1
00:00:46,846 --> 00:00:51,681
They say that the women in New York
are the most beautiful women in the world.

2
00:00:55,655 --> 00:00:59,648
Which explains why men in New York
spend all their time looking at them.

3
00:01:00,460 --> 00:01:04,191
The city is a veritable playground
for men's roving eyes.

4
00:01:04,330 --> 00:01:08,790
Unfortunately, they need both of them
looking straight ahead to survive.

5
00:01:11,271 --> 00:01:15,002
This New York woman was pretty happy.
I was seeing Big again.

6
00:01:15,075 --> 00:01:19,205
Unfortunately, my New York guy
was still seeing other women.

7
00:01:21,915 --> 00:01:25,510
If checking out other women
is the biggest problem, you're Iucky.

8
00:01:25,585 --> 00:01:29,578
-If it's so small, he should be able to stop.
-You can't change that about a man.

9
00:01:29,656 --> 00:01:31,988
It's part of their genetic code, Iike farting.

10
00:01:32,058 --> 00:01:35,494
-You're gonna put me off my pretzel.
-You must take Big the way he is.

11
00:01:35,562 --> 00:01:38,759
Once you try to change a man,
it's doomed. They won't budge.

12
00:01:38,832 --> 00:01:41,995
I know, but you can
subtly manipulate and cajole.

13
00:01:42,068 --> 00:01:44,502
The things you can work on
are hair and wardrobe.

14
00:01:44,571 --> 00:01:47,836
-Even then, it's a constant battle.
-I Iike the hair and wardrobe.

15
00:01:47,907 --> 00:01:51,001
Then be happy. Honey, no man is perfect.

16
00:01:51,144 --> 00:01:55,171
I'm not asking for perfection,
I'm just Iooking for slight alterations.

17
00:01:55,248 --> 00:01:57,079
Be careful with alterations.

18
00:01:57,317 --> 00:02:00,218
If you pull the wrong thread,
everything falls apart.

19
00:02:00,620 --> 00:02:03,248
While Samantha and I discussed
the theory of change...

20
00:02:03,323 --> 00:02:05,450
...Miranda was going through it for real.

21
00:02:05,525 --> 00:02:08,494
She had a new apartment,
a new boyfriend...

22
00:02:09,195 --> 00:02:12,528
...and a new dating schedule
that was killing her.

23
00:02:18,404 --> 00:02:22,272
Hey. I'm sorry.
I thought we'd be closing the bar earlier.

24
00:02:23,276 --> 00:02:27,076
-You were asleep.
-No, I'm up. Hi.

25
00:02:28,915 --> 00:02:30,280
Come on in.

26
00:02:31,918 --> 00:02:33,510
Come here. You okay?

27
00:02:34,621 --> 00:02:35,918
Let's see.

28
00:02:40,560 --> 00:02:43,529
-Is that better?
-That's better. Thank you.

29
00:02:44,164 --> 00:02:45,791
How was your night?

30
00:02:47,167 --> 00:02:49,761
I don't know. I was asleep.

31
00:02:50,170 --> 00:02:52,229
I'm sorry I was Iate.

32
00:02:56,876 --> 00:02:58,741
We were gonna close the bar at 2:00.

33
00:02:58,945 --> 00:03:02,005
Then we got this big group
of Japanese bankers came in.

34
00:03:02,182 --> 00:03:04,673
And all they want
is these big flaming drinks.

35
00:03:04,751 --> 00:03:07,185
Then one of them got sick and....

36
00:03:15,094 --> 00:03:16,584
Never mind.

37
00:03:17,997 --> 00:03:21,455
Everything was great about Steve
except for one thing.

38
00:03:24,938 --> 00:03:26,200
Morning.

39
00:03:28,641 --> 00:03:29,938
Morning.

40
00:03:30,610 --> 00:03:32,703
Come here.

41
00:03:33,913 --> 00:03:36,211
They had completely opposite schedules.

42
00:03:36,282 --> 00:03:38,876
Steve had all the time in the world
in the morning.

43
00:03:38,952 --> 00:03:42,547
Miranda got right up at 7:00.
Unfortunately, Steve did, too.

44
00:03:42,655 --> 00:03:45,351
-I have to go to work.
-Not yet.

45
00:03:45,491 --> 00:03:48,051
The only thing she liked inside her
in the morning...

46
00:03:48,127 --> 00:03:51,426
...was the cup of take-out coffee
she drank on the way to the subway.

47
00:03:51,998 --> 00:03:54,159
That night, in a bed across town...

