1 00:00:49,258 --> 00:00:51,051 Okay, I got to go. 2 00:00:51,134 --> 00:00:53,762 Bye. Have a good day. Give me a kiss. 3 00:00:55,222 --> 00:00:56,223 Bye, bye. 4 00:00:57,432 --> 00:00:59,977 One of the unfortunate things about ending a relationship 5 00:01:00,060 --> 00:01:02,312 in an expensive city like New York is, 6 00:01:02,396 --> 00:01:04,815 while you can emotionally move away from each other, 7 00:01:05,649 --> 00:01:07,109 you physically can't. 8 00:01:17,286 --> 00:01:19,705 Hey, going to work? 9 00:01:19,788 --> 00:01:20,914 Yeah, work. 10 00:01:21,540 --> 00:01:22,833 Sorry about waking you. 11 00:01:23,250 --> 00:01:24,376 What time is it? 12 00:01:25,168 --> 00:01:26,169 6:30. 13 00:01:26,253 --> 00:01:28,130 Jesus, why so early? 14 00:01:28,505 --> 00:01:30,549 I got a brief due, so... 15 00:01:30,632 --> 00:01:32,301 There was nothing brief about it. 16 00:01:32,384 --> 00:01:33,927 Steve and Miranda had been doing 17 00:01:34,011 --> 00:01:37,014 the polite, avoid-each-other break-up dance for about three weeks. 18 00:01:38,640 --> 00:01:39,641 Hey. 19 00:01:39,975 --> 00:01:42,561 I'm sorry it's taking me so long to find a place. 20 00:01:43,520 --> 00:01:44,855 I got a lead on one, though. 21 00:01:45,272 --> 00:01:46,315 Okay. 22 00:01:47,274 --> 00:01:48,400 Hey, do you... 23 00:01:50,235 --> 00:01:51,236 Never mind. 24 00:01:51,695 --> 00:01:52,696 What? 25 00:01:52,779 --> 00:01:55,741 No, I was gonna ask if you wanna go and look at it with me, but that's... 26 00:01:56,325 --> 00:01:57,409 That's weird, right? 27 00:01:58,160 --> 00:01:59,161 I don't know. 28 00:01:59,453 --> 00:02:00,704 I guess we could do that. 29 00:02:01,288 --> 00:02:02,205 Yeah? 30 00:02:06,918 --> 00:02:09,338 And when you finally do find that place to move, 31 00:02:09,421 --> 00:02:11,173 you need to fill it with furniture. 32 00:02:11,256 --> 00:02:14,509 That's why so many smart New Yorkers frequent the opening day 33 00:02:14,593 --> 00:02:16,386 of the new designers showcase. 34 00:02:17,971 --> 00:02:21,016 Hey. I'm like your roadie. 35 00:02:21,099 --> 00:02:22,267 Oh, I don't have a road. 36 00:02:22,684 --> 00:02:24,061 I just have this booth. 37 00:02:24,144 --> 00:02:26,229 So, at best, you're my booth bitch. 38 00:02:26,313 --> 00:02:29,066 -Yeah, I'm your booth bitch. -Meow. 39 00:02:29,775 --> 00:02:31,109 I waxed your wood. 40 00:02:31,193 --> 00:02:33,403 You wax it real good. 41 00:02:34,029 --> 00:02:36,281 -That's 'cause I'm your booth bitch. -Mmm. 42 00:02:40,035 --> 00:02:42,579 You watch the booth. I'm gonna go get us some coffee. 43 00:02:44,247 --> 00:02:45,582 Whatever you say. 44 00:02:45,666 --> 00:02:47,000 I'm your booth bitch. 45 00:02:47,084 --> 00:02:48,585 Oh, that's sexy. 46 00:02:48,835 --> 00:02:49,878 And I like it. 47 00:02:52,130 --> 00:02:54,633 I didn't need to wait for a blue ribbon panel to decide. 48 00:02:55,092 --> 00:02:58,512 He was the finest new designer in the whole damn place. 49 00:03:06,103 --> 00:03:09,648 I had often fantasized about running into my ex and his wife, 50 00:03:09,731 --> 00:03:12,943 but in those fantasies, I was running into them with a truck. 51 00:03:13,860 --> 00:03:15,987 I don't know how you could like this clunky wood. 52 00:03:16,071 --> 00:03:17,072 It's almost oppressive. 53 00:03:22,703 --> 00:03:23,954 What the fuck? 54 00:03:24,037 --> 00:03:25,789 Hey. Hi. 55 00:03:27,082 --> 00:03:28,083 Hi. 56 00:03:28,709 --> 00:03:30,127 I'm working here. Well, I mean... 57 00:03:30,961 --> 00:03:34,089 I'm not working... Just, this is my boyfriend's booth. 58 00:03:35,215 --> 00:03:36,258 I'm his booth bitch. 59 00:03:37,592 --> 00:03:38,927 That's a joke. 60 00:03:39,428 --> 00:03:40,804 I guess it's an in joke. 61 00:03:41,263 --> 00:03:42,264 I get it. 62 00:03:43,348 --> 00:03:46,935 So, can I, um, show you something in a hutch? 63 00:03:47,686 --> 00:03:50,939 His pieces are fantastic. It's just not really our style. 64 00:03:51,565 --> 00:03:52,399 Oh. 65 00:03:52,482 --> 00:03:54,985 Yeah, we only like teeny tiny furniture. 66 00:03:58,155 --> 00:03:58,989 Hey. 67 00:03:59,072 --> 00:04:01,241 Oh, hey. Hey. 68 00:04:01,700 --> 00:04:02,743 Hey. Oh. 69 00:04:02,951 --> 00:04:04,536 Hey, this is, um... 70 00:04:04,619 --> 00:04:06,997 This is the designer. This is Aidan Shaw. 71 00:04:07,080 --> 00:04:09,374 Hey, great stuff. 72 00:04:09,458 --> 00:04:11,168 Aw, thanks, man. 73 00:04:12,878 --> 00:04:14,838 -Oak? -Actually, it's mostly maple. 74 00:04:14,921 --> 00:04:15,881 There we were, 75 00:04:15,964 --> 00:04:18,550 mostly maple, and incredibly uncomfortable. 76 00:04:19,468 --> 00:04:20,844 Sorry, I didn't get your names. 77 00:04:20,927 --> 00:04:23,013 Oh! Oh, no, I'm sorry, um... 78 00:04:23,096 --> 00:04:25,307 These are my friends. 