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00:00:49,049 --> 00:00:52,427
In a city where cynicism
is as prevalent as pashmina,
2
00:00:52,511 --> 00:00:54,012
there is nothing more hopeful
3
00:00:54,096 --> 00:00:56,306
than the "getting ready
for the first date" routine.
4
00:00:56,765 --> 00:00:58,600
His name was Will O'Connor.
5
00:00:58,684 --> 00:01:02,688
He was a smart, cute urban planner
Miranda had met at Starbucks,
6
00:01:02,771 --> 00:01:05,524
when he had mistaken her latte
for his double cap
7
00:01:05,607 --> 00:01:08,986
and had offered to make it up to her by
buying her a real drink that Saturday.
8
00:01:09,361 --> 00:01:12,781
Samantha preferred the "saying
good night to the first date" routine.
9
00:01:12,864 --> 00:01:14,783
His name was Sebastian Wise.
10
00:01:14,866 --> 00:01:17,494
For Sam, it was a very good night.
11
00:01:17,578 --> 00:01:21,832
Meanwhile, uptown, Trey and Charlotte
were practicing their new routine.
12
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All righty. Schooner's got the sails up.
13
00:01:24,751 --> 00:01:26,253
Yes, I can feel it.
14
00:01:27,629 --> 00:01:30,132
All righty,
I'm bringing it into the harbor.
15
00:01:30,215 --> 00:01:32,217
-Bring it in.
-Okay.
16
00:01:33,969 --> 00:01:36,305
All right. Here I come.
17
00:01:38,890 --> 00:01:39,891
Come.
18
00:01:44,021 --> 00:01:45,022
Honey?
19
00:01:47,691 --> 00:01:50,485
The wind died. I'm sorry.
20
00:01:54,740 --> 00:01:56,825
After a week
of the same routine,
21
00:01:56,908 --> 00:02:00,162
the only thing getting up in their bed
was Charlotte's libido.
22
00:02:01,413 --> 00:02:05,042
As for me,
my routine had become very routine.
23
00:02:05,125 --> 00:02:08,045
I was spending
almost every night in, working.
24
00:02:10,756 --> 00:02:13,925
-Hello.
-Okay. My date is three hours late.
25
00:02:14,009 --> 00:02:15,594
I'm being stood up, right?
26
00:02:16,053 --> 00:02:18,221
-Maybe he got lost.
-Carrie.
27
00:02:18,305 --> 00:02:20,390
-No, doesn't look good.
-Oh!
28
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And I'm wearing a new dress
from Barneys.
29
00:02:22,684 --> 00:02:24,186
And I'm eating out of plastic.
30
00:02:24,269 --> 00:02:26,229
Oh, man, I'm sorry.
31
00:02:26,313 --> 00:02:27,814
He doesn't even know me.
32
00:02:27,898 --> 00:02:30,776
The least he could do is wait to get
to know me before he rejects me.
33
00:02:30,859 --> 00:02:33,028
Yeah, that's illegal dumping.
34
00:02:33,403 --> 00:02:36,740
It's crazy.
This hasn't happened to me since I'm 27.
35
00:02:36,823 --> 00:02:39,368
I'm older. I should know better.
36
00:02:39,451 --> 00:02:42,245
I thought I'd got a little smarter
about picking them now. You know?
37
00:02:42,329 --> 00:02:44,748
I can't believe
guys still stand girls up.
38
00:02:44,831 --> 00:02:47,542
I can't believe
I'm eating a frozen dinner.
39
00:02:47,626 --> 00:02:49,044
I'm such a cliché.
40
00:02:49,127 --> 00:02:50,754
Do you wanna grab a drink or something?
41
00:02:50,837 --> 00:02:52,464
No, I can't. I have to work.
42
00:02:52,839 --> 00:02:56,051
I agreed to teach these stupid
Learning Annex classes.
43
00:02:56,134 --> 00:02:58,553
They're calling it
"Bright Lights, Date City."
44
00:02:58,637 --> 00:03:01,139
Ugh! I'm so embarrassed for you.
45
00:03:01,223 --> 00:03:03,225
Hey, they're paying me 300 bucks a pop.
46
00:03:03,308 --> 00:03:06,937
It's a seminar on where to meet men.
Apparently, I'm an expert.
47
00:03:07,020 --> 00:03:08,855
Tell them to steer clear of Starbucks.
48
00:03:09,523 --> 00:03:11,108
Who would pay for something like this?
49
00:03:11,191 --> 00:03:13,151
Now? Maybe me.
50
00:03:14,111 --> 00:03:16,655
Okay, gotta go.
51
00:03:17,280 --> 00:03:19,449
This dress is making a mockery of me.
52
00:03:19,533 --> 00:03:21,076
I'm sorry, sweetie. Bye.
53
00:03:21,159 --> 00:03:23,036
Please. Bye.
54
00:03:24,246 --> 00:03:26,873
Stood up at 27,
Miranda had done nothing.
55
00:03:26,957 --> 00:03:32,003
At 34, she decided she wasn't going
to take this stand-up lying down.
56
00:03:32,587 --> 00:03:34,798
Will may have given her
the cold shoulder,
57
00:03:34,881 --> 00:03:37,342
but he had also given her
his home number.
58
00:03:37,843 --> 00:03:39,928
- Hello?
-Hi. Is Will there?
59
00:03:40,554 --> 00:03:42,889
-Who's speaking, please?
-Miranda Hobbes.
60
00:03:43,348 --> 00:03:45,726
Miranda, this is Will's mother.
61
00:03:45,809 --> 00:03:47,394
Well, Will's mother.
62
00:03:47,936 --> 00:03:51,815
I don't know how you raised your son,
but he just stood me up for a date.
63
00:03:52,482 --> 00:03:53,900
Will died today.
64
00:03:57,404 --> 00:03:59,656
-They're starting to die on us.
-Oh, my God.
65
00:03:59,740 --> 00:04:01,324
At least you weren't stood up.
66
00:04:01,408 --> 00:04:04,119
Thirty-five and they're dying.
We should just give up now.
67
00:04:04,202 --> 00:04:07,164
Well, on the bright side, this could
explain why they don't call back.
