties,
you think, why should I settle?
You know?
It's like the older we get the more we keep self-selecting
down to a smaller and smaller group.
What women really want is Alec Baldwin.
There's not one woman in New York
who hasn't turned down ten wonderful guys
because they were too short, or too fat, or too poor.
I have been out with some of those guys,
the short, fat, poor ones.
It makes absolutely no difference.
They are just as self-centered and unappreciative
as the good-looking ones.
Why don't these women just marry a fat guy?
Why don't they just marry
a big fat tub of lard?
♪ Happy birthday Dear Miranda ♪
♪ Happy birthday to you ♪
Another thirty-something birthday
with a group of unmarried female friends.
We would all have preferred
a nice celebratory conference call.
You were saying?
Look... Look, if you're a successful saleswoman in this city,
you have two choices.
You can bang your head against the wall
and try and find a relationship, or you can say "screw it,"
and just go out and have sex like a man.
You mean with dildos?
No. I mean without feeling.
Samantha Jones was a New York inspiration.
A public relations executive,
she routinely slept with good-looking guys in their twenties.
Mmm! Remember that guy that I was going out with?
Oh, God, what was his name? Drew?
Drew. -Drew the sex god.
Right, well, afterwards, I didn't feel a thing.
It was like, "Hey, babe, gotta go, catch you later."
And I completely forgot about him after that.
But are you sure that that isn't just 'cause he didn't call you?
Sweetheart, this is the first time in the history of Manhattan
that women have had as much money and power as men,
plus the equal luxury of treating men like sex objects.
Yeah, except men in this city fail on both counts.
I mean, they don't want to be in a relationship with you,
but as soon as you only want them for sex, they don't like it.
All of a sudden they can't perform the way they're supposed to.
That's when you dump them.
Oh, come on, ladies, are we really that cynical?
What about romance?
-Yeah! -Who needs it?
It's like that guy, Jeremiah, the poet.
I mean the sex was incredible,
but then he wanted to read me his poetry
and go out to dinner and the whole chat bit,
and I'm like, let's not even go there.
What are you saying? Are you saying you're just gonna
give up on love?
-That's sick! Oh, no. No, no.
Believe me, the right guy comes along
and you two right here, this whole thing,
-shew, right out the window. -That's right!
Listen, the right guy is an illusion.
You understand that, you can start living your life.
So you think it's really possible
to pull off this whole, um...
women having sex like men thing?
You're forgetting The Last Seduction.
You're obsessed with that movie.
Oh, okay! Linda Fiorentino
fucking that guy up against the chain link fence.
And never having one of those,
"Oh, my God, what have I done?" epiphanies.
I hated that movie.
Was it true?
Were women in New York really giving up on love
and throttling up on power?
What a tempting thought.
You know, I'm beginning to think
the only place where one can still find
love and romance in New York
is the gay community.
It's straight love that's become closeted.
Stanford Blatch was one of my closest friends.
He was the owner of a talent agency
who at the moment was down to a single client.
So are you telling me that you're in love?
How could I possibly sustain a relationship?
You know Derek takes up, like, 1000% of my time.
Don't you think that's a bit obsessive?
Carrie, I'm a passionate person.
His career is all I care about.
When that's under control,
then I can concentrate on my personal life.
Stanford,
he's an underwear model.
With a billboard in Times Square.
Oh, my God, don't turn around.
The loathe of your life is at the bar.
It was Kurt Harrington.
A mistake I made when I was twenty-six,
and twenty-nine...
and thirty-one.
Carrie, don't even go there.
What, do you think, I'm a masochist?
The man is scum.
Good, because I don't have the patience
to clean up this mess for the fourth time.
Will you relax?
I don't have a shred of feeling left.
Thank God.
Now, if you'll excuse me, I have to visit the ladies' room.
Carrie!
It was true,
I no longer felt a thing for Kurt.
After all these years,
I finally saw him for what he was,
a self-centered withholding creep,
who was still the best sex I ever had in my life.
However,
I did have a little experiment in mind.
Kurt...
Wow, what are you doing here?
Hey, babe.
God, you look gorgeous.
Thanks.
So, how's life?
Not bad, can't complain.
You?