79 00:04:25,390 --> 00:04:27,768 This is, uh, Natasha and this is-- 80 00:04:27,851 --> 00:04:29,102 Oh, oh! 81 00:04:29,186 --> 00:04:32,063 Oh, shit! Oh, my God, I'm sorry. Is that hot? 82 00:04:32,147 --> 00:04:34,232 -Well, it ain't cold. -God... 83 00:04:34,941 --> 00:04:36,026 -Here. -No, I'll... I'll... 84 00:04:36,109 --> 00:04:37,235 Sure. 85 00:04:37,319 --> 00:04:39,112 We should put some cold water on this. 86 00:04:40,113 --> 00:04:41,364 It was nice meeting you. 87 00:04:42,908 --> 00:04:44,117 Thanks for the coffee. 88 00:04:46,286 --> 00:04:48,246 -They seem nice. -Yeah, don't they? 89 00:04:49,331 --> 00:04:50,373 Where do you know them from? 90 00:04:50,457 --> 00:04:53,126 Oh... Well you know, from around. 91 00:04:54,503 --> 00:04:56,171 Like a hundred years ago. 92 00:04:57,464 --> 00:04:58,465 It's a past life. 93 00:05:03,220 --> 00:05:06,765 Two hours later, it was time for the opening day party. 94 00:05:06,848 --> 00:05:08,016 It was lovely. 95 00:05:08,099 --> 00:05:10,393 Caviar, silent auctions, 96 00:05:10,477 --> 00:05:11,812 and landmines. 97 00:05:11,895 --> 00:05:13,271 Where's Paul Bunyan? 98 00:05:14,564 --> 00:05:18,276 If you're referring to my boyfriend, he's doing business. 99 00:05:18,777 --> 00:05:20,487 Ooh, he's a big 'un. 100 00:05:21,154 --> 00:05:22,697 Where'd he learn to whittle like that? 101 00:05:23,698 --> 00:05:25,242 How many drinks have you had? 102 00:05:25,325 --> 00:05:26,576 Not nearly enough. 103 00:05:35,752 --> 00:05:36,795 So... 104 00:05:37,921 --> 00:05:38,922 How are you? 105 00:05:39,840 --> 00:05:40,841 I'm great. 106 00:05:41,842 --> 00:05:44,010 And Daniel Boone, is he a nice guy? 107 00:05:45,303 --> 00:05:46,471 His name is Aidan. 108 00:05:47,013 --> 00:05:47,848 Tsk! 109 00:05:48,765 --> 00:05:50,475 Where's your sense of humor? 110 00:05:50,559 --> 00:05:51,977 Where's your wife? 111 00:05:52,060 --> 00:05:54,396 Guarding her bid on the silent auction. 112 00:05:54,479 --> 00:05:56,356 She's got her eye on a beige chair. 113 00:05:57,232 --> 00:05:59,985 Everything in my apartment is now beige. 114 00:06:00,068 --> 00:06:01,111 Beige... 115 00:06:01,486 --> 00:06:02,612 is bullshit. 116 00:06:02,696 --> 00:06:04,197 I thought you wanted beige. 117 00:06:04,614 --> 00:06:05,866 Yeah, well... 118 00:06:05,949 --> 00:06:07,033 It doesn't quite... 119 00:06:08,493 --> 00:06:09,619 fit. 120 00:06:09,703 --> 00:06:10,662 Hey, you got a smoke? 121 00:06:11,204 --> 00:06:12,497 I quit. 122 00:06:12,581 --> 00:06:14,916 Oh, we always used to share a cigarette together. 123 00:06:15,000 --> 00:06:17,586 We did a lot of things that were bad for me together. 124 00:06:18,920 --> 00:06:20,422 I have a secret to tell you. 125 00:06:23,884 --> 00:06:25,260 It's not working. 126 00:06:26,803 --> 00:06:28,555 I'm getting out. 127 00:06:29,973 --> 00:06:31,725 If you know anyone who's interested... 128 00:06:33,101 --> 00:06:34,853 You should really keep that to yourself. 129 00:06:34,936 --> 00:06:37,647 No one is interested in that information. 130 00:06:46,615 --> 00:06:48,033 -Big's leaving his wife. -I knew it. 131 00:06:48,116 --> 00:06:48,950 -Oh, my God! -No! 132 00:06:49,034 --> 00:06:50,785 He got drunk and told me at the furniture show. 133 00:06:50,869 --> 00:06:52,287 What was he doing at the furniture show? 134 00:06:52,370 --> 00:06:54,664 -Drinking and leaving his wife. -Oh, my God. 135 00:06:54,748 --> 00:06:56,041 Well, let's just say it, you won. 136 00:06:56,541 --> 00:06:58,335 -Was there a contest? -Oh, please. 137 00:06:58,418 --> 00:07:01,504 There's always a contest with an ex. It's called Who'll Die Miserable? 138 00:07:01,588 --> 00:07:04,466 -What did he say? -He said, "It's not working out." 139 00:07:04,883 --> 00:07:07,510 And then he leaned in and said, 140 00:07:07,594 --> 00:07:09,554 "If you know anyone who's interested..." 141 00:07:09,638 --> 00:07:11,097 -Well... 142 00:07:11,181 --> 00:07:12,599 You don't know anyone who's interested. 143 00:07:12,682 --> 00:07:14,517 He's married, Carrie. Carrie, he's married. 144 00:07:14,601 --> 00:07:16,019 Charlotte, I think I'm aware of that fact. 145 00:07:16,102 --> 00:07:17,312 Why is he telling you? 146 00:07:17,395 --> 00:07:19,981 I don't know, to save postage on his newsletter? 147 00:07:20,065 --> 00:07:21,858 -What are you gonna do? -I'm not gonna do anything. 148 00:07:21,942 --> 00:07:23,568 She's not gonna do anything. 149 00:07:23,652 --> 00:07:25,362 Okay, you need to take a big breath 'cause you're starting to bug me. 150 00:07:25,445 --> 00:07:28,573 How dare he say that to you. Married men never leave their wives. 151 00:07:28,657 --> 00:07:31,993 Even if he did, I have no intention of doing anything, for two reasons. 152 00:07:32,077 --> 00:07:35,330 First, I have a great boyfriend, and second, I'm not insane. 153 00:07:35,747 --> 00:07:36,831 So, let's order. 154 00:07:37,624 --> 00:07:38,667 What do winners order? 155 00:07:39,250 --> 00:07:40,669 Didn't you feel like punching him? 156 00:07:41,086 --> 00:07:42,045 No. 157 00:07:42,128 --> 00:07:43,755 It was too sad or something. 