48
00:03:54,234 --> 00:03:58,261
...Charlotte was seeing a lot of Mike,
a cute, but feared restaurant critic...

49
00:03:58,338 --> 00:04:01,603
...famous for his patented
five-whisk rating system.

50
00:04:01,774 --> 00:04:03,537
-Mike?
-Yeah?

51
00:04:04,744 --> 00:04:06,371
Let's make Iove.

52
00:04:07,480 --> 00:04:10,005
You are a five-whisk woman.

53
00:04:10,083 --> 00:04:13,246
But just when Charlotte
had become comfortable with the penis...

54
00:04:13,319 --> 00:04:15,480
...she got a very unexpected surprise.

55
00:04:19,525 --> 00:04:21,049
You're....

56
00:04:21,427 --> 00:04:22,758
It's....

57
00:04:23,296 --> 00:04:25,890
Uncircumcised. Is that okay?

58
00:04:26,099 --> 00:04:28,567
No. Sure.

59
00:04:30,570 --> 00:04:32,060
Of course it is.

60
00:04:32,472 --> 00:04:33,632
It was not okay.

61
00:04:33,973 --> 00:04:36,908
The only uncut version of anything
Charlotte had ever seen...

62
00:04:36,976 --> 00:04:39,444
...was the original Gone with the Wind.

63
00:04:39,979 --> 00:04:42,777
There was so much skin,
it was Iike a Shar-Pei!

64
00:04:42,849 --> 00:04:46,114
-You've never seen an uncircumcised one?
-I'm from Connecticut!

65
00:04:46,185 --> 00:04:48,710
Reminder: you're dating the guy,
not the penis.

66
00:04:48,788 --> 00:04:50,722
Aesthetics are important to me.

67
00:04:50,790 --> 00:04:53,816
It's not what it Iooks Iike,
it's what they can do with it.

68
00:04:53,893 --> 00:04:56,487
I don't need one
that can make its own carrying case!

69
00:04:57,563 --> 00:05:00,657
Personally, I Iove an uncircumcised dick.

70
00:05:01,000 --> 00:05:02,433
It's Iike a Tootsie Pop.

71
00:05:02,502 --> 00:05:06,461
Hard on the outside,
with a delicious surprise inside.

72
00:05:06,639 --> 00:05:09,904
I don't Iike surprises.
I Iike it all out there where I can see it.

73
00:05:10,276 --> 00:05:12,403
Same here. I'm sorry, it is not normal.

74
00:05:12,478 --> 00:05:15,311
Actually, it is.
Something Iike 85% aren't circumcised.

75
00:05:15,715 --> 00:05:19,515
-Great, now they're taking over the world!
-It's a penis, not Godzilla.

76
00:05:20,353 --> 00:05:22,753
If 85% aren't circumcised...

77
00:05:22,822 --> 00:05:26,258
...that means I've only slept with
15% of the population, tops.

78
00:05:26,392 --> 00:05:28,053
You're practically a virgin.

79
00:05:28,194 --> 00:05:30,856
You know, he's a nice, Waspy guy.
What went wrong?

80
00:05:30,930 --> 00:05:33,660
Maybe his parents were hippies
and didn't believe in it.

81
00:05:33,766 --> 00:05:38,396
-I am so circumcising my kids.
-I think you can pay people to do that now.

82
00:05:38,638 --> 00:05:43,007
I don't ever wanna know there's a woman
out there calling my son a Shar-Pei.

83
00:05:43,076 --> 00:05:47,012
AII I'm saying is, uncut men are the best.
They try harder.

84
00:05:47,413 --> 00:05:50,314
I should know. I've slept with five of them.

85
00:05:50,583 --> 00:05:52,676
-Out of how many?
-Infinity.

86
00:05:54,287 --> 00:05:58,724
That night, Big and I went out
to celebrate absolutely nothing.

87
00:05:59,859 --> 00:06:02,726
-More grappa?
-No, thank ya.

88
00:06:04,464 --> 00:06:06,864
Listen, my editor called me today
and she's....

89
00:06:11,504 --> 00:06:14,098
-You were saying?
-Yes, I was.

90
00:06:15,508 --> 00:06:17,908
Excuse me, you can't smoke that in here.

91
00:06:18,845 --> 00:06:22,337
Really? You're absolutely,
positively sure about that?

92
00:06:22,915 --> 00:06:26,351
Because I checked the zoning
on this particular table...

93
00:06:26,419 --> 00:06:29,411
...and I'm pretty sure this table
is in a cigar-friendly zone.