68
00:04:07,247 --> 00:04:08,165
-Hmm.
-How did he...
69
00:04:08,248 --> 00:04:09,416
-Heart attack.
-Oh.
70
00:04:09,499 --> 00:04:10,333
At the gym.
71
00:04:10,417 --> 00:04:12,669
-See, this is why I don't work out.
-Do you want to hear the worst part?
72
00:04:13,211 --> 00:04:16,214
I felt so bad, I told his mother
I would go to the wake.
73
00:04:16,298 --> 00:04:17,966
-You don't even know him.
-Well...
74
00:04:18,049 --> 00:04:20,051
And it's safe to say, she never will.
75
00:04:20,135 --> 00:04:21,845
Well, I, for one,
am far from being dead.
76
00:04:22,512 --> 00:04:25,348
I just got us reservations
at Samba next week.
77
00:04:25,432 --> 00:04:27,392
Oh, fancy.
78
00:04:27,476 --> 00:04:28,685
But I could only get us a four-top.
79
00:04:28,769 --> 00:04:30,645
Do you think Trey would mind
staying home?
80
00:04:31,313 --> 00:04:34,024
No. He doesn't seem up
for much these days.
81
00:04:38,612 --> 00:04:40,530
Charlotte, is everything okay?
82
00:04:44,618 --> 00:04:46,286
We've been trying, you know, to...
83
00:04:47,037 --> 00:04:47,871
Fuck?
84
00:04:48,246 --> 00:04:50,624
Whatever. And it's just not...
85
00:04:51,124 --> 00:04:52,375
Getting big and hard?
86
00:04:52,459 --> 00:04:54,127
What is this? Dirty mad libs?
87
00:04:54,461 --> 00:04:58,215
I love him, and he's trying,
but this is so frustrating.
88
00:04:58,298 --> 00:04:59,132
Of course it is.
89
00:04:59,216 --> 00:05:02,969
I mean, last night
I got so turned on, I almost...
90
00:05:03,637 --> 00:05:06,723
Hey, you almost masturbated,
he almost got it up,
91
00:05:06,807 --> 00:05:08,475
together, you almost had sex.
92
00:05:09,392 --> 00:05:12,229
Right next to my husband,
I feel so ashamed.
93
00:05:12,312 --> 00:05:13,772
Everybody masturbates.
94
00:05:13,855 --> 00:05:16,900
-I did it this morning.
-That explains why I got your voicemail.
95
00:05:16,983 --> 00:05:18,860
He masturbates and he reads porn.
96
00:05:18,944 --> 00:05:21,696
But when it comes to dealing
with me, nothing.
97
00:05:21,780 --> 00:05:23,406
-Madonna-whore.
-You think?
98
00:05:23,490 --> 00:05:25,116
Absolutely.
99
00:05:25,200 --> 00:05:28,495
Trey sees you as his virginal wife,
not as a sexual plaything.
100
00:05:28,578 --> 00:05:32,707
You're not going to get anywhere
until you change how he sees you.
101
00:05:32,791 --> 00:05:34,209
I don't know if I can do that.
102
00:05:34,292 --> 00:05:36,628
Yes, you can. Come on. You're sexy.
103
00:05:36,711 --> 00:05:39,589
He should see you.
You're something to see.
104
00:05:39,673 --> 00:05:41,466
Oh, yeah.
105
00:05:43,510 --> 00:05:45,720
The next night,
I realized first-hand
106
00:05:45,804 --> 00:05:48,890
just how many desperate New York women
there actually were out there.
107
00:05:49,933 --> 00:05:50,934
Wow.
108
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Hi.
109
00:05:55,272 --> 00:05:56,273
Hello.
110
00:05:57,315 --> 00:06:00,861
Gosh, I'm flattered that so many of you
ladies showed up to hear me talk.
111
00:06:01,444 --> 00:06:02,779
Well, um...
112
00:06:03,196 --> 00:06:07,742
The fact is, I have had
a lot of experience with men.
113
00:06:08,326 --> 00:06:11,746
Some of it good, some of it bad,
and some of it very, very ugly.
114
00:06:13,373 --> 00:06:18,128
Well, there are two million single men
in this city.
115
00:06:18,753 --> 00:06:21,298
-I have dated about a million of them.
116
00:06:22,382 --> 00:06:25,552
Um, and all these men
are right outside your door.
117
00:06:25,635 --> 00:06:27,846
So the next time
you step out in the morning
118
00:06:27,929 --> 00:06:31,766
with your shoes and your tote
and your traveling cappuccino,
119
00:06:31,850 --> 00:06:33,977
take a look around,
because I'm telling you,
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00:06:34,060 --> 00:06:36,813
our little metropolis,
it is stacked with men.
121
00:06:36,897 --> 00:06:38,773
You never know
who you're going to run into.
122
00:06:38,857 --> 00:06:42,152
You can turn a corner, and boom!
Bright lights, date city.
123
00:06:47,657 --> 00:06:49,284
Could you be more specific?
124
00:06:49,367 --> 00:06:52,537
Um, you mean, like, places to meet men?
125
00:06:53,622 --> 00:06:55,123
Sure. Um...
126
00:06:55,707 --> 00:06:58,126
Well, let's see. Uh, Samba.
127
00:06:58,960 --> 00:07:02,547
Um, any sporting... Sports bars...
Mickey Mantle's.
128
00:07:02,631 --> 00:07:03,715
Oh! I've gone there.
129
00:07:03,798 --> 00:07:05,634
-All the men were married.
130
00:07:05,717 --> 00:07:07,510
Oh, really? Hmm.
131
00:07:07,594 --> 00:07:09,012
Okay. Well, uh...
132
00:07:09,512 --> 00:07:11,473
Let's see. Um...
133
00:07:12,057 --> 00:07:14,517
Well, I once met this fellow
on the Hampton Jitney.
134
00:07:15,226 --> 00:07:16,770
Of course,
it turned out that he couldn't drive,
135
00:07:16,853 --> 00:07:19,689
and he was on
some sort of parole program.
136
00:07:19,773 --> 00:07:21,149
So, I guess that's a bad example.