158 00:07:43,838 --> 00:07:45,298 I would have punched him. 159 00:07:45,382 --> 00:07:47,008 No, it is sad. 160 00:07:47,676 --> 00:07:49,427 How long has he been married? What, seven months? 161 00:07:49,511 --> 00:07:51,554 Hmm. The seven-month itch. 162 00:07:51,638 --> 00:07:55,058 Well, that's what happens when people jump into relationships too quickly. 163 00:07:56,810 --> 00:07:58,186 I resent that. 164 00:07:59,020 --> 00:08:01,189 Trey and I are nothing like Big and Natasha. 165 00:08:01,272 --> 00:08:03,358 Don't listen to her, she's mid-breakup. 166 00:08:03,441 --> 00:08:04,526 Thanks for the update. 167 00:08:04,609 --> 00:08:07,195 We're not like Big. Trey and I really love each other. 168 00:08:07,278 --> 00:08:09,072 -Who wants to split a Reuben? - In fact, 169 00:08:09,864 --> 00:08:14,244 I'm meeting his mother this week, and if all goes well... 170 00:08:14,327 --> 00:08:15,704 If all goes well, what? 171 00:08:15,787 --> 00:08:19,040 Trey is this close to proposing. I can feel it. 172 00:08:19,124 --> 00:08:20,083 Oh, my God, really? 173 00:08:20,542 --> 00:08:23,169 You just met. I've had pairs of pantyhose longer. 174 00:08:23,253 --> 00:08:26,381 Miranda, it's not logical, this is love. 175 00:08:26,464 --> 00:08:28,425 It's not logical, it's right. 176 00:08:28,508 --> 00:08:30,593 In my heart, I feel it's right. 177 00:08:30,677 --> 00:08:32,345 Okay, whatever. 178 00:08:36,266 --> 00:08:37,100 So... 179 00:08:37,976 --> 00:08:39,019 How did he look? 180 00:08:47,277 --> 00:08:49,279 Okay. I'll take it. 181 00:08:50,572 --> 00:08:52,866 As Miranda looked around the basement apartment, 182 00:08:52,949 --> 00:08:54,826 she realized the contest was over. 183 00:08:54,909 --> 00:08:57,954 Steve was the ex that was going to die alone and miserable. 184 00:08:58,038 --> 00:08:59,456 You can't live here. 185 00:09:00,123 --> 00:09:01,124 What... 186 00:09:01,583 --> 00:09:03,752 -It's not that bad. -It's not that bad? 187 00:09:03,835 --> 00:09:05,128 It's the doorway to hell. 188 00:09:06,171 --> 00:09:08,381 There's got to be a better place. I'll help you look. 189 00:09:09,382 --> 00:09:10,383 Guilt? 190 00:09:11,176 --> 00:09:12,177 Probably. 191 00:09:12,260 --> 00:09:14,804 I mean, I broke up with him. 192 00:09:14,888 --> 00:09:17,640 And he's got no money, no savings, no nothing. 193 00:09:18,266 --> 00:09:21,269 There should be some sort of city-funded break-up housing 194 00:09:21,352 --> 00:09:23,772 -for those who find themselves in need. -Really. 195 00:09:23,855 --> 00:09:26,775 Like a big orphanage filled with white beds 196 00:09:26,858 --> 00:09:29,277 where old boyfriends could think about what they did wrong 197 00:09:29,360 --> 00:09:32,822 and cry themselves to sleep in a clean, safe environment. 198 00:09:35,033 --> 00:09:37,410 You think maybe you don't really want him to move away? 199 00:09:37,494 --> 00:09:39,579 No, it's not that simple. 200 00:09:39,662 --> 00:09:41,706 My head tells me it's time for him to leave, 201 00:09:41,790 --> 00:09:44,375 but the idea of him moving to a basement apartment 202 00:09:44,459 --> 00:09:47,921 on the corner of Depressing and West Shit Street breaks my heart. 203 00:09:48,963 --> 00:09:51,716 It's a pretty common belief that women tend to use 204 00:09:51,800 --> 00:09:53,760 the left, more emotional side of their brain, 205 00:09:53,843 --> 00:09:56,638 and men, the right, more logical side. 206 00:09:56,721 --> 00:09:58,723 But is it really that cut and dry? 207 00:09:59,099 --> 00:10:01,434 It seems that when it comes to affairs of the heart, 208 00:10:01,518 --> 00:10:04,521 there's a battle between what we know and what we feel. 209 00:10:04,604 --> 00:10:07,065 So, what do you do when you find yourself in a situation 210 00:10:07,148 --> 00:10:09,818 that leaps back and forth between the left and the right side? 211 00:10:10,193 --> 00:10:11,986 When it comes to relationships, 212 00:10:12,070 --> 00:10:15,031 is it smarter to follow your heart or your head? 213 00:10:15,740 --> 00:10:18,701 This is Trey the summer he graduated from medical school. 214 00:10:18,785 --> 00:10:22,163 Later that week, Charlotte met the head and heart of Trey's family. 215 00:10:22,247 --> 00:10:23,873 His mother, Bunny MacDougal. 216 00:10:23,957 --> 00:10:27,293 Trey, you look so cute in a cap and gown. 217 00:10:27,377 --> 00:10:30,505 That's just before we jumped in the fountain and all hell broke loose. 218 00:10:31,714 --> 00:10:34,425 Mother, what's next? Boy Scout snaps? 219 00:10:34,509 --> 00:10:37,554 Count your blessings I didn't bring the one on the bearskin rug. 220 00:10:37,637 --> 00:10:40,723 You'll have to excuse her, Charlotte. She's a bit of a camera Nazi. 221 00:10:41,891 --> 00:10:44,561 Well, if you insist on dragging us down memory lane, 222 00:10:44,644 --> 00:10:46,229 I'm getting a real drink. Excuse me. 223 00:10:46,771 --> 00:10:48,731 -Glenlivet, rocks, please. -Yes, sir. 224 00:10:48,815 --> 00:10:51,734 Maybe you should have a red wine instead. 