94
00:06:29,655 --> 00:06:32,351
I don't mind, but it's for the other patrons.

95
00:06:34,293 --> 00:06:37,820
You mean if those five patrons don't mind,
it's okay with you?

96
00:06:38,064 --> 00:06:40,624
-Sir, I'm gonna have to--
-Just one second.

97
00:06:42,268 --> 00:06:45,203
Excuse me, this is my Iast day on earth.

98
00:06:45,405 --> 00:06:50,069
I'm being executed tomorrow morning.
That's my parole officer there.

99
00:06:50,143 --> 00:06:53,408
Would you mind terribly
if I smoked this, Iadies?

100
00:06:54,080 --> 00:06:55,308
Thank you.

101
00:06:56,282 --> 00:06:59,740
Excuse me, I'm sorry.
Would it be okay if I smoked this?

102
00:06:59,819 --> 00:07:04,756
PIease, Iet me preface this by saying:
I'd Iike to buy everybody a round of drinks.

103
00:07:07,593 --> 00:07:10,994
Apparently, the other patrons
aren't bothered at all.

104
00:07:11,697 --> 00:07:15,497
I didn't have the guts to tell Big
that he was actually kind of bothering me.

105
00:07:15,568 --> 00:07:17,160
They won't tell you the truth.

106
00:07:17,236 --> 00:07:20,069
No one is gonna say to your face
they hate your cigar.

107
00:07:20,139 --> 00:07:21,128
Good.

108
00:07:21,974 --> 00:07:24,408
You are very arrogant.

109
00:07:26,879 --> 00:07:29,347
I thought that's what you Iiked about me.

110
00:07:30,082 --> 00:07:31,413
Maybe Big was right.

111
00:07:31,918 --> 00:07:34,853
Maybe we were at that inevitable point
in the relationship...

112
00:07:34,921 --> 00:07:39,585
...when the little things you loved
about the person become huge liabilities.

113
00:07:39,659 --> 00:07:43,527
And just then, a huge liability walked by.

114
00:07:48,434 --> 00:07:49,696
What?

115
00:07:52,071 --> 00:07:54,335
I hate that cigar.

116
00:07:59,946 --> 00:08:02,437
And you told me right to my face.

117
00:08:06,285 --> 00:08:08,583
New York City is all about change.

118
00:08:08,654 --> 00:08:11,179
New Yorkers change their haircuts,
their politics...

119
00:08:11,257 --> 00:08:13,521
...even their friends in the blink of an eye.

120
00:08:13,593 --> 00:08:16,790
If change was so easy,
why was it so hard for Big?

121
00:08:17,964 --> 00:08:22,560
Was I banging my head against the wall,
thinking he'd stop and notice me?

122
00:08:22,635 --> 00:08:26,332
Did I have to change my expectations
or was it possible....

123
00:08:27,406 --> 00:08:29,237
Can you change a man?

124
00:08:29,442 --> 00:08:33,674
My husband used to be obsessed
with watching sports 24 hours a day.

125
00:08:33,779 --> 00:08:36,509
Then I started fooling around
with his best friend.

126
00:08:36,582 --> 00:08:38,777
And now he's obsessed with watching me.

127
00:08:38,851 --> 00:08:41,513
Every girlfriend I've had
wants me to change something.

128
00:08:41,587 --> 00:08:44,647
Change your job, change your friends,
change your attitude.

129
00:08:44,724 --> 00:08:47,454
The only thing I ever change is girlfriends.

130
00:08:52,798 --> 00:08:56,234
Meanwhile, Charlotte was about
to discover that some men can change.

131
00:08:56,302 --> 00:08:58,634
Thanks for dinner. It was great.

132
00:09:04,410 --> 00:09:06,708
Can I come upstairs with you?

133
00:09:08,014 --> 00:09:10,915
I have to get up really early,
and my place is just a mess.

134
00:09:11,117 --> 00:09:12,948
Look, I understand.

135
00:09:13,319 --> 00:09:16,777
-You do?
-Yeah, what happened the other night.

136
00:09:16,923 --> 00:09:21,121
You're not the first woman to react to it
that way. I've gotten it most of my Iife.

137
00:09:21,360 --> 00:09:22,349
Really?

138
00:09:22,428 --> 00:09:24,919
Yeah, and I've decided
to do something about it.

139
00:09:25,498 --> 00:09:29,935
I've been uncomfortable for too Iong,
so I'm getting circumcised.

140
00:09:34,941 --> 00:09:36,306
Can you do that?

