1
00:00:53,053 --> 00:00:54,388
New York City.
2
00:00:54,471 --> 00:00:56,974
Dreary, gray, miserable.
3
00:00:57,599 --> 00:00:58,892
Or was that just me?
4
00:01:00,394 --> 00:01:03,438
After ending a sordid affair
with my married ex-boyfriend,
5
00:01:03,522 --> 00:01:06,275
and going through a painful breakup
with my current one,
6
00:01:06,358 --> 00:01:09,027
I decided it was time
for a change of scenery.
7
00:01:09,111 --> 00:01:10,195
And I wasn't alone.
8
00:01:11,780 --> 00:01:13,865
I can't believe
you're all going to LA without me.
9
00:01:13,949 --> 00:01:16,535
We still can't believe
you went on your honeymoon without us.
10
00:01:16,618 --> 00:01:18,287
Oh, I have pictures.
11
00:01:19,413 --> 00:01:20,539
-You happy now?
12
00:01:20,622 --> 00:01:21,957
While we were planning
our escape,
13
00:01:22,040 --> 00:01:23,709
Charlotte was celebrating her return.
14
00:01:23,792 --> 00:01:27,004
She and Trey had just come back
from ten days in Bermuda.
15
00:01:27,087 --> 00:01:29,172
See, here Trey and I are playing golf.
16
00:01:30,299 --> 00:01:32,884
Do you think the studio
will send a limo to pick us up?
17
00:01:32,968 --> 00:01:34,303
-No, I do not.
-They should.
18
00:01:34,386 --> 00:01:36,138
They're making a movie
out of your column.
19
00:01:36,221 --> 00:01:37,639
It's a little production company
20
00:01:37,723 --> 00:01:40,684
that's just talking about
optioning my columns.
21
00:01:40,767 --> 00:01:43,729
I know.
I was just practicing my LA spin.
22
00:01:44,605 --> 00:01:48,275
Oh, look, look. Here's one of Trey
pretending to get a hole in one.
23
00:01:48,358 --> 00:01:50,235
-He just loved that gag.
-Who wouldn't?
24
00:01:50,319 --> 00:01:51,320
Oh!
25
00:01:51,778 --> 00:01:54,072
Did you notice that
we're both wearing Bermuda shorts?
26
00:01:54,156 --> 00:01:58,076
Bermudas in Bermuda.
You kids were crazy down there.
27
00:01:58,160 --> 00:01:59,494
Well, I'd love to stay,
28
00:01:59,578 --> 00:02:02,039
but I've got to drug my cat
and take him to the kennel.
29
00:02:02,122 --> 00:02:04,333
-Lovely.
-Ah, I got to go too.
30
00:02:04,416 --> 00:02:06,168
Hey, the car's picking us up at 1:00.
31
00:02:06,251 --> 00:02:07,210
We'll be there.
32
00:02:07,711 --> 00:02:10,922
-Welcome back, you old, married lady.
-Aw!
33
00:02:12,466 --> 00:02:14,593
-Bye, have fun!
- All right.
34
00:02:17,679 --> 00:02:18,847
So how are you?
35
00:02:18,930 --> 00:02:20,182
I'm good. How are you?
36
00:02:20,265 --> 00:02:21,266
Great.
37
00:02:23,435 --> 00:02:25,687
I told Aidan about the affair
and he broke up with me.
38
00:02:25,771 --> 00:02:27,731
Trey and I never had sex
on our honeymoon.
39
00:02:28,523 --> 00:02:29,524
You win.
40
00:02:30,067 --> 00:02:31,777
So, should we get more coffee,
41
00:02:31,860 --> 00:02:33,862
or should we get two guns
and kill ourselves?
42
00:02:33,945 --> 00:02:36,406
He just... He couldn't get it up.
43
00:02:36,490 --> 00:02:39,201
We tried twice,
and it was just so frustrating,
44
00:02:39,284 --> 00:02:40,786
we just started playing golf.
45
00:02:40,869 --> 00:02:42,704
After many days
on the golf course,
46
00:02:42,788 --> 00:02:45,248
Charlotte's handicap had gone down 12.
47
00:02:45,332 --> 00:02:47,751
Trey's handicap had stayed the same.
48
00:02:47,834 --> 00:02:48,835
Well, sweetie...
49
00:02:50,837 --> 00:02:52,756
-Impotence is a common problem.
-Oh, God.
50
00:02:53,298 --> 00:02:54,841
Do you think he's impotent?
51
00:02:56,093 --> 00:02:57,094
Well...
52
00:02:57,719 --> 00:03:00,597
My husband can't be impotent,
he's gorgeous.
53
00:03:00,681 --> 00:03:02,849
All right, then. Glad you solved that.
54
00:03:03,642 --> 00:03:06,561
I was thinking that
maybe he was just nervous
55
00:03:06,645 --> 00:03:09,481
about the wedding,
and the honeymoon, and the golf.
56
00:03:09,564 --> 00:03:11,483
He played really badly one day.
57
00:03:12,651 --> 00:03:13,985
What do you want me to say?
58
00:03:15,904 --> 00:03:17,155
Let's just change the subject.
59
00:03:19,032 --> 00:03:20,117
What happened with Aidan?
60
00:03:21,368 --> 00:03:23,745
Nothing good.
61
00:03:23,829 --> 00:03:25,497
The whole reason
I even agreed to this trip
62
00:03:25,580 --> 00:03:27,916
was to get away from Aidan,
and Big, and the whole mess.
63
00:03:30,210 --> 00:03:32,254
Come on,
let's get the check and go to Barneys.
64
00:03:32,337 --> 00:03:35,507
I can't possibly go to Los Angeles
without another pair of shoes.
65
00:03:37,092 --> 00:03:37,926
No...
66
00:03:39,094 --> 00:03:40,929
You go.