225 00:10:51,818 --> 00:10:52,902 Better for the heart. 226 00:10:53,945 --> 00:10:54,904 All righty. 227 00:10:54,988 --> 00:10:57,240 - Red wine. - Oh, Thomas, 228 00:10:57,323 --> 00:10:59,868 we'd love some more of these nibbly cheese things. 229 00:10:59,951 --> 00:11:01,411 - Very good, ma'am. - Thank you. 230 00:11:02,245 --> 00:11:05,748 He's older than water, but never forgets a martini. 231 00:11:08,251 --> 00:11:10,628 So, do you play tennis? 232 00:11:10,712 --> 00:11:11,546 Mmm-hmm. 233 00:11:12,005 --> 00:11:13,047 I like her. 234 00:11:13,590 --> 00:11:15,008 -Join the club. 235 00:11:15,717 --> 00:11:17,760 What are you two lovebirds doing tonight? 236 00:11:18,678 --> 00:11:20,722 We've got dinner reservations at Cloche. 237 00:11:20,805 --> 00:11:22,515 I was there last week. 238 00:11:22,599 --> 00:11:25,643 Disappointing crab, and the host was rude. 239 00:11:27,896 --> 00:11:30,940 Maybe you should go to Côte Basque instead. 240 00:11:31,858 --> 00:11:32,859 All righty. 241 00:11:33,359 --> 00:11:35,653 Charlotte was impressed with Bunny's technique. 242 00:11:35,737 --> 00:11:38,114 Trey had been looking forward to Cloche all week. 243 00:11:39,199 --> 00:11:43,161 Meanwhile, Downtown, Samantha was entertaining Adam Ball, 244 00:11:43,244 --> 00:11:45,872 a film editor who made a very lucrative living 245 00:11:45,955 --> 00:11:48,291 cutting the coming attractions for film companies. 246 00:11:48,833 --> 00:11:51,669 I'm cumming. I'm cumming. 247 00:11:55,381 --> 00:11:57,592 Oh, man. 248 00:11:58,301 --> 00:11:59,844 Oh, you give good head. 249 00:12:05,558 --> 00:12:08,519 I'm dating a guy with the funkiest tasting spunk. 250 00:12:15,818 --> 00:12:17,737 And she's never coming back. 251 00:12:17,820 --> 00:12:20,490 Well, I'm sorry, but who else can I talk to about this? 252 00:12:20,573 --> 00:12:22,116 Might I suggest no one? 253 00:12:22,200 --> 00:12:23,952 You're my girlfriends, help me. 254 00:12:24,494 --> 00:12:25,870 Have you ever had this problem? 255 00:12:26,204 --> 00:12:27,956 Not really, but I have to admit, 256 00:12:28,039 --> 00:12:30,541 it's never exactly been a trip to Baskin-Robbins. 257 00:12:30,625 --> 00:12:35,004 Well, this guy is very sour. Like asparagus gone bad or something. 258 00:12:35,088 --> 00:12:37,173 -Can I cancel my rice pudding? Thanks. - Sure thing. 259 00:12:37,257 --> 00:12:40,218 Beautiful guy, great in bed, it's so disappointing. 260 00:12:40,301 --> 00:12:42,679 It's like getting a bad bottle of Beaujolais Nouveau 261 00:12:42,762 --> 00:12:43,846 the first day of season. 262 00:12:43,930 --> 00:12:45,473 It has a lot to do with nutrition. 263 00:12:45,556 --> 00:12:48,559 I once dated a smoker and it affected how his tasted. 264 00:12:48,643 --> 00:12:50,019 They should put that on the side of the pack 265 00:12:50,103 --> 00:12:51,646 if they want to cut back sales. 266 00:12:51,729 --> 00:12:54,148 Maybe there's something he could eat to make it sweeter? 267 00:12:54,232 --> 00:12:55,858 Maybe you should write to Martha Stewart. 268 00:12:55,942 --> 00:12:58,528 "Dear Martha, funky spunk. Help." 269 00:12:58,987 --> 00:13:02,407 -"Dear Funky Spunk, try a hint of mint." 270 00:13:02,490 --> 00:13:04,367 No, no, no, it's not just asparagus. 271 00:13:04,450 --> 00:13:06,202 It's asparagus and something else. 272 00:13:06,286 --> 00:13:07,870 I know, Clorox! 273 00:13:07,954 --> 00:13:10,331 Well, at least you'll get your whites whiter. 274 00:13:10,415 --> 00:13:12,041 This is serious, I almost gagged. 275 00:13:12,125 --> 00:13:14,043 -Oh, well, that is serious. -What am I gonna do? 276 00:13:14,127 --> 00:13:15,378 Just don't give him head again. 277 00:13:15,962 --> 00:13:18,298 Hmm. I never even thought of that. 278 00:13:18,381 --> 00:13:20,425 So, what, casual head is back now? 279 00:13:20,508 --> 00:13:23,428 Oh, it's fine. He's healthy and I don't swallow. 280 00:13:23,511 --> 00:13:26,514 Well, as long as you and the Center for Disease Control are fine with it. 281 00:13:26,597 --> 00:13:29,434 Of course, he just loves getting head. But then, what man doesn't? 282 00:13:29,517 --> 00:13:31,936 You know, if the whole cum situation were reversed, 283 00:13:32,020 --> 00:13:34,272 do you think that men would even get anywhere near the stuff? 284 00:13:34,355 --> 00:13:36,566 Well, maybe, if it tasted like beer. 285 00:13:39,777 --> 00:13:42,405 Later that day, Miranda came home to something 286 00:13:42,488 --> 00:13:43,781 that was even harder to swallow. 287 00:13:44,282 --> 00:13:46,743 You have one new message. 288 00:13:47,744 --> 00:13:49,704 Hi, if this is Steve's number... 289 00:13:50,371 --> 00:13:52,874 This is Mira. We met last night. 290 00:13:52,957 --> 00:13:55,501 I'm the advertising exec who ordered the Amstel Light. 