137
00:07:21,983 --> 00:07:24,069
Suddenly, I felt like the bad example.
138
00:07:25,403 --> 00:07:26,529
Uh, yes, you.
139
00:07:27,113 --> 00:07:29,407
-Are you married?
-Um, no.
140
00:07:30,867 --> 00:07:31,993
Yes, you right there.
141
00:07:32,577 --> 00:07:36,456
-Have you ever been married?
-Um, no, not that I'm aware of. No.
142
00:07:36,539 --> 00:07:38,249
Yes, you, all the way
in the back there. Yes.
143
00:07:38,667 --> 00:07:40,627
-How old are you?
144
00:07:41,419 --> 00:07:42,253
Look...
145
00:07:42,337 --> 00:07:46,257
I'm really not an expert on men, okay?
I just write about this stuff.
146
00:07:46,967 --> 00:07:49,886
Then why are we paying
to hear you talk about it?
147
00:07:52,097 --> 00:07:54,224
Hey. Hey, come on. Be quiet.
148
00:07:54,307 --> 00:07:56,893
She's older than us.
We can learn something.
149
00:07:58,269 --> 00:08:00,730
The only thing I had learned
that night at the Learning Annex
150
00:08:00,814 --> 00:08:02,857
was that maybe
I should have stayed home.
151
00:08:04,651 --> 00:08:06,111
Can I smoke in here? Is that all right?
152
00:08:06,194 --> 00:08:07,404
No.
153
00:08:07,487 --> 00:08:09,698
If you stay single in New York
long enough,
154
00:08:09,781 --> 00:08:11,992
you're supposed to get wiser
about dating.
155
00:08:12,075 --> 00:08:14,035
What men to pick, where to meet them...
156
00:08:14,119 --> 00:08:17,038
But what really made any of us experts?
157
00:08:17,122 --> 00:08:20,709
Wasn't our single status a neon sign
that we couldn't get it right?
158
00:08:20,792 --> 00:08:23,795
What if all these years in New York
have only made us older,
159
00:08:23,878 --> 00:08:26,172
more confused, or dead?
160
00:08:26,923 --> 00:08:29,134
Are we getting wiser or just older?
161
00:08:29,884 --> 00:08:30,885
-I swear to God,
162
00:08:30,969 --> 00:08:33,430
if they'd been holding tomatoes
instead of Louis Vuitton clutches,
163
00:08:33,513 --> 00:08:34,556
I'd be dead woman.
164
00:08:34,639 --> 00:08:36,224
Or at least gazpacho.
165
00:08:36,307 --> 00:08:39,185
Do you know that there are
no available men out there?
166
00:08:39,686 --> 00:08:42,647
Uh, we're at my date's wake, so, yes.
167
00:08:42,731 --> 00:08:45,984
-Gosh. They were so hostile.
-Fuck them.
168
00:08:46,484 --> 00:08:48,361
Well, maybe they're right, I mean,
what do I know about men?
169
00:08:48,445 --> 00:08:51,197
All I have
is a bunch of failed relationships.
170
00:08:51,281 --> 00:08:53,450
-And one affair.
-Thanks.
171
00:08:54,325 --> 00:08:56,745
As if being dead-person adjacent
isn't bad enough.
172
00:08:57,328 --> 00:08:59,289
I'm supposed to teach
another one of these classes next week.
173
00:08:59,372 --> 00:09:00,498
What am I gonna do?
174
00:09:00,582 --> 00:09:01,791
Hire a bodyguard.
175
00:09:03,668 --> 00:09:05,420
This is my first wake.
176
00:09:05,503 --> 00:09:07,005
Don't expect a goodie bag.
177
00:09:08,548 --> 00:09:10,967
Oh, my god, open casket.
178
00:09:11,051 --> 00:09:13,178
No, no, no.
I've never seen a dead body before.
179
00:09:13,261 --> 00:09:15,346
-Let's get out of here.
-We can't. People are looking at us.
180
00:09:26,816 --> 00:09:29,235
Oh, wow.
181
00:09:29,319 --> 00:09:30,862
He's cute.
182
00:09:31,654 --> 00:09:32,655
Was.
183
00:09:34,574 --> 00:09:35,575
Damn!
184
00:09:41,915 --> 00:09:42,957
See, this would have helped me.
185
00:09:43,041 --> 00:09:45,168
A place to meet men,
an after-wake party.
186
00:09:45,251 --> 00:09:48,505
-He had money set aside for this.
-It's nice.
187
00:09:48,588 --> 00:09:50,673
"I'm dead, you're not.
Enjoy the buffet."
188
00:09:50,757 --> 00:09:53,843
Damn it, I like him even more now.
He was organized enough to have a will.
189
00:09:53,927 --> 00:09:55,762
And some very attractive friends.
190
00:09:55,845 --> 00:09:57,806
This place is lousy with men.
191
00:09:57,889 --> 00:09:59,557
Look how freaked out
they all look.
192
00:09:59,641 --> 00:10:02,227
That's 'cause they know any minute,
boom, they're out of here.
193
00:10:03,019 --> 00:10:04,020
Carrie?
194
00:10:04,437 --> 00:10:06,648
Hey, it's me, Jim.
195
00:10:08,399 --> 00:10:10,693
Oh, my God. Hey!
196
00:10:10,777 --> 00:10:12,612
Jim. Hey, I...
197
00:10:13,279 --> 00:10:14,114
Your hair.
198
00:10:14,197 --> 00:10:17,992
Yeah, I know, I cut it for a real job.
I'm an engineer now.
199
00:10:18,076 --> 00:10:19,702
-On the railroad?
-Civil.
200
00:10:20,703 --> 00:10:24,124
-What happened to the band?
-Turns out I really wasn't talented.
201
00:10:24,207 --> 00:10:28,711
Oh, wow. Oh, Miranda,
sorry, this is... this is Jim.
202
00:10:28,795 --> 00:10:32,715
-We dated like a grillion years ago.
-Or eight.
203
00:10:32,799 --> 00:10:34,509
Miranda. Nice to meet you.
204
00:10:35,468 --> 00:10:38,680
I'd ask if you two were having fun,
but that seems totally inappropriate.