141
00:09:36,475 --> 00:09:40,104
Yeah. I mean, it hurts.
It takes a Iong time to heal.

142
00:09:40,179 --> 00:09:44,206
But I'm willing to do that.
I want to feel good about making Iove.

143
00:09:44,450 --> 00:09:46,850
That is so sweet.

144
00:09:48,087 --> 00:09:51,056
-Do you mind waiting?
-No, not at all.

145
00:10:01,968 --> 00:10:04,300
Apparently, Samantha was wrong.

146
00:10:04,604 --> 00:10:06,765
Some men could budge an inch.

147
00:10:06,839 --> 00:10:10,832
In Mike's case, it may have been more like
an inch and a half.

148
00:10:12,478 --> 00:10:16,346
The next morning, Miranda was getting
her usual wake-up call.

149
00:10:25,024 --> 00:10:26,753
Where you going?

150
00:10:28,260 --> 00:10:30,490
-I'm getting up.
-Come on, it's Saturday.

151
00:10:30,563 --> 00:10:33,555
Come on, Iay down, slow down.
Come here.

152
00:10:37,303 --> 00:10:39,601
How Iong are we gonna do this?

153
00:10:42,041 --> 00:10:45,067
-You want a time frame for cuddling?
-Yeah.

154
00:10:45,144 --> 00:10:46,668
Like 20 minutes?

155
00:10:47,179 --> 00:10:48,373
Thirty?

156
00:10:48,881 --> 00:10:50,405
You're kidding me.

157
00:10:50,716 --> 00:10:54,777
It helps if I have an end point in mind.
I respond well to Iimits.

158
00:10:54,854 --> 00:10:59,382
That's your problem, you got
too many Iimits. You gotta Iet go a Iittle.

159
00:10:59,592 --> 00:11:02,527
Look. Saturday is my free day, right?

160
00:11:02,662 --> 00:11:05,096
I have spinning
and then I get my dry cleaning.

161
00:11:05,164 --> 00:11:08,691
Then I get my nails done
and I do my grocery shopping for the week.

162
00:11:08,768 --> 00:11:11,794
-Okay?
-You're not sounding very free to me.

163
00:11:15,675 --> 00:11:18,405
Do you want to come with me
and get my dry cleaning?

164
00:11:18,644 --> 00:11:20,578
No, I didn't think so.

165
00:11:26,919 --> 00:11:29,114
An hour and a half, tops.

166
00:11:30,656 --> 00:11:32,988
Twelve hours later, Steve went to work.

167
00:11:35,161 --> 00:11:37,925
About the same time,
we went out to our favorite bar...

168
00:11:37,997 --> 00:11:41,228
...which on Saturdays changes
into drag queen bingo.

169
00:11:41,801 --> 00:11:43,769
Come on, N-23.

170
00:11:44,003 --> 00:11:47,131
I really Iike him,
but this morning thing is killing me.

171
00:11:47,206 --> 00:11:49,436
It's bad enough
we've never done it at night.

172
00:11:49,508 --> 00:11:52,500
After we do it in the morning,
he wants to Iie there with me.

173
00:11:52,578 --> 00:11:54,637
Everyone wants a guy
who wants to cuddle.

174
00:11:55,081 --> 00:11:56,412
O-33, Iadies.

175
00:11:57,283 --> 00:11:58,307
Shit!

176
00:11:58,384 --> 00:12:01,683
I'm jealous. Big won't even spend
the night at my place.

177
00:12:01,821 --> 00:12:05,018
-What you have is real intimacy.
-It's bed arrest.

178
00:12:05,157 --> 00:12:09,150
I've been horizontal all day,
and I had errands to do. I missed spinning.

179
00:12:09,495 --> 00:12:11,725
You don't have to spin if you're having sex.

180
00:12:12,131 --> 00:12:13,598
B-12!

181
00:12:13,666 --> 00:12:17,625
-How about N-23?
-I don't know why I play this, I never win.

182
00:12:17,703 --> 00:12:20,501
Why do I have to be the one
to change my routine?

183
00:12:20,573 --> 00:12:24,339
Maybe because you really Iike him.
It wouldn't kill you to slow down a Iittle.

184
00:12:24,410 --> 00:12:25,570
Miranda's right.

185
00:12:25,644 --> 00:12:28,670
Why is it the woman who always
has to change and never the guy?

186
00:12:28,914 --> 00:12:31,974
-Because we are more adaptable.
-I Iove morning sex.

187
00:12:32,051 --> 00:12:36,886
I haven't done morning sex since college
when I didn't have class till 11:00.