291 00:13:56,002 --> 00:13:58,212 Steve, if this is you, call me. 292 00:13:58,296 --> 00:14:00,131 I'd love to go to a movie sometime. 293 00:14:01,716 --> 00:14:04,886 Today, 12:22 p.m. 294 00:14:06,095 --> 00:14:08,306 And on an answering machine across town... 295 00:14:10,933 --> 00:14:13,186 You have one new message. 296 00:14:13,936 --> 00:14:15,229 Hi, it's me. 297 00:14:16,147 --> 00:14:17,982 I need to talk to you about what I said the other day. 298 00:14:18,608 --> 00:14:20,068 It's important, please call. 299 00:14:20,151 --> 00:14:21,611 -You know my cell number. 300 00:14:21,694 --> 00:14:23,154 The right side of my brain told me 301 00:14:23,237 --> 00:14:24,739 the right thing was to delete it. 302 00:14:25,365 --> 00:14:26,491 But I left it. 303 00:14:27,075 --> 00:14:29,243 It's important, please call. You know my cell number. 304 00:14:29,327 --> 00:14:32,497 Seven playbacks later, I invited over an impartial judge. 305 00:14:32,580 --> 00:14:34,290 -Well? -You should have punched him. 306 00:14:34,999 --> 00:14:37,126 He wants to get back together, right? I mean, that's the tone. 307 00:14:37,210 --> 00:14:40,630 The "hi" and then the "it's important." Is that what that means? 308 00:14:40,713 --> 00:14:43,049 Carrie, we could analyze this for years and never know. 309 00:14:43,132 --> 00:14:45,301 I mean, they still don't know who killed Kennedy. 310 00:14:45,385 --> 00:14:47,637 Well, what should I do? 311 00:14:47,720 --> 00:14:49,305 Well, it's pretty obvious what you want to do 312 00:14:49,389 --> 00:14:51,182 or you wouldn't still be listening to this message. 313 00:14:51,265 --> 00:14:55,103 And by the way, what happened to the "not insane" part of you? 314 00:14:55,186 --> 00:14:56,187 I don't know. 315 00:14:56,604 --> 00:14:58,773 After the fifth playback, he got in a little. 316 00:14:59,232 --> 00:15:02,193 -Ugh! God, I hate my machine. -Yeah. 317 00:15:02,276 --> 00:15:03,694 I hate mine too. 318 00:15:04,654 --> 00:15:07,156 Steve got a message from some girl executive 319 00:15:07,240 --> 00:15:08,991 desperate for him to go to a movie. 320 00:15:09,075 --> 00:15:09,909 Already? 321 00:15:10,743 --> 00:15:12,995 -He's still on your couch. -I know, it's amazing. 322 00:15:13,079 --> 00:15:16,082 A 34-year-old guy with no money and no place to live, 323 00:15:16,165 --> 00:15:17,917 because he's single, he's a catch. 324 00:15:18,000 --> 00:15:21,295 But a 34-year-old woman with a job and a great home, 325 00:15:21,379 --> 00:15:23,548 because she's single, is considered tragic. 326 00:15:23,631 --> 00:15:24,841 So depressing. 327 00:15:26,384 --> 00:15:27,802 Let's listen to that message again. 328 00:15:29,137 --> 00:15:30,138 I'm deleting it. 329 00:15:30,888 --> 00:15:32,515 But it wasn't that simple. 330 00:15:32,598 --> 00:15:35,143 As soon as Miranda left, I stood and watched my emotions 331 00:15:35,226 --> 00:15:37,061 overrule both sides of my brain. 332 00:15:39,272 --> 00:15:41,357 -Hello? -It's Carrie. 333 00:15:41,441 --> 00:15:44,110 Oh, hey. Yeah, thanks for calling. 334 00:15:45,153 --> 00:15:47,822 Look, it's about what I said about getting out of my marriage. 335 00:15:48,322 --> 00:15:50,950 I didn't know why I called, I didn't even know what I really wanted, 336 00:15:51,033 --> 00:15:53,161 but suddenly my heart was racing. 337 00:15:54,328 --> 00:15:55,371 I thought about it. 338 00:15:56,831 --> 00:15:58,207 And it's going to cost me a lot. 339 00:15:59,292 --> 00:16:01,294 So, maybe you should forget about what I said. 340 00:16:02,670 --> 00:16:03,754 I mean... 341 00:16:03,838 --> 00:16:06,048 I figure I made my bed, I should lie in it. 342 00:16:06,841 --> 00:16:07,925 You do that. 343 00:16:09,760 --> 00:16:11,179 It was just what I needed. 344 00:16:11,262 --> 00:16:14,390 A big shock treatment to jolt me right back to sanity. 345 00:16:17,310 --> 00:16:18,394 You have cracks. 346 00:16:19,687 --> 00:16:20,688 Excuse me? 347 00:16:22,148 --> 00:16:23,149 The ceiling. 348 00:16:23,691 --> 00:16:24,692 Oh. 349 00:16:26,277 --> 00:16:27,320 How long have they been there? 350 00:16:28,488 --> 00:16:29,739 Just three years. 351 00:16:30,156 --> 00:16:31,365 Oh, just three years? 352 00:16:34,035 --> 00:16:38,080 Don't take this the wrong way, but this place could use a little work. 353 00:16:38,539 --> 00:16:40,416 I know, but I can't afford it. 354 00:16:40,500 --> 00:16:42,585 You've got 8,000 bucks worth of shoes over there. 355 00:16:42,668 --> 00:16:44,504 -I needed those. -Oh. 356 00:16:46,464 --> 00:16:49,717 You could do little things. Plaster, strip the floors. 357 00:16:50,218 --> 00:16:52,220 You have no idea how beautiful it'd be 358 00:16:53,095 --> 00:16:54,555 if we took it down a level. 359 00:16:55,973 --> 00:16:58,059 I don't know how to do that stuff. 360 00:16:58,142 --> 00:16:59,143 I do. 361 00:17:00,061 --> 00:17:01,979 Let me strip your floors. 