205
00:10:38,763 --> 00:10:40,598
It is, and we are. Thanks.
206
00:10:41,391 --> 00:10:44,060
-So, you were friends with Will?
-May he rest.
207
00:10:44,144 --> 00:10:45,395
Roommates in college.
208
00:10:45,478 --> 00:10:48,982
It was weird, we were friends,
but we were really competitive.
209
00:10:49,065 --> 00:10:51,109
We were always
fighting it out for everything.
210
00:10:51,192 --> 00:10:54,904
I mean, look, he even died first,
just to beat me to the punch.
211
00:10:54,988 --> 00:10:57,323
- Bad.
-But you laughed.
212
00:10:58,074 --> 00:11:00,076
Oh, you guys were the classic frenemies.
213
00:11:00,160 --> 00:11:02,036
Frenemies. Nice word.
214
00:11:02,120 --> 00:11:04,080
-Well, I'm a full-time writer now.
-I know.
215
00:11:04,164 --> 00:11:06,457
-I'm a lawyer.
-And I'm not drunk enough.
216
00:11:06,541 --> 00:11:09,210
-Can I get you ladies anything?
-Oh, a martini.
217
00:11:09,294 --> 00:11:11,421
-No.
-Don't go anywhere. I'll be back.
218
00:11:12,422 --> 00:11:13,590
He's kind of cute.
219
00:11:16,092 --> 00:11:18,428
-He's kind of an asshole.
-Really?
220
00:11:18,511 --> 00:11:19,804
Oh, yes, indeedy.
221
00:11:20,638 --> 00:11:21,472
But he seems great.
222
00:11:21,556 --> 00:11:24,058
Oh, sure, that's what I thought too,
when I started dating him.
223
00:11:24,142 --> 00:11:26,477
Then when we both knew it wasn't working
and I broke up with him,
224
00:11:26,561 --> 00:11:28,104
"Hello, asshole."
225
00:11:28,188 --> 00:11:32,609
You know, like, snide comments,
and rumor spreading, the works.
226
00:11:32,692 --> 00:11:34,068
-But he's so cute.
-Hmm.
227
00:11:35,403 --> 00:11:36,905
-Incoming.
-Outgoing.
228
00:11:38,531 --> 00:11:40,074
-Here you go, Miranda.
-Thanks.
229
00:11:40,700 --> 00:11:43,119
I would love to stay
and chat inappropriately,
230
00:11:43,203 --> 00:11:45,246
but I'm due to give a toast
in the other room.
231
00:11:45,580 --> 00:11:47,582
So, this is kind of a working wake
for you.
232
00:11:48,666 --> 00:11:51,502
Listen, I'd love to get together
with you sometime.
233
00:11:51,586 --> 00:11:52,629
Oh, um...
234
00:11:53,546 --> 00:11:54,756
Here's my card.
235
00:11:54,839 --> 00:11:57,091
My e-mail address is on the back,
and my cell.
236
00:11:58,509 --> 00:12:02,513
Apparently, Will's death had
turned Miranda into my target audience:
237
00:12:02,597 --> 00:12:03,932
a desperate woman.
238
00:12:04,265 --> 00:12:07,810
-Downtown, Samantha was getting wise,
239
00:12:07,894 --> 00:12:09,854
Sebastian Wise, again.
240
00:12:10,897 --> 00:12:14,317
While uptown,
Charlotte was getting nothing at all.
241
00:12:15,443 --> 00:12:18,154
I'm telling you,
we almost broke the bed.
242
00:12:18,238 --> 00:12:19,280
You can't break a bed.
243
00:12:19,364 --> 00:12:21,115
What does this stallion do for a living?
244
00:12:21,199 --> 00:12:22,659
-I'm not sure.
-Oh.
245
00:12:22,742 --> 00:12:24,786
Hey, does he go to Mickey Mantle's?
246
00:12:24,869 --> 00:12:25,828
You got me.
247
00:12:26,537 --> 00:12:29,040
How can you not know anything about him?
You slept with him.
248
00:12:29,123 --> 00:12:31,960
I fucked him. He made me come six times.
249
00:12:32,418 --> 00:12:33,586
It's good enough for me.
250
00:12:34,087 --> 00:12:35,046
Stop it.
251
00:12:37,131 --> 00:12:39,342
Why do you always
have to talk about sex like that?
252
00:12:39,425 --> 00:12:41,219
Because I can.
253
00:12:41,302 --> 00:12:43,888
Okay, girls, simmer down.
Mommy hasn't had her caffeine yet.
254
00:12:44,389 --> 00:12:46,015
I... I can't take this anymore.
255
00:12:46,099 --> 00:12:47,350
Oh, hey. Frittatas.
256
00:12:49,143 --> 00:12:51,646
Sex is something special
that's supposed to happen
257
00:12:51,729 --> 00:12:53,731
between two people who love each other.
258
00:12:53,815 --> 00:12:56,317
-Or two people who love sex.
-Oh, my God! You're such a--
259
00:12:56,401 --> 00:12:58,861
A what? What am I, Charlotte?
260
00:12:58,945 --> 00:13:01,239
When are you gonna learn
that you can't just sleep
261
00:13:01,322 --> 00:13:02,907
with everything that comes along.
262
00:13:02,991 --> 00:13:05,535
Hey, Mrs. Softie,
at least I'm getting laid.
263
00:13:06,411 --> 00:13:08,204
And you can forget Samba.
264
00:13:09,789 --> 00:13:13,293
That girl needs a stick out of her ass
and a dick in her coochie, pronto.
265
00:13:13,376 --> 00:13:15,378
-Am I right?
-Not getting involved.
266
00:13:15,795 --> 00:13:16,796
I'm with her.
267
00:13:17,630 --> 00:13:19,966
You know what? I don't need this.
268
00:13:20,967 --> 00:13:23,094
Maybe you guys should forget Samba too.
269
00:13:27,640 --> 00:13:31,477
-We knew this was coming.
-It was so sad and petty.
270
00:13:32,061 --> 00:13:36,316
-I'm staying way out of this one.
-Way out. New Jersey out.