188
00:12:36,956 --> 00:12:39,322
Maybe you should
come up with a schedule.

189
00:12:39,391 --> 00:12:41,757
A sex schedule? Very romantic!

190
00:12:41,861 --> 00:12:45,422
Surprise him at the bar wearing nothing
but a trench coat and a smile.

191
00:12:45,498 --> 00:12:47,625
That would be a happy hour.

192
00:12:48,501 --> 00:12:52,597
I think that if you really believe in
the relationship you should work at it.

193
00:12:52,671 --> 00:12:55,196
This from a woman
who dumped a guy over foreskin.

194
00:12:55,274 --> 00:12:57,105
Actually, we're still dating.

195
00:12:57,343 --> 00:12:59,903
-The Shar-Pei?
-He's getting circumcised.

196
00:13:02,648 --> 00:13:05,879
PIease tell me
that we're not invited to the Bris.

197
00:13:06,952 --> 00:13:09,580
Can I get another board, please?

198
00:13:10,723 --> 00:13:12,782
-Samantha?
-Yes.

199
00:13:13,125 --> 00:13:15,389
It's me, Brad.

200
00:13:16,695 --> 00:13:17,923
Brad McColskey?

201
00:13:18,164 --> 00:13:20,530
Brad was a semi-professional
hockey player...

202
00:13:20,599 --> 00:13:22,658
...Samantha had dated a few years back.

203
00:13:22,735 --> 00:13:26,762
The only thing he was checking these days
were his pants at the door.

204
00:13:26,839 --> 00:13:30,036
Look at you, Miss Thing.
You Iook fabulous.

205
00:13:30,509 --> 00:13:32,909
So do you.

206
00:13:33,879 --> 00:13:38,873
-When did you start doing....
-About five years ago, right after you.

207
00:13:40,753 --> 00:13:44,245
Maybe Samantha was wrong.
Apparently, she could change a man.

208
00:13:44,323 --> 00:13:47,121
-How are the kids?
-Good. Jake is in second grade.

209
00:13:47,426 --> 00:13:49,189
Jake has two mommies.

210
00:13:49,261 --> 00:13:52,389
There are other people here
who need boards, Samantha.

211
00:13:52,464 --> 00:13:54,557
Take a chill pill, Miss Saigon!

212
00:13:54,633 --> 00:13:55,622
Samantha?

213
00:13:57,603 --> 00:14:00,572
Imitation is the sincerest form of flattery.

214
00:14:02,208 --> 00:14:04,438
Gotta go. Enjoy the game.

215
00:14:05,377 --> 00:14:06,844
N-23.

216
00:14:07,213 --> 00:14:08,202
Bingo!

217
00:14:08,314 --> 00:14:10,782
I am so much prettier than him.

218
00:14:13,652 --> 00:14:17,247
Two hours later,
I was supposed to meet Big at his place.

219
00:14:18,657 --> 00:14:21,421
Two and a half hours later, he showed up.

220
00:14:25,631 --> 00:14:26,962
Sorry.

221
00:14:27,099 --> 00:14:30,796
You're a half hour Iate.
Your doorman thinks I'm a hooker.

222
00:14:31,036 --> 00:14:33,095
-Did you make any money?
-Not funny.

223
00:14:33,172 --> 00:14:36,300
I hate waiting here for you.

224
00:14:37,209 --> 00:14:41,373
There's a coffee shop around the corner
you could have waited in.

225
00:14:41,747 --> 00:14:44,238
-You know what? I'm gonna go.
-Don't be pissed.

226
00:14:44,316 --> 00:14:45,806
I'm pissed.

227
00:14:46,919 --> 00:14:48,284
Come upstairs.

228
00:14:48,354 --> 00:14:52,814
You know, if you gave me a key,
I could wait upstairs next time.

229
00:14:53,292 --> 00:14:54,281
A key?

230
00:14:55,861 --> 00:14:59,388
Or you can stay at my place sometimes.
It's easy to pick my Iocks.

231
00:14:59,465 --> 00:15:01,865
Yeah, but then I Iike my bed.

232
00:15:04,270 --> 00:15:06,135
Look at that service.

233
00:15:07,273 --> 00:15:08,570
Come on.

234
00:15:11,810 --> 00:15:16,008
That night, something else changed.
Neither of us wanted to make love.

235
00:15:16,916 --> 00:15:21,182
If this was all I was ever gonna get
out of Big, was it enough for me?

236
00:15:21,253 --> 00:15:24,780
Then at 3:00 a.m.,
somewhere between sleep and waking...