362 00:17:02,063 --> 00:17:03,439 Isn't that a lot of work? 363 00:17:03,523 --> 00:17:06,567 Nah. It'll just take a day. You won't even know I'm here. 364 00:17:06,651 --> 00:17:07,652 You sure? 365 00:17:08,236 --> 00:17:11,072 -Really? -A special lady needs a special home. 366 00:17:16,744 --> 00:17:19,956 Here in my arms was a guy who wanted to make my home better, 367 00:17:20,039 --> 00:17:23,251 and somewhere out there was a guy who wanted to pull it apart. 368 00:17:23,751 --> 00:17:26,921 It wasn't a left- or right-brainer. It was a no-brainer. 369 00:17:28,089 --> 00:17:29,423 Tell me why we're here, again? 370 00:17:29,507 --> 00:17:31,425 I'm making an effort to eat better. 371 00:17:31,801 --> 00:17:35,429 After a quick browse on the healthysperm.com web page, 372 00:17:35,513 --> 00:17:37,723 Samantha invited Adam Ball to dinner. 373 00:17:38,558 --> 00:17:42,103 Okay. Here are your wheatgrass shots. 374 00:17:43,312 --> 00:17:45,648 And I'll be right back with menus. 375 00:17:51,904 --> 00:17:53,114 I can't drink that. 376 00:17:53,197 --> 00:17:55,658 Oh, try it. It's very good for you. 377 00:17:56,742 --> 00:17:57,910 Bottoms up. 378 00:18:05,167 --> 00:18:06,419 Mmm. 379 00:18:13,926 --> 00:18:15,845 Oh, man, that shit is funky. 380 00:18:15,928 --> 00:18:18,347 Samantha had to fight every urge she had 381 00:18:18,431 --> 00:18:20,850 not to tell Adam Ball he didn't know from funky. 382 00:18:21,601 --> 00:18:25,354 How long does it take for the wheatgrass to work its way into your system? 383 00:18:25,438 --> 00:18:27,857 Uh, hard to say. 384 00:18:28,399 --> 00:18:29,525 Ballpark? 385 00:18:30,484 --> 00:18:31,485 An hour and a half. 386 00:18:31,569 --> 00:18:32,612 Oh. 387 00:18:32,695 --> 00:18:33,863 We should order. 388 00:18:34,780 --> 00:18:36,699 An hour and a half, two wheatgrass shots, 389 00:18:36,782 --> 00:18:38,826 and a ginger melon smoothie later... 390 00:18:38,909 --> 00:18:41,120 I'm cumming. I'm cumming. 391 00:18:41,787 --> 00:18:43,873 I'm cumming! 392 00:18:44,749 --> 00:18:47,835 Oh, man, man, man. You give good head. 393 00:18:53,382 --> 00:18:54,425 Oh, baby. 394 00:18:58,679 --> 00:19:01,390 -Mmm. -What? You don't like your salad? 395 00:19:01,807 --> 00:19:04,393 No, the dressing's a tad... something. 396 00:19:04,477 --> 00:19:05,645 -Excuse me. -Yes, sir? 397 00:19:05,728 --> 00:19:08,606 I'd like to change this for the arugula and endive, please. 398 00:19:08,689 --> 00:19:09,690 Certainly. 399 00:19:09,774 --> 00:19:12,568 Maybe you should try the tomato basil, it's sweeter. 400 00:19:13,361 --> 00:19:14,195 All righty. 401 00:19:19,825 --> 00:19:21,494 I have to say, Mum is quite taken with you. 402 00:19:21,577 --> 00:19:23,996 -She is? -Why wouldn't she be? 403 00:19:24,580 --> 00:19:25,581 You're exquisite. 404 00:19:27,333 --> 00:19:29,251 You really are a dream come true. 405 00:19:29,335 --> 00:19:31,295 Charlotte knew this was the moment. 406 00:19:31,379 --> 00:19:35,049 That magic moment where Trey was going to ask her to be his wife. 407 00:19:37,468 --> 00:19:38,302 Charlotte? 408 00:19:38,761 --> 00:19:39,595 Yes? 409 00:19:41,806 --> 00:19:42,932 Tomato and basil? 410 00:19:43,683 --> 00:19:44,558 Yes. 411 00:19:47,895 --> 00:19:48,896 Enjoy. 412 00:19:49,397 --> 00:19:52,983 Doesn't this look like a little plate of heaven? Oh! 413 00:19:53,484 --> 00:19:55,986 This basil is perfection. 414 00:19:56,737 --> 00:19:58,072 What is it about you, Charlotte? 415 00:19:58,698 --> 00:20:00,825 You always seem to know just what I want. 416 00:20:04,662 --> 00:20:06,080 Maybe we should get married. 417 00:20:06,706 --> 00:20:07,707 All righty. 418 00:20:10,918 --> 00:20:11,919 Mmm. 419 00:20:12,628 --> 00:20:13,629 Mmm! 420 00:20:15,131 --> 00:20:16,006 I'm engaged. 421 00:20:16,382 --> 00:20:18,134 Oh, my God! Really? 422 00:20:18,592 --> 00:20:20,553 Oh, that's wonderful, sweetie. 423 00:20:20,636 --> 00:20:22,221 I proposed to myself. 424 00:20:23,222 --> 00:20:25,099 -What? -Yes. 425 00:20:25,182 --> 00:20:27,435 I suggested he have a tomato salad, 426 00:20:27,518 --> 00:20:29,520 then I suggested we get married. 427 00:20:29,603 --> 00:20:31,272 Wait, what exactly did he say? 428 00:20:32,022 --> 00:20:33,065 "All righty." 429 00:20:34,900 --> 00:20:37,486 "All righty"? He said, "All righty"? 430 00:20:37,987 --> 00:20:40,072 Now I'm thinking the upsetting thing isn't that you proposed, 431 00:20:40,156 --> 00:20:42,158 it's that you proposed to a guy who says "all righty." 432 00:20:42,241 --> 00:20:44,452 -Oh, Carrie, stop. -All righty. 433 00:20:44,535 --> 00:20:46,704 I was the one who was supposed to say yes. 434 00:20:46,787 --> 00:20:49,623 Oh, who cares about those stupid rules? 435 00:20:49,707 --> 00:20:50,833 I do. 436 00:20:51,459 --> 00:20:54,003 Look, you're overreacting. You love Trey, right? 437 00:20:54,795 --> 00:20:56,380 And you want to marry him, right? 438 00:20:57,548 --> 00:20:58,549 Yes, but... 439 00:21:00,092 --> 00:21:03,888 There was no kneeling, there was no ring, no nothing. 