I'm gonna stay and have another cup.
67
00:03:41,012 --> 00:03:42,264
Just go, have fun.
68
00:03:42,931 --> 00:03:43,932
All right.
69
00:03:48,895 --> 00:03:49,938
Call me if you need me.
70
00:03:50,689 --> 00:03:51,773
Okay.
71
00:03:51,857 --> 00:03:52,816
-Bye.
-Bye.
72
00:04:00,866 --> 00:04:02,284
Later that day,
73
00:04:02,367 --> 00:04:05,120
three single New Yorkers
arrived in the City of Angels.
74
00:04:05,203 --> 00:04:08,832
Oh, I so needed this vacation.
75
00:04:08,915 --> 00:04:10,125
You and me both, sister.
76
00:04:10,459 --> 00:04:11,918
Hooray for Hollywood.
77
00:04:17,340 --> 00:04:18,508
Wait, that's his job?
78
00:04:18,592 --> 00:04:21,344
To sit in a fake fish tank in underwear?
79
00:04:21,428 --> 00:04:22,971
What do you think he's reading?
80
00:04:23,054 --> 00:04:24,806
-The want ads?
81
00:04:24,890 --> 00:04:26,641
There seems to be a problem.
82
00:04:26,725 --> 00:04:28,018
Words I'm never fond of hearing.
83
00:04:28,101 --> 00:04:31,396
I have reservations for Miss Jones
and Miss Bradshaw, but not Miss Hobbes.
84
00:04:31,855 --> 00:04:33,106
Great, that's just great.
85
00:04:33,190 --> 00:04:36,693
Well, there was supposed to be
three reservations.
86
00:04:36,777 --> 00:04:39,070
The production company
only requested two rooms,
87
00:04:39,154 --> 00:04:40,363
and I'm afraid we're all booked up.
88
00:04:40,822 --> 00:04:42,532
Fuck, fuck, fuck!
89
00:04:43,283 --> 00:04:44,576
She's from New York.
90
00:04:45,243 --> 00:04:46,161
I understand.
91
00:04:46,244 --> 00:04:48,497
I'll have another room tomorrow,
or the next day, at the latest.
92
00:04:48,580 --> 00:04:51,333
Until then, might I suggest
you stay with one of your friends?
93
00:04:54,461 --> 00:04:55,712
I'll stay with her.
94
00:04:55,796 --> 00:04:58,048
Okay, I don't want to hear anything
about my smoking.
95
00:04:58,131 --> 00:05:00,258
Uh, they didn't request smoking rooms.
96
00:05:02,219 --> 00:05:03,094
Excuse me?
97
00:05:03,178 --> 00:05:04,679
You're on a non-smoking floor.
98
00:05:05,222 --> 00:05:06,598
Words I'm even less fond of hearing.
99
00:05:09,351 --> 00:05:13,104
Later that night, decked out
in our New York goes to LA finest,
100
00:05:13,188 --> 00:05:15,398
we were ready for a night on the town.
101
00:05:22,614 --> 00:05:24,366
Okay, ready, let's go.
102
00:05:29,746 --> 00:05:31,206
Back in the hotel bar,
103
00:05:31,289 --> 00:05:33,750
we realized
the three-hour time difference
104
00:05:33,834 --> 00:05:36,586
also made us three hours late
for cocktail hour.
105
00:05:36,670 --> 00:05:38,547
Welcome to LA. I'm Garth.
106
00:05:38,630 --> 00:05:40,966
I'm Samantha. How did you know
I was from out of town?
107
00:05:41,049 --> 00:05:42,259
Because if you lived here,
108
00:05:42,717 --> 00:05:43,885
we would have met by now.
109
00:05:43,969 --> 00:05:47,597
So what do you do when you're not
working as a one-man welcome wagon?
110
00:05:47,681 --> 00:05:48,682
I'm a dildo model.
111
00:05:49,641 --> 00:05:51,935
-You wouldn't tease a girl, would you?
112
00:05:52,018 --> 00:05:54,104
Really, I'm the number-two selling model
in the US.
113
00:05:54,187 --> 00:05:56,481
Number one in Canada.
My dick's bigger in Canada.
114
00:05:56,565 --> 00:05:58,441
Got to love that metric system.
115
00:05:58,525 --> 00:06:00,235
-Ugh.
116
00:06:00,777 --> 00:06:01,611
I got to run.
117
00:06:02,153 --> 00:06:04,406
Where? A dildo emergency?
118
00:06:05,323 --> 00:06:07,450
You know, I know you think
I'm yanking your chain, but I'm not.
119
00:06:07,534 --> 00:06:11,162
As a matter of fact, we are having
a promotional party at the Hustler store
120
00:06:11,246 --> 00:06:14,624
celebrating the launch
of a new line of toys and accessories.
121
00:06:15,000 --> 00:06:16,251
Here's an invitation.
122
00:06:16,835 --> 00:06:17,836
Come.
123
00:06:18,295 --> 00:06:19,296
Oh.
124
00:06:20,130 --> 00:06:21,631
I always do.
125
00:06:22,340 --> 00:06:23,341
Oh.
126
00:06:25,802 --> 00:06:28,638
As Samantha said good-bye
to Mr. Dildo,
127
00:06:28,722 --> 00:06:32,017
Miranda said hello to Mr. Dique.
Mr. Jason Dique.
128
00:06:32,100 --> 00:06:34,603
It's spelled D-I-Q-U-E. It's Dutch.
129
00:06:34,686 --> 00:06:36,187
And yes, I've thought about changing it.
130
00:06:36,271 --> 00:06:37,939
-Well, it could be worse.
-How?
131
00:06:38,023 --> 00:06:40,400
-If your first name was Little.
132
00:06:40,483 --> 00:06:42,527
-So what about you? What do you do?
-I'm a lawyer.
