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00:00:49,174 --> 00:00:50,259
Here's your drink.
2
00:00:50,342 --> 00:00:52,094
In the life of a New Yorker,
3
00:00:52,177 --> 00:00:55,806
there are several unpleasant things
one will inevitably have to face.
4
00:00:56,139 --> 00:00:59,768
Having your purse stolen,
random public urination...
5
00:01:02,104 --> 00:01:05,857
And seeing a gay friend's boyfriend
in a Broadway revue.
6
00:01:05,941 --> 00:01:07,442
And all that jazz...
7
00:01:08,610 --> 00:01:10,904
I think I understand
the three-drink minimum now.
8
00:01:11,280 --> 00:01:12,948
You're not enjoying the revue?
9
00:01:13,323 --> 00:01:14,616
And all that jazz...
10
00:01:14,700 --> 00:01:17,411
Frankly, I'm more concerned
about my own review in The Times.
11
00:01:17,494 --> 00:01:19,997
Oh, my God, right.
Your book's reviewed this week.
12
00:01:20,163 --> 00:01:22,666
-You must be so excited.
-More like terrified.
13
00:01:23,375 --> 00:01:25,168
Michiko Kakutani.
14
00:01:26,378 --> 00:01:27,713
She's The Times' book critic.
15
00:01:28,088 --> 00:01:30,173
Oh, I thought you were suggesting
an appetizer.
16
00:01:30,257 --> 00:01:31,883
She's brilliant and she's really tough.
17
00:01:32,009 --> 00:01:33,594
And impossible to pronounce.
18
00:01:34,469 --> 00:01:37,014
Uh-oh! I think they're bringing us home.
19
00:01:39,182 --> 00:01:41,768
How could you not love this?
Look at my boyfriend.
20
00:01:41,852 --> 00:01:43,312
He's gorgeous.
21
00:01:43,395 --> 00:01:44,354
Oh!
22
00:01:44,646 --> 00:01:45,981
And he can kick.
23
00:01:47,941 --> 00:01:49,401
That jazz
24
00:01:49,526 --> 00:01:51,903
-Bravo!
25
00:01:52,821 --> 00:01:54,364
-Bravo!
- Love you!
26
00:01:54,489 --> 00:01:56,700
-Bravo!
- Thank you!
27
00:01:56,992 --> 00:01:58,785
My boys, Marcus Adante...
28
00:01:59,077 --> 00:02:01,121
Isn't he great?
He's great, don't you think?
29
00:02:01,705 --> 00:02:05,000
-I have to go to the ladies' room.
-Now? They're gonna do an encore.
30
00:02:05,417 --> 00:02:07,252
I have to go to the ladies' room.
31
00:02:07,336 --> 00:02:09,504
Broadway's best, Debbie Cass.
32
00:02:09,588 --> 00:02:10,839
-Yay!
33
00:02:11,840 --> 00:02:13,550
Who would have thought
the phrase,
34
00:02:13,634 --> 00:02:15,510
"Go see your cousin Debbie's club act"
35
00:02:15,594 --> 00:02:17,304
could contain such horror?
36
00:02:17,387 --> 00:02:20,474
I thought there'd be
at least one straight guy here.
37
00:02:20,724 --> 00:02:24,019
I mean, if not in the audience,
then, at least, behind the bar.
38
00:02:25,312 --> 00:02:27,939
Well, hold on,
'cause tomorrow...
39
00:02:28,440 --> 00:02:31,777
we're gonna cruise the cute pretzel guys
at the Village Square Market.
40
00:02:31,860 --> 00:02:32,819
Oh!
41
00:02:32,903 --> 00:02:35,781
-Is that as sad as that just sounded?
42
00:02:35,864 --> 00:02:37,115
Well, if it makes you feel any better,
43
00:02:37,199 --> 00:02:39,034
I used to have a thing
for the Amish guys
44
00:02:39,117 --> 00:02:40,619
who make hairbrushes.
45
00:02:40,702 --> 00:02:42,496
Um... Yeah.
46
00:02:44,081 --> 00:02:45,082
Hi.
47
00:02:45,749 --> 00:02:47,084
You're Carrie Bradshaw.
48
00:02:48,085 --> 00:02:49,795
Yeah, have we met?
49
00:02:49,961 --> 00:02:51,505
I recognize you from your column.
50
00:02:51,880 --> 00:02:52,881
Oh.
51
00:02:53,256 --> 00:02:55,133
And I went out with Aidan
right after you.
52
00:03:01,306 --> 00:03:03,225
There I was,
worried about The New York Times,
53
00:03:03,308 --> 00:03:06,311
when, apparently,
I'd already been reviewed.
54
00:03:06,478 --> 00:03:08,021
I'm telling you, it was a hit-and-run.
55
00:03:08,105 --> 00:03:11,149
No, no, no! It was a face-and-run.
56
00:03:11,233 --> 00:03:13,402
-Make it again.
57
00:03:14,194 --> 00:03:15,404
Yeah, that ain't good.
58
00:03:15,487 --> 00:03:17,489
I think you're being
oversensitive
59
00:03:17,572 --> 00:03:19,574
and it was some kind
of a facial spasm or something.
60
00:03:19,658 --> 00:03:22,119
A lot of people have them,
like Bell's palsy.
61
00:03:22,202 --> 00:03:24,162
No, it was not Bell's palsy.
62
00:03:24,246 --> 00:03:26,998
It was a full-frontal attack
of the face.
63
00:03:27,082 --> 00:03:32,337
Like, "Wow, was he messed up!
You really screwed him up good."
64
00:03:32,421 --> 00:03:33,588
What did you say to her?
65
00:03:33,672 --> 00:03:37,175
I didn't have time to say anything.
She just ran out of the bathroom.
66
00:03:37,300 --> 00:03:39,219
Fuck that fucking face girl.
67
00:03:39,428 --> 00:03:41,888
-Well, when you put it like that...
-I'm sorry.
68
00:03:42,013 --> 00:03:45,016
I haven't slept for days.
Brady's been crying non-stop.
69
00:03:45,851 --> 00:03:49,354
-You poor thing. Can I do anything?
- Put me out of my misery.