440 00:21:04,305 --> 00:21:06,682 This is an awful engagement story. 441 00:21:06,766 --> 00:21:08,517 What am I supposed to tell my kids? 442 00:21:08,601 --> 00:21:10,686 Well, Mommy really wanted to get married, 443 00:21:10,770 --> 00:21:12,646 so Daddy said, "All righty." 444 00:21:14,106 --> 00:21:15,816 It's so unromantic. 445 00:21:15,900 --> 00:21:16,734 Oh. 446 00:21:29,830 --> 00:21:30,831 Steve? 447 00:21:31,457 --> 00:21:32,625 The dog. 448 00:21:40,007 --> 00:21:43,594 Steve, it's 4:00 a.m. 449 00:21:48,808 --> 00:21:51,560 Miranda realized he was with the girl executive. 450 00:21:51,644 --> 00:21:53,395 It was officially over. 451 00:21:53,479 --> 00:21:55,523 She finally got it into her head. 452 00:21:59,902 --> 00:22:00,945 Hey. 453 00:22:09,912 --> 00:22:11,080 -Morning. -Morning. 454 00:22:11,664 --> 00:22:12,957 I took the dog out already. 455 00:22:13,833 --> 00:22:15,292 Thanks, um, I was-- 456 00:22:15,376 --> 00:22:17,169 There's coffee, and, um, 457 00:22:17,253 --> 00:22:20,089 I circled a bunch of apartments in The Village Voice that sound good. 458 00:22:20,631 --> 00:22:22,883 I should probably get out of here today, um... 459 00:22:23,551 --> 00:22:25,302 Thanks for letting me sleep on your couch. 460 00:22:26,011 --> 00:22:27,012 You're welcome. 461 00:22:39,066 --> 00:22:40,359 I think we did pretty good. 462 00:22:42,945 --> 00:22:44,071 We did us proud. 463 00:22:45,364 --> 00:22:46,407 Steve... 464 00:22:47,908 --> 00:22:48,909 Never mind. 465 00:22:49,368 --> 00:22:50,369 What? 466 00:22:51,871 --> 00:22:54,790 I was gonna say, "Keep in touch," but that's weird, right? 467 00:22:54,874 --> 00:22:56,292 That would be weird. 468 00:22:57,293 --> 00:22:58,586 I guess we could do that. 469 00:23:27,239 --> 00:23:28,240 Aidan! 470 00:23:31,952 --> 00:23:33,662 -Aidan! 471 00:23:36,165 --> 00:23:38,042 You said I wouldn't be bothered. 472 00:23:38,125 --> 00:23:39,835 I'm... I'm bothered. 473 00:23:39,919 --> 00:23:40,961 It's too loud? 474 00:23:41,045 --> 00:23:43,839 Yeah, and I can't work through that. I've got a deadline. 475 00:23:44,340 --> 00:23:45,549 Take my keys, go to my house. 476 00:23:45,633 --> 00:23:48,719 No, no, I can't write there, 'cause Pete's jumping all over me, 477 00:23:48,802 --> 00:23:50,179 he's deleting things. 478 00:23:51,055 --> 00:23:52,514 You know what, I'm leaving. If anyone calls, 479 00:23:52,598 --> 00:23:54,183 I'll be at the Stanhope Hotel around the corner. 480 00:23:54,266 --> 00:23:57,519 -At least let me pay for it. -No, no, no. I got it, I got it. 481 00:23:58,312 --> 00:24:00,564 See, this is why I don't do home repairs. 482 00:24:01,106 --> 00:24:02,691 Unforeseen costs. 483 00:24:02,775 --> 00:24:04,360 You're gonna love these floors! 484 00:24:04,818 --> 00:24:06,528 Mum was beside herself. 485 00:24:06,987 --> 00:24:10,032 She immediately demanded your address so she could send flowers. 486 00:24:10,115 --> 00:24:11,241 That's nice. 487 00:24:11,325 --> 00:24:13,452 Charlotte had done the impossible in New York. 488 00:24:13,535 --> 00:24:16,038 She was engaged to her heart's desire. 489 00:24:16,121 --> 00:24:19,208 Unfortunately, she couldn't get the way it happened out of her head. 490 00:24:19,291 --> 00:24:20,292 Wait. 491 00:24:21,335 --> 00:24:23,003 I think we should stop here for a minute. 492 00:24:26,674 --> 00:24:28,092 Maybe we should go in there 493 00:24:28,175 --> 00:24:30,511 and find you the most beautiful ring that they have. 494 00:24:32,304 --> 00:24:34,014 -All righty! 495 00:24:35,182 --> 00:24:37,851 From that moment on, Charlotte would tell everyone, 496 00:24:37,935 --> 00:24:41,063 that right in front of Tiffany's, out of nowhere, 497 00:24:41,146 --> 00:24:43,774 Trey popped the question and she said, 498 00:24:44,191 --> 00:24:45,234 "All righty." 499 00:24:59,415 --> 00:25:02,626 I'm not really in the mood for that tonight. 500 00:25:02,710 --> 00:25:05,045 Oh, come on, baby, you give the greatest head, please. 501 00:25:05,129 --> 00:25:06,171 Uh-uh. 502 00:25:06,255 --> 00:25:07,589 Not gonna happen. 503 00:25:07,673 --> 00:25:08,924 What's the problem? 504 00:25:12,261 --> 00:25:13,971 Well, Adam... 505 00:25:15,264 --> 00:25:17,558 you've got some funky tasting spunk. 506 00:25:17,641 --> 00:25:18,600 What? 507 00:25:18,684 --> 00:25:20,978 You heard me. Your spunk is funky. 508 00:25:22,021 --> 00:25:23,313 My spunk? 509 00:25:23,397 --> 00:25:25,899 Cum, spooge, jizz, joy juice. 510 00:25:25,983 --> 00:25:26,984 Funky. 511 00:25:27,067 --> 00:25:29,445 Man, I have heard some far-out excuses for not giving head, 512 00:25:29,528 --> 00:25:30,654 but this one takes the cake. 513 00:25:30,738 --> 00:25:31,655 Excuse me? 514 00:25:33,073 --> 00:25:34,992 You're one of them two-blow job chicks. 515 00:25:35,075 --> 00:25:36,702 You put blow jobs in the coming attractions 516 00:25:36,785 --> 00:25:38,454 that I'm never gonna see in the actual movie. 