133
00:06:42,611 --> 00:06:44,154
Oh, and I thought I had it bad.
134
00:06:44,237 --> 00:06:46,364
-Oh!
-No, really, that's great.
135
00:06:46,448 --> 00:06:48,450
-You look like a lawyer.
-And you look like a dick.
136
00:06:50,160 --> 00:06:53,455
It is so great to talk
to a smart, and funny woman.
137
00:06:58,084 --> 00:06:59,628
Uh, what was I saying?
138
00:06:59,711 --> 00:07:02,130
It's great to talk
to a smart, funny woman.
139
00:07:02,213 --> 00:07:03,506
Yeah, yeah.
140
00:07:04,174 --> 00:07:06,384
Uh, could you excuse me for a second?
141
00:07:07,427 --> 00:07:08,428
Okay.
142
00:07:08,511 --> 00:07:09,721
And across the bar,
143
00:07:09,804 --> 00:07:12,974
I was having drinks with
the most ambitious and feared creature
144
00:07:13,058 --> 00:07:14,726
in all of Los Angeles,
145
00:07:14,809 --> 00:07:16,394
the junior development executive.
146
00:07:16,478 --> 00:07:18,188
I just love your columns.
147
00:07:18,563 --> 00:07:19,981
They're so relatable.
148
00:07:20,065 --> 00:07:21,316
Thanks. Well, I try.
149
00:07:21,399 --> 00:07:24,694
It's like I'm you,
or I will be when I turn 30.
150
00:07:25,862 --> 00:07:28,239
You. You are such a loser.
151
00:07:28,323 --> 00:07:29,407
You're a loser.
152
00:07:29,491 --> 00:07:31,326
You are, loser!
153
00:07:32,118 --> 00:07:33,244
I'm kidding!
154
00:07:34,287 --> 00:07:37,374
What a loser. Last year,
pitched me nothing but shit, 24/7.
155
00:07:37,457 --> 00:07:39,125
-That's a lot of shit.
-No shit.
156
00:07:39,209 --> 00:07:40,251
-Oh!
157
00:07:41,503 --> 00:07:44,005
But seriously, I am you.
158
00:07:44,422 --> 00:07:45,799
You've had your heart broken,
159
00:07:46,216 --> 00:07:47,592
I've had my heart broken.
160
00:07:48,134 --> 00:07:49,844
And if I have,
that means other girls have.
161
00:07:49,928 --> 00:07:52,889
And if other girls have,
that means big opening weekend.
162
00:07:53,348 --> 00:07:55,308
Not X-Men big, but chick flick big.
163
00:07:55,767 --> 00:07:58,103
God, the guy who came up with that term
should have his balls cut off.
164
00:07:58,853 --> 00:08:00,105
Don't you think that's a little severe?
165
00:08:00,188 --> 00:08:03,608
Do I sound like an asshole?
I hope I don't sound like an asshole.
166
00:08:03,692 --> 00:08:05,193
You know, I love your shoes.
167
00:08:05,276 --> 00:08:06,569
Oh, thanks. Thanks.
168
00:08:06,653 --> 00:08:08,279
So, big news.
169
00:08:08,822 --> 00:08:11,700
I have a star interested. Guess who.
170
00:08:13,243 --> 00:08:14,244
Um...
171
00:08:15,328 --> 00:08:16,287
Drew Barrymore?
172
00:08:16,371 --> 00:08:17,789
No. Guess.
173
00:08:19,165 --> 00:08:20,875
I'm really not good
with the celebrity names.
174
00:08:20,959 --> 00:08:22,252
Oh, guess.
175
00:08:22,335 --> 00:08:23,336
Uh...
176
00:08:24,295 --> 00:08:27,090
That Jennifer Love-something girl?
177
00:08:27,173 --> 00:08:28,133
Nope. Guess.
178
00:08:29,926 --> 00:08:31,094
I'm done guessing.
179
00:08:34,222 --> 00:08:35,849
Matthew McConaughey.
180
00:08:38,935 --> 00:08:40,478
Why would he want to be involved?
181
00:08:40,562 --> 00:08:42,147
Because he's smart.
182
00:08:42,230 --> 00:08:45,358
He's a producer as well,
and he really took to the material.
183
00:08:45,442 --> 00:08:47,068
You're meeting him tomorrow at 3:00.
184
00:08:47,152 --> 00:08:48,611
Hot, hottie, hot.
185
00:08:49,029 --> 00:08:50,030
What do you think about that?
186
00:08:54,784 --> 00:08:56,327
Meanwhile, back in New York,
187
00:08:56,411 --> 00:08:59,914
Charlotte was dealing with a bed
that was still cold, coldie, cold.
188
00:09:00,707 --> 00:09:04,627
-Trey, honey, come to bed. It's late.
-Oh, in a minute.
189
00:09:05,336 --> 00:09:08,089
I won't be able to sleep
until I enter all these wedding gifts.
190
00:09:08,173 --> 00:09:09,466
Sleep was the last thing
191
00:09:09,549 --> 00:09:11,593
Charlotte was hoping
Trey would do in bed that night.
192
00:09:13,178 --> 00:09:14,804
You see, I've listed the gifts...
193
00:09:14,888 --> 00:09:17,682
-Uh-huh.
-...who it's from, and the addresses.
194
00:09:18,558 --> 00:09:21,061
That'll make it a breeze
when you send out the thank-you notes.
195
00:09:21,144 --> 00:09:24,314
Oh, I can't wait till
all this wedding nonsense is behind us,
196
00:09:24,397 --> 00:09:28,860
and then we can relax
and just be a regular man and wife.
197
00:09:29,819 --> 00:09:30,820
Wait a minute.
198
00:09:31,112 --> 00:09:33,698
The Jamison's were
the crystal candlesticks,
199
00:09:33,782 --> 00:09:36,242
-and the Sullivan's were the silver...