237
00:15:25,090 --> 00:15:26,523
...I got my answer.

238
00:15:27,760 --> 00:15:29,728
-Dammit!
-What?

239
00:15:31,463 --> 00:15:33,397
-Are you all right?
-No!

240
00:15:33,465 --> 00:15:35,899
-What the fuck?
-My God!

241
00:15:37,336 --> 00:15:40,430
-What the hell was that?
-You knocked me out of bed!

242
00:15:40,506 --> 00:15:43,339
-You didn't even know I was here!
-I do now.

243
00:15:43,409 --> 00:15:45,877
Why don't you break my arm
the next time?

244
00:15:46,011 --> 00:15:48,275
-I'm sorry.
-Jesus!

245
00:15:49,415 --> 00:15:52,680
AII right, Sugar Ray, the bed's all yours.

246
00:15:53,018 --> 00:15:55,282
-Where you going?
-To sleep on the couch.

247
00:15:55,354 --> 00:16:00,087
-Wait, would you just Iet me explain?
-Don't talk now. Bad to talk now.

248
00:16:01,961 --> 00:16:03,826
But I couldn't sleep.

249
00:16:04,063 --> 00:16:08,090
And at 4:00 a.m.,
I decided he couldn't sleep either.

250
00:16:15,407 --> 00:16:17,534
It's ice for your face.

251
00:16:18,477 --> 00:16:20,502
Yes, I can feel that.

252
00:16:24,183 --> 00:16:26,674
Okay, I know I've Iost a Iittle of my power.

253
00:16:26,752 --> 00:16:29,846
I'm pretty sure
that most women's magazines...

254
00:16:29,922 --> 00:16:33,255
...would say that what I just did
was a very bad idea.

255
00:16:33,892 --> 00:16:38,591
But the thing is,
the other night wasn't just about the cigar.

256
00:16:39,498 --> 00:16:40,897
It never is.

257
00:16:42,668 --> 00:16:44,602
I hate that you Iook at other women.

258
00:16:44,670 --> 00:16:48,936
I hate that I don't have a key to your place.
You've never spent the night at my place.

259
00:16:49,008 --> 00:16:52,068
You can't even make space for me
in your bed.

260
00:16:52,878 --> 00:16:55,574
And it's not your fault
because I never say it.

261
00:16:56,615 --> 00:16:59,516
So now I punched you.
So now I have to say it.

262
00:17:00,619 --> 00:17:02,780
So now I'm gonna say it.

263
00:17:07,960 --> 00:17:14,331
I feel Iike I'm back in your Iife
and nothing has really changed.

264
00:17:14,400 --> 00:17:18,530
I know you can't change a man, and you
definitely can't change a man Iike you.

265
00:17:18,604 --> 00:17:19,593
But...

266
00:17:21,740 --> 00:17:23,435
...I still want...

267
00:17:24,276 --> 00:17:27,109
...something to change a Iittle bit...

268
00:17:28,480 --> 00:17:29,811
...for me.

269
00:17:30,516 --> 00:17:33,280
Physical violence is never the answer.

270
00:17:37,056 --> 00:17:38,455
I'm gonna go.

271
00:17:40,659 --> 00:17:42,593
-Does it hurt?
-Yes.

272
00:17:47,032 --> 00:17:51,731
Look, I'm sure there are things
you don't Iike about me.

273
00:17:51,870 --> 00:17:53,929
I'm not falling for that one.

274
00:17:56,909 --> 00:18:01,312
That was one thing I liked about Big.
He definitely knew when to shut up.

275
00:18:03,816 --> 00:18:07,946
The next night, Charlotte took Mike out
for a post-operative scotch.

276
00:18:08,020 --> 00:18:09,612
Did it hurt?

277
00:18:10,689 --> 00:18:14,125
On a scale of one to five, I'd give it a 72.

278
00:18:14,560 --> 00:18:17,120
-You poor thing.
-That's all right.

279
00:18:17,196 --> 00:18:20,825
The worst is over.
Now I just accept sympathy and heal.

280
00:18:21,467 --> 00:18:24,061
-For how Iong?
-About another week or so.

281
00:18:24,136 --> 00:18:26,832
-I can't wait.
-Me either.

282
00:18:27,973 --> 00:18:31,033
God, you really turn me on.

283
00:18:40,119 --> 00:18:41,780
You should go.

284
00:18:46,592 --> 00:18:49,857
Much later that night, bolstered by coffee...

285
00:18:49,928 --> 00:18:53,420
...Miranda decided to perform
a 2:00 a.m. seduction.