70
00:03:49,479 --> 00:03:51,148
Well, what's wrong with him? Is he sick?
71
00:03:51,732 --> 00:03:53,275
No, he's not sick.
72
00:03:53,608 --> 00:03:55,694
He's not hungry. He's not teething.
73
00:03:55,777 --> 00:03:56,987
He just wants to scream.
74
00:03:57,070 --> 00:03:59,197
I'm doing everything I can,
but I can't please him.
75
00:03:59,448 --> 00:04:01,700
If he was 35,
this is when we would break up.
76
00:04:02,075 --> 00:04:04,369
-He has issues, clearly.
-I'm telling you,
77
00:04:04,453 --> 00:04:07,289
this 13-pound meatloaf
is pushing me over the edge.
78
00:04:07,372 --> 00:04:10,917
I feel disgusting.
All of my clothes smell like barf.
79
00:04:11,001 --> 00:04:13,587
I don't have time to have a shower,
much less get a haircut.
80
00:04:13,670 --> 00:04:16,715
Oh, that reminds me,
I have to confirm my appointment
81
00:04:16,882 --> 00:04:19,384
with John Mandy at the John Mandy Salon.
82
00:04:19,468 --> 00:04:22,763
You have no idea how hard it was
to get this appointment.
83
00:04:24,139 --> 00:04:26,099
Hi, it's Samantha Jones.
84
00:04:26,183 --> 00:04:28,977
I'm calling to confirm
my appointment Saturday
85
00:04:29,060 --> 00:04:30,312
for a cut-and-color with John.
86
00:04:31,188 --> 00:04:32,230
Thanks.
87
00:04:32,481 --> 00:04:34,024
Ah! Crisis averted.
88
00:04:36,193 --> 00:04:39,696
Well, Magda is waiting for me.
Time to go back to prison.
89
00:04:39,821 --> 00:04:42,824
-Let me come with you. I can help.
-You don't have to do that.
90
00:04:42,949 --> 00:04:45,118
No, it's okay.
Actually, I have a few questions
91
00:04:45,202 --> 00:04:47,704
because I'm meeting
with the divorce lawyer on Monday.
92
00:04:47,788 --> 00:04:50,874
Oh, ask him if I could
get an injunction to stop a face.
93
00:04:51,708 --> 00:04:54,795
-Who did you get?
-Matthew Bloom of Bloom & Goldenblatt.
94
00:04:55,629 --> 00:04:58,757
-What's he like?
-He's smart, he's tough.
95
00:04:58,882 --> 00:05:01,176
But is he tough enough
to beat Bunny to a pulp?
96
00:05:01,635 --> 00:05:03,804
-Uh... yeah.
- Good.
97
00:05:04,387 --> 00:05:06,431
Okay, great.
98
00:05:06,807 --> 00:05:08,308
-Bye, guys. Have a nice day.
-Bye.
99
00:05:08,475 --> 00:05:10,268
Hey, Miranda,
call me if you need anything.
100
00:05:10,519 --> 00:05:11,520
Yeah.
101
00:05:13,563 --> 00:05:16,191
Damn!
Why is that girl still bothering me?
102
00:05:16,316 --> 00:05:17,651
Honey, you have to let it go.
103
00:05:17,734 --> 00:05:20,362
If I worried what every bitch
in New York was saying about me,
104
00:05:20,445 --> 00:05:21,738
I'd never leave the house.
105
00:05:23,532 --> 00:05:26,243
Early Monday morning,
Charlotte met with her lawyer.
106
00:05:26,326 --> 00:05:29,704
He was smart, tough, and gorgeous.
107
00:05:29,788 --> 00:05:31,581
You said on the phone
you had some bad feelings
108
00:05:31,665 --> 00:05:33,542
about your mother-in-law
Bunny MacDougal.
109
00:05:33,834 --> 00:05:34,751
Did I?
110
00:05:36,336 --> 00:05:39,047
I get a sense from her lawyer
this is going to be a bit of a battle.
111
00:05:40,048 --> 00:05:43,385
It was a battle, all right.
The battle of the Charlottes.
112
00:05:43,468 --> 00:05:45,512
The Charlotte
who wanted to seem attractive
113
00:05:45,595 --> 00:05:47,180
to her adorable lawyer,
114
00:05:47,430 --> 00:05:50,684
and the Charlotte who wanted to kick
Bunny MacDougal's ass.
115
00:05:50,767 --> 00:05:54,396
It looks to me that Mrs. MacDougal
has been very busy hiding assets
116
00:05:54,521 --> 00:05:57,107
to make sure
you don't get, well, anything.
117
00:05:57,732 --> 00:05:58,733
Hmm.
118
00:05:59,901 --> 00:06:03,196
Well, I just really want
what was promised.
119
00:06:03,280 --> 00:06:04,447
I want my apartment.
120
00:06:04,823 --> 00:06:07,826
Technically, it's not your apartment.
Trey's family owns it.
121
00:06:08,243 --> 00:06:10,996
And she was very careful to make sure
your name was never on the deed.
122
00:06:11,121 --> 00:06:12,956
What? Trey gave me that apartment.
123
00:06:13,415 --> 00:06:14,332
Sorry.
124
00:06:15,166 --> 00:06:17,043
Usually, I'm a very refined person.
125
00:06:17,335 --> 00:06:20,881
With your husband out of the country,
I'm gonna need you to be more specific.
126
00:06:21,047 --> 00:06:22,716
Charlotte realized
she could never be
127
00:06:22,799 --> 00:06:24,384
as ugly as she needed to be
128
00:06:24,467 --> 00:06:26,928
in front of a man
she considered so handsome.
129
00:06:27,012 --> 00:06:29,139
Ah-ah-ah, sorry to bust in.
130
00:06:29,306 --> 00:06:31,057
There's a bagel over here
with my name on it.
131
00:06:31,182 --> 00:06:32,767
My partner, Harry Goldenblatt.
132
00:06:32,851 --> 00:06:35,395
Harry, Charlotte York.
I'm handling her divorce.
133
00:06:35,478 --> 00:06:37,647
Hey, how you doing?
You're in the right hands here.
134
00:06:39,357 --> 00:06:40,275
He's a killer.