200
00:09:36,326 --> 00:09:37,702
Oh, hello, there.
201
00:09:38,870 --> 00:09:42,165
You know, since we've been home,
202
00:09:42,248 --> 00:09:46,294
I've just been feeling
so much more relaxed. Haven't you?
203
00:09:46,377 --> 00:09:47,629
-Oh!
204
00:09:47,712 --> 00:09:49,756
I think you just deleted
Mr. and Mrs. Evan Handey
205
00:09:49,839 --> 00:09:51,966
and their Steuben glass bowl. Hang on.
206
00:09:55,095 --> 00:09:56,096
Trey.
207
00:09:57,305 --> 00:09:59,015
We have a problem.
208
00:09:59,808 --> 00:10:00,809
I know.
209
00:10:01,559 --> 00:10:05,188
Somehow, we've got two serving platters,
and we only registered for one.
210
00:10:07,148 --> 00:10:10,193
Charlotte walked back
to her big, Park Avenue bed,
211
00:10:10,276 --> 00:10:13,321
wishing she had remembered
to register for a sex life.
212
00:10:14,656 --> 00:10:17,867
When visiting LA,
there are two things you simply must do.
213
00:10:17,951 --> 00:10:20,203
One, is rent a fabulous car.
214
00:10:20,286 --> 00:10:22,122
Two, is learn how to drive it.
215
00:10:22,205 --> 00:10:23,957
You said you knew
how to drive a stick.
216
00:10:24,040 --> 00:10:27,544
Well, I did, a couple of times.
In a parking lot.
217
00:10:27,627 --> 00:10:30,046
Why didn't you just get an automatic?
218
00:10:30,130 --> 00:10:32,465
I love this car. It goes with my outfit.
219
00:10:32,549 --> 00:10:35,593
It was my own personal belief
that cars are to Los Angeles
220
00:10:35,677 --> 00:10:37,762
-what handbags are to New York.
221
00:10:38,721 --> 00:10:41,808
What's with this hill?
LA is supposed to be flat.
222
00:10:41,891 --> 00:10:43,351
Yeah, I think they mean culturally.
223
00:10:43,434 --> 00:10:44,727
The hotel's right there.
224
00:10:44,811 --> 00:10:47,522
Yes, but to get there,
we have to go up this hill.
225
00:10:52,902 --> 00:10:54,863
Okay, that's enough! Stop!
226
00:10:57,949 --> 00:11:00,285
I'm not going to die in this tin can.
227
00:11:00,368 --> 00:11:01,744
I have a date with a dildo.
228
00:11:03,705 --> 00:11:04,747
I'm sorry...
229
00:11:05,081 --> 00:11:06,833
All right, all right,
come on, we're gonna do it.
230
00:11:07,792 --> 00:11:09,711
-Let me try again.
231
00:11:10,587 --> 00:11:12,297
-Oh, shit.
232
00:11:12,380 --> 00:11:14,299
-Yeah, baby, go!
233
00:11:18,136 --> 00:11:21,389
A little while later,
freshly showered and freaked out,
234
00:11:21,472 --> 00:11:24,767
I drove to the studio for my meeting
with Matthew McConaughey.
235
00:11:43,494 --> 00:11:44,787
- Hey.
- Can I help you?
236
00:11:44,871 --> 00:11:46,122
Warner building five.
237
00:11:46,664 --> 00:11:48,082
There aren't any hills in there,
are there?
238
00:11:49,667 --> 00:11:51,294
Go down there, make a left.
General parking.
239
00:11:51,377 --> 00:11:52,503
Okay, thank you.
240
00:11:59,552 --> 00:12:01,221
I do. I like all of it.
241
00:12:01,304 --> 00:12:03,681
I think your writing is brilliant.
242
00:12:04,432 --> 00:12:07,977
I really do. I mean, it's sharp,
it's edgy, it's brutal at times.
243
00:12:08,061 --> 00:12:10,855
It's always a little juicy.
It's very New York.
244
00:12:11,231 --> 00:12:14,442
And I'm saying I do like it,
I really do.
245
00:12:14,525 --> 00:12:16,694
Wow. My God. Well...
246
00:12:17,570 --> 00:12:20,198
thank you, Matthew McConaughey.
247
00:12:20,573 --> 00:12:22,659
You're welcome, Carrie Bradshaw.
248
00:12:23,826 --> 00:12:25,703
Now, here's what
I've been thinking about.
249
00:12:26,537 --> 00:12:31,042
How do we get your column
to translate to the silver screen?
250
00:12:31,125 --> 00:12:32,460
And I think I've got the answer.
251
00:12:32,543 --> 00:12:36,172
Now, what if we flush out
the central relationship?
252
00:12:37,757 --> 00:12:38,758
Hmm?
253
00:12:38,841 --> 00:12:40,969
Mmm-hmm, okay. The central relationship.
254
00:12:41,052 --> 00:12:42,470
Yeah, Carrie and Mr. Big, huh?
255
00:12:44,138 --> 00:12:45,932
I don't see
why they couldn't make it work.
256
00:12:46,766 --> 00:12:47,892
I couldn't believe it.
257
00:12:47,976 --> 00:12:51,062
I flew 3,000 miles
to have Matthew McConaughey
258
00:12:51,145 --> 00:12:53,982
ask the same question
I've been asking myself for years?
259
00:12:54,065 --> 00:12:56,526
I mean, look at him.
I mean, he is such a great guy.
260
00:12:56,609 --> 00:12:59,612
I mean, I don't know anybody
any cooler than Mr. Big.
261
00:13:00,905 --> 00:13:04,659
My only question, really, is
what the fuck is Carrie's problem?
262
00:13:05,410 --> 00:13:07,161
You know? What do you think?