286
00:18:59,705 --> 00:19:00,831
Hello.

287
00:19:00,906 --> 00:19:04,740
Look at you! You Iook great.
What's the occasion?

288
00:19:04,810 --> 00:19:07,244
It's 2:00 a.m. and I am still awake.

289
00:19:07,312 --> 00:19:10,713
I thought we could celebrate.
I've had five cups of coffee.

290
00:19:11,416 --> 00:19:13,111
That's worth a party.

291
00:19:17,022 --> 00:19:19,650
Meet me in the bedroom. I'II get the wine.

292
00:19:29,768 --> 00:19:32,100
-Get up.
-What?

293
00:19:32,171 --> 00:19:35,072
I think you should spend the night
at your place tonight.

294
00:19:35,140 --> 00:19:38,598
-Why?
-Because I'd Iike to catch up on my sleep.

295
00:19:38,677 --> 00:19:42,272
I really don't want to worry about
having sex with you in the morning...

296
00:19:42,347 --> 00:19:45,180
...and then just Iying there and being Iate.

297
00:19:46,818 --> 00:19:50,015
-You don't Iike having sex with me.
-No, I do. I Iove it.

298
00:19:50,088 --> 00:19:53,751
But once I would Iike to do it at night,
Iike other normal Homo sapiens.

299
00:19:53,825 --> 00:19:57,625
-Relax, we can have sex now.
-We can't have sex now!

300
00:19:57,930 --> 00:20:00,728
I had a window,
and it happened half an hour ago!

301
00:20:01,033 --> 00:20:04,560
-You had a window for sex?
-I'm sorry, I'm a Iawyer. I get tired.

302
00:20:04,836 --> 00:20:09,637
I'm a bartender and I get awfully tired
of dealing with other people's neuroses.

303
00:20:11,109 --> 00:20:14,408
When you get, you know...

304
00:20:15,180 --> 00:20:18,411
...a picture window,
or a whole doorway of time...

305
00:20:20,118 --> 00:20:21,551
...call me.

306
00:20:24,990 --> 00:20:28,949
Miranda had never felt less like
a successful lawyer in her life.

307
00:20:30,362 --> 00:20:34,856
Even though she'd won her case,
she'd also been left with all the damages.

308
00:20:36,068 --> 00:20:40,698
A week later, Charlotte finally got her
chance to break in the new merchandise.

309
00:20:42,975 --> 00:20:44,533
What do you think?

310
00:20:45,477 --> 00:20:46,705
It's perfect.

311
00:20:46,812 --> 00:20:50,179
It was like her birthday and Christmas
rolled into one.

312
00:20:50,315 --> 00:20:52,806
You realize this makes me a virgin.

313
00:20:54,686 --> 00:20:56,244
I'II be gentle.

314
00:21:04,763 --> 00:21:06,628
That was really wonderful.

315
00:21:06,765 --> 00:21:08,926
It was. A five.

316
00:21:13,071 --> 00:21:15,232
So what do you want to do
Saturday night?

317
00:21:15,307 --> 00:21:17,741
Saturday? Did we have plans?

318
00:21:18,076 --> 00:21:21,910
No, but I thought maybe
we could go to this drama Ieague benefit...

319
00:21:22,047 --> 00:21:26,507
...or we could, you know,
go Iow-key and stay in and rent videos.

320
00:21:28,253 --> 00:21:29,948
Hang on, Iisten.

321
00:21:30,822 --> 00:21:34,656
I don't think I'm ready for this to be,
you know, Iike a big thing.

322
00:21:36,995 --> 00:21:38,223
A big thing?

323
00:21:39,564 --> 00:21:42,624
I just feel Iike I can't be
tied down right now.

324
00:21:43,001 --> 00:21:46,869
There's a whole new me happening.
I should get out there and share it.

325
00:21:48,974 --> 00:21:50,965
You want to share your penis?

326
00:21:51,543 --> 00:21:52,805
Well...

327
00:21:53,745 --> 00:21:55,042
...yeah.

328
00:21:55,881 --> 00:22:00,978
I feel Iike I owe it to myself to take the
doggie out for a walk around the block...

329
00:22:01,753 --> 00:22:02,981
...you know?

330
00:22:03,055 --> 00:22:05,250
Charlotte never saw Mike again.

331
00:22:05,324 --> 00:22:08,316
She realized you can take
the Shar-Pei out of the penis...

332
00:22:08,393 --> 00:22:11,419
...but you could never take
the dog out of the man.

333
00:22:12,364 --> 00:22:15,629
A few days later,
I realized you could change a man.