135
00:06:40,400 --> 00:06:41,860
Oh! Ew!
136
00:06:43,653 --> 00:06:45,697
Who the hell ordered blueberry bagels?
137
00:06:46,364 --> 00:06:48,074
I'm talking to Thelma about this.
138
00:06:48,742 --> 00:06:49,743
Good luck to you.
139
00:06:53,371 --> 00:06:54,873
Is he a killer too?
140
00:06:55,749 --> 00:06:58,835
And just like that,
Charlotte changed lawyers.
141
00:07:02,297 --> 00:07:03,840
After a grueling day,
142
00:07:03,924 --> 00:07:06,718
which included leg, eyebrow,
and bikini waxes,
143
00:07:07,093 --> 00:07:11,056
Samantha decided to reward herself
with a night of R and R.
144
00:07:18,772 --> 00:07:20,023
Unfortunately,
145
00:07:20,106 --> 00:07:22,692
her favorite vibrator
needed a little CPR.
146
00:07:37,540 --> 00:07:40,335
Brady, please. What?
147
00:07:41,169 --> 00:07:42,921
I cannot read your mind.
148
00:07:53,431 --> 00:07:55,392
-Who is it?
- 4-D.
149
00:07:57,936 --> 00:08:00,188
-It's 2:30 in the morning.
-I know.
150
00:08:00,730 --> 00:08:03,441
-I'm sorry.
-You gotta stop that baby from crying.
151
00:08:03,900 --> 00:08:06,778
Look, I said I was sorry,
but I have a baby.
152
00:08:07,112 --> 00:08:09,864
And sometimes babies make noise.
That's what they do.
153
00:08:09,948 --> 00:08:11,741
I know that. I have a baby too.
154
00:08:12,033 --> 00:08:14,077
And if you ever bothered
to say hello in the elevator,
155
00:08:14,452 --> 00:08:15,495
you would know that.
156
00:08:15,996 --> 00:08:19,374
I'm Kendall. My baby is Alika.
Have a nice night.
157
00:08:20,542 --> 00:08:22,669
Evidently, Miranda had been
getting bad reviews
158
00:08:22,752 --> 00:08:24,254
from inside her own building.
159
00:08:25,422 --> 00:08:28,425
As for my review,
I guess I was pretty nervous.
160
00:08:28,800 --> 00:08:29,801
-Times.
- Thank you.
161
00:08:29,884 --> 00:08:32,887
I hadn't been up this early
since Princess Diana's wedding.
162
00:08:33,763 --> 00:08:34,806
Thank you.
163
00:08:35,473 --> 00:08:36,599
Okay.
164
00:08:37,642 --> 00:08:38,685
Good morning.
165
00:08:42,105 --> 00:08:44,315
"All in all, I enjoyed spending time
166
00:08:44,441 --> 00:08:48,570
in Ms. Bradshaw's
sharp, funny, finely-drawn world
167
00:08:48,653 --> 00:08:51,906
where single women rule
and the men are disposable."
168
00:08:53,700 --> 00:08:54,701
Ouch!
169
00:08:54,826 --> 00:08:57,328
Carrie, I believe what you have there
170
00:08:57,412 --> 00:09:00,331
is a rave review
from The New York Times.
171
00:09:00,415 --> 00:09:02,208
"The men are disposable"?
172
00:09:02,876 --> 00:09:05,336
-I don't dispose of men, do I?
-No.
173
00:09:05,420 --> 00:09:08,923
Well, Michiko Kakutani thinks so,
and I always agree with her.
174
00:09:09,090 --> 00:09:10,800
Fuck Michiko Kakutani.
175
00:09:10,884 --> 00:09:13,845
-Oh, no sleep again?
-Actually, it was a good night.
176
00:09:15,305 --> 00:09:16,765
I got a whole hour.
177
00:09:17,265 --> 00:09:20,143
I can't believe I have to go
and pretend to be a lawyer now.
178
00:09:22,812 --> 00:09:25,815
-Can I wear a baseball cap to work?
-With what shoes?
179
00:09:26,983 --> 00:09:28,610
Oh, my God, listen to me going on and on
180
00:09:28,693 --> 00:09:31,362
about Michiko Kakutani
when you have real problems.
181
00:09:32,322 --> 00:09:33,990
So can I obsess for another minute?
182
00:09:34,115 --> 00:09:37,077
Just don't say her name again.
It'll push me over the edge.
183
00:09:37,160 --> 00:09:41,456
So, yes, some of the men in the book
are maybe a little disposable,
184
00:09:41,539 --> 00:09:45,293
but this makes it sound like
I think men are disposable in life.
185
00:09:47,253 --> 00:09:49,422
What? What's with the pause?
186
00:09:49,547 --> 00:09:52,092
I'm sorry.
I fell asleep for a second.
187
00:09:52,842 --> 00:09:55,053
That's a terrible thing
to think about me.
188
00:09:55,845 --> 00:09:56,888
Oh, my God!
189
00:09:57,430 --> 00:09:58,848
That's what the face meant.
190
00:09:59,390 --> 00:10:02,393
Do you think that Aidan thinks
that I think he was disposable?
191
00:10:02,477 --> 00:10:05,021
Carrie, you did not throw Aidan away.
192
00:10:05,438 --> 00:10:06,689
Good morning.
193
00:10:06,981 --> 00:10:08,358
Well, that girl thinks I did.
194
00:10:08,441 --> 00:10:10,443
He must have said something
like that to her.
195
00:10:10,777 --> 00:10:12,028
Where else would she get it?
196
00:10:13,321 --> 00:10:16,032
Steve and Aidan are close.
Has Steve ever said anything to you?
197
00:10:16,282 --> 00:10:19,452
-Does Steve hate me now?
-Carrie, you're spinning.
198
00:10:19,661 --> 00:10:23,081
-Steve doesn't hate you.
-Then how come I never see him anymore?
199
00:10:23,206 --> 00:10:26,126
You never see him
because I have to keep him away.
200
00:10:26,209 --> 00:10:29,838
Because if I see him now,
I'll ask him to marry me
201
00:10:29,921 --> 00:10:31,756
just to give me some help.