271
00:13:37,692 --> 00:13:39,652
Okay, speaking of petty,
272
00:13:39,736 --> 00:13:41,738
how upset would you be
if I went out with Jim?
273
00:13:43,239 --> 00:13:46,617
-Jim, Old Boyfriend Jim?
-He called me.
274
00:13:46,701 --> 00:13:51,998
Oh! Miranda, no, honey,
he so needs to be voted off the island.
275
00:13:52,081 --> 00:13:56,169
I know how you feel, but he was
so sweet on the phone and...
276
00:13:56,753 --> 00:13:59,505
It was eight years ago, Carrie.
Maybe he's learned something.
277
00:13:59,589 --> 00:14:01,466
I mean, haven't you learned anything
in eight years?
278
00:14:01,549 --> 00:14:02,550
Apparently not.
279
00:14:03,593 --> 00:14:05,428
He's alive and he asked me out.
280
00:14:05,887 --> 00:14:07,555
I'm a little fragile right now.
281
00:14:07,638 --> 00:14:09,640
Okay, fine, go. Go.
282
00:14:09,724 --> 00:14:12,226
And you know what they say,
one woman's asshole is another woman's--
283
00:14:12,310 --> 00:14:13,227
A-hole.
284
00:14:13,811 --> 00:14:15,438
Well, as long as you're okay with it.
285
00:14:17,190 --> 00:14:19,233
Later that week,
Charlotte decided
286
00:14:19,317 --> 00:14:22,403
if she was ever going to get Trey
to see the sexual part of her,
287
00:14:22,487 --> 00:14:23,780
she'd have to dress the part.
288
00:14:23,863 --> 00:14:25,990
I'm going to get him
to notice me, Carrie. I have to.
289
00:14:26,741 --> 00:14:29,035
-I think that's a bottom.
-Oh.
290
00:14:29,994 --> 00:14:32,580
You know, if you're gonna go
the lingerie route, why not go La Perla
291
00:14:32,663 --> 00:14:36,751
or something a little more upscale
and a little less flammable?
292
00:14:36,834 --> 00:14:38,961
I don't wanna be me.
I wanna be someone else.
293
00:14:39,045 --> 00:14:41,089
Well, that's the basis
for a healthy relationship.
294
00:14:41,172 --> 00:14:42,924
What about these? What do these say?
295
00:14:43,007 --> 00:14:44,717
Um, read my lips.
296
00:14:45,385 --> 00:14:48,846
I want to be
"call girl meets Park Avenue."
297
00:14:48,930 --> 00:14:51,808
Then you're gonna have to pair that
with a nice little cardigan.
298
00:14:51,891 --> 00:14:55,770
Oh, this is important to me, Carrie.
I need him to see me sexually.
299
00:14:55,853 --> 00:14:58,439
I know you do, sweetie.
I'm just not sure I need to.
300
00:14:59,148 --> 00:15:02,318
You know,
this is much more a Samantha job.
301
00:15:02,402 --> 00:15:04,695
Ugh, please. I need a break from her.
302
00:15:05,446 --> 00:15:08,533
You shouldn't be so hard on her.
She doesn't mean to be hurtful.
303
00:15:09,617 --> 00:15:10,701
Well, she was.
304
00:15:10,785 --> 00:15:13,496
Well, I believe there were two of you
ruining my breakfast.
305
00:15:13,579 --> 00:15:16,666
You know what, I have enough
problems in my life right now.
306
00:15:16,749 --> 00:15:18,376
I really don't need any lectures.
307
00:15:21,087 --> 00:15:23,714
It was my second lecture
that week that was a failure.
308
00:15:24,757 --> 00:15:27,677
And across town, Samantha decided
the wise thing to do was
309
00:15:27,760 --> 00:15:30,221
to take a break from all of us
and go shopping.
310
00:15:33,433 --> 00:15:35,184
Oh, I'm sorry.
311
00:15:35,268 --> 00:15:37,145
Let it go, and no one gets hurt.
312
00:15:37,812 --> 00:15:39,689
I think I was holding it first.
313
00:15:39,772 --> 00:15:41,649
I know tae kwon do.
314
00:15:41,732 --> 00:15:43,067
I know the manager.
315
00:15:46,904 --> 00:15:49,657
You're spunky. I like spunky women.
316
00:15:49,740 --> 00:15:52,535
-We're a dying breed.
-No kidding.
317
00:15:53,286 --> 00:15:56,664
I'm Claire Anne.
Don't let the southern accent fool you.
318
00:15:56,747 --> 00:15:59,667
I'm Samantha. Nothing fools me.
319
00:16:01,252 --> 00:16:04,005
I tell you what,
I'll let you have this scarf
320
00:16:04,088 --> 00:16:08,759
if you show me where a gal can get
a hard drink in a dark bar around here.
321
00:16:08,843 --> 00:16:10,720
Done and done.
322
00:16:11,679 --> 00:16:13,389
-Well, my last date died.
323
00:16:13,473 --> 00:16:16,642
So, the fact that you're still breathing
makes this a huge success.
324
00:16:16,726 --> 00:16:18,728
-Low standards. I like that.
325
00:16:26,402 --> 00:16:28,863
-This was really nice.
-Yeah, it was.
326
00:16:29,530 --> 00:16:31,908
You know, Carrie wasn't sure
that we would get along.
327
00:16:32,366 --> 00:16:35,495
She knew me a long time ago.
I've changed.
328
00:16:35,578 --> 00:16:39,790
I mean, back then,
I was in a band called Uncle Ted's Ass.
329
00:16:39,874 --> 00:16:41,876
-And I could sit on my hair.
330
00:16:41,959 --> 00:16:43,586
Wow, that's impressive.
331
00:16:43,669 --> 00:16:45,588
You didn't hear us play.
332
00:16:54,388 --> 00:16:57,016
-I'd like to see you again.
-I'd like that.
333
00:16:58,476 --> 00:17:00,520
-Good night.
-Night.
334
00:17:04,315 --> 00:17:07,068
The next morning,
Miranda called with the post mortem
335
00:17:07,151 --> 00:17:08,528
on her last date with Jim.
336
00:17:11,656 --> 00:17:13,783
-Hello?
-Hey, it's me.