263
00:13:08,579 --> 00:13:10,039
Well, um...
264
00:13:10,623 --> 00:13:11,624
I don't...
265
00:13:12,166 --> 00:13:16,421
I don't particularly think
it was just her problem.
266
00:13:16,504 --> 00:13:21,592
Um, 'cause, well, actually, he had some,
you know, commitment issues.
267
00:13:21,676 --> 00:13:24,304
Oh, that's bullshit, Carrie,
and you know it!
268
00:13:27,015 --> 00:13:28,016
Cut.
269
00:13:28,099 --> 00:13:30,059
Kidding. I'm acting, huh?
270
00:13:31,853 --> 00:13:32,979
That's what I do.
271
00:13:33,813 --> 00:13:35,064
Yes, but do you see what I mean?
272
00:13:35,148 --> 00:13:36,899
That's why
I want to develop the story with you.
273
00:13:38,651 --> 00:13:39,652
I'm Mr. Big.
274
00:13:40,778 --> 00:13:44,032
Oh, okay. Well, yeah. Okay, that's...
275
00:13:44,574 --> 00:13:46,159
Excellent. You're in.
276
00:13:46,576 --> 00:13:47,410
You know what else?
277
00:13:48,995 --> 00:13:51,247
I really want to fuck you, baby.
278
00:13:52,498 --> 00:13:53,750
Are you acting now?
279
00:13:54,167 --> 00:13:55,585
I'm Big, okay?
280
00:13:56,586 --> 00:13:58,671
-You be Carrie.
-I am Carrie.
281
00:13:58,755 --> 00:14:02,383
We are animals.
Man, woman, walking the Earth.
282
00:14:03,176 --> 00:14:05,511
We are made of head, heart, and loins.
283
00:14:05,970 --> 00:14:08,306
We're talking about using them.
Am I right?
284
00:14:08,389 --> 00:14:09,223
Well...
285
00:14:10,058 --> 00:14:11,726
I have, uh, well...
286
00:14:12,268 --> 00:14:14,771
The girl said that we would probably...
287
00:14:14,854 --> 00:14:17,982
We would... we would talk about
the columns today.
288
00:14:18,066 --> 00:14:21,319
Let's get down to the underbelly
of these two characters.
289
00:14:21,402 --> 00:14:24,864
And let's figure out
why they're so fucked up.
290
00:14:25,907 --> 00:14:28,743
Well, I have a facial at 4:00.
291
00:14:28,826 --> 00:14:30,370
And I love you.
292
00:14:31,079 --> 00:14:33,623
I don't understand
why we can't be together.
293
00:14:33,706 --> 00:14:35,166
Do you mind if I smoke?
294
00:14:35,249 --> 00:14:36,959
I don't think you should smoke, Carrie.
295
00:14:37,043 --> 00:14:38,211
-What?
-In the movie.
296
00:14:38,294 --> 00:14:40,463
I don't think Carrie should smoke.
297
00:14:40,546 --> 00:14:42,465
Oh, that's all right.
298
00:14:44,300 --> 00:14:47,178
Or in my office, okay?
299
00:14:48,096 --> 00:14:50,181
After I left the meeting,
I took a wrong turn
300
00:14:50,264 --> 00:14:53,810
and somehow found myself
right back where I had started.
301
00:14:54,310 --> 00:14:57,230
Back in New York.
Back wondering about Big.
302
00:14:59,190 --> 00:15:01,567
I had come to LA for a vacation,
303
00:15:01,651 --> 00:15:03,820
hoping to get away from Big and Aidan,
304
00:15:03,903 --> 00:15:05,613
and most of all, myself.
305
00:15:05,696 --> 00:15:07,031
But sitting on the fake set,
306
00:15:07,115 --> 00:15:09,826
all my old issues
felt more real than ever.
307
00:15:10,576 --> 00:15:12,203
I couldn't help but wonder,
308
00:15:12,286 --> 00:15:15,915
no matter how far you travel
or how much you run from it,
309
00:15:15,998 --> 00:15:18,459
can you ever really escape your past?
310
00:15:20,044 --> 00:15:21,754
Ma'am, no smoking.
311
00:15:23,005 --> 00:15:23,840
But I'm outside.
312
00:15:24,882 --> 00:15:26,300
And it's New York!
313
00:15:38,771 --> 00:15:42,525
In New York, the release
of a new book is cause for celebration.
314
00:15:42,608 --> 00:15:46,195
Here in LA, a new line of sex toys
will do the trick.
315
00:15:46,279 --> 00:15:47,363
Isn't this fun?
316
00:15:48,072 --> 00:15:50,992
The answer to that would be "no."
Sweetie, we want to go.
317
00:15:51,075 --> 00:15:53,453
What? We can't leave yet.
318
00:15:53,536 --> 00:15:55,163
Look, they haven't even cut the cock.
319
00:15:55,246 --> 00:15:57,165
What are the chances it's cream filled?
320
00:15:57,248 --> 00:16:00,376
I am exhausted from McConaughey-mania.
321
00:16:00,460 --> 00:16:02,253
I just want to get into bed,
go to sleep,
322
00:16:02,336 --> 00:16:04,255
and pretend
this whole day never happened.
323
00:16:04,338 --> 00:16:05,756
Oh, stay a little longer.
324
00:16:05,840 --> 00:16:09,177
Garth's going to autograph some dildos.
He's a very big seller.
325
00:16:09,260 --> 00:16:11,095
He's the John Grisham of penises.
326
00:16:11,179 --> 00:16:12,555
I'm going to go get in line.
327
00:16:16,392 --> 00:16:19,896
I can't believe how open
and "Hi, I have sex" this place is.
328
00:16:19,979 --> 00:16:22,273
In New York,
sex is so bottom shelf, paper bag.
329
00:16:22,356 --> 00:16:24,942
Exactly. It's all hidden, like me.