202
00:10:31,840 --> 00:10:34,801
I worked very hard
at taking care of Aidan's feelings.
203
00:10:34,884 --> 00:10:36,427
Will you mention that to Steve?
204
00:10:36,511 --> 00:10:39,389
-Because if Aidan told Steve--
- Carrie, you know what?
205
00:10:40,181 --> 00:10:42,559
Maybe you should
call your girlfriend, Samantha.
206
00:10:42,725 --> 00:10:45,728
She has all kinds of time
to talk about this kind of stuff.
207
00:10:46,104 --> 00:10:48,064
Look, I know it's me
208
00:10:48,356 --> 00:10:50,567
and I'm jealous
of her free time and all,
209
00:10:50,692 --> 00:10:52,318
but if she could maybe, just once,
210
00:10:52,402 --> 00:10:54,946
acknowledge the fact
that I've had a baby...
211
00:11:02,412 --> 00:11:04,956
It's not enough
I've alienated my neighbor.
212
00:11:05,248 --> 00:11:07,083
Now, I'm alienating my friends.
213
00:11:07,167 --> 00:11:08,751
You're not alienating anyone.
214
00:11:08,918 --> 00:11:11,629
Tell that to 4-D.
She's pissed off I don't know her name.
215
00:11:11,713 --> 00:11:14,507
-Do you know your neighbors' names?
-Please.
216
00:11:14,924 --> 00:11:17,093
I'm a bad neighbor and a bad mother.
217
00:11:17,177 --> 00:11:19,095
That's not true. You're doing great.
218
00:11:19,179 --> 00:11:20,430
Yeah, right.
219
00:11:20,972 --> 00:11:22,682
You're just having a bad week.
220
00:11:23,391 --> 00:11:24,767
Can I do anything to help?
221
00:11:25,268 --> 00:11:27,770
That helps, just asking.
222
00:11:29,397 --> 00:11:30,815
I'm late. I gotta go.
223
00:11:31,232 --> 00:11:33,067
Congratulations on the review.
224
00:11:33,318 --> 00:11:34,319
Yeah.
225
00:11:42,660 --> 00:11:44,996
Why is it
that we only seem to believe
226
00:11:45,079 --> 00:11:47,123
the negative things people say about us,
227
00:11:47,415 --> 00:11:50,210
no matter how much evidence
there is to the contrary?
228
00:11:50,460 --> 00:11:53,630
A neighbor, a face, an ex-boyfriend
229
00:11:53,713 --> 00:11:56,341
can cancel out everything
we thought was once true.
230
00:11:57,050 --> 00:11:59,510
Odd, but when it comes to life and love,
231
00:12:00,261 --> 00:12:02,889
why do we believe our worst reviews?
232
00:12:09,062 --> 00:12:13,107
After a long day in court,
Miranda faced another jury.
233
00:12:16,069 --> 00:12:18,238
Don't cry. Don't cry.
234
00:12:40,551 --> 00:12:41,803
And at City Bakery,
235
00:12:41,886 --> 00:12:44,055
Samantha and I were reviewing desserts.
236
00:12:44,138 --> 00:12:45,348
Mmm-hmm. Delish.
237
00:12:46,266 --> 00:12:49,143
Hey, I'll buy you dessert
if you do something for me.
238
00:12:49,227 --> 00:12:52,689
-I'm not eating desserts this week.
-Oh, come on, best brownies in New York.
239
00:12:54,274 --> 00:12:55,817
-Bastard.
240
00:12:56,276 --> 00:12:57,360
I'll take a brownie.
241
00:12:58,111 --> 00:13:01,322
-What do you need me to do?
-It's about Miranda and the baby.
242
00:13:01,406 --> 00:13:04,742
-Forget the brownie.
-No, she'll take the brownie.
243
00:13:04,867 --> 00:13:06,869
Babies are not my scene.
244
00:13:08,621 --> 00:13:11,207
And from what I've heard,
this one sounds like an asshole.
245
00:13:11,457 --> 00:13:15,545
-You can't call a baby an asshole.
-Why not? She called it a meatloaf.
246
00:13:15,628 --> 00:13:18,840
I don't think it would kill all of us
to be a little more supportive.
247
00:13:19,507 --> 00:13:20,591
Well, all right.
248
00:13:21,134 --> 00:13:22,927
When he's in college,
I'll take him for a drink
249
00:13:23,011 --> 00:13:24,929
and I'll flirt with his friends.
How's that?
250
00:13:25,388 --> 00:13:28,099
Maybe you could just
stop by tomorrow and say,
251
00:13:28,182 --> 00:13:30,268
"I hear you had a baby.
How's that going?"
252
00:13:30,351 --> 00:13:33,104
Carrie, I have no time.
I'm booked all day.
253
00:13:34,480 --> 00:13:35,773
I have my hair appointment,
254
00:13:35,857 --> 00:13:37,900
and I'm returning
a vibrator before that.
255
00:13:38,151 --> 00:13:39,777
Hair and a vibrator?
256
00:13:39,944 --> 00:13:43,740
Yes, that is my life,
and I don't have to justify it.
257
00:13:44,240 --> 00:13:46,701
I hate it when people have babies
and they suddenly expect you
258
00:13:46,784 --> 00:13:49,120
to turn into a some kind
of Norman Rockwell painting.
259
00:13:49,454 --> 00:13:53,041
We're not talking about people,
we're talking about our friend.
260
00:13:53,124 --> 00:13:54,375
And she's sinking.
261
00:13:56,794 --> 00:13:59,213
What, so, Miranda's like Venice?
262
00:13:59,297 --> 00:14:00,590
That'll be $14.20.
263
00:14:02,633 --> 00:14:04,010
She's paying for the brownie.
264
00:14:06,095 --> 00:14:06,929
Carrie.
265
00:14:08,014 --> 00:14:10,850
Oh! Hey! Julia, hi.
266
00:14:11,476 --> 00:14:14,437
Oh, um, this is my friend Samantha.
This is Julia Afton.
267
00:14:14,520 --> 00:14:15,980
-We work together at Vogue.
-Hi!
268
00:14:16,189 --> 00:14:18,900
Hardly. She gets
to run in and out once a month,
269
00:14:18,983 --> 00:14:21,235
while I'm chained to the hem
of Anna Wintour.