Oh, you know, just writing the column, the usual.
So, you seeing anyone special?
Not really... You?
Oh, just a couple guys...
But you look good though.
So do you.
So, uh...
What are you doing later?
I thought you weren't talking to me for the rest of your life.
Who said anything about talking?
What do you say to my place, three o'clock.
Alright.
See you there.
Are you out of your mind?
What the hell do you think you're doing?
Oh, calm down, it's research.
Oh, God!
Oh, Kurt!
Kurt was just like I remembered...
-Better. -Yes. Oh...
Because this time
-there would be none of that messy emotional attachment. -Yes. yes. Oh!
Alrighty.
My turn.
Oh, sorry.
I have to go back to work.
What are you kidding? You serious?
Oh, yeah, completely.
But I'll give you a call? Maybe we can do it again some time?
But...
As I began to get dressed,
I realized that I'd done it...
I'd just had sex like a man.
I left feeling powerful, potent, and incredibly alive.
I felt like I owned the city.
Nothing and no one could get in my way.
-Number one... -Here you go.
... he's very handsome.
he's not wearing a wedding ring.
he knows I carry a personal supply
of ultra textured Trojans with the reservoir tip.
Thanks a lot.
Any time.
Later that night,
Skipper Johnston met me for coffee
and confessed a shocking intimate secret.
Thank you.
Do you know that it has been, like, a year?
Really?
I don't understand that, you're such a nice guy.
That's the problem.
You know, I'm too nice, you know?
I'm a romantic.
I just have so much feeling.
Are you sure you're not gay?
No!
I'm sensitive
and I don't objectify women.
You know, most guys, when they meet a girl,
the first thing that they see is, um...
You know...
-Pussy? -Oh, God!
Oh, I hate that word.
Don't you have any friends that you can hook me up with?
No, they're too old for you.
I like older women.
Maybe.
Maybe my friend Miranda.
When?
Tomorrow night.
We're all going downtown to this club, Chaos.
Great.
Don't tell her I'm nice.
Mmm.
Miranda was gonna hate Skipper.
She'd think he was mocking her with his sweet nature
and decide he was an asshole.
The way she had decided all men were assholes.
Hello?
Hey, Carrie, it's Charlotte.
-Hey, sweetie. -Hey, look,
I can't meet you guys for dinner tomorrow night
because I have an amazing date.
With who?
Capote Duncan,
he's supposedly some big shot in the publishing world.
-Do you know him? -Did I know him?
He was one of the city's most notoriously
un-gettable bachelors.
Wait, wait.
Don't even answer that question
because frankly,
I don't care, and another thing,
I'm not buying into any of that women having sex like men crap.
I didn't want to tell her about my afternoon
of cheap and easy sex and how good it felt.
Alright, fine.
Listen, have a good time, and promise to tell me everything.
Well, if you're lucky.
-Bye. -Alright, bye.
Friday night at Chaos.
It was just like that bar in Cheers
where everybody knows your name,
except here, they were likely to forget it five minutes later.
Hi.
Still, it was the creme de la creme of New York,
whipped into a frenzy.
Sometimes you got a soufflé,
sometimes cottage cheese.
It is like a model bomb exploded in this room tonight.
Is there a woman here aside from me
that weighs more than a hundred pounds?
I know, it's like under-eaters anonymous.
That's funny, Skippy.
Skipper.
I have this theory that men secretly hate pretty girls
because they feel that they're the ones who rejected them in high school.
Right, but if you're not part of the beauty Olympics,
you can still become a very, you know...
interesting person.
Are you saying that I'm not pretty enough?
No, no, no, of course you are.
So, ipso facto, I can't be interesting?
Women either fall into one of two categories,
beautiful and boring, or homely and interesting?
Is that what you're saying, Skippy?
No, no, no, no, that's not what I meant.
Excuse me, is this your hand on my knee?
No.
Alright, let's keep 'em where I can see 'em, alright?
Well, I guess you must find me beautiful...
or interesting.
I was about to rescue Skipper
from an increasingly hopeless situation when suddenly...
-Hey! -Hey!
Lucky me, twice in one week.
Well, I don't know if you're going to be getting that lucky.
You know, I was really pissed off the way you left the other day.