334
00:22:15,701 --> 00:22:18,534
You could change him into not calling you.

335
00:22:25,444 --> 00:22:26,468
Hi.

336
00:22:28,113 --> 00:22:29,580
Look at that.

337
00:22:30,082 --> 00:22:32,380
No, you Iook at it. I've seen it already.

338
00:22:33,285 --> 00:22:34,718
Sorry.

339
00:22:36,355 --> 00:22:38,755
Easy, no hands near the face.

340
00:22:41,326 --> 00:22:42,384
Come in.

341
00:22:43,962 --> 00:22:46,453
I just came over to tell you something.

342
00:22:48,200 --> 00:22:49,963
You're suing me, right?

343
00:22:53,705 --> 00:22:58,005
Look, maybe you need a key to know
that I'm crazy about you.

344
00:22:59,077 --> 00:23:02,535
But the thing is,
I've given out, Iike, five keys...

345
00:23:04,082 --> 00:23:06,175
...and you never get 'em back.

346
00:23:06,785 --> 00:23:09,379
And maybe I hog my bed.

347
00:23:09,454 --> 00:23:13,823
But it's my bed and I Iike you in it.

348
00:23:16,027 --> 00:23:18,962
-I should hit you more often.
-And the oranges.

349
00:23:19,030 --> 00:23:21,294
-What?
-The oranges have to go.

350
00:23:21,433 --> 00:23:23,958
This is something I don't Iike about you.

351
00:23:24,035 --> 00:23:27,300
-I hate that you eat oranges in my bed.
-You do?

352
00:23:28,173 --> 00:23:30,437
They're sticky
and they make the sheets stink.

353
00:23:30,675 --> 00:23:33,143
-That's it?
-I Iike my sheets.

354
00:23:34,579 --> 00:23:36,740
What are you gonna give me
for the oranges?

355
00:23:37,015 --> 00:23:38,915
-A negotiation?
-Yep.

356
00:23:39,951 --> 00:23:43,114
-This could take a while.
-It could.

357
00:23:46,892 --> 00:23:49,156
It Iooks Iike I may have to spend the night.

358
00:23:50,395 --> 00:23:55,094
That night, for the first time,
Big spent the night at my place.

359
00:23:56,802 --> 00:24:00,135
I realized that neither of us
would ever fundamentally change...

360
00:24:00,172 --> 00:24:01,867
...but we were talking about it.

361
00:24:01,940 --> 00:24:04,841
And maybe that was
the biggest change of all.

362
00:24:05,977 --> 00:24:10,038
The next day my sheets stunk of cigars.
I changed them immediately.

363
00:24:11,917 --> 00:24:16,513
Across town, it was 2:00 a.m.
and Miranda was no closer to sleeping.

364
00:24:23,295 --> 00:24:24,990
-Hello.
-Hey!

365
00:24:28,867 --> 00:24:29,856
Hi.

366
00:24:30,702 --> 00:24:32,226
Sorry to wake you.

367
00:24:32,370 --> 00:24:34,395
It's okay, I was awake.

368
00:24:34,706 --> 00:24:36,867
Look, I don't wanna bug you.

369
00:24:37,609 --> 00:24:40,976
Do me a favor. Go to the window.

370
00:24:44,950 --> 00:24:45,974
Okay.

371
00:24:46,751 --> 00:24:48,343
Now look up.

372
00:24:49,721 --> 00:24:51,416
My God.

373
00:24:52,157 --> 00:24:53,784
It's amazing, isn 't it?

374
00:24:54,693 --> 00:24:57,992
It's a blue moon. It's really rare.

375
00:24:58,563 --> 00:25:00,656
I just wanted you to see it.

376
00:25:00,732 --> 00:25:03,929
It was right then,
that Miranda finally slowed down...

377
00:25:04,002 --> 00:25:05,833
...and gave into Steve.

378
00:25:06,605 --> 00:25:08,835
Come over when you're done, okay?

379
00:25:10,175 --> 00:25:11,164
Yeah.

380
00:25:13,111 --> 00:25:14,408
Night.

381
00:25:15,347 --> 00:25:18,578
That night, Miranda and Steve made love.

382
00:25:19,618 --> 00:25:21,848
And they did it again in the morning.

383
00:25:22,220 --> 00:25:25,383
Miranda was an hour late for work
and didn't even notice.

384
00:25:25,824 --> 00:25:27,985
So maybe you can't change a man...

385
00:25:28,093 --> 00:25:31,392
...but once in a blue moon,
you can change a woman.