270
00:14:22,737 --> 00:14:24,989
-Oh, there's my friend. Nina.
-I'm here.
271
00:14:26,991 --> 00:14:30,578
- It is about time.
- Hey, sorry I'm late.
272
00:14:31,704 --> 00:14:33,498
Carrie, hi.
273
00:14:33,581 --> 00:14:37,251
There I was,
face to face with the face girl.
274
00:14:37,335 --> 00:14:39,879
-How do you two know each other?
-I'll tell you over lunch.
275
00:14:40,088 --> 00:14:42,548
Nina Katz, hi. Samantha Jones.
276
00:14:42,632 --> 00:14:44,342
Oh, hi, nice to see you again.
277
00:14:45,218 --> 00:14:49,180
-Um, can we eat? I'm starvation central.
-Okey-dokey. See you.
278
00:14:49,722 --> 00:14:50,681
Bye, Carrie.
279
00:14:52,392 --> 00:14:53,851
How do you know Nina Katz?
280
00:14:53,935 --> 00:14:57,647
-How do you know Nina Katz?
-Everybody knows Nina Katz.
281
00:14:57,730 --> 00:14:59,440
She's the booker
for Saturday Night Live.
282
00:14:59,524 --> 00:15:02,944
-Well, she's also the face girl.
-No!
283
00:15:03,027 --> 00:15:05,029
Nina Katz is the...
284
00:15:05,113 --> 00:15:06,155
Exactly.
285
00:15:06,906 --> 00:15:09,158
Great! That face will be all over Vogue.
286
00:15:09,242 --> 00:15:10,785
Not to mention SNL.
287
00:15:11,202 --> 00:15:13,704
-Nina Katz loves to talk.
- $15.30.
288
00:15:14,205 --> 00:15:17,917
I... I'm going to need
a big brownie as well, so...
289
00:15:19,919 --> 00:15:22,839
The next day,
Samantha did some personal shopping.
290
00:15:24,257 --> 00:15:25,716
Very personal.
291
00:15:27,176 --> 00:15:28,845
-Can I help you?
- Yes.
292
00:15:29,011 --> 00:15:31,097
I'd like to return this vibrator.
293
00:15:32,348 --> 00:15:33,766
We don't sell vibrators.
294
00:15:33,891 --> 00:15:36,018
Yes, you do.
I bought it here six months ago.
295
00:15:36,144 --> 00:15:39,230
That's not a vibrator.
It's a neck massager.
296
00:15:39,355 --> 00:15:41,357
No, it's a vibrator.
297
00:15:41,691 --> 00:15:44,402
Sharper Image doesn't sell vibrators.
298
00:15:44,694 --> 00:15:46,070
It's a neck massager.
299
00:15:46,404 --> 00:15:49,907
You expect me to believe that women
buy these to help their sore necks?
300
00:15:50,408 --> 00:15:53,286
-It's a neck massager.
-Fine.
301
00:15:53,536 --> 00:15:55,455
I'd like to return this neck massager.
302
00:15:55,788 --> 00:15:56,747
What's wrong with it?
303
00:15:56,914 --> 00:15:58,624
It failed to get me off.
304
00:16:00,793 --> 00:16:02,837
It has a warranty and it just stopped.
305
00:16:02,920 --> 00:16:04,547
Made the saddest little sound.
306
00:16:04,672 --> 00:16:06,382
Perhaps you wore it out.
307
00:16:06,507 --> 00:16:08,468
Well, honey, it wouldn't
be the first one.
308
00:16:08,551 --> 00:16:10,344
Fine. Just...
309
00:16:10,803 --> 00:16:13,014
find another and go to the cashier.
310
00:16:16,809 --> 00:16:19,562
I know a man who's in desperate need
of a neck massage.
311
00:16:22,356 --> 00:16:25,651
Oh, you don't want that one.
Too many bells and whistles.
312
00:16:28,738 --> 00:16:30,531
That one actually works against you.
313
00:16:30,615 --> 00:16:33,993
If we wanted to work that hard,
we'd get us a man. Am I right?
314
00:16:34,285 --> 00:16:36,871
Samantha
instantly established herself
315
00:16:37,163 --> 00:16:39,749
as the Michiko Kakutani of vibrators.
316
00:16:40,208 --> 00:16:42,919
I think that one
actually is a back massager.
317
00:16:43,002 --> 00:16:44,086
Not if you mount it.
318
00:16:44,420 --> 00:16:45,296
Oh.
319
00:16:46,631 --> 00:16:48,299
-No, absolutely not.
320
00:16:48,382 --> 00:16:49,383
That will burn your clit off.
321
00:16:50,218 --> 00:16:52,762
-Even with underwear?
-Even with ski pants.
322
00:17:13,699 --> 00:17:14,909
I brought you something.
323
00:17:16,786 --> 00:17:18,538
Well, it belongs to Alika.
324
00:17:19,205 --> 00:17:20,456
An oscillating chair.
325
00:17:22,166 --> 00:17:23,501
It helps.
326
00:17:24,794 --> 00:17:25,753
Come on in.
327
00:17:30,841 --> 00:17:33,469
Hey there, Mr. Mouth.
328
00:17:33,886 --> 00:17:36,764
What have you got to say
that is so important?
329
00:17:36,847 --> 00:17:39,267
I'm sorry. It's just been non-stop.
330
00:17:40,643 --> 00:17:42,270
Now, this chair
331
00:17:42,603 --> 00:17:45,439
is a little controversial,
332
00:17:45,940 --> 00:17:47,275
but I don't give a shit
333
00:17:47,692 --> 00:17:49,652
'cause it stopped my baby from crying
334
00:17:49,777 --> 00:17:53,072
when I was about ready
to throw myself off the fire escape.
335
00:17:53,155 --> 00:17:56,367
- Sounds good.
-Okay. Now.
336
00:18:01,622 --> 00:18:02,707
Oh, my God!
337
00:18:03,249 --> 00:18:05,334
The chair is genius.
338
00:18:05,626 --> 00:18:07,712
I don't know,
something about the vibration...