330
00:16:25,610 --> 00:16:26,611
What do you mean?
331
00:16:27,111 --> 00:16:29,238
Last night,
I was talking to this cute guy,
332
00:16:29,322 --> 00:16:30,781
and we were having a great time.
333
00:16:30,865 --> 00:16:34,076
And then, this woman in a tight dress
walked by with big breasts.
334
00:16:34,160 --> 00:16:35,661
Just boom, here they are.
335
00:16:35,745 --> 00:16:37,288
And he totally went for it.
336
00:16:38,164 --> 00:16:39,207
Right.
337
00:16:39,290 --> 00:16:41,626
But the thing is,
I wanted to have sex with him, too.
338
00:16:41,709 --> 00:16:44,545
But it was all hidden
in my witty banter and my little looks.
339
00:16:44,629 --> 00:16:46,756
And she just put it
right out there. Sex.
340
00:16:46,839 --> 00:16:47,715
And she got the guy.
341
00:16:47,798 --> 00:16:49,217
Yeah, but how long did she have him?
342
00:16:49,300 --> 00:16:51,385
Who cares?
I'm on vacation, I want to get laid.
343
00:16:52,053 --> 00:16:55,556
I admire women who can just put it
right out there where you can see it.
344
00:16:55,640 --> 00:16:57,308
See, look. Like her.
345
00:16:59,685 --> 00:17:00,937
You want to dress like her?
346
00:17:01,646 --> 00:17:03,022
You know what I mean.
347
00:17:03,105 --> 00:17:05,775
Do you think there's any chance
that she's not up for sex?
348
00:17:05,858 --> 00:17:07,610
No, 'cause she's a hooker.
349
00:17:07,693 --> 00:17:09,529
She's not a...
350
00:17:09,862 --> 00:17:10,947
Hi.
351
00:17:11,030 --> 00:17:13,074
- Hi.
-Have we met?
352
00:17:13,533 --> 00:17:17,370
No, I was just telling my friend
how much I admire what you're wearing.
353
00:17:18,412 --> 00:17:19,247
Thank you.
354
00:17:19,330 --> 00:17:20,748
Are you in the porn industry?
355
00:17:20,831 --> 00:17:22,667
Oh, God, no. I'm a lawyer for Disney.
356
00:17:22,750 --> 00:17:23,751
Ah!
357
00:17:24,835 --> 00:17:25,670
See?
358
00:17:26,254 --> 00:17:27,755
- There you go.
- Thank you so much.
359
00:17:27,838 --> 00:17:28,714
Enjoy.
360
00:17:30,007 --> 00:17:30,841
You made it.
361
00:17:34,053 --> 00:17:38,766
Well, my opinion of Canadian consumers
just went up a notch.
362
00:17:39,600 --> 00:17:41,644
Sign it, please.
363
00:17:42,103 --> 00:17:43,104
How should I sign it?
364
00:17:43,187 --> 00:17:44,522
I don't know.
365
00:17:44,605 --> 00:17:48,401
"To Samantha, who's staying
at The Standard, Room 324."
366
00:17:48,484 --> 00:17:49,527
Perfect.
367
00:17:49,986 --> 00:17:51,320
I'll deliver it personally.
368
00:17:52,029 --> 00:17:53,155
You're too kind.
369
00:17:55,074 --> 00:17:56,534
- That night,
370
00:17:56,617 --> 00:17:59,078
Samantha took home the deluxe Garth.
371
00:18:01,247 --> 00:18:04,917
And next door, I learned that
not only could I not escape my past,
372
00:18:05,001 --> 00:18:06,752
I couldn't escape my present.
373
00:18:12,091 --> 00:18:15,303
What is it about California air?
It makes me sleep so well.
374
00:18:15,386 --> 00:18:17,638
-Mmm.
-It's not the air.
375
00:18:17,722 --> 00:18:19,974
Your headboard knocked you unconscious.
376
00:18:20,057 --> 00:18:21,726
-You heard us?
-I didn't.
377
00:18:22,226 --> 00:18:24,061
No, Miss Snore, you wouldn't.
378
00:18:24,145 --> 00:18:25,646
-Are you okay?
-I'm cranky.
379
00:18:26,397 --> 00:18:29,358
I have to take another meeting with
Matthew McConaughey and his partners.
380
00:18:29,442 --> 00:18:30,985
We're all gonna sit around
and "brainstorm"
381
00:18:31,068 --> 00:18:33,904
what goes wrong with
"Carrie and all her relationships."
382
00:18:33,988 --> 00:18:36,824
-Don't go.
-I have to go. They flew me out here.
383
00:18:36,907 --> 00:18:38,326
I'm their little writer monkey.
384
00:18:38,409 --> 00:18:42,371
Well, I've got something
to make you feel better.
385
00:18:42,997 --> 00:18:46,917
Oh, dildos before 10:00 a.m.
I'm all perked up.
386
00:18:47,001 --> 00:18:49,211
-They're autographed, one for each.
-Oh.
387
00:18:49,295 --> 00:18:52,923
"My friend went to California
and all I got was this lousy dildo."
388
00:18:53,007 --> 00:18:55,760
Could you please put these back wherever
they came from? People are staring.
389
00:18:55,843 --> 00:18:57,303
Please, it's LA.
390
00:18:57,386 --> 00:19:00,264
No one cares if your egg whites
have a side of cock.
391
00:19:00,348 --> 00:19:02,892
Wow, nobody needs this much.
392
00:19:03,434 --> 00:19:05,770
Do you know the average woman
is only five inches deep?
393
00:19:05,853 --> 00:19:07,521
Is that written
on your place mat or something?
394
00:19:07,605 --> 00:19:10,316
To me,
the mark of a fine penis is width.
395
00:19:10,399 --> 00:19:12,234
Mmm, couldn't agree more.