517 00:25:38,537 --> 00:25:39,955 I resent that! 518 00:25:40,330 --> 00:25:41,665 I love giving head. 519 00:25:41,749 --> 00:25:43,459 Well, then come on, give me a little BJ. 520 00:25:43,542 --> 00:25:45,544 Up and down a couple of times, you're done. 521 00:25:45,627 --> 00:25:47,004 -It's easy. -Easy? 522 00:25:47,504 --> 00:25:50,257 You men have no idea what we're dealing with down there. 523 00:25:50,674 --> 00:25:54,011 Teeth placement and jaw stress and suction and gag reflex. 524 00:25:54,094 --> 00:25:56,263 And all the while bobbing up and down, 525 00:25:56,346 --> 00:25:58,182 moaning and trying to breathe through our noses. 526 00:25:58,265 --> 00:25:59,433 Easy? Honey! 527 00:26:00,225 --> 00:26:02,019 They don't call it a job for nothing. 528 00:26:03,520 --> 00:26:06,440 Now, having said all that, 529 00:26:06,899 --> 00:26:08,859 with the right man, it can be fabulous. 530 00:26:11,278 --> 00:26:14,656 That is, unless the man in question has spunk 531 00:26:14,740 --> 00:26:17,159 that's like a trip to the rotten egg buffet. 532 00:26:17,618 --> 00:26:20,621 Come on, it can't be that bad. 533 00:26:22,623 --> 00:26:24,500 I'll make a deal with you. 534 00:26:25,667 --> 00:26:26,835 You try it. 535 00:26:27,753 --> 00:26:29,296 If you're fine with it, 536 00:26:30,380 --> 00:26:31,673 I'll be fine with it. 537 00:26:32,549 --> 00:26:33,884 I can't do that. 538 00:26:34,426 --> 00:26:37,846 -It's gay. -It's not gay if it's you. 539 00:26:39,223 --> 00:26:40,307 Take it or leave it. 540 00:26:41,350 --> 00:26:42,267 Ten minutes later, 541 00:26:42,351 --> 00:26:44,895 Samantha learned just how far a man would go for a blow job. 542 00:26:48,607 --> 00:26:49,942 I'm fine with it. 543 00:26:55,239 --> 00:26:56,698 Samantha kept her word. 544 00:26:56,782 --> 00:26:59,368 She gave him head, but her heart wasn't in it. 545 00:27:09,044 --> 00:27:10,212 -Hello. - It's me. 546 00:27:10,754 --> 00:27:12,089 I'm in the lobby. 547 00:27:12,172 --> 00:27:13,549 How did you know I was here? 548 00:27:13,632 --> 00:27:15,050 That guy at your place. 549 00:27:15,509 --> 00:27:17,177 You called my house again? 550 00:27:17,261 --> 00:27:18,679 I have to talk to you. 551 00:27:18,762 --> 00:27:21,431 Yeah, I have to talk to you too. Stay in the lobby, I'll be right down. 552 00:27:22,182 --> 00:27:23,183 Shit. 553 00:27:37,614 --> 00:27:38,866 This is not the lobby. 554 00:27:39,533 --> 00:27:40,701 Sit down, have a drink. 555 00:27:40,784 --> 00:27:42,327 What are you doing? You're calling my house, 556 00:27:42,411 --> 00:27:44,079 you follow me to hotels? 557 00:27:44,163 --> 00:27:47,666 Could you please sit down for one minute and listen to me? 558 00:27:47,749 --> 00:27:49,209 Please, one minute. 559 00:27:52,880 --> 00:27:55,549 You know, I don't have time for this. I have a boyfriend and a deadline. 560 00:27:55,632 --> 00:27:58,093 And you have a wife and apparently a drinking problem. 561 00:27:58,177 --> 00:28:00,137 -I'm not drunk. -Then what is your excuse? 562 00:28:00,220 --> 00:28:01,763 Will you slow down? I can't think. 563 00:28:07,769 --> 00:28:09,771 I was an asshole to you on the phone the other day. 564 00:28:09,855 --> 00:28:10,772 Yes. 565 00:28:11,857 --> 00:28:14,067 When I said I was leaving, you didn't say anything, 566 00:28:14,151 --> 00:28:15,736 so I got nervous, so I... 567 00:28:15,819 --> 00:28:17,279 So, what? 568 00:28:17,362 --> 00:28:18,363 So... 569 00:28:19,531 --> 00:28:20,782 I don't know. 570 00:28:20,866 --> 00:28:22,409 You know, this has to stop. 571 00:28:22,492 --> 00:28:26,496 The flirting and the jerking me around and the calling my boyfriend. 572 00:28:27,039 --> 00:28:27,915 He doesn't know about you 573 00:28:27,998 --> 00:28:29,625 and I don't want him to ever know about you. 574 00:28:30,250 --> 00:28:31,126 Why is that? 575 00:28:31,210 --> 00:28:32,961 Oh, go lay in your beige bed. 576 00:28:42,638 --> 00:28:44,348 Carrie! Wait, wait. 577 00:28:44,932 --> 00:28:46,934 I haven't explained this very well. 578 00:28:47,017 --> 00:28:48,644 Now, wait a minute. Listen. 579 00:28:49,144 --> 00:28:50,437 -The thing is-- 580 00:28:50,520 --> 00:28:51,939 Fuck! I miss you. 581 00:28:52,022 --> 00:28:53,023 Too bad. 582 00:28:54,650 --> 00:28:57,236 Do not come in here. Don't follow me in here! 583 00:28:57,319 --> 00:28:58,570 -I have to talk to you. -What? 584 00:28:58,654 --> 00:29:00,697 What is it? What is it you have to say? 585 00:29:01,531 --> 00:29:02,699 I made a mistake. 586 00:29:05,410 --> 00:29:06,370 Fuck you. 587 00:29:07,120 --> 00:29:08,121 I love you. 588 00:29:11,291 --> 00:29:12,251 Fuck you. 589 00:29:16,922 --> 00:29:19,132 My mind was yelling how angry I was, 590 00:29:19,758 --> 00:29:20,884 but my heart... 591 00:29:21,510 --> 00:29:22,511 My heart... 592 00:29:22,594 --> 00:29:23,595 Fuck me. 593 00:29:43,573 --> 00:29:46,034 And just like that, I lost my head.