339
00:18:07,795 --> 00:18:09,714
I don't know. They love it.
340
00:18:10,089 --> 00:18:11,966
Alika could sit in it for hours.
341
00:18:13,676 --> 00:18:16,345
So, how come
you haven't heard about this?
342
00:18:16,804 --> 00:18:18,431
Don't your girlfriends have babies?
343
00:18:18,973 --> 00:18:22,560
-No, I'm the only one.
-Ooh, then, you're screwed.
344
00:18:23,769 --> 00:18:25,313
Actually, they've been very helpful.
345
00:18:25,396 --> 00:18:27,690
If they don't have kids,
they don't have a clue.
346
00:18:32,278 --> 00:18:34,030
Miranda, you're not a bad mother.
347
00:18:35,489 --> 00:18:37,074
You just didn't have the chair.
348
00:18:39,452 --> 00:18:40,494
Thank you.
349
00:18:42,913 --> 00:18:44,540
Kendall.
350
00:18:50,087 --> 00:18:52,298
Three blissful
baby hours later...
351
00:18:53,466 --> 00:18:56,385
-Samantha, what are you doing here?
-I'm not Samantha, you are.
352
00:18:56,552 --> 00:19:00,139
You have a 5:30 appointment
with John Mandy at the John Mandy Salon.
353
00:19:00,473 --> 00:19:02,224
-Go.
-What?
354
00:19:03,142 --> 00:19:04,352
I can't take your--
355
00:19:04,935 --> 00:19:06,812
I'm counting to five
and then I'm changing my mind.
356
00:19:07,271 --> 00:19:09,482
-Really? You want to babysit?
-Mmm-hmm.
357
00:19:09,732 --> 00:19:13,027
-Five, four--
-Okay! Okay.
358
00:19:14,779 --> 00:19:17,031
I don't know what to say.
I can't believe it.
359
00:19:17,239 --> 00:19:20,368
Neither can I, but here I am,
Mary fucking Poppins.
360
00:19:21,911 --> 00:19:23,329
Thank you.
361
00:19:24,413 --> 00:19:25,289
Um...
362
00:19:25,706 --> 00:19:28,501
The numbers are on the fridge,
and don't take him out of that chair.
363
00:19:28,668 --> 00:19:30,211
It's the only thing
that keeps him quiet.
364
00:19:32,672 --> 00:19:33,881
And don't call boys.
365
00:19:44,600 --> 00:19:45,559
Well,
366
00:19:45,935 --> 00:19:47,311
you don't look so bad.
367
00:19:54,360 --> 00:19:56,320
Meanwhile,
in a chair across town,
368
00:19:56,404 --> 00:19:59,990
I was enjoying an afternoon
of absolutely nothing.
369
00:20:00,866 --> 00:20:03,369
- Good night, thank you.
370
00:20:18,050 --> 00:20:22,972
Hey. Do you think Nina Katz
is telling random celebrity hosts
371
00:20:23,055 --> 00:20:25,933
-that I'm the bad-breakup girlfriend?
-What?
372
00:20:26,016 --> 00:20:28,269
Well, you said she loved to talk.
Do you think she's trashing me to,
373
00:20:28,394 --> 00:20:32,398
say, a Gwyneth Paltrow
or an Ian McKellen?
374
00:20:32,648 --> 00:20:33,899
-You can't be serious.
375
00:20:33,983 --> 00:20:35,901
Don't get me wrong.
I don't flatter myself
376
00:20:35,985 --> 00:20:38,112
that a Gwyneth Paltrow
or an Ian McKellen
377
00:20:38,195 --> 00:20:39,905
would be interested
in my love life, but...
378
00:20:39,989 --> 00:20:42,158
-Are you at a zoo?
379
00:20:42,366 --> 00:20:44,577
No, thanks to you, I am at Miranda's,
380
00:20:44,785 --> 00:20:48,414
and Brady won't stop screaming,
and I don't know what to do.
381
00:20:48,581 --> 00:20:51,667
-You're at Miranda's?
-I sent her to get my haircut.
382
00:20:51,876 --> 00:20:55,713
-That was nice.
-Yes, and now I'm being punished.
383
00:20:55,921 --> 00:20:58,007
-So he's not hurt?
-No.
384
00:20:58,090 --> 00:20:59,258
-Or wet?
-No.
385
00:20:59,425 --> 00:21:01,552
Well, then I don't know
what his problem is.
386
00:21:01,635 --> 00:21:03,345
His problem is he's an asshole.
387
00:21:05,222 --> 00:21:08,058
-Maybe you should call Miranda.
-I will not.
388
00:21:08,142 --> 00:21:09,769
It took me months
to get that appointment.
389
00:21:09,852 --> 00:21:11,187
Someone should benefit.
390
00:21:11,479 --> 00:21:14,565
I'll find some way
to keep this kid quiet. Goodbye.
391
00:21:14,648 --> 00:21:16,567
No, wait, what about Nina?
392
00:21:16,692 --> 00:21:19,820
Carrie, maybe Charlotte has the time
to talk about this kind of stuff.
393
00:21:19,904 --> 00:21:22,156
I have a screaming baby on my hands.
394
00:21:26,952 --> 00:21:28,829
What? What do you need?
395
00:21:33,751 --> 00:21:36,086
Well, that's better.
396
00:21:37,213 --> 00:21:40,299
-Is everything okay?
-Absolutely. The chair thing broke.
397
00:21:40,382 --> 00:21:43,093
-But you know, shit happens.
-The chair broke?
398
00:21:43,844 --> 00:21:45,930
But what did you... I mean, did he...
399
00:21:52,978 --> 00:21:54,647
That better be brand-new.
400
00:21:56,315 --> 00:21:58,943
Monday morning,
Harry Goldenblatt did his best
401
00:21:59,068 --> 00:22:02,071
to make sure
Bunny didn't hop all over Charlotte.
402
00:22:02,196 --> 00:22:04,406
Mrs. MacDougal is willing to offer
403
00:22:04,490 --> 00:22:08,327
her son's collection
of mint-condition silver Buffalo coins.
404
00:22:08,410 --> 00:22:09,829
Could we get off the coin collection?