337
00:17:13,866 --> 00:17:14,992
Oh! Thank God.
338
00:17:15,076 --> 00:17:17,620
I thought it was the Learning Annex
bugging me about my class.
339
00:17:17,703 --> 00:17:20,081
-When's that?
-Twelfth of Never Gonna Happen.
340
00:17:20,164 --> 00:17:23,167
Do you know, people actually asked
for refunds after my first class.
341
00:17:23,251 --> 00:17:26,087
-What do they know?
-Apparently, more than I do.
342
00:17:26,587 --> 00:17:28,297
I feel like a total sham.
343
00:17:28,381 --> 00:17:31,259
Oh, easy. That's my friend
you're talking about there.
344
00:17:31,342 --> 00:17:32,176
Hmm.
345
00:17:33,803 --> 00:17:35,972
So, I went out with Jim.
346
00:17:36,514 --> 00:17:38,099
Don't make me say "I told you so."
347
00:17:38,182 --> 00:17:41,644
Carrie, it was great.
It was fun and romantic.
348
00:17:41,727 --> 00:17:43,187
We talked so long,
we closed the restaurant.
349
00:17:43,271 --> 00:17:44,272
I think you're wrong about him.
350
00:17:44,355 --> 00:17:45,439
I think this could be good.
351
00:17:45,523 --> 00:17:48,317
Are we talking about the same Jim.
Jim, Asshole Jim?
352
00:17:48,401 --> 00:17:51,487
-He's not an asshole.
-Yeah, not till you break up with him.
353
00:17:51,571 --> 00:17:53,823
Come on,
he says the great things about you.
354
00:17:53,906 --> 00:17:54,782
He does?
355
00:17:55,199 --> 00:17:58,369
-I'm going out with him again on Friday.
-Go, Godspeed.
356
00:17:58,452 --> 00:18:03,040
Carrie, I feel weird
dating a guy that you don't like.
357
00:18:03,624 --> 00:18:04,792
We should all go out.
358
00:18:05,334 --> 00:18:07,503
Have a drink sometime. One drink.
359
00:18:07,587 --> 00:18:09,505
Question. What do you know
about this guy?
360
00:18:09,589 --> 00:18:11,132
You've been on one date with him.
361
00:18:11,215 --> 00:18:13,342
What do you know about him?
It's been eight years.
362
00:18:13,426 --> 00:18:14,677
Think about the drink.
363
00:18:15,219 --> 00:18:17,930
Uptown, Charlotte decided
this would be a good time
364
00:18:18,014 --> 00:18:20,141
to spend with her real old friends,
365
00:18:20,224 --> 00:18:22,226
the sisters of Kappa Kappa Gamma.
366
00:18:22,310 --> 00:18:25,354
Oh, my goodness.
Has it been forever or what?
367
00:18:25,438 --> 00:18:26,272
It has.
368
00:18:26,355 --> 00:18:29,358
It is so great to see you, Charlotte.
We've really missed you.
369
00:18:29,442 --> 00:18:32,361
And I have missed you. You have no idea.
370
00:18:32,445 --> 00:18:36,324
Well, congratulations on your wedding.
Welcome to the married old gals' club.
371
00:18:37,825 --> 00:18:39,327
He is so handsome.
372
00:18:40,119 --> 00:18:43,080
Oh, my God. I would like to trade
my husband in for him, please.
373
00:18:44,332 --> 00:18:46,083
She knew they would
understand her.
374
00:18:46,167 --> 00:18:48,085
After all, they were all married too.
375
00:18:48,169 --> 00:18:52,256
I remember being a newly-wed.
We hardly ever got out of bed.
376
00:18:52,340 --> 00:18:55,551
- Sydney!
-What? It's just us girls.
377
00:18:56,552 --> 00:18:58,012
My husband can't get it up.
378
00:18:59,013 --> 00:19:01,474
Perhaps, it would've been wiser
for Charlotte to have had
379
00:19:01,557 --> 00:19:04,060
a kappa-kappa-cappuccino
instead of that third martini.
380
00:19:04,143 --> 00:19:05,728
I'm so frustrated.
381
00:19:06,103 --> 00:19:07,355
Charlotte?
382
00:19:07,438 --> 00:19:10,900
I mean, don't you ever just want to be
really pounded hard? You know...
383
00:19:11,359 --> 00:19:15,488
Like when the bed is moving all around,
and it's all sweaty,
384
00:19:15,571 --> 00:19:18,366
and your head is knocking
up against the headboard
385
00:19:18,449 --> 00:19:20,284
and you feel it like
it might just blow off?
386
00:19:20,951 --> 00:19:24,538
Damn it, I just really wanna be fucked!
You know, just really fucked.
387
00:19:26,457 --> 00:19:29,251
The only heads blowing off
were those of Kappa Kappa Grandma.
388
00:19:29,710 --> 00:19:30,711
Charlotte.
389
00:19:31,712 --> 00:19:35,299
-This is really inappropriate.
-Yeah, we're eating.
390
00:19:36,008 --> 00:19:37,760
What's wrong with you Charlotte?
You're such a--
391
00:19:37,843 --> 00:19:38,969
What?
392
00:19:39,053 --> 00:19:40,179
What am I, Sydney?
393
00:19:42,223 --> 00:19:45,267
Charlotte realized how much
they'd all changed since college.
394
00:19:46,936 --> 00:19:49,230
Her friends had become frenemies.
395
00:19:49,313 --> 00:19:52,483
And to them, she had become Samantha.
396
00:19:55,152 --> 00:19:57,154
Here's to new friends.
397
00:19:57,613 --> 00:19:59,990
And gorgeous New York men.
398
00:20:00,074 --> 00:20:00,991
Mmm!
399
00:20:02,868 --> 00:20:06,997
Hey, would you like to join me
at Samba on Friday night?
400
00:20:07,081 --> 00:20:10,668
Two hot broads at a hot restaurant.
I love it.
401
00:20:11,544 --> 00:20:13,295
The reservation's for four.
402
00:20:18,676 --> 00:20:21,512
Done and done.
403
00:20:24,181 --> 00:20:26,016
An hour later,
Samantha couldn't believe
404
00:20:26,100 --> 00:20:27,643
how much fun she was having.