396
00:19:12,318 --> 00:19:14,403
That's why I know
you'll enjoy your presents.
397
00:19:14,487 --> 00:19:16,530
-Huh.
-So are you saying that
398
00:19:16,614 --> 00:19:19,742
-Garth has the perfect girth?
-Exactly.
399
00:19:19,825 --> 00:19:26,082
Mmm. Well, as much as I enjoy
the fine, lifelike craftsmanship,
400
00:19:26,165 --> 00:19:27,541
I'm going to leave mine with you.
401
00:19:27,625 --> 00:19:30,795
Um, I think I'm holding onto mine.
402
00:19:30,878 --> 00:19:33,964
LA isn't working out
exactly the way I had hoped.
403
00:19:34,674 --> 00:19:36,342
Meanwhile, back in New York,
404
00:19:36,425 --> 00:19:38,719
and still no closer
to being input by Trey,
405
00:19:38,803 --> 00:19:40,930
Charlotte addressed thank-you notes.
406
00:19:42,139 --> 00:19:44,058
Every time she licked a love stamp,
407
00:19:44,141 --> 00:19:46,102
she felt
it made a mockery of her marriage.
408
00:19:53,359 --> 00:19:54,985
-Hello.
-It's me.
409
00:19:55,069 --> 00:19:58,572
It's been days and still nothing.
What if he really is impotent?
410
00:19:58,656 --> 00:20:01,492
Well, what kind of impotence
do you think it is?
411
00:20:01,575 --> 00:20:03,119
The kind that makes it soft?
412
00:20:03,202 --> 00:20:06,080
No, no. I mean, physical or emotional?
413
00:20:06,539 --> 00:20:07,498
I don't know.
414
00:20:07,581 --> 00:20:09,834
Well, have you asked him about it?
415
00:20:09,917 --> 00:20:12,712
Oh, he's embarrassed.
He doesn't even want to talk about it.
416
00:20:12,795 --> 00:20:14,338
Okay, here's how you find out.
417
00:20:15,131 --> 00:20:18,259
You put a ring of paper around
his flaccid penis while he's asleep.
418
00:20:18,676 --> 00:20:20,594
Jesus, I sound like
a perverted Nancy Drew.
419
00:20:20,678 --> 00:20:21,846
What does that do?
420
00:20:21,929 --> 00:20:23,931
Well, if it rips during the night,
421
00:20:24,014 --> 00:20:27,768
that means he's capable of an erection
and the problem is not physical.
422
00:20:27,852 --> 00:20:29,311
This floor's non-smoking.
423
00:20:29,395 --> 00:20:31,355
I have an addiction, sir!
424
00:20:31,731 --> 00:20:33,983
A ring of paper?
425
00:20:34,400 --> 00:20:35,234
Yep.
426
00:20:38,154 --> 00:20:41,741
Later that night, Samantha invited
Mr. Dildo out for dim sum,
427
00:20:41,824 --> 00:20:42,783
and then some.
428
00:20:43,451 --> 00:20:47,246
So, Samantha,
tell me more about yourself.
429
00:20:47,329 --> 00:20:49,874
-What are your interests?
-Well, I think that's pretty obvious.
430
00:20:49,957 --> 00:20:51,125
I'm serious.
431
00:20:51,459 --> 00:20:55,045
I mean, don't you want to know
more about me? My interests?
432
00:20:55,796 --> 00:20:58,007
Well, okay.
433
00:20:58,090 --> 00:20:59,925
-I'm a poet.
-Oh.
434
00:21:00,426 --> 00:21:03,012
I've been published
in the Amicus Journal.
435
00:21:03,637 --> 00:21:06,932
Garth wanted Samantha to know
that he was more than just a sex toy.
436
00:21:07,016 --> 00:21:08,392
He had a soft side.
437
00:21:09,226 --> 00:21:10,227
You want to hear one?
438
00:21:11,979 --> 00:21:15,983
And far away, Charlotte was
dealing with Trey's soft side as well.
439
00:21:16,066 --> 00:21:18,819
She decided she was
going to get some answers.
440
00:21:18,903 --> 00:21:20,988
So she came to bed armed with love.
441
00:21:32,625 --> 00:21:35,586
She went to sleep
hoping her male had sufficient postage
442
00:21:35,669 --> 00:21:37,755
to deliver his package into her box.
443
00:21:38,798 --> 00:21:40,716
- Back at the hotel,
444
00:21:40,800 --> 00:21:43,260
Samantha was waiting
for a delivery of her own.
445
00:21:43,344 --> 00:21:46,096
And once again,
the leaves bloomed forth.
446
00:21:46,180 --> 00:21:49,558
Some headed south, some headed north.
447
00:21:51,310 --> 00:21:52,561
That's beautiful.
448
00:21:53,062 --> 00:21:54,188
Come here.
449
00:21:56,023 --> 00:21:56,857
Blue...
450
00:21:58,150 --> 00:21:59,360
as a baby bird,
451
00:22:00,361 --> 00:22:02,238
winged and aloft,
452
00:22:02,321 --> 00:22:05,616
my eyes search your eyes,
453
00:22:06,575 --> 00:22:08,035
for something I've lost.
454
00:22:10,830 --> 00:22:13,207
Samantha, I was thinking.
455
00:22:13,791 --> 00:22:15,459
Oh, you were?
456
00:22:15,543 --> 00:22:19,213
We have this really great connection.
And I've pretty much done LA.
457
00:22:19,296 --> 00:22:20,256
How about I move to New York?
458
00:22:21,507 --> 00:22:24,677
I could pursue my two passions,
poetry and porn.
459
00:22:24,760 --> 00:22:25,886
Uh...
460
00:22:25,970 --> 00:22:27,012
Wouldn't it be great?