405
00:22:09,912 --> 00:22:11,914
She's not going to settle
for a coin collection.
406
00:22:12,039 --> 00:22:14,291
Well, according to the pre-nup...
407
00:22:14,667 --> 00:22:17,294
This is ridiculous.
Trey gave me that apartment.
408
00:22:18,754 --> 00:22:22,800
She gave him her word.
Till death do them part.
409
00:22:23,259 --> 00:22:25,052
Bunny, if you have something
to say to me--
410
00:22:25,135 --> 00:22:27,847
-Fine. I shall.
-I strongly recommend--
411
00:22:27,930 --> 00:22:29,223
Allan, hush.
412
00:22:30,432 --> 00:22:32,059
You, my dear, took a vow.
413
00:22:32,852 --> 00:22:35,354
And when things didn't go your way,
you simply broke that vow.
414
00:22:35,771 --> 00:22:38,732
I come from a generation of women
that valued marriage.
415
00:22:38,816 --> 00:22:41,569
We believed in
"for better or for worse."
416
00:22:41,694 --> 00:22:45,030
Not "for better,
or until the road gets rocky."
417
00:22:45,489 --> 00:22:49,243
When I think of the heartache and shame
418
00:22:49,618 --> 00:22:51,662
you caused my dear boy,
419
00:22:52,496 --> 00:22:55,666
I'm amazed that you could
even come here and look me in the face.
420
00:22:55,749 --> 00:22:57,668
Charlotte couldn't
fight anymore.
421
00:22:57,751 --> 00:23:00,754
It seemed to her she'd been fighting
for this marriage forever.
422
00:23:02,464 --> 00:23:06,385
Be advised, young lady,
I'm more than prepared to go to court.
423
00:23:10,848 --> 00:23:13,475
It's the coin collection.
Take it or leave it.
424
00:23:13,601 --> 00:23:14,727
Just hold on.
425
00:23:15,019 --> 00:23:17,229
Apparently, our office
just received a telegram
426
00:23:17,313 --> 00:23:18,898
from Scotland from Dr. MacDougal.
427
00:23:18,981 --> 00:23:21,317
-Shall I read it?
-By all means.
428
00:23:23,360 --> 00:23:26,030
"Charlotte York was
a wonderful wife. Stop.
429
00:23:26,155 --> 00:23:28,490
She did nothing wrong. Stop.
430
00:23:28,616 --> 00:23:31,076
Give her everything she wants. Stop.
431
00:23:32,244 --> 00:23:33,746
Seriously, Mother...
432
00:23:34,413 --> 00:23:35,414
Stop."
433
00:23:36,498 --> 00:23:38,375
That's the thing about reviews.
434
00:23:38,459 --> 00:23:40,794
Sometimes, when you least expect it,
435
00:23:41,420 --> 00:23:42,713
you get a rave.
436
00:23:46,383 --> 00:23:47,885
Just the apartment.
437
00:23:48,177 --> 00:23:51,263
I'll have papers drawn up
so Mrs. MacDougal can transfer the deed.
438
00:23:52,181 --> 00:23:54,350
Even though
things had gotten ugly,
439
00:23:54,767 --> 00:23:57,102
Charlotte didn't want them
to end that way.
440
00:23:57,186 --> 00:24:00,731
I'm sorry things didn't work out better
for all of us.
441
00:24:02,107 --> 00:24:03,067
Allan.
442
00:24:05,152 --> 00:24:07,237
Charlotte realized
there was no such thing
443
00:24:07,321 --> 00:24:09,198
as a fairy-tale divorce, either.
444
00:24:09,406 --> 00:24:11,158
"Ding dong, the witch is dead."
445
00:24:18,248 --> 00:24:21,460
And farther uptown,
still unable to let it go,
446
00:24:21,835 --> 00:24:23,712
Nina Katz and that face
447
00:24:23,921 --> 00:24:26,256
had driven me to face my worst fear.
448
00:24:26,340 --> 00:24:28,634
So, Steve, I know I was
kind of vague on the phone--
449
00:24:28,717 --> 00:24:31,136
It's Miranda, right?
She doesn't want me to call her so much.
450
00:24:31,220 --> 00:24:32,429
Right? It's fine. Whatever.
451
00:24:32,554 --> 00:24:35,015
No, no no. It's not about Miranda.
It's about...
452
00:24:38,143 --> 00:24:39,561
How does Aidan feel about me?
453
00:24:39,728 --> 00:24:41,647
Ah! Jeez, no.
454
00:24:41,730 --> 00:24:43,774
You're not going to try to get back
together with him again, are you?
455
00:24:44,108 --> 00:24:48,654
Um, no, but that pretty much answers
any question I had about how you feel.
456
00:24:50,948 --> 00:24:51,991
So...
457
00:24:52,241 --> 00:24:53,617
What? Does he hate me?
458
00:24:53,909 --> 00:24:56,328
No, but come on, Carrie.
I mean, it was pretty bad.
459
00:24:56,829 --> 00:24:57,955
How bad, Steve?
460
00:24:59,748 --> 00:25:01,500
-Steve, the ball.
-Sorry.
461
00:25:02,292 --> 00:25:03,293
So, how is he now?
462
00:25:03,877 --> 00:25:06,422
-Great. He's great.
-Good.
463
00:25:07,423 --> 00:25:08,924
-He's great.
-Good.
464
00:25:09,466 --> 00:25:10,509
Now.
465
00:25:11,427 --> 00:25:12,469
But back then...
466
00:25:12,845 --> 00:25:14,930
Back then, he couldn't
get out of bed for like...
467
00:25:16,765 --> 00:25:19,476
-What? Days? Weeks?
-Like, a month.
468
00:25:20,060 --> 00:25:22,229
-I brought him chicken wings.
-Oh, Christ.
469
00:25:22,312 --> 00:25:24,231
Look, I don't mean to make you feel bad.
470
00:25:24,314 --> 00:25:25,357
Well...
471
00:25:26,150 --> 00:25:27,401
A month?
472
00:25:27,526 --> 00:25:28,944
Yeah, he was devastated.
473
00:25:29,028 --> 00:25:31,613
I mean, he lost his ability
to open up and trust women.