405
00:20:27,727 --> 00:20:31,397
She had finally found a woman who was
as open about her sexuality as she was.
406
00:20:31,480 --> 00:20:32,690
I call the blonde.
407
00:20:34,316 --> 00:20:35,401
Oh.
408
00:20:35,735 --> 00:20:37,319
You are too cute.
409
00:20:37,695 --> 00:20:39,405
I could just eat you up.
410
00:20:40,322 --> 00:20:41,532
Yes, I could.
411
00:20:42,867 --> 00:20:45,119
I'm gonna eat you up.
412
00:20:47,872 --> 00:20:49,415
-Claire Anne?
413
00:20:55,254 --> 00:20:57,840
-Oh, my God.
-Excellent.
414
00:21:01,135 --> 00:21:02,636
Claire Anne, I'm going.
415
00:21:03,137 --> 00:21:04,805
Wait, I'll come with you.
416
00:21:09,935 --> 00:21:11,687
And you can forget Samba!
417
00:21:12,188 --> 00:21:13,731
Hey, where are you going?
418
00:21:13,814 --> 00:21:17,193
That night, Samantha learned
she had a little Charlotte in her.
419
00:21:17,902 --> 00:21:20,738
Just like Charlotte,
she had a line that could be crossed.
420
00:21:20,821 --> 00:21:22,865
Hers was just a little more to the left.
421
00:21:23,991 --> 00:21:27,077
The next night, I agreed to meet
Jim and Miranda for drinks.
422
00:21:27,161 --> 00:21:29,747
Jim took me
to an amazing poetry reading last night.
423
00:21:29,830 --> 00:21:32,041
The unpublished works of Robert Lowell.
424
00:21:32,124 --> 00:21:34,877
-He wrote his thesis on Lowell.
-Really? I didn't know that.
425
00:21:34,960 --> 00:21:36,253
There's a lot you never knew about me.
426
00:21:37,963 --> 00:21:39,381
Another Chardonnay
for the beautiful lady.
427
00:21:39,465 --> 00:21:40,925
Oh! Thank you.
428
00:21:41,425 --> 00:21:45,596
So, I... I lost track of you,
but I always read your column.
429
00:21:45,679 --> 00:21:47,890
-It's really good.
-Thank you.
430
00:21:47,973 --> 00:21:52,728
Maybe I'd been wrong.
Jim seemed kind, funny, attentive.
431
00:21:53,229 --> 00:21:54,855
There's a lot of sex in there.
432
00:21:55,523 --> 00:21:56,899
It creeps in.
433
00:21:57,650 --> 00:22:00,694
You didn't seem to know too much
about sex when we were dating.
434
00:22:00,778 --> 00:22:02,696
And still an asshole.
435
00:22:02,780 --> 00:22:04,740
-All right then, good to see you.
-Don't leave. Don't leave.
436
00:22:04,824 --> 00:22:08,953
I was joking. Stay.
I have really bad timing.
437
00:22:09,495 --> 00:22:11,705
Speaking of which,
did you ever hear his band play?
438
00:22:11,789 --> 00:22:12,665
No. Uh-uh.
439
00:22:12,748 --> 00:22:15,125
She was too busy
going shopping for shoes.
440
00:22:15,501 --> 00:22:17,753
-I do like my shoes.
-Yeah.
441
00:22:17,837 --> 00:22:21,257
They come in handy when
you're walking all over people, huh?
442
00:22:21,340 --> 00:22:24,927
-Hey, Jim. Come on.
-I'm just reliving happy memories.
443
00:22:25,010 --> 00:22:27,096
Carrie doesn't walk all over people.
444
00:22:27,179 --> 00:22:28,556
She sure as fuck did with me.
445
00:22:28,639 --> 00:22:30,724
Well, maybe that's because
you're an asshole.
446
00:22:30,808 --> 00:22:32,768
I'm an asshole? She's the asshole.
447
00:22:32,852 --> 00:22:35,104
She never called me once
after we broke up.
448
00:22:35,187 --> 00:22:37,273
That's because you're an asshole.
449
00:22:37,356 --> 00:22:38,566
She's the asshole.
450
00:22:38,649 --> 00:22:40,943
-She's not an asshole
-Thank you, sweetie.
451
00:22:41,026 --> 00:22:43,946
You know what? Never call me again.
452
00:22:44,029 --> 00:22:46,490
-What, are you breaking up with me?
-Oh, yeah.
453
00:22:46,574 --> 00:22:49,410
Ooh, the fancy lawyer lady
is breaking up with me.
454
00:22:49,493 --> 00:22:50,953
Like I give a shit.
455
00:22:51,453 --> 00:22:53,539
Jim hadn't gotten
older or wiser.
456
00:22:53,622 --> 00:22:56,250
Once dumped,
he would still dump on everyone else.
457
00:22:56,333 --> 00:22:58,252
You are such assholes!
458
00:23:05,217 --> 00:23:08,262
-Okay, say it.
-I told you so.
459
00:23:08,345 --> 00:23:10,890
-What an asshole!
-I told you so!
460
00:23:11,557 --> 00:23:13,893
Is it bad
that it makes me feel good to say that?
461
00:23:13,976 --> 00:23:14,935
No.
462
00:23:15,436 --> 00:23:17,730
I can't believe I fell for that asshole.
463
00:23:17,813 --> 00:23:19,815
Your date died. You panicked.
464
00:23:19,899 --> 00:23:21,775
Yeah. You know me too well.
465
00:23:21,859 --> 00:23:24,778
Hey. There are plenty
of other assholes out there.
466
00:23:25,362 --> 00:23:28,115
-You think?
-Yeah, I know. And I'm an expert.
467
00:23:28,574 --> 00:23:30,034
You're such an asshole.
468
00:23:31,577 --> 00:23:33,120
Meanwhile, uptown,
469
00:23:33,203 --> 00:23:36,582
the Samantha in Charlotte
was finally ready to come out.
470
00:23:37,958 --> 00:23:38,834
Hey.
471
00:23:42,254 --> 00:23:43,797
What in God's name are you wearing?