461
00:22:27,471 --> 00:22:28,681
We could keep seeing each other.
462
00:22:29,849 --> 00:22:32,142
Having a fling in LA
is one thing,
463
00:22:32,226 --> 00:22:36,647
but introducing Mr. Dildo to everyone
at a gala at the Met was quite another.
464
00:22:36,981 --> 00:22:39,149
I don't think it would work, Garth.
465
00:22:39,233 --> 00:22:40,609
I know me.
466
00:22:40,693 --> 00:22:44,446
And I'm much too possessive a woman
to share your penis with the world.
467
00:22:45,698 --> 00:22:49,660
And just like that,
Samantha escaped a life as Mrs. Dildo.
468
00:22:49,743 --> 00:22:52,746
She moved Garth out of her present
and into her past.
469
00:22:52,997 --> 00:22:54,915
But she took the best part of him
with her.
470
00:22:58,294 --> 00:23:01,046
I'd finally found a place
to escape Miranda's snoring.
471
00:23:01,589 --> 00:23:05,050
The ghosts of my relationships past
weren't so easy to shake.
472
00:23:05,801 --> 00:23:09,305
I had to face the fact that I hadn't
really moved on from Big and Aidan.
473
00:23:09,388 --> 00:23:10,347
I'd just moved.
474
00:23:10,431 --> 00:23:11,265
Excuse me.
475
00:23:12,558 --> 00:23:14,393
I put it out, see? I put it out!
476
00:23:14,476 --> 00:23:17,813
Oh, no, I was just wondering
if I could bum one of those.
477
00:23:17,897 --> 00:23:20,816
Oh, sorry, it was my last one.
478
00:23:22,985 --> 00:23:24,278
You want some company?
479
00:23:30,784 --> 00:23:31,952
You sure you want to be alone?
480
00:23:33,203 --> 00:23:34,204
I am.
481
00:23:34,288 --> 00:23:37,958
As soon as I said it out loud,
I knew that that was just what I wanted.
482
00:23:40,794 --> 00:23:41,795
And needed.
483
00:23:46,884 --> 00:23:47,801
The next day,
484
00:23:47,885 --> 00:23:51,305
Charlotte woke up as excited
as a little girl on Christmas morning.
485
00:23:51,388 --> 00:23:54,433
And she couldn't wait to see
if Trey's package was unwrapped.
486
00:24:05,903 --> 00:24:08,322
Mmm, morning, morning, morning!
487
00:24:09,865 --> 00:24:13,118
Well, good morning.
What are you so excited about?
488
00:24:13,202 --> 00:24:14,703
Nothing.
489
00:24:14,787 --> 00:24:15,829
I just love you.
490
00:24:17,164 --> 00:24:18,457
I love you, too.
491
00:24:19,583 --> 00:24:23,212
For the first time in weeks,
Charlotte felt relieved.
492
00:24:23,295 --> 00:24:24,964
Trey's problem wasn't physical.
493
00:24:25,464 --> 00:24:27,383
And then, she realized
494
00:24:27,466 --> 00:24:28,801
if it wasn't physical,
495
00:24:28,884 --> 00:24:31,720
she couldn't escape the fact
that it might be emotional.
496
00:24:32,262 --> 00:24:35,140
And there was no easy
love-stamp solution to fix that.
497
00:24:38,435 --> 00:24:41,021
I am totally digging
this scene.
498
00:24:41,105 --> 00:24:44,525
It's so Urban Cowboy, circa 1982.
499
00:24:44,608 --> 00:24:46,860
All the fabulous places
in LA,
500
00:24:46,944 --> 00:24:48,946
and we're at
the Saddle Ranch Chop House?
501
00:24:49,029 --> 00:24:50,155
Hey, don't complain.
502
00:24:50,239 --> 00:24:52,199
It's the closest bar
without a hill involved.
503
00:24:52,282 --> 00:24:54,576
You see, this is what I'm talking about.
Look at her.
504
00:24:54,660 --> 00:24:57,663
She screams sex. It's so honest.
505
00:24:57,746 --> 00:24:59,540
I wish I could be more like that.
506
00:25:00,124 --> 00:25:03,252
Well, stop fucking complaining about it
and just do something about it.
507
00:25:07,297 --> 00:25:10,092
Okay, which lovely lady's
going to be next?
508
00:25:11,093 --> 00:25:12,094
I will!
509
00:25:12,428 --> 00:25:13,470
Miranda, no!
510
00:25:13,554 --> 00:25:14,722
Over here! She will!
511
00:25:14,805 --> 00:25:15,931
- No!
-Here, take my shoes.
512
00:25:16,974 --> 00:25:18,392
Go, girl! Yee-haw!
513
00:25:33,282 --> 00:25:34,533
Hold on!
514
00:25:38,328 --> 00:25:40,956
We weren't sure
if it was the California climate
515
00:25:41,040 --> 00:25:43,167
or the five Lone Star beers she drank,
516
00:25:43,250 --> 00:25:47,629
but as soon as she got on that bull,
Miranda escaped Miranda.
517
00:25:59,600 --> 00:26:02,061
Wow, I guess she really
did need a vacation.
518
00:26:07,524 --> 00:26:10,444
And the next day,
as I pulled up to the studio,
519
00:26:10,527 --> 00:26:14,281
I realized I was the one
who held the key to my escape.
520
00:26:14,740 --> 00:26:15,824
I could drive in
521
00:26:15,908 --> 00:26:19,078
and have someone tell me
the mistakes I'd made in my past.
522
00:26:19,161 --> 00:26:22,039
Or I could drive on
and figure them out myself.
523
00:26:28,962 --> 00:26:30,130
So that's what I did.
524
00:26:30,547 --> 00:26:33,550
I mean, if I could master a stick shift,
525
00:26:34,760 --> 00:26:37,429
could a successful relationship
be that far behind?