474
00:25:35,200 --> 00:25:39,121
"He lost his ability to open up
and trust women"?
475
00:25:39,204 --> 00:25:41,248
-Did he tell you that?
-No.
476
00:25:41,331 --> 00:25:43,459
Guys don't talk about shit like that.
We just ate wings.
477
00:25:43,542 --> 00:25:45,878
But the girl Nina he was dating,
she told me that.
478
00:25:46,587 --> 00:25:49,173
Okay, we're looking
for the cute pretzel guys.
479
00:25:49,256 --> 00:25:52,176
How come you never wanted
to cruise guys when I was available?
480
00:25:52,259 --> 00:25:54,136
This isn't about cruising,
it's about clarity.
481
00:25:54,219 --> 00:25:56,930
That Nina Katz face chick
is hitting a little too close to home.
482
00:25:57,014 --> 00:25:59,975
I want to find her and tell her
my side of the breakup story.
483
00:26:00,100 --> 00:26:03,187
-Why? You know what you and Aidan had.
-Yes, I know it, but she doesn't.
484
00:26:03,270 --> 00:26:05,481
And she's yip-yapping
her version all over town.
485
00:26:05,564 --> 00:26:07,107
It only takes one bad review
486
00:26:07,191 --> 00:26:09,610
to cancel out
all the good word-of-mouth.
487
00:26:10,444 --> 00:26:12,780
-What do you think of Marcus?
-Nice.
488
00:26:13,197 --> 00:26:16,492
I mean, relationships are complicated.
You can't reduce them to a face.
489
00:26:16,575 --> 00:26:19,578
-I know that Aidan has feelings--
-Okay, stop.
490
00:26:20,120 --> 00:26:21,955
I am done.
491
00:26:22,873 --> 00:26:25,584
I've listened to you
talk about Aidan, for what?
492
00:26:25,959 --> 00:26:28,545
Ten blocks and two years?
493
00:26:29,004 --> 00:26:30,672
And I've been a wonderful audience.
494
00:26:31,006 --> 00:26:34,259
And I ask you about my Marcus,
and all I get is...
495
00:26:34,343 --> 00:26:35,302
"nice"?
496
00:26:36,470 --> 00:26:37,554
I'm sorry.
497
00:26:38,180 --> 00:26:41,809
I mean, Carrie, how many relationships
have I been in since you've known me?
498
00:26:42,392 --> 00:26:43,560
Real or imaginary?
499
00:26:45,187 --> 00:26:47,731
Come on, your opinion means a lot to me.
500
00:26:48,357 --> 00:26:50,400
You're my Machiko Kakamatsa.
501
00:26:51,235 --> 00:26:53,737
So, now what, you want me
to review your relationship?
502
00:26:53,946 --> 00:26:55,697
Immediately, if not sooner.
503
00:26:55,823 --> 00:26:58,492
Okay, well...
I like that he makes you happy.
504
00:26:59,701 --> 00:27:00,661
Oh, my God.
505
00:27:02,204 --> 00:27:04,456
Carrie.
506
00:27:04,540 --> 00:27:07,042
Okay, one more time
and you are officially stalking me.
507
00:27:09,670 --> 00:27:12,798
-Hi, I'm Heather.
-Heather Graham. I know. I love you.
508
00:27:12,881 --> 00:27:14,383
I'm Stanford Blatch.
509
00:27:14,591 --> 00:27:16,593
Sorry. Heather, this is Carrie Bradshaw.
510
00:27:16,677 --> 00:27:18,011
Carrie Bradshaw, really?
511
00:27:22,266 --> 00:27:24,476
Okay, I... Nina,
512
00:27:25,102 --> 00:27:28,772
I need to talk to you
for a second, alone, if I can.
513
00:27:29,439 --> 00:27:31,650
Miss Graham, may I buy you a pretzel?
514
00:27:31,817 --> 00:27:33,735
-Okay.
-Get me one.
515
00:27:34,278 --> 00:27:36,738
-A man or a pretzel?
-Whatever has less carbs.
516
00:27:36,822 --> 00:27:37,781
Right?
517
00:27:41,910 --> 00:27:45,289
I get the sense
that you have a sort of feeling
518
00:27:45,372 --> 00:27:47,124
about what happened with Aidan,
519
00:27:47,332 --> 00:27:49,418
and I just want to clear something up.
520
00:27:50,502 --> 00:27:53,755
Breakups are awful and they are private.
521
00:27:54,214 --> 00:28:00,387
And they are not necessarily symptomatic
of what two people had together.
522
00:28:01,221 --> 00:28:03,182
I loved Aidan very much.
523
00:28:03,724 --> 00:28:06,018
And I would never,
ever have done anything
524
00:28:06,101 --> 00:28:07,477
to deliberately hurt him.
525
00:28:08,979 --> 00:28:09,897
Okay.
526
00:28:10,189 --> 00:28:12,941
Suddenly, I realized
that the critic I was most afraid of
527
00:28:13,025 --> 00:28:14,401
wasn't Nina Katz.
528
00:28:15,027 --> 00:28:15,986
It was me.
529
00:28:16,862 --> 00:28:17,863
So...
530
00:28:19,907 --> 00:28:20,908
Bye.
531
00:28:22,367 --> 00:28:24,745
The truth is, at any given moment,
532
00:28:24,828 --> 00:28:26,788
someone, somewhere
could be making a face about you.
533
00:28:30,542 --> 00:28:33,295
But it's the reviews
you give yourself that matter.
534
00:28:33,378 --> 00:28:35,088
So I get over there with Heather Graham
535
00:28:35,172 --> 00:28:37,382
and I'm like,
"Shit! What do we have to talk about?"
536
00:28:37,466 --> 00:28:39,176
- Being pretty.
-I know.
537
00:28:39,259 --> 00:28:41,428
But we had nothing to talk about
but pretzels.
538
00:28:42,512 --> 00:28:44,473
-Okay, so I said...
-Ooh!
539
00:28:44,556 --> 00:28:46,225
Sorry. Come on.
540
00:28:46,892 --> 00:28:48,810
So I said,
"Have you ever been to Bavaria?
541
00:28:48,894 --> 00:28:50,604
They make the best pretzels there."