472
00:23:45,925 --> 00:23:47,468
It's supposed to be sexy.
473
00:23:50,220 --> 00:23:52,139
Come on, Charlotte. You're my wife.
474
00:23:53,182 --> 00:23:54,642
That's not you. Take it off.
475
00:23:56,310 --> 00:23:57,311
Fine.
476
00:24:03,817 --> 00:24:04,818
Charlotte...
477
00:24:07,529 --> 00:24:08,530
Look at me.
478
00:24:14,244 --> 00:24:15,329
This is me.
479
00:24:17,081 --> 00:24:20,334
I'm not a Madonna, and I'm not a whore.
480
00:24:22,044 --> 00:24:25,547
I'm your wife.
And I'm sexual and I love you.
481
00:24:37,142 --> 00:24:38,143
What are you doing?
482
00:24:40,938 --> 00:24:42,398
I'm touching myself.
483
00:24:45,234 --> 00:24:46,235
I can...
484
00:24:47,194 --> 00:24:48,404
I can see that.
485
00:24:50,322 --> 00:24:51,323
Good.
486
00:25:03,335 --> 00:25:04,336
Trey?
487
00:25:06,547 --> 00:25:08,340
I think we have a stiff breeze.
488
00:25:08,966 --> 00:25:12,386
That night,
Trey successfully screwed his wife
489
00:25:12,469 --> 00:25:16,265
for a full minute-and-a-half
before the wind died.
490
00:25:17,099 --> 00:25:21,145
After Charlotte's night of love,
she called the one person she knew
491
00:25:21,228 --> 00:25:23,272
who would appreciate it the most.
492
00:25:23,355 --> 00:25:24,940
-Hello?
-Well...
493
00:25:26,066 --> 00:25:27,151
He fucked me.
494
00:25:27,234 --> 00:25:30,654
Oh, honey, that's great!
I knew you could do it.
495
00:25:30,738 --> 00:25:31,697
Thanks.
496
00:25:31,780 --> 00:25:34,324
Oh, hey, don't forget Samba,
Friday night.
497
00:25:34,408 --> 00:25:35,492
I'll be there.
498
00:25:36,368 --> 00:25:37,453
Did you come?
499
00:25:37,536 --> 00:25:39,538
Samantha!
500
00:25:39,621 --> 00:25:41,540
Having spent time
with their frenemies,
501
00:25:41,623 --> 00:25:43,709
Charlotte and Samantha forgot
they were enemies
502
00:25:43,792 --> 00:25:45,544
-and went back to being friends.
-Good girl.
503
00:25:46,253 --> 00:25:49,423
I realized I had become
my own worst frenemy.
504
00:25:49,506 --> 00:25:53,093
I had let 300 desperate women
and one asshole convince me
505
00:25:53,177 --> 00:25:54,595
that I didn't know anything.
506
00:25:54,678 --> 00:25:57,056
But they were wrong.
I was older and wiser.
507
00:25:57,139 --> 00:26:00,267
So I decided to keep my second date
with the Learning Annex.
508
00:26:01,060 --> 00:26:03,729
Unfortunately,
my reputation had preceded me.
509
00:26:03,812 --> 00:26:05,355
Wow, is this it?
510
00:26:07,066 --> 00:26:09,151
Okay. Wow!
511
00:26:09,777 --> 00:26:11,445
Um... Hi.
512
00:26:12,279 --> 00:26:13,572
I'm Carrie Bradshaw.
513
00:26:14,198 --> 00:26:18,619
Um, I know you've paid good money
to find out how to meet men.
514
00:26:19,286 --> 00:26:21,038
And I have to tell you,
I don't know whole a lot about it,
515
00:26:21,121 --> 00:26:23,248
but I do know this,
you are not gonna meet them
516
00:26:23,332 --> 00:26:24,750
sitting in a Learning Annex class.
517
00:26:24,833 --> 00:26:26,668
So, ladies, grab your bags.
518
00:26:29,463 --> 00:26:31,048
Come on, we're not getting any younger.
519
00:26:32,341 --> 00:26:33,175
Chop-chop!
520
00:26:34,593 --> 00:26:37,679
That's right. Just trying to give you
your money's worth. All right.
521
00:26:37,763 --> 00:26:42,267
I took them around the corner to a bar,
and took my $300 and bought them drinks.
522
00:26:43,310 --> 00:26:46,438
Okay, Anne,
the guy over there is checking you out.
523
00:26:47,606 --> 00:26:48,565
Twelve o'clock.
524
00:26:49,191 --> 00:26:51,318
Not everybody, just Anne. Just Anne.
525
00:26:51,610 --> 00:26:53,612
All right, go over there
and ask him for a light.
526
00:26:53,695 --> 00:26:54,738
I'm already lit.
527
00:26:57,825 --> 00:26:59,701
Go. Go.
528
00:27:02,996 --> 00:27:05,999
-Hi, got a light?
-Sure.
529
00:27:06,834 --> 00:27:08,335
Oh, yeah. See?
530
00:27:08,794 --> 00:27:11,213
Okay, one down, five to go.
531
00:27:11,296 --> 00:27:12,631
Hey, what about him?
532
00:27:12,714 --> 00:27:14,716
No, it's totally cool with me.
It's fine.
533
00:27:15,717 --> 00:27:16,969
-Excuse me?
-Hi.
534
00:27:17,052 --> 00:27:20,556
Hi. Have you met Liz? She works in TV.
535
00:27:20,639 --> 00:27:22,683
Get out of here! I love TV.
536
00:27:23,225 --> 00:27:24,351
Something in common.
537
00:27:24,434 --> 00:27:26,520
That night, I made three matches.
538
00:27:26,603 --> 00:27:28,063
I didn't even look for myself.
539
00:27:28,147 --> 00:27:30,566
After all,
I try not to date while at work.
540
00:27:30,649 --> 00:27:33,610
So, I guess the old and wise adage
is true.
541
00:27:33,694 --> 00:27:37,531
Those who can't do, teach.
And those who can't teach, do.
542
00:27:37,614 --> 00:27:40,367
Here's a live one.
Go get him, tiger. Go.
543
00:27:40,450 --> 00:27:41,451
Run like the wind.