-You were? -Yeah.
And I thought, "How great!"
You finally understand the kind of relationship I really want,
and now we can have sex without commitment.
Yeah, right.
Sure, I guess.
So, whenever I feel like it, I'll give you a call.
Yeah, please. I mean, whenever you feel like it.
If I'm alone, I'm all yours.
Alright.
I like this new you.
Call me.
Yup.
I didn't understand,
did all men secretly want their women
promiscuous and emotionally detached?
And if I was really having sex like a man,
why didn't I feel more in control?
You see that guy?
He's the next Donald Trump,
except he's younger and much better looking.
Hi.
Do you know him?
No, I've never seen him in my life.
He usually dates models, but hey,
I'm as good-looking as a model,
plus I own my own business.
Samantha had the kind of deluded self-confidence
that caused men like Ross Perot to run for president.
And it usually got her what she wanted.
Well, if you're not gonna hit on him, I will.
And there she went,
off to take her best shot with Mr. Big.
Meanwhile, Charlotte York
was passing the most splendid evening with Capote Duncan.
Want to go back to my place and see the Ross Bleckner?
I'd love to, but it's really getting late.
No problem.
Uh...
What year was it painted again?
'89.
Though Charlotte was determined to play hard to get,
she didn't want to end the evening too abruptly.
Well...
Maybe just for a minute.
This could easily go for a hundred grand.
Ross is so hot right now.
It's beautiful.
No, you're beautiful.
Thank you...
-for tonight. -Yeah?
I had a wonderful time.
-Well, it was my pleasure. -Mmm.
I have to get up really early tomorrow.
I'll get you a cab.
Charlotte told me later
that she thought she had played the entire evening flawlessly.
So, what are you doing next Saturday?
I'm having dinner with you.
Hey...
Hey, you're going to the West Side, right?
Right, uh, West 4th and Bank please.
Scoot over, will you?
Two stops.
4th and Bank, and, uh...
West Broadway and Broome.
You're going to Chaos?
Oh, yeah.
Why?
Look, I understand where you're coming from,
and I totally respect it...
but, uh, I really need to have sex tonight.
Back at Chaos,
things were swinging into high gear
and Samantha was putting the moves on Mr. Big.
I've been smoking cigars for years,
back when they were terminally uncool.
I've got this great source that sends me Hondurans.
Do you want to try one?
-No, thank you. -Why? You can't find them anywhere.
Cohibas...
That's all I smoke.
Look...
I do the P.R. for this club...
and I have a key to the private room downstairs.
Really?
You want a private tour?
No thanks, but maybe another time.
Meanwhile, Skipper Johnston
was hopelessly smitten with Miranda Hobbes.
So where we going now?
Listen, Skippy, you know,
you really are a nice, sweet guy, but...
Oh, I understand.
Goodnight.
Miranda told me later that she thought he was too nice,
but that she was willing to overlook one flaw.
And Capote Duncan found his fix for the night.
-After you. No.
Where is it? I want to see the Ross Bleckner.
Later.
Oh, listen, I, uh...
I gotta get up really early,
so you can't stay over.
Cool?
Sure, I have to get up really early too.
Taxi! Taxi!
And so another Friday night in Manhattan crept towards dawn.
Taxi!
And just when I thought I would have to do the unspeakable,
walk home...
Well, get in for Christ's sakes.
Where can I drop you?
72nd Street, Third Avenue.
You got that, Al?
Yes, sir.
So, what have you been doing lately?
You mean besides going out every night?
Yeah, I mean what do you do for work?
Well, this is my work.
I'm sort of a sexual anthropologist.
You mean, like a hooker?
No.
I, um, I write a column called Sex and the City.
Right now I'm researching an article
about women who have sex like men.
You know, they have sex and then afterwards they feel nothing.
But you're not like that.
Well, aren't you?
Not a drop.
Not even half a drop.
Wow, what's wrong with you?
I get it.
You've never been in love.
Oh, yeah?
Yeah.
Suddenly I felt the wind knocked out of me.
I wanted to crawl under the covers and go right to sleep.
-Thanks for the ride. Any time.
Wait.
Have you ever been in love?
Abso-fucking-lutely.